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1
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C.K.! C.K.!
2
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Louis! Louis!
3
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Louis! Louis! Louis!
4
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Louis! Louis! Louis!
Louis! Louis! Louis!
5
00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:54,847
Thank you.
6
00:01:00,310 --> 00:01:01,562
Thank you.
7
00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:04,607
Sit down, please. Thank you.
8
00:01:04,607 --> 00:01:07,484
Thank you very much. Thanks.
Nice to, uh...
9
00:01:07,484 --> 00:01:10,738
All right.
Nice to see you all.
10
00:01:10,738 --> 00:01:12,155
Thanks for coming.
11
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I've been thinking
about you all day.
12
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How are you? How -- how was your
last couple of years?
13
00:01:18,787 --> 00:01:23,291
How...
14
00:01:23,291 --> 00:01:26,795
How was 2018 and '19
for you guys?
15
00:01:30,799 --> 00:01:32,885
Anybody else getting
global amounts of trouble,
16
00:01:32,885 --> 00:01:34,469
anybody else...
17
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Fuck!
18
00:01:44,312 --> 00:01:46,023
That was crazy...
19
00:01:46,023 --> 00:01:48,441
Man, I was in a lot of trou--
20
00:01:48,441 --> 00:01:50,193
Wait till they see those
pictures of me in blackface.
21
00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:52,487
That's gonna to be...
22
00:01:52,487 --> 00:01:55,866
That's going to make it
a lot worse.
23
00:01:55,866 --> 00:01:58,619
Because there is a lot of those,
there's thousands of pictures
24
00:01:58,619 --> 00:02:01,496
of me in blackface.
25
00:02:01,496 --> 00:02:04,332
I can't stop doing it, I just...
26
00:02:04,332 --> 00:02:07,127
I like it, I like how it feels.
27
00:02:11,590 --> 00:02:14,009
Fuck, man, that was...
28
00:02:14,009 --> 00:02:16,845
You know what?
I learned a lot.
29
00:02:16,845 --> 00:02:19,682
I learned a lot -- I learned
how to eat alone in a restaurant
30
00:02:19,682 --> 00:02:23,936
with people giving me the finger
from across the room.
31
00:02:33,529 --> 00:02:34,947
When you get in trouble,
32
00:02:34,947 --> 00:02:36,990
you learn who
your real friends are.
33
00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:41,036
It's true -- people like saying
that like that's a good thing.
34
00:02:41,036 --> 00:02:43,872
Who the fuck wants to know
who their real friends are?
35
00:02:43,872 --> 00:02:45,207
You don't want to know that.
36
00:02:45,207 --> 00:02:48,376
Believe me,
you don't want to know.
37
00:02:48,376 --> 00:02:51,880
It's never who
you want it to be.
38
00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:57,260
It's not your cool friends
and it's not your fun friends.
39
00:02:57,260 --> 00:03:01,473
It's your real friends.
40
00:03:01,473 --> 00:03:03,016
"I'm here for you."
41
00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:06,394
I fucking know that.
42
00:03:06,394 --> 00:03:08,063
I have this friend,
she's the best person I know,
43
00:03:08,063 --> 00:03:09,857
but I sometimes want
to punch her in the face
44
00:03:09,857 --> 00:03:11,775
because she's so nice --
45
00:03:11,775 --> 00:03:14,194
because I'm not
a good person.
46
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:15,779
Like, I'll tell her something
I'm having problems with,
47
00:03:15,779 --> 00:03:17,823
and she'll say, "I'm going
to pray on that for you."
48
00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:26,414
I have a feeling when she prays,
God's like, "Ugh!
49
00:03:26,414 --> 00:03:30,002
Fuck!
50
00:03:30,002 --> 00:03:32,505
This one makes me want
to get out of the business."
51
00:03:36,424 --> 00:03:38,552
You guys think there's a God?
How many --
52
00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:41,221
How many of you, by applause,
believe there is a God.
53
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:44,266
How many people?
54
00:03:44,266 --> 00:03:46,602
All right. About 30
out of 1,400.
55
00:03:46,602 --> 00:03:49,187
That's nice. That's nice.
56
00:03:49,187 --> 00:03:51,732
That shit's over.
57
00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:54,610
It's just fucking over.
58
00:03:54,610 --> 00:03:57,112
You go into a church, it's like
going to a roller skating rink
59
00:03:57,112 --> 00:03:59,156
on a Wednesday,
it's like...
60
00:03:59,156 --> 00:04:01,324
"This used to be something!
What happened?"
61
00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:05,579
I don't know.
I don't think there's a God.
62
00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:07,915
And that's not a conviction.
I just don't suppose.
63
00:04:07,915 --> 00:04:11,001
I just -- I just
reckon there ain't.
64
00:04:11,001 --> 00:04:13,546
I reckon there ain't no lord.
65
00:04:16,131 --> 00:04:17,966
And because I don't believe
there's a God,
66
00:04:17,966 --> 00:04:20,594
I fucking hope
there's not a God.
67
00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:24,890
I fuckin' hope --
Oh, please!
68
00:04:24,890 --> 00:04:27,142
If you don't believe in God,
you better fucking hope --
69
00:04:27,142 --> 00:04:30,312
you better get on your knees
and pray.
70
00:04:30,312 --> 00:04:33,190
Please, God, don't be.
71
00:04:36,318 --> 00:04:38,696
'Cause that's a bad thing to be
wrong about.
72
00:04:38,696 --> 00:04:41,824
That's a bad wrong.
73
00:04:41,824 --> 00:04:43,701
You're an atheist your
whole life and you die
74
00:04:43,701 --> 00:04:47,663
and you're like, "Aw, fuck!
75
00:04:47,663 --> 00:04:50,040
Aw, you're shitting --
with a beard and everything.
76
00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:56,296
Fuck! Aww...
77
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:57,881
Hey, I --
I dunno...
78
00:04:57,881 --> 00:05:01,093
Yeah, yeah, I'm going. Yep."
79
00:05:04,513 --> 00:05:07,015
Being wrong the other way is not
a big problem.
80
00:05:07,015 --> 00:05:08,892
If you believe in God
and you're wrong,
81
00:05:08,892 --> 00:05:10,603
you don't really have a problem.
82
00:05:10,603 --> 00:05:13,021
It gives you a little comfort
during your stupid life.
83
00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:18,986
And then at the end, you're just
seriously disappointed
84
00:05:18,986 --> 00:05:21,822
for like a second -- it's the
last feeling you get to have.
85
00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:25,576
You die, you're like,
"Nothing?
86
00:05:25,576 --> 00:05:27,786
Seriously?
Nothing?"
87
00:05:27,786 --> 00:05:29,913
"Yeah, just get in the Dumpster.
Sorry."
88
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:36,504
"Sorry, you're just
garbage now."
89
00:05:36,504 --> 00:05:38,756
If you don't believe in God,
that's what you believe --
90
00:05:38,756 --> 00:05:41,341
that when you die,
you're just garbage.
91
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:44,887
You are your family's
newest garbage.
92
00:05:44,887 --> 00:05:46,847
My mom died last year
and we asked her, like,
93
00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:49,600
"What do you want," like,
before she died, we didn't --
94
00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:54,146
We didn't ask her at --
"Ma! Ma!
95
00:05:54,146 --> 00:05:55,731
Fuck!"
96
00:05:59,527 --> 00:06:01,570
I asked my mom
what we wanted --
97
00:06:01,570 --> 00:06:02,863
what she wanted to do
with her body.
98
00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:04,447
And she said,
"Just burn it."
99
00:06:04,447 --> 00:06:06,575
Burn it.
100
00:06:06,575 --> 00:06:09,912
What, in the yard with leaves?
What the fuck?
101
00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:14,291
She didn't want a funeral,
no pageantry, nothing.
102
00:06:14,291 --> 00:06:15,793
So she booked it herself.
103
00:06:15,793 --> 00:06:18,086
That was her last act
as an American consumer.
104
00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:20,839
She went online
with a credit card
105
00:06:20,839 --> 00:06:23,592
and she booked
her own cremation.
106
00:06:23,592 --> 00:06:28,138
It's true -- at a place called
Boston Crematorium.
107
00:06:28,138 --> 00:06:32,017
Just this place that burns
bums and dogs all day.
108
00:06:32,017 --> 00:06:36,855
They just folded my mom
into the workload.
109
00:06:36,855 --> 00:06:38,941
We didn't even know,
just this guy showed up.
110
00:06:38,941 --> 00:06:41,610
"I'm here for your ma."
111
00:06:41,610 --> 00:06:45,656
"All right, Sully,
she's in there."
112
00:06:45,656 --> 00:06:47,282
And he went in there
to prepare her.
113
00:06:47,282 --> 00:06:48,742
My sisters are waiting
in the hall
114
00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:51,161
and he was in there for a while.
115
00:06:55,332 --> 00:06:57,167
I didn't say anything.
I'm just...
116
00:06:57,167 --> 00:07:00,838
Saying he was in there
with my mom for a long time.
117
00:07:00,838 --> 00:07:03,799
That's all I'm saying.
118
00:07:03,799 --> 00:07:05,008
And also that I was worried
119
00:07:05,008 --> 00:07:06,635
he was fucking
my dead mother.
120
00:07:12,808 --> 00:07:16,394
Anyway, then he brought
her out in a kind of a nice bag
121
00:07:16,394 --> 00:07:20,148
and... and he put her
in a van.
122
00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:22,943
Just a -- his van.
123
00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:26,697
It's like a '98 Ford Windstar
124
00:07:26,697 --> 00:07:31,785
with a bottle of red Gatorade
rolling around in the back.
125
00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:34,538
It's the last time I saw my mom.
126
00:07:37,625 --> 00:07:39,209
That's what she wanted.
127
00:07:41,629 --> 00:07:43,922
She didn't believe
in this God shit.
128
00:07:43,922 --> 00:07:45,799
Just didn't.
129
00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:47,885
I was talking to my friend
the other day about Jesus...
130
00:07:47,885 --> 00:07:49,928
uh, Christ,
131
00:07:49,928 --> 00:07:51,722
and, um...
132
00:07:51,722 --> 00:07:53,223
I don't remember why,
133
00:07:53,223 --> 00:07:55,684
but I happened to mention
that Jesus was Jewish
134
00:07:55,684 --> 00:07:58,937
and my friend said, "He was?"
135
00:07:58,937 --> 00:08:01,524
And I said, Yeah.
Jesus was Jewish.
136
00:08:01,524 --> 00:08:04,902
And he said,
"I don't think so."
137
00:08:04,902 --> 00:08:07,362
And I said, that's okay,
it already all happened.
138
00:08:07,362 --> 00:08:08,989
Doesn't matter where you think.
139
00:08:12,034 --> 00:08:14,411
But he'd argued with me.
He was like, "Dude,
140
00:08:14,411 --> 00:08:15,996
Jesus couldn't be Jewish.
Think about it."
141
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:18,541
I'm like, "You fucking think
about it, you idiot.
142
00:08:18,541 --> 00:08:20,918
What d-- What was he then?
You're...
143
00:08:20,918 --> 00:08:25,255
What, was he Presbyterian?
What was he?
144
00:08:25,255 --> 00:08:28,676
Catholic?
Okay, Jesus was Catholic
145
00:08:28,676 --> 00:08:31,469
and he had
a gold chain with a cross.
146
00:08:34,097 --> 00:08:35,182
And when they nailed him up,
he was like,
147
00:08:35,182 --> 00:08:38,185
"Oh, that's why we have those!"
148
00:08:40,771 --> 00:08:43,691
"That finally makes sense.
I didn't even know.
149
00:08:43,691 --> 00:08:46,735
Oh, fuck, that's me!
I'm the little guy on it!"
150
00:08:54,284 --> 00:08:57,245
Every religion has
a strange story or a rule
151
00:08:57,245 --> 00:08:58,789
that doesn't make sense to me.
152
00:08:58,789 --> 00:09:01,709
You know, like every time
there's a terrorist act,
153
00:09:01,709 --> 00:09:03,669
they always tell you
on the news
154
00:09:03,669 --> 00:09:06,630
about how they believe
they're all going to heaven.
155
00:09:06,630 --> 00:09:10,050
And every guy
who does a jihad thing
156
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,302
and he gets 72 virgins,
that's right.
157
00:09:12,302 --> 00:09:14,597
That's the story,
always 72 virgins.
158
00:09:14,597 --> 00:09:17,224
Which, first of all,
who are those women?
159
00:09:17,224 --> 00:09:20,728
Who are the 72 virgins?
160
00:09:20,728 --> 00:09:25,273
Does God have to kill
72 nice girls?
161
00:09:25,273 --> 00:09:26,734
"All right, ladies, uh,
162
00:09:26,734 --> 00:09:30,654
the good news
is you're going to heaven.
163
00:09:30,654 --> 00:09:32,197
The weird news..."
164
00:09:35,784 --> 00:09:39,121
Or does God just make 'em
fresh like farm raised salmon?
165
00:09:39,121 --> 00:09:43,375
He just whips up 72 women.
166
00:09:43,375 --> 00:09:46,294
"All right. Nobody fuck these.
I'm saving them for that guy."
167
00:09:50,007 --> 00:09:51,717
It's a weird concept.
168
00:09:51,717 --> 00:09:54,637
You get your own 72 virgins
for all eternity.
169
00:09:54,637 --> 00:09:58,181
First of all, they're only
virgins when you first get them.
170
00:09:58,181 --> 00:10:01,977
Once you start fucking them,
it's over.
171
00:10:01,977 --> 00:10:04,897
After a week, he's like,
"I only have three left."
172
00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:11,737
"And 69 whores."
173
00:10:15,073 --> 00:10:17,951
That has to be one of the more
confusing moments in God's life
174
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:20,829
when he's handing off 72 virgins
175
00:10:20,829 --> 00:10:24,457
to some guy who just blew up
a bus in Tel Aviv,
176
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:28,211
and he's like,
"All right. Uh...
177
00:10:28,211 --> 00:10:33,175
The fuck am I doing?
I don't even know anymore.
178
00:10:33,175 --> 00:10:36,929
I need a drink."
179
00:10:36,929 --> 00:10:40,432
I'm curious about God.
I'm curious about his life.
180
00:10:40,432 --> 00:10:41,892
I'm curious
about God's existence.
181
00:10:41,892 --> 00:10:43,435
What's that like to be God?
182
00:10:43,435 --> 00:10:44,937
You know, we don't know
anything about him.
183
00:10:44,937 --> 00:10:46,313
I think one reason people
don't believe in him,
184
00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:47,856
because we don't have
a sense of God
185
00:10:47,856 --> 00:10:49,024
because he doesn't say
anything anymore.
186
00:10:49,024 --> 00:10:50,526
Used to talk all the time,
187
00:10:50,526 --> 00:10:51,902
used to go up to people on
the street, "Hey!"
188
00:10:54,905 --> 00:10:59,326
Writing on the rocks --
"Look at that! Do it!"
189
00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:00,953
And it was conf--
Everybody's like,
190
00:11:00,953 --> 00:11:02,996
trying to figure it out.
191
00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:04,331
And then for 2,000 years,
he just --
192
00:11:04,331 --> 00:11:08,293
"Mm, meh."
Nothing! Says nothing!
193
00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:09,712
And everybody's fighting.
194
00:11:09,712 --> 00:11:10,963
He could clear a lot of shit up
195
00:11:10,963 --> 00:11:13,090
with a five-minute
press conference.
196
00:11:15,133 --> 00:11:19,221
If God spoke for five minutes,
he'd solve a lot of problems.
197
00:11:19,221 --> 00:11:21,557
He'd just show up, "All right,
everybody, yeah, I'm the Lord.
198
00:11:21,557 --> 00:11:25,268
Okay, real quick.
199
00:11:25,268 --> 00:11:27,730
First of all, Mormons,
just: no.
200
00:11:31,942 --> 00:11:35,237
What is that? Just go home.
201
00:11:35,237 --> 00:11:37,656
Also, Jews with the little
things, what the fuck?
202
00:11:37,656 --> 00:11:39,241
I don't know...
203
00:11:39,241 --> 00:11:41,827
Put a hat on or don't,
nobody gives a shit.
204
00:11:41,827 --> 00:11:44,538
This is weird.
I hate these. I hate them.
205
00:11:44,538 --> 00:11:47,165
I sent everybody with
one of those to hell every day.
206
00:11:47,165 --> 00:11:49,459
I do. It's just my thing.
Just so you know.
207
00:11:49,459 --> 00:11:53,130
Do what you want,
but that's where you're going.
208
00:11:53,130 --> 00:11:55,298
Now, you know.
209
00:11:55,298 --> 00:11:57,217
Also, I don't care
who you fuck.
210
00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:59,678
I don't care.
It never mattered.
211
00:11:59,678 --> 00:12:01,138
It was Adam and Eve and Steve.
212
00:12:01,138 --> 00:12:02,890
They were all fucking
each other.
213
00:12:02,890 --> 00:12:04,850
I was jerking off to it.
It was a great time.
214
00:12:04,850 --> 00:12:06,644
So it's not an issue for me.
215
00:12:06,644 --> 00:12:10,355
I don't know why it is for you.
216
00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:14,693
Have fun and use all the holes,
that's what I say.
217
00:12:14,693 --> 00:12:16,444
Also, you're supposed
to fuck the animals.
218
00:12:16,444 --> 00:12:19,865
That's why I made them!
219
00:12:19,865 --> 00:12:23,869
Why are you not
fucking the animals?!
220
00:12:23,869 --> 00:12:26,997
There's only like 30,000
of you fucking the animals.
221
00:12:30,167 --> 00:12:32,044
What are the rest of you --
You're eating them?!
222
00:12:32,044 --> 00:12:33,837
That's disgusting!
223
00:12:36,214 --> 00:12:38,592
What is wrong with you?
224
00:12:38,592 --> 00:12:41,053
How could you eat
a perfectly fuckable pig."
225
00:12:46,892 --> 00:12:48,561
Sayeth the Lord.
226
00:12:54,066 --> 00:12:56,860
Well, it's nice to be
in Washington, D.C.,
227
00:12:56,860 --> 00:12:58,445
where --
I was born here.
228
00:13:01,323 --> 00:13:03,867
I like it here, 'cause
I like any city, I like cities.
229
00:13:03,867 --> 00:13:05,869
I don't like cities
that are too advanced.
230
00:13:05,869 --> 00:13:07,495
You know,
I was in Zurich.
231
00:13:07,495 --> 00:13:09,414
And they have so much sh--
you know, they're like,
232
00:13:09,414 --> 00:13:12,084
"Here's the bike, you want
a bicycle? It's yours.
233
00:13:12,084 --> 00:13:16,839
Just have it, it's nice."
234
00:13:16,839 --> 00:13:20,926
And they have the garbage
with the eight fuckin' holes
235
00:13:20,926 --> 00:13:23,929
of different shapes -- it's
like an IQ test for a monkey.
236
00:13:23,929 --> 00:13:25,931
I don't know what the fuck.
237
00:13:25,931 --> 00:13:29,101
There's one hole has a picture
of a cup, and the next one
238
00:13:29,101 --> 00:13:33,063
is a picture of a cup
that's a little different.
239
00:13:33,063 --> 00:13:34,397
I'm standing there with a dead
baby,
240
00:13:34,397 --> 00:13:38,276
I don't know where I'm
supposed to...
241
00:13:38,276 --> 00:13:39,528
What am I suppose to do
with that?
242
00:13:39,528 --> 00:13:41,572
It doesn't go in
the newspapers slot,
243
00:13:41,572 --> 00:13:43,115
but otherwise, I don't know.
244
00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:49,454
I like cities,
I don't like little places.
245
00:13:49,454 --> 00:13:51,414
When I go to Europe,
I go to the big cities.
246
00:13:51,414 --> 00:13:53,333
Everybody tells you,
"Don't go to Madrid.
247
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:55,794
Yeah. Just go to Madrid
for like a day.
248
00:13:55,794 --> 00:13:58,506
And then you got to take a train
and you have to go to
249
00:14:06,304 --> 00:14:11,685
It's a beautiful
little old village
250
00:14:11,685 --> 00:14:13,937
and you're gonna love it."
251
00:14:13,937 --> 00:14:15,147
Fuck you, you don't know me.
252
00:14:15,147 --> 00:14:17,816
I'm not going to love
a village
253
00:14:17,816 --> 00:14:20,360
in Europe
254
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:25,073
with a bell that goes "pang,"
like, whenever,
255
00:14:25,073 --> 00:14:27,826
and a dog walking alone.
256
00:14:32,289 --> 00:14:34,583
I don't like cute little places.
257
00:14:34,583 --> 00:14:36,669
I don't like little towns
in America either,
258
00:14:36,669 --> 00:14:38,211
with little shops.
259
00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:41,381
"Oh, look at that little shop!
260
00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:45,844
Let's go in that little shop."
261
00:14:45,844 --> 00:14:49,264
Nah, let's get a divorce.
Isn't that a better idea?
262
00:14:49,264 --> 00:14:53,435
You go in there,
I'll just walk away.
263
00:14:53,435 --> 00:14:56,104
Just tell the kids I was a pilot
and I got shot down.
264
00:15:00,442 --> 00:15:01,819
I don't like little shops.
265
00:15:01,819 --> 00:15:04,279
I'm uncomfortable
in a little shop.
266
00:15:04,279 --> 00:15:07,533
You go in, it's like,
"cli-li-ling-ling,
267
00:15:07,533 --> 00:15:09,409
cli-li-ling."
268
00:15:13,664 --> 00:15:15,123
Now it's just you and her.
269
00:15:20,045 --> 00:15:22,631
You're surrounded by her dream.
270
00:15:27,344 --> 00:15:29,471
And you can't just, "Ugh!"
and leave!
271
00:15:29,471 --> 00:15:31,974
Well, you...
272
00:15:31,974 --> 00:15:35,268
She saw you, you have to go
all the way in now
273
00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:38,021
and look at all
the little crafts that she made.
274
00:15:53,704 --> 00:15:55,998
You made this?
Really?
275
00:15:55,998 --> 00:15:58,667
You made this
instead of killing yourself?
276
00:16:09,094 --> 00:16:10,638
I fucking wish I was
that mean.
277
00:16:10,638 --> 00:16:12,180
I really do.
278
00:16:12,180 --> 00:16:14,349
All my fantasies are about
being mean,
279
00:16:14,349 --> 00:16:16,393
just having the balls
280
00:16:16,393 --> 00:16:18,521
to, like, walk in a little store
like that and just go like,
281
00:16:18,521 --> 00:16:20,648
"Oh, I don't like this at all.
282
00:16:20,648 --> 00:16:22,608
I don't like it in here.
Unh-uh.
283
00:16:22,608 --> 00:16:24,693
What's your name? Debbie?
Fuck you, Debbie.
284
00:16:24,693 --> 00:16:26,361
I don't like your store.
285
00:16:32,159 --> 00:16:34,452
I was in Florida recently,
I don't like Florida at all,
286
00:16:34,452 --> 00:16:37,748
it's a shit state full of shit
people, that's what I think.
287
00:16:37,748 --> 00:16:40,918
Hate Florida. I hate it.
I hate the whole thing.
288
00:16:40,918 --> 00:16:42,670
The whole -- the entire --
289
00:16:42,670 --> 00:16:44,296
it looks like --
it doesn't look like a dick.
290
00:16:44,296 --> 00:16:45,964
People say that; it looks
like a shit coming out.
291
00:16:45,964 --> 00:16:49,134
If you look at it, it's like
America's ass,
292
00:16:49,134 --> 00:16:51,053
and it's a shit that's just --
293
00:16:51,053 --> 00:16:52,763
that you're trying to...
294
00:16:52,763 --> 00:16:54,932
And there's a little --
Cuba's like a little --
295
00:16:54,932 --> 00:16:57,392
Pbbt! That came first.
296
00:16:57,392 --> 00:16:58,977
That's what I think of Florida.
297
00:16:58,977 --> 00:17:00,688
Every time there's a hurricane,
I'm like,
298
00:17:00,688 --> 00:17:04,066
"Yeah, get 'em! Get 'em all,
Melissa!"
299
00:17:04,066 --> 00:17:07,778
No, I don't mean any of that.
I was just funnin'.
300
00:17:07,778 --> 00:17:09,572
Just fun to pretend.
301
00:17:13,075 --> 00:17:15,327
I was in a sushi
restaurant in Florida.
302
00:17:15,327 --> 00:17:17,120
And it was empty --
you ever go in a restaurant
303
00:17:17,120 --> 00:17:18,413
and it's open,
but it's --
304
00:17:18,413 --> 00:17:20,248
you're literally
the only person in there.
305
00:17:20,248 --> 00:17:23,627
You walk in, the staff is like
sitting at the tables, you know,
306
00:17:23,627 --> 00:17:25,212
and you walk in,
you're like, "Are you open?"
307
00:17:25,212 --> 00:17:28,131
They're like, "Yeah."
And you go, "Oh, good."
308
00:17:28,131 --> 00:17:30,593
And you -- and they're like,
"Aww, pfft!
309
00:17:30,593 --> 00:17:32,761
We gotta fire up the whole
fuckin' restaurant
310
00:17:32,761 --> 00:17:36,139
for this one guy now?"
311
00:17:36,139 --> 00:17:38,726
So I ordered a lot of sushi
because I felt bad
312
00:17:38,726 --> 00:17:40,603
for wasting their time,
and, um...
313
00:17:40,603 --> 00:17:43,188
And I --
I didn't eat most of it
314
00:17:43,188 --> 00:17:44,773
because I don't like sushi.
315
00:17:44,773 --> 00:17:47,150
And, um -- so the waitress
comes over.
316
00:17:47,150 --> 00:17:52,447
She's Japanese and she says,
"You no finish?"
317
00:17:52,447 --> 00:17:54,116
Which is what she said.
I'm not...
318
00:17:56,827 --> 00:17:59,287
It's just what she said,
I can't...
319
00:17:59,287 --> 00:18:02,457
I'm not gonna change what
she fucking said.
320
00:18:02,457 --> 00:18:04,167
I'm not gonna lie to ya
and say that
321
00:18:04,167 --> 00:18:05,628
she said, "You're not
going to finish that,"
322
00:18:05,628 --> 00:18:09,632
because it doesn't happen
to be what she said.
323
00:18:09,632 --> 00:18:12,134
And I have to do the accent
because it's weird
324
00:18:12,134 --> 00:18:16,471
if I tell you she said,
"You no finish?"
325
00:18:16,471 --> 00:18:19,182
So I'm stuck.
326
00:18:19,182 --> 00:18:21,769
I'm just telling you
what happened.
327
00:18:21,769 --> 00:18:25,105
She said, "You no finish?"
328
00:18:25,105 --> 00:18:27,733
"Whoo, you no finish!"
329
00:18:30,318 --> 00:18:32,487
That's exactly what she said.
330
00:18:32,487 --> 00:18:35,365
It's a perfect replica.
331
00:18:39,077 --> 00:18:41,747
No, it was subtle.
332
00:18:41,747 --> 00:18:45,793
She said, "You no finish?"
333
00:18:45,793 --> 00:18:50,422
And I said,
"No, I no finish."
334
00:18:50,422 --> 00:18:51,799
Because I think that's --
335
00:18:51,799 --> 00:18:54,092
I think it's polite
336
00:18:54,092 --> 00:18:57,179
to repeat people's
bad English to them.
337
00:18:57,179 --> 00:18:59,515
Otherwise, you're being a dick,
it's like, "You no finish?"
338
00:18:59,515 --> 00:19:01,934
No, I am not going to finish.
339
00:19:05,896 --> 00:19:08,566
You left out a lot of words.
340
00:19:11,985 --> 00:19:14,530
I took the liberty
of restoring them.
341
00:19:20,077 --> 00:19:23,080
I was in upstate New York
in a small town,
342
00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:26,291
and I was standing
in front of a drugstore.
343
00:19:26,291 --> 00:19:27,793
And in the window
of the drugstore,
344
00:19:27,793 --> 00:19:32,089
they had a wheelchair
on display in the window.
345
00:19:32,089 --> 00:19:36,051
Is that really
an impulse purchase?
346
00:19:38,804 --> 00:19:41,431
"Hmm...
347
00:19:41,431 --> 00:19:45,393
I should get a wheelchair.
348
00:19:45,393 --> 00:19:48,063
That would really help
349
00:19:48,063 --> 00:19:52,985
with my paralysis.
350
00:19:52,985 --> 00:19:56,655
Then I wouldn't have to
drag myself
351
00:19:56,655 --> 00:19:58,699
everywhere I go
352
00:19:58,699 --> 00:20:01,994
like I've been doing for
10 years
353
00:20:01,994 --> 00:20:04,454
since my legs were blown off
354
00:20:04,454 --> 00:20:06,456
at the marathon."
355
00:20:17,676 --> 00:20:21,514
Okay. Okay.
356
00:20:21,514 --> 00:20:24,099
Bunch of fuckin' hypocrites,
apparently,
357
00:20:24,099 --> 00:20:26,602
because let me point
somethin' out to you.
358
00:20:26,602 --> 00:20:29,563
Let me point somethin' out to
you motherfuckers.
359
00:20:29,563 --> 00:20:31,314
You are just, like, seconds ago,
360
00:20:31,314 --> 00:20:36,654
laughing at a man with no legs
crawling on the ground.
361
00:20:36,654 --> 00:20:38,238
You're just --
362
00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:41,742
And then at the end,
you're like,
363
00:20:41,742 --> 00:20:46,038
"Oh, but not those
particular legless people.
364
00:20:46,038 --> 00:20:48,624
No!
365
00:20:48,624 --> 00:20:50,208
We thought you meant
just some asshole
366
00:20:50,208 --> 00:20:53,546
with a childhood disease
367
00:20:53,546 --> 00:20:56,507
who deserves to be laughed at.
368
00:20:56,507 --> 00:21:00,468
Not one of those."
369
00:21:00,468 --> 00:21:05,265
No, we're laughing
at all legless people equally.
370
00:21:05,265 --> 00:21:08,060
However you lost your legs:
371
00:21:08,060 --> 00:21:11,605
Ha-ha-ha,
372
00:21:11,605 --> 00:21:14,567
you haven't legs.
373
00:21:17,027 --> 00:21:19,279
And we've legs.
374
00:21:23,992 --> 00:21:26,579
I have legs -- I have two legs.
Two fucking legs --
375
00:21:26,579 --> 00:21:28,121
that's the maximum amount.
376
00:21:28,121 --> 00:21:31,959
Fuckin' love having two legs.
377
00:21:31,959 --> 00:21:33,627
I fucking love it.
378
00:21:33,627 --> 00:21:34,878
I wouldn't like having no legs.
379
00:21:34,878 --> 00:21:37,005
I really don't think
I would like it.
380
00:21:37,005 --> 00:21:38,674
I think it would suck.
381
00:21:38,674 --> 00:21:40,676
I think would suck shit
out of the balls of Christ.
382
00:21:43,554 --> 00:21:45,263
It's an old Southern expression,
it's not....
383
00:21:45,263 --> 00:21:48,058
Used like it used to be.
384
00:21:50,102 --> 00:21:51,770
I think two legs
is better than none.
385
00:21:51,770 --> 00:21:53,146
That's what I think.
386
00:21:53,146 --> 00:21:55,649
That's just my opinion.
It's not popular.
387
00:21:55,649 --> 00:21:57,359
You're not supposed to say that
because you're supposed to
388
00:21:57,359 --> 00:22:00,487
always be very positive
about disabled people.
389
00:22:00,487 --> 00:22:03,323
But I think that puts pressure
on them to be positive.
390
00:22:03,323 --> 00:22:04,867
What if they don't want to be?
391
00:22:04,867 --> 00:22:06,744
Because the only story
we want to hear is about
392
00:22:06,744 --> 00:22:09,622
the amazing disabled people --
"He's amazing."
393
00:22:09,622 --> 00:22:13,125
"He lost his legs, then he won
the leg having contest."
394
00:22:14,835 --> 00:22:16,629
What about disabled people
who aren't amazing,
395
00:22:16,629 --> 00:22:18,463
who are just ordinary
with a sweatshirt
396
00:22:18,463 --> 00:22:20,048
and some potato chips,
and he's going,
397
00:22:20,048 --> 00:22:22,300
"Fuck, I wish I had legs."
"No!
398
00:22:22,300 --> 00:22:25,303
No, this is better!
It's better with no legs."
399
00:22:25,303 --> 00:22:27,389
"Why is it better?"
Because you can do anything now.
400
00:22:27,389 --> 00:22:29,349
I can do four things.
Fuck off.
401
00:22:32,019 --> 00:22:34,813
I just don't know
that our positive non-disabled
402
00:22:34,813 --> 00:22:36,148
attitude really helps.
403
00:22:36,148 --> 00:22:37,858
Like retarded people -- let's --
404
00:22:37,858 --> 00:22:41,319
we're gonna talk about
retarded people for 20 minutes.
405
00:22:41,319 --> 00:22:44,197
Just -- that's what's
gonna happen.
406
00:22:44,197 --> 00:22:47,618
We're going to discuss
retarded people
407
00:22:47,618 --> 00:22:49,912
for 20 minutes.
408
00:22:49,912 --> 00:22:52,372
It's not okay to not --
never speak of them.
409
00:22:52,372 --> 00:22:55,125
No, we're gonna talk about them.
410
00:22:55,125 --> 00:22:56,669
First of all, I want --
411
00:22:56,669 --> 00:22:58,170
mostly I wanna talk about
the word "retarded."
412
00:22:58,170 --> 00:23:00,548
Okay? Because the word retarded,
it's a bad word
413
00:23:00,548 --> 00:23:02,758
and people do not like
the word retarded,
414
00:23:02,758 --> 00:23:04,092
they find it very offensive.
415
00:23:04,092 --> 00:23:05,719
Now, I'm a little confused
by this
416
00:23:05,719 --> 00:23:07,555
because it wasn't always
a bad word.
417
00:23:07,555 --> 00:23:10,140
And I grew up in the '70s
and it wasn't bad back then.
418
00:23:10,140 --> 00:23:12,309
And you most bad words
were always bad, you know.
419
00:23:12,309 --> 00:23:14,394
"Cunt" never had
a day in the sun.
420
00:23:14,394 --> 00:23:16,730
There was never a...
421
00:23:16,730 --> 00:23:18,857
a time where the Santa Clause
of the mall was like,
422
00:23:18,857 --> 00:23:20,233
"C'mere, you little cunt.
423
00:23:20,233 --> 00:23:21,569
Tell me what you want
for Christmas."
424
00:23:25,155 --> 00:23:26,699
And then in the '90s,
we're like,
425
00:23:26,699 --> 00:23:29,868
"Let's lay off of 'cunt'
a little bit there, gang."
426
00:23:31,328 --> 00:23:33,163
No, the word --
we used the word retarded
427
00:23:33,163 --> 00:23:34,497
in the '70s,
428
00:23:34,497 --> 00:23:36,041
we used it to identify
429
00:23:36,041 --> 00:23:38,502
people who were retarded.
430
00:23:43,381 --> 00:23:45,258
It wasn't controversial,
it wasn't like --
431
00:23:45,258 --> 00:23:46,719
"He's retarded."
432
00:23:46,719 --> 00:23:48,011
It was like, "He is retarded."
433
00:23:51,932 --> 00:23:54,518
This fellow right here
434
00:23:54,518 --> 00:23:56,061
is retarded, right?
435
00:23:56,061 --> 00:23:57,229
I told you, yes,
you're still retarded.
436
00:23:57,229 --> 00:23:59,940
He is retarded,
everyone.
437
00:23:59,940 --> 00:24:02,651
And I grew up in Boston.
438
00:24:02,651 --> 00:24:04,695
We didn't say
"retarded" in Boston.
439
00:24:04,695 --> 00:24:05,946
We said "re-tah-ded."
440
00:24:05,946 --> 00:24:09,032
"He's re-tah-ded."
441
00:24:09,032 --> 00:24:12,452
"God bless him,
he's fuckin' re-tah-ded."
442
00:24:16,331 --> 00:24:18,166
That's the way we used it!
443
00:24:18,166 --> 00:24:20,628
Help the retarded.
444
00:24:20,628 --> 00:24:22,755
That's what people said
in the '70s.
445
00:24:22,755 --> 00:24:24,381
"Help the retarded."
446
00:24:24,381 --> 00:24:26,299
There was a lady outside
the supermarket near my house
447
00:24:26,299 --> 00:24:27,843
every Christmas with a bell,
she was like,
448
00:24:27,843 --> 00:24:30,721
"Help the retarded!
449
00:24:30,721 --> 00:24:33,265
Help the fucking retarded!"
450
00:24:35,893 --> 00:24:38,896
You gonna tell me
she was a bad person?
451
00:24:38,896 --> 00:24:40,773
She was helpin'
the retarded.
452
00:24:42,983 --> 00:24:45,027
And I feel like we had
more of them around back then.
453
00:24:45,027 --> 00:24:47,154
I haven't seen one in years.
454
00:24:47,154 --> 00:24:49,990
In the '70s, there was
a retarded guy in a windbreaker
455
00:24:49,990 --> 00:24:52,117
on every street corner.
456
00:24:55,162 --> 00:24:58,081
They -- we were using the word
and they were more in our lives.
457
00:24:58,081 --> 00:25:00,083
I swear to God, they were more.
458
00:25:00,083 --> 00:25:02,085
They were in our culture.
459
00:25:02,085 --> 00:25:04,963
There was TV movies about
retarded people all the time.
460
00:25:04,963 --> 00:25:09,718
"Tonight on ABC,
'A Retarded Boy's Dream'."
461
00:25:09,718 --> 00:25:11,428
There was one I remember
with Shaun Cassidy,
462
00:25:11,428 --> 00:25:13,305
I don't know if you remember
Shaun Cassidy,
463
00:25:13,305 --> 00:25:15,558
some of you are too young,
but Shaun Cassidy,
464
00:25:15,558 --> 00:25:18,519
he began his career
as a teen pop idol.
465
00:25:18,519 --> 00:25:21,229
He was a 13 year old boy
with a very hit song
466
00:25:21,229 --> 00:25:23,190
called "Da Doo Ron Ron."
467
00:25:23,190 --> 00:25:27,945
And he had feathered blond hair
and juicy lips.
468
00:25:27,945 --> 00:25:31,782
He was on the cover
of Teen Beat magazine, like...
469
00:25:31,782 --> 00:25:33,366
And everybody likes
Shaun Cassidy
470
00:25:33,366 --> 00:25:34,743
'cause he was sexy.
471
00:25:34,743 --> 00:25:35,786
Was a sexy boy.
472
00:25:35,786 --> 00:25:37,621
I thought he was sexy.
473
00:25:37,621 --> 00:25:38,956
I -- I thought he was
really sexy.
474
00:25:38,956 --> 00:25:41,124
I was six years old,
475
00:25:41,124 --> 00:25:43,085
but I already had inappropriate
sex feelings
476
00:25:43,085 --> 00:25:46,296
for teenage boys when I was six.
477
00:25:46,296 --> 00:25:48,674
I was an old soul.
478
00:25:48,674 --> 00:25:52,511
I was --
479
00:25:52,511 --> 00:25:54,888
I was a pedophile
when I was six.
480
00:25:57,057 --> 00:25:58,934
I used to go up to teenage boys
when I was six,
481
00:25:58,934 --> 00:26:02,145
I was like,
"Hey, how's it going?"
482
00:26:02,145 --> 00:26:04,481
That kid's weird,
he's got a boner.
483
00:26:07,192 --> 00:26:08,694
Anyway..
484
00:26:08,694 --> 00:26:11,196
Not anymore,
I outgrew it,
485
00:26:11,196 --> 00:26:13,406
but, uh...
486
00:26:13,406 --> 00:26:15,200
No.
487
00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:18,996
I'm not -- I'm not sexually
attracted to teenage boys.
488
00:26:18,996 --> 00:26:21,832
I'm not. I'm not.
489
00:26:21,832 --> 00:26:24,710
But I don't not get it.
I mean, I --
490
00:26:24,710 --> 00:26:27,337
I get it.
491
00:26:27,337 --> 00:26:31,717
I'm not like, "What?!"
Like...
492
00:26:31,717 --> 00:26:34,928
You can see it.
493
00:26:34,928 --> 00:26:36,680
Like, I was in an airport once
494
00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:39,224
and I'm walking along where
people walk in the airport,
495
00:26:39,224 --> 00:26:41,727
and there was these chairs
facing the aisle,
496
00:26:41,727 --> 00:26:43,186
and there is this family
sitting there,
497
00:26:43,186 --> 00:26:45,898
a mom and a dad
and two teenage boys.
498
00:26:45,898 --> 00:26:47,900
And they're, like, just both
sitting with their phones
499
00:26:47,900 --> 00:26:49,442
with their legs --
they were wearing, like,
500
00:26:49,442 --> 00:26:51,444
these shorts --
one had cutoff shorts
501
00:26:51,444 --> 00:26:53,446
and one had basketball shorts.
502
00:26:53,446 --> 00:26:54,782
And they both just had
their legs open
503
00:26:54,782 --> 00:26:55,908
'cause they don't give a fuck,
504
00:26:55,908 --> 00:26:58,827
both legs just splayed.
505
00:26:58,827 --> 00:27:00,788
And then just this --
just smooth.
506
00:27:00,788 --> 00:27:03,749
You know, just very...
507
00:27:03,749 --> 00:27:07,335
And I saw it.
508
00:27:07,335 --> 00:27:10,881
Didn't give me a --
didn't do anything to me,
509
00:27:10,881 --> 00:27:13,050
but I kind of wanted to stop
and go,
510
00:27:13,050 --> 00:27:16,053
"Hey, fellows, let's --
let's close that shit up, huh?
511
00:27:16,053 --> 00:27:17,555
You're not getting me,
but I know you're causing
512
00:27:17,555 --> 00:27:21,141
a problem
for somebody in this airport.
513
00:27:21,141 --> 00:27:22,726
Let's close it up."
514
00:27:25,563 --> 00:27:27,480
I did not say that...
515
00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:29,232
Otherwise I wouldn't be here.
516
00:27:33,779 --> 00:27:36,031
Anyway, let's return to
the comfortable subject
517
00:27:36,031 --> 00:27:37,825
of retarded people, shall we?
518
00:27:42,370 --> 00:27:45,958
Shaun Cassidy was a teen singer
519
00:27:45,958 --> 00:27:48,293
who then grew up --
he was about 18 --
520
00:27:48,293 --> 00:27:51,296
he was, you know, old and gross.
nobody wanted to fuck him.
521
00:27:51,296 --> 00:27:54,299
So he started to act,
and he had
522
00:27:54,299 --> 00:27:57,511
a movie on TV
called "Normal People,"
523
00:27:57,511 --> 00:27:58,929
where he played
a retarded man
524
00:27:58,929 --> 00:28:00,598
who wants to live
a normal life --
525
00:28:00,598 --> 00:28:02,057
it was very inspiring, actually.
526
00:28:02,057 --> 00:28:03,517
And at one point he goes to --
527
00:28:03,517 --> 00:28:05,435
he didn't do, like,
a big retarded character.
528
00:28:05,435 --> 00:28:07,437
He wore thick glasses,
he talked like Elmer Fudd.
529
00:28:07,437 --> 00:28:09,064
That was the whole thing.
530
00:28:09,064 --> 00:28:11,149
So he goes up to the guy
who runs the group home
531
00:28:11,149 --> 00:28:13,777
he lives in and he says,
"I want to get a job."
532
00:28:13,777 --> 00:28:15,904
And the guys who runs it
is like,
533
00:28:15,904 --> 00:28:17,656
you know, Republican,
conservative.
534
00:28:17,656 --> 00:28:19,617
So he's like,
"You can get a job,
535
00:28:19,617 --> 00:28:22,160
you're retarded!"
You know.
536
00:28:25,748 --> 00:28:28,125
But -- but then there's
a liberal lady who works there
537
00:28:28,125 --> 00:28:31,879
and she says, "Of course
he can get a job.
538
00:28:31,879 --> 00:28:34,632
He's as good as anyone!"
539
00:28:36,717 --> 00:28:38,468
So they let him get a job
540
00:28:38,468 --> 00:28:39,970
as an air traffic controller
541
00:28:39,970 --> 00:28:41,597
or whatever was available.
542
00:28:41,597 --> 00:28:43,849
And then...
543
00:28:46,769 --> 00:28:48,311
He meets a woman
who's also retarded,
544
00:28:48,311 --> 00:28:50,022
who lives at the group home.
545
00:28:50,022 --> 00:28:51,982
He falls in love with her.
It's a very nice love story.
546
00:28:51,982 --> 00:28:54,401
And he says,
"We want to get married."
547
00:28:54,401 --> 00:28:57,154
And the guy says, "Brr!"
548
00:28:57,154 --> 00:28:59,573
She says, "But they're in love!"
549
00:28:59,573 --> 00:29:01,199
So they get married.
550
00:29:01,199 --> 00:29:04,452
And then one day he says,
"We want to have a baby."
551
00:29:04,452 --> 00:29:05,538
And the liberal lady says,
552
00:29:05,538 --> 00:29:07,540
"No fucking way."
553
00:29:09,833 --> 00:29:12,878
And they just
shut them down right there.
554
00:29:12,878 --> 00:29:14,797
And that's the end of the movie.
555
00:29:14,797 --> 00:29:18,634
I swear to God,
that's just how it ends.
556
00:29:18,634 --> 00:29:20,719
And the point of the movie
is just, you know,
557
00:29:20,719 --> 00:29:22,555
hey, there's a limit --
like, that's, I guess,
558
00:29:22,555 --> 00:29:25,849
what the point of it was.
559
00:29:25,849 --> 00:29:28,351
And that's pretty intense.
560
00:29:28,351 --> 00:29:30,604
But, hey, retarded people
were on television,
561
00:29:30,604 --> 00:29:32,815
we were talking about it,
we were dealing with it --
562
00:29:32,815 --> 00:29:36,359
and they said the word retarded
about 50,000 times in the movie.
563
00:29:36,359 --> 00:29:38,571
Now, we don't say the word
and I don't see 'em anywhere.
564
00:29:38,571 --> 00:29:40,072
I guess that's
my problem with it.
565
00:29:40,072 --> 00:29:43,366
And also, the word is not
basically a bad word.
566
00:29:43,366 --> 00:29:47,287
It's a medical term,
but it became a bad word
567
00:29:47,287 --> 00:29:49,790
because it's used as an insult,
really --
568
00:29:49,790 --> 00:29:51,584
not towards
retarded people.
569
00:29:51,584 --> 00:29:53,711
Nobody does that.
570
00:29:53,711 --> 00:29:56,839
Nobody calls retarded people
retarded to insult them.
571
00:29:56,839 --> 00:29:59,550
What would be
the point of that?
572
00:29:59,550 --> 00:30:01,009
That would be like going up
to a chair
573
00:30:01,009 --> 00:30:02,761
and saying,
"You're fuckin chair!"
574
00:30:02,761 --> 00:30:06,348
Like, what are you doing?
575
00:30:06,348 --> 00:30:07,850
No.
576
00:30:07,850 --> 00:30:09,309
People use it
on their friends,
577
00:30:09,309 --> 00:30:10,686
like, you're at a bar,
your friend's like,
578
00:30:10,686 --> 00:30:13,063
"I don't have any more money
for beer,"
579
00:30:13,063 --> 00:30:17,651
and you're like, "You're fucking
retarded, you know that?"
580
00:30:17,651 --> 00:30:20,613
And in that moment,
no one retarded is insulted.
581
00:30:20,613 --> 00:30:24,282
They're not. Do you know why?
Because they're not there!
582
00:30:24,282 --> 00:30:26,910
'Cause we don't include them
in our lives.
583
00:30:26,910 --> 00:30:28,704
They're not at the bar --
584
00:30:28,704 --> 00:30:30,873
How many of you have
a retarded drinking buddy
585
00:30:30,873 --> 00:30:32,499
that you hang out with?
586
00:30:34,835 --> 00:30:37,087
No, you take 'em to the zoo
when they're little him
587
00:30:37,087 --> 00:30:38,672
and then fuck 'em.
588
00:30:42,843 --> 00:30:45,303
This is what I find confusing
about this thing,
589
00:30:45,303 --> 00:30:47,890
is that we told many generations
of people
590
00:30:47,890 --> 00:30:49,683
that they are retarded.
591
00:30:49,683 --> 00:30:51,434
We told them that that's what
they are and they lived with it,
592
00:30:51,434 --> 00:30:53,979
and they dealt with it, and then
we just decided it's a bad word.
593
00:30:53,979 --> 00:30:56,732
So did we tell them this?
594
00:30:56,732 --> 00:30:59,735
Did we go back to them
and explain this to them?
595
00:30:59,735 --> 00:31:02,070
"Listen, Nelson, I have
somethin' to tell you,
596
00:31:02,070 --> 00:31:05,616
you're not retarded anymore."
597
00:31:05,616 --> 00:31:07,284
"You mean I'm cured?"
598
00:31:07,284 --> 00:31:11,496
"No! No, no.
599
00:31:11,496 --> 00:31:14,291
Nah, we're not
even working on it."
600
00:31:30,933 --> 00:31:32,768
Anyway, I've been traveling.
601
00:31:37,480 --> 00:31:39,066
I went to France last year
602
00:31:39,066 --> 00:31:40,734
because I thought
I should leave the nation --
603
00:31:40,734 --> 00:31:43,195
felt like a good idea.
604
00:31:43,195 --> 00:31:45,197
Would have left the planet if
they had another one of those.
605
00:31:45,197 --> 00:31:46,740
But...
606
00:31:46,740 --> 00:31:48,408
When I went to France,
I had a great time.
607
00:31:48,408 --> 00:31:50,410
I fell in love. I met a woman.
I fell in love in France.
608
00:31:50,410 --> 00:31:51,787
And we've been together
since then.
609
00:31:51,787 --> 00:31:54,247
It's been nice.
610
00:31:54,247 --> 00:31:56,083
Yeah, okay, it's nice having
a girlfriend
611
00:31:56,083 --> 00:31:58,251
from another country because you
learn a lot about that country.
612
00:31:58,251 --> 00:31:59,795
I learn a lot about France
from being with her.
613
00:31:59,795 --> 00:32:01,630
I never knew these things
about -- like, one time
614
00:32:01,630 --> 00:32:03,757
she was sick, and I was taking
care of her,
615
00:32:03,757 --> 00:32:05,133
so I gave her --
she had a fever.
616
00:32:05,133 --> 00:32:06,552
I gave her a thermometer
617
00:32:06,552 --> 00:32:08,428
and she put it in her asshole.
618
00:32:13,559 --> 00:32:16,604
Never seen that before;
turns out the whole country,
619
00:32:16,604 --> 00:32:22,317
all of France, puts thermometers
in their assholes.
620
00:32:22,317 --> 00:32:25,320
And they don't put
their eggs in the fridge.
621
00:32:25,320 --> 00:32:28,323
They have no respect for
temperature in either direction.
622
00:32:31,994 --> 00:32:33,370
I'd never -- I was like,
623
00:32:33,370 --> 00:32:35,623
why are you putting it
in your asshole?
624
00:32:35,623 --> 00:32:37,165
She said, "You don't do this?
625
00:32:37,165 --> 00:32:42,755
You don't put here
in America?"
626
00:32:42,755 --> 00:32:46,049
I said, "No, we don't put
a glass thermometer
627
00:32:46,049 --> 00:32:49,386
filled with mercury
in our anuses...
628
00:32:49,386 --> 00:32:51,179
You fucking savage."
629
00:32:55,017 --> 00:32:58,521
Well, we do it to babies
and dogs
630
00:32:58,521 --> 00:33:02,024
'cause they can't talk.
631
00:33:02,024 --> 00:33:03,734
Every American baby's
first words is,
632
00:33:03,734 --> 00:33:05,903
"Get that fucking thing
out of my asshole."
633
00:33:09,281 --> 00:33:11,992
You ever take
your dog's temperature?
634
00:33:11,992 --> 00:33:14,327
You have to hold
your dog's ass still,
635
00:33:14,327 --> 00:33:16,830
and then you slip it in there
636
00:33:16,830 --> 00:33:20,375
and your dog looks to you like,
"Why would you do that?!
637
00:33:20,375 --> 00:33:22,377
Why would you do that to me?!"
638
00:33:25,756 --> 00:33:29,635
And you're like, "I could never
explain it to you,
639
00:33:29,635 --> 00:33:31,845
but I need to hold it here
for 60 seconds."
640
00:33:37,142 --> 00:33:38,351
Dogs are so dumb,
641
00:33:38,351 --> 00:33:40,813
it's fucking tragic.
642
00:33:40,813 --> 00:33:43,190
It's sad how dumb
they are.
643
00:33:43,190 --> 00:33:46,068
They're in our lives
and they know nothing
644
00:33:46,068 --> 00:33:48,654
about what's happening.
645
00:33:48,654 --> 00:33:49,905
You ever been having, like,
646
00:33:49,905 --> 00:33:51,406
a dramatic
moment in your family,
647
00:33:51,406 --> 00:33:53,325
like, you're in the living room
telling the kids
648
00:33:53,325 --> 00:33:56,078
that grandma died,
and everybody's crying,
649
00:33:56,078 --> 00:33:57,495
and the dog's sitting there
like...
650
00:34:04,086 --> 00:34:08,131
"I know you! Ha!"
651
00:34:08,131 --> 00:34:10,008
They're so stupid!
652
00:34:10,008 --> 00:34:12,803
Incredibly stupid animals.
653
00:34:12,803 --> 00:34:14,304
They don't even know their own
lives, they don't even --
654
00:34:14,304 --> 00:34:17,099
they can't even handle
their own lives mentally.
655
00:34:17,099 --> 00:34:19,267
You ever throw a ball
for your dog
656
00:34:19,267 --> 00:34:21,019
and your dog gets the ball
and brings it,
657
00:34:21,019 --> 00:34:22,062
and then you
throw the ball again,
658
00:34:22,062 --> 00:34:23,522
and the dog brings it.
659
00:34:23,522 --> 00:34:24,732
And then one of the times
you throw the ball,
660
00:34:24,732 --> 00:34:26,567
the dog looks at you like,
661
00:34:26,567 --> 00:34:28,569
"I didn't see what happened.
662
00:34:28,569 --> 00:34:31,530
I'm sorry, I...
663
00:34:31,530 --> 00:34:35,158
I don't know anything now.
Please help."
664
00:34:35,158 --> 00:34:37,410
So you point at the ball,
"There it is, right there.
665
00:34:37,410 --> 00:34:38,746
It's right there."
666
00:34:38,746 --> 00:34:41,289
And the dog just looks
at your finger
667
00:34:41,289 --> 00:34:45,252
'cause there's just no way
he's gonna get this concept
668
00:34:45,252 --> 00:34:47,546
that there's
an invisible line...
669
00:34:50,007 --> 00:34:52,968
...that he can follow
with his imagination.
670
00:34:56,889 --> 00:34:58,306
I have a great dog.
671
00:34:58,306 --> 00:34:59,725
I've got a dog last year.
She's a great dog.
672
00:34:59,725 --> 00:35:01,560
I did not adopt her, I'll be
honest with you.
673
00:35:01,560 --> 00:35:03,270
I bought her with money.
674
00:35:03,270 --> 00:35:05,564
That's the truth.
675
00:35:05,564 --> 00:35:07,525
People always ask me
when I walk my dog in New York,
676
00:35:07,525 --> 00:35:09,234
"That's a beautiful dog.
Is she a rescue?"
677
00:35:09,234 --> 00:35:10,485
I'm like,
"No, she's very expensive.
678
00:35:10,485 --> 00:35:12,070
Please don't touch her."
679
00:35:15,240 --> 00:35:17,535
I did rescue a dog last year,
680
00:35:17,535 --> 00:35:20,913
and it bit everyone
in my life,
681
00:35:20,913 --> 00:35:23,456
so I un-rescued it,
682
00:35:23,456 --> 00:35:25,501
and I bought a dog that works.
683
00:35:29,713 --> 00:35:31,674
In New York, everybody rescues
their dogs,
684
00:35:31,674 --> 00:35:36,011
like, "I rescued this dog.
I rescued her.
685
00:35:36,011 --> 00:35:39,056
She has no eyes
686
00:35:39,056 --> 00:35:42,225
and she's dead.
687
00:35:44,352 --> 00:35:46,354
I hate New York, I really do --
I used to love New York,
688
00:35:46,354 --> 00:35:47,898
but I hate it now,
I really --
689
00:35:47,898 --> 00:35:49,441
I'd rather be in Auschwitz than
in New York City.
690
00:35:49,441 --> 00:35:51,151
Honestly, I would.
691
00:35:51,151 --> 00:35:53,696
I mean --
I mean Auschwitz now.
692
00:35:53,696 --> 00:35:55,948
I mean, today Auschwitz.
693
00:35:55,948 --> 00:35:58,366
Not back when it was open.
694
00:35:58,366 --> 00:36:01,078
I mean, now -- it's nice now.
695
00:36:01,078 --> 00:36:03,288
There's a gift shop.
696
00:36:03,288 --> 00:36:04,957
People go there on purpose.
697
00:36:04,957 --> 00:36:06,709
They buy tickets.
698
00:36:06,709 --> 00:36:08,376
I think that's weird...
699
00:36:08,376 --> 00:36:10,921
That people
buy tickets to Auschwitz.
700
00:36:10,921 --> 00:36:12,380
That's weird.
701
00:36:12,380 --> 00:36:14,382
If you could have
told those people back then,
702
00:36:14,382 --> 00:36:16,635
"People are going to buy tickets
to come here.
703
00:36:22,182 --> 00:36:25,603
Wrap your head around that.
704
00:36:25,603 --> 00:36:27,938
Jew."
705
00:36:27,938 --> 00:36:29,732
That's --
All right. I'm sorry.
706
00:36:29,732 --> 00:36:32,568
I'm sorry, never again,
I promise.
707
00:36:35,320 --> 00:36:37,405
That's what we say about
the Holocaust: Never again,
708
00:36:37,405 --> 00:36:39,199
'cause they killed
six million Jews.
709
00:36:39,199 --> 00:36:40,784
If they only killed,
like, 10,000,
710
00:36:40,784 --> 00:36:43,996
would it be like,
"Okay, two more times,
711
00:36:43,996 --> 00:36:49,251
and then taper off
because it's a little much."
712
00:36:49,251 --> 00:36:50,836
I'll tell you, I went
to Auschwitz --
713
00:36:50,836 --> 00:36:52,420
this is a true story, I actually
did go to Auschwitz
714
00:36:52,420 --> 00:36:55,633
because I was doing shows
in Poland
715
00:36:55,633 --> 00:36:58,844
because I had to go
to Poland to do shows.
716
00:36:58,844 --> 00:37:00,053
So...
717
00:37:00,053 --> 00:37:04,767
So...
718
00:37:04,767 --> 00:37:06,894
I was in Krakow.
719
00:37:06,894 --> 00:37:08,521
I was in Krakow,
so I went to the camp,
720
00:37:08,521 --> 00:37:10,272
and I went there because of
a very personal reason --
721
00:37:10,272 --> 00:37:12,941
because I had family there,
I had a lot of family there.
722
00:37:12,941 --> 00:37:14,735
Forty-four members of my family
were in Auschwitz
723
00:37:14,735 --> 00:37:16,361
during World War II.
724
00:37:16,361 --> 00:37:19,114
I mean, they were guards,
they worked there.
725
00:37:19,114 --> 00:37:20,908
No, no, no, no.
They were Jews and they died.
726
00:37:20,908 --> 00:37:22,826
It's okay.
Don't be offended.
727
00:37:22,826 --> 00:37:25,328
It's true.
728
00:37:25,328 --> 00:37:27,330
We lost the whole family there,
everybody --
729
00:37:27,330 --> 00:37:29,082
the whole -- because we were
Hungarian Jews.
730
00:37:29,082 --> 00:37:31,960
My grandfather
on my father's side,
731
00:37:31,960 --> 00:37:34,630
he's the only one who made it;
the rest them, all 44 of them,
732
00:37:34,630 --> 00:37:38,466
went to Auschwitz, which I think
they really regretted.
733
00:37:38,466 --> 00:37:40,135
But that's --
that's what happened,
734
00:37:40,135 --> 00:37:42,470
because the Hungarians sent
all their Jews to --
735
00:37:42,470 --> 00:37:44,097
They didn't -- they weren't
even occupied, Hungary,
736
00:37:44,097 --> 00:37:46,934
they're just like,
"Yeah, take -- take our Jews."
737
00:37:46,934 --> 00:37:48,310
And they sent
my whole family there.
738
00:37:48,310 --> 00:37:49,645
And they were all --
died in Auschwitz,
739
00:37:49,645 --> 00:37:51,104
all except for him.
740
00:37:51,104 --> 00:37:52,815
My grandfather's the only one
who made it.
741
00:37:52,815 --> 00:37:54,983
Because he got
the fuck out of there
742
00:37:54,983 --> 00:37:57,360
before it started --
in the late '20s,
743
00:37:57,360 --> 00:38:00,906
he fucking smelled that shit
and he got the fuck out.
744
00:38:00,906 --> 00:38:03,366
And he went to Mexico.
He migrated to Mexico.
745
00:38:03,366 --> 00:38:05,035
And we found
his immigration card.
746
00:38:05,035 --> 00:38:07,370
My uncle and I did the family
history and we found it.
747
00:38:07,370 --> 00:38:09,081
It says,
"Nationality: Hungarian,"
748
00:38:09,081 --> 00:38:12,585
and it says,
"Religion: Catholic."
749
00:38:12,585 --> 00:38:14,336
And there's a picture
of him like.
750
00:38:17,756 --> 00:38:19,883
He's like, "Fuck it, they don't
know what a Jew looks like
751
00:38:19,883 --> 00:38:23,929
in Mexico --
that's where I'm going!"
752
00:38:23,929 --> 00:38:25,681
And that's why I'm alive,
because he made that choice.
753
00:38:25,681 --> 00:38:27,850
It's also why I'm not Jewish,
754
00:38:27,850 --> 00:38:31,144
'cause he was like, "Jew-schmoo,
we're not fucking Jewish.
755
00:38:31,144 --> 00:38:34,272
Somos catolicas."
756
00:38:34,272 --> 00:38:38,193
That was my abuelito.
757
00:38:38,193 --> 00:38:39,945
Became a fuckin' Mexican fast.
758
00:38:39,945 --> 00:38:42,615
That's what happened,
that's how he made it.
759
00:38:42,615 --> 00:38:44,617
Was a fascinating guy,
my grandfather.
760
00:38:44,617 --> 00:38:47,119
His name was Geza.
That was his name.
761
00:38:47,119 --> 00:38:52,165
And he had a brother named Geza.
762
00:38:52,165 --> 00:38:54,960
It's weird, but I looked it up,
and here's what happened:
763
00:38:54,960 --> 00:38:57,963
His parents had a baby and they
named it Geza,
764
00:38:57,963 --> 00:38:59,590
and it died --
the baby died.
765
00:38:59,590 --> 00:39:02,050
So they had another one
and they just said,
766
00:39:02,050 --> 00:39:03,594
"Fuck it, Geza,
just do it again,"
767
00:39:03,594 --> 00:39:05,220
because that's what it was like.
768
00:39:05,220 --> 00:39:07,556
Babies died,
it was no big deal back then.
769
00:39:07,556 --> 00:39:09,099
It was just like,
"Yeah, that was a shitty baby.
770
00:39:09,099 --> 00:39:12,019
Let's do another one."
771
00:39:12,019 --> 00:39:14,396
"Why'd your baby die?"
"Because it sucked --
772
00:39:14,396 --> 00:39:16,481
Why does any baby die?
At least we found out quick.
773
00:39:16,481 --> 00:39:19,652
Fuck it.
This one's good."
774
00:39:19,652 --> 00:39:22,112
That's what it was like forever
until recently.
775
00:39:22,112 --> 00:39:24,573
The human race
was all the good babies
776
00:39:24,573 --> 00:39:27,785
and the shitty ones, pbbt!
That's just the way it worked.
777
00:39:27,785 --> 00:39:29,202
It's not like that now.
778
00:39:29,202 --> 00:39:31,955
Now we save every baby.
779
00:39:31,955 --> 00:39:34,917
The shittier the baby,
the bigger the effort.
780
00:39:34,917 --> 00:39:38,378
Because we love it, we love
saving the shitty babies.
781
00:39:38,378 --> 00:39:40,422
There's always a documentary,
"Look at this baby.
782
00:39:40,422 --> 00:39:43,258
He's a fucking mess.
Do you see that shit?
783
00:39:43,258 --> 00:39:47,429
We're gonna save it,
make it live."
784
00:39:47,429 --> 00:39:49,848
And the baby's like,
"Please don't!"
785
00:39:54,436 --> 00:39:56,271
But we'd rather -- we don't like
when babies die,
786
00:39:56,271 --> 00:39:57,856
we get more upset
when a baby dies.
787
00:39:57,856 --> 00:40:00,317
Who knows this baby?
788
00:40:00,317 --> 00:40:02,277
"Did you hear about Jeff?"
789
00:40:02,277 --> 00:40:04,655
No, he was here for one day.
Nobody met him.
790
00:40:08,241 --> 00:40:10,202
And then if you die when
you're old, nobody gives a shit.
791
00:40:10,202 --> 00:40:13,956
They're lie, "Eh, he was here
long enough, fuck 'em."
792
00:40:13,956 --> 00:40:15,541
You ever tell somebody,
like, your grandmother di--
793
00:40:15,541 --> 00:40:17,167
"My grandmother died."
794
00:40:17,167 --> 00:40:18,502
They're like, "I'm so sorry.
How old was she?"
795
00:40:18,502 --> 00:40:21,463
"She was 98."
"Oh.
796
00:40:23,048 --> 00:40:25,467
So why'd you even tell me?"
797
00:40:29,262 --> 00:40:33,100
I'm 52 and I like my 50s,
I like this part of my life.
798
00:40:33,100 --> 00:40:35,102
It's my favorite so far.
I'll tell you why.
799
00:40:35,102 --> 00:40:37,771
Because I can still move
around pretty good.
800
00:40:37,771 --> 00:40:39,523
And I don't have long to live.
801
00:40:41,900 --> 00:40:43,986
I view that as a positive.
802
00:40:43,986 --> 00:40:45,738
Because life
is a lot of pressure.
803
00:40:45,738 --> 00:40:47,155
The more life
you have ahead of you,
804
00:40:47,155 --> 00:40:48,490
the more problems you have.
805
00:40:48,490 --> 00:40:49,533
Like, if you're 20,
806
00:40:49,533 --> 00:40:51,785
you might have 70 years
807
00:40:51,785 --> 00:40:55,581
to try not to be homeless
or alone during.
808
00:40:55,581 --> 00:40:57,415
But I can -- I got
maybe 24 years left.
809
00:40:57,415 --> 00:40:59,502
I can handle that, like,
that's an amount of time,
810
00:40:59,502 --> 00:41:00,919
like, "Oh, yeah,
I can fucking do that.
811
00:41:00,919 --> 00:41:02,505
I can cover 24 years."
812
00:41:02,505 --> 00:41:06,008
And it gets easier
every year less that I have.
813
00:41:06,008 --> 00:41:07,718
Like, I bought a winter coat
the other day
814
00:41:07,718 --> 00:41:09,177
I was like,
"This is my last coat.
815
00:41:09,177 --> 00:41:11,639
I don't need
a bunch of these.
816
00:41:11,639 --> 00:41:13,140
Gets easier.
817
00:41:16,393 --> 00:41:18,020
I used to -- I used
to think I have to --
818
00:41:18,020 --> 00:41:20,397
I need to find a woman
who will be with me forever.
819
00:41:20,397 --> 00:41:23,316
I need string of girlfriends
at this point.
820
00:41:23,316 --> 00:41:24,693
Just a few more girl--
821
00:41:24,693 --> 00:41:26,987
I need three women
in their 40s
822
00:41:26,987 --> 00:41:29,615
to get me through my 50s,
823
00:41:29,615 --> 00:41:33,536
and two in their 50s
to get me through my 60s.
824
00:41:33,536 --> 00:41:35,453
And then when I'm 75,
825
00:41:35,453 --> 00:41:37,247
21 years old.
826
00:41:37,247 --> 00:41:39,082
That's when I'm doing that.
827
00:41:39,082 --> 00:41:42,586
Twenty one,
she gets the rest of my money.
828
00:41:42,586 --> 00:41:45,130
Just blow me to my grave
and keep the change.
829
00:41:49,009 --> 00:41:51,762
That's the offer on the table
830
00:41:51,762 --> 00:41:54,347
for anybody who's 21
when I'm 75.
831
00:41:54,347 --> 00:41:56,934
She hasn't been born yet,
but we'll see with the...
832
00:41:56,934 --> 00:41:59,186
we'll see what
the new crop brings.
833
00:42:04,066 --> 00:42:06,860
My French girlfriend,
she's 42, which is perfect.
834
00:42:06,860 --> 00:42:09,237
She's pornographically hot,
835
00:42:09,237 --> 00:42:12,700
but she's willing
to fuck this mess.
836
00:42:12,700 --> 00:42:14,743
Because you -- really you
have to be over 40
837
00:42:14,743 --> 00:42:17,370
to have the compassion
838
00:42:17,370 --> 00:42:19,623
and the sense of humor
839
00:42:19,623 --> 00:42:22,417
to fuck around...
840
00:42:22,417 --> 00:42:24,127
She likes to be on top,
which I think is,
841
00:42:24,127 --> 00:42:25,963
that's 'cause that's the best
that I ever look
842
00:42:25,963 --> 00:42:28,674
is laying on my back
843
00:42:28,674 --> 00:42:31,885
because you just -- all the skin
lays where it belongs.
844
00:42:31,885 --> 00:42:34,513
Like it just drapes nicely.
845
00:42:34,513 --> 00:42:38,559
I like about 49 and a half
when I'm on my back.
846
00:42:38,559 --> 00:42:41,562
And if I get on top of her,
I just -- it comes off.
847
00:42:41,562 --> 00:42:44,648
It comes away from the bone
like barbecued pork.
848
00:42:47,025 --> 00:42:50,070
And this shit,
when you hang this,
849
00:42:50,070 --> 00:42:52,823
it's all red and bumpy.
It's like the roof of a cave.
850
00:42:52,823 --> 00:42:55,283
It's a nightmare.
851
00:42:55,283 --> 00:42:57,828
And my tits are like
flappy triangles
852
00:42:57,828 --> 00:43:00,539
with red tips.
853
00:43:00,539 --> 00:43:03,250
They look like candy corn
that somebody stepped on.
854
00:43:13,426 --> 00:43:15,387
But it's nice, uh...
855
00:43:15,387 --> 00:43:17,472
nice having a girlfriend,
it's better than being married
856
00:43:17,472 --> 00:43:18,557
because, you know,
with a girlfriend
857
00:43:18,557 --> 00:43:22,102
you can switch, and, uh...
858
00:43:22,102 --> 00:43:24,021
Marriage is --
fuck, that's hard.
859
00:43:24,021 --> 00:43:26,774
I feel bad for people
that are in bad marriages.
860
00:43:26,774 --> 00:43:28,316
That's -- if you're in
a bad marriage, by the way,
861
00:43:28,316 --> 00:43:29,777
you know what you should do?
Just at stay home.
862
00:43:29,777 --> 00:43:31,654
Don't make people --
just self-quarantine.
863
00:43:31,654 --> 00:43:34,948
Don't make people fucking
look at you.
864
00:43:34,948 --> 00:43:36,784
You know, those couples
that come over for dinner
865
00:43:36,784 --> 00:43:38,493
and they're holding a gun
to each other's heads like,
866
00:43:38,493 --> 00:43:40,453
"Hi, thanks for having us."
867
00:43:40,453 --> 00:43:42,831
Fuck.
868
00:43:42,831 --> 00:43:45,292
There's always that
awful moment at dinner.
869
00:43:45,292 --> 00:43:47,460
One of them's like, "We saw
that show on Wednesday."
870
00:43:47,460 --> 00:43:50,255
The other one's like,
"It wasn't Wednesday."
871
00:43:53,133 --> 00:43:55,719
We're going to fucking puke
because of your life.
872
00:43:55,719 --> 00:43:58,889
Oh, that's bad.
873
00:43:58,889 --> 00:44:03,310
I was on an airplane one time
and a married couple came on
874
00:44:03,310 --> 00:44:04,895
and they had been
sat separately.
875
00:44:04,895 --> 00:44:06,104
There was some mistake.
876
00:44:06,104 --> 00:44:07,898
So they're trying
to figure it out.
877
00:44:07,898 --> 00:44:10,108
And the woman, she's supposed to
sit here, she comes up to me.
878
00:44:10,108 --> 00:44:14,404
She says, "Would you mind moving
so I can sit with my husband?"
879
00:44:14,404 --> 00:44:15,989
And he's behind her.
He's like...
880
00:44:22,204 --> 00:44:24,372
And I wanted to help them,
881
00:44:24,372 --> 00:44:26,041
but what am I going
to say to his wife?
882
00:44:26,041 --> 00:44:27,375
Just, "No, I won't move."
883
00:44:27,375 --> 00:44:29,670
Then I have to sit with her.
884
00:44:29,670 --> 00:44:32,631
So I just got off the plane.
I didn't go on the trip.
885
00:44:32,631 --> 00:44:35,008
I got off the plane
and it took off
886
00:44:35,008 --> 00:44:36,552
and it hit
the World Trade Center.
887
00:44:36,552 --> 00:44:38,929
So that was...
888
00:44:38,929 --> 00:44:41,515
Yeah, that was bad.
889
00:44:41,515 --> 00:44:43,517
I'll never forget that day.
890
00:44:45,686 --> 00:44:48,606
Ah, fuck, that was
so unnecessary.
891
00:44:48,606 --> 00:44:54,486
That was wildly unnecessary.
892
00:44:54,486 --> 00:44:56,321
I dunno, man.
I'm sorry.
893
00:44:56,321 --> 00:45:00,618
I'm fucking mentally ill,
I don't know...
894
00:45:00,618 --> 00:45:02,035
I've been thinking about this:
895
00:45:02,035 --> 00:45:03,453
I think the thing is, I think --
896
00:45:03,453 --> 00:45:06,790
I think I learned too early
in my life
897
00:45:06,790 --> 00:45:09,209
that when I say something
and people get angry,
898
00:45:09,209 --> 00:45:11,211
I just like how that feels.
899
00:45:11,211 --> 00:45:12,963
I don't know why,
900
00:45:12,963 --> 00:45:15,298
but I learned it too early,
I think that's the problem.
901
00:45:15,298 --> 00:45:16,884
I learned that when I was 6.
902
00:45:16,884 --> 00:45:19,219
That's too young
for that kind of...
903
00:45:19,219 --> 00:45:22,347
You know, I learned
all the bad words when I was 6.
904
00:45:22,347 --> 00:45:24,266
I learned them all
in one day
905
00:45:24,266 --> 00:45:26,894
from this old dude who hung
around our neighborhood.
906
00:45:26,894 --> 00:45:28,854
I don't know if he lived there
or what,
907
00:45:28,854 --> 00:45:30,939
but there this old dude
with a shitty coat
908
00:45:30,939 --> 00:45:32,525
and a dark tooth
909
00:45:32,525 --> 00:45:34,401
that was always walking
around my neighborhood.
910
00:45:34,401 --> 00:45:35,694
And if you're a kid
walking alone,
911
00:45:35,694 --> 00:45:37,655
he'd walk up and, "Hey,"
talk to you --
912
00:45:37,655 --> 00:45:39,114
because it was the '70s.
913
00:45:39,114 --> 00:45:41,033
You could just walk up to kids
and talk to 'em.
914
00:45:41,033 --> 00:45:44,995
Now you can't even fuck 'em,
it's crazy how things are...
915
00:45:49,082 --> 00:45:50,584
Sorry.
916
00:45:50,584 --> 00:45:53,504
I know it's wrong to fuck kids,
by the way,
917
00:45:53,504 --> 00:45:56,965
just to be clear, I know that
fucking children is wrong.
918
00:45:56,965 --> 00:45:59,802
I don't even need to be told.
I just know that it's wrong.
919
00:46:01,804 --> 00:46:04,347
I would know it was wrong,
even if it was popular.
920
00:46:06,850 --> 00:46:08,686
Even if people were like,
"You should fucking kids,
921
00:46:08,686 --> 00:46:10,813
it's great,"
922
00:46:10,813 --> 00:46:14,274
I wouldn't do it.
923
00:46:14,274 --> 00:46:15,943
Even if the kids came out
to me all the time,
924
00:46:15,943 --> 00:46:18,486
"You should fuck me, I like it.
I wouldn't mind at all."
925
00:46:20,614 --> 00:46:22,783
I would say,
"No thank you, young man."
926
00:46:27,287 --> 00:46:29,832
Even if doctors proved...
927
00:46:33,752 --> 00:46:37,380
...that it was beneficial to the
health of children to fuck them,
928
00:46:37,380 --> 00:46:38,841
I wouldn't do it. I would --
929
00:46:38,841 --> 00:46:41,051
I would -- I wouldn't fuck a kid
to save his life.
930
00:46:41,051 --> 00:46:43,220
That's...
931
00:46:45,556 --> 00:46:48,517
Even even if somebody
said to me,
932
00:46:48,517 --> 00:46:50,644
"If you fuck just this one kid,
933
00:46:50,644 --> 00:46:54,940
then no kid will ever
get fucked ever again."
934
00:46:54,940 --> 00:46:56,650
I might have to fuck that
one kid.
935
00:46:56,650 --> 00:47:00,487
That might be
the right thing to do.
936
00:47:00,487 --> 00:47:03,323
I'm saving all those kids.
937
00:47:03,323 --> 00:47:07,202
Oh, I'm saving them all.
938
00:47:07,202 --> 00:47:10,497
Not you, not you.
939
00:47:10,497 --> 00:47:12,875
You're the last one.
940
00:47:20,508 --> 00:47:23,719
It's hypothetically.
941
00:47:23,719 --> 00:47:29,141
Anyway, so the old man
came up to me on the street
942
00:47:29,141 --> 00:47:33,270
and he and he said, "Hey, do you
want to know all the bad words?
943
00:47:35,188 --> 00:47:37,858
And I said,
"Yes, I think I do."
944
00:47:37,858 --> 00:47:40,903
So he's like, "All right. Okay.
Fuck, shit, piss,
945
00:47:40,903 --> 00:47:46,742
dick, balls, ass, cock,
diarrhea, pussy, fart, cum."
946
00:47:46,742 --> 00:47:50,871
And I was like, "Oh!"
947
00:47:50,871 --> 00:47:55,000
Just felt so good.
948
00:47:55,000 --> 00:47:57,210
I went to school, I went right
up to my teacher, I said,
949
00:47:57,210 --> 00:48:01,339
"Fuck, shit, piss, dick, balls,
ask, cock, diarrhea, cum, fart."
950
00:48:03,383 --> 00:48:05,385
And she started crying.
It's a true story.
951
00:48:05,385 --> 00:48:07,680
She was like --
952
00:48:07,680 --> 00:48:09,264
Started crying.
953
00:48:09,264 --> 00:48:10,808
I had a boner.
I was so happy.
954
00:48:10,808 --> 00:48:12,726
It was the best moment
of my life.
955
00:48:16,730 --> 00:48:19,232
I had to go
to the principal's office.
956
00:48:19,232 --> 00:48:21,902
He said, "Do you kiss your
mother with that mouth?"
957
00:48:21,902 --> 00:48:24,112
I said, "No, but I eat her pussy
with it."
958
00:48:27,282 --> 00:48:29,535
Yeah. Yeah.
959
00:48:29,535 --> 00:48:31,494
Yeah!
960
00:48:37,000 --> 00:48:38,251
Anyway,
relationships are tough.
961
00:48:38,251 --> 00:48:40,045
That's what I'm talking about.
962
00:48:43,632 --> 00:48:46,259
I used to date a woman
who was a vegan,
963
00:48:46,259 --> 00:48:49,096
so I had to fuck her with my
dick substitute and, uh...
964
00:48:52,933 --> 00:48:54,768
'Member when meeting
a vegan was weird?
965
00:48:54,768 --> 00:48:56,269
Remember when there was like
a strange thing, like,
966
00:48:56,269 --> 00:48:58,522
"Oh, what is --
what is that?"
967
00:48:58,522 --> 00:49:01,441
Like, you probably met your
first vegan in the '90s.
968
00:49:01,441 --> 00:49:05,320
You had like a dinner party
and somebody brought a vegan
969
00:49:05,320 --> 00:49:07,239
and they said,
"Just so you know, I'm vegan,"
970
00:49:07,239 --> 00:49:09,116
and you're like, "I'm sorry,
you're a vegetarian?"
971
00:49:09,116 --> 00:49:11,577
And they're like, "Heh, no."
972
00:49:11,577 --> 00:49:13,746
All right, what is the thing?
973
00:49:13,746 --> 00:49:15,372
And they tell all the...
Huh?
974
00:49:15,372 --> 00:49:17,541
Okay. Uh-huh.
975
00:49:17,541 --> 00:49:20,418
Yeah, I have no food for you.
976
00:49:20,418 --> 00:49:24,339
You can eat a napkin
and shit paper, I don't care.
977
00:49:24,339 --> 00:49:25,924
But then you met
another vegan and you're like,
978
00:49:25,924 --> 00:49:27,760
"Okay," and then -- and now
they're everywhere,
979
00:49:27,760 --> 00:49:29,427
now who cares?
980
00:49:29,427 --> 00:49:31,514
There's several vegans
and restaurants and whatever.
981
00:49:31,514 --> 00:49:32,806
It's kind of
like gay people
982
00:49:32,806 --> 00:49:35,643
sort of a similar trajectory
of growth
983
00:49:35,643 --> 00:49:38,353
and acceptance in
the culture.
984
00:49:38,353 --> 00:49:40,731
You know? Gay people and vegans
have a lot in common --
985
00:49:40,731 --> 00:49:43,233
like, they both have to tell
their families at Thanksgiving.
986
00:49:43,233 --> 00:49:44,777
That's when they have
to tell them.
987
00:49:44,777 --> 00:49:48,321
And Dad gets angry.
988
00:49:48,321 --> 00:49:51,449
"Your mother worked all night
cooking that turkey,
989
00:49:51,449 --> 00:49:55,287
and you're telling me
you're a fucking faggot?!"
990
00:49:55,287 --> 00:49:57,039
You know, it's drama.
991
00:50:00,668 --> 00:50:03,128
But those are the old days,
992
00:50:03,128 --> 00:50:05,714
things are better now.
993
00:50:05,714 --> 00:50:07,174
I think it's pretty amazing
when you think about it.
994
00:50:07,174 --> 00:50:10,260
People used to say
that being gay was wrong.
995
00:50:10,260 --> 00:50:11,762
Pretty recently,
folks used to --
996
00:50:11,762 --> 00:50:12,930
like, most people used to say
997
00:50:12,930 --> 00:50:14,347
that being gay was wrong,
998
00:50:14,347 --> 00:50:15,849
'course it's not wrong
to be gay.
999
00:50:15,849 --> 00:50:18,811
I mean, it's pretty gay
but it's not wrong,
1000
00:50:18,811 --> 00:50:20,353
but that's what people
used to say.
1001
00:50:20,353 --> 00:50:21,730
And now nobody says that.
1002
00:50:21,730 --> 00:50:23,356
And I think
that's a positive change.
1003
00:50:23,356 --> 00:50:25,818
I think that's a good thing,
although I do wonder
1004
00:50:25,818 --> 00:50:29,780
if there are gay people
who miss when it was wrong.
1005
00:50:29,780 --> 00:50:32,365
Maybe there's a few
who miss when it was --
1006
00:50:32,365 --> 00:50:34,535
'cause wasn't it
a little more fun,
1007
00:50:34,535 --> 00:50:37,871
when it was like,
"This is fucking crazy."
1008
00:50:37,871 --> 00:50:39,540
Didn't that...
1009
00:50:39,540 --> 00:50:42,668
Didn't give it a little zhuzh.
A little...
1010
00:50:42,668 --> 00:50:46,338
I could lose my job.
Aw, fuck...
1011
00:50:47,255 --> 00:50:49,216
Because...
1012
00:50:49,216 --> 00:50:51,301
Now they're like
everybody else, which is great.
1013
00:50:51,301 --> 00:50:52,970
And they can get married.
That's terrific.
1014
00:50:52,970 --> 00:50:58,851
But is that fun to fuck
your husband at your house?
1015
00:50:58,851 --> 00:51:01,228
Wasn't it more fun to be
in an old nightclub
1016
00:51:01,228 --> 00:51:02,521
at 4:00 in the morning, like,
1017
00:51:02,521 --> 00:51:04,231
"I'm breaking
my mother's heart.
1018
00:51:04,231 --> 00:51:09,069
Oh, yeah."
1019
00:51:09,069 --> 00:51:11,655
I don't know, I don't even mean
just gay people,
1020
00:51:11,655 --> 00:51:15,075
just some people like
when sex is a little fucked up.
1021
00:51:15,075 --> 00:51:16,785
You know?
1022
00:51:16,785 --> 00:51:20,748
"Some people!"
1023
00:51:20,748 --> 00:51:25,418
Some people like when sex is
a little fucked up.
1024
00:51:27,254 --> 00:51:29,172
All right.
1025
00:51:31,133 --> 00:51:32,801
No...
1026
00:51:32,801 --> 00:51:34,678
All right now, you want to talk
about this?
1027
00:51:34,678 --> 00:51:36,304
Should we talk about it?
1028
00:51:36,304 --> 00:51:38,766
Yeah, all right, all right.
1029
00:51:38,766 --> 00:51:40,768
I don't mind -- I don't mind
talking about it.
1030
00:51:40,768 --> 00:51:43,020
Okay. Um...
1031
00:51:46,607 --> 00:51:48,483
Here's what --
I'll give you some advice.
1032
00:51:51,361 --> 00:51:54,532
Here's some advice
that really only I can give you.
1033
00:51:56,742 --> 00:52:00,538
if you ever ask somebody,
1034
00:52:00,538 --> 00:52:02,748
"Can I jerk off
in front of you?"
1035
00:52:04,708 --> 00:52:06,919
Let me finish. I mean --
1036
00:52:06,919 --> 00:52:09,588
I mean...
1037
00:52:09,588 --> 00:52:12,424
Let me finish what I'm saying!
1038
00:52:12,424 --> 00:52:14,677
Ah...
1039
00:52:14,677 --> 00:52:17,429
Ah, fuck. Okay.
1040
00:52:20,473 --> 00:52:23,101
If you've ever
ask somebody,
1041
00:52:23,101 --> 00:52:26,063
"May I jerk off
in front of you,"
1042
00:52:26,063 --> 00:52:27,690
and they say yes,
1043
00:52:27,690 --> 00:52:30,442
just say, "Are you sure?"
1044
00:52:30,442 --> 00:52:32,485
That's the first part.
1045
00:52:32,485 --> 00:52:35,488
And then if they say yes,
just don't fucking do it.
1046
00:52:35,488 --> 00:52:37,658
Just -- just don't do it.
1047
00:52:37,658 --> 00:52:40,493
'Cause, look,
whatever you're into, okay?
1048
00:52:40,493 --> 00:52:42,454
'Cause everybody's
got their thing.
1049
00:52:42,454 --> 00:52:44,122
Whatever your thing is,
I don't know.
1050
00:52:44,122 --> 00:52:47,459
You all have your thing.
I don't know what your thing is.
1051
00:52:47,459 --> 00:52:50,838
You're so fucking lucky that I
don't know what you're thing is.
1052
00:52:50,838 --> 00:52:53,006
Do you understand how lucky
you are
1053
00:52:53,006 --> 00:52:55,133
that people
don't know your fucking thing?
1054
00:52:55,133 --> 00:52:58,178
'Cause everybody knows
my thing.
1055
00:52:58,178 --> 00:53:01,515
Everybody knows
my fucking thing now.
1056
00:53:01,515 --> 00:53:03,684
Obama knows my thing.
1057
00:53:03,684 --> 00:53:08,772
Do you understand
how that feels?
1058
00:53:08,772 --> 00:53:11,525
To know that Obama was like,
"Good lord!"
1059
00:53:18,532 --> 00:53:20,534
Everybody in the world
knows my thing.
1060
00:53:20,534 --> 00:53:22,452
I got on an airplane in Italy,
this little kid was like,
1061
00:53:22,452 --> 00:53:24,872
"Mama, that's the guy who jerk
off in front of the people!"
1062
00:53:33,255 --> 00:53:34,965
So whatever your thing is,
I don't know what it is,
1063
00:53:34,965 --> 00:53:36,509
maybe you can't cum unless
you have
1064
00:53:36,509 --> 00:53:38,927
your father on speaker phone,
whatever it is.
1065
00:53:44,141 --> 00:53:45,601
If you want to do it with
somebody else,
1066
00:53:45,601 --> 00:53:47,060
you need to ask first,
but if they say yes,
1067
00:53:47,060 --> 00:53:49,813
you still don't get to just go,
"Whoo!"
1068
00:53:49,813 --> 00:53:52,149
And charge ahead --
gotta check in often.
1069
00:53:52,149 --> 00:53:53,901
I guess that's what I would say.
1070
00:53:53,901 --> 00:53:56,278
Check in, because it's not
always clear how people feel.
1071
00:53:56,278 --> 00:53:58,864
Like, men are taught to make
sure the woman is okay.
1072
00:53:58,864 --> 00:54:01,074
But the thing is,
women know how to seem okay
1073
00:54:01,074 --> 00:54:02,535
when they're not okay.
1074
00:54:02,535 --> 00:54:04,036
So you can't just look
at her face be like,
1075
00:54:04,036 --> 00:54:05,495
"Yeah, her eyes are dry.
We're fine.
1076
00:54:05,495 --> 00:54:10,083
We'll just keep going" --
You gotta check in.
1077
00:54:10,083 --> 00:54:11,669
'Cause sex -- communication,
during sex
1078
00:54:11,669 --> 00:54:13,086
can be very confusing,
like, sometimes,
1079
00:54:13,086 --> 00:54:14,922
you're with a woman,
you're having sex,
1080
00:54:14,922 --> 00:54:17,382
she's making noises,
she's going, like, "Ooh, ahh."
1081
00:54:17,382 --> 00:54:19,635
And you're like,
"Oh, she loves it."
1082
00:54:19,635 --> 00:54:22,930
Not necessarily.
1083
00:54:22,930 --> 00:54:24,557
Sometimes they're making
those noises
1084
00:54:24,557 --> 00:54:26,349
just to get through it,
1085
00:54:26,349 --> 00:54:28,143
because it's easier
to go, "Ooh,"
1086
00:54:28,143 --> 00:54:29,978
than to say,
"I hate how you fuck me.
1087
00:54:29,978 --> 00:54:32,480
Honestly, it's awful."
1088
00:54:32,480 --> 00:54:34,733
So she goes, "Ooh, baby!"
1089
00:54:34,733 --> 00:54:36,569
It's kind of like
a Negro spiritual,
1090
00:54:36,569 --> 00:54:39,112
it's sort of similar.
1091
00:54:40,989 --> 00:54:42,741
So to assume that she likes
it is like
1092
00:54:42,741 --> 00:54:44,618
if they heard slaves singing
in the fields, and they're like,
1093
00:54:44,618 --> 00:54:46,787
"Hey, you're having
a great time out there!"
1094
00:54:56,505 --> 00:54:59,132
As far as my thing --
I dunno what the fuck...
1095
00:54:59,132 --> 00:55:00,676
People are like, "Why do you
want to do it anyway?"
1096
00:55:00,676 --> 00:55:02,385
Okay, oh, no.
1097
00:55:02,385 --> 00:55:05,097
I like jerking off,
I don't like being alone.
1098
00:55:05,097 --> 00:55:06,890
That's all I can tell you.
1099
00:55:06,890 --> 00:55:08,684
I -- I get lonely!
"Where is everyone?"
1100
00:55:08,684 --> 00:55:12,187
It's just sad.
I like company.
1101
00:55:12,187 --> 00:55:14,898
I like to share.
I'm good at it, too.
1102
00:55:14,898 --> 00:55:16,191
If you're good at juggling,
1103
00:55:16,191 --> 00:55:18,026
you wouldn't do it alone
in the dark.
1104
00:55:18,026 --> 00:55:21,488
You would gather folks
and amaze them.
1105
00:55:26,744 --> 00:55:29,079
Anyway, that's all I'm going to
say about that shit.
1106
00:55:40,340 --> 00:55:44,136
Well...
1107
00:55:45,929 --> 00:55:47,765
Let me ask you a question.
1108
00:55:47,765 --> 00:55:49,224
You ever wonder
1109
00:55:49,224 --> 00:55:51,143
how many people
ever fucked your mom?
1110
00:55:53,353 --> 00:55:55,272
We're almost done.
You're doing great.
1111
00:55:57,274 --> 00:55:59,026
This is important to me.
1112
00:55:59,026 --> 00:56:00,402
You ever look at your mom
and go, like,
1113
00:56:00,402 --> 00:56:02,279
"Mom, how many dicks?
Just how many?"
1114
00:56:02,279 --> 00:56:04,072
I lost my mom.
1115
00:56:04,072 --> 00:56:05,533
So those are the things
I don't know.
1116
00:56:05,533 --> 00:56:07,618
So I'm curious.
1117
00:56:07,618 --> 00:56:10,412
I don't feel like a lot of dudes
fucked my mom.
1118
00:56:10,412 --> 00:56:12,998
Not 'cause she's, like, pure,
because, like, I don't think so.
1119
00:56:12,998 --> 00:56:17,795
But I hope it was
as many as she wanted.
1120
00:56:17,795 --> 00:56:20,047
That's what I hope --
I hope she got all the dicks
1121
00:56:20,047 --> 00:56:22,299
she ever dreamed of
because I loved her.
1122
00:56:22,299 --> 00:56:24,217
I hope at the end,
my mom was like,
1123
00:56:24,217 --> 00:56:26,303
"That with plenty of dicks.
1124
00:56:26,303 --> 00:56:28,055
Whew-hoo!"
1125
00:56:31,391 --> 00:56:33,936
But I'll never know --
because you don't know your mom.
1126
00:56:33,936 --> 00:56:35,854
That's the truth -- you don't
really know your mother.
1127
00:56:35,854 --> 00:56:37,147
You feel like you know her,
1128
00:56:37,147 --> 00:56:39,066
but you know what she told you.
1129
00:56:39,066 --> 00:56:41,193
She didn't tell you shit.
1130
00:56:41,193 --> 00:56:42,653
You don't tell
your kids your life.
1131
00:56:42,653 --> 00:56:44,404
What did your mother tell you?
1132
00:56:44,404 --> 00:56:47,658
"I won a swimming medal
when I was 12."
1133
00:56:47,658 --> 00:56:49,284
She didn't tell you, like,
1134
00:56:49,284 --> 00:56:50,493
"I used to fuck this guy at
work, it was amazing."
1135
00:56:50,493 --> 00:56:54,497
She didn't tell you that.
1136
00:56:54,497 --> 00:56:58,251
Think about your mom's life
story as she told it to you.
1137
00:56:58,251 --> 00:57:02,255
There's huge holes
in that story.
1138
00:57:02,255 --> 00:57:04,382
"Well, I graduated when I was 22
1139
00:57:04,382 --> 00:57:07,010
and then I met your father
when I was 35."
1140
00:57:10,222 --> 00:57:13,016
"Feels like a lot of dicks would
fit right in there, Mom."
1141
00:57:16,353 --> 00:57:17,896
You know those movies
where you're --
1142
00:57:17,896 --> 00:57:20,023
where a mother and a daughter
switch bodies.
1143
00:57:20,023 --> 00:57:21,650
You ever seen a movie like --
it's always like,
1144
00:57:21,650 --> 00:57:24,612
"Freaky Friday," some Disney
comedy where a mother
1145
00:57:24,612 --> 00:57:27,489
and a daughter switch bodies
and then they're like, "Whoa!"
1146
00:57:27,489 --> 00:57:32,119
Then they have to water ski
and be in a rock band together.
1147
00:57:32,119 --> 00:57:34,580
And then they switch back
and they know each other better.
1148
00:57:34,580 --> 00:57:36,331
That's the formula
1149
00:57:36,331 --> 00:57:38,876
I think they should make it
another one of those movies.
1150
00:57:41,629 --> 00:57:43,046
But it should be
about a mother
1151
00:57:43,046 --> 00:57:45,674
who switches bodies
with her son.
1152
00:57:45,674 --> 00:57:48,761
But it's not a comedy,
it's a drama --
1153
00:57:48,761 --> 00:57:50,888
like a medical affliction.
1154
00:57:50,888 --> 00:57:52,598
They're upset the whole time.
1155
00:57:52,598 --> 00:57:54,349
She's in the bathroom
in the morning,
1156
00:57:54,349 --> 00:57:59,104
"I'm holding my son's penis.
It's confusing."
1157
00:57:59,104 --> 00:58:00,856
And her son is in
her body, he's like,
1158
00:58:00,856 --> 00:58:03,734
"I don't want to be
my mommy anymore.
1159
00:58:06,403 --> 00:58:08,947
I don't like how it feels."
1160
00:58:14,244 --> 00:58:16,914
And his dad comes home
and he starts fucking 'im.
1161
00:58:16,914 --> 00:58:18,999
"Oh, God!
1162
00:58:21,168 --> 00:58:24,838
What's happening now?
1163
00:58:24,838 --> 00:58:26,965
I don't like this,
1164
00:58:26,965 --> 00:58:30,260
but I don't want to say no
to my dad."
1165
00:58:36,099 --> 00:58:37,851
And then
at the end of the movie,
1166
00:58:37,851 --> 00:58:39,770
they never switch back.
1167
00:58:42,480 --> 00:58:45,776
You guys were great, thank you
very much for coming tonight.
1168
00:58:45,776 --> 00:58:48,070
It was a pleasure talking
to you.
1169
00:58:48,070 --> 00:58:50,864
Get home safe.
Thank you very, very much.
1170
00:58:50,864 --> 00:58:52,115
Goodnight.
89191
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