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♪ It seems today that all you see ♪
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♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪
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♪ But where are thosegood old-fashioned values ♪
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♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a manwho positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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- Synced and corrected by AlexandreMT -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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Fart joke.
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Sir, you need to get ready
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for your lifetime achievement
award ceremony.
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Thank you, shape-shifting valet.
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Remember, sir, I can be
any shape you wish.
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Yeah, but you're already this, so...
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Excuse me.
18
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Pardon me.
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Beg your pardon.
20
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Coming through.
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Nice to see you.
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Thank you for coming.
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What if I told you you could accumulate
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all the wealth you'd ever want
25
00:01:51,194 --> 00:01:53,154
simply by learning
the secrets of real estate?
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Oop, wrong room.
27
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And then what if
you could use that wealth
28
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to turn yourself into a Broadway star?
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Welcome, ladies and gentlemen
30
00:02:13,425 --> 00:02:16,469
and 14 other genders we have now.
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I'm Lane Bergan,
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the biggest star of May 2020 and on.
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So, if you've only watched TV
up until April of 2020,
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my name would be unfamiliar to you.
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00:02:27,939 --> 00:02:29,273
Lane Bergan?
36
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What, did Brett Kingston say no?
37
00:02:34,654 --> 00:02:38,407
When the Dwayne Johnson Center
for Confusing Ethnicity
38
00:02:38,408 --> 00:02:40,785
approached me about hosting this night,
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I said it'd be an honor to bestow upon
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Stewart Gilligan Griffin
our Lifetime Achievement Award.
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When Stewie invented the Wipeless Dump,
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our rainforests were
hanging on by a thread.
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Now, are there too many trees?
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Ladies and gentlemen, Stewart Griffin.
45
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Thank you for this wonderful honor.
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It's so wonderful to be
here with all of you.
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You guys mind stopping
for just one minute?
48
00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:22,201
When I heard I was going
to be receiving this award, I...
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00:03:23,328 --> 00:03:24,703
I'm not the person who yells at waiters,
50
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but maybe everyone
bussing tables can freeze?
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I-I don't understand why I'm the person
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who has to be saying this, okay?
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Okay, I'll never forget
the first time I...
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Wow, really?
55
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This award means the world to...
56
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me...
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00:03:42,514 --> 00:03:43,722
and I want to thank...
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everyone who...
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Anybody with a (BLEEP) bowtie on,
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stop what you're doing,
walk into the coatroom,
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00:03:49,688 --> 00:03:52,440
and don't come out
until I'm done talking!
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I-I don't yell at waiters.
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I'm now going to stop mid-sentence
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because I see someone from my...
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Brian?
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So, Brian, how's Frank Sinatra, Jr.?
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- You two still hanging out?
- No. He died.
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I'll never forget it,
it was Spiro Agnew's birthday.
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00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:24,972
Wow, so you, uh, really went all-in
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with the Japanese screens.
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00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:28,476
Yes, I really like
changing in silhouette
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while carrying on a conversation.
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Will you excuse me?
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00:04:33,899 --> 00:04:35,483
So, how was your flight?
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It was, uh, it was fine.
76
00:04:36,985 --> 00:04:38,986
I had a layover in Atlanta...
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What are you doing back there?
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00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:42,781
Just getting into something
more comfortable.
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00:04:42,782 --> 00:04:44,116
Can I interest you in a nightcap?
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00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:45,534
- I think I've got...
- Who is that?
81
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A little privacy, please!
82
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What the hell was all that?
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I have a lot of money, Brian.
84
00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:54,794
But let's continue this while
I take a very foggy shower.
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No, Stewie, come on.
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I haven't seen you in almost 50 years.
87
00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:02,301
And you haven't even
told me how great I look.
88
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:04,595
You do look great. Thanks to me.
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00:05:04,596 --> 00:05:06,847
I invented a pill to extend your life.
90
00:05:06,848 --> 00:05:08,933
It's called "Semper Fido."
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00:05:08,934 --> 00:05:10,434
What? Why?
92
00:05:10,435 --> 00:05:12,853
Aren't you going to say anything
about the cute name I gave it?
93
00:05:12,854 --> 00:05:14,855
Ha. What? Why?
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00:05:14,856 --> 00:05:16,315
I snuck it in your food
because I wanted you
95
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:19,568
to live long enough to see that
global warming is bull crap.
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00:05:19,569 --> 00:05:21,779
Oh, my God, we were so wrong about that.
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If anything, it's way colder now.
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00:05:23,532 --> 00:05:24,865
Yes, and now thanks to you,
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00:05:24,866 --> 00:05:27,034
we're stuck with President Polar Bear.
100
00:05:27,035 --> 00:05:29,912
President Polar Bear, is it true
you ate the presidential seal?
101
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That was a simple misunderstanding.
102
00:05:31,957 --> 00:05:33,916
- No further questions.
- President Polar Bear!
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President Polar Bear,
what did you do for a Klondike bar?
104
00:05:36,127 --> 00:05:40,089
I believe the president has
answered all of your questions.
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Here's what I don't understand...
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00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:43,467
Why did you even want me
to live this long
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if you were just gonna leave me?
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It's not about you, Brian.
109
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:49,431
- I couldn't take it back there.
- But they were your family, Stewie.
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00:05:49,432 --> 00:05:51,684
I guess I'm just not a family guy.
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00:05:53,061 --> 00:05:56,356
Mom and Dad always wanted me
to be someone I wasn't.
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Stewie Griffin, get in here right now!
113
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- Yeah?
- Well,
114
00:06:03,154 --> 00:06:05,489
I just got our Christmas card photos.
115
00:06:05,490 --> 00:06:07,992
You want to tell me what you're
doing with your hands here?
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00:06:07,993 --> 00:06:09,994
- Nothing.
- Exactly, nothing.
117
00:06:09,995 --> 00:06:12,538
And what does the greeting
at the top of the card say?
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"Merry Christmas
and a Shocking New Year."
119
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And what is every
other member of the family
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doing with their hands?
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00:06:17,961 --> 00:06:19,670
- The shocker.
- Right.
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Now, listen, Stewie,
I'm a cool dad, all right?
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I could care less what you
do with the pink, truly.
124
00:06:24,843 --> 00:06:27,511
But the stink is where
you get the "shocking."
125
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You get that? You get what I'm saying?
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00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:31,140
Even if it's just one, that's fine.
127
00:06:31,141 --> 00:06:33,892
- But you got to put something there.
- I-I think it's gonna be fine.
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I'm sure people won't even notice.
129
00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:38,480
Oh...
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Anyway, that's why I left.
131
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Well, that was a long time ago.
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You have to come back.
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Stewie...
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- Peter is dying.
- What?
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00:06:46,489 --> 00:06:48,574
Oh, my God, that's awful.
136
00:06:48,575 --> 00:06:50,909
- So, you'll come see him?
- Of course.
137
00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:52,119
You know, he once asked me in the event
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00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:55,080
that he was sick
to clear his Google history.
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"Peter Griffin search history."
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00:06:58,627 --> 00:06:59,918
"Winnie the Pooh,
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00:06:59,919 --> 00:07:01,754
"Winnie the Pooh jacket,
142
00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:03,881
"Winnie the Pooh vintage jacket,
143
00:07:03,882 --> 00:07:05,799
"Winnie the Pooh letterman jacket,
144
00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:07,885
"Winnie the Pooh windbreaker,
145
00:07:07,886 --> 00:07:09,470
"Eeyore jacket,
146
00:07:09,471 --> 00:07:11,513
"Eeyore vintage jacket,
147
00:07:11,514 --> 00:07:13,474
"Eeyore letterman jacket,
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00:07:13,475 --> 00:07:15,476
lactating pregnant Latinas..."
149
00:07:15,477 --> 00:07:17,311
Wow. Huge turn there.
150
00:07:17,312 --> 00:07:18,812
"Piglet pencil erasers."
151
00:07:18,813 --> 00:07:20,230
Okay, getting back in there.
152
00:07:20,231 --> 00:07:22,900
"Full cast Winnie the Pooh backpack."
153
00:07:22,901 --> 00:07:25,444
Oh, "cancer symptoms," yeah.
154
00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:27,946
"Coughing up blood, pain in abdomen,
155
00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:28,947
Winnie the Pooh casket."
156
00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:31,116
Yeah, he is sick.
You know, while we're here,
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00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:32,826
let's take a look
at your search history.
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00:07:32,827 --> 00:07:35,954
- No, Stewie, that's...
- "Spiro Agnew birthday."
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00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:39,376
What a weird thing to try
to impress me with.
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00:07:44,839 --> 00:07:46,924
Okay, first stop, Chris Griffin.
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00:07:46,925 --> 00:07:49,718
- We have to pick up Chris?
- Yeah, what's the problem?
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00:07:49,719 --> 00:07:51,845
Uh, we didn't exactly
get along too well.
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00:07:51,846 --> 00:07:55,683
Especially after Grandpa died
and left me the dark boathouse.
164
00:07:55,684 --> 00:07:57,059
You can still use the boathouse
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00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:59,770
on non-vacation Sundays in the spring.
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00:07:59,771 --> 00:08:01,647
I've always taken care of you, Chris.
167
00:08:01,648 --> 00:08:03,273
Taken care of me?
168
00:08:03,274 --> 00:08:06,485
You're my kid brother,
you take care of me?
169
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:08,112
Sorry, I came down here to vape.
170
00:08:08,113 --> 00:08:11,615
Send Chris off to do this,
send Chris off to do that.
171
00:08:11,616 --> 00:08:13,409
I'm supposed to be
shoveling the driveway.
172
00:08:13,410 --> 00:08:17,496
I'm your older brother, Stewie,
and I was stepped over!
173
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:19,248
It's the way Grandpa wanted it.
174
00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:21,291
It ain't the way I wanted it!
175
00:08:21,292 --> 00:08:23,001
Sounds like you're having
a personal conversation.
176
00:08:23,002 --> 00:08:25,921
- I'll put in my earbuds.
- I'm smart!
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00:08:25,922 --> 00:08:28,549
Not like everybody says, like dumb.
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00:08:28,550 --> 00:08:31,176
I'm smart and I want respect.
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00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:33,513
♪ Funky Cold Medina. ♪
180
00:08:39,394 --> 00:08:41,437
Chris, you live in filth.
181
00:08:41,438 --> 00:08:44,481
- What have you been doing?
- Yeah, I kind of wasted my life,
182
00:08:44,482 --> 00:08:47,568
except I obsessed over
teaching my penis how to talk.
183
00:08:47,569 --> 00:08:49,361
- What?
- Who's out there?
184
00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:51,280
Settle down, just got some company.
185
00:08:51,281 --> 00:08:53,449
Well, aren't you going to introduce me?
186
00:08:53,450 --> 00:08:56,076
I'm getting to it,
if-if you'll give me a second.
187
00:08:56,077 --> 00:08:57,745
I want to have a look at them.
188
00:08:57,746 --> 00:09:00,706
Hey, numbskull, that's how we
got in trouble the last time.
189
00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:04,001
He-he's really very friendly.
190
00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:05,836
Where's the Jamba
Juice you were gonna get me?
191
00:09:05,837 --> 00:09:08,297
Never mind, I'll order it on Postmates.
192
00:09:08,298 --> 00:09:11,676
No, you won't.
Stop spending all our money.
193
00:09:15,346 --> 00:09:17,097
So, what's Meg been up to anyway?
194
00:09:17,098 --> 00:09:19,725
She runs a small
private security business
195
00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:20,726
out in the desert.
196
00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:21,977
That sounds kind of cool.
197
00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:25,481
Well, she basically just
tests bulletproof vests.
198
00:09:26,775 --> 00:09:28,358
- Ready?
- One sec.
199
00:09:30,028 --> 00:09:31,737
Yeah, go, go, go.
200
00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:37,701
Ooh... yeah.
201
00:09:42,957 --> 00:09:45,042
This one can use another layer.
202
00:09:45,043 --> 00:09:46,794
Oh, hey, guys.
203
00:09:46,795 --> 00:09:49,463
- Um, are you okay?
- Yeah, I'll be fine.
204
00:09:49,464 --> 00:09:51,590
Hi, Meg. Bring it in.
205
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:52,800
Hi, Chris' Penis.
206
00:09:52,801 --> 00:09:53,926
How are you?
207
00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:56,387
Same spit, different day.
208
00:10:00,975 --> 00:10:02,935
Wow, look at Quahog.
209
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:05,771
Light rail system, gleaming skyscrapers.
210
00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:07,064
♪ Weenie and the Butt. ♪
211
00:10:07,065 --> 00:10:09,441
But somehow, the same morning DJs.
212
00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,693
♪ Quahog 97 ♪
213
00:10:11,694 --> 00:10:14,029
♪ FM on the radio ♪
214
00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:15,656
♪ And the Internet ♪
215
00:10:15,657 --> 00:10:17,241
♪ And the orb ♪
216
00:10:17,242 --> 00:10:19,034
♪ A new invention ♪
217
00:10:19,035 --> 00:10:20,661
♪ Which lets you hear stuff ♪
218
00:10:20,662 --> 00:10:22,204
♪ Right in your head ♪
219
00:10:22,205 --> 00:10:23,705
♪ Without a device. ♪
220
00:10:23,706 --> 00:10:25,249
Try turning it off.
221
00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:27,876
- You can't!
- That's not all that hasn't changed.
222
00:10:27,877 --> 00:10:30,420
Cleveland's still on hold
with United Airlines.
223
00:10:35,009 --> 00:10:38,762
I'm starting to think my call
is not important to them.
224
00:10:38,763 --> 00:10:40,556
Your call is important to us.
225
00:10:40,557 --> 00:10:42,516
Thank you for remaining on the line.
226
00:10:42,517 --> 00:10:46,144
All right, you just bought
yourself another year.
227
00:10:46,145 --> 00:10:48,730
And Seamus is still on hold
with Spirit Airlines.
228
00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:51,108
We don't give a crap
about you, but we're the cheapest,
229
00:10:51,109 --> 00:10:54,653
- so sit there and take it.
- Ah, sea turds.
230
00:10:55,697 --> 00:10:58,991
Mr. Seamus, five minutes
to showtime, Mr. Seamus.
231
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:01,118
Oh, I want to fly standby to Pittsburgh,
232
00:11:01,119 --> 00:11:04,246
but I also want to host The Muppet Show.
233
00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:11,086
Look at all this traffic.
234
00:11:11,087 --> 00:11:13,797
Yeah, Brady Boulevard
is tight this time of day.
235
00:11:13,798 --> 00:11:16,133
You know what?
Cut over to Brady on Brady
236
00:11:16,134 --> 00:11:18,010
and then take the Brady Bridge.
237
00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:20,721
Is everything in this town
named after Tom Brady?
238
00:11:20,722 --> 00:11:23,390
Oh, no, there's the
Rob Gronkowski Library.
239
00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:26,518
The only book is just a label
ripped off a Muscle Milk bottle.
240
00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:29,146
And look, there's the
Robert Kraft Marina,
241
00:11:29,147 --> 00:11:31,315
full of tugboats.
242
00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:33,902
I heard he had a stroke.
243
00:11:36,237 --> 00:11:37,863
I can't even get my bearings.
244
00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:39,197
I'm gonna ask someone for directions.
245
00:11:39,198 --> 00:11:40,908
I wouldn't do that. Since you left,
246
00:11:40,909 --> 00:11:43,744
the New England accent
has become incomprehensible.
247
00:11:43,745 --> 00:11:45,037
I'm sure it's not that bad.
248
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:48,040
Excuse me, sir,
where is the Quahog Harbor?
249
00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:49,833
- Cah gabbah?
- What?
250
00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:51,752
I-I just, I just want to know
where the Quahog Harbor is.
251
00:11:51,753 --> 00:11:52,878
Cah gabbah.
252
00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:54,838
Uh-oh, there's a lot of guys
253
00:11:54,839 --> 00:11:57,007
in Bruins hats turning around now.
254
00:11:57,008 --> 00:11:59,384
- Abbah dabbah.
- Gwin' dahsee da Sawx.
255
00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:00,409
N'abbah dabbah.
256
00:12:00,410 --> 00:12:01,970
- Cah gabbah.
- Gwin' dahsee da Sawx.
257
00:12:06,643 --> 00:12:08,770
Aah! Brian, get out of here. Go, go, go!
258
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:14,066
Christopher "Irish or Italian name,"
259
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,276
are you causing trouble out there?
260
00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:17,903
- No, Ma.
- Nomah?
261
00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:20,531
- Nomah!
- Nomah!
262
00:12:27,705 --> 00:12:29,581
What the hell happened
to the neighborhood?
263
00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:32,709
Hey, Stewie.
Here comes a double scoop of trouble.
264
00:12:32,710 --> 00:12:35,212
Whoa, you look great,
considering your age.
265
00:12:35,213 --> 00:12:36,797
Yeah, I'm basically exactly the same,
266
00:12:36,798 --> 00:12:39,299
except I pretty much only talk
about ice cream now.
267
00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:42,636
- Oh, that's cool, that's cool.
- Yeah, you know what's cool? Ice cream.
268
00:12:42,637 --> 00:12:46,473
- Want to go get a cup? Cone? Bowl?
- I-I'm just trying to see my folks.
269
00:12:46,474 --> 00:12:47,683
Man, I love ice cream.
270
00:12:47,684 --> 00:12:50,102
You know there's three different
ice cream shops in Quahog?
271
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:51,937
- They're all good.
- What's your favorite?
272
00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:53,398
They're all good.
273
00:12:54,065 --> 00:12:55,983
So that's the scoop from here.
274
00:12:55,984 --> 00:12:58,903
All right, well,
good running into you, man.
275
00:13:00,279 --> 00:13:02,990
Oh, my babies,
finally all together again.
276
00:13:02,991 --> 00:13:06,284
Hello, Mother.
I mean, uh, damn you, vile woman.
277
00:13:06,285 --> 00:13:08,453
I must kill you, et cetera, et cetera.
278
00:13:10,581 --> 00:13:12,499
Did Quagmire tell you
about the ice cream?
279
00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:13,542
Yes.
280
00:13:13,543 --> 00:13:16,378
You know, there are three
ice cream parlors in town.
281
00:13:16,379 --> 00:13:18,005
- We know.
- They're all good.
282
00:13:18,006 --> 00:13:20,173
- Yes, he said that.
- They're all good.
283
00:13:20,174 --> 00:13:22,843
Have we already run out of conversation?
284
00:13:22,844 --> 00:13:24,636
Chris, Meg, how are you?
285
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,471
- Good, Ma.
- How are you?
286
00:13:26,472 --> 00:13:28,974
Oh, I can't complain.
Little hard of hearing,
287
00:13:28,975 --> 00:13:31,226
which is why I turned on
the closed captioning.
288
00:13:31,227 --> 00:13:33,187
It's about 30 seconds behind, though.
289
00:13:34,689 --> 00:13:36,648
Wow, that is way behind.
290
00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:38,483
Now, what would you kids
like for dinner?
291
00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:41,904
- It's 3:15, Ma.
- I know, we waited for you.
292
00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:48,493
Yeah, we-we can go ahead
and turn that off.
293
00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:49,871
How's Dad?
294
00:13:53,708 --> 00:13:56,001
Your father's had severe diabetes
295
00:13:56,002 --> 00:13:59,004
ever since they opened
three ice cream stores in town.
296
00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:00,922
They're all good.
297
00:14:00,923 --> 00:14:03,383
You can't live like this,
the house is falling apart.
298
00:14:03,384 --> 00:14:05,552
This is awful, and it's all my fault.
299
00:14:05,553 --> 00:14:08,346
Oh, Pop, I am so sorry
I abandoned you all.
300
00:14:08,347 --> 00:14:11,016
I never should've left home.
What can I do?
301
00:14:11,017 --> 00:14:15,353
Just promise, when I die,
that you will help our family.
302
00:14:15,354 --> 00:14:17,439
I will, I promise.
303
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:20,984
This family will never want
for anything ever again.
304
00:14:20,985 --> 00:14:22,778
- That's so generous.
- Thank you.
305
00:14:22,779 --> 00:14:24,237
Chris, your hand.
306
00:14:24,238 --> 00:14:25,906
All right, now that that's settled,
307
00:14:25,907 --> 00:14:27,824
let's celebrate
with some of the music of now
308
00:14:27,825 --> 00:14:29,786
with closed captioning.
309
00:14:30,828 --> 00:14:33,955
♪ Music of now, music of now ♪
310
00:14:33,956 --> 00:14:38,169
♪ Music of now, music of now,music of now. ♪
311
00:14:46,511 --> 00:14:49,221
Good afternoon, I'm Tom Tucker,
delivering the news
312
00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:52,140
with my Andy Rooney
end-of-life eyebrows.
313
00:14:52,141 --> 00:14:53,767
You won't hear anything I'm saying
314
00:14:53,768 --> 00:14:55,268
because they're so distracting.
315
00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:57,979
Now, let's go to Asian reporter
Tricia Takanawa,
316
00:14:57,980 --> 00:15:01,274
so we can be shocked at how well
her people age. Tricia?
317
00:15:01,275 --> 00:15:04,236
Tom, I'm standing here
with flawless skin
318
00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:08,073
next to the shedding, crumbling,
dusty ancient relics
319
00:15:08,074 --> 00:15:11,076
of white people my age.
320
00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:15,997
Oh, Stewie, you've done so much
to help our family.
321
00:15:15,998 --> 00:15:18,333
I can't believe you put in an elevator.
322
00:15:18,334 --> 00:15:21,128
Yes, and it even has elevator music.
323
00:15:21,129 --> 00:15:25,006
♪ Music of now, music of now. ♪
324
00:15:25,007 --> 00:15:27,843
Aw, and thanks for these
virtual reality glasses,
325
00:15:27,844 --> 00:15:30,762
so I can watch porn
while talking to the family.
326
00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:33,849
So what's California like, Stewie? Ugh.
327
00:15:33,850 --> 00:15:35,183
That was a penis.
328
00:15:35,184 --> 00:15:38,311
So, do-do you still want to know
about California?
329
00:15:38,312 --> 00:15:39,355
No, I'm done.
330
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:42,774
I have one more dying wish.
331
00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:46,612
Play the song, but play it slow
because I am old.
332
00:15:47,488 --> 00:15:51,158
♪ A-well-a everybody's heard ♪
333
00:15:51,159 --> 00:15:53,869
♪ About the bird... ♪
334
00:15:53,870 --> 00:15:56,329
Family, help me dance.
335
00:15:56,330 --> 00:15:58,039
♪ B-bird's a word ♪
336
00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:00,208
♪ A-well, a bird, bird, bird... ♪
337
00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:02,502
- How long, Peter?
- I'll say when.
338
00:16:02,503 --> 00:16:05,213
♪ A-well, a bird, bird, bird ♪
339
00:16:05,214 --> 00:16:08,049
♪ Well-a bird is a word ♪
340
00:16:08,050 --> 00:16:12,262
♪ A-well, a bird, bird, bird,b-bird's a word ♪
341
00:16:12,263 --> 00:16:15,473
♪ A-well, a bird, bird, bird ♪
342
00:16:15,474 --> 00:16:17,268
♪ Well-a bird is a word. ♪
343
00:16:23,941 --> 00:16:26,193
Oh, Dr. Hartman, thank you for coming.
344
00:16:26,194 --> 00:16:28,361
Actually, I'm Dr. Hartman's son.
345
00:16:28,362 --> 00:16:31,448
Doctor Hartmanson?
But I asked for Dr. Hartman.
346
00:16:31,449 --> 00:16:33,200
His jokes are getting worse, Doctor.
347
00:16:33,201 --> 00:16:35,411
Is there anything you can do for him?
348
00:16:36,245 --> 00:16:38,623
Now all we can do is wait.
349
00:16:41,209 --> 00:16:44,002
Lois... it's time.
350
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:47,715
Oh, Peter, I'm gonna miss you so much.
351
00:16:50,051 --> 00:16:51,968
I see a white light.
352
00:16:51,969 --> 00:16:54,095
There are others inside of it.
353
00:16:54,096 --> 00:16:56,640
Adam West, Carrie Fisher,
354
00:16:56,641 --> 00:16:59,142
Ricardo Montalbán, Phyllis Diller...
355
00:16:59,143 --> 00:17:01,853
Heaven is filled
with every actor who ever died?
356
00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:04,356
No, this is actually
just the ones who did our show
357
00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:06,274
right before they died. Crazy, right?
358
00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:09,277
Frank Sinatra Jr., Charles Durning,
359
00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:11,863
Lauren Bacall, Rodney Dangerfield,
360
00:17:11,864 --> 00:17:14,115
Roy Scheider, Waylon Jennings,
361
00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:16,618
Ed Asner by the time
this airs certainly...
362
00:17:16,619 --> 00:17:19,287
Dad, you don't have to do this,
there are too many.
363
00:17:19,288 --> 00:17:22,249
Uh-oh, Conway Twitty is here,
and he's pissed.
364
00:17:22,250 --> 00:17:24,125
Wait, he's wearing
the Darth Vader helmet.
365
00:17:24,126 --> 00:17:27,003
Never mind, he was cool with it.
366
00:17:27,004 --> 00:17:30,257
This is it.
367
00:17:32,468 --> 00:17:35,011
Oh, he's trying to say something.
368
00:17:35,012 --> 00:17:37,097
H-His final words.
369
00:17:37,098 --> 00:17:38,306
Lactating...
370
00:17:38,307 --> 00:17:41,142
pregnant... Latinas.
371
00:17:41,143 --> 00:17:44,814
I will, Dad, I promise.
372
00:17:56,325 --> 00:18:00,496
No, we won't cry for him,
we will celebrate his life.
373
00:18:00,497 --> 00:18:03,999
The finest cigars for
the finest family ever to live.
374
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,793
Oh, Stewie, we love you so much.
375
00:18:06,794 --> 00:18:10,797
And I love you, which is why
I must not delay any longer.
376
00:18:10,798 --> 00:18:14,718
I must get my affairs in order
and transfer my money to all of you.
377
00:18:14,719 --> 00:18:17,345
- I will see you all soon.
- Oh, thank you, Stewie.
378
00:18:17,346 --> 00:18:19,181
- We love you.
- Thanks.
379
00:18:42,038 --> 00:18:43,747
We did it. We got him.
380
00:18:43,748 --> 00:18:45,749
I feel like we're in The Sting,
381
00:18:45,750 --> 00:18:49,252
that movie from 100 years ago
about 150 years ago.
382
00:18:49,253 --> 00:18:51,296
Great work tricking him, Brian.
383
00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:54,132
Thanks. Well, you know,
I credit my years as a writer.
384
00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:56,217
When I planned the con,
I saw Quahog as a character...
385
00:18:56,218 --> 00:18:57,678
Okay, that's enough.
386
00:19:07,688 --> 00:19:09,522
Had a pebble in my shoe.
387
00:19:09,523 --> 00:19:12,025
Of course I knew
the whole thing was a scam.
388
00:19:12,026 --> 00:19:14,778
They probably did that "crying
turning into laughing" thing
389
00:19:14,779 --> 00:19:16,821
when I left, what a bunch of hacks.
390
00:19:16,822 --> 00:19:19,282
They're too stupid to notice
I snuck into the kitchen
391
00:19:19,283 --> 00:19:21,659
and turned up the gas before I left.
392
00:19:21,660 --> 00:19:24,622
Chris should be lighting
his cigar right about...
393
00:19:26,832 --> 00:19:29,459
Stewie, help.
394
00:19:29,460 --> 00:19:32,712
It hurts! Reverse the pill! Let me die!
395
00:19:32,713 --> 00:19:37,175
Ooh, wish I could, but the pills
were in the house, so, yeah...
396
00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:39,260
Stewie. Stewie!
397
00:19:39,261 --> 00:19:42,514
Stewie! Stewie!
398
00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:44,557
Stewie! Stewie!
399
00:19:44,558 --> 00:19:46,518
Huh? What?
400
00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:48,186
What the hell is wrong with you?
You've been staring
401
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:50,939
at that old man Halloween
costume for 30 minutes.
402
00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:54,317
21 plus commercials,
but it's a big decision.
403
00:19:54,318 --> 00:19:56,694
You know, I've always been
afraid of being old,
404
00:19:56,695 --> 00:19:59,490
but now I think I'll like it just fine.
405
00:20:05,246 --> 00:20:07,831
Why are you walking so slowly?
406
00:20:07,832 --> 00:20:10,708
Turns out this costume
is about 80% balls,
407
00:20:10,709 --> 00:20:14,087
and most of it's dragging behind me.
408
00:20:15,131 --> 00:20:18,258
- Uhp, we got a tangle.
- Uhp, what do I do?
409
00:20:18,259 --> 00:20:20,593
Stop walking.
I'll go back, you go forward.
410
00:20:20,594 --> 00:20:21,845
- Are you sure?
- It's counterintuitive.
411
00:20:21,846 --> 00:20:23,304
I don't know, that-that
doesn't seem right to me.
412
00:20:23,305 --> 00:20:24,431
When you want to go left, you go right.
413
00:20:24,432 --> 00:20:25,473
I'm just gonna pull forward.
414
00:20:25,474 --> 00:20:26,724
- Don't pull, don't pull.
- I-I think if you come this way,
415
00:20:26,725 --> 00:20:28,268
- and I go that way...
- Just stop walking and listen to me.
416
00:20:28,269 --> 00:20:29,811
Everybody freeze.
417
00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:32,231
Okay, let's just think about this.
418
00:20:38,028 --> 00:20:40,738
People of Argentina,
419
00:20:40,739 --> 00:20:42,615
I have heard your cries,
420
00:20:42,616 --> 00:20:44,033
and I just want to say...
421
00:20:44,034 --> 00:20:45,952
Meg. Meg!
422
00:20:45,953 --> 00:20:48,288
I already told you
you're not gonna be Evita.
423
00:20:48,289 --> 00:20:50,915
You're gonna be the back half
of Edgar the Farting Horse.
424
00:20:50,916 --> 00:20:52,168
Now get in.
425
00:20:56,839 --> 00:20:58,924
Hey. I do the farting.
32540
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