All language subtitles for Duncanville s01e09_English

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,350 --> 00:00:05,135 - ♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo 2 00:00:05,179 --> 00:00:09,313 ♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪ 3 00:00:09,357 --> 00:00:13,274 ♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo 4 00:00:13,317 --> 00:00:17,321 ♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪ 5 00:00:17,365 --> 00:00:21,412 ♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo 6 00:00:21,456 --> 00:00:23,849 ♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪ 7 00:00:23,893 --> 00:00:24,850 - [laughs] 8 00:00:24,894 --> 00:00:26,026 Ooh! [growls] 9 00:00:26,069 --> 00:00:27,636 - Mommy! - Aaaaaaah! 10 00:00:27,679 --> 00:00:29,203 - Duncan! - Duncan! 11 00:00:32,902 --> 00:00:35,383 - I'm wearing a ski jacket and skis. 12 00:00:35,426 --> 00:00:37,820 Can you guess where I am? 13 00:00:37,863 --> 00:00:39,082 - Burning Man! - You know, 14 00:00:39,126 --> 00:00:40,823 you don't have to guess. 15 00:00:40,866 --> 00:00:43,347 - Easy, easy. Engage your core, Jack. 16 00:00:43,391 --> 00:00:45,654 - Are you trying to get in shape again? Give up! 17 00:00:45,697 --> 00:00:47,308 - We're seeing Bruce Springsteen 18 00:00:47,351 --> 00:00:49,092 and the E Street Band tonight, and I gotta be able 19 00:00:49,136 --> 00:00:50,615 to hold your mother on my shoulders for four hours. 20 00:00:50,659 --> 00:00:52,574 - Isn't that rude to the people behind you 21 00:00:52,617 --> 00:00:54,402 to be staring at Mom's butt all night? 22 00:00:54,445 --> 00:00:57,361 - Rude? I think they're lucky, 'cause they get two shows. 23 00:00:57,405 --> 00:00:59,189 - Aw... kids: Eew! 24 00:00:59,233 --> 00:01:00,886 - [kiss] [phone chimes] 25 00:01:00,930 --> 00:01:02,932 - Oh, great, our sitter just canceled. 26 00:01:02,975 --> 00:01:04,934 Her dad's shipping out in the morning. 27 00:01:04,977 --> 00:01:06,675 Why does that have to ruin our evening? 28 00:01:06,718 --> 00:01:07,676 [water splashing] 29 00:01:07,719 --> 00:01:09,112 - Hmm. 30 00:01:09,156 --> 00:01:12,159 Hey, Helen, do you wanna babysit our kids? 31 00:01:12,202 --> 00:01:13,856 - I'll watch the cute one. 32 00:01:13,899 --> 00:01:16,902 The girls can sleep in the yard. 33 00:01:16,946 --> 00:01:19,818 - I guess I should be relieved she's so blatant about it. 34 00:01:19,862 --> 00:01:21,777 Ah, she's a hot ticket. - What about that dog 35 00:01:21,820 --> 00:01:23,561 down the street, the one that almost saved his owner 36 00:01:23,605 --> 00:01:25,085 from dying of a heart attack. 37 00:01:25,128 --> 00:01:27,696 - 811 was so close. 38 00:01:27,739 --> 00:01:29,263 - I hear it still haunts him. 39 00:01:29,306 --> 00:01:32,266 - [muffled barks] 40 00:01:32,309 --> 00:01:34,311 - But you left us alone a few weeks ago, 41 00:01:34,355 --> 00:01:35,704 and we did great as far as you know. 42 00:01:35,747 --> 00:01:38,141 - Okay, we said we left you alone, but we really didn't. 43 00:01:38,185 --> 00:01:40,230 - We were watching you the entire time. 44 00:01:40,274 --> 00:01:42,232 This urn with my grandmother's ashes 45 00:01:42,276 --> 00:01:44,974 is actually a nanny cam. kids: Huh?! 46 00:01:45,017 --> 00:01:46,758 - Her ashes are actually in that creepy doll 47 00:01:46,802 --> 00:01:48,325 we keep in the garage. 48 00:01:48,369 --> 00:01:49,761 - No, it's right there. 49 00:01:49,805 --> 00:01:52,329 - How does that keep getting in here?! 50 00:01:52,373 --> 00:01:53,896 - You were spying on us? 51 00:01:53,939 --> 00:01:56,420 - Are spying, honey. All the time. 52 00:01:56,464 --> 00:01:58,727 - I don't need a sitter. I'm 15 years old. 53 00:01:58,770 --> 00:02:00,424 I'm a big, big boy. 54 00:02:00,468 --> 00:02:03,340 - And I'm 12--kids at school have already hurt me in ways 55 00:02:03,384 --> 00:02:04,776 a burglar never could. 56 00:02:04,820 --> 00:02:06,517 kids: Please?! 57 00:02:06,561 --> 00:02:08,432 - I don't know. If we went to that concert 58 00:02:08,476 --> 00:02:09,955 and anything ever happened to any of you, 59 00:02:09,999 --> 00:02:11,479 I would never forgive myself. 60 00:02:11,522 --> 00:02:13,394 - On the other hand, if we don't go 61 00:02:13,437 --> 00:02:15,396 and I find out tomorrow he played "Jungleland", 62 00:02:15,439 --> 00:02:17,267 I will never forgive any of you. 63 00:02:17,311 --> 00:02:19,400 - [sighs] Okay, Duncan. 64 00:02:19,443 --> 00:02:21,532 You're in charge. Kimberly, watch Duncan. 65 00:02:21,576 --> 00:02:24,318 Jing, if anything goes wrong, get the neighbor dog. 66 00:02:24,361 --> 00:02:26,407 He needs a win. 67 00:02:26,450 --> 00:02:27,582 - One, two--hup! 68 00:02:27,625 --> 00:02:28,887 [thud] - Oof! 69 00:02:28,931 --> 00:02:30,454 - I'm at Burning Man! 70 00:02:30,498 --> 00:02:33,196 - Ha. Pay up. 71 00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:36,417 - Bruuuuce! - Bruuuuce! 72 00:02:36,460 --> 00:02:37,940 - This is great! Now that the kids 73 00:02:37,983 --> 00:02:39,420 are old enough to be responsible, 74 00:02:39,463 --> 00:02:40,899 our lives are never gonna be the same. 75 00:02:40,943 --> 00:02:42,640 - We could follow Bruce all over the world 76 00:02:42,684 --> 00:02:44,990 until he gets a restraining order against us. 77 00:02:45,034 --> 00:02:47,123 [singsong] And he'll have to sign it! 78 00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:50,039 - Then we'll get to see him in concert and in court! 79 00:02:50,082 --> 00:02:53,477 [siren wailing] 80 00:02:53,521 --> 00:02:55,566 - You don't suppose that's for our house... 81 00:02:55,610 --> 00:02:56,959 - No! 82 00:02:57,002 --> 00:02:58,613 There are so many other people's homes 83 00:02:58,656 --> 00:03:00,180 that could be on fire. 84 00:03:00,223 --> 00:03:01,485 Helen Diggins probably fell asleep 85 00:03:01,529 --> 00:03:03,270 with a cigarette in her mouth again. 86 00:03:03,313 --> 00:03:05,185 - Yeah, she's a wreck. 87 00:03:06,664 --> 00:03:08,013 - Damn it! - Damn it. 88 00:03:08,057 --> 00:03:10,625 - Bruuuuce! - Bruuuuce! 89 00:03:13,410 --> 00:03:15,499 - We were gone for 20 minutes! 90 00:03:15,543 --> 00:03:17,588 - Okay, we wanted pizza, but I didn't know 91 00:03:17,632 --> 00:03:20,461 if I should set the oven to 200 or 300, 92 00:03:20,504 --> 00:03:22,463 so I split the difference and I set it to 500. 93 00:03:22,506 --> 00:03:23,681 - And in my defense, 94 00:03:23,725 --> 00:03:26,728 the plastic wrapper looked a lotlike shiny cheese. 95 00:03:26,771 --> 00:03:29,252 - At least the sad doggie called 911. 96 00:03:29,296 --> 00:03:32,124 - [growling] 97 00:03:32,168 --> 00:03:33,604 - Why didn't you use the fire extinguisher? 98 00:03:33,648 --> 00:03:35,476 - I did! 99 00:03:36,346 --> 00:03:38,479 That's it. Do your thing. 100 00:03:38,522 --> 00:03:39,697 Aah! 101 00:03:39,741 --> 00:03:42,396 - Why didn't you run and get help from a neighbor? 102 00:03:42,439 --> 00:03:45,050 - And get murdered? We barely know those people! 103 00:03:45,094 --> 00:03:48,489 - Do the words "stranger, danger" mean nothingto you? 104 00:03:48,532 --> 00:03:50,752 - So you stayed in a burning house? 105 00:03:50,795 --> 00:03:53,320 - I had to make a tough decision, and I stand by it. 106 00:03:53,363 --> 00:03:54,538 [crunch] 107 00:03:54,582 --> 00:03:56,671 What? I didn't have any dinner! 108 00:03:56,714 --> 00:03:58,586 - Got a text from Hal. 109 00:03:58,629 --> 00:04:00,805 Bruce played "Jungleland" twice. 110 00:04:00,849 --> 00:04:02,329 I hate those kids. 111 00:04:02,372 --> 00:04:04,505 - It's our own fault for leaving them alone. 112 00:04:04,548 --> 00:04:05,854 They're just not ready. 113 00:04:05,897 --> 00:04:07,290 I hate them too. 114 00:04:07,334 --> 00:04:09,423 - Good evening, Annie, Jack. 115 00:04:09,466 --> 00:04:11,686 [deep sniff] Mmm! 116 00:04:11,729 --> 00:04:13,470 Jasmine. 117 00:04:13,514 --> 00:04:16,125 Why does it only bloom at night? 118 00:04:16,168 --> 00:04:18,649 - Bradley, it's 9 p.m. Won't your mom be worried? 119 00:04:18,693 --> 00:04:22,000 - No. She believes in "fwee wange parwenting." 120 00:04:22,044 --> 00:04:23,872 You see, Jack, 121 00:04:23,915 --> 00:04:26,875 helicopter parwenting has made kids helpless 122 00:04:26,918 --> 00:04:29,225 and fearful of the world. 123 00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:30,226 Tie my shoe? 124 00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:32,489 No! - But you just said-- 125 00:04:34,926 --> 00:04:38,365 - And thatis "fwee wange parwenting." 126 00:04:38,408 --> 00:04:39,540 - Whoa! - Wow. 127 00:04:39,583 --> 00:04:41,585 Duncan still can't do that. 128 00:04:41,629 --> 00:04:44,109 He uses Velcro even though the sound scares him. 129 00:04:44,153 --> 00:04:46,851 Maybe we should give this free range thingy a chance. 130 00:04:46,895 --> 00:04:49,463 - Come on, honey, the kids made one deadly mistake. 131 00:04:49,506 --> 00:04:51,334 We can't abandon all our parenting beliefs 132 00:04:51,378 --> 00:04:53,249 on the advice of a five-year-old. 133 00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:55,077 [siren blaring] 134 00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:56,600 - Mom, Dad, I got something to tell you, 135 00:04:56,644 --> 00:04:58,341 but you gotta promise not to be mad. 136 00:04:58,385 --> 00:05:00,952 - I wouldn't make that promise. 137 00:05:00,996 --> 00:05:02,650 - That does it! 138 00:05:02,693 --> 00:05:04,782 We're going fwee wange. 139 00:05:04,826 --> 00:05:06,349 - Are you mocking me? 140 00:05:07,524 --> 00:05:09,700 - Okay, I looked up free range parenting 141 00:05:09,744 --> 00:05:13,400 in my Facebook moms group,of which I am an administrator. 142 00:05:13,443 --> 00:05:15,489 all: We know. - And it's the complete 143 00:05:15,532 --> 00:05:17,578 opposite of helicopter parenting. 144 00:05:17,621 --> 00:05:19,493 - Instead of us coddling you and sheltering you 145 00:05:19,536 --> 00:05:21,930 from the outside world,we're gonna shove you out there 146 00:05:21,973 --> 00:05:23,410 and let you fall on your face, 147 00:05:23,453 --> 00:05:25,586 just the way our parents did for us. 148 00:05:25,629 --> 00:05:27,631 - Didn't you get hit by a bus when you were a kid? 149 00:05:27,675 --> 00:05:30,155 - And I learned to look both ways before I cross. 150 00:05:30,199 --> 00:05:32,070 Both ways before I cross. Both ways before I cross. 151 00:05:32,114 --> 00:05:33,594 - Honey, it's happening again. - Both ways before I-- 152 00:05:33,637 --> 00:05:35,160 Good morning! 153 00:05:35,204 --> 00:05:37,641 - Free range parenting? That sounds like another one 154 00:05:37,685 --> 00:05:40,514 of your stupid "I wanna be a better parent" things, 155 00:05:40,557 --> 00:05:42,385 like the chore chart. 156 00:05:42,429 --> 00:05:44,735 - Or when you tried to make us a sugar-free household. 157 00:05:44,779 --> 00:05:47,651 - Come on, you spearmint son of a bitch-- 158 00:05:47,695 --> 00:05:48,913 get in my mouth! 159 00:05:48,957 --> 00:05:51,133 - You're gonna be okay, honey. You're just jonesing. 160 00:05:51,176 --> 00:05:53,353 [gasps] 161 00:05:53,396 --> 00:05:54,658 [clattering] 162 00:05:54,702 --> 00:05:56,573 - Yah! - A Skittle! 163 00:05:56,617 --> 00:05:58,227 You're holding out on us? - Yes! 164 00:05:58,270 --> 00:05:59,968 - Duncan! 165 00:06:00,011 --> 00:06:01,709 - I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry so bad! 166 00:06:01,752 --> 00:06:03,537 [doorbell rings] kids: Trick or treat? 167 00:06:03,580 --> 00:06:05,887 - Why did we start this today? 168 00:06:05,930 --> 00:06:07,628 - Leave this place! children: Aah! 169 00:06:07,671 --> 00:06:09,020 - Yeah, I still think we should have 170 00:06:09,064 --> 00:06:10,500 given it a second day. 171 00:06:10,544 --> 00:06:12,850 - You're overreacting to two fires in one day. 172 00:06:12,894 --> 00:06:15,244 We can take care of ourselves. 173 00:06:17,551 --> 00:06:19,422 Mom, milk's on fire. 174 00:06:19,466 --> 00:06:20,597 [loud gulping] 175 00:06:24,688 --> 00:06:27,299 - It's very simple, Duncan. 176 00:06:27,343 --> 00:06:29,084 Just walk up to the hostess and say, 177 00:06:29,127 --> 00:06:30,999 "Table for five, please." 178 00:06:31,042 --> 00:06:33,436 - How am I supposed to remember all that? 179 00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:35,003 [sighs] [muttering] Table for five. 180 00:06:35,046 --> 00:06:37,440 Table for five. Table for five. 181 00:06:37,484 --> 00:06:39,007 Table for-- 182 00:06:39,050 --> 00:06:41,618 - Hello, welcome to Chapman's. Inside or patio? 183 00:06:41,662 --> 00:06:44,012 - She said all the cooks are dead--we gotta go! 184 00:06:44,055 --> 00:06:46,188 - Okay, Kimberly, you try. 185 00:06:46,231 --> 00:06:47,755 - Give us your phone. - I can't talk to people 186 00:06:47,798 --> 00:06:49,670 without somethingin my hand. 187 00:06:49,713 --> 00:06:51,541 At least give me a cigarette. - If neither if you kids 188 00:06:51,585 --> 00:06:53,674 are going to go up there, then we are not gonna eat. 189 00:06:53,717 --> 00:06:55,806 - That's right. We'll wait all night. 190 00:06:55,850 --> 00:06:56,851 [background chatter] 191 00:06:56,894 --> 00:06:58,113 [dishes clatter] 192 00:06:58,156 --> 00:06:59,506 [stomach rumbles] 193 00:06:59,549 --> 00:07:00,811 - Daddy, your stomach's moving. 194 00:07:00,855 --> 00:07:03,988 - Come on, everyone. We'll free range at the table. 195 00:07:04,032 --> 00:07:06,556 - Okay, kids, I know you're used to us ordering for you, 196 00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:08,732 but today you're gonna order for yourselves. 197 00:07:08,776 --> 00:07:09,820 - What? - No! 198 00:07:09,864 --> 00:07:11,692 - You can do this. When the server comes over, 199 00:07:11,735 --> 00:07:13,345 you just look 'em in the eye 200 00:07:13,389 --> 00:07:15,130 and clearly enunciate what you'd like to eat. 201 00:07:15,173 --> 00:07:17,175 - Do we have to make the food too? 202 00:07:17,219 --> 00:07:18,525 [giggling] - Zing! 203 00:07:18,568 --> 00:07:20,875 - Hi, I'm Chad. - Buckaroo Burger, Chad. 204 00:07:20,918 --> 00:07:22,833 - Aah! - Okay, that was terrifying. 205 00:07:22,877 --> 00:07:24,226 Duncan. 206 00:07:24,269 --> 00:07:25,880 - [mumbling] - I'm sorry? 207 00:07:25,923 --> 00:07:27,838 - [mumbling louder] Please! 208 00:07:27,882 --> 00:07:28,839 - Louder... 209 00:07:28,883 --> 00:07:30,754 - [mutters rapidly] 210 00:07:30,798 --> 00:07:32,147 - You know what? 211 00:07:32,190 --> 00:07:34,497 I'll have two orders of chicken nuggets. 212 00:07:34,541 --> 00:07:36,499 - No helping your brother. 213 00:07:36,543 --> 00:07:37,500 - Ugh! 214 00:07:37,544 --> 00:07:39,067 Chicken nuggets. 215 00:07:39,110 --> 00:07:40,634 - Oh! Chicken nuggets. 216 00:07:40,677 --> 00:07:42,636 Yeah, we don't have that. 217 00:07:42,679 --> 00:07:44,812 - Ohh! Why am I even alive? 218 00:07:44,855 --> 00:07:46,901 - Duncan, sit up straight. - I wanna look at the gum 219 00:07:46,944 --> 00:07:48,859 under the table. - No, you are going to 220 00:07:48,903 --> 00:07:50,687 pick something else to eat. 221 00:07:50,731 --> 00:07:53,081 - Come on, honey, he just wants to look at the gum. 222 00:07:53,124 --> 00:07:55,300 - Fine. Look at the gum. 223 00:07:55,344 --> 00:07:57,520 - I need to use the bathroom. Can one of you go check 224 00:07:57,564 --> 00:07:58,826 and make sure there's not a stranger in there? 225 00:07:58,869 --> 00:08:00,218 - You'll be fine. 226 00:08:00,262 --> 00:08:02,786 A stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet. 227 00:08:02,830 --> 00:08:04,788 Just use your instincts and size 'em up. 228 00:08:04,832 --> 00:08:06,137 If they have a neck tattoo, 229 00:08:06,181 --> 00:08:07,574 that means they're probably cool. 230 00:08:07,617 --> 00:08:08,923 - Jack, that's only often true. 231 00:08:08,966 --> 00:08:10,620 You can't go through life 232 00:08:10,664 --> 00:08:12,492 thinking someone's always trying to kill you 233 00:08:12,535 --> 00:08:13,884 or you'll never go poop! 234 00:08:13,928 --> 00:08:15,625 - Mom, it's pee. 235 00:08:15,669 --> 00:08:17,714 - Sure it is, honey. Sure, it is. 236 00:08:23,415 --> 00:08:24,504 [hinges squeak] - [gasps] 237 00:08:28,725 --> 00:08:30,161 [door opens] 238 00:08:30,205 --> 00:08:32,120 [footsteps] 239 00:08:32,163 --> 00:08:35,123 [ominous music] 240 00:08:35,166 --> 00:08:36,777 Hello? 241 00:08:36,820 --> 00:08:38,822 - [singsong] I'm very proud of you! 242 00:08:38,866 --> 00:08:40,781 - Mom, get out! 243 00:08:40,824 --> 00:08:41,869 Hmm? 244 00:08:41,912 --> 00:08:43,697 Aah! 245 00:08:43,740 --> 00:08:46,003 - Okay, look at me--tell me what you're gonna do again. 246 00:08:46,047 --> 00:08:48,353 - Walk into the store, buy a three-pack of Hanes, 247 00:08:48,397 --> 00:08:50,791 count my change, don't apply for a store credit card. 248 00:08:50,834 --> 00:08:53,358 - Excellent! And don't just grab the first pair you see. 249 00:08:53,402 --> 00:08:55,230 There's lots to choose from-- boxers, 250 00:08:55,273 --> 00:08:57,754 briefs, boxer briefs, jockey cut, quad shorts, 251 00:08:57,798 --> 00:08:59,277 banana hammock, banana hammock briefs-- 252 00:08:59,321 --> 00:09:00,801 - Just tell me which one I like! 253 00:09:00,844 --> 00:09:02,629 - That's the beauty of this. 254 00:09:02,672 --> 00:09:04,152 You get to ask a complete stranger, 255 00:09:04,195 --> 00:09:06,676 and remember, if you don't likethe service you're getting, 256 00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:08,548 ask to see a person in charge. 257 00:09:10,811 --> 00:09:12,769 [chuckles] 258 00:09:12,813 --> 00:09:15,729 Okay, that's it, yeah. Pick the color you like. 259 00:09:15,772 --> 00:09:18,079 Mmm, squeeze the package. 260 00:09:18,122 --> 00:09:20,168 Yes, you big boy, yes! 261 00:09:20,211 --> 00:09:21,865 - 'Scuse me, ma'am. What are you doing? 262 00:09:21,909 --> 00:09:23,737 - Oh, me? Oh, I'm just watching 263 00:09:23,780 --> 00:09:25,826 that beautiful boy buy underwear. 264 00:09:25,869 --> 00:09:27,871 That's it...pay my bail. 265 00:09:27,915 --> 00:09:31,179 Firm handshake, identify which prisoner is yours. 266 00:09:31,222 --> 00:09:32,920 Good job, Dunkie! 267 00:09:35,313 --> 00:09:37,751 - Movie's about to start. See ya! 268 00:09:37,794 --> 00:09:39,883 - What? No! I'm not seeing a movie alone! 269 00:09:39,927 --> 00:09:41,624 - I see movies alone all the time. 270 00:09:41,668 --> 00:09:43,017 It's fun, 'cause you can tell everyone 271 00:09:43,060 --> 00:09:45,106 your favorite lines with no context. 272 00:09:45,149 --> 00:09:48,979 "Out of the way, Richie!" Ha ha ha! 273 00:09:49,023 --> 00:09:51,982 - If the projectionist sees me,he'll think I just got dumped! 274 00:09:52,026 --> 00:09:55,812 - Relax, everyone knows you don't have a boyfriend. 275 00:09:57,379 --> 00:09:59,773 - Are you alone? Did you get dumped? 276 00:09:59,816 --> 00:10:01,601 Did you...? 277 00:10:01,644 --> 00:10:02,776 - So he runs through the rain 278 00:10:02,819 --> 00:10:05,648 into the hospital room where he kisses Jill-- 279 00:10:05,692 --> 00:10:06,693 with tongue-- 280 00:10:06,736 --> 00:10:08,999 only Jill's been dead for days! 281 00:10:09,043 --> 00:10:11,436 - Gross! He kissed a dead girl? 282 00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:13,308 - It's called true love, Jing. 283 00:10:13,351 --> 00:10:15,223 You'll understand when you're grown up like me. 284 00:10:15,266 --> 00:10:17,355 - Well, I am proud of you, honey. 285 00:10:17,399 --> 00:10:18,748 Jack, fire up the grill. 286 00:10:18,792 --> 00:10:21,577 I'll go to the grocery store and get some salad fixins. 287 00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:22,839 - We can go for you. 288 00:10:22,883 --> 00:10:24,885 - Did you hear that, Jack? What's next-- 289 00:10:24,928 --> 00:10:27,322 Duncan tying his own shoes? 290 00:10:27,365 --> 00:10:28,453 [both gasp] 291 00:10:28,497 --> 00:10:30,368 - Well, it feels like yesterday 292 00:10:30,412 --> 00:10:31,805 that they were so worthless. 293 00:10:31,848 --> 00:10:33,676 Do you really think they're ready? 294 00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:35,635 - Only one way to find out. 295 00:10:35,678 --> 00:10:36,853 Bradley! 296 00:10:36,897 --> 00:10:37,898 - They're weady! 297 00:10:37,941 --> 00:10:40,074 [liquid bubbling] 298 00:10:42,903 --> 00:10:44,252 - I think everyone on the bus 299 00:10:44,295 --> 00:10:46,080 was really impressed with how grown up we are. 300 00:10:46,123 --> 00:10:48,038 - Yeah, that one guy kept patting my back. 301 00:10:48,082 --> 00:10:49,039 - Hmm? 302 00:10:49,083 --> 00:10:50,867 This lettuce is bad. 303 00:10:50,911 --> 00:10:52,477 - All lettuce is bad. 304 00:10:52,521 --> 00:10:55,219 - No, it's gone bad--we can't bring this back to Mom. 305 00:10:55,263 --> 00:10:57,439 Not after all she hasn't done for us this week. 306 00:10:57,482 --> 00:10:59,049 I bet they have fresh lettuce in the back. 307 00:10:59,093 --> 00:11:00,834 - You're right. Let's be responsible 308 00:11:00,877 --> 00:11:03,053 and sneak into that restricted area. 309 00:11:06,317 --> 00:11:07,971 [rustling] Oof-- 310 00:11:08,015 --> 00:11:10,191 Kimberly, help! 311 00:11:10,234 --> 00:11:11,801 - [groaning] 312 00:11:11,845 --> 00:11:13,934 - [panting] That was like the dry cleaning bag 313 00:11:13,977 --> 00:11:15,892 all over again! 314 00:11:16,893 --> 00:11:19,287 All right! Let's toss this salad! 315 00:11:22,899 --> 00:11:24,248 - You don't thump it, idiot. 316 00:11:24,292 --> 00:11:26,250 You shake it. 317 00:11:26,294 --> 00:11:28,209 - I don't know what kind of "Ocean's Eleven" kind of heist 318 00:11:28,252 --> 00:11:30,602 you're trying to pull here, but do not try to 319 00:11:30,646 --> 00:11:32,213 pass this cabbage off as lettuce. 320 00:11:32,256 --> 00:11:34,302 - Will you at least admit they look similar? 321 00:11:34,345 --> 00:11:35,956 - I mean...yeah. 322 00:11:35,999 --> 00:11:37,697 - Well, that's all I needed to hear. 323 00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:42,571 [mechanism whirring] 324 00:11:43,833 --> 00:11:44,834 [engine turns] 325 00:11:44,878 --> 00:11:46,967 - Whoo... - Ohh... 326 00:11:50,884 --> 00:11:52,059 - We've been driving forever. 327 00:11:52,102 --> 00:11:53,930 Doesn't he need to pee or buy speed? 328 00:11:53,974 --> 00:11:56,803 - The cabbage is too thick to get a signal! 329 00:11:56,846 --> 00:11:59,153 The guy at the phone kiosk warned me about this. 330 00:11:59,196 --> 00:12:01,546 - I got this. I'll eat our way out. 331 00:12:01,590 --> 00:12:03,505 [crunch] I'm full--kill me. 332 00:12:03,548 --> 00:12:05,333 [sizzling] 333 00:12:08,815 --> 00:12:11,382 [groans] Daddy, I wanna be a grown-up 334 00:12:11,426 --> 00:12:13,036 like Duncan and Kimberly. 335 00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:14,734 Can I grill for real? 336 00:12:14,777 --> 00:12:17,040 - Sorry, honey, but grilling is dangerous 337 00:12:17,084 --> 00:12:18,346 and for grown-ups only. 338 00:12:18,389 --> 00:12:20,174 Owie! - I'm sick of people 339 00:12:20,217 --> 00:12:21,915 telling me I'm not a grown-up! 340 00:12:21,958 --> 00:12:24,874 I wanna be able to burn meat just like you. 341 00:12:24,918 --> 00:12:26,920 - But I love what you make on your BabyBBQ. 342 00:12:26,963 --> 00:12:29,444 Your baby baby-back ribs are delicious! 343 00:12:29,487 --> 00:12:32,795 - This isn't real. I've seen you take fake bites. 344 00:12:32,839 --> 00:12:34,579 - No, I really eat it. 345 00:12:34,623 --> 00:12:36,930 Mmm! Chew, chew, chew, num, num, num. 346 00:12:36,973 --> 00:12:38,148 - Swallow it. 347 00:12:38,192 --> 00:12:39,933 [ominous music] 348 00:12:39,976 --> 00:12:41,717 [growls] 349 00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:43,153 ♪ 350 00:12:43,197 --> 00:12:44,589 [door opens] 351 00:12:44,633 --> 00:12:46,374 - The kids have been gone a long time, Jack. 352 00:12:46,417 --> 00:12:47,897 Maybe you should give them a call. 353 00:12:47,941 --> 00:12:50,508 - Me? I don't want them to think I don't trust them. 354 00:12:50,552 --> 00:12:52,075 - You don't have their numbers in your phone, do you? 355 00:12:52,119 --> 00:12:54,599 - I kept texting, "I love you,"and they blocked me. 356 00:12:58,081 --> 00:12:59,996 - It didn't work. - Did she at least 357 00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:02,607 say they look similar? - I mean...yeah. 358 00:13:02,651 --> 00:13:04,609 - You did good. 359 00:13:04,653 --> 00:13:06,133 [both gasp] 360 00:13:06,176 --> 00:13:08,048 - I've got a signal! 361 00:13:08,091 --> 00:13:10,528 Now I can see how many texts I missed from my friends. 362 00:13:10,572 --> 00:13:12,052 Weird. 363 00:13:12,095 --> 00:13:14,402 They must be inside a cabbage truck too. 364 00:13:14,445 --> 00:13:16,447 [beep] [dial tone] 365 00:13:16,491 --> 00:13:18,885 - Mom, it's me, Duncan. From the house. 366 00:13:18,928 --> 00:13:20,756 - Duncan, where are you? 367 00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,192 I haven't been worried sick at all! 368 00:13:22,236 --> 00:13:23,890 - I don't know-- there's like one of those 369 00:13:23,933 --> 00:13:25,892 Mexican Day of the Dead parades, 370 00:13:25,935 --> 00:13:27,981 [bell chiming] some Mexican churches. 371 00:13:28,024 --> 00:13:29,983 What do you call those Mexican wrestlers? 372 00:13:30,026 --> 00:13:31,941 - Luchadores? - Yeah, that sounds right. 373 00:13:31,985 --> 00:13:33,638 - You're in Mexico! 374 00:13:33,682 --> 00:13:34,988 Madre de Dios! 375 00:13:35,031 --> 00:13:36,206 [dramatic Spanish music] 376 00:13:39,906 --> 00:13:41,864 - You've gotta stop blaming yourself. 377 00:13:41,908 --> 00:13:44,127 You are a good boy. 378 00:13:44,171 --> 00:13:45,868 - I hope you're happy, Bradley! 379 00:13:45,912 --> 00:13:49,567 Our kids free ranged themselvesto Mexico because of you! 380 00:13:49,611 --> 00:13:51,656 - Do not listen to him. He's a quack! 381 00:13:52,657 --> 00:13:55,095 - My methods are controversial. 382 00:13:55,138 --> 00:13:57,140 Home, please. 383 00:13:57,184 --> 00:13:59,142 [grunting] 384 00:13:59,186 --> 00:14:01,449 [tires screeching] 385 00:14:01,492 --> 00:14:03,843 - We need three tickets to Mexico--now! 386 00:14:03,886 --> 00:14:06,019 - No problem--I can get you on the next flight. 387 00:14:06,062 --> 00:14:07,629 - Yes! - Which is... 388 00:14:07,672 --> 00:14:09,239 Thursday! - Thursday? 389 00:14:09,283 --> 00:14:11,459 Our kids are lost in Mexico now! 390 00:14:11,502 --> 00:14:13,809 - Sorry, but Oakdale Airport used to be 391 00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:15,680 the exclusive hub for Delta Song 392 00:14:15,724 --> 00:14:17,160 and when they went under, 393 00:14:17,204 --> 00:14:19,423 we turned the tarmac into part-time tennis courts. 394 00:14:19,467 --> 00:14:21,121 - Hey, we reserved this space! 395 00:14:21,164 --> 00:14:22,687 - My bad! 396 00:14:23,514 --> 00:14:25,168 - Excuse me, sir. 397 00:14:25,212 --> 00:14:26,866 we're trying to find our way home to Oakdale. 398 00:14:26,909 --> 00:14:28,171 - Sorry, I can't help you. 399 00:14:28,215 --> 00:14:29,694 [harp chords] - And if you're not 400 00:14:29,738 --> 00:14:31,871 getting good service, ask for the man in charge. 401 00:14:31,914 --> 00:14:33,742 - I wanna speak to the man in charge. 402 00:14:33,785 --> 00:14:35,657 - You mean the guy who runs this town? 403 00:14:35,700 --> 00:14:38,138 - Yeah, sure, whatever. 404 00:14:38,181 --> 00:14:40,444 [heavy door clanks open] 405 00:14:40,488 --> 00:14:42,403 Let's go. - We're gonna walk into 406 00:14:42,446 --> 00:14:44,144 the house of someone we don't know? 407 00:14:44,187 --> 00:14:45,885 [harp chords] - You'll be fine. 408 00:14:45,928 --> 00:14:49,236 A stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet. 409 00:14:49,279 --> 00:14:51,978 - Come on! Let's go talk to strangers. 410 00:14:52,021 --> 00:14:54,154 - Table for five, table for five. 411 00:14:54,197 --> 00:14:57,548 [Spanish rap playing] 412 00:14:57,592 --> 00:15:00,247 ♪ 413 00:15:00,290 --> 00:15:01,465 [bird squeals] 414 00:15:01,509 --> 00:15:03,511 - Nature is beautiful, is it not? 415 00:15:03,554 --> 00:15:05,992 Let us get down to business. 416 00:15:09,778 --> 00:15:11,998 - These are guns.I thought we were buying drugs. 417 00:15:12,041 --> 00:15:14,304 - Drugs are stopped at the border. 418 00:15:14,348 --> 00:15:16,002 Guns are welcome. 419 00:15:16,045 --> 00:15:19,222 And the best part--the guns are made of chocolate. 420 00:15:19,266 --> 00:15:21,094 So when your transaction is done, 421 00:15:21,137 --> 00:15:23,313 you have a fun little treat. 422 00:15:23,357 --> 00:15:25,576 - Mmm, mm, que rico,ooh! 423 00:15:25,620 --> 00:15:26,751 Russell Stover. 424 00:15:26,795 --> 00:15:29,058 - Yes. Nothing but the best. 425 00:15:29,102 --> 00:15:31,843 So, Don Rumaldo, you have my money? 426 00:15:33,193 --> 00:15:35,108 - Excuse me--which one of you is the manager? 427 00:15:35,151 --> 00:15:36,587 [both gasp] - Oh, my God! 428 00:15:36,631 --> 00:15:39,808 Everyone's looking at us. This is soembarrassing! 429 00:15:40,809 --> 00:15:42,767 - Jack, get on social media 430 00:15:42,811 --> 00:15:44,073 and make a big cyber to-do! 431 00:15:44,117 --> 00:15:46,946 - On it! If anyone on Facebook 432 00:15:46,989 --> 00:15:49,905 knows how to use Twitter... 433 00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:51,776 - Never mind! 434 00:15:51,820 --> 00:15:54,257 Rise up, fellow outraged travelers. 435 00:15:54,301 --> 00:15:57,347 You, in Hudson News,wondering where the cashier is, 436 00:15:57,391 --> 00:16:00,220 you, pulling a warm Dasani from the fridge, 437 00:16:00,263 --> 00:16:02,135 and you, people hovering near the gate 438 00:16:02,178 --> 00:16:04,528 even though you're boarding group D-- 439 00:16:04,572 --> 00:16:06,182 - All right, you two, 440 00:16:06,226 --> 00:16:08,315 an airport is no place for angry people. 441 00:16:08,358 --> 00:16:10,012 [click] 442 00:16:10,056 --> 00:16:13,015 both: You seduce the guard. I'll make a run for it. 443 00:16:13,059 --> 00:16:15,148 - Hello, handsome. - Hello, Handsome. 444 00:16:15,191 --> 00:16:16,584 - Whoa-- - Oh, easy! 445 00:16:16,627 --> 00:16:18,716 [men grumbling] 446 00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:20,109 - What do we do? 447 00:16:20,153 --> 00:16:22,720 - Just remember what Mom and Dad told us. 448 00:16:22,764 --> 00:16:24,070 - Outta the way, Richie! 449 00:16:24,113 --> 00:16:26,376 - Banana hammock. Banana hammock briefs. 450 00:16:26,420 --> 00:16:28,204 - How can we tell if he's a good person 451 00:16:28,248 --> 00:16:30,990 or a bad person? - Use our instincts. 452 00:16:31,033 --> 00:16:32,252 - Look--a neck tattoo. 453 00:16:32,295 --> 00:16:33,818 That means he's cool. - Mom and Dad 454 00:16:33,862 --> 00:16:35,255 would be so proud of us right now. 455 00:16:35,298 --> 00:16:36,865 Good day. My name is Duncan Harris. 456 00:16:36,908 --> 00:16:38,258 - And I'm Kimberly. 457 00:16:38,301 --> 00:16:39,650 I'm comfortable seeing movies alone. 458 00:16:39,694 --> 00:16:41,304 - What are you doing? 459 00:16:41,348 --> 00:16:43,219 People have died for touching El Espantoso. 460 00:16:43,263 --> 00:16:45,178 - Don Rumaldo, you can't go through life 461 00:16:45,221 --> 00:16:46,831 thinking someone's gonna kill you, 462 00:16:46,875 --> 00:16:49,051 or you'll never go poop. - Mm! 463 00:16:49,095 --> 00:16:50,400 - You're as wise as you are brave, 464 00:16:50,444 --> 00:16:52,402 and your handshake was firm. 465 00:16:52,446 --> 00:16:55,405 I wish my idiot kids had your poise and confidence. 466 00:16:55,449 --> 00:16:57,625 - Dad, stop talking [mumbles] about me, please! 467 00:16:57,668 --> 00:16:59,496 - Ugh! I beg you to take my life. 468 00:16:59,540 --> 00:17:02,238 - I'm sorry--you've caught me in the middle of a... 469 00:17:02,282 --> 00:17:04,675 business transaction. - So what are you selling? 470 00:17:04,719 --> 00:17:06,286 These chocolate guns? [everyone gasps] 471 00:17:06,329 --> 00:17:07,635 [triggers clicking] You know what's good? 472 00:17:07,678 --> 00:17:09,289 Put 'em in a freezer for a while. 473 00:17:09,332 --> 00:17:10,464 - It's a little trick our grandma taught us. 474 00:17:10,507 --> 00:17:12,640 - Yes, yes, grandmas are great. 475 00:17:12,683 --> 00:17:14,729 Don Rumaldo--my money. 476 00:17:16,165 --> 00:17:17,688 Pleasure doing business with you. 477 00:17:17,732 --> 00:17:19,168 - Wait a minute--you're just gonna let him go? 478 00:17:19,212 --> 00:17:21,083 - Is there a problem? - Well, you should 479 00:17:21,127 --> 00:17:22,737 always count your money, 480 00:17:22,780 --> 00:17:26,262 like if you're buying underwear or paying your mom's bail. 481 00:17:26,306 --> 00:17:27,785 - Hmm. 482 00:17:30,919 --> 00:17:32,138 [beep] 483 00:17:32,181 --> 00:17:33,269 [beep!] 484 00:17:33,313 --> 00:17:34,618 Feed him to the gators. 485 00:17:34,662 --> 00:17:37,273 - No, please! You're making a mistake! 486 00:17:37,317 --> 00:17:40,363 - Gracias. You have saved me from a grievous error. 487 00:17:40,407 --> 00:17:43,105 - I have a dollar in my car! Please! 488 00:17:43,149 --> 00:17:45,412 - That's okay--When you said, "Feed him to the gators," 489 00:17:45,455 --> 00:17:46,848 what did you mean by that? 490 00:17:46,891 --> 00:17:48,458 - It's just a regional expression 491 00:17:48,502 --> 00:17:50,504 like how some people say... - Aah! 492 00:17:50,547 --> 00:17:52,854 - Soda and some people say pop.- Please, I beg you! 493 00:17:52,897 --> 00:17:54,334 I know right where it is! 494 00:17:54,377 --> 00:17:56,684 - I get it, like, "Outta the way, Richie!" 495 00:17:56,727 --> 00:17:59,078 - Ha ha. [laughing] Yes, yes. 496 00:17:59,121 --> 00:18:03,256 Richie-- alwaysin the way. 497 00:18:03,299 --> 00:18:05,345 So to show my gratitude... - Aah! 498 00:18:05,388 --> 00:18:07,347 what can I do for you? - We're trying to get home 499 00:18:07,390 --> 00:18:09,697 to our mom and dad. - Wait--there it is! 500 00:18:09,740 --> 00:18:11,394 On the floor! I-it fell out! 501 00:18:11,438 --> 00:18:13,962 - Oh, that is nice. Family is everything. 502 00:18:14,005 --> 00:18:15,485 - Aah! - I would be happy 503 00:18:15,529 --> 00:18:16,965 to fly you home on my private jet. 504 00:18:17,008 --> 00:18:18,706 - Really? You'd do that? 505 00:18:18,749 --> 00:18:20,708 - Yes. I'm not made of stone. 506 00:18:20,751 --> 00:18:23,711 - Literally--just look down. You're standing on it. 507 00:18:23,754 --> 00:18:25,669 Aah! 508 00:18:27,584 --> 00:18:30,239 - Oh, hey, he was screaming the truth! 509 00:18:30,283 --> 00:18:33,155 Wanna get a soda? - I call it pop. 510 00:18:33,199 --> 00:18:35,984 - You can't arrest us for loving our kids. 511 00:18:36,027 --> 00:18:37,986 both: The whole world is watching! 512 00:18:38,029 --> 00:18:39,901 The whole world is watching! 513 00:18:39,944 --> 00:18:41,207 - All right, that's it. 514 00:18:41,250 --> 00:18:42,773 We're putting you with the lost luggage 515 00:18:42,817 --> 00:18:44,427 and dead pets. 516 00:18:44,471 --> 00:18:46,299 - Excuse me. 517 00:18:46,342 --> 00:18:48,170 Hi. What's your name? 518 00:18:48,214 --> 00:18:49,563 - Beth. Why? - Hi, Beth, I'm Jing. 519 00:18:49,606 --> 00:18:52,696 I'm sorry for my parents' bad behavior. 520 00:18:52,740 --> 00:18:54,220 If you could please let them go, 521 00:18:54,263 --> 00:18:56,178 I promise they'll never be naughty again. 522 00:18:56,222 --> 00:18:58,137 Isn't that right? 523 00:18:58,180 --> 00:19:00,400 - Uh, yeah. - Yes, we'll be good. 524 00:19:00,443 --> 00:19:01,531 - Well, aren't you lucky 525 00:19:01,575 --> 00:19:03,403 to have such a grown-up little girl? 526 00:19:03,446 --> 00:19:05,318 - Would you say I'm old enough to grill? 527 00:19:05,361 --> 00:19:07,015 - Of course! - Aha! 528 00:19:07,058 --> 00:19:08,582 [click] - Mm. 529 00:19:08,625 --> 00:19:11,019 Whoa! Look at that. 530 00:19:11,062 --> 00:19:13,761 [rock music] 531 00:19:13,804 --> 00:19:15,458 ♪ 532 00:19:15,502 --> 00:19:18,200 - Hey! - ♪ Hey, hey, whoa-oa-oa 533 00:19:18,244 --> 00:19:20,768 - Let's go! - ♪ Hey, hey, whoa-oa 534 00:19:20,811 --> 00:19:22,030 - Our babies! 535 00:19:22,073 --> 00:19:24,772 - Oh, Duncan looks so handsome! 536 00:19:24,815 --> 00:19:27,209 - Ah ha! Oh, thank God you're home. 537 00:19:27,253 --> 00:19:29,298 Wait till we tell you what happened to us. 538 00:19:29,342 --> 00:19:31,605 It is the craziest story ever. 539 00:19:33,433 --> 00:19:34,477 - El Espantoso? 540 00:19:34,521 --> 00:19:37,263 I watched in "20/20" about your prison escape! 541 00:19:37,306 --> 00:19:40,048 - Two days zipped inside a soiled mattress. 542 00:19:40,091 --> 00:19:42,050 Disgustingly brilliant! 543 00:19:42,093 --> 00:19:43,834 - You're too kind. Before I go, 544 00:19:43,878 --> 00:19:46,402 I want to tell you what amazing, 545 00:19:46,446 --> 00:19:47,621 independent children you have. 546 00:19:47,664 --> 00:19:49,579 Perhaps too independent. 547 00:19:49,623 --> 00:19:52,974 Childhood is such a small amount of one's life. 548 00:19:53,017 --> 00:19:54,802 Don't rush it. 549 00:19:54,845 --> 00:19:57,457 Let them be kids. - Hmm. You're right. 550 00:19:58,414 --> 00:20:00,808 Duncan, Kimberly, would you like to go back 551 00:20:00,851 --> 00:20:03,202 to being helpless and noncommunicative? 552 00:20:03,245 --> 00:20:05,204 - [mumbles] - Sure, whatever. 553 00:20:05,247 --> 00:20:07,423 - Thank you so much for bringing them home. 554 00:20:07,467 --> 00:20:09,425 I can't let you go back to Mexico 555 00:20:09,469 --> 00:20:11,166 without giving you a hug. Come here! 556 00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:14,256 - I would like to, but my feet cannot touch U.S. soil. 557 00:20:14,300 --> 00:20:17,041 - Oh, come on, gimme a hug, you lug. 558 00:20:17,085 --> 00:20:18,391 - Mm... 559 00:20:18,434 --> 00:20:19,783 - Mm... - Mm... 560 00:20:19,827 --> 00:20:22,612 - Come on, everybody. Let's go home. 561 00:20:22,656 --> 00:20:24,353 - I watched an alligator eat a man today. 562 00:20:24,397 --> 00:20:28,314 - And I tried cabbage. [engine turns] 563 00:20:28,357 --> 00:20:30,881 [sound of engine fading] 564 00:20:37,497 --> 00:20:40,761 - Let's wave good-bye to our new friend. 565 00:20:40,804 --> 00:20:43,067 [squeaking] 566 00:20:43,111 --> 00:20:46,070 - Hey, he got a window seat. Lucky! 567 00:20:46,114 --> 00:20:47,420 - He gave me a chocolate gun. 568 00:20:47,463 --> 00:20:49,639 - Ooh, let me try! [crunching] 569 00:20:49,683 --> 00:20:52,773 Wow! It's got a kick. I'm gonna run home. 570 00:20:52,816 --> 00:20:54,035 [panting] 571 00:20:54,078 --> 00:20:56,167 Jing, we should start a band! 572 00:21:00,955 --> 00:21:02,522 - Thanks for letting me grill with you. 573 00:21:02,565 --> 00:21:04,524 What do grown-ups talk about while the meat cooks? 574 00:21:04,567 --> 00:21:05,916 - All kinds of stuff! 575 00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:08,441 Power tools, crab grass, boats we're never gonna buy, 576 00:21:08,484 --> 00:21:10,399 all the girls from high school we-- 577 00:21:10,443 --> 00:21:12,706 - Uh-huh... - Shook hands with. 578 00:21:12,749 --> 00:21:14,838 Anything but our feelings, really. 579 00:21:14,882 --> 00:21:16,579 - Grilling's the best! 580 00:21:16,623 --> 00:21:18,494 - Hell, yeah, it is. 581 00:21:18,538 --> 00:21:21,454 - I think Mommy had too much chocolate. 582 00:21:21,497 --> 00:21:22,846 - Jing, you wanna see me do a cartwheel? 583 00:21:22,890 --> 00:21:24,326 Say yes, yes, yes, yes! 584 00:21:24,370 --> 00:21:26,937 Yes! [squealing/grunting] 585 00:21:28,548 --> 00:21:31,986 - So, what kinda boatare you thinking of not buying? 586 00:21:39,602 --> 00:21:41,561 -Yaah!-ANNOUNCER: Welcome to the world of Duncanville. 42172

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