Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:01:38,391 --> 00:01:40,518
What was going on there, huh?
2
00:01:40,685 --> 00:01:42,603
We thought
you were sleeping, Daddy.
3
00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:46,065
How can I sleep with two
Twinkie burglars roaming around?
4
00:01:46,232 --> 00:01:48,150
Can we watch
Dragon Tales, please?
5
00:01:48,317 --> 00:01:50,945
Yeah. Why not, why not?
6
00:01:52,571 --> 00:01:54,490
Which one of these
turns on the TV?
7
00:02:09,588 --> 00:02:11,424
Honey, I think you
just opened the garage.
8
00:02:11,590 --> 00:02:13,426
I'm just planning ahead. I know.
9
00:02:15,011 --> 00:02:19,348
- P-yew! Was that a stinky-dink bug?
- Good job.
10
00:02:19,515 --> 00:02:21,309
Whatever happened
to the good old days...
11
00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:24,186
...when you pulled the knob
and on came the boob tube?
12
00:02:24,353 --> 00:02:27,064
The O'Doyles got
a universal remote control.
13
00:02:27,231 --> 00:02:29,317
One clicker controls everything.
14
00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:32,486
Makes life a lot easier
for old people like you.
15
00:02:33,404 --> 00:02:35,573
Well, whoop-de-do
for the O'Doyles.
16
00:02:35,740 --> 00:02:36,741
--tree house?
17
00:02:36,907 --> 00:02:39,243
I don't know. Ask your father.
18
00:02:39,410 --> 00:02:40,703
Ask me what?
19
00:02:40,870 --> 00:02:44,623
Do you think you'll have time
to finish building the tree house ever?
20
00:02:44,790 --> 00:02:48,794
Yeah, Dad. It's kind of been
halfway done for two months now.
21
00:02:49,378 --> 00:02:54,258
All right. I want to, it's just I got a lot
of things going on at work right now.
22
00:02:54,425 --> 00:02:58,763
But as soon as I'm done, I'm on it.
I promise. Hang in there.
23
00:03:00,890 --> 00:03:04,435
Hey, look at Sundance
wrestle his duck.
24
00:03:05,186 --> 00:03:07,146
Oh, no, that's not wrestling.
25
00:03:07,313 --> 00:03:11,150
That's something you shouldn't
know about for another 10 to 30 years.
26
00:03:11,317 --> 00:03:13,611
Ten for you. Thirty for you.
27
00:03:16,947 --> 00:03:19,283
Hey, Michael? I'll see you tonight
at the swim meet?
28
00:03:19,450 --> 00:03:21,035
Swim meet.
29
00:03:22,078 --> 00:03:24,413
- I gotta go to that?
- Yes.
30
00:03:24,580 --> 00:03:28,751
- I'm kidding you. I'll be there. Okay?
- All right. I love you, Michael.
31
00:03:28,918 --> 00:03:31,087
Forever and ever, babe.
32
00:03:31,754 --> 00:03:33,047
Mr. Newman.
33
00:03:33,214 --> 00:03:35,299
Kevin O'Doyle.
Yeah. Always a pleasure.
34
00:03:35,466 --> 00:03:38,719
What kind of stereo you got
in that blue piece of shit?
35
00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:41,097
You know what?
I never checked, Kevin.
36
00:03:41,263 --> 00:03:43,724
Yeah, well, my father's stereo
is a Bose.
37
00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:46,727
Your father's stereo blows?
That's too bad.
38
00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:50,481
No! I said-- That's not what I said!
39
00:03:50,648 --> 00:03:53,859
His father's stereo blows!
40
00:03:57,154 --> 00:03:59,824
Come on! Pay the man, let's go!
41
00:04:06,122 --> 00:04:08,207
- Good morning, Mr. Newman.
- Good morning.
42
00:04:08,374 --> 00:04:09,834
- Good morning, Mr. Newman.
- Hello.
43
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:12,169
- Good morning, Mr. Newman.
- Hi.
44
00:04:13,129 --> 00:04:15,005
Good morning, Mr. Newman.
45
00:04:15,172 --> 00:04:16,841
- Good morning, Mr. Newman.
- Man, Alice...
46
00:04:17,007 --> 00:04:20,261
...I was stuck in traffic for an hour
and a half. When's the meeting?
47
00:04:21,429 --> 00:04:23,597
- It started already.
- What?
48
00:04:24,348 --> 00:04:25,641
Can I go to the bathroom?
49
00:04:25,808 --> 00:04:28,436
Go to the bathroom.
I told you, you don't have to ask me.
50
00:04:35,651 --> 00:04:37,695
Well, the interesting thing,
Prince Habeeboo...
51
00:04:37,862 --> 00:04:40,739
...is that the building codes
in Manhattan will allow us--
52
00:04:40,906 --> 00:04:42,950
- Michael.
- Sorry I'm late, sir.
53
00:04:43,117 --> 00:04:46,287
Some moron in a red Lamborghini
parked in my spot so--
54
00:04:46,454 --> 00:04:49,707
Prince Habeeboo
drive red Lamborghini.
55
00:04:50,541 --> 00:04:53,335
Red Lamborghini?
I meant blue Ferrari.
56
00:04:54,003 --> 00:04:56,297
Is this one of your partners?
57
00:04:56,464 --> 00:04:58,549
Actually, Michael
is just an associate.
58
00:04:58,716 --> 00:05:01,051
But he is one of our brightest
young architects.
59
00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:02,219
Thank you.
60
00:05:02,386 --> 00:05:04,430
Walk His Majesty
through our design concept.
61
00:05:04,597 --> 00:05:06,348
With pleasure.
62
00:05:07,099 --> 00:05:09,685
- Prince Haboobee-—
- Habeeboo!
63
00:05:10,311 --> 00:05:12,396
Prince Habeeboo.
64
00:05:12,563 --> 00:05:15,065
Habeeboo. I thought I said that.
65
00:05:15,232 --> 00:05:17,943
When Mr. Ammer explained to me
the type of man you are...
66
00:05:18,110 --> 00:05:21,989
...a visionary who prides himself
on originality...
67
00:05:22,156 --> 00:05:26,994
...I said to myself, "Let's smash
the mold and redefine elegance."
68
00:05:27,161 --> 00:05:29,455
So I present to you your restaurant.
69
00:05:29,622 --> 00:05:31,165
Where is-— Where's bar?
70
00:05:31,332 --> 00:05:35,044
Bar is-— Here's the bar.
Now, the waterfall--
71
00:05:35,211 --> 00:05:36,295
Make bar longer.
72
00:05:37,713 --> 00:05:41,467
Okay. We could cut
into the atrium a little bit.
73
00:05:41,634 --> 00:05:46,222
No atrium. Just make bar longer
for Prince Habeeboo.
74
00:05:46,388 --> 00:05:47,389
Really?
75
00:05:49,517 --> 00:05:51,685
- Still itchy?
- You got it.
76
00:05:52,937 --> 00:05:56,273
And put big drain in floor
for wet T-shirt contest.
77
00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:57,983
Now, you're kidding me, right?
78
00:05:58,150 --> 00:06:00,236
Boob water's gotta
go someplace, Michael.
79
00:06:00,402 --> 00:06:03,781
Let's just take out the atrium and
run with that and there's your drain.
80
00:06:03,948 --> 00:06:07,493
- God.
- I love it. It is simply awesome.
81
00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:13,040
Yeah. Basically you want me to design
you an Arabian hoochie house?
82
00:06:13,207 --> 00:06:15,709
How dare you compare
Prince Habeeboo's Bikini Hut...
83
00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:17,836
-...to this hoochie house?
- This idea's...
84
00:06:18,003 --> 00:06:20,422
...got nothing to do
with hoochies, Michael.
85
00:06:20,589 --> 00:06:22,132
It's like opposite of hoochie.
86
00:06:22,299 --> 00:06:24,134
No disrespect,
Prince Hubbida Hubbida.
87
00:06:24,301 --> 00:06:26,053
- Hubba Bubba.
- Habeeboo!
88
00:06:26,220 --> 00:06:29,348
Habeeboo!
Hubba Bubba is chewing gum.
89
00:06:29,515 --> 00:06:30,975
Prince Habeeboo's
not chewing gum.
90
00:06:31,141 --> 00:06:35,771
Prince Habeeboo, we will--
I will make this happen.
91
00:06:37,481 --> 00:06:38,482
John Ammer's office.
92
00:06:38,649 --> 00:06:41,652
I hope that atrium idea didn't take
too long to configure, Michael.
93
00:06:41,819 --> 00:06:44,655
Oh, there'll be other Junes
in my life, sir.
94
00:06:44,822 --> 00:06:49,410
See that parking garage
over there on 56?
95
00:06:49,660 --> 00:06:53,998
Watsuhita wants to knock it down
and build a luxury hotel.
96
00:06:54,164 --> 00:06:55,708
- You got the commission?
- Not yet.
97
00:06:55,874 --> 00:07:01,005
I just need someone to come up
with a design proposal. Intrigued?
98
00:07:02,840 --> 00:07:04,091
Hell, yes.
99
00:07:04,258 --> 00:07:07,428
I'm Fourth of July-ing with the kids.
When I get back, I'm all over it.
100
00:07:07,595 --> 00:07:12,016
Great. Have a great Fourth of July
with the kids. I'll put Swardson on it.
101
00:07:12,182 --> 00:07:16,020
No, no. Absolutely not.
I-- I-- Can't it just wait three days?
102
00:07:16,186 --> 00:07:19,023
These guys are Japanese.
They can't wait for their fish to cook.
103
00:07:21,525 --> 00:07:23,694
I guess I could talk to my wife.
104
00:07:23,861 --> 00:07:26,572
Great. See you later at happy hour
with Prince Habadabee.
105
00:07:27,197 --> 00:07:31,076
My son has a swim meet tonight
that I have to get to s--
106
00:07:31,243 --> 00:07:33,037
I'm just messing with you.
We're good.
107
00:07:38,208 --> 00:07:40,711
Yeah, Ben!
108
00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:53,599
That's my boy! That's my boy!
Kid, you were great!
109
00:07:54,016 --> 00:07:55,559
You're not my dad.
110
00:07:56,477 --> 00:07:59,188
- As far as you know.
- What?
111
00:08:00,522 --> 00:08:02,399
I was just joking.
112
00:08:02,566 --> 00:08:05,694
Is he really my dad?
113
00:08:05,861 --> 00:08:09,239
Come on, come on! Yes, Ben.
Yes, you did it!
114
00:08:09,406 --> 00:08:10,616
Honey, you were so great.
115
00:08:10,783 --> 00:08:14,286
Whoa, what are you, half a dolphin
or something? That was incredible.
116
00:08:14,453 --> 00:08:16,246
You just got here, Dad. I saw you.
117
00:08:17,331 --> 00:08:19,875
What do you mean I just got here?
Why are you saying that?
118
00:08:20,042 --> 00:08:22,044
I saw you. You jumped in there,
you swam here.
119
00:08:22,211 --> 00:08:25,839
- Then what stroke was he doing, Dad?
- He was doing the shut-up.
120
00:08:27,257 --> 00:08:30,719
Hey. Good thing is,
Daddy was here to see you finish.
121
00:08:30,886 --> 00:08:31,929
He didn't see me finish.
122
00:08:32,096 --> 00:08:34,390
He was hanging out
with Ping Woo for some reason.
123
00:08:34,556 --> 00:08:37,017
- Yeah, what was that about, huh?
- The kid was drowning.
124
00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:38,352
I'm gonna let him drown?
125
00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:40,854
Nobody goes drowning in my pool.
126
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:43,607
How you doing? Bill Herlihy.
Ben's coach. You must be Dad.
127
00:08:43,774 --> 00:08:46,485
Michael Speedo-—
Michael Newman. Sorry.
128
00:08:46,944 --> 00:08:49,655
Big Ben, that was great progress
out there, huh?
129
00:08:49,822 --> 00:08:52,700
Just remember, right arm out,
head turns left. Left arm out-
130
00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:55,536
Head turns right. I know.
I just forgot at the end.
131
00:08:55,703 --> 00:08:56,787
Well, that's all right.
132
00:08:56,954 --> 00:09:00,290
You master that, people are gonna
think you're half a dolphin out there.
133
00:09:00,457 --> 00:09:02,543
- Really?
- Yeah.
134
00:09:03,377 --> 00:09:04,795
Cute.
135
00:09:05,462 --> 00:09:07,631
Hello? Mr. Ammer.
136
00:09:15,723 --> 00:09:18,517
Ben, honey, slow down.
It's not a race.
137
00:09:18,684 --> 00:09:20,436
That's his second one
in five minutes.
138
00:09:20,602 --> 00:09:22,312
Keeps eating more and more.
139
00:09:22,479 --> 00:09:25,441
He's like a machine.
He can't still be hungry.
140
00:09:25,607 --> 00:09:29,153
He's not. He's just doing whatever
Michael's doing. It's driving me crazy.
141
00:09:29,319 --> 00:09:32,990
Everything Michael's been doing lately
is very unhealthy for him.
142
00:09:33,157 --> 00:09:35,576
He's gonna kill himself.
143
00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:38,954
Like a signature building
we're talking about.
144
00:09:39,121 --> 00:09:40,539
Oh, my God.
145
00:09:42,332 --> 00:09:43,959
Scared the crap out of me.
146
00:09:44,501 --> 00:09:46,920
Dad, how much longer
are you gonna live?
147
00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:50,507
- One minute.
- One minute?
148
00:09:50,674 --> 00:09:52,843
- Daddy's gonna die in one minute!
- Oh, no, honey.
149
00:09:53,010 --> 00:09:54,386
Don't worry. I'm not dying.
150
00:09:54,553 --> 00:09:58,474
I'm gonna live for 200 years.
Is that long enough for you and me?
151
00:09:59,016 --> 00:10:02,770
- Promise?
- I promise. Swear. Come here.
152
00:10:04,062 --> 00:10:05,731
You son of a bitch!
153
00:10:05,898 --> 00:10:08,692
Hey! There are families here!
154
00:10:08,859 --> 00:10:11,236
Show some respect,
you pieces of shit!
155
00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:14,740
Go home and watch VH1, old man.
156
00:10:14,907 --> 00:10:17,785
Don't light another damn one!
157
00:10:19,036 --> 00:10:21,622
Benjamin. Benjamin.
What am I holding?
158
00:10:21,789 --> 00:10:24,625
A quarter. Now, Grandma
does not let me eat ice cream...
159
00:10:24,792 --> 00:10:26,418
-...because of my diabetes.
- True.
160
00:10:26,585 --> 00:10:30,297
But she says nothing, however,
about a tasty quarter.
161
00:10:30,714 --> 00:10:32,007
Okay.
162
00:10:34,176 --> 00:10:35,803
All right. All right.
163
00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:39,723
Very quickly, please, count to three
because it tastes terrible.
164
00:10:39,890 --> 00:10:43,268
One, two, three.
165
00:10:44,895 --> 00:10:46,563
Are you shitting me?
166
00:10:46,730 --> 00:10:49,525
First he's eating like his father,
now you're talking like him?
167
00:10:49,691 --> 00:10:52,069
- Ben.
- Don't you ever say that again.
168
00:10:52,236 --> 00:10:55,614
- Sorry, Grandma.
- How do you do that, Grandpa?
169
00:10:55,948 --> 00:10:58,700
A good magician
never reveals his secrets.
170
00:10:58,867 --> 00:11:01,495
Your daddy has wanted to know
how I've done that trick...
171
00:11:01,662 --> 00:11:02,830
...since he was your age.
172
00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:04,414
Isn't that true, son?
173
00:11:04,581 --> 00:11:06,959
Hey, Michael.
Michael, who are you talking to?
174
00:11:07,125 --> 00:11:10,170
Jesus. I'm talking to my boss, Ma.
Take it easy.
175
00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:12,047
Oh, yeah?
Well, tell him to get a life.
176
00:11:12,214 --> 00:11:14,466
You got family here.
You're busy. Come on.
177
00:11:14,633 --> 00:11:16,009
My mother says hello.
178
00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:18,428
Oh, he's such a big boy, isn't he?
179
00:11:18,595 --> 00:11:21,974
On his big cell phone. Big boy.
180
00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:27,521
That's it. Get some sleep. Thank you,
Mr. Ammer. All right. Good night.
181
00:11:27,688 --> 00:11:30,148
- Are you done? Can we relax now?
- Sorry.
182
00:11:31,775 --> 00:11:34,236
Eat me, grandpa!
183
00:11:34,611 --> 00:11:35,737
You're dead.
184
00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:39,658
- Oh, shit!
- Yeah, you better run!
185
00:11:39,825 --> 00:11:41,660
I kicked your father's ass
in high school!
186
00:11:41,827 --> 00:11:43,203
Now I'm gonna kick yours!
187
00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:46,123
I hate that man.
188
00:11:46,290 --> 00:11:48,584
Okay, good night, you two cowboys.
189
00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:51,295
- Reach for the sky, Pocahontas.
- No, back to bed.
190
00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:55,090
Come on. Pocahontas is off duty.
I'm out of here.
191
00:11:58,010 --> 00:12:00,262
You getting sick, sheriff?
192
00:12:00,637 --> 00:12:02,764
I don't got time to be sick, so no.
193
00:12:02,931 --> 00:12:05,809
I need to watch this documentary
on Asian architecture.
194
00:12:05,976 --> 00:12:08,770
Well, you gotta get some rest
sometime, sweetheart.
195
00:12:08,937 --> 00:12:11,231
Besides, the woodland creatures
will laugh at you...
196
00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:14,026
...if you collapse trying
to put up the tent this weekend.
197
00:12:15,110 --> 00:12:18,655
Yeah. I forgot to tell you.
198
00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:21,199
We gotta postpone
the camping trip.
199
00:12:21,867 --> 00:12:23,785
Ammer put me on a project.
200
00:12:23,952 --> 00:12:26,371
It's due Tuesday. If I don't finish,
I'm off it, so...
201
00:12:26,538 --> 00:12:28,749
The kids have been talking
about camping all year.
202
00:12:28,916 --> 00:12:30,042
Think I don't know that?
203
00:12:30,208 --> 00:12:32,502
It's just every choice I make,
everything I do...
204
00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:34,630
...I disappoint somebody.
205
00:12:34,796 --> 00:12:37,424
Make sure you don't keep
disappointing the wrong people.
206
00:12:37,591 --> 00:12:40,177
I'm not out drinking or gambling
or hitting on chicks.
207
00:12:40,344 --> 00:12:43,138
I'm working my ass off
so my family can have a better life...
208
00:12:43,305 --> 00:12:45,098
...than I dreamed of
when I was a kid.
209
00:12:45,599 --> 00:12:49,227
The only way for that to happen
is for me to watch this stinking show!
210
00:12:49,394 --> 00:12:51,271
So relax, hon.
211
00:12:54,775 --> 00:12:56,318
Are you kidding me?
212
00:12:56,485 --> 00:12:59,529
Will you give me a break one time?
213
00:12:59,988 --> 00:13:03,575
Damn it! The O'Doyles got
a stinking universal remote control.
214
00:13:03,742 --> 00:13:05,619
We're gonna have one too.
215
00:13:05,786 --> 00:13:07,579
I'm sick of this.
216
00:13:12,167 --> 00:13:14,670
You want me to open
the garage for you?
217
00:13:27,599 --> 00:13:28,600
Closed.
218
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:32,312
Closed.
219
00:13:34,106 --> 00:13:35,107
Open.
220
00:13:35,273 --> 00:13:37,651
Bed Bath & Beyond it is.
221
00:13:42,990 --> 00:13:44,658
Hey. man?
222
00:13:44,825 --> 00:13:47,786
You guys got any universal
remote controls in there?
223
00:13:47,953 --> 00:13:50,872
- For a shower curtain or a bathmat?
- For a television.
224
00:13:51,665 --> 00:13:54,001
I don't think so.
Maybe for a blanket?
225
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:55,794
You got a remote for a blanket?
226
00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:58,964
Sorry, I don't work here.
I'm waiting for my friends.
227
00:13:59,131 --> 00:14:00,549
You're kidding me.
228
00:14:00,716 --> 00:14:03,760
Actually, yes. I don't have any friends.
Will you be my friend?
229
00:14:07,889 --> 00:14:09,558
Wow, man.
230
00:14:12,477 --> 00:14:15,272
Bed.Bed.
231
00:14:15,439 --> 00:14:18,275
Bath. Bath.
232
00:14:18,442 --> 00:14:20,152
Bed.
233
00:14:22,279 --> 00:14:24,990
So tired of my life.
234
00:14:30,662 --> 00:14:31,913
Beyond?
235
00:15:08,909 --> 00:15:10,786
Sorry to sneak up on you. I just-
236
00:15:10,952 --> 00:15:13,288
You guys got a universal
remote control back here?
237
00:15:15,624 --> 00:15:18,919
Something stinks
like stale french fries.
238
00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:22,255
All right, that's probably me.
239
00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:25,258
You know, fast food
shortens your life.
240
00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:26,676
Yeah, that's what I heard.
241
00:15:26,843 --> 00:15:30,055
But the way my life's been going
lately, that ain't such a bad thing.
242
00:15:30,222 --> 00:15:32,432
You're looking
for a universal remote control?
243
00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:35,060
Yeah. Just one device
to do it all for me...
244
00:15:35,227 --> 00:15:39,397
...make my life a little easier,
quicker, not so damn complicated.
245
00:15:39,564 --> 00:15:43,026
I'm not supposed to do this,
but you seem like a good guy.
246
00:15:43,193 --> 00:15:44,861
Hey. Somebody noticed. Thank you.
247
00:15:45,028 --> 00:15:47,155
I'm gonna show you a remote
we just got in...
248
00:15:47,322 --> 00:15:49,908
...that's probably the most advanced
piece of technology...
249
00:15:50,075 --> 00:15:51,201
...we have in this place.
250
00:15:51,535 --> 00:15:54,329
- Sounds sweet.
- It is sweet.
251
00:15:54,496 --> 00:15:59,167
The latest, greatest universal remote
not even on the market yet.
252
00:15:59,334 --> 00:16:04,089
I guess the O'Doyles' remote can bite
my advanced-technological ass then.
253
00:16:04,256 --> 00:16:06,800
I don't know the O'Doyles...
254
00:16:07,968 --> 00:16:09,678
...but they can bite it hard.
255
00:16:09,845 --> 00:16:11,221
Yeah.
256
00:16:11,388 --> 00:16:12,848
Come in the back with me.
257
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:14,891
Okay.
258
00:16:15,809 --> 00:16:18,061
This is- This is very nice of you.
259
00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:21,398
- What's your name, anyways?
- Call me Morty.
260
00:16:21,565 --> 00:16:22,899
Morty, I'm Michael Newman.
261
00:16:23,275 --> 00:16:25,402
Michael Newman.
262
00:16:27,195 --> 00:16:29,114
I'm about to rock your world.
263
00:16:29,531 --> 00:16:30,740
Okay.
264
00:16:40,083 --> 00:16:43,920
I gotta be honest with you. This place
looks bigger from the outside.
265
00:16:44,087 --> 00:16:45,881
Just kidding.
266
00:16:47,257 --> 00:16:48,633
Hey, hey.
267
00:17:07,736 --> 00:17:09,571
I think maybe there in the middle?
268
00:17:22,626 --> 00:17:24,628
Sneaky.
269
00:17:29,883 --> 00:17:32,135
Where's the box?
Does it come with directions?
270
00:17:32,302 --> 00:17:33,887
Not necessary.
271
00:17:34,054 --> 00:17:37,641
Just point, click.
272
00:17:37,807 --> 00:17:39,976
Eventually, it will program itself.
273
00:17:42,854 --> 00:17:43,897
How much is this thing?
274
00:17:44,064 --> 00:17:46,608
Because I ain't exactly
Thurston Howell, you know?
275
00:17:46,775 --> 00:17:50,111
Lucky for you, it's not
in the bar-code system yet.
276
00:17:50,278 --> 00:17:53,573
So I'm gonna have
to just give it to you.
277
00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:56,201
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What's the catch here, man?
278
00:17:56,368 --> 00:17:59,829
Want me to take my shirt off for you?
Because I don't play for that team.
279
00:17:59,996 --> 00:18:02,749
Hey. Man, get out of here.
280
00:18:03,541 --> 00:18:04,918
Why are you doing this, then?
281
00:18:05,085 --> 00:18:08,838
Because good guys need a break
every once in a while.
282
00:18:09,839 --> 00:18:11,049
Take it.
283
00:18:11,841 --> 00:18:12,842
Enjoy.
284
00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:17,013
All right.
285
00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:19,516
Only one thing
you need to know, Michael.
286
00:18:19,683 --> 00:18:22,394
This item is nonreturnable.
287
00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:26,147
Why would I wanna return something
I got for free?
288
00:18:47,502 --> 00:18:50,380
Twinkie. You don't need it.
You don't need it, man.
289
00:18:50,547 --> 00:18:53,883
You do need a Yodel, though.
Okay. Good job.
290
00:18:54,384 --> 00:18:56,928
Let's see what you got, mate.
291
00:19:04,352 --> 00:19:08,648
Look at me, turning my own TV on.
I'm a freaking whiz kid.
292
00:19:09,733 --> 00:19:11,693
- Residential architecture...
293
00:19:11,860 --> 00:19:13,737
- So I talked to the kids.
- Oh, yeah?
294
00:19:13,903 --> 00:19:16,781
They're very understanding about
not going camping this weekend.
295
00:19:16,948 --> 00:19:19,743
- Great.
- They could have a sleepover instead.
296
00:19:19,909 --> 00:19:22,245
That's a great idea.
Thank you, thank you.
297
00:19:22,412 --> 00:19:25,081
Thanks for being
so cool about this too.
298
00:19:25,248 --> 00:19:27,709
- Can I ask you something?
- Yes.
299
00:19:27,876 --> 00:19:31,880
After you do all this work and become
a big player at your company...
300
00:19:32,047 --> 00:19:34,382
...do you think you're gonna
have more time for us...
301
00:19:34,549 --> 00:19:37,093
...or are things just gonna get
even more out of control?
302
00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:40,180
Wait. When I get to that place
and become a boss...
303
00:19:40,347 --> 00:19:43,058
...a millionaire, a big shot,
the first thing I'm gonna do...
304
00:19:43,224 --> 00:19:45,935
...is hire a bunch of idiots just like me
to do all my work.
305
00:19:46,102 --> 00:19:49,314
So then you, me and the kids
can do whatever the hell we want.
306
00:19:49,481 --> 00:19:51,441
You just gotta give me some time.
307
00:19:53,777 --> 00:19:55,653
Don't give me that look.
308
00:19:55,820 --> 00:19:59,199
I'm just saying, give me some support.
All right?
309
00:19:59,366 --> 00:20:01,659
I love you. Go to sleep.
310
00:20:01,826 --> 00:20:04,954
- Just think about it, Michael.
- Absolutely.
311
00:20:05,121 --> 00:20:06,331
And stop with the Yodels.
312
00:20:06,498 --> 00:20:08,750
- You're gonna wake up 400 pounds.
- Okay.
313
00:20:21,221 --> 00:20:25,016
Hey, hey, hey. Keep it down, dude.
Everybody's sleeping.
314
00:20:27,352 --> 00:20:28,561
You gotta poop again?
315
00:20:29,145 --> 00:20:31,940
Why don't you do the humpy-pumpy
on the duck, okay?
316
00:20:33,316 --> 00:20:38,321
Will you just hold it in for five minutes
and keep the freaking volume down?
317
00:21:04,055 --> 00:21:05,306
I guess when you combine...
318
00:21:05,473 --> 00:21:08,893
...mass quantities of cough syrup
with Yodels...
319
00:21:09,060 --> 00:21:11,271
...you get acid.
320
00:21:15,066 --> 00:21:16,443
Go.
321
00:21:24,367 --> 00:21:26,703
Hey, you said you gotta go.
Go already, man.
322
00:21:33,251 --> 00:21:35,128
Sniffy Longdroppings, today.
323
00:22:06,201 --> 00:22:07,827
Holy motherfu--!
324
00:22:10,038 --> 00:22:12,207
Yeah, I mean, you're right.
In the short run...
325
00:22:12,373 --> 00:22:14,876
...plastic surgery is a hassle.
326
00:22:15,043 --> 00:22:17,420
But six months later...
327
00:22:17,587 --> 00:22:19,255
...I'm gonna have a face
and a body...
328
00:22:19,422 --> 00:22:21,841
...that's gonna get me to places
where I wanna be.
329
00:22:23,927 --> 00:22:27,013
Oh, my mother, typical,
you know, she says:
330
00:22:27,180 --> 00:22:30,391
"Oh, this procedure is too risky."
331
00:22:30,558 --> 00:22:33,937
If Samantha wanted her cheekbones
shaved down, I think I'd freak out too.
332
00:22:34,103 --> 00:22:37,273
I know, but I just think, you know,
they're too Slavic.
333
00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:39,108
You should get some work done.
334
00:22:39,275 --> 00:22:42,779
Then maybe Michael
will wanna hang out with you too.
335
00:22:44,531 --> 00:22:48,034
Morning, Michael.
You're looking very crappy today.
336
00:22:48,201 --> 00:22:51,287
Morning, Janine,
you're looking very Slavic.
337
00:22:52,830 --> 00:22:56,584
You're just jealous because Donna
and I are going to the gym...
338
00:22:56,751 --> 00:22:58,878
...and all the guys
are gonna be hitting on us.
339
00:23:03,424 --> 00:23:06,302
Michael knows
he's my one and only.
340
00:23:06,469 --> 00:23:07,720
Forever and ever, babe.
341
00:23:08,471 --> 00:23:11,808
Sorry about last night.
And I love you. I'm s--
342
00:23:11,975 --> 00:23:14,477
Oh, my God. I want that so bad.
343
00:23:14,644 --> 00:23:19,607
A husband that I can kiss and love
and give juice to.
344
00:23:19,774 --> 00:23:23,570
You've already cheated on three
different husbands with their brothers.
345
00:23:23,736 --> 00:23:26,573
I think you've given enough juice
to everybody.
346
00:23:28,074 --> 00:23:29,784
Love juice.
347
00:23:30,201 --> 00:23:32,662
You know way too much about me.
348
00:23:32,829 --> 00:23:35,790
I should never have done
that Montel Williams show.
349
00:23:35,957 --> 00:23:37,834
Even Montel Williams
thinks you're crazy...
350
00:23:38,001 --> 00:23:39,377
...and he's seen a lot of shit.
351
00:23:39,919 --> 00:23:42,589
I was desperate for companionship!
352
00:23:42,755 --> 00:23:44,507
All of my husbands...
353
00:23:44,674 --> 00:23:47,176
All of them
have emotionally abandoned me.
354
00:23:47,343 --> 00:23:51,180
They went to work. You had sex
with their unemployed brothers.
355
00:23:51,347 --> 00:23:53,349
- You're a horndog.
- Michael.
356
00:23:53,516 --> 00:23:55,685
- Okay, sweetie. Calm it down.
- No,no!
357
00:23:55,852 --> 00:23:59,272
I have had self-esteem issues
since I was a kid.
358
00:23:59,439 --> 00:24:03,484
I had a rabbit named Pepper.
And that rabbit abandoned me too!
359
00:24:03,651 --> 00:24:06,279
Even the rabbit did! Even the rabb--
360
00:24:12,368 --> 00:24:13,453
Don't look at me!
361
00:24:14,037 --> 00:24:16,039
- What's wrong with me?
- Bunny rabbit, bunny-
362
00:24:19,208 --> 00:24:22,712
Here's the pitch to Matsui.
A deep drive.
363
00:24:22,879 --> 00:24:25,131
Oh, my, it's out of here!
364
00:24:25,298 --> 00:24:30,261
A two-run shot into the right-field
seats for Hideki Matsui.
365
00:24:31,220 --> 00:24:32,680
I'm sorry. What was that?
366
00:24:32,847 --> 00:24:35,516
She has so many problems.
Why do you have to be so mean?
367
00:24:37,101 --> 00:24:39,771
I don't know, I-- Hello.
368
00:24:41,564 --> 00:24:43,232
I gotta go.
369
00:24:47,195 --> 00:24:49,405
Yeah, good RoboDog.
370
00:24:49,572 --> 00:24:52,075
And he can bark
in over six different languages.
371
00:24:52,241 --> 00:24:53,993
It's so cool.
372
00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:56,954
Yeah, it's much cooler
than your stupid, human dog.
373
00:24:57,121 --> 00:25:00,041
Hey, Dad, see Kevin's
new robot dog?
374
00:25:00,208 --> 00:25:01,959
Yeah, yeah. Very nice.
375
00:25:02,126 --> 00:25:05,755
"Very nice"? This thing
is worth more than your car.
376
00:25:07,632 --> 00:25:10,927
- Not anymore it ain't.
- RoboDog!
377
00:25:17,892 --> 00:25:19,811
Hey, hey. hey-
378
00:25:19,977 --> 00:25:24,399
Okay. Is this some sort
of reality show? Are you the host?
379
00:25:24,565 --> 00:25:26,984
Morty? Where are the cameras?
380
00:25:27,151 --> 00:25:31,948
Got everybody in on it, huh?
Sundance did very well also.
381
00:25:33,074 --> 00:25:37,286
All right, America! Have your laugh!
I'm an idiot!
382
00:25:37,829 --> 00:25:39,956
Donna, I'm gonna get you!
383
00:25:40,123 --> 00:25:41,833
Fast-forward.
384
00:25:43,501 --> 00:25:45,336
Nobody's laughing at you, Michael.
385
00:25:45,503 --> 00:25:50,967
You wanted a universal remote control
that remote-controls your universe.
386
00:25:52,093 --> 00:25:55,471
Yeah, but what controls
my dance skills?
387
00:26:03,312 --> 00:26:04,522
Oh, Morty likes it too.
388
00:26:06,733 --> 00:26:08,651
Michael, just hit menu.
389
00:26:09,485 --> 00:26:10,653
On the remote?
390
00:26:10,820 --> 00:26:14,532
No, the menu at the Red Lobster.
Yes, on the remote.
391
00:26:20,413 --> 00:26:21,706
Where are we?
392
00:26:26,127 --> 00:26:28,463
- Go, Michael, go!
- One Mississippi. Two Mississippi.
393
00:26:28,629 --> 00:26:31,632
- What have I got here?
- Two, three.
394
00:26:31,799 --> 00:26:34,343
Cough syrup's kicking in again.
395
00:26:34,510 --> 00:26:37,680
- We have a boy!
- Is it gonna work?
396
00:26:37,847 --> 00:26:39,015
What is this?
397
00:26:39,182 --> 00:26:41,851
- All right, I love you, Michael.
- Your life menu.
398
00:26:42,769 --> 00:26:44,645
My life has a commentary?
399
00:26:44,812 --> 00:26:47,148
It's chock-full of goodies.
400
00:26:47,315 --> 00:26:50,067
- Click it.
- Click it.
401
00:26:51,444 --> 00:26:53,988
This is last Tuesday.
402
00:26:54,155 --> 00:26:58,201
Michael was eagerly awaiting
the arrival of his lunch order.
403
00:26:58,367 --> 00:26:59,952
Who's that, James Earl Jones?
404
00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:02,663
James Earl
does a lot of voice-over work.
405
00:27:02,830 --> 00:27:05,208
But his anticipation
quickly turned to dismay...
406
00:27:05,374 --> 00:27:08,002
...as he realized Alice
had brought him a cheeseburger...
407
00:27:08,169 --> 00:27:10,046
...instead of a hamburger
as he requested.
408
00:27:10,213 --> 00:27:12,256
A cheeseburger?
I said a hamburger.
409
00:27:12,423 --> 00:27:13,633
She always does this to me.
410
00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:16,719
Michael considered demanding
that Alice scrape the cheese off...
411
00:27:16,886 --> 00:27:17,970
...but decided not to...
412
00:27:18,137 --> 00:27:19,722
...fearing that Alice may spit in...
413
00:27:19,889 --> 00:27:23,518
...or otherwise defile
the burger in some manner.
414
00:27:23,684 --> 00:27:25,353
A wise decision...
415
00:27:25,520 --> 00:27:29,607
...for that was exactly
what Alice was planning to do.
416
00:27:30,983 --> 00:27:33,236
- Are you kidding me?
- Sneaky.
417
00:27:33,402 --> 00:27:35,696
My God.
418
00:27:39,283 --> 00:27:41,410
What else we got here?
419
00:27:42,954 --> 00:27:45,456
-"Making of"?
- Just click.
420
00:27:46,457 --> 00:27:49,460
Hey, hey, psychedelic.
Where are we?
421
00:27:50,962 --> 00:27:53,005
Is this a porno or something?
422
00:27:53,172 --> 00:27:55,591
Oh, Ted. Oh, Teddy!
423
00:27:55,758 --> 00:27:57,051
Is that my parents?
424
00:27:57,218 --> 00:27:59,595
They're making you.
Like bunny rabbits.
425
00:27:59,762 --> 00:28:02,515
- That's the spot.
- Smack my heinie!
426
00:28:02,682 --> 00:28:05,935
Change the channel!
How do you do this?
427
00:28:07,228 --> 00:28:08,646
I can't see.
428
00:28:08,813 --> 00:28:11,941
What happened? What--?
429
00:28:12,108 --> 00:28:16,571
The floor is so mushy and slippery.
Feels good on my feet.
430
00:28:16,737 --> 00:28:19,907
Check it out.
You hit the fast-forward button.
431
00:28:20,074 --> 00:28:22,660
I believe we're sometime
after your conception.
432
00:28:22,827 --> 00:28:25,204
Okay, very good, Mrs. Newman.
433
00:28:25,371 --> 00:28:28,499
No! We're in my mother's vagina?
434
00:28:28,666 --> 00:28:31,419
Again. And push.
435
00:28:31,586 --> 00:28:34,463
- It's a girl.
- It's a girl!
436
00:28:34,630 --> 00:28:37,633
- Oh, It's a girl. Thank you so much.
- Thank you for that.
437
00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:40,303
Wait a minute.
I'm sorry, it might be a boy.
438
00:28:40,469 --> 00:28:42,430
What do you mean, "might be"?
What is that?
439
00:28:42,597 --> 00:28:43,806
Maybe that's a penis.
440
00:28:43,973 --> 00:28:46,601
Maybe that's a pe--? That's a penis.
That's my penis.
441
00:28:46,767 --> 00:28:49,937
Can I see that?
Can you bring that a little closer?
442
00:28:50,104 --> 00:28:51,105
See?
443
00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:53,566
- That's a tiny schmeckel.
- Yeah?
444
00:28:53,733 --> 00:28:55,234
- We have a boy!
- We have a boy!
445
00:28:55,401 --> 00:28:59,697
Your mother must have
some superpower eyesight...
446
00:28:59,864 --> 00:29:02,825
...because I didn't see anything.
447
00:29:02,992 --> 00:29:04,243
Let's get out of here.
448
00:29:06,495 --> 00:29:08,497
So if you think about it...
449
00:29:08,664 --> 00:29:12,209
...I can reexperience
any part of my life I want to.
450
00:29:12,376 --> 00:29:13,961
It's amazing.
451
00:29:15,129 --> 00:29:18,507
What happened?
Oh, God, what did I do?
452
00:29:18,674 --> 00:29:20,801
Hello? How do I get you
back here, pal?
453
00:29:22,011 --> 00:29:23,012
Gotcha.
454
00:29:24,221 --> 00:29:25,890
I'm not freaked out enough?
455
00:29:26,057 --> 00:29:27,934
It's simple. Think of a time
and a place...
456
00:29:28,100 --> 00:29:30,686
...hit rewind, and you're there.
457
00:29:31,812 --> 00:29:34,357
Time and a place. Time and a place.
458
00:29:40,154 --> 00:29:43,199
Oh, my God. Lake Winnipesaukee.
459
00:29:43,658 --> 00:29:45,910
That's me in the Jets shirt.
460
00:29:46,077 --> 00:29:47,787
Go, little me, go!
461
00:29:51,165 --> 00:29:53,167
Good hands! Nice hands.
462
00:29:53,334 --> 00:29:54,585
Michael!
463
00:29:55,044 --> 00:29:59,382
Michael, dinner's almost ready.
Invite your friends if you want to.
464
00:29:59,966 --> 00:30:03,427
So any of you wanna come
by my tent for some supper?
465
00:30:03,594 --> 00:30:06,555
Or we could eat at my Winnebago
and watch Three's Company.
466
00:30:09,266 --> 00:30:10,893
Three's Company.
467
00:30:11,394 --> 00:30:13,729
That's humiliating.
468
00:30:15,564 --> 00:30:19,568
Mom, why can't we camp in an RV
like every other family?
469
00:30:19,735 --> 00:30:21,612
Oh, come on.
You call that camping?
470
00:30:21,779 --> 00:30:24,407
How can you get close to nature
in a tin can like that?
471
00:30:24,573 --> 00:30:28,119
Plus, it's more fun to have
to keep each other warm at night.
472
00:30:28,619 --> 00:30:30,246
Don't you know it.
473
00:30:39,380 --> 00:30:42,133
- No cupcakes yet.
- But I'm starving.
474
00:30:42,299 --> 00:30:44,593
I agree with you, Michael.
You know how hungry I am?
475
00:30:44,760 --> 00:30:47,805
I am so hungry, I could eat this.
476
00:30:47,972 --> 00:30:50,474
Oh, this is where
the quarter trick started.
477
00:30:56,981 --> 00:30:58,607
How the heck did he do that?
478
00:30:58,774 --> 00:31:01,986
Oh, it's a trick coin
you buy at a magic shop.
479
00:31:02,153 --> 00:31:04,238
I just couldn't let him know
I knew that.
480
00:31:04,405 --> 00:31:05,906
That's sweet.
481
00:31:06,073 --> 00:31:09,035
Now, I gotta get back to work,
so hit play.
482
00:31:17,043 --> 00:31:20,671
It's a very powerful device.
Use it with caution.
483
00:31:20,838 --> 00:31:22,298
Okay.
484
00:31:23,799 --> 00:31:24,842
Who are you?
485
00:31:25,634 --> 00:31:27,136
You know who I am.
486
00:31:28,137 --> 00:31:29,305
Morty?
487
00:31:29,472 --> 00:31:32,016
If you have any questions...
488
00:31:32,600 --> 00:31:34,226
...call me.
489
00:31:42,651 --> 00:31:47,490
No, Linda, I think Stacy gets
the most-beautiful-feet award.
490
00:31:47,656 --> 00:31:49,241
You wanted to see me?
491
00:31:49,408 --> 00:31:52,495
Michael. Look, I'm heading out to
the Hamptons in a couple of minutes.
492
00:31:52,661 --> 00:31:53,829
I'm counting on you.
493
00:31:53,996 --> 00:31:56,123
This hotel project? It's a big fish.
494
00:31:56,290 --> 00:32:00,169
You reel it in for me
and it's "Howdy, partner."
495
00:32:03,631 --> 00:32:05,049
Okay. Thank you.
496
00:32:05,216 --> 00:32:09,011
Screw it up, though, and it's
"Back to the mailroom, atrium boy."
497
00:32:11,555 --> 00:32:12,890
Mr. Ammer, Denise just called.
498
00:32:13,057 --> 00:32:16,477
She's gotta go to rehab again,
so she can't make it to the Hamptons.
499
00:32:16,644 --> 00:32:18,896
I'm gonna be alone
on the Fourth of July?
500
00:32:19,230 --> 00:32:22,024
Mr. Ammer, if you need female
companionship this weekend...
501
00:32:22,191 --> 00:32:24,693
...my wife's friend Janine, wow.
502
00:32:26,195 --> 00:32:29,490
Really? What's she like?
503
00:32:30,116 --> 00:32:34,912
Let's just say
she will eat you up, sir.
504
00:32:37,039 --> 00:32:38,624
Excuse me. I'm sorry to interrupt...
505
00:32:38,791 --> 00:32:40,960
-...but this is kind of important.
- Okay.
506
00:32:42,837 --> 00:32:44,922
- Go to the bathroom.
- Okay.
507
00:32:56,100 --> 00:32:59,186
Dude! You suck so bad.
508
00:32:59,353 --> 00:33:01,438
Do not. Hey, Dad.
509
00:33:01,605 --> 00:33:03,399
How you doing, buddy?
Playing some catch?
510
00:33:03,566 --> 00:33:07,444
Actually, we're playing some drop,
because Ben hasn't caught one yet.
511
00:33:07,611 --> 00:33:09,405
Darn it.
512
00:33:23,377 --> 00:33:25,588
You're a regular Derek Jeter
yourself, O'Doyle.
513
00:33:25,921 --> 00:33:28,465
- Love you, kid.
- Love you too, Dad.
514
00:33:29,216 --> 00:33:31,760
Mommy!
515
00:33:32,553 --> 00:33:35,264
No, I know. Well, I thought
she should've gotten voted off.
516
00:33:35,431 --> 00:33:37,892
But did you see her Kate Spade
handbag? It was gorgeous.
517
00:33:38,058 --> 00:33:40,728
Wait, hold on a second, Trudy.
I gotta say hi to your son.
518
00:33:40,895 --> 00:33:44,940
- I told your parents to come for dinner.
- Really? That sounds good.
519
00:33:45,107 --> 00:33:47,568
It'd be fun for them to be here
for the sleepover.
520
00:33:49,278 --> 00:33:51,071
Okay, so great. Yeah.
521
00:33:51,238 --> 00:33:53,657
We'll see you guys later.
Okay, bye-bye.
522
00:33:53,824 --> 00:33:56,994
It's not gonna kill you to eat dinner
with your family, sweetie.
523
00:33:57,161 --> 00:34:00,039
I know, I just gotta build
an entire model tonight.
524
00:34:01,332 --> 00:34:04,835
- I'm the leader!
- No, I'm the leader!
525
00:34:06,795 --> 00:34:08,756
Go say hi to Daddy. Go on.
526
00:34:11,717 --> 00:34:14,220
I can't take a whole night of this.
527
00:34:14,386 --> 00:34:17,723
- And I'm not going to.
- Q: R: S: T: U--
528
00:34:23,771 --> 00:34:25,189
Cool.
529
00:34:25,356 --> 00:34:28,609
I can skip chapters.
530
00:34:34,365 --> 00:34:35,741
What a family.
531
00:34:37,409 --> 00:34:41,205
All right, let's get dinner
over with. Next.
532
00:34:41,372 --> 00:34:42,831
Next.
533
00:34:42,998 --> 00:34:46,085
Everyone's done but you, buddy.
Let's go.
534
00:34:48,128 --> 00:34:50,506
Will you stop already?
535
00:34:50,673 --> 00:34:54,593
Oh, boy, Dad's quarter trick.
I can't wait not to see it.
536
00:34:56,512 --> 00:34:58,347
Alone in my basement at last.
537
00:34:58,514 --> 00:35:02,643
Should I do my work
and become partner now? I think so.
538
00:35:04,228 --> 00:35:06,146
Let's get to it.
539
00:35:06,897 --> 00:35:08,399
- Michael?
- Yo.
540
00:35:08,565 --> 00:35:10,192
We don't wanna interrupt.
541
00:35:10,359 --> 00:35:12,194
We're taking off.
Thanks for a great night.
542
00:35:12,361 --> 00:35:14,071
You had a fun time
hanging out with me?
543
00:35:14,238 --> 00:35:16,198
That was-- We did good, right?
544
00:35:16,740 --> 00:35:18,284
- Good night, honey.
- Love you.
545
00:35:18,826 --> 00:35:22,997
My schmeckel got bigger now that
I'm older, just so you guys know that.
546
00:35:23,163 --> 00:35:25,582
It couldn't have gotten any smaller.
547
00:35:26,375 --> 00:35:27,501
Yeah, yeah.
548
00:35:27,668 --> 00:35:30,796
It looked like a little Tic Tac.
549
00:35:30,963 --> 00:35:34,049
Yeah, come here,
I'll freshen your breath.
550
00:35:35,217 --> 00:35:36,719
- Bye, you guys.
- Bye, sweetie.
551
00:35:36,885 --> 00:35:38,804
Good night, sweetie.
552
00:35:41,348 --> 00:35:42,933
Great dinner, honey.
553
00:35:43,100 --> 00:35:45,394
See? Was that so bad?
554
00:35:45,561 --> 00:35:47,479
Kidding me? I had fun.
555
00:35:47,646 --> 00:35:51,400
Good for you. Can you watch the gang
for 10 minutes while I clean up?
556
00:35:51,567 --> 00:35:53,902
Can't you? I just-—
I got so much stuff to do here.
557
00:35:54,069 --> 00:35:55,529
Oh, you got stuff to do?
558
00:35:55,696 --> 00:35:58,157
I got ghost stories, charades,
the dishes...
559
00:35:58,324 --> 00:36:01,118
...and then I gotta sew the duck's head
back on for Sundance...
560
00:36:01,285 --> 00:36:02,953
...and fix his butthole.
561
00:36:03,120 --> 00:36:04,246
Way to go, Champ-
562
00:36:05,748 --> 00:36:07,666
I wish I had time to do all that stuff.
563
00:36:07,833 --> 00:36:09,293
Give me a break, Michael.
564
00:36:09,460 --> 00:36:11,462
You're a big boy.
You set your own priorities.
565
00:36:11,628 --> 00:36:14,048
I'm asking for 10 minutes,
not for, like, a whole day.
566
00:36:14,214 --> 00:36:15,591
You don't have to do that much.
567
00:36:15,758 --> 00:36:18,594
How big a deal is that?
I am so tired of having this argument.
568
00:36:26,435 --> 00:36:29,188
I skipped the whole fight.
569
00:36:32,232 --> 00:36:33,734
Babe?
570
00:36:35,152 --> 00:36:37,488
- I can't sleep.
- You can't?
571
00:36:37,654 --> 00:36:39,281
I feel bad that we keep arguing.
572
00:36:39,448 --> 00:36:42,618
I know. Don't be upset, okay?
573
00:36:42,785 --> 00:36:46,205
- I was a jerk.
- You are a jerk.
574
00:36:46,372 --> 00:36:47,956
- I love you.
- I love you too.
575
00:36:49,124 --> 00:36:51,126
- Yes. That smells good.
- What?
576
00:36:53,670 --> 00:36:55,798
Michael. Stop it.
The sleepover will catch us.
577
00:36:55,964 --> 00:36:58,092
They ain't gonna hear us. Come on.
578
00:36:58,801 --> 00:37:01,845
Okay. Quietly try
and coax me into it.
579
00:37:02,012 --> 00:37:04,056
I gotta get back to work.
Can't we just do it?
580
00:37:04,223 --> 00:37:06,225
No, we can't just do it.
Honey, come on.
581
00:37:06,725 --> 00:37:10,479
I mean, I don't have any new moves
for you. It's the same stuff.
582
00:37:10,646 --> 00:37:13,399
Just think of last time and use that.
583
00:37:13,565 --> 00:37:16,235
I like the old moves. Come on.
584
00:37:17,778 --> 00:37:18,779
All right.
585
00:37:18,946 --> 00:37:20,948
This time you be Sundance,
I'll be the duck.
586
00:37:21,115 --> 00:37:24,535
- Yeah?
- But you gotta massage me first.
587
00:37:24,701 --> 00:37:28,038
Great, I love giving massages.
588
00:37:33,043 --> 00:37:35,546
Massaging away here.
589
00:37:37,673 --> 00:37:40,759
Oh, that feels good.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
590
00:37:52,271 --> 00:37:55,649
- We did it?
- Well, you did.
591
00:37:57,151 --> 00:37:59,862
I didn't want the whole thing
to go that fast.
592
00:38:00,028 --> 00:38:02,364
I don't think anybody did.
593
00:38:02,739 --> 00:38:05,159
Yeah. I'll get you next time.
594
00:38:05,325 --> 00:38:06,994
Thanks.
595
00:38:07,911 --> 00:38:10,038
So we good for tomorrow?
596
00:38:11,623 --> 00:38:13,292
What are you talking about?
597
00:38:13,459 --> 00:38:14,710
At dinner.
598
00:38:14,877 --> 00:38:18,422
You said we'd go to lunch tomorrow
and pick out your dad's birthday gift.
599
00:38:21,341 --> 00:38:22,843
Dad's gift is-—
600
00:38:23,010 --> 00:38:26,847
- Of course. I said so, so I'll be there.
- Okay.
601
00:38:27,639 --> 00:38:30,058
- Need another massage or anything?
- Oh, go away.
602
00:38:30,225 --> 00:38:32,102
I gotta go work.
603
00:38:33,437 --> 00:38:35,647
Hey, Morty. It's Michael Newman.
604
00:38:35,814 --> 00:38:38,317
Yeah, can I talk to you for a minute?
605
00:38:40,068 --> 00:38:42,738
Hang on for a second,
someone's at my door.
606
00:38:45,657 --> 00:38:48,577
- Hello, Michael.
- Where'd you come from?
607
00:38:49,244 --> 00:38:50,996
You don't wanna know.
608
00:38:53,582 --> 00:38:55,918
- Can we take a walk?
- Sure.
609
00:38:57,628 --> 00:39:01,089
It's simple. You must
have been on autopilot.
610
00:39:01,256 --> 00:39:02,382
Autopilot?
611
00:39:02,549 --> 00:39:05,135
That's what happens to you
when you fast-forward.
612
00:39:05,302 --> 00:39:07,262
- Okay.
- Yeah. I'll show you.
613
00:39:07,429 --> 00:39:08,889
Here.
614
00:39:12,601 --> 00:39:15,604
See? That's you on autopilot.
615
00:39:15,771 --> 00:39:18,398
The lights are on
but nobody's home.
616
00:39:18,565 --> 00:39:20,817
The remote lets your mind
skip around...
617
00:39:20,984 --> 00:39:23,612
...but your body actually stays put
for the boring stuff.
618
00:39:23,779 --> 00:39:26,865
We should go to lunch tomorrow
and pick out your dad's birthday gift.
619
00:39:27,032 --> 00:39:28,659
Sounds good.
620
00:39:28,825 --> 00:39:30,035
So she did tell me.
621
00:39:30,202 --> 00:39:33,247
I'm having conversations
on autopilot, then.
622
00:39:33,413 --> 00:39:35,999
You're not gonna be
the life of the party, but yes.
623
00:39:36,166 --> 00:39:38,460
Everyone goes on autopilot
now and then.
624
00:39:38,627 --> 00:39:41,547
The big difference
is now you've got a nifty remote...
625
00:39:41,713 --> 00:39:44,091
...to help you decide when.
626
00:39:44,258 --> 00:39:46,176
This thing is the best.
627
00:39:46,760 --> 00:39:50,264
By the way, your wife?
Absolutely gorgeous.
628
00:39:50,430 --> 00:39:55,018
- She is, isn't she?
- Perfect face. Tight, rocking body.
629
00:39:56,270 --> 00:39:57,271
You okay?
630
00:39:58,689 --> 00:40:01,066
- Amazing.
- What is?
631
00:40:01,233 --> 00:40:03,318
She fell for a schlub like you.
632
00:40:03,485 --> 00:40:05,153
I'm a schlub?
633
00:40:05,320 --> 00:40:08,282
I don't know about that, pal.
I see a good-looking man right there.
634
00:40:09,992 --> 00:40:13,161
You wanna see what a stud
I used to be? Yeah?
635
00:40:13,328 --> 00:40:15,664
All right, let's take a look
at some of the girls...
636
00:40:15,831 --> 00:40:18,458
...I used to fool around with
before I met Donna.
637
00:40:28,176 --> 00:40:30,262
Is that a man or a woman?
638
00:40:30,429 --> 00:40:32,389
It's a woman.
639
00:40:35,767 --> 00:40:37,686
What is this, Animal Planet?
640
00:40:39,479 --> 00:40:41,940
- Stop.
- Yes.
641
00:40:44,067 --> 00:40:49,990
Sometimes it's better to keep
certain memories just in your head.
642
00:40:50,157 --> 00:40:51,783
So I've learned, Morty.
643
00:40:51,950 --> 00:40:53,869
Good night. Thank you.
644
00:40:54,369 --> 00:40:56,163
Good night, Michael.
645
00:41:04,504 --> 00:41:07,966
I'm getting sick, man.
Fast-forward me till I'm better.
646
00:41:09,468 --> 00:41:12,888
Michael, honey, wake up.
You'll be late for work.
647
00:41:13,513 --> 00:41:16,600
What? It's Monday already?
648
00:41:25,734 --> 00:41:27,903
Are you kidding me?
No more phlegm?
649
00:41:28,070 --> 00:41:29,738
I skipped an entire cold?
650
00:41:29,905 --> 00:41:32,449
Thanks to you, baby! I love you!
651
00:41:32,616 --> 00:41:34,201
No more Tylenol!
652
00:41:34,368 --> 00:41:36,370
I don't remember doing
any work this weekend.
653
00:41:38,872 --> 00:41:40,540
But apparently I did.
654
00:41:41,041 --> 00:41:44,503
- Bad news. There's no hot water.
- What? I gotta take a shower.
655
00:41:44,670 --> 00:41:47,130
Well, you're gonna freeze
your bun-buns off.
656
00:41:48,090 --> 00:41:50,425
It's all good.
657
00:41:57,099 --> 00:41:59,101
Yes! Look at me.
658
00:41:59,267 --> 00:42:03,313
All showered and dressed
and looking sexy.
659
00:42:03,480 --> 00:42:05,232
I like that. I--
660
00:42:05,899 --> 00:42:08,193
Did you smoke crack, Daddy?
661
00:42:08,735 --> 00:42:11,822
Just watch your toons and have
a great day with Mommy today, okay?
662
00:42:14,950 --> 00:42:18,036
Eating cupcakes like your old man.
Right here, baby.
663
00:42:18,203 --> 00:42:19,788
- Dad?
- Yes, sir?
664
00:42:19,955 --> 00:42:22,541
Are you gonna have to work late
again tonight?
665
00:42:23,333 --> 00:42:26,795
- Unfortunately, yes.
- Is there anything we can do to help?
666
00:42:27,546 --> 00:42:30,966
Well, I'm gonna be partner soon, and
I'm gonna need new building designs.
667
00:42:31,133 --> 00:42:33,802
So if you guys have any cool ideas,
draw them up for me.
668
00:42:33,969 --> 00:42:35,470
- Okay.
- Rock 'n' roll.
669
00:42:35,637 --> 00:42:38,640
- I get the paper.
- I got the crayons.
670
00:42:44,396 --> 00:42:46,898
Would you stop talking
and fix the sewer?
671
00:43:06,626 --> 00:43:09,921
You're on it now, yeah. Yeah.
672
00:43:10,088 --> 00:43:13,842
Traffic, traffic, no more traffic.
673
00:43:16,094 --> 00:43:17,804
Wait a sec!
674
00:43:20,640 --> 00:43:23,101
Here we go! Mama!
675
00:43:23,268 --> 00:43:26,855
Yeah! That's what
I'm talking about, baby!
676
00:43:29,524 --> 00:43:32,778
You look a little pale there, pal.
Let me fix that.
677
00:43:36,907 --> 00:43:40,869
Oh, look at you now.
You're all yellow from the scurvy.
678
00:43:41,036 --> 00:43:42,120
Captain.
679
00:43:44,831 --> 00:43:49,503
Don't get the Hulk angry.
You won't like him when he's angry.
680
00:44:00,263 --> 00:44:01,473
Oh, there's Barney.
681
00:44:01,640 --> 00:44:04,976
I love you, you love me.
682
00:44:05,143 --> 00:44:09,481
That jogger had giant boobies.
683
00:44:09,856 --> 00:44:14,110
Okay. Let's get you that tan
you been searching for.
684
00:44:14,277 --> 00:44:15,987
That's it. That's it.
685
00:44:16,154 --> 00:44:20,200
Check out Julio lglesias...Pretty.
686
00:44:22,911 --> 00:44:27,040
- Looking good, Mr. Newman.
- Really? Thank you very much, Judy.
687
00:44:27,207 --> 00:44:30,961
- Finish?
- Did I finish? I believe I finished.
688
00:44:31,127 --> 00:44:34,589
- Let's see here. Look at that.
- Very impressive, Michael.
689
00:44:34,756 --> 00:44:38,760
Yeah, the river in the lobby.
This is actually pretty good, man.
690
00:44:39,427 --> 00:44:41,263
Where did you find the time
to get a tan?
691
00:44:42,764 --> 00:44:45,767
- I guess I can do it all, sir.
- You can do it all.
692
00:44:46,393 --> 00:44:50,522
All right, all right, everybody.
It's sexual-harassment-speech day.
693
00:44:51,857 --> 00:44:54,067
Now, anyone can be a victim
of sexual harassment:
694
00:44:54,234 --> 00:44:58,738
Blue collar, white collar,
a woman, a man.
695
00:44:58,905 --> 00:45:01,199
Even the office slut.
696
00:45:01,366 --> 00:45:03,827
Not that I'm mentioning any names...
697
00:45:03,994 --> 00:45:05,287
...Stacy.
698
00:45:08,748 --> 00:45:12,919
Here we go. Sexual harassment
can come in many forms.
699
00:45:14,296 --> 00:45:17,799
You see, what is hilarious to some,
could be offensive to others.
700
00:45:18,466 --> 00:45:22,304
Let me try to give you a real-life
example because I'm sure I've done it.
701
00:45:23,972 --> 00:45:27,559
Like the day I said, "You want
a promotion, break out the lotion."
702
00:45:27,726 --> 00:45:30,437
I was technically engaged
in sexual harassment.
703
00:45:31,146 --> 00:45:34,649
Hilarious sexual harassment,
if you ask me.
704
00:45:39,529 --> 00:45:44,367
Now, there is also
homosexual harassment.
705
00:45:44,534 --> 00:45:47,329
Now, this is like when
one dude comes up to another...
706
00:45:47,495 --> 00:45:49,956
-...and says something cheeky.
- This will be good.
707
00:46:13,772 --> 00:46:15,065
Proceed.
708
00:46:20,987 --> 00:46:23,365
I don't know about you Americans...
709
00:46:23,531 --> 00:46:26,826
...but to me there is no doubt...
710
00:46:26,993 --> 00:46:29,871
...Ichiro is the greatest of all time.
711
00:46:30,038 --> 00:46:31,665
Yeah, he's incredible.
712
00:46:31,831 --> 00:46:33,917
You gotta admit,
you can always count on Matsui.
713
00:46:34,084 --> 00:46:35,752
Oh, Matsui.
714
00:46:35,919 --> 00:46:39,422
Well, if you guys love lchiro and
Matsui so much, let's order them both.
715
00:46:40,882 --> 00:46:42,676
I'll eat anything.
716
00:46:42,842 --> 00:46:46,262
- Excuse us for a moment.
- Absolutely, Mr. Watsuhita.
717
00:46:46,429 --> 00:46:48,556
See you guys in a bit.
718
00:46:48,723 --> 00:46:52,852
Ichiro and Matsui are baseball players.
You just insulted their national heroes.
719
00:46:53,019 --> 00:46:55,563
I'm going to the bathroom
to slit my wrists.
720
00:46:55,730 --> 00:46:57,482
I'll be here.
721
00:47:13,707 --> 00:47:14,916
These morons are so boring.
722
00:47:15,083 --> 00:47:17,252
They make me wanna
chop my own dick off.
723
00:47:18,545 --> 00:47:20,380
That hotel design?
I'd like to rip it up.
724
00:47:20,547 --> 00:47:23,174
Egghead watched a bad documentary
on Asian architecture.
725
00:47:23,341 --> 00:47:25,093
Who needs a stupid river
in the lobby?
726
00:47:25,260 --> 00:47:27,303
Let's build more rooms
and maximize profits.
727
00:47:27,470 --> 00:47:29,097
Eat as fast as you can.
728
00:47:29,264 --> 00:47:30,598
Then we can get out of here...
729
00:47:30,765 --> 00:47:33,727
...and do Jell-O shots at America's
greatest cultural achievement:
730
00:47:33,893 --> 00:47:34,936
T.G.l. Friday's.
731
00:47:35,103 --> 00:47:36,646
T.G.l. Friday's!
732
00:47:40,233 --> 00:47:43,987
- All right, Michael, save us.
- I'm all over it, baby.
733
00:47:45,280 --> 00:47:49,200
Before we order, I was looking
at our proposal. You know what?
734
00:47:49,367 --> 00:47:53,038
After getting to know you a little bit,
I realize this is not what you're about.
735
00:47:53,204 --> 00:47:56,499
In fact, let's just throw it out, all right?
Start from scratch.
736
00:47:56,666 --> 00:47:59,586
The river in the lobby idea,
what an egghead move.
737
00:47:59,753 --> 00:48:03,631
Let's just keep the plans simple, forget
all the niceties, maximize our revenue.
738
00:48:03,798 --> 00:48:05,925
That's what it's all about anyways,
the profits.
739
00:48:06,092 --> 00:48:09,345
But do me a favor. Just give us
your account and your trust.
740
00:48:09,512 --> 00:48:12,807
That way we can get the hell out
of this dump, go to T.G.l. Friday's...
741
00:48:12,974 --> 00:48:15,769
...do some Jell-O shots
till this guy pukes up a lung.
742
00:48:17,520 --> 00:48:18,730
Fuck,yeah.
743
00:48:22,317 --> 00:48:24,110
That's what I'm talking about.
744
00:48:30,408 --> 00:48:31,910
Yes, yes!
745
00:48:32,077 --> 00:48:36,081
The king is home! Hello, hello!
746
00:48:37,207 --> 00:48:41,294
How can you goons sleep
when you know I got you presents?
747
00:48:41,461 --> 00:48:42,921
- You did?
- What is it?
748
00:48:43,088 --> 00:48:47,217
What is it? Well, if you bring
your tushies downstairs, we'll find out.
749
00:48:48,176 --> 00:48:50,095
I'm coming. I'm coming.
750
00:48:50,261 --> 00:48:54,224
Honey, get your sweet little buns
downstairs too. Come on, come on!
751
00:48:57,769 --> 00:48:59,854
Come and get them.
752
00:49:00,688 --> 00:49:03,817
- Awesome! No way!
- Yeah, yeah.
753
00:49:04,526 --> 00:49:08,071
- It must have cost a million dollars!
- That's chump change now.
754
00:49:08,238 --> 00:49:09,489
You guys deserve the best...
755
00:49:09,656 --> 00:49:12,075
...and that's what you're gonna get
from now on, okay?
756
00:49:12,242 --> 00:49:13,576
What's all this?
757
00:49:13,743 --> 00:49:15,870
Look who's here.
You guys wanna ride these bikes?
758
00:49:16,037 --> 00:49:18,081
- Yeah!
- Let's take them outside!
759
00:49:18,248 --> 00:49:20,542
Wake the O'Doyles,
let them see what you got.
760
00:49:24,504 --> 00:49:27,924
These are the coolest bikes
in the whole town.
761
00:49:28,091 --> 00:49:30,552
Kevin O'Doyle's gonna shit himself.
762
00:49:30,718 --> 00:49:34,139
- Don't think I forgot my beautiful wife.
- Oh, my gosh.
763
00:49:34,305 --> 00:49:38,226
It's not a bike or a cowboy hat,
but you're gonna like this, I hope.
764
00:49:38,560 --> 00:49:41,896
- Oh, Michael, it's beautiful.
- I heard you talking to my mother.
765
00:49:42,063 --> 00:49:44,357
- I love it!
- You look good, baby.
766
00:49:44,524 --> 00:49:47,735
I got myself a celebratory cigar too.
Why not?
767
00:49:47,902 --> 00:49:49,529
What are we celebrating?
768
00:49:49,696 --> 00:49:54,033
"What are we celebrating?"
We're healthy, we got a great family...
769
00:49:54,200 --> 00:49:56,494
...I'm Ammer's newest partner--
770
00:49:56,661 --> 00:50:00,081
Oh, my God, you're kidding!
Honey, congratulations!
771
00:50:00,248 --> 00:50:03,543
I knew it! I knew you'd be psyched!
I love it! I love you!
772
00:50:03,710 --> 00:50:06,004
I single-handedly landed
the Watsuhita account.
773
00:50:06,171 --> 00:50:08,590
That's incredible.
I knew it was gonna be a great day.
774
00:50:08,756 --> 00:50:11,676
- I heard our song on the radio.
- We have a song?
775
00:50:12,218 --> 00:50:16,681
Honey. The song that was playing
during our first kiss.
776
00:50:18,725 --> 00:50:20,685
Come on. You're kidding me, right?
777
00:50:22,478 --> 00:50:27,567
I know our song. Our song. Of course
I know our song. Our song is...
778
00:50:27,734 --> 00:50:30,069
What the hell was that song?
779
00:50:32,030 --> 00:50:33,990
I remember this place.
780
00:50:34,157 --> 00:50:37,118
And- Oh, my God.
781
00:50:37,285 --> 00:50:40,079
Wolverine's goofy cousin.
782
00:50:40,788 --> 00:50:45,835
But look at you. Wow.
You are out of his league, aren't you?
783
00:50:48,504 --> 00:50:50,173
Oh, yeah, the notes.
784
00:50:50,340 --> 00:50:52,383
Smooth, buddy.
785
00:50:58,181 --> 00:50:59,891
Oh, look at her.
786
00:51:01,392 --> 00:51:05,355
What's gonna happen?
You got an answer to that?
787
00:51:08,566 --> 00:51:12,111
Okay. Seal the deal, pal.
788
00:51:19,535 --> 00:51:22,330
All she's thinking about is,
"I am not kissing that beard.
789
00:51:22,497 --> 00:51:24,207
Absolutely not,
that's gonna hurt me."
790
00:51:24,916 --> 00:51:26,709
Wait a minute.
791
00:51:29,587 --> 00:51:31,923
Yeah, Newman. Get it.
792
00:51:33,675 --> 00:51:35,343
Yeah.
793
00:51:39,013 --> 00:51:40,515
Donna!
794
00:51:40,682 --> 00:51:43,351
Donna. Oh, my God.
795
00:51:44,143 --> 00:51:45,812
I'm so horny now.
796
00:51:45,979 --> 00:51:49,691
Oh, God, I'm not.
Get me out of here.
797
00:51:51,859 --> 00:51:56,531
"Linger" by The Cranberries
was playing during our first juicy kiss.
798
00:51:56,698 --> 00:52:00,201
And, my God, you looked beautiful
in that pink sweater you were wearing.
799
00:52:00,368 --> 00:52:02,036
Honey, you remember
what I was wearing?
800
00:52:02,203 --> 00:52:04,205
Of course. I remember
what Janine was wearing.
801
00:52:04,372 --> 00:52:06,666
She scared the shit out of me then.
802
00:52:10,128 --> 00:52:11,796
I love you.
803
00:52:11,963 --> 00:52:14,716
I love you too, honey.
804
00:52:25,435 --> 00:52:27,562
Hi, Mr. Newman.
805
00:52:28,062 --> 00:52:30,356
Right this way, Michael.
806
00:52:31,607 --> 00:52:34,986
Hey, my new star. Congratulations.
Sit down, big guy.
807
00:52:35,153 --> 00:52:36,738
All right.
808
00:52:36,904 --> 00:52:39,407
I am a little tired.
809
00:52:39,574 --> 00:52:41,909
The family was up late
last night celebrating.
810
00:52:42,076 --> 00:52:44,954
You really knocked one out of the park
last night, didn't you?
811
00:52:45,121 --> 00:52:46,289
Hey, you were great too.
812
00:52:46,456 --> 00:52:48,750
All you gotta do is draw up
the construction plans.
813
00:52:48,916 --> 00:52:51,044
If Watsuhita commits
to the bulk of the funds...
814
00:52:51,210 --> 00:52:53,546
...I'm looking at my new partner.
815
00:52:56,507 --> 00:52:58,343
I thought I was already your partner.
816
00:52:59,052 --> 00:53:00,553
Whoa, cowboy.
817
00:53:00,720 --> 00:53:03,556
I said, "Land the Watsuhita account,
you'll get promoted."
818
00:53:03,723 --> 00:53:08,144
- I didn't mean right this second.
- But I already told my wife, sir.
819
00:53:08,311 --> 00:53:10,688
I spent money I don't have.
820
00:53:10,855 --> 00:53:13,775
To do these documents
is gonna take me months.
821
00:53:14,442 --> 00:53:16,486
Then you better get started.
822
00:53:23,910 --> 00:53:25,787
Wow, I just got a big headache!
823
00:53:27,455 --> 00:53:30,541
- Was I hit by a train or something?
- I didn't see anything.
824
00:53:30,708 --> 00:53:35,046
I forgot to tell you. I hung out
with your friend Janine this weekend.
825
00:53:35,213 --> 00:53:39,217
I hope she's doing your brother
right now, you big-headed buffoon.
826
00:53:49,102 --> 00:53:50,561
No, no, no. You got more.
827
00:53:52,980 --> 00:53:54,816
Yeah.
828
00:53:56,776 --> 00:54:00,655
Anyway, the sooner
you get back to work...
829
00:54:00,822 --> 00:54:02,740
...the sooner you'll be partnerized.
830
00:54:02,907 --> 00:54:05,326
- I taste shit.
- You do?
831
00:54:06,035 --> 00:54:11,582
Stacy! Did you put shit in my lunch?
832
00:54:12,708 --> 00:54:14,627
I'm gonna get going now, sir.
833
00:54:14,794 --> 00:54:16,921
Stacy!
834
00:54:22,677 --> 00:54:24,679
Have you considered
the consequences...
835
00:54:24,846 --> 00:54:27,181
...of the thing
you're thinking about doing?
836
00:54:27,682 --> 00:54:30,101
Yeah. What are you saying,
I shouldn't do it?
837
00:54:30,268 --> 00:54:34,147
It's your life. What you do with
the remote is your decision, Michael.
838
00:54:34,313 --> 00:54:38,443
I know, so, I mean,
we're talking a couple of months here.
839
00:54:38,609 --> 00:54:41,195
I fast-forward through it,
what am I gonna miss?
840
00:54:41,362 --> 00:54:43,156
Thirty arguments and a haircut?
841
00:54:43,656 --> 00:54:45,408
Remember the leprechaun?
842
00:54:46,409 --> 00:54:49,203
The one from the cereal ad.
843
00:54:50,663 --> 00:54:53,749
"They're magically delicious."
That guy?
844
00:54:53,916 --> 00:54:57,587
He's always chasing the pot of gold
at the end of the rainbow.
845
00:54:57,753 --> 00:55:01,549
But when he gets there
at the end of the day...
846
00:55:03,009 --> 00:55:05,261
...it's just corn flakes.
847
00:55:11,601 --> 00:55:13,394
- Michael.
- Yes.
848
00:55:13,561 --> 00:55:17,732
- You don't understand the metaphor?
- I won't do it, all right.
849
00:55:34,123 --> 00:55:35,750
- Dad?
- Yeah.
850
00:55:35,917 --> 00:55:39,295
- We have some designs for you.
- It's not a good time, man.
851
00:55:39,462 --> 00:55:41,506
Maybe they'll help you
finish quicker.
852
00:55:41,672 --> 00:55:44,258
All right. You want me to look at it?
Let me see.
853
00:55:44,842 --> 00:55:48,012
The ceiling's too high,
the hallway's too narrow...
854
00:55:48,179 --> 00:55:50,431
...stairway placement
makes no sense at all.
855
00:55:50,598 --> 00:55:53,059
- What the hell's this room made of?
- Pizza.
856
00:55:53,226 --> 00:55:56,604
Well, it's stupid. Next.
What is yours made of?
857
00:55:57,063 --> 00:56:00,816
- Pickles.
- Oh, don't be a baby.
858
00:56:00,983 --> 00:56:04,111
Michael, have you lost your mind?
He's 7 years old.
859
00:56:04,278 --> 00:56:06,697
If he wants a playroom made of pizza,
then why not?
860
00:56:06,864 --> 00:56:10,117
Maybe he's gotta grow up sometime
and get the hell off Fantasy Island.
861
00:56:10,284 --> 00:56:13,579
Hey, pizza boy.
Life ain't about being creative.
862
00:56:13,746 --> 00:56:17,083
It's about kissing ass, playing it safe,
making your boss a lot of money...
863
00:56:17,250 --> 00:56:20,169
...in hopes one day he might throw you
a stinking bone. All right?
864
00:56:20,336 --> 00:56:22,088
Yes, sir.
865
00:56:22,463 --> 00:56:24,257
Ammer didn't make you partner,
did he?
866
00:56:26,342 --> 00:56:29,178
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
867
00:56:29,762 --> 00:56:32,056
But we'll get through this, okay?
I promise.
868
00:56:32,431 --> 00:56:35,059
Jeez! Man, that's all we ever do
is get through it.
869
00:56:35,226 --> 00:56:37,436
When is it gonna end?
870
00:56:53,869 --> 00:56:55,162
Pretty sweet, eh?
871
00:56:55,329 --> 00:56:58,207
Two queen beds, full kitchen,
steam shower...
872
00:56:58,374 --> 00:57:00,585
...and satellite TV
with surround sound.
873
00:57:01,669 --> 00:57:05,381
Why are you always trying to hurt me?
One day I'm gonna hurt you back.
874
00:57:05,548 --> 00:57:08,593
Michael Newman,
I didn't know you smoked cigars.
875
00:57:08,759 --> 00:57:10,428
And now's the time.
876
00:57:10,595 --> 00:57:12,179
No, Kathy, this isn't mine.
877
00:57:12,346 --> 00:57:15,933
I took it out of Kevin's hands.
Yeah, he was smoking like a chimney.
878
00:57:16,100 --> 00:57:17,435
No, I wasn't!
879
00:57:17,602 --> 00:57:19,395
I think I smell marijuana in it.
880
00:57:19,562 --> 00:57:22,898
Kevin O'Doyle, you get your ass
in this house right now!
881
00:57:23,065 --> 00:57:24,275
I hate you.
882
00:57:24,442 --> 00:57:27,903
Are you deaf? Move it!
I don't wanna have to ask you again!
883
00:57:28,070 --> 00:57:30,114
Dope is for dopes, buddy!
884
00:57:30,281 --> 00:57:32,199
Get your ass in this house!
885
00:57:34,410 --> 00:57:36,037
We don't have
any other choice, guys.
886
00:57:36,203 --> 00:57:40,458
- No fair! I don't wanna return my bike!
- We have to, honey.
887
00:57:40,625 --> 00:57:43,419
- But Daddy gave them to us!
- Because he loves you.
888
00:57:43,586 --> 00:57:45,880
Unfortunately, there was
a mix-up at Daddy's work.
889
00:57:46,047 --> 00:57:48,007
We need to bring
the bikes back for now.
890
00:57:48,174 --> 00:57:51,385
But I already told Kevin O'Doyle
I got a new bike.
891
00:57:51,552 --> 00:57:54,388
Well, we can paint my old bike
and make it look new.
892
00:57:54,555 --> 00:57:58,392
That's a girl's bike.
All the kids will make fun of me.
893
00:57:58,768 --> 00:58:01,270
No!
894
00:58:02,647 --> 00:58:04,273
I wanna keep my bike!
895
00:58:04,440 --> 00:58:06,734
I can't take this anymore.
896
00:58:06,901 --> 00:58:08,611
Fast-forward me to my promotion.
897
00:58:14,075 --> 00:58:15,618
So here's to Michael Newman...
898
00:58:15,785 --> 00:58:18,829
...the greatest partner
I could ever dream of.
899
00:58:19,163 --> 00:58:20,831
Hear, hear!
900
00:58:21,248 --> 00:58:25,336
Thank you. Thank you, guys.
My family thanks you.
901
00:58:25,503 --> 00:58:28,798
I'm gonna do the best I can
and I won't let you down, I promise.
902
00:58:28,964 --> 00:58:30,675
Yeah!
903
00:58:31,300 --> 00:58:34,637
- Congratulations, Mr. Newman.
- This is great. Thank you.
904
00:58:34,804 --> 00:58:36,347
How's it feel, killer?
905
00:58:36,514 --> 00:58:39,350
- Feels incredible, sir.
- Well, you earned it. I'm telling you.
906
00:58:39,517 --> 00:58:41,727
Not just because of that
Watsuhita project either.
907
00:58:41,894 --> 00:58:45,648
For helping me pick up the slack
now I'm spending time with my lady.
908
00:58:45,815 --> 00:58:47,358
Hey, Dinkie.
909
00:58:47,983 --> 00:58:50,945
Are you kidding me? You guys have
been dating a couple months now?
910
00:58:51,112 --> 00:58:53,406
That's pretty huge for this one.
911
00:58:55,866 --> 00:58:57,910
No, the first few months were easy.
912
00:58:58,077 --> 00:59:00,371
It was the one-year hump
that was the tough part.
913
00:59:00,538 --> 00:59:04,625
Her inappropriate weekend
with my brother in Cabo...
914
00:59:04,792 --> 00:59:06,627
...well, that was
a potential speed bump.
915
00:59:06,794 --> 00:59:09,797
But, well, Dr. Bergman helped us
work through it, didn't he, honey?
916
00:59:09,964 --> 00:59:11,590
How's he doing for you and Donna?
917
00:59:12,049 --> 00:59:15,261
Dr. Bergman. What do you mean?
918
00:59:15,428 --> 00:59:18,639
Oh, you know what, sweetie?
It's none of our business.
919
00:59:18,806 --> 00:59:21,767
Let's let Michael bask in his glory.
Cheers.
920
00:59:21,934 --> 00:59:24,437
Bask away, partner.
921
00:59:25,146 --> 00:59:27,773
Took that bastard
a year to promote me?
922
00:59:29,275 --> 00:59:31,235
What else did I miss?
923
00:59:31,402 --> 00:59:33,821
- Shit.
- Need something, Mr. Newman?
924
00:59:33,988 --> 00:59:36,824
- Who are you?
- Kirsten, your assistant.
925
00:59:36,991 --> 00:59:38,659
What happened to Alice?
926
00:59:38,826 --> 00:59:41,287
She moved to Accounting.
Couldn't handle your hours.
927
00:59:41,829 --> 00:59:45,040
And she prefers to be called Alan now.
Remember?
928
00:59:48,836 --> 00:59:50,463
No.
929
00:59:50,921 --> 00:59:53,257
No.
930
00:59:53,424 --> 00:59:56,677
No! And who the hell's
Dr. Bergman?
931
00:59:57,386 --> 01:00:00,473
And I feel like Michael's making
no effort to connect with me at all.
932
01:00:00,639 --> 01:00:03,434
No, no. I want to. I want to.
It's-— I'm on autopilot.
933
01:00:03,601 --> 01:00:06,604
"I'm on autopilot."
More like auto-zombie.
934
01:00:06,771 --> 01:00:08,105
Good one, Donna.
935
01:00:09,190 --> 01:00:12,318
-"Good one, Donna"?
- Michael, relax.
936
01:00:12,485 --> 01:00:15,112
Who is this bigmouth?
Why can't you and I just talk?
937
01:00:15,279 --> 01:00:18,365
Why? Because there is no talking
to you. You're never home to talk to.
938
01:00:18,532 --> 01:00:21,535
And when you are, you're just sitting
there staring off into space.
939
01:00:21,702 --> 01:00:22,995
What do you want from me?
940
01:00:23,162 --> 01:00:25,372
This is what happens.
He's gonna answer his phone.
941
01:00:27,249 --> 01:00:29,919
What the heck happened?
I didn't even touch the remote.
942
01:00:30,085 --> 01:00:32,129
Great, you gonna start watching TV
at dinner?
943
01:00:32,296 --> 01:00:33,798
Oh, can we?
944
01:00:34,340 --> 01:00:37,426
Samantha. My little angel.
Look at you.
945
01:00:37,593 --> 01:00:39,136
Look how long your hair's getting.
946
01:00:39,303 --> 01:00:41,388
When did you grow up?
Ben, get over here.
947
01:00:41,555 --> 01:00:43,349
Don't worry.
I'm not gonna work tonight.
948
01:00:43,516 --> 01:00:45,601
Watch Dragon Tales together.
What do you say?
949
01:00:45,768 --> 01:00:49,313
Dragon Tales is for babies, Dad.
I wanna watch (381.
950
01:00:49,480 --> 01:00:51,398
Yeah, CSI.
951
01:00:51,565 --> 01:00:53,651
It's the episode
when they find the lady's arm.
952
01:00:53,818 --> 01:00:58,072
What happened? I missed
the whole Dragon Tales era?
953
01:01:03,577 --> 01:01:05,287
Whoa, hey, hello.
954
01:01:06,705 --> 01:01:08,916
What are you doing?
Come here! Give me my Twinkie!
955
01:01:09,083 --> 01:01:10,626
Get back here,
you freaking gremlin!
956
01:01:10,793 --> 01:01:13,546
Don't yell at Peanut because
he found your Twinkie stash.
957
01:01:13,712 --> 01:01:15,214
Who's Peanut? Where's Sundance?
958
01:01:15,381 --> 01:01:18,050
Don't mention Sundance.
The kids just stopped crying.
959
01:01:18,217 --> 01:01:19,677
About what? Why?
What happened?
960
01:01:22,179 --> 01:01:23,639
He died?
961
01:01:27,268 --> 01:01:31,939
Oh, no, no, no. Oh, no.
962
01:01:32,106 --> 01:01:35,401
The stupid idiot and soft fur.
963
01:01:35,568 --> 01:01:38,737
- Daddy held it in so long.
- He was the best dog!
964
01:01:38,904 --> 01:01:41,448
He's finally letting himself feel it.
965
01:01:41,615 --> 01:01:45,870
One night when the duck's head
was off...
966
01:01:46,036 --> 01:01:48,789
...he tried to hump my leg
and I didn't let him...
967
01:01:48,956 --> 01:01:51,542
...and I should've and I'm sorry.
968
01:01:51,709 --> 01:01:56,005
- What an idiot.
- It's okay, it's okay.
969
01:01:56,380 --> 01:01:58,716
What the heck did I do?
970
01:01:58,883 --> 01:02:01,886
I love you. Do you still love me?
971
01:02:04,263 --> 01:02:06,557
Oh, Michael.
972
01:02:06,724 --> 01:02:08,642
It's been..._
973
01:02:08,809 --> 01:02:10,436
I'm really confused.
974
01:02:10,603 --> 01:02:14,440
No, no, no. I'll change, okay?
I'll be a better man, I promise.
975
01:02:14,607 --> 01:02:17,735
Don't go, don't go.
I'll stop working so much, okay?
976
01:02:17,902 --> 01:02:21,196
I'll be with you. Just stay with me.
977
01:02:21,363 --> 01:02:25,326
Oh, my God, it didn't take the duck
long to get over Sundance.
978
01:02:25,993 --> 01:02:29,496
It's a little deviant,
but it's kind of turning me on.
979
01:02:29,663 --> 01:02:32,333
Yeah, well, let's kiss and make up.
980
01:02:47,431 --> 01:02:50,225
No. No!
981
01:02:50,392 --> 01:02:52,561
It's not my fault.
982
01:02:52,728 --> 01:02:55,481
It jumped on its own.
I didn't even hit the button.
983
01:02:55,648 --> 01:02:57,066
Not even close.
984
01:03:00,194 --> 01:03:01,612
Yes?
985
01:03:05,074 --> 01:03:07,660
- You scared--
- Honey, what's going on down there?
986
01:03:07,826 --> 01:03:11,997
It's all right! I--
There was a mouse! I killed it!
987
01:03:12,164 --> 01:03:16,168
It's dead! But it broke the table first!
988
01:03:16,335 --> 01:03:19,964
- How did you get in here?
- I had a feeling you wanted to see me.
989
01:03:20,130 --> 01:03:22,091
I'm freaking out.
This thing, it's broken.
990
01:03:22,257 --> 01:03:24,802
It's just- It's fast-forwarding
on its own now.
991
01:03:24,969 --> 01:03:27,054
It's not a malfunction, it's a feature.
992
01:03:27,221 --> 01:03:31,058
It's using its memory
to execute your preferences.
993
01:03:31,225 --> 01:03:33,102
It remembers stuff?
What do you mean?
994
01:03:33,268 --> 01:03:36,939
It's an advanced piece of equipment,
like TiVo.
995
01:03:37,398 --> 01:03:39,108
You could call it MeVo.
996
01:03:39,274 --> 01:03:42,361
I fast-forwarded through sex one time,
I don't wanna skip it forever.
997
01:03:42,528 --> 01:03:44,196
I like sex. It feels good.
998
01:03:44,363 --> 01:03:48,575
Correct me if I'm wrong, but you
fast-forwarded through an entire year.
999
01:03:48,742 --> 01:03:50,327
That's a lot of sex.
1000
01:03:50,494 --> 01:03:54,081
Put it all together,
that's like 30 minutes' worth for you.
1001
01:03:54,248 --> 01:03:56,667
Oh, no, no. So what,
everything I fast-forwarded...
1002
01:03:56,834 --> 01:03:59,211
...it's gonna do it on its own now?
- Pretty much.
1003
01:03:59,378 --> 01:04:01,547
No more showering, no more traffic.
1004
01:04:01,714 --> 01:04:04,258
No more arguing.
No more sickness.
1005
01:04:04,425 --> 01:04:05,884
This is bad, this is bad.
1006
01:04:06,051 --> 01:04:08,095
You take it back,
I'm deactivating my service.
1007
01:04:08,262 --> 01:04:11,306
I quit, I quit. Thanks for everything,
all right, but I--
1008
01:04:13,684 --> 01:04:14,727
Yeah.
1009
01:04:20,941 --> 01:04:24,528
You... This is not...
1010
01:04:27,698 --> 01:04:28,991
Don't be mean.
1011
01:04:32,536 --> 01:04:33,620
Nice hat.
1012
01:04:34,329 --> 01:04:36,665
No,no,no.
1013
01:04:39,668 --> 01:04:44,089
Get away from me. Just get away.
Get away. Leave me alone.
1014
01:04:44,256 --> 01:04:48,135
Is this a stickup?
Or are you just happy?
1015
01:04:50,012 --> 01:04:51,889
Yeah? I'm gonna
take my clothes off, then-
1016
01:04:52,056 --> 01:04:53,682
I wouldn't do that if I were you.
1017
01:04:53,849 --> 01:04:56,727
There's only one place left
for it to pop up.
1018
01:04:58,228 --> 01:05:01,857
Oh. No, no, I don't want that.
Come on, man.
1019
01:05:02,024 --> 01:05:06,278
I told you,
this item is nonreturnable.
1020
01:05:07,446 --> 01:05:10,491
- Come on, just take it.
- Until we meet again.
1021
01:05:10,657 --> 01:05:15,579
Don't do that. Come on, Morty.
How do I get it to stop fast-forwarding?
1022
01:05:18,332 --> 01:05:20,751
Morning, sweetie.
1023
01:05:21,835 --> 01:05:23,504
You wanna shower first?
1024
01:05:23,670 --> 01:05:27,466
Yeah. No! I can't shower
because then I'll fast-forward.
1025
01:05:27,633 --> 01:05:30,469
And if I fast-forward, who knows
how long I'll fast-forward for.
1026
01:05:30,636 --> 01:05:33,555
How's this? I'm gonna rough it today,
like in the Old West. Okay?
1027
01:05:33,722 --> 01:05:36,350
Donna, I wanna tell you
what's going on right now so bad...
1028
01:05:36,517 --> 01:05:39,853
...but it might lead to an argument.
We can't argue because off I'll go.
1029
01:05:40,020 --> 01:05:41,688
So just know there is a problem.
1030
01:05:41,855 --> 01:05:44,691
I tried to get rid of the problem,
it almost ended up in my ass.
1031
01:05:44,858 --> 01:05:47,027
I'm gonna go to work
and try to figure this out.
1032
01:05:47,194 --> 01:05:48,862
You're going to work
in your bathrobe?
1033
01:05:49,029 --> 01:05:51,115
Honey. We can't argue, okay?
No more arguing.
1034
01:05:51,281 --> 01:05:53,742
You're right. I'm wrong. All the time.
You want a kiss?
1035
01:05:53,909 --> 01:05:56,662
- I'll take a kiss.
- I can't. If I give you a kiss...
1036
01:05:56,829 --> 01:05:59,748
...it might lead to something else,
then...three minutes goes by.
1037
01:05:59,915 --> 01:06:02,126
You're laying there disappointed,
I'm smiling.
1038
01:06:02,292 --> 01:06:05,629
I wanna be with you every minute
of my life, that's why I gotta leave now.
1039
01:06:05,796 --> 01:06:07,422
Have a great day!
1040
01:06:07,589 --> 01:06:12,136
Once again, Michael left Donna
in bed confused and unsatisfied.
1041
01:06:12,302 --> 01:06:13,929
Shut up, James Earl Jones!
1042
01:06:14,096 --> 01:06:17,057
No, you shut up, big mouth!
1043
01:07:09,902 --> 01:07:11,862
Michael!
1044
01:07:12,029 --> 01:07:13,864
Mr. Ammer is here.
1045
01:07:14,489 --> 01:07:18,368
Your first day as a partner, you come
to work in a fricking bathrobe?
1046
01:07:18,535 --> 01:07:21,079
I did. I did.
1047
01:07:21,246 --> 01:07:24,750
John, I just feel we should
stop wasting our energy...
1048
01:07:24,917 --> 01:07:28,212
...on corporate brown-nosing and
worrying who's got the better suit.
1049
01:07:28,378 --> 01:07:31,006
Armani, Calvin Klein, who cares?
1050
01:07:31,173 --> 01:07:34,384
Let's concentrate
on what really matters, the work.
1051
01:07:36,428 --> 01:07:38,722
That's the craziest thing
I've ever heard.
1052
01:07:40,766 --> 01:07:43,060
But goddamn it, you're right.
1053
01:07:46,772 --> 01:07:50,192
Life-changing. I feel freer.
1054
01:07:50,484 --> 01:07:51,902
Yeah- Keep the pants on.
1055
01:07:52,653 --> 01:07:54,863
Sexual harassment, eh?
1056
01:07:55,489 --> 01:07:57,407
Speaking of life-changing...
1057
01:07:57,574 --> 01:08:02,621
...there's something, or actually
someone, I'd like to talk to you about.
1058
01:08:04,164 --> 01:08:06,041
- Janine.
- Everything okay?
1059
01:08:06,208 --> 01:08:08,877
Michael, Janine and I decided
to drop out of the rat race...
1060
01:08:09,044 --> 01:08:10,462
...slow down, move to Morocco.
1061
01:08:10,629 --> 01:08:13,173
- Morocco?
- Morocco.
1062
01:08:13,840 --> 01:08:14,841
Okay.
1063
01:08:15,008 --> 01:08:17,844
Eric Lamensoff will assume
my day-to-day responsibilities...
1064
01:08:18,011 --> 01:08:20,222
...and I'd like you to take his job.
1065
01:08:20,973 --> 01:08:25,686
But Eric Lamensoff is the head
of the whole international division.
1066
01:08:25,852 --> 01:08:27,854
- I've been your partner one day.
- So?
1067
01:08:28,021 --> 01:08:30,857
Every account you worked on
turned into gold.
1068
01:08:31,024 --> 01:08:32,609
You know, I wouldn't be surprised...
1069
01:08:32,776 --> 01:08:35,112
...if one day you ended up
being our CEO.
1070
01:08:36,196 --> 01:08:39,032
Hey, I would love
for that to happen, but-
1071
01:08:39,199 --> 01:08:42,202
No! No, no, no!
I don't want a promotion!
1072
01:08:42,369 --> 01:08:45,247
No!
1073
01:08:49,793 --> 01:08:52,629
Michael, you have a phone call.
1074
01:08:52,796 --> 01:08:53,922
Michael Newman.
1075
01:08:57,592 --> 01:08:58,760
Word up, big guy-
1076
01:08:58,927 --> 01:09:02,431
Ten years ago you told me
you wanted to be CEO.
1077
01:09:02,597 --> 01:09:05,976
Great news.
Eric Lamensoff killed himself.
1078
01:09:06,143 --> 01:09:08,770
So you better stop with the junk food,
Mr. Chairman...
1079
01:09:08,937 --> 01:09:11,315
...or you'll end up
killing yourself too.
1080
01:09:14,860 --> 01:09:17,237
Opening virtual blinds.
1081
01:09:17,404 --> 01:09:22,075
Ten years?
How much worse can things get?
1082
01:09:37,883 --> 01:09:40,427
Oh, my God, I'm a fat guy!
1083
01:09:40,594 --> 01:09:42,095
Look at me.
1084
01:09:48,143 --> 01:09:51,104
What is this? This is titties.
1085
01:09:51,772 --> 01:09:53,815
I got juicy titties!
1086
01:09:53,982 --> 01:09:55,776
What-- What is that?
1087
01:09:55,942 --> 01:09:59,696
Oh, God, no.
1088
01:10:00,197 --> 01:10:01,740
Just take me home.
1089
01:10:08,455 --> 01:10:11,875
This is 1010 WINS news.
February 5th, 2017.
1090
01:10:12,042 --> 01:10:14,336
Britney Spears
had her 23rd baby today.
1091
01:10:14,503 --> 01:10:17,923
Proud father Kevin Federline says
he's now considering getting a job.
1092
01:10:18,090 --> 01:10:21,468
Also, Michael Jackson,
the first man to clone himself...
1093
01:10:21,635 --> 01:10:24,346
...is now suing himself
for molesting himself.
1094
01:10:38,151 --> 01:10:39,569
Donna!
1095
01:10:40,445 --> 01:10:42,197
Donna!
1096
01:10:51,331 --> 01:10:52,457
Can I help you?
1097
01:10:53,959 --> 01:10:57,671
- Hey, Dad.
-"Hey, Dad"?
1098
01:10:57,838 --> 01:11:00,799
Ben? That's you?
1099
01:11:00,966 --> 01:11:04,094
Look how big you got.
You're enormous.
1100
01:11:04,636 --> 01:11:08,432
Look who's talking, Captain Twinkie
of the S.S. Fat-Ass!
1101
01:11:08,598 --> 01:11:10,142
Really good for my self-esteem.
1102
01:11:10,308 --> 01:11:12,727
Maybe if you would take me
to Pilates like you said...
1103
01:11:12,894 --> 01:11:14,980
...people wouldn't think
I was Rosie O'Donnell!
1104
01:11:15,147 --> 01:11:16,690
Come on, I love you!
1105
01:11:16,857 --> 01:11:19,734
- Bring me back the Twinkies!
- You're so cruel!
1106
01:11:19,901 --> 01:11:22,320
Will you please stop yelling?
It is so embarrassing.
1107
01:11:22,487 --> 01:11:25,615
- Is that my daughter?
- Mom, I'm going to Derek's!
1108
01:11:25,782 --> 01:11:29,369
That's you, Samantha?
When did you get boobs?
1109
01:11:29,703 --> 01:11:32,330
The same time you did, Dad.
Now can I go?
1110
01:11:32,497 --> 01:11:34,749
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Who the hell's this Derek guy?
1111
01:11:34,916 --> 01:11:38,128
My boyfriend, the hottest boy
in school, hello?
1112
01:11:38,295 --> 01:11:40,297
He's gonna be hot
when I burn his house down.
1113
01:11:40,464 --> 01:11:42,466
Get your ass upstairs,
put normal clothes on.
1114
01:11:42,632 --> 01:11:45,510
- Why are you so mean to me?
- Get them on now!
1115
01:11:45,677 --> 01:11:47,762
- And wipe off all that makeup!
- Right!
1116
01:11:50,223 --> 01:11:51,892
Is Peanut dead too?
1117
01:11:53,059 --> 01:11:55,687
This one's got the duck
doing all the work.
1118
01:11:58,482 --> 01:12:00,233
Donna. Donna.
1119
01:12:01,818 --> 01:12:03,361
Goddamn it.
1120
01:12:03,528 --> 01:12:06,615
Look how gorgeous you look.
I'm so scared.
1121
01:12:06,781 --> 01:12:09,910
- Knock,knock,gang.
- Hey, sweetie.
1122
01:12:15,874 --> 01:12:17,083
What's going on?
1123
01:12:17,250 --> 01:12:19,044
Donna and I were gonna get
hot chocolate.
1124
01:12:19,211 --> 01:12:21,463
- You want us to bring you one?
- You cheating on me?
1125
01:12:21,630 --> 01:12:23,256
With Johnny G-String over here?
1126
01:12:23,423 --> 01:12:25,550
Come on. Time-out.
I thought we were past that.
1127
01:12:25,717 --> 01:12:28,970
No, no, no, we're past this argument.
No, you're right, no big deal.
1128
01:12:29,137 --> 01:12:31,932
Hey, it's just that you don't
mess with another man's wife!
1129
01:12:32,098 --> 01:12:34,100
Michael! Stop it! Stop it, Michael!
1130
01:12:34,267 --> 01:12:36,269
It was your decision to move out!
So stay out!
1131
01:12:36,436 --> 01:12:38,230
Get off me!
You sticking up for him?
1132
01:12:38,396 --> 01:12:41,066
Go away! Go away, I hate you!
1133
01:12:41,233 --> 01:12:43,777
- We can't argue! Donna, please!
- I hate you! I hate you!
1134
01:12:44,778 --> 01:12:46,238
Oh, man!
1135
01:12:46,404 --> 01:12:48,448
You hate me?
1136
01:12:51,451 --> 01:12:55,288
No. No.
1137
01:12:55,455 --> 01:12:58,041
Ten years, you're not finished yet?
1138
01:12:58,375 --> 01:13:03,171
Morty! Why did you do this to me?
1139
01:13:03,338 --> 01:13:05,632
You did this to yourself, Michael.
1140
01:13:05,799 --> 01:13:08,260
No. No, I didn't wanna
waste all that time.
1141
01:13:08,426 --> 01:13:09,844
I didn't wanna lose Donna!
1142
01:13:10,011 --> 01:13:11,805
The remote goes by your behavior.
1143
01:13:11,972 --> 01:13:15,475
Every time you had a conflict
between work and home, work won.
1144
01:13:15,642 --> 01:13:17,185
- No, not true.
- Lie to your wife.
1145
01:13:17,352 --> 01:13:19,980
Lie to yourself.
But you cannot lie to the remote.
1146
01:13:20,146 --> 01:13:24,109
The remote is lie-proof, so you can't
change what already happened.
1147
01:13:24,276 --> 01:13:26,236
But you're still a young man.
1148
01:13:26,403 --> 01:13:29,114
A young, fat man.
You could win Donna back.
1149
01:13:29,281 --> 01:13:31,366
So that's what I'll do.
1150
01:13:31,533 --> 01:13:33,368
Go for it, tubs.
1151
01:13:34,286 --> 01:13:38,707
I saw what you did to the duck.
Very good. Nice work.
1152
01:13:54,681 --> 01:13:56,391
You'll feel that in a second.
1153
01:13:56,850 --> 01:14:00,186
All right, please,
please just read my note.
1154
01:14:00,353 --> 01:14:03,148
- Hate you! I hate you! I hate you!
1155
01:14:03,315 --> 01:14:04,691
Oh, my nuts!
1156
01:14:13,825 --> 01:14:16,036
Michael, are you awake?
1157
01:14:17,329 --> 01:14:20,957
Michael, honey. Are you awake?
1158
01:14:22,917 --> 01:14:24,878
Donna.
1159
01:14:27,464 --> 01:14:29,966
Where'd all my fat go?
1160
01:14:32,594 --> 01:14:36,222
It was just a dream?
A terrible, terrible dream.
1161
01:14:36,389 --> 01:14:38,475
What's that, Michael?
You had a bad dream?
1162
01:14:38,642 --> 01:14:40,977
Did a fuzzy dog push me over?
1163
01:14:42,854 --> 01:14:45,065
Oh, Shaggy the miracle dog?
1164
01:14:45,231 --> 01:14:47,400
Yeah, if he hadn't knocked you
on your noggin...
1165
01:14:47,567 --> 01:14:50,987
...you wouldn't have had the CAT scan
that found the cancer before it spread.
1166
01:14:51,154 --> 01:14:52,614
I have cancer?
1167
01:14:52,781 --> 01:14:54,658
No, you had cancer.
1168
01:14:54,824 --> 01:14:57,077
You're the only person
to gain weight during chemo.
1169
01:14:57,243 --> 01:14:59,287
That's probably what caused
your heart attack.
1170
01:14:59,454 --> 01:15:00,747
Heart attack?
1171
01:15:00,914 --> 01:15:02,957
I thought they weaned you
off the morphine.
1172
01:15:03,667 --> 01:15:05,335
Okay, Mr. Junk Food...
1173
01:15:05,502 --> 01:15:08,129
...since the injury,
you haven't been healthy a full day.
1174
01:15:08,296 --> 01:15:10,715
When exactly did I hurt my head?
1175
01:15:11,633 --> 01:15:15,053
When was it? Like, six years ago?
1176
01:15:15,220 --> 01:15:20,600
Six more years! No! No!
It skipped all my sickness.
1177
01:15:20,767 --> 01:15:22,769
I'm gonna ask them
to cut back on painkillers.
1178
01:15:22,936 --> 01:15:24,562
Donna, don't go.
1179
01:15:26,189 --> 01:15:27,899
What's this?
1180
01:15:30,402 --> 01:15:34,447
That's not bad
for your third liposuction.
1181
01:15:35,657 --> 01:15:37,575
One more tummy tuck
should take care of it.
1182
01:15:38,618 --> 01:15:41,371
Oh, it looks like a tongue...
1183
01:15:41,538 --> 01:15:43,164
...licking.
1184
01:15:44,249 --> 01:15:47,752
Look, I should go.
Bill's waiting for me downstairs.
1185
01:15:47,919 --> 01:15:49,838
- So I'll probably-—
- Bill?
1186
01:15:50,004 --> 01:15:52,424
You're still with Speedo Torpedo?
1187
01:15:52,590 --> 01:15:55,260
Whatever happened
to "forever and ever," honey?
1188
01:15:55,427 --> 01:15:57,595
"Forever and ever"?
1189
01:15:57,762 --> 01:16:01,141
Look, Michael, I'm trying to have
a civilized relationship with you...
1190
01:16:01,307 --> 01:16:02,642
...for the kids' sake.
1191
01:16:02,809 --> 01:16:05,478
I really wanna be friends,
but I can't do that if you-—
1192
01:16:05,645 --> 01:16:07,355
Would you stop flapping that thing?
1193
01:16:07,522 --> 01:16:10,316
It's my flap, I'll do
whatever the hell I want with it!
1194
01:16:12,193 --> 01:16:13,278
You done?
1195
01:16:15,196 --> 01:16:17,407
Look, Bill's my husband.
1196
01:16:17,574 --> 01:16:20,410
Please learn to accept that.
I really have to go.
1197
01:16:20,577 --> 01:16:22,954
Husband? Donna?
1198
01:16:23,121 --> 01:16:28,752
No. Donna. Donna. Donna!
1199
01:16:29,294 --> 01:16:32,005
Welcome to Newman Architecture.
1200
01:16:32,172 --> 01:16:34,841
Building a better world for all of us.
1201
01:16:35,008 --> 01:16:37,177
Architect of the year, 2018.
1202
01:16:37,343 --> 01:16:39,929
All your dreams came true,
huh, moron?
1203
01:16:40,096 --> 01:16:42,974
Dad. Hey, how you feeling?
1204
01:16:44,851 --> 01:16:48,521
- Benjamin. Look at that.
- Look-- What?
1205
01:16:48,688 --> 01:16:52,901
Your face. Your skinny face.
You're shaving now, huh, kid?
1206
01:16:53,067 --> 01:16:57,655
Your entire ass is gone.
What happened? Good for you.
1207
01:16:57,822 --> 01:17:02,285
Right, my ass. Why don't
we talk about it in my office.
1208
01:17:05,079 --> 01:17:07,290
My old office.
1209
01:17:10,502 --> 01:17:13,713
The architect. How did this happen?
1210
01:17:13,880 --> 01:17:18,009
- Mom said you were still a little loopy.
- No, no, no. I'm feeling terrific.
1211
01:17:18,176 --> 01:17:21,805
The weight. How did you do it?
Staple treatment like your old man?
1212
01:17:21,971 --> 01:17:24,057
Wanna have a flap fight?
You gotta see this-
1213
01:17:24,224 --> 01:17:27,769
No. Just working out with Bill
five times a week. Same as always.
1214
01:17:33,066 --> 01:17:38,404
That's a looker.
Blondie, big lips. Chesty.
1215
01:17:38,571 --> 01:17:39,823
Is that your girl?
1216
01:17:40,573 --> 01:17:42,659
No, that's your daughter Samantha.
1217
01:17:43,076 --> 01:17:44,536
Of course it is.
1218
01:17:44,702 --> 01:17:47,372
And you better
always take care of her...
1219
01:17:47,539 --> 01:17:51,376
...and make sure nobody touches her
except you.
1220
01:17:52,252 --> 01:17:55,421
Pop, I'm just getting ready
for this meeting.
1221
01:17:56,798 --> 01:17:59,884
Okay. Absolutely.
I'll take off for you.
1222
01:18:01,761 --> 01:18:05,682
I'd like to spend more time together.
All of us.
1223
01:18:05,849 --> 01:18:07,934
Take you out for ice cream.
How's that?
1224
01:18:08,268 --> 01:18:10,186
I know your mother won't come...
1225
01:18:10,353 --> 01:18:14,524
...but you, Samantha,
Grandpa, Grandma.
1226
01:18:14,899 --> 01:18:16,234
That'd be nice, huh?
1227
01:18:17,819 --> 01:18:20,280
I knew something
was funny with you today.
1228
01:18:20,446 --> 01:18:24,033
Papa, take a seat.
Let me get you a water, okay?
1229
01:18:25,326 --> 01:18:27,495
What are we sitting for?
1230
01:18:28,705 --> 01:18:32,667
- Here you go, Pop, drink this.
- All right. Drink some water.
1231
01:18:34,627 --> 01:18:36,462
There, I had my water.
What's going on?
1232
01:18:39,757 --> 01:18:41,551
Grandpa died, Dad.
1233
01:18:44,637 --> 01:18:46,931
He died a while back now.
1234
01:18:51,311 --> 01:18:55,440
No,no,no.
1235
01:18:55,607 --> 01:18:57,984
Don't say that.
1236
01:18:58,776 --> 01:19:01,529
Where was I?
1237
01:19:01,696 --> 01:19:03,031
You're crying?
1238
01:19:04,115 --> 01:19:06,242
What happened?
1239
01:19:07,243 --> 01:19:11,956
Nothing. You know,
he just got old. That's life.
1240
01:19:12,123 --> 01:19:16,002
- Shit.
- You're born and you live and you die.
1241
01:19:17,337 --> 01:19:18,671
Man, I gotta go.
1242
01:19:18,838 --> 01:19:21,007
Hey, hang on.
Susie, push my next meeting.
1243
01:19:21,174 --> 01:19:23,468
No, no, do your meeting.
It's fine. I'm just dizzy.
1244
01:19:23,635 --> 01:19:26,387
- Why are you crying?
- I'm dizzy from the operation.
1245
01:19:26,554 --> 01:19:30,266
You're gonna make me cry, Dad.
You don't-- You don't have to go.
1246
01:19:34,479 --> 01:19:36,773
You look- You look good.
1247
01:19:36,940 --> 01:19:38,858
It's all right. Goodbye.
1248
01:19:53,998 --> 01:19:55,708
Come on.
1249
01:19:55,875 --> 01:19:57,210
Come on.
1250
01:19:57,377 --> 01:19:59,504
It won't take you there.
1251
01:20:00,004 --> 01:20:01,506
Take me where?
1252
01:20:02,215 --> 01:20:05,093
To the moment he died.
You weren't there.
1253
01:20:05,468 --> 01:20:07,553
Of course I wasn't.
1254
01:20:09,263 --> 01:20:11,641
Can you take me
to the last time I saw him, please?
1255
01:20:15,228 --> 01:20:18,773
Hey, Dad. Sorry to bug you.
1256
01:20:18,940 --> 01:20:22,360
Would you mind looking
at my shopping mall design again?
1257
01:20:22,527 --> 01:20:23,820
This one is cheaper.
1258
01:20:23,987 --> 01:20:27,073
But if you check this out...
1259
01:20:27,240 --> 01:20:30,284
...you'll see it has
a much better natural flow-
1260
01:20:30,451 --> 01:20:33,538
Cheaper one, like I said.
Now, just let me do my e-mail.
1261
01:20:35,456 --> 01:20:37,583
Yeah. Yeah, you're right, Dad.
1262
01:20:37,750 --> 01:20:40,753
He ain't right. You're a schmuck!
Look at it!
1263
01:20:41,254 --> 01:20:42,296
Surprise.
1264
01:20:42,463 --> 01:20:44,841
Hey, Grandpa.
1265
01:20:45,258 --> 01:20:47,802
Oh, my God.
1266
01:20:51,597 --> 01:20:54,100
When did you get so handsome?
1267
01:20:54,267 --> 01:20:56,728
So, Michael, I had a wonderful idea.
1268
01:20:56,894 --> 01:20:59,313
Your mother's playing canasta
with her friends tonight.
1269
01:20:59,480 --> 01:21:01,899
I thought
"What a great opportunity."
1270
01:21:02,066 --> 01:21:05,153
You, me and Ben should go
and have a boys' night out.
1271
01:21:05,319 --> 01:21:07,780
- Can't.
- What do you mean you can't?
1272
01:21:07,947 --> 01:21:09,157
You have to eat sometime.
1273
01:21:09,323 --> 01:21:11,784
We could go,
we could whistle at pretty girls.
1274
01:21:11,951 --> 01:21:14,245
- I'm down for that.
- See? He's down.
1275
01:21:14,412 --> 01:21:16,497
I don't know what it means,
but he's down.
1276
01:21:16,664 --> 01:21:20,126
- Hey. Please.
- Don't give me that finger.
1277
01:21:25,131 --> 01:21:27,300
I'll make you a deal.
1278
01:21:27,467 --> 01:21:31,846
If you come, I'll show you
the quarter trick.
1279
01:21:32,013 --> 01:21:34,432
- Will you look at the man?
- I'll tell you the secret.
1280
01:21:34,599 --> 01:21:36,517
No, Dad.
1281
01:21:36,684 --> 01:21:37,977
Don't you wanna know how I--?
1282
01:21:38,144 --> 01:21:40,646
I know how you do the stupid trick.
I've always known.
1283
01:21:40,813 --> 01:21:42,148
Can you let me do my work?
1284
01:21:46,694 --> 01:21:48,404
You've always known.
1285
01:21:48,571 --> 01:21:50,073
You're pathetic.
1286
01:21:51,032 --> 01:21:52,617
Okay.
1287
01:21:55,244 --> 01:21:57,830
I'm so sorry I barged in.
1288
01:21:58,206 --> 01:22:00,333
I love you, son.
1289
01:22:03,127 --> 01:22:05,004
See you later, Grandpa, I love you.
1290
01:22:05,171 --> 01:22:06,839
Dad.
1291
01:22:07,465 --> 01:22:09,258
Pop.
1292
01:22:09,425 --> 01:22:11,177
Pop.
1293
01:22:35,201 --> 01:22:37,286
I love you, son.
1294
01:22:41,249 --> 01:22:43,376
I love you, son.
1295
01:22:45,044 --> 01:22:47,088
I love you, son.
1296
01:22:53,052 --> 01:22:55,263
I love you too, Dad.
1297
01:23:00,518 --> 01:23:02,353
I'll miss you.
1298
01:23:04,689 --> 01:23:06,065
You know that.
1299
01:23:09,735 --> 01:23:11,404
Goodbye.
1300
01:23:37,221 --> 01:23:39,599
I'm sorry about your father.
1301
01:23:40,016 --> 01:23:44,020
Taking him wasn't something
I wanted to do.
1302
01:23:44,729 --> 01:23:46,189
What do you mean "taking him"?
1303
01:23:46,355 --> 01:23:47,982
I'm an angel, Michael.
1304
01:23:48,482 --> 01:23:50,193
An angel?
1305
01:23:51,068 --> 01:23:53,613
I thought an angel was
supposed to protect people.
1306
01:23:53,779 --> 01:23:55,907
I'm the angel of death.
1307
01:23:57,783 --> 01:24:00,620
Your dad, it was his time.
1308
01:24:02,205 --> 01:24:04,207
You bastard.
1309
01:24:11,923 --> 01:24:13,799
All right, leave me alone.
Leave me alone.
1310
01:24:13,966 --> 01:24:17,470
You had your fun.
Just take me to a good place.
1311
01:24:33,444 --> 01:24:38,074
And now, everybody, it's time
for Mr. Newman to say a few words.
1312
01:24:38,658 --> 01:24:40,243
Yay, Michael!
1313
01:24:42,245 --> 01:24:45,039
Go get them, Michael! Speech!
1314
01:24:47,833 --> 01:24:50,336
Wedding cake. Wedding cake.
1315
01:24:51,087 --> 01:24:53,923
Okay, where's the groom?
Show your face.
1316
01:24:54,090 --> 01:24:55,716
Hi, Dad.
1317
01:24:56,384 --> 01:25:00,054
Ben. I didn't miss
my son's wedding.
1318
01:25:00,221 --> 01:25:04,684
Wow, this is terrific, buddy.
Who's the lucky lady?
1319
01:25:05,309 --> 01:25:07,937
Very funny, Mr. Newman.
1320
01:25:10,773 --> 01:25:12,275
Aunt Peggy, is that you?
1321
01:25:13,818 --> 01:25:15,778
God, you got old.
1322
01:25:17,697 --> 01:25:23,077
No, no. I-- She-- I'm just playing.
She knows that.
1323
01:25:28,874 --> 01:25:30,209
Ma.
1324
01:25:34,297 --> 01:25:36,716
Ben's wife...
1325
01:25:37,341 --> 01:25:38,634
...welcome to the family.
1326
01:25:38,801 --> 01:25:40,011
Thank you.
1327
01:25:40,177 --> 01:25:43,014
Congratulations.
Let's have the best night, okay?
1328
01:25:52,940 --> 01:25:57,570
Look at you, Ma. You look amazing.
1329
01:25:59,238 --> 01:26:02,908
Michael, you haven't kissed me
like that since you were a little boy.
1330
01:26:03,075 --> 01:26:06,454
You are the best, Ma.
You know I know that, right?
1331
01:26:06,620 --> 01:26:09,832
Oh, darling, that's so sweet.
1332
01:26:10,458 --> 01:26:14,295
You know, Michael, your father
would've loved to be here.
1333
01:26:14,462 --> 01:26:15,963
I know, Ma.
1334
01:26:16,797 --> 01:26:19,884
Okay? I'm just glad you're here.
1335
01:26:20,593 --> 01:26:26,015
Me too, bubbala. Me too. Me too.
It's beautiful. Beautiful.
1336
01:26:26,432 --> 01:26:27,850
Beautiful. Look at her.
1337
01:26:28,476 --> 01:26:30,519
Donna, my favorite.
1338
01:26:31,312 --> 01:26:33,689
You're such a schmuck
for letting her go.
1339
01:26:33,856 --> 01:26:36,984
But don't let me ruin your evening.
I'll talk to you later.
1340
01:26:37,151 --> 01:26:39,153
Christina.
1341
01:26:41,947 --> 01:26:44,784
Michael, you've been so generous
taking care of all this...
1342
01:26:44,950 --> 01:26:46,160
...and the kids' honeymoon.
1343
01:26:46,327 --> 01:26:48,454
- Absolutely.
- Thank you so much.
1344
01:26:48,621 --> 01:26:52,875
Of course. Ben's wife
seems like a nice kid, huh?
1345
01:26:53,042 --> 01:26:56,003
- I think she's wonderful.
- Definite keeper.
1346
01:26:56,170 --> 01:26:59,757
Here's one you might remember
from The Cranberries.
1347
01:27:05,054 --> 01:27:07,681
Out of all the songs, huh?
1348
01:27:09,308 --> 01:27:11,268
Bill, since it's our son's wedding...
1349
01:27:11,435 --> 01:27:14,355
...do you mind if I dance
with my ex-husband for a minute?
1350
01:27:14,522 --> 01:27:16,816
- Not at all.
- Thank you.
1351
01:27:16,982 --> 01:27:19,610
Just have her back by midnight,
all right, champ?
1352
01:27:19,777 --> 01:27:20,986
You got it, Bill.
1353
01:27:33,207 --> 01:27:35,626
Why does he have
a bathing suit on?
1354
01:27:37,294 --> 01:27:39,505
Nice Speedo, buddy.
1355
01:27:51,475 --> 01:27:53,352
Still smelling good, huh?
1356
01:27:53,519 --> 01:27:56,063
After all these years.
1357
01:27:57,731 --> 01:27:59,233
Are you happy?
1358
01:27:59,400 --> 01:28:02,194
Of course I'm happy,
our son just got married.
1359
01:28:02,361 --> 01:28:07,032
Not about that. Are you happy
about where our lives ended up?
1360
01:28:07,199 --> 01:28:10,119
"Ended." It's not over yet.
1361
01:28:10,286 --> 01:28:13,998
- That's my Donna.
- It's true.
1362
01:28:15,458 --> 01:28:17,126
That Samantha?
1363
01:28:17,710 --> 01:28:22,047
Hey. What are you doing?
Put a sweater on. Cover them up.
1364
01:28:23,048 --> 01:28:24,467
What is with you?
1365
01:28:26,385 --> 01:28:28,304
Just kidding, I...
1366
01:28:28,471 --> 01:28:31,348
Just not used to seeing you
all grown-up like this.
1367
01:28:32,308 --> 01:28:37,271
Okay, well, if that's your way of telling
me that I look pretty, then thank you.
1368
01:28:37,771 --> 01:28:39,231
Let's go get some cake.
1369
01:28:39,398 --> 01:28:41,358
- I'll race you there, Dad. Come on.
- Okay.
1370
01:28:43,027 --> 01:28:44,695
"Dad"?
1371
01:28:47,156 --> 01:28:48,491
Michael, are you okay?
1372
01:28:51,076 --> 01:28:54,622
Is there a doctor?
We need a doctor here!
1373
01:28:57,708 --> 01:28:59,043
Michael!
1374
01:28:59,210 --> 01:29:02,004
'Dad!
'Dad!
1375
01:29:03,964 --> 01:29:05,716
It's just corn flakes.
1376
01:29:30,991 --> 01:29:33,786
One dance, you pop an artery.
1377
01:29:35,037 --> 01:29:39,208
Why'd you make me
waste my entire life?
1378
01:29:39,375 --> 01:29:41,502
You were fast-forwarding
through your life...
1379
01:29:41,669 --> 01:29:44,088
...long before you ever met me.
1380
01:29:44,255 --> 01:29:46,340
You lived the life you chose,
big shot.
1381
01:29:47,174 --> 01:29:49,301
This is not the life I wanted.
1382
01:29:49,468 --> 01:29:50,928
It is.
1383
01:29:56,141 --> 01:29:57,351
Looks like it is.
1384
01:30:01,188 --> 01:30:04,358
Hey. You're up. How you feeling?
1385
01:30:06,277 --> 01:30:09,238
I feel better
now that you guys are here.
1386
01:30:09,405 --> 01:30:11,699
Samantha's been here
like 36 hours straight.
1387
01:30:11,865 --> 01:30:15,286
She said she wouldn't leave
the hospital until you woke up.
1388
01:30:16,203 --> 01:30:20,291
- Why'd you do that?
- Because. You're my father.
1389
01:30:20,833 --> 01:30:23,335
I thought Bill was your father.
1390
01:30:24,044 --> 01:30:26,213
I have two fathers.
1391
01:30:27,172 --> 01:30:31,844
One of them told me he was gonna
live till he was 200. Remember?
1392
01:30:33,721 --> 01:30:36,181
You both really need
to get some sleep.
1393
01:30:36,348 --> 01:30:38,601
And I got a plane to catch.
1394
01:30:39,310 --> 01:30:42,021
Big Ben's gotta go
on his honeymoon.
1395
01:30:42,688 --> 01:30:45,316
Actually, I just canceled
the honeymoon.
1396
01:30:45,482 --> 01:30:49,361
Kensington deal might fall through,
so I gotta go do damage control.
1397
01:30:49,528 --> 01:30:51,363
- Julie and I can go to Italy anytime.
- No.
1398
01:30:51,530 --> 01:30:52,823
It's not that big a deal.
1399
01:30:52,990 --> 01:30:55,242
- That's not fair to your wife.
- Dad”.
1400
01:30:55,409 --> 01:30:58,370
...she gets it. Keeping
the business going is more important.
1401
01:30:58,537 --> 01:31:01,373
Guys, I'm sorry. You're gonna
have to leave. He needs his rest.
1402
01:31:01,540 --> 01:31:02,708
All right. Bye, Dad.
1403
01:31:04,001 --> 01:31:05,794
Bye, Daddy.
1404
01:31:17,222 --> 01:31:19,016
Get this off of me.
1405
01:31:23,520 --> 01:31:25,272
Whoa, whoa!
1406
01:31:25,439 --> 01:31:28,025
Hey, fella, you're a long way
from walking out of here.
1407
01:31:28,192 --> 01:31:29,693
I gotta see my son.
1408
01:31:29,860 --> 01:31:32,279
You're not going anywhere.
Now, get back into the bed.
1409
01:31:33,030 --> 01:31:35,115
- Isn't that Colin Farrell?
- Where?
1410
01:31:41,163 --> 01:31:42,581
Michael.
1411
01:31:42,748 --> 01:31:46,210
Those machines
are keeping you alive.
1412
01:31:46,377 --> 01:31:48,879
I gotta talk to my boy.
1413
01:31:55,761 --> 01:31:58,055
- Michael, stop.
- No.
1414
01:32:00,766 --> 01:32:03,769
Michael, it doesn't have to end now.
1415
01:32:12,403 --> 01:32:14,363
Ben!
1416
01:32:26,458 --> 01:32:27,710
Ben!
1417
01:32:36,427 --> 01:32:39,263
Ben!
1418
01:32:41,140 --> 01:32:44,601
Ben!
1419
01:32:47,104 --> 01:32:49,189
Dad? Dad?
1420
01:32:49,732 --> 01:32:51,775
Dad, what are you doing?
1421
01:32:51,942 --> 01:32:54,111
Are you okay?
1422
01:32:54,778 --> 01:32:58,365
- Oh, my God.
- Help! Help!
1423
01:32:58,532 --> 01:33:00,576
- Dad! Dad!
- Help!
1424
01:33:00,743 --> 01:33:02,327
Ben, Ben.
1425
01:33:06,373 --> 01:33:09,168
Family. Family. Family.
1426
01:33:09,334 --> 01:33:10,461
What?
1427
01:33:10,627 --> 01:33:15,007
Family. Family. Family comes first.
1428
01:33:15,549 --> 01:33:17,301
Family comes first.
1429
01:33:17,468 --> 01:33:19,636
Honeymoon. Honeymoon.
1430
01:33:20,053 --> 01:33:23,265
Honeymoon. I love you.
1431
01:33:25,017 --> 01:33:27,603
Samantha. Samantha.
1432
01:33:27,770 --> 01:33:32,107
I didn't make 200, but I love you.
1433
01:33:32,274 --> 01:33:34,151
I love you.
1434
01:33:34,860 --> 01:33:37,988
Bill, Bill, Bill.
1435
01:34:03,472 --> 01:34:05,516
I'm sorry.
1436
01:34:09,228 --> 01:34:10,729
Michael.
1437
01:34:10,896 --> 01:34:15,108
The note you wrote her,
it's in your pocket.
1438
01:34:29,498 --> 01:34:32,209
Forever and ever, babe.
1439
01:34:38,882 --> 01:34:40,384
It's time to go.
1440
01:35:15,377 --> 01:35:19,506
- Where am I?
- You're in Bed Bath & Beyond, sir.
1441
01:35:19,673 --> 01:35:21,216
I was just watching you sleep.
1442
01:35:21,383 --> 01:35:23,802
You looked like you were having
a crazy dream.
1443
01:35:23,969 --> 01:35:24,970
What?
1444
01:35:25,137 --> 01:35:28,849
You're not supposed to lay
in the beds, but I do sometimes.
1445
01:35:31,810 --> 01:35:34,021
I'm back in the store?
1446
01:35:37,524 --> 01:35:41,069
I'm young again. I'm young again.
1447
01:35:41,236 --> 01:35:43,238
Well, I mean,
you're not "young" young.
1448
01:35:43,405 --> 01:35:45,282
I'm young.
You're kind of on the back nine.
1449
01:35:45,449 --> 01:35:48,785
No, no. No. I'm just teeing off, baby.
1450
01:35:48,952 --> 01:35:50,412
Look at you.
1451
01:35:50,579 --> 01:35:54,291
You want a friend? You want a friend?
I'll be your friend, baby.
1452
01:35:54,458 --> 01:35:57,085
I'll be your friend. I'll be your--
1453
01:35:58,420 --> 01:36:00,839
Oh, my God!
1454
01:36:04,301 --> 01:36:06,845
Yes, my crappy car!
1455
01:36:07,012 --> 01:36:10,432
You mediocre, middle-class
piece of shit!
1456
01:36:10,599 --> 01:36:12,392
I love you!
1457
01:36:21,526 --> 01:36:25,447
Pop, Pop. Pop.
There he is. There he is.
1458
01:36:25,614 --> 01:36:27,866
- What's wrong? What happened?
- Nothing's wrong.
1459
01:36:28,033 --> 01:36:30,994
Everything's incredible, Ma.
I just wanted to tell you I love you.
1460
01:36:31,161 --> 01:36:32,704
- I love you.
- I love you so much.
1461
01:36:32,871 --> 01:36:36,208
You gotta tell me how you do
the quarter trick, it's driving me crazy.
1462
01:36:36,375 --> 01:36:38,168
A magician never reveals
his secrets.
1463
01:36:38,335 --> 01:36:40,837
However, if you invite us over
for dinner more--
1464
01:36:41,004 --> 01:36:44,508
You come over tomorrow night, and
the night after that. Any time you want.
1465
01:36:44,675 --> 01:36:47,719
- Stop, I'm gonna have a heart attack.
- No, I have the heart attacks.
1466
01:36:47,886 --> 01:36:50,722
Thank you so much for giving
birth to me, I know it hurt. Okay?
1467
01:36:50,889 --> 01:36:54,393
You have no idea. But, honey, please,
stay off the bong pipe.
1468
01:36:54,559 --> 01:36:56,770
I can't promise you that.
1469
01:36:58,397 --> 01:37:02,067
Okay. I'm UP-
1470
01:37:02,234 --> 01:37:04,069
What do you think?
1471
01:37:05,237 --> 01:37:07,948
If you massage me first.
1472
01:37:08,115 --> 01:37:10,242
Okay, let's go to sleep.
1473
01:37:26,425 --> 01:37:30,554
Mom, wake up!
There's a crazy noise downstairs.
1474
01:37:34,433 --> 01:37:35,726
What the heck is going on?
1475
01:37:36,143 --> 01:37:38,478
Hey, do you mind?
I am trying to concentrate.
1476
01:37:38,645 --> 01:37:40,439
Here I am, staying up all night...
1477
01:37:40,605 --> 01:37:44,026
...trying to come up with activities
for our Fourth of July camping trip...
1478
01:37:44,192 --> 01:37:45,527
...but you won't let me think!
1479
01:37:45,694 --> 01:37:49,823
You want time to think? Why don't you
think about the fact that you just wo--
1480
01:37:52,534 --> 01:37:53,702
What did you just say?
1481
01:37:53,869 --> 01:37:56,747
Yes, you heard me.
If you keep up this weird attitude...
1482
01:37:56,913 --> 01:38:00,125
...I won't be able to work for a year
and have to plan 10 more vacations.
1483
01:38:00,292 --> 01:38:02,961
- That make you happy?
- Did you eat a bad Yodel?
1484
01:38:03,128 --> 01:38:04,212
Give me those big lips.
1485
01:38:06,465 --> 01:38:09,301
- What's going on down here?
- Ben.Ben!
1486
01:38:09,468 --> 01:38:10,886
Come here. Oh, my God.
1487
01:38:11,053 --> 01:38:13,513
I missed you, I missed you.
Look at you, boy.
1488
01:38:13,680 --> 01:38:16,808
I'm gonna finish the tree house.
We're gonna sleep in it next weekend.
1489
01:38:16,975 --> 01:38:19,978
From now on, we're gonna exercise
and I'm not gonna wear a Speedo.
1490
01:38:20,145 --> 01:38:21,188
- All right!
- All right.
1491
01:38:21,354 --> 01:38:24,733
And you. Nice jump! I love you.
1492
01:38:24,900 --> 01:38:27,652
One day, you are gonna be
the hottest chick alive.
1493
01:38:27,819 --> 01:38:29,279
But you still gotta have brains.
1494
01:38:29,446 --> 01:38:31,364
So tomorrow I'm gonna
teach you calculus.
1495
01:38:31,531 --> 01:38:32,783
You know calculus?
1496
01:38:32,949 --> 01:38:35,327
I knew you'd call me on that.
Your mom will teach you.
1497
01:38:35,494 --> 01:38:38,288
Now, get your rest, because tomorrow
we're going camping!
1498
01:38:38,455 --> 01:38:40,207
I know! It's gonna be the best!
1499
01:38:40,373 --> 01:38:43,043
- Put a sweater on! Don't take it off!
- Okay, Daddy.
1500
01:38:43,210 --> 01:38:44,795
Oh, and Sundance!
1501
01:38:44,961 --> 01:38:49,382
Doggie years go by very quick,
so it's time to enjoy the real thing.
1502
01:38:51,343 --> 01:38:53,637
Yeah, go get some, baby.
1503
01:39:08,652 --> 01:39:11,655
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
1504
01:39:12,948 --> 01:39:15,951
No. Go to Sundance, not the duck.
1505
01:39:21,373 --> 01:39:23,416
They told me at the pet store
it was a female.
1506
01:39:23,583 --> 01:39:25,001
They lied to me, I guess.
1507
01:39:27,212 --> 01:39:30,465
- You staying downstairs tonight?
- Why? That's getting you going?
1508
01:39:31,550 --> 01:39:35,554
It's Fourth of July,
I'm gonna celebrate with my wife.
1509
01:39:35,720 --> 01:39:40,267
Take my time, massage her,
make sure she is fully satisfied.
1510
01:39:40,433 --> 01:39:44,396
But you know, it isn't
the Fourth of July, it's only the 2nd.
1511
01:39:44,563 --> 01:39:48,108
That's even better.
Happy 2nd of July, honey.
1512
01:39:48,275 --> 01:39:50,110
- Think I like this holiday.
- Yeah?
1513
01:39:50,277 --> 01:39:52,779
I'm gonna go change
into my Pocahontas costume.
1514
01:39:52,946 --> 01:39:56,783
- I'll see you upstairs.
- I'll bring the duck.
1515
01:39:56,950 --> 01:40:00,787
Okay, I gotta call my dad
and tell him to get the old tent ready.
1516
01:40:22,767 --> 01:40:26,062
"Like I said,
'Good guys need a break.'
1517
01:40:26,771 --> 01:40:30,066
I know you'll do
the right thing this time.
1518
01:40:30,233 --> 01:40:32,736
Love, Morty.
1519
01:40:33,153 --> 01:40:34,571
P.S.:
1520
01:40:34,738 --> 01:40:38,491
Your wife's rocking body
still drives me crazy."
1521
01:40:39,159 --> 01:40:41,328
Okay, Morty.
1522
01:41:04,476 --> 01:41:07,020
Hey, who wants
to have a pillow fight?
111797
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
