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1
00:01:38,391 --> 00:01:40,518
What was going on there, huh?
2
00:01:40,685 --> 00:01:42,603
We thought
you were sleeping, Daddy.
3
00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:46,065
How can I sleep with two
Twinkie burglars roaming around?
4
00:01:46,232 --> 00:01:48,150
Can we watch
Dragon Tales, please?
5
00:01:48,317 --> 00:01:50,945
Yeah. Why not, why not?
6
00:01:52,571 --> 00:01:54,490
Which one of these
turns on the TV?
7
00:02:09,588 --> 00:02:11,424
Honey, I think you
just opened the garage.
8
00:02:11,590 --> 00:02:13,426
I'm just planning ahead. I know.
9
00:02:15,011 --> 00:02:19,348
- P-yew! Was that a stinky-dink bug?
- Good job.
10
00:02:19,515 --> 00:02:21,309
Whatever happened
to the good old days...
11
00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:24,186
...when you pulled the knob
and on came the boob tube?
12
00:02:24,353 --> 00:02:27,064
The O'Doyles got
a universal remote control.
13
00:02:27,231 --> 00:02:29,317
One clicker controls everything.
14
00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:32,486
Makes life a lot easier
for old people like you.
15
00:02:33,404 --> 00:02:35,573
Well, whoop-de-do
for the O'Doyles.
16
00:02:35,740 --> 00:02:36,741
--tree house?
17
00:02:36,907 --> 00:02:39,243
I don't know. Ask your father.
18
00:02:39,410 --> 00:02:40,703
Ask me what?
19
00:02:40,870 --> 00:02:44,623
Do you think you'll have time
to finish building the tree house ever?
20
00:02:44,790 --> 00:02:48,794
Yeah, Dad. It's kind of been
halfway done for two months now.
21
00:02:49,378 --> 00:02:54,258
All right. I want to, it's just I got a lot
of things going on at work right now.
22
00:02:54,425 --> 00:02:58,763
But as soon as I'm done, I'm on it.
I promise. Hang in there.
23
00:03:00,890 --> 00:03:04,435
Hey, look at Sundance
wrestle his duck.
24
00:03:05,186 --> 00:03:07,146
Oh, no, that's not wrestling.
25
00:03:07,313 --> 00:03:11,150
That's something you shouldn't
know about for another 10 to 30 years.
26
00:03:11,317 --> 00:03:13,611
Ten for you. Thirty for you.
27
00:03:16,947 --> 00:03:19,283
Hey, Michael? I'll see you tonight
at the swim meet?
28
00:03:19,450 --> 00:03:21,035
Swim meet.
29
00:03:22,078 --> 00:03:24,413
- I gotta go to that?
- Yes.
30
00:03:24,580 --> 00:03:28,751
- I'm kidding you. I'll be there. Okay?
- All right. I love you, Michael.
31
00:03:28,918 --> 00:03:31,087
Forever and ever, babe.
32
00:03:31,754 --> 00:03:33,047
Mr. Newman.
33
00:03:33,214 --> 00:03:35,299
Kevin O'Doyle.
Yeah. Always a pleasure.
34
00:03:35,466 --> 00:03:38,719
What kind of stereo you got
in that blue piece of shit?
35
00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:41,097
You know what?
I never checked, Kevin.
36
00:03:41,263 --> 00:03:43,724
Yeah, well, my father's stereo
is a Bose.
37
00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:46,727
Your father's stereo blows?
That's too bad.
38
00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:50,481
No! I said-- That's not what I said!
39
00:03:50,648 --> 00:03:53,859
His father's stereo blows!
40
00:03:57,154 --> 00:03:59,824
Come on! Pay the man, let's go!
41
00:04:06,122 --> 00:04:08,207
- Good morning, Mr. Newman.
- Good morning.
42
00:04:08,374 --> 00:04:09,834
- Good morning, Mr. Newman.
- Hello.
43
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:12,169
- Good morning, Mr. Newman.
- Hi.
44
00:04:13,129 --> 00:04:15,005
Good morning, Mr. Newman.
45
00:04:15,172 --> 00:04:16,841
- Good morning, Mr. Newman.
- Man, Alice...
46
00:04:17,007 --> 00:04:20,261
...I was stuck in traffic for an hour
and a half. When's the meeting?
47
00:04:21,429 --> 00:04:23,597
- It started already.
- What?
48
00:04:24,348 --> 00:04:25,641
Can I go to the bathroom?
49
00:04:25,808 --> 00:04:28,436
Go to the bathroom.
I told you, you don't have to ask me.
50
00:04:35,651 --> 00:04:37,695
Well, the interesting thing,
Prince Habeeboo...
51
00:04:37,862 --> 00:04:40,739
...is that the building codes
in Manhattan will allow us--
52
00:04:40,906 --> 00:04:42,950
- Michael.
- Sorry I'm late, sir.
53
00:04:43,117 --> 00:04:46,287
Some moron in a red Lamborghini
parked in my spot so--
54
00:04:46,454 --> 00:04:49,707
Prince Habeeboo
drive red Lamborghini.
55
00:04:50,541 --> 00:04:53,335
Red Lamborghini?
I meant blue Ferrari.
56
00:04:54,003 --> 00:04:56,297
Is this one of your partners?
57
00:04:56,464 --> 00:04:58,549
Actually, Michael
is just an associate.
58
00:04:58,716 --> 00:05:01,051
But he is one of our brightest
young architects.
59
00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:02,219
Thank you.
60
00:05:02,386 --> 00:05:04,430
Walk His Majesty
through our design concept.
61
00:05:04,597 --> 00:05:06,348
With pleasure.
62
00:05:07,099 --> 00:05:09,685
- Prince Haboobee-—
- Habeeboo!
63
00:05:10,311 --> 00:05:12,396
Prince Habeeboo.
64
00:05:12,563 --> 00:05:15,065
Habeeboo. I thought I said that.
65
00:05:15,232 --> 00:05:17,943
When Mr. Ammer explained to me
the type of man you are...
66
00:05:18,110 --> 00:05:21,989
...a visionary who prides himself
on originality...
67
00:05:22,156 --> 00:05:26,994
...I said to myself, "Let's smash
the mold and redefine elegance."
68
00:05:27,161 --> 00:05:29,455
So I present to you your restaurant.
69
00:05:29,622 --> 00:05:31,165
Where is-— Where's bar?
70
00:05:31,332 --> 00:05:35,044
Bar is-— Here's the bar.
Now, the waterfall--
71
00:05:35,211 --> 00:05:36,295
Make bar longer.
72
00:05:37,713 --> 00:05:41,467
Okay. We could cut
into the atrium a little bit.
73
00:05:41,634 --> 00:05:46,222
No atrium. Just make bar longer
for Prince Habeeboo.
74
00:05:46,388 --> 00:05:47,389
Really?
75
00:05:49,517 --> 00:05:51,685
- Still itchy?
- You got it.
76
00:05:52,937 --> 00:05:56,273
And put big drain in floor
for wet T-shirt contest.
77
00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:57,983
Now, you're kidding me, right?
78
00:05:58,150 --> 00:06:00,236
Boob water's gotta
go someplace, Michael.
79
00:06:00,402 --> 00:06:03,781
Let's just take out the atrium and
run with that and there's your drain.
80
00:06:03,948 --> 00:06:07,493
- God.
- I love it. It is simply awesome.
81
00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:13,040
Yeah. Basically you want me to design
you an Arabian hoochie house?
82
00:06:13,207 --> 00:06:15,709
How dare you compare
Prince Habeeboo's Bikini Hut...
83
00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:17,836
-...to this hoochie house?
- This idea's...
84
00:06:18,003 --> 00:06:20,422
...got nothing to do
with hoochies, Michael.
85
00:06:20,589 --> 00:06:22,132
It's like opposite of hoochie.
86
00:06:22,299 --> 00:06:24,134
No disrespect,
Prince Hubbida Hubbida.
87
00:06:24,301 --> 00:06:26,053
- Hubba Bubba.
- Habeeboo!
88
00:06:26,220 --> 00:06:29,348
Habeeboo!
Hubba Bubba is chewing gum.
89
00:06:29,515 --> 00:06:30,975
Prince Habeeboo's
not chewing gum.
90
00:06:31,141 --> 00:06:35,771
Prince Habeeboo, we will--
I will make this happen.
91
00:06:37,481 --> 00:06:38,482
John Ammer's office.
92
00:06:38,649 --> 00:06:41,652
I hope that atrium idea didn't take
too long to configure, Michael.
93
00:06:41,819 --> 00:06:44,655
Oh, there'll be other Junes
in my life, sir.
94
00:06:44,822 --> 00:06:49,410
See that parking garage
over there on 56?
95
00:06:49,660 --> 00:06:53,998
Watsuhita wants to knock it down
and build a luxury hotel.
96
00:06:54,164 --> 00:06:55,708
- You got the commission?
- Not yet.
97
00:06:55,874 --> 00:07:01,005
I just need someone to come up
with a design proposal. Intrigued?
98
00:07:02,840 --> 00:07:04,091
Hell, yes.
99
00:07:04,258 --> 00:07:07,428
I'm Fourth of July-ing with the kids.
When I get back, I'm all over it.
100
00:07:07,595 --> 00:07:12,016
Great. Have a great Fourth of July
with the kids. I'll put Swardson on it.
101
00:07:12,182 --> 00:07:16,020
No, no. Absolutely not.
I-- I-- Can't it just wait three days?
102
00:07:16,186 --> 00:07:19,023
These guys are Japanese.
They can't wait for their fish to cook.
103
00:07:21,525 --> 00:07:23,694
I guess I could talk to my wife.
104
00:07:23,861 --> 00:07:26,572
Great. See you later at happy hour
with Prince Habadabee.
105
00:07:27,197 --> 00:07:31,076
My son has a swim meet tonight
that I have to get to s--
106
00:07:31,243 --> 00:07:33,037
I'm just messing with you.
We're good.
107
00:07:38,208 --> 00:07:40,711
Yeah, Ben!
108
00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:53,599
That's my boy! That's my boy!
Kid, you were great!
109
00:07:54,016 --> 00:07:55,559
You're not my dad.
110
00:07:56,477 --> 00:07:59,188
- As far as you know.
- What?
111
00:08:00,522 --> 00:08:02,399
I was just joking.
112
00:08:02,566 --> 00:08:05,694
Is he really my dad?
113
00:08:05,861 --> 00:08:09,239
Come on, come on! Yes, Ben.
Yes, you did it!
114
00:08:09,406 --> 00:08:10,616
Honey, you were so great.
115
00:08:10,783 --> 00:08:14,286
Whoa, what are you, half a dolphin
or something? That was incredible.
116
00:08:14,453 --> 00:08:16,246
You just got here, Dad. I saw you.
117
00:08:17,331 --> 00:08:19,875
What do you mean I just got here?
Why are you saying that?
118
00:08:20,042 --> 00:08:22,044
I saw you. You jumped in there,
you swam here.
119
00:08:22,211 --> 00:08:25,839
- Then what stroke was he doing, Dad?
- He was doing the shut-up.
120
00:08:27,257 --> 00:08:30,719
Hey. Good thing is,
Daddy was here to see you finish.
121
00:08:30,886 --> 00:08:31,929
He didn't see me finish.
122
00:08:32,096 --> 00:08:34,390
He was hanging out
with Ping Woo for some reason.
123
00:08:34,556 --> 00:08:37,017
- Yeah, what was that about, huh?
- The kid was drowning.
124
00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:38,352
I'm gonna let him drown?
125
00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:40,854
Nobody goes drowning in my pool.
126
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:43,607
How you doing? Bill Herlihy.
Ben's coach. You must be Dad.
127
00:08:43,774 --> 00:08:46,485
Michael Speedo-—
Michael Newman. Sorry.
128
00:08:46,944 --> 00:08:49,655
Big Ben, that was great progress
out there, huh?
129
00:08:49,822 --> 00:08:52,700
Just remember, right arm out,
head turns left. Left arm out-
130
00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:55,536
Head turns right. I know.
I just forgot at the end.
131
00:08:55,703 --> 00:08:56,787
Well, that's all right.
132
00:08:56,954 --> 00:09:00,290
You master that, people are gonna
think you're half a dolphin out there.
133
00:09:00,457 --> 00:09:02,543
- Really?
- Yeah.
134
00:09:03,377 --> 00:09:04,795
Cute.
135
00:09:05,462 --> 00:09:07,631
Hello? Mr. Ammer.
136
00:09:15,723 --> 00:09:18,517
Ben, honey, slow down.
It's not a race.
137
00:09:18,684 --> 00:09:20,436
That's his second one
in five minutes.
138
00:09:20,602 --> 00:09:22,312
Keeps eating more and more.
139
00:09:22,479 --> 00:09:25,441
He's like a machine.
He can't still be hungry.
140
00:09:25,607 --> 00:09:29,153
He's not. He's just doing whatever
Michael's doing. It's driving me crazy.
141
00:09:29,319 --> 00:09:32,990
Everything Michael's been doing lately
is very unhealthy for him.
142
00:09:33,157 --> 00:09:35,576
He's gonna kill himself.
143
00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:38,954
Like a signature building
we're talking about.
144
00:09:39,121 --> 00:09:40,539
Oh, my God.
145
00:09:42,332 --> 00:09:43,959
Scared the crap out of me.
146
00:09:44,501 --> 00:09:46,920
Dad, how much longer
are you gonna live?
147
00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:50,507
- One minute.
- One minute?
148
00:09:50,674 --> 00:09:52,843
- Daddy's gonna die in one minute!
- Oh, no, honey.
149
00:09:53,010 --> 00:09:54,386
Don't worry. I'm not dying.
150
00:09:54,553 --> 00:09:58,474
I'm gonna live for 200 years.
Is that long enough for you and me?
151
00:09:59,016 --> 00:10:02,770
- Promise?
- I promise. Swear. Come here.
152
00:10:04,062 --> 00:10:05,731
You son of a bitch!
153
00:10:05,898 --> 00:10:08,692
Hey! There are families here!
154
00:10:08,859 --> 00:10:11,236
Show some respect,
you pieces of shit!
155
00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:14,740
Go home and watch VH1, old man.
156
00:10:14,907 --> 00:10:17,785
Don't light another damn one!
157
00:10:19,036 --> 00:10:21,622
Benjamin. Benjamin.
What am I holding?
158
00:10:21,789 --> 00:10:24,625
A quarter. Now, Grandma
does not let me eat ice cream...
159
00:10:24,792 --> 00:10:26,418
-...because of my diabetes.
- True.
160
00:10:26,585 --> 00:10:30,297
But she says nothing, however,
about a tasty quarter.
161
00:10:30,714 --> 00:10:32,007
Okay.
162
00:10:34,176 --> 00:10:35,803
All right. All right.
163
00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:39,723
Very quickly, please, count to three
because it tastes terrible.
164
00:10:39,890 --> 00:10:43,268
One, two, three.
165
00:10:44,895 --> 00:10:46,563
Are you shitting me?
166
00:10:46,730 --> 00:10:49,525
First he's eating like his father,
now you're talking like him?
167
00:10:49,691 --> 00:10:52,069
- Ben.
- Don't you ever say that again.
168
00:10:52,236 --> 00:10:55,614
- Sorry, Grandma.
- How do you do that, Grandpa?
169
00:10:55,948 --> 00:10:58,700
A good magician
never reveals his secrets.
170
00:10:58,867 --> 00:11:01,495
Your daddy has wanted to know
how I've done that trick...
171
00:11:01,662 --> 00:11:02,830
...since he was your age.
172
00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:04,414
Isn't that true, son?
173
00:11:04,581 --> 00:11:06,959
Hey, Michael.
Michael, who are you talking to?
174
00:11:07,125 --> 00:11:10,170
Jesus. I'm talking to my boss, Ma.
Take it easy.
175
00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:12,047
Oh, yeah?
Well, tell him to get a life.
176
00:11:12,214 --> 00:11:14,466
You got family here.
You're busy. Come on.
177
00:11:14,633 --> 00:11:16,009
My mother says hello.
178
00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:18,428
Oh, he's such a big boy, isn't he?
179
00:11:18,595 --> 00:11:21,974
On his big cell phone. Big boy.
180
00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:27,521
That's it. Get some sleep. Thank you,
Mr. Ammer. All right. Good night.
181
00:11:27,688 --> 00:11:30,148
- Are you done? Can we relax now?
- Sorry.
182
00:11:31,775 --> 00:11:34,236
Eat me, grandpa!
183
00:11:34,611 --> 00:11:35,737
You're dead.
184
00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:39,658
- Oh, shit!
- Yeah, you better run!
185
00:11:39,825 --> 00:11:41,660
I kicked your father's ass
in high school!
186
00:11:41,827 --> 00:11:43,203
Now I'm gonna kick yours!
187
00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:46,123
I hate that man.
188
00:11:46,290 --> 00:11:48,584
Okay, good night, you two cowboys.
189
00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:51,295
- Reach for the sky, Pocahontas.
- No, back to bed.
190
00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:55,090
Come on. Pocahontas is off duty.
I'm out of here.
191
00:11:58,010 --> 00:12:00,262
You getting sick, sheriff?
192
00:12:00,637 --> 00:12:02,764
I don't got time to be sick, so no.
193
00:12:02,931 --> 00:12:05,809
I need to watch this documentary
on Asian architecture.
194
00:12:05,976 --> 00:12:08,770
Well, you gotta get some rest
sometime, sweetheart.
195
00:12:08,937 --> 00:12:11,231
Besides, the woodland creatures
will laugh at you...
196
00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:14,026
...if you collapse trying
to put up the tent this weekend.
197
00:12:15,110 --> 00:12:18,655
Yeah. I forgot to tell you.
198
00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:21,199
We gotta postpone
the camping trip.
199
00:12:21,867 --> 00:12:23,785
Ammer put me on a project.
200
00:12:23,952 --> 00:12:26,371
It's due Tuesday. If I don't finish,
I'm off it, so...
201
00:12:26,538 --> 00:12:28,749
The kids have been talking
about camping all year.
202
00:12:28,916 --> 00:12:30,042
Think I don't know that?
203
00:12:30,208 --> 00:12:32,502
It's just every choice I make,
everything I do...
204
00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:34,630
...I disappoint somebody.
205
00:12:34,796 --> 00:12:37,424
Make sure you don't keep
disappointing the wrong people.
206
00:12:37,591 --> 00:12:40,177
I'm not out drinking or gambling
or hitting on chicks.
207
00:12:40,344 --> 00:12:43,138
I'm working my ass off
so my family can have a better life...
208
00:12:43,305 --> 00:12:45,098
...than I dreamed of
when I was a kid.
209
00:12:45,599 --> 00:12:49,227
The only way for that to happen
is for me to watch this stinking show!
210
00:12:49,394 --> 00:12:51,271
So relax, hon.
211
00:12:54,775 --> 00:12:56,318
Are you kidding me?
212
00:12:56,485 --> 00:12:59,529
Will you give me a break one time?
213
00:12:59,988 --> 00:13:03,575
Damn it! The O'Doyles got
a stinking universal remote control.
214
00:13:03,742 --> 00:13:05,619
We're gonna have one too.
215
00:13:05,786 --> 00:13:07,579
I'm sick of this.
216
00:13:12,167 --> 00:13:14,670
You want me to open
the garage for you?
217
00:13:27,599 --> 00:13:28,600
Closed.
218
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:32,312
Closed.
219
00:13:34,106 --> 00:13:35,107
Open.
220
00:13:35,273 --> 00:13:37,651
Bed Bath & Beyond it is.
221
00:13:42,990 --> 00:13:44,658
Hey. man?
222
00:13:44,825 --> 00:13:47,786
You guys got any universal
remote controls in there?
223
00:13:47,953 --> 00:13:50,872
- For a shower curtain or a bathmat?
- For a television.
224
00:13:51,665 --> 00:13:54,001
I don't think so.
Maybe for a blanket?
225
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:55,794
You got a remote for a blanket?
226
00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:58,964
Sorry, I don't work here.
I'm waiting for my friends.
227
00:13:59,131 --> 00:14:00,549
You're kidding me.
228
00:14:00,716 --> 00:14:03,760
Actually, yes. I don't have any friends.
Will you be my friend?
229
00:14:07,889 --> 00:14:09,558
Wow, man.
230
00:14:12,477 --> 00:14:15,272
Bed.Bed.
231
00:14:15,439 --> 00:14:18,275
Bath. Bath.
232
00:14:18,442 --> 00:14:20,152
Bed.
233
00:14:22,279 --> 00:14:24,990
So tired of my life.
234
00:14:30,662 --> 00:14:31,913
Beyond?
235
00:15:08,909 --> 00:15:10,786
Sorry to sneak up on you. I just-
236
00:15:10,952 --> 00:15:13,288
You guys got a universal
remote control back here?
237
00:15:15,624 --> 00:15:18,919
Something stinks
like stale french fries.
238
00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:22,255
All right, that's probably me.
239
00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:25,258
You know, fast food
shortens your life.
240
00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:26,676
Yeah, that's what I heard.
241
00:15:26,843 --> 00:15:30,055
But the way my life's been going
lately, that ain't such a bad thing.
242
00:15:30,222 --> 00:15:32,432
You're looking
for a universal remote control?
243
00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:35,060
Yeah. Just one device
to do it all for me...
244
00:15:35,227 --> 00:15:39,397
...make my life a little easier,
quicker, not so damn complicated.
245
00:15:39,564 --> 00:15:43,026
I'm not supposed to do this,
but you seem like a good guy.
246
00:15:43,193 --> 00:15:44,861
Hey. Somebody noticed. Thank you.
247
00:15:45,028 --> 00:15:47,155
I'm gonna show you a remote
we just got in...
248
00:15:47,322 --> 00:15:49,908
...that's probably the most advanced
piece of technology...
249
00:15:50,075 --> 00:15:51,201
...we have in this place.
250
00:15:51,535 --> 00:15:54,329
- Sounds sweet.
- It is sweet.
251
00:15:54,496 --> 00:15:59,167
The latest, greatest universal remote
not even on the market yet.
252
00:15:59,334 --> 00:16:04,089
I guess the O'Doyles' remote can bite
my advanced-technological ass then.
253
00:16:04,256 --> 00:16:06,800
I don't know the O'Doyles...
254
00:16:07,968 --> 00:16:09,678
...but they can bite it hard.
255
00:16:09,845 --> 00:16:11,221
Yeah.
256
00:16:11,388 --> 00:16:12,848
Come in the back with me.
257
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:14,891
Okay.
258
00:16:15,809 --> 00:16:18,061
This is- This is very nice of you.
259
00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:21,398
- What's your name, anyways?
- Call me Morty.
260
00:16:21,565 --> 00:16:22,899
Morty, I'm Michael Newman.
261
00:16:23,275 --> 00:16:25,402
Michael Newman.
262
00:16:27,195 --> 00:16:29,114
I'm about to rock your world.
263
00:16:29,531 --> 00:16:30,740
Okay.
264
00:16:40,083 --> 00:16:43,920
I gotta be honest with you. This place
looks bigger from the outside.
265
00:16:44,087 --> 00:16:45,881
Just kidding.
266
00:16:47,257 --> 00:16:48,633
Hey, hey.
267
00:17:07,736 --> 00:17:09,571
I think maybe there in the middle?
268
00:17:22,626 --> 00:17:24,628
Sneaky.
269
00:17:29,883 --> 00:17:32,135
Where's the box?
Does it come with directions?
270
00:17:32,302 --> 00:17:33,887
Not necessary.
271
00:17:34,054 --> 00:17:37,641
Just point, click.
272
00:17:37,807 --> 00:17:39,976
Eventually, it will program itself.
273
00:17:42,854 --> 00:17:43,897
How much is this thing?
274
00:17:44,064 --> 00:17:46,608
Because I ain't exactly
Thurston Howell, you know?
275
00:17:46,775 --> 00:17:50,111
Lucky for you, it's not
in the bar-code system yet.
276
00:17:50,278 --> 00:17:53,573
So I'm gonna have
to just give it to you.
277
00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:56,201
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What's the catch here, man?
278
00:17:56,368 --> 00:17:59,829
Want me to take my shirt off for you?
Because I don't play for that team.
279
00:17:59,996 --> 00:18:02,749
Hey. Man, get out of here.
280
00:18:03,541 --> 00:18:04,918
Why are you doing this, then?
281
00:18:05,085 --> 00:18:08,838
Because good guys need a break
every once in a while.
282
00:18:09,839 --> 00:18:11,049
Take it.
283
00:18:11,841 --> 00:18:12,842
Enjoy.
284
00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:17,013
All right.
285
00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:19,516
Only one thing
you need to know, Michael.
286
00:18:19,683 --> 00:18:22,394
This item is nonreturnable.
287
00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:26,147
Why would I wanna return something
I got for free?
288
00:18:47,502 --> 00:18:50,380
Twinkie. You don't need it.
You don't need it, man.
289
00:18:50,547 --> 00:18:53,883
You do need a Yodel, though.
Okay. Good job.
290
00:18:54,384 --> 00:18:56,928
Let's see what you got, mate.
291
00:19:04,352 --> 00:19:08,648
Look at me, turning my own TV on.
I'm a freaking whiz kid.
292
00:19:09,733 --> 00:19:11,693
- Residential architecture...
293
00:19:11,860 --> 00:19:13,737
- So I talked to the kids.
- Oh, yeah?
294
00:19:13,903 --> 00:19:16,781
They're very understanding about
not going camping this weekend.
295
00:19:16,948 --> 00:19:19,743
- Great.
- They could have a sleepover instead.
296
00:19:19,909 --> 00:19:22,245
That's a great idea.
Thank you, thank you.
297
00:19:22,412 --> 00:19:25,081
Thanks for being
so cool about this too.
298
00:19:25,248 --> 00:19:27,709
- Can I ask you something?
- Yes.
299
00:19:27,876 --> 00:19:31,880
After you do all this work and become
a big player at your company...
300
00:19:32,047 --> 00:19:34,382
...do you think you're gonna
have more time for us...
301
00:19:34,549 --> 00:19:37,093
...or are things just gonna get
even more out of control?
302
00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:40,180
Wait. When I get to that place
and become a boss...
303
00:19:40,347 --> 00:19:43,058
...a millionaire, a big shot,
the first thing I'm gonna do...
304
00:19:43,224 --> 00:19:45,935
...is hire a bunch of idiots just like me
to do all my work.
305
00:19:46,102 --> 00:19:49,314
So then you, me and the kids
can do whatever the hell we want.
306
00:19:49,481 --> 00:19:51,441
You just gotta give me some time.
307
00:19:53,777 --> 00:19:55,653
Don't give me that look.
308
00:19:55,820 --> 00:19:59,199
I'm just saying, give me some support.
All right?
309
00:19:59,366 --> 00:20:01,659
I love you. Go to sleep.
310
00:20:01,826 --> 00:20:04,954
- Just think about it, Michael.
- Absolutely.
311
00:20:05,121 --> 00:20:06,331
And stop with the Yodels.
312
00:20:06,498 --> 00:20:08,750
- You're gonna wake up 400 pounds.
- Okay.
313
00:20:21,221 --> 00:20:25,016
Hey, hey, hey. Keep it down, dude.
Everybody's sleeping.
314
00:20:27,352 --> 00:20:28,561
You gotta poop again?
315
00:20:29,145 --> 00:20:31,940
Why don't you do the humpy-pumpy
on the duck, okay?
316
00:20:33,316 --> 00:20:38,321
Will you just hold it in for five minutes
and keep the freaking volume down?
317
00:21:04,055 --> 00:21:05,306
I guess when you combine...
318
00:21:05,473 --> 00:21:08,893
...mass quantities of cough syrup
with Yodels...
319
00:21:09,060 --> 00:21:11,271
...you get acid.
320
00:21:15,066 --> 00:21:16,443
Go.
321
00:21:24,367 --> 00:21:26,703
Hey, you said you gotta go.
Go already, man.
322
00:21:33,251 --> 00:21:35,128
Sniffy Longdroppings, today.
323
00:22:06,201 --> 00:22:07,827
Holy motherfu--!
324
00:22:10,038 --> 00:22:12,207
Yeah, I mean, you're right.
In the short run...
325
00:22:12,373 --> 00:22:14,876
...plastic surgery is a hassle.
326
00:22:15,043 --> 00:22:17,420
But six months later...
327
00:22:17,587 --> 00:22:19,255
...I'm gonna have a face
and a body...
328
00:22:19,422 --> 00:22:21,841
...that's gonna get me to places
where I wanna be.
329
00:22:23,927 --> 00:22:27,013
Oh, my mother, typical,
you know, she says:
330
00:22:27,180 --> 00:22:30,391
"Oh, this procedure is too risky."
331
00:22:30,558 --> 00:22:33,937
If Samantha wanted her cheekbones
shaved down, I think I'd freak out too.
332
00:22:34,103 --> 00:22:37,273
I know, but I just think, you know,
they're too Slavic.
333
00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:39,108
You should get some work done.
334
00:22:39,275 --> 00:22:42,779
Then maybe Michael
will wanna hang out with you too.
335
00:22:44,531 --> 00:22:48,034
Morning, Michael.
You're looking very crappy today.
336
00:22:48,201 --> 00:22:51,287
Morning, Janine,
you're looking very Slavic.
337
00:22:52,830 --> 00:22:56,584
You're just jealous because Donna
and I are going to the gym...
338
00:22:56,751 --> 00:22:58,878
...and all the guys
are gonna be hitting on us.
339
00:23:03,424 --> 00:23:06,302
Michael knows
he's my one and only.
340
00:23:06,469 --> 00:23:07,720
Forever and ever, babe.
341
00:23:08,471 --> 00:23:11,808
Sorry about last night.
And I love you. I'm s--
342
00:23:11,975 --> 00:23:14,477
Oh, my God. I want that so bad.
343
00:23:14,644 --> 00:23:19,607
A husband that I can kiss and love
and give juice to.
344
00:23:19,774 --> 00:23:23,570
You've already cheated on three
different husbands with their brothers.
345
00:23:23,736 --> 00:23:26,573
I think you've given enough juice
to everybody.
346
00:23:28,074 --> 00:23:29,784
Love juice.
347
00:23:30,201 --> 00:23:32,662
You know way too much about me.
348
00:23:32,829 --> 00:23:35,790
I should never have done
that Montel Williams show.
349
00:23:35,957 --> 00:23:37,834
Even Montel Williams
thinks you're crazy...
350
00:23:38,001 --> 00:23:39,377
...and he's seen a lot of shit.
351
00:23:39,919 --> 00:23:42,589
I was desperate for companionship!
352
00:23:42,755 --> 00:23:44,507
All of my husbands...
353
00:23:44,674 --> 00:23:47,176
All of them
have emotionally abandoned me.
354
00:23:47,343 --> 00:23:51,180
They went to work. You had sex
with their unemployed brothers.
355
00:23:51,347 --> 00:23:53,349
- You're a horndog.
- Michael.
356
00:23:53,516 --> 00:23:55,685
- Okay, sweetie. Calm it down.
- No,no!
357
00:23:55,852 --> 00:23:59,272
I have had self-esteem issues
since I was a kid.
358
00:23:59,439 --> 00:24:03,484
I had a rabbit named Pepper.
And that rabbit abandoned me too!
359
00:24:03,651 --> 00:24:06,279
Even the rabbit did! Even the rabb--
360
00:24:12,368 --> 00:24:13,453
Don't look at me!
361
00:24:14,037 --> 00:24:16,039
- What's wrong with me?
- Bunny rabbit, bunny-
362
00:24:19,208 --> 00:24:22,712
Here's the pitch to Matsui.
A deep drive.
363
00:24:22,879 --> 00:24:25,131
Oh, my, it's out of here!
364
00:24:25,298 --> 00:24:30,261
A two-run shot into the right-field
seats for Hideki Matsui.
365
00:24:31,220 --> 00:24:32,680
I'm sorry. What was that?
366
00:24:32,847 --> 00:24:35,516
She has so many problems.
Why do you have to be so mean?
367
00:24:37,101 --> 00:24:39,771
I don't know, I-- Hello.
368
00:24:41,564 --> 00:24:43,232
I gotta go.
369
00:24:47,195 --> 00:24:49,405
Yeah, good RoboDog.
370
00:24:49,572 --> 00:24:52,075
And he can bark
in over six different languages.
371
00:24:52,241 --> 00:24:53,993
It's so cool.
372
00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:56,954
Yeah, it's much cooler
than your stupid, human dog.
373
00:24:57,121 --> 00:25:00,041
Hey, Dad, see Kevin's
new robot dog?
374
00:25:00,208 --> 00:25:01,959
Yeah, yeah. Very nice.
375
00:25:02,126 --> 00:25:05,755
"Very nice"? This thing
is worth more than your car.
376
00:25:07,632 --> 00:25:10,927
- Not anymore it ain't.
- RoboDog!
377
00:25:17,892 --> 00:25:19,811
Hey, hey. hey-
378
00:25:19,977 --> 00:25:24,399
Okay. Is this some sort
of reality show? Are you the host?
379
00:25:24,565 --> 00:25:26,984
Morty? Where are the cameras?
380
00:25:27,151 --> 00:25:31,948
Got everybody in on it, huh?
Sundance did very well also.
381
00:25:33,074 --> 00:25:37,286
All right, America! Have your laugh!
I'm an idiot!
382
00:25:37,829 --> 00:25:39,956
Donna, I'm gonna get you!
383
00:25:40,123 --> 00:25:41,833
Fast-forward.
384
00:25:43,501 --> 00:25:45,336
Nobody's laughing at you, Michael.
385
00:25:45,503 --> 00:25:50,967
You wanted a universal remote control
that remote-controls your universe.
386
00:25:52,093 --> 00:25:55,471
Yeah, but what controls
my dance skills?
387
00:26:03,312 --> 00:26:04,522
Oh, Morty likes it too.
388
00:26:06,733 --> 00:26:08,651
Michael, just hit menu.
389
00:26:09,485 --> 00:26:10,653
On the remote?
390
00:26:10,820 --> 00:26:14,532
No, the menu at the Red Lobster.
Yes, on the remote.
391
00:26:20,413 --> 00:26:21,706
Where are we?
392
00:26:26,127 --> 00:26:28,463
- Go, Michael, go!
- One Mississippi. Two Mississippi.
393
00:26:28,629 --> 00:26:31,632
- What have I got here?
- Two, three.
394
00:26:31,799 --> 00:26:34,343
Cough syrup's kicking in again.
395
00:26:34,510 --> 00:26:37,680
- We have a boy!
- Is it gonna work?
396
00:26:37,847 --> 00:26:39,015
What is this?
397
00:26:39,182 --> 00:26:41,851
- All right, I love you, Michael.
- Your life menu.
398
00:26:42,769 --> 00:26:44,645
My life has a commentary?
399
00:26:44,812 --> 00:26:47,148
It's chock-full of goodies.
400
00:26:47,315 --> 00:26:50,067
- Click it.
- Click it.
401
00:26:51,444 --> 00:26:53,988
This is last Tuesday.
402
00:26:54,155 --> 00:26:58,201
Michael was eagerly awaiting
the arrival of his lunch order.
403
00:26:58,367 --> 00:26:59,952
Who's that, James Earl Jones?
404
00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:02,663
James Earl
does a lot of voice-over work.
405
00:27:02,830 --> 00:27:05,208
But his anticipation
quickly turned to dismay...
406
00:27:05,374 --> 00:27:08,002
...as he realized Alice
had brought him a cheeseburger...
407
00:27:08,169 --> 00:27:10,046
...instead of a hamburger
as he requested.
408
00:27:10,213 --> 00:27:12,256
A cheeseburger?
I said a hamburger.
409
00:27:12,423 --> 00:27:13,633
She always does this to me.
410
00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:16,719
Michael considered demanding
that Alice scrape the cheese off...
411
00:27:16,886 --> 00:27:17,970
...but decided not to...
412
00:27:18,137 --> 00:27:19,722
...fearing that Alice may spit in...
413
00:27:19,889 --> 00:27:23,518
...or otherwise defile
the burger in some manner.
414
00:27:23,684 --> 00:27:25,353
A wise decision...
415
00:27:25,520 --> 00:27:29,607
...for that was exactly
what Alice was planning to do.
416
00:27:30,983 --> 00:27:33,236
- Are you kidding me?
- Sneaky.
417
00:27:33,402 --> 00:27:35,696
My God.
418
00:27:39,283 --> 00:27:41,410
What else we got here?
419
00:27:42,954 --> 00:27:45,456
-"Making of"?
- Just click.
420
00:27:46,457 --> 00:27:49,460
Hey, hey, psychedelic.
Where are we?
421
00:27:50,962 --> 00:27:53,005
Is this a porno or something?
422
00:27:53,172 --> 00:27:55,591
Oh, Ted. Oh, Teddy!
423
00:27:55,758 --> 00:27:57,051
Is that my parents?
424
00:27:57,218 --> 00:27:59,595
They're making you.
Like bunny rabbits.
425
00:27:59,762 --> 00:28:02,515
- That's the spot.
- Smack my heinie!
426
00:28:02,682 --> 00:28:05,935
Change the channel!
How do you do this?
427
00:28:07,228 --> 00:28:08,646
I can't see.
428
00:28:08,813 --> 00:28:11,941
What happened? What--?
429
00:28:12,108 --> 00:28:16,571
The floor is so mushy and slippery.
Feels good on my feet.
430
00:28:16,737 --> 00:28:19,907
Check it out.
You hit the fast-forward button.
431
00:28:20,074 --> 00:28:22,660
I believe we're sometime
after your conception.
432
00:28:22,827 --> 00:28:25,204
Okay, very good, Mrs. Newman.
433
00:28:25,371 --> 00:28:28,499
No! We're in my mother's vagina?
434
00:28:28,666 --> 00:28:31,419
Again. And push.
435
00:28:31,586 --> 00:28:34,463
- It's a girl.
- It's a girl!
436
00:28:34,630 --> 00:28:37,633
- Oh, It's a girl. Thank you so much.
- Thank you for that.
437
00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:40,303
Wait a minute.
I'm sorry, it might be a boy.
438
00:28:40,469 --> 00:28:42,430
What do you mean, "might be"?
What is that?
439
00:28:42,597 --> 00:28:43,806
Maybe that's a penis.
440
00:28:43,973 --> 00:28:46,601
Maybe that's a pe--? That's a penis.
That's my penis.
441
00:28:46,767 --> 00:28:49,937
Can I see that?
Can you bring that a little closer?
442
00:28:50,104 --> 00:28:51,105
See?
443
00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:53,566
- That's a tiny schmeckel.
- Yeah?
444
00:28:53,733 --> 00:28:55,234
- We have a boy!
- We have a boy!
445
00:28:55,401 --> 00:28:59,697
Your mother must have
some superpower eyesight...
446
00:28:59,864 --> 00:29:02,825
...because I didn't see anything.
447
00:29:02,992 --> 00:29:04,243
Let's get out of here.
448
00:29:06,495 --> 00:29:08,497
So if you think about it...
449
00:29:08,664 --> 00:29:12,209
...I can reexperience
any part of my life I want to.
450
00:29:12,376 --> 00:29:13,961
It's amazing.
451
00:29:15,129 --> 00:29:18,507
What happened?
Oh, God, what did I do?
452
00:29:18,674 --> 00:29:20,801
Hello? How do I get you
back here, pal?
453
00:29:22,011 --> 00:29:23,012
Gotcha.
454
00:29:24,221 --> 00:29:25,890
I'm not freaked out enough?
455
00:29:26,057 --> 00:29:27,934
It's simple. Think of a time
and a place...
456
00:29:28,100 --> 00:29:30,686
...hit rewind, and you're there.
457
00:29:31,812 --> 00:29:34,357
Time and a place. Time and a place.
458
00:29:40,154 --> 00:29:43,199
Oh, my God. Lake Winnipesaukee.
459
00:29:43,658 --> 00:29:45,910
That's me in the Jets shirt.
460
00:29:46,077 --> 00:29:47,787
Go, little me, go!
461
00:29:51,165 --> 00:29:53,167
Good hands! Nice hands.
462
00:29:53,334 --> 00:29:54,585
Michael!
463
00:29:55,044 --> 00:29:59,382
Michael, dinner's almost ready.
Invite your friends if you want to.
464
00:29:59,966 --> 00:30:03,427
So any of you wanna come
by my tent for some supper?
465
00:30:03,594 --> 00:30:06,555
Or we could eat at my Winnebago
and watch Three's Company.
466
00:30:09,266 --> 00:30:10,893
Three's Company.
467
00:30:11,394 --> 00:30:13,729
That's humiliating.
468
00:30:15,564 --> 00:30:19,568
Mom, why can't we camp in an RV
like every other family?
469
00:30:19,735 --> 00:30:21,612
Oh, come on.
You call that camping?
470
00:30:21,779 --> 00:30:24,407
How can you get close to nature
in a tin can like that?
471
00:30:24,573 --> 00:30:28,119
Plus, it's more fun to have
to keep each other warm at night.
472
00:30:28,619 --> 00:30:30,246
Don't you know it.
473
00:30:39,380 --> 00:30:42,133
- No cupcakes yet.
- But I'm starving.
474
00:30:42,299 --> 00:30:44,593
I agree with you, Michael.
You know how hungry I am?
475
00:30:44,760 --> 00:30:47,805
I am so hungry, I could eat this.
476
00:30:47,972 --> 00:30:50,474
Oh, this is where
the quarter trick started.
477
00:30:56,981 --> 00:30:58,607
How the heck did he do that?
478
00:30:58,774 --> 00:31:01,986
Oh, it's a trick coin
you buy at a magic shop.
479
00:31:02,153 --> 00:31:04,238
I just couldn't let him know
I knew that.
480
00:31:04,405 --> 00:31:05,906
That's sweet.
481
00:31:06,073 --> 00:31:09,035
Now, I gotta get back to work,
so hit play.
482
00:31:17,043 --> 00:31:20,671
It's a very powerful device.
Use it with caution.
483
00:31:20,838 --> 00:31:22,298
Okay.
484
00:31:23,799 --> 00:31:24,842
Who are you?
485
00:31:25,634 --> 00:31:27,136
You know who I am.
486
00:31:28,137 --> 00:31:29,305
Morty?
487
00:31:29,472 --> 00:31:32,016
If you have any questions...
488
00:31:32,600 --> 00:31:34,226
...call me.
489
00:31:42,651 --> 00:31:47,490
No, Linda, I think Stacy gets
the most-beautiful-feet award.
490
00:31:47,656 --> 00:31:49,241
You wanted to see me?
491
00:31:49,408 --> 00:31:52,495
Michael. Look, I'm heading out to
the Hamptons in a couple of minutes.
492
00:31:52,661 --> 00:31:53,829
I'm counting on you.
493
00:31:53,996 --> 00:31:56,123
This hotel project? It's a big fish.
494
00:31:56,290 --> 00:32:00,169
You reel it in for me
and it's "Howdy, partner."
495
00:32:03,631 --> 00:32:05,049
Okay. Thank you.
496
00:32:05,216 --> 00:32:09,011
Screw it up, though, and it's
"Back to the mailroom, atrium boy."
497
00:32:11,555 --> 00:32:12,890
Mr. Ammer, Denise just called.
498
00:32:13,057 --> 00:32:16,477
She's gotta go to rehab again,
so she can't make it to the Hamptons.
499
00:32:16,644 --> 00:32:18,896
I'm gonna be alone
on the Fourth of July?
500
00:32:19,230 --> 00:32:22,024
Mr. Ammer, if you need female
companionship this weekend...
501
00:32:22,191 --> 00:32:24,693
...my wife's friend Janine, wow.
502
00:32:26,195 --> 00:32:29,490
Really? What's she like?
503
00:32:30,116 --> 00:32:34,912
Let's just say
she will eat you up, sir.
504
00:32:37,039 --> 00:32:38,624
Excuse me. I'm sorry to interrupt...
505
00:32:38,791 --> 00:32:40,960
-...but this is kind of important.
- Okay.
506
00:32:42,837 --> 00:32:44,922
- Go to the bathroom.
- Okay.
507
00:32:56,100 --> 00:32:59,186
Dude! You suck so bad.
508
00:32:59,353 --> 00:33:01,438
Do not. Hey, Dad.
509
00:33:01,605 --> 00:33:03,399
How you doing, buddy?
Playing some catch?
510
00:33:03,566 --> 00:33:07,444
Actually, we're playing some drop,
because Ben hasn't caught one yet.
511
00:33:07,611 --> 00:33:09,405
Darn it.
512
00:33:23,377 --> 00:33:25,588
You're a regular Derek Jeter
yourself, O'Doyle.
513
00:33:25,921 --> 00:33:28,465
- Love you, kid.
- Love you too, Dad.
514
00:33:29,216 --> 00:33:31,760
Mommy!
515
00:33:32,553 --> 00:33:35,264
No, I know. Well, I thought
she should've gotten voted off.
516
00:33:35,431 --> 00:33:37,892
But did you see her Kate Spade
handbag? It was gorgeous.
517
00:33:38,058 --> 00:33:40,728
Wait, hold on a second, Trudy.
I gotta say hi to your son.
518
00:33:40,895 --> 00:33:44,940
- I told your parents to come for dinner.
- Really? That sounds good.
519
00:33:45,107 --> 00:33:47,568
It'd be fun for them to be here
for the sleepover.
520
00:33:49,278 --> 00:33:51,071
Okay, so great. Yeah.
521
00:33:51,238 --> 00:33:53,657
We'll see you guys later.
Okay, bye-bye.
522
00:33:53,824 --> 00:33:56,994
It's not gonna kill you to eat dinner
with your family, sweetie.
523
00:33:57,161 --> 00:34:00,039
I know, I just gotta build
an entire model tonight.
524
00:34:01,332 --> 00:34:04,835
- I'm the leader!
- No, I'm the leader!
525
00:34:06,795 --> 00:34:08,756
Go say hi to Daddy. Go on.
526
00:34:11,717 --> 00:34:14,220
I can't take a whole night of this.
527
00:34:14,386 --> 00:34:17,723
- And I'm not going to.
- Q: R: S: T: U--
528
00:34:23,771 --> 00:34:25,189
Cool.
529
00:34:25,356 --> 00:34:28,609
I can skip chapters.
530
00:34:34,365 --> 00:34:35,741
What a family.
531
00:34:37,409 --> 00:34:41,205
All right, let's get dinner
over with. Next.
532
00:34:41,372 --> 00:34:42,831
Next.
533
00:34:42,998 --> 00:34:46,085
Everyone's done but you, buddy.
Let's go.
534
00:34:48,128 --> 00:34:50,506
Will you stop already?
535
00:34:50,673 --> 00:34:54,593
Oh, boy, Dad's quarter trick.
I can't wait not to see it.
536
00:34:56,512 --> 00:34:58,347
Alone in my basement at last.
537
00:34:58,514 --> 00:35:02,643
Should I do my work
and become partner now? I think so.
538
00:35:04,228 --> 00:35:06,146
Let's get to it.
539
00:35:06,897 --> 00:35:08,399
- Michael?
- Yo.
540
00:35:08,565 --> 00:35:10,192
We don't wanna interrupt.
541
00:35:10,359 --> 00:35:12,194
We're taking off.
Thanks for a great night.
542
00:35:12,361 --> 00:35:14,071
You had a fun time
hanging out with me?
543
00:35:14,238 --> 00:35:16,198
That was-- We did good, right?
544
00:35:16,740 --> 00:35:18,284
- Good night, honey.
- Love you.
545
00:35:18,826 --> 00:35:22,997
My schmeckel got bigger now that
I'm older, just so you guys know that.
546
00:35:23,163 --> 00:35:25,582
It couldn't have gotten any smaller.
547
00:35:26,375 --> 00:35:27,501
Yeah, yeah.
548
00:35:27,668 --> 00:35:30,796
It looked like a little Tic Tac.
549
00:35:30,963 --> 00:35:34,049
Yeah, come here,
I'll freshen your breath.
550
00:35:35,217 --> 00:35:36,719
- Bye, you guys.
- Bye, sweetie.
551
00:35:36,885 --> 00:35:38,804
Good night, sweetie.
552
00:35:41,348 --> 00:35:42,933
Great dinner, honey.
553
00:35:43,100 --> 00:35:45,394
See? Was that so bad?
554
00:35:45,561 --> 00:35:47,479
Kidding me? I had fun.
555
00:35:47,646 --> 00:35:51,400
Good for you. Can you watch the gang
for 10 minutes while I clean up?
556
00:35:51,567 --> 00:35:53,902
Can't you? I just-—
I got so much stuff to do here.
557
00:35:54,069 --> 00:35:55,529
Oh, you got stuff to do?
558
00:35:55,696 --> 00:35:58,157
I got ghost stories, charades,
the dishes...
559
00:35:58,324 --> 00:36:01,118
...and then I gotta sew the duck's head
back on for Sundance...
560
00:36:01,285 --> 00:36:02,953
...and fix his butthole.
561
00:36:03,120 --> 00:36:04,246
Way to go, Champ-
562
00:36:05,748 --> 00:36:07,666
I wish I had time to do all that stuff.
563
00:36:07,833 --> 00:36:09,293
Give me a break, Michael.
564
00:36:09,460 --> 00:36:11,462
You're a big boy.
You set your own priorities.
565
00:36:11,628 --> 00:36:14,048
I'm asking for 10 minutes,
not for, like, a whole day.
566
00:36:14,214 --> 00:36:15,591
You don't have to do that much.
567
00:36:15,758 --> 00:36:18,594
How big a deal is that?
I am so tired of having this argument.
568
00:36:26,435 --> 00:36:29,188
I skipped the whole fight.
569
00:36:32,232 --> 00:36:33,734
Babe?
570
00:36:35,152 --> 00:36:37,488
- I can't sleep.
- You can't?
571
00:36:37,654 --> 00:36:39,281
I feel bad that we keep arguing.
572
00:36:39,448 --> 00:36:42,618
I know. Don't be upset, okay?
573
00:36:42,785 --> 00:36:46,205
- I was a jerk.
- You are a jerk.
574
00:36:46,372 --> 00:36:47,956
- I love you.
- I love you too.
575
00:36:49,124 --> 00:36:51,126
- Yes. That smells good.
- What?
576
00:36:53,670 --> 00:36:55,798
Michael. Stop it.
The sleepover will catch us.
577
00:36:55,964 --> 00:36:58,092
They ain't gonna hear us. Come on.
578
00:36:58,801 --> 00:37:01,845
Okay. Quietly try
and coax me into it.
579
00:37:02,012 --> 00:37:04,056
I gotta get back to work.
Can't we just do it?
580
00:37:04,223 --> 00:37:06,225
No, we can't just do it.
Honey, come on.
581
00:37:06,725 --> 00:37:10,479
I mean, I don't have any new moves
for you. It's the same stuff.
582
00:37:10,646 --> 00:37:13,399
Just think of last time and use that.
583
00:37:13,565 --> 00:37:16,235
I like the old moves. Come on.
584
00:37:17,778 --> 00:37:18,779
All right.
585
00:37:18,946 --> 00:37:20,948
This time you be Sundance,
I'll be the duck.
586
00:37:21,115 --> 00:37:24,535
- Yeah?
- But you gotta massage me first.
587
00:37:24,701 --> 00:37:28,038
Great, I love giving massages.
588
00:37:33,043 --> 00:37:35,546
Massaging away here.
589
00:37:37,673 --> 00:37:40,759
Oh, that feels good.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
590
00:37:52,271 --> 00:37:55,649
- We did it?
- Well, you did.
591
00:37:57,151 --> 00:37:59,862
I didn't want the whole thing
to go that fast.
592
00:38:00,028 --> 00:38:02,364
I don't think anybody did.
593
00:38:02,739 --> 00:38:05,159
Yeah. I'll get you next time.
594
00:38:05,325 --> 00:38:06,994
Thanks.
595
00:38:07,911 --> 00:38:10,038
So we good for tomorrow?
596
00:38:11,623 --> 00:38:13,292
What are you talking about?
597
00:38:13,459 --> 00:38:14,710
At dinner.
598
00:38:14,877 --> 00:38:18,422
You said we'd go to lunch tomorrow
and pick out your dad's birthday gift.
599
00:38:21,341 --> 00:38:22,843
Dad's gift is-—
600
00:38:23,010 --> 00:38:26,847
- Of course. I said so, so I'll be there.
- Okay.
601
00:38:27,639 --> 00:38:30,058
- Need another massage or anything?
- Oh, go away.
602
00:38:30,225 --> 00:38:32,102
I gotta go work.
603
00:38:33,437 --> 00:38:35,647
Hey, Morty. It's Michael Newman.
604
00:38:35,814 --> 00:38:38,317
Yeah, can I talk to you for a minute?
605
00:38:40,068 --> 00:38:42,738
Hang on for a second,
someone's at my door.
606
00:38:45,657 --> 00:38:48,577
- Hello, Michael.
- Where'd you come from?
607
00:38:49,244 --> 00:38:50,996
You don't wanna know.
608
00:38:53,582 --> 00:38:55,918
- Can we take a walk?
- Sure.
609
00:38:57,628 --> 00:39:01,089
It's simple. You must
have been on autopilot.
610
00:39:01,256 --> 00:39:02,382
Autopilot?
611
00:39:02,549 --> 00:39:05,135
That's what happens to you
when you fast-forward.
612
00:39:05,302 --> 00:39:07,262
- Okay.
- Yeah. I'll show you.
613
00:39:07,429 --> 00:39:08,889
Here.
614
00:39:12,601 --> 00:39:15,604
See? That's you on autopilot.
615
00:39:15,771 --> 00:39:18,398
The lights are on
but nobody's home.
616
00:39:18,565 --> 00:39:20,817
The remote lets your mind
skip around...
617
00:39:20,984 --> 00:39:23,612
...but your body actually stays put
for the boring stuff.
618
00:39:23,779 --> 00:39:26,865
We should go to lunch tomorrow
and pick out your dad's birthday gift.
619
00:39:27,032 --> 00:39:28,659
Sounds good.
620
00:39:28,825 --> 00:39:30,035
So she did tell me.
621
00:39:30,202 --> 00:39:33,247
I'm having conversations
on autopilot, then.
622
00:39:33,413 --> 00:39:35,999
You're not gonna be
the life of the party, but yes.
623
00:39:36,166 --> 00:39:38,460
Everyone goes on autopilot
now and then.
624
00:39:38,627 --> 00:39:41,547
The big difference
is now you've got a nifty remote...
625
00:39:41,713 --> 00:39:44,091
...to help you decide when.
626
00:39:44,258 --> 00:39:46,176
This thing is the best.
627
00:39:46,760 --> 00:39:50,264
By the way, your wife?
Absolutely gorgeous.
628
00:39:50,430 --> 00:39:55,018
- She is, isn't she?
- Perfect face. Tight, rocking body.
629
00:39:56,270 --> 00:39:57,271
You okay?
630
00:39:58,689 --> 00:40:01,066
- Amazing.
- What is?
631
00:40:01,233 --> 00:40:03,318
She fell for a schlub like you.
632
00:40:03,485 --> 00:40:05,153
I'm a schlub?
633
00:40:05,320 --> 00:40:08,282
I don't know about that, pal.
I see a good-looking man right there.
634
00:40:09,992 --> 00:40:13,161
You wanna see what a stud
I used to be? Yeah?
635
00:40:13,328 --> 00:40:15,664
All right, let's take a look
at some of the girls...
636
00:40:15,831 --> 00:40:18,458
...I used to fool around with
before I met Donna.
637
00:40:28,176 --> 00:40:30,262
Is that a man or a woman?
638
00:40:30,429 --> 00:40:32,389
It's a woman.
639
00:40:35,767 --> 00:40:37,686
What is this, Animal Planet?
640
00:40:39,479 --> 00:40:41,940
- Stop.
- Yes.
641
00:40:44,067 --> 00:40:49,990
Sometimes it's better to keep
certain memories just in your head.
642
00:40:50,157 --> 00:40:51,783
So I've learned, Morty.
643
00:40:51,950 --> 00:40:53,869
Good night. Thank you.
644
00:40:54,369 --> 00:40:56,163
Good night, Michael.
645
00:41:04,504 --> 00:41:07,966
I'm getting sick, man.
Fast-forward me till I'm better.
646
00:41:09,468 --> 00:41:12,888
Michael, honey, wake up.
You'll be late for work.
647
00:41:13,513 --> 00:41:16,600
What? It's Monday already?
648
00:41:25,734 --> 00:41:27,903
Are you kidding me?
No more phlegm?
649
00:41:28,070 --> 00:41:29,738
I skipped an entire cold?
650
00:41:29,905 --> 00:41:32,449
Thanks to you, baby! I love you!
651
00:41:32,616 --> 00:41:34,201
No more Tylenol!
652
00:41:34,368 --> 00:41:36,370
I don't remember doing
any work this weekend.
653
00:41:38,872 --> 00:41:40,540
But apparently I did.
654
00:41:41,041 --> 00:41:44,503
- Bad news. There's no hot water.
- What? I gotta take a shower.
655
00:41:44,670 --> 00:41:47,130
Well, you're gonna freeze
your bun-buns off.
656
00:41:48,090 --> 00:41:50,425
It's all good.
657
00:41:57,099 --> 00:41:59,101
Yes! Look at me.
658
00:41:59,267 --> 00:42:03,313
All showered and dressed
and looking sexy.
659
00:42:03,480 --> 00:42:05,232
I like that. I--
660
00:42:05,899 --> 00:42:08,193
Did you smoke crack, Daddy?
661
00:42:08,735 --> 00:42:11,822
Just watch your toons and have
a great day with Mommy today, okay?
662
00:42:14,950 --> 00:42:18,036
Eating cupcakes like your old man.
Right here, baby.
663
00:42:18,203 --> 00:42:19,788
- Dad?
- Yes, sir?
664
00:42:19,955 --> 00:42:22,541
Are you gonna have to work late
again tonight?
665
00:42:23,333 --> 00:42:26,795
- Unfortunately, yes.
- Is there anything we can do to help?
666
00:42:27,546 --> 00:42:30,966
Well, I'm gonna be partner soon, and
I'm gonna need new building designs.
667
00:42:31,133 --> 00:42:33,802
So if you guys have any cool ideas,
draw them up for me.
668
00:42:33,969 --> 00:42:35,470
- Okay.
- Rock 'n' roll.
669
00:42:35,637 --> 00:42:38,640
- I get the paper.
- I got the crayons.
670
00:42:44,396 --> 00:42:46,898
Would you stop talking
and fix the sewer?
671
00:43:06,626 --> 00:43:09,921
You're on it now, yeah. Yeah.
672
00:43:10,088 --> 00:43:13,842
Traffic, traffic, no more traffic.
673
00:43:16,094 --> 00:43:17,804
Wait a sec!
674
00:43:20,640 --> 00:43:23,101
Here we go! Mama!
675
00:43:23,268 --> 00:43:26,855
Yeah! That's what
I'm talking about, baby!
676
00:43:29,524 --> 00:43:32,778
You look a little pale there, pal.
Let me fix that.
677
00:43:36,907 --> 00:43:40,869
Oh, look at you now.
You're all yellow from the scurvy.
678
00:43:41,036 --> 00:43:42,120
Captain.
679
00:43:44,831 --> 00:43:49,503
Don't get the Hulk angry.
You won't like him when he's angry.
680
00:44:00,263 --> 00:44:01,473
Oh, there's Barney.
681
00:44:01,640 --> 00:44:04,976
I love you, you love me.
682
00:44:05,143 --> 00:44:09,481
That jogger had giant boobies.
683
00:44:09,856 --> 00:44:14,110
Okay. Let's get you that tan
you been searching for.
684
00:44:14,277 --> 00:44:15,987
That's it. That's it.
685
00:44:16,154 --> 00:44:20,200
Check out Julio lglesias...Pretty.
686
00:44:22,911 --> 00:44:27,040
- Looking good, Mr. Newman.
- Really? Thank you very much, Judy.
687
00:44:27,207 --> 00:44:30,961
- Finish?
- Did I finish? I believe I finished.
688
00:44:31,127 --> 00:44:34,589
- Let's see here. Look at that.
- Very impressive, Michael.
689
00:44:34,756 --> 00:44:38,760
Yeah, the river in the lobby.
This is actually pretty good, man.
690
00:44:39,427 --> 00:44:41,263
Where did you find the time
to get a tan?
691
00:44:42,764 --> 00:44:45,767
- I guess I can do it all, sir.
- You can do it all.
692
00:44:46,393 --> 00:44:50,522
All right, all right, everybody.
It's sexual-harassment-speech day.
693
00:44:51,857 --> 00:44:54,067
Now, anyone can be a victim
of sexual harassment:
694
00:44:54,234 --> 00:44:58,738
Blue collar, white collar,
a woman, a man.
695
00:44:58,905 --> 00:45:01,199
Even the office slut.
696
00:45:01,366 --> 00:45:03,827
Not that I'm mentioning any names...
697
00:45:03,994 --> 00:45:05,287
...Stacy.
698
00:45:08,748 --> 00:45:12,919
Here we go. Sexual harassment
can come in many forms.
699
00:45:14,296 --> 00:45:17,799
You see, what is hilarious to some,
could be offensive to others.
700
00:45:18,466 --> 00:45:22,304
Let me try to give you a real-life
example because I'm sure I've done it.
701
00:45:23,972 --> 00:45:27,559
Like the day I said, "You want
a promotion, break out the lotion."
702
00:45:27,726 --> 00:45:30,437
I was technically engaged
in sexual harassment.
703
00:45:31,146 --> 00:45:34,649
Hilarious sexual harassment,
if you ask me.
704
00:45:39,529 --> 00:45:44,367
Now, there is also
homosexual harassment.
705
00:45:44,534 --> 00:45:47,329
Now, this is like when
one dude comes up to another...
706
00:45:47,495 --> 00:45:49,956
-...and says something cheeky.
- This will be good.
707
00:46:13,772 --> 00:46:15,065
Proceed.
708
00:46:20,987 --> 00:46:23,365
I don't know about you Americans...
709
00:46:23,531 --> 00:46:26,826
...but to me there is no doubt...
710
00:46:26,993 --> 00:46:29,871
...Ichiro is the greatest of all time.
711
00:46:30,038 --> 00:46:31,665
Yeah, he's incredible.
712
00:46:31,831 --> 00:46:33,917
You gotta admit,
you can always count on Matsui.
713
00:46:34,084 --> 00:46:35,752
Oh, Matsui.
714
00:46:35,919 --> 00:46:39,422
Well, if you guys love lchiro and
Matsui so much, let's order them both.
715
00:46:40,882 --> 00:46:42,676
I'll eat anything.
716
00:46:42,842 --> 00:46:46,262
- Excuse us for a moment.
- Absolutely, Mr. Watsuhita.
717
00:46:46,429 --> 00:46:48,556
See you guys in a bit.
718
00:46:48,723 --> 00:46:52,852
Ichiro and Matsui are baseball players.
You just insulted their national heroes.
719
00:46:53,019 --> 00:46:55,563
I'm going to the bathroom
to slit my wrists.
720
00:46:55,730 --> 00:46:57,482
I'll be here.
721
00:47:13,707 --> 00:47:14,916
These morons are so boring.
722
00:47:15,083 --> 00:47:17,252
They make me wanna
chop my own dick off.
723
00:47:18,545 --> 00:47:20,380
That hotel design?
I'd like to rip it up.
724
00:47:20,547 --> 00:47:23,174
Egghead watched a bad documentary
on Asian architecture.
725
00:47:23,341 --> 00:47:25,093
Who needs a stupid river
in the lobby?
726
00:47:25,260 --> 00:47:27,303
Let's build more rooms
and maximize profits.
727
00:47:27,470 --> 00:47:29,097
Eat as fast as you can.
728
00:47:29,264 --> 00:47:30,598
Then we can get out of here...
729
00:47:30,765 --> 00:47:33,727
...and do Jell-O shots at America's
greatest cultural achievement:
730
00:47:33,893 --> 00:47:34,936
T.G.l. Friday's.
731
00:47:35,103 --> 00:47:36,646
T.G.l. Friday's!
732
00:47:40,233 --> 00:47:43,987
- All right, Michael, save us.
- I'm all over it, baby.
733
00:47:45,280 --> 00:47:49,200
Before we order, I was looking
at our proposal. You know what?
734
00:47:49,367 --> 00:47:53,038
After getting to know you a little bit,
I realize this is not what you're about.
735
00:47:53,204 --> 00:47:56,499
In fact, let's just throw it out, all right?
Start from scratch.
736
00:47:56,666 --> 00:47:59,586
The river in the lobby idea,
what an egghead move.
737
00:47:59,753 --> 00:48:03,631
Let's just keep the plans simple, forget
all the niceties, maximize our revenue.
738
00:48:03,798 --> 00:48:05,925
That's what it's all about anyways,
the profits.
739
00:48:06,092 --> 00:48:09,345
But do me a favor. Just give us
your account and your trust.
740
00:48:09,512 --> 00:48:12,807
That way we can get the hell out
of this dump, go to T.G.l. Friday's...
741
00:48:12,974 --> 00:48:15,769
...do some Jell-O shots
till this guy pukes up a lung.
742
00:48:17,520 --> 00:48:18,730
Fuck,yeah.
743
00:48:22,317 --> 00:48:24,110
That's what I'm talking about.
744
00:48:30,408 --> 00:48:31,910
Yes, yes!
745
00:48:32,077 --> 00:48:36,081
The king is home! Hello, hello!
746
00:48:37,207 --> 00:48:41,294
How can you goons sleep
when you know I got you presents?
747
00:48:41,461 --> 00:48:42,921
- You did?
- What is it?
748
00:48:43,088 --> 00:48:47,217
What is it? Well, if you bring
your tushies downstairs, we'll find out.
749
00:48:48,176 --> 00:48:50,095
I'm coming. I'm coming.
750
00:48:50,261 --> 00:48:54,224
Honey, get your sweet little buns
downstairs too. Come on, come on!
751
00:48:57,769 --> 00:48:59,854
Come and get them.
752
00:49:00,688 --> 00:49:03,817
- Awesome! No way!
- Yeah, yeah.
753
00:49:04,526 --> 00:49:08,071
- It must have cost a million dollars!
- That's chump change now.
754
00:49:08,238 --> 00:49:09,489
You guys deserve the best...
755
00:49:09,656 --> 00:49:12,075
...and that's what you're gonna get
from now on, okay?
756
00:49:12,242 --> 00:49:13,576
What's all this?
757
00:49:13,743 --> 00:49:15,870
Look who's here.
You guys wanna ride these bikes?
758
00:49:16,037 --> 00:49:18,081
- Yeah!
- Let's take them outside!
759
00:49:18,248 --> 00:49:20,542
Wake the O'Doyles,
let them see what you got.
760
00:49:24,504 --> 00:49:27,924
These are the coolest bikes
in the whole town.
761
00:49:28,091 --> 00:49:30,552
Kevin O'Doyle's gonna shit himself.
762
00:49:30,718 --> 00:49:34,139
- Don't think I forgot my beautiful wife.
- Oh, my gosh.
763
00:49:34,305 --> 00:49:38,226
It's not a bike or a cowboy hat,
but you're gonna like this, I hope.
764
00:49:38,560 --> 00:49:41,896
- Oh, Michael, it's beautiful.
- I heard you talking to my mother.
765
00:49:42,063 --> 00:49:44,357
- I love it!
- You look good, baby.
766
00:49:44,524 --> 00:49:47,735
I got myself a celebratory cigar too.
Why not?
767
00:49:47,902 --> 00:49:49,529
What are we celebrating?
768
00:49:49,696 --> 00:49:54,033
"What are we celebrating?"
We're healthy, we got a great family...
769
00:49:54,200 --> 00:49:56,494
...I'm Ammer's newest partner--
770
00:49:56,661 --> 00:50:00,081
Oh, my God, you're kidding!
Honey, congratulations!
771
00:50:00,248 --> 00:50:03,543
I knew it! I knew you'd be psyched!
I love it! I love you!
772
00:50:03,710 --> 00:50:06,004
I single-handedly landed
the Watsuhita account.
773
00:50:06,171 --> 00:50:08,590
That's incredible.
I knew it was gonna be a great day.
774
00:50:08,756 --> 00:50:11,676
- I heard our song on the radio.
- We have a song?
775
00:50:12,218 --> 00:50:16,681
Honey. The song that was playing
during our first kiss.
776
00:50:18,725 --> 00:50:20,685
Come on. You're kidding me, right?
777
00:50:22,478 --> 00:50:27,567
I know our song. Our song. Of course
I know our song. Our song is...
778
00:50:27,734 --> 00:50:30,069
What the hell was that song?
779
00:50:32,030 --> 00:50:33,990
I remember this place.
780
00:50:34,157 --> 00:50:37,118
And- Oh, my God.
781
00:50:37,285 --> 00:50:40,079
Wolverine's goofy cousin.
782
00:50:40,788 --> 00:50:45,835
But look at you. Wow.
You are out of his league, aren't you?
783
00:50:48,504 --> 00:50:50,173
Oh, yeah, the notes.
784
00:50:50,340 --> 00:50:52,383
Smooth, buddy.
785
00:50:58,181 --> 00:50:59,891
Oh, look at her.
786
00:51:01,392 --> 00:51:05,355
What's gonna happen?
You got an answer to that?
787
00:51:08,566 --> 00:51:12,111
Okay. Seal the deal, pal.
788
00:51:19,535 --> 00:51:22,330
All she's thinking about is,
"I am not kissing that beard.
789
00:51:22,497 --> 00:51:24,207
Absolutely not,
that's gonna hurt me."
790
00:51:24,916 --> 00:51:26,709
Wait a minute.
791
00:51:29,587 --> 00:51:31,923
Yeah, Newman. Get it.
792
00:51:33,675 --> 00:51:35,343
Yeah.
793
00:51:39,013 --> 00:51:40,515
Donna!
794
00:51:40,682 --> 00:51:43,351
Donna. Oh, my God.
795
00:51:44,143 --> 00:51:45,812
I'm so horny now.
796
00:51:45,979 --> 00:51:49,691
Oh, God, I'm not.
Get me out of here.
797
00:51:51,859 --> 00:51:56,531
"Linger" by The Cranberries
was playing during our first juicy kiss.
798
00:51:56,698 --> 00:52:00,201
And, my God, you looked beautiful
in that pink sweater you were wearing.
799
00:52:00,368 --> 00:52:02,036
Honey, you remember
what I was wearing?
800
00:52:02,203 --> 00:52:04,205
Of course. I remember
what Janine was wearing.
801
00:52:04,372 --> 00:52:06,666
She scared the shit out of me then.
802
00:52:10,128 --> 00:52:11,796
I love you.
803
00:52:11,963 --> 00:52:14,716
I love you too, honey.
804
00:52:25,435 --> 00:52:27,562
Hi, Mr. Newman.
805
00:52:28,062 --> 00:52:30,356
Right this way, Michael.
806
00:52:31,607 --> 00:52:34,986
Hey, my new star. Congratulations.
Sit down, big guy.
807
00:52:35,153 --> 00:52:36,738
All right.
808
00:52:36,904 --> 00:52:39,407
I am a little tired.
809
00:52:39,574 --> 00:52:41,909
The family was up late
last night celebrating.
810
00:52:42,076 --> 00:52:44,954
You really knocked one out of the park
last night, didn't you?
811
00:52:45,121 --> 00:52:46,289
Hey, you were great too.
812
00:52:46,456 --> 00:52:48,750
All you gotta do is draw up
the construction plans.
813
00:52:48,916 --> 00:52:51,044
If Watsuhita commits
to the bulk of the funds...
814
00:52:51,210 --> 00:52:53,546
...I'm looking at my new partner.
815
00:52:56,507 --> 00:52:58,343
I thought I was already your partner.
816
00:52:59,052 --> 00:53:00,553
Whoa, cowboy.
817
00:53:00,720 --> 00:53:03,556
I said, "Land the Watsuhita account,
you'll get promoted."
818
00:53:03,723 --> 00:53:08,144
- I didn't mean right this second.
- But I already told my wife, sir.
819
00:53:08,311 --> 00:53:10,688
I spent money I don't have.
820
00:53:10,855 --> 00:53:13,775
To do these documents
is gonna take me months.
821
00:53:14,442 --> 00:53:16,486
Then you better get started.
822
00:53:23,910 --> 00:53:25,787
Wow, I just got a big headache!
823
00:53:27,455 --> 00:53:30,541
- Was I hit by a train or something?
- I didn't see anything.
824
00:53:30,708 --> 00:53:35,046
I forgot to tell you. I hung out
with your friend Janine this weekend.
825
00:53:35,213 --> 00:53:39,217
I hope she's doing your brother
right now, you big-headed buffoon.
826
00:53:49,102 --> 00:53:50,561
No, no, no. You got more.
827
00:53:52,980 --> 00:53:54,816
Yeah.
828
00:53:56,776 --> 00:54:00,655
Anyway, the sooner
you get back to work...
829
00:54:00,822 --> 00:54:02,740
...the sooner you'll be partnerized.
830
00:54:02,907 --> 00:54:05,326
- I taste shit.
- You do?
831
00:54:06,035 --> 00:54:11,582
Stacy! Did you put shit in my lunch?
832
00:54:12,708 --> 00:54:14,627
I'm gonna get going now, sir.
833
00:54:14,794 --> 00:54:16,921
Stacy!
834
00:54:22,677 --> 00:54:24,679
Have you considered
the consequences...
835
00:54:24,846 --> 00:54:27,181
...of the thing
you're thinking about doing?
836
00:54:27,682 --> 00:54:30,101
Yeah. What are you saying,
I shouldn't do it?
837
00:54:30,268 --> 00:54:34,147
It's your life. What you do with
the remote is your decision, Michael.
838
00:54:34,313 --> 00:54:38,443
I know, so, I mean,
we're talking a couple of months here.
839
00:54:38,609 --> 00:54:41,195
I fast-forward through it,
what am I gonna miss?
840
00:54:41,362 --> 00:54:43,156
Thirty arguments and a haircut?
841
00:54:43,656 --> 00:54:45,408
Remember the leprechaun?
842
00:54:46,409 --> 00:54:49,203
The one from the cereal ad.
843
00:54:50,663 --> 00:54:53,749
"They're magically delicious."
That guy?
844
00:54:53,916 --> 00:54:57,587
He's always chasing the pot of gold
at the end of the rainbow.
845
00:54:57,753 --> 00:55:01,549
But when he gets there
at the end of the day...
846
00:55:03,009 --> 00:55:05,261
...it's just corn flakes.
847
00:55:11,601 --> 00:55:13,394
- Michael.
- Yes.
848
00:55:13,561 --> 00:55:17,732
- You don't understand the metaphor?
- I won't do it, all right.
849
00:55:34,123 --> 00:55:35,750
- Dad?
- Yeah.
850
00:55:35,917 --> 00:55:39,295
- We have some designs for you.
- It's not a good time, man.
851
00:55:39,462 --> 00:55:41,506
Maybe they'll help you
finish quicker.
852
00:55:41,672 --> 00:55:44,258
All right. You want me to look at it?
Let me see.
853
00:55:44,842 --> 00:55:48,012
The ceiling's too high,
the hallway's too narrow...
854
00:55:48,179 --> 00:55:50,431
...stairway placement
makes no sense at all.
855
00:55:50,598 --> 00:55:53,059
- What the hell's this room made of?
- Pizza.
856
00:55:53,226 --> 00:55:56,604
Well, it's stupid. Next.
What is yours made of?
857
00:55:57,063 --> 00:56:00,816
- Pickles.
- Oh, don't be a baby.
858
00:56:00,983 --> 00:56:04,111
Michael, have you lost your mind?
He's 7 years old.
859
00:56:04,278 --> 00:56:06,697
If he wants a playroom made of pizza,
then why not?
860
00:56:06,864 --> 00:56:10,117
Maybe he's gotta grow up sometime
and get the hell off Fantasy Island.
861
00:56:10,284 --> 00:56:13,579
Hey, pizza boy.
Life ain't about being creative.
862
00:56:13,746 --> 00:56:17,083
It's about kissing ass, playing it safe,
making your boss a lot of money...
863
00:56:17,250 --> 00:56:20,169
...in hopes one day he might throw you
a stinking bone. All right?
864
00:56:20,336 --> 00:56:22,088
Yes, sir.
865
00:56:22,463 --> 00:56:24,257
Ammer didn't make you partner,
did he?
866
00:56:26,342 --> 00:56:29,178
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
867
00:56:29,762 --> 00:56:32,056
But we'll get through this, okay?
I promise.
868
00:56:32,431 --> 00:56:35,059
Jeez! Man, that's all we ever do
is get through it.
869
00:56:35,226 --> 00:56:37,436
When is it gonna end?
870
00:56:53,869 --> 00:56:55,162
Pretty sweet, eh?
871
00:56:55,329 --> 00:56:58,207
Two queen beds, full kitchen,
steam shower...
872
00:56:58,374 --> 00:57:00,585
...and satellite TV
with surround sound.
873
00:57:01,669 --> 00:57:05,381
Why are you always trying to hurt me?
One day I'm gonna hurt you back.
874
00:57:05,548 --> 00:57:08,593
Michael Newman,
I didn't know you smoked cigars.
875
00:57:08,759 --> 00:57:10,428
And now's the time.
876
00:57:10,595 --> 00:57:12,179
No, Kathy, this isn't mine.
877
00:57:12,346 --> 00:57:15,933
I took it out of Kevin's hands.
Yeah, he was smoking like a chimney.
878
00:57:16,100 --> 00:57:17,435
No, I wasn't!
879
00:57:17,602 --> 00:57:19,395
I think I smell marijuana in it.
880
00:57:19,562 --> 00:57:22,898
Kevin O'Doyle, you get your ass
in this house right now!
881
00:57:23,065 --> 00:57:24,275
I hate you.
882
00:57:24,442 --> 00:57:27,903
Are you deaf? Move it!
I don't wanna have to ask you again!
883
00:57:28,070 --> 00:57:30,114
Dope is for dopes, buddy!
884
00:57:30,281 --> 00:57:32,199
Get your ass in this house!
885
00:57:34,410 --> 00:57:36,037
We don't have
any other choice, guys.
886
00:57:36,203 --> 00:57:40,458
- No fair! I don't wanna return my bike!
- We have to, honey.
887
00:57:40,625 --> 00:57:43,419
- But Daddy gave them to us!
- Because he loves you.
888
00:57:43,586 --> 00:57:45,880
Unfortunately, there was
a mix-up at Daddy's work.
889
00:57:46,047 --> 00:57:48,007
We need to bring
the bikes back for now.
890
00:57:48,174 --> 00:57:51,385
But I already told Kevin O'Doyle
I got a new bike.
891
00:57:51,552 --> 00:57:54,388
Well, we can paint my old bike
and make it look new.
892
00:57:54,555 --> 00:57:58,392
That's a girl's bike.
All the kids will make fun of me.
893
00:57:58,768 --> 00:58:01,270
No!
894
00:58:02,647 --> 00:58:04,273
I wanna keep my bike!
895
00:58:04,440 --> 00:58:06,734
I can't take this anymore.
896
00:58:06,901 --> 00:58:08,611
Fast-forward me to my promotion.
897
00:58:14,075 --> 00:58:15,618
So here's to Michael Newman...
898
00:58:15,785 --> 00:58:18,829
...the greatest partner
I could ever dream of.
899
00:58:19,163 --> 00:58:20,831
Hear, hear!
900
00:58:21,248 --> 00:58:25,336
Thank you. Thank you, guys.
My family thanks you.
901
00:58:25,503 --> 00:58:28,798
I'm gonna do the best I can
and I won't let you down, I promise.
902
00:58:28,964 --> 00:58:30,675
Yeah!
903
00:58:31,300 --> 00:58:34,637
- Congratulations, Mr. Newman.
- This is great. Thank you.
904
00:58:34,804 --> 00:58:36,347
How's it feel, killer?
905
00:58:36,514 --> 00:58:39,350
- Feels incredible, sir.
- Well, you earned it. I'm telling you.
906
00:58:39,517 --> 00:58:41,727
Not just because of that
Watsuhita project either.
907
00:58:41,894 --> 00:58:45,648
For helping me pick up the slack
now I'm spending time with my lady.
908
00:58:45,815 --> 00:58:47,358
Hey, Dinkie.
909
00:58:47,983 --> 00:58:50,945
Are you kidding me? You guys have
been dating a couple months now?
910
00:58:51,112 --> 00:58:53,406
That's pretty huge for this one.
911
00:58:55,866 --> 00:58:57,910
No, the first few months were easy.
912
00:58:58,077 --> 00:59:00,371
It was the one-year hump
that was the tough part.
913
00:59:00,538 --> 00:59:04,625
Her inappropriate weekend
with my brother in Cabo...
914
00:59:04,792 --> 00:59:06,627
...well, that was
a potential speed bump.
915
00:59:06,794 --> 00:59:09,797
But, well, Dr. Bergman helped us
work through it, didn't he, honey?
916
00:59:09,964 --> 00:59:11,590
How's he doing for you and Donna?
917
00:59:12,049 --> 00:59:15,261
Dr. Bergman. What do you mean?
918
00:59:15,428 --> 00:59:18,639
Oh, you know what, sweetie?
It's none of our business.
919
00:59:18,806 --> 00:59:21,767
Let's let Michael bask in his glory.
Cheers.
920
00:59:21,934 --> 00:59:24,437
Bask away, partner.
921
00:59:25,146 --> 00:59:27,773
Took that bastard
a year to promote me?
922
00:59:29,275 --> 00:59:31,235
What else did I miss?
923
00:59:31,402 --> 00:59:33,821
- Shit.
- Need something, Mr. Newman?
924
00:59:33,988 --> 00:59:36,824
- Who are you?
- Kirsten, your assistant.
925
00:59:36,991 --> 00:59:38,659
What happened to Alice?
926
00:59:38,826 --> 00:59:41,287
She moved to Accounting.
Couldn't handle your hours.
927
00:59:41,829 --> 00:59:45,040
And she prefers to be called Alan now.
Remember?
928
00:59:48,836 --> 00:59:50,463
No.
929
00:59:50,921 --> 00:59:53,257
No.
930
00:59:53,424 --> 00:59:56,677
No! And who the hell's
Dr. Bergman?
931
00:59:57,386 --> 01:00:00,473
And I feel like Michael's making
no effort to connect with me at all.
932
01:00:00,639 --> 01:00:03,434
No, no. I want to. I want to.
It's-— I'm on autopilot.
933
01:00:03,601 --> 01:00:06,604
"I'm on autopilot."
More like auto-zombie.
934
01:00:06,771 --> 01:00:08,105
Good one, Donna.
935
01:00:09,190 --> 01:00:12,318
-"Good one, Donna"?
- Michael, relax.
936
01:00:12,485 --> 01:00:15,112
Who is this bigmouth?
Why can't you and I just talk?
937
01:00:15,279 --> 01:00:18,365
Why? Because there is no talking
to you. You're never home to talk to.
938
01:00:18,532 --> 01:00:21,535
And when you are, you're just sitting
there staring off into space.
939
01:00:21,702 --> 01:00:22,995
What do you want from me?
940
01:00:23,162 --> 01:00:25,372
This is what happens.
He's gonna answer his phone.
941
01:00:27,249 --> 01:00:29,919
What the heck happened?
I didn't even touch the remote.
942
01:00:30,085 --> 01:00:32,129
Great, you gonna start watching TV
at dinner?
943
01:00:32,296 --> 01:00:33,798
Oh, can we?
944
01:00:34,340 --> 01:00:37,426
Samantha. My little angel.
Look at you.
945
01:00:37,593 --> 01:00:39,136
Look how long your hair's getting.
946
01:00:39,303 --> 01:00:41,388
When did you grow up?
Ben, get over here.
947
01:00:41,555 --> 01:00:43,349
Don't worry.
I'm not gonna work tonight.
948
01:00:43,516 --> 01:00:45,601
Watch Dragon Tales together.
What do you say?
949
01:00:45,768 --> 01:00:49,313
Dragon Tales is for babies, Dad.
I wanna watch (381.
950
01:00:49,480 --> 01:00:51,398
Yeah, CSI.
951
01:00:51,565 --> 01:00:53,651
It's the episode
when they find the lady's arm.
952
01:00:53,818 --> 01:00:58,072
What happened? I missed
the whole Dragon Tales era?
953
01:01:03,577 --> 01:01:05,287
Whoa, hey, hello.
954
01:01:06,705 --> 01:01:08,916
What are you doing?
Come here! Give me my Twinkie!
955
01:01:09,083 --> 01:01:10,626
Get back here,
you freaking gremlin!
956
01:01:10,793 --> 01:01:13,546
Don't yell at Peanut because
he found your Twinkie stash.
957
01:01:13,712 --> 01:01:15,214
Who's Peanut? Where's Sundance?
958
01:01:15,381 --> 01:01:18,050
Don't mention Sundance.
The kids just stopped crying.
959
01:01:18,217 --> 01:01:19,677
About what? Why?
What happened?
960
01:01:22,179 --> 01:01:23,639
He died?
961
01:01:27,268 --> 01:01:31,939
Oh, no, no, no. Oh, no.
962
01:01:32,106 --> 01:01:35,401
The stupid idiot and soft fur.
963
01:01:35,568 --> 01:01:38,737
- Daddy held it in so long.
- He was the best dog!
964
01:01:38,904 --> 01:01:41,448
He's finally letting himself feel it.
965
01:01:41,615 --> 01:01:45,870
One night when the duck's head
was off...
966
01:01:46,036 --> 01:01:48,789
...he tried to hump my leg
and I didn't let him...
967
01:01:48,956 --> 01:01:51,542
...and I should've and I'm sorry.
968
01:01:51,709 --> 01:01:56,005
- What an idiot.
- It's okay, it's okay.
969
01:01:56,380 --> 01:01:58,716
What the heck did I do?
970
01:01:58,883 --> 01:02:01,886
I love you. Do you still love me?
971
01:02:04,263 --> 01:02:06,557
Oh, Michael.
972
01:02:06,724 --> 01:02:08,642
It's been..._
973
01:02:08,809 --> 01:02:10,436
I'm really confused.
974
01:02:10,603 --> 01:02:14,440
No, no, no. I'll change, okay?
I'll be a better man, I promise.
975
01:02:14,607 --> 01:02:17,735
Don't go, don't go.
I'll stop working so much, okay?
976
01:02:17,902 --> 01:02:21,196
I'll be with you. Just stay with me.
977
01:02:21,363 --> 01:02:25,326
Oh, my God, it didn't take the duck
long to get over Sundance.
978
01:02:25,993 --> 01:02:29,496
It's a little deviant,
but it's kind of turning me on.
979
01:02:29,663 --> 01:02:32,333
Yeah, well, let's kiss and make up.
980
01:02:47,431 --> 01:02:50,225
No. No!
981
01:02:50,392 --> 01:02:52,561
It's not my fault.
982
01:02:52,728 --> 01:02:55,481
It jumped on its own.
I didn't even hit the button.
983
01:02:55,648 --> 01:02:57,066
Not even close.
984
01:03:00,194 --> 01:03:01,612
Yes?
985
01:03:05,074 --> 01:03:07,660
- You scared--
- Honey, what's going on down there?
986
01:03:07,826 --> 01:03:11,997
It's all right! I--
There was a mouse! I killed it!
987
01:03:12,164 --> 01:03:16,168
It's dead! But it broke the table first!
988
01:03:16,335 --> 01:03:19,964
- How did you get in here?
- I had a feeling you wanted to see me.
989
01:03:20,130 --> 01:03:22,091
I'm freaking out.
This thing, it's broken.
990
01:03:22,257 --> 01:03:24,802
It's just- It's fast-forwarding
on its own now.
991
01:03:24,969 --> 01:03:27,054
It's not a malfunction, it's a feature.
992
01:03:27,221 --> 01:03:31,058
It's using its memory
to execute your preferences.
993
01:03:31,225 --> 01:03:33,102
It remembers stuff?
What do you mean?
994
01:03:33,268 --> 01:03:36,939
It's an advanced piece of equipment,
like TiVo.
995
01:03:37,398 --> 01:03:39,108
You could call it MeVo.
996
01:03:39,274 --> 01:03:42,361
I fast-forwarded through sex one time,
I don't wanna skip it forever.
997
01:03:42,528 --> 01:03:44,196
I like sex. It feels good.
998
01:03:44,363 --> 01:03:48,575
Correct me if I'm wrong, but you
fast-forwarded through an entire year.
999
01:03:48,742 --> 01:03:50,327
That's a lot of sex.
1000
01:03:50,494 --> 01:03:54,081
Put it all together,
that's like 30 minutes' worth for you.
1001
01:03:54,248 --> 01:03:56,667
Oh, no, no. So what,
everything I fast-forwarded...
1002
01:03:56,834 --> 01:03:59,211
...it's gonna do it on its own now?
- Pretty much.
1003
01:03:59,378 --> 01:04:01,547
No more showering, no more traffic.
1004
01:04:01,714 --> 01:04:04,258
No more arguing.
No more sickness.
1005
01:04:04,425 --> 01:04:05,884
This is bad, this is bad.
1006
01:04:06,051 --> 01:04:08,095
You take it back,
I'm deactivating my service.
1007
01:04:08,262 --> 01:04:11,306
I quit, I quit. Thanks for everything,
all right, but I--
1008
01:04:13,684 --> 01:04:14,727
Yeah.
1009
01:04:20,941 --> 01:04:24,528
You... This is not...
1010
01:04:27,698 --> 01:04:28,991
Don't be mean.
1011
01:04:32,536 --> 01:04:33,620
Nice hat.
1012
01:04:34,329 --> 01:04:36,665
No,no,no.
1013
01:04:39,668 --> 01:04:44,089
Get away from me. Just get away.
Get away. Leave me alone.
1014
01:04:44,256 --> 01:04:48,135
Is this a stickup?
Or are you just happy?
1015
01:04:50,012 --> 01:04:51,889
Yeah? I'm gonna
take my clothes off, then-
1016
01:04:52,056 --> 01:04:53,682
I wouldn't do that if I were you.
1017
01:04:53,849 --> 01:04:56,727
There's only one place left
for it to pop up.
1018
01:04:58,228 --> 01:05:01,857
Oh. No, no, I don't want that.
Come on, man.
1019
01:05:02,024 --> 01:05:06,278
I told you,
this item is nonreturnable.
1020
01:05:07,446 --> 01:05:10,491
- Come on, just take it.
- Until we meet again.
1021
01:05:10,657 --> 01:05:15,579
Don't do that. Come on, Morty.
How do I get it to stop fast-forwarding?
1022
01:05:18,332 --> 01:05:20,751
Morning, sweetie.
1023
01:05:21,835 --> 01:05:23,504
You wanna shower first?
1024
01:05:23,670 --> 01:05:27,466
Yeah. No! I can't shower
because then I'll fast-forward.
1025
01:05:27,633 --> 01:05:30,469
And if I fast-forward, who knows
how long I'll fast-forward for.
1026
01:05:30,636 --> 01:05:33,555
How's this? I'm gonna rough it today,
like in the Old West. Okay?
1027
01:05:33,722 --> 01:05:36,350
Donna, I wanna tell you
what's going on right now so bad...
1028
01:05:36,517 --> 01:05:39,853
...but it might lead to an argument.
We can't argue because off I'll go.
1029
01:05:40,020 --> 01:05:41,688
So just know there is a problem.
1030
01:05:41,855 --> 01:05:44,691
I tried to get rid of the problem,
it almost ended up in my ass.
1031
01:05:44,858 --> 01:05:47,027
I'm gonna go to work
and try to figure this out.
1032
01:05:47,194 --> 01:05:48,862
You're going to work
in your bathrobe?
1033
01:05:49,029 --> 01:05:51,115
Honey. We can't argue, okay?
No more arguing.
1034
01:05:51,281 --> 01:05:53,742
You're right. I'm wrong. All the time.
You want a kiss?
1035
01:05:53,909 --> 01:05:56,662
- I'll take a kiss.
- I can't. If I give you a kiss...
1036
01:05:56,829 --> 01:05:59,748
...it might lead to something else,
then...three minutes goes by.
1037
01:05:59,915 --> 01:06:02,126
You're laying there disappointed,
I'm smiling.
1038
01:06:02,292 --> 01:06:05,629
I wanna be with you every minute
of my life, that's why I gotta leave now.
1039
01:06:05,796 --> 01:06:07,422
Have a great day!
1040
01:06:07,589 --> 01:06:12,136
Once again, Michael left Donna
in bed confused and unsatisfied.
1041
01:06:12,302 --> 01:06:13,929
Shut up, James Earl Jones!
1042
01:06:14,096 --> 01:06:17,057
No, you shut up, big mouth!
1043
01:07:09,902 --> 01:07:11,862
Michael!
1044
01:07:12,029 --> 01:07:13,864
Mr. Ammer is here.
1045
01:07:14,489 --> 01:07:18,368
Your first day as a partner, you come
to work in a fricking bathrobe?
1046
01:07:18,535 --> 01:07:21,079
I did. I did.
1047
01:07:21,246 --> 01:07:24,750
John, I just feel we should
stop wasting our energy...
1048
01:07:24,917 --> 01:07:28,212
...on corporate brown-nosing and
worrying who's got the better suit.
1049
01:07:28,378 --> 01:07:31,006
Armani, Calvin Klein, who cares?
1050
01:07:31,173 --> 01:07:34,384
Let's concentrate
on what really matters, the work.
1051
01:07:36,428 --> 01:07:38,722
That's the craziest thing
I've ever heard.
1052
01:07:40,766 --> 01:07:43,060
But goddamn it, you're right.
1053
01:07:46,772 --> 01:07:50,192
Life-changing. I feel freer.
1054
01:07:50,484 --> 01:07:51,902
Yeah- Keep the pants on.
1055
01:07:52,653 --> 01:07:54,863
Sexual harassment, eh?
1056
01:07:55,489 --> 01:07:57,407
Speaking of life-changing...
1057
01:07:57,574 --> 01:08:02,621
...there's something, or actually
someone, I'd like to talk to you about.
1058
01:08:04,164 --> 01:08:06,041
- Janine.
- Everything okay?
1059
01:08:06,208 --> 01:08:08,877
Michael, Janine and I decided
to drop out of the rat race...
1060
01:08:09,044 --> 01:08:10,462
...slow down, move to Morocco.
1061
01:08:10,629 --> 01:08:13,173
- Morocco?
- Morocco.
1062
01:08:13,840 --> 01:08:14,841
Okay.
1063
01:08:15,008 --> 01:08:17,844
Eric Lamensoff will assume
my day-to-day responsibilities...
1064
01:08:18,011 --> 01:08:20,222
...and I'd like you to take his job.
1065
01:08:20,973 --> 01:08:25,686
But Eric Lamensoff is the head
of the whole international division.
1066
01:08:25,852 --> 01:08:27,854
- I've been your partner one day.
- So?
1067
01:08:28,021 --> 01:08:30,857
Every account you worked on
turned into gold.
1068
01:08:31,024 --> 01:08:32,609
You know, I wouldn't be surprised...
1069
01:08:32,776 --> 01:08:35,112
...if one day you ended up
being our CEO.
1070
01:08:36,196 --> 01:08:39,032
Hey, I would love
for that to happen, but-
1071
01:08:39,199 --> 01:08:42,202
No! No, no, no!
I don't want a promotion!
1072
01:08:42,369 --> 01:08:45,247
No!
1073
01:08:49,793 --> 01:08:52,629
Michael, you have a phone call.
1074
01:08:52,796 --> 01:08:53,922
Michael Newman.
1075
01:08:57,592 --> 01:08:58,760
Word up, big guy-
1076
01:08:58,927 --> 01:09:02,431
Ten years ago you told me
you wanted to be CEO.
1077
01:09:02,597 --> 01:09:05,976
Great news.
Eric Lamensoff killed himself.
1078
01:09:06,143 --> 01:09:08,770
So you better stop with the junk food,
Mr. Chairman...
1079
01:09:08,937 --> 01:09:11,315
...or you'll end up
killing yourself too.
1080
01:09:14,860 --> 01:09:17,237
Opening virtual blinds.
1081
01:09:17,404 --> 01:09:22,075
Ten years?
How much worse can things get?
1082
01:09:37,883 --> 01:09:40,427
Oh, my God, I'm a fat guy!
1083
01:09:40,594 --> 01:09:42,095
Look at me.
1084
01:09:48,143 --> 01:09:51,104
What is this? This is titties.
1085
01:09:51,772 --> 01:09:53,815
I got juicy titties!
1086
01:09:53,982 --> 01:09:55,776
What-- What is that?
1087
01:09:55,942 --> 01:09:59,696
Oh, God, no.
1088
01:10:00,197 --> 01:10:01,740
Just take me home.
1089
01:10:08,455 --> 01:10:11,875
This is 1010 WINS news.
February 5th, 2017.
1090
01:10:12,042 --> 01:10:14,336
Britney Spears
had her 23rd baby today.
1091
01:10:14,503 --> 01:10:17,923
Proud father Kevin Federline says
he's now considering getting a job.
1092
01:10:18,090 --> 01:10:21,468
Also, Michael Jackson,
the first man to clone himself...
1093
01:10:21,635 --> 01:10:24,346
...is now suing himself
for molesting himself.
1094
01:10:38,151 --> 01:10:39,569
Donna!
1095
01:10:40,445 --> 01:10:42,197
Donna!
1096
01:10:51,331 --> 01:10:52,457
Can I help you?
1097
01:10:53,959 --> 01:10:57,671
- Hey, Dad.
-"Hey, Dad"?
1098
01:10:57,838 --> 01:11:00,799
Ben? That's you?
1099
01:11:00,966 --> 01:11:04,094
Look how big you got.
You're enormous.
1100
01:11:04,636 --> 01:11:08,432
Look who's talking, Captain Twinkie
of the S.S. Fat-Ass!
1101
01:11:08,598 --> 01:11:10,142
Really good for my self-esteem.
1102
01:11:10,308 --> 01:11:12,727
Maybe if you would take me
to Pilates like you said...
1103
01:11:12,894 --> 01:11:14,980
...people wouldn't think
I was Rosie O'Donnell!
1104
01:11:15,147 --> 01:11:16,690
Come on, I love you!
1105
01:11:16,857 --> 01:11:19,734
- Bring me back the Twinkies!
- You're so cruel!
1106
01:11:19,901 --> 01:11:22,320
Will you please stop yelling?
It is so embarrassing.
1107
01:11:22,487 --> 01:11:25,615
- Is that my daughter?
- Mom, I'm going to Derek's!
1108
01:11:25,782 --> 01:11:29,369
That's you, Samantha?
When did you get boobs?
1109
01:11:29,703 --> 01:11:32,330
The same time you did, Dad.
Now can I go?
1110
01:11:32,497 --> 01:11:34,749
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Who the hell's this Derek guy?
1111
01:11:34,916 --> 01:11:38,128
My boyfriend, the hottest boy
in school, hello?
1112
01:11:38,295 --> 01:11:40,297
He's gonna be hot
when I burn his house down.
1113
01:11:40,464 --> 01:11:42,466
Get your ass upstairs,
put normal clothes on.
1114
01:11:42,632 --> 01:11:45,510
- Why are you so mean to me?
- Get them on now!
1115
01:11:45,677 --> 01:11:47,762
- And wipe off all that makeup!
- Right!
1116
01:11:50,223 --> 01:11:51,892
Is Peanut dead too?
1117
01:11:53,059 --> 01:11:55,687
This one's got the duck
doing all the work.
1118
01:11:58,482 --> 01:12:00,233
Donna. Donna.
1119
01:12:01,818 --> 01:12:03,361
Goddamn it.
1120
01:12:03,528 --> 01:12:06,615
Look how gorgeous you look.
I'm so scared.
1121
01:12:06,781 --> 01:12:09,910
- Knock,knock,gang.
- Hey, sweetie.
1122
01:12:15,874 --> 01:12:17,083
What's going on?
1123
01:12:17,250 --> 01:12:19,044
Donna and I were gonna get
hot chocolate.
1124
01:12:19,211 --> 01:12:21,463
- You want us to bring you one?
- You cheating on me?
1125
01:12:21,630 --> 01:12:23,256
With Johnny G-String over here?
1126
01:12:23,423 --> 01:12:25,550
Come on. Time-out.
I thought we were past that.
1127
01:12:25,717 --> 01:12:28,970
No, no, no, we're past this argument.
No, you're right, no big deal.
1128
01:12:29,137 --> 01:12:31,932
Hey, it's just that you don't
mess with another man's wife!
1129
01:12:32,098 --> 01:12:34,100
Michael! Stop it! Stop it, Michael!
1130
01:12:34,267 --> 01:12:36,269
It was your decision to move out!
So stay out!
1131
01:12:36,436 --> 01:12:38,230
Get off me!
You sticking up for him?
1132
01:12:38,396 --> 01:12:41,066
Go away! Go away, I hate you!
1133
01:12:41,233 --> 01:12:43,777
- We can't argue! Donna, please!
- I hate you! I hate you!
1134
01:12:44,778 --> 01:12:46,238
Oh, man!
1135
01:12:46,404 --> 01:12:48,448
You hate me?
1136
01:12:51,451 --> 01:12:55,288
No. No.
1137
01:12:55,455 --> 01:12:58,041
Ten years, you're not finished yet?
1138
01:12:58,375 --> 01:13:03,171
Morty! Why did you do this to me?
1139
01:13:03,338 --> 01:13:05,632
You did this to yourself, Michael.
1140
01:13:05,799 --> 01:13:08,260
No. No, I didn't wanna
waste all that time.
1141
01:13:08,426 --> 01:13:09,844
I didn't wanna lose Donna!
1142
01:13:10,011 --> 01:13:11,805
The remote goes by your behavior.
1143
01:13:11,972 --> 01:13:15,475
Every time you had a conflict
between work and home, work won.
1144
01:13:15,642 --> 01:13:17,185
- No, not true.
- Lie to your wife.
1145
01:13:17,352 --> 01:13:19,980
Lie to yourself.
But you cannot lie to the remote.
1146
01:13:20,146 --> 01:13:24,109
The remote is lie-proof, so you can't
change what already happened.
1147
01:13:24,276 --> 01:13:26,236
But you're still a young man.
1148
01:13:26,403 --> 01:13:29,114
A young, fat man.
You could win Donna back.
1149
01:13:29,281 --> 01:13:31,366
So that's what I'll do.
1150
01:13:31,533 --> 01:13:33,368
Go for it, tubs.
1151
01:13:34,286 --> 01:13:38,707
I saw what you did to the duck.
Very good. Nice work.
1152
01:13:54,681 --> 01:13:56,391
You'll feel that in a second.
1153
01:13:56,850 --> 01:14:00,186
All right, please,
please just read my note.
1154
01:14:00,353 --> 01:14:03,148
- Hate you! I hate you! I hate you!
1155
01:14:03,315 --> 01:14:04,691
Oh, my nuts!
1156
01:14:13,825 --> 01:14:16,036
Michael, are you awake?
1157
01:14:17,329 --> 01:14:20,957
Michael, honey. Are you awake?
1158
01:14:22,917 --> 01:14:24,878
Donna.
1159
01:14:27,464 --> 01:14:29,966
Where'd all my fat go?
1160
01:14:32,594 --> 01:14:36,222
It was just a dream?
A terrible, terrible dream.
1161
01:14:36,389 --> 01:14:38,475
What's that, Michael?
You had a bad dream?
1162
01:14:38,642 --> 01:14:40,977
Did a fuzzy dog push me over?
1163
01:14:42,854 --> 01:14:45,065
Oh, Shaggy the miracle dog?
1164
01:14:45,231 --> 01:14:47,400
Yeah, if he hadn't knocked you
on your noggin...
1165
01:14:47,567 --> 01:14:50,987
...you wouldn't have had the CAT scan
that found the cancer before it spread.
1166
01:14:51,154 --> 01:14:52,614
I have cancer?
1167
01:14:52,781 --> 01:14:54,658
No, you had cancer.
1168
01:14:54,824 --> 01:14:57,077
You're the only person
to gain weight during chemo.
1169
01:14:57,243 --> 01:14:59,287
That's probably what caused
your heart attack.
1170
01:14:59,454 --> 01:15:00,747
Heart attack?
1171
01:15:00,914 --> 01:15:02,957
I thought they weaned you
off the morphine.
1172
01:15:03,667 --> 01:15:05,335
Okay, Mr. Junk Food...
1173
01:15:05,502 --> 01:15:08,129
...since the injury,
you haven't been healthy a full day.
1174
01:15:08,296 --> 01:15:10,715
When exactly did I hurt my head?
1175
01:15:11,633 --> 01:15:15,053
When was it? Like, six years ago?
1176
01:15:15,220 --> 01:15:20,600
Six more years! No! No!
It skipped all my sickness.
1177
01:15:20,767 --> 01:15:22,769
I'm gonna ask them
to cut back on painkillers.
1178
01:15:22,936 --> 01:15:24,562
Donna, don't go.
1179
01:15:26,189 --> 01:15:27,899
What's this?
1180
01:15:30,402 --> 01:15:34,447
That's not bad
for your third liposuction.
1181
01:15:35,657 --> 01:15:37,575
One more tummy tuck
should take care of it.
1182
01:15:38,618 --> 01:15:41,371
Oh, it looks like a tongue...
1183
01:15:41,538 --> 01:15:43,164
...licking.
1184
01:15:44,249 --> 01:15:47,752
Look, I should go.
Bill's waiting for me downstairs.
1185
01:15:47,919 --> 01:15:49,838
- So I'll probably-—
- Bill?
1186
01:15:50,004 --> 01:15:52,424
You're still with Speedo Torpedo?
1187
01:15:52,590 --> 01:15:55,260
Whatever happened
to "forever and ever," honey?
1188
01:15:55,427 --> 01:15:57,595
"Forever and ever"?
1189
01:15:57,762 --> 01:16:01,141
Look, Michael, I'm trying to have
a civilized relationship with you...
1190
01:16:01,307 --> 01:16:02,642
...for the kids' sake.
1191
01:16:02,809 --> 01:16:05,478
I really wanna be friends,
but I can't do that if you-—
1192
01:16:05,645 --> 01:16:07,355
Would you stop flapping that thing?
1193
01:16:07,522 --> 01:16:10,316
It's my flap, I'll do
whatever the hell I want with it!
1194
01:16:12,193 --> 01:16:13,278
You done?
1195
01:16:15,196 --> 01:16:17,407
Look, Bill's my husband.
1196
01:16:17,574 --> 01:16:20,410
Please learn to accept that.
I really have to go.
1197
01:16:20,577 --> 01:16:22,954
Husband? Donna?
1198
01:16:23,121 --> 01:16:28,752
No. Donna. Donna. Donna!
1199
01:16:29,294 --> 01:16:32,005
Welcome to Newman Architecture.
1200
01:16:32,172 --> 01:16:34,841
Building a better world for all of us.
1201
01:16:35,008 --> 01:16:37,177
Architect of the year, 2018.
1202
01:16:37,343 --> 01:16:39,929
All your dreams came true,
huh, moron?
1203
01:16:40,096 --> 01:16:42,974
Dad. Hey, how you feeling?
1204
01:16:44,851 --> 01:16:48,521
- Benjamin. Look at that.
- Look-- What?
1205
01:16:48,688 --> 01:16:52,901
Your face. Your skinny face.
You're shaving now, huh, kid?
1206
01:16:53,067 --> 01:16:57,655
Your entire ass is gone.
What happened? Good for you.
1207
01:16:57,822 --> 01:17:02,285
Right, my ass. Why don't
we talk about it in my office.
1208
01:17:05,079 --> 01:17:07,290
My old office.
1209
01:17:10,502 --> 01:17:13,713
The architect. How did this happen?
1210
01:17:13,880 --> 01:17:18,009
- Mom said you were still a little loopy.
- No, no, no. I'm feeling terrific.
1211
01:17:18,176 --> 01:17:21,805
The weight. How did you do it?
Staple treatment like your old man?
1212
01:17:21,971 --> 01:17:24,057
Wanna have a flap fight?
You gotta see this-
1213
01:17:24,224 --> 01:17:27,769
No. Just working out with Bill
five times a week. Same as always.
1214
01:17:33,066 --> 01:17:38,404
That's a looker.
Blondie, big lips. Chesty.
1215
01:17:38,571 --> 01:17:39,823
Is that your girl?
1216
01:17:40,573 --> 01:17:42,659
No, that's your daughter Samantha.
1217
01:17:43,076 --> 01:17:44,536
Of course it is.
1218
01:17:44,702 --> 01:17:47,372
And you better
always take care of her...
1219
01:17:47,539 --> 01:17:51,376
...and make sure nobody touches her
except you.
1220
01:17:52,252 --> 01:17:55,421
Pop, I'm just getting ready
for this meeting.
1221
01:17:56,798 --> 01:17:59,884
Okay. Absolutely.
I'll take off for you.
1222
01:18:01,761 --> 01:18:05,682
I'd like to spend more time together.
All of us.
1223
01:18:05,849 --> 01:18:07,934
Take you out for ice cream.
How's that?
1224
01:18:08,268 --> 01:18:10,186
I know your mother won't come...
1225
01:18:10,353 --> 01:18:14,524
...but you, Samantha,
Grandpa, Grandma.
1226
01:18:14,899 --> 01:18:16,234
That'd be nice, huh?
1227
01:18:17,819 --> 01:18:20,280
I knew something
was funny with you today.
1228
01:18:20,446 --> 01:18:24,033
Papa, take a seat.
Let me get you a water, okay?
1229
01:18:25,326 --> 01:18:27,495
What are we sitting for?
1230
01:18:28,705 --> 01:18:32,667
- Here you go, Pop, drink this.
- All right. Drink some water.
1231
01:18:34,627 --> 01:18:36,462
There, I had my water.
What's going on?
1232
01:18:39,757 --> 01:18:41,551
Grandpa died, Dad.
1233
01:18:44,637 --> 01:18:46,931
He died a while back now.
1234
01:18:51,311 --> 01:18:55,440
No,no,no.
1235
01:18:55,607 --> 01:18:57,984
Don't say that.
1236
01:18:58,776 --> 01:19:01,529
Where was I?
1237
01:19:01,696 --> 01:19:03,031
You're crying?
1238
01:19:04,115 --> 01:19:06,242
What happened?
1239
01:19:07,243 --> 01:19:11,956
Nothing. You know,
he just got old. That's life.
1240
01:19:12,123 --> 01:19:16,002
- Shit.
- You're born and you live and you die.
1241
01:19:17,337 --> 01:19:18,671
Man, I gotta go.
1242
01:19:18,838 --> 01:19:21,007
Hey, hang on.
Susie, push my next meeting.
1243
01:19:21,174 --> 01:19:23,468
No, no, do your meeting.
It's fine. I'm just dizzy.
1244
01:19:23,635 --> 01:19:26,387
- Why are you crying?
- I'm dizzy from the operation.
1245
01:19:26,554 --> 01:19:30,266
You're gonna make me cry, Dad.
You don't-- You don't have to go.
1246
01:19:34,479 --> 01:19:36,773
You look- You look good.
1247
01:19:36,940 --> 01:19:38,858
It's all right. Goodbye.
1248
01:19:53,998 --> 01:19:55,708
Come on.
1249
01:19:55,875 --> 01:19:57,210
Come on.
1250
01:19:57,377 --> 01:19:59,504
It won't take you there.
1251
01:20:00,004 --> 01:20:01,506
Take me where?
1252
01:20:02,215 --> 01:20:05,093
To the moment he died.
You weren't there.
1253
01:20:05,468 --> 01:20:07,553
Of course I wasn't.
1254
01:20:09,263 --> 01:20:11,641
Can you take me
to the last time I saw him, please?
1255
01:20:15,228 --> 01:20:18,773
Hey, Dad. Sorry to bug you.
1256
01:20:18,940 --> 01:20:22,360
Would you mind looking
at my shopping mall design again?
1257
01:20:22,527 --> 01:20:23,820
This one is cheaper.
1258
01:20:23,987 --> 01:20:27,073
But if you check this out...
1259
01:20:27,240 --> 01:20:30,284
...you'll see it has
a much better natural flow-
1260
01:20:30,451 --> 01:20:33,538
Cheaper one, like I said.
Now, just let me do my e-mail.
1261
01:20:35,456 --> 01:20:37,583
Yeah. Yeah, you're right, Dad.
1262
01:20:37,750 --> 01:20:40,753
He ain't right. You're a schmuck!
Look at it!
1263
01:20:41,254 --> 01:20:42,296
Surprise.
1264
01:20:42,463 --> 01:20:44,841
Hey, Grandpa.
1265
01:20:45,258 --> 01:20:47,802
Oh, my God.
1266
01:20:51,597 --> 01:20:54,100
When did you get so handsome?
1267
01:20:54,267 --> 01:20:56,728
So, Michael, I had a wonderful idea.
1268
01:20:56,894 --> 01:20:59,313
Your mother's playing canasta
with her friends tonight.
1269
01:20:59,480 --> 01:21:01,899
I thought
"What a great opportunity."
1270
01:21:02,066 --> 01:21:05,153
You, me and Ben should go
and have a boys' night out.
1271
01:21:05,319 --> 01:21:07,780
- Can't.
- What do you mean you can't?
1272
01:21:07,947 --> 01:21:09,157
You have to eat sometime.
1273
01:21:09,323 --> 01:21:11,784
We could go,
we could whistle at pretty girls.
1274
01:21:11,951 --> 01:21:14,245
- I'm down for that.
- See? He's down.
1275
01:21:14,412 --> 01:21:16,497
I don't know what it means,
but he's down.
1276
01:21:16,664 --> 01:21:20,126
- Hey. Please.
- Don't give me that finger.
1277
01:21:25,131 --> 01:21:27,300
I'll make you a deal.
1278
01:21:27,467 --> 01:21:31,846
If you come, I'll show you
the quarter trick.
1279
01:21:32,013 --> 01:21:34,432
- Will you look at the man?
- I'll tell you the secret.
1280
01:21:34,599 --> 01:21:36,517
No, Dad.
1281
01:21:36,684 --> 01:21:37,977
Don't you wanna know how I--?
1282
01:21:38,144 --> 01:21:40,646
I know how you do the stupid trick.
I've always known.
1283
01:21:40,813 --> 01:21:42,148
Can you let me do my work?
1284
01:21:46,694 --> 01:21:48,404
You've always known.
1285
01:21:48,571 --> 01:21:50,073
You're pathetic.
1286
01:21:51,032 --> 01:21:52,617
Okay.
1287
01:21:55,244 --> 01:21:57,830
I'm so sorry I barged in.
1288
01:21:58,206 --> 01:22:00,333
I love you, son.
1289
01:22:03,127 --> 01:22:05,004
See you later, Grandpa, I love you.
1290
01:22:05,171 --> 01:22:06,839
Dad.
1291
01:22:07,465 --> 01:22:09,258
Pop.
1292
01:22:09,425 --> 01:22:11,177
Pop.
1293
01:22:35,201 --> 01:22:37,286
I love you, son.
1294
01:22:41,249 --> 01:22:43,376
I love you, son.
1295
01:22:45,044 --> 01:22:47,088
I love you, son.
1296
01:22:53,052 --> 01:22:55,263
I love you too, Dad.
1297
01:23:00,518 --> 01:23:02,353
I'll miss you.
1298
01:23:04,689 --> 01:23:06,065
You know that.
1299
01:23:09,735 --> 01:23:11,404
Goodbye.
1300
01:23:37,221 --> 01:23:39,599
I'm sorry about your father.
1301
01:23:40,016 --> 01:23:44,020
Taking him wasn't something
I wanted to do.
1302
01:23:44,729 --> 01:23:46,189
What do you mean "taking him"?
1303
01:23:46,355 --> 01:23:47,982
I'm an angel, Michael.
1304
01:23:48,482 --> 01:23:50,193
An angel?
1305
01:23:51,068 --> 01:23:53,613
I thought an angel was
supposed to protect people.
1306
01:23:53,779 --> 01:23:55,907
I'm the angel of death.
1307
01:23:57,783 --> 01:24:00,620
Your dad, it was his time.
1308
01:24:02,205 --> 01:24:04,207
You bastard.
1309
01:24:11,923 --> 01:24:13,799
All right, leave me alone.
Leave me alone.
1310
01:24:13,966 --> 01:24:17,470
You had your fun.
Just take me to a good place.
1311
01:24:33,444 --> 01:24:38,074
And now, everybody, it's time
for Mr. Newman to say a few words.
1312
01:24:38,658 --> 01:24:40,243
Yay, Michael!
1313
01:24:42,245 --> 01:24:45,039
Go get them, Michael! Speech!
1314
01:24:47,833 --> 01:24:50,336
Wedding cake. Wedding cake.
1315
01:24:51,087 --> 01:24:53,923
Okay, where's the groom?
Show your face.
1316
01:24:54,090 --> 01:24:55,716
Hi, Dad.
1317
01:24:56,384 --> 01:25:00,054
Ben. I didn't miss
my son's wedding.
1318
01:25:00,221 --> 01:25:04,684
Wow, this is terrific, buddy.
Who's the lucky lady?
1319
01:25:05,309 --> 01:25:07,937
Very funny, Mr. Newman.
1320
01:25:10,773 --> 01:25:12,275
Aunt Peggy, is that you?
1321
01:25:13,818 --> 01:25:15,778
God, you got old.
1322
01:25:17,697 --> 01:25:23,077
No, no. I-- She-- I'm just playing.
She knows that.
1323
01:25:28,874 --> 01:25:30,209
Ma.
1324
01:25:34,297 --> 01:25:36,716
Ben's wife...
1325
01:25:37,341 --> 01:25:38,634
...welcome to the family.
1326
01:25:38,801 --> 01:25:40,011
Thank you.
1327
01:25:40,177 --> 01:25:43,014
Congratulations.
Let's have the best night, okay?
1328
01:25:52,940 --> 01:25:57,570
Look at you, Ma. You look amazing.
1329
01:25:59,238 --> 01:26:02,908
Michael, you haven't kissed me
like that since you were a little boy.
1330
01:26:03,075 --> 01:26:06,454
You are the best, Ma.
You know I know that, right?
1331
01:26:06,620 --> 01:26:09,832
Oh, darling, that's so sweet.
1332
01:26:10,458 --> 01:26:14,295
You know, Michael, your father
would've loved to be here.
1333
01:26:14,462 --> 01:26:15,963
I know, Ma.
1334
01:26:16,797 --> 01:26:19,884
Okay? I'm just glad you're here.
1335
01:26:20,593 --> 01:26:26,015
Me too, bubbala. Me too. Me too.
It's beautiful. Beautiful.
1336
01:26:26,432 --> 01:26:27,850
Beautiful. Look at her.
1337
01:26:28,476 --> 01:26:30,519
Donna, my favorite.
1338
01:26:31,312 --> 01:26:33,689
You're such a schmuck
for letting her go.
1339
01:26:33,856 --> 01:26:36,984
But don't let me ruin your evening.
I'll talk to you later.
1340
01:26:37,151 --> 01:26:39,153
Christina.
1341
01:26:41,947 --> 01:26:44,784
Michael, you've been so generous
taking care of all this...
1342
01:26:44,950 --> 01:26:46,160
...and the kids' honeymoon.
1343
01:26:46,327 --> 01:26:48,454
- Absolutely.
- Thank you so much.
1344
01:26:48,621 --> 01:26:52,875
Of course. Ben's wife
seems like a nice kid, huh?
1345
01:26:53,042 --> 01:26:56,003
- I think she's wonderful.
- Definite keeper.
1346
01:26:56,170 --> 01:26:59,757
Here's one you might remember
from The Cranberries.
1347
01:27:05,054 --> 01:27:07,681
Out of all the songs, huh?
1348
01:27:09,308 --> 01:27:11,268
Bill, since it's our son's wedding...
1349
01:27:11,435 --> 01:27:14,355
...do you mind if I dance
with my ex-husband for a minute?
1350
01:27:14,522 --> 01:27:16,816
- Not at all.
- Thank you.
1351
01:27:16,982 --> 01:27:19,610
Just have her back by midnight,
all right, champ?
1352
01:27:19,777 --> 01:27:20,986
You got it, Bill.
1353
01:27:33,207 --> 01:27:35,626
Why does he have
a bathing suit on?
1354
01:27:37,294 --> 01:27:39,505
Nice Speedo, buddy.
1355
01:27:51,475 --> 01:27:53,352
Still smelling good, huh?
1356
01:27:53,519 --> 01:27:56,063
After all these years.
1357
01:27:57,731 --> 01:27:59,233
Are you happy?
1358
01:27:59,400 --> 01:28:02,194
Of course I'm happy,
our son just got married.
1359
01:28:02,361 --> 01:28:07,032
Not about that. Are you happy
about where our lives ended up?
1360
01:28:07,199 --> 01:28:10,119
"Ended." It's not over yet.
1361
01:28:10,286 --> 01:28:13,998
- That's my Donna.
- It's true.
1362
01:28:15,458 --> 01:28:17,126
That Samantha?
1363
01:28:17,710 --> 01:28:22,047
Hey. What are you doing?
Put a sweater on. Cover them up.
1364
01:28:23,048 --> 01:28:24,467
What is with you?
1365
01:28:26,385 --> 01:28:28,304
Just kidding, I...
1366
01:28:28,471 --> 01:28:31,348
Just not used to seeing you
all grown-up like this.
1367
01:28:32,308 --> 01:28:37,271
Okay, well, if that's your way of telling
me that I look pretty, then thank you.
1368
01:28:37,771 --> 01:28:39,231
Let's go get some cake.
1369
01:28:39,398 --> 01:28:41,358
- I'll race you there, Dad. Come on.
- Okay.
1370
01:28:43,027 --> 01:28:44,695
"Dad"?
1371
01:28:47,156 --> 01:28:48,491
Michael, are you okay?
1372
01:28:51,076 --> 01:28:54,622
Is there a doctor?
We need a doctor here!
1373
01:28:57,708 --> 01:28:59,043
Michael!
1374
01:28:59,210 --> 01:29:02,004
'Dad!
'Dad!
1375
01:29:03,964 --> 01:29:05,716
It's just corn flakes.
1376
01:29:30,991 --> 01:29:33,786
One dance, you pop an artery.
1377
01:29:35,037 --> 01:29:39,208
Why'd you make me
waste my entire life?
1378
01:29:39,375 --> 01:29:41,502
You were fast-forwarding
through your life...
1379
01:29:41,669 --> 01:29:44,088
...long before you ever met me.
1380
01:29:44,255 --> 01:29:46,340
You lived the life you chose,
big shot.
1381
01:29:47,174 --> 01:29:49,301
This is not the life I wanted.
1382
01:29:49,468 --> 01:29:50,928
It is.
1383
01:29:56,141 --> 01:29:57,351
Looks like it is.
1384
01:30:01,188 --> 01:30:04,358
Hey. You're up. How you feeling?
1385
01:30:06,277 --> 01:30:09,238
I feel better
now that you guys are here.
1386
01:30:09,405 --> 01:30:11,699
Samantha's been here
like 36 hours straight.
1387
01:30:11,865 --> 01:30:15,286
She said she wouldn't leave
the hospital until you woke up.
1388
01:30:16,203 --> 01:30:20,291
- Why'd you do that?
- Because. You're my father.
1389
01:30:20,833 --> 01:30:23,335
I thought Bill was your father.
1390
01:30:24,044 --> 01:30:26,213
I have two fathers.
1391
01:30:27,172 --> 01:30:31,844
One of them told me he was gonna
live till he was 200. Remember?
1392
01:30:33,721 --> 01:30:36,181
You both really need
to get some sleep.
1393
01:30:36,348 --> 01:30:38,601
And I got a plane to catch.
1394
01:30:39,310 --> 01:30:42,021
Big Ben's gotta go
on his honeymoon.
1395
01:30:42,688 --> 01:30:45,316
Actually, I just canceled
the honeymoon.
1396
01:30:45,482 --> 01:30:49,361
Kensington deal might fall through,
so I gotta go do damage control.
1397
01:30:49,528 --> 01:30:51,363
- Julie and I can go to Italy anytime.
- No.
1398
01:30:51,530 --> 01:30:52,823
It's not that big a deal.
1399
01:30:52,990 --> 01:30:55,242
- That's not fair to your wife.
- Dad”.
1400
01:30:55,409 --> 01:30:58,370
...she gets it. Keeping
the business going is more important.
1401
01:30:58,537 --> 01:31:01,373
Guys, I'm sorry. You're gonna
have to leave. He needs his rest.
1402
01:31:01,540 --> 01:31:02,708
All right. Bye, Dad.
1403
01:31:04,001 --> 01:31:05,794
Bye, Daddy.
1404
01:31:17,222 --> 01:31:19,016
Get this off of me.
1405
01:31:23,520 --> 01:31:25,272
Whoa, whoa!
1406
01:31:25,439 --> 01:31:28,025
Hey, fella, you're a long way
from walking out of here.
1407
01:31:28,192 --> 01:31:29,693
I gotta see my son.
1408
01:31:29,860 --> 01:31:32,279
You're not going anywhere.
Now, get back into the bed.
1409
01:31:33,030 --> 01:31:35,115
- Isn't that Colin Farrell?
- Where?
1410
01:31:41,163 --> 01:31:42,581
Michael.
1411
01:31:42,748 --> 01:31:46,210
Those machines
are keeping you alive.
1412
01:31:46,377 --> 01:31:48,879
I gotta talk to my boy.
1413
01:31:55,761 --> 01:31:58,055
- Michael, stop.
- No.
1414
01:32:00,766 --> 01:32:03,769
Michael, it doesn't have to end now.
1415
01:32:12,403 --> 01:32:14,363
Ben!
1416
01:32:26,458 --> 01:32:27,710
Ben!
1417
01:32:36,427 --> 01:32:39,263
Ben!
1418
01:32:41,140 --> 01:32:44,601
Ben!
1419
01:32:47,104 --> 01:32:49,189
Dad? Dad?
1420
01:32:49,732 --> 01:32:51,775
Dad, what are you doing?
1421
01:32:51,942 --> 01:32:54,111
Are you okay?
1422
01:32:54,778 --> 01:32:58,365
- Oh, my God.
- Help! Help!
1423
01:32:58,532 --> 01:33:00,576
- Dad! Dad!
- Help!
1424
01:33:00,743 --> 01:33:02,327
Ben, Ben.
1425
01:33:06,373 --> 01:33:09,168
Family. Family. Family.
1426
01:33:09,334 --> 01:33:10,461
What?
1427
01:33:10,627 --> 01:33:15,007
Family. Family. Family comes first.
1428
01:33:15,549 --> 01:33:17,301
Family comes first.
1429
01:33:17,468 --> 01:33:19,636
Honeymoon. Honeymoon.
1430
01:33:20,053 --> 01:33:23,265
Honeymoon. I love you.
1431
01:33:25,017 --> 01:33:27,603
Samantha. Samantha.
1432
01:33:27,770 --> 01:33:32,107
I didn't make 200, but I love you.
1433
01:33:32,274 --> 01:33:34,151
I love you.
1434
01:33:34,860 --> 01:33:37,988
Bill, Bill, Bill.
1435
01:34:03,472 --> 01:34:05,516
I'm sorry.
1436
01:34:09,228 --> 01:34:10,729
Michael.
1437
01:34:10,896 --> 01:34:15,108
The note you wrote her,
it's in your pocket.
1438
01:34:29,498 --> 01:34:32,209
Forever and ever, babe.
1439
01:34:38,882 --> 01:34:40,384
It's time to go.
1440
01:35:15,377 --> 01:35:19,506
- Where am I?
- You're in Bed Bath & Beyond, sir.
1441
01:35:19,673 --> 01:35:21,216
I was just watching you sleep.
1442
01:35:21,383 --> 01:35:23,802
You looked like you were having
a crazy dream.
1443
01:35:23,969 --> 01:35:24,970
What?
1444
01:35:25,137 --> 01:35:28,849
You're not supposed to lay
in the beds, but I do sometimes.
1445
01:35:31,810 --> 01:35:34,021
I'm back in the store?
1446
01:35:37,524 --> 01:35:41,069
I'm young again. I'm young again.
1447
01:35:41,236 --> 01:35:43,238
Well, I mean,
you're not "young" young.
1448
01:35:43,405 --> 01:35:45,282
I'm young.
You're kind of on the back nine.
1449
01:35:45,449 --> 01:35:48,785
No, no. No. I'm just teeing off, baby.
1450
01:35:48,952 --> 01:35:50,412
Look at you.
1451
01:35:50,579 --> 01:35:54,291
You want a friend? You want a friend?
I'll be your friend, baby.
1452
01:35:54,458 --> 01:35:57,085
I'll be your friend. I'll be your--
1453
01:35:58,420 --> 01:36:00,839
Oh, my God!
1454
01:36:04,301 --> 01:36:06,845
Yes, my crappy car!
1455
01:36:07,012 --> 01:36:10,432
You mediocre, middle-class
piece of shit!
1456
01:36:10,599 --> 01:36:12,392
I love you!
1457
01:36:21,526 --> 01:36:25,447
Pop, Pop. Pop.
There he is. There he is.
1458
01:36:25,614 --> 01:36:27,866
- What's wrong? What happened?
- Nothing's wrong.
1459
01:36:28,033 --> 01:36:30,994
Everything's incredible, Ma.
I just wanted to tell you I love you.
1460
01:36:31,161 --> 01:36:32,704
- I love you.
- I love you so much.
1461
01:36:32,871 --> 01:36:36,208
You gotta tell me how you do
the quarter trick, it's driving me crazy.
1462
01:36:36,375 --> 01:36:38,168
A magician never reveals
his secrets.
1463
01:36:38,335 --> 01:36:40,837
However, if you invite us over
for dinner more--
1464
01:36:41,004 --> 01:36:44,508
You come over tomorrow night, and
the night after that. Any time you want.
1465
01:36:44,675 --> 01:36:47,719
- Stop, I'm gonna have a heart attack.
- No, I have the heart attacks.
1466
01:36:47,886 --> 01:36:50,722
Thank you so much for giving
birth to me, I know it hurt. Okay?
1467
01:36:50,889 --> 01:36:54,393
You have no idea. But, honey, please,
stay off the bong pipe.
1468
01:36:54,559 --> 01:36:56,770
I can't promise you that.
1469
01:36:58,397 --> 01:37:02,067
Okay. I'm UP-
1470
01:37:02,234 --> 01:37:04,069
What do you think?
1471
01:37:05,237 --> 01:37:07,948
If you massage me first.
1472
01:37:08,115 --> 01:37:10,242
Okay, let's go to sleep.
1473
01:37:26,425 --> 01:37:30,554
Mom, wake up!
There's a crazy noise downstairs.
1474
01:37:34,433 --> 01:37:35,726
What the heck is going on?
1475
01:37:36,143 --> 01:37:38,478
Hey, do you mind?
I am trying to concentrate.
1476
01:37:38,645 --> 01:37:40,439
Here I am, staying up all night...
1477
01:37:40,605 --> 01:37:44,026
...trying to come up with activities
for our Fourth of July camping trip...
1478
01:37:44,192 --> 01:37:45,527
...but you won't let me think!
1479
01:37:45,694 --> 01:37:49,823
You want time to think? Why don't you
think about the fact that you just wo--
1480
01:37:52,534 --> 01:37:53,702
What did you just say?
1481
01:37:53,869 --> 01:37:56,747
Yes, you heard me.
If you keep up this weird attitude...
1482
01:37:56,913 --> 01:38:00,125
...I won't be able to work for a year
and have to plan 10 more vacations.
1483
01:38:00,292 --> 01:38:02,961
- That make you happy?
- Did you eat a bad Yodel?
1484
01:38:03,128 --> 01:38:04,212
Give me those big lips.
1485
01:38:06,465 --> 01:38:09,301
- What's going on down here?
- Ben.Ben!
1486
01:38:09,468 --> 01:38:10,886
Come here. Oh, my God.
1487
01:38:11,053 --> 01:38:13,513
I missed you, I missed you.
Look at you, boy.
1488
01:38:13,680 --> 01:38:16,808
I'm gonna finish the tree house.
We're gonna sleep in it next weekend.
1489
01:38:16,975 --> 01:38:19,978
From now on, we're gonna exercise
and I'm not gonna wear a Speedo.
1490
01:38:20,145 --> 01:38:21,188
- All right!
- All right.
1491
01:38:21,354 --> 01:38:24,733
And you. Nice jump! I love you.
1492
01:38:24,900 --> 01:38:27,652
One day, you are gonna be
the hottest chick alive.
1493
01:38:27,819 --> 01:38:29,279
But you still gotta have brains.
1494
01:38:29,446 --> 01:38:31,364
So tomorrow I'm gonna
teach you calculus.
1495
01:38:31,531 --> 01:38:32,783
You know calculus?
1496
01:38:32,949 --> 01:38:35,327
I knew you'd call me on that.
Your mom will teach you.
1497
01:38:35,494 --> 01:38:38,288
Now, get your rest, because tomorrow
we're going camping!
1498
01:38:38,455 --> 01:38:40,207
I know! It's gonna be the best!
1499
01:38:40,373 --> 01:38:43,043
- Put a sweater on! Don't take it off!
- Okay, Daddy.
1500
01:38:43,210 --> 01:38:44,795
Oh, and Sundance!
1501
01:38:44,961 --> 01:38:49,382
Doggie years go by very quick,
so it's time to enjoy the real thing.
1502
01:38:51,343 --> 01:38:53,637
Yeah, go get some, baby.
1503
01:39:08,652 --> 01:39:11,655
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
1504
01:39:12,948 --> 01:39:15,951
No. Go to Sundance, not the duck.
1505
01:39:21,373 --> 01:39:23,416
They told me at the pet store
it was a female.
1506
01:39:23,583 --> 01:39:25,001
They lied to me, I guess.
1507
01:39:27,212 --> 01:39:30,465
- You staying downstairs tonight?
- Why? That's getting you going?
1508
01:39:31,550 --> 01:39:35,554
It's Fourth of July,
I'm gonna celebrate with my wife.
1509
01:39:35,720 --> 01:39:40,267
Take my time, massage her,
make sure she is fully satisfied.
1510
01:39:40,433 --> 01:39:44,396
But you know, it isn't
the Fourth of July, it's only the 2nd.
1511
01:39:44,563 --> 01:39:48,108
That's even better.
Happy 2nd of July, honey.
1512
01:39:48,275 --> 01:39:50,110
- Think I like this holiday.
- Yeah?
1513
01:39:50,277 --> 01:39:52,779
I'm gonna go change
into my Pocahontas costume.
1514
01:39:52,946 --> 01:39:56,783
- I'll see you upstairs.
- I'll bring the duck.
1515
01:39:56,950 --> 01:40:00,787
Okay, I gotta call my dad
and tell him to get the old tent ready.
1516
01:40:22,767 --> 01:40:26,062
"Like I said,
'Good guys need a break.'
1517
01:40:26,771 --> 01:40:30,066
I know you'll do
the right thing this time.
1518
01:40:30,233 --> 01:40:32,736
Love, Morty.
1519
01:40:33,153 --> 01:40:34,571
P.S.:
1520
01:40:34,738 --> 01:40:38,491
Your wife's rocking body
still drives me crazy."
1521
01:40:39,159 --> 01:40:41,328
Okay, Morty.
1522
01:41:04,476 --> 01:41:07,020
Hey, who wants
to have a pillow fight?
111797
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