Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,278 --> 00:00:04,694
♪♪
2
00:00:08,180 --> 00:00:10,803
[ Engine rumbling ]
3
00:00:10,838 --> 00:00:12,771
Tickets, please.
4
00:00:12,805 --> 00:00:16,464
[ Indistinct chatter ]
5
00:00:18,156 --> 00:00:20,468
Barkeep. A drink
for my colleague.
6
00:00:20,503 --> 00:00:21,400
Do I know you?
7
00:00:21,435 --> 00:00:23,299
I know the only reason
to travel by train
8
00:00:23,333 --> 00:00:24,610
is to travel
with weapons.
9
00:00:24,645 --> 00:00:27,165
And we all know that
at the end of this line,
10
00:00:27,199 --> 00:00:29,167
there's only one creature
worth killing.
11
00:00:29,201 --> 00:00:32,135
The man in
the white coat.
12
00:00:32,170 --> 00:00:34,862
May as well take turns
exchanging stories.
13
00:00:34,896 --> 00:00:38,521
Mine begins
on planet Ramamama.
14
00:00:38,555 --> 00:00:40,695
Lower him into acid.
15
00:00:40,730 --> 00:00:44,665
Once he's dissolved,
lower someone else into acid.
16
00:00:44,699 --> 00:00:46,701
Is he dissolved?
17
00:00:46,736 --> 00:00:49,670
At least use the downtime
to reset the acid lowerer.
18
00:00:49,704 --> 00:00:51,637
I really don't like
the attitude around here.
19
00:00:51,672 --> 00:00:54,537
It's a very "lower me into acid"
attitude.
20
00:00:54,571 --> 00:00:55,400
[ Door slams open ]
21
00:00:56,539 --> 00:00:57,540
Who are you?
22
00:00:57,574 --> 00:00:58,713
[ Farts ]
23
00:00:58,748 --> 00:01:00,370
How did you
reach my sanctum?
24
00:01:00,405 --> 00:01:01,233
[ Farts ]
25
00:01:01,268 --> 00:01:02,614
All right,
this is going in circles.
26
00:01:02,648 --> 00:01:04,443
Seize him!
27
00:01:04,478 --> 00:01:06,549
-Aah!
-Aah!
28
00:01:06,583 --> 00:01:08,689
[ All shouting ]
29
00:01:08,723 --> 00:01:12,831
♪♪
30
00:01:12,865 --> 00:01:14,384
[ Glass shatters ]
31
00:01:14,936 --> 00:01:16,524
-Aah!
-Aah!
32
00:01:20,563 --> 00:01:21,564
[ Farting ]
33
00:01:21,598 --> 00:01:22,737
Very well.
34
00:01:22,772 --> 00:01:25,430
Now Iwill fight you.
35
00:01:26,396 --> 00:01:27,880
Anyway, he tells a different
version of the story
36
00:01:27,915 --> 00:01:29,848
where I start crying
or something.
37
00:01:29,882 --> 00:01:32,161
That's why he has to die.
38
00:01:32,195 --> 00:01:33,507
'Cause he's a liar.
39
00:01:33,541 --> 00:01:34,922
So...
40
00:01:34,956 --> 00:01:36,889
why are you going to kill
Rick Sanchez?
41
00:01:36,924 --> 00:01:37,821
Okay, I don't know
who that is.
42
00:01:37,856 --> 00:01:39,754
I don't accept your weird
leap in logic
43
00:01:39,789 --> 00:01:41,791
that has everyone on a train
going to kill one guy.
44
00:01:41,825 --> 00:01:44,173
And even if I did,
why would we take turns
45
00:01:44,207 --> 00:01:45,243
telling stories
about it like
46
00:01:45,277 --> 00:01:46,451
little girls
at a sleepover?
47
00:01:46,485 --> 00:01:48,211
If you're trying
to be hurtful,
48
00:01:48,246 --> 00:01:49,592
you're doing a good job.
49
00:01:49,626 --> 00:01:50,558
I'll take his turn.
50
00:01:50,593 --> 00:01:52,767
Here's why I'm going
to kill Rick Sanchez.
51
00:01:52,802 --> 00:01:53,906
You guys have fun
with this.
52
00:01:53,941 --> 00:01:55,805
Dissolve to
a clam-shaped sun
53
00:01:55,839 --> 00:01:57,565
rising over
a giant beach.
54
00:01:57,600 --> 00:01:59,188
Whew. [ Sighs ]
55
00:01:59,222 --> 00:02:00,706
By then, of course,
he had left toys
56
00:02:00,741 --> 00:02:03,916
and flesh drops for every
one of us in the spore-hive.
57
00:02:03,951 --> 00:02:05,401
Ah, a newcomer!
58
00:02:05,435 --> 00:02:06,816
I suppose you think you have
a better story
59
00:02:06,850 --> 00:02:09,750
about how Rick Sanchez
saved Space Christmas.
60
00:02:09,784 --> 00:02:12,477
What is with
the Rick Sanchez obsession?
61
00:02:12,511 --> 00:02:13,547
[ Laughter ]
62
00:02:13,581 --> 00:02:15,376
I think the best way
to answer that
63
00:02:15,411 --> 00:02:17,827
is with my
Christmas Rick Tale.
64
00:02:19,380 --> 00:02:20,450
Whoo!
65
00:02:20,485 --> 00:02:22,245
Could've used
Rudolph tonight!
66
00:02:22,280 --> 00:02:24,247
Oh, thank God.
I'm not too late.
67
00:02:24,282 --> 00:02:25,455
I don't know how to
thank you, Goomby.
68
00:02:25,490 --> 00:02:26,387
No need.
69
00:02:26,422 --> 00:02:27,768
You just go in there
and have a nice time.
70
00:02:27,802 --> 00:02:29,494
I will. Thanks.
71
00:02:32,807 --> 00:02:34,637
[ Door opens ]Hey.
72
00:02:34,671 --> 00:02:35,638
Merry Christmas, Goomby.
73
00:02:35,672 --> 00:02:37,605
Merry Christmas, Rick.
74
00:02:37,640 --> 00:02:38,779
Oh. Uh...
75
00:02:38,813 --> 00:02:40,298
Oh, it's okay.
76
00:02:40,332 --> 00:02:41,816
I-I don't have to.
Sorry if that was --
77
00:02:41,851 --> 00:02:43,301
No. Um, um,
I can ask.
78
00:02:43,335 --> 00:02:44,198
No, no, no,
I don't wanna be a burden.
79
00:02:44,233 --> 00:02:46,200
Oh, okay.
Yeah, yeah, there's just --
80
00:02:46,235 --> 00:02:47,443
there's a lot of people.
Family. You know?
81
00:02:47,477 --> 00:02:48,168
I get it.
82
00:02:48,202 --> 00:02:49,479
You're not mad?Totally fine.
83
00:02:49,514 --> 00:02:50,653
Bye.
84
00:02:50,687 --> 00:02:52,965
[ Wind whistling ]
85
00:02:55,968 --> 00:02:57,453
[ Laughter ]
86
00:02:57,487 --> 00:02:58,868
That --
Okay, none of my business
87
00:02:58,902 --> 00:03:00,663
but he didn't even save
Christmas in that story.
88
00:03:00,697 --> 00:03:01,457
Oh, how dare you!
89
00:03:01,491 --> 00:03:03,010
That doesn't mean
I'm invested.
90
00:03:03,044 --> 00:03:04,322
Tell your
Christmas Rick story!
91
00:03:04,356 --> 00:03:06,462
Step the hell back!
Back!
92
00:03:06,496 --> 00:03:09,499
♪♪
93
00:03:09,534 --> 00:03:11,708
[ Panting ]
94
00:03:11,743 --> 00:03:13,503
You start teeing up
a Rick Sanchez vignette,
95
00:03:13,538 --> 00:03:15,367
and you'll be doing it
through two holes.
96
00:03:15,402 --> 00:03:16,989
I'm just trying to figure out
what's going on with this train.
97
00:03:17,024 --> 00:03:18,474
Do you remember
getting on it?
98
00:03:18,508 --> 00:03:21,270
No. First thing
I remember is...
99
00:03:21,304 --> 00:03:23,341
Tickets, please.
100
00:03:24,065 --> 00:03:27,517
So, why did you date
Rick Sanchez?
101
00:03:27,552 --> 00:03:28,587
What?
102
00:03:28,622 --> 00:03:30,382
Oh, you don't have to pretend
you didn't date him.
103
00:03:30,417 --> 00:03:32,384
We all did.
We get it.
104
00:03:32,419 --> 00:03:35,663
Low point in your life,
rebound from an ex, et cetera.
105
00:03:35,698 --> 00:03:36,940
No, really, who?
106
00:03:36,975 --> 00:03:39,391
[ Chuckles ]
Oh, exactly.
107
00:03:39,426 --> 00:03:43,326
In fact, and get this,
when he met myfamily...
108
00:03:43,361 --> 00:03:44,672
[ Wolf growling ]Aah!
109
00:03:44,707 --> 00:03:46,018
[ Grunting ]
110
00:03:46,053 --> 00:03:48,297
Leah!
Leah, check it out.
111
00:03:48,331 --> 00:03:49,367
Where'd you meet
this, um...
112
00:03:49,401 --> 00:03:51,369
[ Sighs ]
...sprite?
113
00:03:51,403 --> 00:03:53,543
He's actually a human.
114
00:03:53,578 --> 00:03:56,028
But he invented portal tech?
115
00:03:56,063 --> 00:03:57,892
I am the concept
of time.
116
00:03:57,927 --> 00:03:58,997
Jesus!
117
00:03:59,031 --> 00:04:00,378
I warned you
not to do that.
118
00:04:00,412 --> 00:04:02,380
I wasn't trying.You don't have to.
119
00:04:02,414 --> 00:04:03,657
The train is
obviously amplifying
120
00:04:03,691 --> 00:04:05,072
and linking unrelated
narrative fields.
121
00:04:05,106 --> 00:04:06,556
Uh-huh...
122
00:04:06,591 --> 00:04:08,351
Morty? I told you if you
found me again,
123
00:04:08,386 --> 00:04:09,939
identify yourself.
124
00:04:09,973 --> 00:04:11,561
I didn't
know it was you.
125
00:04:11,596 --> 00:04:12,769
How did you not
recognize me?
126
00:04:12,804 --> 00:04:14,357
Didn't you create
the disguises?
127
00:04:14,392 --> 00:04:16,048
When I create shit,
it works, Morty.
128
00:04:16,083 --> 00:04:17,395
It's called
being talented.
129
00:04:17,429 --> 00:04:18,672
Why can't
we find the engine?
130
00:04:18,706 --> 00:04:20,743
It's not a real train,
it's a story device.
131
00:04:20,777 --> 00:04:23,401
Literally.
A literal literary device
132
00:04:23,435 --> 00:04:25,713
quite literally
metaphorically containing us.
133
00:04:25,748 --> 00:04:26,507
A simulation.
134
00:04:26,542 --> 00:04:28,095
Worse.
An anthology.
135
00:04:28,129 --> 00:04:29,614
Okay, so how --
how do we hijack it?
136
00:04:29,648 --> 00:04:31,029
Oh, Morty,
it's been hijacked
137
00:04:31,063 --> 00:04:32,582
for at least
two full minutes.
138
00:04:32,617 --> 00:04:34,722
Are you not hearing
this insane conversation?
139
00:04:34,757 --> 00:04:37,311
Okay, Tickets Please Guy,
stop the anthology.
140
00:04:37,346 --> 00:04:39,417
If we wanted one-offs,
we'd do Interdimensional Cable,
141
00:04:39,451 --> 00:04:41,453
not some uptight,
overwritten --
142
00:04:41,488 --> 00:04:42,903
Rick?
God damn!
143
00:04:42,937 --> 00:04:44,111
Tickets, please.
144
00:04:44,145 --> 00:04:45,526
Dude, I'm sure
you've got, like,
145
00:04:45,561 --> 00:04:47,390
so many tickets
at this point.
146
00:04:47,425 --> 00:04:49,703
Jesus! The Tickets Please guy
is cut!
147
00:04:49,737 --> 00:04:51,429
He -- he -- he's -- he's
got those things.
148
00:04:51,463 --> 00:04:53,534
W-what do you call them.
Uhm, cum gutters.
149
00:04:53,569 --> 00:04:54,949
Morty, gross!That's what people call them.
150
00:04:54,984 --> 00:04:56,606
Gross people. I don't
want to have to picture
151
00:04:56,641 --> 00:04:59,057
cum so watery
in such volumes that --
152
00:04:59,091 --> 00:05:00,058
Hey, hey, hey,
stay back.
153
00:05:00,092 --> 00:05:01,853
I'll kick you.
I-I'll kick your shin, bro.
154
00:05:01,887 --> 00:05:03,544
Aaah!
Hey!
155
00:05:03,579 --> 00:05:05,753
I'll fuckin' cook and eat
your ticket-taking ass.
156
00:05:05,788 --> 00:05:07,928
-[ Coughs ]
-Hey, I found a ticket.
157
00:05:07,962 --> 00:05:09,447
[ Coughs ]
158
00:05:09,481 --> 00:05:11,794
Wow, you are just --
ladies and gentlemen,
159
00:05:11,828 --> 00:05:13,761
the Jackie Chan
of human shielding.
160
00:05:13,796 --> 00:05:15,073
Who takes the time to get
this good at --
161
00:05:15,107 --> 00:05:16,419
Fuck this.
162
00:05:16,454 --> 00:05:17,938
-Aaah
-Structural breach.
163
00:05:17,972 --> 00:05:19,422
Losing continuity.
164
00:05:19,457 --> 00:05:20,803
Morty,
hold on to something.
165
00:05:20,837 --> 00:05:21,804
Keep your head inside.
166
00:05:21,838 --> 00:05:22,977
Aaah!
167
00:05:23,012 --> 00:05:25,117
[ Gasps ]
168
00:05:25,152 --> 00:05:27,982
[ Video games beeping ]
169
00:05:28,017 --> 00:05:29,467
Share with your
sister, Josh.
170
00:05:29,501 --> 00:05:30,744
Just because it's your
birthday doesn't mean
171
00:05:30,778 --> 00:05:32,159
you can be an asshole.
172
00:05:32,193 --> 00:05:34,057
You okay, Dad?Is this real?
173
00:05:34,092 --> 00:05:35,473
I doubt it, but you get
what you get
174
00:05:35,507 --> 00:05:36,681
when you eat dinner
in an arcade.
175
00:05:36,715 --> 00:05:38,993
I mean are you real,
is life real?
176
00:05:39,028 --> 00:05:40,685
Okay, I'm calling the nurse
because you are not
177
00:05:40,719 --> 00:05:42,514
doing this tonight.You're God damn right
178
00:05:42,549 --> 00:05:44,482
I'm not because --You are not doing this tonight!
179
00:05:44,516 --> 00:05:45,759
This isn't real life!
180
00:05:45,793 --> 00:05:47,485
Dad? Oh, my God!Honey. Sweetie.
181
00:05:47,519 --> 00:05:48,417
What's happening?Give me your tickets.
182
00:05:48,451 --> 00:05:49,763
I -- I need tickets.
183
00:05:49,797 --> 00:05:53,007
Everyone give me
tickeeeeeettttttts!
184
00:05:53,042 --> 00:05:54,595
Aaaah!
185
00:05:55,734 --> 00:05:57,495
Aaah!
186
00:05:58,806 --> 00:06:00,981
Female Voice:
Emergency continuity deployed.
187
00:06:01,015 --> 00:06:02,672
[ Breathing heavily ]
188
00:06:02,707 --> 00:06:03,811
[ Groans ]
189
00:06:05,710 --> 00:06:07,436
This could come in handy.Can't we just ride out the --
190
00:06:07,470 --> 00:06:08,816
Fuck you,
I'd rather die.
191
00:06:08,851 --> 00:06:10,542
[ Crashing ]Train cops! Hands in the air!
192
00:06:10,577 --> 00:06:12,061
Tee up a story
about Rick Sanchez!
193
00:06:12,095 --> 00:06:13,476
He isRick!
Jesus Christ!
194
00:06:13,511 --> 00:06:14,822
Is that
the Tickets Please Guy?
195
00:06:14,857 --> 00:06:16,168
Well, just the stub.
196
00:06:16,203 --> 00:06:17,825
Too soon!
Too soon!
197
00:06:17,860 --> 00:06:19,551
Don't move! Too soon!
198
00:06:21,519 --> 00:06:23,831
So, what did the Train Cops
do wrong?
199
00:06:23,866 --> 00:06:25,177
Shot...people?
200
00:06:25,212 --> 00:06:26,972
Shot passengers.
Wrong.
201
00:06:27,007 --> 00:06:29,423
The passengers tampered
with the anthology's structure.
202
00:06:29,458 --> 00:06:30,666
Lethal response
was permitted,
203
00:06:30,700 --> 00:06:32,909
but not with him
holding that tank.
204
00:06:32,944 --> 00:06:34,739
Let's take a look at what
they should have done.
205
00:06:34,773 --> 00:06:36,016
Train cops!
Hands in the air!
206
00:06:36,050 --> 00:06:37,466
Drop the tank!Drop it!
207
00:06:37,500 --> 00:06:39,088
Drop it! Drop the tank.
208
00:06:39,916 --> 00:06:41,677
[ Applause ]
209
00:06:41,711 --> 00:06:43,161
Sorry to nitpick, sir,
but if there was
210
00:06:43,195 --> 00:06:46,613
a continuity explosion,
isn't there always one?
211
00:06:46,647 --> 00:06:48,200
And doesn't that mean
those two could be anywhere?
212
00:06:48,235 --> 00:06:50,064
What? No, you idiot,
that -- it's --
213
00:06:50,099 --> 00:06:52,170
It's just a training video.
That didn't actually happen.
214
00:06:52,204 --> 00:06:53,205
That's what you think.
215
00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:54,897
Hey.
How'd you get here?
216
00:06:54,931 --> 00:06:56,761
Yeah, like we're the ones
that popped up out of nowhere?
217
00:06:56,795 --> 00:06:57,762
Fuck these guys.
218
00:06:57,796 --> 00:06:59,695
[ Grunting ]
219
00:07:01,110 --> 00:07:03,112
Hey, what the hell?
Your leg is healed.
220
00:07:03,146 --> 00:07:04,907
Yeah, it's a real
free-for-all.
221
00:07:04,941 --> 00:07:05,977
Here we go.
222
00:07:06,011 --> 00:07:07,737
Of course this thing is
just a fucking circle.
223
00:07:07,772 --> 00:07:09,532
You'd think it was so
God damn complicated --
224
00:07:09,567 --> 00:07:11,948
Okay, here's where
the stupid vignettes were.
225
00:07:11,983 --> 00:07:13,778
God, imagine if that
had been the whole thing.
226
00:07:13,812 --> 00:07:17,713
So now we're here,
and the engine must be here.
227
00:07:17,747 --> 00:07:19,577
I'll have to rig us
a couple of space suits
228
00:07:19,611 --> 00:07:21,579
that start failing
around here so we can
229
00:07:21,613 --> 00:07:22,856
[burps]
pay a heavy price
230
00:07:22,890 --> 00:07:24,202
for re-entering
at this threshold.
231
00:07:24,236 --> 00:07:25,755
We have to
leave the train?
232
00:07:25,790 --> 00:07:27,239
We don't haveto
do anything, Morty.
233
00:07:27,274 --> 00:07:28,931
This is just
a structural guide.
234
00:07:28,965 --> 00:07:31,071
We're obviously gonna
impart our own style.
235
00:07:31,105 --> 00:07:32,590
I don't like how meta
this is getting, Rick.
236
00:07:32,624 --> 00:07:33,763
Shut up, Morty.
You're 14.
237
00:07:33,798 --> 00:07:35,213
You watch videos
of people on YouTube
238
00:07:35,247 --> 00:07:36,939
reacting to
fucking YouTube.
239
00:07:36,973 --> 00:07:38,112
I'll be the judge of
when we get too meta.
240
00:07:38,147 --> 00:07:39,251
Holy shit.
241
00:07:39,286 --> 00:07:40,632
How is he still breathing?Aah!
242
00:07:40,667 --> 00:07:42,634
He's suspended
in disbelief,
243
00:07:42,669 --> 00:07:44,015
slowly dying while
living out an alternative
244
00:07:44,049 --> 00:07:45,257
non-diagetic reality.
245
00:07:45,292 --> 00:07:47,259
Geez, what a horrible
way to die.
246
00:07:47,294 --> 00:07:48,295
You don't know
the half of it.
247
00:07:48,329 --> 00:07:50,055
Oh!
[ Both laugh ]
248
00:07:50,090 --> 00:07:52,126
You're on fuego with the
guy-torn-in-half bits, Rick.
249
00:07:52,161 --> 00:07:53,507
That one was
organic, though.
250
00:07:53,542 --> 00:07:54,784
That's because
you're naturally funny.
251
00:07:54,819 --> 00:07:56,027
That -- that's good
old-fashioned fun
252
00:07:56,061 --> 00:07:57,580
right there, you know?
253
00:07:57,615 --> 00:07:58,926
W-w-we don't need
to over-think shit, okay?
254
00:07:58,961 --> 00:08:00,514
Okay, buddy.
Nice and grounded,
255
00:08:00,549 --> 00:08:01,791
fully immersive
from here on out.
256
00:08:01,826 --> 00:08:02,965
[ Rumbling ]
257
00:08:02,999 --> 00:08:04,622
Right after this.W-what's happening?
258
00:08:04,656 --> 00:08:05,726
Going into an act break.
259
00:08:08,142 --> 00:08:09,143
♪ Not quite a bird
260
00:08:09,178 --> 00:08:11,214
♪ Not quite a person
261
00:08:11,249 --> 00:08:12,664
♪ Maybe what matters
262
00:08:12,699 --> 00:08:15,080
♪ Is to love
yourself first and ♪
263
00:08:15,115 --> 00:08:16,979
♪ Soar
264
00:08:17,013 --> 00:08:18,636
♪ Child of air and land
265
00:08:18,670 --> 00:08:20,845
♪ With wings and hands
266
00:08:20,879 --> 00:08:22,743
♪ Yes, you're a bird
and a person ♪
267
00:08:22,778 --> 00:08:24,918
♪ I'm a bird
and a person ♪
268
00:08:24,952 --> 00:08:26,816
♪ And more
269
00:08:26,851 --> 00:08:28,646
Sure, that was
a great moment,
270
00:08:28,680 --> 00:08:29,681
but it was hardly
the best time
271
00:08:29,716 --> 00:08:31,027
Rick and Morty
were musical.
272
00:08:31,062 --> 00:08:32,304
Who can
forget the t--
273
00:08:32,339 --> 00:08:33,996
Hey. You guys
think there's something weird
274
00:08:34,030 --> 00:08:35,618
about this train?
275
00:08:35,653 --> 00:08:36,377
We've been here
a really long time
276
00:08:36,412 --> 00:08:37,862
and nobody's
taken our tickets.
277
00:08:37,896 --> 00:08:38,897
Aaah!
278
00:08:38,932 --> 00:08:40,002
[ All screaming ]
279
00:08:40,036 --> 00:08:42,556
Aaaah!
280
00:08:42,591 --> 00:08:44,731
The galaxy's greatest scientists
continue to ponder
281
00:08:44,765 --> 00:08:47,216
the horrific figure known
to children as Floaty Blood Man.
282
00:08:47,250 --> 00:08:49,874
But after three months, nobody
is any closer to the truth.
283
00:08:49,908 --> 00:08:51,945
For Cutesy Name News,
I'm Uncle Nibbles.
284
00:08:51,979 --> 00:08:54,568
I can't believe
Floaty Bloody Man is real.
285
00:08:54,603 --> 00:08:56,328
He's more than real,
he's my new god.
286
00:08:56,363 --> 00:08:58,710
Check it.
Is that brand-new,
287
00:08:58,745 --> 00:09:00,712
or is the blood just --Accurately depicted, yeah.
288
00:09:00,747 --> 00:09:02,645
His followers believe
the entire universe
289
00:09:02,680 --> 00:09:04,371
is Floaty Bloody Man's
nightmare as he dies
290
00:09:04,405 --> 00:09:06,166
in a time-dilated
reality.
291
00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:07,719
So we could
go at any minute.
292
00:09:07,754 --> 00:09:09,894
No. I'm part of
the Floaty Nogasm Brotherhood.
293
00:09:09,928 --> 00:09:11,654
We believe we're
keeping him alive
294
00:09:11,689 --> 00:09:14,070
by redirecting our suppressed
sexual energies.
295
00:09:14,105 --> 00:09:15,589
You're staying a virgin
296
00:09:15,624 --> 00:09:18,074
just to keep
the universe existing?
297
00:09:18,109 --> 00:09:20,214
That's...
so attractive.
298
00:09:20,249 --> 00:09:21,388
It is?
299
00:09:21,422 --> 00:09:23,839
Okay, look,
let's just do it once.
300
00:09:23,873 --> 00:09:26,220
[ Moaning ]
301
00:09:27,843 --> 00:09:29,569
Sorry.
302
00:09:30,155 --> 00:09:31,812
Aaah!
303
00:09:31,847 --> 00:09:33,227
Happy now?He was suffering.
304
00:09:33,262 --> 00:09:34,712
Keep moving.
305
00:09:34,746 --> 00:09:36,161
We have to get
to the return threshold
306
00:09:36,196 --> 00:09:37,715
before the ticking clock
on your suit gets to zero.
307
00:09:37,749 --> 00:09:38,923
Why would you put
ticking clock --
308
00:09:38,957 --> 00:09:40,131
Because if it's too easy
to get there,
309
00:09:40,165 --> 00:09:41,822
we'll never get there.
310
00:09:41,857 --> 00:09:43,686
If you don't want to be meta
stop, deconstructing shit.
311
00:09:43,721 --> 00:09:45,308
That's
the thematic seal.
312
00:09:45,343 --> 00:09:47,000
Gotta find a way
to disrupt it.
313
00:09:47,034 --> 00:09:50,003
Okay, Morty, tell a story
unrelated to us.
314
00:09:50,037 --> 00:09:52,350
Uh, what do --Stop thinking and do it!
315
00:09:52,384 --> 00:09:54,421
Uh, okay, uh,
there was this --
316
00:09:54,455 --> 00:09:56,250
My name is Mike Johnson.
That's good coffee.
317
00:09:56,285 --> 00:09:57,251
[ Doorbell rings ]
318
00:09:57,286 --> 00:09:59,081
Better get that door.
319
00:09:59,115 --> 00:10:01,048
Iiiiiiii, hello.
320
00:10:01,083 --> 00:10:02,291
I want your cookies.
321
00:10:02,325 --> 00:10:03,430
I'm hungry,
I want your cookies.
322
00:10:03,464 --> 00:10:04,949
Scorpions, scorpions.
323
00:10:04,983 --> 00:10:07,296
There's scorpions outside.
Get inside.
324
00:10:07,330 --> 00:10:08,400
What do they want
from us?
325
00:10:08,435 --> 00:10:10,092
They want food.
Me too.
326
00:10:10,126 --> 00:10:11,196
Rick: Okay, just stop.
327
00:10:11,231 --> 00:10:12,957
I'm not
a writer, okay?
328
00:10:12,991 --> 00:10:14,786
Relax, your story was supposed
to be awful and stupid.
329
00:10:14,821 --> 00:10:16,029
I just failed to
predict how well
330
00:10:16,063 --> 00:10:17,789
that would mesh
with the theme.
331
00:10:17,824 --> 00:10:18,894
Think. Think.
332
00:10:18,928 --> 00:10:20,758
What kind of story
would we never --
333
00:10:20,792 --> 00:10:22,449
Morty, do you know
what the Bechdel Test is?
334
00:10:22,483 --> 00:10:23,968
The what?For God's sake, Morty,
335
00:10:24,002 --> 00:10:25,935
the formula for
measuring female agency
336
00:10:25,970 --> 00:10:27,972
in a story proposed by
lesbian cartoonist Allison --
337
00:10:28,006 --> 00:10:29,767
what the hell are they
teaching you in that school?!
338
00:10:29,801 --> 00:10:31,458
Other stuff!Then you've killed us both!
339
00:10:31,492 --> 00:10:33,287
Why is lesbian part
of her job title?!
340
00:10:33,322 --> 00:10:34,772
Oh, now you're
progressive?!
341
00:10:34,806 --> 00:10:36,290
What is the test?!You have to tell --
342
00:10:36,325 --> 00:10:37,809
[ Beeping ]
343
00:10:37,844 --> 00:10:39,984
[ Gagging ]
344
00:10:40,018 --> 00:10:41,951
Morty, Morty.
345
00:10:41,986 --> 00:10:44,782
Two women.
They both have to have names
346
00:10:44,816 --> 00:10:46,059
and talk to each other
about something...
347
00:10:46,093 --> 00:10:47,819
Rick!
348
00:10:47,854 --> 00:10:49,856
...other than a man...Oh, Rick, listen to me.
349
00:10:49,890 --> 00:10:52,203
Once upon a time,
my mom and my sister...
350
00:10:52,237 --> 00:10:53,929
Listen to me!
351
00:10:55,206 --> 00:10:57,035
Mom, can I try
your tea?
352
00:10:57,070 --> 00:10:59,106
Yes, Summer.
353
00:10:59,141 --> 00:11:00,418
Yes. Try my tea.
354
00:11:00,452 --> 00:11:03,110
It's so good.
It's so warm.
355
00:11:03,145 --> 00:11:05,181
Mom, can I talk to you
356
00:11:05,216 --> 00:11:06,458
about my special time?
357
00:11:06,493 --> 00:11:09,013
It's okay.
I have one, too.
358
00:11:09,047 --> 00:11:10,186
Mine is heavy today.
359
00:11:10,221 --> 00:11:11,809
Mine is never light.
360
00:11:11,843 --> 00:11:13,914
I love you ever
since you were...
361
00:11:13,949 --> 00:11:15,157
mailed to me.
362
00:11:15,191 --> 00:11:16,503
By a doctor woman.
363
00:11:16,537 --> 00:11:18,298
Your special time
is your power.
364
00:11:18,332 --> 00:11:20,265
It makes you strong
like a boob.
365
00:11:20,300 --> 00:11:21,508
Strong against what?
366
00:11:21,542 --> 00:11:23,752
Scorpions.
Female Scorpions.
367
00:11:23,786 --> 00:11:25,823
They're attacking
outside. Come on.
368
00:11:28,204 --> 00:11:30,206
Fight them with your
heavy special time.
369
00:11:30,241 --> 00:11:31,345
You do it, too.
370
00:11:31,380 --> 00:11:34,797
[ Epic music plays ]
371
00:11:34,832 --> 00:11:37,317
♪♪
372
00:11:37,351 --> 00:11:38,525
[ Cellphones ring ]
373
00:11:38,559 --> 00:11:40,216
Hello?
Hello?
374
00:11:40,251 --> 00:11:43,323
I'm that Supreme Court lady,
and you fucking did it.
375
00:11:43,357 --> 00:11:45,497
We did it!
We did it!
376
00:11:48,155 --> 00:11:50,192
[ Grunts ]
377
00:11:50,226 --> 00:11:51,780
Great job, Morty.
378
00:11:51,814 --> 00:11:53,264
A feminist masterpiece.
379
00:11:53,298 --> 00:11:54,990
Hey, look.
380
00:11:58,959 --> 00:12:01,203
Guess who's got two penises
and all the agency?
381
00:12:01,237 --> 00:12:03,205
Rick and Morty.
382
00:12:03,239 --> 00:12:04,931
Story Lord.
383
00:12:04,965 --> 00:12:06,311
I should've known you were
behind this, and I did.
384
00:12:06,346 --> 00:12:07,554
Who is this guy?
Ugh.
385
00:12:07,588 --> 00:12:09,556
He's like a Matrix
Space Frasier.
386
00:12:09,590 --> 00:12:10,868
Let's get this fight
over with, nerd.
387
00:12:10,902 --> 00:12:12,041
I've got
shit to do.
388
00:12:12,076 --> 00:12:13,836
You of all people
know, Rick,
389
00:12:13,871 --> 00:12:16,045
there can be no destination
without a journey.
390
00:12:16,080 --> 00:12:18,427
I don't know that at all.
I regularly teleport.
391
00:12:18,461 --> 00:12:21,016
Oh, of course.
No rules for you.
392
00:12:21,050 --> 00:12:22,949
Spiraling through
the multiverse,
393
00:12:22,983 --> 00:12:25,883
burping semi-improvised dialogue
about how nothing matters,
394
00:12:25,917 --> 00:12:28,161
so we may as well pull out
our dicks and rub them
395
00:12:28,195 --> 00:12:30,888
on fate's glaring teeth
like we're brushing fate's teeth
396
00:12:30,922 --> 00:12:33,269
but we're using your gross,
dirty dick.
397
00:12:33,304 --> 00:12:34,443
Must be nice.
398
00:12:34,477 --> 00:12:35,409
[ Slurps ]Nobody's stopping you.
399
00:12:35,444 --> 00:12:37,929
True. Not anymore.
400
00:12:37,964 --> 00:12:38,654
[ Grunts ]
401
00:12:38,688 --> 00:12:40,104
Goddamn!We already did this.
402
00:12:40,138 --> 00:12:42,520
Oh, is this a double beat?
Oh, well.
403
00:12:42,554 --> 00:12:44,453
Just how I adventure,
dawg.
404
00:12:44,487 --> 00:12:45,592
This is more
impressive than
405
00:12:45,626 --> 00:12:46,593
the Tickets Please Guy,
though.
406
00:12:46,627 --> 00:12:48,526
You are like 90%
cum gutter.
407
00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:51,805
It's called discipline.
Watch this.
408
00:12:52,219 --> 00:12:53,462
God damn.
Geez!
409
00:12:53,496 --> 00:12:54,394
Do we have to
fight him?
410
00:12:54,428 --> 00:12:55,602
I don't want to.
411
00:12:55,636 --> 00:12:57,259
We surrender.
We're not fighting.
412
00:12:57,293 --> 00:12:58,329
[ Grunting ]
Ow!
413
00:12:58,363 --> 00:12:59,433
Ow!
414
00:12:59,468 --> 00:13:01,228
Fucking kick your ass.
415
00:13:01,263 --> 00:13:02,229
Ow!
416
00:13:02,264 --> 00:13:03,955
Oh!
417
00:13:03,990 --> 00:13:05,888
[ Alarm ringing ]Hey! Get back in your egg!
418
00:13:07,614 --> 00:13:08,615
-What the --
-Don't worry, Morty!
419
00:13:08,649 --> 00:13:10,065
Nothing out there
is canon!
420
00:13:10,099 --> 00:13:10,997
[ Grunts ]
421
00:13:11,031 --> 00:13:12,619
We've got a pulse.Stay with me, Private.
422
00:13:12,653 --> 00:13:14,828
Smith, listen to me.
You were exposed
423
00:13:14,863 --> 00:13:16,830
to a chemical that is
altering your mind.
424
00:13:16,865 --> 00:13:18,107
To beat it,
you have to hold on --
425
00:13:18,142 --> 00:13:19,143
We're losing him.
426
00:13:19,177 --> 00:13:20,903
Aliens. Sarge?!
427
00:13:20,938 --> 00:13:23,078
Morty, never forget the highest
truth of all --
428
00:13:23,112 --> 00:13:25,287
you're getting your
ass kicked on a train.
429
00:13:25,321 --> 00:13:26,288
[ Grunts ]
430
00:13:26,322 --> 00:13:28,048
Professor Sanchez?
431
00:13:28,083 --> 00:13:28,773
Did it work?
432
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,533
I wouldn't say that,
Marcus.
433
00:13:30,568 --> 00:13:33,157
I'd say it
fucking worked.
434
00:13:33,191 --> 00:13:35,987
100% time dilation
and total immersion.
435
00:13:36,022 --> 00:13:37,333
Define "total."
Marcus,
436
00:13:37,368 --> 00:13:39,163
I've been back in reality
for three hours,
437
00:13:39,197 --> 00:13:41,613
and I still have memories
of a completely different life.
438
00:13:41,648 --> 00:13:43,581
I-I-I was
a scientist still.
439
00:13:43,615 --> 00:13:45,169
I-I-I was --
I-I-I had developed
440
00:13:45,203 --> 00:13:48,482
inter-dimensional travel,
I-I-I-I had a daughter.
441
00:13:48,517 --> 00:13:50,001
I-I didn't
have a mustache.
442
00:13:50,036 --> 00:13:54,350
I-I was kinda funny sometimes,
mostly burping.
443
00:13:54,385 --> 00:13:55,489
No more secret testing.
444
00:13:55,524 --> 00:13:57,250
I can help people now.
445
00:13:57,284 --> 00:13:58,216
You've helped people.
446
00:13:58,251 --> 00:13:59,666
I've hurt more.
447
00:13:59,700 --> 00:14:00,632
Aaah!
448
00:14:00,667 --> 00:14:02,911
P-P-Professor Sanchez.
I-I'm Morty Smith
449
00:14:02,945 --> 00:14:04,602
from the -- the --
the the 241st.
450
00:14:04,636 --> 00:14:05,983
They -- they -- put your
pill in our food.
451
00:14:06,017 --> 00:14:07,881
It -- it works.Call the police!
452
00:14:07,916 --> 00:14:09,538
It's okay. It's okay.
It's not real.
453
00:14:09,572 --> 00:14:11,264
N-n-n-n-nothing's
real.
454
00:14:11,298 --> 00:14:12,058
I'm sorry, son.
455
00:14:12,092 --> 00:14:14,301
I-i-it's okay.
You aren't real.
456
00:14:14,336 --> 00:14:16,131
[ All screaming ]
457
00:14:16,165 --> 00:14:18,581
God, you're right.
I should do more freeform stuff.
458
00:14:18,616 --> 00:14:20,687
In you go.What's happening?
459
00:14:20,721 --> 00:14:22,551
The reason
I brought you here.
460
00:14:22,585 --> 00:14:24,622
I'll now fuel
my anthology with your
461
00:14:24,656 --> 00:14:26,210
limitless potential,
propelling it to
462
00:14:26,244 --> 00:14:29,627
its final stop --
beyond the fifth wall.
463
00:14:31,940 --> 00:14:34,045
You idiot. Our potential
isn't limitless.
464
00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:35,460
You'll never break
the fifth wall
465
00:14:35,495 --> 00:14:36,634
before you've burnt
us out.
466
00:14:36,668 --> 00:14:39,395
Is that so?
Oh, well. Win-win.
467
00:14:39,430 --> 00:14:40,672
Rick,
w-what's he doing?
468
00:14:40,707 --> 00:14:42,295
He's trying to tap
into us, Morty.
469
00:14:42,329 --> 00:14:44,262
Resist.
470
00:14:44,297 --> 00:14:46,230
I can't believe you're finally
headed off to college.
471
00:14:46,264 --> 00:14:47,921
Yeah, you know,
it really felt like
472
00:14:47,956 --> 00:14:49,164
you were gonna be
17 forever.
473
00:14:49,198 --> 00:14:51,200
For, like,
16 years, at least.
474
00:14:51,235 --> 00:14:53,237
I can't believe
I'm tearing up over this.
475
00:14:53,271 --> 00:14:55,653
Jesus, Rick, you know,
you've really softened up.
476
00:14:55,687 --> 00:14:57,517
It's a human moment,
Morty.
477
00:14:57,551 --> 00:14:59,070
It's a human moment.
478
00:14:59,105 --> 00:15:00,969
Aaah!
Aaah! It hurts!
479
00:15:05,249 --> 00:15:07,044
[ Crashing ]
480
00:15:07,078 --> 00:15:09,046
Abradolph Lincoler?
I thought you were dead.
481
00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:12,256
I'm very much alive,
and I need your help.
482
00:15:12,290 --> 00:15:13,671
Yeah!
483
00:15:13,705 --> 00:15:14,983
Shit. He's taking
the good stuff, Morty.
484
00:15:15,017 --> 00:15:16,570
Wait, is --
is any of this canon?
485
00:15:16,605 --> 00:15:17,744
It could have been.
486
00:15:17,778 --> 00:15:19,504
[ Chuckles ] Oh, dear.
487
00:15:19,539 --> 00:15:22,507
Are there things Rick Sanchez
holds sacred after all?
488
00:15:22,542 --> 00:15:23,577
[ Whirring ]
489
00:15:23,612 --> 00:15:25,510
[ Both groaning ]
490
00:15:27,236 --> 00:15:28,997
[ Grunts ]
491
00:15:29,031 --> 00:15:30,412
How did you find us?
492
00:15:30,446 --> 00:15:32,103
[ Grunting ]
493
00:15:32,138 --> 00:15:33,070
I trusted you!
494
00:15:33,104 --> 00:15:35,417
Don't blame others
for your bad decisions.
495
00:15:35,451 --> 00:15:37,246
[ Grunting ]
496
00:15:37,281 --> 00:15:39,593
Resist, Morty!
Resist before he burns us out!
497
00:15:39,628 --> 00:15:41,388
Oh, too late now!
498
00:15:41,423 --> 00:15:43,045
What's wrong, Rick?
499
00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:45,289
Don't you want to see
how your story ends?!
500
00:15:45,323 --> 00:15:47,049
[ Laughs ]
501
00:15:47,084 --> 00:15:53,193
♪♪
502
00:15:53,228 --> 00:15:57,991
[ All shouting ]
503
00:15:58,785 --> 00:16:00,649
Holy shit, Rick.
What do we --
504
00:16:00,683 --> 00:16:01,615
There -- there --
there's now way out!
505
00:16:01,650 --> 00:16:03,134
You're right, Morty.
506
00:16:03,169 --> 00:16:04,722
Sometimes it does seem
like there's no way out.
507
00:16:04,756 --> 00:16:06,275
Like it's hopeless.
508
00:16:06,310 --> 00:16:08,519
But remember, there's always
someone there for us.
509
00:16:08,553 --> 00:16:09,796
Who?
510
00:16:09,830 --> 00:16:11,211
My best friend
and personal savior,
511
00:16:11,246 --> 00:16:12,178
Jesus Christ.
512
00:16:12,212 --> 00:16:13,627
What?! You -- you don't
believe in God.
513
00:16:13,662 --> 00:16:15,250
But He believes
in us, Morty.
514
00:16:15,284 --> 00:16:17,114
You know, I thought
Iwas the inventor,
515
00:16:17,148 --> 00:16:18,322
but the greatest
invention of all
516
00:16:18,356 --> 00:16:19,806
is the free gift
of Eternal Life.
517
00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:21,808
Is this --
are you fucking with me?
518
00:16:21,842 --> 00:16:23,465
[ Chuckles ]
Oh, trust me, Morty.
519
00:16:23,499 --> 00:16:25,398
I've done plenty of
effed up stuff in my life.
520
00:16:25,432 --> 00:16:27,814
But it's never too late
to accept Christ.
521
00:16:27,848 --> 00:16:29,264
Jesus is always
knocking at the door.
522
00:16:29,298 --> 00:16:30,782
All we have to do
is open it and let Him
523
00:16:30,817 --> 00:16:32,163
into our hearts.
How?
524
00:16:32,198 --> 00:16:33,682
I'm so glad you asked,
Morty.
525
00:16:33,716 --> 00:16:35,615
Just close your eyes
and go to Him in prayer.
526
00:16:35,649 --> 00:16:37,099
Like this.
527
00:16:37,134 --> 00:16:38,687
Heavenly Father.Heavenly Father.
528
00:16:38,721 --> 00:16:40,758
Together: Thank you for sending
your only begotten son.
529
00:16:40,792 --> 00:16:42,760
What a second, no!
What are you doing?!
530
00:16:42,794 --> 00:16:44,624
Jesus, I accept you
into my heart.
531
00:16:44,658 --> 00:16:46,108
No! This sucks.
532
00:16:46,143 --> 00:16:47,834
Stop! You guys would
never do this.
533
00:16:47,868 --> 00:16:49,353
Together:
Fill me with your Spirit.
534
00:16:49,387 --> 00:16:50,837
Make me a shining city
on a hill for you.
535
00:16:50,871 --> 00:16:52,666
-No! No!
-Make me born again.
536
00:16:52,701 --> 00:16:54,496
-No!
-In Jesus' name, we pray.
537
00:16:54,530 --> 00:16:55,842
-Amen.
-Amen.
538
00:16:55,876 --> 00:16:57,706
-Amen!
-You did it!
539
00:16:57,740 --> 00:16:59,087
Way to go, Morty!Crossy.
540
00:16:59,121 --> 00:17:00,295
Bible-Saurus.
You made it.
541
00:17:00,329 --> 00:17:02,538
We wouldn't miss this
for anything!
542
00:17:02,573 --> 00:17:03,815
You said it,
Mr. Celery.
543
00:17:03,850 --> 00:17:05,783
What the fuck
is all of this?!
544
00:17:05,817 --> 00:17:07,647
Greatest story
ever told, Story Lord.
545
00:17:07,681 --> 00:17:09,545
No, it's not.
It's awful!
546
00:17:09,580 --> 00:17:10,788
[ Whooshing ]
547
00:17:10,822 --> 00:17:12,479
I beg your pardon?
548
00:17:12,514 --> 00:17:14,309
Ah!
549
00:17:14,343 --> 00:17:16,104
Goddamn.
550
00:17:16,138 --> 00:17:18,244
[ All gasping ]My Lord and my God!
551
00:17:18,278 --> 00:17:19,486
-No! No! It sucks in here.
-Let's get the fuck
552
00:17:19,521 --> 00:17:21,661
outta here. Go, now.
553
00:17:21,695 --> 00:17:22,869
Ugh.
We're safe, Morty.
554
00:17:22,903 --> 00:17:24,802
Nobody ever wanted
to see that shit.
555
00:17:24,836 --> 00:17:26,390
Wh-what's gonna happen
to Story Lord?
556
00:17:26,424 --> 00:17:28,702
He gets to spend eternity in
every writer's hell --
557
00:17:28,737 --> 00:17:30,152
the Bible.
I don't know.
558
00:17:30,187 --> 00:17:31,878
Some people actually
like that stuff.
559
00:17:31,912 --> 00:17:33,500
Seems kind of cynical.
560
00:17:33,535 --> 00:17:35,192
I just don't like taking
cheap shots, you know?
561
00:17:35,226 --> 00:17:36,848
Cheap shots?
Morty, we were literally
562
00:17:36,883 --> 00:17:38,367
saved by Jesus Christ.
563
00:17:38,402 --> 00:17:40,231
Tell me in any way
how that's offensive.
564
00:17:40,266 --> 00:17:41,819
This was
a little confusing,
565
00:17:41,853 --> 00:17:43,821
but I guess it brought us
closer together, you know?
566
00:17:43,855 --> 00:17:45,409
Tested our demons.
567
00:17:45,443 --> 00:17:46,893
Made us believe in
ourselves more than ever.
568
00:17:46,927 --> 00:17:48,412
Yeah.
You're right, Morty.
569
00:17:48,446 --> 00:17:50,207
We got all that meta-canon
shit outta the way
570
00:17:50,241 --> 00:17:52,209
and now we can
just be ourselves.
571
00:17:52,243 --> 00:17:53,555
Now what do you say we
bring thistrain
572
00:17:53,589 --> 00:17:55,315
into the station.
573
00:17:55,350 --> 00:18:04,635
♪♪
574
00:18:04,669 --> 00:18:07,258
Oh, shit.
575
00:18:07,293 --> 00:18:09,122
Morty:
So what do you think?
576
00:18:09,157 --> 00:18:10,261
Wow. Where did you
get this thing?
577
00:18:10,296 --> 00:18:12,298
The Citadel of Ricks
Gift Shop.
578
00:18:12,332 --> 00:18:14,783
Do you really like it?
I didn't think you'd even care.
579
00:18:14,817 --> 00:18:17,130
What? Morty. No.
I love it.
580
00:18:17,165 --> 00:18:18,718
You did the most
important thing.
581
00:18:18,752 --> 00:18:19,822
You -- you bought
something.
582
00:18:19,857 --> 00:18:21,376
What?You bought something.
583
00:18:21,410 --> 00:18:24,310
With money. God.
I love money so much, Morty.
584
00:18:24,344 --> 00:18:26,450
Are you being sarcastic?Merchandise, Morty.
585
00:18:26,484 --> 00:18:29,142
Your only purpose in life is to
buy and consume merchandise.
586
00:18:29,177 --> 00:18:30,350
And you did it.
You went into a store --
587
00:18:30,385 --> 00:18:33,284
an actual honest to God store --
and you bought something.
588
00:18:33,319 --> 00:18:35,493
You didn't ask questions
or raise ethical complaints.
589
00:18:35,528 --> 00:18:37,288
You -- you just looked straight
into the bleeding jaws
590
00:18:37,323 --> 00:18:39,773
of capitalism
and said "Yes, daddy, please."
591
00:18:39,808 --> 00:18:41,913
And I'm...
I'm so proud of you.
592
00:18:41,948 --> 00:18:43,398
I only wish you could've
bought more.
593
00:18:43,432 --> 00:18:45,779
I -- I love buying things
so much, Morty.
594
00:18:45,814 --> 00:18:47,229
Rick, are -- are you --
595
00:18:47,264 --> 00:18:48,541
do you need to go
to the hospital?
596
00:18:48,575 --> 00:18:51,164
I love you, Morty.
Give Grandpa a kiss.
597
00:18:51,199 --> 00:18:52,683
Give -- give -- gimme --
give Grandpa a kiss.
598
00:18:52,717 --> 00:18:53,960
Lips if you want.
599
00:18:53,994 --> 00:18:55,617
What-- whatever
you're comfortable with.
600
00:18:55,651 --> 00:18:56,825
Some cultures do that.
601
00:18:56,859 --> 00:18:58,551
That was sweet.
Thank you.
602
00:18:58,585 --> 00:19:01,312
I -- I love you.
You're my little buddy.
603
00:19:01,347 --> 00:19:02,831
Okay.
604
00:19:02,865 --> 00:19:04,281
Let's watch some
Interdimensional Cable.
605
00:19:04,315 --> 00:19:06,593
[ Television clicks,
static crackles ]
606
00:19:06,628 --> 00:19:09,148
[ Train whistle blows ]
607
00:19:09,527 --> 00:19:11,495
So you're saying
my father
608
00:19:11,529 --> 00:19:12,944
and His kingdom...
609
00:19:12,979 --> 00:19:15,844
Well, yes --
it's based on the fusion
610
00:19:15,878 --> 00:19:17,259
of a Sumerian god
named "Ya"
611
00:19:17,294 --> 00:19:19,917
and a Mesopotamian god
named "Way."
612
00:19:19,951 --> 00:19:22,471
And we're in
a toy train?
613
00:19:22,506 --> 00:19:24,197
Yes.
614
00:19:24,232 --> 00:19:25,302
It's enough to really
make you question
615
00:19:25,336 --> 00:19:27,304
all of existence,
isn't it?
616
00:19:27,338 --> 00:19:29,927
So what do you think you're
gonna do about it?
617
00:19:29,961 --> 00:19:33,275
I'm gonna do
what I've always done.
618
00:19:33,310 --> 00:19:35,312
I'm gonna get the fuck
outta here.
619
00:19:35,346 --> 00:19:39,661
Father of omens!
Give me blood beyond sight!
620
00:19:39,695 --> 00:19:41,835
[ Crackling ]
621
00:19:41,870 --> 00:19:43,596
Hey, what
the fuck, Morty?
622
00:19:43,630 --> 00:19:45,356
The train you got me just
completely derailed itself.
623
00:19:45,391 --> 00:19:47,013
There's blood all over
the windows on it.
624
00:19:47,047 --> 00:19:48,842
Oh, man, I'm sorry, Rick.
I guess I'll return it.
625
00:19:48,877 --> 00:19:50,361
Return --
Are you insane?
626
00:19:50,396 --> 00:19:51,707
Did you hear
nothing I said?
627
00:19:51,742 --> 00:19:52,674
Buy another one,
Morty.
628
00:19:52,708 --> 00:19:54,572
Consume, Morty.
629
00:19:54,607 --> 00:19:56,367
Nobody's out there shopping
with this fucking virus.
630
00:19:56,402 --> 00:19:58,300
Where's your
fucking wallet?!
631
00:19:58,335 --> 00:20:08,379
♪♪
632
00:20:08,414 --> 00:20:18,527
♪♪
633
00:20:18,562 --> 00:20:28,399
♪♪
634
00:20:28,434 --> 00:20:29,952
Rick: Tired of the same
boring adventures
635
00:20:29,987 --> 00:20:31,368
with your dogshit Morty?
636
00:20:31,402 --> 00:20:33,059
Yeah!
Aw. Geez.
637
00:20:33,093 --> 00:20:35,475
Then get ready for the Citadel
of Rick's Story Train.
638
00:20:35,510 --> 00:20:37,339
Deep Voice: Story Train.
Story Train.
639
00:20:37,374 --> 00:20:38,547
Rick: The Citadel of Rick's
Story Train
640
00:20:38,582 --> 00:20:40,860
comes with car after car
of enemies, lovers,
641
00:20:40,894 --> 00:20:41,895
and Goomby, all grappling with
642
00:20:41,930 --> 00:20:43,414
the nature of who
you truly are.
643
00:20:43,449 --> 00:20:45,036
Rick is a god!
Tickets Please.
644
00:20:45,071 --> 00:20:46,693
Whoa! Watch out!
It's Story Lord!
645
00:20:46,728 --> 00:20:47,936
Damn. He's jacked.
646
00:20:47,970 --> 00:20:49,627
Deep Voice:
Pure cum gutter.
647
00:20:49,662 --> 00:20:51,008
Rick: And of course, what
story would be complete
648
00:20:51,042 --> 00:20:52,872
without the engineer of
the Greatest Story Ever Told.
649
00:20:52,906 --> 00:20:53,976
Oh, Jesus Christ.
650
00:20:54,011 --> 00:20:55,392
Jesus:
I have come not to judge
651
00:20:55,426 --> 00:20:57,014
the world, but to save it.
652
00:20:57,048 --> 00:20:58,774
Rick: And the best part is,
the fun never ends.
653
00:20:58,809 --> 00:21:00,362
Thanks to the Rick-patented
anthology generator,
654
00:21:00,397 --> 00:21:01,950
you'll never run out
of new stories
655
00:21:01,984 --> 00:21:02,778
and people to tell them.
656
00:21:02,813 --> 00:21:04,435
Are they alive? Of course.
657
00:21:04,470 --> 00:21:05,747
But not in any ways
that matter.
658
00:21:05,781 --> 00:21:07,335
Deep Voice:
They. Have. No. Souls.
659
00:21:07,369 --> 00:21:08,784
Puppets. Of. Fate.
660
00:21:08,819 --> 00:21:10,372
Rick: The Story Train.
661
00:21:10,407 --> 00:21:11,684
Available now in
The Citadel of Ricks.
662
00:21:11,718 --> 00:21:13,375
Buy it ironically.
Buy it sincerely. Just buy it.
663
00:21:13,410 --> 00:21:14,687
Not buying it is an act
of buying it.
664
00:21:14,721 --> 00:21:15,895
Buy it now. Look it up.
It's real.
665
00:21:15,929 --> 00:21:17,759
www.story-train.com.
666
00:21:17,793 --> 00:21:20,037
On the Internet. It's there.
Buy it. Buy the train.
667
00:21:20,071 --> 00:21:21,383
We want you to buy the train.
46737
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
