Original subtitles

SUNDAY 11:00 AM

Juan Pablo, your mother said to call Pick up the clothes

- Two hundred pesos should be enough - And the Cokes?

Keep the change for me

Come here

There's your aunt's number

- Call me mid-afternoon - Yes

Check that I turned off the stove

- Yes - Check it

Yes

The coffee maker

Mario, did I turn off the coffee maker?

Yes

DUCK SEASON

What?

You didn't even say hello, arsehole

Finger

Finger

Finger

- Bin Laden - No way! You had him last time

- So? - I'll go with Bush again

Where are you?

Pass

- It's your house - So?

- Answer the door - I don't give a shit!

Well. I don't give a shit either

Time out

- Who is it? - Your neighbour

What is it?

I just came to see if I could use your oven

Mine is broken

No, my mum isn't home

- What? - Just for fifteen minutes

OK, come in

Lock the door

I mean, if it's a problem, I'd better not

Just fifteen minutes

Shit!

- I'll kill you, wanker - Go on then!

Where are you?

There you are

Fucking poof. Come out!

Did the electricity go off?

The problem is, without electricity...

...I'm going to have to beat it by hand

It will take a little longer

What?

Hey, do you know what sixty-three degrees is in Fahrenheit?

Can you hear that?

What is it?

The sink. The tap always drips

Are you hungry?

Why don't we order pizza?

- Large with mushrooms... - Hey, no! Salami

OK, half mushroom and half salami

And two large Cokes

Nonoalco Tlatelolco housing estate

Ni�os Heroes building, flat 803

Have them knock, because the electricity is off

Why do you time them? They always make it

- Who is it? - Telepizza, your friendly pizza

Hello, mate

Large, half salami and half mushroom, right?

And two Cokes, please

- One... And here's the other - Thanks

No, no, no...

That'll be a hundred and ninety

No, you were eleven seconds late

No. I got here in exactly thirty minutes

Our stopwatch says you were late

- But mine says I wasn't - So, what shall we do?

Call your parents, kid. Go on

First of all, my mother is not home

And secondly, don't call me kid

OK, OK

What are you doing?

Sorry, I'm not leaving until I get paid

A bet?

"Halo"

- What's "Halo"? - It's a video game

The winner gets the pizzas and the money

The loser gets nothing

What about football?

- Manchester - But what about the line-up?

With a four, three, three formation?

No, we should play a five, three, two

- No way - Listen...

No, because the five, three, two...

We haven't played for ages

- It doesn't matter - If you say so

We'd have to pay for it

Go

Let's play

Level?

Amateur, pro or world class?

- World class? - What? Is there any other?

Can you set your watch for fifteen minutes?

Ready?

Go!

The first half is on!

Goal!

I was distracted. I was distracted, that's all

Goal!

One all

He sends it centre, some head action... He's going to hit it...

Goal!

Goal!

Looks like we'll be having free pizzas

No, careful!

Goal!

I told you not to use that defence formation

You play, then

I'm not criticising, just advising

Golden goal!

Have a good stretch, man

- And you're up - Here goes

He passes the ball

- What the hell? - It was a goal

- No goal - Of course it was, it went in

He was right at the corner

- Yeah, but it didn't go in - It was a perfect shot

- It was clearly a goal - But it was a goal

It didn't go in

- It was about to hit the crossbar - It's not true, it was going down

- It was already in - Really, it was inside

Don't cheat now

- Don't cheat! - No way!

Martita?

Tell Jorge that I'm going to be a bit late

I had a problem with a delivery

I'll be there in ten minutes, don't worry

OK, bye

It was a goal

Don't you want to put it here?

So it won't get cold

Pay me

Isn't that a pretty picture?

It's horrible

Well, it's a matter of taste

It's a matter of who fucks over who

His parents are fighting over who gets to keep it

Who bought it?

They won it in a raffle at a Christmas party

His dad had kept both tickets, his and his mum's

One of them won, but they were never sure which one it was

Chivalry says it was his mother's

Let's see - if you had two raffle tickets...

...yours and your boyfriend's, for a car, say

And you won the car...

...but you weren't sure whose ticket was whose

Don't tell me you would give it to your boyfriend?

And whose party was it?

His mum's

Well then, if his mum hadn't gone...

...his father wouldn't have been there

Yes, but if his mum had gone alone...

...there would only be one ticket

And maybe that wasn't the winning ticket

What?

The alarm didn't go off

What's your name?

Juan Pablo

Pablito, you'll help me. It's your fault my cake burned

You should exercise your memory

You have to care about something to remember it, don't you?

You'll be hours

No I won't. It says here preparation time is forty minutes

Help me chop the strawberries, OK?

Yes, sir

I know

I'm on my way

So that's it

Now you're fucked!

You have to sieve it well or it will end up lumpy

Juan Pablo is John Paul, like the Pope

They call me Moko, with a 'K'

My name is Rita

I saw the Pope once

I mean, I was really little, when we went with my mum

He went down the Insurgentes and we saw him

It was like a miracle, you know?

He was going by and all of a sudden they stopped the Popemobile

And he started walking, you know, all holy

And he walked and walked and went right by me and my mum...

...and he stared right at me

- And then what? - Nothing

If we don't clean it up, it will get infected

How do you separate the yolks?

It doesn't matter, just toss them in

- How old are you? - Fourteen

I'm sixteen

- When is your birthday? -6th June

6th June?

January, February, March, April, May, June

Sixth of the sixth of... What year?

- '90 -1990? Let me see

Nine and nine is eighteen... Ah, no, you're safe

From what?

From what? From being the Antichrist. Six, six, six

I'm sorry, it squirted out. Pardon me

- If you want, I can... - No, leave it

Sure you don't want any water?

Set your watch for twenty minutes, OK?

- Enough, I give up - Relax

You have to be patient to get the egg whites stiff

Yeah, but my arm hurts

But you're doing really well, carry on

It's almost ready

What do you do...

...in life?

- I go to school - Is that all?

I listen to music and play video games

I sing in a band

A rock band

What's it called?

A Piece Of Cake

Hey, you fell for it!

They wouldn't charge me, but there is a limit

You have to be more careful

What are those?

False nails. I found them in the bathroom

- They're cool, aren't they? - They're horrible

Well, the idea is not for them to look pretty

Give me your arm

Relax!

I am relaxed

Ethologists study animal behaviour

I was going to be a veterinarian but...

Luc�a said I should study ethology

Maybe I should have

Luc�a was my girlfriend, but we broke up because...

...she said my great aunt drove her mad

I live with my great aunt, Lucha Elena

When I graduated...

...I wanted to go back to San Juan

But my great aunt was really sick and...

...I had to stay and take care of her

I couldn't find work here...

...until one day an uncle recommended me for a job...

...at a dog shelter

We used to decide which ones lived...

...and which would be put down

At first, I wanted to...

...save a lot of dogs, but which ones?

They killed them in the end anyway

There weren't any homes for them

It was like that for six months

And they started laying people off

The manager said it was a budgetary luxury...

...to decide which dogs lived and which didn't

They offered me the job of...

...killing the dogs

Until one day...

...I noticed...

...a patch one of the dogs had between its eyes

And so I held him

And then I quit

They needed delivery men at the pizza parlour

"Enthusiastic young men looking to get ahead

"Monday to Sunday from twelve to eight with Wednesdays off"

I don't like delivering pizzas

But as my Aunt Lucha Elena says...

..."Opportunities in life are like bullets in a shotgun"

And I have already fired mine

- What's this? - My lucky coin

Keep it

Don't heat it in the microwave or it will get soft

Here, try it

Is it too hot?

It's disgusting!

Stop exaggerating!

No, it really is awful!

One day I bought pair of yellow parrots

The kind that talk

And then, about two months later, they mated

About six or seven little parrots

And I thought of selling them

But the room they were in was really cold

And they died

The worst part is that the pair died too

But right away, I realised that was a great business

- So? - So I'm going to try again

Look, with what I get for my Christmas bonus...

...I can buy another pair

But as that will be in December...

...I will have to have saved enough for a heater

Then, with the heater and the pair...

...I'll have to wait another two months for them to go into heat

I hope the female is willing, they usually are

Then, all of a sudden, you have six or seven baby parrots

Then, you have to wait another month for them to grow up

And when they're fully grown, you could sell each one...

...for 2,000 or 2,500, depending on who buys them

I have to save for two months for the heater

I have to wait until December for the Christmas bonus

Then... July, August until December

Two months for them to mate, one month for them to grow up

Then I just need to sell them

Then I can bring over my Aunt Eugenia to take care of Aunt Lucha Elena

And I can go back to San Juan. What do you think?

I'll be gone within a year

We should make brownies, they're easier

- You'll be making them by yourself - What?

I already helped you make a cake

- Why don't you close your eyes? - Why don't you?

OK, close them

- What? - It feels funny

- What does? - Your tongue

Well, that's the point!

Let's try again. Close your eyes

We were in the kitchen, you know?

We were making a cake

She was in the next chair...

...beating eggs, I think

An I saw her there all alone, kind of bored

And I went up behind her and started rubbing her back, like this

Then her hair... her scalp, like this

Then she turned around

As she turned, we looked at each other...

...for three or four seconds

And I kissed her for about ten or fifteen seconds

And then, just before the kiss ended...

...we kind of pulled apart and I saw her eyes were open

I asked her why she hadn't closed her eyes

And she said, "Why didn't you?"

But I did have them closed. So she said, "OK, let's try again"

You know how it is

And I said, "Here I come again, but close your eyes"

So I went in again and the kiss was about ten or fifteen seconds

And it was really cool, but suddenly, she pushed me away

I said, "What? Now what?"

And she said she felt funny. And I said, "What?"

An she said, "Your tongue". But that's the point, isn't it?

I mean that's the thing about French kissing

Then she said "Again, but I'll do it to you"

So I wanted to play hard to get and I waited a while

And then I got ready and closed my eyes

She has going to kiss me and just before that...

...I could feel her coming close, about an inch away from my face

I didn't know what was happening. She moved back and sucked my ear

She stuck her tongue in like this... Licking all around

Then what?

Nothing

You really fancy her

How do you know?

So you do fancy her?

How can I tell if I do or not?

Did it get like this?

No

Well, this is a comic, but more or less?

- I didn't look at it - But you felt it?

Yes

Then you do bloody fancy her

What's that?

This knocks them dead

Don't suck my ears any more

It is easier to make brownies

- Can you smell that? - No

Who are you thinking of?

What?

Are you sure?

Is it good?

Well, just a little

Blonde or brunette?

Blonde, right?

Why do you all like blondes so much?

Like Lourdes Azcona from 302...

...not very pretty, but she's blonde

So everyone is in love with her

And I'm not biased, really I'm not

but the girl is a retard

And I don't think she's very clever

I don't think she really cares

Or even realises that she isn't clever

Because you need to be clever to know if you are clever or not

I feel sorry for you

You're going to be bored to death when you realise she's not clever

Maybe not

Maybe you don't care about being with a clever woman

Or maybe you aren't clever either

But sooner or later...

...you're going to want to be with someone clever

A palindrome

1991 is a palindrome

I was born in a palindrome

Where's the sieve?

I'm not going to dye my hair, you know

Besides, the dyes cause cancer. Did you know that?

Besides, it isn't just a matter of being blonde

- It's the easiest thing in the world to dye your hair, but no

You have to be a blonde and exuberant

Because if you're just a blonde, guys get disappointed

That's why I say it's not so much the hair colour...

...it's the attitude

Aren't you going to tell me who you were thinking about?

Mum wants to take the picture with her to Morelia

My dad wants it to stay here

That's why they are fighting

Because that picture has a lot of sentimental value

It reminds them of the year you were born

It was in the cupboard for thirteen years

Set it for twenty minutes, OK?

We were at the Techno Motion

We were losing

It was my turn and I jumped

I spun around and landed on both legs

And he hugged me

Who?

Flama

Sometimes the ducks feel a great need to emigrate

That doesn't mean that a duck that emigrates is a bad duck

But rather that its nature...

...makes it emigrate

Seeking new waters...

...or warmer climates

I don't know. They are ducks

And... are these fantasies recurring?

More or less

For example, in another we were in the supermarket

It was strange because...

...there was no one but him and me

And we ate a plum

What?

Nothing

No, what are you thinking?

The pizza was for both of us, dickhead

- I'm sorry - No

I'll make you a sandwich

- Have you got Cheez Whiz? - Yes

What's up?

Fuck, just look at this mess

- It's not my fault - You were with her, wanker

And you let her in, wanker

Move it

- No, my cake isn't done yet - I don't give a shit

The trouble is that your oven is in Fahrenheit

It's harder, because none of the recipes are in Fahrenheit

It's almost done, right? How long to go?

- Five minutes - Five minutes

Wait a minute...

Your cake is done

Get out!

- It's my birthday today - Happy birthday

At home they forgot

Happy birthday, dear Rita

Happy birthday to me!

Truth is...

...it is delicious

Weed?

What was in the jar?

Did you put marijuana in it?

That sounds bloody brilliant

Dry mouth?

Taste it! Taste it!

Thirty-eight

Thirty-nine

Forty!

Where did you get it?

It was my mum's

Your mum gets stoned?

Only on weekends

There are four of us, like the Beatles

The Beatles were all men

John Lennon was a woman

- Make a wish - How?

You think of a wish, then think of a colour

Bite into it and if it's your colour...

...your wish comes true

Look, red

Blue

Try again

Green

Yellow

Out of sixty-five sweets...

...I didn't get any colours right

Here we are in Acapulco

Here we are in Veracruz

You were so sweet

That's my cousin Juli�n

Here we are in Cuernavaca

What?

What?

Neither of your parents is ginger

Who in your family is ginger?

A grandfather, an uncle?

Don't be a twat, you're not adopted

Neither of my parents is ginger

Relax

Look. Who's this?

My mum, when she was young

Do you have one of your father?

They look alike, but the hair...

The colour changes with age

No. Once a ginger, always a ginger

Shit!

Who's that holding you?

I think he's a waiter in Acapulco

He has ginger hair

Maybe your parents went to Acapulco and met this poor man...

...who couldn't support you and gave you up for adoption

Come on

Can you see it?

Shit!

Are they moving?

Are they moving?

Do you know why ducks fly in a 'V'?

The first duck that takes off clears the way for the second one

The second one clears the air for the third one

The third one's energy impels the fourth and then...

...the fifth and then the sixth

And so all the ducks go together...

...all sharing the force of the flight

Together they rise...

...and soar through the skies

And when a duck tires...

...the lead duck goes to the back of the flock

And another duck takes its place

And they take turns like that

One by one, to the front and then to the back

And when a duck becomes exhausted...

...two ducks leave the group and fly with him

Until he recovers

Or falls

I have to find my real parents

I can't live without meeting them

Why don't we go to Acapulco?

Are you coming?

I can't move

OK, smile

Angry

Smile

You're the same

No fucking way!

Why are you so pissed off? I told you you're not adopted

That's the point

So, who are you going with?

You see that bowl?

The other day, they spent two hours arguing over who got to keep the bowl

But the next day, it's not the bloody bowl

It's the dining room or the fucking dishes

They use any fucking thing as an excuse to fight

Let's help them decide who gets the bloody Chinese vase

Ten points

That's a souvenir from their honeymoon

Go!

Good shot!

What?

Nothing

You haven't asked me what happened with the cake girl

What happened with the cake girl?

- I gave her a big kiss - With tongues?

Did you like it?

- I liked the ear thing better - Why?

I don't know

Close your eyes

- And I�ll suck your ear - No

So you can see how it feels

- Who is it? - Telepizza, your friendly pizza

Does this look extra thin?

You are never satisfied

All I want is for the Cokes to be...

...the way they should be - cold!

Hello?

Who's calling?

Just a moment

- It's the manager for you - Right

Hello?

Yes, I had a little problem with a delivery

Fuck off!

Fire me

I don't give a shit

- Thank you, Flama - You're welcome

I�m going with my mum

What are you going to do in Morelia?

When are you leaving?

If the removal men come this week, on Saturday...

No more Sundays

SUNDAY 8:00 PM

Out of 385 sweets...

...I didn't guess a single colour

- Well, it's a game - A bit cruel, isn't it?

Congratulations

What for?

For your birthday

Thanks

No, thank you

Your shirt, knobhead

subs by flaute taken from the original UK subbed version