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Okay, Lola, now that you're officially a Tampa resident,

there are a few things you need to know about living in Florida.

Pro: You can wear flip-flops all year.

Con: Many things will bite your feet.

Fire ants, mosquitoes, that homeschooled kid down the block.

Basically, the ground is alive and it hates you.

Okay, next.

The beach!

Pro: It's so pretty.

Con: The undertow might actually take one of your toes.

Next, humidity.

Oh, sorry. I had humidity, but I couldn't sleep.

JJ kept me up all night with her bubble machine.

I need my bubble buddy to sleep.

But you point it right at my face.

Well, if I point it at my face then I won't be able to sleep.

Okay, I've got to get to work,

and you kids have to get to school.

And that includes Dad, who's going to my Career Day today.

What, what!

Let's just do the speed round, Mom.

- Hit her with the cons. - Okay.

Tallahassee, tourists, any election day,

every Florida band except Tom Petty,

and for sure, old people driving rascals.

When you are on a sidewalk, keep your head on a swivel.

Wow.

So Florida's basically just a giant humid Arby's.

Well, there is one more giant pro.

That's the fact that we're all here,

- and now you are, too. - Aw.

Okay,

tomorrow we will spend a full day on sinkholes.

Thank you, Dr. Kim. Wow,

we've had two heart surgeons and a judge!

And now we have JJ's dad, who's a wrestler.

I got this, Miss Regie.

Aidan, lights.

Strobes.

Ladies and gentlemen, parents,

and Caleb's newest stepdad.

Still just the boyfriend. Fingers crossed though.

Please welcome my dad!

Yeah, that's what we're talking about!

Hello!

Whoo! All right!

That's how you make an entrance, Dr. Kim.

I'm JJ's dad.

I'm the Big Show.

Hi, Mr. Big Show.

Any questions for Mr. Show?

How big is your poop?

Any career questions for Mr. Show?

When's your next match?

Uh, actually, I'm retired. I don't wrestle anymore.

So, if you're retired, what do you do?

That's a good question. I, um...

My grandma's retired.

She just watches reruns of The Golden Girls.

My grandpa retired, but then he died.

My dad said he died of not having a purpose.

Do you have a purpose?

I think. Um...

Kids, this is a good lesson for career day.

Sometimes when people retire,

they take a while to figure out what they want to do

with the rest of the short time they have left.

What?

Yes, Cooper.

I have a follow-up on my poop question. It's a two-parter.

♪ He's got a ham sandwich in his hands ♪

♪ He's got a Swiss ham sandwich ♪ ♪ In his hands ♪

♪ He's got some grease ♪ ♪ From the bacon on his pants ♪

♪ 'Cause he's got a dad sandwich ♪

♪ In his hands ♪

Dad!

Why are you sleeping on the couch?

Because I can't sleep in my room.

JJ is binging The Walking Dead without headphones.

What? She's not supposed to watch anything that's going to prepare her

for taking over the world.

I can't live like this!

We'll punish JJ in the morning.

Right now, I need you to help me pick up my dad sandwich.

Should be 22 pieces.

Hello, Jennifer Jane.

Oh, no.

Oh, yes.

Heard you've been enjoying some late night screen time,

and I found the notebook

where you've been practicing my signature.

Looks like it's time for a visit from...

- The Punisher! - The Punisher?

That's right.

The Punisher.

Let's see. No play dates for a week,

a written report on the importance of sleep,

and I'm confiscating your bubble machine.

God, I hate The Punisher,

but I also want to be her.

Thanks, Mom, but JJ is relentless.

I have to get a hotel room.

Dad, I'm going to need all your three million Marriott points.

Yeah, that's not happening.

Ugh!

Mandy, I've got a crazy idea.

Do you want to move in with me?

I've never shared a room before. Could be fun.

Could be fun? Will be fun!

Living with my older sister is the dream!

My dream is to sail around the world or, like, photobomb Shawn Mendes.

But I'm really excited about this, too! What's up, new roommate?

Oh! Okay, this is happening.

Not a hugger. Just not for me, like camping or men's soccer.

Hey!

Show Business... in the house!

My man, Terry. I broke another doorknob, man.

Mm. It's cool. I'd be embarrassed

to own a gym where the members weren't strong enough to tear it down.

Can I talk to you about something?

Anything. Except about toenails.

I don't like 'em.

They're like little turtle shells for your feet.

No, it's not about that.

How could it be about that?

Look, man, it's been a minute since I retired from wrestling,

and I feel like I need to find what's next.

Dude, you a celebrity.

You should just endorse stuff.

And lucky for you, I got the perfect thing.

Check this out.

This is a state-of-the-art juicer

that runs on artificial intelligence.

Show, meet blender.

Hello, Terry, the sexiest man alive.

I didn't teach her that. That's just the intelligence talking.

Blender, make me a smoothie with, uh, strawberry, banana, and acai.

That's a superfood, bro.

Nice...

That's all good. That's normal.

Strawberry.

Banana.

Acai. Acai. Acai.

Thank you, acai.

I like acai.

Acai.

Acai.

Acai.

Acai.

Whoo!

You know, I just talked to Ronny Cuban.

That's, uh... That's Mark Cuban's brother,

and he's in for, uh, 50... bucks.

What are you in for?

No, I'm out.

I'm very, very out.

Come on, Terry. For real, I need your help.

You know, man.

Retired wrestlers are doing all kinda cool stuff these days.

There's wine, there's yoga.

You could always make movies like the Rock.

No, I tried the whole movie thing.

I wasn't getting put up for the right roles.

Hello, I'm Elton John.

That was great. Thank you.

Hey, can I keep the hat?

Ooh! I got the perfect idea.

You know how the Undertaker and his wife, they do real estate?

- Mm-hmm. - You should do that with Cassy, man.

She's already in the biz.

Yeah, but what do I know about real estate?

That's the beauty of it. You don't know anything!

Cassy's always saying we need to spend more time together, you know.

- Maybe this'd get me out of going to the farmers' market. - Oh...

Don't bad-mouth the farmers' market.

That's the only place I can buy some decent stone fruit.

Whoo!

That was a good farmers' market "sesh."

Yeah, but do we really need five pounds of pluots?

I mean, what are pluots, anyway?

Ah, it's a cross between an apricot and a plum.

It's like the labradoodle of fruit,

which is almost as cute

as how much you loved the face paint guy.

Okay. Weeo is an artist, okay?

You know I've been thinking about what I'm gonna do next, right?

Sure don't, but catch me up.

- Well, Terry had this great idea. - Terry?

The same guy who locked himself in his Jetta over a holiday weekend.

I forgot about that.

But listen,

what if I become a real estate agent?

Then you and I can work together, and that'd be fun, right?

So much fun.

You know, when your voice gets higher,

that usually means you don't like something.

That's not true.

Babe, I'm just saying I'm looking for my second act,

and this could be something I'm really good at.

Okay, well, uh, you know, sometimes we have interns at the office.

Maybe you could intern and see if you like that.

Yeah! I could be an intern.

Like Robert De Niro in that movie.

Because anything Rob De Niro can do,

I can do.

Mm-hmm!

Hey, roomie.

I thought we could do each other's nails.

I have Pinky Brewster, Katy Periwinkle or Blue Yonce.

Ooh! I'd love that.

Give me Pinky for my fingers, and Katy for my toes.

Wow, you have so much stuff.

It's like, everywhere.

We'll make it work.

Of course we will.

This is the best!

Are those dolls?

They're legendary female bobbleheads.

I have RBG,

Rosa Parks,

Ellen DeGeneres...

Why do they only shake their heads "yes"?

Because women...

are very supportive of each other.

Is this a half-eaten burrito?

I like to think of it as half an uneaten burrito,

but I'm an optimist.

You're going to bed?

It's like 7:30.

Yeah. If I don't get my 13 hours of sleep, I'm a total mess.

Really? You?

I thought you hated JJ's bubble machine.

I went from hating it to being fully dependent on it.

Weird, right? Good night.

Ew!

Sorry.

The Wi-Fi is awful on my side of the room.

I didn't want to wake you, but I also wanted

to scroll through We Rate Dogs,

so you see my dilemma.

No, I absolutely do not.

Oh! It's 7:45.

- Gotta get to school. - What?

7:45?

Why didn't my alarm go off?

Oh... Sorry, I unplugged it to use my flatiron.

You can use it because this whole hair thing...

is a bold choice.

See you downstairs.

Ew!

How many burritos are in this room?

Sorry I'm late.

I wanted to get Miss Puffin's lemon poppy muffins for the open house.

Your fave!

Wait, isn't Miss Puffins in Orlando?

Yeah, I went there last night and slept in my car.

Anything for you, Cass-a-frass.

Okay, Bennett, we talked about how that name is too Jamba Juicy.

- We did, and I'm sorry. - Okay.

- Cassy-o-keyboard? - Mm-mm.

- We'll find it. - Yeah.

Hey, you know, if anyone can sell this haunted house, it's you.

Okay, this house is not haunted.

It's just that the previous tenant died here,

and her spirit refuses to leave.

Which is the literal definition of a haunted house.

You're still my queen though.

Okay. Hey,

my husband is going to be helping us out today.

He's thinking of becoming a real estate agent.

Perfect! And I'm thinking of becoming

a professional wrestler!

- JK, I'd die quickly. - Yeah.

Ding-dong!

Had to say ding-dong 'cause I broke the doorbell.

Hey, babe.

You remember Bennett, right? His dad owns our company.

Of course! Big Ben!

It's Bennett.

Hard "T".

Okay. This is gonna be fun.

You gotta see the light.

And you know, when it's your place,

you can pick any new curtains you want.

How about these closets?

Ow! My bones!

Oh, no!

Show?

Sorry. I mean, that thing came apart so easy.

I mean, I don't think it's up to code.

Okay. Okay, uh...

Babe, I've got a new job for you.

Okay.

Muffins.

Muffins.

Hey, you're the Big Show!

You're doing real estate now?

Sort of. Mainly focused on the muffin side of it.

Dude, I would love to buy a house from a celebrity.

I once bought an unlocked phone from Fifty Cent.

So, what can you tell me about this place?

This place? Oh, this place is great!

I mean, the last owner loved this place so much,

she didn't even want to leave.

She actually died here.

No, no, no, no, no!

But don't worry, I know what you're thinking.

"Is this place haunted?"

And the answer is...

maybe?

Hi, hello. I can take over from here.

You know what? No, thanks.

I think I'm just gonna go.

No, man, you haven't even seen upstairs.

No!

Muffin?

Hey, roomie.

Love the no makeup look.

Well, I was late 'cause my alarm didn't go off,

I'm wearing glasses 'cause I couldn't find my contacts

under all of your tubes of organic toothpaste, and...

Oh my God, are you wearing my new bomber jacket?

Yeah, I got it from our closet.

I just bought it.

It's so new it literally still has the tags on it.

Not anymore, I took them off.

BTW, you can totally borrow any of my clothes.

I don't want to borrow your clothes.

I want to wear the clothes I bought for myself.

Okay, calm down. I'll give it back later today.

- No, I'd like it back now. - That's crazy.

- Give it back. - No.

Mandy, let go!

No, you let go!

Just straighten your elbows!

Oh!

Ah, my nose! It just got better

after your dad broke it.

What is wrong with your family?

Okay, that car ride was way too quiet.

What happened?

Wait, I love a good sister fight.

Let me get my popcorn.

Where'd you get that?

Teachers' lounge.

We're gonna revisit that.

Okay, you two. Talk.

Ooh, I think I just blacked out for a second.

If she were a good big sister,

she'd let me wear the jacket that I clearly look better in.

I don't think you understand what "clearly" means.

Okay, stop.

Emotions are high.

Right now we need to focus on punishment

'cause that's what's most important.

Fine, wait till Mom gets home.

Yeah, we'll wait till Cass gets home.

Hold on!

Wait a minute, I'm also a parent.

I'll punish you.

- So sweet. - Aw, Dad!

Adorable!

Hey, I can do this.

I'm not just some ex-wrestler who doesn't have a purpose.

Yikes, the kids in my class really got to you, huh?

Yeah, especially that Kelli with an "I."

Okay, here we go.

Punishment time.

Hi, babe. You know, pluots are good.

I think I'm a pluot guy.

So,

what'd the insurance company say about the house?

Is it gonna cost a lot?

Ah... Not sure.

Most of the call was trying to convince them

that the damage was done by one man and not an entire fraternity.

I'm sorry. I guess my first day at real estate wasn't the best.

Aw. It's okay.

I guess everybody breaks something on their first day of work.

That's true. My first day of wrestling, I broke Macho Man's shin.

But I promise I'll do better tomorrow.

Oh, you know, actually, I am not showing the house tomorrow.

I'm just gonna be in the office all day,

but we are having an open house on Monday.

Great! I'm gonna crush Monday just like I crush a tray of deviled eggs.

Quickly and without prejudice.

Oh! Hey, I got your text about the girls.

Time for The Punisher.

No need. Mr. The Punisher took care of it.

So, your punishment was giving them their iPads?

Yeah, and I split 'em up.

Look how quiet they are.

You know just making them be quiet

isn't really a punishment.

But if they're not quiet, it's punishment for me.

Besides, look, they're not fighting anymore.

Really?

"Mandy, you're being a giant jerk face."

"Lola, you're being a selfish dragon emoji."

Babe, still fighting.

Babe, I've been in over 3,000 hardcore matches.

One of 'em with a live bear.

Trust me, that ain't fighting.

My clothes!

Just getting your precious clothes

as far away from me as possible.

I know how much you hate sharing.

Ugh! When I get up there,

I'm gonna throw away all your women's tennis trading cards,

starting with Serena.

Now they're fighting.

Okay, here's what's gonna happen.

You are going to stay in this room

with no Wi-Fi and no phones...

until I tell you you can come out.

Mom! That's a harsh punishment.

Oh, that's just level one.

Your real punishment is gonna be like at a level ten.

So you'd better get ready for it.

Ooh...

That was terrifying.

What's level ten?

There is no level ten,

you big beautiful bounce house of a man.

They are going to be so terrified about what's coming

that they'll talk out their problems

and it'll resolve itself, like that.

You know, turning off the Wi-Fi...

such a baller parenting move.

What happened to the Wi-Fi?

I was hacking into...

my paper about the importance of sleep.

It's all about the REM cycle, guys.

Mom's at the office,

so I want to surprise her

by fixing everything that I broke before the next open house.

- What is that? - Garlic and sage.

Why do you have garlic and sage?

TO FIX THE REAL PROBLEM IN THIS HOUSE: ghosts, duh.

I thought garlic was for vampires.

You dunno what kinda friends she's got.

Why'd I ask?

Look, I'm gonna start on the bannister.

I'll start in the kitchen.

Yeah, I'm out.

Okay, okay. It's nothing.

We're good. It's nothing.

Told you there's ghosts!

Dad, save me! They always want the cuter one!

I'm not saying there's ghosts.

I'm just saying we should hide in the closet!

Dad, I don't want to die in a closet!

I want to die punching a shark!

We'll be fine!

Are you asking me or telling me?

Cassy, I thought you were in the office.

I was, and...

now I'm here!

And the explanation for that is...

You lied to me.

Why do I smell burnt garlic with a hint of sage?

Is someone making a basic risotto?

JJ...

did you use the oven without permission?

Maybe.

But the big headline is Mom lied to you.

Mom!

Whatcha watching?

The Golden Girls. They're my people now.

Old, retired, making my own jewelry.

Is it good?

Yeah, it's a Blanche episode.

JJ, can I talk to your dad for a second?

Well, the Wi-Fi's still out,

so I guess I'll just go

use my imagination or some dumb crap like that.

Okay, I lied to you, and I am so sorry.

I should have talked to you directly.

Our relationship is built on honesty, and I betrayed that.

I mean, I understand.

I was kind of a disaster as a real estate agent.

- Yes, you were. - Well, that was a quick yes.

It's just that, you know, maybe real estate is my thing,

and we should focus on what's coming next for you.

That's what I want, too. I'm just...

I'm just worried, you know.

What if I don't find what that next thing is?

What? Honey,

you are the Big Show.

You invented this entire life for yourself,

and you will do that again.

And this little lady here

is very excited to see what that's gonna be.

Well, this man right here is very lucky he married you.

Mm.

Guys, I tried my imagination,

and you do not want to go down that road.

- We need to end this. - Yeah, you know,

I can't believe the girls haven't broken yet.

This was one of my best head games.

You know, maybe the answer isn't head games.

Maybe we ought to come straight at this and get them to talk.

You two just been sitting in silence staring at the walls?

We are teenagers in 2020.

If we don't have internet, we have nothing.

What is wrong with this generation?

Ah!

Okay, here's the deal.

I want each of you to tell the other what you're feeling.

Be honest and direct.

- I'm fine. - Whatever.

Okay. All right. I'm gonna stay here till we figure this out.

I'm gonna get comfortable.

I'm gonna take off my shoes,

and then I'm gonna take off my socks.

- That smell haunts me! - No!

Okay.

I'm sorry for blowing up.

I'm new to all of this.

I've never had to share my things, or my space.

I'm sorry for wearing your new jacket.

Your stuff is cool.

You're cool.

I just wanted to be like my big sister,

and if I'm crowding you,

I'll move into the tiny Harry Potter closet under the stairs.

No! I still want to share a room.

We just have to figure out how to do it.

I don't know. Maybe we need some rules?

Oh my God, yes. I love rules!

Ooh! I got it! I got it! I got it!

This room needs a contract.

Ladies, if there's one thing that the WWE taught me,

always pee before your match...

and how to do a contract signing.

I can do this!

Lady and Dad, please welcome

two girls who both think they're my favorite sister,

Mandy and Lola.

Whoo!

I still think, to make this contract signing official,

one of y'all needs to get powerbombed through the table,

but I got overruled.

Okay, Mandy, you can borrow the clothes

from my top drawer or bottom drawer,

but never the middle.

Lola,

I'll keep food on my side of the room,

and I'll never assume you want a hug, unless you give me the signal.

Don't wait for it.

Okay.

- You really want a hug, don't you? - I really do.

Okay.

Five seconds.

Aw...

See?

You're The Punisher, but I'm...

The Peacemaker.

Okay, um... let's just make you a new one.

I don't want you stretching this one out.

I got it off Etsy, and it took like 13 weeks

to get here from the Ukraine.

This has been really sweet.

Good stuff, guys.

Now please, for the love of God, turn the Wi-Fi back on.

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