Original subtitles

Yes, quite a lot.

Did you ever see that film, The Hustler?

Yes.

Do you remember that opening?

Hot road, two men in the car.

Marvellous.

The way they did the credits, do you remember?

With the film stopping, then starting again?

They do the same thing in the U.N.C.L. E films.

Did you ever see any of those U.N.C.L. E films?

Yes.

The reason why I pick up hitchhikers is for the company.

I like to hear what they have to say.

A man can start out bumming rides.

Before long, he's driving a car of his own.

I've picked up a lot of people.

They all tell you some kind of story.

Doesn't matter whether it's true or not.

Do you live in the city?

Most of my life I have.

I never worry about picking up hitchhikers, know what I mean?

Some people think it's dangerous. You never know who it might be.

I've got to get

Out of this place

If it's the last

thing I ever...

Look, I don't like the way the engine sounds.

What I'd like to do is to pull up to the side

and have a look at some of the plugs.

There's a place up ahead where I can pull up quite easily.

You can give me a hand.

We'll both go into town together.

I guess that's all right, isn't it?

Yes, of course.

I've got some tools in the boot.

I think it's important to have a good set of tools.

- Do want a cigarette? - I don't use them.

Thanks.

I've had this car for four years.

How old are you?

What do you say?

Why did you give up smoking?

There's a plug wrench down there. Would you get it for me?

My daughter...

I bet you didn't think I had a daughter...

She's got this plan.

She's... she's only eleven now.

She wants to travel all round the world.

Can you imagine, a little girl all round the world on her own?

I said to her, "Why travel?" I mean, we've got everything here.

Well, holiday, that's all right, everyone needs a change,

recharge the old batteries, all that.

But you know what her plan is?

She wants to live on the move, keep going, cover the whole world.

She says she's going to start next year.

Start next year.

Anyway, I said to her,

"How is a little girl like you gonna travel without money?"

We have great times together, the two of us.

We don't take it seriously, you know.

But, I mean, I say, "Who's gonna pay?"

She's a funny little thing.

You see, I think what it really is,

at the moment, she doesn't want to work.

I think that's what it is.

What do you think of that plan, then?

I shall have to think about it.

That's it.

Look, I don't think I want to ride any further today.

You go on and leave me here.

Yes, all right.

And thanks very much for the lift.

I might have some good news for you.

Good, I think we ought to go in, yes.

Let me soften you up with a bit of good news.

Our request for two synaptic systems has been favourably received.

Some of you place more reliance on this approach than I do.

But I think we can all feel pleased that the general trend

towards what used to be regarded as basic analysis

is being continued at our level.

- Hear, hear. - Hear, hear.

But I would like to emphasise the need for revised speculation,

which we discussed at some length last month.

But let me get down to the main point.

The reason why I have brought you all together

is that over the next ten days,

we will have to start five committees,

one of just under 300 people.

I will direct that one myself.

And I would like to start blocking out our plans.

The big committee will be a fairly costly affair.

All the invitees have contrary imaginations.

There will be very few probes,

and I'm hoping to hold this at the lodge.

If it's free, then we can get going very quickly.

The second committee, which I hope Phillips will take,

will consist of 18.

And Phillips and I have already discussed this at some length.

[Television presenter] Our obligation to the community

is a wholly negative one: Not to do harm.

Withdrawal is a wholly defensible position,

for society, in nurturing its creatures,

necessarily owes it a great deal.

Yet it is much to be doubted whether people themselves

owe much to society.

Basically, man has the inalienable right

to withdraw from society if he so wishes.

He has the right to argue that,

since society no longer provides the means of sustenance,

which he would like to see society provide,

if this is no longer forthcoming, he has the right, therefore,

to inform society that he no longer wishes

to partake either of the rewards of society,

nor necessarily contribute towards any of society's costs.

[Television speaker] With regard to the motion,

which has been with us for some time, I've only a few comments to make.

And if I may be allowed to finish without any interruption,

I'll take any points of information when I've completed my speech.

Essentially, I'm talking about a very specific situation

set in a much wider context.

We all know what is at stake,

and I would much appreciate it if we could, in fact,

come straight to the point without the usual circumlocution

which has tended to mar this debate in the past.

Those who have spoken for the motion have done so with extreme lucidity,

but none of the arguments has been relevant at all.

Those speaking against, to whom this comment also applies,

have raised some very interesting arguments,

all of which have been equally irrelevant.

You all know what I want...

Excuse me, your clothes are sticking out.

- Good morning. - Good morning.

The thing is, I'm sorry to take up your time,

but something's come up and I shall just have to go away for a while.

That's impossible.

We can't possibly let anybody go off.

Waiting times are too long as they are now.

But I have this letter... to go on a committee.

Committee?

I don't know what it's about. It doesn't say very much.

You can't tell from the letter what they have in mind.

It's the usual way.

You get a letter and you're off on a committee.

Could be for a day or many weeks.

- Ever had one of these before? - No, I haven't.

I've heard people talk about them from time to time.

- Do you know much about them? - Could be anything.

I was on one, years ago.

Consisted of eight men.

We were asked to decide which of five oranges we thought was the roundest.

That's unusual, then.

Mostly, it's like a long weekend in the country.

A sort of continuous house party.

Great fun, really.

Seems strange how people just go along with it, though.

Oh, no, you've got the wrong idea.

They don't bother people.

You may have to fill out a form or so while they do the work.

When you're off on a committee, you're part of it.

There's no question of bothering people.

Well, what are they doing, then?

Well, you might as well ask what a telephone man

is doing going down a manhole.

They keep the system going.

Funny question.

You'll enjoy yourself.

I'll see that someone looks after your work.

I guess some people come back a little changed.

And that change can be a lot.

Look...

I saw an interesting film last night.

I'd like to talk to you about it.

Let me buy you a drink after work.

Yes, okay. Thanks very much.

You know, really, when I think of everything that's involved

in coming down today, it doesn't seem worthwhile.

Would you all please go through to the main entrance hall and register?

Can we leave our suitcase here, please?

Yes, that's fine. You'll find your rooms

in the building immediately behind this block.

- Is there a swimming pool? - Yes, there is.

We have quite a range of facilities here,

tennis and boating and so on.

- Excuse me. - Yes.

If you would please be patient,

we'll take care of everyone very quickly.

When we do take...

Be sure to fill in one of these forms.

And if we could have it back before lunch,

if possible, or shortly afterwards.

- Are you together? - Yes.

Room 37, please.

That's in the block directly behind this building.

- Are you alone? - Yes.

Room number eight, please. It's in the block directly...

- Yes, thank you. - Could I please?

Well, here we go.

How long do you think this committee will take?

It's difficult to say until we've processed the forms.

When the printouts come back from the city,

I shall have a pretty good idea.

Coming back to what we were discussing before,

I think my position is consistent

with the evidence of the past 400 years.

Haven't the past 400 years been rather exceptional?

Even so.

I take it that you'll be leaving on your committee this evening.

Have any idea what this is all about?

I'm waiting for this evening.

We could be here for a month, so far as I'm concerned.

You're so right.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Have your teeth been bothering you?

No.

No, not especially.

Well, that's all right, then.

I think the thing is, I've improved in recent times.

Because technology has gotten better in that way.

I'm sorry, but it's a most extraordinary thing.

You look exactly like my wife.

No, I mean, it's remarkable.

You've got the same forehead,

the same eyes,

the same nose,

exactly the same mouth.

Everything's exactly the same.

Except for the moustache, of course.

Would you care for a game of table tennis?

No thanks, I was just going for a swim.

- Hello! - Hi.

Here, have this.

Did you come this morning? I didn't see you.

Yes, I was here.

- How are you? - Okay.

Mother's been asking about you. You really should write to her.

Yes, I know. I will do.

It's great, this committee, just like a free holiday.

Not for me.

What do you mean? What are you getting at?

Well, look, I'll tell you.

I'm worried. I mean, I really am frightened,

I think this committee is because of me.

See...

Well, I cut this fellow dead once.

Anyway, he's here at the lodge now.

No, you must be wrong. What did he say?

Nothing, I don't think he remembers me.

But I'm sure, this is it.

You're sure?

We'll escape, then. We'll get away.

Tonight, after the party, when everyone's gone to bed.

We'll get away. You know what I mean.

Yes.

Yes, I know what you mean.

You mean I'll get away.

It's not you, I'm sure.

The director's waiting for these forms to be processed.

Okay.

Actually, I'm not particularly fond of fireworks,

but I think I know a good one when I see one.

Do you think spiritualism, you know, communication with the dead,

is the same thing as ESP?

That depends. If the dead are there, it is,

but if they're not, it's something quite different.

Where I come from, there are two things you can do.

You can either stay there or move away.

And what did you do?

You know those creatures that Cocteau has in his films

with horses' heads and men's bodies?

They're senators in reverse.

- You mean "centaurs". - Yes, centaurs in reverse.

I remember a girl who used to keep cracking up all the time.

We would be sitting around, waiting for a taxi

to take her to the hospital, and she would be sitting there,

saying things like, "It's dreadful, it's awful, it's disgraceful."

She'd just keep saying things like that,

"It's awful, it's horrible."

But it is horrible.

I felt really happy one evening.

I'd taken a girl out from the office for a meal.

And we were walking back to her place.

I was really looking forward to it.

Well, on the way, we passed a pet shop.

It was an empty street,

just the light from the window of this pet shop.

And there, in the window, was a big tank full of little turtles.

Little pet turtles.

And most of them had painted backs.

Someone had come along and painted different colours

and little flowers or short messages on their backs.

And then I noticed one of them had a mother-of-pearl back.

The turtle was inlaid with mother-of-pearl,

and the girl grabbed my arm in excitement and said,

"Look! Look at that cute little one with he mother-of-pearl!"

Well, I... I knew then, I just...

wouldn't go up to her room.

I could just see her dressing table,

all scattered with bits of female equipment.

Hairpins and curlers and various things.

Combs and brushes all inlaid with mother-of-pearl.

Terrific.

Would you come and see me in my office, please?

Sit down.

I'd like to take a blood sample.

Is there something that you want to tell me?

What do you want to know?

I'd like you tell me what happened in the glade that day.

Do you want to know why?

Why I cut his head off and put it back on?

Yes.

I didn't mean to do him any permanent harm.

I wanted to take his head and play a joke with it,

like putting it on a wall and frightening people as they walked by.

But the joke got lost, and in the end, I...

put his head back on.

It sounds as if you expect me to judge you.

Responsible or irresponsible.

Innocent or guilty.

Sane or insane.

I'll judge myself.

You may judge yourself.

But I can condition you to pass any judgement I like.

If you hold an opinion,

it's because I let you hold that opinion.

Why do you say "l"?

Why not "we"?

If you like.

We're getting away from the glade.

I don't mean to sound like a snob...

but that man, worrying about his car...

You know what I mean, he's not alive.

If you can do what you say, why don't you wake him up?

Just tell me what happened.

You could ask him.

But he couldn't tell you.

That's the point, isn't it? He couldn't tell you.

- Can you tell me? - I can tell you this.

In that car, there was nothing, see, nothing, just talk.

It's fair to say, isn't it, that a man like that doesn't think.

He doesn't really feel.

He goes through the motions of being human,

because nobody told him different.

Look, you may be the best surgeon in town,

but you're not making yourself very clear.

- Okay. - What doesn't he think?

Okay, for all I know, he may be a very clever and successful person.

- Successful in whose terms? - In our terms.

His terms don't matter?

Yes.

In some sense, they don't matter.

I know that sounds awful. I probably don't even mean it.

Maybe I have the whole thing wrong.

The only thing to do is to try to make things better.

In whose terms?

Look, I'd like to explain to you about that guy.

He's...

enclosed in himself. He goes on and on.

I get the feeling that he just isn't concerned...

concerned with other people.

I mean, everything else is a matter of taste, a matter of opinion.

But if anyone can live on this earth and not care about other people...

So you cut his head off.

The thing you really seem to hold against him is typified

- by what you did to him. - I did nothing to him.

He's okay. I put it back on.

The head, I mean.

His head.

Yeah, I put the right head back on.

In that car, I was suffocating.

Not just there, lots of times.

We're helpless, really.

You as well.

If we are helpless, then we are not responsible.

But there is a difference between things.

I can hold my breath, but my blood flows regardless.

You can hold your breath for a little while.

But if you stop the blood flowing, that's for good.

In the womb, the baby thinks that it's the universe.

And when the baby is born,

there is a glimmer of light.

I was there, but now I am here.

So there are two things,

me and the universe.

The universe is there for me.

Then what happens?

Other people, that's what happens.

I'm skipping the details, just hitting the main points.

Other people.

In thought, you can try to clear the deck.

But in practice, there is a lot of history.

In a way, you sell your soul.

But the universe is there... for you.

Now, tell me what happened in the glade.

I did something to myself.

Like entertainment.

Like a musing, like a daydream.

There was nothing there.

And I saw something.

I saw his head under the bonnet of the car.

You can say what you like,

but I saw the bird of paradise spread its wings.

And the suffocating? Are you still suffocating?

Not now.

Not just now.

Can you put yourself in my shoes?

Can you picture how it looks to me?

You know, that's the one thing I can't do.

Why can't you put yourself in my shoes?

Because it would mean eliminating me?

In effect, killing me?

Or are you afraid to see yourself?

And who am I?

You're the director.

Of the committee.

You are the state.

The trouble is that before the conversation even begins,

everything has been said.

Ten years from now, there will be a person wandering around,

and people will say that it is you.

Now, they say that it will be you.

But what, really, is your obligation to him?

Suppose he starves?

Does that bother you?

Can you experience his pleasures?

In a way, yes.

Like you can experience mine.

What is the difference between your relation to yourself in the future

and other people now?

I may be the director of a committee in the future.

I can't think anymore.

There is something that we're driving at, but I...

can't see what it is.

Do you believe that I have access to knowledge?

That I understand something about society?

Yes.

Do you want me to stop the games and just come out with it?

Yes.

Suppose I were to tell you.

Just like that, in a phrase.

Do you have any idea what it would sound like?

Do you think you could understand it?

[Committee director] Do you have any idea what it would...

Would it be a sound?

Do you think you could understand it?

What would it look like?

Understand...

And could you even recognise it? Do you have any idea...

And would it always be the same?

Do you think you could understand it?

I can tell you one thing.

You're just as much a part of it as me.

And him.

What interests me about authority is the fakery.

And what interests me about rejection of authority,

is also the fakery.

I think the whole world is a madhouse.

An extended madhouse.

Is that a way of saying that you are mad?

As long as the dialogue goes on, there's a chance of rationality.

Not everyone would agree with that.

Let me ask you a question.

Suppose we could get far enough away from human society

to observe it with detachment.

What would it look like?

A mould?

A colony of bacteria going through the familiar phases?

And if so, what would we do about it?

Try to break the ghastly chain?

With what means?

You would have to understand the process.

Or else just lash out, strike at something.

It's late in the day. Maybe too late.

I'd suggest we look for the best shortcut.

Back to the lodge?

Yes, if you like. Back to the lodge.

It's obvious...

that my contract with society was not total.

I may have cut my head off and put it back on again,

but the wound didn't close up completely.

Not completely.

Some people think that the criminals and the mad are the real heroes.

Why not, in a corrupt world?

In a pointless and vicious society.

- But in a reasonable society... ...there are no criminals.

So... one criminal act

can turn a reasonable society into an unreasonable one.

And back again.

To the lodge?

Yes, if you like.

Do you play bridge?