All language subtitles for Man With A Plan s04e07_English

Man with a Plan 407-063
"Dude, Where's My Boat?"
Closed Captioned

So, Andi, maybe we should have
dinner on my new boat tonight.

I worry she feels lonely
out there in the driveway.

Adam, a boat doesn't
have feelings.

It's a boat.

That's not very nice.

She never says
anything bad about you.

Hey, Mom.

Could you drop me
at the mall after school?

I picked up an extra shift
at the store.

Aw, of course I can,
my little working girl.

(chuckles)

Maybe we don't call our
daughter a working girl.

I am so proud of you
for getting this job.

You made me do it.
Yeah.

You know, this job
is gonna look great

on your college applications.

So you can thank me now
or when you're accepting

your Nobel Prize-- your choice.

Thank you, Mom.

I am so excited for her.

Yeah, you know
who I'm excited for?

Me-- I have a boat.

I'm gonna go spend some time
with her before work.

Wait, you're just gonna go sit
on it alone in the driveway?

Yeah, so the neighbors see me.

You thought you were
the coolest guy

in the neighborhood,
Dune Buggy Steve?

Not anymore!

Hey, Teddy.

How's it feel to be
the son of a boat owner?

No, thanks, I'm not hungry.

What?!

Where's my boat?!

What?! Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Teddy, she's gone!

Fine, I'll have a bagel.

(stammers)

What?

My boat is gone, Andi!

I can't find it!

Andi, we're running!
Oh!

Look, Andi, no boat!

What about that boat?

What?

But it was gone.

And now it's here.

What's happening?
Something's happening.

Something seems
to be happening to you.

Teddy was here--
he'll tell you.

Teddy, did you see
who took the boat?

The boat's right there.

I'll bet you Dune Buggy
Steve's kid saw something!

♪ ♪

Hey, Lowell.

Where's Don?

He took your dad
to Happy Burger.

Again?

He said he wanted
to share

the best burger
in the world with family.

But I'm in that family.

Why didn't they invite me?

You don't want
any part of that.

It's 9:00 in the morning--
who eats burgers for breakfast?

Yeah, after Don started
eating ice cream sandwiches

as regular sandwiches,
there were no more rules.

Listen, I got a problem.

Someone took my boat last night
and then they brought it back.

Whoa, that's weird.
Yeah.

Well, maybe it's not such a big
deal since it's home again.

Well, it is a big deal.

I feel violated.

Imagine if someone
came to your house

and took something you loved.

Someone did.

He took my wife.

Yes.

Now, imagine if your wife
was as fun as a boat.

I got to figure out
who did this.

Well, I'd be
happy to help.

I love a good
mystery.

After my divorce,
I was alone so much,

I watched every episode
of Murder, She Wrote.

Lowell, please, I am
depressed enough as it is.

Don't be. With your good looks
and my hours of lonely research,

there's no mystery
we can't solve.

Come on, Detective Handsome,

let's crack this case.

Solid nickname.

Hold on, Lowell--
check this out.

It's a hat.

I can do better.

It's a hat!

This is my dad's hat.

Oh, so your dad
took your boat.

It makes perfect sense.

My dad loves night fishing.

There's your motive.

Yeah, I just need
to make sure this is his.

I can't accuse him
without proof.

But he is definitely
suspect number one.

I think what you mean is,
when it comes to suspects,

it looks like your dad just
threw his hat into the ring.

Okay, if we're gonna be
partners,

you can't say stuff like that.

All right, no one's home.
I'm gonna check and see

if my dad's hat is here.

If it's not, we'll have proof

he's the boat thief.

Oh, look at this.

My dad and Don
at a Steelers game.

Geez.

Wait a minute.

I was in this picture.

(gasps) That's my arm!

They cropped me out!

And you were
in the middle.

That's hard to do.

This was no accident.

Lowell, the hat's
not here.

Which means this is my dad's
hat, which means we got him.

What are we doing, boys?

All right, we're
here because

someone took my boat out,
and I thought

it was you because
I found your hat.

But now you're
wearing it, which means

this is bigger than I thought.

Or smaller.

Or the same.

I didn't take your boat.

If I wanted to use it,
I'd make you hitch it up,

drive me to the lake,
and pay for everything.

Yeah, that sounds right to me.

So, whose hat is this?

A tale of two hats.

That's what they would
call the episode

if it was
Murder, She Wrote.

Great show.

I love a foxy, young detective.

Hey.
Mom?

What are you doing here?
You just dropped me off.

Don't think of me as Mom, just
think of me as a random customer

who's here to take pictures
of you she can post on Facebook.

Ooh, pretend like you're saying
something into your headset.

Security, we've got a crazy mom
in junior accessories.

Ah!

Ma'am, can I help you
find something?

Like a store that's
more age-appropriate?

Excuse me?

Mom, this is
my boss Karen.

Oh!

Well, then, no, thank you.

I am already being helped
by the best salesperson ever.

Who said I'm the perfect age
for this store.

So, how's your shift going?

Oh, you are not gonna
believe what happened.

Karen told me
if I keep up the good work,

I could be assistant manager
in a year.

Oh. Okay, but i-in a year,

you're gonna be getting
ready to go to college.

Or will I?

See, normally people go
to college to get a job,

but I already have one,
so I don't need college.

Oh, bonus-- I won't have
to take the SATs next week.

Looks like someone gets
to sleep in on Saturday.

But, but, but, but, but
wh-what about your future?

Huh? I mean, this job isn't
gonna pay you enough to...

I don't know, buy a house, huh?

I mean, where are you
gonna raise your kids?

Relax, I have a plan.

You give me the money you were
gonna give me to go to college.

I'll use that to buy a house.

That's college-level thinking
without college-level work.

On second thought,
maybe you don't want kids.

They're too stressful.

Okay, so it's not my dad.

Did you see anything
else up there?

I found a gray hair
that seemed promising,

but then I remembered.

Remembered what?

Well, you know...

What I know is, the
most majestic mountains

are covered in snow.

And that this thing
did me no good.

Hey!

Look at this.
Don't eat that.

It's covered in germs.
Wha...?

No, this is from Happy Burger.

Don's favorite place.

In my trash, next to my boat.

Case closed-- we got him.

Oh.

Don, there you are.

Look what I found
in the trash next to my boat.

A Happy Burger wrapper!

So you know.

I know everything.

(chuckles)

Fine, I admit it.

Sometimes in the afternoon,
I leave work

and take a nap in your bed.

You what?

And usually on the way,
I pick up a burger.

They're delicious
and they make me sleepy.

I'm talking about you snuck
my boat out last night.

I would never do that.

I'm not a boat stealer.

I'm a sneaky sleeper.

That's the worst
you can pin on me.

Give it up, Don.
I know you took it.

I didn't do it.

If you don't believe me,
ask Dad.

What does Dad know about it?

We were up late last night

watching kung fu movies
together.

Well...
Now, if you'll excuse me,

this conversation has
made me very sleepy.

You know where to find me.

So, your dad's his alibi.

Well, of course he is.
They're always together.

(scoffs)

Wait a minute.

Do you think they took
your boat together?

That would make sense.

Yeah, Dad doesn't want to do
the work, but Don will.

And Don doesn't know how to do
the work, but Dad can tell him.

Together they make one

boat-stealing, burger-eating,

kung-fu-watching criminal!

So, we finally
cracked the case.

They were in on it together.

It figures--
you know, this is

just another thing
they're doing without me.

(groans) And that's
why there's two hats.

One for Dad and one
for his favorite son.

Boy, I got to tell you,
Lowell, this really hurts.

We could get matching hats if
that would make you feel better.

It might make me feel worse.

Buy 'em anyway,
though. We'll see.

What are you doing?

I'm cutting my dad and Don
out of family photos.

What are you doing?

Well, that's from
Don's wedding.

So, now it just looks
like you married Marcy.

She wishes. (laughs)

My dad and Don have found

a new and even more hurtful way
of excluding me.

They're the ones that took
my boat out last night.

Without me.

My boat, no me.

Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.

Yeah-- no, I'm just sick of
their fun little club for two.

It's so-- it's stupid, and
I don't even want to be in it,

but I want to be in it so bad.

(exhales)

Well, I know this isn't a great
time, but I have more bad news.

Kate doesn't want
to go to college.

What? G-- Where did
that come from?

Well, she has a job now, so she
says she doesn't need college.

She made the whole
decision without me.

I gave her confidence
and then she uses it against me.

That's what family does.

They hurt us, Andi.

You know what?
You shouldn't stand for it.

You're a great son and a great
brother, and you deserve better.

Well, you're a great mom
and you deserve better.

Wait a minute, why are we taking
this lying down?

Yeah.

What are we, doormats?

No. We are not doormats.
We are...

What's the opposite of doormats?

Doors?

That's right. We're doors.

Yeah. And we're sturdy.

And if you want to get anywhere,
you got to come through us.

(chuckles)
Yeah, but be careful,

or we'll slam your fingers.

That's right, honey...
Yeah. Okay.

Let's go slam some fingers!

Yes.

Dad? I want to talk to you-- Oh.

Of course, you're together.

We're watching Finding Bigfoot.

So far, nothing.

But that's my favorite show, and
I always have to watch it alone.

You know, one day
they'll find him,

and I won't have anybody
to celebrate with.

What's wrong, boy, you
got a burr in your butt?

I'll tell you what's
in my butt-- the two of you.

I know you took my boat out
last night,

and I know you got matching blue
hats to wear when you did it.

Because you exclude me.

We don't exclude you.
Yeah, you do.

And I'm not gonna take it
anymore, because I am a door.

Someone's at the door?

I mean, look at this picture.

Huh? You cropped me out.

Look.

Cropped: to exclude.

I've never seen that before.

Yeah, right.

You know what? From now on,

I am excluding the two of you.

So when you don't call,

I won't be available.

What was that about?

I think he's mad because
I sleep in his bed sometimes.

Oh, good. You're back.

That's right.

'Cause you're quitting this job.

No, I'm not.

Yes, you are.
No, I'm not.

Attention. I, Kate Burns,
hereby quit this job

because I have to
go to college. Ha!

It's official.
That's a verbal contract.

Look, Kate,

I just want you to understand

that the world is tough,
all right?

You need to give yourself
every advantage.

I mean, look,
this might not last.

Stores close, Karens get fired,

I hope.

Look, just keep
your options open.

Mom, you need to leave.
You're making a scene.

I know how to handle this.
I see it all the time.

Senior women get mad about
the cute clothes we have.

Back off, Karen. You know,
you, you are a bad influence.

How dare you see potential
in my daughter?

Ma'am, you're causing

a disturbance,
and I called security.

They'll be here as soon
as their Segway's done charging.

Mom, I've made my decision,
and all your yelling

is just convincing me
even more that I'm right.

So please just go.

Fine. I'll go.

But I will leave you
with this final thought.

Little something for you.

ADAM:
Don and my dad

acted like they didn't even know
what I was talking about.

I just have to accept the fact
that I am an outsider

in my own family.

Oh, honey, that's not true.
Okay-- Andi,

the only proof I exist
is a picture of my arm.

I mean, even Bigfoot has
pictures of his whole body.

You know that's just
a guy in a furry suit.

Don't do this to me
tonight, Andi.

I am on edge.

Yeah, well, I'm on edge, too.

Our daughter still
isn't going to college.

She won't even take the SATs.

(sighs)
And me freaking out

just made Kate dig her
heels in even more.

I think I really
screwed this up.

You want me to talk to her?

No, thanks. I-I started this
and I'm gonna finish it.

Okay. Well, just know
that I'm here for you.

Hmm? Come here.

Aw. You're sweet.
Come on.

(both chuckle)

(engine whirring)

Get off me!
They're taking my boat again!

Ha! I got you!

Lowell?

You caught me.

Inside.

I don't even know what
to say. We were together

all day trying to figure out
who took my boat.

I know, it was so fun.

Apart from the crippling guilt.

What were you thinking?

Oh, I've just been so lonely.

Then buy your own boat.

No, please, listen.

Last week, I met this amazing
woman who was into boats,

so to make her like me,
I told her I had a boat.

Then last night I invited her
over to see my boat,

at which point I needed a boat.

Look, I-I'm not proud
of what I did,

but I was desperate.

And to think I almost wore
matching hats with you.

I'm so sorry.
Oh, are you?

If you're so sorry,
then why are you here

trying to steal it again?

Because tonight she surprised me
with a booty call.

I knew I couldn't get the booty
without the boat.

So I told her
I loaned it to you.

You saw how upset I was
about my dad and my brother,

and you still didn't
say anything!

You know what that is, Lowell?

That is unforgivable.

WOMAN:
Lowell,

I'm getting lonely out here.

Thanks for letting me
borrow your boat.

Morning, honey.

Hey, Mom.

Listen, I owe you an apology.

I-I've been putting too much
pressure on you about college.

That became clear to me

when mall security
followed me to my car.

So... I'm just gonna say

I believe in you, and I support
you no matter what.

That means a lot, Mom.

And I thought
about what you said.

At first, I was really mad
that you embarrassed me.

But then I thought you wouldn't
have made such a big deal

if it wasn't important.

Anyway, can you give me a ride
to the SATs Saturday?

You're going?

Don't get too excited.

I'm just keeping
my options open.

Too late, I'm excited.

Hugging is coming.

Mom.

I feel the hug train
leaving the station.

(chugging noises)

Please,

please don't do the train thing.

All aboard!

(groans)
Hug, hug!

(laughs)

Okay, but you can't come
to my work anymore.
Deal.

No, really.
There's a letter from security.

"Dark hair, belligerent,
mid-30s."

(breathless):
Mid-30. Mid...

(muttering)

I'm gonna frame this.

Lowell took your boat?

Yeah, so I'm sorry

I accused you of that.

And now is when you apologize
for always excluding me.

Dad and I have to have
a private meeting about that.

Can you give us
a couple minutes alone?

Don, cut it out.

Look, maybe Don and I
hang out more than you,

but we don't mean
anything by it.

All right, well, what about that
picture you cropped me out of?

According to that, you have
one son with three arms.

I did that. I put it on Dad's
shelf a month ago as a joke.

There's another one
in your wallet.

Shows you how little
you pick up a check, by the way.

Fine, forget the picture.

Dad, you're always inviting
Don over here to do stuff.

I don't invite him.
He's just always here.

He's like a cat I fed one time.

Well, then I'll just stay, too.

Yeah. Huh.

Don, give Adam your snacks.

But I invented these.

It's Tater Tots
with cheese and hot sauce.

I call 'em Tater Dons.

Hand 'em over, Donny.

Yeah. This is nice, the three
of us hanging out together.

Yeah. We're family.
(chuckles)

You want a beer, son?

I would love one, Dad.

Grab three while you're up.

You know, I was thinking,
I-I'm not sure the opposite

of doormat is door.

The point is, it worked. Okay?

You got Katie back
on board with college.

Yeah. And you figured out
who took your boat.

Mm. Yeah-- th-the only thing
I can't figure out

is where'd that second
blue captain's hat come from?

Oh, you found that?

I got that for you
as a surprise.

I thought it'd be cute if you
and your dad had matching hats.

So Dad and I have hats,
and Don doesn't.

Ha, ha.

Nice job, honey.

(chuckles)

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