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1
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♪ I'll have a blue ♪
2
00:00:09,176 --> 00:00:12,096
♪ Christmas ♪
3
00:00:12,138 --> 00:00:15,474
♪ Without you ♪
4
00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:19,437
♪ I'll be so blue ♪
5
00:00:19,478 --> 00:00:21,981
♪ Just thinking ♪
6
00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:23,274
♪ About you... ♪
7
00:00:24,692 --> 00:00:26,485
We are fucked.
8
00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:29,697
Very, very fucked. -Mmm.
We'll be walking like cowboys
9
00:00:29,739 --> 00:00:32,283
for a week.
That's how fucked we are.
10
00:00:32,324 --> 00:00:34,660
We're so fucked, fucked people
will point at us and say,
11
00:00:34,702 --> 00:00:37,663
"At least we're not as fucked
as those fucking fucks."
12
00:00:39,206 --> 00:00:41,709
- What the hell happened?
- I don't know.
13
00:00:41,751 --> 00:00:43,419
- We had a plan.
- A good plan.
14
00:00:43,461 --> 00:00:45,129
- You had a tight ten.
- Yes, I know.
15
00:00:45,171 --> 00:00:46,547
You were gonna start with the...
And then I'd,
16
00:00:46,589 --> 00:00:48,007
- with the kid thing...
- And then your...
17
00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:51,051
- those people that had you...
- My parents.
18
00:00:51,093 --> 00:00:53,387
- Yeah, the thing with their...
- That was so funny.
19
00:00:53,429 --> 00:00:55,514
Ugh. Nice, tight ten.
20
00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:57,183
An airtight ten.
21
00:00:57,224 --> 00:00:58,684
♪ That's when those blue... ♪
22
00:00:58,726 --> 00:01:00,603
Hey, the glass is empty.
23
00:01:00,644 --> 00:01:02,229
Just depends on
how you look at it.
24
00:01:02,271 --> 00:01:04,398
I'm looking at it with my eyes.
It's fucking empty.
25
00:01:04,440 --> 00:01:07,318
Hey! My friend's glass is empty.
26
00:01:07,359 --> 00:01:08,694
Fuckin' empty.
27
00:01:08,736 --> 00:01:10,446
Make it full.
We had a hard night.
28
00:01:10,488 --> 00:01:12,740
Eh, keep your shirt on.
29
00:01:12,782 --> 00:01:14,575
Hi, Susie. New hat?
30
00:01:14,617 --> 00:01:16,827
I don't have any money, Tracy.
31
00:01:16,869 --> 00:01:19,038
Rats. Hey, I saw you.
32
00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:21,290
- Saw me what?
- I saw you tonight. Wow, wild.
33
00:01:21,332 --> 00:01:23,417
Do you mind, Tracy?
We're having a funeral here.
34
00:01:23,459 --> 00:01:25,127
Relax, Susie.
I just wanted to say I dug you.
35
00:01:25,169 --> 00:01:26,420
Truly.
36
00:01:26,462 --> 00:01:27,671
Thank you.
37
00:01:27,713 --> 00:01:29,048
Susie, you got five bucks?
38
00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:31,050
No. What did I tell you?
I got nothing.
39
00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:32,635
As of tonight, I got nothing,
40
00:01:32,676 --> 00:01:34,678
I have nowhere to go,
and no one to be.
41
00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:36,055
Okay. What about you?
42
00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:39,600
She's a loser, too.
Beat it.
43
00:01:39,642 --> 00:01:41,227
Glad you enjoyed the show.
44
00:01:41,268 --> 00:01:42,561
Last one.
45
00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:44,605
Yeah, just try it.
46
00:01:47,525 --> 00:01:49,235
"You're dead in this business."
47
00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:51,946
It plays over and over
in my head.
48
00:01:51,987 --> 00:01:55,074
- Maybe he didn't mean it.
- Mmm. He meant it.
49
00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:57,451
He bared his teeth. I didn't
even know he still had teeth.
50
00:01:57,493 --> 00:01:59,745
- Could've been false teeth.
- They looked real.
51
00:01:59,787 --> 00:02:01,705
Aw, shit, we were so close.
52
00:02:01,747 --> 00:02:03,249
I'm sorry.
53
00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:05,084
"Fuck you, Sophie,
put that on your plate."
54
00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:06,502
It's brilliant.
55
00:02:06,544 --> 00:02:10,089
♪ You'll be doin' all right... ♪
56
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:11,674
It was funny, right?
57
00:02:11,715 --> 00:02:14,510
Yeah. It was really funny.
58
00:02:14,552 --> 00:02:16,220
♪ Christmas of white ♪
59
00:02:16,262 --> 00:02:18,514
And no one needs a good laugh
60
00:02:18,556 --> 00:02:22,059
like the truly, deeply fucked.
61
00:02:22,101 --> 00:02:24,395
♪ Blue, blue, blue Christmas ♪
62
00:02:24,436 --> 00:02:27,398
♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh,
ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh. ♪
63
00:02:30,901 --> 00:02:32,611
Get up.
64
00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:34,822
Oh, boy. -I just had
a thrilling conversation
65
00:02:34,864 --> 00:02:36,699
with that strange person
66
00:02:36,740 --> 00:02:39,368
who can't figure out
what her name is.
67
00:02:39,410 --> 00:02:42,162
Make a new friend.
I'm tired of this one.
68
00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:45,249
Miriam!
69
00:02:45,291 --> 00:02:47,293
Coming.
70
00:02:50,212 --> 00:02:52,047
Breakfast is being served
in the dining room
71
00:02:52,089 --> 00:02:54,091
when you're done with your call.
Okay.
72
00:02:58,178 --> 00:03:00,180
Hold on.
73
00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:08,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
74
00:03:12,234 --> 00:03:13,777
Your fault.
75
00:03:13,819 --> 00:03:15,821
- What's my fault?
- Too much drinking.
76
00:03:15,863 --> 00:03:17,656
Too much drinking
was because of you, missy.
77
00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:21,076
I don't feel good. -Ugh.
I had to sleep on a diagonal,
78
00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:22,953
'cause the vertical
made me want to throw up.
79
00:03:22,995 --> 00:03:24,747
- Don't throw up.
- I might throw up.
80
00:03:24,788 --> 00:03:26,540
- You can't throw up.
- I'll probably throw up.
81
00:03:26,582 --> 00:03:28,208
If I hear you throw up,
I'm gonna throw up,
82
00:03:28,250 --> 00:03:30,336
and I don't want to throw up,
so close the door.
83
00:03:30,377 --> 00:03:32,171
- Close what door?
- The bathroom door.
84
00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:34,590
- I don't have a bathroom door.
- Then you can't throw up.
85
00:03:34,632 --> 00:03:36,467
- I'm not gonna throw up.
- Good.
86
00:03:36,508 --> 00:03:37,843
Although you might
when you hear this.
87
00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:40,054
- Hear what?
- Well, apparently,
88
00:03:40,095 --> 00:03:42,139
there were some members
of the press there last night.
89
00:03:42,181 --> 00:03:45,017
No... -And a few of them
caught your act and thought...
90
00:03:45,059 --> 00:03:49,229
No... -"A career suicide set
takes down an icon.
91
00:03:49,271 --> 00:03:52,733
"Newcomer Amanda Gleason,
don't bother learning the name,
92
00:03:52,775 --> 00:03:56,195
"mysteriously decides to skewer
an American treasure,
93
00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:58,948
"Sophie Lennon, last night
at the Gaslight Cafe."
94
00:03:58,989 --> 00:04:00,032
Who invited them?
95
00:04:00,074 --> 00:04:01,825
- I did.
- Why?
96
00:04:01,867 --> 00:04:04,495
'Cause I had no idea it was
seppuku night at the Gaslight.
97
00:04:04,536 --> 00:04:06,455
"In a vicious, often hilarious,
98
00:04:06,497 --> 00:04:08,666
"career-ending ten minutes,
you wonder,
99
00:04:08,707 --> 00:04:12,252
did Lennon steal Gleason's
boyfriend?" The Daily News.
100
00:04:12,294 --> 00:04:13,587
Well, he said "hilarious."
101
00:04:13,629 --> 00:04:15,464
Did you hear all the other words
around "hilarious"?
102
00:04:15,506 --> 00:04:17,007
- I did, but still...
- The Post.
103
00:04:17,049 --> 00:04:18,759
"Put that on your plate."
104
00:04:18,801 --> 00:04:20,844
So? -So, underneath,
there's a picture
105
00:04:20,886 --> 00:04:23,472
of your head on a plate
and there's a fork in your head.
106
00:04:23,514 --> 00:04:25,891
My picture? -Well, it's fuzzy,
but they put the words
107
00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:27,267
"Amanda Gleason's head"
108
00:04:27,309 --> 00:04:28,936
underneath to help
with any confusion.
109
00:04:28,978 --> 00:04:29,979
Did they say I was funny?
110
00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:31,355
Are you at all
getting the theme here?
111
00:04:31,397 --> 00:04:33,482
Yes, but... -The Mirror.
"The tradition of honor
112
00:04:33,524 --> 00:04:36,360
"amongst thieves was tossed
out the window last night
113
00:04:36,402 --> 00:04:39,697
"by Amanda Gleason,
whose ridiculously bland name
114
00:04:39,738 --> 00:04:42,574
"is in direct contrast
with the comedienne's crass,
115
00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:46,245
crude, sharp-witted attack of
homespun hero Sophie Lennon."
116
00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:47,329
Okay, but they did say I was...
117
00:04:47,371 --> 00:04:48,622
"It reminds you of the power
118
00:04:48,664 --> 00:04:51,792
of words to build up
and destroy."
119
00:04:51,834 --> 00:04:53,252
"Hope she has a lawyer.
120
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:56,171
I sense a slander charge
in her stocking for Christmas."
121
00:04:56,213 --> 00:04:57,589
I'm Jewish, shmuck.
122
00:04:57,631 --> 00:04:58,757
Yeah.
123
00:04:58,799 --> 00:05:00,134
There's a lot of Gleasons
in the ghetto.
124
00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:01,051
What do we do now?
125
00:05:01,093 --> 00:05:04,805
Well...
126
00:05:04,847 --> 00:05:06,724
we still have those two
shit gigs I got you
127
00:05:06,765 --> 00:05:08,267
before this mess happened.
128
00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:10,269
So, you do those gigs.
129
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,521
If you do well, you'll get
two more shit gigs.
130
00:05:12,563 --> 00:05:15,024
And then those two shit gigs
become four shit gigs.
131
00:05:15,065 --> 00:05:18,944
And then four shit gigs
become six shit gigs.
132
00:05:18,986 --> 00:05:22,156
And then...
133
00:05:22,197 --> 00:05:23,615
Susie?
134
00:05:25,617 --> 00:05:27,536
Susie? Are you there?
135
00:05:27,578 --> 00:05:29,496
Sorry.
I had to throw up.
136
00:05:29,538 --> 00:05:32,750
Where was I? -Four shit gigs
became six shit gigs.
137
00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:35,627
Yes. Eventually, people will
forget what happened,
138
00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:37,796
- and we'll rebuild.
- Okay, I have to go.
139
00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:39,923
I have my son's
birthday party today.
140
00:05:39,965 --> 00:05:42,009
Ah, see, you already got
another shit gig.
141
00:05:42,051 --> 00:05:44,636
- Bye.
- Mm.
142
00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:47,681
♪ ♪
143
00:05:47,723 --> 00:05:49,850
There have been
major internal discussions
144
00:05:49,892 --> 00:05:53,854
in nine additional countries
outside the Iron Curtain.
145
00:05:53,896 --> 00:05:56,774
Now, how do they go about
applying this political message?
146
00:05:56,815 --> 00:05:58,817
That it embraces
many different aspects
147
00:05:58,859 --> 00:06:00,277
of our day-to-day living.
148
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:12,539
confidence, by itself...
149
00:06:12,581 --> 00:06:14,041
Morning, Papa.
150
00:06:14,083 --> 00:06:16,043
Mm-hmm.
151
00:06:16,085 --> 00:06:19,546
Victory in this conflict
depends on much, much more...
152
00:06:19,588 --> 00:06:20,547
Morning, Mama.
153
00:06:20,589 --> 00:06:22,466
There's eggs.
We leave at noon.
154
00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:29,056
This was all different
yesterday, right?
155
00:06:29,098 --> 00:06:31,934
- Hmm?
- Never mind.
156
00:06:31,975 --> 00:06:34,853
And so's your mother.
157
00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:37,773
I'm sorry, I just,
I just don't find you funny.
158
00:06:37,815 --> 00:06:41,235
I did it just like you told me.
159
00:06:41,276 --> 00:06:42,986
It's not the same.
160
00:06:43,028 --> 00:06:44,571
Well, if you didn't have Randy
laying on your lap,
161
00:06:44,613 --> 00:06:45,823
you could stop comparing us
162
00:06:45,864 --> 00:06:48,450
and move on.
163
00:06:48,492 --> 00:06:50,494
So, I was thinking that
164
00:06:50,536 --> 00:06:52,287
Ethan and Estelle could
get married at the boathouse
165
00:06:52,329 --> 00:06:53,497
in Central Park.
166
00:06:53,539 --> 00:06:54,915
Oh, Imogene, we need to
167
00:06:54,957 --> 00:06:57,584
- get you in a bowling league.
- Hi, Joel.
168
00:06:57,626 --> 00:06:59,753
Are you psychologically
scarring our children?
169
00:06:59,795 --> 00:07:01,004
I am.
170
00:07:01,046 --> 00:07:02,422
But, since they're going
to get married,
171
00:07:02,464 --> 00:07:03,841
they will have
suffered the same trauma
172
00:07:03,882 --> 00:07:05,717
and will understand each other's
nightmares completely.
173
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,928
My God, this party is loud.
174
00:07:07,970 --> 00:07:10,055
Thank you for talking Imogene
into having it here
175
00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:11,098
instead of our house.
176
00:07:11,140 --> 00:07:12,641
My pleasure, Archie.
177
00:07:12,683 --> 00:07:14,726
Oop, need a refill.
178
00:07:18,564 --> 00:07:21,650
So, I gather Ethan and Estelle
are still getting married.
179
00:07:21,692 --> 00:07:23,277
At the Central Park Boathouse.
180
00:07:23,318 --> 00:07:24,778
Geez.
181
00:07:24,820 --> 00:07:25,988
That was Estelle.
She's not hurt.
182
00:07:26,029 --> 00:07:27,739
That's not the hurt scream.
She lost a doll.
183
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:29,366
No. Someone took the doll.
184
00:07:29,408 --> 00:07:31,743
- Someone took the doll?
- Find the doll. Find the doll.
185
00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:35,122
Imogene is amazing.
186
00:07:35,164 --> 00:07:36,707
Esther screams
while I'm holding her,
187
00:07:36,748 --> 00:07:38,750
I'm still wondering
where it's coming from.
188
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:41,170
- So, what's going on here?
- Where?
189
00:07:41,211 --> 00:07:43,422
The great mac and cheese
massacre of 1958.
190
00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:45,215
- I'm hungry.
- That's for the kids.
191
00:07:45,257 --> 00:07:47,342
I made it in a rush.
This is quality control.
192
00:07:47,384 --> 00:07:48,468
This is hangover eating.
193
00:07:48,510 --> 00:07:50,179
Where'd you go last night?
194
00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:51,388
None of your business.
195
00:07:51,430 --> 00:07:52,890
I'll withdraw the question.
196
00:07:54,933 --> 00:07:58,312
Hey, Joel, I'd like to talk
to you about something.
197
00:07:58,353 --> 00:07:59,730
Away from people.
198
00:07:59,771 --> 00:08:01,273
If you get a chance.
199
00:08:01,315 --> 00:08:03,609
Well, other than planning
my son's bachelor party,
200
00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:04,818
I'm pretty free.
201
00:08:04,860 --> 00:08:06,820
Good.
202
00:08:06,862 --> 00:08:10,032
Eat some of this so people
won't look at me weird.
203
00:08:21,752 --> 00:08:23,795
Hey.
204
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:26,882
Hair of the dog?
205
00:08:26,924 --> 00:08:28,175
Okay.
206
00:08:28,217 --> 00:08:29,927
I mean, I'm not hungover,
207
00:08:29,968 --> 00:08:31,094
but it is a party.
208
00:08:31,136 --> 00:08:33,847
Sure.
209
00:08:33,889 --> 00:08:35,724
One more.
210
00:08:35,766 --> 00:08:37,768
'Cause you're festive.
211
00:08:37,809 --> 00:08:39,269
Exactly.
212
00:08:40,646 --> 00:08:42,314
So, what did you want
to talk about?
213
00:08:44,316 --> 00:08:48,070
I was wondering if...
214
00:08:48,111 --> 00:08:52,616
it might be time to start
talking about getting a divorce.
215
00:08:54,618 --> 00:08:55,786
Uh-huh.
216
00:08:55,827 --> 00:08:58,038
What do you think?
217
00:09:00,082 --> 00:09:02,501
Wow. Fast.
218
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:04,586
I know.
We can wait if you want.
219
00:09:04,628 --> 00:09:07,631
It just seems as if
maybe it's time
220
00:09:07,673 --> 00:09:10,550
to start getting on
with our lives.
221
00:09:10,592 --> 00:09:12,844
Plus, the kids need to
get used to a new arrangement.
222
00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:14,513
We need to make it normal
for them.
223
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:18,892
Well, I think I will do
whatever you think is right.
224
00:09:18,934 --> 00:09:21,103
Okay.
225
00:09:23,105 --> 00:09:26,650
Then I think it's time.
226
00:09:29,778 --> 00:09:31,780
Just so you know,
I'm doing really well at work.
227
00:09:31,822 --> 00:09:33,573
- I know.
- I'm up for a big promotion.
228
00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:34,783
- I know.
- I'm gonna get it,
229
00:09:34,825 --> 00:09:35,993
and it's gonna mean more money.
230
00:09:36,034 --> 00:09:38,912
Okay. -And my father
had nothing to do with it.
231
00:09:38,954 --> 00:09:40,414
He'd probably be against it
232
00:09:40,455 --> 00:09:41,873
since it would mean
I'd be traveling a lot.
233
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:43,000
You would? How much?
234
00:09:43,041 --> 00:09:44,209
But it would also mean that
235
00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:45,335
I could take care of everything.
236
00:09:45,377 --> 00:09:46,795
How much would you
be traveling, Joel?
237
00:09:46,837 --> 00:09:49,381
I could take care of you,
of the kids.
238
00:09:49,423 --> 00:09:50,924
You won't have to worry.
239
00:09:50,966 --> 00:09:53,093
I promise, I got you covered.
240
00:10:06,690 --> 00:10:08,108
He still out?
241
00:10:08,150 --> 00:10:10,527
Are you kidding?
He's been out since cake.
242
00:10:10,569 --> 00:10:12,612
The Maisel men and their sleep.
243
00:10:12,654 --> 00:10:15,073
Please. During the war,
244
00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:17,242
my father fell asleep
in a foxhole
245
00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:19,286
and when he woke up,
it was a beer garden.
246
00:10:19,328 --> 00:10:20,829
Sounds like Moishe.
247
00:10:20,871 --> 00:10:23,332
The oom-pah band is
what finally woke him up.
248
00:10:28,754 --> 00:10:30,672
Need some help?
249
00:10:30,714 --> 00:10:32,382
Nope. I got it.
250
00:10:38,513 --> 00:10:39,639
Thanks.
251
00:10:58,241 --> 00:11:00,619
So, Ollie the elephant
is out, huh?
252
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:02,996
Yep. It happened last week.
253
00:11:03,038 --> 00:11:05,248
Friday morning Ollie was in,
then by dinnertime,
254
00:11:05,290 --> 00:11:06,666
suddenly it was Louis the lion.
255
00:11:06,708 --> 00:11:08,251
Not sure what happened.
256
00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:09,836
Wow.
257
00:11:09,878 --> 00:11:13,006
Sorry, pal.
Life is cold.
258
00:11:13,048 --> 00:11:14,883
Do you remember when we
bought that for him?
259
00:11:14,925 --> 00:11:17,636
I believe it was to
stop a whole lot of screaming.
260
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:20,097
- Smallpox vaccination.
- Yeah.
261
00:11:20,138 --> 00:11:23,850
He was never gonna be bought off
by a lollipop alone.
262
00:11:23,892 --> 00:11:25,477
What are you doing?
263
00:11:25,519 --> 00:11:27,062
I'm eating.
264
00:11:27,104 --> 00:11:28,105
I can see.
265
00:11:28,146 --> 00:11:29,648
Should I be timing you?
266
00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:31,108
There might be a prize in it
or something.
267
00:11:31,149 --> 00:11:32,567
I'm just so hungry.
268
00:11:32,609 --> 00:11:33,527
That from the party?
269
00:11:33,568 --> 00:11:35,362
I made an extra tray.
270
00:11:35,404 --> 00:11:37,322
I should never cook
while hungover.
271
00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:39,533
- Do you want some?
- Uh...
272
00:11:39,574 --> 00:11:42,077
Are Abe and Rose gonna be home
any time soon?
273
00:11:42,119 --> 00:11:45,247
Papa's at a work gathering,
Mama's with the garden club.
274
00:11:45,288 --> 00:11:49,584
Nights are very quiet
and very separate recently.
275
00:11:49,626 --> 00:11:51,253
Come on. Sit.
276
00:11:51,294 --> 00:11:54,506
Okay.
277
00:11:54,548 --> 00:11:56,258
There any beer in the fridge?
278
00:11:56,299 --> 00:11:57,968
Look in the back.
279
00:11:58,009 --> 00:12:00,262
Mama doesn't like
to look at beer.
280
00:12:00,303 --> 00:12:02,472
It makes her think
of venereal disease.
281
00:12:06,101 --> 00:12:08,395
The party seemed successful.
282
00:12:08,437 --> 00:12:09,855
Only one kid shoved an acorn
up his nose.
283
00:12:09,896 --> 00:12:10,897
Mendel?
284
00:12:10,939 --> 00:12:12,858
- Yep.
- Well,
285
00:12:12,899 --> 00:12:14,276
when you got a talent...
286
00:12:14,317 --> 00:12:15,485
Mm.
287
00:12:18,989 --> 00:12:20,866
I noticed the new
dining room.
288
00:12:20,907 --> 00:12:22,909
Yep.
289
00:12:22,951 --> 00:12:24,995
You were not kidding.
290
00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:28,832
I hope this thing
works itself out soon.
291
00:12:28,874 --> 00:12:30,500
I hate to see my parents
like this.
292
00:12:30,542 --> 00:12:31,960
It will.
293
00:12:32,002 --> 00:12:34,421
They'll realize it's
a mistake to be apart.
294
00:12:34,463 --> 00:12:37,299
They will realize that
they belong together,
295
00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:40,135
and they'll fix it
before it's too late.
296
00:12:40,177 --> 00:12:42,471
Abe and Rose are very smart.
297
00:12:42,512 --> 00:12:46,266
♪ Without you, love... ♪
298
00:12:46,308 --> 00:12:48,435
Can I ask you something?
299
00:12:48,477 --> 00:12:49,728
You can ask me anything.
300
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,563
Why are you still wearing
your wedding ring?
301
00:12:51,605 --> 00:12:54,316
- I'm still married.
- You were living with Penny.
302
00:12:54,357 --> 00:12:56,485
No, I'm not with Penny.
That's over.
303
00:12:56,526 --> 00:12:57,694
Well, you were.
304
00:12:57,736 --> 00:12:59,029
I never saw you
without the ring.
305
00:12:59,070 --> 00:13:01,072
I never thought about
taking it off.
306
00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:02,240
Never even occurred to me.
307
00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:04,451
That doesn't make sense.
308
00:13:04,493 --> 00:13:08,497
Yeah. Nothing I've done
has made any sense.
309
00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:12,125
This is better cold,
by the way.
310
00:13:12,167 --> 00:13:15,504
Finish that.
I'll get another.
311
00:13:15,545 --> 00:13:17,547
♪ ♪
312
00:13:28,517 --> 00:13:31,520
♪ ♪
313
00:13:43,031 --> 00:13:45,784
♪ I'm not the guy
who cared about love... ♪
314
00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:47,369
Joel, wait, I-I don't,
I don't think...
315
00:13:47,410 --> 00:13:50,413
Please... don't think, Midge.
316
00:13:50,455 --> 00:13:52,707
♪ Who cared about
fortunes and such ♪
317
00:13:52,749 --> 00:13:54,668
- Please.
- ♪ I never cared much ♪
318
00:13:54,709 --> 00:13:57,420
♪ Oh, look at me now ♪
319
00:13:57,462 --> 00:14:00,632
♪ ♪
320
00:14:00,674 --> 00:14:05,220
♪ I never knew
the technique of kissing ♪
321
00:14:05,262 --> 00:14:10,559
♪ I never knew the thrill
I could get from your touch ♪
322
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:12,185
♪ Never knew much ♪
323
00:14:12,227 --> 00:14:14,688
♪ Oh, look at me now ♪
324
00:14:14,729 --> 00:14:16,856
♪ ♪
325
00:14:19,276 --> 00:14:22,362
♪ I'm a new man,
better than ♪
326
00:14:22,404 --> 00:14:25,365
♪ Casanova at his best ♪
327
00:14:27,826 --> 00:14:31,204
♪ With a new heart,
a brand-new start ♪
328
00:14:31,246 --> 00:14:35,375
♪ I'm so proud
I'm bustin' my vest ♪
329
00:14:35,417 --> 00:14:40,005
♪ So I'm the guy
who turned out a lover ♪
330
00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:42,632
♪ So I'm the guy who laughed ♪
331
00:14:42,674 --> 00:14:44,884
♪ At those blue
diamond rings... ♪
332
00:14:44,926 --> 00:14:47,429
Mm... Look, Joel, there's
something I have to tell you.
333
00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:49,222
- No. I don't care.
- You don't know what it is.
334
00:14:49,264 --> 00:14:50,599
- I don't care what it is.
- But it's...
335
00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:52,726
If it's bad, I deserve it.
336
00:14:52,767 --> 00:14:54,185
I had it coming.
It doesn't matter.
337
00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:55,437
Just let me kiss you again.
338
00:14:55,478 --> 00:14:57,731
This is really important.
339
00:14:57,772 --> 00:14:59,774
Okay.
340
00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:02,068
The whole time
that we were together...
341
00:15:02,110 --> 00:15:04,446
And I mean dating and married...
342
00:15:04,487 --> 00:15:06,239
♪ Oh, look at me now ♪
343
00:15:06,281 --> 00:15:09,367
I'd unhook every other hook
on my bra before we had sex.
344
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:11,494
- You what?
- Before we'd have sex,
345
00:15:11,536 --> 00:15:12,662
I'd go into the bathroom
and I'd unhook
346
00:15:12,704 --> 00:15:14,164
every other hook on my bra.
347
00:15:14,205 --> 00:15:15,582
A-And I didn't know
tonight was gonna happen,
348
00:15:15,624 --> 00:15:19,002
so I-I didn't have a chance
to do that.
349
00:15:19,044 --> 00:15:21,212
- Are you serious?
- Yes.
350
00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:22,339
- You would unhook your own bra?
- Partly.
351
00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:23,965
Just to give you
a head start.
352
00:15:24,007 --> 00:15:25,592
What did you think was gonna happen?
What?
353
00:15:25,634 --> 00:15:27,260
If I had to unhook
the whole thing all by myself.
354
00:15:27,302 --> 00:15:28,345
What'd you think
was gonna happen?
355
00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:29,429
You think I was
gonna get bored?
356
00:15:29,471 --> 00:15:30,930
I don't know.
357
00:15:30,972 --> 00:15:32,015
You think halfway through
I'd lose interest
358
00:15:32,057 --> 00:15:33,099
and go make a sandwich?
359
00:15:33,141 --> 00:15:36,144
Maybe.
360
00:15:36,186 --> 00:15:37,854
- You believe this?
- I just wanted
361
00:15:37,896 --> 00:15:39,814
to make things easy
for you.
362
00:15:39,856 --> 00:15:41,983
Yeah, well,
some things are worth
363
00:15:42,025 --> 00:15:43,443
working a little harder for.
364
00:15:45,070 --> 00:15:49,449
♪ So I'm the guy
that turned out a lover ♪
365
00:15:49,491 --> 00:15:51,868
♪ Yes, I'm the guy ♪
366
00:15:51,910 --> 00:15:53,995
♪ Who laughed at those
blue diamond rings... ♪
367
00:15:54,037 --> 00:15:56,164
Wow, you weren't kidding
about this thing.
368
00:15:56,206 --> 00:15:59,167
♪ Oh, look at me now... ♪
369
00:16:01,211 --> 00:16:03,129
Who the hell designed this,
the Catholic Church?
370
00:16:03,171 --> 00:16:05,298
♪ Look at me now. ♪
371
00:16:07,801 --> 00:16:10,136
Ha! A conqueror!
372
00:16:15,141 --> 00:16:18,144
How long before
the marks go away?
373
00:16:18,186 --> 00:16:20,313
They'll be gone by morning.
374
00:16:20,355 --> 00:16:22,732
Just in time to put the thing
back on again.
375
00:16:22,774 --> 00:16:25,235
It's a vicious circle.
376
00:16:25,276 --> 00:16:26,736
Does it hurt?
377
00:16:26,778 --> 00:16:28,780
Not once your ribs go numb.
378
00:16:30,615 --> 00:16:34,869
I don't know why I never
noticed the marks before.
379
00:16:34,911 --> 00:16:39,249
I'd powder them so
they weren't as red.
380
00:16:39,290 --> 00:16:43,169
Of course you did.
381
00:16:43,211 --> 00:16:46,131
You know...
382
00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:48,800
the last time
we were in this bed...
383
00:16:48,842 --> 00:16:50,093
Mm-hmm?
384
00:16:50,135 --> 00:16:51,928
...was the week before
our wedding.
385
00:16:51,970 --> 00:16:54,097
That's right.
386
00:16:54,139 --> 00:16:58,184
I remember laying here
thinking,
387
00:16:58,226 --> 00:17:02,313
"In one week, I'll be married
to Miriam Weissman,
388
00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:04,524
"the most beautiful girl
in the world.
389
00:17:04,566 --> 00:17:09,946
"And I'll have a wife,
and we'll have our own home,
390
00:17:09,988 --> 00:17:12,115
"and we'll have two kids,
391
00:17:12,157 --> 00:17:15,452
"and I'll never, ever
have to have sex
392
00:17:15,493 --> 00:17:17,954
in front of the Dionne
quintuplets again."
393
00:17:17,996 --> 00:17:20,665
Best-laid plans.
394
00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:24,085
And now here we are.
395
00:17:24,127 --> 00:17:25,837
You're back
in your parents' house,
396
00:17:25,879 --> 00:17:28,006
I'm back in mine.
397
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:31,217
Very strange.
398
00:17:31,259 --> 00:17:33,303
- I've got a curfew.
- You're kidding.
399
00:17:33,344 --> 00:17:34,763
- And chores.
- Wow.
400
00:17:34,804 --> 00:17:36,055
I have a job.
401
00:17:36,097 --> 00:17:37,265
I heard about the job.
402
00:17:37,307 --> 00:17:38,516
Saving up for a TV set
403
00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:40,268
and some roller skates.
404
00:17:40,310 --> 00:17:42,020
Well, I got some
roller skates.
405
00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:43,605
They have Buck Rogers on them.
406
00:17:46,816 --> 00:17:48,276
Redd Foxx?
What's this?
407
00:17:48,318 --> 00:17:50,278
That's called a party album.
408
00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:52,447
Sort of underground comedy.
409
00:17:52,489 --> 00:17:53,656
Why underground?
410
00:17:53,698 --> 00:17:55,492
I don't know.
They're dirty,
411
00:17:55,533 --> 00:17:57,744
but really funny.
412
00:18:00,205 --> 00:18:02,290
"The Music Inn"?
413
00:18:02,332 --> 00:18:04,042
That's the place I got 'em.
414
00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:06,211
On 4th.
Right near the Gaslight.
415
00:18:06,252 --> 00:18:08,797
- You'd love it.
- Hanging out
416
00:18:08,838 --> 00:18:10,507
at record stores
in the Village,
417
00:18:10,548 --> 00:18:13,593
working in a department store...
418
00:18:13,635 --> 00:18:15,720
Went to a protest
in Washington Square Park.
419
00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:17,305
Do you know they want
to put a road
420
00:18:17,347 --> 00:18:18,389
right through the middle
of the arch?
421
00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:20,266
- What for?
- I don't know.
422
00:18:20,308 --> 00:18:21,810
Progress.
423
00:18:21,851 --> 00:18:25,939
Progress?
Right.
424
00:18:25,980 --> 00:18:27,607
Progress.
425
00:18:27,649 --> 00:18:30,401
Things move on, I guess.
426
00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:35,824
How did I screw everything up
so badly?
427
00:18:35,865 --> 00:18:37,951
I never said I'm sorry,
did I?
428
00:18:37,992 --> 00:18:41,412
I don't know.
Maybe.
429
00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:43,957
I should have come back
on my knees that night.
430
00:18:43,998 --> 00:18:47,293
Bought you flowers.
431
00:18:47,335 --> 00:18:48,753
I should have...
432
00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:52,048
Never should have left
in the first place.
433
00:18:52,090 --> 00:18:56,094
You just have to understand...
434
00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:58,429
you are a lot, Midge.
435
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:00,098
A lot of what?
436
00:19:04,936 --> 00:19:07,313
You meet a girl.
437
00:19:07,355 --> 00:19:09,816
Maybe she's pretty,
438
00:19:09,858 --> 00:19:12,527
maybe she's smart,
439
00:19:12,569 --> 00:19:15,613
maybe she's funny.
440
00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:18,324
Maybe your parents
like her.
441
00:19:18,366 --> 00:19:19,659
Maybe you get really lucky,
442
00:19:19,701 --> 00:19:22,704
and she's one or two
of those things.
443
00:19:22,745 --> 00:19:25,039
I got 'em all.
444
00:19:25,081 --> 00:19:26,708
That's a lot.
445
00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:30,211
It wasn't enough, though.
446
00:19:30,253 --> 00:19:31,921
It was.
447
00:19:31,963 --> 00:19:34,591
It was more than enough.
448
00:19:34,632 --> 00:19:37,135
I fell in love with you
449
00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:39,679
the moment I asked you out,
and you said no.
450
00:19:39,721 --> 00:19:41,097
A pointless "no."
451
00:19:41,139 --> 00:19:42,849
The first time
I laid eyes on you,
452
00:19:42,891 --> 00:19:43,975
that was it for me.
453
00:19:44,017 --> 00:19:45,852
Until you left.
454
00:19:45,894 --> 00:19:47,562
I never left.
455
00:19:47,604 --> 00:19:51,816
I don't know what I did, but...
456
00:19:51,858 --> 00:19:53,151
I never really left.
457
00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:56,613
Sure felt like you left.
458
00:20:00,742 --> 00:20:03,745
What can I do, Midge?
459
00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:07,206
What can I do to...
460
00:20:07,248 --> 00:20:09,751
I love you.
461
00:20:11,461 --> 00:20:12,712
Do you know that?
462
00:20:12,754 --> 00:20:16,174
Do you know that I love you?
463
00:20:18,801 --> 00:20:20,470
So, what happens now?
464
00:20:20,511 --> 00:20:22,263
What do you want
to happen?
465
00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:26,601
Because whatever it is,
I will do it.
466
00:20:26,643 --> 00:20:29,979
Just tell me what you want.
467
00:20:33,358 --> 00:20:36,235
I want your roller skates.
468
00:21:01,469 --> 00:21:02,720
- Oh, no.
- What?
469
00:21:02,762 --> 00:21:04,555
Shh. We fell asleep.
470
00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:05,890
We weren't supposed
to fall asleep.
471
00:21:05,932 --> 00:21:06,975
- I was...
- Shh.
472
00:21:07,016 --> 00:21:08,434
That sounds like eggs.
473
00:21:08,476 --> 00:21:09,602
Does that sound like eggs?
474
00:21:09,644 --> 00:21:10,645
- It...
- Shh.
475
00:21:10,687 --> 00:21:12,063
Morning, Zelda.
476
00:21:12,105 --> 00:21:13,272
I'm making eggs, Mrs. Weissman.
477
00:21:13,314 --> 00:21:15,274
See? Shit!
Eggs. Shit!
478
00:21:15,316 --> 00:21:16,734
- Midge...
- We fell asleep.
479
00:21:16,776 --> 00:21:18,194
I can't believe we fell asleep
in my room.
480
00:21:18,236 --> 00:21:20,279
So what? -There are poodles
in here, Joel.
481
00:21:20,321 --> 00:21:21,698
Dozens of 'em.
482
00:21:21,739 --> 00:21:23,366
We've had sex in your room
before, Midge.
483
00:21:23,408 --> 00:21:24,993
Not since we've been married.
484
00:21:25,034 --> 00:21:26,202
Well, you got me there.
485
00:21:26,244 --> 00:21:27,578
You have to go.
486
00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:31,165
Wait. What...
What are you doing?
487
00:21:31,207 --> 00:21:33,001
I... this is not the way
to make me go,
488
00:21:33,042 --> 00:21:34,210
in case there was
a question.
489
00:21:34,252 --> 00:21:35,336
Get your clothes.
490
00:21:36,671 --> 00:21:38,381
You get your clothes,
you leave,
491
00:21:38,423 --> 00:21:39,841
they'll never know.
492
00:21:39,882 --> 00:21:42,969
Oh, to have a camera
right now.
493
00:21:43,011 --> 00:21:44,679
- Get dressed.
- Midge, I...
494
00:21:44,721 --> 00:21:46,264
- You have to get dressed.
- But I...
495
00:21:46,305 --> 00:21:47,932
You get dressed
and climb out the window,
496
00:21:47,974 --> 00:21:49,183
just like you used to.
497
00:21:49,225 --> 00:21:50,643
Yes, good,
climb out the window,
498
00:21:50,685 --> 00:21:52,061
go from the fire escape
to the roof,
499
00:21:52,103 --> 00:21:53,479
and take the freight elevator
back down.
500
00:21:53,521 --> 00:21:55,523
Will you stop?
Will you just...
501
00:21:55,565 --> 00:21:57,316
You should try out
for the Yankees.
502
00:21:57,358 --> 00:21:59,527
Shoes, belt, socks.
503
00:21:59,569 --> 00:22:02,363
Where are your socks?
Where are your socks?
504
00:22:02,405 --> 00:22:04,657
Where are your socks?
What'd you do with your socks?
505
00:22:04,699 --> 00:22:06,284
Oh, they're in your shoes.
506
00:22:06,325 --> 00:22:08,077
At some point last night
you stopped to put your socks
507
00:22:08,119 --> 00:22:09,787
- in your shoes?
- I didn't, I...
508
00:22:09,829 --> 00:22:11,664
Why are you slow?
Were you always this slow?
509
00:22:11,706 --> 00:22:12,957
I haven't panic-dressed
in a while.
510
00:22:12,999 --> 00:22:14,834
Go! You can finish outside.
511
00:22:14,876 --> 00:22:17,253
Okay, okay, calm down.
I'm going.
512
00:22:17,295 --> 00:22:19,047
Oh, wait.
513
00:22:19,088 --> 00:22:20,673
I think I left my wallet
in the kitchen.
514
00:22:20,715 --> 00:22:22,633
- Let me just, uh...
- This isn't funny.
515
00:22:22,675 --> 00:22:26,054
Miriam? Are you up?
516
00:22:26,095 --> 00:22:27,305
If not, get up.
517
00:22:27,346 --> 00:22:29,182
I'm up.
I'll be right there.
518
00:22:29,223 --> 00:22:31,809
- Joel, please, just...
- I'm going.
519
00:22:31,851 --> 00:22:33,394
Geez, it's freezing.
520
00:22:33,436 --> 00:22:35,688
This window seemed bigger
five years ago.
521
00:22:35,730 --> 00:22:36,773
No, no cheese.
522
00:22:36,814 --> 00:22:38,733
No cheese from now on, ever.
523
00:22:38,775 --> 00:22:40,610
- Hey.
- What?
524
00:22:52,163 --> 00:22:54,040
Did you always look
like this in the morning?
525
00:22:54,082 --> 00:22:56,084
You got to go.
526
00:23:01,506 --> 00:23:03,591
Morning, Mama.
Morning, Zelda.
527
00:23:03,633 --> 00:23:06,219
My goodness, the coffee smells
especially amazing today.
528
00:23:06,260 --> 00:23:09,138
You know those days when coffee
just smells extra amazing?
529
00:23:09,180 --> 00:23:12,016
Yes, those are wonderful days.
What are you wearing?
530
00:23:12,058 --> 00:23:14,143
This is a robe.
531
00:23:14,185 --> 00:23:16,896
Yes. I stand by
my previous statement.
532
00:23:16,938 --> 00:23:19,107
Your face is a mess.
Your hair is a mess.
533
00:23:19,148 --> 00:23:22,276
So it's a theme.
No, I just, I-I had...
534
00:23:22,318 --> 00:23:24,487
I had a dream
I was on a safari,
535
00:23:24,529 --> 00:23:27,073
and there was no place for me
to get my hair done.
536
00:23:27,115 --> 00:23:29,075
And all my bags got lost,
537
00:23:29,117 --> 00:23:30,743
and a lion chased me
and ate my purse.
538
00:23:30,785 --> 00:23:32,286
And when I woke up,
I looked like this.
539
00:23:32,328 --> 00:23:35,414
So, that is the last time
that I... dream.
540
00:23:38,876 --> 00:23:40,294
My room's a mess.
541
00:23:40,336 --> 00:23:42,547
Wouldn't want you
to dock my allowance.
542
00:23:42,588 --> 00:23:44,048
Good morning, Papa.
543
00:23:44,090 --> 00:23:45,258
Want to hear about
my safari dream?
544
00:23:45,299 --> 00:23:46,509
It's the reason
I look like this.
545
00:23:46,551 --> 00:23:48,427
Like what?
546
00:23:48,469 --> 00:23:49,971
Coffee sure smells good, huh?
547
00:23:50,012 --> 00:23:51,514
- Smells like coffee.
- Mm.
548
00:23:51,556 --> 00:23:52,598
Good morning, Zelda.
549
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:54,016
Good morning, Mr. Weissman.
550
00:23:54,058 --> 00:23:55,518
- Good morning, Ro...
- I'll take my breakfast
551
00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:57,311
in the dining room, Zelda.
552
00:23:57,353 --> 00:23:59,480
Will you be joining
Mrs. Weissman?
553
00:23:59,522 --> 00:24:01,816
In the dining room?
554
00:24:01,858 --> 00:24:04,735
No, I won't.
555
00:24:04,777 --> 00:24:06,946
Bye, Papa.
556
00:24:08,406 --> 00:24:10,116
What?
557
00:24:10,158 --> 00:24:12,827
The coffee smells
very good this morning.
558
00:24:16,497 --> 00:24:18,666
"Belter Chemical Company
559
00:24:18,708 --> 00:24:19,917
"of Pasadena, California
560
00:24:19,959 --> 00:24:21,669
specializes
in Bakelite production."
561
00:24:21,711 --> 00:24:23,171
Got to speak up, Donny.
562
00:24:23,212 --> 00:24:25,756
"But their profits
have seen a steady decline
563
00:24:25,798 --> 00:24:26,966
"ever since the war ended.
564
00:24:27,008 --> 00:24:28,384
"Not only is there no need
565
00:24:28,426 --> 00:24:30,219
- for pilot goggles..."
- Yada, yada, yada.
566
00:24:30,261 --> 00:24:32,180
You got to pace it up. You're
boring the shit out of me.
567
00:24:32,221 --> 00:24:34,640
Archie? -Hmm, what?
Is Donny still talking?
568
00:24:34,682 --> 00:24:36,392
- Screw you, Archie.
- Okay.
569
00:24:36,434 --> 00:24:38,436
Let's say Donny finishes
and everyone's still conscious.
570
00:24:38,477 --> 00:24:40,354
- Thank you, thank you very much.
- You'll step in
571
00:24:40,396 --> 00:24:41,814
with the Belter profit
and loss records.
572
00:24:41,856 --> 00:24:43,399
Play up the bad, which means...
573
00:24:43,441 --> 00:24:45,610
We swoop in with a lowball offer
that they will jump at!
574
00:24:45,651 --> 00:24:47,987
Hear that, Donny?
It's called having a pulse.
575
00:24:48,029 --> 00:24:49,655
I'm being ganged up on here,
Mrs. Moskowitz.
576
00:24:49,697 --> 00:24:51,032
Play nice, boys.
577
00:24:51,073 --> 00:24:52,867
Archie finishes,
then I'll bring it home.
578
00:24:52,909 --> 00:24:55,453
There will be lots of
figures, lots of fireworks.
579
00:24:55,494 --> 00:24:57,997
I'll throw around words
like "phenolic resins."
580
00:24:58,039 --> 00:25:00,666
Oh! -Oh! -Catalin,
Faturan and Crystalate...
581
00:25:00,708 --> 00:25:02,293
I hear they're headlining
at the Apollo next week.
582
00:25:02,335 --> 00:25:04,003
- Then I'll point to charts!
- Charts! -Charts!
583
00:25:04,045 --> 00:25:05,087
- And graphs!
- Graphs! -Graphs!
584
00:25:05,129 --> 00:25:06,923
I'll dazzle them with bullshit,
585
00:25:06,964 --> 00:25:08,966
and then we'll hand out some
very nice color-coded binders,
586
00:25:09,008 --> 00:25:10,468
and as they all start to read,
587
00:25:10,509 --> 00:25:12,220
I'll sum up the
presentation with the words,
588
00:25:12,261 --> 00:25:14,847
"The future is ours.
And we will take it!"
589
00:25:14,889 --> 00:25:17,016
Well.
590
00:25:17,058 --> 00:25:18,267
We're ready, men.
591
00:25:18,309 --> 00:25:20,519
- Get a shave, press your suits.
- Oh.
592
00:25:20,561 --> 00:25:23,064
I don't think Don
should wear his grey suit.
593
00:25:23,105 --> 00:25:24,649
It makes him look tubby.
594
00:25:24,690 --> 00:25:25,900
Et tu, Mrs. Moskowitz?
595
00:25:25,942 --> 00:25:27,443
You heard her, Donny.
596
00:25:27,485 --> 00:25:28,486
- You're tubby in the grey.
- Boy,
597
00:25:28,527 --> 00:25:30,029
are you in a good mood.
598
00:25:30,071 --> 00:25:31,697
He's been
in a good mood all day.
599
00:25:31,739 --> 00:25:33,032
Something making you
extra happy?
600
00:25:33,074 --> 00:25:34,992
Something you can share?
Or pour?
601
00:25:35,034 --> 00:25:37,828
- Well, I wasn't gonna say anything.
- About what?
602
00:25:37,870 --> 00:25:41,791
It's not a done deal yet, but
it looks like maybe Midge and I
603
00:25:41,832 --> 00:25:43,668
- might give it another go.
- You're kidding.
604
00:25:43,709 --> 00:25:46,087
Oh, thank God. Thank you, God.
605
00:25:46,128 --> 00:25:47,546
- Easy, boy.
- You don't understand.
606
00:25:47,588 --> 00:25:49,382
You have no idea
what it's been like with Imogene
607
00:25:49,423 --> 00:25:51,634
since the two of you split.
She's gone crazy.
608
00:25:51,676 --> 00:25:53,469
Wasn't that long a trip, pal.
I got news for you.
609
00:25:53,511 --> 00:25:55,513
She's obsessed
with my every move.
610
00:25:55,554 --> 00:25:57,223
Where have I been,
what am I doing?
611
00:25:57,265 --> 00:25:59,058
I spilled ketchup
on my shirt one day,
612
00:25:59,100 --> 00:26:00,893
and she goes over to my
secretary's apartment
613
00:26:00,935 --> 00:26:04,438
and compares all her
lipstick color to the stain.
614
00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:05,648
Ooh! -Can I tell her
about Midge?
615
00:26:05,690 --> 00:26:06,732
Please, let me tell her.
616
00:26:06,774 --> 00:26:08,442
Not just yet, but soon.
617
00:26:08,484 --> 00:26:12,196
In the meantime, after work
tonight, drinks are on me.
618
00:26:12,238 --> 00:26:13,990
- -Oh!
- You, too, Mrs. Moskowitz!
619
00:26:14,031 --> 00:26:16,993
I can't wait
to meet Mrs. Maisel.
620
00:26:17,034 --> 00:26:18,703
I bet she's a pretty
wonderful girl.
621
00:26:18,744 --> 00:26:20,746
Oh, she is, Mrs. Moskowitz.
622
00:26:20,788 --> 00:26:23,332
She is at that.
623
00:26:36,012 --> 00:26:37,471
No.
624
00:26:37,513 --> 00:26:39,557
Hey, what's funnier,
corned beef or pastrami?
625
00:26:39,598 --> 00:26:41,225
Pastrami.
626
00:26:41,267 --> 00:26:43,853
"Pastrami..."
627
00:26:43,894 --> 00:26:45,980
That is funnier.
628
00:26:46,022 --> 00:26:47,440
Thank you!
629
00:26:48,649 --> 00:26:51,152
♪ Dashing through the snow ♪
630
00:26:51,193 --> 00:26:53,070
♪ In a one-horse
open sleigh... ♪
631
00:26:53,112 --> 00:26:55,614
I think
maybe he could be the one.
632
00:26:55,656 --> 00:26:57,033
He doesn't have to be the one.
633
00:26:57,074 --> 00:26:58,909
He could just be
the one right now.
634
00:26:58,951 --> 00:27:00,411
Where is he taking you?
635
00:27:00,453 --> 00:27:02,288
- The movies.
- So lucky.
636
00:27:02,330 --> 00:27:03,706
What's your evening, Viv?
637
00:27:03,748 --> 00:27:05,541
I'm going to church
with my family.
638
00:27:05,583 --> 00:27:09,670
The choir's great and the priest
looks just like David Niven.
639
00:27:09,712 --> 00:27:10,880
Oh, dear.
640
00:27:10,921 --> 00:27:13,090
It's snowing.
641
00:27:13,132 --> 00:27:14,467
I love the snow.
642
00:27:14,508 --> 00:27:15,968
Don't you love the snow?
643
00:27:16,010 --> 00:27:17,136
I do love the snow.
644
00:27:17,178 --> 00:27:18,637
I think the snow is good luck.
645
00:27:18,679 --> 00:27:20,306
Depends on how far
you have to walk.
646
00:27:20,348 --> 00:27:22,850
My wedding had a Russian
winter wonderland theme.
647
00:27:22,892 --> 00:27:24,560
You know, like
Doctor Zhivago.
648
00:27:24,602 --> 00:27:26,937
You had a medical themed
wedding? That's really weird.
649
00:27:26,979 --> 00:27:29,315
Doctor Zhivago is a book.
Don't make us look stupid.
650
00:27:29,357 --> 00:27:31,817
Everything was white,
and there were trees painted
651
00:27:31,859 --> 00:27:33,277
like they were covered
with snow.
652
00:27:33,319 --> 00:27:35,905
It was really,
really beautiful.
653
00:27:35,946 --> 00:27:37,365
What are you doing
tonight, Midge?
654
00:27:37,406 --> 00:27:39,241
- Oh, I have plans.
- Hmm.
655
00:27:39,283 --> 00:27:40,868
Is it something wonderful?
656
00:27:40,910 --> 00:27:42,995
It is. It is
something wonderful.
657
00:27:43,037 --> 00:27:44,789
That's good. Because tonight,
658
00:27:44,830 --> 00:27:46,916
everyone should do
something wonderful.
659
00:27:48,125 --> 00:27:50,378
- Bye, Midge.
- Bye.
660
00:27:50,419 --> 00:27:52,713
Ho, ho, ho.
661
00:27:52,755 --> 00:27:54,840
Look, it's Santa.
662
00:27:54,882 --> 00:27:56,217
♪ Take the boys along ♪
663
00:27:56,258 --> 00:27:58,469
♪ And sing this sleighing song ♪
664
00:27:58,511 --> 00:28:00,221
♪ Just get a bobtailed bay ♪
665
00:28:00,262 --> 00:28:02,098
♪ 240 as his speed ♪
666
00:28:02,139 --> 00:28:04,100
♪ Hitch him to an open sleigh ♪
667
00:28:04,141 --> 00:28:06,352
♪ And crack, you'll take
the lead, oh... ♪
668
00:28:06,394 --> 00:28:08,145
Four sailors stuck
licking the lamp post.
669
00:28:08,187 --> 00:28:10,022
You got to hit "licking."
I keep telling you,
670
00:28:10,064 --> 00:28:11,273
it's not funny
unless you hit "licking."
671
00:28:11,315 --> 00:28:13,401
Right. Licking the lamp post.
672
00:28:13,442 --> 00:28:15,361
Licking the lamp post.
673
00:28:15,403 --> 00:28:16,987
Jesus, how long
are we gonna be sitting here?
674
00:28:17,029 --> 00:28:18,697
You're supposed
to go on at 8:00.
675
00:28:18,739 --> 00:28:21,367
When you said "shit gig,"
this is exactly what I pictured.
676
00:28:21,409 --> 00:28:23,661
Yeah, this place
is pretty much the worst.
677
00:28:23,702 --> 00:28:25,663
Now, remember, the audience
out there will be terrible.
678
00:28:25,704 --> 00:28:26,914
All right?
They're gonna be drunk,
679
00:28:26,956 --> 00:28:28,707
horny and in no mood to laugh.
680
00:28:28,749 --> 00:28:30,418
There's pretty much no chance
you're gonna win them over,
681
00:28:30,459 --> 00:28:32,128
even if you do show them
your tits,
682
00:28:32,169 --> 00:28:34,547
'cause there's a lot of tits
to look at in here.
683
00:28:35,756 --> 00:28:37,299
I'm sorry, was that the end
of the pep talk?
684
00:28:37,341 --> 00:28:38,717
Just keep going.
685
00:28:38,759 --> 00:28:40,386
No matter what they toss at you,
keep going.
686
00:28:40,428 --> 00:28:42,721
Okay. -Duck, you know,
but keep going.
687
00:28:44,223 --> 00:28:46,559
- So, Susie.
- Yes?
688
00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:48,519
I'm gonna tell you something.
689
00:28:48,561 --> 00:28:50,438
Okay. -I'm just gonna say it,
because I want you to hear it,
690
00:28:50,479 --> 00:28:51,981
and after I say it
and after you hear it,
691
00:28:52,022 --> 00:28:53,315
we are not gonna
discuss it again.
692
00:28:53,357 --> 00:28:55,359
I just want you to hear it,
693
00:28:55,401 --> 00:28:56,610
because we are
in business together,
694
00:28:56,652 --> 00:28:57,903
and we spend time together
695
00:28:57,945 --> 00:29:00,156
and it could come up
occasionally.
696
00:29:00,197 --> 00:29:01,282
And I don't want to keep
anything from you.
697
00:29:01,323 --> 00:29:02,616
But I don't want you
to be surprised
698
00:29:02,658 --> 00:29:03,868
- if I accidentally...
- What is this?
699
00:29:03,909 --> 00:29:05,077
The lost Hamlet monologue?
700
00:29:05,119 --> 00:29:06,328
Just say it, for Christ's sake.
701
00:29:06,370 --> 00:29:07,830
I spent the night with Joel.
702
00:29:07,872 --> 00:29:10,624
After Ethan's party,
he spent the night.
703
00:29:10,666 --> 00:29:13,961
And we... spent the night.
704
00:29:14,003 --> 00:29:15,171
So there.
705
00:29:15,212 --> 00:29:16,797
I told you. You know it.
706
00:29:16,839 --> 00:29:18,674
We are not gonna
talk about it again.
707
00:29:20,968 --> 00:29:23,095
Who's Joel?
708
00:29:23,137 --> 00:29:25,598
My husband.
709
00:29:25,639 --> 00:29:27,349
You slept with your husband?
710
00:29:27,391 --> 00:29:28,517
He was such an asshole.
711
00:29:28,559 --> 00:29:29,977
We are not gonna talk about it.
712
00:29:30,019 --> 00:29:31,604
Are you getting back together
with him?
713
00:29:31,645 --> 00:29:33,522
I just thought I should tell you
in case it came up...
714
00:29:33,564 --> 00:29:34,732
In case what?
715
00:29:34,773 --> 00:29:36,275
We are not gonna talk about it.
716
00:29:36,317 --> 00:29:37,735
- You are, aren't you?
- Not talking about it.
717
00:29:37,776 --> 00:29:39,820
- But...
- Not talking about.
718
00:29:39,862 --> 00:29:41,614
- Susie Myerson!
- Yeah.
719
00:29:41,655 --> 00:29:45,993
We'll continue not talking
about it when I get back.
720
00:29:48,078 --> 00:29:49,872
You slept with your husband?
721
00:29:49,914 --> 00:29:52,249
Yes.
722
00:29:52,291 --> 00:29:54,835
Aren't you supposed to sleep
with your husband? I'm confused.
723
00:29:54,877 --> 00:29:57,004
Well, we've been
separated for a while,
724
00:29:57,046 --> 00:29:58,714
so it was, it was
a little unexpected.
725
00:29:58,756 --> 00:30:00,925
Well, your boyfriend took it
pretty well, considering.
726
00:30:00,966 --> 00:30:02,593
Oh, Susie's not my boyfriend.
727
00:30:02,635 --> 00:30:03,761
She's my manager.
728
00:30:03,802 --> 00:30:05,346
Strippers got managers now?
729
00:30:05,387 --> 00:30:06,555
I-I'm not a stripper.
730
00:30:06,597 --> 00:30:07,681
What are you?
731
00:30:07,723 --> 00:30:08,807
I'm a comic.
732
00:30:08,849 --> 00:30:11,143
Ooh, tough way to make a living.
733
00:30:14,188 --> 00:30:15,606
Get your coat.
734
00:30:15,648 --> 00:30:16,899
Why?
735
00:30:16,941 --> 00:30:18,943
- Just get it. Let's go.
- Susie.
736
00:30:18,984 --> 00:30:21,070
They canceled us, okay?
You happy?
737
00:30:21,111 --> 00:30:22,363
What are you talking about,
"canceled"?
738
00:30:22,404 --> 00:30:23,781
They just told me,
they got someone else
739
00:30:23,822 --> 00:30:24,990
for your spot tonight.
740
00:30:25,032 --> 00:30:25,950
Why?
741
00:30:25,991 --> 00:30:27,076
Why do you think?
742
00:30:27,117 --> 00:30:28,452
Harry fucking Drake.
743
00:30:28,494 --> 00:30:29,912
Are you kidding?
How did he even know
744
00:30:29,954 --> 00:30:31,247
about this stupid gig?
745
00:30:31,288 --> 00:30:33,791
- Oh, I told him.
- Why?
746
00:30:33,832 --> 00:30:35,376
'Cause I'm the world's
biggest idiot.
747
00:30:35,417 --> 00:30:37,378
And you can bet
if he cost us this loser gig,
748
00:30:37,419 --> 00:30:39,588
he's probably gonna cost us
the other loser gig, also.
749
00:30:39,630 --> 00:30:41,840
Well, they're blackballing
Amanda Gleason, not me.
750
00:30:41,882 --> 00:30:43,884
I-I could change my
name to Trudy Macintosh.
751
00:30:43,926 --> 00:30:45,844
Well, he knows my name, Trudy.
752
00:30:45,886 --> 00:30:48,597
And they're not dealing with me,
and I'm your manager. Right?
753
00:30:48,639 --> 00:30:49,932
Yes. Of course.
754
00:30:49,974 --> 00:30:51,308
Right?
755
00:30:51,350 --> 00:30:53,143
Yes. Susie, please.
We're a team.
756
00:30:53,185 --> 00:30:55,062
Okay.
757
00:30:55,104 --> 00:30:56,313
So what do we do now?
758
00:30:56,355 --> 00:30:57,523
I don't know.
759
00:30:57,565 --> 00:30:59,525
Shit, shit, shit.
760
00:30:59,567 --> 00:31:02,236
Cunt.
761
00:31:02,278 --> 00:31:04,113
It's a good thing
you don't have a career anymore,
762
00:31:04,154 --> 00:31:05,364
'cause that loser husband
of yours
763
00:31:05,406 --> 00:31:08,158
would never have
let you do this anyway.
764
00:31:13,497 --> 00:31:15,874
I'll fly out of here,
like a bird.
765
00:31:15,916 --> 00:31:18,544
Like a bird, like a bird.
766
00:31:18,586 --> 00:31:21,005
I'll run out of here,
like a deer.
767
00:31:21,046 --> 00:31:23,549
Like a deer, like a deer.
768
00:31:23,591 --> 00:31:26,010
I'll swim out of here,
like a fish.
769
00:31:26,051 --> 00:31:28,679
- Like a fish, like a fish.
- Back table.
770
00:31:28,721 --> 00:31:30,973
I'll climb out of here,
like an ape.
771
00:31:31,015 --> 00:31:34,143
- What's he doing here?
- Fuck if I'm gonna ask.
772
00:31:34,184 --> 00:31:36,395
I'll slink out of here,
like a snake.
773
00:31:36,437 --> 00:31:38,147
Like a snake,
like a snake.
774
00:31:38,188 --> 00:31:41,483
Hey boss, nice to... -Who
the hell is Amanda Gleason?
775
00:31:41,525 --> 00:31:44,320
Why? -Word is she's
persona non grata.
776
00:31:44,361 --> 00:31:46,572
Harry Drake himself
made the call.
777
00:31:46,614 --> 00:31:49,700
The last time I talked to
Harry Drake was ten years ago,
778
00:31:49,742 --> 00:31:51,535
when the same whore
gave us both the clap.
779
00:31:51,577 --> 00:31:52,828
- That's a nice story.
- He's saying
780
00:31:52,870 --> 00:31:54,455
Amanda Gleason better not
come within ten feet
781
00:31:54,496 --> 00:31:56,206
of the Gaslight.
782
00:31:56,248 --> 00:31:58,834
If she does, he'll make
sure anyone who performs here
783
00:31:58,876 --> 00:32:00,878
will never work
on the East Coast again.
784
00:32:00,919 --> 00:32:02,838
Look, Harry
is a legendary drunk.
785
00:32:02,880 --> 00:32:04,673
And he's saying
you screwed him over.
786
00:32:04,715 --> 00:32:06,175
Did you do that?
787
00:32:06,216 --> 00:32:07,468
At least I didn't
give him the clap.
788
00:32:07,509 --> 00:32:09,511
Who is Amanda Gleason, Susie?
789
00:32:09,553 --> 00:32:10,929
- She's a comic I'm managing.
- Well, see if you can
790
00:32:10,971 --> 00:32:12,139
manage to keep her out of here.
791
00:32:12,181 --> 00:32:13,891
- Eddie...
- Don't book her,
792
00:32:13,932 --> 00:32:15,559
don't give her a slot.
793
00:32:15,601 --> 00:32:17,770
Don't let her use the john.
Nothing. You got it?
794
00:32:17,811 --> 00:32:19,563
You'd feel different
if you'd heard her act.
795
00:32:19,605 --> 00:32:20,773
Susie, listen to me.
796
00:32:20,814 --> 00:32:22,524
You've done a good job here
797
00:32:22,566 --> 00:32:25,944
with Baz off in the tundra,
or wherever the hell he is.
798
00:32:25,986 --> 00:32:28,280
But I need you to stand down
for a while.
799
00:32:28,322 --> 00:32:29,490
What does that mean?
800
00:32:29,531 --> 00:32:31,784
It means let Jackie run things.
801
00:32:31,825 --> 00:32:33,744
Let him put
the lineups together.
802
00:32:33,786 --> 00:32:36,580
You stay away from anything
having to do with the talent.
803
00:32:36,622 --> 00:32:38,582
- Then what am I supposed to do?
- Run the door.
804
00:32:38,624 --> 00:32:40,376
I would rather clean gum
off the floor.
805
00:32:40,417 --> 00:32:43,420
Sit your ass on that stool
and take people's money.
806
00:32:43,462 --> 00:32:44,922
No fucking way.
807
00:32:44,963 --> 00:32:46,757
You want to take that sunny,
people-pleasing attitude
808
00:32:46,799 --> 00:32:49,635
of yours and go look
for another job? Go ahead.
809
00:32:49,677 --> 00:32:51,929
Rikers might be hiring. Okay.
810
00:32:51,970 --> 00:32:54,223
We're clear. I'm leaving.
811
00:32:54,264 --> 00:32:55,766
It's nice seeing you.
812
00:32:55,808 --> 00:32:58,936
Don't make me
come down here again.
813
00:32:58,977 --> 00:33:00,854
- Snake.
- Snake,
814
00:33:00,896 --> 00:33:02,773
snake, snake, snake.
815
00:33:02,815 --> 00:33:05,901
Snake.
816
00:33:10,739 --> 00:33:12,908
♪ Mister Santa ♪
817
00:33:12,950 --> 00:33:16,120
♪ Bring me some toys ♪
818
00:33:16,161 --> 00:33:18,455
♪ Bring Merry Christmas
to all girls and boys... ♪
819
00:33:18,497 --> 00:33:19,998
I've got five minutes
for a toast,
820
00:33:20,040 --> 00:33:21,417
and then I'm on the clock.
821
00:33:21,458 --> 00:33:24,086
- Happy holidays.
- Merry Christmas.
822
00:33:24,128 --> 00:33:25,879
Here's mud in your eye.
823
00:33:25,921 --> 00:33:27,339
♪ And dream about
the presents... ♪
824
00:33:27,381 --> 00:33:29,758
Oh, my. Vivian mixed this,
didn't she?
825
00:33:29,800 --> 00:33:31,927
- How'd you know?
- Wild guess.
826
00:33:31,969 --> 00:33:33,178
Finger, please.
827
00:33:33,220 --> 00:33:34,388
Who gets the pretty gift?
828
00:33:34,430 --> 00:33:36,140
Harriet got a modeling job.
829
00:33:36,181 --> 00:33:37,516
In Paris. Could you die?
830
00:33:37,558 --> 00:33:39,435
Oh, that's wonderful.
831
00:33:39,476 --> 00:33:40,894
Christmas in Paris.
832
00:33:40,936 --> 00:33:42,646
With French guys.
833
00:33:42,688 --> 00:33:45,858
Here's to Charles Boyer!
834
00:33:45,899 --> 00:33:48,444
To Charles Boyer!
835
00:33:48,485 --> 00:33:50,320
How about we get Viv
a little Christmas coffee
836
00:33:50,362 --> 00:33:51,989
before she goes back
on the floor,
837
00:33:52,030 --> 00:33:53,907
so she doesn't start eating
the lipsticks again.
838
00:33:53,949 --> 00:33:55,200
Will do.
839
00:33:55,242 --> 00:33:56,869
Oh, I forgot to ask
about your date.
840
00:33:56,910 --> 00:33:59,246
Is he the one,
or the one right now?
841
00:33:59,288 --> 00:34:02,291
Well, well, well.
842
00:34:02,332 --> 00:34:05,252
God bless us, everyone!
843
00:34:05,294 --> 00:34:07,838
What's that mean? -It's the end
of Christmas Carol.
844
00:34:07,880 --> 00:34:09,256
It's a book.
845
00:34:09,298 --> 00:34:11,508
Always with the books, geez.
846
00:34:13,761 --> 00:34:18,515
♪ Give every reindeer
a hug and a squeeze ♪
847
00:34:18,557 --> 00:34:22,519
♪ I'll be good, as good can be ♪
848
00:34:22,561 --> 00:34:26,690
♪ Mister Santa,
don't forget me... ♪
849
00:34:26,732 --> 00:34:29,985
♪ Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom, bom,
bom, bom, bom, bom. ♪
850
00:34:30,027 --> 00:34:32,279
Congratulations, mademoiselle.
851
00:34:32,321 --> 00:34:34,031
- A Viv special?
- A Viv special.
852
00:34:34,072 --> 00:34:35,407
I can smell it from here.
853
00:34:35,449 --> 00:34:37,034
I want postcards from Paris.
854
00:34:37,075 --> 00:34:38,202
Mais oui.
855
00:34:38,243 --> 00:34:39,328
Hey!
856
00:34:39,369 --> 00:34:41,038
Penny.
857
00:34:41,079 --> 00:34:43,540
What are you... -I have been
all over town looking for you.
858
00:34:43,582 --> 00:34:45,667
- Penny, I'm working right now.
- Oh, I know.
859
00:34:45,709 --> 00:34:47,336
I know you're working
because Joel said you worked
860
00:34:47,377 --> 00:34:48,629
in a department store.
861
00:34:48,670 --> 00:34:50,005
He just didn't say which one.
862
00:34:50,047 --> 00:34:52,216
So I went to all of them.
863
00:34:52,257 --> 00:34:54,510
I went to Saks.
I went to Bergdorf's.
864
00:34:54,551 --> 00:34:56,762
I went to Macy's.
I went to Gimbels.
865
00:34:56,804 --> 00:34:59,097
They're across the street from
each other, so that was easy.
866
00:34:59,139 --> 00:35:00,349
I went to Lord & Taylor's.
867
00:35:00,390 --> 00:35:01,558
I went to Bendel's,
even though I thought,
868
00:35:01,600 --> 00:35:02,643
"She wouldn't shop at Bendel's,"
869
00:35:02,684 --> 00:35:03,894
but it's not really about
870
00:35:03,936 --> 00:35:05,479
where you would shop, is it?
871
00:35:05,521 --> 00:35:07,314
- Not really. Look, can we...
- I almost gave up.
872
00:35:07,356 --> 00:35:10,025
But I decided, "No,
I'll give it one more try."
873
00:35:10,067 --> 00:35:12,236
And I came here,
and here you are.
874
00:35:12,277 --> 00:35:15,155
- Yes. Look...
- I know all about you and Joel.
875
00:35:15,197 --> 00:35:17,074
I know that you spent
the night together.
876
00:35:17,115 --> 00:35:18,784
And I think that's rotten.
It's mean
877
00:35:18,826 --> 00:35:20,661
and it's spiteful and vindictive
878
00:35:20,702 --> 00:35:22,079
and I don't understand
why you'd do it.
879
00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:23,539
Wow. Where's a fainting couch
when you need one?
880
00:35:23,580 --> 00:35:25,415
Joel and I were happy.
881
00:35:25,457 --> 00:35:26,834
- Oh, boy.
- I made him happy.
882
00:35:26,875 --> 00:35:28,752
- He moved out, Penny.
- Not really.
883
00:35:28,794 --> 00:35:30,379
- Are his things there?
- There's socks.
884
00:35:30,420 --> 00:35:32,589
Socks? Or just a sock?
885
00:35:32,631 --> 00:35:34,132
He moved out. You broke up.
886
00:35:34,174 --> 00:35:35,551
No. We did not break up.
887
00:35:35,592 --> 00:35:37,678
Joel never said the words,
"We broke up."
888
00:35:37,719 --> 00:35:39,721
- What words did he say?
- Other words.
889
00:35:39,763 --> 00:35:41,265
Other words that basically
amount to "we broke up"?
890
00:35:41,306 --> 00:35:42,933
I was good for him.
891
00:35:42,975 --> 00:35:44,977
Better for him than you were.
He relaxed around me.
892
00:35:45,018 --> 00:35:46,937
He'd come home at night
and fall right to sleep.
893
00:35:46,979 --> 00:35:48,647
Boy, you are making it
way too easy.
894
00:35:48,689 --> 00:35:50,107
If you had just let go,
if you had just...
895
00:35:50,148 --> 00:35:51,525
He never took off
his wedding ring.
896
00:35:51,567 --> 00:35:52,943
You didn't think
that was strange?
897
00:35:52,985 --> 00:35:55,362
The stress of everything
made his fingers swell.
898
00:35:55,404 --> 00:35:58,907
Penny, you don't really
believe that, do you?
899
00:36:01,535 --> 00:36:03,370
He would've forgotten you.
900
00:36:03,412 --> 00:36:06,331
You just did something.
901
00:36:06,373 --> 00:36:08,542
You need to go.
902
00:36:08,584 --> 00:36:11,837
You did sleep together,
didn't you?
903
00:36:11,879 --> 00:36:14,715
- Yes.
- Tramp!
904
00:36:14,756 --> 00:36:16,758
That's what I went
to seven different
905
00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:18,093
department stores to say!
906
00:36:18,135 --> 00:36:20,804
You are a tramp!
907
00:36:23,307 --> 00:36:25,225
We need to have a talk.
908
00:36:25,267 --> 00:36:27,352
Bring your handbook.
909
00:36:35,736 --> 00:36:36,778
What do you do?
910
00:36:36,820 --> 00:36:38,155
Spoken word with tambourine.
911
00:36:38,196 --> 00:36:39,948
Your parents must be thrilled.
912
00:36:39,990 --> 00:36:42,200
Okay. 8:30.
913
00:36:42,242 --> 00:36:43,368
Can I get some change?
914
00:36:43,410 --> 00:36:44,870
Fuck off.
915
00:36:44,912 --> 00:36:47,664
Oh, yeah. Singles okay?
916
00:36:47,706 --> 00:36:48,665
What do you do?
917
00:36:48,707 --> 00:36:50,667
Carter Family covers.
918
00:36:50,709 --> 00:36:52,419
11:30.
919
00:36:52,461 --> 00:36:54,254
How'd you get Imogene to let you
come out with me tonight?
920
00:36:54,296 --> 00:36:55,797
I explained this is a big deal
for you.
921
00:36:55,839 --> 00:36:57,674
You needed your second
by your side.
922
00:36:57,716 --> 00:36:59,343
So if I bomb, you're going up?
923
00:36:59,384 --> 00:37:00,928
Nope. You bomb,
I look the other way.
924
00:37:00,969 --> 00:37:03,639
Never met you.
925
00:37:03,680 --> 00:37:05,307
Hi, there.
926
00:37:05,349 --> 00:37:07,392
- Remember me?
- No.
927
00:37:07,434 --> 00:37:09,645
- I'm the one with the brisket.
- No.
928
00:37:09,686 --> 00:37:11,480
Actually, my wife
would bring the brisket,
929
00:37:11,521 --> 00:37:13,565
but it was for me
to get me a spot.
930
00:37:13,607 --> 00:37:15,984
So, how about I owe you a
brisket and you give me a spot?
931
00:37:16,026 --> 00:37:17,194
No.
932
00:37:17,235 --> 00:37:20,489
Okay. Hey, that
is a great blouse.
933
00:37:20,530 --> 00:37:21,657
Barking up the wrong tree, pal.
934
00:37:21,698 --> 00:37:23,700
Right. Look,
I'd really love a spot.
935
00:37:23,742 --> 00:37:25,285
Anything you could do?
936
00:37:25,327 --> 00:37:27,371
I don't give out
the spots anymore.
937
00:37:27,412 --> 00:37:28,622
Got to talk to him.
938
00:37:28,664 --> 00:37:29,957
Tell him he's got a nice ass.
939
00:37:29,998 --> 00:37:31,667
That usually works.
940
00:37:31,708 --> 00:37:34,461
Okay, thanks.
941
00:37:34,503 --> 00:37:36,213
Hi.
942
00:37:36,254 --> 00:37:38,465
I'm a comedian.
I'd like a slot tonight.
943
00:37:38,507 --> 00:37:39,675
Sorry, pal. All full.
944
00:37:39,716 --> 00:37:41,635
You sure?
945
00:37:41,677 --> 00:37:45,973
Just gave the last one
to that guy or that guy.
946
00:37:46,014 --> 00:37:48,725
I don't know. One of those guys
got the last slot.
947
00:37:48,767 --> 00:37:51,228
What if I come back tonight
just in case someone drops out?
948
00:37:51,269 --> 00:37:54,022
That's a pretty
fucking stupid idea.
949
00:37:54,064 --> 00:37:55,691
Okay.
Then I'll try again tomorrow.
950
00:37:55,732 --> 00:37:57,484
And the next day,
and the day after that
951
00:37:57,526 --> 00:37:59,152
because I am going
to get a slot
952
00:37:59,194 --> 00:38:01,697
and I am going to get back up
on that stage.
953
00:38:01,738 --> 00:38:03,115
Cue the orchestra.
954
00:38:03,156 --> 00:38:06,118
What do I care?
Come back whenever you want.
955
00:38:06,159 --> 00:38:07,619
Let's go, Arch.
956
00:38:07,661 --> 00:38:08,996
Mr. Persistency.
957
00:38:09,037 --> 00:38:10,330
This is what Midge wanted.
958
00:38:10,372 --> 00:38:11,957
She wanted me to be a comedian
959
00:38:11,999 --> 00:38:13,417
and I just didn't
try hard enough.
960
00:38:13,458 --> 00:38:15,419
So, now, I do this for Midge
961
00:38:15,460 --> 00:38:18,922
because from now on,
she gets everything she wants.
962
00:38:21,758 --> 00:38:23,176
Papa?
963
00:38:32,602 --> 00:38:34,229
Papa?
964
00:38:34,271 --> 00:38:35,981
Yes?
965
00:38:38,025 --> 00:38:39,359
What are you doing?
966
00:38:39,401 --> 00:38:41,278
Alphabetizing my books.
967
00:38:41,319 --> 00:38:43,488
Can I talk to you for a moment?
968
00:38:43,530 --> 00:38:45,991
Okay.
969
00:38:46,033 --> 00:38:48,118
Are you... y-you're gonna do it
from there?
970
00:38:48,160 --> 00:38:50,412
I think that's what
we're looking at, yes.
971
00:38:50,454 --> 00:38:52,039
Okay.
972
00:38:52,080 --> 00:38:57,127
Well, I just wanted to tell you
that Joel and I
973
00:38:57,169 --> 00:38:58,962
might be getting back together.
974
00:38:59,004 --> 00:39:03,633
Are you kidding me?
975
00:39:03,675 --> 00:39:07,429
After what you put your mother
and me through,
976
00:39:07,471 --> 00:39:09,556
you have the nerve
to come in here and tell me
977
00:39:09,598 --> 00:39:11,850
you're getting back together?
978
00:39:11,892 --> 00:39:14,394
- I...
- She's not speaking to me.
979
00:39:14,436 --> 00:39:16,438
She took my study. Look at me.
980
00:39:16,480 --> 00:39:19,066
Look at what I have
to do every single day
981
00:39:19,107 --> 00:39:20,609
because you wouldn't
let Joel come back!
982
00:39:20,650 --> 00:39:22,569
- I'm sorry.
- No!
983
00:39:22,611 --> 00:39:25,238
- "No" what?
- No, I forbid it.
984
00:39:25,280 --> 00:39:27,866
You forbid me to get back
together with my husband?
985
00:39:27,908 --> 00:39:30,243
Yes, I forbid it.
986
00:39:30,285 --> 00:39:33,872
You have laid waste
to everyone and everything
987
00:39:33,914 --> 00:39:35,832
around you.
988
00:39:35,874 --> 00:39:37,417
It's been like a typhoon.
989
00:39:37,459 --> 00:39:39,628
The Red Cross should start
handing out blankets.
990
00:39:39,669 --> 00:39:41,588
You have ruined everybody's life
991
00:39:41,630 --> 00:39:44,883
and now that there's no more
havoc to wreak,
992
00:39:44,925 --> 00:39:46,301
you want to get back together
993
00:39:46,343 --> 00:39:49,096
and be happy. No.
994
00:39:49,137 --> 00:39:53,308
You don't get to be happy
until I can get to my piano!
995
00:39:53,350 --> 00:39:55,602
Papa, I am so sorry.
996
00:39:55,644 --> 00:39:58,396
I really am. I-I didn't mean
for any of this to happen.
997
00:39:58,438 --> 00:40:00,816
I didn't mean
to upset your lives.
998
00:40:00,857 --> 00:40:02,359
Ugh.
999
00:40:02,400 --> 00:40:05,028
I've just missed him so much.
1000
00:40:05,070 --> 00:40:07,364
I miss being married.
1001
00:40:07,405 --> 00:40:11,201
I miss having someone
to laugh with,
1002
00:40:11,243 --> 00:40:14,079
someone next to me at night.
1003
00:40:14,121 --> 00:40:16,832
Are you sure?
1004
00:40:18,875 --> 00:40:20,794
I love him.
1005
00:40:20,836 --> 00:40:23,046
Goddamn it!
1006
00:40:23,088 --> 00:40:27,259
Goddamn it! Goddamn it!
I'm fine.
1007
00:40:27,300 --> 00:40:29,553
Oy.
1008
00:40:29,594 --> 00:40:32,806
And I thought your teenage years
were a problem.
1009
00:40:32,848 --> 00:40:35,392
Well, look on the bright side.
1010
00:40:35,433 --> 00:40:36,601
Still might not happen.
1011
00:40:36,643 --> 00:40:38,645
Don't tease.
1012
00:40:38,687 --> 00:40:43,733
I'm a different person now
than when he left.
1013
00:40:43,775 --> 00:40:45,569
He might not like the new me.
1014
00:40:45,610 --> 00:40:48,446
People change.
1015
00:40:51,533 --> 00:40:55,078
You know who your mother
was when I first met her?
1016
00:40:55,120 --> 00:40:58,790
She had just come back
from France.
1017
00:40:58,832 --> 00:41:02,878
She smoked cigarettes.
1018
00:41:02,919 --> 00:41:05,380
She wore a beret.
1019
00:41:05,422 --> 00:41:07,966
- She ate.
- Stop.
1020
00:41:08,008 --> 00:41:11,845
I once shared an entire
chocolate cake with her.
1021
00:41:11,887 --> 00:41:14,848
That was a great night.
1022
00:41:14,890 --> 00:41:20,187
But now... she's different.
1023
00:41:20,228 --> 00:41:21,605
She changed.
1024
00:41:21,646 --> 00:41:24,107
Ah, I'm sure I changed.
1025
00:41:24,149 --> 00:41:28,069
I'm not as limber as I once was,
that's for sure.
1026
00:41:28,111 --> 00:41:31,823
But I still love her.
1027
00:41:31,865 --> 00:41:35,452
Change...
1028
00:41:35,493 --> 00:41:37,579
part of marriage.
1029
00:41:39,998 --> 00:41:40,999
If he loves you...
1030
00:41:41,041 --> 00:41:42,334
He does.
1031
00:41:42,375 --> 00:41:44,377
If he loves you,
1032
00:41:44,419 --> 00:41:49,174
and you can forgive...
1033
00:41:49,216 --> 00:41:52,052
ah, who the hell knows?
1034
00:41:52,093 --> 00:41:54,221
Just, please...
1035
00:41:54,262 --> 00:41:59,476
please, don't tell your mother
unless you're very, very sure.
1036
00:41:59,517 --> 00:42:01,853
- Okay.
- Because if I come home
1037
00:42:01,895 --> 00:42:06,107
and she's moved me
into the kids' room...
1038
00:42:06,149 --> 00:42:08,735
- I'll have to kill you.
- I understand.
1039
00:42:08,777 --> 00:42:12,781
I'll feel bad about it,
but it will happen.
1040
00:42:19,329 --> 00:42:21,331
You need a hand?
1041
00:42:21,373 --> 00:42:22,999
No.
1042
00:42:23,041 --> 00:42:26,962
Not sure which way I want to go.
1043
00:42:27,003 --> 00:42:29,589
If you need me, just holler.
1044
00:42:29,631 --> 00:42:31,258
Mm-hmm.
1045
00:42:31,299 --> 00:42:32,926
Yeah, definitely.
1046
00:42:32,968 --> 00:42:35,136
Ha, this is it.
1047
00:42:35,178 --> 00:42:37,514
Wow. This place ever new?
1048
00:42:37,555 --> 00:42:39,224
Doubt it.
1049
00:42:39,266 --> 00:42:40,600
Hey.
1050
00:42:40,642 --> 00:42:42,143
Maybe I should take up
an instrument.
1051
00:42:42,185 --> 00:42:43,895
We could have an act,
take it on the road.
1052
00:42:43,937 --> 00:42:45,480
Wait, hear that?
1053
00:42:45,522 --> 00:42:48,775
I think that was Imogene
passing out somewhere.
1054
00:42:48,817 --> 00:42:50,986
Hey, I'm looking
for party albums.
1055
00:42:51,027 --> 00:42:53,405
Uh, downstairs, but don't touch
anything without gloves on.
1056
00:42:53,446 --> 00:42:55,282
Is that to protect
the records or me?
1057
00:42:56,449 --> 00:42:58,243
Oy, tough crowd.
1058
00:42:58,285 --> 00:43:00,537
- Let's go downstairs.
- Play it again.
1059
00:43:00,578 --> 00:43:02,998
- I swear I know her.
- Okay, here you go.
1060
00:43:03,039 --> 00:43:04,541
I gave him kids.
1061
00:43:04,582 --> 00:43:06,459
A boy and a girl.
1062
00:43:06,501 --> 00:43:08,169
And, yes, our little girl
is looking more and more
1063
00:43:08,211 --> 00:43:10,088
like Winston Churchill
every day.
1064
00:43:10,130 --> 00:43:11,756
- You know,
with that big Yalta head?
1065
00:43:11,798 --> 00:43:13,675
But that's not a reason
to leave, right?
1066
00:43:13,717 --> 00:43:15,093
That's Barbra Mellon.
1067
00:43:15,135 --> 00:43:17,095
No, it's not. I asked her.
1068
00:43:17,137 --> 00:43:19,222
Walk of shame.
1069
00:43:19,264 --> 00:43:22,934
Walk of shame.
1070
00:43:22,976 --> 00:43:26,104
I loved him and I showed him...
1071
00:43:26,146 --> 00:43:27,772
I love this part.
1072
00:43:27,814 --> 00:43:29,024
All that shit they say
1073
00:43:29,065 --> 00:43:31,026
about Jewish girls
in the bedroom?
1074
00:43:31,067 --> 00:43:33,278
Not true.
There are French whores
1075
00:43:33,320 --> 00:43:35,113
standing around
the Marais District saying,
1076
00:43:35,155 --> 00:43:37,699
"Did you hear
what Midge did to..."
1077
00:43:37,741 --> 00:43:38,992
What the hell is this?
1078
00:43:39,034 --> 00:43:40,160
It's not for sale.
1079
00:43:45,707 --> 00:43:47,000
Hey.
1080
00:43:52,630 --> 00:43:54,758
- Joel.
- Not now, Archie.
1081
00:43:54,799 --> 00:43:56,259
What the hell was that?
1082
00:43:56,301 --> 00:43:59,012
It's just... I just...
1083
00:44:03,850 --> 00:44:06,978
Belter is located
just seven miles
1084
00:44:07,020 --> 00:44:09,105
from the California Institute
of Technology,
1085
00:44:09,147 --> 00:44:12,817
which gives us the opportunity
to recruit the expertise
1086
00:44:12,859 --> 00:44:15,737
at CalTech to overhaul
its current production methods.
1087
00:44:15,779 --> 00:44:17,572
My growing expertise
1088
00:44:17,614 --> 00:44:20,408
in corporate
organizational structure,
1089
00:44:20,450 --> 00:44:24,662
coupled with my newfound passion
for-for, uh...
1090
00:44:36,091 --> 00:44:37,675
I quit.
1091
00:44:41,012 --> 00:44:43,431
What?
1092
00:44:50,688 --> 00:44:53,233
Oh, you got to be kidding me.
Jesus Christ.
1093
00:44:53,274 --> 00:44:54,734
- Hey, Lenny.
- It's you?
1094
00:44:54,776 --> 00:44:56,820
I'm sorry. They wouldn't
let me in without paying.
1095
00:44:56,861 --> 00:44:58,279
Yes, that's how
a business usually operates.
1096
00:44:58,321 --> 00:44:59,864
Look, I had to talk to you.
1097
00:44:59,906 --> 00:45:01,241
Don't you ever send a message
to anyone saying,
1098
00:45:01,282 --> 00:45:02,575
"Your drug dealer is outside."
1099
00:45:02,617 --> 00:45:04,160
That could go wrong
in so many ways.
1100
00:45:04,202 --> 00:45:05,328
- Have you heard about this?
- What?
1101
00:45:05,370 --> 00:45:06,413
Look.
1102
00:45:08,456 --> 00:45:09,624
Sophie Lennon?
1103
00:45:09,666 --> 00:45:10,875
Yes, yes, I heard.
1104
00:45:10,917 --> 00:45:12,043
I rejoiced.
1105
00:45:12,085 --> 00:45:13,128
Sophie Lennon's a hack.
1106
00:45:13,169 --> 00:45:14,587
Plus, she owes me money.
1107
00:45:14,629 --> 00:45:16,381
I wrote some jokes for her.
Never paid me.
1108
00:45:16,423 --> 00:45:17,966
Good jokes, too,
but she said her audience
1109
00:45:18,007 --> 00:45:19,259
doesn't know the word
"cunnilingus."
1110
00:45:19,300 --> 00:45:20,593
Yeah, well,
because of that show,
1111
00:45:20,635 --> 00:45:22,053
Amanda Gleason
has been blackballed.
1112
00:45:22,095 --> 00:45:23,096
Who's Amanda Gleason?
1113
00:45:23,138 --> 00:45:24,514
She's the comic
who took down Lennon.
1114
00:45:24,556 --> 00:45:26,683
Amanda Gleason
is a terrible name.
1115
00:45:26,724 --> 00:45:28,101
I know. She knows. We all know.
1116
00:45:28,143 --> 00:45:29,185
The name's not the problem.
1117
00:45:29,227 --> 00:45:31,062
- What's the problem?
- The problem is
1118
00:45:31,104 --> 00:45:32,897
she's been blackballed.
She can't get a gig anywhere
1119
00:45:32,939 --> 00:45:34,482
and I've been blackballed
along with her.
1120
00:45:34,524 --> 00:45:35,483
You understand "blackballed"?
1121
00:45:35,525 --> 00:45:36,693
I understand blackballed.
1122
00:45:36,734 --> 00:45:38,111
- So...
- It's terrible.
1123
00:45:38,153 --> 00:45:40,238
What do you want from me?
1124
00:45:40,280 --> 00:45:42,490
I need you to do a show
at the Gaslight.
1125
00:45:42,532 --> 00:45:44,576
I don't do basket houses
anymore.
1126
00:45:44,617 --> 00:45:46,161
I wear big boy pants now.
1127
00:45:46,202 --> 00:45:48,079
Just do this as a favor to me?
1128
00:45:48,121 --> 00:45:50,248
For you?
I don't owe you anything.
1129
00:45:50,290 --> 00:45:51,708
Now, if you really
were my dealer...
1130
00:45:51,749 --> 00:45:53,334
Fine. Don't do it for me.
1131
00:45:53,376 --> 00:45:54,335
Do it for Midge.
1132
00:45:54,377 --> 00:45:55,628
- Midge?
- Yeah.
1133
00:45:55,670 --> 00:45:58,548
Midge.
1134
00:45:58,590 --> 00:46:00,216
Oh, Midge.
1135
00:46:00,258 --> 00:46:02,677
Well, well, well.
1136
00:46:02,719 --> 00:46:05,305
All hail the Upper West Side.
1137
00:46:05,346 --> 00:46:07,557
So?
1138
00:46:20,361 --> 00:46:23,907
♪ Hava nagila, hava nagila ♪
1139
00:46:23,948 --> 00:46:27,118
♪ Hava, nagila venis mecha ♪
1140
00:46:27,160 --> 00:46:30,413
♪ Hava nagila, hava nagila ♪
1141
00:46:30,455 --> 00:46:33,458
♪ Hava nagila venis mecha ♪
1142
00:46:33,500 --> 00:46:36,711
♪ Hava neranena, hava neranena ♪
1143
00:46:36,753 --> 00:46:40,131
♪ Hava neranena, venis mecha ♪
1144
00:46:40,173 --> 00:46:43,176
♪ Hava neranena, hava neranena ♪
1145
00:46:43,218 --> 00:46:46,471
♪ Hava neranena, venis mecha ♪
1146
00:46:46,513 --> 00:46:49,891
♪ Uru, uru achim ♪
1147
00:46:49,933 --> 00:46:51,643
♪ Uru achim belev sameach ♪
1148
00:46:51,684 --> 00:46:53,269
♪ Uru achim
belev sameach ♪
1149
00:46:53,311 --> 00:46:54,854
♪ Uru achim belev sameach ♪
1150
00:46:54,896 --> 00:46:56,523
♪ Uru achim
belev sameach ♪
1151
00:46:56,564 --> 00:46:58,107
♪ Uru achim ♪
1152
00:46:58,149 --> 00:47:01,361
♪ Uru achim... ♪
1153
00:47:01,402 --> 00:47:02,946
You're up next.
1154
00:47:02,987 --> 00:47:05,073
- These are your relatives?
- Mine? No.
1155
00:47:05,114 --> 00:47:07,492
They're definitely not mine.
I don't think.
1156
00:47:07,534 --> 00:47:09,452
Maybe they're the cousins
from Florida or...
1157
00:47:09,494 --> 00:47:10,954
I have some family in Ottawa,
but...
1158
00:47:10,995 --> 00:47:14,457
Holy shit, who the hell
are these people?
1159
00:47:14,499 --> 00:47:15,708
They're chorus boys.
1160
00:47:15,750 --> 00:47:16,751
They're what?
1161
00:47:16,793 --> 00:47:18,002
Chorus boys. Dancers.
1162
00:47:18,044 --> 00:47:19,879
I... what?
1163
00:47:19,921 --> 00:47:22,006
I wanted to make sure there were
great dancers at our wedding,
1164
00:47:22,048 --> 00:47:24,384
so I hired some chorus boys from
Pajama Game to come and dance.
1165
00:47:24,425 --> 00:47:26,010
Two of them did "Steam Heat."
1166
00:47:26,052 --> 00:47:27,762
Notice the great hat work.
1167
00:47:27,804 --> 00:47:30,807
I'm sorry. You hired ringers
to dance at our wedding?
1168
00:47:30,848 --> 00:47:32,642
Yes.
1169
00:47:32,684 --> 00:47:34,644
- Okay, come on.
- Wait, where are we going?
1170
00:47:34,686 --> 00:47:35,853
To find the rabbi.
1171
00:47:35,895 --> 00:47:37,855
I'm marrying you all over again.
1172
00:47:41,901 --> 00:47:43,820
Ooh, that's good.
1173
00:47:43,861 --> 00:47:45,154
Someone should
do something with that.
1174
00:47:45,196 --> 00:47:47,323
Keep moving.
1175
00:47:47,365 --> 00:47:50,827
Rabbi, is the chuppah still up?
1176
00:47:50,868 --> 00:47:53,288
♪ ♪
1177
00:48:35,204 --> 00:48:36,789
All right, ankle.
1178
00:48:36,831 --> 00:48:38,416
Eight.
1179
00:48:38,458 --> 00:48:41,628
Left ankle, eight.
1180
00:48:41,669 --> 00:48:45,840
Right calf, 11.
1181
00:48:45,882 --> 00:48:50,011
Left calf, 11.
1182
00:48:50,053 --> 00:48:52,680
Yeah. Still got it.
1183
00:49:00,229 --> 00:49:01,773
Hello?
1184
00:49:01,814 --> 00:49:04,150
Blue, green... green?
1185
00:49:04,192 --> 00:49:07,070
Not green.
Did green. Felt green.
1186
00:49:07,111 --> 00:49:09,322
Oh, red. No. Pink. Crap.
1187
00:49:09,364 --> 00:49:11,699
Take a breath.
Never stress dress, Midge.
1188
00:49:11,741 --> 00:49:13,201
- Never stress dress.
- Miriam?
1189
00:49:17,580 --> 00:49:20,583
I don't suppose you'd like to go
with me to the beauty parlor?
1190
00:49:20,625 --> 00:49:22,710
I'd love to.
1191
00:49:22,752 --> 00:49:24,879
- But, you can't?
- Not right now.
1192
00:49:24,921 --> 00:49:26,756
Well, I wasn't talking
about right now.
1193
00:49:26,798 --> 00:49:28,257
- Oh.
- It's night right now.
1194
00:49:28,299 --> 00:49:30,426
Yes. -I was talking about
some other time.
1195
00:49:30,468 --> 00:49:31,719
Some other time would work.
1196
00:49:32,762 --> 00:49:35,223
So, where are you going?
1197
00:49:40,061 --> 00:49:41,896
You're not gonna tell me,
are you?
1198
00:49:44,315 --> 00:49:46,609
Or, if you do,
you're just going to lie.
1199
00:49:49,362 --> 00:49:53,324
So, it's all different now,
isn't it?
1200
00:50:00,832 --> 00:50:02,166
Mama.
1201
00:50:06,796 --> 00:50:09,048
I'm still your daughter.
1202
00:50:13,010 --> 00:50:15,680
That dress needs pearls.
1203
00:50:41,289 --> 00:50:42,707
Excuse me, coming through.
1204
00:50:42,749 --> 00:50:44,542
Hey. Whoa.
1205
00:50:44,584 --> 00:50:46,836
Seriously, the amount of time
it takes you to get anywhere...
1206
00:50:46,878 --> 00:50:48,546
- What's going on here?
- Doesn't matter.
1207
00:50:48,588 --> 00:50:50,089
- You got your book?
- Got the book.
1208
00:50:50,131 --> 00:50:52,008
I need you to be great tonight.
1209
00:50:52,049 --> 00:50:54,343
No pressure, but I need you
to be perfect tonight.
1210
00:50:54,385 --> 00:50:56,220
No pressure, but if ever
there was a night
1211
00:50:56,262 --> 00:50:57,930
that everything in the world
depends on how great
1212
00:50:57,972 --> 00:50:59,474
and perfect you are,
it's tonight.
1213
00:50:59,515 --> 00:51:00,850
- No pressure.
- Pressure, yeah, I got it.
1214
00:51:00,892 --> 00:51:02,143
Thanks for
taking the pressure off.
1215
00:51:02,185 --> 00:51:04,020
I thought I wasn't allowed back here.
You're not.
1216
00:51:04,061 --> 00:51:05,688
I thought you weren't allowed
to give me stage time.
1217
00:51:05,730 --> 00:51:07,565
- I'm not.
- Then what the hell is going...
1218
00:51:07,607 --> 00:51:09,984
Jesus, you giving out free cars
tonight or what?
1219
00:51:10,026 --> 00:51:11,235
This is all for you, asshole.
1220
00:51:11,277 --> 00:51:12,945
Hello, Amanda Gleason.
1221
00:51:12,987 --> 00:51:14,906
What are you doing?
What is going on here?
1222
00:51:14,947 --> 00:51:17,200
I am doing what is unheard of
in this business.
1223
00:51:17,241 --> 00:51:18,451
It's called a very nice thing.
1224
00:51:18,493 --> 00:51:19,827
Oh, well, then, thank you.
1225
00:51:19,869 --> 00:51:21,287
Thank Susie.
She set this up.
1226
00:51:21,329 --> 00:51:22,872
Are you going on like that?
1227
00:51:22,914 --> 00:51:25,124
Thank you. What? No.
1228
00:51:25,166 --> 00:51:26,501
Is there gonna be
a snowstorm in here?
1229
00:51:26,542 --> 00:51:28,127
No. -You keepin' it clean
for the Hasids?
1230
00:51:28,169 --> 00:51:29,712
It's coming off.
It's coming off.
1231
00:51:40,723 --> 00:51:42,099
Susie...
1232
00:51:42,141 --> 00:51:44,602
She did.
She shoved a paper in my face...
1233
00:51:56,322 --> 00:51:57,657
Okay.
1234
00:51:57,698 --> 00:52:00,076
So, I'm going up there
to do a set, for nothing.
1235
00:52:00,117 --> 00:52:02,662
I'm going to say,
"Hello, blah, blah, blah,"
1236
00:52:02,703 --> 00:52:04,705
and then I'm gonna
hand the mic off to you.
1237
00:52:04,747 --> 00:52:06,165
The only thing I ask...
No, demand...
1238
00:52:06,207 --> 00:52:08,668
I am not introducing you
as Amanda Gleason.
1239
00:52:08,709 --> 00:52:11,003
You've got to find a better fucking name.
Way ahead of you.
1240
00:52:11,045 --> 00:52:12,296
Okay. You ready?
1241
00:52:12,338 --> 00:52:14,465
- I...
- Sure you are.
1242
00:52:15,508 --> 00:52:17,009
How did you do this?
1243
00:52:17,051 --> 00:52:18,886
Lots of perverted sex acts.
1244
00:52:18,928 --> 00:52:20,680
I'll have skinned knees
for a month.
1245
00:52:22,098 --> 00:52:23,933
Wow.
1246
00:52:23,975 --> 00:52:25,601
Good look?
1247
00:52:25,643 --> 00:52:26,978
The look.
1248
00:52:27,019 --> 00:52:28,354
Okay, ladies and gentlemen,
1249
00:52:28,396 --> 00:52:31,399
I can't believe these words
are coming out of my mouth,
1250
00:52:31,440 --> 00:52:32,608
but here I go.
1251
00:52:32,650 --> 00:52:36,279
Welcome to the stage,
Lenny Bruce!
1252
00:52:46,289 --> 00:52:47,707
Good evening,
1253
00:52:47,748 --> 00:52:49,834
ladies, gentlemen,
1254
00:52:49,876 --> 00:52:51,544
and all the undecided.
1255
00:52:52,753 --> 00:52:54,130
I'm your host for the evening.
1256
00:52:54,171 --> 00:52:56,465
Now, I have promised
the powers that be
1257
00:52:56,507 --> 00:52:59,218
that I will perform
my little dog and pony show
1258
00:52:59,260 --> 00:53:01,262
for all you fine people, but,
1259
00:53:01,304 --> 00:53:03,347
before I do,
I have a favor to ask.
1260
00:53:03,389 --> 00:53:07,143
I have a friend who's been going
through some of the same shit
1261
00:53:07,184 --> 00:53:08,769
that I've gone through lately,
1262
00:53:08,811 --> 00:53:10,813
and I don't want to
get on a rant here,
1263
00:53:10,855 --> 00:53:12,440
but Stalin would be very proud.
1264
00:53:14,400 --> 00:53:16,152
So, indulge me, because
1265
00:53:16,193 --> 00:53:18,446
I think she's going to be
very big
1266
00:53:18,487 --> 00:53:21,616
and she's a hell of a lot
easier on the eyes than I am.
1267
00:53:21,657 --> 00:53:23,492
Please welcome to the stage,
a very classy lady,
1268
00:53:23,534 --> 00:53:25,912
my friend...
1269
00:53:25,953 --> 00:53:28,789
I'm actually gonna let her
introduce herself to you.
1270
00:53:28,831 --> 00:53:30,416
Okay. Get up here.
1271
00:53:31,876 --> 00:53:33,669
Susie...
1272
00:53:33,711 --> 00:53:35,880
Go show 'em how it's done.
1273
00:53:35,922 --> 00:53:39,091
All right, yeah!
1274
00:53:39,133 --> 00:53:41,552
Thank you. Hi!
1275
00:53:41,594 --> 00:53:43,220
Thank you.
1276
00:53:43,262 --> 00:53:44,972
Wow, so nice, considering
you thought you were here
1277
00:53:45,014 --> 00:53:46,974
to see Lenny Bruce, and instead,
you have to listen to me
1278
00:53:47,016 --> 00:53:49,018
for a while.
1279
00:53:49,060 --> 00:53:52,438
I promise to insult the Pope
and read you my court documents
1280
00:53:52,480 --> 00:53:54,857
before the evening is over.
1281
00:53:54,899 --> 00:53:59,153
So, let's see,
what can I talk about?
1282
00:53:59,195 --> 00:54:01,280
Going through a pretty dull time
in my life.
1283
00:54:01,322 --> 00:54:05,493
Oh! My husband's girlfriend
attacked me at work yesterday.
1284
00:54:05,534 --> 00:54:08,996
- You know
what that's like, huh, ladies?
1285
00:54:09,038 --> 00:54:11,499
Really? No one?
1286
00:54:11,540 --> 00:54:13,668
Oh, good, then you'll love this.
1287
00:54:13,709 --> 00:54:16,712
So, my husband left me
three months ago
1288
00:54:16,754 --> 00:54:18,297
for his teenage secretary.
1289
00:54:18,339 --> 00:54:21,133
However, the other night
he came home...
1290
00:54:21,175 --> 00:54:22,969
for some clean underwear
and a fuck.
1291
00:54:24,804 --> 00:54:26,180
Actually,
just for the underwear.
1292
00:54:26,222 --> 00:54:28,391
I threw in the fuck for free.
1293
00:54:28,432 --> 00:54:32,144
Anyhow, Lolita found out
and, boy, was she steamed.
1294
00:54:32,186 --> 00:54:35,106
She couldn't believe
I'd have the nerve
1295
00:54:35,147 --> 00:54:37,483
to sleep with my husband.
1296
00:54:37,525 --> 00:54:38,734
She thought that was mean.
1297
00:54:38,776 --> 00:54:41,487
And vindictive.
And she has a point.
1298
00:54:41,529 --> 00:54:44,573
After all, she has a teddy bear
he won for her at Coney Island.
1299
00:54:44,615 --> 00:54:47,159
All I've got is a wedding ring
1300
00:54:47,201 --> 00:54:48,911
and two kids
who called him "Daddy."
1301
00:54:48,953 --> 00:54:51,998
Who cares if I was there first,
this girl
1302
00:54:52,039 --> 00:54:54,375
put a lot of work
into luring him away.
1303
00:54:54,417 --> 00:54:56,127
I mean, she had to...
1304
00:54:56,168 --> 00:55:00,214
have a vagina.
1305
00:55:00,256 --> 00:55:03,092
Pretty low bar.
But pretty high vagina.
1306
00:55:03,134 --> 00:55:04,510
She's tall.
1307
00:55:04,552 --> 00:55:07,346
And dumb. I mean, she's pretty,
1308
00:55:07,388 --> 00:55:09,140
but I'm pretty sure
NASA doesn't have her
1309
00:55:09,181 --> 00:55:10,933
on its short list
for job openings.
1310
00:55:10,975 --> 00:55:14,186
Anyhow, yesterday she drags
her giant vagina into my work
1311
00:55:14,228 --> 00:55:15,604
and starts yelling at me.
1312
00:55:15,646 --> 00:55:17,940
And after a while,
I start yelling back.
1313
00:55:17,982 --> 00:55:19,483
And she's saying,
"You stole him,"
1314
00:55:19,525 --> 00:55:20,943
and I'm saying,
"I was there first."
1315
00:55:20,985 --> 00:55:22,486
And she says,
"I was there second,"
1316
00:55:22,528 --> 00:55:24,321
and I say, "That's a very
immature argument,"
1317
00:55:24,363 --> 00:55:26,157
and she says, "Do you want to
buy some Girl Scout cookies?"
1318
00:55:26,198 --> 00:55:27,658
And I say, "No,"
and she says, "You're sure?"
1319
00:55:27,700 --> 00:55:29,118
And I say,
"Do you have vanilla creams?"
1320
00:55:29,160 --> 00:55:31,120
And she says, "No,"
and I said, "You bitch!"
1321
00:55:33,664 --> 00:55:35,374
And everyone in the store
is staring,
1322
00:55:35,416 --> 00:55:38,419
and I'm starting to wonder,
who's right here?
1323
00:55:38,461 --> 00:55:41,130
I mean, was it really fair
to lure Joel back
1324
00:55:41,172 --> 00:55:42,882
with the promise of
coherent conversation
1325
00:55:42,923 --> 00:55:44,759
and unlimited clean
jockey shorts?
1326
00:55:44,800 --> 00:55:46,594
I just assumed I had that right.
1327
00:55:46,635 --> 00:55:50,181
I really thought you find a guy,
you give it up, you get married.
1328
00:55:50,222 --> 00:55:52,558
Oh, no, wait. You get married,
then you give it up.
1329
00:55:52,600 --> 00:55:55,061
Get married, then give it up.
I got to write that down.
1330
00:55:55,102 --> 00:55:58,439
Anyhow, my point is,
with the ring came the sex.
1331
00:55:58,481 --> 00:56:00,149
Exclusive sex.
1332
00:56:00,191 --> 00:56:02,193
Right? Something to count on.
1333
00:56:02,234 --> 00:56:04,195
Something you know is yours.
1334
00:56:04,236 --> 00:56:07,698
Like a social security number
1335
00:56:07,740 --> 00:56:10,493
or a family history of insanity.
1336
00:56:11,619 --> 00:56:13,329
But apparently, it's not.
1337
00:56:13,370 --> 00:56:15,331
He left. She took him.
1338
00:56:15,372 --> 00:56:18,292
Did I relinquish my rights
when he walked out the door?
1339
00:56:18,334 --> 00:56:19,835
Is that how it works?
1340
00:56:19,877 --> 00:56:21,670
Now, did it always work that way
1341
00:56:21,712 --> 00:56:23,589
and I just didn't read
the fine print?
1342
00:56:23,631 --> 00:56:25,216
What are the fucking rules?
1343
00:56:25,257 --> 00:56:28,302
I mean, not the fucking rules,
the "fucking" rules.
1344
00:56:28,344 --> 00:56:30,262
Who gets first "fucking" rights?
1345
00:56:30,304 --> 00:56:31,847
Hey.
1346
00:56:31,889 --> 00:56:33,349
Is it first come, first serve?
1347
00:56:33,390 --> 00:56:35,184
- Finders keepers...
- Hey!
1348
00:56:35,226 --> 00:56:36,811
- ...losers eventually go blind?
- How did you get in
1349
00:56:36,852 --> 00:56:39,647
- without paying?
- So, this is you, huh?
1350
00:56:39,688 --> 00:56:41,941
- What?
- That!
1351
00:56:41,982 --> 00:56:43,943
You got her into this, right?
1352
00:56:43,984 --> 00:56:45,611
Got her to go up there
like that?
1353
00:56:45,653 --> 00:56:48,531
Got her to stand up there
and talk about our life.
1354
00:56:48,572 --> 00:56:50,574
- Hey, she says what she wants.
- Talk about me.
1355
00:56:50,616 --> 00:56:52,118
She must just find you amusing.
1356
00:56:52,159 --> 00:56:53,744
I know I find you
completely ridiculous.
1357
00:56:53,786 --> 00:56:55,621
You don't give a shit
what you're doing.
1358
00:56:55,663 --> 00:56:56,705
I'm not doing anything.
1359
00:56:56,747 --> 00:56:59,041
You're breaking up a family!
1360
00:56:59,083 --> 00:57:01,168
That's the mother
of my children up there
1361
00:57:01,210 --> 00:57:03,838
talking trash about me in front
of a bunch of strangers.
1362
00:57:03,879 --> 00:57:05,548
Well, you got to admit, it's
better than her talking trash
1363
00:57:05,589 --> 00:57:07,341
about you in front of a bunch
of people you know.
1364
00:57:07,383 --> 00:57:08,884
Are you happy?
1365
00:57:08,926 --> 00:57:10,386
Are you happy
that you've ruined my life?
1366
00:57:10,427 --> 00:57:12,680
Hey, I didn't fuck my secretary.
That was you!
1367
00:57:12,721 --> 00:57:14,056
You don't know anything
about me.
1368
00:57:14,098 --> 00:57:16,100
Oh, buddy, I know
so much more than you think.
1369
00:57:16,142 --> 00:57:17,434
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
1370
00:57:17,476 --> 00:57:20,437
You are ripped right out of
a bullshit male catalogue.
1371
00:57:20,479 --> 00:57:22,731
King of the mansion,
spoiled brat.
1372
00:57:22,773 --> 00:57:25,025
Who do you go home to, huh?
1373
00:57:25,067 --> 00:57:26,694
What do you know
about having a family?
1374
00:57:26,735 --> 00:57:28,571
Nothing! And thank God.
1375
00:57:28,612 --> 00:57:31,157
'Cause if I had to go home to
you, I'd set the house on fire.
1376
00:57:31,198 --> 00:57:33,367
- Fuck you!
- No, fuck you, Sal Mineo!
1377
00:57:33,409 --> 00:57:34,952
Get the hell away from me.
1378
00:57:34,994 --> 00:57:37,163
Midge has a path now, a career.
1379
00:57:37,204 --> 00:57:39,623
And she's gonna be a star and
you are just gonna be that guy
1380
00:57:39,665 --> 00:57:41,375
sitting at some loser bar
every night
1381
00:57:41,417 --> 00:57:43,002
pointing to the television set
saying,
1382
00:57:43,043 --> 00:57:45,296
"I used to be married to her,
but I fucking blew it!"
1383
00:57:45,337 --> 00:57:47,006
Wing it.
1384
00:57:47,047 --> 00:57:49,425
And how come men seem to get
a completely different
1385
00:57:49,466 --> 00:57:51,051
- set of rules to follow?
- Hey!
1386
00:57:51,093 --> 00:57:53,971
Hey, go home
and clean the kitchen!
1387
00:57:54,013 --> 00:57:55,764
Oh, sir, I'm Jewish.
1388
00:57:55,806 --> 00:57:58,601
I pay people to do that.
1389
00:57:58,642 --> 00:58:00,269
Women aren't funny.
1390
00:58:00,311 --> 00:58:02,146
Your wife must have
a sense of humor.
1391
00:58:02,188 --> 00:58:03,564
She's seen you naked.
1392
00:58:06,358 --> 00:58:07,735
I'm sorry.
I thought we were truth telling.
1393
00:58:07,776 --> 00:58:08,944
You're a dumb bitch.
1394
00:58:08,986 --> 00:58:13,199
Oh, who told you?
1395
00:58:15,701 --> 00:58:19,038
What can I say? All the good men
are taken, ladies.
1396
00:58:23,042 --> 00:58:24,585
Now, where were we?
1397
00:58:28,797 --> 00:58:30,633
Uptown or downtown, boys?
Where are we goin'?
1398
00:58:30,674 --> 00:58:32,885
Hey, asshole!
1399
00:58:32,927 --> 00:58:34,678
Oh, so you answer
to asshole, asshole?
1400
00:58:34,720 --> 00:58:36,597
What's your problem?
1401
00:58:38,891 --> 00:58:40,017
Whoa, hey! Hey!
1402
00:58:40,059 --> 00:58:41,936
- Hey, what are you doing?
- Get off!
1403
00:58:41,977 --> 00:58:44,104
- Come on!
- What the hell are you doing?
1404
00:58:44,146 --> 00:58:45,564
Hey, buddy,
you're gonna kill him.
1405
00:58:45,606 --> 00:58:47,524
Get out of here!
1406
00:58:49,985 --> 00:58:53,239
- Are you crazy?!
- Come on.
1407
00:58:53,280 --> 00:58:54,531
She's good!
1408
00:58:54,573 --> 00:58:57,618
She's fucking good!
1409
00:58:57,660 --> 00:58:59,203
Hey, get out of here!
1410
00:58:59,245 --> 00:59:00,913
Keep walking.
1411
00:59:04,416 --> 00:59:07,127
She's good.
1412
00:59:09,129 --> 00:59:10,839
She's good.
1413
00:59:15,970 --> 00:59:18,138
But if we didn't have
our husbands,
1414
00:59:18,180 --> 00:59:20,683
what would we have to talk about?
1415
00:59:20,724 --> 00:59:23,018
You have been a great audience,
ladies and gentlemen.
1416
00:59:23,060 --> 00:59:24,353
That's it for me.
1417
00:59:24,395 --> 00:59:26,188
My name is Mrs. Maisel.
1418
00:59:26,230 --> 00:59:28,816
Thank you and good night!
1419
00:59:40,536 --> 00:59:46,375
♪ I used to know
this old scarecrow ♪
1420
00:59:46,417 --> 00:59:48,377
♪ He was my song ♪
1421
00:59:53,132 --> 00:59:57,928
♪ My joy and sorrow ♪
1422
01:00:01,640 --> 01:00:07,438
♪ Cast alone
between the furrows ♪
1423
01:00:07,479 --> 01:00:09,690
♪ Of a field ♪
1424
01:00:11,692 --> 01:00:18,407
♪ No longer sown by anyone ♪
1425
01:00:25,080 --> 01:00:29,793
♪ I held a dandelion ♪
1426
01:00:29,835 --> 01:00:34,840
♪ That said the time had come ♪
1427
01:00:36,884 --> 01:00:41,805
♪ To leave upon the wind ♪
1428
01:00:45,142 --> 01:00:49,229
♪ Not to return ♪
1429
01:00:50,689 --> 01:00:56,487
♪ When summer
burned the earth again ♪
1430
01:00:59,114 --> 01:01:02,409
♪ Oh ♪
1431
01:01:05,913 --> 01:01:10,667
♪ Oh ♪
1432
01:01:15,339 --> 01:01:20,886
♪ Cultivate
the freshest flower. ♪
1432
01:01:21,305 --> 01:01:27,398
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