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♪ It seems today that all you see ♪
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♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪
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♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
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♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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- Synced and corrected by AlexandreMT -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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Ah. Nothing like drive time radio
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00:00:37,454 --> 00:00:39,455
to remind me that I don't make enough
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to afford satellite radio.
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Hey-hey! You're listening to WQHG 97.1,
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and we are Devin and Lawrence,
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formerly known as Weenie and The Butt.
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That's right, Devin.
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Those nicknames no longer fly
ever since several women
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came forward with allegations
of sexual misconduct
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00:00:54,930 --> 00:00:56,180
against each of us.
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De-De-De-Devin and Lawrence!
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♪ Sexual misconduct ♪
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♪ 97.1 FM. ♪
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Rebranded to
phase out Weenie and the Butt!
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♪ WQHG 97.1. ♪
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They got Me-Too'd, Me-Too'd, Me-Too'd!
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♪ But there were stillsix months on their contract ♪
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- ♪ Overlooking that for now. ♪
- FM!
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Devin, Devin, Devin and Lawrence!
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Court-ordered overcorrection!
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Damn it, what's wrong with the AC?
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And don't forget, Quahog is expected
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to experience record-high
temperatures this week,
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according to our respected meteorologist
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Dr. Jessica Sturgess.
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Formerly known as Weather Girl
Aah-Ooh-Gah Knockerson.
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Sir, could you please
roll down your window?
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I can't. I spilled honey on it
and it won't move.
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Please just step out of the vehicle.
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00:01:48,317 --> 00:01:50,943
Sir, you were swerving back there.
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00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:53,321
Plus, you're drowning in sweat.
Have you been drinking?
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00:01:53,322 --> 00:01:55,990
No. I don't start drinking
till... until the drive home.
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00:01:55,991 --> 00:01:57,658
Why are you slurring your words?
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00:01:57,659 --> 00:01:59,744
Sorry, I had Cap'n Crunch for breakfast.
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The roof of my mouth is in shreds.
46
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I find that story relatable.
47
00:02:04,500 --> 00:02:06,042
You're free to go.
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00:02:06,043 --> 00:02:08,502
Man, I can't believe
that cop thought I was lying.
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00:02:08,503 --> 00:02:10,964
The only time I lie
is when I play poker.
50
00:02:10,965 --> 00:02:12,340
It's make-or-break time.
51
00:02:12,341 --> 00:02:14,550
$75 million at stake.
52
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Betting starts with Peter Griffin.
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Ooh, he's not looking
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at much of anything right now.
And those mirrored sunglasses,
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not doing him any favors.
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00:02:22,351 --> 00:02:24,473
All in.
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00:02:29,566 --> 00:02:31,138
Got to take this. It's my wife.
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Are you here?
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00:02:37,070 --> 00:02:39,200
Okay, you two just hang out in the store
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00:02:39,201 --> 00:02:40,618
while I return this keyboard.
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00:02:40,619 --> 00:02:43,079
I'm going to watch
the older boys play Fortnite,
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00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:46,207
because I'm not old enough
to play Fortnite myself.
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00:02:46,208 --> 00:02:48,250
Hi. I'd like to return this keyboard.
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00:02:48,251 --> 00:02:49,710
Was there something wrong with it?
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00:02:49,711 --> 00:02:51,879
Well,
it said it was designed for writers,
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00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:54,632
but when I sat down to work, it
just wasn't flowing through me.
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00:02:54,633 --> 00:02:56,703
- Do you have a receipt?
- Uh, no.
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00:02:56,704 --> 00:02:58,409
Can't you just look it up?
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00:02:58,410 --> 00:03:00,554
Do you have the credit card
you used to pay for it?
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00:03:00,555 --> 00:03:03,766
I actually paid using
store credit for another return.
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00:03:03,767 --> 00:03:05,893
Do you have the original
packaging for the item?
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00:03:05,894 --> 00:03:07,603
No. No, that's
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00:03:07,604 --> 00:03:09,647
that's probably with the receipt.
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00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:13,901
Manager who's
dishearteningly younger than me
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00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:15,486
to the service counter, please.
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00:03:15,487 --> 00:03:17,780
This better not be another overring.
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00:03:17,781 --> 00:03:20,158
Corpowate's gonna have my ass.
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00:03:25,414 --> 00:03:28,457
Well, we can probably throw out
this sunflower butter
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00:03:28,458 --> 00:03:31,461
now that Stewie's classmate
with the peanut allergy died.
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00:03:33,255 --> 00:03:35,923
Oh, there you are, Peter.
Listen, I need you to...
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00:03:35,924 --> 00:03:37,425
Why are you so sweaty?
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The AC in my car broke.
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00:03:39,094 --> 00:03:40,428
Not from the honey.
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00:03:40,429 --> 00:03:42,471
And fat-guy sweat is like a battleship.
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00:03:42,472 --> 00:03:44,974
Once it gets going,
you can't just turn it around.
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00:03:44,975 --> 00:03:46,267
So until the weather cools off,
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00:03:46,268 --> 00:03:48,436
you're gonna be dealing
with a slippery walrus.
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00:03:48,437 --> 00:03:51,105
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I see a potential rival
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00:03:51,106 --> 00:03:52,899
to my beach supremacy.
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00:04:04,494 --> 00:04:05,870
Now?
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00:04:05,871 --> 00:04:08,164
No, let them tire themselves out.
92
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:10,958
Dad, what are we doing here?
93
00:04:10,959 --> 00:04:13,127
Now that I sweat all the time,
94
00:04:13,128 --> 00:04:16,339
it's just natural that I be
a very sweaty bomb defuser.
95
00:04:20,510 --> 00:04:22,470
Steady. You can do this.
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00:04:22,471 --> 00:04:26,098
All you gotta do is remember the
song you learned in bomb school.
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00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:27,850
♪ Green is good and green is good ♪
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00:04:27,851 --> 00:04:30,269
♪ And red is good and yellow is good ♪
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00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:31,855
♪ And clip whatever you want. ♪
100
00:04:33,732 --> 00:04:35,566
Now, who can tell me what he did wrong?
101
00:04:35,567 --> 00:04:37,318
He made up a song about cutting wires?
102
00:04:37,319 --> 00:04:39,143
He made up a song about cutting wires.
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00:04:39,144 --> 00:04:40,947
Don't do that, guys.
104
00:04:45,035 --> 00:04:47,328
We now return to Indiana Jones
105
00:04:47,329 --> 00:04:49,164
and the Temple Beth Shalom.
106
00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:51,874
You must be Mr. Jones.
107
00:04:51,875 --> 00:04:53,000
It's Dr. Jones.
108
00:04:53,001 --> 00:04:55,169
Oh, a doctor.
109
00:04:55,170 --> 00:04:57,631
You should meet my frumpy daughter.
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00:04:58,757 --> 00:05:01,094
Wow. What are you all dressed up for?
111
00:05:01,095 --> 00:05:03,385
Well, thanks to my car's AC breaking,
112
00:05:03,386 --> 00:05:06,013
I've been asked to be
an overly sweaty Southern lawyer
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00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:08,474
during a landmark civil rights case.
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00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:10,267
Mr. Griffin, you may proceed.
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00:05:10,268 --> 00:05:12,353
May it please the court, Your Honor,
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00:05:12,354 --> 00:05:14,355
opposing counsel, members of the jury,
117
00:05:14,356 --> 00:05:16,524
Madam Stenographer, Bailiff Clarence,
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00:05:16,525 --> 00:05:18,234
Snack Cart Steve,
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00:05:18,235 --> 00:05:20,152
elderly widows with paper fans,
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00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:22,154
woman in the third
row with a flower hat,
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00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:23,948
Deputy Fife, Boo Radley,
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00:05:23,949 --> 00:05:26,325
Yay Radley, Herman Munster judge,
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00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:28,619
lazy dog who wandered
in due to the heat,
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00:05:28,620 --> 00:05:31,288
crazed Al Pacino, old Robert Duvall,
125
00:05:31,289 --> 00:05:34,250
young Robert Duvall,
in-between Robert Duvall,
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00:05:34,251 --> 00:05:36,210
the books of John Grisham.
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00:05:36,211 --> 00:05:38,171
The defense rests.
128
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:43,050
We now return to Jesse Eisenberg
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00:05:43,051 --> 00:05:46,095
and Emma Stone in Opposite Eye Sizes.
130
00:05:46,096 --> 00:05:47,930
Sorry, guys. All I have left
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00:05:47,931 --> 00:05:49,890
are one pair of
extra-large contact lenses
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00:05:49,891 --> 00:05:51,600
and one pair of extra-small.
133
00:05:51,601 --> 00:05:54,770
Uh, we'll be fine.
134
00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:57,106
Well, I just got off the phone
with the electronics store.
135
00:05:57,107 --> 00:06:00,484
Your stupid fight caused
$3,000 worth of damage.
136
00:06:00,485 --> 00:06:03,237
Well, I'm not very good at math.
Y-You lost me.
137
00:06:03,238 --> 00:06:05,406
- A thousand dollars.
- Wow!
138
00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:07,992
- Another thousand dollars.
- Oh, my goodness!
139
00:06:07,993 --> 00:06:09,577
A third thousand dollars.
140
00:06:09,578 --> 00:06:11,538
Now you lost me again.
141
00:06:11,539 --> 00:06:13,289
I don't think Chris can count to three.
142
00:06:13,290 --> 00:06:14,665
How are we gonna pay 'em back?
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00:06:14,666 --> 00:06:16,125
Whoa, what do you mean, "we"?
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00:06:16,126 --> 00:06:18,419
Yeah, do you expect
all nine of us to chip in?
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00:06:18,420 --> 00:06:20,462
Come on, we got to think of some way
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00:06:20,463 --> 00:06:21,797
to raise that money in a hurry.
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00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:23,799
Good afternoon, Quahog. I'm Tom Tucker.
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00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:27,303
Actor, director
and odd-nostriled punch line
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00:06:27,304 --> 00:06:30,014
Zach Braff has successfully
Kickstarted another movie.
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00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:31,348
The shameless film star
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00:06:31,349 --> 00:06:33,559
who made a movie
college kids used to like
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00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:36,687
is again asking people
who have less to give him more.
153
00:06:36,688 --> 00:06:38,314
That's it! We'll set up a Kickstarter
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00:06:38,315 --> 00:06:40,024
for the three grand we need.
155
00:06:40,025 --> 00:06:42,693
But, Brian, people don't just
donate money on Kickstarter.
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00:06:42,694 --> 00:06:45,321
It has to go toward
some sort of project.
157
00:06:45,322 --> 00:06:47,656
Okay,
then we'll say we're making a movie.
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00:06:47,657 --> 00:06:49,408
And who will we get to direct?
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00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:51,660
We'll raise the money we need,
pay back the store,
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00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:53,954
and then e-mail the backers,
saying we ran into trouble
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and couldn't finish the project.
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00:06:55,665 --> 00:06:58,042
Great idea, Brian.
Much better than that version
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00:06:58,043 --> 00:07:02,171
of Free Solo narrated
by a concerned Midwestern mom.
164
00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:03,964
Oh, that's too high, Alex.
165
00:07:03,965 --> 00:07:05,799
That's too high. Oh, I can't watch.
166
00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:07,301
Now, now, why wouldn't you just have
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00:07:07,302 --> 00:07:08,886
a nice lunch at Applebee's?
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00:07:08,887 --> 00:07:11,556
I like that bird, though.
169
00:07:16,519 --> 00:07:18,687
Griffin, why is this floor wet?
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00:07:18,688 --> 00:07:20,147
Oh, sorry, that's from me.
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00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:22,066
I-I got a little perspiration problem.
172
00:07:22,067 --> 00:07:23,817
Hey, what time is our meeting, Oscar?
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00:07:23,818 --> 00:07:25,152
It's... Aah!
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00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:28,197
Sorry. What time is our meeting,
Aah-scar?
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00:07:28,198 --> 00:07:30,866
Damn it, Griffin, you've become
a liability in this office.
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00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:33,035
- Why? 'Cause I'm drunk and have a gun?
- No.
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00:07:33,036 --> 00:07:34,578
- 'Cause of the cocaine?
- No.
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00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:35,829
'Cause I use office petty cash
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00:07:35,830 --> 00:07:37,539
to have sex with high-end escorts?
180
00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:41,335
No. But your perspiration
has become a serious problem.
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00:07:41,336 --> 00:07:43,837
I'm afraid you're going
to have to work from home
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- until you get it under control.
- All right, if you insist.
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00:07:46,801 --> 00:07:48,217
Hey, Candy, sorry I couldn't finish
184
00:07:48,218 --> 00:07:50,260
'cause I'm so freakin' gacked
on ski powder.
185
00:07:50,261 --> 00:07:52,221
I thought the gun would get me there.
186
00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:53,681
Anyway, here's the office cash.
187
00:07:53,682 --> 00:07:56,226
Careful of the wet
floor. You're pregnant.
188
00:08:02,691 --> 00:08:05,275
So, Dad, are you excited
for your first day
189
00:08:05,276 --> 00:08:07,779
- of working from home?
- Yes, but I'm very late.
190
00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:11,281
Busy dad morning goodbyes.
191
00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:27,923
Forgot my phone.
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00:08:42,605 --> 00:08:44,815
Are you here?
193
00:08:44,816 --> 00:08:47,609
So, Mom, you're okay
with Dad working in the house
194
00:08:47,610 --> 00:08:49,069
- all the time?
- Oh, yeah,
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00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:50,988
it's nice having a coworker.
196
00:08:50,989 --> 00:08:53,615
'Cause being a housewife
is a full-time job.
197
00:08:53,616 --> 00:08:56,118
For some pretty tough bosses!
198
00:09:00,749 --> 00:09:03,333
Hi. So, is this your break time?
199
00:09:03,334 --> 00:09:04,960
- No, sir.
- Oh, okay.
200
00:09:04,961 --> 00:09:07,463
I was wondering
if my watch was off, maybe.
201
00:09:07,464 --> 00:09:09,089
- It's not.
- You see, Mom,
202
00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:11,675
we try to stay focused
on the task at hand
203
00:09:11,676 --> 00:09:14,595
here at Griffin, Griffin,
Griffin, Griffin and Griffin.
204
00:09:14,596 --> 00:09:16,472
Good morning.
205
00:09:16,473 --> 00:09:18,432
Griffin, Griffin, Griffin and Griffin.
206
00:09:18,433 --> 00:09:21,769
Huh. I thought our letterhead
had five Griffins on it, Meg.
207
00:09:21,770 --> 00:09:24,313
But you were right
to leave one of them off,
208
00:09:24,314 --> 00:09:26,565
because you're (BLEEP) fired.
209
00:09:32,197 --> 00:09:34,114
Uh, hello?
210
00:09:34,115 --> 00:09:35,824
Hey, Lois. I'm at the small bodega
211
00:09:35,825 --> 00:09:37,326
in the living room lobby
212
00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:39,244
trying to pick out
a new baby card for Janine.
213
00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:40,788
Wai... Who's Janine?
214
00:09:40,789 --> 00:09:42,873
Yeah, right? Anyway, should I get one
215
00:09:42,874 --> 00:09:44,792
with a baby with
SpaghettiOs on his head,
216
00:09:44,793 --> 00:09:47,002
like, "This is what it's gonna be like",
217
00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:48,962
or one with a stork
with an injured back?
218
00:09:48,963 --> 00:09:50,672
Peter, I don't care.
219
00:09:50,673 --> 00:09:54,676
Well, time to live out my dream
of becoming a bodega cat.
220
00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:57,513
I'm between the breads.
221
00:10:01,518 --> 00:10:04,478
Again, I want to say I'm so glad
all of our schedules lined up
222
00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:06,522
so we can work together.
And, as a reminder,
223
00:10:06,523 --> 00:10:08,232
we've got New York on the line.
224
00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:10,567
New York, are you there?
225
00:10:10,568 --> 00:10:13,195
Stewie, is there anyone specific
on the line in New York?
226
00:10:13,196 --> 00:10:14,530
Brian,
you're just showing your ignorance.
227
00:10:14,531 --> 00:10:16,865
The phrase is, "New York on the line".
228
00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:18,050
Hey, buddy,
229
00:10:18,051 --> 00:10:19,391
move that piece of junk!
230
00:10:19,392 --> 00:10:20,494
Go Mets!
231
00:10:20,495 --> 00:10:22,704
And that's the best city we have.
232
00:10:22,705 --> 00:10:24,164
All right, so,
we've heard from New York.
233
00:10:24,165 --> 00:10:25,597
- What have you guys got?
- This,
234
00:10:25,598 --> 00:10:26,750
this can't be the meeting.
235
00:10:26,751 --> 00:10:29,002
New York, I'm gonna put you
on hold for a second.
236
00:10:29,003 --> 00:10:30,879
Brian, you're embarrassing us
in front of New York.
237
00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:32,506
Now get it together.
238
00:10:32,507 --> 00:10:35,175
All right, let's show them
the pitch video we put together.
239
00:10:37,011 --> 00:10:38,428
My name's Stewie,
240
00:10:38,429 --> 00:10:40,556
and this camera saved my life.
241
00:10:40,557 --> 00:10:43,016
I was born on the wrong side
of the tracks.
242
00:10:43,017 --> 00:10:45,060
My father made holes in belts,
243
00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:47,855
and my mother was
the Italian guy on a pizza box.
244
00:10:47,856 --> 00:10:50,524
The old man wanted me to go
into the family business.
245
00:10:50,525 --> 00:10:53,277
Hey! I don't hear any holes being holed!
246
00:10:53,278 --> 00:10:54,862
I want to make movies, Pa!
247
00:10:54,863 --> 00:10:56,446
Don't make me beat you
248
00:10:56,447 --> 00:10:59,449
with the instrument with which
I make holes in belts!
249
00:10:59,450 --> 00:11:01,285
It's called an awl, Pa!
250
00:11:01,286 --> 00:11:03,079
You son of a bitch!
251
00:11:04,414 --> 00:11:06,164
Ma! Do something!
252
00:11:06,165 --> 00:11:08,750
Frank, no!
253
00:11:08,751 --> 00:11:10,460
Six months later,
254
00:11:10,461 --> 00:11:13,380
my old man died when theycanceled The Tony Danza Show.
255
00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:15,382
The one that was on during the day.
256
00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:18,135
Anyway, all that
is why I want to make a movie
257
00:11:18,136 --> 00:11:20,930
about a dog who joins a hockey team.
258
00:11:24,392 --> 00:11:26,476
Morning, handsome.
259
00:11:26,477 --> 00:11:28,187
Mwah.
260
00:11:30,273 --> 00:11:33,817
Now, Lois, you have been accused
of an unwanted touching.
261
00:11:33,818 --> 00:11:35,351
- When?
- Just now.
262
00:11:35,352 --> 00:11:37,738
- Just before the flip.
- Uh, this is ridiculous.
263
00:11:37,739 --> 00:11:39,072
Lois, please.
264
00:11:39,073 --> 00:11:40,741
Now, the way this works is
265
00:11:40,742 --> 00:11:43,952
we simply gather information and
I make up my mind an hour ago.
266
00:11:43,953 --> 00:11:45,787
Peter, please tell us what happened.
267
00:11:45,788 --> 00:11:47,497
I'm sitting there at my desk,
268
00:11:47,498 --> 00:11:49,249
trying to watch porn on sites
269
00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:50,751
you guys haven't figured out yet,
270
00:11:50,752 --> 00:11:51,919
and
271
00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:53,670
she comes in and kisses me.
272
00:11:58,134 --> 00:12:01,678
Now, Barbara, the reason
you are here at Super HR
273
00:12:01,679 --> 00:12:04,765
is there's been an accusation
of unwanted touching
274
00:12:04,766 --> 00:12:08,101
and an overly sexualized
work environment.
275
00:12:08,102 --> 00:12:10,854
That's it. Peter,
no more working from home.
276
00:12:10,855 --> 00:12:12,856
I want you to go back to the office.
277
00:12:12,857 --> 00:12:16,026
Peter, how can the company
make this right?
278
00:12:16,027 --> 00:12:18,820
Bring back Lay's WOW chips with Olestra.
279
00:12:18,821 --> 00:12:22,282
Mr. Griffin, those chips
were recalled in the '90s
280
00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:24,785
for causing explosive diarrhea.
281
00:12:24,786 --> 00:12:26,203
You heard me.
282
00:12:26,204 --> 00:12:27,871
Mmm.
283
00:12:27,872 --> 00:12:29,419
So good.
284
00:12:30,458 --> 00:12:31,541
Uh-oh.
285
00:12:34,212 --> 00:12:36,714
All right, boys, get me up to speed.
286
00:12:43,136 --> 00:12:45,013
Brian! Chris!
287
00:12:45,014 --> 00:12:46,181
Stewie, what's the matter?
288
00:12:46,182 --> 00:12:47,557
Our Kickstarter...
289
00:12:47,558 --> 00:12:49,351
What? Did we not hit our goal?
290
00:12:49,352 --> 00:12:52,854
I also want to ask a question
without looking at the screen.
291
00:12:52,855 --> 00:12:55,775
Oh, oh, we hit it all right.
292
00:12:59,362 --> 00:13:00,487
Whoa.
293
00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:02,155
We actually have to make this thing.
294
00:13:02,156 --> 00:13:03,657
Gentlemen, it's time
295
00:13:03,658 --> 00:13:05,701
to start inappropriately
touching actresses
296
00:13:05,702 --> 00:13:07,202
on the casting couch.
297
00:13:07,203 --> 00:13:10,580
Okay, I have been made aware
of the allegations.
298
00:13:10,581 --> 00:13:13,876
Is there anything you can say
on your behalf?
299
00:13:14,919 --> 00:13:16,838
I'm trans?
300
00:13:16,839 --> 00:13:19,675
You just won HR.
301
00:13:26,347 --> 00:13:28,015
All right. Dishes washed,
302
00:13:28,016 --> 00:13:29,224
kids off to school,
303
00:13:29,225 --> 00:13:31,101
taking my boobs out of my bra.
304
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:35,439
Alexa, play Mom Spa channel.
305
00:13:38,401 --> 00:13:39,693
All right, you're gonna have
to catch me up.
306
00:13:39,694 --> 00:13:41,361
I just stepped off a bird from Omaha,
307
00:13:41,362 --> 00:13:42,863
and I have a very tight window.
308
00:13:42,864 --> 00:13:44,281
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down.
309
00:13:44,282 --> 00:13:45,699
I don't have the bandwidth
for this right now.
310
00:13:45,700 --> 00:13:47,701
This is a lot for me to unpack,
honestly.
311
00:13:47,702 --> 00:13:49,369
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
312
00:13:49,370 --> 00:13:50,912
Well, I'm gonna have
to circle back with Ken
313
00:13:50,913 --> 00:13:52,289
to get it past the goal line.
314
00:13:52,290 --> 00:13:54,583
Unless, Wendy, do you want
to run it up the flagpole?
315
00:13:54,584 --> 00:13:56,376
Well, at the end of the day,
it is what it is.
316
00:13:56,377 --> 00:13:57,919
Look, look, look. Listen, listen.
317
00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:59,713
Look, listen, look,
look, listen, listen.
318
00:13:59,714 --> 00:14:01,465
Not to put too fine a point on it,
319
00:14:01,466 --> 00:14:03,550
but when push comes to shove,
look, listen, look.
320
00:14:03,551 --> 00:14:05,218
Okay, I'm gonna put a pin in this.
321
00:14:05,219 --> 00:14:07,763
I got to go crowd the gate so
people think I'm in first class,
322
00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:09,514
even though I'm in boarding group seven.
323
00:14:09,515 --> 00:14:11,475
Peter, for God's sake,
324
00:14:11,476 --> 00:14:13,602
can I not just have 15 minutes
of peace and quiet
325
00:14:13,603 --> 00:14:14,686
in my own kitchen?
326
00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:16,480
All right, I'll stay out of your way.
327
00:14:16,481 --> 00:14:19,942
I will simply do my work
and not say a word.
328
00:14:55,019 --> 00:14:57,604
Peter, we are gonna have to fi...
329
00:14:57,605 --> 00:14:59,189
Attention, please,
330
00:14:59,190 --> 00:15:02,150
we are gonna begin pre-boarding
Flight 238 to Scottsdale,
331
00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:04,611
beginning with our first-class
and Prestige members.
332
00:15:04,612 --> 00:15:06,572
Oh, that's me. I got to go.
333
00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:12,119
Scuse me, is there any way
I can get on the plane now,
334
00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:15,414
even though I'm in the seat
whose back touches the bathroom?
335
00:15:19,669 --> 00:15:21,962
Okay, welcome
to the first official table read
336
00:15:21,963 --> 00:15:24,422
for The Untitled Kickstarter Project.
337
00:15:24,423 --> 00:15:26,383
Chris will be on speakerphone
from down the hall,
338
00:15:26,384 --> 00:15:29,219
and, as a reminder, that may
result in a five-second delay.
339
00:15:29,220 --> 00:15:32,389
So, now to hand it over
to our writer extraordinaire,
340
00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:34,683
- Mr. Brian...
- Hi, everyone!
341
00:15:34,684 --> 00:15:36,059
There's the delay.
342
00:15:36,060 --> 00:15:38,478
- Brian Griffin, take it away.
- Thank you, Stewie.
343
00:15:38,479 --> 00:15:39,688
And before we get started,
344
00:15:39,689 --> 00:15:41,314
I would like to officially thank Stewie
345
00:15:41,315 --> 00:15:42,649
for spearheading this project,
346
00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:44,067
and I'd like to thank Chris
347
00:15:44,068 --> 00:15:46,236
for his help scouting all the locations.
348
00:15:46,237 --> 00:15:48,655
Now, scene one. We open on a suburban...
349
00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:49,906
Aw, you're welcome, Brian!
350
00:15:49,907 --> 00:15:51,408
Happy to pitch in.
351
00:15:51,409 --> 00:15:52,826
Yeah, speaking of scouting,
352
00:15:52,827 --> 00:15:54,411
you sure got good at scouting
353
00:15:54,412 --> 00:15:55,996
the location of the nearest Burger King.
354
00:15:55,997 --> 00:15:57,080
Okay, scene one.
355
00:15:57,081 --> 00:15:58,498
We open on a suburban home,
356
00:15:58,499 --> 00:16:00,667
where a party is in full swing.
357
00:16:00,668 --> 00:16:02,419
There is a knock at the...
358
00:16:02,420 --> 00:16:04,546
I do like Burger King!
359
00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:05,672
At the door.
360
00:16:05,673 --> 00:16:07,842
The teenage son answers it.
361
00:16:11,762 --> 00:16:15,182
Well, if it isn't my favorite uncle.
362
00:16:15,183 --> 00:16:17,058
Why-why did we give him the lead part?
363
00:16:17,059 --> 00:16:19,019
Chris, we're having
a little delay issue here,
364
00:16:19,020 --> 00:16:21,272
so try and come in a little sooner,
yeah?
365
00:16:25,026 --> 00:16:26,776
Roger that.
366
00:16:26,777 --> 00:16:29,613
Okay. The teenage son stares
at the man in the doorway,
367
00:16:29,614 --> 00:16:32,908
- and they exchange an intense...
- Back so soon, Uncle Cornelius?
368
00:16:32,909 --> 00:16:34,576
Okay, Chris, that was a little too soon.
369
00:16:34,577 --> 00:16:36,077
Bri... look,
what we're gonna do is, Brian...
370
00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:38,705
Why didn't you come to my mom's funeral?
371
00:16:38,706 --> 00:16:40,457
No, no, Chris,
we're pausing for a second.
372
00:16:40,458 --> 00:16:42,209
All right? Okay, okay, Brian,
here's what we're gonna do.
373
00:16:42,210 --> 00:16:45,045
You're going to slap the table
halfway through your line,
374
00:16:45,046 --> 00:16:47,297
and, Chris, when you hear
the slap on your end,
375
00:16:47,298 --> 00:16:48,465
that's when you talk.
376
00:16:48,466 --> 00:16:49,716
Everyone got that?
377
00:16:49,717 --> 00:16:50,843
Yes.
378
00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:55,889
Yes.
379
00:16:55,890 --> 00:16:58,308
Okay. Uncle Cornelius stands
in the doorway
380
00:16:58,309 --> 00:17:00,393
in stunned silence
381
00:17:00,394 --> 00:17:03,480
not knowing what to say but
knowing he should say something.
382
00:17:03,481 --> 00:17:06,274
Well, do you have anything
to say for yourself?
383
00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:08,401
- This is working.
- You're damn right I do!
384
00:17:08,402 --> 00:17:10,737
Uncle Cornelius slaps the table in anger
385
00:17:10,738 --> 00:17:12,906
as he walks across
to pour himself a gin and...
386
00:17:12,907 --> 00:17:16,576
I'll return your pearl-handled
revolver one bullet at a time!
387
00:17:16,577 --> 00:17:18,745
Okay, let's just shoot it. It all works.
388
00:17:18,746 --> 00:17:22,332
I just want to thank... everyone
for all their hard work today.
389
00:17:22,333 --> 00:17:24,210
You're welcome!
390
00:17:29,298 --> 00:17:30,715
What the hell?
391
00:17:33,135 --> 00:17:34,344
Oh, hi, Peter.
392
00:17:34,345 --> 00:17:35,929
Like what I've done with the place?
393
00:17:35,930 --> 00:17:37,847
I'm not sure what you have done.
394
00:17:37,848 --> 00:17:41,518
Well, since you decided to turn
our house into an office,
395
00:17:41,519 --> 00:17:43,812
I decided to make it
into a public work space
396
00:17:43,813 --> 00:17:45,819
for everyone to enjoy.
397
00:17:45,820 --> 00:17:47,148
Principal Shepherd?
398
00:17:47,149 --> 00:17:49,401
Oh, hey, Peter. John Shepherd
of Shepherd Marketing.
399
00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:51,278
Eye contact, firm handshake.
400
00:17:51,279 --> 00:17:52,612
We can put your logo on anything:
401
00:17:52,613 --> 00:17:54,656
a mug, a set of pens, a mug.
402
00:17:54,657 --> 00:17:56,199
I, uh... I don't have a logo.
403
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:57,701
Funny you should say that,
404
00:17:57,702 --> 00:18:00,120
because our art department
could whip you something up.
405
00:18:00,121 --> 00:18:02,998
Hmm, let's see. Peter, Peter...
406
00:18:02,999 --> 00:18:04,124
Penis?
407
00:18:04,125 --> 00:18:06,167
Let's just fire up Windows 98.
408
00:18:06,168 --> 00:18:07,794
You like that, right on the mug?
409
00:18:07,795 --> 00:18:09,488
Uh, n-no. No, thank you.
410
00:18:09,489 --> 00:18:11,006
Lois, what do you think you're doing?
411
00:18:11,007 --> 00:18:12,966
Uh, I don't know what
you're talking about, Peter.
412
00:18:12,967 --> 00:18:16,177
Just creating
a nice work environment for you.
413
00:18:16,178 --> 00:18:19,306
For instance, I also piped in
easy listening music
414
00:18:19,307 --> 00:18:20,515
throughout the house.
415
00:18:20,516 --> 00:18:21,975
♪ Doo doo doo... ♪
416
00:18:21,976 --> 00:18:24,144
"Ode to My Family" by the Cranberries?
417
00:18:24,145 --> 00:18:26,980
Lois, you know once I hear that,
I can't get it out of my head.
418
00:18:26,981 --> 00:18:29,024
Don't worry. It's not the whole song.
419
00:18:29,025 --> 00:18:30,150
It's just the...
420
00:18:30,151 --> 00:18:32,152
♪ Doo doo doo doo ♪
421
00:18:32,153 --> 00:18:33,361
Part on repeat.
422
00:18:33,362 --> 00:18:34,863
That's the catchiest part!
423
00:18:34,864 --> 00:18:36,197
Well, you better get to work.
424
00:18:36,198 --> 00:18:38,033
It's already 9:15.
425
00:18:38,034 --> 00:18:40,493
Come on, Peter, focus. You can do this.
426
00:18:40,494 --> 00:18:42,537
♪ Doo doo doo doo, doo... ♪
427
00:18:42,538 --> 00:18:45,248
And... send.
428
00:18:45,249 --> 00:18:46,499
All right.
429
00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:49,545
Let's see what Griffin's been up to.
430
00:18:52,380 --> 00:18:56,134
Hmm. I've been saying that
to corporate for years.
431
00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:57,344
I got your mug, Peter.
432
00:18:57,345 --> 00:18:59,346
That'll be $59.99.
433
00:18:59,347 --> 00:19:00,680
I got a Square here,
434
00:19:00,681 --> 00:19:02,766
so we can take care
of the transaction in-house.
435
00:19:02,767 --> 00:19:04,434
Geez, seems kind of pricey.
436
00:19:04,435 --> 00:19:07,062
Well,
we could bring that down to $29.99,
437
00:19:07,063 --> 00:19:09,064
but you'd have to buy 4,000 of them.
438
00:19:09,065 --> 00:19:12,525
Fruit Baskets Covered in
Cellophane. How may I help you?
439
00:19:12,526 --> 00:19:16,446
Long, juicy bananas and melon balls.
440
00:19:16,447 --> 00:19:18,531
No,
I know you hadn't asked me a question.
441
00:19:18,532 --> 00:19:21,539
I was just thinking
about another part of my day.
442
00:19:21,540 --> 00:19:23,953
Okay! Fire drill!
443
00:19:23,954 --> 00:19:26,206
Everyone out in the hot sun for an hour,
444
00:19:26,207 --> 00:19:28,958
with no information
as to when we're coming back!
445
00:19:28,959 --> 00:19:30,794
Damn it, Lois. I can't take this!
446
00:19:30,795 --> 00:19:33,963
Huh. Maybe you'd be better off
working from your office.
447
00:19:33,964 --> 00:19:37,258
But I thought you'd like having
me around the house all day.
448
00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:38,551
I thought so, too, Peter.
449
00:19:38,552 --> 00:19:40,929
But maybe it was too
much of a good thing.
450
00:19:40,930 --> 00:19:44,057
You know I love you, but if
this marriage is gonna survive,
451
00:19:44,058 --> 00:19:46,601
I think you need to be gone
for most of it.
452
00:19:46,602 --> 00:19:49,062
I guess you're right.
When you look at it,
453
00:19:49,063 --> 00:19:51,398
most marriages are
just a couple hours a night.
454
00:19:51,399 --> 00:19:54,401
I'm sorry I was getting on
your nerves, being home so much.
455
00:19:54,402 --> 00:19:57,278
I'll call Bert and ask him if
I can come back to the office.
456
00:19:57,279 --> 00:19:58,405
Thank you, Peter.
457
00:19:58,406 --> 00:19:59,989
I love you so much.
458
00:19:59,990 --> 00:20:02,790
- I love you, too.
- Mmm.
459
00:20:02,791 --> 00:20:05,870
Hey, I went ahead and ordered
those 4,000 penis mugs for you.
460
00:20:05,871 --> 00:20:06,996
I don't want those.
461
00:20:06,997 --> 00:20:08,790
Well,
what am I supposed to do with them?
462
00:20:08,791 --> 00:20:11,252
May I propose a merger?
463
00:20:11,253 --> 00:20:16,380
♪ The secret of my successis I'm living. ♪
464
00:20:23,597 --> 00:20:25,104
Wow, we did it.
465
00:20:25,105 --> 00:20:26,641
We actually made a movie.
466
00:20:26,642 --> 00:20:28,101
Yeah, I don't want to call this a movie.
467
00:20:28,102 --> 00:20:29,602
We made a film.
468
00:20:29,603 --> 00:20:31,312
We made a film, guys.
469
00:20:31,313 --> 00:20:36,151
And we even had $300,000
left over to buy snacks.
470
00:20:36,152 --> 00:20:40,447
"M-Movie snacks are very
expensive" is, is-is the joke.
471
00:20:40,448 --> 00:20:41,740
Here we go.
472
00:20:45,870 --> 00:20:47,829
This is garbage!
473
00:20:47,830 --> 00:20:50,210
I'm just happy for a night out.
474
00:20:52,376 --> 00:20:54,335
Now,
who can tell me what they did wrong?
475
00:20:54,336 --> 00:20:56,504
They were no-talent jerks
who made a Kickstarter movie?
476
00:20:56,505 --> 00:20:59,174
They were no-talent jerks who
made a Kickstarter movie.
477
00:20:59,175 --> 00:21:00,968
Don't do that, guys.
36591
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