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1
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(DANCE MUSIC PLAYS)
2
00:00:13,938 --> 00:00:16,352
? I am just a poor boy ?
3
00:00:16,420 --> 00:00:18,796
? Though my story's seldom told ?
4
00:00:18,825 --> 00:00:21,480
? I have squandered my resistance ?
5
00:00:21,616 --> 00:00:23,888
? For a pocket full of mumbles ?
6
00:00:23,913 --> 00:00:26,321
? Such are promises ?
7
00:00:27,518 --> 00:00:29,380
? All lies and jests ?
8
00:00:29,424 --> 00:00:32,315
? Still a man hears
what he wants to hear ?
9
00:00:32,339 --> 00:00:34,518
? And disregards the rest ?
10
00:00:34,539 --> 00:00:37,259
- ? Mm, mm, mm ?
- ? Mm, mm, mm ?
11
00:00:37,670 --> 00:00:40,673
? Mm, mm, mm, mm ?
12
00:00:40,711 --> 00:00:43,398
? Mm, mm, mm ?
13
00:00:43,944 --> 00:00:46,842
? When I left my home and my family ?
14
00:00:46,886 --> 00:00:49,699
? I was no more than a boy... ?
15
00:00:50,727 --> 00:00:52,139
(GROANS)
16
00:00:52,153 --> 00:00:53,978
I... I... I'm in the middle of my set.
17
00:00:53,998 --> 00:00:56,316
- If this is a prank...
- Shut up. Jamie, get his phone.
18
00:00:56,339 --> 00:00:57,483
Is this real?
19
00:00:57,539 --> 00:00:59,823
I've told you, and I
will not tell you again.
20
00:00:59,854 --> 00:01:02,929
W... w... what's this even
about? I am an innocent man!
21
00:01:02,957 --> 00:01:05,868
Yeah, well, you can tell Mr K,
'cos he knows what you've done.
22
00:01:06,023 --> 00:01:08,619
O... O... OK, OK, OK.
23
00:01:08,659 --> 00:01:10,261
Cards on the table.
24
00:01:10,380 --> 00:01:13,466
Have I been cutting Mr K's
coke with laundry detergent
25
00:01:13,498 --> 00:01:16,742
to give myself a couple of cheeky
extra baggies to deal at weddings?
26
00:01:16,782 --> 00:01:17,795
Yes.
27
00:01:17,882 --> 00:01:20,221
Have there been any hospitalisations?
28
00:01:21,130 --> 00:01:22,687
Yes. But,
29
00:01:22,739 --> 00:01:24,490
did most people have a bloody good time?
30
00:01:24,498 --> 00:01:26,046
Abso-bloody-lutely!
31
00:01:28,291 --> 00:01:31,023
This tribute act thing was
a really good idea, Fran.
32
00:01:31,082 --> 00:01:32,730
- Perfect cover.
- Yeah.
33
00:01:34,904 --> 00:01:36,806
I did have one little note. Um...
34
00:01:37,394 --> 00:01:39,237
I found that the
beginning of Mrs Robinson,
35
00:01:39,269 --> 00:01:41,152
the, "Whoa, whoa,
whoa," is just a bit off.
36
00:01:41,521 --> 00:01:44,289
- It felt sort of pentatonic.
- ? Wh-whoa, wh... ?
37
00:01:44,317 --> 00:01:46,148
? Whoa, whoa, whoa ?
38
00:01:47,446 --> 00:01:50,099
Look, look, won't you just let me go?
39
00:01:50,135 --> 00:01:51,601
Please. What's the big deal, anyway?
40
00:01:51,619 --> 00:01:54,306
It is cocaine, not Ferrero Rocher...
41
00:01:54,338 --> 00:01:56,514
it's not supposed to taste nice.
42
00:01:56,792 --> 00:01:58,219
No, w... w... w... wait.
43
00:01:58,484 --> 00:01:59,787
Where are you taking me?
44
00:01:59,982 --> 00:02:02,253
We're not gonna kill you
here, it'd ruin the vibe.
45
00:02:02,793 --> 00:02:04,584
- (MUFFLED SCREAMS)
- This is a wedding!
46
00:02:04,648 --> 00:02:05,994
We're not savages.
47
00:02:06,399 --> 00:02:08,019
Move, move!
48
00:02:10,259 --> 00:02:12,695
(SNARLS AND BARKS)
49
00:02:13,085 --> 00:02:14,085
In.
50
00:02:14,459 --> 00:02:15,809
I will shoot you.
51
00:02:15,833 --> 00:02:18,015
- Get in!
- (BARKS AND SNARLS)
52
00:02:19,102 --> 00:02:20,103
Drama queen!
53
00:02:20,110 --> 00:02:21,505
Does that thing really
have to stay in here?
54
00:02:21,636 --> 00:02:23,590
That thing has a name: that's
Elton, thank you very much.
55
00:02:23,638 --> 00:02:25,056
And, yes, he does!
56
00:02:26,327 --> 00:02:28,543
If I left him at home, he'd
completely destroy the place.
57
00:02:28,575 --> 00:02:29,945
Ripped through my bathroom door,
58
00:02:29,961 --> 00:02:32,018
it was like something
out of a canine Shining!
59
00:02:32,149 --> 00:02:35,084
- God, I've gotta take this off, haven't I?
- One smooth move.
60
00:02:35,310 --> 00:02:36,379
Ow!
61
00:02:45,533 --> 00:02:48,533
62
00:02:51,669 --> 00:02:52,813
- (WHIMPERS)
- (BARKS)
63
00:02:52,924 --> 00:02:54,013
(SCREAMS)
64
00:02:54,056 --> 00:02:55,570
Told you it was a bad idea
65
00:02:55,590 --> 00:02:57,691
bringing that mutt with
us from the target's house.
66
00:02:57,714 --> 00:03:00,157
What did you want me to do?
Leave him to starve to death?
67
00:03:00,165 --> 00:03:01,185
It's nuts!
68
00:03:01,259 --> 00:03:04,137
- It's wearing a muzzle!
- Yes, and I hate that muzzle.
69
00:03:04,139 --> 00:03:06,394
I find it deeply inhumane.
70
00:03:06,564 --> 00:03:10,218
I might have only known Elton for
24 hours, but we're already bonding.
71
00:03:10,472 --> 00:03:12,597
Can't Joao do some dog-sitting?
72
00:03:12,648 --> 00:03:15,659
- At least while we're working.
- We've had a row, unfortunately.
73
00:03:15,746 --> 00:03:18,951
I finally got rid of his "uncles",
after I found them using my bedroom
74
00:03:18,979 --> 00:03:20,547
to take what can only be described as...
75
00:03:21,342 --> 00:03:22,827
... "family portraits".
76
00:03:23,495 --> 00:03:25,719
- Anyway, he's gone off in a huff.
- Where's he gone?
77
00:03:25,770 --> 00:03:28,094
Don't know. Taken my
car, though, which is...
78
00:03:28,219 --> 00:03:29,259
(BARKS)
79
00:03:29,339 --> 00:03:30,774
- ... good.
- Oh, mate.
80
00:03:30,798 --> 00:03:32,220
I don't know how you put up with it.
81
00:03:32,291 --> 00:03:34,281
Stop being so relentlessly
negative, Jamie.
82
00:03:34,297 --> 00:03:35,730
There's always a plus side.
83
00:03:35,758 --> 00:03:37,496
- (SNARLS)
- Well, I mean...
84
00:03:37,605 --> 00:03:39,397
(GROWLS)
85
00:03:40,341 --> 00:03:42,317
Anyway, you don't need
to worry about Elton.
86
00:03:42,357 --> 00:03:43,881
He's a gentle soul at heart.
87
00:03:43,941 --> 00:03:45,639
- (BARKS)
- (WHIMPERS)
88
00:03:45,703 --> 00:03:47,128
(GROWLS)
89
00:03:47,158 --> 00:03:49,331
- (BARKS)
- Oh! Jesus!
90
00:03:50,061 --> 00:03:52,459
Shall I give him a treat or... ?
91
00:03:52,539 --> 00:03:56,157
Use the stick, 'cos otherwise h...
h... he will eat your hands off.
92
00:03:56,211 --> 00:03:57,859
(BARKS)
93
00:03:58,033 --> 00:03:59,139
There we go.
94
00:03:59,219 --> 00:04:01,529
Ooh, there's a... there's a good dog.
95
00:04:02,189 --> 00:04:03,619
There's a good doggy.
96
00:04:04,974 --> 00:04:07,640
Is there a part of this process
where I won't be very frightened?
97
00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:11,478
You just need to work out what
riles him up and what calms him down.
98
00:04:11,493 --> 00:04:13,722
It's easy. For example,
if I play this...
99
00:04:13,757 --> 00:04:16,111
- (DIDO: "WHITE FLAG")
- Oh, God, that's the wrong one!
100
00:04:16,156 --> 00:04:18,131
It's triggered him! Come on!
101
00:04:18,637 --> 00:04:20,250
- (MOTORHEAD: "ACE OF SPADES")
- Oh, that's it.
102
00:04:20,275 --> 00:04:22,078
That's the one that
really calms him down.
103
00:04:22,182 --> 00:04:25,019
He'll settle down
nicely now. He loves it!
104
00:04:28,809 --> 00:04:30,859
- (WHIMPERS)
- (SQUELCHING)
105
00:04:30,939 --> 00:04:33,899
Oh, Fran, the dog's been sick.
106
00:04:33,979 --> 00:04:36,219
This bumpy track must
be making him queasy.
107
00:04:36,405 --> 00:04:38,987
Right, I'm gonna have to pull
over, I'm gonna have to let him out.
108
00:04:44,532 --> 00:04:47,019
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
109
00:04:47,099 --> 00:04:48,226
(ENGINE STOPS, MUSIC STOPS)
110
00:04:48,227 --> 00:04:49,705
Oh, look, Fran:
111
00:04:49,745 --> 00:04:52,323
the bride and groom have got a little
caravan for their wedding night.
112
00:04:52,343 --> 00:04:53,741
Isn't that lovely?
113
00:04:55,953 --> 00:04:57,601
(SNARLS)
114
00:04:57,939 --> 00:04:59,571
Hello.
115
00:04:59,921 --> 00:05:01,959
- Shit!
- (BARKS)
116
00:05:04,699 --> 00:05:05,711
OK.
117
00:05:07,563 --> 00:05:08,563
Just...
118
00:05:08,627 --> 00:05:09,882
Oh, God.
119
00:05:09,902 --> 00:05:11,507
(VOMITS)
120
00:05:11,570 --> 00:05:12,762
(RETCHES)
121
00:05:13,059 --> 00:05:15,649
(MUFFLED PANTING)
122
00:05:15,724 --> 00:05:17,822
- Sorry?
- (MUFFLED SPEECH)
123
00:05:19,779 --> 00:05:21,655
- Argh!
- What is it?
124
00:05:21,670 --> 00:05:23,219
I need my medication.
125
00:05:23,318 --> 00:05:26,075
I... i... it's in my inside
jacket pocket. Please.
126
00:05:28,459 --> 00:05:29,641
Thank you.
127
00:05:31,914 --> 00:05:34,186
(SIGHS) Right, this is
just drugs, isn't it?
128
00:05:34,372 --> 00:05:36,744
Well, drugs, medicine,
129
00:05:36,764 --> 00:05:38,819
it's all basically the
same, really, isn't it?
130
00:05:39,179 --> 00:05:41,510
Change one molecule of
cocaine, it's Ritalin.
131
00:05:41,540 --> 00:05:44,017
Change one molecule of
ketamine and you've got Calpol.
132
00:05:44,022 --> 00:05:45,162
Really?
133
00:05:45,349 --> 00:05:47,180
My cousin took some
drugs on his gap year,
134
00:05:47,204 --> 00:05:49,850
and 20 years later, he still thinks
he's a baby on a Ferris wheel.
135
00:05:50,624 --> 00:05:51,641
Right.
136
00:05:52,963 --> 00:05:55,419
Look, i... i... if I'm gonna die,
137
00:05:55,970 --> 00:05:57,423
what's the harm in one last line?
138
00:05:58,379 --> 00:06:00,883
Oh, look, come on, just
tap some of that white stuff
139
00:06:00,899 --> 00:06:02,118
on the back of your hand,
140
00:06:02,130 --> 00:06:04,120
and Mr Schnoz will do the rest.
141
00:06:04,139 --> 00:06:05,391
(SNIFFS)
142
00:06:06,574 --> 00:06:07,579
God.
143
00:06:08,036 --> 00:06:10,105
- Yeah, that's it.
- (PANTING)
144
00:06:10,148 --> 00:06:11,448
All right.
145
00:06:11,816 --> 00:06:14,369
- That's nice. Oh, that's nice.
- (WHINES)
146
00:06:14,499 --> 00:06:15,624
Oh, see?
147
00:06:15,716 --> 00:06:17,503
Jamie doesn't know what
she's talking about.
148
00:06:17,538 --> 00:06:20,724
- (BARKS)
- You're just grumpy 'cos of this horrible muzzle.
149
00:06:21,673 --> 00:06:22,859
That's it. A bit more.
150
00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:27,435
Worried you're gonna run out?
Come on, come on. That's it.
151
00:06:27,507 --> 00:06:30,955
I don't think we need this Hannibal
Lecter thing, we can just...
152
00:06:32,099 --> 00:06:33,259
There you go.
153
00:06:34,462 --> 00:06:38,628
Right, time for us to show Auntie
Jamie what a good boy you are.
154
00:06:38,660 --> 00:06:40,261
It's all part of the
process. It's just...
155
00:06:40,309 --> 00:06:42,704
trust. It's give, it's... take.
156
00:06:42,728 --> 00:06:44,050
- (BARKS)
- Fuck!
157
00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:46,485
(BARKING)
158
00:06:50,690 --> 00:06:51,810
Oh!
159
00:06:59,219 --> 00:07:00,328
(YELLS)
160
00:07:00,384 --> 00:07:01,552
(GRUNTS)
161
00:07:02,170 --> 00:07:04,393
- (BARKS)
- Fuck!
162
00:07:05,419 --> 00:07:07,108
(BARKS)
163
00:07:08,702 --> 00:07:10,375
(SNARLS)
164
00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:14,093
(BARKS)
165
00:07:15,821 --> 00:07:17,259
(BARKS)
166
00:07:18,175 --> 00:07:19,899
- If...
- Yeah?
167
00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:24,013
- If my hernia has popped out again...
- Oh, I'm sorry, Grandma.
168
00:07:24,063 --> 00:07:26,748
Yeah? Grandma's strong,
though, isn't she? Yeah?
169
00:07:26,848 --> 00:07:29,139
- She's quite strong.
- (SNARLS)
170
00:07:30,772 --> 00:07:32,857
Jamie, run!
171
00:07:35,469 --> 00:07:37,019
(BARKS)
172
00:07:38,835 --> 00:07:41,299
(BARKS)
173
00:07:47,299 --> 00:07:48,809
(SNARLS)
174
00:07:50,619 --> 00:07:52,846
Nice... dog.
175
00:07:53,739 --> 00:07:55,339
(BARKS)
176
00:07:56,459 --> 00:07:58,093
- (SNARLS)
- (YELLS)
177
00:07:58,182 --> 00:08:00,448
Quick, quick, quick! Get in! Ah!
178
00:08:00,821 --> 00:08:02,825
(SCREAMS)
179
00:08:03,626 --> 00:08:04,873
(BARKS)
180
00:08:04,979 --> 00:08:08,145
- (DOOR SLAMS)
- (BARKS)
181
00:08:09,899 --> 00:08:12,831
Oh, my foot's really killing me.
182
00:08:13,065 --> 00:08:14,892
I think it got through to the bone!
183
00:08:14,942 --> 00:08:16,397
(PANTING)
184
00:08:16,655 --> 00:08:19,299
Oh, gonna have to shoot him from here.
185
00:08:19,379 --> 00:08:21,023
(BARKS)
186
00:08:26,379 --> 00:08:28,906
- (BARKS)
- Can you come down?
187
00:08:30,259 --> 00:08:35,216
I... I... I don't wanna get shot
and die, so obviously fucking not!
188
00:08:35,439 --> 00:08:38,139
Fran, my foot's actually
kind of throbbing now.
189
00:08:38,168 --> 00:08:39,688
Oh, come off it, mate!
190
00:08:39,703 --> 00:08:41,783
It's not like you can go anywhere!
191
00:08:41,817 --> 00:08:46,027
Yeah, you might as well let us shoot
you and then we can all go home.
192
00:08:46,052 --> 00:08:50,606
I have sat through 30 father-of-the-bride
speeches this year alone.
193
00:08:51,609 --> 00:08:54,915
I... I'm pretty sure you are gonna
get bored and give up before I do.
194
00:08:54,950 --> 00:08:59,056
Also, I am absolutely
off my fucking tits!
195
00:09:01,579 --> 00:09:03,459
(BARKS)
196
00:09:03,539 --> 00:09:05,859
(PANTING)
197
00:09:07,290 --> 00:09:08,943
How are we gonna finish this
198
00:09:09,033 --> 00:09:11,053
with your psycho dog in the way?
199
00:09:11,078 --> 00:09:12,492
To be honest, I'm sure he'll...
200
00:09:12,741 --> 00:09:15,119
completely calm down in a minute.
201
00:09:16,419 --> 00:09:17,779
- (BARKS)
- Oh, Jesus, God!
202
00:09:17,819 --> 00:09:20,508
- I told you he was crazy.
- P... p... put the music on!
203
00:09:20,516 --> 00:09:22,349
- Music.
- (DIDO: "WHITE FLAG")
204
00:09:22,393 --> 00:09:25,091
Oh, God, not Dido! He
gets triggered by Dido!
205
00:09:25,099 --> 00:09:27,236
We all get triggered by Dido! Just...
206
00:09:27,339 --> 00:09:28,639
- (BARKS)
- (VOLUME INCREASES)
207
00:09:28,662 --> 00:09:30,036
Don't make it louder!
208
00:09:30,219 --> 00:09:32,059
(PHONE RINGS)
209
00:09:32,189 --> 00:09:33,912
Shit! It's the boss. Turn if off.
210
00:09:33,968 --> 00:09:35,281
- Turn it off.
- (RINGING CONTINUES)
211
00:09:35,289 --> 00:09:36,539
- TURN IT OFF!
- (MUSIC STOPS)
212
00:09:37,198 --> 00:09:38,418
Hello, Mr K.
213
00:09:38,436 --> 00:09:39,525
- (BARKS)
- Yes.
214
00:09:39,760 --> 00:09:43,095
Uh... Everything's perfectly
on track. The hit's almost done.
215
00:09:43,145 --> 00:09:45,636
The barking? Erm... That's...
216
00:09:45,988 --> 00:09:49,965
Jamie watching the semi-finals
of Crufts on her iPad.
217
00:09:50,393 --> 00:09:52,459
- (BARKS)
- Yeah. Absolutely.
218
00:09:52,539 --> 00:09:56,604
I will absolutely tell
her to stop fucking around.
219
00:09:56,619 --> 00:09:57,984
(WHISPERING) What the fuck?
220
00:09:58,193 --> 00:10:00,368
Yeah, we'll give you
a call when it's erm...
221
00:10:00,412 --> 00:10:01,739
(THUD!)
222
00:10:01,817 --> 00:10:03,569
(WHISPERING) He's ramming the van!
223
00:10:03,604 --> 00:10:05,044
- Uh... Yeah.
- (THUD!)
224
00:10:05,287 --> 00:10:07,087
- Uh...
- (WHISPERING) Fran, are we gonna die?
225
00:10:07,099 --> 00:10:09,864
We will get back to you
as soon as it's done, OK?
226
00:10:16,628 --> 00:10:17,628
I think he's gone.
227
00:10:18,701 --> 00:10:19,948
(THUD!)
228
00:10:29,988 --> 00:10:34,539
(BARKS)
229
00:10:34,619 --> 00:10:36,019
(PHONE VIBRATES)
230
00:10:36,099 --> 00:10:38,461
Oh, God. Mr K's getting impatient. Oh.
231
00:10:40,019 --> 00:10:42,364
Surely that clown can't
stay up there much longer?
232
00:10:42,380 --> 00:10:43,901
(RUSTLING)
233
00:10:44,473 --> 00:10:47,396
- What are you doing?
- Trying to find some painkillers.
234
00:10:48,341 --> 00:10:50,478
My foot feels far too big, Fran.
235
00:10:50,526 --> 00:10:52,460
- What's in there?
- Oh, it's the target's.
236
00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:54,506
He'll definitely have
something we can take.
237
00:10:54,549 --> 00:10:56,082
Oh, no!
238
00:10:56,126 --> 00:10:58,569
- That stuff is only good for frying your brain.
- Yeah,
239
00:10:58,803 --> 00:11:01,186
but... it's all just
medicine, though, isn't it?
240
00:11:01,281 --> 00:11:04,395
I mean, change one molecule
of Calpol and you get ketamine.
241
00:11:04,534 --> 00:11:06,476
That's categorically not true.
242
00:11:07,577 --> 00:11:08,868
I think you'll find it is.
243
00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:14,571
Look, I think you and I both know
244
00:11:14,587 --> 00:11:16,489
there's only one way we're
gonna get this job done
245
00:11:16,517 --> 00:11:18,539
before my foot bursts though my shoe.
246
00:11:18,968 --> 00:11:21,629
I know this is gonna be
difficult for you, so...
247
00:11:23,221 --> 00:11:24,524
... I'll take care of Elton.
248
00:11:25,539 --> 00:11:26,619
No!
249
00:11:26,823 --> 00:11:29,377
Nobody is going to "take care" of Elton!
250
00:11:30,059 --> 00:11:32,078
- Do you think you might have a bit of a problem?
- What?
251
00:11:32,205 --> 00:11:35,561
You do seem to get attached to
things that aren't very nice to you.
252
00:11:35,620 --> 00:11:37,770
Elton. Joao.
253
00:11:40,876 --> 00:11:42,353
No, I... I don't know what you mean.
254
00:11:42,739 --> 00:11:45,352
Look, what Joao and I
have works for me, OK?
255
00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:48,009
You might not get it, but it's nice
to come home to something stable
256
00:11:48,025 --> 00:11:50,022
at the end of the day, after doing this.
257
00:11:50,125 --> 00:11:52,073
Yes, I don't love him.
Yes, he doesn't love me.
258
00:11:52,103 --> 00:11:55,449
Yes, we really do not ever
want to sleep together. But...
259
00:11:56,084 --> 00:11:57,095
he's dependable.
260
00:11:57,127 --> 00:11:58,883
I thought he'd run off
with your car again?
261
00:11:59,019 --> 00:12:01,899
OK, he's... he's not that
dependable at the moment, but...
262
00:12:02,580 --> 00:12:04,819
Why am I even justifying myself to you?
263
00:12:05,003 --> 00:12:06,814
You don't even know what commitment is.
264
00:12:06,833 --> 00:12:08,994
Er... That's not even true!
265
00:12:09,399 --> 00:12:11,786
Colin? You started
ghosting him for no reason.
266
00:12:11,802 --> 00:12:14,884
- I mean, he's perfect!
- Yeah, perfectly boring.
267
00:12:15,539 --> 00:12:18,154
Ugh! He's got really intense and clingy.
268
00:12:18,181 --> 00:12:19,773
See, there's always an
excuse with you, isn't there?
269
00:12:20,242 --> 00:12:23,075
I'm not expecting Jeremy
Irons or anything, but...
270
00:12:23,145 --> 00:12:25,473
- Jeremy Irons?
- Voice of Scar, mate.
271
00:12:25,499 --> 00:12:27,841
Scar is a cartoon lion. Plus,
272
00:12:27,876 --> 00:12:29,604
not even the fittest lion in the film.
273
00:12:29,628 --> 00:12:30,716
- Er...
- Ah-ah!
274
00:12:30,741 --> 00:12:32,741
Nala, for sure. (GROWLS)
275
00:12:32,800 --> 00:12:34,508
Mufasa second.
276
00:12:34,950 --> 00:12:37,756
- At a push, I think probably teenage Simba.
- Fran.
277
00:12:39,230 --> 00:12:40,333
What?
278
00:12:41,227 --> 00:12:42,522
Where's Elton?
279
00:12:43,034 --> 00:12:45,779
(BIRDS CHIRP)
280
00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:50,339
OK.
281
00:12:50,625 --> 00:12:51,717
All right.
282
00:12:52,699 --> 00:12:55,545
You wait here. I'm gonna
finish off this coke-head.
283
00:13:09,048 --> 00:13:10,445
Argh!
284
00:13:11,616 --> 00:13:13,339
(SNARLING)
285
00:13:34,539 --> 00:13:37,108
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
286
00:13:44,859 --> 00:13:46,499
(SNARLS)
287
00:13:47,426 --> 00:13:50,598
No... sudden...
288
00:13:51,879 --> 00:13:53,790
- ... moves.
- HE'S BEHIND YOU!
289
00:13:53,830 --> 00:13:54,979
He's behind you.
290
00:13:55,059 --> 00:13:56,139
(BARKS)
291
00:13:56,342 --> 00:13:58,179
No, no, no! This is my area!
292
00:13:58,238 --> 00:13:59,663
Get your own wedding caravan!
293
00:13:59,693 --> 00:14:00,699
(BARKS)
294
00:14:00,974 --> 00:14:02,185
Ow!
295
00:14:11,770 --> 00:14:12,937
Ow!
296
00:14:13,369 --> 00:14:14,799
(CHUCKLES)
297
00:14:15,019 --> 00:14:17,459
How the tables have turned.
298
00:14:18,076 --> 00:14:21,353
Well, they haven't. Now
we're both stuck up here.
299
00:14:23,059 --> 00:14:25,261
- Yeah, Jamie, I'm on the roof.
- (BARKS)
300
00:14:25,300 --> 00:14:27,259
This roof. Here.
301
00:14:27,339 --> 00:14:28,339
That's me. Great.
302
00:14:28,379 --> 00:14:31,496
I know it's a bad bite, but
you really have to focus, OK?
303
00:14:31,541 --> 00:14:34,808
- Should I try pissing on my foot?
- No. No, no, no, no. Don't do that.
304
00:14:34,907 --> 00:14:36,459
Why not? It really hurts!
305
00:14:36,539 --> 00:14:39,092
Because it's for jellyfish stings,
it's not for open wounds, is it?
306
00:14:39,122 --> 00:14:40,998
I had to do that once, actually.
307
00:14:41,222 --> 00:14:44,001
Two Turkish lands in Magaluf.
308
00:14:44,150 --> 00:14:46,687
They were in absolute agony.
309
00:14:46,747 --> 00:14:48,139
Quick as a flash,
310
00:14:48,291 --> 00:14:49,850
smashed a Pepsi Max,
311
00:14:49,914 --> 00:14:52,045
hosed them both down, bosh!
312
00:14:52,079 --> 00:14:54,029
Great. Can you just, please, shut up.
313
00:14:54,030 --> 00:14:55,713
Jamie, you need to get here now.
314
00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:57,972
I don't care how you do it, just
get yourself here, all right?
315
00:14:58,990 --> 00:15:01,573
- Ow!
- There is plenty more where that came from.
316
00:15:02,025 --> 00:15:04,619
There's precisely one
more where that came from.
317
00:15:04,699 --> 00:15:06,849
Listen, focus.
318
00:15:06,919 --> 00:15:08,711
Get yourself here before
someone else sees us.
319
00:15:08,721 --> 00:15:10,899
- OK, I'll do my best.
- Ow!
320
00:15:12,970 --> 00:15:14,255
(EXHALES)
321
00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:16,659
(PHONE RINGS)
322
00:15:16,739 --> 00:15:20,088
- Oh.
- (RINGING CONTINUES)
323
00:15:21,261 --> 00:15:24,388
(BARKS)
324
00:16:13,730 --> 00:16:16,113
(WOMAN ON PHONE) The person you
are calling is not available.
325
00:16:16,139 --> 00:16:17,899
Please leave a message after the tone.
326
00:16:17,921 --> 00:16:18,973
- (BEEP!)
- (SIGHS)
327
00:16:18,993 --> 00:16:21,551
Look, th... th... this
dog is not going anywhere.
328
00:16:21,566 --> 00:16:23,379
- Can't we just make a deal?
- Shh!
329
00:16:23,603 --> 00:16:26,944
Joao, hi. It's me. Er...
330
00:16:26,975 --> 00:16:30,578
Listen, I'm not sure if you're
coming back home with my car,
331
00:16:30,579 --> 00:16:32,858
but I probably won't make it back, so...
332
00:16:32,982 --> 00:16:35,846
... I've left some caldo
verde in the fridge and I've...
333
00:16:35,886 --> 00:16:38,314
(WHISPERING) ... taped
Michael Portillo Behind Bars.
334
00:16:38,404 --> 00:16:40,509
(WHISPERING) I think this
week he's in Pentonville.
335
00:16:40,529 --> 00:16:42,862
(WHISPERING) I know it's your favourite.
336
00:16:43,304 --> 00:16:45,819
Oh, I'm rambling. Erm... Ciao, Joao.
337
00:16:46,023 --> 00:16:47,659
(BARKS)
338
00:16:47,940 --> 00:16:49,539
Marriage troubles, is it?
339
00:16:49,667 --> 00:16:51,092
It's none of your business.
340
00:16:51,728 --> 00:16:54,791
Look, I have DJ'd a
fuck-tonne of weddings,
341
00:16:54,815 --> 00:16:56,593
- and if you want my advice...
- (EXHALES)
342
00:16:56,628 --> 00:16:58,242
- I don't want your advice.
- ... it's all bullshit.
343
00:16:58,291 --> 00:17:00,823
Love, relationships, marriages, the lot.
344
00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:02,859
Yeah, well, forgive me
if I don't take advice
345
00:17:02,892 --> 00:17:04,848
from a shoeless man in a tree.
346
00:17:04,883 --> 00:17:06,919
This isn't an Austrian folk tale.
347
00:17:07,515 --> 00:17:09,979
(BARKS)
348
00:17:16,419 --> 00:17:17,787
(CHUCKLES)
349
00:17:21,139 --> 00:17:24,339
Yeah. Come on, Jamie,
pull yourself together.
350
00:17:24,489 --> 00:17:25,939
It's just medicine.
351
00:17:26,088 --> 00:17:27,210
Ah...
352
00:17:27,225 --> 00:17:28,397
Ooh...
353
00:17:28,419 --> 00:17:30,079
Jamie, psst.
354
00:17:30,939 --> 00:17:32,522
- Jamie.
- (GASPS)
355
00:17:32,860 --> 00:17:34,175
What?
356
00:17:34,379 --> 00:17:36,365
Jamie, it's me, Fran.
357
00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:39,100
You're a dog, Fran. What?
358
00:17:39,185 --> 00:17:40,585
Of course I'm a dog!
359
00:17:40,630 --> 00:17:42,499
Let me in and I'll explain everything.
360
00:17:42,700 --> 00:17:43,881
Yeah...
361
00:17:44,452 --> 00:17:45,783
No.
362
00:17:45,882 --> 00:17:48,682
I don't... I don't
think that's a good idea.
363
00:17:48,699 --> 00:17:51,611
- You wanna finish the job, don't you?
- Yeah.
364
00:17:51,641 --> 00:17:53,949
If you haven't heard from
your husband in over a week,
365
00:17:53,979 --> 00:17:57,906
there is a 100% chance
that he is off somewhere,
366
00:17:57,935 --> 00:18:01,675
- banging another woman.
- Oh, I think there's 0% chance of that, actually.
367
00:18:01,699 --> 00:18:04,093
Well, feel free to bury
your head in the sand.
368
00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:07,190
I'm just saying, at the end of the day,
369
00:18:07,274 --> 00:18:09,027
you can't trust anyone else.
370
00:18:09,543 --> 00:18:12,979
Sooner or later, everyone learns...
371
00:18:13,157 --> 00:18:15,014
you are alone in this world
372
00:18:15,128 --> 00:18:18,023
and no-one is coming to save you.
373
00:18:19,557 --> 00:18:22,208
That's it, Jamie.
Start to open the door.
374
00:18:22,422 --> 00:18:23,916
Yeah...
375
00:18:24,659 --> 00:18:26,190
Almost there!
376
00:18:26,334 --> 00:18:28,369
DIE!
377
00:18:29,034 --> 00:18:31,499
- (BARKS)
- Fran!
378
00:18:32,105 --> 00:18:33,401
Jamie!
379
00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:34,819
(BARKS)
380
00:18:34,899 --> 00:18:35,939
Fran!
381
00:18:36,117 --> 00:18:37,422
I'm coming.
382
00:18:38,455 --> 00:18:39,699
I'm coming.
383
00:18:40,352 --> 00:18:42,283
(SPLUTTERS) Jamie, help.
384
00:18:47,339 --> 00:18:48,895
Let's do this.
385
00:18:50,688 --> 00:18:53,419
- (BARKS)
- (SCREAMS)
386
00:18:59,819 --> 00:19:01,088
Did you see me, Fran?
387
00:19:01,139 --> 00:19:02,339
(CHUCKLES)
388
00:19:02,419 --> 00:19:04,275
Elton was trying to bring me down,
389
00:19:04,374 --> 00:19:07,408
but my legs were too full
of, like, this weird energy.
390
00:19:08,259 --> 00:19:09,899
Oh! Thanks, Jamie.
391
00:19:09,979 --> 00:19:11,019
Oh.
392
00:19:12,059 --> 00:19:14,234
- I can't believe you tried to hang me!
- Er...
393
00:19:14,259 --> 00:19:15,788
You tried to kill me!
394
00:19:15,813 --> 00:19:18,246
Yeah, well, that's just
my job. It's different.
395
00:19:18,379 --> 00:19:19,659
(PANTING)
396
00:19:20,484 --> 00:19:21,939
Have you got the gun?
397
00:19:22,132 --> 00:19:24,079
- (SIGHS) Oh, shit!
- Great.
398
00:19:24,143 --> 00:19:27,504
Oh, I was so busy with the armour,
and then the smells were like...
399
00:19:27,539 --> 00:19:30,141
And then, obviously,
you were the dog and...
400
00:19:30,374 --> 00:19:31,493
- You're on drugs, aren't you?
- Yeah.
401
00:19:31,513 --> 00:19:33,166
- Yeah.
- On the plus side,
402
00:19:33,921 --> 00:19:35,097
I feel good!
403
00:19:35,435 --> 00:19:37,202
I feel kind of amazing.
404
00:19:37,227 --> 00:19:39,476
I feel like I could punch a train!
405
00:19:39,798 --> 00:19:43,785
Yeah, although... technically,
anyone can punch a train.
406
00:19:44,078 --> 00:19:46,168
You guys aren't very
good at this, are you?
407
00:19:46,193 --> 00:19:48,204
Do you know what, I don't
normally enjoy my job,
408
00:19:48,219 --> 00:19:51,402
but I have to say, I'm gonna relish
blowing your fucking head off!
409
00:19:51,446 --> 00:19:53,273
Look, Fran, it's the bride and groom.
410
00:19:53,342 --> 00:19:54,395
Hang on.
411
00:19:54,494 --> 00:19:56,261
She's pulled the chef!
412
00:19:57,259 --> 00:19:58,699
(SCREAMS)
413
00:19:59,121 --> 00:20:01,345
- Oh, fuck off!
- I'm gonna get the gun.
414
00:20:01,777 --> 00:20:03,643
Don't leave me!
415
00:20:03,683 --> 00:20:04,984
Fucking hell!
416
00:20:05,018 --> 00:20:06,196
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
417
00:20:06,219 --> 00:20:07,259
Yeah?
418
00:20:07,339 --> 00:20:09,760
What are you gonna
do, pinch me to death?
419
00:20:09,964 --> 00:20:12,411
Ah! Ah!
420
00:20:14,040 --> 00:20:16,179
Ah! Ah!
421
00:20:16,259 --> 00:20:17,419
(GROANS)
422
00:20:17,499 --> 00:20:18,579
(GROWLS)
423
00:20:19,386 --> 00:20:20,910
(BARKS)
424
00:20:21,103 --> 00:20:22,419
Oh!
425
00:20:23,690 --> 00:20:25,771
- (WHINES)
- (SCREAMS)
426
00:20:25,806 --> 00:20:27,320
- (SPLAT!)
- (WHINES)
427
00:20:33,379 --> 00:20:35,001
(PANTING)
428
00:20:37,219 --> 00:20:40,379
Actually, I... I...
I think I'm all right.
429
00:20:40,459 --> 00:20:42,765
You just killed my fucking dog.
430
00:20:43,848 --> 00:20:48,848
431
00:20:49,205 --> 00:20:51,121
This target used to work for Mr. K
432
00:20:51,136 --> 00:20:54,149
before she went completely insane.
433
00:20:57,837 --> 00:21:00,850
I have not seen one single
sign that she is into it.
434
00:21:00,876 --> 00:21:02,986
- I got us a room.
- What?
435
00:21:09,963 --> 00:21:11,785
- I need to borrow your car. I...
- What?
436
00:21:11,815 --> 00:21:13,269
No way. I...
437
00:21:18,626 --> 00:21:22,806
? and my asshole is in tatters.
438
00:21:26,667 --> 00:21:28,375
Shh!
439
00:21:28,425 --> 00:21:32,975
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