All language subtitles for Exorcism.At.60000.Feet.2020.HDRip.XviD.AC3-EVO-HI

(DARK CHORAL MUSIC)

Subtitles by explosiveskull
www.OpenSubtitles.org

(CHURCH BELL RINGING)

May God have mercy.

(SINISTER MUSIC)

Yay though I walk
through the valley

of the shadow of death,

I fear no evil, for
Thou art with me.

Thy rod, thy staff, comfort me.

(IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

(GROWLING)

Hello, Father.

What took you so long?

Hello, Lieutenant.

(EERIE MUSIC)

Your friend Garvan is
in here with us.

PRIEST: We were
never friends.

Your buddy wants to
talk to you but,

you better give me a moment.

It's a little crowded in here.

(RAGTIME PIANO MUSIC)

(IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

(YELLING)

No!

(MUFFLED SPEAKING)

(GROWLING)

Come clean, you motherfucker!

(LAUGHING)

You think that's gonna save you?

If you're lucky.

The devil always wins.

(IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

Forgive me Father, for
what I'm about to do.

(DISSONANT MUSIC)

(GUN FIRING)

(WIND BLOWING)

(EERIE ELECTRONIC MUSIC)

Burn in hell.

What?

What happened?

You were possessed.

It's over.

He's gone.

My wife?

No! (CRYING)

Oh God!

What about my children?

(YELLING)

Good God no!

What about my mother?

(YELLING)

And my father. (YELLING)

My grandfather. (YELLING)

My (MUFFLED SPEAKING).

(MAN CRYING AND YELLING)

What did I do?

They're all dead.

I...

It wasn't you.

It was him.

He made you do it.

Bring the body outside.

(DARK ELECTRONIC MUSIC)

(SHATTERING GLASS)

That's one way to do it.

(DRAMATIC ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)

(HEARSE STARTING)

(JETS FLYING OVERHEAD)

CAPTAIN: See that?

I was a captain,
right off the bat.

COPILOT: I'd heard.

CAPTAIN: Yeah, it
was about 4,000.

Look at that moon.

Hard to believe, for 40 years

I've been flying these
unfriendly skies.

Yep, I remember when
we first met.

I was just a young, foxy copilot

with vim and vinegar
in my veins.

Two decades later, and I'm
still a fuckin' copilot.

(LAUGHING)

You of course, are
the big honcho,

the big man in the sky.

El Capitan de Cloudos.

Yes, it's all true, it's me.

That's me.

Anyway,

(MUFFLED VOICE ON RADIO)

I was saving this for
when we landed.

I bought it the first time
I ever took over this route.

Smell that.

Oh.

(SIGHING)

Sweet, you?

Come on.

COPILOT: You
really shouldn't.

CAPTAIN: Last chance.

There you go.

Hoo.

Oh!

That's smooth.

Welcome to Viet Kong Airways.

My name is Amanda, I'm
your hostess.

If you need anything, ask him.

Welcome to Viet Kong Airways.

I'm Denny, if you need anything,

please ask Amanda.

40-F.

Oh yeah, straight on the left.

MAN: Hi there, ah thank you.

That's a nice vest.

Thank you so much.

Hear that honey?

Fucking bullshit
you couldn't get

two seats next to each other.

We shoulda canceled.

It's a hiccup, sweetheart.

All right?

Vietnam's gonna be fun.

Oh yeah, some
second honeymoon.

(SNORING)

Honey, please don't start our
vacation with that attitude.

We're flying standby
and that's what happens.

AMANDA: Welcome.

WOMAN: Look honey, a
real airplane.

Put a smile on that face.

Excuse me sir!

Hey, hi,

would you mind switching
seats with my husband?

(FUNKY ROCK MUSIC)

(SEXUAL GASPING)

♪ She's so horny ♪

♪ She's so horny ♪

♪ She's so horny ♪

♪ You like me one time ♪

♪ She's so horny ♪

♪ She's so horny ♪

♪ She's so horny ♪

♪ You like me one time ♪

Excuse me sir, do you
mind switching seats

with my husband?

His seat is all the
way in the back,

and it's actually right
next to the toilet.

- It's a really good seat.
- Ma'am?

Would you mind?

- Yeah.
- What's going on?

I want to switch
seats with him.

No seat switches.

Oh yeah but if he's
willing to switch,

what difference does it make?

All right, airplane rules.

Rules are rules honey,
I'll sit in my seat

and I will come back and
visit you during the flight.

AMANDA: You're handsome.

You're very kind.

Very sweet.

Yeah, whatever.

You're a pussy.

Hey, no pussy on the plane.

No pussy calling on the plane.

Thanks honey, and thank you.

Watch her.

Aw, hey Brad, Brad.

Oh my God, Brad.

Hey, stop stop.

Brad?

Ma'am you talk too much,

what you need to do is sit down.

My God just sit in your seat.

Welcome to King of the
Sky, Viet Kong Airways.

This is Pookie, my
service dog.

Wait, that dog dead.

AMANDA: Dead?

He can still
provide a service.

(ROCK MUSIC)

♪ Hey Joe ♪

♪ Where you goin' with
that gun in your hand ♪

♪ I'm goin' down to
shoot my old lady ♪

♪ You know I caught her messin'
round ♪

Is this plane going
to Viet Nam?

Father,

welcome on board.

Thank you.

Yes,

this plane goes to Ho
Chi Minh City.

Oh good good.

But it's non-smoking flight.

You don't know that?

Here.

Thank you.

Father, forgive me for,

I have sinned, not once
but twice, for more.

Good for you.

I need to sit down.

Okay, go.

I'm a little dizzy.

Brad.

I feel kind of dirty.

About what?

Taking your seat wife.

Oh, she's not my wife.

She is my, she's my secretary.

She works for me.

I don't like to mix
business with pleasure.

Unless pleasure is
your business.

Yeah.

(MIDDLE EASTERN CHANTING)

(BANGING)

This is Captain Houdee.

Welcome to Viet Kong Airways,
flight 665.

This is the farewell
flight of this Boeing 727.

If it isn't Boeing, I
ain't going,

so consider yourselves
the lucky ones.

I've been flying this
old bird for 27 years,

and she's got a nearly
spotless record.

Nearly?

CAPTAIN: So relax,
and enjoy your flight.

Would you like to read
a magazine with mommy?

(YELLING)

Everything okay, ma'am?

What's wrong?

Nothing.

Enjoy.

Release the brakes.

Aye aye, Captain.

Hit it again?

(DRAMATIC ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)

(MUFFLED SPEAKING)

(DRAMATIC ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)

Want drink?

Scotch, neat.

I have something neat.

A beer.

You want something?

Oh, just a hot water, please.

I brought my own tea.

Here.

Namaste.

Who you calling nasty?

It mean, I bow to you.

Hey.

WOMAN: Excuse me.

I'm sorry.

I don't remember anyone
sitting there.

Must've fallen asleep.

Where would I go, silly?

I'm your travel buddy.

Say, you want to play a round.

What did you have in mind,
gin rummy?

Ouja.

(MUFFLED SPEAKING)

Oh, hey Matt Damon.

So sweet.

What would you like?

I want a milk.

Here you go.

What would you like?

Same.

O,

G,

A,

R,

V, ooo, A,

N, Garvan.

(TENSE ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)

Who the heck is Garvan?

You know this thing
usually works.

It told me when my high school
boyfriend was gonna die.

Honey, you drink?

Yes please, Diet Coke with
just a little bit of ice

and a flexy straw.

I don't want to mess
up my lipstick.

Thank you.

And a straw?

DENNY: What do I look like,
Denny?

Who's Denny?

No straw.

Drink, mister?

Coffee, black please.

No black coffee, just
coffee no milk.

That is black coffee.

Look I just told you, we
don't have black coffee,

so which is it then?

Coffee, without milk.

So not black then, yes.

Yes, I mean no.

Yes, I mean no.

Make up your mind,
I have to make rounds.

Never mind, you're
confusing me.

Bring me a Mary, Bloody.

Okay, you got.

- One Virgin Mary, Bloody.
- Veronica.

Hello, Veronica.

I'm Father Romero.

Pleasure to meet you,
Father Romero.

I know all about you guys.

You do?

Mm-hmm, I'm a fallen Catholic,
myself.

So I know how it all works.

I do something bad, I go
to confession.

They tell me to put money
in the basket,

and say some prayers, and
then I don't go to hell.

Some racket, huh?

I'll bet hell is a ton of fun.

It's probably where
all the cool people go.

I mean who really wants
to go to heaven

with a bunch of
blue-haired bingo players,

and boring guys like you.

No offense, Father.

No, none taken.

Just remember to keep a
soft place in your heart

for the almighty.

My heart's rock hard, feel.

That's pretty hard.

Mm-hmm.

You should really
massage those puppies.

You know, my plastic
surgeon said the same thing.

And my mom's boyfriend.

So why are you
going to Vietnam?

Oh, vaginal rejuvenation.

Is that like a yoga retreat?

No silly, see?

(DRAMATIC CHORAL MUSIC)

Oh my God.

The doctor there's
the best in the world.

Says he's gonna make me tighter

than a Chinese finger puzzle.

Hey, you think that dog
in first class in dead?

Veronica.

Father Romero.

Could I have another peek?

Of course.

(DRAMATIC CHORAL MUSIC)

(MUFFLED SPEAKING)

Thang?

Thang, come here.

What, what?

Take a look at this.

Look.

- Oh!
- Look.

THANG: Holy shit.

Medical marijuana?

No.

Hey, sure smells like
hippy lettuce to me.

Hippy lettuce?

You know, ganja, happy
tobacky, Mary jane, boo ya.

- Boo ya.
- Boo ya, boo ya.

It cannabis sativa tea.

I grow it myself.

You try some?

No, no no.

I'll stick with this
warm beer for now.

(IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

I'm gonna go to the shitter.

Go, in peace.

Oh yeah, I'm gonna
peace me a river.

Hey hey hey.

I'm deaf, I'm deaf!

Oh, all right.

(DRAMATIC ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)

I'm taking dinner order.

Chicken or beef?

ROMERO: Chicken please.

Chicken or beef?

Oh my goodness, you're
having the chicken?

I'll have the chicken,
that sounds delicious.

AMANDA: Thank you, so easy.

Excuse me sir, I'm
taking dinner order.

Chicken or beef?

(SNORING)

Ah, just sleeping, so sweet.

Your grandmother told me
you want beef.

Hello ma'am.

Hi.

Chicken or beef?

Chicken or beef?

Yeah, did I stutter?

I am vegan.

I don't recall anybody
reserved the vegan order

for this seat.

Yeah, and that's because

this was a last-minute seat.

Okay, I make sure myself.

I'll find one, just for you.

Thank you.

(DRAMATIC ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)

That fucking bitch,
drive me absolutely nuts.

Do you have anything,
that's not breathing?

Yeah, you.

- Fuck you.
- Fuck you!

Go find something.

Okay, I look.

Oh she drives me crazy.

Ah, we had something greenish,

but I don't think it meat.

I can't read the date.

Go ahead, make it hot,
make it hot hot.

(DRAMATIC ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

(TENSE ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)

MAN: (MUMBLING) motherfucker.

Die!

Motherfucker.

Don't even come near me.

Your mother sucks cock.

(YELLING)

This your little boy?

I'm sorry, my son doesn't
mean what he's saying.

Bloody mother (MUMBLING)

(YELLING)

How long has he been
talking in tongues?

Dukie can't control himself.

He has Tourette Syndrome.

Jackass.

Eat my ass.

Oh, Tourette's, my God.

My bad.

For a minute I thought he
was possessed.

So did I, it happens.

Whore!

Some fuckin' twat!

Cunt.

What happened?

Everything okay?

Yes, thank you for
your concern.

May I have a towel.

I think I'm gonna
breastfeed him.

It will calm him down.

Amanda?

We need towel for baby lady.

LADY: Thank you.

- AMANDA: Hey there.
- Hi.

What you need towel for?

A towel, I'm gonna
breastfeed him.

So he'll stop screaming.

Will that be okay?

It's okay.

I can help you.

Okay, I was gonna
have a towel,

just so that, you don't care?

AMANDA: I don't care.

Will you block me, then?

Yeah, sure.

And I really don't care.

Come on baby, I know you
must be hungry.

It's been a long time
since we've eaten.

Oh my God, anybody
smoke in here.

MAN: No, no, it's occupied.

Hey, who's smokin',
I'm not smokin'.

I'm not smokin'.

Holy shit!

(CONFUSED YELLING)

Take it easy!

Take it easy!

Christ, what now?

I don't want to die.

(SCREAMING)

(LAUGHING)

THANG: You look like
I bake a cake,

but I didn't eat it.

What is this?

(EXHALING)

(COUGHING)

AMANDA: What take so long?

Something wrong with me?

No.

Do I still look pretty?

Yes.

Yeah, you look good.

Kinda ashy, but.

Okay, give me hug.

Okay.

Okay, that enough, that's okay.

Okay.

You gonna use it?

God.

What a nightmare.

Yeah, what a nightmare.

AMANDA: Quick quick,
cook cook.

Okay.

Not done yet.

Oh wait, it's done.

I don't think you want
to check that.

Shhh.

Viet Kong Airways, fat-free,
sugar-free,

bleeding-free, gluten-free,
everything-free,

pea pea souffle.

The finest, just for
the eyeball lady.

Ha ha.

Finally, man.

I'm starving, I could
eat a horse.

A vegan horse that is.

Thank you.

We serve the peas.

Airplane always enjoy it.

Let me check you.

Oh, big eyeball.

I love white men.

What are you eating?

Oh this is a kosher meal.

Looks like a chicken
breast to me.

Well, yes it is.

Any meat can be kosher.

It just means that
according to the Torah,

the animal was slaughtered in
a way that was not painful,

during, before death, or
during death, at any time.

There's a lot of fuckin'
rules of course,

but it's kosher.

Is ball-handling okay?

Is that kosher?

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

(LIGHTNING CRASHING)

Sorry to wake you folks,
this is your captain.

It's looks like we've
had a little turbulence.

Please keep your
seatbelts fastened.

What?

I don't know, I was sleeping.

(LIGHTNING CRASHING)

(DRAMATIC ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)

Oh, the bungee drop?

No!

(TENSE ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)

Oh my God.

I'm excited too.

Hail Mary, full of grace.

(DOG BARKING)

Do you ever wonder why
you're still a copilot?

- Don't go there.
- Sorry folks,

that was a little bouncy.

It might freak a few
of you out but,

we're in one piece.

And we're continuing
on to Vietnam,

through the Bikini Triangle.

Bikini!

Triangle!

(OMINOUS ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)

(LAUGHING)

(GROWLING)

VERONICA: Where are you from?

Don't tell me, The Vatican?

MOTHER: You okay, honey?

(MUFFLED SPEAKING)

Maybe if you're lucky,

you can catch the
lightning from your window.

(SINISTER ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

Mom!

What?

Stop being silly,
let mama sleep.

There's something on
the wing of the plane.

(SCREAMING)

MOTHER: What now Dukie?

He's out there.

Stop this now, Dukie.

It's not funny.

Act your age.

(SINISTER ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)

(IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

No.

(SCREAMING)

I want (MUMBLING)
into the depths of hell.

- Die mommy, die!
- Dukie, keep still.

Die mommy, die!

(SCREAMING)

How do you like me now, bitches?

That's not the rips.

(TENSE ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)

Lucifer.

(IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

I command you,
release this soul.

The Father commands you.

Christ the Son commands you.

Father himself commands you.

Be gone,

into the fires of hell,

for all eternity.

Baby, baby.

What happened to you?

What did you do to him?

He's just a little boy.

He was possessed by the
entity of the dark world.

An entity?

Yes, but I exorcized it.

Your boy is safe now.

Hey everyone, go back
to your seats.

It was a medical thing.

It's okay.

You all go back to your seats.

He's fine, he was possessed.

You are.

He's fine now.

Possessed?

My baby.

AMANDA: You need to
breast feeding him.

Yes.

This ain't over.

Because you're a baby honey.

Americans, trouble.

Because they won't calm down.

(GRUNTING)

AMANDA: Oh my God!

John Wayne, I'm John Wayne.

You have to leave.

AMANDA: Go go go go go.

(MUFFLED SPEAKING)

(DRUMMING)

Father, are you waiting for me?

You go sit in your seat,
and stay there, go!

How do I get into the
plane's storage compartment?

Storage compartment?

You're out of your fucking mind.

Everybody on board is
in grave danger.

Americans, always trouble.

Big troublemakers.

Like America, grab 'em
by the pussy.

No pussy, I'm not
grabbin' anybody's pussy.

Big trouble now.

You sit in your seat.

May God have mercy
on your soul.

You're a very bad girl.

Just for you.

I'm a bad girl.

You sit there, no move.

Thank you.

She's so feisty.

You want some prune juice,

I can find out if they
have prune juice.

Will you shut up!

I'm sorry.

I thought this was the armrest.

You don't have to apologize,
you can,

press it there as
long as you want.

So,

are you a member of the club?

What club?

You know, that club.

That club?

No.

Are you nervous about
your secretary?

(ROMANTIC JAZZ MUSIC)

What do you care about that?

Follow me.

Knock three times.

Okay.

(FUNKY ROCK MUSIC)
(SEXUAL GASPING)

♪ Sittin' on a plane
with my ticket in hand ♪

♪ Ready to party with a
one-night stand ♪

♪ She's look so hot
with her ass so tight ♪

♪ I wonder if I'm gettin'
some pussy tonight ♪

♪ I want to get some booty
'cause it looks so good ♪

♪ I want to bang this lady ♪

Oh hey.

Brad.

Hi honey.

I miss you baby, come here.

I need a kiss from you.

I just had peanuts,

and so I smell like
perfume, peanuts, mm-mm.

Okay, well fine.

I tried anyway.

You know what sweetie,
just lie back,

you've got those eye covers,

and put the earphones in.

Just relax, okay?

We'll be there in no time.

Nighty-night.

Goodnight, sweetheart.

♪ She thrusts her hips
with her tight little bod ♪

Club done?

Is there a way to club?

♪ In the airplane body ♪

♪ And her hips (MUMBLING) ♪

(GRUNTING)

You're so hot.

(MUFFLED SINGING)

Oh wow, right away, huh?

Gettin' right to it.

Oh my God,

it fits right in there, huh?

Oh my God.

(MUFFLED SPEAKING)

Oh my God.

(GIRL SQUEALING)

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Oh my God.

Oh, oh.

Oh my God, that burns.

Please stop.

I hope you enjoyed
this hot piece of ass.

Oh mommy.

(YELLING)

I shouldn't have cheated.

I'm dying, I'm dying.

(GASPING)

Oh shit.

Oh shit.

Oh shit.

What you do?

It was an accident.

She fell and hit her head.

I smell smoke.

Somebody smoking.

No, she was possessed.

They were possessed.

There's something evil
on this plane.

Quit that.

But just not that tight.

Listen to me, we're
all gonna die

if I don't get into
the luggage department.

Father, why you Americans
always yell at me.

Everybody yell at me.

Please Amanda, I
need your help.

Father, nobody say
please to me.

Please say it again.

Please.

Oh I like therapy.

Get a room!

You expect me to
figure this out.

Thang, listen,

when we get the body away,
you clean all the mess.

Okay?

ROMERO: Come on.

Sorry.

There nothing left.

Baby baby, relax.

Take you to heaven.

ROMERO: Let's keep
this hush-hush.

We mustn't start a panic
with the other passengers.

Okay, Father.

(CRYING)

Gentle, gentle.

Isn't there somewhere
else we can put the body?

Like a storage compartment?

Father, she paid for the seat,

and she staying there.

There are rules.

But that's when she was
alive, now she's a corpse.

Father, there's no
more space left.

She paid for the seat.

I mean, listen to me okay,
you shut up.

I need help, I can't
clean it up by myself.

Oh my God!

What is this, go go!

Father, we clean it.

(MUMBLING) clean it.

You gonna get punished.

(THUNDER CRASHING)
(DRAMATIC ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)

(SNORING)

(GRUNTING)

Boy those steroids
really put you to sleep.

What the hell are you doing?

I'm going to the bathroom.

Damn, can't a man get
some sleep around here?

Come on man.

What the hell happened to her?

Shh.

What?

Shh, it's complicated.

What?

It's complicated.

What?

Come sit down, sit down.

(SIGHING)

I'm Rabbi Feldman, by the way.

How can I help you, Father?

Have you ever
witnessed an exorcism?

Not really my field
of expertise.

Mostly brises and bar mitzvahs.

But they can be hell.

Unfortunately, Jews don't
go in much for exorcisms,

but I'll do what I can to help,
Father.

Satan is very powerful,
and cunning.

We'll need to work together.

The entity will show
itself again.

But where, we don't know.

Well how can you be
certain it will strike again?

Because I brought
Garvan's body on board

when I checked in.

Who is Garvan?

I served as an Army
Chaplain in Nam.

This young mother

who saw that I was a priest and,

begged for my help.

Her daughter was
screaming, and going crazy.

Our platoon leader,
Lieutenant Garvan and I,

entered the hut.

On the floor were two
dead US Marines

with their heads
twisted on backwards.

And that's when Garvan snapped.

The mother threw herself

over the little girl
to protect her.

That's when Garvan stabbed
her in the back

with his bayonet.

Garvan was distracted
by the girl,

as her possession rose,

her eyes rolled back
in her head.

He shot her, in the heart.

What a terrible story.

What happened to the
entity, and the little girl?

I don't remember much
more after that.

I ran, bombs were going off.

Bullets over my head.

Bodies exploding, and
then I saw Garvan,

standing over me, with his gun.

And he shot me, in the head.

Right there.

No, there.

Yes yes.

Looks like a bird
made a poo-poo.

I was barely alive when
they medevaced me back

to the base hospital,

when I fell into a coma
for five years.

You were in a coma
for five years?

And then a miracle happened.

I woke up with a metal
plate in my head,

with amnesia and PTSD.

It took me a year and half

to learn how to walk and
talk again, without drooling.

I never told anyone
that story before.

Well,

you are a very lucky man.

Yeah, but I don't think
so good anymore.

I have these terrible headaches.

Keeps me awake at night.

Things get so twisted
around in my brain,

I forget what I'm doing
half the time.

They give me pills to
help me sleep,

for anxiety, for the pain.

It doesn't work because
I forget to take them,

and when I take them,
it makes me aggressive,

and horny, and suicidal.

So why are you going to Vietnam?

Timeshare.

Oh.

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

How did you like
your pea souffle?

Oh, I don't feel so good.

I think I'm gonna throw up.

In the barf bag.

I don't have one.

Oh God!

We need barf bag fast!

This is an emergency.

Sorry to wake you up,
but we need a barf bag.

Anybody got one?

Honey move.

AMANDA: The seat in
front of you.

We need emergency, hurry,
wake up.

Anybody got it?

Got it?

Pass it by.

Come on, quick, fast.

Everybody, anybody find one?

No no, hold it in.

We found one.

THANG: Got it.

(CROSSTALK)

Holy shit!

(RETCHING)

I feel so much better.

Cute, you should
keep that look.

(CRYING)

I'll have the beef.

Okay.

Okay.

Get back to sleep.

(SENTIMENTAL ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)

I knew that woman was trouble

as soon as I saw her
armpit hair.

Oh!

Stop, stop, oh wait.

Wait, here.

You need one of these.

Missus Montegue's
moist towelettes.

That's my family.

Okay.

Puppy!

Oh my God, it's a miracle.

Pookie, come on Pookie.

Come back, you little shit.

God damn it, I knew I
should have (MUMBLING).

Come on, come on, come on,
bad dog.

Come on.

(GROWLING)

I'm gonna rip your balls off.

Pookie, stop it.

Stop it, stop.

Whoa.

Pookie, come here.

(DOG GROWLING)

God damn it, Pookie.

Come on.

Pookie?

Pookie!

(SCREAMING)

(MUFFLED SPEAKING)

Get this fuckin' thing off me.

(SCREAMING)

Oh, Lord forgive me.

Oh Pookie!

I am never buying another,
whatever you are, again.

Pookie?

Pookie?

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

(POOKIE GROWLING)

(SCREAMING)

Lady, bitch.

We got a mongrel
running around here.

Wake up lady,

this is nice glass champagne.

Oh, Thang, come back here.

(THANG SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

(SOFT MUSIC)

Is it real?

Oh God, it's real.

(SCREAMING)

I think I'm gonna
have this baby.

(YELLING)

Can you wait a couple of
hours to start?

(SCREAMING)

Son of a bitch!

(SCREAMING)

(MUFFLED YELLING)

She's having a devil baby!

She's having Garvan's baby.

Who?

She's having Garvan's baby.

Oh, Garvan's baby.

What?

The body of Christ
compels you.

The body of Christ compels you.

The body of Christ compels you.

(SCREAMING)

It's coming out!

(POPPING)

Hurry, get him into
the bathroom.

Go, go.

Come on, come on, come on.

(MUFFLED SPEAKING)

Come on, let's go!

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

What?

What's going on?

(SCREAMING)

(POOKIE GROWLING)

That little bitch bit my ear!

(POOKIE SNARLING)

Put him up here,
right in here.

This flight's gonna kill me.

RABBI: Does anyone
have a plunger?

How about some Draino?

Oy, he's still in there.

I flushed it, I flushed it.

Look, it's gone.

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

(EXHALING)

Boy,

that smelled like my Uncle
Morey after Satyr dinner.

Three gefilte fish.

Woo.

Wow.

Do you think it's over, Father?

Not until we destroy
the entity down below.

Father, I'm sorry
to disturb you.

It's all right,
it's all right.

I'm just trying to save everyone
from hell and damnation.

I'm scared.

I don't want to die.

I don't want to be
possessed either.

Looks gross, you know?

Who's gonna pay to see that?

But I believe now,

or at the very least I
believe in Satan,

and I want to believe in God.

Please, could you help me pray?

ROMERO: Well,
what you've said

is already a prayer to God.

Okay.

I want to confess my sins,
Father,

and I've got a lot.

- When I was 13 my,
- Veronica please,

- Veronica, I don't have time.
- When I was 13,

my step-daddy took my cherry.

But you know what, I kind
of led him on.

And then in high school
there was the football team,

the B squad, you know the
A squad, they're all jerks.

I stole money from the coffers,

but not for anything
like insidious,

just a little bit of
ecstasy that Freddy Baker,

that his brother brought
back from Florida.

Then there was Father Flanagan,

and I didn't leave that one on,
a lot.

And then there was Sister
Constance, you know,

'cause I'm open-minded,

and then, oh Father,
20 minutes ago

I gave the big muscly
guy a blow job.

I think he ejaculated
protein shake mix in my hair.

It was like strawberry,
which I've had worse.

Father, please tell me,
do you think,

do you think that Jesus Christ

could forgive a beautiful
blonde terpsacorian

from Sandusky, Ohio on her
way to Pokemon, Vietnam

to get vaginal rejuvenation,
or is that just ridiculous?

I think you need to stay
off your knees, Veronica.

I really have to pee.

ROMERO: Yes, all right.

Father, Father, I
want to confess,

I want to confess, Father.

(CONFUSED YELLING)

ROMERO: No please.

I can't take, I can't
take any more confessions.

I just don't have the time,

so please, in the name
of the Father,

the Son, and the Holy Spirit,

go back to your seats and say
50 Hail Mary's, backwards.

Thank you.

What an asshole!

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

Last time, Amanda,

I need to get down to the
god damn luggage compartment.

You're upset with
luggage compartment.

No, the demon is down below.

The source is down below.

We're all gonna die.

Just say, please.

Please Amanda, let me enter
the luggage compartment.

There, where?

AMANDA: Go here.

Open the cockpit.

Open the...

AMANDA: This is
it (MUMBLING).

Go Father, here.

Okay.

I know you're down here, Garvan.

Where are ya, ya son of a bitch.

Come on out.

Oh my God!

He's gone.

Gone.

No, Feldman.

No, Garvan.

No, Feldman.

Garvan.

(YELLING)

Hey, Father Romero.

How's he hangin'?

I'm gonna send you back to
hell, you miserable bastard.

Really?

I belong in hell?

ROMERO: Absolutely.

You want to get so funny?

When you're surrounded
by 72 virgins.

That's fire and brimstone.

Sorry.

(LAUGHING)

What are you gonna do
Rabbi, guilt me to death?

The power of modus
compels you.

(SCREAMING)

(LAUGHING)

Hey, that hurts you know.

By the way, that was kind
of mean of you.

I want to tell you one thing,

I'm gonna kill everybody
on this fuckin' plane.

You've lost your faith,
you cocksucker.

God is the everlasting light.

It is God who commands you.

You're no match for me!

(EERIE CHORAL MUSIC)

Forgive me Father,

for I have sinned.

Oh fuck you.

(GUNS FIRING)

(GUNS FIRING)

(DISSONANT MUSIC)

(GUN FIRING)

(HELICOPTERS FLYING OVERHEAD)

RABBI: Father?

Father, wake up.

Wake up, what I'm I gonna do?

(DRAMATIC CHORAL MUSIC)

I thought you were dead.

Come here.

(DRAMATIC CHORAL MUSIC)

AMANDA: What's going on?

My God, you're alive!

We thought you were dead.

I had to drag your body up
from the luggage compartment,

one step at a time.

You're a lot heavier
than you look.

What happened?

Where am I?

Who are you people?

Father, you're on a plane.

You Americans always think
you're better than yourself.

I put faith in you, but
you let me down.

How am I gonna explain
to all the passengers

that paid for the seat,

and the chaos you
created for us, huh?

How?

Listen, don't go
all demon on us.

I don't have the right
(FOREIGN WORD) to save you.

Now I remember.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

RABBI: What?

I can't do this.

What happened down
there to you?

I'm a failure as a priest.

I'm a failure as a man.

I'm a lousy exorcist.

I'm worthless in the
eyes of God.

How could it be,

that while you've spent
your life helping others,

forgiving them of their sins,

you haven't forgiven yourself.

For the first time, the
truth's right.

Father, you should forgive
yourself, as a old man.

You're not a hero.

You need a pretty lady, like me,

to smooch, smash, and
make sweet love.

Look,

I guess, I've been angry.

I've been angry,

and I guess I've hated myself

and God, since the Vietnam War.

But the only way

is to have the world and
its errors forgiven by you,

so we can all forgive together.

I realize that now.

AMANDA: You need pussy.

She's right.

I feel better now.

Good.

Okay, listen.

We have a lot of work to do,
let's pray.

Okay.

But first,

I need to piss like a racehorse.

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

(MOANING)

(SOFT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)

(SNARLING)

(TENSE ELECTRONIC MUSIC)

(MUMBLING)

Help!

Help!

(SCREAMING)

(GROWLING)

I command you,

be gone!

I'll eat your heart out,
priest.

(GROWLING)

Where's your holy water?

I don't have it.

I heard you the first time.

(SCREAMING)

What did you spray on him?

Napalm spray, I
got in Vietnam.

I always keep it in my
tights, just in case.

To keep the bad boys away.

Come with me, Amanda, come.

Where in the hell's
the priest goin'?

It's the pills.

Makes him angry, horny,
and suicidal.

By the way, he's the one

that brought the demon
on the plane.

Jesus H Christ!

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What!

Birds!

(LAUGHING)

COPILOT: Come on, man.

You were in Vietnam,
during the war?

I grew up on the street.

And the boys school.

You were a boy back then?

Yes.

Shh.

I'm a girl now.

Do I look pretty?

Very pretty.

Where did you live in Vietnam?

It was called Chu
Chi in Saigon.

That's where my
mother was killed,

by American soldier.

Chu Chi?

I can't be.

Dao?

How did you know my name?

I was there, in the hut.

You killed my mother?

No, I tried to stop him.

I wanted to help your
sister, she was possessed.

Is American.

No.

No, you're lying.

I don't believe you.

You're lying!

I remember the last
words your mother spoke,

before she died.

She said, "Run Dao, run."

And then you ran out of the hut,
escaped.

I want to kill you.

What can you do to change it?

How can you live
with that thing?

You acting like American.

You're the reason why
I'm going back to Vietnam.

To bring Garvan's body back,

so we can destroy it together.

You brought me a corpse?

THANG: That's a shitty deal.

I know.

(BLOWING HIS NOSE)

Then I wasn't thinking.

And now the demon is
loose on this plane.

Now, thanks to you we're
all gonna die on this plane.

Not if I can help it.

I mean this may sound crazy but,

hell is at the center of
the Earth, right?

If there is a hell.

Assuming there is,

the further we fly from
the hot core of the Earth,

more unlikely it will be

that the demon can reach us.

(CRICKET CHIRPING)

We need to convince the captain

to fly higher, into the
colder temperatures,

and maybe that way we can go
above the demon's jurisdiction.

I don't know, it sounds
crazy enough to make sense.

Or it will kill everyone.

All our lives are
in your hands.

Captain?

Hey!

I need your help.

You can't come in here.

Now, get out.

I told them.

Captain, these two men
told me that you can help us

get rid of the demon.

Demon?

What demon?

In the luggage compartment.

There's a demon?

In the luggage compartment?

Would that be a metaphor?

No, this is nuts.

Get the fuck outta my cockpit.

GARVAN: Hello, boys.

And girl.

Whatever you are.

Jesus, what the fuck was that?

The meanest passenger
you've ever seen.

Captain, many horrible deaths.

He's telling the truth.

I wouldn't have
believed it myself,

but there's an evil entity,

and it's infecting
the passengers.

And it's spreading
like at evil fart.

You farted, you fuckin'
just farted, you

piece of shit.

ROMANO: It stinks man.

I didn't do it.

(ALL MOANING)

Don't fart in public, go.

Wipe your ass.

(THUNDER CRASHING)

What do you want me to do?

Increase your altitude.

What good would that do?

It'll freeze him out.

How high can this plane fly?

40,000 feet, max.

50,000?

CAPTAIN: We come apart.

ROMANO: And higher?

CAPTAIN: What?

ROMANO: And higher?

Oh, the passengers
would freeze to death,

and we'd turn to ice shards.

Take us to 60,000.

You out of your freakin' mind?

No!

No, that would be suicide.

ROMANO: How would
you prefer to...

Suicide!

How would you prefer to die?

Exploding into shards of ice,

or possessed and
dragged through hell?

For all of eternity.

Give me a moment.

Shards?

I think I'll take the demon,

being dragged through
hell for all of eternity.

But I will have a
side of shards.

Captain, we must try.

I have one last procedure left.

I don't want to die as a man.

Do you understand?

Snip, snip.

Snip, snip snip.

Snip.

Please?

You know, I was savin' this

till we landed, but.

Let me have a little of that.

Thank you.

No no no.

Please please?

Please?

Amanda, make an announcement
to the passengers,

that we are changing course,

and we're going to the moon.

Yes, Captain.

Thank you.

We're going to the moon.

(SQUEALING)

Reckon she's
already on the moon.

Here, have a slug.

Thanks.

Go for it.

Thank you, Father Hog.

All right,

we'd better hang on.

Give her hell.

(THUNDER CRASHING)
(DRAMATIC ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)

47, pull back a little
bit more, a little more.

COPILOT: He can't fake this.

Don't hit stall speed.

Lower the nose just a hair.

All right, there we go.

Here we go.

This son of a bitch should
fall apart right about now.

And?

Fuck.

(TENSE ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)

Hoo, let's hang a right.

Hocus pocus steady steady,
steady.

We're at 50,000.

(SCREAMING)

Don't stall it, don't stall it!

We're almost there,
we're almost there.

Where?

Oh come on.

60!

Hear that?
(ALARM SOUNDING)

ROMANO: Yeah, what's that?

Lower the nose.

ROMANO: Come on,
he's still alive.

No, down.

Oh my God, part of
my knee is in my mouth.

Oh man.

Come on, higher man.

Knock this son of a bitch out.

Slow that nose speed.

(HIGH-TENSION ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)

I feel like a bobblehead.
(LAUGHING)

You good?

CAPTAIN: Yeah, we're good.

Level out, level out, level out.

Oh shit.

We're wrong about this plan.

Shit.

We made it.

We made it.

We need to serve some
drinks and some booze.

Warm up the people.

(IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

May God have mercy.

Amanda?

Amanda come here
like I told you.

That's the holiest thing
I've ever seen.

Thang?

Huh?

Vagina shining with light.

I want one like that.

I want one like that.

(MUFFLED SPEAKING)

(SAD INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)

(ROMANTIC ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)

Flexing keep you warm.

More power, more power.

Almost done.

(NUNS MUFFLED SPEAKING)

I will fear no evil.

Thy rod and thy staff,
comforts me.

(MUFFLED SPEAKING)

Let's sit right here.

(AMANDA MUFFLED)

Drink one of these, it's hot.

Hi, pretty lady.

I'm sorry so cold.

You're so beautiful.

I admire you.

Would you like to have
a drink, keep you warm?

Oh no, we don't drink.

Your loss, bitch.

NUN: I'll pray for you.

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

(SINISTER ELECTRONIC MUSIC)

Flying at 60,000
feet didn't work,

nor did holy water.

I don't know what else to do.

Perhaps your holy water
isn't strong enough.

What?

I know ancient Vietnamese
witch doctor potion,

for possession.

Well why didn't you
say so earlier?

No one asked.

You keep a secret from me?

What's the ingredients
to the magic potion?

Okay, first is pubic
hair of virgin.

What?

How do you expect?

I got one.

(SEXY JAZZ MUSIC)

Forgive me Father,

for I have sinned.

(SNARLING)

They're possessed.

They are possessed, aren't they?

Of course, they're possessed.

The entity is getting
stronger, multiplying.

Soon everyone on the plane
is gonna be infected.

You see that over there?

The green mist.

It's gotten into the
ventilation system.

Okay, if it's everywhere,
how do we stop it?

Thang's magic potion.

We put it into the
air-con system,

flush the entity out,
and save the passengers.

Okay, how do we do that?

Ventilation system,

he can breathe it from
the ventilation system.

Ah, that's my boy.

My girl!

(LAUGHING)

Hey, let's make the
magic potion.

Come on.

But,

not with the virgin, the hair.

You got them.

Jesus Christ.

That's hot.

THANG: Come on, let's go.

(GROWLING)

God, it's hot now.

RABBI: What's on the
shopping list.

Hair of the dog.

(POOKIE GROWLING)

Relax.

(POOKIE WHIMPERING)

(AMANDA YELLING)

(MUMBLING)

(POOKIE GROWLING)

Is enough?

Next, a human bone.

I got it.

Sorry.

People will leave hell
because of you.

The bone.

Yeah.

And, what's next?

Next, eye of newt.

Okay, got it.

(GASPING)

I'm terribly sorry.

This one?

What's that for?

Eye of newt.

Close enough, now mix.

(BLENDER GRINDING)

Pour it into the air vent.

THANG: There.

Sorry sorry sorry.

Good?

Smells like ass.

Now I make announcement.

Hello, ladies and gentlemen,
(IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

this is Amanda, don't panic.

(AMANDA MUFFLED)

Please, don't panic.

It's show time!

Happy new years losers.

Watch out, he's got a bomb.

(HISSING)

I must warn you, Hercules,

I'm a trained assassin,
with the...

(MELODIC CLASSICAL MUSIC)

Don't look him in the eye.

What?

ROMERO: Don't look
him in the eye.

It's hell, Doctor John Wayne.

(YELLING)

What's goin' on?

You are in (MUMBLING).

(GROWLING)

Feldman, god damn it!

You're on my balls.

RABBI: What?

You're on my balls.

Oh I thought you said boils.

God damn it Feldman,
open this god damn door.

What?

I said open the door, Feldman.

Why didn't you say so?

What's wrong with you?

The hearing.

What happened to him?

I don't know, I
think it's boils.

(SCREAMING)

Open the door!

(WEIGHTLIFTER GROWLING)

I'm gonna make (MUMBLING)
sweeping the hall.

Please don't.

Go go go go.

(GROWLING)

Holy shit, fuck you, you
big macho son of a bitch.

(GROWLING)

Look!

There's an airfield.

What the hell?

It's the pits, it's the pits.

Captain?

Can you fly this plane?

I can fly this plane

with my head turned backwards.

(YELLING)

But who needs a head?

Captain!

Who's gonna fly the plane?

I will.

You know how to fly
a commercial airliner?

Better than a
headless Captain.

Why is Carrie Bellson
in my bathrobe?

He's still alive.

Good good, maybe he can
help me land this thing.

72 virgins.

Talk to the controller.

Don't let him fall asleep.

Turn the steering left

until you see the number
on that dial hit 7-6-0.

Then you flip that blue switch
on the lower right there.

That will lower the flaps.

What do we do now?

How far are we from
the airport?

We're 10 miles away.

Lower landing gear.

Landing gear.

Lower the gear.

Lower the gear.

(DIRE ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)

Going in for a landing.

(YELLING)

You're going to descend.

(LAUGHING)

(SCREAMING)

(HIGH-TENSION ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)

(TIRES SQUEALING)

We did it!

I pooped my pants.

THANG: Is that what that is?

Vietnam.

I'm back.

(LAUGHING)

It's a miracle.

We landed.

Oy.

- We landed.
- (MUFFLED) Father.

Poor Buzz, he didn't make it.

I'm not dead though.

He's the real hero.

Yes, why?

And everyone else on
this plane who died.

Lot of people.

Lot of people, I can't
remember all their names.

You know Father, for an
American, you not so bad.

Oh, thanks Thang.

You slanted-eyed devil.

You're not so bad yourself.

Father?

Yeah.

- And you?
- Yeah.

I don't care if you're gay,

You have great heart,

and thank you for
saving our lives.

Okay.

I'm outta here.

RABBI: She's right.

When you're right you're right.

ROMERO: I've got
another demon to exorcize.

RABBI: In the bathroom?

Want to play with my
little friend. (LAUGHING)

You little shit.

I pumped out bigger
turds than you.

(LAUGHING)

No wonder the toilet
was so clogged.

Wanna play catch?

(EXPLOSION)

(DRAMATIC ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)

(COUGHING)

Smell like poop.

I'm not gonna clean that up.

Good morning, Vietnam.

I will never fly
economy again.

Talk about hell.

Be gone.

Ah crap.

(LAUGHING)

Oy, here we go again.

(OMINOUS ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)

(UPBEAT ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)

How's this?

What?

Isn't he fun?

Hear I'm vegan.

Oh mommy.

Jesus H Christ!

(SCREAMING)

I'll have the beef.

(SCREAMING)

(DRAMATIC ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)

I really don't feel that bad.

That's weird.

Captain Houdee?

Whatever.

Fuck it, he's gone.

Yeah, okay.

Shit!

(DARK MUSIC)

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