All language subtitles for little.fires.everywhere.s01e07.480p.web.x264.rmteam

The lawyer costs $30,000.

Mi, if you need that kind of money,

you know the piece you can sell to get it.

- I think you were right.
- I... I think she's trying to hire a lawyer.

I'm gonna have to go to court?

- I mean, I don't know.
- And fight for my own child?

You're representing the McCulloughs?

Of course I am.
They're our best friends.

You do realize they're
stealing that baby, right?

I need an abortion.

- Pearl Warren?
- That's me.

Come here.

- Elena! Don't do this.
- I'll be back in two days.

Apparently Mia Wright had a brother.

- Her brother's name is Warren.
- I knew it!

This is her.

There are so many secrets, Mi.

It's those secrets that keep you alone.

You've never met your grandchild?

The baby Mia was carrying
in that picture...

it was not hers.

We could still bail, you know.

Go lounge around Borders,
read magazines till they throw us out.

We don't even know these kids.

- We know JP.
- You do.

- He said bring your friends.
- He meant your boobs.

And you know this party
is just gonna be full

of a bunch of Lexies
in training bras, right?

Well, we're gonna be
in high school with all of them.

Can we just try to fit in a little?

Ten more seconds
to put your dick away, Dinowitz.

- It's a party.
- Why are you dressed for, like, combat?

Your turn, Izzy.

Ooh.

It's the '90s, right?

Do it, do it, do it,
do it, do it, do it.

Izzy, wait. We probably shouldn't.

Except we, like, always do.

Not with half the freshman class
right outside the door.

No, just with our parents downstairs.

Five more minutes.

- See?
- Plenty of time.

Yeah.

Okay.

Get off me.

Ooh.

Wait, I thought you guys were friends.

Not after she just, like, molested me.

♪ Joy to the world ♪

♪ The Lord has come ♪

♪ Let Earth receive her king ♪

♪ Let every heart prepare Him room ♪

♪ And heaven and nature sing ♪

♪ And heaven and nature sing ♪

♪ And heaven, and heaven,
and nature sing ♪

♪ Joy to the world ♪

♪ The Savior reigns ♪

♪ Let men their songs employ ♪

♪ While fields and floods ♪

It's perfect.

♪ Repeat the sounding joy ♪

♪ Repeat the sounding joy ♪

♪ Repeat, repeat the sounding joy ♪

- How was the tree lighting?
- Oh, it was beautiful.

Lexie sounded wonderful.

And the Chanticleers harmonies
were really coming together.

Oh, Bill, these pictures.

Trip is blinking, and Moody looks like
he's making some sort of squirrel face.

Isabelle looks miserable, of course.

The only thing
that's working is the tartan.

I think we're gonna
have to re-shoot these.

Have you thought about
what you're gonna say tomorrow?

That's what I stayed home to work on.

I mean about Mia.

- Bebe is the one suing for custody.
- And Mia is bankrolling it.

- Elena.
- I'm sorry.

But look what she did to the poor Ryans.

And her parents
and her daughter, and-and us.

I mean, she has really taken advantage
of our generosity.

Pretending to be poor when she's really
sitting on half a million dollars.

Who's sitting on
a half a million dollars?

- No one. I'm talking to your father.
- Go upstairs.

Mia kidnapped Pearl.

I mean, I don't know why you're trying
to act like I've done something wrong.

What's going to New York
and abandoning your family

to go play Nancy Drew?

Why am I being punished for,
for learning the truth?

Don't get pressured into saying
more than you need to.

All we want is for the judge to see
that you're a responsible,

upstanding future citizen.

Let me ask a question so that
Bebe is-is fully prepared.

There won't be any press
at the courtroom, right?

No cameras or...
Exactly.

Family court proceedings
are closed to the public.

The only people in the room will be
at the request of both parties.

- You're the only person on Bebe's side.
- She's the only person I need.

Give this to Mia
next time you're over there.

- I haven't been over there in weeks.
- Give it to your best friend, Pearl.

Okay, forget it.

Why do you have her shirt?

Why were you sleeping there, anyway?

What, are you jealous?

Don't worry about it.
Your girlfriend didn't dump you for me.

- Come on, guys.
- Hot buns.

Support Bebe Chow.

Would you want to go
to Arabica after school?

Um, I, I would, but I have
a MAC meeting later.

You know, Minority Achievement...
No, I know, I know.

You guys have been meeting
a lot lately, huh?

- Yeah.
- Come on, guys.

Hot buns.
Support Bebe Chow.

Oh, you can keep the bun.

Good idea, though.

All was calm and all was bright
at the Shaker Square annual tree lighting,

but this morning, it's anything but.

Last night, this city celebrated
the birth of a child.

Today, it considers who raises a child.
Jesus Christ, Walt.

You know, you can type this shit,
but I can't say it.

Shaker residents remain deeply divided
between Ms. Chow and the McCulloughs

with both sides set to square off
in court today.

Who deserves custody?
Judge Rheinbeck will decide.

There are so many cameras.

Maybe there's another way inside.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, let's check.

Can you describe your state of mind
leading up to the firehouse?

May Ling cry non-stop all day.

And I just hold her,
I don't know what I can do, and...

I just hold her and crying, too.

It was like that for weeks.
She won't nurse.

She have to eat or die.

Do you know this term
post-partum depression?

No.

Do you remember the policeman

who found you unconscious
on the sidewalk that night?

No.

What about the doctors
who testified to treating you

in the hospital for a week?

No.

What is the first thing you do remember
after the fire station?

May Ling. I woke up.

I ask... I ask, "Where is May Ling?"
They told me May Ling was gone.

I don't believe them.
I beg them, "Please find her."

Please help me to find her."
But...

they said nothing they can do.

They told me I gave up my rights
when I leave her there.

So I decided to-to look for her myself.

I looked. I look and look.

Then I find her.

And now I'm here.

And how would you
describe yourself today, Ms. Chow?

Stronger, better.

I have good job, warm home.

I have a good, good friend.

And now, all I need is May Ling.

I have everything except May Ling.

No further questions, Your Honor.

Ms. Chow, you earn $2.35 an hour
plus tips. Is that correct?

- Yes.
- And before the birth, you were also working as a waitress,

but at the Royal Garden in Cleveland.
Is that correct?

- Yes.
- And how much were you earning there?

The same.

The same as when
you abandoned your daughter

because you couldn't afford
to take care of her.

Objection, Your Honor.
Speculation.

Sustained.

Ms. Chow,
do you recognize this photo?

No.

This is Mirabelle's
frostbitten hand.

Do you know how long
she was left out in the cold by you?

- I, I knocked at the door.
- I just let them know she's outside.

And did you wait to make sure
that that knock was answered?

I, I was afraid.

I just so afraid they'll find me
and send me back to China

and they'll never, never let me
see my daughter again.

So which is it, Ms. Chow?

Did you consciously abandon your daughter
in order to seek help

or did you suffer from a post-partum break

and have no idea
of the consequences of your actions?

Because it can't be both.

You know, for so long, I couldn't
figure out why you were doing this.

Why you were helping that poor woman
ruin my best friend's life.

- But now I get it.
- What do you get, Elena?

By helping her,
it makes what you did okay.

What did I do?

What you did to the Ryans.

What?

I know about them.

And I know why you live
the life that you do.

I met your parents, actually.

They're really lovely people.

I'm sorry to hear about your brother.

That must have been hard for your mother
to lose both of you at the same time.

You know, I'm just making a leap here,

but I'm assuming that Pearl
doesn't know any of this.

That this has just been
your secret for all these years.

I find it sort of curious that you're
a character witness for Bebe.

- And that you're testifying tomorrow.
- I am.

I just think about Pearl.

After all she's been through.

Learning about her past, her father.

What you did.

All in a court proceeding?

Are you threatening me?

It's actually more of a question.

Is fighting for someone else's child
worth losing your own?

How about you come over
later on tonight,

and you know, we could,
I don't know,

study some anatomy?

I'm still... you know.

Is it just me, or has it been
that time of month

for, like, a month now?

- Trip bailed on me. You going home?
- You are like a nerdy carjacker.

- It's all good.
- I'm out anyway.

I told Grimace I'd take him to Tower.

Wait, don't you have that
black group thing today with Pearl?

Um, no, we ended that,
like, a month ago.

But that sad white boy thing
is still on for your room tonight.

I'll see you later.

- But why would she say that?
- I don't know and I don't care.

I mean, it's just weird.

What?

- You got in!
- I got in.

- You got in!
- Oh, my God.

Oh, you got in.

Can't believe it's almost Christmas.

I bet your house looks all pretty,
lit and decorated.

Mm, my mom
goes absolutely crazy with it.

You know, she hires
a whole team of professionals.

Come by. You'll see.

I can't.

Between Moody and our moms,
it's just way too much.

Maybe they'll chill out
after the trial, you know?

Not that my mom's ever chill
about anything, but...

- Neither is mine.
- That makes sense, though.

I mean, she's... she's invested a lot.

- So...
- What?

Your mom, she, she paid
for Bebe's lawyer, right?

That's, that's what my mom said.

- Okay.
- What else did she say?

Um...

she said that your mom's got,
like, half a million in the bank.

Right, because what, we just get
our furniture off the street for fun.

- That's true.
- That's ridiculous.

No, you're right,
you're right, you're right.

Oh, wow, it is really cold in here.
I...

It's warmer over here.

- I got you this present.
- Aw.

I saw it a month ago, and I just,
I had an instinct.

Thanks, Mom.

- Hey, bud.
- Sorry.

- Where have you been?
- We're celebrating.

- I'm sorry.
- Can you get your daughter down here

- because this is a big family moment.
- Just leave her alone for a while.

- Oh, wow.
- Yeah, that's, that's tartan.

- Isn't it perfect?
- And this way,

you can wear it in the Christmas photo.

- I thought we already did those.
- Yes, we did, but they were terrible.

So George is just going to pop by
after dinner and take it again.

- Tonight?
- I'm in the middle of a trial, hon.

- I'm not wearing that tartan tie again.
- Yes, you are.

It's the tartan that makes the photo.

Isabelle?

Isabelle?

♪ I'm only happy when it's complicated ♪

♪ And though I know
you can't appreciate it ♪

I'd like to make a toast.

To Alexandra.
We are all so proud of you.

All the SAT tutors, the AP classes,
the-the summer at Wellesley.

You really worked your tail off for this.

And no one handed it to you,
and you didn't fill some quota to get it.

You earned it.

And I know you can't always
put this in an essay,

but I think hard work and sacrifice is...

is a hardship as well.

One that you can feel very proud of.

Congratulations.

Cheers.

- Cheers.
- Congratulations.

- I can't take the stand.
- What?

- I don't understand.
- I can't testify, Bebe.

I'm sorry, I, um...
I know that I said I would.

- But it's complicated.
- Complicated?

- What do you say?
- Listen to me. Listen.

I lied when I was pregnant.

I wrote a letter to Pearl's father
and I told him that I lost the baby.

And then, I took her and I ran.

- Why?
- Because she's mine.

Not his, okay?
Like, like May Ling is yours.

- So that's why you're helping me, right?
- Yeah.

- So just help me now.
- I can't.

- Why not?
- Because Elena knows.

She found out.

And if this comes out, I could lose Pearl.

You really think someone
can take Pearl now?

What-what did the lawyer say?

I haven't talked to anyone.

What did... what did Pearl say?

- Pearl doesn't know.
- So you just tell her.

- I don't want to lose her.
- You won't lose her.

But if you can't help me,

I'll lose my daughter.

Honey, you stand there.

All right, was it that hard?
You look amazing.

Except you don't have the tartan Keds on.

- Yeah, no, I am not wearing those again.
- Don't be silly.

- They're adorable.
- I said no. They're not me.

They don't have to be you.

We can return them tomorrow
after we take the picture.

Elena, hon, I don't really
have time for this today.

- Bill, honestly, can we just not?
- Just this once?

Isabelle, go upstairs and put on the Keds.

I told you I'm not wearing
the Keds, Elena.

- I am your mother.
- You don't speak to me like that.

Really? 'Cause you call me something
I hate every single day.

Why can't you just call me "Izzy"
like everyone else?

- Because it's not your name.
- Lexie, Moody, Trip.

- Everyone else gets a nickname.
- You're not everyone else.

- You know, I can just frame her shoes...
- Just a moment.

This is not about you.
This is about us.

And if you want to be part of this family,
and live in this house

then you will go upstairs
and put on the fucking Keds!

We're just gonna need a minute.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Is now an okay time to talk?

- Sure.
- Okay.

I want to let you know that...

I'll be testifying for Bebe tomorrow.

And it's possible that some things
might come out in court.

You mean, that we're, like,
millionaires or something?

- What?
- Yeah.

Trip said that Elena thinks you have
some secret stash of money

that you're using
to pay for Bebe's legal fees.

I am paying for Bebe's legal fees.

I recently sold an old photo

for a large sum of money.

- Half a million dollars?
- Not quite.

But the photo was a gift
from an old friend.

For me to sell if I ever
needed the money.

We've always needed the money.

Pearl, please let me talk because
there's a lot that I need to tell you.

- No, no, no, no, no, no.
- We sleep on floors.

You made it seem like
we had to live this way.

Like there was no other choice.

Has this life not be fancy enough
for you, Pearl?

Do you think that I'd be some
spoiled brat if I had my own room?

- No.
- My own bed?

- No.
- We have always had enough.

- What?
- What have I had?

A hundred beds?

Just stop, just stop fucking
talking about the walls...

- Watch it.
- And the bikes and the beds.

You haven't been honest with me
about anything!

And I had to hear from Trip
that you sold something

that was supposed to be for us, for her.

- No, it is for you.
- There is a fund set aside for you.

- Get out.
- No, Pearl, Pearl, no.

- This is my room and I don't want you...
- Stop it.

- Get out. Get out!
- Just sit down and listen...

- Get out of my room now!
- Okay, okay, okay, okay.

- Oh, that outburst.
- She is just out of control.

But George thinks he has
something salvageable, so that's good.

I'm sorry, honey.
I know you're prepping.

- Is it Linda that's testifying tomorrow?
- Mm-mm, Ed still has another witness.

Well, who is there even left to call?

No.

Well, she was always on the list.

I'm just surprised
she's still testifying.

Why wouldn't she be?

Well, I ran into her,
and we had a little chat.

I told her what I knew
and we came to an understanding.

- You threatened her.
- No.

No, I did not threaten her. Now, I
have not only lost the element of surprise,

I could also be accused
of witness tampering.

- Jesus Christ.
- I was trying to help.

You are not helping.

- Where are you going?
- I'm going to the office.

I have to work.

What do you even need these for?

Uh, art project.

Kinda in response
to the whole fucked up trial.

What did I really do?

To deserve all of this?

I mean, we were friends.

We were...

We were more than friends.

I'm sorry.

I am.

I, like, freaked out in that closet.

And I don't know how to take it back.

Stop trying to be someone you're not.

I want to stop
trying to be someone I'm not.

I just miss you.

I miss you, too.

Is this the one that
you drew armpit hair on?

- And other things.
- Oh, my God, Izzy.

Are you still working?

- I finished a little while ago.
- I'm just paying some bills.

Bill, I'm so sorry.

You were right, I-I should have never
had that conversation with Mia.

You understand that this is about
more than Mia, right?

- I know.
- I know that I have not

acted like myself lately,
and-and I want you to know that

I have always had the right intentions.

I was just trying to help people.

Help this woman and her daughter

because they seemed like they needed it,
and then, now,

Linda is blaming me and you
are very clearly angry at me.

- Do you understand why I'm angry?
- I didn't cause this, though.

I don't know why people don't blame Mia.

She's the bad guy here. Not me.

And-and until people know the truth
about what she did,

they do blame me.

She has to be held accountable
for what she did.

And if she is,
then-then they won't win.

Because, Bebe can't win this case, Bill.
She can't.

That means Linda will lose this baby,
and I,

I don't know what I will do if I
caused my best friend to lose her baby.

Linda is not going to lose her baby.

Why-why do you say that?

Because people like Bebe Chow don't win.

Trust me, nobody wants the truth
to come out more than I do.

Everybody's gonna be held accountable
for their actions.

Okay?

Okay.

Thank you, Bill.

I have a couple more things to do.

Why don't you head to
bed? I'll be there soon. Okay.

Uh, yes, could I get a listing
for Le Rossignol Bistro, please?

♪ So many battlefield scars
while driven in plush cars ♪

♪ This life as a rap star
is nothing without heart ♪

♪ Was born rough and rugged,
addressing the mass public ♪

♪ My attitude was "fuck it,"
cause motherfuckers love it ♪

♪ To be a soldier,
must maintain composure at ease ♪

♪ Though life is complicated,
only what you make it to be ♪

♪ And my ambitions as a ridah ♪

♪ Hoping you listen
I catch you paying attention ♪

♪ To my ambitions as a ridah ♪

♪ I won't deny it, I'm a straight ridah,
you don't wanna fuck with me ♪

♪ My ambitions as a ridah,
got the police bustin' at me ♪

♪ But they can't do nothing to a G ♪

♪ I won't deny it, I'm a straight ridah,
you don't wanna fuck with me ♪

♪ Got the police bustin' at me ♪

♪ But they can't do nothing to a G ♪

♪ I won't deny it, I'm a straight ridah
you don't wanna fuck with me ♪

Yo, Dean Cain ain't even Asian.

- Tyson Beckford is blasian.
- He should have his own baby tin.

- I don't get it.
- Where are the Spanish babies?

Don't you realize how racist
this shit is?

Yeah, that's the point.

- Wow.
- I'm out.

Huh, she must have kept all those
lesbo babies for herself.

And who still has Cabbage Patch dolls
in high school?

Okay, okay.
Show's over, people.

Show's over.

And you.

You're a single working mother
like Ms. Chow, correct?

You work the same job
with roughly the same income.

Well, she works more hours than I do
and she gets bigger tips.

But yes.

As a single mother, do you struggle?

All mothers struggle.

Money hides it.

So you can buy a nanny or a tutor.

Vacations.

But you can't put a price on
a mother's love for her child,

even though some might try.

Did the McCulloughs offer a price
to Bebe for May Ling?

$10,000 to make this case go away.

So we know the exact amount
that they think Bebe's baby is worth.

What would you say to those who
describe Bebe's actions as unfit?

No mother would want to be judged
by the choice she made

in her hardest, most desperate moment.

I would say that Bebe...

left May Ling to save May Ling's life.

It was a selfless act.

And that makes her a good mother.

No further questions, Your Honor.

Ms. Warren, how long have you
known Ms. Chow?

- About three months.
- As long as I've known you.

And in that timeframe, how many times
have you seen Ms. Chow with Mirabelle?

- Once.
- Once.

- Yes.
- So your entire opinion

of Ms. Chow's fitness as a mother is based
on a one-time observation...

The state won't allow Bebe to see
her daughter for longer than that.

You testified that you were
a single mother, just like Bebe Chow.

- Mm-hmm.
- And that you have

roughly the same hours,
roughly the same pay.

- Yes.
- So you make

$20,000 a year.
Somewhere in there.

And yet you're paying
Ms. Chow's legal fees.

- I lent her money.
- How much?

However much a lawyer costs.

But you just said that you and Ms. Chow
had similar salaries.

So how can it be that you can afford
to pay the lawyer's fees but she can't?

Unless you have significantly more money
than you implied.

- I have other sources of income.
- Another source of income.

So your experience
is not really comparable

to that of Ms. Chow's at all, is it?

Unless it's comparable in some other way.

Why would you spend your money

and fight so hard
for someone that you hardly know?

Because I know what it feels like
for a child come from my body.

To be made of what I am made of.

To be so much a part of you
that you cannot fathom

- them not being a part of you.
- But you do not truly

know Ms. Chow, do you?

You cannot speak
to her fitness as a mother.

You haven't even known her for any
significant amount of time.

So I ask you again.

Why are you fighting so hard
for someone that you hardly know?

Because while I am here
as a character witness for Bebe,

the one I am fighting for is May Ling.

I'm sorry, Your Honor,

but this is not about
pitting two mothers against each other.

Because they can both be great mothers,

but there is only one person here
who is May Ling's mother

and that is Bebe Chow.

I think I'll defer to the court's ruling
on that, not yours.

I have no further questions
for this witness, Your Honor.

What?

Are you out of your mind?
What are you doing?

Sit down.

Pearl.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Are you, are you okay?

You've barely said two words all day.

- Yeah, I'm fine.
- I'm just tired.

- Couldn't sleep.
- You know what I do when I can't sleep?

Roll my eyes.
Releases melatonin, nature's NyQuil.

So how was that MAC meeting yesterday?

What?

Oh, um, yeah, yeah,
it was just boring fundraiser talk.

I forgot something in my locker,

so I'm gonna catch up
with you guys later, okay?

Bye.

Yeah, she's definitely
covering something up.

Probably another guy.

She doesn't hang out with anyone
but my family.

- What if it's your dad?
- Have you seen Poison Ivy?

That shit happens.

- This is humiliating.
- What was that stunt even supposed to mean?

- It wasn't a stunt.
- It was a statement.

- No one is buying babies, Isabelle.
- It's called adoption.

And since when does adopting a baby
of another race make you a racist?

- They're giving an orphan child a chance.
- She's not an orphan.

- She has a mother.
- They're giving her a better life.

What makes it better?

A bigger house, a fancier car,
tartan Keds?

- Do you know what?
- I can't handle this.

I cannot keep going around
and around with you.

Because I...
Sometimes it's really challenging.

What?

It's hard to be your mom.

Then don't be.

Isabelle, I...

Isabelle!

Look, all I'm saying is that Princeton's
number one, so.

Right, but the rankings are
completely arbitrary.

- I mean, last year, it was Yale.
- Okay.

And then, the fine people at
"US News and World Report"

came to their senses and
made Princeton number one, baby.

No, you are such a dork.

We got a bacon double cheeseburger,
large fries,

and then, a plain cheeseburger,
just meat, cheese and bun.

- Yeah, no, I ordered without any meat.
- Just cheese and bun.

- That's not what the ticket says.
- Well, that's what I said.

So...

Just a minute.

See, that is exactly what happens
when they don't go to college.

"They."

People.

Black people?

Oh, my God, seriously?

I would have said the same thing
if she were white.

I mean, Jesus Christ, Brian.
I'm ordering a fucking grilled cheese.

What does race have to do with anything?

- I don't know.
- How about you ask Pearl?

Oh, my God.

I wrote a 500-word essay about Pearl
not getting into a math class.

I didn't light a fucking puppy on fire.

If you seriously
can't get over this Pearl thing,

then just please do me a favor
and break up with me already.

One burger, no meat.
Just cheese and bun.

She acts like being poor
makes you a better person or something.

- Yeah, I understand.
- No.

No, Trip, you don't understand.

When I was 11,
we were subletting a room in a house.

It belonged to this girl.

And every day,
I used to play with her horse figurines.

Sometimes, when my mom was asleep,
I'd sneak into her closet

and try on all her dresses and shoes.

And I would pretend that I was her.

I would pretend that,
that they were my dresses

and that it was my canopy bed,
and that they were my horses.

But then, we had to leave,
and there was no more pretending.

Our life wasn't mine.

And I cried all the way to Lafayette.

And even the three horses
that I'd stolen didn't help

because I'd stolen from someone
who had so much.

Hm.

I knew that she'd never even notice
that they were gone.

And I know it's, it's stupid.

I mean, I always had what I needed.

But I never had what I wanted.

Why didn't she just tell me?

I mean, why keep it a secret?

I don't know, Pearl.

Why do, why do any of us keep secrets?

We're scared or we feel bad.

Or both.
I don't know.

Oh, God.

I don't want to be like my mom.

We have to tell him.

Pearl.

It's me.

Hey.

What happened?

I think I hate my mom.

I think I hate your mom, too.

You were supposed
to hold her accountable.

I don't know what changed.

Bill.

- What?
- Ah.

You sure you want to send those?

You've got guts, girl.

- Selling babies.
- I'm glad you liked it.

'Cause nobody else did.

Well, the blackface was problematic.

What?

You are a white girl

dressing white dolls in blackface.

- It-it wasn't about that.
- Okay, what was it about?

I don't know, I guess it was about

how we think of other people as less.

How we, we don't value them.

How...

people like my mom and the McCulloughs,

and everybody from Shaker,
they think they can just

buy whatever they want.

But you're a part of Shaker too, right?

This place made you.

You're not an exception
because you want to be.

Okay.

I guess nobody liked it.

No, no, no.

You don't get to challenge people
and not let people challenge you back.

Sorry.

It's like...

between my mom...

school...

All I see is sky and water
to the horizon.

And it's like...

how much longer am I gonna have to swim?

That photo in the paper?

You were right.

It was me.

The day Pauline took that photo
was the last day

I saw my little brother alive.

I had no idea.

It's okay.

But it was also

the day that I realized that the person
I'd fallen in love with loved me back.

Who was he?

She.

Pauline.

Izzy.

We all have parts that scare us.

Parts that we're afraid to look at.

Parts that we run from
because we are just

too scared to look at them.

But we can't not look.

And we can't not say it.

And if we can't say it with words, then...

We're artists, right?
We find another way.

And there is always another way.

You won't swim forever.

I promise.

That was Izzy.
I got to go out for a sec.

I just...

I-I don't know what else to say.

Besides that you want
to break up with me.

It's not that I want to break up.

You said that you love me.

I mean,
I lost my fucking virginity to you.

I know that.

But you have no idea
how hard it's been for me recently.

How come every time,
no matter what shit goes down,

it always seems to be about you?

Hm?

You know you're not the only one that's
had it hard. I'm not saying that, Brian.

- You know I'm, I'm black, right?
- Jesus Christ.

Of course I know that.
What kind of a question is that?

Okay.

So when we're hanging out, doing whatever,

do you see me as a black guy?

- What are you doing?
- We're not even talking about...

- What do you see me as?
- I don't fucking know!

I don't know.
As a person, I guess.

I wasn't raised to see people
as fucking colors.

But you, you see me
as a football player.

And-and a 17-year-old guy,

and someone
who got into Princeton, right?

Can you just stop?

So why can't you see me as black?

Why are you doing this?

You're trying to make me feel like
I'm this bad person

and I'm not a bad person.

Do you think that I'm a racist
or something?

Would I be dating you with I was?
I mean, my grandma integrated Shaker.

My mom fucking marched...
Marched with Dr. King?

Yeah, I know, Lexie.

Your mom brings it up
every time I walk into this house.

That's exactly why
I fucking hate coming here.

Whenever I tell people

I got into Princeton...

the first thing
that goes through their head is, "Oh."

It's because he's black."

But when you get into Yale...?

They don't think it's because
you stole a black girl's story.

Yeah, you're right.

Brian, I'm so sorry.

And I know.

I know that I don't know
what it's been like for you.

But you don't know what it's been like
for me, either.

What my mom expects from me.

The fucking pressure I feel

every day to be fucking perfect.

I wasn't trying to do something
that was so wrong.

I was just doing what I thought
that I had to do.

Lexie, you stole her discrimination
as your own.

- You didn't have to fucking do that.
- Fine.

Then if I'm such a shitty person,
then why did you have sex with me?

Why did you say that you love me?

Why did you date me for the last year and a
fucking half, Brian? Because I did love you.

You know that I got...

um...

- What?
- Say it.

I...

think that you should go.

Please just go.

- Hi, honey.
- Hey, Mom.

Um, I think Pearl was just gonna, uh...

Moody's upstairs, um...

if you just want to hang out.

- Okay.
- Hi, Pearl.

- Hi.
- You haven't been around much lately.

I know.

The house, it-it looks incredible.

- Oh, thank you, honey.
- You're so sweet.

- How have you been?
- Well, um...

with the trial and everything,
I wasn't sure how you might feel...

Honey, no.

You are always welcome here,
and, and...

You're as much of a victim in this
as Mirabelle or Linda or Mark.

And I, I do not want you thinking
this is your fault.

- "A victim?"
- What do you mean, "a victim?"

Why don't we go somewhere to talk,
just you and I?

So what did you want to talk about?

Um...

it was nothing, man.

♪ I've been looking so long ♪

♪ At these pictures of you ♪

♪ That I almost believe
that they're real ♪

♪ I've been living so long ♪

♪ With my pictures of you ♪

♪ That I almost believe ♪

♪ That the pictures are ♪

♪ All I can feel ♪

♪ There was nothing in the world ♪

♪ I ever wanted more ♪

♪ Than to feel you ♪

♪ Deep in my heart ♪

♪ There was nothing in the world ♪

♪ I ever wanted more ♪

♪ Than to feel you breaking apart ♪

♪ All these pictures of you ♪

What's wrong?

I got dumped.

Me too.

♪ If only I'd thought ♪

♪ Of the right words ♪

♪ I could have held on ♪

♪ I could have held on to your heart ♪

♪ If only I'd thought ♪

♪ Of the right words ♪

♪ I wouldn't be breaking apart ♪

♪ From these pictures of you ♪

♪ Looking so long
at these pictures of you ♪

♪ But I never hold on to your heart ♪

Pearl.