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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,319 --> 00:00:04,662 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:04,672 --> 00:00:08,007 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:08,084 --> 00:00:11,677 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:11,754 --> 00:00:14,514 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:14,590 --> 00:00:18,008 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:18,019 --> 00:00:21,512 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:21,523 --> 00:00:22,805 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:22,881 --> 00:00:24,524 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:24,642 --> 00:00:29,904 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:33,726 --> 00:00:36,110 All right. Empty school. 11 00:00:36,186 --> 00:00:39,154 Time to Shining my way through the halls. 12 00:00:39,231 --> 00:00:41,165 ♪ ♪ 13 00:00:50,718 --> 00:00:53,877 Principal Shepherd, where is everyone?! 14 00:00:53,888 --> 00:00:56,839 (in low, monotone voice): Principal Shepherd's not here, 15 00:00:56,915 --> 00:00:58,716 Miss Griffin. 16 00:00:58,726 --> 00:01:00,467 Why are you talking like that? 17 00:01:00,544 --> 00:01:01,802 Sorry. That was Tony, 18 00:01:01,879 --> 00:01:03,387 the little boy who lives in my mouth. 19 00:01:03,398 --> 00:01:04,888 Why are you here? It's skip day. 20 00:01:04,899 --> 00:01:07,016 It's skip day? Nobody told me. 21 00:01:07,092 --> 00:01:10,978 She's unpopular and unattractive. 22 00:01:11,055 --> 00:01:12,530 Tony! 23 00:01:16,894 --> 00:01:19,987 Hello?! Chris? 24 00:01:20,064 --> 00:01:22,323 Did you know it was skip day? 25 00:01:22,399 --> 00:01:24,709 Mom? Dad? 26 00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:26,869 (beeps) 27 00:01:26,945 --> 00:01:28,838 (phone ringing) 28 00:01:30,449 --> 00:01:31,757 Hello? 29 00:01:31,834 --> 00:01:33,261 MEG: Mom? Where are you guys? 30 00:01:33,285 --> 00:01:34,594 Who is this? 31 00:01:34,670 --> 00:01:36,315 It's Meg. Where is everyone? 32 00:01:36,339 --> 00:01:39,098 Well, this can't be Meg. She's with us here at the pier. 33 00:01:39,175 --> 00:01:41,153 - Who is that? - Someone who says she's Meg. 34 00:01:41,177 --> 00:01:43,052 Give me that. 35 00:01:43,128 --> 00:01:45,888 Okay, Meg, if this is you, what's your birthday? 36 00:01:45,964 --> 00:01:47,431 March 23. 37 00:01:47,442 --> 00:01:49,235 I have no idea if that's correct. 38 00:01:49,259 --> 00:01:50,695 - Good day, sir. - (beeps) 39 00:01:50,719 --> 00:01:52,445 Sorry about that, everyone. 40 00:01:52,521 --> 00:01:55,573 Now let's get back to the fair and enjoy our March 23. 41 00:02:05,109 --> 00:02:07,069 (bowling pins clacking, quiet chatter) 42 00:02:07,870 --> 00:02:09,912 The usual, please. 43 00:02:09,988 --> 00:02:12,039 Here ya are... Ladies' seven on the left, 44 00:02:12,116 --> 00:02:13,957 and men's 11 on the right. 45 00:02:13,968 --> 00:02:15,292 I just need a license. 46 00:02:15,303 --> 00:02:16,919 Thanks. 47 00:02:16,995 --> 00:02:19,889 Oh! And happy birthday! 48 00:02:32,344 --> 00:02:34,820 Yes! 49 00:02:34,897 --> 00:02:37,031 (Western-style theme plays) 50 00:02:44,832 --> 00:02:47,958 BRUCE (singsongy): We have not updated those. 51 00:02:51,414 --> 00:02:52,746 Good evening. I'm Tom Tucker. 52 00:02:52,823 --> 00:02:55,165 Coming up, I find even more sand 53 00:02:55,176 --> 00:02:58,344 on my body from a beach toilet I used a week ago. 54 00:02:58,421 --> 00:03:01,004 But first, tragedy strikes close to home, 55 00:03:01,015 --> 00:03:03,298 as a car crash near my apartment claims the life 56 00:03:03,375 --> 00:03:04,850 of a local teen girl. 57 00:03:04,927 --> 00:03:06,813 The victim's identity is being withheld 58 00:03:06,837 --> 00:03:09,012 pending notification of the family. 59 00:03:09,023 --> 00:03:10,023 (knocking) 60 00:03:10,674 --> 00:03:12,692 Hey, buddy. 61 00:03:12,768 --> 00:03:15,477 What brings you around at this late hour with your uniform on 62 00:03:15,554 --> 00:03:17,938 and your hat held mournfully against your chest? 63 00:03:18,015 --> 00:03:21,534 Peter, Lois, it pains me above the waist 64 00:03:21,610 --> 00:03:23,277 to tell you that Meg is dead. 65 00:03:23,353 --> 00:03:24,862 - What?! - What are you talking about? 66 00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:26,038 Meg's right here. 67 00:03:26,115 --> 00:03:27,781 (wind whistling) 68 00:03:27,858 --> 00:03:29,783 (all gasp) 69 00:03:29,860 --> 00:03:32,453 You know, it's weird that didn't happen on the pier all day. 70 00:03:32,529 --> 00:03:34,007 Or when we rented that convertible. 71 00:03:34,031 --> 00:03:35,715 How did this happen?! 72 00:03:35,791 --> 00:03:38,292 She got in a car wreck, and was burned beyond recognition, 73 00:03:38,368 --> 00:03:40,886 and I leveled up on Fortnite this weekend, 74 00:03:40,963 --> 00:03:43,547 but you probably only care about the first two things. 75 00:03:43,558 --> 00:03:46,175 Oh, dear God, no! (cries) 76 00:03:46,251 --> 00:03:48,936 All we found was Meg's driver's license at the scene. 77 00:03:51,307 --> 00:03:54,808 It had her Quiznos punch card stuck to the back. 78 00:03:54,885 --> 00:03:58,020 Your little angel was one stamp away from a free sub, 79 00:03:58,096 --> 00:04:00,898 which only adds to this horrific tragedy. 80 00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:02,232 It's actually pretty impressive, 81 00:04:02,243 --> 00:04:05,411 because the card was only issued three days ago. 82 00:04:05,488 --> 00:04:08,030 Usually one of the guys would swipe a thing like this, 83 00:04:08,106 --> 00:04:10,699 use it on the way home, but I snagged it for ya. 84 00:04:10,776 --> 00:04:12,868 Thought Meg's family ought to be the ones 85 00:04:12,945 --> 00:04:14,912 to enjoy the free sandwich. 86 00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:17,873 Again, I'm very sorry. 87 00:04:17,950 --> 00:04:20,134 (lights buzzing) 88 00:04:21,620 --> 00:04:22,920 TOM: Oh, hang on. 89 00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:24,816 Oh, they told the family? Great! 90 00:04:24,840 --> 00:04:27,674 The girl killed near my apartment was Meg Griffin. 91 00:04:27,751 --> 00:04:29,843 What? I'm not dead! 92 00:04:29,920 --> 00:04:31,595 She was burned beyond recognition 93 00:04:31,606 --> 00:04:33,566 but identified by her driver's license. 94 00:04:33,590 --> 00:04:35,608 156 pounds. 95 00:04:35,684 --> 00:04:36,892 Yikes. 96 00:04:36,969 --> 00:04:40,354 Wait. Did you give my ID to the wrong girl? 97 00:04:40,430 --> 00:04:44,116 Sorry. Them shoe spray fumes made me all goofy in my head. 98 00:04:45,477 --> 00:04:46,944 (inhales deeply) 99 00:04:46,954 --> 00:04:49,955 I'm still sober. This ain't cheatin'! 100 00:04:50,032 --> 00:04:51,698 Oh, this is me being sober! 101 00:04:51,775 --> 00:04:53,283 (sighs) 102 00:04:53,294 --> 00:04:55,202 So I guess I'm dead. 103 00:04:55,279 --> 00:04:57,296 And no one cares. 104 00:04:59,375 --> 00:05:00,969 TOM: Again, for those of you 105 00:05:00,993 --> 00:05:03,052 in a new scene: Meg Griffin dead. 106 00:05:11,053 --> 00:05:13,729 (sad, orchestral music plays) 107 00:05:23,899 --> 00:05:25,991 ♪ ♪ 108 00:05:35,485 --> 00:05:38,045 (organ plays solemn hymn) 109 00:05:40,341 --> 00:05:42,165 Lois, can you believe these seats? 110 00:05:42,176 --> 00:05:44,126 Front row! 111 00:05:44,202 --> 00:05:47,012 I hope the priest pulls me up on stage and dances with me. 112 00:05:47,089 --> 00:05:50,465 When I was hastily relocated to this parish a week ago, 113 00:05:50,542 --> 00:05:52,685 the last thing I thought I'd have to do is 114 00:05:52,761 --> 00:05:55,679 stand before you on such a sad occasion. 115 00:05:55,690 --> 00:05:57,189 A family losing a child is like 116 00:05:57,266 --> 00:05:59,692 a Trivial Pursuit wheel losing a pie piece. 117 00:05:59,768 --> 00:06:02,644 And you have to keep reminding everyone playing the game, 118 00:06:02,721 --> 00:06:06,023 "Don't forget. I already got 'Entertainment'." What a pain. 119 00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:08,909 Your first speaker... Principal Shepherd. 120 00:06:10,279 --> 00:06:12,613 Meg Griffin was an honest man, 121 00:06:12,689 --> 00:06:14,990 a kind man, a man who knew how... 122 00:06:15,067 --> 00:06:16,700 (whispering) 123 00:06:16,711 --> 00:06:17,784 Oh, my stars! 124 00:06:17,861 --> 00:06:19,661 I have nothing. 125 00:06:19,738 --> 00:06:21,738 Kind of feel bad. There's nobody here. 126 00:06:21,790 --> 00:06:23,624 I know. We're not even here. 127 00:06:23,700 --> 00:06:25,083 (electrical hissing) 128 00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:26,793 (video game beeping) 129 00:06:26,870 --> 00:06:28,888 This was the right decision. 130 00:06:28,964 --> 00:06:31,724 Hey, Chris, I'm super sorry your sister is dead. 131 00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:34,176 Mwah. 132 00:06:34,252 --> 00:06:36,511 If there's anything we can do to help you 133 00:06:36,588 --> 00:06:38,063 during your time of need... 134 00:06:38,140 --> 00:06:39,618 - Stamps. - (laughs) What? 135 00:06:39,642 --> 00:06:41,183 Stamps. I need stamps. 136 00:06:41,259 --> 00:06:42,943 Okay, you got it. 137 00:06:44,888 --> 00:06:47,740 Wow. Are girls coming on to me because my sister died? 138 00:06:47,816 --> 00:06:49,900 Cool! 139 00:06:49,911 --> 00:06:52,297 BONNIE: God, I wish it was Joe in that box. 140 00:06:52,321 --> 00:06:53,737 I do, too, Bon. 141 00:06:53,748 --> 00:06:55,739 Oh. Did I say that out loud? 142 00:06:55,750 --> 00:06:58,083 No, but at this point, I know what you're thinking. 143 00:06:58,160 --> 00:06:59,960 It'll be soon, babe. 144 00:07:03,573 --> 00:07:05,248 Unbelievable. 145 00:07:05,259 --> 00:07:07,000 There's hardly anyone here. 146 00:07:07,077 --> 00:07:08,835 Ugh. Well, that's it. 147 00:07:08,912 --> 00:07:11,380 I'm off to a new town to start a new life. 148 00:07:11,456 --> 00:07:13,432 Ooh. Sorry. 149 00:07:13,509 --> 00:07:15,749 Don't you know what a rosary on a doorknob means?! 150 00:07:20,132 --> 00:07:21,857 (rolling thunder) 151 00:07:26,471 --> 00:07:28,197 (inhales) 152 00:07:30,526 --> 00:07:34,069 Siri, play "Kiss From a Rose" by Seal. 153 00:07:34,146 --> 00:07:37,206 ("Kiss From a Rose" plays, seal barking instead of lyrics) 154 00:07:43,947 --> 00:07:45,622 (sighs) 155 00:07:45,633 --> 00:07:47,301 I hope everyone enjoys tonight's dinner. 156 00:07:47,325 --> 00:07:48,801 (Lois cries quietly) 157 00:07:48,877 --> 00:07:50,961 It... it was Meg's favorite. 158 00:07:50,972 --> 00:07:52,713 (sobbing) 159 00:07:52,789 --> 00:07:54,923 There, there, Lois. Stop your crying. 160 00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:56,925 - Stop it. - (continues crying) 161 00:07:57,002 --> 00:07:58,885 Please stop. Stop. 162 00:07:58,962 --> 00:08:01,972 Stop it. Stop crying. 163 00:08:01,983 --> 00:08:03,148 Stop crying. 164 00:08:03,225 --> 00:08:05,726 Stop crying. Stop. 165 00:08:05,802 --> 00:08:07,820 (sighs) Before we eat, 166 00:08:07,896 --> 00:08:10,016 would anyone like to say something about Meg? 167 00:08:12,476 --> 00:08:15,819 Okay, I feel all of you looking at me, so here goes. 168 00:08:15,830 --> 00:08:18,113 Meg, wherever you are, 169 00:08:18,190 --> 00:08:20,510 I hope that you're with Bubba, and I want you to know 170 00:08:20,576 --> 00:08:22,492 that Lieutenant Dan is walking around... 171 00:08:22,503 --> 00:08:23,827 Is this from Forrest Gump? 172 00:08:23,838 --> 00:08:26,246 I miss you, Meg. (crying) 173 00:08:26,323 --> 00:08:27,831 Stop it, Brian. 174 00:08:27,842 --> 00:08:29,082 Stop your crying. 175 00:08:29,159 --> 00:08:30,625 Stop it. 176 00:08:30,702 --> 00:08:31,752 Please stop. 177 00:08:31,828 --> 00:08:33,846 Stop. Stop it. 178 00:08:33,922 --> 00:08:36,631 Stop crying. Stop crying. 179 00:08:36,708 --> 00:08:39,301 Stop crying. Stop. 180 00:08:39,377 --> 00:08:42,846 Stewie, is there anything you'd like to say? 181 00:08:42,857 --> 00:08:45,974 Yeah. We're gonna save a lot of money on toilet paper. 182 00:08:46,051 --> 00:08:47,768 Ever see her wipe? 183 00:08:47,844 --> 00:08:49,686 She'd wrap up both hands like oven mitts 184 00:08:49,697 --> 00:08:52,606 and act like she was cleaning out a pot of burnt chili. 185 00:08:52,682 --> 00:08:56,359 Anyway, that's all I care to say about Meg. 186 00:08:56,370 --> 00:08:58,537 Maybe we should just have a moment of silence 187 00:08:58,614 --> 00:09:00,534 as we hear the guy down the street 188 00:09:00,565 --> 00:09:01,865 scream at his barking dog. 189 00:09:01,876 --> 00:09:03,575 (dog barking) 190 00:09:03,652 --> 00:09:05,660 MAN: Damn it, Rufus, shut up! 191 00:09:05,737 --> 00:09:07,370 Will you shut up?! 192 00:09:07,381 --> 00:09:10,090 Get in the house! Get in the house! 193 00:09:13,370 --> 00:09:17,389 ♪ This time things are gonna work out fine ♪ 194 00:09:17,466 --> 00:09:20,675 ♪ This time will be better than previous times ♪ 195 00:09:20,752 --> 00:09:23,553 ♪ This time is markedly different ♪ 196 00:09:23,564 --> 00:09:27,974 ♪ Than the times we had before ♪ 197 00:09:28,051 --> 00:09:31,895 ♪ This time is gonna be so much more! ♪ 198 00:09:31,906 --> 00:09:33,855 (harmonica riff plays) 199 00:09:33,932 --> 00:09:36,075 ♪ Or maybe it's not. ♪ 200 00:09:40,155 --> 00:09:42,572 (knocking) Hi, new neighbor. 201 00:09:42,583 --> 00:09:43,907 I just thought I'd come by and see 202 00:09:43,918 --> 00:09:45,753 if I could borrow a cup of tampons. 203 00:09:45,777 --> 00:09:48,703 Sure. Just bring 'em back when you're done. No rush. 204 00:09:48,780 --> 00:09:50,080 Thanks. My name's not important. 205 00:09:50,091 --> 00:09:51,581 What's yours? 206 00:09:51,592 --> 00:09:53,875 Um... my name? 207 00:09:53,952 --> 00:09:55,344 My name is... 208 00:09:57,789 --> 00:09:59,256 Hallway. 209 00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:00,924 Natalie Hallway. 210 00:10:00,935 --> 00:10:02,884 Nice to meet you, Natalie. 211 00:10:02,961 --> 00:10:05,064 You want to join us on the roof and sit under string lights? 212 00:10:05,088 --> 00:10:06,513 That sounds great! 213 00:10:06,590 --> 00:10:08,431 I'll bring my hemorrhoid donut to sit on. 214 00:10:08,442 --> 00:10:09,942 (laughs) 215 00:10:10,018 --> 00:10:11,434 Great joke, Natalie Hallway! 216 00:10:11,445 --> 00:10:13,353 Yes. It is a joke. 217 00:10:13,430 --> 00:10:15,522 Because Natalie Hallway doesn't need 218 00:10:15,599 --> 00:10:17,783 to sit on a hemorrhoid donut. 219 00:10:17,860 --> 00:10:19,618 (insects chirping) 220 00:10:21,813 --> 00:10:24,206 To Natalie Hallway, our new friend. 221 00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:28,335 Natalie, sit down. Tell us about yourself. 222 00:10:30,965 --> 00:10:32,581 Yow...! 223 00:10:32,657 --> 00:10:34,007 What a view! 224 00:10:38,380 --> 00:10:40,630 You know, Stewie, when Meg was little, 225 00:10:40,641 --> 00:10:43,934 we used to love to make Christmas cookies together. 226 00:10:45,980 --> 00:10:48,647 Are... are those dongs? 227 00:10:48,724 --> 00:10:50,932 My God, from October to January 228 00:10:51,009 --> 00:10:52,642 I don't come up for air. 229 00:10:52,653 --> 00:10:55,061 All those families enjoying their Christmas dongs. 230 00:10:55,138 --> 00:10:57,606 Could we get some of your cookies for our wedding? 231 00:10:57,682 --> 00:10:59,316 Get out of here! This is a family bakery! 232 00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:00,942 I'm a Christian! 233 00:11:01,019 --> 00:11:02,828 In the case of Kent and Bradley 234 00:11:02,905 --> 00:11:05,071 v. Holiday Dongs, 235 00:11:05,148 --> 00:11:08,667 the court rules that you must give us the recipe. 236 00:11:08,744 --> 00:11:10,660 - (laughter) - Oh! 237 00:11:10,671 --> 00:11:12,390 NARRATOR: Under court order, Stewie went on 238 00:11:12,414 --> 00:11:14,456 to make baked goods for the gay wedding. 239 00:11:14,532 --> 00:11:16,833 And because of that, he did not get into heaven, 240 00:11:16,844 --> 00:11:19,252 just like they've always been saying. 241 00:11:19,329 --> 00:11:21,597 ♪ ♪ 242 00:11:23,333 --> 00:11:24,725 (indistinct chatter) 243 00:11:25,761 --> 00:11:27,636 Chris, be in my selfie! 244 00:11:27,712 --> 00:11:29,804 I want to make Meg's death about me. 245 00:11:29,881 --> 00:11:31,181 (camera shutter clicks) 246 00:11:31,192 --> 00:11:32,849 Hey, Chris, I couldn't help but notice 247 00:11:32,860 --> 00:11:34,245 how much attention you're getting. 248 00:11:34,269 --> 00:11:35,435 Want to high-five hug? 249 00:11:35,512 --> 00:11:37,979 Hell yes. 250 00:11:38,056 --> 00:11:39,689 Hang in there, brotha. 251 00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:42,025 I will, brother. 252 00:11:42,036 --> 00:11:44,703 Chris, here are the keys to the drivers ed car 253 00:11:44,780 --> 00:11:46,538 to use anytime you want. 254 00:11:46,615 --> 00:11:49,491 - Wow, cool. - See, everyone? 255 00:11:49,567 --> 00:11:52,702 If I were using the drivers ed car for my real car, 256 00:11:52,713 --> 00:11:54,432 I wouldn't have given him the keys. 257 00:11:54,456 --> 00:11:56,215 That would be a psycho move. 258 00:11:56,291 --> 00:11:58,884 I wouldn't have a ride home. 259 00:11:58,961 --> 00:12:01,386 Chris, if you're heading home, can I get a ride? 260 00:12:09,730 --> 00:12:12,013 (beeping and blipping) 261 00:12:12,090 --> 00:12:13,774 (patriotic music plays) 262 00:12:16,737 --> 00:12:17,894 (cheering and whooping) 263 00:12:17,905 --> 00:12:19,062 - Yeah! - Go, Natalie! 264 00:12:19,073 --> 00:12:20,563 Wow, Natalie Hallway, 265 00:12:20,574 --> 00:12:22,691 how did you get so good at bowling? 266 00:12:22,767 --> 00:12:23,909 Oh, I used to play a lot 267 00:12:23,986 --> 00:12:26,912 back in Qua... rea. 268 00:12:26,989 --> 00:12:28,405 Wow, you lived in Korea? 269 00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:29,823 Yep. 270 00:12:29,899 --> 00:12:31,658 When I was with the embassy. 271 00:12:31,735 --> 00:12:33,743 So was that before or after you were 272 00:12:33,754 --> 00:12:35,756 one of the first black women to do math for NASA? 273 00:12:35,780 --> 00:12:37,580 Yes. 274 00:12:37,591 --> 00:12:41,418 Wow, your parents must be so proud of you. 275 00:12:41,428 --> 00:12:44,304 (phone beeps) 276 00:12:49,794 --> 00:12:51,812 ♪ ♪ 277 00:12:55,851 --> 00:12:57,328 Hey, Griffin, I heard you scored 278 00:12:57,352 --> 00:12:59,238 with the girls' basketball team yesterday. 279 00:12:59,262 --> 00:13:01,938 Yep, 12 points and eight rebounds. 280 00:13:01,949 --> 00:13:03,606 Aw, Griffin, you're the man. 281 00:13:03,617 --> 00:13:05,284 I got an extra orange at lunch. 282 00:13:05,360 --> 00:13:07,202 - You want it? - Yeah! 283 00:13:08,789 --> 00:13:10,947 Life is pretty sweet. 284 00:13:10,958 --> 00:13:12,282 (phone ringing) 285 00:13:12,293 --> 00:13:13,575 Hello? 286 00:13:13,651 --> 00:13:14,576 Hey, Chris. 287 00:13:14,652 --> 00:13:15,702 (gasps) Meg?! 288 00:13:15,779 --> 00:13:17,579 Are you alive? 289 00:13:17,655 --> 00:13:18,872 Yes. I'll explain everything. 290 00:13:18,948 --> 00:13:20,540 Can you come meet me? 291 00:13:20,617 --> 00:13:22,709 Okay, still the cemetery? 292 00:13:22,786 --> 00:13:23,969 Alive?! 293 00:13:24,046 --> 00:13:25,765 Chris, you already know that part. 294 00:13:25,789 --> 00:13:27,030 Oh, right. 295 00:13:27,032 --> 00:13:29,799 So you suddenly got sick of your new, great life? 296 00:13:29,810 --> 00:13:31,051 No, Chris. 297 00:13:31,127 --> 00:13:33,470 (groans) I can't believe I'm saying this, but... 298 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:34,721 I missed Mom. 299 00:13:34,798 --> 00:13:36,473 I missed you. 300 00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:38,650 I missed the whole family. 301 00:13:38,727 --> 00:13:40,643 I'm glad you're alive, but you should know 302 00:13:40,654 --> 00:13:42,103 things are different now. 303 00:13:42,180 --> 00:13:43,875 - Dad finally got a Peloton? - Yeah. 304 00:13:43,899 --> 00:13:45,732 - Is he using it? - No. 305 00:13:45,809 --> 00:13:47,150 He mumbled something about the Wi-Fi, 306 00:13:47,161 --> 00:13:48,954 then ate a whole chicken on the couch, 307 00:13:48,978 --> 00:13:50,820 - but there's something else. - What is it? 308 00:13:50,831 --> 00:13:53,665 Let's talk about it in the van. 309 00:13:53,742 --> 00:13:54,666 Chris?! 310 00:13:54,743 --> 00:13:56,785 What are you doing?! Let me out! 311 00:13:56,861 --> 00:13:59,662 Sorry, Meg, but I can't let you come home just yet. 312 00:13:59,673 --> 00:14:01,840 I'm too popular now. 313 00:14:03,827 --> 00:14:05,513 - What's the holdup? - What? 314 00:14:05,537 --> 00:14:06,669 I slapped the van twice. 315 00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:08,129 Yeah, what was that? 316 00:14:08,206 --> 00:14:09,850 I thought something flew into the van. 317 00:14:09,874 --> 00:14:11,736 No, that's, like, the universal signal 318 00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:13,176 for "move it out." 319 00:14:13,187 --> 00:14:14,636 I never heard that. 320 00:14:14,712 --> 00:14:16,179 And I drive vans all the time. 321 00:14:16,190 --> 00:14:18,242 Well, then how do you know when it's time to head out? 322 00:14:18,266 --> 00:14:20,934 Somebody yells out "okay" or "all right." 323 00:14:21,010 --> 00:14:22,852 Every so often it's "yep." 324 00:14:22,863 --> 00:14:25,522 Well, okay, you're good to go. 325 00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:28,024 - All right. - (engine starts) 326 00:14:28,035 --> 00:14:29,109 Ow! Ow! 327 00:14:29,185 --> 00:14:30,777 What are you doing?! 328 00:14:30,854 --> 00:14:32,757 Sorry, I got distracted by all this 329 00:14:32,781 --> 00:14:34,781 whappin' the side of the van business. 330 00:14:38,570 --> 00:14:41,213 ♪ ♪ 331 00:14:44,626 --> 00:14:47,219 Hello? Hello? 332 00:14:47,295 --> 00:14:49,879 Where is everyone? 333 00:14:49,890 --> 00:14:52,674 Damn it, Chris, I don't care that you're popular now. 334 00:14:52,750 --> 00:14:54,843 Let me out of here! 335 00:14:54,919 --> 00:14:57,011 Well, at least I still have my music. 336 00:14:57,088 --> 00:15:00,056 Siri, play Seals and Croft. 337 00:15:00,067 --> 00:15:04,403 ♪ Darling if you want me to be... ♪ 338 00:15:04,479 --> 00:15:06,020 (seal barking) 339 00:15:06,097 --> 00:15:10,075 ♪ Get closer to me. ♪ 340 00:15:12,770 --> 00:15:14,696 Good morning, students. 341 00:15:14,772 --> 00:15:17,082 We are gathered here for two reasons today. 342 00:15:17,159 --> 00:15:19,701 One, to mourn the loss of Meg Griffin. 343 00:15:19,777 --> 00:15:22,370 And two, to find the owner of this X-Men water bottle 344 00:15:22,447 --> 00:15:24,216 someone left in wood shop... Does anyone recognize it? 345 00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:25,415 BOY: I'll take it! 346 00:15:25,426 --> 00:15:28,084 That's not what I asked. Anyone? 347 00:15:28,095 --> 00:15:29,814 I'm not gonna tell you which character's on it, 348 00:15:29,838 --> 00:15:31,557 you have to be able to tell me the character. 349 00:15:31,581 --> 00:15:32,892 BOY 2: Wolverine! 350 00:15:32,916 --> 00:15:34,435 - Are you guessing? - Am I right? 351 00:15:34,459 --> 00:15:36,061 All right, we'll handle this after. 352 00:15:36,085 --> 00:15:39,438 But now, here to help you mourn, an artist who specializes 353 00:15:39,514 --> 00:15:41,773 in sensitive music to do finger stuff to, 354 00:15:41,850 --> 00:15:44,517 Mr. John Mayer! 355 00:15:44,594 --> 00:15:45,685 It's good to be here. 356 00:15:45,762 --> 00:15:46,762 I love high school! 357 00:15:46,804 --> 00:15:47,948 GIRL: Who are you? 358 00:15:47,972 --> 00:15:49,522 I was born in 2003! 359 00:15:49,599 --> 00:15:51,441 Then I'm probably your father. 360 00:15:51,452 --> 00:15:53,860 Ooh, pwned! 361 00:15:53,937 --> 00:15:56,955 Whoa, looks like the school really is missing Meg. 362 00:15:57,032 --> 00:15:58,952 Chris, Brian, would you help Peter? 363 00:15:58,983 --> 00:16:00,950 He's one of those "has to be supported 364 00:16:00,961 --> 00:16:02,586 by both elbows" mourners. 365 00:16:04,989 --> 00:16:08,049 I'm gonna need three seats for my elbow supporters. 366 00:16:10,328 --> 00:16:12,137 Stewie, you look depressed. 367 00:16:12,214 --> 00:16:13,755 You still upset about Meg? 368 00:16:13,831 --> 00:16:15,423 No, it's just this gym is sad. 369 00:16:15,500 --> 00:16:18,259 If you haven't won a championship since 1982, 370 00:16:18,336 --> 00:16:20,720 just take the banner down. 371 00:16:20,797 --> 00:16:22,647 ♪ ♪ 372 00:16:25,677 --> 00:16:27,435 Well, Meg, 373 00:16:27,512 --> 00:16:30,605 looks like you really are dead this time. 374 00:16:30,682 --> 00:16:33,483 They say your life flashes before your eyes when you die. 375 00:16:33,494 --> 00:16:35,985 I wonder what I'll see. 376 00:16:35,996 --> 00:16:37,737 (groans) 377 00:16:37,814 --> 00:16:38,988 Oh, yeah! 378 00:16:38,999 --> 00:16:40,156 - Over! - (grunts) 379 00:16:40,167 --> 00:16:41,491 I'm a tomato. 380 00:16:41,502 --> 00:16:43,168 (all retching) 381 00:16:43,245 --> 00:16:44,463 MEG: I'm not in any of these! 382 00:16:44,487 --> 00:16:45,578 Ladies and gentlemen, 383 00:16:45,655 --> 00:16:47,163 Mr. Conway Twitty. 384 00:16:47,174 --> 00:16:48,340 Oh, come on! 385 00:16:48,416 --> 00:16:49,916 I was in the Kingsman fight! 386 00:16:49,993 --> 00:16:51,209 That could've been in there. 387 00:16:51,286 --> 00:16:52,502 I can do stuff. 388 00:16:52,513 --> 00:16:54,306 I-I can be a part of a comedy team! 389 00:16:54,330 --> 00:16:56,756 Look, hey, Chris, who's on first? 390 00:16:56,833 --> 00:16:59,842 A baseball player. (laughs) 391 00:16:59,853 --> 00:17:01,853 Well, that's it. 392 00:17:01,930 --> 00:17:03,688 I'm gonna show them. 393 00:17:03,765 --> 00:17:05,357 I'm gonna live. 394 00:17:05,433 --> 00:17:07,642 I'm getting out of here. 395 00:17:07,719 --> 00:17:09,861 Now let's see, if I whap my forehead 396 00:17:09,938 --> 00:17:11,916 against this cement floor enough times, 397 00:17:11,940 --> 00:17:14,440 I think I can create a blood luge 398 00:17:14,517 --> 00:17:16,368 to slide myself out on. 399 00:17:16,444 --> 00:17:18,987 This... this... 400 00:17:19,063 --> 00:17:21,039 can be in the highlight... 401 00:17:21,116 --> 00:17:23,083 video! 402 00:17:32,052 --> 00:17:33,972 - (strums) - (cheering and applause) 403 00:17:36,873 --> 00:17:38,017 Wow, thank you, John Mayer. 404 00:17:38,041 --> 00:17:39,674 Wasn't he terrific? 405 00:17:39,751 --> 00:17:41,729 I think we can all agree that John is entitled 406 00:17:41,753 --> 00:17:44,721 to take whichever student he wishes home with him tonight. 407 00:17:44,731 --> 00:17:46,222 (scattered clapping) 408 00:17:46,233 --> 00:17:47,849 And finally, the Quiznos 409 00:17:47,925 --> 00:17:49,620 across the street has graciously 410 00:17:49,644 --> 00:17:51,853 taken out a full page ad in the yearbook 411 00:17:51,929 --> 00:17:54,322 that will feature a dedication page to Meg. 412 00:17:56,392 --> 00:17:58,067 Quiznos, go ahead and stand up. 413 00:17:58,078 --> 00:18:00,579 Come on, in the back, you guys have been great. 414 00:18:09,113 --> 00:18:10,591 - (gasps) - (applause and cheering) 415 00:18:10,615 --> 00:18:12,081 Oh, my God, oh, my God, everyone! 416 00:18:12,092 --> 00:18:13,916 He's proposing right here! 417 00:18:13,927 --> 00:18:14,917 Right in front of everyone! 418 00:18:14,928 --> 00:18:16,544 Oh, she's so lucky! 419 00:18:16,621 --> 00:18:17,920 Oh, my God! 420 00:18:17,931 --> 00:18:19,931 (door slams open) 421 00:18:20,008 --> 00:18:22,934 I'm alive! I'm alive! 422 00:18:23,011 --> 00:18:23,926 (all gasp) 423 00:18:23,937 --> 00:18:25,428 (gasps) Meg! 424 00:18:25,463 --> 00:18:26,771 Those are dark-soled shoes. 425 00:18:26,848 --> 00:18:29,766 She's wearing dark-soled shoes on the gym floor! 426 00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:31,851 Sneakers only in the gym, guys. 427 00:18:31,928 --> 00:18:33,061 Oh, my God, Meg! 428 00:18:33,137 --> 00:18:34,937 I'm so glad you're alive! 429 00:18:34,948 --> 00:18:37,023 What happened? 430 00:18:37,100 --> 00:18:38,658 He did this! 431 00:18:40,311 --> 00:18:42,403 Are you saying Chris saved your life? 432 00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:44,697 This calls for a celebration. 433 00:18:44,774 --> 00:18:46,699 All right, everyone throw confetti 434 00:18:46,776 --> 00:18:48,576 and ruin the janitor's weekend. 435 00:18:48,653 --> 00:18:50,629 (applause and cheering) 436 00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:54,957 Hey, I'm not gonna make it this weekend. 437 00:18:54,968 --> 00:18:57,960 Oh, but you're gonna miss the big janitor dance! 438 00:18:57,971 --> 00:19:00,797 This is our last chance to get laid before Janitor College! 439 00:19:00,807 --> 00:19:02,924 You think I don't know that?! 440 00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:06,478 No! Chris kidnapped me so he could stay popular! 441 00:19:06,554 --> 00:19:08,971 What? Chris would never do that. 442 00:19:08,982 --> 00:19:10,649 Chris? 443 00:19:10,725 --> 00:19:12,525 It's true, Mom. 444 00:19:15,897 --> 00:19:17,939 I owe my sister an apology. 445 00:19:18,015 --> 00:19:19,952 I shouldn't have treated her the way I did. 446 00:19:19,976 --> 00:19:22,235 And I think if Meg were here today, 447 00:19:22,311 --> 00:19:24,278 she'd be the first one to agree. 448 00:19:24,355 --> 00:19:25,571 I am here! 449 00:19:25,648 --> 00:19:26,906 I'm right here! 450 00:19:26,983 --> 00:19:28,574 Anyway, Meg, wherever you are, 451 00:19:28,651 --> 00:19:29,951 I'm sorry. 452 00:19:30,027 --> 00:19:32,078 (applause and cheering) 453 00:19:32,155 --> 00:19:34,839 Damn it, I'm giving a speech! I want to tell you... 454 00:19:34,916 --> 00:19:37,667 Very loud chant! Very loud chant! 455 00:19:37,678 --> 00:19:40,294 Very loud chant! Very loud chant! 456 00:19:40,371 --> 00:19:42,347 (sighs) 457 00:19:42,424 --> 00:19:44,841 Oh, my God, Meg, I'm so glad you're back. 458 00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:46,342 We love you, honey. 459 00:19:46,353 --> 00:19:48,302 I love you, too, Mom. 460 00:19:48,379 --> 00:19:50,739 Yeah, Meg, I'm just really glad this whole ordeal is over. 461 00:19:50,765 --> 00:19:52,526 STEWIE (over radio): Glad this whole ordeal is what? 462 00:19:52,550 --> 00:19:54,027 - Over. - (audience laughing) 463 00:19:54,051 --> 00:19:55,235 Come on! 464 00:20:02,277 --> 00:20:03,996 I'm sorry I faked my own death, Mom. 465 00:20:04,020 --> 00:20:05,319 It's okay, Meg. 466 00:20:05,396 --> 00:20:06,705 Actually, I should've known. 467 00:20:06,781 --> 00:20:08,873 Faking stuff is part of being a woman. 468 00:20:08,950 --> 00:20:10,169 - Really? - Oh, yeah. 469 00:20:10,193 --> 00:20:11,826 Women fake a lot of things. 470 00:20:11,903 --> 00:20:14,662 You faked your death, I fake orgasms and being 471 00:20:14,739 --> 00:20:17,540 impressed by my husband's accomplishments at work. 472 00:20:17,551 --> 00:20:19,500 Hey, Lois, guess who got to erase 473 00:20:19,577 --> 00:20:21,544 the white board in a meeting today? 474 00:20:21,596 --> 00:20:22,879 Oh, my! 475 00:20:22,889 --> 00:20:24,889 I think someone's earned himself 476 00:20:24,966 --> 00:20:27,633 Mama Lois' famous egg salad, huh? 477 00:20:27,710 --> 00:20:29,218 Oh, yum! 478 00:20:29,229 --> 00:20:31,398 Oh, today just keeps getting better and better! 479 00:20:31,422 --> 00:20:33,931 Dad, I thought you hated Mom's egg salad. 480 00:20:34,008 --> 00:20:36,642 Chris, part of being a man is faking things. 481 00:20:36,719 --> 00:20:39,979 Like orgasms or pretending to like your wife's egg salad. 482 00:20:40,056 --> 00:20:42,907 And anyway, I give it to that raccoon outside who likes me. 483 00:20:44,769 --> 00:20:46,319 I thought you hated that guy. 484 00:20:46,395 --> 00:20:49,572 Part of being a raccoon is faking things. 485 00:20:49,583 --> 00:20:51,916 Like orgasms or pretending to like people 486 00:20:51,993 --> 00:20:53,868 who give you egg salad. 487 00:20:53,945 --> 00:20:55,422 LOIS: Oh, Peter! 488 00:20:55,446 --> 00:20:56,966 PETER: Oh, Lois! 489 00:20:56,998 --> 00:20:59,507 RACCOON: Oh, other raccoon! 33999

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