Original subtitles

TESS: Okay, now, see there?

There's some cash, some tax-free municipal bonds,

and a couple of trusts.

Then you got your assets.

Liquid and non-liquid.

Plus your odd dividend or two,

and several very chancy global mutual funds.

Do I really need to know all this?

Honey, you are plunging into the lion's den.

You're going to be dealing with a lawyer.

Then shouldn't I be learning more about the law?

Oh, baby, this isn't about the law.

It's about a man who happens to be a lawyer

who handles estates, wills, inheritances...

the things people leave behind

that they think are important.

The poor fella lives in fear

of anything that isn't signed, sealed and delivered.

Oh, Tess, I wish you were here.

I never dealt with a lawyer before.

Well, get used to it.

They make up a lot of our business.

Now, I'm still going to be hung up here for a while

with this TV anchorman.

I'm having a devil of a time

convincing him he's not the Second Coming.

(chuckling)

Now get going, baby,

and remember, God loves lawyers, too.

Here... let me.

Hello.

I'm Monica.

I'm your new assistant.

They think I need an assistant?

Did they say I need one?

Oh, my God, they're going to fire me.

I'm Charles Hibbard.

They're going to fire me.

I don't think so, Mr. Hibbard.

I'm toast.

May I call you "Charles"?

Ha, as long as I'm here, I guess.

Do you enjoy estate work?

Have you had any experience with living wills?

We're getting a lot of living wills now, you know?

Living wills? No.

These are fascinating.

Thank you.

They're all authentic.

This is an actual mortgage payment check

signed "Ernest Hemingway."

It's late.

It's an actual promissory note

signed by Abraham Lincoln.

Wow.

And this is my prize.

MAN: Hibbard!

Yes, Mr. MacGregor.

Did you make the final distribution

on the Welsley estate?

Yes, I just

tracked down

the last heir a minute ago... a distant... niece.

Well, what are you standing here for? Chop-chop.

I want this case closed yesterday.

Take what's-her-name and show her the ropes.

Flubber!

I'm definitely fired.

Boy, that was fun.

Coming!

Hi.

Uh, Robin Dunwoody?

Yo.

My name is Charles Hibbard.

I'm a lawyer with MacGregor and Will.

We represent the estate of your late Uncle Welsley.

I don't have an Uncle Welsley.

Actually, you do.

No, I don't think so.

Want a grape?

Uh, Miss Dunwoody,

whether you remember your Uncle Welsley or not,

he remembered you in his will.

May I see some ID, please?

I have an Uncle Welsley.

$200,000?

Wow.

Uh, please sign here.

Please.

This is like the best thing that's ever happened to me.

I've got an uncle and $200,000.

This is way cool.

Oh, look at that signature, huh?

Big round "O", curly "Y."

She'll probably put it in straight savings

at two and one-fourth percent.

I think she's rather nice. I'm glad that we met her.

I'm just glad that I finally did something

to get on MacGregor's good side.

Oh, Mr. Hibbard.

Yes, yes, Mr. MacGregor?

I'd like you to meet Robin Dunwoody.

She's been out of the country until recently.

Robin Dunwoody?

Yeah. You idiot.

She's Welsley's niece.

You gave the money to the wrong woman.

Oh, dear.

♪ When you walk down the road ♪

♪ Heavy burden, heavy load ♪

♪ I will rise ♪

♪ And I will walk with you ♪

♪ I'll walk with you ♪

♪ Till the sun don't even shine ♪

♪ Walk with you ♪

♪ Every time, I tell you I'll walk with you ♪

♪Walk with you♪

♪ Believe me, I'll walk with you. ♪

Charles?

Charles, are you all right?

Charles?

(screams)

M-M-Mr. MacGregor, I don't know what to say.

I do.

You're fired.

Thank you.

I'm going to sue you for every last dollar.

Miss Dunwoody, please, let's not get precipitous.

Can't we just stop payment on the check?

It's been cashed.

Oh, God.

All we need is to ask the other Robin Dunwoody

to return the money,

and then Miss Dunwoody can have her inheritance

and Mr. Hibbard could get his job back.

I wouldn't bet on that.

How can he get the money back

if he doesn't work here anymore, you idiot?

How do you propose to retrieve the funds, Mr. Hibbard?

Uh.

Well, just give us a chance.

I can tell that Charles has a plan brewing

right now, as we speak.

Get the money, you can have your job back.

Thank you, Mr. MacGregor.

I can assure you, nothing like this will ever happen again.

Never in my wildest dreams

did I imagine that another Robin Dunwoody would...

She better be here.

She better have the money... or...

Or what?

Or I'll be labeled an imbecile.

I'll be expelled from MacGregor and Will.

Never again will I execute the provisions of a living trust.

Never again will I contest a will.

Charles, sometimes endings are just opportunities.

Sometimes endings are just endings.

Miss Dunwoody, I need to speak to you.

It's urgent.

Miss Dunwoody. It's Charles Hibbard.

There's been a slight mistake.

She don't live there no more.

What do you mean?

I saw her here yesterday.

She moved on. That's my camper.

I rent to her.

She paid up, moved out.

Gone.

She... paid up?

What are you, boyfriend?

No.

I'm a lawyer.

Lawyer, huh?

I said I don't know.

Hey, too much water.

They're all dying.

I told you.

Now what am I going to do?

How do you know they're all dying?

They're very hearty, you know.

Sometimes they just need a little coaxing.

Dying is dying. See?

I bet a bunch of these would look nice in Robin's new place.

2,500 square feet. Say 350 per square foot.

First and last month down, a security deposit.

Oh, my.

Well, at least she hasn't decorated yet.

MAN: Delivery for Robin Dunwoody.

Oh.

This does not bode well.

Sign here, please.

Thank you.

Hi.

Oh, hi, you guys!

Oh!

Cool! It's here!

(laughing)

Oh, isn't it great?

It reminds me of an old friend of mine.

Miss Dunwoody...

do you ever lock your doors?

You know, people get killed that way.

When I lived in Bali, we didn't even have doors.

But thank you for asking.

Want a bite?

Am I to assume you purchased these items with the...

with the money we gave you yesterday?

Yes.

That was incredible.

All of my life I've wanted to spend

an entire day in a shoe store and not even look at the prices.

Well...

Well, I'm afraid you're going to have

to give those back.

Yeah, I know, they make my calves look really fat.

I have no opinion about your calves,

but you see,

you see...

There's been a wee bit of a mistake.

That's right.

You see,

you're the wrong Robin Dunwoody.

You don't have an Uncle Welsley.

No Uncle Willy?

No.

So I'm afraid you're going to have to give us the money back.

But you said it was mine.

Well, I thought it was.

But that's not my fault. You made me take it.

Well, now I'm making you give it back.

How much?

How much? All of it.

But I spent some of it.

How much?

Well...

the shoes,

the hang glider, the accordion...

When I was a little girl,

I had a kind of father thing for Myron Floren.

You know, the guy from Lawrence Welk?

He played the accordion.

Oh, and my sarcophagus.

I've always wanted something Egyptian.

Did you buy any furniture?

No.

I was going to start with the sarcophagus

and then just you know, decorate around it.

So I guess I didn't spend that much.

What are we talking here?

Oh, um, seven...

ty...

thousand.

I'm not having a very good day.

I wouldn't say that.

You're doing fine.

Would you like some chamomile tea?

It's very good for the nerves.

I don't want any tea. I want my $200,000 back.

How about 130?

I want it all.

I want it all.

I want my money back.

I thought it was Uncle Welsley's.

You don't have an Uncle Welsley.

It would have been nice to have an uncle.

Or something.

Even somebody

twice removed.

I haven't had a lot of experience with relatives.

Well, you're going to have a lot of experience with prison

if you don't get that $200,000 back.

Hey, you made me take it.

I said I didn't have a...

but you said no, I don't, but I did.

So here, here's the money.

Here's the rest of it.

You've been carrying this money around in your purse?

What does it mean when it's faster than you can blink?

Miss Dunwoody...

Call me Robin.

Robin, I know how disappointed you are,

but you see, Mr. Hibbard

really needs

to recover the entire amount of money.

I know, and I would give it back if I could,

but I told you I spent it.

Well, then we'll just have to return everything.

Everything?

Yes, everything.

♪ I need a hand to take the pain away ♪

♪ I can't think about yesterday ♪

♪ I want to see, what you're waiting for ♪

♪ Just get me to tomorrow ♪

♪ Someday I'm going to find my way out... ♪

Idiot!

♪ Don't need a man to make my way ♪

♪ Get me to the next day ♪

♪ Got to see ♪

♪ Got to see a way to go... ♪

(crunching)

I'm sorry, but there's no food allowed in the store.

CHARLIE: How on Earth could

one person buy so many shoes,

so many ugly shoes?

I cried because I had no shoes

until I met a man who had no taste.

Who said that?

I did.

What are you doing, girl?

You're not going to start prancing around

in these sexy things, are you?

No.

Tess, isn't it amazing the different ways

people think of to protect their feet?

That's nothing.

Look what they think of

when they start trying to protect their hearts.

Charles?

Poor dear, I can't even see his heart from here.

Then you just got to get closer.

Uh, let me see that one.

Which one?

Over there. That little red number.

Hmm, I could really do some damage in that.

(chuckles)

And four. There you go.

$1,254 and 62 cents.

Wait a minute.

There's a pair missing.

Oops.

I can't take these back.

They've been customized.

Customized?

This is what they should look like.

Hers have been ruined.

Where were you raised, Mars?

Listen, buddy.

I've been supporting myself since I was 16.

This is called

independent thinking.

You ought to try it sometime.

Can't we just prorate the return?

Absolutely not.

But the toes represent a very small portion of the shoe.

Three, four percent, tops.

Charles, Robin needs something to wear.

She can't walk around barefoot.

Why not? She probably walked around nude.

MONICA: Come on.

You want the rest of the money back, don't you?

Okay...

but I'm writing this down.

Thanks, Charlie.

See that building over there?

CHARLIE: Yeah?

I was going to rent that.

Go in to business.

Oh, dear.

Maybe some day you still can.

What will it be?

A combination Laundromat, disco.

You know how single people are always going to Laundromats?

What better place to meet other singles, right?

You have a drink at the bar

while you wash and you dance while you dry.

I was going to call it Splash Dance.

Why don't you just call it Dance and Dry.

Oh, that's cool.

I'll think about it.

What could you have possibly bought here?

Nothing, I paid off my ex-boyfriend's bookie.

Maybe Smokey will give it back.

Bookie?

Maybe we should just forget about this one.

How much did your boyfriend owe?

17,000.

$17,000?!

Yeah, $17,000.

Hey, Smoke man.

Hey.

Who's the new boyfriend?

I am not a boyfriend.

Robin, you married this?

He's not my husband, Smokey.

I just came to get my money back.

Do you got anything to eat?

What do you mean back?

Well, you see, the money wasn't really hers

so it wasn't really hers to give away.

So that's supposed to make me give it back?

(chuckles)

You know, bookmaking is illegal.

So is putting jerks in comas.

Um, I tell you what.

One game, stripes and solids.

Give me a break.

Oh, come on.

Just a friendly game.

You don't seem very busy.

I would have taken you for a lot of things, Mr. Smokey,

but a chicken isn't one of them.

Okay, babe, you're on.

Your break.

Solids and stripes. Stripes and solids...

Smokey.

(sighs)

Okeydokey, Smokey.

Four ball, side pocket.

And the six ball, left corner, and not forgetting my favorite,

number seven, that corner.

One and three

into the corner,

into the two opposite corner,

into the five, side pocket kissing the eight.

What are you delusional?

The cue ball is blocked by the eight.

(coughing)

Whoa!

Where did you ever learn to play like that?

Well, I once worked in a pool hall

as a sort of security guard.

I been looking for a woman like you.

I'd give anything to learn how to make a shot like that.

Really?

How about $17,000?

Right.

Oh, come on.

With a trick shot like that, a betting man could easily

make that back in a night.

I tell you what.

I'll have the money by 3:00.

You show me this shot,

I'll give you the money.

3:00 a.m.? Here?

That's when things just start warming up, dude.

Touched By An Angel will continue.

He's not giving the money back.

I'm going to die here.

We're sitting here waiting for someone

to come murder us.

This was not the way I was going to go.

Well, you've got that all planned, huh?

Irregular heartbeat,

73% probability I'll be gone before I'm 40.

Although the odds are going up.

When I go, I'd like it to be meaningful.

I'd like to go saving someone else's life.

Have you made out your will?

It's never too early, you know.

Is that all you ever think about,

death and your job?

Death is my job.

And my job is my life.

Well, at least if something does happen,

I'll die with my boots on thanks to you.

Monica. Come here, fix my vertical, will you?

How's life on the 6:00 news?

My anchorman?

That boy is going to end up doing the farm report in Peoria

if he doesn't start listening to old Tess.

But please, don't get me started.

How's your lawyer?

Did you hear what he said?

He has a heart problem.

He could die.

Yes, I heard what he said.

When are you going to learn to stop hearing

and start listening, Miss Wings?

Is he dead?

What do you mean?

What do you mean, what do I mean?

Look over there and tell me,

is the man dead?

Well, no.

Don't you be worrying about how much time he's got.

That's all taken care of.

You just worry about how he spends it and with whom.

Robin?

She's got the cure to that man's real heart trouble.

Robin?

The Lord-- He moves in mysterious ways.

You know, I was thinking,

that there's no need for us to stay here until 3:00.

Maybe you two would like to go someplace,

have a nice dinner,

and we could all come back later.

Once I leave, I don't know if I could come back.

Oh, come on, Charlie.

Let's get out of here.

Go someplace nicer.

Isn't it great?!

Oh, yeah, much better.

Come on, Charles. Live a little.

It used to be an old men's club.

Mooses, or something.

Moose.

The plural is singular.

Oh, sure, I'd love to!

Ooh!

I can't help but wonder which one of those kids

I'm going to see later in traction.

They're expressing themselves.

Whatever happened to the gavotte

and the minuet?

Remember the minuet?

One, two, three,

one, two, three.

Bow and curtsey.

Kept the hormones in a state

of perpetual anticipation.

Now, that's my kind of dance.

Of course in his case,

maybe he ought to do a little less anticipating

and a little more expressing.

He will.

(sighing)

I hope.

Charles, you're a madman out there!

Am I?

Yes, and you're wearing me out.

I took an Arthur Murray dance class once.

It was great.

Come here.

That's better.

It doesn't look like we're going to make out.

What?

I'm hungry, aren't you?

Are you always hungry?

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Yes!

Wow, 1959; this is really old.

Not as old as the cheese.

So we'll just have the wine.

Would you do the honors?

Can I ask you a question?

What do you spend your money on?

I know you don't spend it

on going out to clubs or on clothes, or...

Or sarcophagi.

Sarcophagus, Latin, plural.

Suffix.

You think I'm nuts.

I think...

How could you spend $17,000

to pay off somebody else's debt?

Okay, I never pick the right guys,

and Tommy was definitely

one of the wrong ones.

But this time, I even picked the wrong horse.

Randy Robin.

And Tommy lost.

So I paid it back.

Sometimes you just got to do what feels right.

(nervous chuckle)

Autographs.

I collect autographs.

Like Elvis?

No, I collect rare signatures of historical figures.

I guess you could call it...

my secret passion.

That's your secret passion, huh?

Yeah, signatures on monetary documents.

My prized possession

is Alexander Hamilton's personal expense diary.

Boy, was he a spendthrift.

What a waste.

Alexander Hamilton, huh?

I did a paper on him in college once.

You did? You... you went to college?

Yeah. Political Science.

So, you have Alexander Hamilton's petty cash book.

Cool.

So, how much did he spend

on that gun that he used in the duel with Aaron Burr?

Seven dollars.

Seven dollars?

You know what hurts the most about all of this?

About what?

My... inheritance.

See, I'm an orphan.

I grew up in an orphanage.

Never had any family.

Kind of got used to thinking

that nobody was ever going to care

what I do, you know?

And then one day you knock on my door,

and all of a sudden I had Uncle Welsley--

a flesh-and-blood relative.

Somebody that's just a little bit of me.

I spent the entire day wondering

what was he like; was he nice?

Was this his whole life savings,

or just a drop in the bucket?

But you know, that didn't matter,

because he cared enough to share it with me.

Yeah, that's... that's the hardest part.

Losing Uncle Willy.

That's what I called him.

So what about you?

Oh, I had lots of relatives.

Lots-Lots of them.

So many that one Christmas,

I didn't get what I wanted under the tree,

and I ran away from home, and nobody noticed.

What did you ask Santa for?

An adding machine.

(laughing): I knew it.

Did you ever run away?

Mmm, whenever I had a bad day

I would go to my secret hiding place

and talk with the angels.

Yeah, late at night,

I would go out the dormitory window

and I would walk along the roof...

until I could sit with the angels.

And then I would talk to them all night

until the sun came up and rose over the coffee pot.

The coffee pot?

That's all I remember.

Just angels and a big coffee pot.

It's funny the things

that you remember from your childhood, huh?

And the things that you forget.

♪ That's the way love is, that's how it goes... ♪

What time is it?

♪ That's how it goes... ♪

Monica, there you are.

It's 3:00.

Hello.

I, uh... thought you said it warms up here.

Depends.

So, have you...

got the money?

Oh, yeah.

I'll tell you what.

The chick teaches me the shot here,

you go with Snake to his office,

he'll give you the grease.

Snake, Snake, uh... will give me... the grease?

Yeah.

This is really nice

of you, Smokey.

Hey. You ready, babe?

(soft chuckle)

I'll just go transact my business with Mr...

Snake...

and I'll...

I'll be right back.

It's really very easy if you're at all

familiar with quantum calculus as it pertains to geometry.

This, uh... this is your office?

This is where I transactmybusiness.

I, uh, I'm never going to see that $17,000, am I?

Snake's an interesting name.

What is that, Welsh?

Hey, hey, you don't want to go in there.

Oh, but I think that I do.

Snake, I'm very disappointed in you.

The least you could do

is give the man a fair fight,

you know, give him a chance, at least.

Well...

Well, this should work.

This should do.

With a few modifications.

(chuckles)

It's a shame that we have to go

through this at all,

considering that

Robin's boyfriend never really owed $17,000

in the first place, did he, Smokey?

Randy Robin didn't lose the race.

Where is the joy

of winning if you have to cheat, Smokey, huh?

You know,

I think that ought to do it, Charles.

Unless, of course,

Smokey here wants to hand over the money.

I think you'll find it in your back pocket.

(sirens approaching)

Forget it.

Come on, Snake.

Let's get out of here.

(chuckles)

(motorcycles leaving)

I told you.

I used to be in security.

Well... it's there.

$17,000.

Only $20,000 more to go.

I...

I-I can't get it.

What do you mean?

It's gone. I can't get it back.

I'm a lawyer. I can get anything back.

(chuckles)

Look, what if I took out a loan or something,

and paid the rest back a little at a time?

Mr. MacGregor wants the money back today.

In six hours.

What did you buy, a petting zoo?

Three years of psychotherapy?

Or did you just bail

another boyfriend out of jail?!

(coughs)

I, um...

I can't give it back.

I just can't. I'm sorry.

(whimpers)

(sighs)

Charles? Charles?

Cutting it a little close

with that Snake man, weren't you?

I know. I know.

You know I saved your little angel butt

with that police siren?

That was you?

Nice touch.

Well, it would have been louder,

but the volume's shot on this thing.

Tess, I'm worried about Charles.

His heart...

His heart is fine.

Those are just panic attacks.

But...

He just uses that old heart skipping a beat business

to talk himself out of life,

that's all.

Nothing's really wrong with the man's heart,

except he's terrified of letting it out again.

Again?

Well, what if you ran away from home and nobody noticed?

What if you gave away your heart and nobody cared?

Yeah, see, you're catching on.

Go on over there and do some open-heart surgery, baby.

Charles? Charles?

(groans)

Is she back?

No, Robin has gone.

But she's the only one who knows

where the last $20,000 is.

What do I do now?

Charles...

Oh, my God. This is it.

Shh, Charles,

you're all right.

You're going to be just fine.

No, I'm not. I'm having a heart attack.

Call an ambulance.

There's nothing wrong with your heart.

That's not true. I'm dying.

Easy, Charles.

You're safe.

This is the last time this will ever happen.

Trust me.

This isn't one of those near-death experiences, is it?

In a way.

But where's the tunnel? Did I miss it?

You weren't that close to dying.

And... you're?

An angel.

That would be consistent with my experience.

And... what you said about my heart?

Is true. You're fine.

I'm not dying?

No.

All your life

you've been afraid of life,

and if you hadn't convinced yourself

that you were dying, then you'd decide

you were too fat or too short,

or too anything

as long as it could convince you to hide.

But God made you, Charles,

and He knew what He was doing.

You're not too anything except almost too late.

If you're an angel, why didn't you just give me

the $200,000 back in the first place?

That would have just saved your job.

I'm here to save the rest of your life.

How?

Share it with Robin.

Robin?

Oh, I don't know.

(scoffs)

What do you mean you don't know?

I'm an angel. I know about these things.

She's absolutely wrong.

She's wild. She's unpredictable.

She-she doesn't have any major medical

or any kind of retirement package.

She's impulsive, and...

And I'm going to miss her.

I don't even know how to find her.

Where would you go if you were hurt?

I did hurt her, didn't I?

Do you remember

the Christmas that you ran away

and a nice lady came and helped

show you the way back home?

You?

(chuckles): No.

My friend, Tess.

But can you remember where she found you?

I was hiding in my secret hiding place

under the 11th Street Bridge.

Everybody has a hiding place.

Robin said she used to hide...

(wind blowing)

That's it.

I know where she's hiding.

Angels.

See? Facing east toward the sun.

That's the orphanage.

She said she used to crawl out the window

and sit with the angels

and watch the sun come up

over the coffee pot, over there.

See, that new building?

There used to be an old coffee company there

with a big billboard on top with a coffee pot

that poured real coffee

and had steam and everything.

That's where the sun would rise.

Come on.

WOMAN: Oh, of course.

It scared us half to death

whenever we caught her up there with those angels.

I don't know how many times we forbade her, but, well,

Robin has always been a headstrong young lady.

I can imagine. Have you...

And as I remember, she even named them.

There was Moe, Curly, Larry and Shemp.

Shemp was her favorite.

Yes, well, have you seen...

Oh, what a joy she's grown up to be.

She does volunteer work here.

Tutoring, mostly.

But she plays with the younger children

and helps in the kitchen whenever she can.

Have you seen her lately?

Just yesterday.

She came with an answer to our prayers.

$20,000.

Enough to remodel our kitchen

and keep our lunch program going,

which we desperately needed.

What a blessing that must have been.

Oh, it was a miracle.

It was Robin.

Now, what can I help you with?

Well, we were just wondering if Robin...

Well, actually, we... we don't need anything.

Thank you, Sister.

Thank you very much Sister Mary Francis.

My pleasure.

Uh...

have we met somewhere before?

Charles, where you going?

I don't know. I don't care.

You were wrong.

God was wrong.

She's not the right kind of woman for me at all.

What kind of woman gives away $20,000 like that?

A great woman.

A really great woman.

Too great for me.

No, I don't believe that.

And neither does she.

When did a living will

ever make you feel like that, hmm?

Which one is Shemp?

This one.

I'm sorry about what I said last night.

I didn't mean it.

I just got scared.

I don't blame you.

You could lose your job.

It doesn't matter.

I'm quitting.

Sorry about the $20,000.

Don't worry.

It's covered.

How?

I'm going to sell

my Alexander Hamilton expense book.

You don't have to do that.

Sometimes you just got to do what feels right.

(chuckles)

Wow.

It's worth 20 thou, huh?

Actually...

it's worth 40.

So...

I thought I'd use the rest of it to open up a Dance and Dry.

Oh, yeah?

With you.

I mean, if that sort of thing

interests you.

There's sound reasoning for it.

On the other hand...

I love you.

I love you.

I love you, too.

Splash Dance.

Dance and Dry.

We'll discuss it.

♪ You're feeling low and, oh, so small ♪

♪ Then suddenly, you're eight feet tall ♪

♪ She just walked in the room ♪

♪ And the gloomy room just glows ♪

♪ That's the way love is ♪

♪ That's how it goes ♪

♪ That's how it goes. ♪