Original subtitles

National Film Development Corporation Presents

a film by Graffiti film & Video

OM DAR-B-DAR

Artists - Anita kanwar

Gopi Desai

Lalit Tiwari

Song & Dialouges ---- Kuku

Editing ----- Ravi Gupta, Priya

Cinematography -- Ashwini Kaul, Milind Ranade

Music -- Razat Dholakiya

Producer / Director -- Kamal Swaroop

During the 1922 census, a new era of..

... cast enrolment had just begun.

People were enrolling themselves with changed identities of..

..their choice under the umbrella of the British Empire.

My grandfather in haste to climb..

..the caste ladder entered the Brahmins bogie.

He died within the year in fear..

..and guilt of travelling with a fake caste-ticket.

Since then my whole caste-clan is wandering like ghosts..

..disguised as Brahmins.

And I'm Gayatri...

...processed and purified, circulated through the guts of a cow...

...the Studio Gobar [Bullshit].

'Why I named him Om, has a story.'

'It is said that if Saturn occurs in an inauspicious house on his chart...

.. then the person will die by the age of 17.'

It occurred to me that the type 'Om' is not..

.. listed under any nomenclature..

..in the records of Yamdoot. (Messenger of death).

If I named him Om..

..then he would become untraceable to the God of death.

Om, go to school. It is time!

School is closed today!

- Why? - It is going to rain.

How do you know?

Because you are combing your hair.

Om, had you come into my room?

- Why? - Who was flying the rocket?

Russians and Americans.

Gayatri! Two horoscopes are missing.

I was matching them.

I was making the girl younger in her horoscope, reducing her age..

..I don't know where they disappeared.

Father, it is like giving someone a travel map..

..of one city to find her way in another city.

Then escape to a place where the clock dial can't swallow you.

Do you know what love is?

LOVE

'L' is lake of sorrow.

'O' is ocean of tears.

'V' is valley of death.

And finally, 'E', end of life.

Love can't be bought in the market-place.

I love you.

Will you wrestle with me?

I'm sorry, but it is your fault also.

You looked so bold sitting alone amongst the men in the cinema hall..

..that I fell in love with you.

Because I was alone?

Girls, after running away from home, have only two places to hide ...

Either the temple or the cinema hall.

Can you hop behind onto the carrier of my bicycle...

... giving you a lift!

Myself Jagdish, from Jhumritalaiya.

Thank you.

'This letter is from an admirer of this program..

...from Jhumritaliya, Jagdish.'

'He writes, now on he should be considered..

..from Ajmer instead of Jhumritaliya.'

'Mr. Jagdish, you changed your city..

... but your favourite song remains the same, forever.'

'He wants to hear the same song as always.'

'Jagdish, Gayatri, Om, Tinku, Nikki, Pinky, Dolly..

..and their parents from Ajmer.'

"Babloo from Babylon."

"Babli on the telephone."

"Babloo from Babylon."

"Babli on the telephone."

"Pawned, missing and un-named in his own home'

'Friends from the world of voices...'

'I had not even thought in my dreams that..

..the girl who requested for the same song..

.. in the request program, would meet me in the picture hall.'

'Who knows, the names connected in this request show..

..may also be related across many births.

Open the window so that I can see you.

'The shepherd hiding inside the doll.'

"A shepherd woven from Babli's woollens." 'The shepherd hiding...

...inside the doll.' 'Take care of my bicycle. Yours, J.'

"Zero hero, fail or pass."

"Zero hero, fail or pass."

Give me 10 bucks.

Tell me the signs.

We first connected through the radio.

Okay.

- Then we met in the picture hall. - Okay.

- And recently on the road. - Okay.

I don't know if there is something to it.

Come here, I'll give you a spell,

...the girl will fall for you forever.

Shankar, what spells are you selling?

Mr. Melaram! Mr. Lotaram has buried all the spells in the court premises.

Even you are going to be a minister soon.

Thank you.

I promise. I promise.

Babuji B. Shankar, present yourself!

'You've been suspended from service for issuing fake caste-certificates.'

'You've been unsuccessful in proving that...

... your relatives belong to the scheduled castes.'

'It so happened that Babuji found some..

..young men of the third generation..

.. of his caste-clan, in the guise of Brahmins,..

... unemployed and begging at the railways stations.

'Babuji was a gazetted officer of authority.

Feeling pity on the lost members of his wandering clan ..

..he issued them fake caste-certificates,

restoring them back to the lower caste.

Through the reserved caste quota...

... these people quietly kept infiltrating government offices.'

'What could I do?'

'The boys were hassling me - Uncle, get us a job! Get us a job!'

'I said, here,

uproot the hairlock from your head, the sign of your Brahminhood...

'... and stamp this seal on this worthless piece of paper.'

'Go, become scheduled caste.'

'I was born under the sign of Saturn.'

"A - A - A, Love, be my soul-mate."

"B - B - B, Love, be my soul-mate."

"Aey, aey, aey, O love, be my soulmate."

"My beloved 'A'."

"My beloved B - bibi - bibi bibi - bibi..."

"My beloved A - aey - aey - see - see..."

"My beloved 'C'."

"Come dear, September is here, the most beautiful month of love.

"Come dear, September is here, the most beautiful month of love.

"Beloved, come and embrace me."

"Come and embrace me."

"My heart is breaking..."

"... my being is burning..."

"My heart is breaking..."

"... my being is burning..."

"I say it to baby."

"I say it to baby."

"Oh my Freud. Oh my fraud."

"It is like a sea baby."

"It is like a market lady."

"It is like a sea baby."

"It is like a market lady."

"This world is fiction."

"This world is an illusion."

"This world is fiction."

"This world is an illusion."

"It is like a sea baby."

"It is like a market lady."

"It is like a sea baby."

"It is like a market lady."

"She puffed powder on the face and perfumed her hair..."

"... spent the night at the hotel, and passed the day in the theater."

"She puffed powder on the face and perfumed her hair..."

"... spent the night at the hotel, and passed the day in the theater."

"- With new fashion. - Yes."

"- With new position. - Oh."

"- With new fashion. - Yes."

"- With new position. - Oh."

"A hollow laugh, how wedged in my heart!"

"A hollow laugh, how wedged in my heart!"

"I, in spite of it.."

'O naïve one, casting my spell on my own daughter ...'

'Hold the pose, I'll make you famous right away.'

I'm sorry.

'Hello conman.'

- I have come first again. - Where?

At school... in holding my breath.

Gayatri, will you learn to ride a cycle?

I'll buy a second-hand one for you.

Jagdish, don't abandon me midway.

Om!

Where are you coming from?

I was at community service in school.

In all that dirt?

What does it matter to you?

Who washes your clothes?

Don't wash.

Will you ride the cycle?

He rides a lot, in scissor-style!

Then go ahead.

Listen, come home straight.

"Who moved ahead?"

"Who stepped back?"

"Who moved ahead?"

"Who stepped back?"

"Baboo or baboon."

'That day everyone was looking at you in the picture hall.'

'Why were you were sitting in the gents section?'

'It was dark.'

'But the usher has a torch.'

He is the one who took me there.

And then he came and sat next to you?

Jagdish, can girls climb the Everest without the help of guys?

Parvati had climbed it.

What about Shiv?

I heard Ganesh is not their own son.

I heard the grandma's post is vacant on the moon.

Can you spin yarn?

Gayatri, why don't you graduate through correspondence?

What will I gain?

You'll become independent.

I've learnt to ride the bicycle, that's enough.

Being free and being independent...

..are two different things.

What are you?

Jagdish, Bachelor of Science.

Tuition master. I teach to ride the bicycles.

I make enough.

How much would you make from one tuition?

Give me food!

Om, where is the cycle?

Down the well!

I'll go and look.

Why do you send my name in your requests for these dirty songs?

'Today man is going to step on the moon.'

'The first astronaut was Yuri Gagarin.'

'He liked India very much.' - Om! Om!

Sister, is Om there at home?

'In poor countries..'

Om, will you come to my birthday party?'

But I don't have a present to give you.

No one has presents.

- Come on, hurry up. - Come on.

- Okay, I will come. - Come on.

'Does man want to be free of nitrogen's oppression?'

'Nitrogen is neither a non-living thing nor a living thing.'

'Sometimes it is poison and sometimes it is protein.'

- Come on, let's go. - Let's go.

we will go ..

..where the living are free of nitrogen.'

'While offering the prayers they were all massacred,.'

'... when the smell of the dead reached..

..the foot of the hill, Khwaja Garib Nawaz..

..called upon his army and marched up,

and buried six to eight martyrs in each grave.'

'After burying them, he immediately..

..made a grand mausoleum in their honour...

..which is now known as 'Ganj Shahida.'

People go there and make offerings,...

..they keep lemons, shells, coins,..

..they keep money. This is how Taragarh got its name.

Later on the Britisher's came and...

...kept their army there.

They made quarters.

The entire army used to stay there.

Even now in Rajasthan, Taragarh is the highest fort.

There's a big transmitter there.

There are also many picnic spots in Taragarh.

... though the bungalows are mostly vacant...

... there is still a population of 500 people.

People live there in groups.

There are nice bungalows.

There are good roads.

There's a big shrine built there.

There is a gigantic entrance to the fort...

... great kings have left their impressions there.

There is a shrine for a horse...

... at this shrine people offer Bengal gram.

At the shrine of Mir Sayed Hussain..

..they offer flowers and burn incense sticks.

The horse shrine is different where they offer Bengal gram..

..and the shrine of Mir Sayed Hussain is next to it..

..where they offer flowers and incense stick.

- Hi. - Are you coming to the moon?

What will I do there?

Just like that, for a vacation.

I heard they knit nice sweaters there.

What the hell will they knit?

O shepherd, o shepherd, shepherd Gopala...

Ibrahim! Ibrahim!

Tell aunty to prepare the samosa [savoury] terrace.

With the help of herbs, the girl blossomed back to health.

Psychologically too, if this whole world..

..believes her to be 25, then overnight she will turn 25..

Listen to me. Listen to me.

I'm scared.

I hope they don't reject her.

- Where is she? - On the samosa terrace.

Okay.

And what about her?

What about her, she dumped him?

After Mrs. Kakukabad, she was the first liberated lady of our club ..

O let it be...but it was Ms. Chanchalta who wore...

.. sleeveless blouses for the first time.

How many ladies nowadays can carry off that style?

Hurry up.

Uncle, uncle, you can see everything, you are cheating.

I won last time too.

Why will I cheat? You are as dear to me as the others.

Ganesh, ring the bell, start again.

You invited him to my party,

and you didn't even introduce me to the professor.

Forgive me, I was busy with Choti [bride to be].

I'll introduce you right away.

Listen to me.

Listen!

So Professor, how is it going with your Science?

Seems like a plot is being hatched.

I see. So now you are imprisoned in the arms of this city.

Before man reaches the moon..

... this alliance should be made.

Father had reduced the age...

... but I heard the boy's family have a computer at home.

You are sitting in Bombay and showing off...

...it must be a toy for counting.

Actually, I belong to this city.

I've actually come on a vacation here.

What are you going on about 'actually' standing there?

'Jump and come over to this side.'

How do you like our Chhoti? [bride to be].

Don't evaluate like a scientist, speak from your heart.

From here?

Go and see her up close.

Pinky, take brother-in-law to Chhoti.

Brother-in-law, let's go.

I hope you don't think that..

... my brother had planted me?

When you were in Science, I was in Arts.

You had saved me from goons at the Information Center.

- My date of birth is.. - I know.

In a little while, man will walk on the moon.

'This time, the main reason for this trip is..

..that the samples found on the moon will be shared..

..in all the countries equally for experimentation...'

'...because only the rich can go on the moon..'

Sorry, I thought it was my lost bicycle.

I hope you are not hurt.

- Stand. - Yes.

- Pedal. - I did.

- Bell.. - I did.

- Anything special? - A kid's seat on the rod.

You can take your bicycle.

In the whole film, I've been shown lodged inside Babli's womb.

This was the most challenging role of my life.

Listen to Raju Star's favorite film's, favorite song.

Requested by..

[typed text] - Dear Tulsi, We only believe in the present, no one is going to ask for your past.

..Jagdish, Gayatri, Tinku, Nikki, Pinky, Dolly and their parents from Ajmer.

The strange thing is that Om is not amongst them this time.

"Babloo from Babylon."

"Babli on the telephone."

"Babloo from Babylon."

"Babli on the telephone."

"Pawned, missing and un-named in his own home'

"A shepherd woven with Babli's woolens ."

"Shepherd hiding inside the doll."

Gayatri!!!

Father, Lala is here.

Today, it wasn't your daughter who served me food?

Gayatri, get the brakes of the bicycle tightened.

Why doesn't he buy a new one?

Our company's luck runs on your bicycle's luck.

Gayatri, how I had come here to make you independent...

... and look how I am now dependent!

Hello? Is it the collector speaking?

Sir, I recognized you.

You wanted to meet me much earlier.

I didn't get time, but I'll tell you everything that you wanted to know.

Okay. You want to ask me about the horoscope that you gave me?

The line on your palm is crystal clear.

The tick-tick clock of Metamorphosis ...

..when frogs put on horseshoes...

.. and sailed on ships...

... looking for cities where there was no fear of snakes.

The tick-tick clock of metamorphosis ...

..when the memoires of the future were printed on the thumb...

...the tadpoles asked:

What causes an intelligence?

What causes the face?

Is there a tadpole's heart underneath the green skin of a frog?

In this red light city of the womb, when I got lost inside Babli...

..during the reverse journey of my genetic memory...

...I came across terrorist tadpoles..

where the emperor of frogs, the computer, ruled over his subjects.

Sir Xerox Jhapata had only nitrogen for his breakfast...

... terrorist tadpoles had refused to grow into frogs.

They raised their weapons against the tyranny of nitrogen.

Meanwhile in the house of Rana tigrina..

..frogs were making the tadpoles aware of their true nature.

"Like a cocoon's karma makes it blossom into a butterfly..."

"... so we grow, from tadpoles."

"Like a cocoon's karma makes it blossom into a butterfly..."

"... so we grow, from tadpoles."

There is a girl's corpse here.

Om..

Atlas is going bananas. He says he will leave school.

Atlas!

Om, the school has vanished from my mind.

From now on Atlas's house is on the seat of his cycle.

What will you do?

Until I enter the book of Guinness records..

..I will not get down from the bi-cycle.

Atlas, don't be a fool. Let's go to the school.

'Each one of us live alone in our self-enclosed Hiber-Nation'

O we yogis

O we consumers

O we renouncers

Closing all the gates of our bodies we lie inert inside,

in our hibernation.

O we

O we

O we, without being through the wombs of our teachers, we are twice born

O king Tigrina, O queen Tigrini

O third eye, O first ray of sun

I croak and crave for the well of our everyday sustenance

... I croak for the rain...

... taker a motor to the picnic...

O us

... the lord of the heart, the bank of the blood...

O us

... the furnace of the lungs...

O us

... the lord of the heart, the bank of the blood...

Mouths dry, feverish in our wet dreams,

we swim and breath in the company of buffalos...

... these oars of claws, and this here my thumb...

... thumbs up, thumbs up, come up, come up...

... this mound, the couch of Venus, and here, this my girl frog...

... thumbs up, thumbs up, come up, come up...

... in the cheap feverish thrills of the .porn pictures of Coca-Cola, I croak...

... thumbs up, thumbs up, come up, come up...

"NAME?"

Rana!

"NAME?"

Rani!

"NAME?"

Rana.

RANA TIGRINA!

[kee-lash (corpse)] CLASS, condemned to the well.

The rest of the class is forgiven.

- Number One. - Present, Sir.

- Two. - Yes, sir.

- Three. - Present.

- Four. - Present.

- Five. - Yes, sir.

- Six. - Yes, sir.

- Seven. - Yes, sir.

- Eight. - Present, please.

- Nine. - Present, sir.

- Ten. - Yes, sir.

- Eleven. - Present.

- Twelve. - Present.

- Thirteen. - Present.

- Fourteen. - Present.

- Fifteen. - Yes, sir.

- Sixteen. - Present.

- Seventeen. - Yes, sir.

- Eighteen. - Present.

- Nineteen. - Present, sir.

- Twenty. - Present.

- Twenty-one. - Present.

- Twenty-two. - Yes, sir.

- Twenty-three. - Yes, sir.

- Twenty-four. - Yes, sir.

- Twenty-five..

Is Akbar at home?

He would've gone to Taragarh...

... or the 'monument of two and half days'.

- Were you in the school? - Yes.

- Akbar said you dropped out. - Yes.

What will you do now?

I'll go to the ocean.

- What will you do there? - I'll join the navy.

What will you get there?

- They have nice uniforms. - Let it be.

Who takes a job just for the fancy uniform?

What is in your hand?

It is Atlas's photo.

Why? What happened to that poor guy?

- He has become famous. - I see.

- ...and this blood on the news-paper? - It is his only.

I see.

[Incantation to hanuman, the monkey god.]

Akbar, I can see my nose.

Your nose is growing big like an Arabs.

Go to the great seer's shrine and rub the tip of your nose.

Hello..

Where is astrologer-palmist B. Shankar's house?

Where is the astrologer B. Shankar's house?

They've not given any direction.

Chhoti.

Come inside.

No, I have some urgent business with him.

What business do you have with him?

Are you...? Are you here for the same business?

- No... - Choti.

Come on in.

No, I have to meet him.

My husband is calling you.

- Where will you stay? - With him.

His 30 year old unmarried daughter also lives with him.

She helps him with business.

Beware of Shankar, he will find you a mate...

...but first he will purify himself through you.

Even a big Bollywood star had come to him.

She was the first woman whom he told that..

..'there is an actress hidden in every woman.'

In the role that you played, was the tiger with you real?

We all got your postcards.

Will girls now really climb the Everest without the help of men?

Sure. I must hurry...

...where is the house?

Look at this, Look at this! Once she had her way with him ...

... she used magic to turn her lover into a ass.

Then she murdered him.

Here is that unfortunate ass's photo...

...on the tracks under the goods train.

This here is that unfaithful woman's picture.

Is somebody at home?

If I was in her place, I would've kept that ass as a pet.

Gayatri, you don't know, even an ass has teeth as big as piano keys.

Excuse me.

- Greetings. - Gayatri!

Greetings.

My name is Phool Kumari. I'm from Bombay.

I read Times Of India daily.

That's where I read of you, MARRIAGE AND MATCH.

Did you get my letter?

My correspondence code is..

..'the groom shouldn't ask for the past.'

I'm coming straight from the station.

Father, she here is somebody straight from the station..

..with a solitary suitcase.

Make her wash her face and then show her to me.

Then, in real life my mother gave birth to me..

..and died in real in a reel scene.

Then I was brought up in the studio itself.

...and Guruji was making 9 films on 9 Goddesses.

Mythological.

Because mythologicals have more repeat value.

The older the film, the more religious it becomes.

Like one Goddess representing Monday, another for Tuesday..

..like Goddess Santoshi for Friday.

So, I had got a role of the Goddess of the Tigers.

But there was one clause in our contracts...

...only one role in one lifetime.

...because, there was a question of the image getting spoilt.

But what happened was..

...like you said to that movie-star...

... 'there's an actress hidden in every woman.'

So, even I wanted to play different roles...

So, I ran away from the studio.

Guruji wanted to take me along...

...as his death-bride in his live-Samadhi.

Before I could escape to Bombay..

..he had made Xeroxes of my contract and had..

..sent it to all the studios.

I couldn't even get a role of an extra: all doors were closed.

I had become so desperate that I thought I would leave everything..

..and become a cabaret dancer.

But I was afraid that the movie would get tainted.

If somebody gets peace from my mythical image..

..then there is good in it for me, isn't it?

By the way, there was no dearth of anything in our studio.

Everyone had their own gardens.

Laxmi, who was richest of us..

- If you make a promise, - ..all, had a pet owl.

"... you will have to fulfill it."

I told you that she looks ditto.,.

"- No matter if the world stops you.." - Who?

"- No matter if.." - She used to study with me..

"- the world stops you.." - ..in the missionary school.

She was addicted to the movies.

I don't watch movies.

I don't get time from the hustle-bustle of the studio...

... we had to give time to the constant flow of devoted fans.

Strike a pose.

It is a dream of a marble palace.

Why are you making faces at it?

It is ok to live together, but dying together? It is out of the question.

Good.

Father, who will you send this photograph to?

This is the national echo - Agra.

But the groom will surely ask for your past one day.

- I'll leave him. - Until when?

As many as I can, as long as I can

This skull had come from Paris to Pushkar to sell plaster.

Strike a pose.

Some of it has passed and some still remains.

Good.

"You should keep your promise."

In this skull crows take flight faster than the light.

- Post.. - Interpol.

There, all your secrets will come undone.

"But consider that.."

Strike a pose.

"..whenever you call me, I have to come."

Rs. 10 for a each photo, Rs. 20 for correspondence..

..Rs. 100 for entertainment and Rs.500 is our fees.

I don't have any money with me.

My trunk.

My trunk.

Oh! I got frightened!

Give me more to type.

Father, lets keep her for the Company.

- Phool, was that city for real? - Yes.

Type..

To, Miss Phool Kumari.

Subject: match and marriage.

Jagdish, why are you jealous?

I appoint you as my typewriter..

Gayatri, her real name is Rosemary.

Who is Rosemary?

Rosemary Marlowe. [Fuck me everyday.]

Don't you recognize her?

She is a porn writer.

Jagdish, we have to expand our company too...

... and you know how bad your English typing is...

...you are no competition to her.

Phool kept humiliating me and you kept listening quietly?

Gayatri, each and every sex-act is accounted for.

Even I can write poetry,

Sunset, onscreen, behind the mountains..

..on the river. Sunset, on the sea.

The fluttering flags of the boats like loin-cloths of fleeing ghosts.

Sunset, dust of the east in the eyes of the west.

Sunset, like the ashes of mercury under termites feet.

Chimney's scream at the watchman's staff.

Buried under the roots of a bonsai banyan tree, ...

.. inside the brainbox, elephant's sneeze...

Sunset, a birds scream, spit of the betel leaf.

Sunset, over the arse of an ass..

What a shame! Father in love with daughter.

Bloody-bastard of a bicycle.

Forgive me, Gayatri.

As soon as they get a wiff of the enemy..

..they move from one place to another.

Then?

Then the demon asked the royal physician for more wounds.

Then?

The royal physician had one daughter.

She told the demon, come and heal my wound.'

None of the herbs from the jungle could heal her slit.

When the demon leaned over and looked closely...

..he was baffled and mistook her arse-hole for another wound.

As soon as they get information about the enemy..

..they hop from one place to another.

For these creatures with binocular vision ..

..to jump from one place to another..

..they have to rely purely on their sight.

As soon as they get information about the enemy..

What are you doing?

I...? I'm remembering, repeating, what I already read.

But what are you repeating?

Turn the page and look.

Move ahead.

Nose is coming in between.

- Nose? Nose is looking like what? - Nose.

- Nose. - Nose? What nose?

- What nose? - Nose is blocking my vision.

Is it coming in between, can't you see?

Gayatri! Gayatri!

Gayatri!

Just see what's wrong with his sight.

The ball has jumped up my nose.

What happened?

When I study, the nose grazes on my alphabets.

Read!

Olfactory glands are chemical in nature.

The chemical sensations reach the

olfactory receptors of the brain passing through the nerves...

Did you see?

- Yes! - What did you see?

Did it bleed?

- A pen full. - To hell with this googly.

Phool!

Type,

To- prime minister..

Subject..

The googly.

Dear Raju..

Please ban..

..googly in cricket, and life in general.

Thanks.

A freedom fighter, Babuji B. the caste-hybrid one.

Even James Bond was cured by these shades.

Can you see?

This will keep your pupils framed.

Keep them next to your pillow while sleeping.

Why did you hide from me that my name was still in the roll call?

You yourself were hiding.

Till people could remember you...

...they were covering for your absence.

If you yourself are fearful..

..why wouldn't the others have fun at your expense?

Go enroll at the night college...

... you can still appear in the exams from there.

What's the use of this cycle of yours?

Why? I am the icon of its company...

...and they pay well?

When do you sleep?

Why sleep when I never get tired?

But at some point you will get tired.

Only thinking tires you, I never think.

- What about the cycle?

For every three pedals, one pedal free!

What if the chains come off?

Stop there. Stay outside...

... my concentration is bound by the circular field of my cycle.

If one Om is 17 years, then how many Oms in one light year?

Out of course!

Fail or pass!

Fail or pass!

Fail or pass!

Om, your results are out.

What is your roll number?

I don't know.

- Where are you going? - To get some air.

I've been watching you from many days..

..why don't you ever go inside the temple?

I don't believe in it.

Don't believe in it? Then, why do you come to the temple?

For it's music.

It is important for my dream to fail for me to pass.

- Dream? - I reach late to give exams.

As soon as I write the ink evaporates.

I cant find answers to any questions.

I forget what I had memorised.

My spectacles fall into the lake.

What are your subjects?

Science, Biology.

Silly boy, dreams are dreams, they are not real?

Dreams always mean the contrary.

For the last 20 years a recurring dream visits my sleep..

.. that my shoes have been stolen from the temple.

I run away from home in fear.

... but in reality, this has never happened.

Congratulations, Mr. Narlekar.

Your son has defeated Einstein, o yes!

Ajmer is proud of you.

Book-keeper sir, the world war is coming near.

We need to prepare for a sacrificial fire.

My life is kept in these shoes now.

...go, take them and offer them to Babuji to wear.

Lala, I swear by the urn that you use, I will safe-gaurd these shoes...

..more than my soul.

Even at the cost of my life, I will keep this promise.

No matter what, I will stop the war.

Ms. Silver will meet you at the golf course.

She has the Nymph's address with her.

The code word is: DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER.'

Lala, even I've played with marbles in childhood.

Be assured, I will stop the war.

Just keep in mind, I might be robbed of my life.

"Small and big, all -tors driven by mo-tors."

"And all mo-tors powered by Raju's mo-tor."

"Small and big, all beings driven by mo-tors."

Shoot yourself and die in real with this fake gun..

..or we'll tear your tongue out.

And those two, Angio and Gymnosperm,

And those ten phylums and five classes...

Who knows, maybe we are the matter of their absconding minds.

Father, in contempt, challenged us...

..that all of us, his children were his replica.

If one of us died prematurely,

the remaining age of the deceased would add up to our father's life.

As if..

..we were some kind of black magic...

... as if, we children were born of a dark spell cast upon our mother.

Gayatri, do you know why I have never touched you till now?

Gayatri, do you know why the plane flew?

Because Newton never tasted that apple...

...and today in this world..

... there wouldn't be a trace..

..of an airport if he had a bite of that apple.

Darling...

You never asked for this before!

Gayatri!

Gayatri!

Gayatri, the waistband has got knotted!

Gayatri!

Gayatri!

Gayatri!

Gayatri!

Gayatri!

Gayatri!

I promise.

Gayatri, did you cut your hair short?

Shall I close the window?

No, turn off the radio.

The more non-violent I become...

...the more violent this pistol will be.

This pistol does not need a license to kill.

Who was that peace time pigeon who flew and blew, blew!

Your code word is, 'B for Bakbak'[gibberish].

Dial 'M'[Yama] for Maya.

Mariyam for milk.

Here check. Check.

Mother tongue.

Phool!

Should I bring the tea, it is time for the train.

I have rolled up your beddings.

Thief, where are my shoes?

I had put them safely last night.

Thief, give back my shoes.

I'm not a thief. I'm not a thief.

I'm not a thief.

I'm not a thief.

Gayatri, check her top to bottom.

Check her top to bottom.

Here check...

O madman, wake up, you are still in your dream?

I didn't swallow your diamonds.

Your son, Om, he has runaway with them.

Here! I dare you to step out! ...

... and if I were a liar,

I would die when I cross this threshold, right here and now.

Gayatri!

Tell me your name?

Neither a name nor an alphabet or a proverb.

Father was lost in the fair.

Even our book is kept there.

If I make offerings then I could earn a name.

Where are you coming from?

From the movies.

Show me the ticket.

- I lost it. - Then tell me the story.

There was a boy who could hold his breath for a long time.

Then one day his breath turned into Helium.

- What is the heart of the paper? - Crow.

... and the wings of the paper?

The cartridge keys, the cheat-notes scribbled on half-pants...

What about Bohr?

He damned Eve in bangle-orbits.

- Keller? - She could lip read the spirits.

She drew bucketsful of dark.

Out of course.

Keys of Morse's mind-code like cuckoos crazed disco dance.

You still have one lakh balloon-full of breath left in your account.

Dawn is breaking, its time to leave...

... otherwise it was a pleasure talking to you.

A little away there was the same lake...

... but by then, the corpse had left from there.

Further away, there was a sign that said "Park Here'.

I went and slept there.

When I woke up I found the same coin of acumen

from my childhood that I had lost long ago.

That trickster coin enticed me to the pool of spirits.

It jumped into the water as though beckoning me..

..'come and jump, there's treasure down here'.

Who is it?

If your mouth is the lock, then the key is set to my dream.

I'm a tourist. The advance is kept under your pillow.

Then you are our God.

- Good night. - Good night.

The matter of the letter is, spirit, money and water.

This coin-pool is neither filled, nor empty, or untrue.

As soon as the sun rises I'm stepping into the treasure.

You keep this coin pressed in your jaw.

I understand everything, the matter of your letter...

...I am not going to buy your key-lock bluffs.

I had kept the coin clenched in my teeth.

Scoundrel, why did it rain counterfeit coins?

Remember, the Pushkar-police is hunting for you.

So what if you are a God...

..the Pushkar-police is still looking for you.

O wisdom tooth's idiot, keep the head of the coin up.

The tail-end doesn't work.

Your mistake would've vaporized me along with the treasure below.

Mr. Om.. Mr. Om, I agree that you have powerful lungs.

But this coin is beyond my understanding.

I cant serve you without this charm.

The sorcerer had told me to open my fist and the coin had gone.

I understand.

Mr. Om, the police is looking for God.

If you go out in the daytime there is fear of getting caught,

... at night, the fear of dogs.

... and I also know that..

..water draws money to it.

But partner, what is water?

- Ancestors'... - ...and ancestors?

- Oilman... - ... oil of what?

Mint.

Whose mint is it, partner?

Partner, all the money evaporated.

You pointlessly flipped the coin over.

What did you say? I turned?

Its you who is a turncoat, thief!

You are the turncoat!

Go! Go inside the water again!

I'm telling you, go inside the water again!

Go inside and get me the treasure.

You think you can con me?

I can keep thousands of divers like you.

Go away!

See, all the taxes of 2000 years are banked here.

Yes. Just because I've called you God..

...don't get bigheaded.

Go!

Om! Om!

Partner! Partner!

I didn't mean that, partner.

I didn't mean that Om.

Om! Om!

Om!

MISSING: Dear Om Return home. No one will ask you anything. Your father BABUJI B. HYBRID.

Babuji, I agree that the whole world has turned against you.

But what do I do?

You know that now you dare not...

step out of your room as long as...

... you are under that witch's curse...

But now, I will have to go.

I will go to Delhi with the diamonds.

You know the elections are coming near.

Where are the diamonds?

Seth, it is in your belly.

In my belly? How come?

Tell me.

Lala, you yourself had said that diamonds are forever.

I ground the diamonds and fed them to you.

..the auspicious day of the Goddess of wealth will..

..fall on the full moon night.

... until then don't shit.

On that day, you will see the magic when your shit lands..

..the barren land will croak with riches again.

... but no one should see you while you are shitting...

.. if at all, somebody sees you,

then take care that he shouldn't be able to see anyone...

... but, this doesn't mean you have to kill him for that...

... and if you kill, then all your austerities will come to nought.

Om, vote, fat purgative note.

Om, vote, fat purgative note.

Om, vote, fat purgative note.

Om, vote, fat purgative note.

Om, vote, fat purgative note.

Om, vote, fat purgative note.

Vampire, let me go!

Who? Who are you?

What are you doing here?

Don't you know me?

I'm the Lala Lotamal.

I was catching frogs.

But without my permission?

- I am leaving. - Wait.

You want my permission?

Whose son are you?

- Shankar.. - Shankar?

- Did you hear anything? - No.

- Did you see anything? - No.

Then listen, will you do as you are told?

Yes.

Then take note that until morning, neither should anyone see you..

nor should you see anyone,

if you do this, from morning..

..you will have become the contractor of my frog land.

Sir, there is a diamond in my frog.

But the frog was mine.

Sir, there's a diamond in my frog too.

Show me. Show me.

Why not, if a man can have stone in his kidneys..

..then why can't a frog have diamonds?

Sir, our college will become famous now.

Sir, I know this boy, he catches these frogs from Pushkar.

Sir, how do you say metamorphosis in English..

- Akbar! - He has gone to Iraq!

- To his aunt? - Yes.

Even Amar had come to meet him the other day.

- How are you? - I'm good.

- Do you work? - Yes.

- Where? - In a zoo.

- In Ajmer? - Everywhere.

- I have to be going. - Okay.

I'll come again.

Here, she cast the spell in this courtyard...

... that is her sandal she left behind, and Om never returned.

Jump!

Hey Ram!

This is Lala Lotamal's private shit-land.

Killing frogs is not allowed here.

The frogs here breed diamonds.

This is Lala Lotamal's land.

This is Lala Lotamal's private shit-land.

Roast these scoundrels!

Book-keeper, this is all my produce.

This is my private produce.

Collector, I'm looted.

SP I'm looted. All my frogs are gone.

What will happen now?

Somebody stop these scoundrels...

... they have infested my land. All my frogs are killed.

Leave it! Leave that frog!

O, the toy guns have turned true.

Bookkeeper, what does our balance sheet show?

Lala, we have made a profit of 1 crore from the firecracker festival.

I've bought all the crackers.

The professor has verified them too.

Every bomb has atom hidden in it.

Babuji was great, he sacrificed himself for the country.

He offered his coconut-head for the prosperity of our country.

He turned the firecracker festival into a world war.

Dear Gayatri..

.. you can fill any amount you desire in this blank cheque.

Where were you lost, Mr. Om?

I have been waiting for you since then, with this plate of offerings.

Here, come out.

Here, put on your goggles.

Don't take little things to your heart.

Nothing is impossible if devotee and deity join hands together.

Look,from tomorrow on the heavens are landing at Pushkar.

You do one thing, everyday at 12 midnight, emerge from...

... the water, and give audience to the public.

Look, we shall become as rich as the richest men in the world. Yes.

Welcome to the Gods, Mr. Om. Welcome to the Gods.

Thank you.

The heavens have landed at earth.

For the benefit of the devotees..

..of all cast and creed, heavenly Pushkar stays here

for the next five days and nights.

On this occasion,

whoever prays and makes offerings here,...

...their wishes are fulfilled.

You can get a list of inns and food stalls..

..from the information center.

Keeping in mind the comforts of the pilgrims...

..Pushkar has opened many more food stalls.

On the behalf of Pushkar Waterworks,

bottled and sealed holy-water of Pushkar

is being given free to the pilgrims.

Thank you.

You WATCH him.

Hello Ms. Carnival-in-charge, my name is Totaram Sinus.

Sinus coconut.

We are sellers of PUSHKAR-KAYA-WATCH...

..can you take our message to Mr. Om.

You will be paid as much as you ask for.

PROMISE?

Would you get your glasses taken off?

- For what price? - Promise?

- Anything. - Promise?

Tit for toothpaste.

- Nose-ring? - Breast.

- Nails? - Dig.

Hey WATCH.

Take anything, everything for Rs. 100.

Take anything, everything for Rs. 100.

PROMISE.

Before the oblation is distributed amongst the devotees..

..I would like to discourse on this miracle..

..with the name of Lord Gurudev.

Om..

Gurudev, in this era of consumerism, what message of...

spiritual fulfillment does this paste of teeth offer...

What business of faith this 'PROMISE' offer?

Why does this divine boy stand holding his breath?

Sir, what is he pointing towards?

Non co-operation movement of BREATH.

Non co-operation movement of BREATH.

Why did Brahma break his promise?

The ideal welfare empire of Rama!

Pushkar in each and every bit.

The welfare empire of Rama!

Fish-key-chain.

Fish-key-chain.

Fish-key-chain.

Fish-key-chain.

Fish-key-chain.

Fish-key-chain.

Fish-key-chain.

Fish-key-chain.

O fuck! I had asked for the welfare of all, hey Ram!

Family planning is not a witch's dream..

..that ferric fishes would surface from water.

But you had promised that he will fish out a rainbow.

You have failed Mr. Coca-cola.

The watch has slipped off your hand.

A metal fish is no answer to either...

... protest or contraceptive.

Return the contract amount.

And after that, after working at the Pool-of-spirits...

..I started supplying frogs from frog-land of Lotamal.

Then one day..

..a rumor spread all over Ajmer..

..that the frogs of frog-land have diamonds in their belly.

This happened at the same time..

..when the fire-crackers had turned deadly real.

People had vandalized all the firecracker shops.

... and then the doors of frog land were shut even for me.

So I had to return to Pool-of-spirits.

and now I'm the hero..

..of the Pushkar Kaya Watch advertisements films.

The idea of 'Non co-operation movement of BREATH' was inspired by me.

But what does it say in your contract, Om?

I get whatever I demand.

But your nature is strange, Om...

when you hold your breath you are working, you are co-operating,...

... so breathing for you would be your non-coperation.

So when everyone stands holding their breath, non co-operating..

...you will have to breathe, for your non co-operation, Om.

And as soon as you breathe under water..

..your dead body will surface floating on the water.

Exactly at that moment..

..the death dance of this death watch will begin.

This is your murder plan, Om.

You are jealous.

You had asked me when my chain came off?

Look at this, Vishnu's turn of the aeons.

Lalaji, the diamonds are sprinkled all over.

My endeavors were fruitful.

Now we will have to go to China..

..and then to lake of consciousness [Mansarovar].

But Babuji, we haven't opened up a single frog.

It shouldn't be such that the story of..

..frogs and diamonds turn out to be fake.

You can't verify the reality of diamonds without savoring it.

So take this. Taste it. Taste it.

Your wish is my command.

And look, the grave-keeper, my Godfather.

Father!

Lala's soul was in marbles and father's lived in the chameleon.

Since all the secrets of frog land were with him...

...without performing father's last rites,

we could neither find Phoenix nor our book of genesis...

...for this, it was essential to buy back that goatskin water bag,

from the ghost brigade, at any cost.

There is only one way for you to evade this murder plan, Om...

..you have to make an offering,

of plaster of Paris equal to your weight, to Pushkar.

Even I have the key to Pushkar, Atlas.

- What? - Fish.

Exactly.. 5 minutes to 12..

..the bagpipe will start playing.

Exactly at 12..

...breaths will be inhaled.

With the appearance of Om...

..the 'Non co-operation movement of BREATH'..

..against the big breath of Brahma will begin.

Greetings, sir. Good evening, sir

Are you also going to hold your breathe, sir?

Hello? Hello, operator?

Hello? Are you holding your breath, sir?

The whole nation is holding its breath, sir, the whole nation!

Sir, breath.

Breathe! Hello? Hello?

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

You are right, sir.

You are exactly right, sir.

What, sir?

Are Government officials not allowed to hold their breath, sir?

But why, sir?

The government officials should..

..also have the right to hold their breath, sir.

Yes, sir. I will definitely protest, sir.

Protest, sir! Protest!

Yes sir. I will definitely protest, sir.

Hello. Yes sir, he is standing right here.

He is standing right here.

Talk to him, sir.

Yes, sir. Birth control is equal to breath control, sir.

You are exactly right, sir.

Yes sir, please talk to him, sir.

Hello.

Hello. Good evening, sir.

Yes. The cure for the collective discontent...

Pranayam as protest, three minutes every morning.

Pranayam as protest, sir.

'Non Co-operation movement of BREATH'

'Non-co-operative movement.'

Yes, sir.

A man can't live by his breath alone.

Sir.. are you speaking from Pool-of-spirits?

Hello? Hello?

Hello?

The banks are decaying, fishes are dying.

Everything for sale, just for 100 Rs.

Sir.. sir, misguided by some

anti-social elements..

big fishe have stopped eating small fishe, sir.

The fish are dying, the banks are stinking.

Everything for sale, only 100 Rs.

Is that so...

... every 'if' has a 'but'.

the croco-dial has been released into the pond.

Go and turn on the light.

Lights.

If we don't buy, how will they sell?

'Non Co-operation movement of BREATH'

If we don't buy, how will they sell?

We demand that..

..heaven should stay back in Pushkar throughout the year.

We demand that heaven should stay back in Pushkar throughout the year.

Madam, master has sent for you.

Why did Lord Brahma break his promise?

We will getaway to a space where the living are free of breaths.

Pushkar in every being,

... and a generator to each village.

Pushkar in everything.

... and a generator to each village.

The coconut cracked breaking the TV in its sleep.

A rib of the daylight, the girl vanished,

...lost in the lungs.

Dived, drowned, in the Pool-of-spirits: the mermaid.

Every night at 12 I used to appear from the water..

.. of the Pool-of-spirits and give audience to my devotees.

I was the lead in the ad film for Pushkar Kaya Watch.

My breath changed to helium, I don't remember when, anymore.

But the postmortem report showed that I died of..

.. a rupture of the lungs.

This much I remember, I was crossing the desert with the chameleon.

... and then, I stared at the sun, and sneezed.

Before I could tell him...

...the tonga-driver brought me straight here.

By the way, I don't rent out to acquaintances.

But since you've come from far, you may come inside.

There is a vacant bed inside.

Lock the door from inside.

Gayatri!

Gayatri, open the door!

I want to ask you something.

When my name was coming from Dubai in the request show,

were you listening?

Get out.

Get out.

Get out from here.

Who.. who is that baby?

Just a paying guest...

... do you mind?

There are only three space-stations in the world, Gayatri,

...first in America, NASA...

...nearest to the moon.

... and the other one in Russia.

... from where Mr. Shastri flew.

And third..

... the divine AIR-port of Pushkar..

..from where you and I will take flight.

Hail! OM NAMOH NARAYANA!

Let me taste it first, Gayatri...

...you know how bad my spelling is.

Bullshit. The taste of KCN [potassium cyanide].