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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:17,833 --> 00:00:20,833 [man beatboxing] 2 00:00:20,833 --> 00:00:26,533 3 00:00:26,533 --> 00:00:29,733 [man humming and beatboxing] 4 00:00:29,733 --> 00:00:35,233 5 00:00:35,233 --> 00:00:38,033 Come here, you. 6 00:00:38,033 --> 00:00:39,873 I've got a surprise for you. 7 00:00:39,867 --> 00:00:41,667 I'm not smelling your armpit again. 8 00:00:41,667 --> 00:00:45,767 Oh, this is way better than my armpit. 9 00:00:45,767 --> 00:00:46,767 Happy anniversary. 10 00:00:46,767 --> 00:00:47,867 Oh, my God. 11 00:00:47,867 --> 00:00:49,397 Jim, you actually remembered. 12 00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:50,970 Yep, yep, yep. 13 00:00:50,967 --> 00:00:53,627 Was gonna get you a present, but then I'd have to wrap it, 14 00:00:53,633 --> 00:00:54,933 and I know you don't want a mess. 15 00:00:54,933 --> 00:00:56,773 - That's so generous of you. - Yeah. 16 00:00:56,767 --> 00:00:59,397 And besides, me remembering is present enough, don't you think? 17 00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:00,700 I totally agree. 18 00:01:00,700 --> 00:01:02,600 There's only one problem, Jim. 19 00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:04,100 Our anniversary's tomorrow. 20 00:01:04,100 --> 00:01:05,230 No, it's not. It's today. 21 00:01:05,233 --> 00:01:07,603 I alarmed it on my phone. 22 00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:09,400 - "Dentist appointment." - Yeah. 23 00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:11,070 Thank you for almost remembering. 24 00:01:11,067 --> 00:01:13,067 (Jim) It's not that big of a deal. 25 00:01:13,067 --> 00:01:15,127 To us, our anniversary's just a celebration 26 00:01:15,133 --> 00:01:16,903 of the day we spent $20,000 27 00:01:16,900 --> 00:01:19,730 on an awkward party for our parents' friends. 28 00:01:19,733 --> 00:01:21,633 I'd rather celebrate the anniversary 29 00:01:21,633 --> 00:01:24,673 of a car wreck I got into in 2003. 30 00:01:24,667 --> 00:01:26,467 At least I got a settlement on that one. 31 00:01:26,467 --> 00:01:27,727 You know, it's like you guys 32 00:01:27,733 --> 00:01:30,203 are trying to make marriage sound depressing. 33 00:01:30,200 --> 00:01:31,870 Two seltzers, please. 34 00:01:31,867 --> 00:01:33,627 Last year we had a pretty good anniversary. 35 00:01:33,633 --> 00:01:35,203 - Oh, yeah? - We got Shake Shack. 36 00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:37,100 You know what, you're kind of a genius, you know? 37 00:01:37,100 --> 00:01:39,930 You set the bar so low that the woman expects nothing. 38 00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:41,933 I'm gonna think of something good this year. 39 00:01:41,933 --> 00:01:43,103 And you know what? 40 00:01:43,100 --> 00:01:44,370 Go on a second date, 41 00:01:44,367 --> 00:01:46,197 and then maybe you can judge my relationship. 42 00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:47,770 Hey, hey, hey, I happen to be in kind of 43 00:01:47,767 --> 00:01:50,067 a serious relationship with this girl, Gigi. 44 00:01:50,067 --> 00:01:51,227 Oh, serious, huh? 45 00:01:51,233 --> 00:01:52,903 - What's her last name? - No idea. 46 00:01:52,900 --> 00:01:54,700 But her ex boyfriend's an MMA fighter. 47 00:01:54,700 --> 00:01:57,330 Oh, and that makes you an MMA fighter? 48 00:01:57,333 --> 00:01:59,203 (Dave) It makes me better than an MMA fighter. 49 00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:00,370 This chick is hot, man. 50 00:02:00,367 --> 00:02:01,497 She's a cocktail waitress 51 00:02:01,500 --> 00:02:02,870 at the Palm Court at the Plaza. 52 00:02:02,867 --> 00:02:04,867 Oh, and that makes you a cocktail waitress 53 00:02:04,867 --> 00:02:06,797 at the Palm Court at the Plaza? 54 00:02:08,133 --> 00:02:09,633 You know what? 55 00:02:10,933 --> 00:02:12,203 Jeannie loves the Plaza. 56 00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:14,500 That could be a good anniversary present, right? 57 00:02:14,500 --> 00:02:15,830 Do you think your girlfriend du jour 58 00:02:15,833 --> 00:02:17,573 could get us a discount on a room there? 59 00:02:17,567 --> 00:02:19,227 What do I get out of it? 60 00:02:19,233 --> 00:02:20,333 A billion dollars. 61 00:02:20,333 --> 00:02:21,733 - What do you need? - Oh. 62 00:02:21,733 --> 00:02:23,673 Just have her book the room under her last name 63 00:02:23,667 --> 00:02:24,967 that you don't know 64 00:02:24,967 --> 00:02:26,897 and leave the keys for me at the front desk. 65 00:02:26,900 --> 00:02:28,770 I'm still unclear what I'm getting out of this. 66 00:02:28,767 --> 00:02:30,667 I'm hearing a lot of Jim and not nearly enough Dave. 67 00:02:30,667 --> 00:02:32,497 I should probably take her to a Broadway show. 68 00:02:32,500 --> 00:02:34,300 Jeannie would love that... but I find it hard 69 00:02:34,300 --> 00:02:35,730 to voluntarily go to Times Square. 70 00:02:35,733 --> 00:02:37,873 It's like a refugee camp for tourists. 71 00:02:37,867 --> 00:02:39,327 - Right. - And the Broadway shows 72 00:02:39,333 --> 00:02:40,903 - are so expensive, right? - Uh-huh. 73 00:02:40,900 --> 00:02:43,770 You just sit there for hours saying, "This is good, right?" 74 00:02:43,767 --> 00:02:46,167 You know, well, it has to be good for $300 a ticket. 75 00:02:46,167 --> 00:02:48,567 300 bucks; now you sound like a tourist. 76 00:02:48,567 --> 00:02:50,697 My mom just goes to TKTS on the day of the show. 77 00:02:50,700 --> 00:02:52,070 Gets the tickets for half price. 78 00:02:52,067 --> 00:02:54,397 Great, so your mom can pick up the tickets for us. 79 00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:56,170 Dude, she's 76 years old. 80 00:02:56,167 --> 00:02:57,397 What's the issue? 81 00:02:57,400 --> 00:02:58,930 Is she gonna miss her shift at Hooters? 82 00:02:58,933 --> 00:03:00,433 Hey, don't ruin Hooters for me. 83 00:03:00,433 --> 00:03:01,833 Wait, where is TKTS? 84 00:03:01,833 --> 00:03:03,133 What am I, a concierge? 85 00:03:03,133 --> 00:03:05,133 It's a pretty good anniversary, right? 86 00:03:05,133 --> 00:03:06,873 And hotel sex, man-- 87 00:03:06,867 --> 00:03:08,597 hotels are a great place for role playing. 88 00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:09,930 You can pretend she's a prostitute. 89 00:03:09,933 --> 00:03:12,233 You want me to pretend my wife's a prostitute 90 00:03:12,233 --> 00:03:13,573 on our anniversary. 91 00:03:13,567 --> 00:03:15,867 It's a lot less sad than hiring a prostitute 92 00:03:15,867 --> 00:03:17,897 and pretending she's your wife; trust me. 93 00:03:17,900 --> 00:03:20,900 [beatboxing] 94 00:03:20,900 --> 00:03:25,770 95 00:03:25,767 --> 00:03:27,697 Hey, I won't bother you, 96 00:03:27,700 --> 00:03:30,470 but I'm a big fan of your stand-up. 97 00:03:30,467 --> 00:03:31,827 Thanks. 98 00:03:31,833 --> 00:03:32,773 "Pancakes." 99 00:03:32,767 --> 00:03:35,427 Hey, you got to play Topeka. 100 00:03:35,433 --> 00:03:36,633 Oh, yeah, well, I'll try. 101 00:03:36,633 --> 00:03:37,803 Hey, I don't want to be a pest, 102 00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,370 but do you think I could get a picture? 103 00:03:39,367 --> 00:03:40,927 Uh, sure. 104 00:03:44,567 --> 00:03:46,127 - Great. - Well, nice to meet you. 105 00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:49,170 Looks like a long line. 106 00:03:49,167 --> 00:03:51,067 It's ridiculous. 107 00:03:51,067 --> 00:03:52,767 Going solo, huh? 108 00:03:52,767 --> 00:03:54,867 No, my wife's meeting me. 109 00:03:54,867 --> 00:03:56,397 It's our anniversary. 110 00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:57,570 Hey, I got two tickets to a show 111 00:03:57,567 --> 00:03:58,567 I'm trying to get rid of. 112 00:03:58,567 --> 00:03:59,897 Why don't you take them? 113 00:03:59,900 --> 00:04:01,370 - No, no, no. - It's your anniversary! 114 00:04:01,367 --> 00:04:03,697 No, that's very nice of you, but thank you. 115 00:04:03,700 --> 00:04:05,100 Please. Take them. 116 00:04:05,100 --> 00:04:07,170 You don't have to give me any money or anything. 117 00:04:07,167 --> 00:04:08,597 I can't use them. 118 00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:10,700 My girlfriend got food poisoning at a hot dog cart, 119 00:04:10,700 --> 00:04:12,700 and she can't leave the hotel room. 120 00:04:12,700 --> 00:04:13,930 Which hot dog cart? 121 00:04:13,933 --> 00:04:15,973 The one by the Olive Garden. 122 00:04:15,967 --> 00:04:16,767 Oh, that one. 123 00:04:16,767 --> 00:04:18,867 Um, you know--wow. 124 00:04:18,867 --> 00:04:21,727 This show is sold out for months. 125 00:04:21,733 --> 00:04:25,573 Um, you know, I will take these, 126 00:04:25,567 --> 00:04:27,067 but you got to let me give you some money. 127 00:04:27,067 --> 00:04:28,727 - No, no, no. - No, I insist. 128 00:04:28,733 --> 00:04:30,603 - Not necessary. - We're both from the Midwest. 129 00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:31,730 - All right? - Not necessary. 130 00:04:31,733 --> 00:04:33,133 There you go. 131 00:04:33,133 --> 00:04:35,233 132 00:04:35,233 --> 00:04:37,503 You're at 46th and 7th? 133 00:04:37,500 --> 00:04:39,070 I'm at 46th and 7th. 134 00:04:39,067 --> 00:04:43,397 I'm right next to the Statue of Liberty thing. 135 00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:46,430 You're next to a Statue of Liberty? 136 00:04:46,433 --> 00:04:47,803 Oh, there you are. 137 00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:49,770 No, you're at the other Statue of Liberty. 138 00:04:49,767 --> 00:04:51,867 Two orchestra seats for something 139 00:04:51,867 --> 00:04:56,397 that is not The Lion King for Wednesday night at 8:00 p.m. 140 00:04:56,400 --> 00:04:57,630 - Wednesday night? - Yep. 141 00:04:57,633 --> 00:05:00,473 It's Thursday night. 142 00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:01,767 Right. 143 00:05:01,767 --> 00:05:03,067 These tickets are for yesterday. 144 00:05:03,067 --> 00:05:04,697 - Yeah. - So there must be a mistake. 145 00:05:04,700 --> 00:05:07,230 Why don't we just see if we can exchange them at the box office? 146 00:05:07,233 --> 00:05:09,403 You know what? I didn't get them at the box office. 147 00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:11,730 Well, where did you buy them, TKTS? 148 00:05:11,733 --> 00:05:13,803 Near there. You know what? Never mind. 149 00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:15,230 I think this is a sign 150 00:05:15,233 --> 00:05:17,603 that maybe we should get right to The Plaza 151 00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:20,330 and start plaza-ing. 152 00:05:20,333 --> 00:05:23,733 (both) Ooh. 153 00:05:23,733 --> 00:05:25,073 Did you just eat pizza? 154 00:05:25,067 --> 00:05:26,167 This morning. 155 00:05:31,633 --> 00:05:33,833 [Jim grunting] 156 00:05:33,833 --> 00:05:35,433 [Jeanne squeals] 157 00:05:35,433 --> 00:05:37,873 Ooh! 158 00:05:37,867 --> 00:05:40,527 Okay, now it's your turn to carry me. 159 00:05:40,533 --> 00:05:42,403 It's The Plaza. 160 00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:44,470 What a beautiful room. 161 00:05:44,467 --> 00:05:46,827 Ooh, look at this view. 162 00:05:46,833 --> 00:05:48,433 Jim, look at this. 163 00:05:48,433 --> 00:05:51,073 It's just the two of us together, no kids. 164 00:05:51,067 --> 00:05:52,627 It's like our honeymoon. 165 00:05:52,633 --> 00:05:53,733 You know what I want to do? 166 00:05:53,733 --> 00:05:54,833 What do you want to do? 167 00:05:54,833 --> 00:05:56,473 Order room service. 168 00:05:56,467 --> 00:05:57,597 (man) Anything else, sir? 169 00:05:57,600 --> 00:05:58,930 Uh, no. We're good, thanks. 170 00:05:58,933 --> 00:06:00,203 [quietly] Jim. 171 00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:02,070 What? Oh, oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 172 00:06:02,067 --> 00:06:05,067 [laughs nervously] 173 00:06:05,067 --> 00:06:06,667 Looks like all I have are 20s. 174 00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:08,827 - You got change? - I'm sorry, sir. I don't. 175 00:06:08,833 --> 00:06:10,603 Okay. I'll get you next time. 176 00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:12,170 Jim. 177 00:06:12,167 --> 00:06:13,967 - Okay. - Thank you, sir. 178 00:06:13,967 --> 00:06:15,727 - Have a lovely evening. - Sure. 179 00:06:17,167 --> 00:06:18,967 I know that guy had change. 180 00:06:18,967 --> 00:06:20,467 20 bucks for one bag. 181 00:06:20,467 --> 00:06:21,697 What kind of racket? 182 00:06:21,700 --> 00:06:23,930 Jim, look at where we are. 183 00:06:23,933 --> 00:06:27,273 And look at who I'm with. 184 00:06:27,267 --> 00:06:28,897 Ooh! 185 00:06:28,900 --> 00:06:31,870 Have you ever seen me eat a bratwurst? 186 00:06:31,867 --> 00:06:34,297 Well, tonight you're my little bratwurst. 187 00:06:34,300 --> 00:06:37,500 Slightly revolting, but I'll take it. 188 00:06:37,500 --> 00:06:39,170 Okay, okay. 189 00:06:39,167 --> 00:06:41,867 Before Oktoberfest commences, I'm here. 190 00:06:41,867 --> 00:06:43,267 This is my anniversary present to you 191 00:06:43,267 --> 00:06:46,097 to surprise you by romancing up the room. 192 00:06:46,100 --> 00:06:48,430 I left a key for Daniel at the front desk. 193 00:06:48,433 --> 00:06:53,073 Rose petals, champagne, chocolate covered strawberries? 194 00:06:53,067 --> 00:06:54,767 - Daniel, you're so thoughtful. - I know. 195 00:06:54,767 --> 00:06:56,067 Well, it was my idea. 196 00:06:56,067 --> 00:06:57,667 I wanted him to decorate the room. 197 00:06:57,667 --> 00:06:58,867 Of course you did, Jim. 198 00:06:58,867 --> 00:07:00,127 What were you gonna do? 199 00:07:00,133 --> 00:07:02,233 Scatter mozzarella sticks on the bed 200 00:07:02,233 --> 00:07:04,303 and drape your boxers over the lamp? 201 00:07:04,300 --> 00:07:06,530 You don't have any mozzarella sticks on you, do you? 202 00:07:06,533 --> 00:07:07,573 Ha ha. 203 00:07:07,567 --> 00:07:09,067 Obviously, I was not expecting 204 00:07:09,067 --> 00:07:10,427 you guys back here for hours. 205 00:07:10,433 --> 00:07:11,473 What happened? 206 00:07:11,467 --> 00:07:12,927 Well, it's a long story. 207 00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:14,073 "Oh, it's a long story." 208 00:07:14,067 --> 00:07:15,167 All right, I just need 209 00:07:15,167 --> 00:07:17,497 a couple more minutes to finish up, 210 00:07:17,500 --> 00:07:20,200 and then I will leave you to enjoy yourself 211 00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:21,400 and you... 212 00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:22,770 to suffer through it. 213 00:07:22,767 --> 00:07:24,497 (Jeannie) Oh, no. 214 00:07:24,500 --> 00:07:26,230 Oh, I accidentally brought the diaper bag 215 00:07:26,233 --> 00:07:27,933 instead of my overnight bag, 216 00:07:27,933 --> 00:07:29,573 and James' medication is in here. 217 00:07:29,567 --> 00:07:30,797 I have to run home. 218 00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:32,070 [quietly] Jim... 219 00:07:32,067 --> 00:07:33,867 That homeopathic cough syrup? 220 00:07:33,867 --> 00:07:35,627 That's like the horoscope of medicines. 221 00:07:35,633 --> 00:07:37,333 James will be fine for one night. 222 00:07:37,333 --> 00:07:38,973 No, but my anniversary present for you 223 00:07:38,967 --> 00:07:40,527 is in the bag I left at home. 224 00:07:40,533 --> 00:07:41,973 Just give it to me tomorrow. 225 00:07:41,967 --> 00:07:43,227 But it's my anniversary present 226 00:07:43,233 --> 00:07:44,673 from Victoria's Secret. 227 00:07:44,667 --> 00:07:47,127 Well, we don't want James' cough to come back. 228 00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:48,333 - Okay. - And you know, 229 00:07:48,333 --> 00:07:50,173 it can be tricky that way, right? 230 00:07:50,167 --> 00:07:52,467 (Jeannie) I love you. Bye. 231 00:07:52,467 --> 00:07:54,567 - Are you done in the baño? - Go to town. 232 00:07:54,567 --> 00:07:55,897 All right. 233 00:07:57,633 --> 00:08:00,573 You know, Jim, I have to say 234 00:08:00,567 --> 00:08:04,697 you actually did something nice for Jeannie for a change. 235 00:08:04,700 --> 00:08:08,270 I am very impressed. 236 00:08:08,267 --> 00:08:09,467 All right. 237 00:08:09,467 --> 00:08:11,397 I have to head to my dinner meeting. 238 00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:12,630 Have fun. 239 00:08:12,633 --> 00:08:14,103 Do not have too much fun. 240 00:08:14,100 --> 00:08:16,170 You already have five kids. 241 00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:21,830 Oh! Oh! 242 00:08:21,833 --> 00:08:23,573 The door was stuck. 243 00:08:23,567 --> 00:08:24,667 [gasps] 244 00:08:24,667 --> 00:08:25,727 Damn it, Jim! 245 00:08:25,733 --> 00:08:27,933 You got chocolate on my shirt. 246 00:08:27,933 --> 00:08:30,073 I've got dinner with the Trump Towers people 247 00:08:30,067 --> 00:08:31,527 in 30 minutes. 248 00:08:31,533 --> 00:08:32,533 Uh-oh. 249 00:08:32,533 --> 00:08:34,073 "You're fired." 250 00:08:34,067 --> 00:08:35,497 The door was stuck! 251 00:08:35,500 --> 00:08:37,070 Yeah, it's the door's fault, Jim. 252 00:08:37,067 --> 00:08:39,497 Blame anybody but yourself. 253 00:08:39,500 --> 00:08:41,370 - I need club soda. - The mini bar? 254 00:08:41,367 --> 00:08:43,267 Those bottles are, like, ten bucks. 255 00:08:43,267 --> 00:08:46,097 Well, what, it got on your pants too? 256 00:08:46,100 --> 00:08:48,700 Jim, I do not want to get my pants wet 257 00:08:48,700 --> 00:08:50,470 when I am cleaning my shirt. 258 00:08:50,467 --> 00:08:51,527 Here, take this. 259 00:08:51,533 --> 00:08:52,973 Hang that stuff on hangers. 260 00:08:52,967 --> 00:08:54,397 I do not want them to get wrinkly. 261 00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:56,370 Now, I need in the bathroom, please. 262 00:08:56,367 --> 00:08:57,897 - All right. - Jim, get out of my way. 263 00:08:57,900 --> 00:08:59,730 - You go right. - Okay, Jim. 264 00:08:59,733 --> 00:09:01,373 Get out of my way! 265 00:09:01,367 --> 00:09:03,327 Would you just relax? 266 00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:07,330 Look, I'm sorry, okay? 267 00:09:07,333 --> 00:09:09,073 (Daniel) You're just a big ape! 268 00:09:09,067 --> 00:09:11,427 [stammering] 269 00:09:14,867 --> 00:09:16,597 And you look ridiculous! 270 00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:19,670 You know you're wearing a woman's robe? 271 00:09:19,667 --> 00:09:21,467 I know that! 272 00:09:21,467 --> 00:09:23,167 I was gonna call. 273 00:09:26,367 --> 00:09:27,967 Hello. Hi. Yeah. 274 00:09:27,967 --> 00:09:32,567 I was wondering, can I get a men's robe sent to my room? 275 00:09:32,567 --> 00:09:34,267 A double XL. 276 00:09:34,267 --> 00:09:35,467 Thanks. 277 00:09:35,467 --> 00:09:40,367 Oh, can I get a bacon cheeseburger? 278 00:09:40,367 --> 00:09:41,927 Cheddar. 279 00:09:41,933 --> 00:09:44,073 Fries. Does anyone want the salad? 280 00:09:44,067 --> 00:09:47,597 Uh, drink...uh, you know, 281 00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:49,870 do you have diet RC? 282 00:09:49,867 --> 00:09:51,227 Okay. All right. 283 00:09:51,233 --> 00:09:53,903 I'll just get a chocolate milk shake. 284 00:09:53,900 --> 00:09:55,300 Okay, thank you. 285 00:09:55,300 --> 00:09:56,430 Bye. 286 00:09:57,733 --> 00:09:59,073 Ooh. 287 00:10:01,900 --> 00:10:05,530 (woman) After a hard day at work, relax with the very best of... 288 00:10:05,533 --> 00:10:07,173 No thank you. 289 00:10:07,167 --> 00:10:09,027 (woman) After a hard day at work, 290 00:10:09,033 --> 00:10:13,333 relax with the very best adult entertainment-- 291 00:10:13,333 --> 00:10:16,733 After a hard day at work, relax with-- 292 00:10:16,733 --> 00:10:18,033 After a hard day-- 293 00:10:18,033 --> 00:10:20,633 After a hard day-- After a hard-- 294 00:10:20,633 --> 00:10:22,333 After a hard day at work, 295 00:10:22,333 --> 00:10:25,703 relax with the very best adult entertainment in the privacy... 296 00:10:25,700 --> 00:10:27,270 Hi. 297 00:10:27,267 --> 00:10:30,667 There's something wrong with my TV or the remote. 298 00:10:30,667 --> 00:10:32,097 I'm not sure. 299 00:10:32,100 --> 00:10:34,070 Can you send someone up? 300 00:10:34,067 --> 00:10:35,597 Thank you. 301 00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:38,330 Jim. Jim. 302 00:10:38,333 --> 00:10:39,403 (Daniel) Open the door. 303 00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:41,100 I don't have time for this. 304 00:10:41,100 --> 00:10:42,830 I'm not doing anything. 305 00:10:42,833 --> 00:10:44,573 Well, I'm locked in. 306 00:10:44,567 --> 00:10:46,227 Well, unlock the door. 307 00:10:46,233 --> 00:10:48,603 I did! Jim, it's stuck. 308 00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:49,830 Get me out of here! 309 00:10:49,833 --> 00:10:51,573 [exasperated sigh] 310 00:10:53,133 --> 00:10:55,133 I told you there was something wrong with the door. 311 00:10:55,133 --> 00:10:57,133 Well, I can't miss my dinner with the Trump people. 312 00:10:57,133 --> 00:10:58,603 Open the door! 313 00:10:58,600 --> 00:10:59,630 I'm trying! 314 00:10:59,633 --> 00:11:01,333 [knob clattering] 315 00:11:01,333 --> 00:11:02,673 What just happened? 316 00:11:02,667 --> 00:11:03,897 I almost got it. 317 00:11:03,900 --> 00:11:05,370 Hold on. 318 00:11:05,367 --> 00:11:07,367 You know how important this dinner is to me, 319 00:11:07,367 --> 00:11:09,067 and you're ruining it. 320 00:11:09,067 --> 00:11:10,497 I hope you're happy, Jim. 321 00:11:10,500 --> 00:11:12,530 I hope you're very ha-- 322 00:11:12,533 --> 00:11:13,773 oh, dear God! 323 00:11:13,767 --> 00:11:14,767 What is it? 324 00:11:14,767 --> 00:11:16,327 I'm getting a zit! 325 00:11:16,333 --> 00:11:19,103 This zit was not here when I got here. 326 00:11:19,100 --> 00:11:21,070 You gave me a zit! 327 00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:24,730 Sorry, it's me again. 328 00:11:24,733 --> 00:11:26,473 (Daniel) What are you doing out there? 329 00:11:26,467 --> 00:11:29,367 I accidentally pulled the knob off the bathroom door. 330 00:11:29,367 --> 00:11:30,497 What? 331 00:11:30,500 --> 00:11:32,330 And it's stuck. 332 00:11:32,333 --> 00:11:34,703 Can you send someone up right away? 333 00:11:34,700 --> 00:11:36,100 Thanks. 334 00:11:37,933 --> 00:11:40,603 [knock on door] 335 00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:41,830 Great service. 336 00:11:41,833 --> 00:11:44,073 You pulled the knob off? 337 00:11:44,067 --> 00:11:46,127 They're coming to fix it. 338 00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:49,470 Good evening, sir. 339 00:11:49,467 --> 00:11:50,797 You requested a robe? 340 00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:52,130 Oh, um... 341 00:11:52,133 --> 00:11:53,973 (Daniel) Hello? Is somebody there? 342 00:11:53,967 --> 00:11:55,827 It's the robe guy. 343 00:11:55,833 --> 00:11:57,073 Thanks. 344 00:11:57,067 --> 00:11:58,267 So if there's nothing else, 345 00:11:58,267 --> 00:11:59,597 I'll just be going. 346 00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:00,730 Right. Right. 347 00:12:00,733 --> 00:12:02,803 Hold on. 348 00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:04,970 Do you have change for a 20? 349 00:12:04,967 --> 00:12:06,327 I'm sorry, sir. I don't. 350 00:12:06,333 --> 00:12:08,333 (Daniel) Come on, Jim. Hurry up! 351 00:12:08,333 --> 00:12:09,703 Would you settle down? 352 00:12:09,700 --> 00:12:12,100 I hope you and your friend enjoy your stay. 353 00:12:12,100 --> 00:12:13,670 Uh, he is not my friend. 354 00:12:13,667 --> 00:12:16,427 Oh, I'm so sorry, your partner. 355 00:12:16,433 --> 00:12:17,873 No. 356 00:12:17,867 --> 00:12:19,167 Your husband. 357 00:12:19,167 --> 00:12:20,597 (Daniel) Thank God I'm in the bathroom 358 00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:22,500 'cause I'm gonna be sick. 359 00:12:22,500 --> 00:12:24,430 He's my wife's friend. 360 00:12:24,433 --> 00:12:25,873 Your wife? 361 00:12:25,867 --> 00:12:28,127 [stammering] 362 00:12:28,133 --> 00:12:29,533 (Daniel) Did he just leave? 363 00:12:29,533 --> 00:12:31,373 That guy said he didn't have change either. 364 00:12:31,367 --> 00:12:33,427 No one in this hotel has change! 365 00:12:33,433 --> 00:12:34,733 I'm getting very close 366 00:12:34,733 --> 00:12:36,873 to having a full-blown panic attack. 367 00:12:36,867 --> 00:12:37,927 [knock on door] 368 00:12:37,933 --> 00:12:39,233 Tell them to get me out! 369 00:12:39,233 --> 00:12:40,233 Just settle down. 370 00:12:40,233 --> 00:12:42,073 They're here. 371 00:12:42,067 --> 00:12:43,397 Good evening, sir. Room service. 372 00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:45,070 Where would you like me to set it up? 373 00:12:45,067 --> 00:12:47,467 Oh, you can just leave the cart. 374 00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:49,067 I'm surprised you didn't order a... 375 00:12:49,067 --> 00:12:51,067 Hot Pocket 376 00:12:51,067 --> 00:12:52,327 I'm a big fan. 377 00:12:52,333 --> 00:12:54,103 Wait till all of my friends hear about this. 378 00:12:54,100 --> 00:12:56,600 I brought the Hot Pocket guy his cheeseburger. 379 00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:58,200 I'll take it from here. Thanks. 380 00:12:58,200 --> 00:13:01,200 Here we have our delicious bacon cheeseburger 381 00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:03,430 on a brioche bun, cheddar cheese... 382 00:13:03,433 --> 00:13:05,433 - That's great. - Mustard, your mayo... 383 00:13:05,433 --> 00:13:06,733 (Daniel) Is that the guy? 384 00:13:06,733 --> 00:13:08,533 - Thank God. - It's room service. 385 00:13:08,533 --> 00:13:10,333 That'll do. Does he look strong? 386 00:13:10,333 --> 00:13:12,073 Jim, don't let him leave. 387 00:13:12,067 --> 00:13:15,067 [stammering] 388 00:13:15,067 --> 00:13:16,197 Oh... 389 00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:17,430 I'm so sorry. 390 00:13:17,433 --> 00:13:19,073 - I see you're busy. - Come on! 391 00:13:19,067 --> 00:13:20,397 Let's get this started! 392 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:23,130 I am so ready to go! 393 00:13:23,133 --> 00:13:25,533 He's not. I mean, he-- 394 00:13:25,533 --> 00:13:27,373 Well, he is, not that I-- 395 00:13:27,367 --> 00:13:29,497 That's fine, but you know, not with me. 396 00:13:29,500 --> 00:13:31,100 I mean, I don't even like him. 397 00:13:31,100 --> 00:13:33,170 What are you guys waiting for? 398 00:13:33,167 --> 00:13:35,127 I'm all hot and sweaty. 399 00:13:35,133 --> 00:13:38,373 He's friends with my-- hold on. 400 00:13:39,500 --> 00:13:41,370 - Oh, um... - No. Here. 401 00:13:41,367 --> 00:13:42,727 I'll just leave the cart. 402 00:13:42,733 --> 00:13:45,133 Here. Here's 20. Take 20. Keep the change. 403 00:13:45,133 --> 00:13:47,133 - I won't say anything. - No, you don't have to-- 404 00:13:47,133 --> 00:13:49,373 There's nothing to say! 405 00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:54,730 (Daniel) Jim! 406 00:13:54,733 --> 00:13:57,333 I've been in this bathroom for 20 minutes. 407 00:13:57,333 --> 00:14:00,103 I wasn't even in the closet this long. 408 00:14:00,100 --> 00:14:01,230 [knock on door] 409 00:14:01,233 --> 00:14:03,273 - That them? - I hope. 410 00:14:05,567 --> 00:14:07,527 You're having a problem with your bathroom door? 411 00:14:07,533 --> 00:14:09,103 Yes, please. Come in. 412 00:14:09,100 --> 00:14:11,170 Please. Here you go. 413 00:14:11,167 --> 00:14:13,927 Hey, you're that comedian. 414 00:14:13,933 --> 00:14:15,533 Uh, no. That's... 415 00:14:15,533 --> 00:14:18,173 Yeah, you are, the one with all the kids. 416 00:14:18,167 --> 00:14:19,697 I don't know. 417 00:14:19,700 --> 00:14:22,630 My wife thinks your wife is a saint. 418 00:14:22,633 --> 00:14:23,903 You guys live in the city, right? 419 00:14:23,900 --> 00:14:25,570 How come you're staying in a hotel room? 420 00:14:25,567 --> 00:14:28,097 It's a special night away from home. 421 00:14:28,100 --> 00:14:29,730 (Daniel) Jim, let me remind you, 422 00:14:29,733 --> 00:14:31,933 I didn't even want to be here tonight. 423 00:14:31,933 --> 00:14:33,333 You asked me to come. 424 00:14:33,333 --> 00:14:35,703 You asked me to make tonight special. 425 00:14:35,700 --> 00:14:38,500 That's my wife's friend. 426 00:14:38,500 --> 00:14:41,070 She went--she's gonna be back right away. 427 00:14:41,067 --> 00:14:43,427 You got to get him out of here before she comes back. 428 00:14:43,433 --> 00:14:45,533 You watching that, sir? 429 00:14:45,533 --> 00:14:46,733 No, I've been trying 430 00:14:46,733 --> 00:14:49,233 to turn it off ever since I--oh. 431 00:14:49,233 --> 00:14:50,573 All right. 432 00:14:55,133 --> 00:14:56,333 I hate you. 433 00:14:56,333 --> 00:14:57,673 I never want to see you again. 434 00:14:57,667 --> 00:14:58,867 Okay. 435 00:14:58,867 --> 00:15:00,667 [gasps] 436 00:15:00,667 --> 00:15:02,067 Ah! 437 00:15:02,067 --> 00:15:06,597 I asked you to put these on a hanger! 438 00:15:08,300 --> 00:15:09,870 Filthy animal, move! 439 00:15:15,433 --> 00:15:19,373 I'm gonna give you both 20s. 440 00:15:19,367 --> 00:15:20,767 None of my business, so... 441 00:15:20,767 --> 00:15:21,967 [laughing] Here you go. 442 00:15:21,967 --> 00:15:24,727 You get a 20, and you get a 20. 443 00:15:24,733 --> 00:15:26,903 I get it; on the down-low. 444 00:15:26,900 --> 00:15:30,270 No, there's no low or down. 445 00:15:30,267 --> 00:15:32,427 I'm a happily-married man... 446 00:15:32,433 --> 00:15:33,873 Mm-hmm. 447 00:15:33,867 --> 00:15:35,627 To a woman! 448 00:15:47,700 --> 00:15:49,870 - Jesus. What--What are you doing here? 449 00:15:49,867 --> 00:15:52,167 What am I doing here? What are you doing here? 450 00:15:52,167 --> 00:15:54,497 I thought you were gonna be at a play until, like, 10:30. 451 00:15:54,500 --> 00:15:56,270 What does that matter? Why would you be in my room? 452 00:15:56,267 --> 00:15:58,567 Well because, you know, I figured if you weren't gonna 453 00:15:58,567 --> 00:16:00,197 be here until later, maybe me and Gigi could... 454 00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:01,470 Are you kidding me? 455 00:16:01,467 --> 00:16:03,227 Kind of? 456 00:16:03,233 --> 00:16:05,433 Dave, this is my anniversary. 457 00:16:05,433 --> 00:16:06,973 Jeannie's gonna be here any minute. 458 00:16:06,967 --> 00:16:08,327 You can't be here. 459 00:16:08,333 --> 00:16:10,433 You know that's a woman's robe, right? 460 00:16:10,433 --> 00:16:11,973 - So what! - Okay. 461 00:16:11,967 --> 00:16:13,667 - All right. Well, I'm... - I'm in my room! 462 00:16:13,667 --> 00:16:14,827 I'm allowed to wear a woman's robe! 463 00:16:14,833 --> 00:16:16,073 Okay. All right. I'll tell Gigi 464 00:16:16,067 --> 00:16:17,767 there's been a little change of plans. 465 00:16:17,767 --> 00:16:19,497 Oh, yeah, I'm sorry to inconvenience you. 466 00:16:19,500 --> 00:16:20,830 It's not a problem. 467 00:16:20,833 --> 00:16:23,773 [shower running] 468 00:16:47,467 --> 00:16:50,467 [soft jazzy music playing] 469 00:16:50,467 --> 00:16:58,597 470 00:17:07,567 --> 00:17:08,897 [beep] 471 00:17:12,533 --> 00:17:14,803 Dave, wow. 472 00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:19,070 473 00:17:19,067 --> 00:17:21,227 I've got a present for you, too, Dave. 474 00:17:21,233 --> 00:17:22,433 [giggles] 475 00:17:22,433 --> 00:17:30,573 476 00:17:37,500 --> 00:17:38,930 [water stops running] 477 00:17:42,533 --> 00:17:43,933 - Ah! - Ahh! 478 00:17:43,933 --> 00:17:45,103 Hi! Gigi? 479 00:17:45,100 --> 00:17:46,900 - Who the hell are you? - I'm Jim. 480 00:17:46,900 --> 00:17:48,430 There's been a mix-up with the room. 481 00:17:48,433 --> 00:17:49,633 Dave's downstairs. 482 00:17:49,633 --> 00:17:50,633 Can I get dressed? 483 00:17:50,633 --> 00:17:52,173 Go ahead, please. 484 00:17:52,167 --> 00:17:53,497 My wife is coming. 485 00:17:53,500 --> 00:17:55,470 Okay. Yeah. 486 00:17:55,467 --> 00:17:56,867 Don't slam the... 487 00:17:56,867 --> 00:17:58,067 door. 488 00:18:01,067 --> 00:18:02,397 Dave, pick up your phone! 489 00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:03,600 My gosh. 490 00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:04,930 Whoa. 491 00:18:09,067 --> 00:18:11,767 Let me guess: not your wife? 492 00:18:12,900 --> 00:18:13,700 Hmm. 493 00:18:13,700 --> 00:18:14,830 I'm gonna get-- 494 00:18:14,833 --> 00:18:16,073 I'm all out of cash. 495 00:18:16,067 --> 00:18:17,467 Here's my metro card. 496 00:18:17,467 --> 00:18:18,727 I just refilled it. 497 00:18:18,733 --> 00:18:20,203 There's, like, 60 bucks on there. 498 00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:22,070 30, 40--maybe 18. 499 00:18:23,733 --> 00:18:25,703 Oh, jeez. 500 00:18:27,233 --> 00:18:28,633 [knock on door] 501 00:18:33,367 --> 00:18:34,727 - Hi. - Hi. 502 00:18:34,733 --> 00:18:36,303 I'm so sorry that took me so long. 503 00:18:36,300 --> 00:18:37,300 No worries. 504 00:18:37,300 --> 00:18:38,400 Ooh, you took a shower. 505 00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:39,400 It's our anniversary. 506 00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:40,400 [knock on door] 507 00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:41,730 Oh. 508 00:18:43,067 --> 00:18:44,867 Yeah, I left my other stocking by the bed. 509 00:18:44,867 --> 00:18:46,727 Oh, I'm sorry. I think you have the wrong room. 510 00:18:47,900 --> 00:18:49,600 Hi, Jim. 511 00:18:51,833 --> 00:18:53,233 That's Dave's girlfriend. 512 00:18:53,233 --> 00:18:54,233 Dave is here? 513 00:18:54,233 --> 00:18:55,303 No, of course not. 514 00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:56,330 [beep] 515 00:18:56,333 --> 00:18:57,703 There's Gigi. 516 00:18:57,700 --> 00:18:59,130 I've been looking everywhere for you. 517 00:18:59,133 --> 00:19:00,903 Hey, I hope nothing went on in here, man. 518 00:19:00,900 --> 00:19:02,330 It's your anniversary, for God sakes. 519 00:19:02,333 --> 00:19:05,073 You invited Dave on our anniversary? 520 00:19:05,067 --> 00:19:06,867 This was supposed to be an intimate evening 521 00:19:06,867 --> 00:19:07,967 between the two of us. 522 00:19:07,967 --> 00:19:09,667 He just showed up, and by the way, 523 00:19:09,667 --> 00:19:11,197 it hasn't been that intimate of an evening 524 00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:12,630 because I've been here by myself 525 00:19:12,633 --> 00:19:13,973 because you forgot your stupid bag. 526 00:19:13,967 --> 00:19:15,497 - My stupid bag? - Yes, your stupid bag. 527 00:19:15,500 --> 00:19:17,370 I only went to get it because you insisted that I... 528 00:19:17,367 --> 00:19:19,127 I'm just gonna go pee, all right? 529 00:19:19,133 --> 00:19:20,673 Yeah, I've been going through hell! 530 00:19:20,667 --> 00:19:21,827 You're ordering room service 531 00:19:21,833 --> 00:19:23,233 and entertaining Gigi. 532 00:19:23,233 --> 00:19:24,473 [pounding on door] 533 00:19:24,467 --> 00:19:27,297 Who the hell is... 534 00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:30,500 So this is the guy who thinks he's gonna steal my Gigi. 535 00:19:30,500 --> 00:19:31,730 - No. - Marcus? 536 00:19:31,733 --> 00:19:32,903 Shut up, Gigi. 537 00:19:32,900 --> 00:19:34,300 You're going down, bro. 538 00:19:34,300 --> 00:19:36,470 That's not me. You're looking for Dave. 539 00:19:36,467 --> 00:19:38,627 (Dave) Hey, man, there's something wrong with the door. 540 00:19:38,633 --> 00:19:40,173 - It's stuck. - Are you Dave? 541 00:19:40,167 --> 00:19:41,927 - Yeah, I'm Dave. - Are you the janitor, man? 542 00:19:41,933 --> 00:19:43,773 (Dave) Come on, let me out of here, all right? 543 00:19:43,767 --> 00:19:45,467 I got a sexy lady waiting for me outside. 544 00:19:45,467 --> 00:19:47,797 You know what I'm saying? I'll be there in a minute, Gigi. 545 00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:49,570 Oh, I'll get you out of there, all right! 546 00:19:49,567 --> 00:19:51,327 No, Marcus. No! 547 00:19:51,333 --> 00:19:52,873 Marcus? 548 00:19:52,867 --> 00:19:54,197 Why are you taking your shirt off? 549 00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:56,230 - Marcus! - You're a dead man! 550 00:19:56,233 --> 00:19:57,973 Not again, Marcus! 551 00:19:57,967 --> 00:19:59,827 Did I say "Dave?" I meant Don. 552 00:19:59,833 --> 00:20:01,503 I'm a man named Don, 553 00:20:01,500 --> 00:20:04,130 and I don't know who you are or what you might want with me. 554 00:20:04,133 --> 00:20:05,533 Jim? 555 00:20:05,533 --> 00:20:07,303 Let's go, bro! Open the door! 556 00:20:07,300 --> 00:20:10,500 Davey! Come on, buddy! 557 00:20:10,500 --> 00:20:13,070 (Gigi) Leave him alone! Don't hurt him! 558 00:20:13,067 --> 00:20:16,497 559 00:20:16,500 --> 00:20:17,800 Mm. 560 00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:19,530 Good morning, darling. 561 00:20:19,533 --> 00:20:21,403 Well, that was a memorable anniversary. 562 00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:22,630 You're not upset? 563 00:20:22,633 --> 00:20:24,003 It was a pretty hefty bill to pay 564 00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:26,500 for not getting to stay at a fancy hotel. 565 00:20:26,500 --> 00:20:28,700 And not seeing a Broadway show. 566 00:20:28,700 --> 00:20:30,570 I'm not mad at all. 567 00:20:30,567 --> 00:20:32,027 But next year, to save time, 568 00:20:32,033 --> 00:20:34,733 we should just stay home and light $20 bills on fire. 569 00:20:34,733 --> 00:20:36,573 And get Shake Shack. 570 00:20:36,567 --> 00:20:38,727 I love the way you think. 571 00:20:38,733 --> 00:20:40,203 Give me. Give me. 572 00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:41,570 Okay. You come... 573 00:20:41,567 --> 00:20:42,927 - I can't-- - I can't get over there. 574 00:20:42,933 --> 00:20:44,333 - Well, move somebody. - You... 575 00:20:44,333 --> 00:20:45,273 [baby crying] 38827

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