All language subtitles for Destry.Rides.Again.1939.REMASTERED.1080p.BluRay.H264.AAC-RARBG

Ya-hoo-hoo!

Ya-hoo-hoo!

Yahoo!

Yahoo!

Yahoo! Whoo-hoo!

Well, if I don't bet 'em,
ya may not think I got 'em,

so I'm bettin'.

That's good.

A deuce in the hole in this game
is good as an ace.

Thought you was tough, Kent.

Too good for me, Claggett.
Deal me out a hand.

I never knew money was so easy to get.

Yee-hoo!

♪ It was Little Joe the wrangler
He will wrangle never more ♪

♪ For his days with the roundup
They are o'er ♪

♪ They are o'er ♪

♪ 'Twas a year ago last April
When he rode up to our camp ♪

♪ Just a little Texas stray
And nothing more ♪

♪ And nothing more ♪

- ♪ Little Joe ♪
- ♪ Little Joe ♪

- ♪ Little Joe ♪
- ♪ Little Joe ♪

♪ Oh, whatever become of him
I don't know ♪

♪ She don't know ♪

♪ Oh, he sure did like his liquor
And it would have got his ticker ♪

♪ But the sheriff got him quicker
Yee-yahoo ♪

♪ Yee-yahoo ♪

- ♪ Little Joe ♪
- ♪ Little Joe ♪

- ♪ Little Joe ♪
- ♪ Little Joe ♪

♪ Oh, wherever his body lies
I don't know ♪

♪ She don't know ♪

♪ When the yellow moon was beamin'
He could wrangle like a demon ♪

♪ And you'd always hear him screamin'
Yee-yahoo ♪

♪ Yee-yahoo ♪

- ♪ Little Joe ♪
- ♪ Little Joe ♪

- ♪ Little Joe ♪
- ♪ Little Joe ♪

♪ Oh, whatever he's doing now
I don't know ♪

♪ She don't know ♪

♪ He had women by the dozens
And he swore they was his cousins ♪

♪ Till he met up with their husbands
Yee-yahoo ♪

- ♪ Yee-hoo ♪
- Yee-yahoo!

Aah!

♪ Oh, Little Joe ♪

♪ Little Joe ♪

♪ Whatever happened to him, I don't know ♪

♪ But I sure do like my liquor ♪

♪ But I can see ya got it quicker ♪

♪ And I hope it makes you sick
You buffalo ♪

- How's everybody doing?
- Not bad. Not bad.

I could use a little touch
of that rabbit's foot of yours.

I see you could.

He'll need more than a rabbit's foot
to catch up with me.

I'll more than likely own this whole
shebang before the night's over.

Then you'll be workin' for me, Frenchy.

That's fine.
Maybe I can get a little raise.

You bet you can.
You bet you can.

Anybody like a sandwich?

- No, but I'll have some coffee.
- Me too.

- Yeah, I'll take some.
- None for me, thanks.

Bet 50.

Oh. I'll stay.

Let's keep the small fry out.
I'll make it 100.

I fold.

Ace, ten bets.

Ace oughta be worth about, uh, 500.

Not me.

- I'll stay.
- I drop.

Pair of eights bets.

Bet 1,000.

Pair of eights, huh?

Well, I got an eight myself,
so I don't think you got three of 'em.

But just to find out, I'll bump ya 2,000.
Eh, Frenchy?

- All or nothin', I always say.
- Me too.

I'll call.

Last card coming up.

- Pair of aces bets.
- Pair of aces.

- I guess that oughta fold ya up.
- Wait a minute.

- Make your bet.
- Ya ‒ Ya mean ya ain't droppin'?

I'm still in.

And I still don't think
ya got three eights,

so pop goes the weasel.

Think that's enough?

- Don't you?
- You're bettin'.

Well, durn my hide!

I got a 3,000-acre ranch

and 1,500 head of cattle
worth at least $10,000 that says

you don't want any part of it.

- Ohh!
- Golly, that's hot!

- Can't ya be more careful, Frenchy?
- My heel caught on something.

- Let me wipe you off.
- That's all right. Accidents will happen.

- I'm sorry.
- That's all right. Forget it. Forget it.

Let's play poker.
Callin' my bet or ain't ya?

I'll call.

Three shining aces.

Where?

I had an ace in the hole.
How'd that deuce get there?

- Maybe you only seen one end of it.
- I saw what I saw.

Well, I guess that makes my two pair good.

- You take your hands off that pot.
- Behave yourself.

- You keep out of this.
- You were bluffing, and you were called.

You're all a bunch of crooks,
but ya ain't cheatin' me.

- Take it easy, partner.
- I'll show ya how I'll take it.

Quiet. Quiet!

Quiet!

Boys.

- Nice work, honey.
- Practice makes perfect.

Well, that does it. This gives us a solid
strip of land right across the valley.

And what do we do now?

Nothin' till them cattlemen try to drive
their herds through without payin'.

- How many steers will come through?
- Last year, there were 350,000.

Now, if we charge 'em 25 cents a head...

- that makes ‒
- $87,500.

- Now that's money.
- We're rich!

I'll get my gal's teeth
plugged with diamonds

and just sit and watch her smile.

Uh-uh. I'll take care of that.

I'd rather have cash... in the bank.

And stay outta here!

Just a minute, Claggett.

- Where you going with that rifle?
- You let me alone, Keogh.

I'm gonna kill that dirty cheat
if it's the last thing I do.

Take it easy. You ain't gonna kill nobody.
What's this all about?

That low-down skunk sucked me
into bettin' my ranch and cattle,

and then switched cards on me.

- So Kent got you too, did he?
- He thinks he did. Give me that gun!

Now, you go on home.
I'll see that they don't get your ranch.

- There's only one way to stop Kent.
- I'll take care of that too.

I been waitin' a long time to catch up
with that tinhorn. Now go on home.

Go on.
Go on before you get yourself killed.

Sheriff, Sheriff, Sheriff.
What's up? What's up?

- Not a thing, Wash.
- Oh, you can't fool me.

I can see by the look in your eye
and the way you're a-walkin'.

When Tom Destry walked like that,
he was stalking his prey.

If there's anything I can do to help ya,
I'll do it.

No, thanks, Wash. I got no need for you
and your banjo right now.

When I was Destry's deputy, I was good
with guns. I was equal to any emergency.

I know. I know. Some other time.

Aw, laugh! Laugh, you coyotes!

- Lookin' for somebody, Sheriff?
- Yes. I aim to find out from Kent

why he's turnin' that poker game
into a land-grab business.

Oh.

You'd do a lot better for yourself
if you come over and buy me a drink.

- I know what's good for me.
- I'm sure you do.

Frenchy, they don't believe me.

They don't know what a big man I was.

- I was Tom Destry's deputy, wasn't I?
- Sure, sure, sure.

- There, you see? Frenchy knows.
- Go and buy yourself something to drink.

Oh!

How'd everything go up there?

I still serve the best coffee
in Bottleneck.

What'd Keogh have on his mind?

Oh, he was just getting a little curious
about that real estate business.

I think I'll have to buy myself
an option on his curiosity.

I think you'll have to buy yourself
a whole new sheriff.

If you can find one.

- What are you doing?
- I didn't do it! I didn't do it!

- What's the matter with you?
- Oh, Miss Frenchy.

I was just tryin' to shut out the boomin'
and the bangin' of them there pop guns.

What do you expect in a town like this?

I expect I's just gonna remain
a mass of quiverin' flesh.

What's comin' up, a new gold rush?

We never got anything like that
in New Orleans, did we?

Maybe so, maybe so,
but it was a heap more peaceful.

Mmm! I'd like to sink my chattering teeth
in some good ol' Louisiana oysters.

Here, sink your teeth into this.
Maybe that will stop the chattering.

Oh, it'll help.

Thanks.

- Come in.
- They're waitin' for ya, Frenchy.

The longer they wait,
the better they like it.

♪ All I do is dine with 'em ♪

♪ And split a pint of wine with 'em ♪

♪ Respectable as can be ♪

♪ Yet here's what they say to me ♪

♪ You've got that look ♪

♪ That look that leaves me weak ♪

♪ You with your
Eyes across the table technique ♪

♪ You've got that look ♪

♪ That look between the lines ♪

♪ You with your
Let's get more than friendly designs ♪

♪ I should be brave and say
Let's have no more of it ♪

♪ But, oh, what's the use when you know ♪

♪ I love it? ♪

♪ You'll only kill my will ♪

♪ Before I speak ♪

♪ So turn on that low left hook ♪

♪ That look that leaves me weak ♪

♪ You've got that look ♪

♪ That look that leaves me weak ♪

♪ You with your
Eyes across the table technique ♪

♪ You've got that look ♪

♪ That look between the lines ♪

♪ You with your
Let's get more than friendly designs ♪

♪ I should be brave and say ♪

♪ Let's have no more of it ♪

♪ But, oh, what's the use when you know ♪

♪ I love it? ♪

Whoopee! Yeeha-haha!

♪ You'll only kill my will
Before I speak ♪

♪ So turn on that low left hook ♪

♪ That look that leaves me weak ♪

All right. Quiet.

Quiet! Shut up!

Folks, an important announcement
by our mayor,

the honorable Hiram J. Slade.

Fellow citizens,

our esteemed sheriff, Mr. Joseph Keogh,

has been suddenly called out of town
on urgent business.

- He'll be gone permanent.
- Yippee!

So it becomes necessary
for me to appoint somebody

to fill out the unexpired term.

Therefore, with the power conferred on me

by statute number 85-E...

and other statutes thereunto appertainin',

I do hereby appoint
to the post of sheriff

that paragon of courage,

that credit to his community...

the pride of Bottleneck,

Mr. Washington Dimsdale.

♪ Oh, Little Joe, Little Joe ♪

Hooray for the new sheriff!

Hey! Hey!

Hooray!

- What are we cheerin' for?
- For you, Wash. You're the new sheriff.

Hooray ‒ What?

That's right, Sheriff. Congratulations.

As mayor of Bottleneck,
I here and now pronounce you sheriff.

Drinks on the house, everybody.

I set 'em up and you drink 'em down.

I set 'em up and you drink 'em down.

I set 'em up and you drink 'em down.

This is getting monotonous!

Quiet, everybody!

To our new sheriff, Washington Dimsdale.
A long life!

A long life! That's pretty good!

- Wash, aren't you drinking to yourself?
- Oh, sure, sure, sure, sure.

Frenchy, am I really the sheriff?

- Well, sure, you are.
- Then I am off the liquor.

A man has gotta choose
between the bottle and the badge.

Aw, he didn't say that. Or did he?

Laugh, you fools!

But I'm tellin' ya this town of Bottleneck
has gotta respect law and order,

or I'll put everybody in jail.

The sheriff's right. Now you can see
why I chose such a strong-minded man.

We're all with ya, Sheriff.

- If you need help, I'll be your deputy.
- No need to bother.

I want a deputy like I was
when Destry was my boss.

Why, we handled a much tougher
and ornerier crowd than I see present.

Why, when we started shootin',
they ran outta town so fast,

the breeze from their coattails
set off a sizable windmill.

- But Destry is dead.
- That makes him the right man for the job.

- Saves us a lot of trouble.
- Is that so?

Well, young Tom ain't dead,
and his father brought him up

to be the toughest and fightinest man
that ever growed up in the west.

He ain't got as big a name as his pa,
but he cleaned up Tombstone.

And I'm sendin' for him to be my deputy.

And when he gets here,

Destry will ride again.

Hyah!

Hey, driver, how many times do I have to
tell you to take it easy on those bumps?

I got a schedule to keep.
Pull in your neck.

I'll pull a neck in,
but it won't be mine.

You just wait till we get to a stop.

Oh, Jack, leave the driver alone.

Trip's almost over.
I don't mind the bumps.

I do. If he don't take it easy,
I'll blow his head off.

Please don't mind my brother, Mr. Destry.

He's always threatening
to blow people's heads off.

I had a friend once. His name was Stubbs.

He was always goin' around,
threatenin' to blow people's heads off.

One day, a fella came along
and took him up on it.

Well?

Well, folks say that
now Stubbs' forehead is

holdin' up the prettiest tombstone
in Green Lawn Cemetery.

Very funny.

I been handlin' cattle
around these parts for quite a spell.

I met some of the toughest hombres
they got, and I'm still here.

This ain't no ornament.

Pretty good with it.

So was Stubbs.

Meaning just exactly what?

Well, I just mean you gotta be careful
who you meet up with.

You know, you got some pretty
peculiar ideas for a deputy sheriff.

But they make sense.

Oh, so I'm supposed to ride
in this confounded contraption,

gettin' bumped around like this,

and grin like a baboon.

Well, maybe you should take up
a hobby, like me.

You'd be surprised the genuine rage
you can work off

just by carving a little piece of wood
like that.

Are you sure your name is Destry?

Yeah, folks is always askin' me that.

Oh, I beg your pardon.

♪ Little Joe ♪

♪ Little Joe ♪

♪ Whatever happened to him, I don't know ♪

Hey, boss, stage is a-comin'!

- How far away?
- On the upper ridge.

Oh, doggone it, doggone it!

Here. Come here! Here.

Gimme a hand.

- Is Destry really comin'?
- You're darn tootin' he is.

And when he gets here,
there'll be a lot of folks a-goin'.

Come on. Put that chair in place.

Here. There's a nickel for ya.

Jiminy, Wash.
You look like a real sheriff.

I ain't got time to argue.

- Lily Belle? Lily Belle?
- What you want?

Coach is comin'.
Destry will be here any minute.

Drat. I ain't half finished his room yet.
Where's Callahan?

- Maybe he's in the saloon.
- Maybe? More than likely.

If you see that no-good Russian lummox,
tell him to get over here.

I'll tell him. I'll tell him.

Callahan! Callahan!

How much have you got left?

- I tap you, Callahan.
- Please, Frenchy. I am not Callahan.

Callahan was my wife's first husband,
and he's dead.

I am Boris Alexandrovich Stavrogin,
and I like to be called by my name.

All right, Callahan, what do you do?

Deal.

- King. Ace. Can you beat it?
- Is my credit good?

- No, no, not this time.
- Oh, please, Frenchy.

- Still want to bet, huh?
- Uh-huh.

All right.

- Thirty bucks against your pants.
- My pants? Oh, no.

- Thirty bucks, huh?
- Mm-hmm.

My pants. Thirty bucks.

Yee-ha-ha! Here he comes, folks!

Stagecoach comin' around the bend!
Get ready, everybody!

Come on!
Destry will be here any minute!

Kent, you better prepare yourself.
You're gonna meet a man.

Callahan! Callahan! Scoot on home.
Lily Belle's lookin' for you.

- I'll be right back, Frenchy.
- Oh, I won't be here then.

- Then we can call it all off.
- No, no. You make up your mind right now.

Oh. Oh, what to do, what to do?

If I leave, I probably could have won
the pot, and if I stay I might lose it,

and if I don't go and help with
the baggage, my wife will skin me alive.

Oh, your wife will skin you alive anyway.

Come on. Maybe you've got me beat.

Aha! I've been waiting
for you to tell me I've got you beat

so I would think I have not got you beat,

but I personally know I have got you beat

with my two kings against your lonely ace.

Haven't I, Frenchy?

Thirty bucks against your pants.

Oh, what to do, what to do?

Come here, you.

That's just a small sample of what
you buzzards are gonna get from now on.

Welcome to Bottleneck, Tom. I'm Wash.

- Well, friend, I think ‒
- It's a pleasure, Mr. Destry.

You folks have made a mistake.
I'm Jack Tyndall.

- You ain't Destry?
- No, that's me.

You're Destry?

Folks is always askin' me ‒
Well, Wash, hello.

Haven't changed a bit.
I'll be with ya soon as I help the lady.

- Canary bird!
- Parasol.

Put down that durn bird, will ya?

My mistake was certainly a pardonable one.
How do you do, Mrs. Destry?

- No, wrong again.
- Yes, I'm Janice Tyndall.

Oh, well, you'll be needin' rooms anyway.
I'll show ya across.

Oh, come on, Mr. Destry. You'll be
wantin' a nice, strong cup of tea.

Tea?

Tea for Destry? Are you crazy?
What he wants is some strong liquor.

Come on to the saloon.

You want a cup of tea?

Oh, come on, Callahan.
I can't wait here all day.

Frenchy, have I got you beat?

Why don't you call me and find out?

I'll call. I'll bet my pants.

Two aces.

I was right.
Why didn't I listen to myself?

Hand over those pants.

But, Frenchy, I can't. It's undignified.
Think of my position.

- I've met every king in Europe.
- Now you've met two aces in Bottleneck.

- Off with those pants.
- No, you really don't mean it.

- Get him, boys, get him.
- Ohh!

Everybody's laughin' at ya.

Tom, you made an impression in this town
that's gotta be eradicated right now.

Oh, now, Wash, don't you think
them first impressions

are darn fool things to jump at, though?

Around here, you gotta jump first
or you don't live long.

- Where's the saloon?
- Down here. Come on.

What you were just sayin'
reminds me of a friend of mine.

He woke up in the middle of the night
and thought he saw

a great big white hand comin' up at him
over the edge of the bed.

So he got his gun out
from under his pillow

and he aimed and he shot a great big hole
right through his own foot.

- No.
- Yeah.

Now, he shouldn't have gone
by that first impression, should he? Huh?

Well, it was a darn fool ‒

Aw, come on.

Oh, that was just Callahan,
Lily Belle's husband.

Come on in here. Meet the folks.

Well, folks, here he is.

I want you all to meet my new deputy,
Thomas Jefferson Destry.

- Howdy, folks.
- Welcome to Bottleneck, Destry.

- My name's Kent.
- Howdy.

- And this is Slade, our mayor.
- How are you, sir?

Oh, Frenchy! Frenchy!
Oh, here's the gal you gotta meet.

Come on!

- This is Frenchy.
- Howdy, ma'am.

How's the weather up there?

Yeah, yeah. Ah, come on.
You can do better than that.

You know,
Frenchy is the real boss of Bottleneck.

Oh, well, I always like to know
who's boss.

You'll find out.

Come on, everybody.
Have a drink on Callahan's pants.

Mr. Destry, before we start drinking,

I think you and me ought to come
to an understanding.

Well, I'm all for folks
understanding each other.

- That's a mighty fine idea, Mr. Kent.
- I'm glad you agree with me.

So I'll start by telling you
that I have a... very peculiar hobby.

Uh-huh. So have I.

Mine's, uh, carving napkin rings.
What's yours?

Mine's collecting deputy sheriff's guns.

Whenever I meet a new deputy,
I always ask him for his gun.

And I ask him real nice.

Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Kent.

I'm afraid this here is one gun
your collection's gonna be minus.

- You mean I'm gonna have to take it?
- If you can. Now hold on, hold on.

Now... don't get excited here.

I was just tryin' to tell ya
that I ain't got any guns.

See, if I woulda had a gun there,

why, one of us might have got hurt,
and it might have been me.

I wouldn't like that. Would I?

Tweet-tweet! I'm a canary.
Where's my cage?

It's gettin' sunny. Where's my parasol?

Folks, seems like we got a deputy
that knows what's good for him.

If he don't carry a gun,
he can't get into any trouble.

And if anybody picks on you,
you come to Uncle.

I'll remember that, Mr. Kent.

What'll you have, Destry?

- Milk?
- Yeah, I think I will.

I can see now
how you cleaned up Tombstone.

You can start right here.

And don't forget the corners.

Hey, you!

Give me those pants. And from now on,
you leave my husband alone.

I don't want your husband, Mrs. Callahan.

All I want is his money.

- And his pants.
- And how'd you get 'em?

By makin' eyes at him while you cheat,
you ‒ you gilded lily, you.

But, Mrs. Callahan, you know
that he would rather be cheated by me

than married to you.

- What'd you say?
- You heard me.

That's what I thought ya said.

Come on, Frenchy!

- Who's your man, Frenchy?
- Hang on and get her scalp!

Who's your man?

Cowboy!

Ride 'em, cowboy!

Come on, Frenchy!

Hang on and get her scalp, Frenchy!

Who's your man, Frenchy?

Hang on and get her scalp, Frenchy!

Frenchy!

Ride 'em, cowboy!

Come on, Frenchy!

Come on, Frenchy!

Come on, Frenchy!

Frenchy!

Come on, Frenchy!

Come on, Frenchy!

Scratch him! Scratch him! Bulldoze him!

Come on, Frenchy!

Come on, Frenchy!

That thing will go off!

That thing will go off!

- Look, will ya wait?
- Go, Frenchy!

- Wait. Will ya just...?
- Come on, Frenchy!

Hey, Uncle!

Ride 'em, cowboy!

- Frenchy!
- Ride 'em, cowboy!

Come on, Frenchy!

Come on, Frenchy!

Hey, can't we talk this over?

Come on, Frenchy!

Uh-oh.

Used to play one of them.

Aw, now ‒ Now wait a minute, lady.

Don't you call me a lady!

Oh ‒ Oh, now, now.

- You wouldn't ‒
- Come on, Frenchy!

Oh, you must be plumb tuckered out.

- My mistake.
- Get out before I kill ya.

- You mean you haven't been tryin'?
- Get out!

All right, all right, I'm leavin'.
All right.

You sure have a knack of makin' a stranger
feel right at home, ma'am. Yeah.

Nice knowin' ya.

Who's buyin' me a drink?

♪ Got a gal, got a gal
With a Frenchy walk ♪

♪ Got a gal, got a gal
With a Frenchy talk ♪

♪ Goin' to France tonight
'Cause you're my pal ♪

♪ Keep away from the old corral ♪

Who's boss of Bottleneck?

Frenchy!

Ohh!

I never thought I'd live to see the day

that Tom Destry's son would be
the laughingstock of the whole town.

Look that bad?

You won't be able to stick your nose out
of a door without everybody hootin' at ya.

- Them that wants to hoot, let 'em hoot.
- You won't be hearin' it.

I told Mrs. Callahan
you won't be needin' this room.

- You're leaving on the next coach.
- I sort of like it here, Wash.

Aw! How you gonna face anybody
after what you took from Kent and Frenchy?

What did you expect me to do?

I expected you to be like your pa,
come in a-blastin' behind shootin' irons.

And what happened? You didn't have any.

- Why?
- I don't believe in 'em.

Huh? You did the last time
I heard about ya.

What in thunder's come over ya since then?

Well, Wash...

my pa had these on
that day down in Tombstone...

but he got shot in the back.

Didn't seem to do him much good, did they?

- That's one reason I don't believe in 'em.
- What in tarnation do you believe in?

- Law and order.
- Without guns?

Without 'em.

Well, if that don't beat all let go.

Oh, Tom.

The reason they made me sheriff here
is because I was the town drunk.

They wanted someone
they could kick around,

someone who wouldn't ask questions.

But I was aimin' to fool 'em,
do things right, sendin' for you.

And now... you fooled me.

Well, you will fool 'em, Wash.

We'll fool 'em together.

The only way to do that
is fill 'em full of lead.

No, no, no. What for?

You shoot it out with 'em and for some
reason or other, I don't know why,

they get to look like heroes.

But you put 'em behind bars
and they'll look little and cheap,

the way they oughta look.

And it serves as a warnin'
for the rest of 'em to keep away.

Oh, that won't work here in Bottleneck.

Oh, y-you go on home,

and I'll go back to bein' the town drunk.

That's all I'm good for.

Now, you're not goin' back
to bein' the town drunk

and I'm gonna stay here
and do this job I come for.

My pa did it the old way,
and I'm gonna do it a new way.

If I don't prove to you that I'm right,
I'll get outta town quick enough.

Don't worry.

- But first, you got to give me a chance.
- No.

- You've got to give me a chance on this.
- No, no.

Now, come on.
Come on, swear me in, Sheriff.

- Well, raise your right hand.
- Yeah, there.

Do you, Thomas Jefferson Destry,
swear to uphold the law

and serve your office and do your duty
and everything that goes with it?

I do. I do.

Here's your badge.

Don't let anybody see it.

Without guns.

Eli.

Eli, hurry.

See if you can sneak out the back way
and bring help as fast as you can.

- Be careful now. Careful.
- All right, Ma.

Sister, get over there.
Close to the wall. Close.

You better give up, Claggett!
We're gonna get the ranch sooner or later!

Come and get it!

- Nice hardware store, ain't it, Tom?
- Yeah. Yeah.

Got some fine-looking bowie knives
in there too.

Yeah.

You wouldn't be interested
in one of them, would ya?

- Nope.
- No, I was afraid you wouldn't.

Oh, Tom, look here. Look at this post.

Soaked through and through
with the blood of Sawtooth McGee.

Yeah, he objected to a petticoat
his neighbor's wife was wearing

and they fit to a draw.

- Both buried in the same grave.
- Sawtooth and the petticoat.

No, Sawtooth and the neighbor!
And four innocent bystanders.

Now, you gotta listen to reason
or get out of town.

Aw, I think I'll stick around.

You know, I had a friend once
used to collect postage stamps.

He always said the one good thing
about a postage stamp ‒

it always sticks to one thing till it
gets there. I'm sort of like that too.

Hey, Wash, wait.

- Here. I got somethin' for ya.
- I ain't expectin' nothin'.

Folks think I'm gonna nurse
their livestock, they're crazy.

- What is it?
- Appears to be rabbits.

- Mighty big family there.
- Who sent for them?

Sheriff Keogh.
I got to get 'em off my hands.

When that crate come,
there was only two. Now count 'em.

- Well, rabbits is like that.
- You can have 'em.

- Say, uh, where did Sheriff Keogh go?
- I don't know nothin'.

Hold on there. Hold on now.

You fellas gettin'
kind of playful, ain't ya?

- What about it?
- Careful, Creepy.

That's "No Gun" Destry.

Oh.

Well, that's pretty good shootin'.

Must be good guns. You care if I heft 'em?

Guess you can't hurt yourself any
just liftin' 'em. But be careful.

They're loaded.

Nice weight.

Yeah.

You know, aside from being nice ornaments,

a fella can have a whole lot of harmless
amusement outta these here toys.

Take for instance them knobs
up on top of that sign there.

They're all right.

All right.

The next time you fellas start any of this
promiscuous shootin' around the streets,

you're gonna land in jail, understand?

- Sure.
- Sure.

- All right.
- We was just havin' a little fun, Deputy.

All right.

Come on, Wash.

I can't believe my eyes.

I ain't seen shootin' like that since
Bat Masterson killed that Paiute chief.

Twenty-two of 'em.
Wash, we gotta do somethin' here.

And you been walkin' around here
actually condemning the use of firearms.

- Where'd you say Sheriff Keogh went?
- I didn't say!

Certainly left his papers in a mess.

'Tain't 'cause you're a coward,
'cause I know ya ain't.

- Private papers, too.
- Private papers. Now listen, my son.

I'm an older man than you are.

I was an old friend of your pa's.
When we was together ‒

He forgets his rabbits.
He forgets all these papers.

What about 'em?
Rabbits is easy to forget.

- Yeah, but gold ain't.
- Ohh!

I don't care what you find out, blast it!

I ain't seen nothin' like you
since the last time I was drunk,

and them green snakes and pink buffalos,
I can account for them.

But you ‒ you've got to listen to me.

- All right, Wash, now what's on your mind?
- As though I ain't been tryin' to tell ya.

You've got to behave
like I expect ya to behave.

- Where's the sheriff?
- He's out of town. And when I ‒

- Wait a minute. That's me.
- Some men come to take our ranch!

And they're shootin' at Ma and Pa!

You hear that? Shootin' goin' on
in this town all the time.

- Come on, hurry!
- What do ya want me for? Oh, sure, sure!

Sure.

Let's see your gun, son.

Doggone near as big as you are, isn't it?

- You're Thomas Jefferson Destry, ain't ya?
- That's right.

- I'm Eli Whitney Claggett.
- Well, glad to know ya.

Howdy.

Gosh, I've heard about you
and your pa all my life.

Whenever we play sheriffs and Injuns,
I'm always your pa.

Couldn't do better, son.

Gosh, I bet you've killed a lot of men
in the course of duty.

- Get goin', son. I'll be right with ya.
- How 'bout me handling it?

- Gosh, yeah, you can use it.
- All right.

- You see, Tom. Even that little kid ‒
- Reminds me of a kid I used to know.

He done in both his pa and ma
with a crowbar.

- No.
- Yes, he did.

Now, the judge said to him,
"Do you got anything to say for yourself?"

And the kid said, "Well, I just hope
that Your Honor has some regard

for the feelings of a poor orphan."

Yeah.

You know, that reminds ‒
Oh, why don't you go back to Omaha?

- I'm goin' along with you.
- What in tarnation for?

- See you don't get hurt.
- See I ‒

See I don't get ‒

Stop that shootin'!

Hold your fire, Lem.
Here's Eli back with the law.

Say, what do you think you're doin'?

I told you we were gonna have respect
for law and order,

and I ain't makin' no exceptions.

That's fine, Sheriff.

- Get those people out of my house.
- Your house?

That's Claggett's property,
and he ain't gonna sell to nobody.

- Wait a minute. You better take a look ‒
- I ain't interested in no documents.

You mosey on outta here
before I start blastin'!

- And I mean every word of it.
- Ouch!

There was a big bee about that big
right on the back of your neck.

- I got him, though.
- Thanks.

- Now look here ‒
- Hold on, hold on. Just a minute.

Mr. Kent, could I see that paper?

- Wait here while I talk to Claggett.
- What do you want to see Claggett for?

Him's the man I want to put off this ‒
Who's the sheriff around here anyway?

I tell ya,
you ain't gonna do this to us, mister.

We ain't givin' up
what we worked ten years to get.

Ma'am, I'd sooner hang that crowd
out there to the nearest tree

than let 'em have this ranch,

but that paper your husband signed
gives 'em a perfect legal right to it.

- Don't it, Wash?
- Sure, it does.

The way we're operatin' now.

But I told you what that woman did to me.

The game was as crooked as a hog's tail.

I don't doubt that, mister,
but it's your word against theirs,

and that don't hold up in a court of law.

Why, they'd swear themselves
blue in the face agin' ya.

Afraid you folks are over a barrel.

Fine goings-on when the law
takes the side of cheats.

Yeah.

Well, I'm sorry, ma'am, but that's about
all we can do for you right now.

But you folks stick around town.

We'll figure out some way
to get this ranch back for ya.

Yeah. That's just what Keogh said.

But we're still a-losin' it.

- Keogh?
- Uh, he couldn't do nothin' about it.

Everybody knows that he left town sudden.

Yeah, I'll bet he did.

I'll bet he did.

Here's a present for ya.

Wash, you, uh, stay around here and see
that these folks get their stuff together.

- What are you aimin' to do?
- Get better acquainted with the enemy.

Just don't stick your nose
into a keg of dynamite.

'Tain't dynamite. It's poker and coffee
that's preyin' on my mind right now.

Ohh.

- Well, what about it?
- No trouble at all, Kent.

The place is yours.
They're packin' up now.

Well, thanks, Destry.

I can see you and me
are gonna get along fine.

Well, we gotta enforce the law, don't we?

We sure do. We sure do!

No two ways about it, huh?

And I thought he was dumb.

Hyah! Hyah!

♪ There's a hole
In the bottom of the sea ♪

♪ There's a hole in the bottom of the ‒ ♪

♪ Sea ♪

♪ There's a hole, there's a hole ♪

♪ There's a hole, there's a hole ♪

♪ There's a hole in the ‒ ♪

Well, shoot me for a duck.
If it ain't the water man!

Nothin' like havin' a reputation.

Would you tell Miss Frenchy I'd appreciate
seeing her on some official business?

Yes, sir. Yes, sir. You wait right there.

Miss Frenchy, the water man's here
on fishy business.

What are you talking about?

Oh.

Now hold on, ma'am. Hold on now.
Don't start throwin' anything.

- I just come over here to apologize.
- Apologize for what?

For not knowin'
who's the real boss of Bottleneck.

My coffee, Clara.

Don't let me interfere
with your dinner, ma'am.

- It's breakfast.
- Breakfast, huh?

Kinda late in the day for breakfast,
isn't it?

Uh...

mind if I, uh, sorta sit down
and visit for a while?

- Suit yourself.
- Thank you.

- Does he get some?
- I don't mind if I do join you in a cup.

That's sorta what I was hopin' for ‒
you know, a chance to get neighborly.

So you found out
what's good for yourself, huh?

Well, I came here to do a certain job

and I sort of figured I'd better start
usin' a little horse sense, you know.

Course, I coulda come bargin' in here
with all sorts of remarks,

like, uh... couple of rumors
I just heard about you.

That you not only sing
down at that saloon,

but you also take part
in crooked poker games,

cheatin' folks out of their ranches.

- Who said that?
- It's just a rumor, of course, you know.

It ain't true.

Anybody with half an eye could see you
wouldn't be party to any action like that.

I'll take that.

I wouldn't want to have this coffee
spilt in my lap, would I?

Just what are you getting at?

Well, when you have hot coffee
spilt in your lap,

you sorta get up quick
and turn your back and...

you never know what's gonna happen,
do you?

- Now you get out! Get out! Clara!
- All right. All right.

- I'm comin'!
- Hold your fire.

Hold your fire. I'm goin'.

I've seen hundreds like you, all the way
from Jacksonville to Sacramento.

You all think easy pickin's
will last forever.

Mind your own business.
You're heading for trouble.

- Trouble is my business.
- You'll have plenty from me.

I do as I like in this town, understand?

And anyone who gets in my way
is taken care of.

- Like they took care of Keogh?
- Yes, just like that.

That's what I thought.

- What are you going to do?
- Don't get scared.

I'm not scared of anything.
You get out of town before it's too late.

Come on, I don't think you're half as bad
as you make out to be.

- Never mind what I am.
- No.

I bet you got kind of a lovely face
under all that paint there.

Why don't you wipe it off someday
and have a good look.

Figure out how you can live up to it.

That's the peculiarest-actin' man
I ever did see.

But he's got personality.

Mmm. He sure has.

- What's that thing?
- It's one of the new chamois skins.

- Takes the shine off your nose.
- Well, land sakes! What'll they ‒

Look, girls. Look at that.

Chamois skins.
Takes the shine off your nose, she says.

Look! Isn't that lovely?

You should've seen the parasol
that came with it.

- About the size of a pie.
- Ohh! It must've been darling.

Better make the most of it today.
Everybody in town'll copy it by tomorrow.

Including your wildcat friend
across the street.

I'd like to make a dress for her ‒
half tar and half feathers.

You came out on the coach with Mr. Destry.
What's your opinion of him?

I know little about him.

Apparently very nice. Certainly different
from the men you meet out in this country.

I'll say he's different.
Course I may be a little prejudiced.

After all, it's hard to judge character
through eight gallons of water.

Mrs. Callahan, may I speak to you
just a moment, please?

Certainly, Mr. Loupgerou. Come right in.

That is a little bit impossible.
Would you please come over here?

- Uh, excuse me, girls.
- Certainly.

What's the matter?

Prunes every day for breakfast,
I don't mind.

Torn sheets I've got used to.

- But pants, I cannot swallow.
- What are you talkin' about?

- Pants. Mine are gone.
- Oh.

Oh!

Don't go away.

Boris.

- Ouch!
- Take off them pants.

Now listen here, my little sugar plum,
y'all can't do this to me.

I'll "y'all" you, you misfit Cossack you.
Take off them pants.

Now listen, Lily "Bellichka,"
I can't keep goin' around without pants.

You ain't goin' around.
Take off them pants.

Oh, how can I learn to be a cowboy
if you won't let me go out and gamble?

A fine gambler you are.

You oughta be ashamed of yourself,
losin' your pants.

Callahan, may he rest in peace ‒

What? Well, he may have had his faults,
but at least when he gambled, he won.

I'm sick of Callahan!

I'm sick of hearing his name!
Worse, I'm sick of wearing his name!

All I want to do is to be a cowboy
and wear my own pants.

Well, you won't get 'em.
Just sit there and gaze on them features.

And let 'em be a lesson
and a guidin' star to ya.

Ai-yi-yi-yi-yi.

Here's your pants. And please watch them
a little closer after this.

You watch your husband.
I'll watch my pants.

- Mrs. Callahan!
- Whoa!

Mrs. Callahan! Aah!

My land, Mrs. Drewitt. What's happened?
You look like you'd seen a ghost.

Sophie and Lem Claggett are outside.
Kent has put 'em out of their home.

Oh!

We'd have been all right if we'd
kept shootin' instead of sendin' for him!

They had the law on their side,
Mrs. Claggett.

The law?
I got something to say about that.

Keep out of this.
It's none of your affair.

It is my affair. Kent's got ahold
of every ranch in the valley

and he wants to charge two bits
for every head of cattle.

Oh, talk, talk, talk!
All you men do is talk.

And when the time comes,
you do what Kent says.

Lily Belle, maybe Destry
knows what he's a-doin'.

It's time the decent people of this town
joined up and got rid of them hoodlums.

Start in with that watery-eyed sheriff

and that gun-shy,
lady-fingered deputy of his.

I heard what you just said, Tyndall,
comin' down the street here.

What are you gonna do about it?

The first thing we'd better do
is ask Mrs. Callahan

if she'll take care of the Claggetts
and then help 'em in.

- Don't turn your back on me, you.
- Jack, please.

I ain't one of your weak-livered citizens

that busts out cryin'
every time you snap your fingers,

and I ain't gonna pay Kent's fancy prices.

What do you aim to do about it?

- Nothin' at present.
- That's what I thought.

Well, I'll get somethin' done,
if I have to take the law in my own hands!

Nobody's gonna set themselves up
above the law around here. You understand?

I got somethin' to say to you.

Think maybe I could illustrate it better
if I told you a story.

I used to have a friend
that was an opry singer,

but he went into the cement business,
and one day he fell into the cement.

And now he's the cornerstone
of the post office in St. Louis, Missouri.

He should've stuck to his own trade.

You'd better stick to yours.

That fella Tyndall is gonna make trouble,
as sure as I'm standin' here.

- Now, what are we gonna do about it?
- What do you say we get ready for supper?

How can you talk of eatin'
at a time like this?

- 'Cause I'm hungry.
- 'Cause you're hungry.

I suppose I'm supposed to stand he ‒ Ohh!

Well.

Believe it or not,
I'm waiting for a stagecoach.

Uh-huh. What are my pants
doing on your legs?

These are the legs
of a Stavrogin of Bardichev.

Let your pants remain on them
and earn their gratitude.

Refuse and take their curse.

I think I'll take
both the curse and the pants.

- Oh.
- Well, take 'em off.

- You mean, right now?
- Yeah, right now.

The whole world's against me.

Wait a minute. Hold on here.
Might be able to make a deal with you.

How well do you know
this country around here?

Oh! Like a field mouse.
I know every inch, every pebble.

There isn't a twig, bird or a tree that ‒

I'll give you the pants
if you do a little job for me.

Agreed! What can I lose?
Only the job. Command me!

- I want you to find something for me.
- I'm a weasel. I'm a hawk.

I've got the memory of an elephant,
the heart of a lion.

I don't need the whole menagerie.

All I need is one human bloodhound
who can keep his mouth shut.

Then I'll be your bloodhound,
sniffing and silent. What's missing?

The body of Sheriff Keogh.

Take back your pants.

What do you want to find
the body of Keogh for?

We can't prove a murder's been done
if we can't produce a corpus delicti.

Corpus delicti!
I thought you were lookin' for Keogh.

Boris is gonna make
a very good second deputy.

Sure, sure! I might as well
have two loony deputies as one!

A deputy!

Deputy Stavrogin!
Observe my brain in action!

Now, where would I go
if I were a dead body?

Would I stay out in the open?
No. No privacy.

Mm-hmm. Wouldn't go in the river
if you can't swim.

Ohh! Why didn't I stay in the gutter
where I was well-off?

That's right! Would I go under the ground?
No, there's no future in it!

Miss Frenchy, honey,
you know that blue dress?

Mm-hmm.

Well, you can't wear it no more.
It's got beer on it.

All right, you can have it,
if it fits you.

It does.

- Mr. Kent, if you're mad at me about ‒
- Shut up!

- You have any callers at the house today?
- Men, women or children?

Start acting smart and I'll slap you
around. Did ya or didn't ya?

- Who, for instance?
- Destry, for instance.

Why not?

That's better. When I ask a question,
I like a direct answer.

- What was the conversation?
- All of it?

- All of it.
- Well, let me see. I said hello.

No, he said hello. And then I said,
"Won't you sit down?" Then he sat down ‒

What did he come for?
Get to that part of it quick!

- Because he's a gentleman.
- That's a lie.

- I could prove it to anybody but you.
- Are you actin' smart?

- He came to apologize.
- Is that all?

That's all he had time for.
He was in a hurry to go.

Just like you are... now.

If I ever catch you stackin' 'em on me
I'll personally put the lights out.

Then I won't know you
from anyone else in the game.

My, my, he just ain't got
no personality at all, is he?

Where you goin', Miss Frenchy?

I'm going outside
and see what fresh air smells like.

Watch close and follow any of that gang
that comes out.

- I don't get you.
- We can't find the missing body, can we?

The next best thing
is to have the missing body find us.

- Oh.
- Keep your eyes open.

Oh, when I was a deputy, I could think.

Now I'm sheriff, I'm all fuddled.

You're fuddled, I'm fuddled, he's fuddled.
Let's go home! Please!

Take your hands off of me
and do as you're told.

He knows what he's doin'.

Got a match?

Hello there. Sure.

- What, you been throwin' things again?
- How did you know?

I read a book once
that said women always look their best

in the peace and quiet
that follows a storm of violence.

That's pretty good.

Would've been much nicer
if you'd thought of that yourself.

Well, as a matter of fact, I did.

- Going in the saloon?
- Yeah.

- Business or pleasure?
- Business.

So you won't take my advice, huh?

You mean leave town now?
I'm just beginning to like it.

Take my rabbit's foot.
Keep away from dark corners.

I see now why you don't need guns
and why I can't get my cattle through.

Let me tell you somethin', Destry.

Nobody's gonna rob me.

I'm takin' 'em through in spite of you,
Kent, or anybody else.

Oh, now, I wouldn't do that if I were you.
You know, that's trespassin'.

You're cuttin' in on Kent
two or three different ways, aren't ya?

Whoopee! Quiet.

You'll live.

Evenin', Mayor Slade.
Sorta hopin' to find you here.

- I'd like to have a private talk with you.
- Sit down, son. Sit down.

Now... you have me surrounded here, huh?

What's on your mind?

Well, Mayor, I don't think we're gettin'
the cooperation we should be gettin'.

- No? Your move.
- Oh.

Let's see, uh... there.

No, I, uh ‒
I don't think it's Wash and me.

- Course, it might be.
- Hmm.

- But, uh ‒
- Crown that.

Oh.

Seems every time we ask a question,

folks either just shut up
or walk away like they'd never heard us.

My guess is that they just don't cotton
to their sheriffs.

Uh-huh.

Well, you're probably right.

Looks like I'm gonna take one of your men.

Evidently Sheriff Keogh
wasn't very popular either.

Was he?

Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh.

You oughta jump me here.

Every time I mention his name,

it's sorta like
I was talkin' about a ghost.

Crown that.

I don't wanna miss this.
I'll finish with you later.

- Everybody thirsty?
- Yeah!

Bartender!

♪ See what the boys
In the back room will have ♪

♪ And tell them I'm having the same ♪

♪ Go see what the boys
In the back room will have ♪

♪ And give them the poison they name ♪

♪ And when I die, don't spend my money ♪

♪ On flowers and my picture in a frame ♪

♪ Just see what the boys
In the back room will have ♪

♪ And tell them I sighed ♪

♪ And tell them I cried ♪

♪ And tell them I died of the same ♪

♪ And when I die, don't buy a casket ♪

♪ Of silver with the candles all aflame ♪

♪ Just see what the boys
In the back room will have ♪

♪ And tell them I sighed ♪

♪ And tell them I cried ♪

♪ And tell them I died of the same ♪

♪ And when I die, don't pay the preacher ♪

♪ For speaking of my glory and my fame ♪

♪ Just see what the boys
In the back room will have ♪

♪ And tell them I sighed ♪

♪ And tell them I cried ♪

♪ And tell them I died of the same ♪

Yeee-ahooo!

The mayor tells me
you've been asking around about Keogh.

Oh, well, we figured
as long as we had a sheriff's office

we might as well do something.

- Now look. If I was you ‒
- I'll be back in just a minute.

- Now, I liked that.
- Good. Then you can buy me a drink, huh?

- Fine.
- That's all for now, boys.

That's the idea of the song, you know ‒
get me a free drink.

I sorta gathered that.

- You liked it, huh?
- Yeah, it was all right.

I'll sing it again for you. Hit the music!

I'm telling you now: Keogh left town.

Yeah, well, that's what I say.

Then again we thought
he maybe left somethin' behind.

You know... like a body, maybe.

Oh, of course, of course.

Naturally, you couldn't prove no case
without one, could ya?

That's right, Mayor, that's right.

But suppose we knew where there was one?

It's in pretty good condition too.

That's a fine, lively conversation
when a lady wants a drink.

- Come on, take me over to the bar.
- Wait a minute.

You stay right where you are.

I haven't settled up with Destry yet about
that big favor he did me out at the ranch.

That calls for some wine. The best.

Sit down.

Well, that's mighty nice of Mr. Kent.
Sit down and have some wine.

Ice up some of that wine of mine,
send it over to the table.

Run out to the place,
see if it's gone.

Come on, hurry it up, will ya?

I bet if the thing's gone,
Destry's in on it.

If he is, can I personally slap him
in the mouth with my pistol?

- Wouldn't wanna hit a dead man, would ya?
- Yeah ‒ No!

I don't know.

Uh-oh.

Now!

That fella Kent reminds me
of a friend of mine back in Kansas City.

He was a great wine drinker.

Every time he'd come into town
with a new load of stock,

he'd rush right to the first saloon ‒
didn't matter what saloon it was.

I had a friend in Louisiana like that.

Only every time he came to town
he went to the nearest oyster house.

Eat a hundred oysters.

I'm sorry. I interrupted you.

Well, I don't think there's much point
to my story. A hundred oysters?

Yes, and everybody told
this friend of mine

not to eat oysters in July,

but he wouldn't listen.

What's the point to that?

He found a pearl... that big.

- Oh, that's good.
- No, it was bad. The oyster, I mean.

Killed him.

Who got the pearl?

I did.

Will you stop chewing that tobacco?

Everybody line up
for the square dance!

Everybody!

Better go easy on this stuff
if I wanna do any sheriffin' tomorrow.

Might take the day off. Eh, Mayor?

Might.

Well, might as well
go the whole hog as not.

How about you and me
havin' a dance together, Frenchy?

Oh. All right, Kent?

- Sure. Go right ahead.
- Come on.

I warned you.

- I still have the rabbit's foot.
- You're going to need it.

- Is it a big, strong rabbit?
- I hope so.

Just a minute, folks!

I hate to interrupt the festivities
like this, but I got official business.

You know, Wash ‒
I mean, the sheriff and me

have been pestering you folks
with a lot of questions

about the former sheriff Keogh.

And we ‒ Now, hold on now. Don't go away.

We ain't gonna ask no more questions...

because Wash has just found the answer.

And, uh... one other thing.

All the relatives
and friends of Gyp Watson

are hereby notified
that he's over in the jail...

charged with murder.

That's all.

My brother didn't have nothin'
to do with it!

- Who did?
- Well, I'll tell you who ‒

I thought you were through
askin' questions.

Now, don't get excited. Don't get excited.

- He's not hanged yet.
- And he ain't gonna be.

- You get over there and turn him loose.
- I can't do that until after the trial.

Maybe by then he can sort of
try and explain what he was doin'

when the sheriff found him with the body.

Oh, I'm sure Kent didn't know
you had evidence like that, Deputy.

I think we got a pretty good case, Mayor.

- Darned near airtight, I'd say.
- Hmm.

Well, that's mighty fine work.

And just to make sure that there won't be
no miscarriage of justice,

as chief magistrate...

I'm gonna try this case myself.

Oh.

And all you citizens here present,

please report at my office tomorrow
so we can select a jury.

Everything's going to be regular.

- Very regular.
- Mm-hmm.

Yeah, well, thanks, Mayor.

But I'd better call you Judge now,
hadn't I?

I sorta had a feeling
I could count on you.

- Anytime, son. Anytime.
- Yeah, all right.

- Thanks for the wine, Kent.
- It's all right.

Frenchy.

Thanks for the, uh... dance.

Pretty good rabbit.

Ready to start bringin' my cattle through.
Do I pay you off?

That's what I'm here for.

- How many head have you got?
- Oh, around 10,000, I reckon.

Let's see.
At two bits a head, that's $2,500.

Yeah. I'll pay you
for the whole bunch right now.

I don't care what the law says
or anybody says.

I brought those cattle through,
I didn't pay a penny,

I ain't gonna pay,
and nobody's gonna make me!

Jack Tyndall, you're the most stubborn,
ornery, mule-headed ‒

"Self-opinionated" is a good word.

Self-opinionated bully I ever saw
or heard of.

Hey, lady, can't you call him
all them names without bein' so noisy?

I'm tryin' to sleep.

Gyp, it ain't polite
to interfere with family quarrels.

Now, go right ahead, Miss Tyndall.

It's like talking to a stone wall.
I give up.

Well, that's too bad.

Sheriffin's getting to be
quite a problem around here.

He won't talk, he won't listen.

You know, if your brother doesn't pay
that $2,500 he owes to Kent,

- I don't know what's gonna happen to him.
- Nothing's gonna happen to me.

I can take care of myself.

Lot of things are gonna happen
around this town, though.

- You could sue and recover the money.
- Sue Kent with Slade on the bench?

- You must think I'm awful dumb.
- Ain't it the truth.

- I won't pay a plug nickel now or ever.
- All right, I give up. I give up.

Miss Tyndall,
I want to thank you for coming over here

and tryin' to help out.

We'll, uh ‒
We'll all be here for quite some time,

so I just want you to feel free
to drop over any time at all.

- Matter of fact, I hope you will.
- It's here! It's here!

I got it! I got it! I got the letter ‒
Oh, excuse me.

It's in my pocket.

- Hello, Miss Tyndall. Aren't you pretty.
- Hello, Mr. Callahan.

Here's your fodder.

Cheese. Cheese!

Cheese for breakfast, cheese for lunch!

Tell my brother to stop sending me cheese!

- I ain't no mouse!
- I tell him.

- This may change his mind. Tyndall!
- Yeah?

Read that.

Now maybe you can understand
why I want you to pay Kent the money.

And if you can just keep from
gettin' your fool head shot off

until that judge gets here,

I can get my murderer
and you can get your money back.

All right. I'll go pay him now.

Well, now we're gettin' somewhere.

Uh, hold on now.

You might run into some trouble
over there. We'd better send Boris.

Command me.
Nothing can tempt me from my duty.

- Where are we gonna pick up the money?
- Wells Fargo. I'll write you a draft.

As soon as you get the money, give it
to Kent with Tyndall's compliments.

- And get a receipt.
- Yes, mon commandant.

I am a courier, fast as lightning,
silent as the night itself.

And no more cheese.

According to the provisions
of the statutes

of our territorial commonwealth,

you gentlemen of the jury
have been selected

as representative citizens
of our fair community.

We want to see
that the public's faith is justified.

So when you boys retire
to consider a verdict,

stay out for a while.

Mr. Kent will see that you're plentifully
provided with liquid refreshment.

And after you've deliberated sufficient,

weighed all the evidence fair and square

and brought in a verdict of not guilty,

you'll be amply rewarded.

- You understand?
- Okay, boss.

- We gotcha, Mayor.
- We understand.

That's all. Drinks on the house.

Mr. Kent.

- Well, what do you want?
- Uh, nothing.

That is, I was sent to deliver $2,500
in cash, compliments of Mr. Tyndall.

Well, he's gettin' smart to himself, huh?

Mr. Destry had something to do with this,
didn't he?

I'm a mummy, I'm a sphinx.
I don't answer questions.

- Well, let's have the money.
- First you have to sign the receipt.

What?

- That is, if you don't mind. Please?
- Give me that money.

It's a mighty fine thing
when a man realizes he's wrong

and tries to correct it in a nice way.

Give it to him, Kent.

I see we've got some very intelligent
peace officers in this town, Stavrogin.

I'm trying to live up to
the blood of my forefathers.

Funny. It's not like Tyndall
to give in so easy.

Hey, you.
You keepin' my brother comfortable?

- He's very delicate.
- He's doing as well as can be expected.

But he told me to tell you,
no more cheese.

- Did he say that?
- I'm quoting his every word.

Gee, that's bad
if he don't want no more cheese.

- They're not gonna hang him, are they?
- Unfortunately, that is not up to me.

- It's up to Judge Murtaugh.
- That's good.

Judge Murtaugh? H ‒

Hey, Mayor, who is this Judge Murtaugh?
What's he got to do with my brother?

- Clara!
- Yes'm, Miss Frenchy?

- Go tell Mr. Destry I want to see him.
- Is somethin' the matter?

- Will you go?
- I'm gone.

Hey, you.

Oh, you. What do you want now?

I want beer, but I'll take water.

Why is it you always get thirsty
when I get to sleep?

I ain't answering nobody nothin'
till I see my lawyer.

Do I get the water or don't I?

I'll give you water, you varmint you!

- Now, Wash, hold up now.
- Oh, please!

- No, no, no.
- Oh, you're always coddling 'em.

We gotta keep him good and healthy.

You better keep me good and healthy.
That's the law.

Yes, sir.

Wouldn't want to hang a sick man...
would we?

You still think you're gonna hang me?

What, you think you're gonna get out of it
because you're innocent?

I ain't sayin' who's innocent
or who's guilty.

Uh-huh.

Well, I always say you got to admire a man
who'd get himself hanged for a friend.

- I used to know a fella once ‒
- You know too many fellas, Destry.

Mm-hmm. Well, I'll hang this up here.

Wash can get some sleep.

Here's good health to ya.

I ain't gonna have a good night's rest
until that federal judge gets here.

Well, Wash, why don't you go on home?
I'll entertain our guest.

No, sirree, I'm gonna sit up
with that two-legged cactus

and pour water into him
until lilies sprout out of both his ears.

Be a very interesting sight.

Tom...
do you think this is gonna work out?

Sure it's gonna work.

Now you see, either Gyp or his brother
are gonna tell us a lot

as soon as they find out
that Slade ain't gonna be on the bench.

- Yeah. Uh-huh.
- You understand?

Oh, yeah.

I think this old town's gonna settle down

into something pretty peaceful
one of these days.

What's that?

- Somebody at the window there.
- Here.

Nah, we settled that.

Well, I'll be right behind you
in case you're wrong.

Mr. Destry, Miss Frenchy say
she want to see you right away.

- She says it's very important.
- All right.

- Listen, Tom, I ‒
- You hold the fort, Wash.

Don't worry none about me. I will.

- Good evening.
- Nice of you to come.

- The maid said it was important, so I...
- It is.

- That's all, Clara.
- Yes'm.

Sit down.

Drink?

All right.

- What's the trouble?
- Trouble? There's no trouble.

I'm leaving town,
and I wanted to see you before I left.

Well, that's pretty sudden, ain't it?

Did something happen
between you and ‒

I mean... you and the dance hall
decide to part company?

No, nothing has happened.

I'm tired of Bottleneck, the whole crowd
and everything I've been doing.

- So I'm going back to New Orleans.
- Uh-huh.

Well, folks are all gonna miss you
around here.

All except a few wives, I suppose.

What about you?

Me too.

Well, good luck.

- Hope you have a nice trip.
- Thanks.

Speakin' of luck,
thanks for the use of your rabbit's foot.

No, I want you to keep that.

Well, that's darn nice of you.

It's been a great help, you know.

I think I'd better get back to the job.

Goodbye, Frenchy.

Ever been to New Orleans, Tom?

No.

It's wonderful this time of the year.

You'd like it there.

How about it?

No, Tom, you can't go out there!
They know all about the federal judge!

They'll kill you
if you go down to the jail!

Stay here, Tom! Stay here!

They'll kill you if you go down
to the jail! Stay here, Tom! Stay here!

- Hey, Wash.
- Well, Tom, they came.

- I was ‒
- No, don't do any talkin' now. Just rest.

I'll talk if I want to.
For a little while, anyway.

All right, go on and talk.

I bet you knew a fella once
who did something like falling asleep

when he oughta have kept awake, didn't ya?

- Huh?
- Well, uh ‒

Yeah, I... I knew a fella.

Lived down around Wichita. He ‒

He was a sort of ‒

Does it hurt?

Don't hurt much,
but it makes me so doggone mad.

Wash. Wash.

Uh, well, go on. Go on.

What happened to the fella in Wichita?

Oh, uh...

Oh, well, h-he ‒

H-He was a, uh...

oh, a great, big, green
sort of a punkin roller,

you know, and h-h-he just ‒

This better be good.

Yeah.

W-Well, you see, he, uh,
tried to keep awake one night

when he was gonna catch a stage
over to a nearby town and he ‒

He had a girl over there
he was courtin', Wash, and ‒

Man must be an awful fool
to get shot in the back.

- If I'd just ‒
- Wait a minute, Wash.

Now wait a minute.

You know, that's how they shot my father.

They didn't dare face him either.

They didn't give us a chance, did they?

- No.
- Oh, I'm sleepy.

Plumb tuckered out.

That Gyp has kept me awake... too much.

Got some men here
that'll back you up, Destry.

All right. Let's get down to the corral.

Why do you just stand here like sheep?
Why don't you stop them?

- Get out of here!
- Go back where you belong.

- Wherever I belong, I don't pretend.
- You shut your mouth.

I wouldn't wait for my man to get killed
without doing something.

- Will you get out of here!
- Wait a minute!

- What can we do?
- I'll tell you what you can do. Let me go.

They're gatherin' at the corral!

Barricade the doors!
Chairs, tables, up against the windows!

Go upstairs!

Grab these tables!

As soon as the powder goes off,
come out quick with the wagons.

All right.

Come on, get that barricade up, will ya!

- Are you women crazy? Get back!
- Get out of the way, you women!

Get back! Back!

You can't do that!

Ladies, you can't do this!
It ain't legal! I ‒

Ladies, ladies! This constitutes rioting ‒

Look out, Tom! Tom!

Tom!

Look out, Tom!

Look out, Tom! Tom!

Look out, Tom! Look out!

Frenchy! Frenchy!

Tom. Tom.

Tom.

Oh, Tom.

Would you kiss a fellow... goodbye?

- Good morning, Tom.
- Good morning, Charlie.

- Fine day.
- Yes, it is.

Yes, it is.

- Howdy, Tom.
- Howdy, Hank.

Howdy, Hank.

- Don't forget Sunday, Tom.
- I'll be there.

We'll be there.

Eli, did you ever hear the story
about Sawtooth McGee?

Right at that post there he ‒

You mean the one where he fit his neighbor
into a draw over a petticoat?

Yeah, that's the one.

Aw, everybody's heard that one.

- Wash sure could make 'em up, couldn't he?
- Yep.

- Morning, Tom.
- Good morning.

Morning. Did he tell you the one where he
stopped a tribe of Injuns single-handed?

- I guess I missed that one.
- It was like this, see.

- He was scoutin' one morning...
- ♪ Little Joe, Little Joe ♪

...and he come face-to-face
with a whole tribe of Injuns.

He didn't have nothin' on him
except his bowie knife.

♪ Sure did like his liquor
And it would've got his ticker ♪

- ♪ But the sheriff got him quicker ♪
- Yahoo!

- ♪ Little Joe ♪
- Little Joe!

- ♪ Little Joe ♪
- Little Joe!

♪ Oh, whatever's become of him
I don't know ♪

She don't know!

♪ Oh, he sure did like his liquor
And it would've got his ticker ♪

- ♪ But the sheriff got him quicker ♪
- Yahoo!

Oh! Tom!

- What's the trouble?
- Boris! Miss Callahan!

Don't you ever ‒
Stop! Stop! No!

Ohh! Sheriff, he's gone mad!

Who wouldn't be mad?

How would you like to wake up
in the morning and hear the birds singing

and then find the face of an ex-husband
looking down upon you?

Would you? No!
Rather a hundred years in the salt mines!

- Aah! Aah!
- Ohh!

Well, the old regime is over

and the new regime is here.

Boris Alexandrovich Stavrogin
is the head of his own house!

Come here!

Gaze upon them features! Gaze!

- What's your husband's name?
- Uh... well ‒

- Huh?
- Boris Stavrogin.

Well, let's see that you don't forget!

I'm sorry, Tom,
but it sounded like murder at least.

Oh, well, that's probably just
the Russian way of expressin' somethin'.

- You know, speakin' of marriage, Janice ‒
- Yes, Tom?

I had a friend once that happened...