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1
00:00:00,601 --> 00:00:03,002
♪♪
2
00:00:06,406 --> 00:00:09,274
[ engine rumbling ]
3
00:00:09,276 --> 00:00:11,209
Tickets, please.
4
00:00:11,211 --> 00:00:14,747
[ indistinct chatter ]
5
00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:18,617
Barkeep. A drink
for my colleague.
6
00:00:18,619 --> 00:00:19,751
Do I know you?
7
00:00:19,753 --> 00:00:21,486
I know the only reason
to travel by train
8
00:00:21,488 --> 00:00:22,887
Is to travel
with weapons.
9
00:00:22,889 --> 00:00:25,223
And we all know that
at the end of this line,
10
00:00:25,225 --> 00:00:27,425
There's only one creature
worth killing.
11
00:00:27,427 --> 00:00:30,362
The man in
the white coat.
12
00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:32,965
May as well take turns
exchanging stories.
13
00:00:32,967 --> 00:00:36,769
Mine begins
on planet ramamama.
14
00:00:36,771 --> 00:00:38,903
Lower him into acid.
15
00:00:38,905 --> 00:00:43,041
Once he's dissolved,
lower someone else into acid.
16
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:44,843
Is he dissolved?
17
00:00:44,845 --> 00:00:47,780
At least use the downtime
to reset the acid lowerer.
18
00:00:47,782 --> 00:00:49,914
I really don't like
the attitude around here.
19
00:00:49,916 --> 00:00:52,785
It's a very "lower me into acid"
attitude.
20
00:00:52,787 --> 00:00:53,719
[ door slams open ]
21
00:00:54,921 --> 00:00:55,988
Who are you?
22
00:00:55,990 --> 00:00:57,122
[ farts ]
23
00:00:57,124 --> 00:00:58,590
How did you
reach my sanctum?
24
00:00:58,592 --> 00:00:59,591
[ farts ]
25
00:00:59,593 --> 00:01:01,059
All right,
this is going in circles.
26
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:02,927
Seize him!
27
00:01:02,929 --> 00:01:04,797
-Aah!
-Aah!
28
00:01:04,799 --> 00:01:07,065
[ all shouting ]
29
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:11,269
♪♪
30
00:01:11,271 --> 00:01:12,705
[ glass shatters ]
31
00:01:13,273 --> 00:01:14,807
-Aah!
-Aah!
32
00:01:18,679 --> 00:01:20,012
[ farting ]
33
00:01:20,014 --> 00:01:21,146
Very well.
34
00:01:21,148 --> 00:01:23,682
Now I will fight you.
35
00:01:24,351 --> 00:01:26,351
Anyway, he tells a different
version of the story
36
00:01:26,353 --> 00:01:28,286
Where I start crying
or something.
37
00:01:28,288 --> 00:01:30,355
That's why he has to die.
38
00:01:30,357 --> 00:01:31,824
'cause he's a liar.
39
00:01:31,826 --> 00:01:33,025
So...
40
00:01:33,027 --> 00:01:35,160
Why are you going to kill
rick sanchez?
41
00:01:35,162 --> 00:01:36,294
Okay, I don't know
who that is.
42
00:01:36,296 --> 00:01:37,896
I don't accept your weird
leap in logic
43
00:01:37,898 --> 00:01:40,032
That has everyone on a train
going to kill one guy.
44
00:01:40,034 --> 00:01:42,367
And even if I did,
why would we take turns
45
00:01:42,369 --> 00:01:43,568
Telling stories
about it like
46
00:01:43,570 --> 00:01:44,769
Little girls
at a sleepover?
47
00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:46,438
If you're trying
to be hurtful,
48
00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:47,840
You're doing a good job.
49
00:01:47,842 --> 00:01:48,841
I'll take his turn.
50
00:01:48,843 --> 00:01:50,975
Here's why I'm going
to kill rick sanchez.
51
00:01:50,977 --> 00:01:52,377
You guys have fun
with this.
52
00:01:52,379 --> 00:01:54,046
Dissolve to
a clam-shaped sun
53
00:01:54,048 --> 00:01:55,914
Rising over
a giant beach.
54
00:01:55,916 --> 00:01:57,382
Whew. [ sighs ]
55
00:01:57,384 --> 00:01:58,983
By then, of course,
he had left toys
56
00:01:58,985 --> 00:02:02,387
And flesh drops for every
one of us in the spore-hive.
57
00:02:02,389 --> 00:02:03,588
Ah, a newcomer!
58
00:02:03,590 --> 00:02:05,057
I suppose you think you have
a better story
59
00:02:05,059 --> 00:02:07,860
About how rick sanchez
saved space christmas.
60
00:02:07,862 --> 00:02:10,795
What is with
the rick sanchez obsession?
61
00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:11,664
[ laughter ]
62
00:02:11,666 --> 00:02:13,532
I think the best way
to answer that
63
00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:16,135
Is with my
christmas rick tale.
64
00:02:17,672 --> 00:02:18,670
Whoo!
65
00:02:18,672 --> 00:02:20,472
Could've used
rudolph tonight!
66
00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:22,274
Oh, thank god.
I'm not too late.
67
00:02:22,276 --> 00:02:23,675
I don't know how to
thank you, goomby.
68
00:02:23,677 --> 00:02:24,743
No need.
69
00:02:24,745 --> 00:02:26,144
You just go in there
and have a nice time.
70
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:27,813
I will. Thanks.
71
00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:32,885
[ door opens ]
hey.
72
00:02:32,887 --> 00:02:34,086
Merry christmas, goomby.
73
00:02:34,088 --> 00:02:35,954
Merry christmas, rick.
74
00:02:35,956 --> 00:02:37,155
Oh. Uh...
75
00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:38,557
Oh, it's okay.
76
00:02:38,559 --> 00:02:39,958
I-I don't have to.
Sorry if that was --
77
00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:41,359
No. Um, um,
I can ask.
78
00:02:41,361 --> 00:02:42,627
No, no, no,
I don't wanna be a burden.
79
00:02:42,629 --> 00:02:44,229
Oh, okay.
Yeah, yeah, there's just --
80
00:02:44,231 --> 00:02:45,630
There's a lot of people.
Family. You know?
81
00:02:45,632 --> 00:02:46,498
I get it.
82
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:47,766
You're not mad?
Totally fine.
83
00:02:47,768 --> 00:02:49,101
Bye.
84
00:02:49,103 --> 00:02:51,236
[ wind whistling ]
85
00:02:54,374 --> 00:02:55,640
[ laughter ]
86
00:02:55,642 --> 00:02:57,109
That --
okay, none of my business
87
00:02:57,111 --> 00:02:58,843
But he didn't even save
christmas in that story.
88
00:02:58,845 --> 00:02:59,712
Oh, how dare you!
89
00:02:59,714 --> 00:03:01,179
That doesn't mean
I'm invested.
90
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:02,581
Tell your
christmas rick story!
91
00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:04,649
Step the hell back!
Back!
92
00:03:04,651 --> 00:03:07,786
♪♪
93
00:03:07,788 --> 00:03:09,988
[ panting ]
94
00:03:09,990 --> 00:03:11,790
You start teeing up
a rick sanchez vignette,
95
00:03:11,792 --> 00:03:13,458
And you'll be doing it
through two holes.
96
00:03:13,460 --> 00:03:15,327
I'm just trying to figure out
what's going on with this train.
97
00:03:15,329 --> 00:03:16,661
Do you remember
getting on it?
98
00:03:16,663 --> 00:03:19,464
No. First thing
I remember is...
99
00:03:19,466 --> 00:03:21,433
Tickets, please.
100
00:03:22,403 --> 00:03:25,804
So, why did you date
rick sanchez?
101
00:03:25,806 --> 00:03:26,939
What?
102
00:03:26,941 --> 00:03:28,540
Oh, you don't have to pretend
you didn't date him.
103
00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:30,342
We all did.
We get it.
104
00:03:30,344 --> 00:03:34,012
Low point in your life,
rebound from an ex, et cetera.
105
00:03:34,014 --> 00:03:35,347
No, really, who?
106
00:03:35,349 --> 00:03:37,349
[ chuckles ]
oh, exactly.
107
00:03:37,351 --> 00:03:41,553
In fact, and get this,
when he met my family...
108
00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:43,088
[ wolf growling ]
aah!
109
00:03:43,090 --> 00:03:44,289
[ grunting ]
110
00:03:44,291 --> 00:03:46,491
Leah!
Leah, check it out.
111
00:03:46,493 --> 00:03:47,692
Where'd you meet
this, um...
112
00:03:47,694 --> 00:03:49,628
[ sighs ]
...Sprite?
113
00:03:49,630 --> 00:03:51,830
He's actually a human.
114
00:03:51,832 --> 00:03:54,366
But he invented portal tech?
115
00:03:54,368 --> 00:03:56,301
I am the concept
of time.
116
00:03:56,303 --> 00:03:57,435
Jesus!
117
00:03:57,437 --> 00:03:58,703
I warned you
not to do that.
118
00:03:58,705 --> 00:04:00,639
I wasn't trying.
You don't have to.
119
00:04:00,641 --> 00:04:01,774
The train is
obviously amplifying
120
00:04:01,776 --> 00:04:03,442
And linking unrelated
narrative fields.
121
00:04:03,444 --> 00:04:04,777
Uh-huh...
122
00:04:04,779 --> 00:04:06,578
Morty? I told you if you
found me again,
123
00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:08,180
Identify yourself.
124
00:04:08,182 --> 00:04:09,848
I didn't
know it was you.
125
00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:11,049
How did you not
recognize me?
126
00:04:11,051 --> 00:04:12,584
Didn't you create
the disguises?
127
00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:14,386
When I create shit,
it works, morty.
128
00:04:14,388 --> 00:04:15,720
It's called
being talented.
129
00:04:15,722 --> 00:04:16,789
Why can't
we find the engine?
130
00:04:16,791 --> 00:04:18,991
It's not a real train,
it's a story device.
131
00:04:18,993 --> 00:04:21,460
Literally.
A literal literary device
132
00:04:21,462 --> 00:04:23,862
Quite literally
metaphorically containing us.
133
00:04:23,864 --> 00:04:24,663
A simulation.
134
00:04:24,665 --> 00:04:26,264
Worse.
An anthology.
135
00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:27,932
Okay, so how --
how do we hijack it?
136
00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:29,468
Oh, morty,
it's been hijacked
137
00:04:29,470 --> 00:04:30,869
For at least
two full minutes.
138
00:04:30,871 --> 00:04:32,871
Are you not hearing
this insane conversation?
139
00:04:32,873 --> 00:04:35,340
Okay, tickets please guy,
stop the anthology.
140
00:04:35,342 --> 00:04:37,676
If we wanted one-offs,
we'd do interdimensional cable,
141
00:04:37,678 --> 00:04:39,611
Not some uptight,
overwritten --
142
00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:41,279
Rick?
God damn!
143
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:42,481
Tickets, please.
144
00:04:42,483 --> 00:04:43,682
Dude, I'm sure
you've got, like,
145
00:04:43,684 --> 00:04:45,617
So many tickets
at this point.
146
00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:47,820
Jesus! The tickets please guy
is cut!
147
00:04:47,822 --> 00:04:49,754
He -- he -- he's -- he's
got those things.
148
00:04:49,756 --> 00:04:51,690
W-what do you call them.
Uhm, [bleep] gutters.
149
00:04:51,692 --> 00:04:53,158
Morty, gross!
That's what people call them.
150
00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:54,893
Gross people. I don't
want to have to picture
151
00:04:54,895 --> 00:04:57,295
[bleep] so watery
in such volumes that --
152
00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:58,630
Hey, hey, hey,
stay back.
153
00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:00,298
I'll kick you.
I-I'll kick your shin, bro.
154
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:01,766
Aaah!
Hey!
155
00:05:01,768 --> 00:05:03,902
I'll [bleep] cook and eat
your ticket-taking [bleep]
156
00:05:03,904 --> 00:05:06,304
-[ coughs ]
-hey, I found a ticket.
157
00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:07,706
[ coughs ]
158
00:05:07,708 --> 00:05:10,042
Wow, you are just --
ladies and gentlemen,
159
00:05:10,044 --> 00:05:11,910
The jackie chan
of human shielding.
160
00:05:11,912 --> 00:05:13,512
Who takes the time to get
this good at --
161
00:05:13,514 --> 00:05:14,646
[bleep] this.
162
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:16,248
-Aaah
-structural breach.
163
00:05:16,250 --> 00:05:17,649
Losing continuity.
164
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:19,251
Morty,
hold on to something.
165
00:05:19,253 --> 00:05:20,252
Keep your head inside.
166
00:05:20,254 --> 00:05:21,386
Aaah!
167
00:05:21,388 --> 00:05:23,455
[ gasps ]
168
00:05:23,457 --> 00:05:26,191
[ video games beeping ]
169
00:05:26,193 --> 00:05:27,526
Share with your
sister, josh.
170
00:05:27,528 --> 00:05:28,861
Just because it's your
birthday doesn't mean
171
00:05:28,863 --> 00:05:30,328
You can be an asshole.
172
00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:32,464
You okay, dad?
Is this real?
173
00:05:32,466 --> 00:05:33,798
I doubt it, but you get
what you get
174
00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:34,999
When you eat dinner
in an arcade.
175
00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:37,135
I mean are you real,
is life real?
176
00:05:37,137 --> 00:05:39,003
Okay, I'm calling the nurse
because you are not
177
00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:40,472
Doing this tonight.
You're god damn right
178
00:05:40,474 --> 00:05:42,741
I'm not because --
you are not doing this tonight!
179
00:05:42,743 --> 00:05:43,876
This isn't real life!
180
00:05:43,878 --> 00:05:45,544
Dad? Oh, my god!
Honey. Sweetie.
181
00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:46,611
What's happening?
Give me your tickets.
182
00:05:46,613 --> 00:05:47,880
I -- I need tickets.
183
00:05:47,882 --> 00:05:51,416
Everyone give me
tickeeeeeettttttts!
184
00:05:51,418 --> 00:05:52,885
Aaaah!
185
00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:55,587
Aaah!
186
00:05:56,891 --> 00:05:59,357
Female voice:
Emergency continuity deployed.
187
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:00,959
[ breathing heavily ]
188
00:06:00,961 --> 00:06:02,094
[ groans ]
189
00:06:03,898 --> 00:06:05,630
This could come in handy.
Can't we just ride out the --
190
00:06:05,632 --> 00:06:06,965
[bleep] you,
I'd rather die.
191
00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:08,701
[ crashing ]
train cops! Hands in the air!
192
00:06:08,703 --> 00:06:10,302
Tee up a story
about rick sanchez!
193
00:06:10,304 --> 00:06:11,703
He is rick!
Jesus christ!
194
00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:13,238
Is that
the tickets please guy?
195
00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:14,639
Well, just the stub.
196
00:06:14,641 --> 00:06:15,974
Too soon!
Too soon!
197
00:06:15,976 --> 00:06:17,676
Don't move! Too soon!
198
00:06:19,513 --> 00:06:21,980
So, what did the train cops
do wrong?
199
00:06:21,982 --> 00:06:23,648
Shot...People?
200
00:06:23,650 --> 00:06:25,250
Shot passengers.
Wrong.
201
00:06:25,252 --> 00:06:27,452
The passengers tampered
with the anthology's structure.
202
00:06:27,454 --> 00:06:28,853
Lethal response
was permitted,
203
00:06:28,855 --> 00:06:31,189
But not with him
holding that tank.
204
00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:33,057
Let's take a look at what
they should have done.
205
00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:34,326
Train cops!
Hands in the air!
206
00:06:34,328 --> 00:06:35,660
Drop the tank!
Drop it!
207
00:06:35,662 --> 00:06:37,396
Drop it! Drop the tank.
208
00:06:38,132 --> 00:06:39,864
[ applause ]
209
00:06:39,866 --> 00:06:41,399
Sorry to nitpick, sir,
but if there was
210
00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:44,603
A continuity explosion,
isn't there always one?
211
00:06:44,605 --> 00:06:46,671
And doesn't that mean
those two could be anywhere?
212
00:06:46,673 --> 00:06:48,206
What? No, you idiot,
that -- it's --
213
00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:50,609
It's just a training video.
That didn't actually happen.
214
00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:51,676
That's what you think.
215
00:06:51,678 --> 00:06:53,145
Hey.
How'd you get here?
216
00:06:53,147 --> 00:06:54,879
Yeah, like we're the ones
that popped up out of nowhere?
217
00:06:54,881 --> 00:06:56,080
[bleep] these guys.
218
00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:57,983
[ grunting ]
219
00:06:59,219 --> 00:07:01,353
Hey, what the hell?
Your leg is healed.
220
00:07:01,355 --> 00:07:03,088
Yeah, it's a real
free-for-all.
221
00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:04,356
Here we go.
222
00:07:04,358 --> 00:07:06,024
Of course this thing is
just a [bleep] circle.
223
00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:07,759
You'd think it was so
god damn complicated --
224
00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:10,228
Okay, here's where
the stupid vignettes were.
225
00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:12,096
God, imagine if that
had been the whole thing.
226
00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:15,900
So now we're here,
and the engine must be here.
227
00:07:15,902 --> 00:07:17,636
I'll have to rig us
a couple of space suits
228
00:07:17,638 --> 00:07:19,904
That start failing
around here so we can
229
00:07:19,906 --> 00:07:20,973
[burps]
pay a heavy price
230
00:07:20,975 --> 00:07:22,641
For re-entering
at this threshold.
231
00:07:22,643 --> 00:07:23,976
We have to
leave the train?
232
00:07:23,978 --> 00:07:25,577
We don't have to
do anything, morty.
233
00:07:25,579 --> 00:07:27,112
This is just
a structural guide.
234
00:07:27,114 --> 00:07:29,181
We're obviously gonna
impart our own style.
235
00:07:29,183 --> 00:07:30,849
I don't like how meta
this is getting, rick.
236
00:07:30,851 --> 00:07:32,050
Shut up, morty.
You're 14.
237
00:07:32,052 --> 00:07:33,652
You watch videos
of people on youtube
238
00:07:33,654 --> 00:07:35,120
Reacting to
[bleep] youtube.
239
00:07:35,122 --> 00:07:36,521
I'll be the judge of
when we get too meta.
240
00:07:36,523 --> 00:07:37,722
Holy [bleep]
241
00:07:37,724 --> 00:07:38,791
How is he still breathing?
Aah!
242
00:07:38,793 --> 00:07:40,725
He's suspended
in disbelief,
243
00:07:40,727 --> 00:07:42,461
Slowly dying while
living out an alternative
244
00:07:42,463 --> 00:07:43,595
Non-diagetic reality.
245
00:07:43,597 --> 00:07:45,597
Geez, what a horrible
way to die.
246
00:07:45,599 --> 00:07:46,665
You don't know
the half of it.
247
00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:48,333
Oh!
[ both laugh ]
248
00:07:48,335 --> 00:07:50,268
You're on fuego with the
guy-torn-in-half bits, rick.
249
00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:51,536
That one was
organic, though.
250
00:07:51,538 --> 00:07:53,071
That's because
you're naturally funny.
251
00:07:53,073 --> 00:07:54,473
That -- that's good
old-fashioned fun
252
00:07:54,475 --> 00:07:55,808
Right there, you know?
253
00:07:55,810 --> 00:07:57,075
W-w-we don't need
to over-think [bleep], okay?
254
00:07:57,077 --> 00:07:58,543
Okay, buddy.
Nice and grounded,
255
00:07:58,545 --> 00:08:00,078
Fully immersive
from here on out.
256
00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:01,146
[ rumbling ]
257
00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:02,947
Right after this.
W-what's happening?
258
00:08:02,949 --> 00:08:04,016
Going into an act break.
259
00:08:06,420 --> 00:08:07,752
♪ not quite a bird ♪
260
00:08:07,754 --> 00:08:09,821
♪ not quite a person ♪
261
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:11,022
♪ maybe what matters ♪
262
00:08:11,024 --> 00:08:13,558
♪ is to love
yourself first and ♪
263
00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:15,360
♪ soar ♪
264
00:08:15,362 --> 00:08:16,895
♪ child of air and land ♪
265
00:08:16,897 --> 00:08:19,098
♪ with wings and hands ♪
266
00:08:19,100 --> 00:08:21,100
♪ yes, you're a bird
and a person ♪
267
00:08:21,102 --> 00:08:23,435
♪ I'm a bird
and a person ♪
268
00:08:23,437 --> 00:08:25,236
♪ and more ♪
269
00:08:25,238 --> 00:08:26,905
Sure, that was
a great moment,
270
00:08:26,907 --> 00:08:28,039
But it was hardly
the best time
271
00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:29,440
Rick and morty
were musical.
272
00:08:29,442 --> 00:08:30,575
Who can
forget the t--
273
00:08:30,577 --> 00:08:32,577
Hey. You guys
think there's something weird
274
00:08:32,579 --> 00:08:33,845
About this train?
275
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:34,846
We've been here
a really long time
276
00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:36,181
And nobody's
taken our tickets.
277
00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:37,382
Aaah!
278
00:08:37,384 --> 00:08:38,583
[ all screaming ]
279
00:08:38,585 --> 00:08:40,785
Aaaah!
280
00:08:40,787 --> 00:08:42,921
The galaxy's greatest scientists
continue to ponder
281
00:08:42,923 --> 00:08:45,590
The horrific figure known
to children as floaty blood man.
282
00:08:45,592 --> 00:08:48,193
But after three months, nobodyis any closer to the truth.
283
00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:50,261
For cutesy name news,I'm uncle nibbles.
284
00:08:50,263 --> 00:08:52,798
I can't believe
floaty bloody man is real.
285
00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:54,800
He's more than real,
he's my new god.
286
00:08:54,802 --> 00:08:56,802
Check it.
Is that brand-new,
287
00:08:56,804 --> 00:08:58,804
Or is the blood just --
accurately depicted, yeah.
288
00:08:58,806 --> 00:09:01,072
His followers believe
the entire universe
289
00:09:01,074 --> 00:09:02,941
Is floaty bloody man's
nightmare as he dies
290
00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:04,476
In a time-dilated
reality.
291
00:09:04,478 --> 00:09:05,811
So we could
go at any minute.
292
00:09:05,813 --> 00:09:08,147
No. I'm part of
the floaty nogasm brotherhood.
293
00:09:08,149 --> 00:09:09,881
We believe we're
keeping him alive
294
00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:12,483
By redirecting our suppressed
sexual energies.
295
00:09:12,485 --> 00:09:13,819
You're staying a virgin
296
00:09:13,821 --> 00:09:16,355
Just to keep
the universe existing?
297
00:09:16,357 --> 00:09:18,757
That's...
So attractive.
298
00:09:18,759 --> 00:09:19,891
It is?
299
00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:22,227
Okay, look,
let's just do it once.
300
00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:24,630
[ moaning ]
301
00:09:26,167 --> 00:09:27,800
Sorry.
302
00:09:28,569 --> 00:09:30,169
Aaah!
303
00:09:30,171 --> 00:09:31,770
Happy now?
He was suffering.
304
00:09:31,772 --> 00:09:32,971
Keep moving.
305
00:09:32,973 --> 00:09:34,439
We have to get
to the return threshold
306
00:09:34,441 --> 00:09:35,974
Before the ticking clock
on your suit gets to zero.
307
00:09:35,976 --> 00:09:37,176
Why would you put
ticking clock --
308
00:09:37,178 --> 00:09:38,577
Because if it's too easy
to get there,
309
00:09:38,579 --> 00:09:40,179
We'll never get there.
310
00:09:40,181 --> 00:09:42,113
If you don't want to be meta
stop, deconstructing shit.
311
00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:43,915
That's
the thematic seal.
312
00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:45,316
Gotta find a way
to disrupt it.
313
00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:48,319
Okay, morty, tell a story
unrelated to us.
314
00:09:48,321 --> 00:09:50,589
Uh, what do --
stop thinking and do it!
315
00:09:50,591 --> 00:09:52,724
Uh, okay, uh,
there was this --
316
00:09:52,726 --> 00:09:54,860
My name is mike johnson.
That's good coffee.
317
00:09:54,862 --> 00:09:55,861
[ doorbell rings ]
318
00:09:55,863 --> 00:09:57,729
Better get that door.
319
00:09:57,731 --> 00:09:59,398
Iiiiiiii, hello.
320
00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:00,732
I want your cookies.
321
00:10:00,734 --> 00:10:01,933
I'm hungry,
I want your cookies.
322
00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:03,268
Scorpions, scorpions.
323
00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:05,670
There's scorpions outside.
Get inside.
324
00:10:05,672 --> 00:10:06,872
What do they want
from us?
325
00:10:06,874 --> 00:10:08,673
They want food.
Me too.
326
00:10:08,675 --> 00:10:09,674
Rick: Okay, just stop.
327
00:10:09,676 --> 00:10:11,210
I'm not
a writer, okay?
328
00:10:11,212 --> 00:10:13,144
Relax, your story was supposed
to be awful and stupid.
329
00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:14,345
I just failed to
predict how well
330
00:10:14,347 --> 00:10:16,147
That would mesh
with the theme.
331
00:10:16,149 --> 00:10:17,282
Think. Think.
332
00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:18,817
What kind of story
would we never --
333
00:10:18,819 --> 00:10:20,952
Morty, do you know
what the bechdel test is?
334
00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:22,287
The what?
For god's sake, morty,
335
00:10:22,289 --> 00:10:24,155
The formula for
measuring female agency
336
00:10:24,157 --> 00:10:26,025
In a story proposed by
lesbian cartoonist allison --
337
00:10:26,027 --> 00:10:27,826
What the hell are they
teaching you in that school?!
338
00:10:27,828 --> 00:10:29,761
Other stuff!
Then you've killed us both!
339
00:10:29,763 --> 00:10:31,830
Why is lesbian part
of her job title?!
340
00:10:31,832 --> 00:10:33,032
Oh, now you're
progressive?!
341
00:10:33,034 --> 00:10:34,900
What is the test?!
You have to tell --
342
00:10:34,902 --> 00:10:36,167
[ beeping ]
343
00:10:36,169 --> 00:10:38,303
[ gagging ]
344
00:10:38,305 --> 00:10:40,371
Morty, morty.
345
00:10:40,373 --> 00:10:42,841
Two women.
They both have to have names
346
00:10:42,843 --> 00:10:44,576
And talk to each other
about something...
347
00:10:44,578 --> 00:10:45,911
Rick!
348
00:10:45,913 --> 00:10:47,979
...Other than a man...
Oh, rick, listen to me.
349
00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:50,649
Once upon a time,
my mom and my sister...
350
00:10:50,651 --> 00:10:52,351
Listen to me!
351
00:10:53,454 --> 00:10:55,520
Mom, can I try
your tea?
352
00:10:55,522 --> 00:10:57,456
Yes, summer.
353
00:10:57,458 --> 00:10:58,857
Yes. Try my tea.
354
00:10:58,859 --> 00:11:01,460
It's so good.
It's so warm.
355
00:11:01,462 --> 00:11:03,462
Mom, can I talk to you
356
00:11:03,464 --> 00:11:04,930
About my special time?
357
00:11:04,932 --> 00:11:07,266
It's okay.
I have one, too.
358
00:11:07,268 --> 00:11:08,600
Mine is heavy today.
359
00:11:08,602 --> 00:11:10,069
Mine is never light.
360
00:11:10,071 --> 00:11:12,271
I love you ever
since you were...
361
00:11:12,273 --> 00:11:13,538
Mailed to me.
362
00:11:13,540 --> 00:11:15,006
By a doctor woman.
363
00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:16,608
Your special time
is your power.
364
00:11:16,610 --> 00:11:18,744
It makes you strong
like a boob.
365
00:11:18,746 --> 00:11:20,011
Strong against what?
366
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:22,147
Scorpions.
Female scorpions.
367
00:11:22,149 --> 00:11:24,249
They're attacking
outside. Come on.
368
00:11:26,553 --> 00:11:28,487
Fight them with your
heavy special time.
369
00:11:28,489 --> 00:11:29,888
You do it, too.
370
00:11:29,890 --> 00:11:33,224
[ epic music plays ]
371
00:11:33,226 --> 00:11:35,827
♪♪
372
00:11:35,829 --> 00:11:37,028
[ cellphones ring ]
373
00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:38,497
Hello?
Hello?
374
00:11:38,499 --> 00:11:41,633
I'm that supreme court lady,
and you [bleep] did it.
375
00:11:41,635 --> 00:11:43,902
We did it!
We did it!
376
00:11:46,440 --> 00:11:48,573
[ grunts ]
377
00:11:48,575 --> 00:11:50,175
Great job, morty.
378
00:11:50,177 --> 00:11:51,710
A feminist masterpiece.
379
00:11:51,712 --> 00:11:53,412
Hey, look.
380
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:59,584
Guess who's got two penises
and all the agency?
381
00:11:59,586 --> 00:12:01,586
Rick and morty.
382
00:12:01,588 --> 00:12:03,054
Story lord.
383
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:04,790
I should've known you were
behind this, and I did.
384
00:12:04,792 --> 00:12:06,057
Who is this guy?
Ugh.
385
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:08,059
He's like a matrix
space frasier.
386
00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:09,128
Let's get this fight
over with, nerd.
387
00:12:09,130 --> 00:12:10,461
I've got
[bleep] to do.
388
00:12:10,463 --> 00:12:12,063
You of all people
know, rick,
389
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:14,465
There can be no destination
without a journey.
390
00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:16,802
I don't know that at all.
I regularly teleport.
391
00:12:16,804 --> 00:12:19,404
Oh, of course.
No rules for you.
392
00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:21,140
Spiraling through
the multiverse,
393
00:12:21,142 --> 00:12:23,942
Burping semi-improvised dialogue
about how nothing matters,
394
00:12:23,944 --> 00:12:26,478
So we may as well pull out
our [bleep] and rub them
395
00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:29,148
On fate's glaring teeth
like we're brushing fate's teeth
396
00:12:29,150 --> 00:12:31,683
But we're using your gross,
dirty [bleep]
397
00:12:31,685 --> 00:12:32,818
Must be nice.
398
00:12:32,820 --> 00:12:34,019
[ slurps ]
nobody's stopping you.
399
00:12:34,021 --> 00:12:36,287
True. Not anymore.
400
00:12:36,289 --> 00:12:37,222
[ grunts ]
401
00:12:37,224 --> 00:12:38,423
Goddamn!
We already did this.
402
00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:40,759
Oh, is this a double beat?
Oh, well.
403
00:12:40,761 --> 00:12:42,828
Just how I adventure,
dawg.
404
00:12:42,830 --> 00:12:43,895
This is more
impressive than
405
00:12:43,897 --> 00:12:45,096
The tickets please guy,
though.
406
00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:46,765
You are like 90%
[bleep] gutter.
407
00:12:46,767 --> 00:12:50,169
It's called discipline.
Watch this.
408
00:12:50,504 --> 00:12:51,903
God damn.
Geez!
409
00:12:51,905 --> 00:12:52,904
Do we have to
fight him?
410
00:12:52,906 --> 00:12:54,173
I don't want to.
411
00:12:54,175 --> 00:12:55,841
We surrender.
We're not fighting.
412
00:12:55,843 --> 00:12:56,775
[ grunting ]
ow!
413
00:12:56,777 --> 00:12:58,043
Ow!
414
00:12:58,045 --> 00:12:59,778
[bleep] kick your ass.
415
00:12:59,780 --> 00:13:00,779
Ow!
416
00:13:00,781 --> 00:13:02,047
Oh!
417
00:13:02,049 --> 00:13:04,316
[ alarm ringing ]
hey! Get back in your egg!
418
00:13:05,853 --> 00:13:07,186
-What the --
-don't worry, morty!
419
00:13:07,188 --> 00:13:08,453
Nothing out there
is canon!
420
00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:09,388
[ grunts ]
421
00:13:09,390 --> 00:13:11,122
We've got a pulse.
Stay with me, private.
422
00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:12,991
Smith, listen to me.
You were exposed
423
00:13:12,993 --> 00:13:15,060
To a chemical that is
altering your mind.
424
00:13:15,062 --> 00:13:16,528
To beat it,
you have to hold on --
425
00:13:16,530 --> 00:13:17,462
We're losing him.
426
00:13:17,464 --> 00:13:19,130
Aliens. Sarge?!
427
00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:21,466
Morty, never forget the highest
truth of all --
428
00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:23,869
You're getting your
ass kicked on a train.
429
00:13:23,871 --> 00:13:24,870
[ grunts ]
430
00:13:24,872 --> 00:13:26,405
Professor sanchez?
431
00:13:26,407 --> 00:13:27,338
Did it work?
432
00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:29,140
I wouldn't say that,
marcus.
433
00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:31,476
I'd say it
[bleep] worked.
434
00:13:31,478 --> 00:13:34,279
100% time dilation
and total immersion.
435
00:13:34,281 --> 00:13:35,614
Define "total."
marcus,
436
00:13:35,616 --> 00:13:37,482
I've been back in reality
for three hours,
437
00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:39,885
And I still have memories
of a completely different life.
438
00:13:39,887 --> 00:13:41,820
I-I-I was
a scientist still.
439
00:13:41,822 --> 00:13:43,488
I-I-I was --
I-I-I had developed
440
00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:46,825
Inter-dimensional travel,
I-I-I-I had a daughter.
441
00:13:46,827 --> 00:13:48,293
I-I didn't
have a mustache.
442
00:13:48,295 --> 00:13:52,764
I-I was kinda funny sometimes,
mostly burping.
443
00:13:52,766 --> 00:13:54,099
No more secret testing.
444
00:13:54,101 --> 00:13:55,567
I can help people now.
445
00:13:55,569 --> 00:13:56,702
You've helped people.
446
00:13:56,704 --> 00:13:58,169
I've hurt more.
447
00:13:58,171 --> 00:13:59,238
Aaah!
448
00:13:59,240 --> 00:14:01,306
P-p-professor sanchez.
I-I'm morty smith
449
00:14:01,308 --> 00:14:02,841
From the -- the --
the the 241st.
450
00:14:02,843 --> 00:14:04,243
They -- they -- put your
pill in our food.
451
00:14:04,245 --> 00:14:06,044
It -- it works.
Call the police!
452
00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:07,913
It's okay. It's okay.
It's not real.
453
00:14:07,915 --> 00:14:09,581
N-n-n-n-nothing's
real.
454
00:14:09,583 --> 00:14:10,515
I'm sorry, son.
455
00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:12,651
I-I-it's okay.
You aren't real.
456
00:14:12,653 --> 00:14:14,319
[ all screaming ]
457
00:14:14,321 --> 00:14:17,188
God, you're right.
I should do more freeform stuff.
458
00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:19,190
In you go.
What's happening?
459
00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:20,926
The reason
I brought you here.
460
00:14:20,928 --> 00:14:22,861
I'll now fuel
my anthology with your
461
00:14:22,863 --> 00:14:24,463
Limitless potential,
propelling it to
462
00:14:24,465 --> 00:14:28,033
Its final stop --
beyond the fifth wall.
463
00:14:30,137 --> 00:14:32,404
You idiot. Our potential
isn't limitless.
464
00:14:32,406 --> 00:14:33,739
You'll never break
the fifth wall
465
00:14:33,741 --> 00:14:34,873
Before you've burnt
us out.
466
00:14:34,875 --> 00:14:37,676
Is that so?
Oh, well. Win-win.
467
00:14:37,678 --> 00:14:38,944
Rick,
w-what's he doing?
468
00:14:38,946 --> 00:14:40,612
He's trying to tap
into us, morty.
469
00:14:40,614 --> 00:14:42,347
Resist.
470
00:14:42,349 --> 00:14:44,483
I can't believe you're finally
headed off to college.
471
00:14:44,485 --> 00:14:46,151
Yeah, you know,
it really felt like
472
00:14:46,153 --> 00:14:47,552
You were gonna be
17 forever.
473
00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:49,621
For, like,
16 years, at least.
474
00:14:49,623 --> 00:14:51,556
I can't believe
I'm tearing up over this.
475
00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:54,093
Jesus, rick, you know,
you've really softened up.
476
00:14:54,095 --> 00:14:55,827
It's a human moment,
morty.
477
00:14:55,829 --> 00:14:57,362
It's a human moment.
478
00:14:57,364 --> 00:14:59,398
Aaah!
Aaah! It hurts!
479
00:15:03,704 --> 00:15:05,304
[ crashing ]
480
00:15:05,306 --> 00:15:07,306
Abradolph lincoler?
I thought you were dead.
481
00:15:07,308 --> 00:15:10,575
I'm very much alive,
and I need your help.
482
00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:11,710
Yeah!
483
00:15:11,712 --> 00:15:13,378
[bleep] he's taking
the good stuff, morty.
484
00:15:13,380 --> 00:15:15,114
Wait, is --
is any of this canon?
485
00:15:15,116 --> 00:15:16,247
It could have been.
486
00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:17,783
[ chuckles ] oh, dear.
487
00:15:17,785 --> 00:15:20,986
Are there things rick sanchez
holds sacred after all?
488
00:15:20,988 --> 00:15:22,121
[ whirring ]
489
00:15:22,123 --> 00:15:23,922
[ both groaning ]
490
00:15:25,793 --> 00:15:27,392
[ grunts ]
491
00:15:27,394 --> 00:15:28,994
How did you find us?
492
00:15:28,996 --> 00:15:30,462
[ grunting ]
493
00:15:30,464 --> 00:15:31,663
I trusted you!
494
00:15:31,665 --> 00:15:34,065
Don't blame others
for your bad decisions.
495
00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:35,667
[ grunting ]
496
00:15:35,669 --> 00:15:38,203
Resist, morty!
Resist before he burns us out!
497
00:15:38,205 --> 00:15:39,938
Oh, too late now!
498
00:15:39,940 --> 00:15:41,272
What's wrong, rick?
499
00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:43,542
Don't you want to see
how your story ends?!
500
00:15:43,544 --> 00:15:45,476
[ laughs ]
501
00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:51,550
♪♪
502
00:15:51,552 --> 00:15:56,221
[ all shouting ]
503
00:15:57,024 --> 00:15:59,024
Holy [bleep], rick.
What do we --
504
00:15:59,026 --> 00:16:00,225
There -- there --
there's now way out!
505
00:16:00,227 --> 00:16:01,426
You're right, morty.
506
00:16:01,428 --> 00:16:03,162
Sometimes it does seem
like there's no way out.
507
00:16:03,164 --> 00:16:04,696
Like it's hopeless.
508
00:16:04,698 --> 00:16:06,965
But remember, there's always
someone there for us.
509
00:16:06,967 --> 00:16:08,299
Who?
510
00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:09,568
My best friend
and personal savior,
511
00:16:09,570 --> 00:16:10,635
Jesus christ.
512
00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:12,237
What?! You -- you don't
believe in god.
513
00:16:12,239 --> 00:16:13,638
But he believes
in us, morty.
514
00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:15,374
You know, I thought
I was the inventor,
515
00:16:15,376 --> 00:16:16,575
But the greatest
invention of all
516
00:16:16,577 --> 00:16:18,309
Is the free gift
of eternal life.
517
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,311
Is this --
are you [bleep] with me?
518
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:21,847
[ chuckles ]
oh, trust me, morty.
519
00:16:21,849 --> 00:16:23,715
I've done plenty of
effed up stuff in my life.
520
00:16:23,717 --> 00:16:26,117
But it's never too late
to accept christ.
521
00:16:26,119 --> 00:16:27,652
Jesus is always
knocking at the door.
522
00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:29,254
All we have to do
is open it and let him
523
00:16:29,256 --> 00:16:30,455
Into our hearts.
How?
524
00:16:30,457 --> 00:16:32,123
I'm so glad you asked,
morty.
525
00:16:32,125 --> 00:16:34,125
Just close your eyes
and go to him in prayer.
526
00:16:34,127 --> 00:16:35,527
Like this.
527
00:16:35,529 --> 00:16:37,128
Heavenly father.
Heavenly father.
528
00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:38,998
Together: Thank you for sending
your only begotten son.
529
00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:41,000
What a second, no!
What are you doing?!
530
00:16:41,002 --> 00:16:43,134
Jesus, I accept you
into my heart.
531
00:16:43,136 --> 00:16:44,536
No! This sucks.
532
00:16:44,538 --> 00:16:46,337
Stop! You guys would
never do this.
533
00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:47,606
Together:
Fill me with your spirit.
534
00:16:47,608 --> 00:16:49,408
Make me a shining city
on a hill for you.
535
00:16:49,410 --> 00:16:51,276
-No! No!
-Make me born again.
536
00:16:51,278 --> 00:16:53,144
-No!
-In jesus' name, we pray.
537
00:16:53,146 --> 00:16:54,413
-Amen.
-Amen.
538
00:16:54,415 --> 00:16:56,147
-Amen!
-You did it!
539
00:16:56,149 --> 00:16:57,482
Way to go, morty!
Crossy.
540
00:16:57,484 --> 00:16:58,683
Bible-saurus.
You made it.
541
00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:00,819
We wouldn't miss this
for anything!
542
00:17:00,821 --> 00:17:02,087
You said it,
mr. Celery.
543
00:17:02,089 --> 00:17:04,023
What the [bleep]
is all of this?!
544
00:17:04,025 --> 00:17:05,957
Greatest story
ever told, story lord.
545
00:17:05,959 --> 00:17:07,959
No, it's not.
It's awful!
546
00:17:07,961 --> 00:17:09,228
[ whooshing ]
547
00:17:09,230 --> 00:17:11,029
I beg your pardon?
548
00:17:11,031 --> 00:17:12,898
Ah!
549
00:17:12,900 --> 00:17:14,499
Goddamn.
550
00:17:14,501 --> 00:17:16,367
[ all gasping ]
my lord and my god!
551
00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:18,036
-No! No! It sucks in here.
-Let's get the [bleep]
552
00:17:18,038 --> 00:17:19,971
Outta here. Go, now.
553
00:17:19,973 --> 00:17:21,372
Ugh.
We're safe, morty.
554
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,042
Nobody ever wanted
to see that shit.
555
00:17:23,044 --> 00:17:24,710
Wh-what's gonna happen
to story lord?
556
00:17:24,712 --> 00:17:27,246
He gets to spend eternity in
every writer's hell --
557
00:17:27,248 --> 00:17:28,580
The bible.
I don't know.
558
00:17:28,582 --> 00:17:30,381
Some people actually
like that stuff.
559
00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:31,850
Seems kind of cynical.
560
00:17:31,852 --> 00:17:33,452
I just don't like taking
cheap shots, you know?
561
00:17:33,454 --> 00:17:35,320
Cheap shots?
Morty, we were literally
562
00:17:35,322 --> 00:17:36,788
Saved by jesus christ.
563
00:17:36,790 --> 00:17:38,590
Tell me in any way
how that's offensive.
564
00:17:38,592 --> 00:17:40,059
This was
a little confusing,
565
00:17:40,061 --> 00:17:42,261
But I guess it brought us
closer together, you know?
566
00:17:42,263 --> 00:17:43,662
Tested our demons.
567
00:17:43,664 --> 00:17:45,397
Made us believe in
ourselves more than ever.
568
00:17:45,399 --> 00:17:46,665
Yeah.
You're right, morty.
569
00:17:46,667 --> 00:17:48,467
We got all that meta-canon
shit outta the way
570
00:17:48,469 --> 00:17:50,269
And now we can
just be ourselves.
571
00:17:50,271 --> 00:17:52,203
Now what do you say we
bring this train
572
00:17:52,205 --> 00:17:53,872
Into the station.
573
00:17:53,874 --> 00:18:03,082
♪♪
574
00:18:03,084 --> 00:18:05,617
Oh [bleep]
575
00:18:05,619 --> 00:18:07,352
Morty:
So what do you think?
576
00:18:07,354 --> 00:18:08,620
Wow. Where did you
get this thing?
577
00:18:08,622 --> 00:18:10,422
The citadel of ricks
gift shop.
578
00:18:10,424 --> 00:18:13,158
Do you really like it?
I didn't think you'd even care.
579
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:15,294
What? Morty. No.
I love it.
580
00:18:15,296 --> 00:18:17,028
You did the most
important thing.
581
00:18:17,030 --> 00:18:18,429
You -- you bought
something.
582
00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:19,764
What?
You bought something.
583
00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:22,501
With money. God.
I love money so much, morty.
584
00:18:22,503 --> 00:18:24,503
Are you being sarcastic?
Merchandise, morty.
585
00:18:24,505 --> 00:18:27,372
Your only purpose in life is to
buy and consume merchandise.
586
00:18:27,374 --> 00:18:28,774
And you did it.
You went into a store --
587
00:18:28,776 --> 00:18:31,643
An actual honest to god store --
and you bought something.
588
00:18:31,645 --> 00:18:33,645
You didn't ask questions
or raise ethical complaints.
589
00:18:33,647 --> 00:18:35,580
You -- you just looked straight
into the bleeding jaws
590
00:18:35,582 --> 00:18:38,117
Of capitalism
and said "yes, daddy, please."
591
00:18:38,119 --> 00:18:40,385
And I'm...
I'm so proud of you.
592
00:18:40,387 --> 00:18:41,786
I only wish you could've
bought more.
593
00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:44,389
I -- I love buying things
so much, morty.
594
00:18:44,391 --> 00:18:45,657
Rick, are -- are you --
595
00:18:45,659 --> 00:18:46,858
Do you need to go
to the hospital?
596
00:18:46,860 --> 00:18:49,394
I love you, morty.
Give grandpa a kiss.
597
00:18:49,396 --> 00:18:51,130
Give -- give -- gimme --
give grandpa a kiss.
598
00:18:51,132 --> 00:18:52,464
Lips if you want.
599
00:18:52,466 --> 00:18:53,999
What-- whatever
you're comfortable with.
600
00:18:54,001 --> 00:18:55,266
Some cultures do that.
601
00:18:55,268 --> 00:18:56,868
That was sweet.
Thank you.
602
00:18:56,870 --> 00:18:59,604
I -- I love you.
You're my little buddy.
603
00:18:59,606 --> 00:19:01,272
Okay.
604
00:19:01,274 --> 00:19:02,541
Let's watch some
interdimensional cable.
605
00:19:02,543 --> 00:19:04,943
[ television clicks,
static crackles ]
606
00:19:04,945 --> 00:19:07,412
[ train whistle blows ]
607
00:19:07,748 --> 00:19:09,815
So you're saying
my father
608
00:19:09,817 --> 00:19:11,216
And his kingdom...
609
00:19:11,218 --> 00:19:14,219
Well, yes --
it's based on the fusion
610
00:19:14,221 --> 00:19:15,687
Of a sumerian god
named "ya"
611
00:19:15,689 --> 00:19:18,357
And a mesopotamian god
named "way."
612
00:19:18,359 --> 00:19:21,092
And we're in
a toy train?
613
00:19:21,094 --> 00:19:22,427
Yes.
614
00:19:22,429 --> 00:19:23,562
It's enough to really
make you question
615
00:19:23,564 --> 00:19:25,564
All of existence,
isn't it?
616
00:19:25,566 --> 00:19:28,167
So what do you think you're
gonna do about it?
617
00:19:28,169 --> 00:19:31,503
I'm gonna do
what I've always done.
618
00:19:31,505 --> 00:19:33,372
I'm gonna get the [bleep]
outta here.
619
00:19:33,374 --> 00:19:37,976
Father of omens!
Give me blood beyond sight!
620
00:19:38,245 --> 00:19:40,379
[ crackling ]
621
00:19:40,381 --> 00:19:41,913
Hey, what
the [bleep] morty?
622
00:19:41,915 --> 00:19:43,648
The train you got me just
completely derailed itself.
623
00:19:43,650 --> 00:19:45,316
There's blood all over
the windows on it.
624
00:19:45,318 --> 00:19:47,386
Oh, man, I'm sorry, rick.
I guess I'll return it.
625
00:19:47,388 --> 00:19:48,653
Return --
are you insane?
626
00:19:48,655 --> 00:19:50,121
Did you hear
nothing I said?
627
00:19:50,123 --> 00:19:51,322
Buy another one,
morty.
628
00:19:51,324 --> 00:19:52,657
Consume, morty.
629
00:19:52,659 --> 00:19:54,659
Nobody's out there shopping
with this [bleep] virus.
630
00:19:54,661 --> 00:19:56,728
Where's your
[bleep] wallet?!
631
00:19:56,730 --> 00:20:06,738
♪♪
632
00:20:06,740 --> 00:20:16,948
♪♪
633
00:20:16,950 --> 00:20:26,758
♪♪
634
00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:28,560
Rick: Tired of the sameboring adventures
635
00:20:28,562 --> 00:20:29,628
With your dogshit morty?
636
00:20:29,630 --> 00:20:31,362
Yeah!
Aw. Geez.
637
00:20:31,364 --> 00:20:33,832
Then get ready for the citadelof rick's story train.
638
00:20:33,834 --> 00:20:35,567
Deep voice: Story train.Story train.
639
00:20:35,569 --> 00:20:36,902
Rick: The citadel of rick'sstory train
640
00:20:36,904 --> 00:20:39,170
Comes with car after carof enemies, lovers,
641
00:20:39,172 --> 00:20:40,572
And goomby, all grappling with
642
00:20:40,574 --> 00:20:41,707
The nature of whoyou truly are.
643
00:20:41,709 --> 00:20:43,308
Rick is a god!
Tickets please.
644
00:20:43,310 --> 00:20:45,043
Whoa! Watch out!
It's story lord!
645
00:20:45,045 --> 00:20:46,377
Damn. He's jacked.
646
00:20:46,379 --> 00:20:47,779
Deep voice:
Pure [bleep] gutter.
647
00:20:47,781 --> 00:20:49,448
Rick: And of course, whatstory would be complete
648
00:20:49,450 --> 00:20:51,382
Without the engineer ofthe greatest story ever told.
649
00:20:51,384 --> 00:20:52,584
Oh, jesus christ.
650
00:20:52,586 --> 00:20:53,652
Jesus:
I have come not to judge
651
00:20:53,654 --> 00:20:55,254
The world, but to save it.
652
00:20:55,256 --> 00:20:57,056
Rick: And the best part is,the fun never ends.
653
00:20:57,058 --> 00:20:58,790
Thanks to the rick-patentedanthology generator,
654
00:20:58,792 --> 00:21:00,325
You'll never run outof new stories
655
00:21:00,327 --> 00:21:01,460
And people to tell them.
656
00:21:01,462 --> 00:21:02,728
Are they alive?
Of course.
657
00:21:02,730 --> 00:21:04,129
But not in any waysthat matter.
658
00:21:04,131 --> 00:21:05,730
Deep voice:
They. Have. No. Souls.
659
00:21:05,732 --> 00:21:07,066
Puppets. Of. Fate.
660
00:21:07,068 --> 00:21:08,600
Rick: The story train.
661
00:21:08,602 --> 00:21:10,201
Available now inthe citadel of ricks.
662
00:21:10,203 --> 00:21:11,803
Buy it ironically.Buy it sincerely. Just buy it.
663
00:21:11,805 --> 00:21:13,004
Not buying it is an actof buying it.
664
00:21:13,006 --> 00:21:14,406
Buy it now. Look it up.It's real.
665
00:21:14,408 --> 00:21:16,141
Www.Story-train.Com.
666
00:21:16,143 --> 00:21:18,277
On the internet. It's there.Buy it. Buy the train.
667
00:21:18,279 --> 00:21:19,812
We want you to buy the train.
47294
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