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1
00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:05,741
Come on, Alan. We know you're in there.
Why don't you just give up?
2
00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:10,612
We're your local police.
3
00:03:11,317 --> 00:03:14,947
Why don't you support us?
4
00:03:17,223 --> 00:03:20,056
Come on now, everybody back, step back.
5
00:03:26,065 --> 00:03:28,033
Has anybody got a hanky?
6
00:03:46,652 --> 00:03:49,178
You two guys take the stairs.
We'll take the elevator.
7
00:03:49,255 --> 00:03:51,952
Stairs? What kind of stairs? I'm wounded.
8
00:03:52,258 --> 00:03:56,161
All right, you take the elevator.
You two guys take the stairs.
9
00:03:56,929 --> 00:04:01,127
Alan, you're making a mistake,
a tragic mistake.
10
00:04:01,667 --> 00:04:04,728
Someday, when you're older,
you'll understand.
11
00:04:06,205 --> 00:04:08,503
Hey, what happened?
12
00:04:12,778 --> 00:04:13,802
Stop!
13
00:04:25,090 --> 00:04:27,252
Okay, now tell me what you see, Alan.
14
00:04:30,996 --> 00:04:32,361
Flowers.
15
00:04:33,866 --> 00:04:37,564
Tulips, jonquils and roses.
16
00:04:38,904 --> 00:04:41,464
Long-stemmed
American Beauty roses, actually.
17
00:04:45,277 --> 00:04:47,769
Concentrate. Try a little harder.
18
00:04:50,816 --> 00:04:53,410
Birds, trees...
19
00:04:55,220 --> 00:04:57,518
And there's a river.
20
00:04:58,257 --> 00:04:59,691
A river...
21
00:04:59,758 --> 00:05:03,092
-winding lazily through green valleys.
-You're fighting me.
22
00:05:04,063 --> 00:05:05,861
It's so peaceful.
23
00:05:07,066 --> 00:05:09,262
On the banks are happy children...
24
00:05:09,335 --> 00:05:12,168
- Don't fight me, Alan.
-And there's clouds, lots of clouds.
25
00:05:12,905 --> 00:05:15,636
Look, one of them looks
just like the Easter bunny.
26
00:05:17,609 --> 00:05:20,510
Alan, I want to help you.
27
00:05:23,015 --> 00:05:24,608
Don't you realize...
28
00:05:26,185 --> 00:05:28,711
that these things are supposed to be dirty?
29
00:05:29,855 --> 00:05:31,016
Dirty?
30
00:05:36,762 --> 00:05:38,787
No, that's a butterfly.
31
00:05:39,164 --> 00:05:41,189
A brightly colored butterfly.
32
00:05:41,333 --> 00:05:44,826
You are hostile, you little creep!
33
00:05:44,903 --> 00:05:47,201
You creep! You're a hostile creep!
34
00:05:47,973 --> 00:05:48,963
Doctor.
35
00:05:54,413 --> 00:05:56,780
Doctor, what are you hiding from?
36
00:05:56,849 --> 00:06:00,683
Your whole pattern
suggests a rigidity syndrome...
37
00:06:00,753 --> 00:06:02,983
of severe underlying anxiety.
38
00:06:03,722 --> 00:06:06,817
Massive repressions
and pathological prejudices.
39
00:06:07,426 --> 00:06:11,021
All of which makes it very difficult
for me to relate to you.
40
00:06:11,196 --> 00:06:14,791
So if you really want me to talk,
get me my tape recorder.
41
00:06:14,867 --> 00:06:16,357
Anything else?
42
00:06:17,336 --> 00:06:21,102
Now that you mention it,
you might get me my transistor radio.
43
00:06:21,173 --> 00:06:24,165
And a corned beef sandwich on rye,
no mustard.
44
00:06:25,377 --> 00:06:26,367
Creep.
45
00:06:27,513 --> 00:06:30,483
This is a confession, not a sermon.
46
00:06:32,151 --> 00:06:33,448
I did it.
47
00:06:34,386 --> 00:06:36,081
I am guilty.
48
00:06:37,289 --> 00:06:39,189
However, you know that.
49
00:06:39,725 --> 00:06:41,420
But why I did it...
50
00:06:42,494 --> 00:06:44,758
that is another matter.
51
00:06:48,167 --> 00:06:51,797
For you to clearly understand...
52
00:06:51,870 --> 00:06:53,599
my motives...
53
00:06:53,906 --> 00:06:56,637
I fear I have to begin at the beginning.
54
00:06:59,611 --> 00:07:02,911
The beginning, of course,
is Barbara Ann Greene.
55
00:07:04,950 --> 00:07:08,386
Dear, sweet, simple-minded Barbara Ann...
56
00:07:12,658 --> 00:07:15,821
whose deepest
and most heartfelt yearnings...
57
00:07:16,161 --> 00:07:18,960
express with a kind of touching lyricism...
58
00:07:20,732 --> 00:07:23,064
the total vulgarity of our time.
59
00:07:26,839 --> 00:07:29,467
We met, Barbara Ann and I...
60
00:07:30,409 --> 00:07:31,535
a year ago.
61
00:07:32,010 --> 00:07:33,739
It was the night before school opened.
62
00:07:33,812 --> 00:07:35,940
Naturally, I had arranged it that way.
63
00:07:44,022 --> 00:07:47,788
Don't be frightened, Barbara Ann.
I saw it, and I just had to grab it.
64
00:07:48,494 --> 00:07:50,258
I'm not frightened.
65
00:07:50,762 --> 00:07:52,856
Anyway, how do you know my name?
66
00:07:52,931 --> 00:07:56,424
I'm Alan Musgrave, and we're both
going to be seniors here this year.
67
00:07:57,169 --> 00:07:59,695
Hi, Alan, I'm...
68
00:07:59,872 --> 00:08:01,567
That's right, you know my name.
69
00:08:02,107 --> 00:08:04,269
Plan ahead, that's my motto.
70
00:08:04,676 --> 00:08:06,735
At least one of them. Tell me...
71
00:08:07,112 --> 00:08:09,410
would you like to see the rest of the school?
72
00:08:09,481 --> 00:08:10,846
It's locked.
73
00:08:11,183 --> 00:08:12,947
I have keys.
74
00:08:19,391 --> 00:08:22,554
The entrance, as they say
on the Late Late Show...
75
00:08:22,861 --> 00:08:25,956
to the bank is here.
76
00:08:36,308 --> 00:08:38,367
Look at it.
77
00:08:44,082 --> 00:08:46,176
Where are you? I can't see.
78
00:08:46,752 --> 00:08:48,550
You are scared.
79
00:08:49,121 --> 00:08:52,989
I am not scared.
Would you just please turn on the light?
80
00:08:54,660 --> 00:08:59,393
Alan, stop! Don't do that to me.
Turn on the light!
81
00:09:09,641 --> 00:09:10,767
An elevator!
82
00:09:11,143 --> 00:09:12,770
Going up, please?
83
00:09:21,086 --> 00:09:23,384
I went to Longfellow last year.
84
00:09:23,689 --> 00:09:25,020
I went to Irving.
85
00:09:25,090 --> 00:09:28,549
You know, I thought
they would never finish Consolidated.
86
00:09:28,627 --> 00:09:32,530
I could just see myself ending my days
at dinky old Longfellow.
87
00:09:32,931 --> 00:09:35,366
- Your school days, you mean?
-What?
88
00:09:37,236 --> 00:09:40,069
Never mind. What's your major?
89
00:09:41,807 --> 00:09:44,299
Adolescent Ethics...
90
00:09:44,376 --> 00:09:47,437
and what is it? Commercial Relationships.
91
00:09:47,713 --> 00:09:51,377
I opted for Cosmetology,
but they programmed me into...
92
00:09:51,450 --> 00:09:53,680
Plant Skills for Life.
93
00:09:54,219 --> 00:09:57,519
Yeah, they used to call it
Botany or something.
94
00:09:58,490 --> 00:10:00,788
They're making me take it, too.
95
00:10:02,094 --> 00:10:03,926
How medieval of them.
96
00:10:14,439 --> 00:10:17,067
Hey, you know, I can see where I live.
97
00:10:18,076 --> 00:10:19,237
Where do you live, Alan?
98
00:10:19,311 --> 00:10:21,075
Oh, around.
99
00:10:21,713 --> 00:10:23,943
I stay with people. Come here.
100
00:10:27,085 --> 00:10:28,382
But it's wet.
101
00:10:29,821 --> 00:10:32,722
This is where
we are going to put our names.
102
00:10:33,425 --> 00:10:36,986
Now that's dumb.
Everybody'll know we've been here then.
103
00:10:38,063 --> 00:10:40,327
That's what they're supposed to know.
104
00:10:40,599 --> 00:10:42,067
What is that?
105
00:10:42,234 --> 00:10:46,637
That is a bird thought to be extinct,
but it isn't.
106
00:10:51,977 --> 00:10:53,445
There we are.
107
00:10:54,313 --> 00:10:55,508
Here.
108
00:10:59,051 --> 00:11:02,851
I feel like a movie star...
109
00:11:02,921 --> 00:11:05,390
with my name in cement and all.
110
00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:10,261
If that's what you want...
111
00:11:11,897 --> 00:11:13,296
Someday.
112
00:11:18,370 --> 00:11:19,963
- You cheated.
-What?
113
00:11:20,038 --> 00:11:22,632
- Where's your name?
-it's there, right there.
114
00:11:23,108 --> 00:11:25,475
That's me, Mollymauk.
115
00:11:26,545 --> 00:11:30,379
A bird thought to be extinct, but isn't.
116
00:11:38,290 --> 00:11:39,780
That's crazy.
117
00:11:43,362 --> 00:11:44,761
Talk to me.
118
00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:47,821
Talk to Mollymauk.
119
00:11:50,869 --> 00:11:54,328
Just tell Mollymauk.
120
00:12:01,179 --> 00:12:04,479
Last year at Longfellow, I won everything.
121
00:12:05,450 --> 00:12:08,442
Head Cheerleader, Miss Longfellow,
everything.
122
00:12:09,020 --> 00:12:13,253
But you know, they tore the building down
and they've consolidated...
123
00:12:13,625 --> 00:12:16,151
and hardly anybody's gonna know me here.
124
00:12:17,095 --> 00:12:18,824
And I want them to.
125
00:12:19,564 --> 00:12:21,555
I want it to be the same.
126
00:12:22,801 --> 00:12:24,394
I want it again.
127
00:12:26,705 --> 00:12:30,903
Mom sent my picture in
to the Seventeen National Smiling Contest.
128
00:12:31,176 --> 00:12:32,905
And I won runner-up.
129
00:12:34,746 --> 00:12:38,239
Everybody said
I should've been first, of course.
130
00:12:40,619 --> 00:12:43,281
Everybody has got to love me.
131
00:12:49,594 --> 00:12:51,028
This is my year.
132
00:12:51,096 --> 00:12:53,827
My horoscope says I'm going to be famous.
133
00:12:54,166 --> 00:12:56,567
I'm a Capricorn and I can't miss.
134
00:12:59,571 --> 00:13:01,232
I deserve it, too.
135
00:13:03,008 --> 00:13:04,806
I've been very good.
136
00:13:05,110 --> 00:13:07,636
I haven't done bad things with boys.
137
00:13:08,747 --> 00:13:10,408
Well, a little...
138
00:13:11,216 --> 00:13:13,048
but not really bad...
139
00:13:15,020 --> 00:13:17,045
and only if I liked a boy.
140
00:13:22,694 --> 00:13:24,856
What are you doing with those keys?
141
00:13:26,231 --> 00:13:29,201
- They open everything.
-They do.
142
00:13:36,842 --> 00:13:38,276
I know where you're going.
143
00:13:38,343 --> 00:13:40,437
You're heading up
to where all the kids park...
144
00:13:40,512 --> 00:13:43,880
-and I am certainly not--
-Mollymauk doesn't park.
145
00:13:45,050 --> 00:13:48,145
He makes lazy circles in the sky.
146
00:13:50,121 --> 00:13:52,419
- I'll show you what I mean.
- All right.
147
00:14:18,149 --> 00:14:21,346
- This is fun! Let's get another car.
-Okay.
148
00:14:30,629 --> 00:14:35,089
No, don't. I'm so glad. That is Billy Gibbons.
149
00:14:35,166 --> 00:14:38,534
He was captain of the football team
at Longfellow last year.
150
00:14:39,037 --> 00:14:41,131
And they beat Irving 63 to 0, I remember.
151
00:14:41,206 --> 00:14:44,767
Yes. He's very tough,
so we won't fool around with him.
152
00:14:44,843 --> 00:14:47,778
We'll just keep driving and get another car.
153
00:15:02,527 --> 00:15:04,825
Out of the car.
154
00:15:11,536 --> 00:15:13,300
Come here, wise guy.
155
00:15:16,408 --> 00:15:19,105
That's very funny with the light, pencil neck.
156
00:15:19,277 --> 00:15:22,577
No. Mildly amusing, perhaps,
but certainly not funny.
157
00:15:57,849 --> 00:15:59,715
You know where I live.
158
00:16:01,419 --> 00:16:02,750
Of course.
159
00:16:06,658 --> 00:16:09,025
You're not like Billy and the rest of the kids.
160
00:16:09,094 --> 00:16:11,426
They always wanna fool around.
161
00:16:12,998 --> 00:16:15,262
Mollymauk doesn't fool around.
162
00:16:16,968 --> 00:16:18,527
As you may have noticed.
163
00:16:25,443 --> 00:16:28,003
This is just the beginning, Barbara Ann.
164
00:16:30,715 --> 00:16:32,080
Anything you want.
165
00:16:34,019 --> 00:16:38,115
Just tell Mollymauk, he'll get it for you.
166
00:16:41,126 --> 00:16:45,359
Mollymauk has lots of tricks, lots of fun.
167
00:16:48,433 --> 00:16:52,063
Mollymauk will show you things
you've never even thought of.
168
00:16:54,005 --> 00:16:56,872
I don't do bad things with boys.
169
00:17:02,614 --> 00:17:04,844
You don't have to do anything.
170
00:17:08,186 --> 00:17:11,178
Just relax.
171
00:17:26,504 --> 00:17:29,633
That's Mom.
She has a terrible time sleeping at night.
172
00:17:29,708 --> 00:17:31,938
She just has to let off steam.
173
00:17:32,510 --> 00:17:35,036
See you tomorrow. Okay.
174
00:17:37,048 --> 00:17:39,073
Let me open the door.
175
00:17:39,984 --> 00:17:41,383
Hi, sweetie.
176
00:17:42,387 --> 00:17:45,846
Barbie, I want you to meet
a friend of mine. This...
177
00:17:47,358 --> 00:17:48,621
Don't tell me.
178
00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:51,060
I'm so embarrassed.
179
00:17:51,362 --> 00:17:54,992
- I've known this man all my life.
-Frank.
180
00:17:56,234 --> 00:17:58,703
Honestly, I'm just terrible with names.
181
00:17:58,770 --> 00:18:03,298
Well, anyway, Frank,
this is Barbara Ann, my little baby.
182
00:18:04,476 --> 00:18:06,240
I don't believe it.
183
00:18:06,711 --> 00:18:08,770
You look more like sisters.
184
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:12,373
That's what everybody says.
We've grown up together, haven't we?
185
00:18:12,684 --> 00:18:16,621
I called her Barbara Ann because
she was such a pretty baby.
186
00:18:16,688 --> 00:18:20,784
I named her after Barbara Stanwyck
and Ann Sheridan, the movie stars.
187
00:18:20,859 --> 00:18:23,453
When she was small, I took her to a gypsy.
188
00:18:23,661 --> 00:18:27,063
This little girl is going to cause
a lot of trouble, Fred.
189
00:18:27,198 --> 00:18:28,188
Frank.
190
00:18:28,333 --> 00:18:30,825
Isn't that what the old gypsy said, honey?
191
00:18:30,902 --> 00:18:34,099
Yes, she certainly did.
Yes, she did. Good night.
192
00:18:34,172 --> 00:18:36,698
-Isn't she cute?
-Yes, she's a duck.
193
00:18:37,041 --> 00:18:39,874
Now, wait, Frank, no.
194
00:18:43,014 --> 00:18:45,005
Frank, stop it. My baby!
195
00:18:46,417 --> 00:18:48,408
You said she'd be asleep.
196
00:18:50,655 --> 00:18:53,920
You look like a little boy
when you pout like that.
197
00:19:08,573 --> 00:19:11,133
Honey, if you knew how your poor mother...
198
00:19:11,342 --> 00:19:14,368
worries about you riding around
late at night.
199
00:19:15,513 --> 00:19:19,507
By the way, who was that you were with
in that corny car?
200
00:19:19,684 --> 00:19:20,708
Just a kid.
201
00:19:20,785 --> 00:19:24,380
I notice you didn't
bring him up on the porch to meet me.
202
00:19:27,192 --> 00:19:30,218
Sweetie, are you ashamed of me
being a cocktail waitress?
203
00:19:30,295 --> 00:19:32,263
Cut it out, will you?
204
00:19:44,108 --> 00:19:46,634
By the way, this Frank...
205
00:19:49,247 --> 00:19:51,045
Fred. Is he married?
206
00:19:53,751 --> 00:19:57,585
You know I never go out
with a married man on the first date.
207
00:20:21,646 --> 00:20:23,876
These kids are seeking something.
208
00:20:24,015 --> 00:20:25,540
I can feel it.
209
00:20:26,551 --> 00:20:28,041
What a challenge.
210
00:20:34,626 --> 00:20:38,392
Didn't have one of these back
at dinky old Irving, no siree sir.
211
00:20:38,463 --> 00:20:41,296
Nothing but the best here at Consolidated.
212
00:20:43,468 --> 00:20:47,234
Weldon Emmett here, E-M-M-E-T-T.
213
00:20:47,639 --> 00:20:50,233
Weldon Emmett, your new Principal.
214
00:20:50,808 --> 00:20:55,075
I want to welcome you to Consolidated,
our new school.
215
00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:59,548
I hope that you are
as thrilled and excited as I am.
216
00:21:00,919 --> 00:21:04,219
It is my firm belief that from you...
217
00:21:04,289 --> 00:21:08,692
the student body of Consolidated,
will come forth the future leaders...
218
00:21:09,093 --> 00:21:13,257
and celebrities our nation so sorely needs.
219
00:21:13,531 --> 00:21:16,967
Businessmen, statesmen, scientists...
220
00:21:17,502 --> 00:21:19,163
and movie stars.
221
00:21:23,141 --> 00:21:25,109
Democracy in action.
222
00:21:25,376 --> 00:21:28,073
That's what we want to see
here at Consolidated.
223
00:21:34,052 --> 00:21:35,178
Good morning, Mr. Emmett.
224
00:21:35,253 --> 00:21:38,154
Hello, Alan. Have a seat, boy.
225
00:21:47,265 --> 00:21:49,529
Just like old times at Irving.
226
00:21:50,234 --> 00:21:52,794
Glad to have you on the same team, boy.
227
00:21:53,137 --> 00:21:54,764
Figure of speech.
228
00:21:56,274 --> 00:21:59,642
And speaking of teams, Alan...
229
00:22:00,278 --> 00:22:03,543
the old football season's upon us.
230
00:22:08,252 --> 00:22:10,414
I don't suppose I have to waste time...
231
00:22:10,488 --> 00:22:14,857
with Consolidated's number-one IQ
by telling you why I sent for you.
232
00:22:15,426 --> 00:22:16,655
No, sir.
233
00:22:18,663 --> 00:22:21,860
Billy won't be throwing
that old ball for a while.
234
00:22:25,703 --> 00:22:27,671
No, I'm afraid not, sir.
235
00:22:29,340 --> 00:22:33,834
A team without a quarterback
is like a ship without a rudder.
236
00:22:34,579 --> 00:22:36,513
Do you understand, boy?
237
00:22:37,448 --> 00:22:39,348
That's not the important point.
238
00:22:39,417 --> 00:22:42,148
The important thing, Alan, is attitude.
239
00:22:43,421 --> 00:22:46,118
Your attitude, my attitude,
the student body's attitude...
240
00:22:46,190 --> 00:22:49,182
the attitude of the whole world is important.
241
00:22:52,530 --> 00:22:56,865
What I'm trying to say, Alan, is that
Billy might have been seriously injured.
242
00:22:57,068 --> 00:23:00,129
That he wasn't is, I'm afraid,
more a matter of luck...
243
00:23:00,204 --> 00:23:02,571
than good judgment on your part.
244
00:23:04,942 --> 00:23:06,740
I wanted to kill him.
245
00:23:13,217 --> 00:23:16,619
I don't think we ought to kid
about something like this, Alan.
246
00:23:18,723 --> 00:23:20,350
I wasn't kidding.
247
00:23:20,558 --> 00:23:22,583
I tried to finish him off.
248
00:23:23,394 --> 00:23:27,228
You see, some people,
they remember things better that way.
249
00:23:28,199 --> 00:23:29,826
Now they'll know.
250
00:23:31,235 --> 00:23:33,363
You know what I think, Alan?
251
00:23:35,106 --> 00:23:37,803
I think we're both getting overwrought.
252
00:23:39,510 --> 00:23:40,978
You know what I think, Alan?
253
00:23:41,045 --> 00:23:45,539
I think the best thing to do
is to forget the whole thing.
254
00:23:45,683 --> 00:23:48,653
Yes sir, time heals all wounds.
255
00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:52,985
Someday we'll look back on all this
and have a good laugh.
256
00:23:55,126 --> 00:23:57,754
Let's say no more about it, shall we?
257
00:23:58,529 --> 00:23:59,894
Okay by me.
258
00:24:11,676 --> 00:24:12,837
Yes, Alan?
259
00:24:12,910 --> 00:24:14,537
A word of advice.
260
00:24:14,679 --> 00:24:17,979
- Certainly, Alan.
-You've got a good thing going here.
261
00:24:18,416 --> 00:24:20,214
Don't blow your cool.
262
00:24:27,024 --> 00:24:29,083
Could you help me, please?
263
00:24:32,396 --> 00:24:33,886
Thank you.
264
00:24:34,966 --> 00:24:39,233
- It's good to get out of these clothes.
-You know, that is a pretty sweater.
265
00:24:39,303 --> 00:24:41,601
That's acrison silipolatex, isn't it?
266
00:24:41,672 --> 00:24:43,231
You know, that stuff is great.
267
00:24:43,341 --> 00:24:48,336
It's so much better than the cashmere
like I have, and it's so much cheaper, too.
268
00:24:48,846 --> 00:24:52,840
You know, it's amazing what the Japanese
do with chemicals today.
269
00:24:54,051 --> 00:24:57,043
- There's washing instructions right inside.
-No!
270
00:24:57,121 --> 00:24:59,681
- You can burn it or spill anything on it.
-Burn it?
271
00:24:59,757 --> 00:25:02,419
- You can burn it?
-Sure.
272
00:25:02,493 --> 00:25:05,793
- You know, it's moth-proof, rust-proof“
-Wait a minute. I just...
273
00:25:05,863 --> 00:25:08,093
Is that Billy Gibbons' pin?
274
00:25:08,166 --> 00:25:10,260
- Oh, yes.
-Is it really?
275
00:25:10,334 --> 00:25:12,803
You know, he tried to give it to me last year.
276
00:25:12,870 --> 00:25:15,202
- Is he a crazy kid?
-Yeah.
277
00:25:15,273 --> 00:25:17,071
He is just too much.
278
00:25:18,376 --> 00:25:19,741
How'd you get it?
279
00:25:22,246 --> 00:25:25,546
- Billy's such a great kid.
-Yeah, I know.
280
00:25:26,517 --> 00:25:29,282
You know, you seem like a very nice girl.
281
00:25:29,353 --> 00:25:33,119
We have a club around here.
It's called the Cashmere Sweater Club.
282
00:25:33,191 --> 00:25:35,683
You ought to drop by some time,
meet some of the girls.
283
00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:38,320
All you need
are 12 cashmere sweaters to join.
284
00:25:38,396 --> 00:25:40,330
Really, do that, come by some evening.
285
00:25:40,398 --> 00:25:42,230
- Thank you.
-Twelve cashmere sweaters.
286
00:25:42,300 --> 00:25:44,098
Yes, good. Thank you.
287
00:25:45,336 --> 00:25:47,828
Alan, will you stop spinning?
288
00:25:48,139 --> 00:25:53,100
I need 12 sweaters to belong
to the club. Cashmere sweaters.
289
00:25:53,611 --> 00:25:57,946
Now, this thing I have on,
isn't even cloth. It's some kind of chemical.
290
00:26:10,595 --> 00:26:12,063
What is that?
291
00:26:12,863 --> 00:26:14,695
That is the formula for your sweater.
292
00:26:14,765 --> 00:26:17,757
Two parts acrison, one part silipolylatex
and water.
293
00:26:17,868 --> 00:26:19,962
Lots and lots of water.
294
00:26:21,372 --> 00:26:23,932
You know this damn thing
doesn't even burn.
295
00:26:24,008 --> 00:26:26,340
- Of course it does.
-No, it doesn't.
296
00:26:26,410 --> 00:26:29,038
Sure it does. If I remember correctly...
297
00:26:29,380 --> 00:26:32,839
the burning point for acrison
is 2,000 degrees Fahrenheit...
298
00:26:32,917 --> 00:26:37,184
which does, of course, indeed,
for all practical purposes, make it fireproof.
299
00:26:37,655 --> 00:26:39,623
This is not funny.
300
00:26:39,724 --> 00:26:41,590
What am I going to do?
301
00:26:42,059 --> 00:26:44,824
- You have a father, don't you?
-Of course.
302
00:26:45,029 --> 00:26:48,363
He lives in Oxnard somewhere
and he sells things.
303
00:26:54,972 --> 00:26:57,771
Now, divorced parents always feel guilty.
304
00:26:58,075 --> 00:27:01,067
Now, if you could make your father
feel really guilty...
305
00:27:01,145 --> 00:27:02,374
Guilty?
306
00:27:03,014 --> 00:27:07,713
Really guilty. Let us say, guilty squared.
307
00:27:08,486 --> 00:27:10,011
Guilty squared?
308
00:27:11,022 --> 00:27:15,357
Father plus divorce times guilty squared...
309
00:27:15,860 --> 00:27:17,521
equals...
310
00:27:19,897 --> 00:27:21,160
sweaters.
311
00:27:26,237 --> 00:27:28,535
Guilty enough for 12 sweaters?
312
00:27:37,014 --> 00:27:39,608
Well, I don't believe it.
313
00:27:39,950 --> 00:27:41,941
It's the new math, Barbara Ann.
314
00:27:47,591 --> 00:27:49,958
What time is Mr. Wonderful coming?
315
00:27:50,628 --> 00:27:52,255
I can't hear you.
316
00:27:52,363 --> 00:27:54,263
Mr. Wonderful!
317
00:27:54,932 --> 00:27:57,230
What time is he coming?
318
00:27:58,035 --> 00:27:59,434
Any minute.
319
00:28:00,271 --> 00:28:01,534
Oh, God.
320
00:28:11,415 --> 00:28:12,405
Daddy!
321
00:28:14,618 --> 00:28:18,054
- I've missed you so much.
-My baby.
322
00:28:18,122 --> 00:28:19,283
You look marvelous.
323
00:28:19,357 --> 00:28:21,485
And you look wonderful.
324
00:28:23,094 --> 00:28:25,961
I almost forgot what you looked like.
325
00:28:28,065 --> 00:28:30,796
Hello, Marie. How's the bunny business?
326
00:28:31,535 --> 00:28:35,199
I'm not a bunny. I am a cocktail waitress.
327
00:28:36,640 --> 00:28:39,200
And people who are two months behind
in their alimony...
328
00:28:39,276 --> 00:28:41,643
should at least try to be polite.
329
00:28:45,916 --> 00:28:47,850
Listen...
330
00:28:48,319 --> 00:28:50,651
we're going to have a wonderful time.
331
00:28:52,289 --> 00:28:54,986
You shouldn't have stayed away so long.
332
00:28:57,595 --> 00:29:00,792
I almost forgot what it was like
to have a father.
333
00:29:06,237 --> 00:29:08,729
Dad, we'll put your bib on.
334
00:29:08,806 --> 00:29:10,433
Oh, baby!
335
00:29:13,010 --> 00:29:14,034
There.
336
00:29:14,145 --> 00:29:16,443
- Doesn't this look good?
-Oh, yes.
337
00:29:16,580 --> 00:29:18,309
You got the mustard.
338
00:29:18,382 --> 00:29:20,214
- Here.
-You want ketchup?
339
00:29:21,685 --> 00:29:23,175
- Here.
-Mustard.
340
00:29:24,989 --> 00:29:28,254
- Here, you put the ketchup on mine.
-There we go!
341
00:29:34,665 --> 00:29:36,258
Isn't that good?
342
00:29:53,617 --> 00:29:55,642
What about an onion ring?
343
00:29:56,253 --> 00:29:57,550
Now, come on.
344
00:30:06,130 --> 00:30:07,620
What are you doing?
345
00:30:07,731 --> 00:30:09,597
I'm sorry.
346
00:30:12,002 --> 00:30:14,937
You didn't taste some of this
apple pandowdy.
347
00:30:16,073 --> 00:30:18,132
- Here, have some.
-No.
348
00:30:28,185 --> 00:30:30,313
Best hot dog I ever tasted.
349
00:30:35,426 --> 00:30:36,723
Soft.
350
00:30:38,562 --> 00:30:42,157
Like down. What kind of color is that, baby?
351
00:30:42,533 --> 00:30:44,092
Grape Yum-yum.
352
00:30:46,203 --> 00:30:47,534
Look at this.
353
00:30:47,605 --> 00:30:49,471
- Banana Beige.
-Oh, no.
354
00:30:51,175 --> 00:30:53,405
Would the young lady like to slip one on
for size?
355
00:30:53,477 --> 00:30:56,003
- Would you?
-Would I? Yes.
356
00:31:01,285 --> 00:31:03,253
- Daddy!
-Yes, baby?
357
00:31:03,587 --> 00:31:04,918
Lemon Meringue.
358
00:31:14,665 --> 00:31:15,894
Pink Put-On.
359
00:31:22,840 --> 00:31:24,569
Papaya Surprise.
360
00:31:35,686 --> 00:31:36,744
Oh, God.
361
00:31:38,322 --> 00:31:39,414
Look.
362
00:31:43,961 --> 00:31:46,157
It's Periwinkle Pussycat.
363
00:31:47,331 --> 00:31:49,231
Don't you just love it?
364
00:32:36,580 --> 00:32:40,210
- Which one do you like best?
-I love them all!
365
00:32:44,922 --> 00:32:47,118
Daddy, don't.
366
00:32:51,061 --> 00:32:55,294
I'm flunking out of school,
and all because of Plant Skills.
367
00:32:56,200 --> 00:33:00,103
I am not going to muck around
in a pile of manure for anybody.
368
00:33:00,170 --> 00:33:02,468
I just won't do it, that's all.
369
00:33:07,511 --> 00:33:09,172
I've got an idea.
370
00:33:09,980 --> 00:33:12,745
Why don't you go for that job
as Emmett's secretary?
371
00:33:12,816 --> 00:33:14,306
I can't type.
372
00:33:15,319 --> 00:33:16,684
Go see him.
373
00:33:17,087 --> 00:33:20,352
And while you're there, casually mention...
374
00:33:21,258 --> 00:33:23,784
-your trouble with Plant Skills.
-No.
375
00:33:24,294 --> 00:33:26,854
Has Mollymauk ever been wrong? No.
376
00:33:28,065 --> 00:33:31,524
Wear one of your cashmere sweaters.
Something like...
377
00:33:35,572 --> 00:33:37,006
What's this?
378
00:33:39,610 --> 00:33:42,409
It's Turquoise Trouble. Do you like it?
379
00:33:43,714 --> 00:33:45,409
It reminds me.
380
00:33:47,484 --> 00:33:51,682
I've got something I want to show you.
381
00:33:53,857 --> 00:33:57,555
I got a new key today.
382
00:34:08,472 --> 00:34:12,375
I'm curious, child.
Why do you want to work for me?
383
00:34:13,610 --> 00:34:16,705
- For one thing, I thought it might be fun.
-Fun?
384
00:34:18,215 --> 00:34:21,708
I suppose we do have some light moments
during the day.
385
00:34:23,487 --> 00:34:27,856
- Perhaps not enough.
-You see, I could learn a lot, too.
386
00:34:29,827 --> 00:34:33,457
You know that I get chills up my spine...
387
00:34:33,530 --> 00:34:37,398
every time
I hear your voice over the loudspeaker.
388
00:34:38,769 --> 00:34:43,172
And I can just imagine what it would be like
listening to you in person.
389
00:34:45,375 --> 00:34:50,370
That's very flattering.
What's this problem in Plant Skills?
390
00:34:53,917 --> 00:34:58,047
It's Beverly. You see, he acts kind of funny.
391
00:34:58,489 --> 00:35:00,617
The things he says and does.
392
00:35:03,660 --> 00:35:07,756
Lovely sweater you're wearing, child.
It looks so soft.
393
00:35:08,098 --> 00:35:10,192
It is. You want to feel it?
394
00:35:11,668 --> 00:35:13,864
- May I?
-Go ahead.
395
00:35:24,348 --> 00:35:26,339
- Incredible.
-Yeah, I know.
396
00:35:26,416 --> 00:35:28,384
It's Midnight A-Go-Go.
397
00:35:29,253 --> 00:35:31,244
- Midnight A-Go-Go.
-Yes.
398
00:35:31,755 --> 00:35:34,816
And I have a different one for every day.
399
00:35:37,094 --> 00:35:38,289
Really?
400
00:35:38,796 --> 00:35:43,427
Listen, I don't want you to worry
your pretty little head about Plant Skills.
401
00:35:44,601 --> 00:35:46,194
Midnight A-Go-Go.
402
00:35:46,270 --> 00:35:48,739
And you wouldn't believe it,
I have another one.
403
00:35:48,806 --> 00:35:51,400
- You know what it's called?
-What?
404
00:35:52,876 --> 00:35:54,537
Peach Put-Down.
405
00:35:56,513 --> 00:35:59,346
- Peach Put-Down.
-Yes!
406
00:35:59,883 --> 00:36:01,715
Do you love it? Yes.
407
00:36:05,189 --> 00:36:07,556
Listen, you report to work tomorrow,
all right?
408
00:36:07,624 --> 00:36:08,716
Yes.
409
00:36:10,427 --> 00:36:11,622
Sorry.
410
00:36:14,464 --> 00:36:17,126
This is what... This is your...
411
00:36:17,835 --> 00:36:19,200
Microphone.
412
00:36:19,837 --> 00:36:21,896
That you speak over?
413
00:36:22,706 --> 00:36:25,198
I talk over that
and the whole student body hears me...
414
00:36:25,275 --> 00:36:27,039
all over the school.
415
00:36:27,411 --> 00:36:30,608
Didn't have one of these
back at dinky old Irving.
416
00:36:34,017 --> 00:36:35,109
Here.
417
00:36:44,595 --> 00:36:46,324
Midnight A-Go-Go.
418
00:36:47,197 --> 00:36:48,824
Peach Put-Down.
419
00:36:50,500 --> 00:36:55,438
Certain Oleander tribes
wear bones and seashells in their noses.
420
00:36:56,907 --> 00:37:01,310
Other ethnic groups
regard the elongated neck...
421
00:37:01,478 --> 00:37:04,106
as a sign of beauty and fertility.
422
00:37:04,615 --> 00:37:06,105
And so they...
423
00:37:06,183 --> 00:37:10,586
stretch the necks of their women
with ropes and brass rings.
424
00:37:12,089 --> 00:37:15,582
We, in the West,
have something comparable...
425
00:37:16,193 --> 00:37:18,662
in our own little beauty spot.
426
00:37:20,797 --> 00:37:25,598
Historically, it was meant to call attention
to a girl's best feature.
427
00:37:27,137 --> 00:37:28,662
For instance...
428
00:37:28,739 --> 00:37:33,040
if you want to call attention to your lips...
429
00:37:34,044 --> 00:37:36,445
or to your eyes.
430
00:37:38,048 --> 00:37:39,447
Either eye.
431
00:37:40,851 --> 00:37:43,047
Either side of the mouth, for that matter.
432
00:37:43,120 --> 00:37:47,057
What if you want to draw attention
to your nose?
433
00:37:48,258 --> 00:37:52,820
Girls, let's be serious now.
Does everyone have a working spot?
434
00:37:55,766 --> 00:37:57,996
How about here, Miss Schwartz?
435
00:38:00,270 --> 00:38:03,638
Yes, that's very good. That's very French.
436
00:38:10,881 --> 00:38:15,478
Frankly, Beverly, I've been re-evaluating
your performance in Plant Skills.
437
00:38:16,586 --> 00:38:19,283
There's been talk, Beverly, talk.
438
00:38:20,123 --> 00:38:23,684
Do you think this material
is too controversial for you?
439
00:38:24,261 --> 00:38:28,528
Mr. Emmett, I don't understand.
I've been teaching Botany for...
440
00:38:28,598 --> 00:38:33,559
We call it Plant Skills for Life
here at Consolidated, don't we, Mr. Beverly?
441
00:38:34,538 --> 00:38:38,099
I've been teaching Plant Skills for Life
for 30 years.
442
00:38:38,175 --> 00:38:42,874
Yes, I know all that. Be quick, man.
What unit are you currently programming?
443
00:38:44,581 --> 00:38:48,609
Yesterday, for example,
we covered the pistils and the stamen.
444
00:38:49,753 --> 00:38:51,050
The what?
445
00:38:51,121 --> 00:38:54,352
The fertilization of the flowers.
It's very beautiful.
446
00:38:54,424 --> 00:38:57,416
You know
how the pistils give off the pollen...
447
00:38:57,494 --> 00:38:59,724
and the stamen is the receptacle?
448
00:38:59,796 --> 00:39:02,458
I show how it gets
from one to the other, and--
449
00:39:02,532 --> 00:39:04,091
Good Lord, man.
450
00:39:04,401 --> 00:39:08,133
What kind of smut
are you exposing these children to?
451
00:39:08,939 --> 00:39:10,566
It's life, sir. I try to make it--
452
00:39:10,640 --> 00:39:15,305
Don't burble to me about life, Beverly.
Just keep the filth out of your classroom.
453
00:39:15,379 --> 00:39:17,438
Good Lord. The stamens and the pistils.
454
00:39:17,514 --> 00:39:20,711
Get your mind out of the gutter, man,
out of the gutter!
455
00:39:20,784 --> 00:39:22,548
Remember the image.
456
00:39:22,619 --> 00:39:27,455
Parents must know that their daughters
are as safe at Consolidated as they are...
457
00:39:28,492 --> 00:39:29,857
in church.
458
00:39:32,262 --> 00:39:35,163
The reading today
is from the Book of Leviticus...
459
00:39:35,232 --> 00:39:38,133
which I realize, when you first look at it,
seems long...
460
00:39:38,201 --> 00:39:40,295
confusing, and even boring.
461
00:39:40,537 --> 00:39:44,030
Actually, all it ls,
is a lot of rules and regulations...
462
00:39:44,107 --> 00:39:45,575
drawn up by the Levites...
463
00:39:45,642 --> 00:39:48,339
who are all descended
from a fellow named Levi.
464
00:39:48,412 --> 00:39:52,576
If it was written today,
we might very well call it Mr. Levi's Book.
465
00:39:55,652 --> 00:39:59,589
Will the owner of a Ford convertible,
license number 3X271...
466
00:39:59,656 --> 00:40:02,387
kindly move his car. He's double-parked.
467
00:40:02,726 --> 00:40:05,889
Now then, you'll find Mr. Levi saying...
468
00:40:06,229 --> 00:40:09,529
that the Lord sure as shooting
does answer our prayers.
469
00:40:09,599 --> 00:40:11,863
Of course,
he does this answering in his own way.
470
00:40:11,935 --> 00:40:15,235
Now that's what puzzles people,
and even sends some weak minds...
471
00:40:15,305 --> 00:40:18,036
off into atheism and nervous breakdowns.
472
00:40:18,108 --> 00:40:19,872
The Lord is always listening...
473
00:40:19,943 --> 00:40:23,345
but suppose you ask for a promotion
and a raise on your job...
474
00:40:23,413 --> 00:40:26,474
and the Lord knows
you'd really be better in anotherjob...
475
00:40:26,550 --> 00:40:28,848
does he give you that raise? No.
476
00:40:28,919 --> 00:40:32,787
As a matter of fact, he probably
gets you fired, so you're forced to think...
477
00:40:32,856 --> 00:40:35,882
and seek work more suitable
to your capacities.
478
00:40:35,959 --> 00:40:38,326
The answer is so obvious.
479
00:40:38,395 --> 00:40:41,763
Prayers are answered,
because whatever happens...
480
00:40:42,933 --> 00:40:44,594
that's the answer.
481
00:40:47,437 --> 00:40:51,203
You know, it sounds so simple
when Phil explains everything.
482
00:40:53,243 --> 00:40:56,372
You know, he and his wife, that's Butch...
483
00:40:56,446 --> 00:41:00,212
have this discussion group for girls
every Thursday night...
484
00:41:01,618 --> 00:41:04,553
and you just wouldn't believe...
485
00:41:07,791 --> 00:41:11,250
And now, in closing, a thought for the week:
486
00:41:12,262 --> 00:41:16,130
Harping all the time
does not make you an angel.
487
00:41:33,550 --> 00:41:36,520
All right now, gang,
for this evening's discussion...
488
00:41:36,586 --> 00:41:39,783
we're going to kick around
the subject of petting.
489
00:41:40,724 --> 00:41:44,718
When a girl pets,
certain physical reactions set in.
490
00:41:45,162 --> 00:41:47,130
Perhaps you've noticed on your dates.
491
00:41:47,197 --> 00:41:50,565
Now, the signs you should watch for
on a date are these:
492
00:41:50,634 --> 00:41:53,831
First: Your breathing
may become harsh and rapid.
493
00:41:53,970 --> 00:41:57,201
Your pulse tends to become faster
and more irregular.
494
00:41:57,274 --> 00:42:00,471
Your heart begins to pound,
and quite possibly...
495
00:42:00,577 --> 00:42:03,342
your hands may begin to perspire freely.
496
00:42:03,513 --> 00:42:07,609
And believe it or not,
the same thing holds true for boys.
497
00:42:07,851 --> 00:42:09,717
Bob, here, will back me up on this.
498
00:42:09,786 --> 00:42:13,313
For those of you who haven't met him,
this is Sally Grace's cousin, Bob.
499
00:42:13,390 --> 00:42:16,690
He's down from college
where he's taking a degree in...
500
00:42:16,760 --> 00:42:19,457
- Marriage counseling.
-Yes, marriage counseling.
501
00:42:19,529 --> 00:42:21,623
A very useful and worthwhile profession.
502
00:42:21,698 --> 00:42:24,827
In any case, Bob's very kindly agreed
to sit in with us tonight...
503
00:42:24,901 --> 00:42:26,801
give us the benefit of his thinking.
504
00:42:26,870 --> 00:42:30,204
I'm very happy to, Phil.
I'm very happy to be aboard.
505
00:42:30,273 --> 00:42:31,638
Now let me see, where was I?
506
00:42:31,708 --> 00:42:34,575
You were talking
about physical reactions, Phil.
507
00:42:34,644 --> 00:42:36,237
Yes, Sally, thank you.
508
00:42:36,313 --> 00:42:38,839
Now, you must not be alarmed
by these symptoms.
509
00:42:38,915 --> 00:42:42,977
This is simply nature's way
of telling you to put the brakes on...
510
00:42:43,920 --> 00:42:45,319
shut the motor off.
511
00:42:45,388 --> 00:42:48,358
Yes, let the engine cool down for a while.
512
00:42:49,092 --> 00:42:51,288
Before you start it up again.
513
00:42:51,828 --> 00:42:52,954
Thank you, Sally.
514
00:42:53,029 --> 00:42:57,193
I think maybe this is as good a time as any
to wrap it up for tonight.
515
00:42:57,267 --> 00:43:00,168
Now, next Tuesday night we'll talk about...
516
00:43:00,237 --> 00:43:02,137
heading down the home stretch.
517
00:43:02,205 --> 00:43:06,199
Cover things like "The Christian Attitude
Toward the Automobile."
518
00:43:06,509 --> 00:43:10,446
"Knowing How and When to Say No
Without Actually Offending."
519
00:43:10,981 --> 00:43:15,509
And finally, if time permits,
"ls It Love or ls It Sex?
520
00:43:16,086 --> 00:43:19,215
"Six Sure-fire Ways to Tell the Difference."
521
00:43:20,190 --> 00:43:24,889
Some of us won't be here next week, Phil.
We're going to Balboa.
522
00:43:25,762 --> 00:43:29,164
Everybody goes
the first week of vacation. Everybody.
523
00:43:29,866 --> 00:43:32,528
Bob's chaperoning a whole bunch of us.
524
00:43:33,603 --> 00:43:37,733
You ought to try and make it down,
Barbara Ann, if you possibly can.
525
00:43:38,575 --> 00:43:41,738
I don't know, I have so many commitments.
526
00:43:43,213 --> 00:43:45,079
Do try and make it, Barbara Ann.
527
00:43:45,148 --> 00:43:49,642
I'll see to it personally that
you're chaperoned every minute of the time.
528
00:43:51,788 --> 00:43:53,153
I'm bored.
529
00:43:56,092 --> 00:43:58,527
Did you hear me? I'm bored.
530
00:43:59,796 --> 00:44:04,097
Everybody's going to Balboa but me,
and I just feel dumb staying here.
531
00:44:04,167 --> 00:44:06,659
Dumb.
532
00:44:24,254 --> 00:44:26,313
When do you want to leave?
533
00:44:27,223 --> 00:44:30,682
Are you serious? We can really go?
534
00:44:32,228 --> 00:44:34,060
It could be arranged.
535
00:44:34,497 --> 00:44:38,365
A friend of mine has a house.
I've got the key.
536
00:44:40,804 --> 00:44:42,533
That's marvelous.
537
00:46:34,284 --> 00:46:36,116
Fifteen beach pictures I've made.
538
00:46:36,186 --> 00:46:38,621
This is the first time
I've ever been to a beach.
539
00:46:38,688 --> 00:46:41,214
Damnedest sight I ever saw in my life.
540
00:46:41,357 --> 00:46:45,590
However... Title, we need a title.
541
00:46:48,097 --> 00:46:52,659
Bikini Vampire.
I Was a Teenage Bikini Vampire.
542
00:46:53,570 --> 00:46:56,471
I Married a Teenage Bikini Vampire.
543
00:47:01,177 --> 00:47:04,078
I Married a Teenage Bikini Vampire...
544
00:47:05,215 --> 00:47:07,582
on Some Kind of a Fish.
545
00:47:10,119 --> 00:47:13,885
Harry, teenage vampires are a big drag.
546
00:47:13,957 --> 00:47:16,358
Oh, my God, that's the only copy.
547
00:47:19,729 --> 00:47:21,663
I forgot I can't swim.
548
00:47:22,298 --> 00:47:24,767
Harry, you're such a drag.
549
00:47:40,149 --> 00:47:41,674
Wait a minute.
550
00:47:42,218 --> 00:47:44,152
Come here. I'll help you.
551
00:47:44,320 --> 00:47:46,379
Never mind me. Get the script.
552
00:47:46,456 --> 00:47:50,256
- No, you're gonna drown.
-Get the script.
553
00:47:50,894 --> 00:47:53,591
I happen to think
that The Thing That Ate Bikini Beach...
554
00:47:53,663 --> 00:47:56,030
is one of the 10 greatest movies ever made...
555
00:47:56,099 --> 00:47:58,227
and not just because you produced it.
556
00:47:58,301 --> 00:48:01,464
- Wrote and produced it.
-I saw it five times.
557
00:48:01,704 --> 00:48:04,173
Personally, I thought it was a big drag.
558
00:48:04,240 --> 00:48:06,436
I've always dreamed
of having a movie career.
559
00:48:06,509 --> 00:48:08,705
My mother named me after two movie stars...
560
00:48:08,778 --> 00:48:11,145
Barbara Stanwyck and Ann Sheridan.
561
00:48:11,214 --> 00:48:14,707
You probably recognize Kitten here
from Cold War Bikini.
562
00:48:14,784 --> 00:48:16,912
Another of the 10 greatest.
563
00:48:16,986 --> 00:48:19,478
Problem is, she's been overexposed.
564
00:48:19,556 --> 00:48:23,493
That's why we're kicking her upstairs,
into older sister parts.
565
00:48:23,560 --> 00:48:27,019
Harry, you're such a drag.
566
00:48:31,100 --> 00:48:35,003
The beach picture game is hell, Musgrave.
Pure hell.
567
00:48:35,405 --> 00:48:38,102
One long, unending search for new faces.
568
00:48:38,174 --> 00:48:40,404
Harry, you're such a drip.
569
00:48:41,177 --> 00:48:42,941
It'll be all right.
570
00:48:45,114 --> 00:48:49,210
- You ever done any acting, honey?
-Not professionally...
571
00:48:49,319 --> 00:48:52,186
but I was an angel in a Christmas pageant.
572
00:48:52,722 --> 00:48:55,589
- First Angel, actually.
-First Angel?
573
00:48:56,059 --> 00:48:59,256
Yes, I had two lines, too.
"Hark, hark," I said.
574
00:49:00,597 --> 00:49:02,031
What a drag.
575
00:49:03,933 --> 00:49:05,901
The tales she could tell if she could speak.
576
00:49:05,969 --> 00:49:08,700
Pour another lollipop into her, Musgrave.
577
00:49:10,940 --> 00:49:14,433
I experienced a moment of truth
out there in the water.
578
00:49:15,211 --> 00:49:17,942
Your whole life flashed before my eyes.
579
00:49:18,648 --> 00:49:22,585
Suddenly, I saw it all with crystal clarity:
580
00:49:23,019 --> 00:49:25,716
"T. Harrison Belmont
presents Barbara Ann."
581
00:49:25,788 --> 00:49:29,986
- What was that name again, honey?
-Greene, Harry. Barbara Ann Greene.
582
00:49:30,126 --> 00:49:32,652
Did I tell you
I was named after Barbara Stanwyck and--
583
00:49:32,729 --> 00:49:36,723
"T. Harrison Belmont
presents Barbara Ann Stanwyck...
584
00:49:36,966 --> 00:49:38,798
“in Bikini Countdown.“
585
00:49:38,901 --> 00:49:42,201
Ten, nine, eight, seven, six...
586
00:49:44,474 --> 00:49:47,569
five, four, three, two, one.
587
00:49:49,212 --> 00:49:51,647
Oh, my God, that's the only copy.
588
00:49:56,452 --> 00:49:58,181
I got it.
589
00:50:04,027 --> 00:50:05,495
Go, babe, go.
590
00:50:56,312 --> 00:50:59,748
Frankly, Alan, T. Harrison Belmont
may be a great producer...
591
00:50:59,816 --> 00:51:01,375
-but do you know...
-Writer-producer.
592
00:51:01,451 --> 00:51:03,943
...I think he drinks to excess.
593
00:51:04,520 --> 00:51:07,922
I mean, he just can't seem to
hold on to anything.
594
00:51:08,357 --> 00:51:12,225
Throwing that script into the ocean
three different times.
595
00:51:12,295 --> 00:51:14,821
That's not normal. He has no grasp.
596
00:51:15,164 --> 00:51:18,964
I do not care about T. Harrison Belmont's
prehensile ability...
597
00:51:19,035 --> 00:51:21,436
character references, or drinking habits.
598
00:51:21,504 --> 00:51:25,202
He makes motion pictures.
Come on, let's dance. Come on.
599
00:51:54,604 --> 00:51:57,335
Have you any idea
if this is being properly chaperoned?
600
00:51:57,406 --> 00:51:58,703
I do try.
601
00:52:00,610 --> 00:52:03,409
- How are you?
-I was afraid you weren't going to make it.
602
00:52:03,479 --> 00:52:05,971
I've been looking all over for you.
603
00:52:17,860 --> 00:52:20,727
Bob, I want you to meet Alan. This is Bob.
604
00:52:22,899 --> 00:52:25,732
- Very happy to meet you.
-it's my pleasure.
605
00:52:34,944 --> 00:52:36,605
We met in church.
606
00:52:36,913 --> 00:52:40,679
- Are you alone, Barbara Ann?
-No. Actually, I came with Alan.
607
00:52:40,783 --> 00:52:44,083
I drive people here and there,
but it doesn't count.
608
00:52:44,153 --> 00:52:45,643
5°. baby, go!
609
00:53:01,704 --> 00:53:05,868
- Those kids are just begging for trouble.
-I know. I feel safer now.
610
00:53:12,248 --> 00:53:13,238
Cold?
611
00:53:18,221 --> 00:53:19,211
Don't.
612
00:53:20,022 --> 00:53:21,490
Don't, Bob.
613
00:53:21,858 --> 00:53:25,294
I can hear your heart beating, Barbara Ann.
Lub-a-dub.
614
00:53:28,564 --> 00:53:30,862
That's danger signal number one.
615
00:53:32,068 --> 00:53:35,971
And your hands are perspiring.
That's danger signal number two.
616
00:53:36,172 --> 00:53:38,038
And your pulse is just running away.
617
00:53:38,107 --> 00:53:41,099
This beach is potential dynamite,
Barbara Ann.
618
00:53:41,444 --> 00:53:45,176
It's hard to put on the old brakes
and cool off the engine.
619
00:53:45,281 --> 00:53:46,976
Goodness gracious!
620
00:53:47,617 --> 00:53:50,951
My God, that's Sally Grace.
She's unescorted and I'm responsible.
621
00:53:51,020 --> 00:53:55,355
I've got to get back there.
Look, I'll see you in the morning, okay?
622
00:54:22,251 --> 00:54:25,881
I can hear your heart beating, Barbara Ann.
Lub-a-dub.
623
00:54:29,091 --> 00:54:31,082
That's danger signal number one.
624
00:54:31,160 --> 00:54:35,063
And your hands are perspiring.
That's danger signal number two.
625
00:54:35,331 --> 00:54:37,163
The dialogue is very thin.
626
00:54:37,233 --> 00:54:39,292
And your pulse is just running away.
627
00:54:39,368 --> 00:54:41,564
This beach is potential dynamite,
Barbara Ann.
628
00:54:41,637 --> 00:54:44,265
Alan, how long have you been up there?
629
00:54:44,340 --> 00:54:47,435
- Give. You give that thing to me!
-No!
630
00:54:48,311 --> 00:54:50,803
Be quiet. Just getting to the good part.
631
00:54:50,880 --> 00:54:53,941
My God, that's Sally Grace.
She's unescorted and I'm responsible.
632
00:54:54,016 --> 00:54:58,180
I've got to get back there.
Look, I'll see you in the morning, okay?
633
00:54:59,021 --> 00:55:01,046
All right, be mad.
634
00:55:02,625 --> 00:55:05,686
I'm not mad. I think it's funny.
635
00:55:06,362 --> 00:55:09,297
You and that toy person.
How could I be mad?
636
00:55:13,035 --> 00:55:15,766
Old St. Bernard, or whatever his name is.
He's not real.
637
00:55:15,838 --> 00:55:19,206
He's like a toy they manufacture.
Like one of the Ken and Barbie dolls.
638
00:55:19,275 --> 00:55:21,869
Yeah, you dress them, undress them,
buy them clothes...
639
00:55:21,944 --> 00:55:25,574
and you wind them up
and their little hearts go lub-a-dub...
640
00:55:25,648 --> 00:55:26,911
but they're not real.
641
00:55:26,983 --> 00:55:30,510
Alan, I don't care what you say.
I think he's beautiful.
642
00:55:31,854 --> 00:55:34,880
And not only that, I want him.
643
00:55:43,466 --> 00:55:44,592
Okay.
644
00:55:46,302 --> 00:55:48,964
Like the sweaters, like this vacation?
645
00:55:54,443 --> 00:55:57,310
You just tell Mollymauk what you want...
646
00:55:58,914 --> 00:56:01,178
Mollymauk will get it for you.
647
00:56:02,618 --> 00:56:04,643
We have a deal, remember?
648
00:56:06,555 --> 00:56:08,546
You signed in concrete.
649
00:56:18,267 --> 00:56:21,202
You're hypnotizing me again, aren't you?
650
00:56:23,072 --> 00:56:24,437
Of course.
651
00:56:38,654 --> 00:56:42,613
I don't understand.
What do you get out of it?
652
00:56:49,365 --> 00:56:51,060
I think of things.
653
00:57:13,141 --> 00:57:15,610
Bobby Bear, it's so big.
654
00:57:18,579 --> 00:57:21,674
And you can just kind of
see right through it.
655
00:57:28,656 --> 00:57:31,023
Listen. Cute, isn't it?
656
00:57:31,225 --> 00:57:33,523
- Mother's idea. It's done electronically.
-No.
657
00:57:33,594 --> 00:57:37,553
Yes. After Dad's ship came in,
Mother sold our old house in Pasadena...
658
00:57:37,632 --> 00:57:40,829
-and she built this one. It's nice, isn't it?
-Yes.
659
00:57:40,902 --> 00:57:44,338
- Dad was a psychiatrist, you know.
-No, I didn't know that.
660
00:57:44,405 --> 00:57:47,466
What kept you?
I dropped Sally Grace off hours ago.
661
00:57:47,542 --> 00:57:50,102
Which is not easy, by the way.
662
00:57:51,446 --> 00:57:54,438
Bob, your mother wants to talk to you.
663
00:57:54,515 --> 00:57:57,212
She's waiting in the conversation pit.
664
00:57:58,419 --> 00:58:01,582
-It's right there.
-I know. I live here.
665
00:58:06,060 --> 00:58:08,586
I want to talk to you for a minute.
666
00:58:10,064 --> 00:58:12,055
What are you doing here?
667
00:58:12,667 --> 00:58:16,570
It is a little moderne for my taste,
but I think I'll get used to it.
668
00:58:16,637 --> 00:58:20,267
- What?
-I told you. I stay with people.
669
00:58:21,042 --> 00:58:24,034
- Stella's asked me to move in.
-Who is Stella?
670
00:58:25,079 --> 00:58:29,277
Mrs. Barnard. Bob's mother.
She is a wonderful old girl.
671
00:58:29,717 --> 00:58:33,745
She's invited me to stay, which is of course,
actually very convenient...
672
00:58:33,821 --> 00:58:37,018
because it keeps me
close to the heart of things.
673
00:58:37,692 --> 00:58:39,387
Lub-a-dub.
674
00:58:39,460 --> 00:58:42,395
If you do that again,
I'm not going to talk to you ever again.
675
00:58:42,463 --> 00:58:44,488
Shall we join the others?
676
00:58:59,680 --> 00:59:01,114
Here she is.
677
00:59:02,049 --> 00:59:04,916
Mother, may I present Barbara Ann Greene?
678
00:59:05,419 --> 00:59:07,183
- Barbara Ann?
-Yes?
679
00:59:07,622 --> 00:59:09,021
This is Mother.
680
00:59:09,090 --> 00:59:11,559
It's a great pleasure to meet you,
Mrs. Barnard.
681
00:59:11,626 --> 00:59:15,392
Bob's done nothing but rave about you
all the way from Balboa.
682
00:59:15,463 --> 00:59:18,091
Pay no attention to anything he says.
683
00:59:18,533 --> 00:59:21,901
My son is a dear boy, he's also a total idiot.
684
00:59:23,104 --> 00:59:27,632
- Takes after his late father.
-Yes, he told me. He was a psychiatrist.
685
00:59:27,708 --> 00:59:29,403
Yes, but with a gimmick.
686
00:59:29,477 --> 00:59:32,105
He was the first head shrinker
in Beverly Hills...
687
00:59:32,179 --> 00:59:34,307
to validate parking tickets.
688
00:59:35,283 --> 00:59:39,481
You can't imagine what a simple thing
like that can mean, business-wise.
689
00:59:39,554 --> 00:59:44,458
- Tell me, Miss Greene, you dye your hair?
-No, of course not.
690
00:59:44,725 --> 00:59:47,251
I guess I'm pretty lucky, actually,
because I was...
691
00:59:47,328 --> 00:59:49,797
- You should.
-...born with naturally blonde hair.
692
00:59:49,864 --> 00:59:52,731
I do. Right here at home. My son helps me.
693
00:59:54,235 --> 00:59:57,227
He puts the goop on the back
with a toothbrush.
694
00:59:57,305 --> 00:59:58,739
Not very well, of course.
695
00:59:58,806 --> 01:00:02,265
The dear boy is all thumbs,
just like his poor father.
696
01:00:04,712 --> 01:00:08,580
4:00. Time for your yogurt, Stell.
Yours, too, Robbie.
697
01:00:09,350 --> 01:00:11,148
Thank you, Alan dear.
698
01:00:11,485 --> 01:00:14,546
Robbie and I always have our yogurt
every morning at 11:00...
699
01:00:14,622 --> 01:00:16,590
every afternoon at 4:00.
700
01:00:16,657 --> 01:00:19,820
Alan, I'm so glad you decided
to move in with me.
701
01:00:19,894 --> 01:00:23,762
What with Robbie off at college,
Sally Grace coming and going.
702
01:00:23,898 --> 01:00:26,026
Sally Grace is very active.
703
01:00:26,467 --> 01:00:29,129
It'll be a comfort
to have a man around the house again.
704
01:00:29,203 --> 01:00:32,002
I buried my husband 10 years ago.
705
01:00:32,740 --> 01:00:34,367
He died at home.
706
01:00:34,709 --> 01:00:37,940
Right there.
Right on that spot you're sitting on.
707
01:00:38,412 --> 01:00:41,609
I'm telling you,
one minute he's sitting there...
708
01:00:41,849 --> 01:00:44,682
Robbie and I are combing my hair
at the time...
709
01:00:44,752 --> 01:00:46,652
next minute he's gone.
710
01:00:47,221 --> 01:00:49,553
How awful. How did he die?
711
01:00:50,291 --> 01:00:52,259
All psychosomatic.
712
01:00:52,393 --> 01:00:56,159
Absolutely nothing
wrong with him physically.
713
01:00:56,230 --> 01:00:58,892
A case of death wish, pure and simple.
714
01:00:59,367 --> 01:01:03,270
Everything, Miss Greene,
everything, it's in the mind.
715
01:01:03,738 --> 01:01:06,207
You decide to die, then you do it.
716
01:01:07,642 --> 01:01:09,701
That's all there is to it.
717
01:01:10,311 --> 01:01:14,839
- My father is no longer with us, either.
-Sad.
718
01:01:15,249 --> 01:01:17,775
I was very, very young at the time.
719
01:01:18,285 --> 01:01:20,811
Your poor mother. What does she do?
720
01:01:22,189 --> 01:01:25,352
Marie? That's my mother. She...
721
01:01:27,862 --> 01:01:30,763
It's hard to explain, actually. She...
722
01:01:33,401 --> 01:01:35,768
That's a phone. That's a gold phone.
723
01:01:35,836 --> 01:01:39,170
Marie is a wonderful woman.
Just wonderful, Stell.
724
01:01:39,740 --> 01:01:44,473
A simple housewife by day,
she devotes her evenings to serving others.
725
01:01:46,614 --> 01:01:48,446
You little doll, you.
726
01:01:59,126 --> 01:02:02,926
You know,
I feel kind of guilty about lying to Mother...
727
01:02:02,997 --> 01:02:05,261
telling her we were going to
go to the movies.
728
01:02:05,332 --> 01:02:06,493
That's all right.
729
01:02:06,567 --> 01:02:10,094
I don't know why you told her we were
seeing The Ten Commandments, though.
730
01:02:10,171 --> 01:02:12,606
It hasn't been playing for years.
731
01:02:19,647 --> 01:02:24,585
It just sort of popped into my head.
It sounded so respectable.
732
01:02:24,719 --> 01:02:26,153
- Yes.
-Hey.
733
01:02:26,420 --> 01:02:27,410
What?
734
01:02:27,655 --> 01:02:31,421
Golly Moses, what if she asks me
what it's about? I've never seen it.
735
01:02:31,492 --> 01:02:33,551
I haven't seen it, but I read the book.
736
01:02:33,627 --> 01:02:37,291
And basically the idea is, "Thou shalt not."
737
01:02:40,901 --> 01:02:42,562
Thou shalt not.
738
01:02:47,241 --> 01:02:48,640
What if...
739
01:03:08,829 --> 01:03:10,888
Golly Moses, we better check for hairpins.
740
01:03:10,965 --> 01:03:14,902
- Mother would have a fit if she found one.
-Don't be ridiculous.
741
01:03:23,844 --> 01:03:24,936
What?
742
01:03:25,679 --> 01:03:28,614
Exactly what does it mean to be pinned?
743
01:03:29,950 --> 01:03:31,179
Pinned?
744
01:03:31,919 --> 01:03:34,889
In the sense that terrible girl
just used the word.
745
01:03:34,955 --> 01:03:37,617
She said, if I recall correctly...
746
01:03:38,259 --> 01:03:41,092
Robbie had just pinned her.
747
01:03:44,965 --> 01:03:49,402
I think that means
being engaged to be engaged.
748
01:03:51,705 --> 01:03:54,970
A case of self-destruction, pure and simple.
749
01:03:55,876 --> 01:03:59,005
And if Robbie's determined
to throw his life away...
750
01:03:59,079 --> 01:04:01,605
I suppose there's nothing we can do?
751
01:04:05,085 --> 01:04:06,644
Ace, it's 4:00.
752
01:04:06,821 --> 01:04:10,155
I'm afraid that we are
a little beyond yogurt today.
753
01:04:21,235 --> 01:04:23,067
What's in this, Alan?
754
01:04:23,737 --> 01:04:26,604
Ace, that's something to remove the sting.
755
01:04:27,107 --> 01:04:29,007
It's called a stinger.
756
01:04:30,077 --> 01:04:31,203
Yeah.
757
01:04:46,026 --> 01:04:49,553
Of course. I love you, too, Bobby Bear.
758
01:04:50,564 --> 01:04:53,499
You know,
I had a dream about us last night.
759
01:04:53,767 --> 01:04:57,431
I dreamt that we were still parked
in that car, you know...
760
01:04:57,872 --> 01:04:59,670
Wait, just a minute.
761
01:05:01,442 --> 01:05:04,571
I'm sorry.
I didn't know it was a personal call.
762
01:05:12,987 --> 01:05:15,854
- Who was that?
-Nobody, just the janitor.
763
01:05:16,156 --> 01:05:18,853
Listen, anyway, we were still parked...
764
01:05:19,226 --> 01:05:21,558
and your mother found a hairpin.
765
01:05:22,062 --> 01:05:26,192
And I woke up screaming. Yes.
766
01:05:31,505 --> 01:05:32,870
Who's that?
767
01:05:35,509 --> 01:05:36,738
- Hi.
-Hi.
768
01:05:37,678 --> 01:05:40,670
- How was school?
-Dull as ever.
769
01:05:41,815 --> 01:05:44,284
Bob called, twice.
770
01:05:45,286 --> 01:05:47,948
- Collect?
-No, from a pay phone.
771
01:05:48,022 --> 01:05:51,481
He just kept clunking in quarters and dimes.
772
01:05:54,361 --> 01:05:57,296
That is a good sign.
773
01:05:59,366 --> 01:06:02,700
Except I have to pay a social call...
774
01:06:03,070 --> 01:06:05,937
on Mrs. Barnard tomorrow.
775
01:06:09,143 --> 01:06:11,134
You want to come with me?
776
01:06:11,979 --> 01:06:15,438
I don't know, sweetie.
She sounds kind of spooky to me.
777
01:06:17,151 --> 01:06:21,179
Besides, maybe I better wait
until I get a touchup.
778
01:06:22,356 --> 01:06:23,448
Yeah.
779
01:06:27,328 --> 01:06:29,558
This is not a good day for me.
780
01:06:30,831 --> 01:06:35,132
As a matter of fact,
the good days get fewer and fewer.
781
01:06:40,341 --> 01:06:44,175
Do you think I sleep wrong?
I mean, was my face in the pillow?
782
01:06:45,379 --> 01:06:48,838
I read in a magazine
where Cary Grant sleeps on his back.
783
01:06:48,916 --> 01:06:51,886
- Yeah?
-And I always sleep on my face...
784
01:06:51,952 --> 01:06:54,853
and I wake up all "eeugh" in the morning.
785
01:06:56,357 --> 01:06:59,452
- I don't know.
-This is supposed to help.
786
01:07:03,130 --> 01:07:04,859
What are you doing?
787
01:07:06,000 --> 01:07:08,401
It's an isometric exercise.
788
01:07:08,635 --> 01:07:11,900
It's called "the silent scream."
789
01:07:11,972 --> 01:07:13,872
It's good for the chin.
790
01:07:16,910 --> 01:07:19,902
Cary Grant does it
15 minutes every morning...
791
01:07:20,314 --> 01:07:22,373
and 15 minutes every night.
792
01:07:33,494 --> 01:07:35,223
Come in, it's open.
793
01:07:38,565 --> 01:07:42,126
- The Greene residence?
-That's right. What is it you want?
794
01:07:46,673 --> 01:07:49,574
What do you want? Would you
make it snappy? I'm late for work.
795
01:07:49,643 --> 01:07:53,739
I tried to telephone,
but there was no answer.
796
01:07:53,814 --> 01:07:56,545
I sleep days. I shut the damn thing off.
797
01:07:56,617 --> 01:07:58,745
How self-destructive of you.
798
01:07:59,219 --> 01:08:02,484
Look, honey,
are you pushing encyclopedias or what?
799
01:08:03,257 --> 01:08:06,955
- This is the Barbara Ann Greene residence?
-Yes, it is.
800
01:08:07,394 --> 01:08:10,659
Of course. It's exactly the way I imagined it.
801
01:08:10,731 --> 01:08:14,531
Perhaps even more so. My poor Robbie.
802
01:08:15,135 --> 01:08:18,730
"Each man kills the thing he loves,"
et cetera.
803
01:08:18,806 --> 01:08:20,865
Death wish, pure and simple.
804
01:08:20,941 --> 01:08:23,638
Sins of the fathers, as it were.
805
01:08:23,877 --> 01:08:27,245
I get it. It's those sweaters.
806
01:08:28,115 --> 01:08:29,844
You're not gonna stick us for them...
807
01:08:29,917 --> 01:08:34,514
because Howie Baby has got checks
bouncing from here all the way to Oxnard.
808
01:08:34,588 --> 01:08:37,523
Who, pray tell, is Howie Baby?
809
01:08:37,591 --> 01:08:40,356
Barbara Ann's father, Mr. Wonderful.
810
01:08:40,427 --> 01:08:45,263
The square who got all guilty at lunch
and bought your 13 fancy sweaters.
811
01:08:45,332 --> 01:08:48,529
- Hello.
-I begged you to take those sweaters back.
812
01:08:48,602 --> 01:08:50,502
Your father isn't dead?
813
01:08:50,871 --> 01:08:54,432
Are you kidding?
All you have to do is keep after him...
814
01:08:54,508 --> 01:08:57,034
-like I do about the alimony.
-I can explain all this.
815
01:08:57,111 --> 01:09:01,105
Baby, look, will you just let me handle this?
I've been through this scene before.
816
01:09:01,181 --> 01:09:06,017
I take it then, Mrs. Greene,
you and this Howie Baby are divorced?
817
01:09:06,687 --> 01:09:08,781
I was the injured party.
818
01:09:09,123 --> 01:09:11,717
Listen, all that crap he tried to pull
at the trial...
819
01:09:11,792 --> 01:09:13,851
about me and Sy Cleavinger was a fake.
820
01:09:13,927 --> 01:09:16,760
Sy and I were just good friends, that's all.
821
01:09:16,830 --> 01:09:17,991
Marie?
822
01:09:19,399 --> 01:09:21,333
This is Mrs. Barnard.
823
01:09:22,536 --> 01:09:24,004
Bob's mother.
824
01:09:37,317 --> 01:09:40,878
Alan told me you devoted your evenings
to serving others.
825
01:09:41,221 --> 01:09:44,885
Is that a tail?
Now I understand what he meant.
826
01:09:45,425 --> 01:09:49,384
- My mother is a cocktail waitress.
-You lied to me, Miss Greene.
827
01:09:49,563 --> 01:09:52,498
You permitted me to believe
your father was dead.
828
01:09:52,566 --> 01:09:54,193
They're divorced.
829
01:09:54,434 --> 01:09:58,564
In our family,
we don't divorce our men, we bury them.
830
01:10:10,884 --> 01:10:15,014
I guess I blew that one for you,
didn't I, baby?
831
01:10:15,989 --> 01:10:18,219
You're gonna be late for work.
832
01:10:18,992 --> 01:10:20,653
I'll call in sick.
833
01:10:23,764 --> 01:10:27,962
Why don't you put your tail on
after you get to work?
834
01:10:32,706 --> 01:10:35,505
You really are ashamed of me, aren't you?
835
01:11:16,850 --> 01:11:18,375
Your mother is a prostitute.
836
01:11:18,452 --> 01:11:22,389
- My mother is a cocktail waitress.
-Barbara Ann, what difference is there?
837
01:11:22,456 --> 01:11:23,855
- Look, forget all this.
-What?
838
01:11:23,924 --> 01:11:27,155
My mother is so upset.
I want the pin back. Now, give me that pin.
839
01:11:27,794 --> 01:11:28,989
Howard?
840
01:11:30,497 --> 01:11:33,558
I am very upset and I don't...
841
01:11:34,468 --> 01:11:37,460
Howard, I don't have anybody else to talk to.
842
01:11:37,838 --> 01:11:42,605
If you don't get down here tonight,
I'm afraid something bad will happen.
843
01:11:44,611 --> 01:11:46,807
Howard, please don't hang up.
844
01:11:51,885 --> 01:11:53,114
Put your legs down.
845
01:11:53,186 --> 01:11:56,713
I will not put my legs down.
I never put anything or anybody down.
846
01:11:56,790 --> 01:11:59,555
- You look like a fool!
-Especially not my legs.
847
01:11:59,960 --> 01:12:01,519
I like to make a fool of myself.
848
01:12:01,595 --> 01:12:05,088
- You do? I'm taking you home.
-You want your pin back?
849
01:12:28,622 --> 01:12:31,523
Listen to me. Will you listen to me?
850
01:12:31,591 --> 01:12:34,822
I need to talk to somebody.
851
01:12:36,096 --> 01:12:38,030
I'm 40 years old.
852
01:12:40,567 --> 01:12:43,832
No, that's a lie, I'm 41.
853
01:12:43,904 --> 01:12:46,566
I'll be 42 in September.
854
01:12:48,342 --> 01:12:49,867
I'm an old...
855
01:12:51,712 --> 01:12:53,237
I'm an old bag.
856
01:12:53,547 --> 01:12:55,641
I would be better off dead.
857
01:12:56,116 --> 01:12:58,244
Dead!
858
01:12:59,553 --> 01:13:02,853
The time is 11:01...
859
01:13:04,124 --> 01:13:05,649
and 10 seconds.
860
01:13:09,062 --> 01:13:12,396
The time is 11:01...
861
01:13:13,834 --> 01:13:15,359
and 20 seconds.
862
01:13:18,972 --> 01:13:22,306
The time is 11:01...
863
01:13:23,443 --> 01:13:24,968
and 30 seconds.
864
01:13:25,045 --> 01:13:28,811
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven
865
01:13:29,282 --> 01:13:33,116
All good little girls go to heaven
866
01:13:34,921 --> 01:13:36,946
Not you, baby. No.
867
01:13:48,835 --> 01:13:51,827
Here, take your stupid pin...
868
01:13:51,905 --> 01:13:55,899
and just pin it on your mother
because it doesn't mean anything.
869
01:13:55,976 --> 01:14:00,106
And you don't mean anything,
and the car doesn't mean anything...
870
01:14:00,180 --> 01:14:04,014
-and nothing means anything.
-Barbara Ann, what are you doing?
871
01:14:07,721 --> 01:14:09,689
You want to play a game?
872
01:14:09,990 --> 01:14:12,891
Come on, we're gonna play undress
in front of Mommy's house.
873
01:14:12,959 --> 01:14:14,757
-It's a lot of fun.
-No. What you doing?
874
01:14:14,828 --> 01:14:17,388
- Come on, now.
-Barbara Ann, now just stop it.
875
01:14:17,464 --> 01:14:19,489
- You gotta play it.
-What are you...
876
01:14:19,566 --> 01:14:21,967
- Would you stop--
-Would you help me unzip this?
877
01:14:22,035 --> 01:14:26,097
- You're pretty strong, aren't you?
-No, I'm not... Just stop that!
878
01:14:27,741 --> 01:14:30,233
You don't know what you're missing.
879
01:14:30,410 --> 01:14:33,004
Barbara Ann, now look, just get back!
880
01:14:33,613 --> 01:14:35,877
Just get back in this car!
881
01:14:35,949 --> 01:14:38,418
Get back! Let's talk this out.
882
01:14:52,466 --> 01:14:55,731
What in the hell are you doing here?
883
01:14:57,337 --> 01:15:00,398
- Barbara Ann, drink this.
-I don't want to drink that.
884
01:15:00,474 --> 01:15:03,307
- Please, drink it.
-No, I won't please drink that.
885
01:15:04,311 --> 01:15:07,372
Everyone thinks that Marie
is a prostitute now.
886
01:15:07,447 --> 01:15:09,643
- A prostitute.
-Will you please drink this?
887
01:15:09,716 --> 01:15:14,085
I won't drink it. I don't want it.
Do you understand? I don't want it!
888
01:15:14,855 --> 01:15:18,883
What do you want from me?
I'll be a cocktail waitress like Marie.
889
01:15:20,293 --> 01:15:22,057
No, the hell I will.
890
01:15:23,129 --> 01:15:25,496
I'll do something else.
891
01:15:28,101 --> 01:15:30,934
I'll be a prostitute. That's what I'll be.
892
01:15:31,571 --> 01:15:33,972
You get to pick your customers...
893
01:15:34,741 --> 01:15:36,709
and you get paid for it.
894
01:15:37,043 --> 01:15:39,273
That sounds like a lot of fun.
895
01:15:40,847 --> 01:15:42,212
Doesn't it?
896
01:15:43,517 --> 01:15:45,918
- I'll be a prostitute.
- Barbara Ann.
897
01:15:48,622 --> 01:15:49,680
Yes?
898
01:15:50,090 --> 01:15:52,081
There's been an accident.
899
01:16:02,135 --> 01:16:05,435
There has been an accident.
900
01:16:20,453 --> 01:16:21,978
Where is Marie?
901
01:16:47,647 --> 01:16:50,241
Now, don't touch anything.
902
01:16:52,419 --> 01:16:55,946
Insurance. It has to look like an accident.
903
01:17:26,353 --> 01:17:29,186
- I'll take care of everything.
- She's not dead.
904
01:17:29,255 --> 01:17:31,451
That's what Mollymauk is for.
905
01:17:36,997 --> 01:17:39,864
All this requires are a few signatures here...
906
01:17:39,933 --> 01:17:43,369
-and here and here again at the bottom.
-I don't want to read it now.
907
01:17:43,436 --> 01:17:46,895
There's nothing to read, baby,
just some forms to sign.
908
01:17:53,279 --> 01:17:55,611
It's okay now, baby, Dad's here.
909
01:17:58,385 --> 01:18:00,911
- Whose idea was this?
-What?
910
01:18:03,056 --> 01:18:06,026
A crummy $300 funeral?
911
01:18:06,092 --> 01:18:10,256
It's cheaper if the mortuary and the cemetery
are in the same place.
912
01:18:11,731 --> 01:18:14,325
But Marie wanted a pink stone cupid.
913
01:18:14,434 --> 01:18:15,697
Be practical, baby.
914
01:18:15,769 --> 01:18:19,103
- We can get her a nice plain stone.
-She always wanted a pink cupid.
915
01:18:19,172 --> 01:18:23,302
- Be practical, baby. The insurance.
-Shut up, Howard!
916
01:18:23,710 --> 01:18:26,975
I'm going to bury Marie
the way she wanted to be buried...
917
01:18:27,047 --> 01:18:29,311
and that's with a pink cupid.
918
01:18:46,533 --> 01:18:49,901
Marie's tragic death...
919
01:18:50,070 --> 01:18:52,835
did indeed, among other things...
920
01:18:52,906 --> 01:18:55,273
restore my faith in suicide.
921
01:18:55,975 --> 01:18:59,309
In addition,
the chief stumbling block to romance...
922
01:18:59,379 --> 01:19:02,076
now being removed...
923
01:19:02,949 --> 01:19:05,111
it brought our young lovers together.
924
01:19:05,385 --> 01:19:07,581
Go ahead, baby, cut the cake.
925
01:19:25,538 --> 01:19:28,940
And the honeymoon... Well, now...
926
01:19:32,479 --> 01:19:34,208
I made reservations for them...
927
01:19:34,280 --> 01:19:38,080
at the fabulous Honeymoon Motel
in Inglewood.
928
01:19:38,651 --> 01:19:41,120
Featuring Mr. and Mrs. Cottages...
929
01:19:41,721 --> 01:19:45,180
with sunken showers,
wall-to-wall carpeting...
930
01:19:45,258 --> 01:19:47,556
air conditioning, television...
931
01:19:47,627 --> 01:19:50,961
and His and Hers powder rooms.
932
01:19:51,030 --> 01:19:54,091
Plus a sleepyhead breakfast...
933
01:19:54,200 --> 01:19:56,168
for sleepyhead lovers...
934
01:19:56,236 --> 01:19:59,797
tucked happily away in their canopy bed.
935
01:20:12,986 --> 01:20:14,511
My goodness!
936
01:20:18,892 --> 01:20:19,984
Stop.
937
01:20:28,568 --> 01:20:29,729
Hello?
938
01:20:30,804 --> 01:20:32,329
Oh, God.
939
01:20:34,908 --> 01:20:36,899
Will you turn my pillow?
940
01:20:37,043 --> 01:20:39,341
- Robbie, this side's getting warm again.
-Sure.
941
01:20:39,412 --> 01:20:42,040
I've had a pretty sick little girl on my hands.
942
01:20:42,115 --> 01:20:44,607
- Come along, Stella, up we go.
-Yes. Listen to me.
943
01:20:44,684 --> 01:20:45,845
I'm telling you...
944
01:20:45,919 --> 01:20:49,321
I don't know what I'd have done
if Alan hadn't been here.
945
01:20:49,389 --> 01:20:52,415
Mother, look, we'll stay here, of course...
946
01:20:52,492 --> 01:20:54,961
until you're better, won't we, Barbara Ann?
947
01:20:55,028 --> 01:20:57,861
Yeah, we can go to Disneyland anytime.
948
01:20:58,431 --> 01:21:00,559
I've had the room next door
prepared for you.
949
01:21:00,633 --> 01:21:01,998
Thanks, Al.
950
01:21:07,607 --> 01:21:10,372
Shape up, Ace, it's only a hangover.
951
01:21:10,710 --> 01:21:12,940
- Yeah.
-Here you are.
952
01:21:31,631 --> 01:21:35,499
Now look, don't worry,
because when it gets dark...
953
01:21:35,568 --> 01:21:38,162
you can push both beds together. See?
954
01:21:47,513 --> 01:21:49,709
It will work, it really will.
955
01:22:33,526 --> 01:22:37,258
- That's mother. She wants something.
-She can get it later.
956
01:22:39,899 --> 01:22:41,628
Don't move a muscle.
957
01:22:41,701 --> 01:22:45,160
Old Stella's just off her feed.
I know just what to give her.
958
01:22:45,238 --> 01:22:47,366
Hold on, Tiger, I'm coming!
959
01:23:04,557 --> 01:23:06,116
Come on!
960
01:23:11,197 --> 01:23:14,030
Don't worry, it will work. It really will.
961
01:23:59,879 --> 01:24:02,439
Of course, we'll have to keep
the cost under $1 million.
962
01:24:02,515 --> 01:24:06,179
Well under that figure, say, $850,000.
963
01:24:06,652 --> 01:24:08,882
I'm going to New York
to buy some new money.
964
01:24:08,955 --> 01:24:10,719
Flying out tonight.
965
01:24:22,235 --> 01:24:23,566
Thank you.
966
01:24:24,170 --> 01:24:27,367
The minute I get back,
we'll get some film on her.
967
01:24:27,473 --> 01:24:28,736
I promise you that.
968
01:24:28,808 --> 01:24:32,335
In the meantime, Musgrave, keep her on ice.
969
01:24:32,645 --> 01:24:34,545
Whatever you say, H.B.
970
01:24:38,284 --> 01:24:40,218
I'm calling from the studio, Barbara Ann.
971
01:24:40,286 --> 01:24:42,550
Now, Harry is flying out
to New York tonight.
972
01:24:42,622 --> 01:24:45,455
But when he comes back,
he wants to make a test.
973
01:24:45,525 --> 01:24:46,993
A screen test.
974
01:24:47,060 --> 01:24:49,392
Alan, I'm so excited.
975
01:24:49,462 --> 01:24:51,658
wonder what Bobby Bear will say.
976
01:24:55,701 --> 01:24:59,262
No. Nobody's gonna test my wife.
977
01:24:59,338 --> 01:25:01,932
- You don't understand.
-Yes, I do.
978
01:25:02,008 --> 01:25:03,999
Just listen, Barbara Ann!
979
01:25:04,077 --> 01:25:07,206
You promised to love, honor, and obey me.
980
01:25:07,280 --> 01:25:10,443
Listen, I may have been
a little hysterical at the ceremony...
981
01:25:10,516 --> 01:25:13,349
but I never said anything as dumb as that.
982
01:25:14,120 --> 01:25:18,114
- If your mother doesn't just stop that--
-Now, you look here, Barbara Ann.
983
01:25:18,191 --> 01:25:22,492
You struck me. That's grounds for a divorce.
984
01:25:37,176 --> 01:25:40,476
I have been absolutely miserable
ever since I got married...
985
01:25:40,546 --> 01:25:44,414
and it's all your fault.
You've made a mess of my life.
986
01:25:44,484 --> 01:25:47,647
- What?
-Will you turn that thing off?
987
01:25:49,288 --> 01:25:53,885
I said that you've made a mess of my life.
Do you understand that?
988
01:25:54,227 --> 01:25:58,391
I do not understand that.
I've given you everything that you wanted.
989
01:25:59,332 --> 01:26:01,596
The sweaters, Balboa, Bob...
990
01:26:01,667 --> 01:26:04,068
All right, I was wrong then.
991
01:26:04,837 --> 01:26:07,465
- About the screen test?
-No, about Bob.
992
01:26:08,341 --> 01:26:11,072
He won't even let me have a screen test.
993
01:26:15,448 --> 01:26:18,076
What is it that you want, Barbara Ann?
994
01:26:20,753 --> 01:26:22,517
Just tell Mollymauk.
995
01:26:26,993 --> 01:26:29,690
I want out. I want a divorce.
996
01:26:33,366 --> 01:26:34,959
"In our family...
997
01:26:36,936 --> 01:26:38,927
"we don't divorce our men.
998
01:26:41,807 --> 01:26:43,434
"We bury them."
999
01:26:55,488 --> 01:26:56,956
He struck me.
1000
01:27:01,093 --> 01:27:02,959
Anyway, he grabbed me.
1001
01:27:13,673 --> 01:27:15,573
Is this where it hurts?
1002
01:28:10,730 --> 01:28:12,391
Mrs. L.K. writes:
1003
01:28:12,465 --> 01:28:14,957
"Each morning, when my husband
leaves for the office...
1004
01:28:15,034 --> 01:28:16,661
"he kisses me on the forehead.
1005
01:28:16,736 --> 01:28:19,603
"How can I get him to kiss me on the lips?"
1006
01:28:19,972 --> 01:28:21,565
Wear high heels.
1007
01:28:23,009 --> 01:28:24,602
"Wear high heels"?
1008
01:28:27,446 --> 01:28:30,507
Alan, that's funny.
That's what Dear Abby says.
1009
01:28:36,822 --> 01:28:40,986
You know, Bob, if you are going
to marriage counsel at home today...
1010
01:28:41,327 --> 01:28:45,127
I think I'd better put a little stab
into Stell Baby's brunch.
1011
01:28:45,631 --> 01:28:47,429
Wear high heels.
1012
01:28:49,502 --> 01:28:51,766
You'd better take yours straight.
1013
01:28:51,837 --> 01:28:53,931
Clean mind in a sound body.
1014
01:28:55,308 --> 01:28:58,539
Personally, I've always thought
that a dirty mind in a sound body...
1015
01:28:58,611 --> 01:29:00,545
is even more rewarding.
1016
01:29:02,048 --> 01:29:05,643
I just can't see how wearing high heels...
1017
01:29:05,718 --> 01:29:08,278
is gonna make Mrs. L.K.'s husband
kiss her on the lips...
1018
01:29:08,354 --> 01:29:10,049
instead of the forehead.
1019
01:29:10,122 --> 01:29:13,888
And frankly, I think it's rather irresponsible
of Dear Abby...
1020
01:29:13,959 --> 01:29:17,793
going around making snap judgments
about important psychological matters...
1021
01:29:17,863 --> 01:29:21,561
on the basis of what is obviously
insufficient information.
1022
01:29:22,501 --> 01:29:27,132
Now, I think you need a little help
with your goober, too.
1023
01:29:27,940 --> 01:29:31,672
- What's that, Alan?
-The juice of a few flowers.
1024
01:29:32,411 --> 01:29:35,745
- Counsel well.
-Thanks, Al.
1025
01:29:47,860 --> 01:29:50,295
All the symptoms of belladonna poisoning.
1026
01:29:50,363 --> 01:29:52,832
- Classic, in fact.
-Belladonna?
1027
01:29:52,898 --> 01:29:57,062
Also known as nightshade poisoning.
It rarely causes death, however.
1028
01:29:57,970 --> 01:30:01,304
- I'd always heard it was fatal.
-Old wives' tale.
1029
01:30:02,541 --> 01:30:04,771
Back to the old drawing board.
1030
01:30:05,378 --> 01:30:07,369
When he was just a little boy...
1031
01:30:07,446 --> 01:30:10,780
he ate a whole plate of mole poison.
1032
01:30:13,386 --> 01:30:16,947
That was when I first suspected
a psycho-suicidal pattern.
1033
01:30:17,022 --> 01:30:20,583
In his present condition,
the slightest thing could set it off.
1034
01:30:20,659 --> 01:30:24,323
Unhappy marriage, on-the-job tensions...
1035
01:30:24,764 --> 01:30:28,632
This boy must be watched,
and watched carefully.
1036
01:30:29,235 --> 01:30:31,363
Are you sure
that you're well enough to drive?
1037
01:30:31,437 --> 01:30:33,030
Of course, Alan.
1038
01:30:40,479 --> 01:30:43,938
Everything seems to be falling apart.
1039
01:30:45,117 --> 01:30:49,577
Bob, our whole economy depends upon
built-in obsolescence.
1040
01:30:49,655 --> 01:30:53,285
By the way, what's your final position
on the screen test?
1041
01:30:53,893 --> 01:30:55,554
Over my dead body!
1042
01:31:02,601 --> 01:31:04,091
If you say so.
1043
01:31:49,515 --> 01:31:51,847
And now, as a special anniversary offer...
1044
01:31:51,917 --> 01:31:55,581
Honest Joe will give you $500 in cash...
1045
01:31:55,654 --> 01:31:59,386
for any car that you can drive in here
under its own power.
1046
01:32:06,565 --> 01:32:09,364
I've seen some wrecks in my time, but...
1047
01:32:09,602 --> 01:32:11,195
Honest Joe is Honest Joe.
1048
01:32:11,270 --> 01:32:15,298
The offer still stands. $500 in cash.
1049
01:32:18,077 --> 01:32:21,980
We must take turns watching this boy,
24 hours a day.
1050
01:32:22,381 --> 01:32:25,180
We must do our best
to keep one step ahead of him.
1051
01:32:25,251 --> 01:32:27,276
Anticipate his every move.
1052
01:32:27,686 --> 01:32:29,450
In its terminal stages...
1053
01:32:29,522 --> 01:32:33,982
a psycho-suicidal personality turns crafty.
1054
01:32:36,395 --> 01:32:40,161
Wisdom gives way to naked animal cunning.
1055
01:32:49,008 --> 01:32:51,409
Bob Barnard's an absolute schlub.
1056
01:32:56,115 --> 01:32:59,574
Has a heart that goes lub-a-dub
1057
01:33:01,453 --> 01:33:04,150
Too stupid to die?
1058
01:33:05,224 --> 01:33:07,784
I decided to try...
1059
01:33:08,761 --> 01:33:10,661
to beat him to death...
1060
01:33:11,630 --> 01:33:12,620
with a club.
1061
01:33:12,698 --> 01:33:14,928
Very good. I like it very much.
1062
01:33:18,070 --> 01:33:19,162
Or...
1063
01:33:21,707 --> 01:33:25,234
some equally accurate...
1064
01:33:26,211 --> 01:33:28,942
hand-drawn facsimile.
1065
01:33:42,294 --> 01:33:44,524
Allow me to assist you, madame.
1066
01:33:45,898 --> 01:33:48,868
I have taken the liberty
of selecting a wine for dinner.
1067
01:33:48,934 --> 01:33:52,632
It is very dry, with just a hint of bouquet.
1068
01:33:52,705 --> 01:33:55,868
But I do believe that you will all enjoy...
1069
01:33:55,941 --> 01:33:58,467
its impudent artlessness.
1070
01:33:59,244 --> 01:34:02,441
Don't jump the gun, Ace.
Now, let's do this right.
1071
01:34:15,327 --> 01:34:16,954
That's great, Al.
1072
01:34:18,464 --> 01:34:19,556
Now.
1073
01:34:24,803 --> 01:34:27,636
I'm giving this little dinner party
in honor of me.
1074
01:34:27,706 --> 01:34:30,107
I've been chosen Valedictorian
of Consolidated.
1075
01:34:30,175 --> 01:34:32,507
I want you all to come
and hear me make my speech.
1076
01:34:32,578 --> 01:34:35,309
Those of you who can make it, of course.
1077
01:34:38,150 --> 01:34:40,619
Al, congratulations.
1078
01:34:44,990 --> 01:34:48,255
We can't all be dropouts, can we?
1079
01:34:50,829 --> 01:34:52,160
And now...
1080
01:34:53,265 --> 01:34:55,290
for the piéce de résistance.
1081
01:34:56,335 --> 01:34:59,965
If this doesn't boil your milk, nothing will.
1082
01:35:02,608 --> 01:35:05,634
- Madame.
-Hungry as a bee.
1083
01:35:16,088 --> 01:35:19,718
- Monsieur.
-it smells great, Alan.
1084
01:35:30,836 --> 01:35:35,034
Wait a minute, Alan.
This is a big day for us, too.
1085
01:35:35,741 --> 01:35:39,177
Barbara Ann and I have been married
for a whole month.
1086
01:35:39,545 --> 01:35:42,708
So I propose a toast.
1087
01:35:44,149 --> 01:35:45,878
To us, Barbara Ann.
1088
01:35:46,852 --> 01:35:49,844
Till death do us part.
1089
01:35:51,390 --> 01:35:53,290
Till death, Bobby Bear.
1090
01:35:55,060 --> 01:35:56,789
I'll drink to that.
1091
01:36:19,618 --> 01:36:22,349
Milton, it's the hot line!
1092
01:36:24,022 --> 01:36:26,218
The kvetch? The kvetch again?
1093
01:36:26,492 --> 01:36:28,085
It's the kvetch.
1094
01:36:31,530 --> 01:36:35,296
This boy has the constitution of a horse.
1095
01:36:35,367 --> 01:36:36,960
Nine lives.
1096
01:36:37,202 --> 01:36:39,796
May I say he's rapidly using them up?
1097
01:36:40,272 --> 01:36:42,366
This time, by any chance,
did he leave a note?
1098
01:36:42,441 --> 01:36:43,602
Wouldn't matter.
1099
01:36:43,675 --> 01:36:47,202
My son is a product
of the California school system.
1100
01:36:47,279 --> 01:36:51,182
Couldn't write a simple English sentence
if his life depended on it.
1101
01:36:51,250 --> 01:36:55,448
You notice a faint aroma of burnt almonds?
1102
01:36:55,521 --> 01:36:56,852
Mushrooms.
1103
01:36:57,489 --> 01:37:00,459
Arsenic, you fools, arsenic.
1104
01:37:00,659 --> 01:37:05,062
The boy has a mind like a steel trap.
He's outwitted us again.
1105
01:38:13,332 --> 01:38:17,826
Al, this is very grand of you
to bring me here like this today.
1106
01:38:18,070 --> 01:38:20,129
It's going to be a great speech...
1107
01:38:20,205 --> 01:38:23,800
and I wouldn't miss this for the world.
1108
01:38:24,076 --> 01:38:26,204
Thank you for bringing me out here.
1109
01:38:26,278 --> 01:38:28,713
I know what kind of a burden I am.
1110
01:38:29,081 --> 01:38:31,778
My leg in a cast...
1111
01:38:32,050 --> 01:38:35,611
and it's grand of you
to bring me here like this, Al.
1112
01:38:35,888 --> 01:38:38,755
I'm sorry I'm such a burden.
1113
01:38:39,558 --> 01:38:42,619
But I can't help it. I hurt my leg.
1114
01:38:42,895 --> 01:38:45,557
And thanks for bringing me...
1115
01:38:54,139 --> 01:38:57,040
Al, what are you doing on that big machine?
1116
01:38:57,309 --> 01:39:00,609
Golly Moses, Al, what big teeth it has.
1117
01:39:01,213 --> 01:39:04,148
All the better to eat you with, my dear.
1118
01:39:20,999 --> 01:39:24,958
Al, I told you I know I'm a burden, but...
1119
01:39:32,945 --> 01:39:36,711
He must be very excited about his speech.
Have I said anything to offend Alan?
1120
01:39:36,782 --> 01:39:39,251
Alan, have I said anything to offend you?
1121
01:39:41,720 --> 01:39:45,247
Weldon Emmett here, E-M-M-E-T-T.
1122
01:39:47,526 --> 01:39:51,793
As I look over your tender, eager faces...
1123
01:39:51,997 --> 01:39:53,863
I'm reminded of a dream.
1124
01:39:53,932 --> 01:39:57,129
A dream I had
on the very opening day of the year.
1125
01:40:02,474 --> 01:40:05,205
Alan, those teeth are coming very close.
1126
01:40:36,241 --> 01:40:39,142
This is the day we've all been waiting for.
1127
01:40:39,845 --> 01:40:42,371
The magic moment has arrived.
1128
01:40:42,948 --> 01:40:45,440
We've broken in a new school this year...
1129
01:40:46,284 --> 01:40:48,150
scratched the surface.
1130
01:40:54,993 --> 01:40:56,893
Alan! What's he doing?
1131
01:40:59,531 --> 01:41:00,828
He could be seriously injured!
1132
01:41:04,269 --> 01:41:07,432
Alan, did I say something to offend you?
1133
01:41:10,242 --> 01:41:13,507
Alan, you stop this,
or I won't give you a diploma.
1134
01:41:17,549 --> 01:41:20,917
Now you take that machine right back
to the Plant Skills lab.
1135
01:41:23,355 --> 01:41:24,618
Hi, gang!
1136
01:41:25,157 --> 01:41:29,321
Don't worry, some day we'll look back
on this and have a good laugh.
1137
01:41:31,730 --> 01:41:34,461
How did we fail you?
1138
01:41:37,302 --> 01:41:38,292
No.
1139
01:41:39,004 --> 01:41:43,168
Of course, even now,
I'm sure you still don't understand.
1140
01:41:46,845 --> 01:41:51,476
And perhaps,
because you all must go on living...
1141
01:41:52,250 --> 01:41:54,241
day after painful day...
1142
01:41:55,587 --> 01:41:59,490
it would be kinder
if I would invent an answer...
1143
01:42:00,525 --> 01:42:03,688
that would not entirely unsettle
your tiny minds.
1144
01:42:08,834 --> 01:42:10,393
Listen to that.
1145
01:42:19,878 --> 01:42:23,439
The beating of my foolish...
1146
01:42:24,282 --> 01:42:25,841
telltale heart.
1147
01:42:28,787 --> 01:42:30,585
Of course...
1148
01:42:30,655 --> 01:42:34,319
O nation
of brainwashed television viewers...
1149
01:42:34,392 --> 01:42:36,224
who worship graven images...
1150
01:42:36,294 --> 01:42:40,390
in the shape of family-size tins
of spray-on deodorant...
1151
01:42:40,465 --> 01:42:44,800
you have guessed it,
I did it for love. L-O-V-E!
1152
01:42:51,643 --> 01:42:52,735
Love.
1153
01:42:56,414 --> 01:42:59,111
I did it for you...
1154
01:43:01,286 --> 01:43:02,685
Barbara Ann.
1155
01:43:07,159 --> 01:43:09,321
You wanted so much.
1156
01:43:10,762 --> 01:43:13,732
Sweaters, vacations...
1157
01:43:14,232 --> 01:43:15,597
marriage...
1158
01:43:16,801 --> 01:43:18,895
and finally, fame.
1159
01:43:20,438 --> 01:43:24,534
And I got you everything you wanted.
1160
01:43:28,346 --> 01:43:30,906
And if this doesn't make you famous,
nothing will.
1161
01:43:34,819 --> 01:43:37,015
- Harry, I can't do it.
-Darling, you look lovely.
1162
01:43:37,088 --> 01:43:38,920
- They're all watching.
-Are you sure?
1163
01:43:38,990 --> 01:43:43,154
- But look at my hair. It's a mess.
-You are a great and dazzling beauty.
1164
01:43:43,228 --> 01:43:46,289
I've brought you to this moment.
This way, watch your step.
1165
01:43:46,364 --> 01:43:49,823
- But are you sure? My lips...
-Your lips are glorious.
1166
01:43:49,901 --> 01:43:50,993
And my teeth are all right?
1167
01:43:51,069 --> 01:43:55,529
Here they all are now. Your teeth are lovely.
Everything is glorious.
1168
01:43:55,607 --> 01:43:57,905
Now, darling, face your public.
1169
01:43:58,977 --> 01:44:00,968
You'll be great, darling.
1170
01:44:11,223 --> 01:44:14,386
Please, don't crowd in too much.
Not now, please.
1171
01:44:14,526 --> 01:44:18,053
Now, darling, don't worry about a thing.
1172
01:44:19,064 --> 01:44:21,032
Your car's here, darling.
1173
01:44:21,666 --> 01:44:23,395
- Now, darling.
-Yes.
1174
01:44:25,070 --> 01:44:26,970
Ladies and gentlemen...
1175
01:44:27,105 --> 01:44:31,099
the star of my newest
and most important film.
1176
01:44:32,110 --> 01:44:34,772
T. Harrison Belmont presents...
1177
01:44:35,480 --> 01:44:39,417
Barbara Ann Greene as Bikini Widow!
1178
01:44:41,886 --> 01:44:45,288
No. Later, you'll have time
to be with your public.
1179
01:44:45,490 --> 01:44:47,288
No, not now, darling.
1180
01:44:47,359 --> 01:44:48,758
No, darling.
1181
01:44:54,199 --> 01:44:56,896
- Get back.
-There we are. Come, darling.
1182
01:45:03,708 --> 01:45:05,233
You poor bunny.
91856
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