Original subtitles

™� those pretty pictures ♪

♪ of a future ♪

♪ we would share ♪

♪ seemed to vanish ♪

♪ just like smoke rings ♪

♪ in the air ♪

♪ and the world keeps right on turning ♪

♪ turning endlessly ♪

♪ i've got your promise ♪

♪ and you've got me ♪

♪ you keep me hangin' ♪

♪ like a mirror ♪

♪ on the wall ♪

♪ you always ask me ♪

♪ who's the fairest ♪

♪ of them all ♪

♪ and then you wait there for my answer ♪

♪ then you smile so graciously ♪

♪ i've got your thank you ♪

♪ and you've got me ♪♪

it's 8:19 a.m. in fort worth,

and i'm ol' jeemy williams

comin' at ya from koxx,

817 in your area code, number 1 in your heart.

And that was fort worth's own lonny slocum

and dogtrack gravy--

ooh...

mmm...

chuck?

Chuck?

Well, i thought maybe chuck was different.

Well, you're not very good at pickin' men.

Oh. Look who's talkin'.

Well, at least dove wants to marry me.

Your daddy married me.

You haven't talked about my daddy

in 10 years.

Marriage had a peculiar effect on weldon baylor.

He suffered memory lapses--

couldn't remember where he lived, what time it was,

or that he was even married.

One night when i was carryin' you, he didn't come home.

I went to the cowtown drive-in

with our neighbor patsy wage.

They were runnin' all about eve.

I'd seen it about five times.

I was comin' back from the concession stand

with a box of popcorn, milk duds, and a coke,

when i saw your daddy's truck.

Looked empty...

oh, baby!

But as i got closer,

i heard the unmistakable gasps of two people dyin',

which is why i yanked the door open.

Well, juanita...

you gonna believe me or your own eyes?

Three hours later, he came home,

stuffed some things into a duffel bag,

grabbed a six-pack of pearl from the refrigerator,

and left without a word.

You tellin' me somethin'?

No. Not really.

It's about dove.

Candy, i like dove christian,

but i fantasize about you fallin' in love

with a computer analyst,

gettin' married, havin' babies,

invitin' me over on sundays

to watch everybody play with a labrador retriever.

Mama, dove is an entrepreneur.

Dove is a drug dealer.

Mama.

Candy. I just want you to be happy, baby.

Haven't you been happy, mama?

You've made me happy.

Promise you'll get a good iud.

Ok.

I want it to trip the security buzzer at the airport.

I want it to pick up the cowboy game from green bay.

You workin' on a new song?

The title.

Well, let's hear it.

God don't care about the red lights in life.

Ha ha ha ha--

hi, dove.

Hey, juanita!

Great news. Tell candy i got the house.

He got the house. What house?

Hah! All right!

What house?

In aspen. I love your daughter.

I'll be good to her.

Aspen?

303 in your area code, but number 1 in your heart.

Ciao!

Is he talkin' about aspen, colorado?

That's where the house is.

But that's colorado.

You're not going to colorado

with dove, candy.

Mama.

Remember, you had a new baby

when you were my age.

Thanks, darlin'.

Comin' to cy's funeral tomorrow, tommy earl?

No, i'm not. Can't take no funeral home.

Don't you want to say good-bye?

I did in my own way.

I bet a&m this weekend.

Cy always loved that team.

That's very movin'.

Here's to cy.

Oh, beat me, fuck me,

make me write bad checks.

Isn't lonny supposed to work at el coyote tonight?

Tomorrow. Band's pickin' him up any day now.

Let's have a real grand ole opry welcome for lonny slocum

and dogtrack gravy!

Limo here?

Not yet.

That's what you get when the rhythm player

runs off with your limousine.

Don't you worry. They'll be here. You're their leader.

Who owns a '49 cherry merc'?

Well, i'll be god damned.

It's someone who used to be

more than a casual interest to juanita.

Who?

Could be the most prosperous man

ever to leave fort worth--

slick henderson,

former star pascal high halfback.

Oil entrepreneur.

Come back to bury his daddy.

You two nearly got married, didn't you?

My god, doris, where did you get that?

You ever see anything so pretty?

Did lee make a huge carpet sale in saudi arabia?

Lee wouldn't buy me a mink

if i wore a garter belt

and a sailor hat.

Roy here...

howdy, y'all.

Roy made this haul to houston.

They unloaded everything but this coat.

It was under somethin'.

A packin' quilt.

They signed the invoice and everything.

They're out one mink coat.

It's right here on my back.

Where will you wear it?

Certain social occasions do arise.

What would mrs. Neiman and mr. Marcus care to drink?

Roy, lady in a coat like that should have

a long-neck dom perignon.

Rusty nail.

Whatever you got on tap.

Hey, you, right here.

Hey. Is that your big truck outside?

Back off if you value those little tits.

Come here, honey, and let me buy you a shirley temple.

Ahem...

you hear what that tramp said?

What's wrong?

What are you talkin' about?

You always slice limes when somethin's wrong.

Chuck left.

Well, you're too good for him.

Next one will be better.

I'm through with 'em.

Who?

Men.

All they leave you are fingerprints and a baby.

That's the kind of songs you need to write--

things about hurt and pain.

I'll knock off a quick ballad about hepatitis.

Maybe you and me ought to get married.

Thank you, lonny,

but i've been entertained enough by marriage.

Oh, my god. Doris.

Honey.

Uh-oh.

What?

Who's that?

Only lee, my husband.

Holy shit!

I got $20 says lee catches his ass!

I'll take some of that.

You on.

Go get 'im, lee!

This is yours, juanita.

What will i do with this?

Your aunt in brownsville willed it to you.

I was tryin' it on.

It gets hot in brownsville.

Rich women in brownsville need mink coats

'cause of the air conditionin'.

You better back me up, juanita.

Forget it, lee! Forget it!

He's gonna teach him.

Ha ha! Ain't got no key.

What'll i do with this?

Hang it in your closet.

Get movin', lee!

Son of a bitch.

Looks like you owe me, tommy earl.

I'm on my way home to fix dinner for my husband.

Skippy regular or crunchy?

Ha ha ha!

Don't worry, hon'.

It's only a matter of clearin' up

some of lee's wrong impressions.

Look after my coat.

Did you ever hear of oil, juanita?

Hi.

Hi.

I thought cy might have finished--

no. This is the baby he was workin' on when he went.

I can have it for you

in a couple days.

I'm real sorry about your daddy.

I know you and he were... close.

Well, not really.

But...

he was my father, and...

i loved him.

Well,

just call me when it's finished.

You'll find me at herb's.

I'll give you a ride home.

Oh, no, that's ok.

Juanita, it's gettin' dark.

I can manage. Thanks for the ride.

Tonight?

Please don't be mad, mama.

I see you in 15 years tendin' bar at herb's.

That's you. That's not me.

Not every man is like my daddy.

What do you know about men?

Dove loves me,

and i love him.

And that's enough?

I love her, juanita.

She'll call all the time

so you know she's ok.

You be careful.

And you call me the minute you get to aspen

so i know you didn't wind up in a ditch, ok?

Just go.

Ok?

How you guys doin'?

That idiot locked me out.

I never carry keys, and he knows it.

I looked at shirley's topless stampede.

I seen every husband i know but lee.

Want to stay over?

Hate spendin' all damn night

at the doughnut shop.

Where's candy?

She went to colorado with dove.

Good!

Let him support her for a change.

She'll come crawlin' back to mama.

If it was me, i'd have put her in a convent

first time i saw pubic hair.

Who ate the drumstick? Chuck?

He was no good.

You want to talk about it?

No?

No.

Well, good night, honey.

Night.

Tell lee i'm too upset

to talk if he calls.

™� as i look at the letters ♪

♪ that you... ♪

i thought you'd at least try to kiss me.

Do you want me to?

™� it's you ♪

♪ that i am thinking of ♪

♪ as i read the lines... ♪

well, aren't you the gentleman?

When i care about someone.

I can't believe i'm here with you.

Why?

Everybody says that you and janet jones are...

oh! I'm so dumb.

I'm sorry.

Hey.

™� as heaven would miss the stars above ♪

♪ with every heartbeat ♪

♪ i still think of you... ♪

you're sure?

™� and remember our faded love ♪♪

hello?

Oh, god.

I'm comin'!

This is ridiculous.

Yes, it is.

I'm comin'.

Oh.

Hi.

Hi.

Nobody smiles this early.

Come on in, lee.

Guess i was a little angry last night.

Want some coffee?

Uh, no, thanks.

I ate four bonus jacks before i realized

doris must have been depictin' a scene from a movie.

Why else would she hug a stranger in a fur coat?

That was my cousin roy.

He was bringin' a coat left to me

by my aunt bernice in brownsville when she died.

And doris was tryin' on the coat, not roy,

and they weren't huggin'.

Doris dropped her dunhill. She was so upset

it might get broken,

they were both bendin' down--

what were you doin' in there, anyway, lee?

I was measurin' tuckers for some green shag.

Is doris mad at me?

Have you lost your stupid mind?

I'm sorry about last night.

You damn well should be.

I was just tellin' lee how you, um...

had dropped your lighter the instant he looked

in the cafe.

I accidentally dropped my lighter,

and thank god for small favors, it didn't break.

Oh, i brought your clothes.

Well, you did somethin' right.

I haven't brushed my teeth.

I'm sorry.

I'm goin' to the parrish cafe. Want to have lunch?

Don't go jumpin' the gun.

You phone first.

We'll see if you're back in my good graces.

Well, then, uh... bye-bye.

Bye.

You got more nerve than del monte has pickles.

I do more than lee steadman

to hold this marriage together.

Oh, what?

How good a wife would i be

if i didn't have adventure in my life?

I'd be dull. I wouldn't have any zest.

Think about it.

How do you figure all those guys you get involved with?

I don't get involved. I get laid.

It's fun, damn it.

Anybody who says it's not

is either a liar or doin' it wrong.

Do you love lee anymore?

Of course i love him.

You do?

Lee steadman is a good person.

He's sweet and gentle and thoughtful.

I couldn't ask any more in the way

of security and comfort.

He's a fine, honest, generous man.

But that don't make him no tiffany diamond.

What if lee went with another woman?

In case you don't know it, juanita,

lee steadman has too much character

to do a sordid thing like that.

So, as a parting gesture to cyrus henderson,

who did such a fine job

of keeping our automobiles runnin',

i'd like to recite

what i believe was his favorite psalm--

number 23.

"The lord is my shepherd.

"I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down..."

that skirt's not appropriate, juanita.

Cy henderson loved this skirt.

I'm wearin' it in his honor.

"He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness

for his name's sake."

Who's that?

Slick henderson, son of the deceased.

So that's slick.

Whoo!

He's gorgeous!

"My cup runneth over..."

he fancies you, juanita.

And every other skirt in texas.

"I shall dwell in the house of the lord forever.

Amen."

Amen. Amen.

Come on, hon'.

Don't you even want to shake his hand?

Been about as entertained by slick henderson's hands

as i care to be.

That was 20 years ago.

Bet he's learned a few things since then.

And so have i.

Whooeee! Juanita, slick.

Doris, please.

Doris steadman.

I'm real sorry to hear about your daddy.

Thank you. Nice to meet you.

Excuse me.

Juanita?

Yes?

Could i talk to you?

I'll wait in the car.

Ok.

Uh... would you come with me?

Where?

To the house, to pay last respects.

I got a cake.

Is there a wake?

I'm late as it is.

I know cy would want you to be there.

Ok.

I'll see you later, hon'.

Nice to meet you.

Where is everybody?

Who?

Your neighbors, cy's drinkin' buddies,

your relatives.

What neighbors?

You said there was a wake.

I did not.

You led me to believe

there'd be other people here.

You said you were late as it was.

I wanted to be with somebody.

I think you better drive me back to herb's.

What's your daughter's name?

Candy.

She's the image of you.

How old is she?

18.

Same as you when we met.

Same as me when you left.

This is ol' jeemy comin' at ya, friends.

If i sound different it's because i got me a cold

that'd give a headache to a communist tractor.

Here's emmylou harris singin' in my dreams.

You mind if i come in for a drink?

It's a free country.

Well, i'll be damned.

Slick henderson with juanita hutchins.

I ain't seen you two together in years.

We're not together.

Give me a long-neck, juanita.

Put that on my tab.

Why aren't you at work?

When i have a legitimate excuse?

No disrespect intended, slick.

We're gonna miss your daddy, slick.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Hi, slick.

Hello, martha.

You got my keys?

It's in front of the garage.

Thanks. Mind if i have a beer?

You sure you're 21?

Ha ha! Uh-huh.

I'll have one of these long ones.

™� ...in my dreams at night ♪

♪ whoa-oh, everything will work out right ♪♪

that'll be $1.00.

I'll get it.

Great.

Ever feel like you should be someplace else?

All the time.

Cover for me, esther?

I got to change my life.

™� i been up the river ♪

♪ been up and down your street ♪

♪ i ain't found nobody knows exactly what i mean... ♪

thank you.

™� tell me just one thing ♪

♪ why do women play them games ♪

♪ over a three minute thing? ™�

♪ today i came home early ♪

♪ the front door was ajar ♪

♪ outside there was a cadillac ♪

♪ didn't recognize the car ♪

♪ tiptoed 'cross the livin' room ♪

♪ i tiptoed down the hall ♪

♪ stopped outside the bedroom ♪

♪ and i screamed it through the wall ♪

♪ "honey, i still love you" ♪

♪ "but i know just one thing" ♪

♪ "it was you who made me play them games" ♪

♪ "you just a three minute thing" ♪

♪ "it was you who made me play them games" ♪

♪ "you just a three minute thing" ♪♪

i think we oughta take a break now.

See ya in a while.

It's a song. I want you to read it.

"God don't care about the red lights in life"?

You said i was a good songwriter.

Were you lyin'?

The songs are good, but they're imitations.

They're songs about songs.

To get a song on somebody's album, be original.

You're gonna have to find your own voice.

I'm sorry, juanita.

You said you wanted the truth.

Thanks.

You're not gonna go away mad?

If i write a song with my voice,

will you put it on your album?

Will you?

Ok.

Thanks.

™� one thing you learn right from the start ♪

♪ this ain't no place to have a heart ♪♪

saved.

Yes?

I got somethin' for ya.

What is it?

It belonged to cy.

He wants you to have it.

Cy's buddha.

He really loved this.

Thank you for bringin' it to me.

I'm goin' next week.

Back to tulsa?

Uh-huh.

Would you have dinner with me before i went?

No.

Not a date, juanita. I promise.

I won't open your door, light your cigarettes, nothin'--

like friends.

Dinner.

Wednesday.

8:00.

So, where's this restaurant?

Dallas.

How 'bout your wives?

My first one was my high school sweetheart.

Janet jones.

I think she was single-handedly responsible

for popularizing fat arms and screaming over the table.

How did it end?

I left--said to her,

"damn if you haven't got me interested in loud voices.

I'm goin' to the opera."

Then came bonnie.

In 12 years of marriage,

she transformed herself from rita hayworth into stalin.

Of course, i was bad. I stayed out all night

with some persuasive home-wrecker,

said i wouldn't have to remove my socks.

I came crawlin' home about 7:00 in the morning.

Where in the hell you been all night?

I worked late on the transmission in miller's chevy.

I didn't wanna wake ya'll,

so i stayed in the hammock.

Lyin' bastard.

I took that hammock down three weeks ago.

Well,

that's my story, and i'm stickin' to it.

What about your second husband?

Vern sandifer sold mud.

Mud?

You can't drill an oil well without it.

I moved to away, texas, as mrs. Vern sandifer.

Vern left out the bit about the trailer.

In the second year of our marriage,

we got a big break.

Vern got transferred somewhere

between the gulf coast and big thicket.

It was the humidity core of the universe.

Vern started drinkin' in the swamp.

That led him into escapades with other women.

I forgave him the phone call

from the girl who wanted to meet him

at the same motel after she got off work.

I did not forgive him the poetry.

I recognized his handwritin'.

"How do i love thee, donna jean?

Let me count the ways, you little sport-fucker."

That's all i read--

grabbed candy and i counted freeway ramps

all the way to herb's.

I love texas, god damn it!

All of texas?

All of it.

Texas is god's own geography experiment.

Right here's where the sky starts touchin'

every piece of ground.

Doesn't do that in other parts of the state.

They call it west texas--

starts in fort worth. Did you know that?

I've been gone a long time, but i knew that.

Well, not everybody does, you know.

Don't ever tell anybody from the panhandle

they come from south plains or west texas.

Do you know how many regions

there really are in texas?

There's the gulf coast,

houston, which is its own place...

uh... the king ranch, the border...

austin, hill country...

east texas, piney woods or whatever it's called.

Big thicket.

Oh! Ha ha ha!

It's amazing--

you can go from a desert to a mountain,

rollin' hills,

the ocean, and never leave texas.

Now, if you start out

on the other side of the red river,

you ain't goin' no place but to baja, oklahoma.

Baja, oklahoma, huh?

Mm-hmm.

I spent my whole life in texas.

If you drive north from the red river,

you ain't goin' nowhere but to yankee hell.

You know, juanita,

several people in oklahoma

actually have air conditioners now.

Baja, oklahoma, hah!

Well...

wait.

Hello.

Mama?

Candy, hi! How are you?

Fine.

I think i'm gonna write a song

on lonny slocum's new album.

He's using one of your songs?

Well, he hasn't exactly said yes yet.

So what else is happenin' there?

Dove said they spotted a narc in vail.

Candy, please, listen to me.

I do not like you bein' there, really.

We'll be careful.

I love you.

I love you, too. Just don't get busted!

Dove sends his love. I gotta go. Bye.

Candy?

Bye.

Shit.

Ahem.

Baja, oklahoma.

™� it's a sky that's all around you ♪

♪ touchin' every patch of ground ♪

♪ it's the moon above the prairie ♪

♪ in a tiny border town ♪

♪ it's the laughter you can carry ♪

♪ through the years that turn you old ♪

♪ it's baja, oklahoma ♪

♪ but it's texas in your soul ♪

♪ it's a drive across the border ♪

♪ to the music and the sin ♪

♪ it's the blue that's in a norther ♪

♪ it's the football games to win ♪

♪ it's a roundup stirring memories ♪

♪ of the rough-and-tumble days ♪

♪ it's a detour off the freeway ♪

♪ to see where you were raised ♪

♪ it's the laughter you can carry ♪

♪ through the years that turn you old ♪

♪ it's baja, oklahoma ♪

♪ but it's texas in your soul ♪

♪ baja, oklahoma ♪

♪ but it's texas in your soul ♪♪

hmm.

It almost makes me like texas.

I knew you'd like it.

I didn't say i liked it.

Oh, yes, you did.

You just didn't say it out loud.

I need a cup of instant.

Ok.

This is the song for lonny's new album.

I can feel it.

Lonny slocum?

That's right.

Lonny slocum.

What's that supposed to mean?

I wouldn't count on lonny too much.

Most of the time his brain's

darker than the inside of a wolf's mouth.

You've got some nerve--

breezin' into town after 20 years

and judgin' lonny slocum.

Chuck?

Chuck.

Thank you.

It's a fine song, juanita.

Thank you.

™� it's a highway goin' nowhere ♪

♪ as far as you can see ♪

♪ it's a cowboy singin' love songs ♪

♪ 'bout his cravin' to be free ♪♪

i'm creatin' an aura around myself.

Pink gives me pleasure.

Pleasure attracts pleasure.

My color will attract good things.

If you eliminate the colors

you don't like from your life,

you eliminate aggression.

My spirit will be unleashed.

I'll become who i was meant to be.

So you mean you've gone totally pink?

It's too late to paint the exterior,

but lee's having the granada painted now.

Will it improve your relationship with lee?

Lee?

Why the hell would i do it for lee?

I even did my hair.

What do you mean? Your hair's the same.

I mean... the other.

What other?

Oh!

You did your deal?

It's pink.

Oh! Oh!

How?

Common sense.

First, i bleached it with peroxide.

Then i dyed it.

With what?

Lee's toothbrush.

Oh, my god!

Did you expect me to use my own?

Florabelle payne makes a point

out of creating happy surprises for your lovers.

Quick kick, bill.

Oh, no!

He's running out of the end zone.

Jim.

Doris.

I like that shirt.

Thank you.

Offsides, texas a&m.

Wooh!

You ever heard of the murderers?

Who?

The murderers--

four brain-dead men from blackpool, england--

claim they murdered their mothers and got away with it--

look like they've been dead about two years.

They can't sing. They can't play their instruments.

Their last album sold 18 million copies.

When did you become interested in record sales?

Recently.

Looks downfield. Now he dumps the ball off...

hit him right in the hands.

Yeah, i bet the frogs.

The mother fucker's gonna croak again.

The ozark game! That it, boys?

We lay it all in them numbered swiss accounts.

The ozark flight!

Bring along the wives, your girlfriends!

That's right!

Incomplete, mooney, you cock-sucker!

Tommy earl, you are the most disgusting,

the most despicable, the most obnoxious,

obscene, selfish--

flag?

You're just a disgraceful idiot!

You're irredeemable, a human waste!

You humiliate me and the children!

No flag?

I am leavin' you. I'm taking the kids.

We won't be home when you get there.

I am sick. I'm ill

from living with a degenerate!

You know why that's a great call?

Only second down.

If the linebacker missed the interception,

he could just throw again in the third.

Great call, baby!

Set me up, juanita. Make it a triple.

Bettin's a mental exercise.

It's your mind against the bookmaker's.

Try to explain that to sheila.

She says it's a sickness.

You should call a doctor.

Ha ha...

tommy, is there any sport you don't bet on?

Soccer.

You can't bet when nobody falls on loose balls.

Juanita, what about saturday night?

What's saturday night?

You and me.

We had us a good time, didn't we?

It won't work.

He's tucking the ball under his arm.

Look out! 30, 25, 20, 15...

emmylou harris.

You know, just like friends.

Hello.

Juanita?

Candy!

Mama, don't get upset. Just listen to me.

Why? What's wrong?

Nothin' yet,

but the narcs are in aspen.

Candy!

I knew this would happen!

You'll be getting a lot of mail--

get well cards and stuff.

Just ignore the return address,

but don't throw them away.

Candy, you are not mailing me any dope!

We talked it over. It's the safest thing.

No! I will flush it down the toilet!

You won't flush $200,000 down the toilet.

$200,000?

Dove's already made a deal.

If he doesn't deliver, we're in deep shit.

I want you to come home this instant!

I can't.

You're starin' prison in the face!

Mama, i gotta run. I love you. Bye.

No, candy, wait!

Shit.

™� if they'll play another love song ♪

♪ and if that miller life sign stays dim ♪

♪ and if you'll keep my glass full of whiskey ♪

♪ i'll spill words i wish i'd said to you ♪

that's it, ain't it, juanita?

That's what you want, isn't it?

™� ...on a slow one ♪

♪ hold me close and take me across the floor ♪

let's dance.

™� i'll gently lay my head on your shoulder ♪

♪ and pretend this never happened before ♪

♪ i don't want to hear a sad story ♪

♪ we both already know how it goes ♪

♪ if tonight, you'll be my tall, dark stranger ♪

♪ i'll be your san antone rose ♪♪

i'd give anything to have her sing one of my songs.

Keep writin' them like baja, oklahoma,

you won't have long to wait.

I guess you have everything you want--

a big ranch in tulsa,

all them oil wells.

There ain't no ranch.

There ain't no oil wells.

But cy said--

cy said a lot of things.

Why?

Well...

i think he could never cut his dreams down

to my actual size--

just like my wives.

You're intelligent.

You don't seem to mind hard work.

What did you want to amount to?

The truth be known--

i like fixin' cars.

There's no shame in being a mechanic.

Well...

'night, juanita.

Slick?

Juanita.

It was good.

Ha ha ha!

You're surprised?

Yeah.

I been thinkin' about baja, oklahoma.

It wouldn't hurt to take it to jimmy at koxx.

I already showed it to lonny.

Yeah, but jimmy's got influence.

Lonny can't remember what yesterday's like.

I think you're jealous of lonny slocum, aren't you?

Ha ha ha! Hmm.

You are.

I am.

What would i do

if i went to see old jimmy?

Twice a day someone says to him,

"hi. I've got a song about my husband's hemorrhoid operation

"when he was in prison,

"and my mama was dyin'.

Everybody says it's real good."

Then the idiot leaves,

and jimmy throws it in the wastebasket.

How would you know? You haven't tried.

That might be one reason

you're workin' in a bar.

I'm workin' in a bar

because prince charles broke the engagement.

Hold on.

I'm tryin' to be helpful.

Give yourself more than one chance.

Can't you see i'm on your side?

Ok.

Come here.

I knew right away.

What?

That i wanted to be with you.

When i saw you at cy's grave,

you were so beautiful.

Don't say that.

I ain't lettin' you off the hook, juanita.

I'll see ya later.

I had a nice time.

Me, too.

I cat believe i won't see old pink

unless i use up one of my hard-ons.

Tommy earl believes the average man gets

about 14,965 hard-ons in a lifetime,

dependin' on the number of times he's married,

alcohol consumption, religious upbringin',

and intimate exposure to tina busher.

I only got 5,453 left.

That's way below where i ought to be.

And you want me to use one up

just to see old pink.

That's greed, baby.

I'm sorry to hear about your condition, tommy.

I won't do nothin', just look.

That's reason not to show you.

You've never acted very interested before.

That could give a girl a complex.

Girl?

I'm a deeply religious man, doris,

totally dedicated to my family.

I don't fool around none.

I'll squat on that till it grows fungus.

Temperature's risin' faster than

a shriner's dick at a strip show.

Hotter outside than ben-gay in a jockstrap!

Where's my buddy?

Hmm? Hmm?

Let me take off my rings

so i can shake hands with him.

What are you drinkin'?

I guess i could hold me a little cognac in abeyance.

Uh-oh. There she is.

Miss juanita hutchins, her own self.

I could've picked you out of a box of chocolate eclairs.

I'm ol' jeemy williams.

From the radio?

Number 817 in your area code,

number one in your heart.

You're a corny shit-ass, you know that?

Don't pay any attention to my wife, mister.

She's been real upset since my prostrate troubles.

If you'll excuse us.

Come on, baby.

When did you two become such great pals?

Oh, a couple days ago.

Slick handed me a copy of your song,

said you was pretty enough

to tie up traffic.

He's sure right about that.

Here's to baja, oklahoma,

and all the other songs i hear you got.

What if he hadn't liked it?

Would you have mentioned it... ever?

Probably not.

Darlin', you hit me right in the heart!

I ain't sayin' it don't need some work.

We'll strap some cosmetics on here and there, no problem.

But i'm here to tell you

baja, oklahoma's gonna knock some dicks in the dirt.

I wanna hear all the rest of your material, darlin'.

I asked if he knew how to publish songs.

The biggest kick i get

is helpin' a new talent emerge.

To track a star across the sky

and know that i was a launchin' pad.

It all starts with a songwriter.

What do you want her to do?

If i was a fast talker from nashville,

i'd buy your song now for $500

and that would be that,

but i think bigger than that.

Come on down to the studio.

We'll go in a soundproof room and you'll play.

I got an ear.

I got intuition.

I'll be honest with you.

If i like your material,

i'd like to be involved with the makin' of a star.

Look, i appreciate your interest--

don't worry none about your voice.

That equipment down there

will make a fart sound like a choir.

I never sung for a stranger before.

Don't think of me as a stranger.

Think of me... as your partner.

I've been workin' on something new,

but, uh...

i'm not ready.

Good! That's what i want to hear.

Lay it on us, juanita!

™� some people spend ♪

♪ their whole lives in a dream ♪

♪ waitin' for somethin' ♪

♪ they may never see ♪

♪ they miss all the sunsets ♪

♪ and the moon on the rise ♪

♪ blinded ♪

♪ by all those bright lights ♪

♪ but he knows ♪

♪ what he knows ♪

♪ and never expectin' ♪

♪ nothin' big ♪

♪ and he sees ♪

♪ what no one else can see ♪

♪ it's just livin' ♪

♪ that makes this life good ♪

♪ he comes and he goes ♪

♪ like the wind and the rain ♪

♪ and you'll never know ♪

♪ when you'll see him again ♪

♪ sometimes he's gentle ♪

♪ and sometimes he's cold ♪

♪ but he's got you deep in your soul ♪

♪ and he knows ♪

♪ what he knows ♪

♪ he never expected ♪

♪ nothin' big ♪

♪ and he sees ♪

♪ what no one else can see ♪

♪ it's just livin' ♪

♪ that makes this life good ♪

♪ it's just livin' ♪

♪ that makes his life ♪

♪ good ♪♪

darlin', i don't mean to scare you,

but you could entertain

and there wouldn't be no flies to swat

anywhere around you.

I just want to write a good song and get paid.

Darlin', that's exactly what i'm gonna do.

I'll get a letter typed up,

standard agent gobbledygook,

then i'll take you to dinner.

You can bring old slick, if you want.

No, y'all can go.

When we hit our home run,

you'll be sailin' greenbacks out the window

like they was paper airplanes.

Thank you.

I'll be in touch.

Why are you doin' all this?

'Cause i'm in love with you.

Look, i've been about as entertained by love

as i care to be.

What in hell is that supposed to mean, juanita?

Maybe i made a mistake the other night.

You're makin' a mistake now.

I gotta go.

Lonny!

Hi!

This is juanita!

I've been tryin' to reach you for weeks.

Well...

what about my cassette?

I haven't listened to it yet.

You've had that cassette for three weeks.

I've been expectin' a call.

We're comin' to fort worth to open for willie.

I heard.

So?

That's why i've been so busy.

I'm tryin' to finish this album

before we come down there.

I'm meant to have a song

on that god damn album.

You know what, lonny?

You got permanent brain damage.

I will not quarrel with that diagnosis,

but i will listen to your tape.

Before or after you finish that album?

Pretty soon.

Did you encourage me to write a song,

or did i just dream that up?

Juanita, you do not understand about a man and his art.

One more slot's open on the album.

Did you write me a good song?

Go fuck yourself!

What's so funny?

Life itself.

What are you looking at?

Maybe you ought to lay off a little.

Ha!

Don't worry about me, ok?

I don't need you to worry about me.

I don't want you to worry about me.

Why?

'Cause you're not my husband

or anybody else that's got a right

to tell me what to do.

Who the hell am i, juanita?

You're the guy that fixes my god damn car.

And you're slow at that!

Even your name!

Slick!

Ha!

I think you're drunk, juanita.

Maybe i am,

but i'm not pink.

Here we go.

Mmm... these lights... bright in my eyes.

All right.

Almost there.

Oh!

Ok. Good.

Got it.

They're like snakes, doris.

They're all sweet and then...

haaahhh!

That's when they're most dangerous--

when they're bein' good.

I don't think snakes are like that.

Let me get you unleashed.

All right, here we go!

Ok, can i help you?

Here we go.

Ok, here it comes!

Real easy.

Ok, it's comin'!

Whoop! Roll over, honey.

I'll go get you a nice cranberry juice cocktail.

Mmm, ok.

Ooo-eee.

Juanita...

i think you've fallen in love.

Is there somethin' i can do for you?

Do you know where slick is?

Well, darlin', he left town.

Figures.

™� it's an embarrassin' situation ♪

♪ for me to be involved in ♪

♪ an embarrassin' situation ♪

♪ for me to be involved in ♪

♪ i called your friend ♪

♪ she said you wasn't in-- ♪♪

lonny?

You the medic?

No, i'm slick.

Slick?

Henderson!

Slick henderson!

All you got to do is listen to it.

That's juanita's song.

Mm-hmm.

I been meanin' to hear this.

I think now's a good a time as any, don't you?

Well... ok.

Look, i ain't promisin' anything now.

Juanita!

Juanita!

Long distance call! Urgent!

Oh, my god!

It's candy.

She's arrested. I know it.

Is she in nashville?

Hello?

Uh, yeah, a tape?

I sent you a tape, lonny...

somewhere right after the birth of christ, i think.

What about it?

Don't fuck with me, lonny.

I can't believe this!

This is great!

No, but i might go down on you!

Great! That's great!

Bye!

I'm a songwriter.

I'm a songwriter!

Aaah!

Oh, my god, i'm a songwriter!

What?

Tcu! Tcu! Tcu! Tcu!

Tcu! Tcu! Tcu! Tcu!

Tcu! Tcu! Tcu! Tcu!

Tcu! Tcu! Tcu! Tcu!

I thought you left.

I'm back.

You were wrong about lonny slocum.

He's puttin' my song on his new album.

Hmm. Is that right?

Well, i'm happy for you.

You leavin'?

Gettin' ready.

Where you goin'?

Back to tulsa.

Just leavin', huh?

Weren't you even gonna say good-bye?

I didn't think you much cared, juanita.

I'm sorry.

You're not gonna let me off the hook, are you?

You're off the hook.

You hurt me!

What did i do?

You broke my heart!

I trusted you!

You said you loved me

and then you married janet jones!

That was 20 years ago, juanita.

I know!

Jesus christ!

You lied about your feelings and left,

just like you're leavin' now!

Juanita!

I am not that guy!

I was, but i am not now.

This time, you pushed me away.

Is that how you want it?

Right! I want a whole parade of cowboys leavin'!

All your fears about men you make come true!

Why did you come here?

Just another in a long line of mistakes!

Hello?

Mama?

Aaah!

Candy!

Mama!

What are you doin' here?

I'm so glad to see you!

One day i'm worried about plea bargaining

and the next day you're here.

There were no narcs in aspen.

They were all shoe salesmen.

What?

Wait a minute.

What about the deal dove made for the dope?

The one you'd get in deep shit for

if i didn't cooperate.

Well, dove made that up, mama.

He didn't want you

to flush it down the toilet.

And you just let me sweat over it?

No.

I didn't know about it until today.

Candy, dove is puttin' us in real danger.

Well, momma, dove's a very generous person.

If he thought anything would happen,

he never would have suggested it.

He loves me.

He loves tooth powder more.

Bullshit!

You're just jealous.

I'm sorry.

You unloaded dow chemical in my mailbox

without battin' an eye?

We were protectin' our investment.

You got an answer for everything!

Well, you don't know everything, candy!

Why didn't he send his sister the dope?

She'd kill him!

Bravo! A decisive woman!

Hey, mom. How goes it?

Told you i'd bring her back.

Are bullhorns gonna warn me the place is surrounded?

I'm sorry i did it that way.

Smart money don't travel with it.

I figured i'd let the post office be the mule.

So...

where's the blow, juanita?

I gotta deliver on my deal.

I told her.

You don't mind, do you, juanita?

Mind? Hell, no.

I just got a quadruple bypass and a hysterectomy

worryin' about that stuff.

I tell you what.

The blow is in the house somewhere.

I hid it. You find it.

Mornin'.

Well, how do i look?

Oh, you look great, mama!

Suppose i told you we're gettin' married

and this was my last big score.

I wouldn't believe you.

I didn't think you would.

Hi, kids.

Hi.

Whew!

Do you look stunnin'!

I hate to see it wasted on ol' jeemy.

Strictly business.

Oh, doris, that's beautiful!

I was paintin'-- my aunt bernice--

it's a long story.

Why don't you kids take a break?

We'll be back after dinner.

Bye.

I'm real happy you could make it.

Truth is, i haven't gotten out much.

My wife, kathy...

she passed away two years ago.

God bless her.

I'm sorry.

Thanks, darlin'.

She was a wonderful person.

I'll never find another like her.

But... life goes on.

Don't it?

What a surprise!

How y'all doin'?

How many hard-ons you got left?

So i can schedule you for banquets,

sales conventions,

shopping center openings...

you sing and pick for 30 minutes,

we scoop up a few thousand.

Oh, i'm not a performer.

I'll plug the shit out of your song

and get my buddies to plug it.

They can return a few favors.

Is that how it always works?

Occasionally, somebody makes a good record.

Oh, i want to dance.

Stick around, jeemy.

We're all gonna boogie.

What is this "normal 50-50 split?"

Paid quarterly and promptly.

"After deducting expenses deemed necessary by the agent."

Darlin', the agent puts out a ton of money

to take advantage of the big break.

Darlin', if i wanted a hemorrhoidectomy,

i'd go to a hospital.

Ha ha ha ha!

It's just the first draft.

We'll get it right.

Hell, life's negotiable, ain't it?

Exactly what does our partner slick want for his trouble?

All he did was introduce us--

for lightin' a fire under lonny.

What you talkin' about?

Lonny says slick flew to nashville

to persuade him to listen to your song.

He must want somethin'.

I gotta pee quick. Which way do we go?

Aaah!

Whoa!

Hang in there, baby!

I'm comin', honey!

Doris, i'm comin', honey!

Keep your mouth shut, baby.

I'm comin', honey!

Here i come, baby!

What's happenin'?

That looks like my wife.

Oh! Doris!

Oh, i'm cold!

That is my wife!

What the hell are you doin' here?

I came home from denver tonight!

I see that!

Nobody was at the house.

That's because i was here

havin' dinner with juanita and her agent,

helpin' her make a business decision.

Why are you in this place tonight?

Well, there was nothin' on tv.

Some fellas from the convention--

so you thought you'd gawk at these sarongs.

Is that what you thought?

You're soakin' wet.

Doris is soakin' wet.

You're wet, too.

He jumped in the water to save me from drownin'.

An act of heroics.

I was entertainin' my customers

and seen her fall in.

You'd have done the same thing yourself.

Y'all excuse me.

Hell of a night.

How in the dickens did you fall in the water?

Did the bridge break?

What i was doin' in the water

is what any wife would do

if she cared about her weddin' ring.

My ring slipped off my finger.

I went right in after it.

That ring never has fit right.

Isn't that right, juanita?

Don't you believe me, lee?

No.

What?

You don't?

Juanita, you gotta understand...

doris can't help herself.

It's like an addiction.

When you're in love,

you gotta take the bitter with the sweet.

Come on, sugar, before you catch bronchitis.

Uh, i'll take the granada.

Did he tell you i was dead or incurably ill?

Whoa, partner!

What a surprise!

You stupid fool!

Are you kathy?

No, honey, i am nancy drew.

Sweetheart, this is juanita hutchins,

my new client.

Aren't they all?

Darlin'--partner, try to make my old partner here understand.

She got it all wrong.

I'm tryin' to think of somethin' to say,

but i'm so glad to see kathy alive.

Why are you sittin' in the dark?

Dove?

It was an accident.

Mom, please, it was my fault.

You son of a bitch!

Juanita, i'm tired of playin' games.

Ah!

Stop it!

You stay out of this!

You think i'm foolin'?

Your dope is gone--

destroyed.

It was an accident, but i'm glad.

Oh!

Uh!

Unh!

Oh!

You want more?

No, jesus, no.

Oh!

We're goin'.

Fuck you all.

Feels like that little son of a bitch broke my hand.

Wha--what are you doin' here?

The car was ready.

Ha ha ha!

You want to go for a test drive?

Go ahead, mama.

Dove won't be back.

There's nothin' much left now.

This is where it all started.

Country music was around,

but this is where bob wills

invented western swing back in '31, '32.

Right here?

Right where you're standin'.

They all played here--

hank, waylon, willie.

Sometimes i come out here

late at night all by myself.

I can still hear 'em.

™� as i look at the letters ♪

♪ that you wrote to me ♪

♪ it's you that i am thinking of ♪

♪ as i read the lines ♪

♪ that to me were so dear ♪

♪ i remember our faded love ♪

♪ i miss you, darlin' ♪

♪ more and more every day ♪

♪ as heaven would miss the stars above ♪

♪ with every heartbeat ♪

♪ i still think of you ♪

♪ and remember our faded love ♪

♪ and remember ♪

♪ our faded ♪

♪ love ♪♪

♪ if you left me quietly ♪

♪ i wouldn't feel this bad ♪

♪ but everybody knows ♪

♪ and that's sure makin' me mad ♪

♪ it's a heck of a situation ♪

♪ for me to be involved in ♪

♪ it's a hell of a situation ♪

♪ for me to be involved in ♪

♪ i'm gonna get my gun ♪

♪ i think you'd better run ♪

♪ i'm startin' in to wonder ♪

♪ if i'm the daddy of my son ♪

♪ it's an embarrassin' situation ♪

♪ for me to be involved in ♪

♪ it's a heck of a situation ♪

♪ for me to be involved in ♪

♪ one embarrassin' situation ♪

♪ for me to be involved in ♪♪

appreciate it.

Thank you.

I'd like to thank the drummer's relatives

for comin' out tonight.

I appreciate the support we got

from the federal bureau of investigation here, too.

We're gonna bring out old what's-his-name.

But first we'll do a song on our brand-new album--

baja, oklahoma.

I can't believe it!

It's by a very pretty lady

who's a dear friend of mine.

Gonna see if we can bring her out here.

No.

Are you kiddin' me? No.

Come on, mama!

Ladies and gentlemen, juanita hutchins,

the mother of our country.

™� it's a highway goin' nowhere ♪

♪ as far as you can see ♪

♪ it's a cowboy singin' love songs ♪

♪ 'bout his cravin' to be free ♪

♪ it's a sky that's all around you ♪

♪ touchin' every patch of ground ♪

♪ it's the moon above the prairie ♪

♪ in a tiny border town ♪

♪ it's the laughter that you carry ♪

♪ through the years that turn you old ♪

♪ it's baja, oklahoma ♪

♪ but texas in your soul ♪

♪ it's a drive across the border ♪

♪ to the music and the sin ♪

♪ it's the blue that's in the norther ♪

♪ it's the football games to win ♪

♪ it's a roundup stirring memories ♪

♪ of the rough-and-tumble days ♪

♪ it's a detour off the freeway ♪

♪ to see where you were raised ♪

♪ it's the laughter that you carry ♪

♪ through the years that turn you old ♪

♪ it's baja, oklahoma ♪

♪ but it's texas in your soul ♪

♪ it's baja, oklahoma ♪

♪ but it's texas in your soul ♪

woo-hah! Yeah!

™� it's a highway goin' nowhere ♪

♪ as far as you can see ♪

♪ it's a cowboy singin' love songs ♪

♪ about his cravin' to be free ♪

♪ it's a sky that's all around you ♪

♪ touchin' every patch of ground ♪

♪ it's the moon above the prairie ♪

♪ in a tiny border town ♪

♪ it's the laughter that you carry ♪

♪ through the years that turn you old ♪

♪ it's baja, oklahoma ♪

♪ but it's texas in your soul ♪

♪ it's baja, oklahoma ♪

♪ but it's texas in your soul ♪♪

♪ but he knows ♪

♪ what he knows ♪

♪ and never expected nothin' big ♪

♪ and he sees ♪

♪ what no one else can see ♪

♪ it's just livin' ♪

♪ that makes this life good ♪♪

♪ tiptoed 'cross the livin' room ♪

♪ i tiptoed down the hall ♪

♪ stopped outside the bedroom ♪

♪ and i screamed it through the wall ♪

♪ honey, if you still love me ♪

♪ tell me just one thing ♪

♪ why do women play them games ♪

♪ over a three minute thing? ™�♪

♪ i don't want to hear a sad story ♪

♪ we both already know how it goes ♪

♪ if tonight you'll be my tall, dark stranger ♪

♪ i'll be your san antone rose ♪♪

♪ and then you wait there ♪

♪ for my answer ♪

♪ then you smile so graciously ♪

♪ i've got your thank you ♪

♪ and you've got me ♪♪

♪ it's a highway goin' nowhere ♪

♪ as far as you can see ♪

♪ it's a cowboy singin' love songs ♪

♪ about his cravin' to be free ♪

♪ it's a sky that's all around you ♪

♪ touchin' every patch of ground ♪

♪ it's the moon above the prairie ♪

♪ in a tiny border town ♪

♪ it's the laughter that you carry ♪

♪ through the years that turn you old ♪

♪ it's baja, oklahoma ♪

♪ but it's texas in your soul ♪

♪ it's baja, oklahoma ♪

♪ but it's texas in your soul ♪♪