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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,276 --> 00:00:11,187 Tickets, please. 2 00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:18,595 Barkeep. A drink for my colleague. 3 00:00:18,619 --> 00:00:19,729 Do I know you? 4 00:00:19,753 --> 00:00:21,464 I know the only reason to travel by train. 5 00:00:21,488 --> 00:00:22,865 Is to travel with weapons. 6 00:00:22,889 --> 00:00:25,201 And we all know that at the end of this line, 7 00:00:25,225 --> 00:00:27,403 There's only one creature worth killing. 8 00:00:27,427 --> 00:00:30,340 The man in the white coat. 9 00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:32,943 May as well take turns exchanging stories. 10 00:00:32,967 --> 00:00:36,747 Mine begins on planet ramamama. 11 00:00:36,771 --> 00:00:38,881 Lower him into acid. 12 00:00:38,905 --> 00:00:43,019 Once he's dissolved, lower someone else into acid. 13 00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:44,821 Is he dissolved? 14 00:00:44,845 --> 00:00:47,758 At least use the downtime to reset the acid lowerer. 15 00:00:47,782 --> 00:00:49,892 I really don't like the attitude around here. 16 00:00:49,916 --> 00:00:52,763 It's a very "lower me into acid" attitude. 17 00:00:54,921 --> 00:00:55,966 Who are you? 18 00:00:57,124 --> 00:00:58,568 How did you reach my sanctum? 19 00:00:59,593 --> 00:01:01,037 All right, this is going in circles. 20 00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:02,905 Seize him! 21 00:01:02,929 --> 00:01:04,775 - Aah! - Aah! 22 00:01:13,273 --> 00:01:14,807 - Aah! - Aah! 23 00:01:20,014 --> 00:01:21,124 Very well. 24 00:01:21,148 --> 00:01:23,682 Now I will fight you. 25 00:01:24,351 --> 00:01:26,329 Anyway, he tells a different version of the story. 26 00:01:26,353 --> 00:01:28,264 Where I start crying or something. 27 00:01:28,288 --> 00:01:30,333 That's why he has to die. 28 00:01:30,357 --> 00:01:31,802 'Cause he's a liar. 29 00:01:31,826 --> 00:01:33,003 So... 30 00:01:33,027 --> 00:01:35,138 Why are you going to kill rick sanchez? 31 00:01:35,162 --> 00:01:36,272 Okay, I don't know who that is. 32 00:01:36,296 --> 00:01:37,874 I don't accept your weird leap in logic. 33 00:01:37,898 --> 00:01:40,010 That has everyone on a train going to kill one guy. 34 00:01:40,034 --> 00:01:42,345 And even if I did, why would we take turns. 35 00:01:42,369 --> 00:01:43,546 Telling stories about it like. 36 00:01:43,570 --> 00:01:44,747 Little girls at a sleepover? 37 00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:46,416 If you're trying to be hurtful, 38 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:47,818 You're doing a good job. 39 00:01:47,842 --> 00:01:48,819 I'll take his turn. 40 00:01:48,843 --> 00:01:50,953 Here's why I'm going to kill rick sanchez. 41 00:01:50,977 --> 00:01:52,355 You guys have fun with this. 42 00:01:52,379 --> 00:01:54,024 Dissolve to a clam-shaped sun. 43 00:01:54,048 --> 00:01:55,892 Rising over a giant beach. 44 00:01:55,916 --> 00:01:57,360 Whew. 45 00:01:57,384 --> 00:01:58,961 By then, of course, he had left toys. 46 00:01:58,985 --> 00:02:02,365 And flesh drops for every one of us in the spore-hive. 47 00:02:02,389 --> 00:02:03,566 Ah, a newcomer! 48 00:02:03,590 --> 00:02:05,035 I suppose you think you have a better story. 49 00:02:05,059 --> 00:02:07,838 About how rick sanchez saved space christmas. 50 00:02:07,862 --> 00:02:10,773 What is with the rick sanchez obsession? 51 00:02:11,666 --> 00:02:13,510 I think the best way to answer that. 52 00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:16,135 Is with my christmas rick tale. 53 00:02:17,672 --> 00:02:18,648 Whoo! 54 00:02:18,672 --> 00:02:20,450 Could've used rudolph tonight! 55 00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:22,252 Oh, thank god. I'm not too late. 56 00:02:22,276 --> 00:02:23,653 I don't know how to thank you, goomby. 57 00:02:23,677 --> 00:02:24,721 No need. 58 00:02:24,745 --> 00:02:26,122 You just go in there and have a nice time. 59 00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:27,813 I will. Thanks. 60 00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:32,863 Hey. 61 00:02:32,887 --> 00:02:34,064 Merry christmas, goomby. 62 00:02:34,088 --> 00:02:35,932 Merry christmas, rick. 63 00:02:35,956 --> 00:02:37,133 Oh. Uh... 64 00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:38,535 Oh, it's okay. 65 00:02:38,559 --> 00:02:39,936 I-I don't have to. Sorry if that was... 66 00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:41,337 No. Um, um, I can ask. 67 00:02:41,361 --> 00:02:42,605 No, no, no, I don't wanna be a burden. 68 00:02:42,629 --> 00:02:44,207 Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, there's just... 69 00:02:44,231 --> 00:02:45,608 There's a lot of people. Family. You know? 70 00:02:45,632 --> 00:02:46,476 I get it. 71 00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:47,744 You're not mad? Totally fine. 72 00:02:47,768 --> 00:02:49,079 Bye. 73 00:02:55,642 --> 00:02:57,087 That... Okay, none of my business. 74 00:02:57,111 --> 00:02:58,821 But he didn't even save christmas in that story. 75 00:02:58,845 --> 00:02:59,690 Oh, how dare you! 76 00:02:59,714 --> 00:03:01,157 That doesn't mean I'm invested. 77 00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:02,559 Tell your christmas rick story! 78 00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:04,627 Step the hell back! Back! 79 00:03:09,990 --> 00:03:11,768 You start teeing up a rick sanchez vignette, 80 00:03:11,792 --> 00:03:13,436 And you'll be doing it through two holes. 81 00:03:13,460 --> 00:03:15,305 I'm just trying to figure out what's going on with this train. 82 00:03:15,329 --> 00:03:16,639 Do you remember getting on it? 83 00:03:16,663 --> 00:03:19,442 No. First thing I remember is... 84 00:03:19,466 --> 00:03:21,433 Tickets, please. 85 00:03:22,403 --> 00:03:25,782 So, why did you date rick sanchez? 86 00:03:25,806 --> 00:03:26,917 What? 87 00:03:26,941 --> 00:03:28,518 Oh, you don't have to pretend you didn't date him. 88 00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:30,320 We all did. We get it. 89 00:03:30,344 --> 00:03:33,990 Low point in your life, rebound from an ex, et cetera. 90 00:03:34,014 --> 00:03:35,325 No, really, who? 91 00:03:35,349 --> 00:03:37,327 Oh, exactly. 92 00:03:37,351 --> 00:03:41,531 In fact, and get this, when he met my family... 93 00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:43,066 aah! 94 00:03:44,291 --> 00:03:46,469 Leah! Leah, check it out. 95 00:03:46,493 --> 00:03:47,670 Where'd you meet this, um... 96 00:03:47,694 --> 00:03:49,606 Sprite? 97 00:03:49,630 --> 00:03:51,808 He's actually a human. 98 00:03:51,832 --> 00:03:54,344 But he invented portal tech? 99 00:03:54,368 --> 00:03:56,279 I am the concept of time. 100 00:03:56,303 --> 00:03:57,413 Jesus! 101 00:03:57,437 --> 00:03:58,681 I warned you not to do that. 102 00:03:58,705 --> 00:04:00,617 I wasn't trying. You don't have to. 103 00:04:00,641 --> 00:04:01,752 The train is obviously amplifying. 104 00:04:01,776 --> 00:04:03,420 And linking unrelated narrative fields. 105 00:04:03,444 --> 00:04:04,755 Uh-huh... 106 00:04:04,779 --> 00:04:06,556 Morty? I told you if you found me again, 107 00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:08,158 Identify yourself. 108 00:04:08,182 --> 00:04:09,826 I didn't know it was you. 109 00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:11,027 How did you not recognize me? 110 00:04:11,051 --> 00:04:12,562 Didn't you create the disguises? 111 00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:14,364 When I create shit, it works, morty. 112 00:04:14,388 --> 00:04:15,698 It's called being talented. 113 00:04:15,722 --> 00:04:16,767 Why can't we find the engine? 114 00:04:16,791 --> 00:04:18,969 It's not a real train, it's a story device. 115 00:04:18,993 --> 00:04:21,438 Literally. A literal literary device. 116 00:04:21,462 --> 00:04:23,840 Quite literally metaphorically containing us. 117 00:04:23,864 --> 00:04:24,641 A simulation. 118 00:04:24,665 --> 00:04:26,242 Worse. An anthology. 119 00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:27,910 Okay, so how... How do we hijack it? 120 00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:29,446 Oh, morty, it's been hijacked. 121 00:04:29,470 --> 00:04:30,847 For at least two full minutes. 122 00:04:30,871 --> 00:04:32,849 Are you not hearing this insane conversation? 123 00:04:32,873 --> 00:04:35,318 Okay, tickets please guy, stop the anthology. 124 00:04:35,342 --> 00:04:37,654 If we wanted one-offs, we'd do interdimensional cable, 125 00:04:37,678 --> 00:04:39,589 Not some uptight, overwritten... 126 00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:41,257 Rick? God damn! 127 00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:42,459 Tickets, please. 128 00:04:42,483 --> 00:04:43,660 Dude, I'm sure you've got, like, 129 00:04:43,684 --> 00:04:45,595 So many tickets at this point. 130 00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:47,798 Jesus! The tickets please guy is cut! 131 00:04:47,822 --> 00:04:49,732 He... he... he's... he's got those things. 132 00:04:49,756 --> 00:04:51,668 - W-What do you call them. - Uhm, gutters. 133 00:04:51,692 --> 00:04:53,136 Morty, gross! That's what people call them. 134 00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:54,871 Gross people. I don't want to have to picture. 135 00:04:54,895 --> 00:04:57,273 So watery in such volumes that... 136 00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:58,608 Hey, hey, hey, stay back. 137 00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:00,276 I'll kick you. I-I'll kick your shin, bro. 138 00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:01,744 Aaah! Hey! 139 00:05:01,768 --> 00:05:03,880 I'll cook and eat your ticket-taking 140 00:05:03,904 --> 00:05:06,282 hey, I found a ticket. 141 00:05:07,708 --> 00:05:10,020 Wow, you are just... Ladies and gentlemen, 142 00:05:10,044 --> 00:05:11,888 The jackie chan of human shielding. 143 00:05:11,912 --> 00:05:13,490 Who takes the time to get this good at... 144 00:05:13,514 --> 00:05:14,624 this. 145 00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:16,226 Aaah - structural breach. 146 00:05:16,250 --> 00:05:17,627 Losing continuity. 147 00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:19,229 Morty, hold on to something. 148 00:05:19,253 --> 00:05:20,230 Keep your head inside. 149 00:05:20,254 --> 00:05:21,364 Aaah! 150 00:05:26,193 --> 00:05:27,504 Share with your sister, josh. 151 00:05:27,528 --> 00:05:28,839 Just because it's your birthday doesn't mean. 152 00:05:28,863 --> 00:05:30,306 You can be an asshole. 153 00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:32,442 You okay, dad? Is this real? 154 00:05:32,466 --> 00:05:33,776 I doubt it, but you get what you get. 155 00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:34,977 When you eat dinner in an arcade. 156 00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:37,113 I mean are you real, is life real? 157 00:05:37,137 --> 00:05:38,981 Okay, I'm calling the nurse because you are not. 158 00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:40,450 Doing this tonight. You're god damn right 159 00:05:40,474 --> 00:05:42,719 I'm not because... You are not doing this tonight! 160 00:05:42,743 --> 00:05:43,854 This isn't real life! 161 00:05:43,878 --> 00:05:45,522 Dad? Oh, my god! Honey. Sweetie. 162 00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:46,589 What's happening? Give me your tickets. 163 00:05:46,613 --> 00:05:47,858 I... I need tickets. 164 00:05:47,882 --> 00:05:51,394 Everyone give me tickeeeeeettttttts! 165 00:05:51,418 --> 00:05:52,885 Aaaah! 166 00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:55,587 Aaah! 167 00:05:56,891 --> 00:05:59,335 Female voice: Emergency continuity deployed. 168 00:06:03,898 --> 00:06:05,608 This could come in handy. Can't we just ride out the... 169 00:06:05,632 --> 00:06:06,943 you, I'd rather die. 170 00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:08,679 Train cops! Hands in the air! 171 00:06:08,703 --> 00:06:10,280 Tee up a story about rick sanchez! 172 00:06:10,304 --> 00:06:11,681 He is rick! Jesus christ! 173 00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:13,216 Is that the tickets please guy? 174 00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:14,617 Well, just the stub. 175 00:06:14,641 --> 00:06:15,952 Too soon! Too soon! 176 00:06:15,976 --> 00:06:17,676 Don't move! Too soon! 177 00:06:19,513 --> 00:06:21,958 So, what did the train cops do wrong? 178 00:06:21,982 --> 00:06:23,626 Shot... People? 179 00:06:23,650 --> 00:06:25,228 Shot passengers. Wrong. 180 00:06:25,252 --> 00:06:27,430 The passengers tampered with the anthology's structure. 181 00:06:27,454 --> 00:06:28,831 Lethal response was permitted, 182 00:06:28,855 --> 00:06:31,167 But not with him holding that tank. 183 00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:33,035 Let's take a look at what they should have done. 184 00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:34,304 Train cops! Hands in the air! 185 00:06:34,328 --> 00:06:35,638 Drop the tank! Drop it! 186 00:06:35,662 --> 00:06:37,396 Drop it! Drop the tank. 187 00:06:39,866 --> 00:06:41,377 Sorry to nitpick, sir, but if there was. 188 00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:44,581 A continuity explosion, isn't there always one? 189 00:06:44,605 --> 00:06:46,649 And doesn't that mean those two could be anywhere? 190 00:06:46,673 --> 00:06:48,184 What? No, you idiot, that... it's... 191 00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:50,587 It's just a training video. That didn't actually happen. 192 00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:51,654 That's what you think. 193 00:06:51,678 --> 00:06:53,123 Hey. How'd you get here? 194 00:06:53,147 --> 00:06:54,857 Yeah, like we're the ones that popped up out of nowhere? 195 00:06:54,881 --> 00:06:56,058 These guys. 196 00:06:59,219 --> 00:07:01,331 Hey, what the hell? Your leg is healed. 197 00:07:01,355 --> 00:07:03,066 Yeah, it's a real free-for-all. 198 00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:04,334 Here we go. 199 00:07:04,358 --> 00:07:06,002 Of course this thing is just a circle. 200 00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:07,737 You'd think it was so god damn complicated... 201 00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:10,206 Okay, here's where the stupid vignettes were. 202 00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:12,074 God, imagine if that had been the whole thing. 203 00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:15,878 So now we're here, and the engine must be here. 204 00:07:15,902 --> 00:07:17,614 I'll have to rig us a couple of space suits. 205 00:07:17,638 --> 00:07:19,882 That start failing around here so we can. 206 00:07:19,906 --> 00:07:20,951 Pay a heavy price. 207 00:07:20,975 --> 00:07:22,619 For re-entering at this threshold. 208 00:07:22,643 --> 00:07:23,954 We have to leave the train? 209 00:07:23,978 --> 00:07:25,555 We don't have to do anything, morty. 210 00:07:25,579 --> 00:07:27,090 This is just a structural guide. 211 00:07:27,114 --> 00:07:29,159 We're obviously gonna impart our own style. 212 00:07:29,183 --> 00:07:30,827 I don't like how meta this is getting, rick. 213 00:07:30,851 --> 00:07:32,028 Shut up, morty. You're 14. 214 00:07:32,052 --> 00:07:33,630 You watch videos of people on youtube. 215 00:07:33,654 --> 00:07:35,098 Reacting to youtube. 216 00:07:35,122 --> 00:07:36,499 I'll be the judge of when we get too meta. 217 00:07:36,523 --> 00:07:37,700 Holy. 218 00:07:37,724 --> 00:07:38,769 How is he still breathing? Aah! 219 00:07:38,793 --> 00:07:40,703 He's suspended in disbelief, 220 00:07:40,727 --> 00:07:42,439 Slowly dying while living out an alternative. 221 00:07:42,463 --> 00:07:43,573 Non-diagetic reality. 222 00:07:43,597 --> 00:07:45,575 Geez, what a horrible way to die. 223 00:07:45,599 --> 00:07:46,643 You don't know the half of it. 224 00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:48,311 Oh! 225 00:07:48,335 --> 00:07:50,246 You're on fuego with the guy-torn-in-half bits, rick. 226 00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:51,514 That one was organic, though. 227 00:07:51,538 --> 00:07:53,049 That's because you're naturally funny. 228 00:07:53,073 --> 00:07:54,451 That... that's good old-fashioned fun. 229 00:07:54,475 --> 00:07:55,786 Right there, you know? 230 00:07:55,810 --> 00:07:57,053 W-w-we don't need to over-think, okay? 231 00:07:57,077 --> 00:07:58,521 Okay, buddy. Nice and grounded, 232 00:07:58,545 --> 00:08:00,056 Fully immersive from here on out. 233 00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:02,925 Right after this. W-What's happening? 234 00:08:02,949 --> 00:08:04,016 Going into an act break. 235 00:08:25,238 --> 00:08:26,883 Sure, that was a great moment, 236 00:08:26,907 --> 00:08:28,017 But it was hardly the best time 237 00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:29,418 Rick and morty were musical. 238 00:08:29,442 --> 00:08:30,553 Who can forget the t... 239 00:08:30,577 --> 00:08:32,555 Hey. You guys think there's something weird. 240 00:08:32,579 --> 00:08:33,823 About this train? 241 00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:34,824 We've been here a really long time. 242 00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:36,159 And nobody's taken our tickets. 243 00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:37,360 Aaah! 244 00:08:38,585 --> 00:08:40,763 Aaaah! 245 00:08:40,787 --> 00:08:42,899 The galaxy's greatest scientists continue to ponder. 246 00:08:42,923 --> 00:08:45,568 The horrific figure known to children as floaty blood man. 247 00:08:45,592 --> 00:08:48,171 But after three months, nobody is any closer to the truth. 248 00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:50,239 For cutesy name news, I'm uncle nibbles. 249 00:08:50,263 --> 00:08:52,776 I can't believe floaty bloody man is real. 250 00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:54,778 He's more than real, he's my new god. 251 00:08:54,802 --> 00:08:56,780 Check it. Is that brand-new, 252 00:08:56,804 --> 00:08:58,782 Or is the blood just... Accurately depicted, yeah. 253 00:08:58,806 --> 00:09:01,050 His followers believe the entire universe. 254 00:09:01,074 --> 00:09:02,919 Is floaty bloody man's nightmare as he dies. 255 00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:04,454 In a time-dilated reality. 256 00:09:04,478 --> 00:09:05,789 So we could go at any minute. 257 00:09:05,813 --> 00:09:08,125 No. I'm part of the floaty nogasm brotherhood. 258 00:09:08,149 --> 00:09:09,859 We believe we're keeping him alive. 259 00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:12,461 By redirecting our suppressed sexual energies. 260 00:09:12,485 --> 00:09:13,797 You're staying a virgin. 261 00:09:13,821 --> 00:09:16,333 Just to keep the universe existing? 262 00:09:16,357 --> 00:09:18,735 That's... So attractive. 263 00:09:18,759 --> 00:09:19,869 It is? 264 00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:22,205 Okay, look, let's just do it once. 265 00:09:26,167 --> 00:09:27,800 Sorry. 266 00:09:28,569 --> 00:09:30,147 Aaah! 267 00:09:30,171 --> 00:09:31,748 Happy now? He was suffering. 268 00:09:31,772 --> 00:09:32,949 Keep moving. 269 00:09:32,973 --> 00:09:34,417 We have to get to the return threshold. 270 00:09:34,441 --> 00:09:35,952 Before the ticking clock on your suit gets to zero. 271 00:09:35,976 --> 00:09:37,154 Why would you put ticking clock... 272 00:09:37,178 --> 00:09:38,555 Because if it's too easy to get there, 273 00:09:38,579 --> 00:09:40,157 We'll never get there. 274 00:09:40,181 --> 00:09:42,091 If you don't want to be meta stop, deconstructing shit. 275 00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:43,893 That's the thematic seal. 276 00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:45,294 Gotta find a way to disrupt it. 277 00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:48,297 Okay, morty, tell a story unrelated to us. 278 00:09:48,321 --> 00:09:50,567 Uh, what do... Stop thinking and do it! 279 00:09:50,591 --> 00:09:52,702 Uh, okay, uh, there was this... 280 00:09:52,726 --> 00:09:54,838 My name is mike johnson. That's good coffee. 281 00:09:55,863 --> 00:09:57,707 Better get that door. 282 00:09:57,731 --> 00:09:59,376 Iiiiiiii, hello. 283 00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:00,710 I want your cookies. 284 00:10:00,734 --> 00:10:01,911 I'm hungry, I want your cookies. 285 00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:03,246 Scorpions, scorpions. 286 00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:05,648 There's scorpions outside. Get inside. 287 00:10:05,672 --> 00:10:06,850 What do they want from us? 288 00:10:06,874 --> 00:10:08,651 They want food. Me too. 289 00:10:08,675 --> 00:10:09,652 Okay, just stop. 290 00:10:09,676 --> 00:10:11,188 I'm not a writer, okay? 291 00:10:11,212 --> 00:10:13,122 Relax, your story was supposed to be awful and stupid. 292 00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:14,323 I just failed to predict how well. 293 00:10:14,347 --> 00:10:16,125 That would mesh with the theme. 294 00:10:16,149 --> 00:10:17,260 Think. Think. 295 00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:18,795 What kind of story would we never... 296 00:10:18,819 --> 00:10:20,930 Morty, do you know what the bechdel test is? 297 00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:22,265 The what? For god's sake, morty, 298 00:10:22,289 --> 00:10:24,133 The formula for measuring female agency. 299 00:10:24,157 --> 00:10:26,003 In a story proposed by lesbian cartoonist allison... 300 00:10:26,027 --> 00:10:27,804 What the hell are they teaching you in that school?! 301 00:10:27,828 --> 00:10:29,739 Other stuff! Then you've killed us both! 302 00:10:29,763 --> 00:10:31,808 Why is lesbian part of her job title?! 303 00:10:31,832 --> 00:10:33,010 Oh, now you're progressive?! 304 00:10:33,034 --> 00:10:34,878 What is the test?! You have to tell... 305 00:10:38,305 --> 00:10:40,349 Morty, morty. 306 00:10:40,373 --> 00:10:42,819 Two women. They both have to have names. 307 00:10:42,843 --> 00:10:44,554 And talk to each other about something... 308 00:10:44,578 --> 00:10:45,889 Rick! 309 00:10:45,913 --> 00:10:47,957 Other than a man... Oh, rick, listen to me. 310 00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:50,627 Once upon a time, my mom and my sister... 311 00:10:50,651 --> 00:10:52,351 Listen to me! 312 00:10:53,454 --> 00:10:55,498 Mom, can I try your tea? 313 00:10:55,522 --> 00:10:57,434 Yes, summer. 314 00:10:57,458 --> 00:10:58,835 Yes. Try my tea. 315 00:10:58,859 --> 00:11:01,438 It's so good. It's so warm. 316 00:11:01,462 --> 00:11:03,440 Mom, can I talk to you. 317 00:11:03,464 --> 00:11:04,908 About my special time? 318 00:11:04,932 --> 00:11:07,244 It's okay. I have one, too. 319 00:11:07,268 --> 00:11:08,578 Mine is heavy today. 320 00:11:08,602 --> 00:11:10,047 Mine is never light. 321 00:11:10,071 --> 00:11:12,249 I love you ever since you were... 322 00:11:12,273 --> 00:11:13,516 Mailed to me. 323 00:11:13,540 --> 00:11:14,984 By a doctor woman. 324 00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:16,586 Your special time is your power. 325 00:11:16,610 --> 00:11:18,722 It makes you strong like a boob. 326 00:11:18,746 --> 00:11:19,989 Strong against what? 327 00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:22,125 Scorpions. Female scorpions. 328 00:11:22,149 --> 00:11:24,249 They're attacking outside. Come on. 329 00:11:26,553 --> 00:11:28,465 Fight them with your heavy special time. 330 00:11:28,489 --> 00:11:29,866 You do it, too. 331 00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:38,475 Hello? Hello? 332 00:11:38,499 --> 00:11:41,611 I'm that supreme court lady, and you did it. 333 00:11:41,635 --> 00:11:43,902 We did it! We did it! 334 00:11:48,575 --> 00:11:50,153 Great job, morty. 335 00:11:50,177 --> 00:11:51,688 A feminist masterpiece. 336 00:11:51,712 --> 00:11:53,412 Hey, look. 337 00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:59,562 Guess who's got two penises and all the agency? 338 00:11:59,586 --> 00:12:01,564 Rick and morty. 339 00:12:01,588 --> 00:12:03,032 Story lord. 340 00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:04,768 I should've known you were behind this, and I did. 341 00:12:04,792 --> 00:12:06,035 Who is this guy? Ugh. 342 00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:08,037 He's like a matrix space frasier. 343 00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:09,106 Let's get this fight over with, nerd. 344 00:12:09,130 --> 00:12:10,439 I've got to do. 345 00:12:10,463 --> 00:12:12,041 You of all people know, rick, 346 00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:14,443 There can be no destination without a journey. 347 00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:16,780 I don't know that at all. I regularly teleport. 348 00:12:16,804 --> 00:12:19,382 Oh, of course. No rules for you. 349 00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:21,118 Spiraling through the multiverse, 350 00:12:21,142 --> 00:12:23,920 Burping semi-improvised dialogue about how nothing matters, 351 00:12:23,944 --> 00:12:26,456 So we may as well pull out our and rub them. 352 00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:29,126 On fate's glaring teeth like we're brushing fate's teeth. 353 00:12:29,150 --> 00:12:31,661 But we're using your gross, dirty. 354 00:12:31,685 --> 00:12:32,796 Must be nice. 355 00:12:32,820 --> 00:12:33,997 Nobody's stopping you. 356 00:12:34,021 --> 00:12:36,265 True. Not anymore. 357 00:12:37,224 --> 00:12:38,401 Goddamn! We already did this. 358 00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:40,737 Oh, is this a double beat? Oh, well. 359 00:12:40,761 --> 00:12:42,806 Just how I adventure, dawg. 360 00:12:42,830 --> 00:12:43,873 This is more impressive than. 361 00:12:43,897 --> 00:12:45,074 The tickets please guy, though. 362 00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:46,743 You are like 90% gutter. 363 00:12:46,767 --> 00:12:50,169 It's called discipline. Watch this. 364 00:12:50,504 --> 00:12:51,881 God damn. Geez! 365 00:12:51,905 --> 00:12:52,882 Do we have to fight him? 366 00:12:52,906 --> 00:12:54,151 I don't want to. 367 00:12:54,175 --> 00:12:55,819 We surrender. We're not fighting. 368 00:12:55,843 --> 00:12:56,753 Ow! 369 00:12:56,777 --> 00:12:58,021 Ow! 370 00:12:58,045 --> 00:12:59,756 Kick your ass. 371 00:12:59,780 --> 00:13:00,757 Ow! 372 00:13:00,781 --> 00:13:02,025 Oh! 373 00:13:02,049 --> 00:13:04,316 Hey! Get back in your egg! 374 00:13:05,853 --> 00:13:07,164 - What the... - Don't worry, morty! 375 00:13:07,188 --> 00:13:08,431 Nothing out there is canon! 376 00:13:09,390 --> 00:13:11,100 We've got a pulse. Stay with me, private. 377 00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:12,969 Smith, listen to me. You were exposed. 378 00:13:12,993 --> 00:13:15,038 To a chemical that is altering your mind. 379 00:13:15,062 --> 00:13:16,506 To beat it, you have to hold on... 380 00:13:16,530 --> 00:13:17,440 We're losing him. 381 00:13:17,464 --> 00:13:19,108 Aliens. Sarge?! 382 00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:21,444 Morty, never forget the highest truth of all... 383 00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:23,847 You're getting your ass kicked on a train. 384 00:13:24,872 --> 00:13:26,383 Professor sanchez? 385 00:13:26,407 --> 00:13:27,316 Did it work? 386 00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:29,118 I wouldn't say that, marcus. 387 00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:31,454 I'd say it worked. 388 00:13:31,478 --> 00:13:34,257 100% time dilation and total immersion. 389 00:13:34,281 --> 00:13:35,592 Define "total." marcus, 390 00:13:35,616 --> 00:13:37,460 I've been back in reality for three hours, 391 00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:39,863 And I still have memories of a completely different life. 392 00:13:39,887 --> 00:13:41,798 I-I-I was a scientist still. 393 00:13:41,822 --> 00:13:43,466 I-I-I was... I-I-I had developed. 394 00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:46,803 Inter-dimensional travel, I-I-I-I had a daughter. 395 00:13:46,827 --> 00:13:48,271 I-I didn't have a mustache. 396 00:13:48,295 --> 00:13:52,742 I-I was kinda funny sometimes, mostly burping. 397 00:13:52,766 --> 00:13:54,077 No more secret testing. 398 00:13:54,101 --> 00:13:55,545 I can help people now. 399 00:13:55,569 --> 00:13:56,680 You've helped people. 400 00:13:56,704 --> 00:13:58,147 I've hurt more. 401 00:13:58,171 --> 00:13:59,216 Aaah! 402 00:13:59,240 --> 00:14:01,284 P-p-professor sanchez. I-I'm morty smith. 403 00:14:01,308 --> 00:14:02,819 From the... the... The the 241st. 404 00:14:02,843 --> 00:14:04,221 They... they... put your pill in our food. 405 00:14:04,245 --> 00:14:06,022 It... it works. Call the police! 406 00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:07,891 It's okay. It's okay. It's not real. 407 00:14:07,915 --> 00:14:09,559 N-n-n-n-nothing's real. 408 00:14:09,583 --> 00:14:10,493 I'm sorry, son. 409 00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:12,629 I-I-it's okay. You aren't real. 410 00:14:14,321 --> 00:14:17,166 God, you're right. I should do more freeform stuff. 411 00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:19,168 In you go. What's happening? 412 00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:20,904 The reason I brought you here. 413 00:14:20,928 --> 00:14:22,839 I'll now fuel my anthology with your. 414 00:14:22,863 --> 00:14:24,441 Limitless potential, propelling it to. 415 00:14:24,465 --> 00:14:28,033 Its final stop... Beyond the fifth wall. 416 00:14:30,137 --> 00:14:32,382 You idiot. Our potential isn't limitless. 417 00:14:32,406 --> 00:14:33,717 You'll never break the fifth wall. 418 00:14:33,741 --> 00:14:34,851 Before you've burnt us out. 419 00:14:34,875 --> 00:14:37,654 Is that so? Oh, well. Win-win. 420 00:14:37,678 --> 00:14:38,922 Rick, w-what's he doing? 421 00:14:38,946 --> 00:14:40,590 He's trying to tap into us, morty. 422 00:14:40,614 --> 00:14:42,325 Resist. 423 00:14:42,349 --> 00:14:44,461 I can't believe you're finally headed off to college. 424 00:14:44,485 --> 00:14:46,129 Yeah, you know, it really felt like. 425 00:14:46,153 --> 00:14:47,530 You were gonna be 17 forever. 426 00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:49,599 For, like, 16 years, at least. 427 00:14:49,623 --> 00:14:51,534 I can't believe I'm tearing up over this. 428 00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:54,071 Jesus, rick, you know, you've really softened up. 429 00:14:54,095 --> 00:14:55,805 It's a human moment, morty. 430 00:14:55,829 --> 00:14:57,340 It's a human moment. 431 00:14:57,364 --> 00:14:59,398 Aaah! Aaah! It hurts! 432 00:15:05,306 --> 00:15:07,284 Abradolph lincoler? I thought you were dead. 433 00:15:07,308 --> 00:15:10,553 I'm very much alive, and I need your help. 434 00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:11,688 Yeah! 435 00:15:11,712 --> 00:15:13,356 He's taking the good stuff, morty. 436 00:15:13,380 --> 00:15:15,092 Wait, is... Is any of this canon? 437 00:15:15,116 --> 00:15:16,225 It could have been. 438 00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:17,761 Oh, dear. 439 00:15:17,785 --> 00:15:20,964 Are there things rick sanchez holds sacred after all? 440 00:15:27,394 --> 00:15:28,972 How did you find us? 441 00:15:30,464 --> 00:15:31,641 I trusted you! 442 00:15:31,665 --> 00:15:34,043 Don't blame others for your bad decisions. 443 00:15:35,669 --> 00:15:38,181 Resist, morty! Resist before he burns us out! 444 00:15:38,205 --> 00:15:39,916 Oh, too late now! 445 00:15:39,940 --> 00:15:41,250 What's wrong, rick? 446 00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:43,520 Don't you want to see how your story ends?! 447 00:15:57,024 --> 00:15:59,002 Holy, rick. What do we... 448 00:15:59,026 --> 00:16:00,203 There... there... There's now way out! 449 00:16:00,227 --> 00:16:01,404 You're right, morty. 450 00:16:01,428 --> 00:16:03,140 Sometimes it does seem like there's no way out. 451 00:16:03,164 --> 00:16:04,674 Like it's hopeless. 452 00:16:04,698 --> 00:16:06,943 But remember, there's always someone there for us. 453 00:16:06,967 --> 00:16:08,277 Who? 454 00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:09,546 My best friend and personal savior, 455 00:16:09,570 --> 00:16:10,613 Jesus christ. 456 00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:12,215 What?! You... you don't believe in god. 457 00:16:12,239 --> 00:16:13,616 But he believes in us, morty. 458 00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:15,352 You know, I thought I was the inventor, 459 00:16:15,376 --> 00:16:16,553 But the greatest invention of all. 460 00:16:16,577 --> 00:16:18,287 Is the free gift of eternal life. 461 00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,289 - Is this... - Are you with me? 462 00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:21,825 Oh, trust me, morty. 463 00:16:21,849 --> 00:16:23,693 I've done plenty of effed up stuff in my life. 464 00:16:23,717 --> 00:16:26,095 But it's never too late to accept christ. 465 00:16:26,119 --> 00:16:27,630 Jesus is always knocking at the door. 466 00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:29,232 All we have to do is open it and let him. 467 00:16:29,256 --> 00:16:30,433 Into our hearts. How? 468 00:16:30,457 --> 00:16:32,101 I'm so glad you asked, morty. 469 00:16:32,125 --> 00:16:34,103 Just close your eyes and go to him in prayer. 470 00:16:34,127 --> 00:16:35,505 Like this. 471 00:16:35,529 --> 00:16:37,106 Heavenly father. Heavenly father. 472 00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:38,976 Thank you for sending your only begotten son. 473 00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:40,978 What a second, no! What are you doing?! 474 00:16:41,002 --> 00:16:43,112 Jesus, I accept you into my heart. 475 00:16:43,136 --> 00:16:44,514 No! This sucks. 476 00:16:44,538 --> 00:16:46,315 Stop! You guys would never do this. 477 00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:47,584 Together: Fill me with your spirit. 478 00:16:47,608 --> 00:16:49,386 Make me a shining city on a hill for you. 479 00:16:49,410 --> 00:16:51,254 - No! No! - Make me born again. 480 00:16:51,278 --> 00:16:53,122 - No! - In jesus' name, we pray. 481 00:16:53,146 --> 00:16:54,391 - Amen. - Amen. 482 00:16:54,415 --> 00:16:56,125 - Amen! - You did it! 483 00:16:56,149 --> 00:16:57,460 Way to go, morty! Crossy. 484 00:16:57,484 --> 00:16:58,661 Bible-saurus. You made it. 485 00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:00,797 We wouldn't miss this for anything! 486 00:17:00,821 --> 00:17:02,065 You said it, mr. Celery. 487 00:17:02,089 --> 00:17:04,001 What the is all of this?! 488 00:17:04,025 --> 00:17:05,935 Greatest story ever told, story lord. 489 00:17:05,959 --> 00:17:07,937 No, it's not. It's awful! 490 00:17:09,230 --> 00:17:11,007 I beg your pardon? 491 00:17:11,031 --> 00:17:12,876 Ah! 492 00:17:12,900 --> 00:17:14,477 Goddamn. 493 00:17:14,501 --> 00:17:16,345 My lord and my god! 494 00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:18,014 - No! No! It sucks in here. - Let's get the. 495 00:17:18,038 --> 00:17:19,949 Outta here. Go, now. 496 00:17:19,973 --> 00:17:21,350 Ugh. We're safe, morty. 497 00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,020 Nobody ever wanted to see that shit. 498 00:17:23,044 --> 00:17:24,688 Wh-what's gonna happen to story lord? 499 00:17:24,712 --> 00:17:27,224 He gets to spend eternity in every writer's hell... 500 00:17:27,248 --> 00:17:28,558 The bible. I don't know. 501 00:17:28,582 --> 00:17:30,359 Some people actually like that stuff. 502 00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:31,828 Seems kind of cynical. 503 00:17:31,852 --> 00:17:33,430 I just don't like taking cheap shots, you know? 504 00:17:33,454 --> 00:17:35,298 Cheap shots? Morty, we were literally. 505 00:17:35,322 --> 00:17:36,766 Saved by Jesus christ. 506 00:17:36,790 --> 00:17:38,568 Tell me in any way how that's offensive. 507 00:17:38,592 --> 00:17:40,037 This was a little confusing, 508 00:17:40,061 --> 00:17:42,239 But I guess it brought us closer together, you know? 509 00:17:42,263 --> 00:17:43,640 Tested our demons. 510 00:17:43,664 --> 00:17:45,375 Made us believe in ourselves more than ever. 511 00:17:45,399 --> 00:17:46,643 Yeah. You're right, morty. 512 00:17:46,667 --> 00:17:48,445 We got all that meta-canon shit outta the way. 513 00:17:48,469 --> 00:17:50,247 And now we can just be ourselves. 514 00:17:50,271 --> 00:17:52,181 Now what do you say we bring this train. 515 00:17:52,205 --> 00:17:53,850 Into the station. 516 00:18:03,084 --> 00:18:05,595 Oh. 517 00:18:05,619 --> 00:18:07,330 Morty: So what do you think? 518 00:18:07,354 --> 00:18:08,598 Wow. Where did you get this thing? 519 00:18:08,622 --> 00:18:10,400 The citadel of ricks gift shop. 520 00:18:10,424 --> 00:18:13,136 Do you really like it? I didn't think you'd even care. 521 00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:15,272 What? Morty. No. I love it. 522 00:18:15,296 --> 00:18:17,006 You did the most important thing. 523 00:18:17,030 --> 00:18:18,407 You... you bought something. 524 00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:19,742 What? You bought something. 525 00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:22,479 With money. God. I love money so much, morty. 526 00:18:22,503 --> 00:18:24,481 Are you being sarcastic? Merchandise, morty. 527 00:18:24,505 --> 00:18:27,350 Your only purpose in life is to buy and consume merchandise. 528 00:18:27,374 --> 00:18:28,752 And you did it. You went into a store... 529 00:18:28,776 --> 00:18:31,621 An actual honest to god store... And you bought something. 530 00:18:31,645 --> 00:18:33,623 You didn't ask questions or raise ethical complaints. 531 00:18:33,647 --> 00:18:35,558 You... you just looked straight into the bleeding jaws. 532 00:18:35,582 --> 00:18:38,095 Of capitalism and said "yes, daddy, please." 533 00:18:38,119 --> 00:18:40,363 And I'm... I'm so proud of you. 534 00:18:40,387 --> 00:18:41,764 I only wish you could've bought more. 535 00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:44,367 I... I love buying things so much, morty. 536 00:18:44,391 --> 00:18:45,635 Rick, are... are you... 537 00:18:45,659 --> 00:18:46,836 Do you need to go to the hospital? 538 00:18:46,860 --> 00:18:49,372 I love you, morty. Give grandpa a kiss. 539 00:18:49,396 --> 00:18:51,108 Give... give... gimme... Give grandpa a kiss. 540 00:18:51,132 --> 00:18:52,442 Lips if you want. 541 00:18:52,466 --> 00:18:53,977 What... whatever you're comfortable with. 542 00:18:54,001 --> 00:18:55,244 Some cultures do that. 543 00:18:55,268 --> 00:18:56,846 That was sweet. Thank you. 544 00:18:56,870 --> 00:18:59,582 I... I love you. You're my little buddy. 545 00:18:59,606 --> 00:19:01,250 Okay. 546 00:19:01,274 --> 00:19:02,834 Let's watch some interdimensional cable. 547 00:19:07,748 --> 00:19:09,793 So you're saying my father. 548 00:19:09,817 --> 00:19:11,194 And his kingdom... 549 00:19:11,218 --> 00:19:14,197 Well, yes... It's based on the fusion. 550 00:19:14,221 --> 00:19:15,665 Of a sumerian god named "ya". 551 00:19:15,689 --> 00:19:18,335 And a mesopotamian god named "way." 552 00:19:18,359 --> 00:19:21,070 And we're in a toy train? 553 00:19:21,094 --> 00:19:22,405 Yes. 554 00:19:22,429 --> 00:19:23,540 It's enough to really make you question. 555 00:19:23,564 --> 00:19:25,542 All of existence, isn't it? 556 00:19:25,566 --> 00:19:28,145 So what do you think you're gonna do about it? 557 00:19:28,169 --> 00:19:31,481 I'm gonna do what I've always done. 558 00:19:31,505 --> 00:19:33,350 I'm gonna get the outta here. 559 00:19:33,374 --> 00:19:37,976 Father of omens! Give me blood beyond sight! 560 00:19:40,381 --> 00:19:41,891 Hey, what the morty? 561 00:19:41,915 --> 00:19:43,626 The train you got me just completely derailed itself. 562 00:19:43,650 --> 00:19:45,294 There's blood all over the windows on it. 563 00:19:45,318 --> 00:19:47,364 Oh, man, I'm sorry, rick. I guess I'll return it. 564 00:19:47,388 --> 00:19:48,631 Return... are you insane? 565 00:19:48,655 --> 00:19:50,099 Did you hear nothing I said? 566 00:19:50,123 --> 00:19:51,300 Buy another one, morty. 567 00:19:51,324 --> 00:19:52,635 Consume, morty. 568 00:19:52,659 --> 00:19:54,637 Nobody's out there shopping with this virus. 569 00:19:54,661 --> 00:19:56,706 Where's your wallet?! 570 00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:28,538 Tired of the same boring adventures. 571 00:20:28,562 --> 00:20:29,606 With your dogshit morty? 572 00:20:29,630 --> 00:20:31,340 Yeah! Aw. Geez. 573 00:20:31,364 --> 00:20:33,810 Then get ready for the citadel of rick's story train. 574 00:20:33,834 --> 00:20:35,545 Story train. Story train. 575 00:20:35,569 --> 00:20:36,880 The citadel of rick's story train. 576 00:20:36,904 --> 00:20:39,148 Comes with car after car of enemies, lovers, 577 00:20:39,172 --> 00:20:40,550 And goomby, all grappling with. 578 00:20:40,574 --> 00:20:41,685 The nature of who you truly are. 579 00:20:41,709 --> 00:20:43,286 Rick is a god! Tickets please. 580 00:20:43,310 --> 00:20:45,021 Whoa! Watch out! It's story lord! 581 00:20:45,045 --> 00:20:46,355 Damn. He's jacked. 582 00:20:46,379 --> 00:20:47,757 Deep voice: Pure gutter. 583 00:20:47,781 --> 00:20:49,426 And of course, what story would be complete. 584 00:20:49,450 --> 00:20:51,360 Without the engineer of the greatest story ever told. 585 00:20:51,384 --> 00:20:52,562 Oh, Jesus christ. 586 00:20:52,586 --> 00:20:53,630 Jesus: I have come not to judge. 587 00:20:53,654 --> 00:20:55,232 The world, but to save it. 588 00:20:55,256 --> 00:20:57,034 And the best part is, the fun never ends. 589 00:20:57,058 --> 00:20:58,768 Thanks to the rick-patented anthology generator, 590 00:20:58,792 --> 00:21:00,303 You'll never run out of new stories. 591 00:21:00,327 --> 00:21:01,438 And people to tell them. 592 00:21:01,462 --> 00:21:02,706 Are they alive? Of course. 593 00:21:02,730 --> 00:21:04,107 But not in any ways that matter. 594 00:21:04,131 --> 00:21:05,708 Deep voice: They. Have. No. Souls. 595 00:21:05,732 --> 00:21:07,044 Puppets. Of. Fate. 596 00:21:07,068 --> 00:21:08,578 The story train. 597 00:21:08,602 --> 00:21:10,179 Available now in the citadel of ricks. 598 00:21:10,203 --> 00:21:11,781 Buy it ironically. Buy it sincerely. Just buy it. 599 00:21:11,805 --> 00:21:12,982 Not buying it is an act of buying it. 600 00:21:13,006 --> 00:21:14,384 Buy it now. Look it up. It's real. 601 00:21:14,408 --> 00:21:16,119 Www.Story-train.Com. 602 00:21:16,143 --> 00:21:18,255 On the internet. It's there. Buy it. Buy the train. 603 00:21:18,279 --> 00:21:19,812 We want you to buy the train. 43120

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