All language subtitles for RuPauls.Drag.Race.S12E08.WEBRip.480p-WOWRip.en

RuPaul: Previously,
on RuPaul's Drag Race...

You get to star in Madonna:
The Unauthorized Rusical.

♪ God bless the gays ♪

♪ God bless the gays ♪

♪ God bless the children ♪

Heidi.

What was kind of missing
was Madonna.

Brita.

You did mess up here and there
and it kind of threw you off.

Gigi Goode.

You embodied Madonna the most.

Con-drag-ulations.

You are the winner
of this week's challenge.

Heidi, shantay you stay.

Brita, sashay away.mirror?

Pblblblblbl.

I just had to lip sync against
Brita and I sent her home

and it's sad.

"Sis, share the joy, XO.

Brita, bitch."

-Brita, bitch!
-We love you, Brita!

We love you.

It's okay.

I'm so sad.

I know how badly
Brita wanted this

and she's
one of my best friends

and it just sucks to see her go.

-Bye, bitch.
-To Brita.

Brita is one of my best friends
in the world.

I see how much Brita tries,
and it just sucks

to see somebody
that you care about

have their dream
stripped away from them.

Gigi, you've won three times.

This is incredible.

Third time's the charm, honey.

Third time's the--
Well, hopefully

there's gonna be a fourth,
a fifth, a sixth.

Oh, a fourth, a fifth, a sixth?

I'm so happy that you won,

but I'm really surprised that,
Jan, this wasn't your week.

I'm...

I'm frustrated because
this is, like, what I do.

I'm a singer, I dance,
I perform.

Like, that's my thing.

I want to win those challenges.

I want to win a challenge,

and I thought that
this was gonna be the one.

I really wanted that win.

I'm frustrated, I'm angry,
I'm crushed.

When Jan was called safe,

I could see on her face
it was, like, girl.

Not only
did I not win the challenge,

but my best friend
just went home.

So I'm like...

It sucks.

It really sucks.

Like, but
the worst part about it

is that my best friend
just went home.

Yeah, she's a little salty
that her friend left.

But I'm thinking she's
a little bit more upset

that she had not won
this challenge.

Everyone back at home is gonna
be so upset that she went home,

and at least if there was
any consolation,

it could have been that
I would have won this challenge.

And it just--it sucks.

I think this is a build-up
of weeks and weeks

of her not breaking through
to the judges.

She also says
she's really upset about Brita,

but I think it's more
that she's upset

that neither her nor Brita

have been able to live up
to their reputations.

We're just gonna have
to keep pushing ourselves.

You have to keep selling
what you do the best

every challenge, no matter
what the challenge is.

Every bitch thinks that
they gonna be that star

and they gonna be that bitch,

and they gonna win,
win, win, win. win.

Child, look, we all
wanna win this competition.

Aah! My nails!

I hope the girls
aren't getting too cocky

about the challenge wins,

because the race is still on,

and we all know that the big
battle happens at top four.

Just like the almighty
black widow spider,

she sneaks up on a bitch

and the next thing you know,
you're dead.

And now I'm laying eggs
in the bitch.

No. [laughs]

RuPaul: The winner
of RuPaul's Drag Race

receives a one year supply

of Anastasia
Beverly Hills cosmetics

and a cash prize of $100.000.

With extra-special
guest judge Chaka Khan.

♪ RuPaul's Drag Race ♪

♪ May the best woman ♪

♪ Best woman win ♪end teaser

Yes. Hi, America!

This morning, I feel fine.

I had a very emotional week
last week.

Maybe the girls see that
as a weakness,

but, bitch, I'm from New York.

I cry about it, I get over it,

and I'm focused
on the next challenge.

Hello, hello, hello!

-Hi!
-Hi!

Ooh, I love this outfit!

Why, thank you. It is
a Klein Epstein & Parker suit.

That's all I wear.

[all laugh]

Ladies, when this competition
is over,

you'll always be bosom buddies.

And who else but a bosom buddy

will sit down
and tell you the T,

as in, girl,
your makeup is terrible.

-Ooh.
-Oh!

But I've got just the thing
to make it better.

♪ Oh, Pit Crew ♪

-Oh!
-Oh!

Ladies, for today's
mini-challenge,

you'll be pairing up
to share the gift of shade

and so much more.

Now, using these wonderful
products provided by FabFitFun,

you need to curate a box
for your bosom buddies.

Uh-huh.

And then you'll exchange gifts
and share the love,

with a whole lot of shade
on the side.

Bitch, okay.

Now, I'm going to pair you up.

Gigi Goode and Jackie Cox.

Come on over here.

Crystal Methyd
and Jaida Essence Hall.

Come home, honey.

Simply Jan and Simply Heidi.

Which means the Widow Von'Du
and Sherry Pie

are together at last.

Okay, ladies,
you've got 15 minutes

to get into quick drag,
stuff those boxes,

and get ready
for a bosom buddies kiki.

[laughs]

Ready, set, skiddly-pop!

Oh, these boxes are so cute!

What do we have here?

Get that hat.

This hat right here?

Snatch a pair
of these glasses, too.

Yes, get some glasses.

Body lotion
for their dry personalities.

-Oh, oh!
-All right, let's become ladies.

It's time to be pretty.

Jan, you promise you won't cry
if you don't win this one?

Oh, shit.

Yeah, I don't know what
you guys are talking about.

Time's up, ladies.

First up, Gigi and Jackie,

you'll be kiki-ing
with Crystal and Jaida.

-Oh, my goodness.
-Oh, my God.

The circus is in town.
Hello, ladies.

Maybe black
is just a lot more slimming

than whatever those colors are.

Yeah, I just like to be a little
bit more exciting, I guess.

Yeah, well, something's gotta
make up for the personality.

[all laugh]

So we have a little gift.

Oh, we curated a box
from FabFitFun.

Well, that is so crazy,

because we also curated a box
for you from FabFitFun.

Oh, well!

Crystal, now, I know the judges
are always saying

that your makeup is just,
um, terrible.

So I got you
the Season One filter, okay?

It's just a towel that you put
over the lens of the camera.

Thank you.

Miss Jaida, I got something
for you, too.

Now, listen,
I got you this lotion.

Oh, it is perfect.

And it's cruelty-free,

unlike your performance
as Cardi B in the Snatch Game,

which was really cruel
for us to watch.

-[laughs]
-Stop it!

Gigi, I got you
this face-purifying cleanser,

so you can wash
both of your faces.

But which face is it,

the face of the one win
or the other win?

Or maybe it's the third win!

Or the no-win!

[all laugh]

Sister, I've always told you
you were so beautiful,

and you're like
a work of art to me.

You know that one
where they're like, aah!

Screaming, yes, honey.

So what I did was I wanted to
frame your face a little bit.

I bought you these
beautiful sunglasses.

Try 'em on really quickly?

Gorgeous! Oh!

And look, you've never
looked more beautiful, Jaida!

Oh, this has been so fun.

Well, you guys have a great day.

We're gonna say goodbye.

-Goodbye, ladies.
-Goodbye, girls.

-Sluts.
-Ugh, whores.

[all laugh]

Next up, Heidi and Jan.

You'll be kiki-ing
with Widow and Sherry.

-Hi!
-Hello!

It's so nice to see you.

Well, um, we actually
curated this box

from FabFitFun for you ladies.

-Isn't it cute?
-You're so kind.

Well, somebody
has to be kind to you.

Because life has not been
at all.

We also curated a box
from FabFitFun just for you.

-Yes!
-Oh, how fabulous!

Sherry, you're just
such a strong, independent

and handsome drag queen,
so I just got you this blanket.

Wow, it's very heavy.

Just like you.

[all laugh]

Heidi, I know that
you got a lot of shit

from pretty much everyone
about how busted your mug is.

So I felt
I should get you a new mug.

[all laugh]

Try not to crack this one.

Miss Widow, I actually
got you some luggage,

you know, to help you pack
when you get sent home.

-[snorts]
-Yet I've been safe, mostly.

Safe. Just coasting, yes.

-[laughs]
-Oh, bitch!

My darling, I know how much
you've been struggling

with your best friend
leaving the competition.

At least I have some friends.

And so I got you
this lovely terrarium.

I thought we could put
some plants in it,

and you could water it
with your salty crocodile tears.

[all laugh]

This was so lovely
to catch up.

Give us a call...

-Never.
-Never.

[all laugh]
Bye, girls!

Wow. You were all so giving.

The winners of today's
mini-challenge are...

Jackie Cox and Gigi Goode.

-Oh!
-Sister!

Con-drag-ulations.

FabFitFun is providing $1.000

and a one-year subscription
to you both.

-Fabulous.
-Thank you.

I finally won a mini-challenge!

Look it's not the challenge win,

but I'll take
that $1.000 gift card.

Ladies, Drag Race
turns queens into stars,

and today's biggest stars

create their own lifestyle,
beauty, and wellness brands.

So for today's maxi-challenge,

you need to think like a star,

and create
a ridiculously extravagant

and totally unnecessary product

for a new drag queen lifestyle
brand we're calling Droop.

[all laugh]

#DragRace.

Now, after you create
your posh product,

you need to sell it
in your own commercial.

Now, I shop at Droop
all the time.

[beep beep beep beep]
Oh, what is that--

Oh, it's time to pull out
the solid gold goose egg

that I keep, um,
between me down there.

-Oh!
-Oh!

It helps keep my biorhythms
in sync with the stock market.

Thanks, Droop.

[all laugh]

Now, gentlemen,
start your engines,

and may the best woman win.

[beep beep beep beep]
Oh, it's beeping again!

[laughter and applause]

This challenge
is all about personality

and selling yourself,

and coming off of last week,

I have to show the judges
what makes me special.

We will see if I achieve that.

♪ Dun-dun-dun ♪end act

Child.

Y'all ready to sell your brand?

For this week's maxi challenge,
we have to come up

with an over-the-top,
upper echelon product.

They're asking for
a whole hell of a lot,

and it is going down now.

This challenge
is so opposite of me.

Like, this is for, like,
bougie rich people.

And Heidi,
I made $9.000 last year.

Working where?

At my job at a gas station.

Just nine?

-Oh, my God.
-Yeah.

The upper echelon.

I don't even know
how to spell "echelon."

[laughs]

Girl.

Hey, kitty girls.

-Hey!
-Hi.

We got company.

Hi, everybody.

Give a big Drag Race welcome

to health and fitness guru
Bob Harper.

-Hello!
-Hi!

Bob's here to help me help you.

Sickening.

Well, hello, Miss Heidi.

You know,
you have done very well

in the personality department
in this competition.

How are you gonna infuse Heidi
into this product?

My brand is Heidi's
Multipurpose Lotion.

[whistles]
Soft and supple.

[laughs]

Thank God for that gap
between your teeth

so you can say that right.

Oh, honey, it's come in handy
many a time.

Now, there's a lot of products
called soft and supple.

-Is there?
-Yeah.

You need to get yo ass
out of Ramseur.

[laughs]

So you are you saying that
Heidi's Lotion is hei-drating?

That could be my new name.

Did you not think
of "Hydrating Heidi?"

-No, I did not, actually.
-Oh, my goodness.

Is that trademarked now by you?

It's not, but
I'll see yo ass in court.

-[laughs]
-When you're selling something,

you've gotta take that name
and what your product is,

and you've gotta somehow
meld those two worlds together,

so when people
are thinking of their product,

they have Heidi's face in mind.

Now, Heidi, you were in
the bottom last week.

You haven't won
any challenges yet.

You better get out there,
and you better act yo ass.

All right, I can't wait.

-All right, thank you.
-Thank you, mwah, mwah.

I'm not a thief, Mama Ru.

Imma give you 2.3%
of all Heidi Hydrate sales.

I think that's a generous deal,

and I'm looking forward to doing
business with you, partner.

[laughs]

-Hi, Widow.
-Hi, Ru.

-Meet Bob Harper.
-Hi, Bob. Nice to meet you.

So, now, what is your product?

My brand's called Throaté,

my revolutionary
throat-coating spray,

because you're gagging.

Do you have a gag reflex?

I mean, you don't
get to be this size

and, you know, can't
shove things down your throat.

[all laugh]

Now, does it have
more than just one use?

Yes, it does.

It could be used
as a setting spray, mace.

Maybe you wanna do

some extracurricular activities
and need to--

Okay. All right.

Now, Widow, so far
you won one challenge.

You haven't won any since.

What do you think
has held you back?

I...

Quite honestly, I don't know.

What I have to do

with everything
that I brand myself with

is really stay true to who I am.

Just make sure
you bring the funny.

Ru says I haven't touched
the top in a while.

That's pretty much

all the shit
I'm thinking about right now.

I'm feeling some type of way.

Like, I didn't come here

just to, you know,
fade in the background.

-Hi, Jan.
-Hi, Ru.

Tell me about your product.
Tell me what you got.

My product is called Sure, Jan.

If you feel like Jan Brady

and you wanna be
a little more Marsha,

then, girl,
we just gotta spritz,

and then you're feeling
the Jan-tasy.

You could really attract
a whole group of people

that are kind of like, you know,
the quiet little person

that goes,
"I wanna be just like Jan."

Now, you came close
to winning last week.

-I did.
-And you got very emotional.

I did. I was upset

to see
one of my best friends leave.

It's--it's sad.

It's not RuPaul's
Best Friends Race.

-It's not, and that's why I'm--
-You gotta think like a winner.

If anything, it's a good thing
that Brita's gone,

because now
I don't have to worry about her.

And now that she's gone,

I'm really gonna push it
to the judges.

Just make sure
you bring the funny, okay?

-I will, I will.
-All right.

We'll see you out there.

-See ya, Jan.
-Bye, guys.

Hey, J. Cox.

What is your product?

Jackie's Magic Carpet Merkins.

So I see that you've taken
the Middle Eastern theme

and you've run with that.

I ran with it,
and growing up, there isn't

very much Middle Eastern
representation,

at least in things
that I could watch on TV.

But in the very first episode
of I Dream of Jeannie,

Barbara Eden actually
speaks Persian.

Really?

So for me, that was like,
oh, my God,

I know what she's saying,
you know.

And it was this moment

I'd never seen anyone

who spoke Persian or Farsi
on TV before.

So I fell in love
with that character.

Barbara Eden played
the character of the genie

in I Dream of Jeannie.

I love her as an icon,

and I really admire
the way she's embraced

the character of Jeannie
now 50 years later.

Why would someone need a merkin?

Well, you know, sometimes
the between-me-down-theres

don't get enough attention.

And sometimes, you can
really zhuzh it up

with a Magic Carpet Merkin.

This is the type of challenge

that seems to me
it's either gonna go so well,

or it is going
to crash and burn.

Mm.

So it's like it's gonna be
really interesting

to see you sell this merkin.

We'll see you out there.

-Thanks, you guys.
-Thank you.

Now listen up, ladies.

In a few moments you'll be
filming your Droop commercials

with the help of Bob Harper.

And tomorrow on the main stage

we'll be joined by our
extra-special guest judge,

the legendary...

Chaka Khan.

-Aah!
-Oh, my God!

Chaka Khan! Ha!

My heart is beating so fast.

I'm, like, salivating over here.

All right, good luck,
and don't fuck it up.

-Come on, Bob.
-Bye, guys.

Chaka Khan!

What?

My commercial,
without a doubt,

has to be funny as shit.

I'm not going down
in front of Chaka Khan.

I am gagging.end act

Hi, Jackie Cox.

Hello!

Let's do this.

It's time for me to film

my green screen commercial
with Bob Harper.

I'm ready for this.

All right,
so we have 20 minutes.

You can use the Pit Crew,

you can use any of the furniture
provided by Objects.

Great, let's set the scene.

I need this big chair,
and then I need my pillows.

You only have 20 minutes.

You are dealing with a director
and a lot of cameras.

You have to know
exactly what you want

and how you want it
all to go down.

So you're gonna be my little
harem boy just fanning me.

-Oh!
-That's your character.

Own that.

I'm feeling like I'm in
a genie bottle right now.

Exactly. This is what
we're going for here.

Action.

Introducing
Magic Carpet Merkins!

And then we'll cut,
and then I need someone

to set the merkins
while I hold this position.

And then they'll appear
when you hit play again.

What's going on?
I mean, what?

Being a fan of 1960s television,

I do love the stop, pause,
and reset old-school TV magic.

But Bob's just kind of confused.

Hard cut, sound effect,
poof, I'm a genie.

Oh.

I'm hard cutting
like it's the sixties, baby.

You really are.

I mean, I get it now.

Barbara Eden, Elizabeth
Montgomery, send me help!

Now that we know your vision,
my darling,

let's do another take.

Introducing Jackie's
Magic Carpet Merkins!

So if someone
can grab those merkins

and set them on this table.

Bryce.

I'll just keep holding.

Standing here frozen,
waiting for those merkins.

Bryce, run!

By all means,
move at a glacial pace.

We are just pausing the camera,
moving the things into frame,

and restarting the camera,

just like they did it
in the old days.

[laughs] And action.

[gasps]

[laughs]

Oh, my God, that's great.

Okay, Gigi,
we've got 20 minutes.

What are we gonna do?

Well, my product is called
Goode Night Bitch.

It's a fragrance that doubles
as a highly potent sleeping aid.

Okay. Knock me out.

Introducing RuCo Labs' newest
fragrance and sleeping aid,

Goode Night Bitch.

And cut.

Good?

Um, I like it.

Do it one more time.

Give me something different
with "Goode Night Bitch," okay?

I mean, make Goode Night Bitch
sound just even more important.

Okay.

Introducing RuCo Labs'

newest fragrance
and sleeping aid,

Goode Night Bitch.

I feel like it's working, Gigi.
I feel sleepy.

I mean, you're very statuesque.

I just need the statue
to move a bit.

-Hi, Bob!
-How are you, honey?

Baby, I'm good, ready
to shoot this commercial.

Yeah?

This is gonna be
the winning one.

-It is?
-For sure. It's fun.

Here we go.

Hey, girl, it's the high-energy,
high-belting bitch

from Season 12.

Wow, Jan-tastic!

Wow.

All right, just know this.

You're coming off
very intense right now.

Okay.

So it's like I want a couple
of different levels, all right?

-You got it.
-Take a breath.

-You got it.
-Action.

Hey, everyone!

Introducing
the all-enhancing spray

to make your simple life
Jan-tastic.

Breathe, Jan.
Breathe, honey.

I'm sorry.

That's okay.
Next scene, what do we got?

When I say one, throw it on me,

and then on three, I'll drop

so that it looks like
it's raining as I'm going down.

Oh, God,
are you really gonna drop?

Oh, yeah, girl.
We getting down there.

Aah! Be careful!

Let's do it!

Oh! My head hurts!

I am truly throwing everything
but the kitchen sink at Bob

to show him my personality.

Are you okay?

-I'm great.
-Wait, how many fingers?

-Two.
-[laughs]

And action.

Oh, hey, bitch,
it's Jaida Essence Hall.

Now, I know
what you're thinking.

[lower volume]
Damn, she's snatch.

And you're right, I am.

Wait, wait, wait,
hold on one second.

You hit your mic. Don't--

-Oh shit.
-Don't hit your chest.

Okay, gotcha, thank you.

Now, I know
what you're thinking.

Damn, she's snatch.

And you're right, I am.

Oh, fuck.

[laughs]

I'm sorry. I know
what you're thinking.

Damn, she's snatch.

Don't hit your mic.

-Oh, I keep--
-Yeah, I know, I know.

It's like Celine Dion,
honey, I get it.

I wanna do it, too.

Now, I know
what you're thinking.

Damn, she looks snatch.

And you're right, I am.

Beautiful. Moving on.

The artist formerly known
as Heidi N Closet.

Yes.

Now, are you gonna be using
any of the furniture,

any of these things over here?

Yes, a pedestal here
for my lotion.

And where's the lotion?

The lotion.

She puts the lotion
in the basket.

She puts the lotion
in the basket.

On the skin,
or else she gets the hose again.

[laughs]

So let's get
all the narration first, okay?

-Okay, yes.
-Action.

Are you tired
of your skin being--

Ooh, take two.

Are you tired of your skin
being thirsty and dry?

Are you tired of not having
so much of a tight downstairs?

Cut. Big, honey,
big and funny.

-Okay.
-Sell it.

Sell it, honey,
just like on the corner.

Heidi is so funny,

but she's making me laugh
in between takes.

As soon as you stop
delivering your lines,

you are cracking me up.

Give me more
of what you're giving

when the camera turns off
on-camera.

Okay. On-camera.

-You got that?
-Yes.

Forget about everything
and just let loose, Heidi.

-Go, girl.
-Let loose, let loose.

Now introducing Heidi's Hydrate
multipurpose lotion.

Yes!

Made from tears
of a drag queen.

[sobs]

Just get in there. Oh, God!

Mama gots a lot of personality,

and if that's what they want
on camera,

that's what I'm gonna give 'em.

Oh!

Oh, the girl's gonna cry.

My Tyra Banks.

Get in there.
I gotta make money.

Oh, I got 13 cents
in my bank account.

Oh, God!

[whimpers]

She's an actress.

She really is right there.

Widow Von'Du, Throaté.

Sounds like it could be
really fun and super exciting.

It's gonna be
all about your delivery.

All right, action.

I am Widow Von'Du, humanitarian.

Oh, fuck. I forgot
the first couple lines.

Cut, let's start again.

I'm a little nervous,

and so I'm a little demure
for the first take,

because I'm trying to just
remember the shit I wrote.

Relax, and action.

Throaté is GMO-free,
cruelty-free...

Oh, forgot the next line.
[laughs]

Oh, my Jesus.

I'm nervous as shit.

Just sell it for me.

[clears throat]

I want to remember
everything I wrote,

but Ru's words are sitting
right on my frontal lobe.

Throaté.

Fuck. I can't remember.

So let me just remind you

that your Droop ad needs
to be memorable, impactful,

and it needs to reflect
your brand.

I love what you have on,
by the way.

Thank you. Me, too.

All right, let's start.
Wow me.

Mm, mm. Oh, yeah.

The Magic Mullet!

Okay, perfect. Um--

Wait, what's happening?

Well, I wanna start and then
kind of cut to the B-roll,

because I don't really have
anything to fill in my vision.

Okay, honey.

Now, I worked
with a team of scientists

to create a product

that will turn you
into a fierce bitch like me

in a matter of seconds.

I need just a table
that we can do science on.

[laughs] Is that
a science table, Crystal?

Oh, hot.

Hurry! I am running around

like a chicken
with its head cut off.

Hmm.

I've gotta scramble
and get all these shots filmed,

because if I don't,

this commercial
is gonna make no sense.

You got seven minutes left.
We gotta power through it.

Wow, Crystal, you're
so gorgeous and confident.

Try to be a little different.

You're still giving me
Crystal, okay?

Wow. Wow, Crystal.

[both laugh]
I like it.

Wow, Crystal,
I wish I could be

as gorgeous and confident
as you.

Sounds like Cher. [laughs]

I think that was it?

I don't really exactly know
what that was.

At the end of my shoot,

I'm pretty sure that I got
all the shots that I need,

but who knows?

If not, this commercial
is not gonna make any sense.end
act

Here we go!

It's my wedding day.
I'm getting married.

It's another day, honey.

[hums The Wedding March]

So today's elimination day,

and somebody
has to take their ass home.

It's our wedding day!

[cheering]

Today's runway theme
is Black Wedding.

I'm really excited
for this runway.

I know that the other queens
have gone very expensive gowns,

and my take
is a little bit different,

and I'm hoping that it pays off.

Jan, how are you doing?

I'm good.

I feel like last week

obviously was a very
emotional week for me,

and I also wanna say, like,

I was just upset
about Brita leaving

because I have
such a high respect for her.

I don't want people to think

that I'm upset
that I didn't win,

because I'm genuinely upset
the most about Brita leaving.

I've known Brita for years.

I have looked up to her
since the first day

that I started doing drag
in New York City.

We competed against each other

and from that day, she's always
been such a cheerleader for me.

I know the other girls

don't have the same relationship
that we do,

which is why
I'm so emotional about it.

Because I know the tremendous
amount of pressure

and stress and effort
that she puts into her drag.

I'm not denying
that I was, like,

not thrilled that I didn't win.

It just makes me wanna work
harder and show the judges

that I'm not just somebody who's
gonna do well in a musical.

I can do well in different
elements of this competition.

And I think I did that
this week.

When Jan's frustrated
and in her head about things...

[high pitched voice] she jumps
into this little voice,

and you can tell that all of a
sudden things aren't going well.

I think this competition
has shaken her.

I'm so happy,
all my Season 12 sisters.

Talking about sisters,

anybody think that
they can do a good impression

of one of your sisters?

[imitating Jan]
Um, hey, guys.

Really emotional this week.

Aah!

[imitating Jan]
Okay, everybody, I'm so excited,

we're in the workroom
again today.

Are you feeling the Jan-tasy?

Oh, my God, I'm just here
living my fantasy.

I know I look like a woman.

Aw!
[all laugh]

What's happening in here, girls?

We're doing--
do you have any impressions

of any of the cast members?

[imitating Crystal]
Well, I don't really have

any impressions of anyone
except for Crystal Methyd.

[all laugh]

Oh, my God.

Look, I'll be Aiden.

[laughs]

-Oh!
-Did she just...

The ghost of Henny.

[imitating Aiden] Boo!

[RuPaul laughs]

♪ Cover girl,
put the bass in your walk ♪

♪ Head to toe,
let your whole body talk ♪

And what?

Welcome to the main stage
of RuPaul's Drag Race.

Michelle Visage, are you buying
what I'm selling?

Well, baby, you know me.

If I can't sell it,
I'm just gonna sit on it.

[all laugh]

-Miss Ruth Brown.
-Yes.

The hilarious Ross Mathews.

Now, Ross,
do you ever shop on Droop?

Only if I have a Droopon.

That stuff's expensive, Ru.

[all laugh]

And my friend Chaka Khan.
Tell me something good.

Um...

a lot of money.

[all laugh]

We love you.
Thank you so much for coming.

Thank you for having me here.

It's a pleasure
to be here with you.

This week
we challenged our queens

to create a sickening product

for the new drag
lifestyle brand Droop.

And tonight on the runway,
category is Black Wedding.

Ooh.

Gentlemen, start your engines,
and may the best woman win.

Category is Black Wedding.

Why it gotta be wedding?

[all laugh]

First up, J. Cox.

Michelle: She's making
a very veiled threat.

Jackie: My inspiration
is a beautiful bride

waiting for her husband
to come back from war.

Johnny, are you coming back?

I received the letter.
He's been killed in combat.

The Black Wedding
has become a funeral

Chaka: She's a good actress.

RuPaul: Yeah, I think
she's looking for Godot.

Jan. Simply Jan.
She looks gorgeous.

Ross: Ma'am, there's
no smoking in here.

[all laugh]

Jan: I am dressed
in so many layers

of organdy, crinoline,
sparkle, shimmer.

I'm feeling my Jan-tasies
hardcore.

I take my ring off

and I flip this entire wedding
on its head.

-Oh!
-Oh!

Ross: Oh, that's gonna hurt
coming out.

Chaka: I love "I don't."

-Uh-huh.
-Take that, Melania.

RuPaul: Jaida Essence Hall.

Michelle: Oh, she's rich.

Black diamonds are forever.

Chaka: Yes, darling.

Jaida:
I am a trophy wife, honey.

I am coming out here,
I finally got this fat-ass ring

that I have been waiting
for all of my life.

I'm just ready to walk down
this aisle and get this money--

I mean man.

RuPaul: Guess who's black
in the house?

[all laugh]

Ross: She's a nice gay
for a black wedding.

[all laugh]

RuPaul: Gigi Goode.

Oh, my God.

-So pretty.
-So gorgeous.

Gigi: My silhouette is inspired

by the classic
Christian Dior New Look.

I'm cinched in at the waist

and then just jutting out
at the hips.

I have my tiny
little wedding ring

that you just
have to squint to see,

because I can't
over-accessorize

in this type of look.

RuPaul: She loves
some black tulle,

but who doesn't?

[all laugh]

Sherry Pie...

in the library
with the candlestick.

[all laugh]

Ross: Got a light?
[all laugh]

Sherry: My bride
may or may not be dead.

Letting the candle lead me

through the hallways
of my dilapidated old mansion.

She is looking for her wedding,

but thank God
she's got a candle,

because it's dark in here.

Ross: Michelle,
can you candle this?

[all laugh]

Michelle: I don't think
I can candle this.

Whoo!

RuPaul: Heidi.

Ross: Tiara?
I hardly know ya.

RuPaul:
Heidi is the new black.

Chaka: Heidi's the new black.

Heidi: I've chosen
this elegant black gown.

It has this big cold shoulder
piece that wraps around me

and, you know,
makes me feel secure,

because it's my wedding day.

All eyes are on me
at my wedding.

Can't nobody takes my day
away from me.

RuPaul: She done already
done drove hearses.

[all laugh]

The Widow Von'Du.

Michelle:
She got a standing bovation.

RuPaul: She looks like
Mary Wilson a little bit.

Kinda-sorta.
I could see it.

Widow: I am wearing
this sequined gown

with this beautiful,
giant train.

And then when I take off
that mask, boom, bitch.

Look at them eyes.

She ain't got no soul.

Michelle: Peek-a-Ru.

Ross: She's registered
at Bed, Black, and Beyond.

Michelle: Yes!

RuPaul: Crystal Methyd.

Ross:
She is dying to get married.

Chaka:
Oh, Lord have mercy, yes.

Crystal:
I'm serving an undead bride

who just dug her way out
of her grave to find her love.

I am loving my character.

My gloves are even ripped
at the fingertips

because when you die,
your nails keep growing.

I'm covered in dust.

I think I look
drop-dead gorgeous.

Ross: Um, there's a shampoo
for that.

Michelle: Death becomes her.

[RuPaul laughs]end act

Welcome, ladies.

It is time
for the judges' critiques.

First up, Jackie Cox.

Let's take a look
at your Droop commercial.

When you're out
at the discotheque,

does your Snatch Game
gotcha down?

Is your hoo-hoo
looking more ho-hum?

Well, Jackie Cox
has the solution for you!

Introducing Jackie's
Magic Carpet Merkins.

What is this merkin, you ask?

Jackie Cox
has the answers for you!

A merkin is a wig for your
very own cave of wonders,

originally worn
by ladies of the night.

Hookers.

Jackie's Magic Carpet Merkins
will spruce up any queen's look.

Plus that special man
in your life can wear it, too.

Not there. There.

Jackie's Magic Carpet Merkins
are a wish come true.

For you!

The carpets
may not match the drapes.

Droop is not responsible
for any rashes, hives, or gout

that may occur from using
Magic Carpet Merkins.

Jackie Cox is not a genie,
but don't tell her that.

[all laugh]

All right, Jackie,
let's go to the judges.

Well, for starters, I think
you look really beautiful.

I get who this woman is
right away,

and I love that you were telling
a story on the runway, too.

I actually really enjoyed
your infomercial.

You had elements of old school
in there with the "for you,"

and some really funny jokes
that landed.

Your whole infomercial
was thought out,

from the way you wrote it

to knowing that you were
gonna turn to the camera

and have that be a gimmick.

-Well done.
-I think you did a great job.

Did she make you
wanna buy a merkin?

What is a merkin?

It's a vagina wig.

That's the best stuff
I've learned this year.

[all laugh]

She's living the merkin dream.

That's right.

-Thanks, Jackie.
-Thank you, RuPaul.

Up next, Jan, Simply Jan.

Hey, everyone, it's the
high-energy, high-belting,

highly positive bitch from
Season 12, Jan, Simply Jan.

Have you ever wanted to,
ooh, feel the Jan-tasy?

Well, girl, now you can!

Introducing Sure, Jan,
the all-enhancing spray

that'll make your simple life
Jan-tastic.

Tired of being
the boring, ugly sister

that can't get a buck?

Ooh. Sure, Jan.

Jan-tastic.

Tired of sounding like
a fucked-up car motor?

Aah!

[glass shatters]

Sure, Jan.

♪ Ahh ♪

Jan-tastic.

Tired of sitting at home
complaining

instead of
doing something about it?

Sure, Jan.

Jan-tastic!

You can get Sure, Jan for $69,
so what are you waiting for?

Feel the Jan-tasy
with Sure, Jan.

Jan, you look
so gorgeous tonight.

You look beautiful.

Thank you so much.

I love everything about this.

I would wear that to my wedding.

With your infomercial,
between making you feel better

and then do a death drop,

then you're gonna be
a better singer,

I think you tried
to fit so much in

that it became convoluted.

Okay.

I loved the puns in your video.

-Thank you.
-Everything with "Jan."

But you had so much energy

that it started at 100

and stayed there the whole time.

We need peaks and valleys,

because we don't know
where to go,

and to follow you,
we get exhausted.

Right.

It was a little
woo-woo-woo-woo-woo.

Up next, Jaida Essence Hall.

Oh, hey, bitch,
it's Jaida Essence Hall,

terrible actress
from Gay's Anatomy

and world-famous
rich drag queen.

Now, I know
what you're thinking.

Damn, she looks snatch.

And you're right.

But why the hell
am I really here?

Crotch got you down?

Lumpy, bumpy tuck?

Sticky mess
and bubblegum crotch. Ouch!

Then you need the Luxuratuck.

At a modest $5.000 per pair,

these panties are sourced from
the silk of rare tarantulas

found in the Glamazonian
rain forest,

and made for strength,
stretch, luxury,

and pulling back
those little lady bits.

Anaconda?
I don't even know her!

[all laugh]

Each Luxuratuck is crafted

with a diamond-encrusted
monogram,

and offers anyone who wants

to let the world know that
you are indeed that bitch.

Get snatched from the front
all the way to the back,

with the Luxuratuck.

[all laugh]

I love this look.

Thank you.

Because it's so gorgeous.

I mean, any girl
would want this dress,

and any man
would want this dress, too.

You were so good
in your infomercial,

because right out of the gate
you made a joke

that let us know
it was okay to laugh.

Terrible actress
from Gay's Anatomy.

I think you're
so frigging funny, bitch.

[all laugh]

That is so funny.

You hit the jokes
where they needed to be,

so we actually had time to laugh
and continue to listen.

You were actually selling
a real product

that I would probably buy.

Well, you need one.

I do.
[all laugh]

Up next, Gigi Goode.

Hi. I'm better than you.

And in the rare case
you're anything like me,

you find it hard
to get a good night's sleep

after a long day of competing

for the title of America's
next drag superstar.

Introducing RuCo Labs' newest
fragrance and sleeping aid,

Goode Night Bitch.

With subtle notes of lavender,

horse tranquilizer, and pine,

Goode Night Bitch is designed

to help you fall asleep faster
and stay asleep longer.

[whispering]
Possibly for days.

[crash]

For just $18.500,

or roughly the prize money

for three maxi challenges
and two mini challenges,

you'll finally wake up
feeling fully rested

and only slightly constipated.

Don't just wait to fall asleep.

Get knocked the fuck out.

Goode Night Bitch.

[snoring]

Tonight on the runway,
my God.

Oof. Stunning.

You really do
look like a picture.

Picture perfect.

Your infomercial
just felt a little clunky,

and it's like you couldn't
get your rhythm in it.

Goode Night Bitch.

And that's where
some of the jokes were lost.

Like, even when you were
listing the ingredients, right?

You wanna end
on the funny one.

Okay.

There's pine, this,

and horse tranquilizer.

Oh, that's when we laugh.

Meh on the video.

Up next, I hope you all
saved room for some Sherry Pie.

Nothing better to do
than count your money?

I just have so much money!

I'm Sherry Pie,

and if you're tired
of counting your money,

then, boy, oh, boy,

I have something
that you can spend it on.

Sherry Pie's Aura Pie.

Sherry Pie's Aura Pie
is all-natural,

guaranteeing to turn
any aura from drab to
fab.graphics

I don't know the answer
to any of those questions,

but I do know
how much it costs.

$350 a slice.

The newest, hottest treat
for the financially elite.

Get yours now!

All right,
let's go to the judges.

You're performing with such ease
in the infomercial,

but then I realized
we're about halfway through

before we get a joke.

-Yeah.
-Right?

I don't know,
it's like a racehorse.

You just sort of trotted
the first half of the race.

You're not gonna win that way.

I just wanted more from you,
especially in this challenge.

Tonight on the runway, however,

you gave us
all of the extra more

that we were looking for.

It was all very beautiful.

Thank you.

Up next, Heidi.

Are you tired of your skin
being thirsty and dry?

Are you tired of having
a not-so-tight downstairs?

Now introducing Heidi's Hydrates
multipurpose lotion,

made from...
[whistles] silks and satins,

as well as tears
of a drag queen...mine!

[wailing]

Oh, God!

Oh!

Get in there! [gasps]

Uses range from frying chicken

to waxing a car
and vaginal rejuvenation.

Ooh!

Thank you.

All this can be yours
for $699

and 96 cents.

Heidi's Hydrates
may cause hair loss,

mood swings,

and uncontrollable flatulence.

[passes gas]
Ooh. Excuse me.

Heidi's Hydrates.

Bitch, I told you
it could cause hair loss.

[all laugh]

Tonight on the runway, I think
this is a beautiful gown on you.

-Thank you.
-Let me tell you,

that dress is cut

within an inch
of all of our lives.

I mean, that's the cut
for every woman.

You have this ability
to show your heart.

And then we watch your video,
and you're hilarious, too?

It's just so fun to see somebody
who I instantly love

have all the goods
to back it up.

The tear thing was hilarious,

the whistling through the teeth
when you were speaking,

it was so funny
and so much fun to watch.

-So Heidi.
-Yes?

First of all, you know
Imma sue your black ass.

Oh, well, here we go.

Lo and behold, this bitch
done stole my idea.

That's a mark against you,
but at the same time,

it's a mark for you,
because you are listening.

You did really good, very funny.

But just keep this in mind.

I now own 51%
of Heidi's Hydrates.

[all laugh]end act

Up next, the Widow Von'Du.

All right.

Hello, I am Widow Von'Du,

humanitarian,
philanthropist, organ donor.

Are you wanting to be
a Broadway actress?

Maybe a singer?

Maybe you want to do

some extracurricular activities
this weekend.

Wink, wink.

Well, have I got good news
for you.

I introduce to you

my revolutionary
throat-coating spray Throaté,

because, bitch, you're gagging.

Every bottle has a nonlethal
dosage of black widow venom,

just to give you

that extra little tingling
sensation deep inside.

Throaté has so many
different uses.

Mace.

Oh!

Setting spray,

or even
cleaning the kitchen.

[squeaks]

[all laugh]

You can coat your throaté today,

because you're gagging, bitches.

Tonight on the runway,
it was gorgeous.

I love the veil
with the crystals.

That's hot.

I think that's really
effective, mm-hmm.

In the infomercial,

I felt like you were
just kind of sitting there

and matter-of-factly
just kind of saying things.

I needed a whole lot more funny.

I don't know what happened.

You see what I'm seeing,
though, right?

Yes.

What was missing from
the infomercial was the joy.

Why do you think that happened?

I don't know.
I really don't know.

It just seems like something
is crushing me,

and I don't know what it is
and it just--

it's keeping me
from doing better.

I don't--I don't know.

This is where it gets
really, really tough.

This is where all of the
self-doubt and saboteur pops up

and tries to derail your path.

I really wanted to do well
in front of the judges,

and especially
in front of Chaka Khan.

I've waited forever to finally
be in the presence of you--

Oh, bless you.

I wanted this.
I wanted this so bad.

It's a bad review.

Don't take it too deeply
to your heart.

This could be a turning point
for you, you know that?

I see great promise in you.

Hear what she's saying
to you, Widow.

Hear it and own it.

Really, because
this is important.

Thank you.

Up next, Crystal Methyd.

[imitating Aiden] Boo.

[all laugh]

Oh, hey, it's me,
Crystal Methyd, drag legend.

You know, people
are always telling me...

Wow, Crystal,
I wish I could be

as gorgeous and confident
as you.

Well, I've been working on
a project with a few scientists

that will turn you into
a fierce bitch like me

in a matter of seconds:
the Magic Mullet.

Made from a unique blend of hair

collected from the tails
of squirrels and raccoons,

each headband is infused with
our advanced Droop technology,

which releases hormones
into the brain

to increase strength
and sex drive.

The Magic Mullet
is superabsorbent

and dishwasher safe, making it
perfect for working out.

Don't waste years of your life

waiting for your hair
to grow out

long and beautiful like mine,

because you could die
at any minute.

What are you waiting for?

Wow, thanks, Magic Mullet.

The Magic Mullet
gets the party started!

[all laugh]

I think this look is to die for.

[all laugh]

I'm, like,
a horror film fanatic.

It all works.
You look great.

Thank you.

Again, Crystal, we get to see

a different side
of your makeup skills.

The Magic Mullet
was really smart,

because you've heard Ru
talk about your mullet,

and you played on something
that you know he's obsessed with

and you just sold it.

It was hilarious.

My favorite shot was when
you were hammering the wig.

[all laugh]

I just really wanted
to let you all know

how silly and crazy I am, so--

-Oh, we know.
-[laughs]

Thank you so much, Crystal.

Thank you.

All right, ladies.

Since we're all together,

I wanna ask each of you...

Who should go home tonight
and why?

Let's start with Jackie Cox.

If one of us has to go home,
I laughed the least at Widow's.

Jan, who do you think
should go home tonight?

I would have to say Widow
as well.

All right, Jaida.

I would also have to say Widow.

-Gigi?
-I agree with my sisters.

I would say Widow.

-All right, Sherry.
-Widow.

Heidi, what say you?

This is hard.

Say it.

She's one of
my best friends here,

and it's tearing me up
to say this.

This is solely based
off the video.

All right, so, Widow,

who do you think should
go home tonight and why?

The only other video I saw that
was as bad as mine was Jan's.

All right, Crystal.

I've known Widow
since I started doing drag.

I didn't see Widow
in that video.

I would have to say Widow.

Thank you, ladies,
for your honesty.

While you untuck backstage,

the judges and I
will deliberate.

You may leave the stage.

All right, now just between
us squirrel friends,

whaddaya think?

Let's start with Jackie Cox.

Jackie Cox's infomercial
was a home run.

And it was clever, you know?

But you weren't familiar
with the merkin.

No, I wasn't, and actually,
it was an educational video.

[all laugh]

Jan.

She's like an excited kid
who just wants to please.

And please she does.
She's very talented.

I just think that Jan
is gunning too hard,

and it's now
coming back to bite her.

I just need her
to take a breath.

Mm-hmm.

And kind of focus
and fine tune.

Jaida Essence Hall.

She's hella funny.

She could be a comedian.

This girl is the dark horse
of the competition.

Every single week we see
another layer peeled away

and we see more and more Jaida.

Gigi Goode.

She just didn't have it
in the infomercial challenge.

It just didn't work,
bottom line.

-Yeah.
-Or top line. I don't know her.

Yeah.
[all laugh]

Sherry Pie.

In her infomercial,
listen, it did not suck.

It just wasn't
up to Sherry Pie level.

I don't think it was
a terrible week for her,

but there may be some room
for some of these other queens

to step in front of her in line.

Heidi. She surprised me,

because I didn't expect to laugh
so hard at her infomercial.

[laughs] It was funny.

The unexpected twist in rhythm

that makes something
really funny.

She's amazing.

She's going to go far.

Widow Von'Du.

She didn't do
the very best commercial.

Wink, wink.

It came across as flat,

and we know Widow
to be big and boisterous.

We've seen this before, right?

When a great queen
has a lot of momentum

and maybe they start thinking

about their position
in the competition,

and then that gets them
out of actually winning.

Yeah. Crystal Methyd.

Crystal Methyd has done the
biggest 180 in this competition.

That infomercial
was frickin' hilarious.

She's one of my favorites,
of course.

[imitating Aiden] Boo.

It's so exciting to see
what's happened with Crystal.

Pay attention to that one.
She's a threat.

All right, silence.

I've made my decision.

Bring back my girls.end act

Welcome back, ladies.

I've made some decisions.

Heidi, I loved your performance
so much this week,

I wanna marry it.

Crystal Methyd,
your mullets were magic,

and your zombie gave us life.

Jaida Essence Hall.

Your anaconda don't,

but your Luxuratuck do.

Thank you.

Jackie Cox, this week,
your merkin was workin'.

Heidi, con-drag-ulations.

You are the winner
of this week's challenge.

[applause]

Yay! I win!

Oh, bitch!

Heidi, you've won a cash prize
of $5.000.

Thank you [whistles]
so, so very much.

[all laugh]

Jaida, Crystal, Jackie,
you are all safe.

The four of you may step
to the back of the stage.

Gigi Goode, on the runway,
you had a good night, bitch,

but your commercial was sleeper.

You're safe.

Thank you.

Widow Von'Du.

On the runway you were dazzling,

but your commercial
did not leave us gagging.

I'm sorry, my dear, but you
are up for elimination.

Sherry Pie. The judges
ate up your runway look,

but your Aura Pie
was a little undercooked.

Jan. We love
your black wedding look,

but your commercial
left us unsure, Jan.

Sherry Pie.

You're safe.

Thank you.

You may join the other girls.

Jan, I'm sorry, my dear,
but you are up for elimination.

I don't wanna go home.

I have so much more to offer
this competition.

I'm not going down
without a fight.

Two queens stand before me.

Prior to tonight,
you were asked to prepare

a lip sync performance

of This is My Night
by the legend, Chaka Khan.

Ladies, this is your last chance
to impress me

and save yourself...

from elimination!

The time has come...
[thunder]

for you to lip sync

[echoing] for your life!

I am not going the fuck home.

Good luck,
and don't fuck it up.

[music plays]

♪ I'm puttin' on my makeup ♪

♪ It's time to wake up ♪

♪ The owners of the night
are calling me ♪

♪ I'm ready and I'm willing ♪

♪ To put out a happy feeling ♪

♪ Something special's
in the air for me ♪

♪ The night is mine ♪

♪ I'm gonna keep it
just right ♪

♪ Gonna let this magic shine,
shine, shine, shine, shine ♪

♪ This is my night tonight ♪

♪ I'm gonna do it just right ♪

♪ I'm gonna let
this magic shine ♪

♪ This is my night tonight ♪

♪ I'm gonna do it just right ♪

♪ I'm gonna let
this magic shine ♪

♪ I feel like winning ♪

♪ I don't know the reason ♪

♪ Something telling me
to let it ride ♪

♪ Got me
rocking and reeling... ♪

Widow is really
selling the words

and the emotion of this song.

I think Chaka Khan's soul
has now entered Widow

and is coming alive
on the stage.

♪ My, my, my, my night ♪

♪ This feels so right ♪

♪ I'm gonna do it just right ♪

♪ I'm gonna let
this magic shine ♪

♪ This is my night tonight ♪

♪ I'm gonna do it just right ♪

♪ I'm gonna let
this magic shine

♪ Tonight ♪

♪ This is my night ♪

I am pulling out my moves
and dancing the house down,

showing the judges
how badly I want to be here.

♪ This is my night ♪

♪ I'm gonna do it just right ♪

♪ I'm gonna let
this magic shine ♪

♪ Let it shine ♪

♪ It's my night, my night ♪

♪ I'm gonna do it just right ♪

♪ I'm gonna let
this magic shine ♪

♪ Shine ♪

[cheers and applause]

-Whoo!
-Damn!

Ladies, I've made my decision.

Widow Von'Du, shantay you stay.

Widow, you may join
the other girls.

Thank you.

Jan, you are simply fabulous,

and never forget that.

Now sashay away.

Thank you so much
for this amazing opportunity.

I really did my best,

and I hope to make you proud
in the future.

[applause]

America, world,
thank you so much.

I hope you got to get to know me
a little bit more,

and everyone,
get ready to feel the Jan-tasy!

Bye.

[cheers and applause]

I made it. I got
to RuPaul's Drag Race.

The most disappointing thing
about being eliminated

is not making it
to the top four.

I saw myself up there
with the best girls.

One bad week,
and it could be your time.

I'm just disappointed
that this was my week.

I looked so good tonight!
Damn!

Con-drag-ulations, ladies.

And remember,
if you can't love yourself,

how in the hell
you gonna love somebody else?

Can I get an "amen" in here?

-Amen!
-Amen!

All right,
now let the music play.

♪ I am American, American ♪

♪ The red, white, and blue ♪

♪ I am American, American ♪vote
sign

♪ Just like you, too ♪disclaimer

RuPaul: Next time
on RuPaul's Drag Race...

It's time for America's
first drag queen president.

You vow to make America
what again?

Glitter again.

The facts are her mullet
is not even real.

Ooh!

Candidates, let's keep it civil.

If she cannot win the war
against her beard,

how can she win the war
for America?

She done already
done had herses.

You're trying to become
America's next drag superstar.

Now, I don't know
what that's like.

[all laugh]

♪ I am American,
American, American ♪

♪ I am American, American ♪

♪ The red, white, and blue ♪

♪ I am American,
American, American ♪

♪ I am American, American ♪

♪ Just like you, too ♪

♪ Am-Am-Am-Am-American,
American, American ♪

♪ I am American, American ♪

♪ The red, white, and blue ♪

♪ I am American, American ♪

♪ Just like you, too ♪