Original subtitles

We are now at the sauna at Tai Nam Street.

License check, lights on.

Ask them to open doors.

Police!. Get in!

License check, Mr..

Can't I have massage here?

Erotic massage though?

Everyone is lustful in nature.

One would dare to donate sperm.

Master Jude?

I recognize you, I'm your student, Chan Chi Keung.

I am Chan Chi Keung of Form 5B at Saint Xenic Education College.

I remember you.

You shit your pants during an examination.

Master Jude,

don't come here so often at your age.

It's harmful to your body.

How would I know I'm still capable if I didn't come here?

It would be my 80th birthday soon.

Your senior schoolmates will hold?.

...a licentious birthday party for me.

Right, Master Jude has been teaching?.

?. at Saint Xenic Education College for 50 years.

He's very open-minded, daring.

And popular among students.

Subtitle by Aldi Arman

Porno magazine?

Master Jude, we just picked it up somewhere.

Yeah...we just picked it up...

Don't panic, you could learn from it, go ahead.

Human beings are animals too.

During puberty, your brain would force you to dream.

So during that time, you would be curious about girls.

Well...

Anyone who would have fantasy about girls, raise your hands.

That's normal.

Keung, don't you have fantasy?

I want to make it real

So amazing?

Master Jude, my mum told me that too much fantasy would lead to blindness.

My grandpa said one drop of sperm equals to 3 drops of blood.

I'm scared that I would lose too much blood.

Reams of rubbish.

Having fantasy is normal.

It'd be fine if you have it once in a while

Remember, just once in a while.

Since Master Jude is so kind and a good teacher,

a few graduates of different years treated him as their father.

They all have their achievement in the society.

There are government official, doctor, famous actor,

metaphysician and dancer.

On Master Jude's 80th birthday,

they decided to hold a party for him.

This is York Ng, who graduated in 1 978.

He used to be a raging youth,

he's now a raging uncle.

And he's the founder of a political party "Social Durian"

He likes to throw bananas at his opponents.

What the hell!

With great foresight...

Councillor Ng, please behave yourself.

What the hell!

Security!

Security the hell!

You are so...

So the hell!

Go to hell...

Though Councillor Ng is a lion at work,

he would turn into a little lamb at home.

His wife, Hillary Lau is an experienced barrister.

She never loses a case.

When would you be mature?

Honey

Honey, I'm busy...I'm busy...

But today is Friday,

remember what are we gonna do on Friday?

Friday...

Fill in a form first.

Is it necessary?

'Cos...just do the same as last week.

Fill in the form.

Can I apply for longer time?

It's not enough last time.

Stop pretending.

Doggy style or what, that's old stuff, just rub it off...

Bend the sugar cane...OK?

But I'd like to use Hut E Bo Fan

Hut E Bo Fan

Hut E Bo Fan?

What's that?

Maybe we could use the one that my friend taught me.

Last week,

he told me there's one called "In the Middle Air Turning Kick"

Let's try it, "Turning Kick in the Air", it's exciting.

Not a chance!

Rejected!

Go and take a shower now,

then wear 2 condoms and wait for me in the bed, okay?

You have 1 5 minutes for that.

Otherwise, you'll have to do it yourself.

Hurry up then, I couldn't hold it for long.

Honey, don't do it in kitchen

or bathroom, let's do it...

at the balcony.

Claude Cheung, graduated in 1 983, is very much dedicated to drama.

He's very popular in the entertainment industry.

He once got nine Best Actor awards in a year.

He's an excellent actor.

Half of "dumpling" stands for "stupid"

Would I be too stupid in selling rice dumpling for my entire life?

Half of "dumpling" also stands for "rice":. money.

We would be rich then.

Honey, I did check it, we don't have any rice left.

No way.

You should do something then, bastard!

Go and make some bucks now.

I'm sick...

Give me a bowl!

Good!

Honey, sell it at the hospital.

And pay our son's tuition.

Our son died in a car accident yesterday.

You have forgotten?

My memory is so bad that I have forgotten about this.

Pay for mum's operation then.

Mum hanged herself two days ago.

You have forgotten too?

I'm too unfilial to forget about this.

Honey, just take it...

to cure your big toe cancer.

I died from that last month.

You have forgotten that too?

Who are you then?

Ghost.

We want you to come and stay with us...

I got you!

You are not my mum.

You are not my wife and you are not my son!

Who are you?

I have my mask on.

Look!

You look the same with your mask off?

But I have changed my clothes.

Who are you then?

I'm the legendary Ip Man.

IP-MAN?

He's a Wing Chun master instead of a ghostbuster.

I would beat up gweilo though!

Please!

Look at your back.

Don't wanna lose?

Try "Black Cow" tonic drink.

What? It's Black Cow.

Black Cow! Great!

Wonderful!

Please!

We're gonna lose, run!

Cut!

Okay.

Claude...

No need.

Claude, your acting is excellent.

A piece of cake.

This movie "Ip Man vs Haunted Echoes of The Rainbow"

is a mixture of tragedy, romance, passion, action...

Even Wong Jing would say it'll have great box-office.

You're gonna be the Best Actor of the year.

I don't need that.

I put quite a few Best Actor awards in the bathroom, it's blocking the way.

I gotta pee.

Cousin Sze!

Yes.

Water!

So hot...

Need to pee.

Cousin Claude, you got excessive internal heat.

Prepare herbal tea!

Watermelon!

Honey, feel great?

I told you to call me cousin.

Okay.

I think we are at home and no one would be around.

The paparazzi now?.

... are so terrible.

They would take pictures from long distance.

And they would even put hidden microphone in our place.

Okay.

It's okay...

Sze

Yes?

I'd like to...

You wanna eat?

Chinese, Western or Indian cuisine?

I wanna have sex!

No problem!

What posture? Like this?

Or this?

How about this?

Whatever.

Wait!

Let me put it on for you.

What's this? New style?

No, I cleaned the used ones.

Don't waste.

Okay...come on...

Wait?

What is it?

Lights off.

You are still shy after we have been married for over 20 years?

No.

Save Energy

Whatever...

Claude.

What's it again?

You need not move, I move.

Save your energy, you have to work tomorrow.

Let's not do it.

Sam Fu, graduated in 1 980.

He's very good at Biology.

Especially about the reproductive system,

he's an expert.

And he used to make on-the-spot investigation.

He is now a famous gynecologist.

What's your problem?

Doctor, there's an uneasy feeling on my chest.

It's kinda hard inside.

I am so scared.

Well...

It might be severe.

Would that be breast cancer?

I have to check first.

Check for me then.

Should I take off my clothes now?

Nurse, this granny needs to have body check.

You are such an honest guy.

Never take advantage of me.

Of course, we have professional ethics.

Hello, honey.

Okay, I will pick you up then.

Alright, bye.

You and your wife are such a sweet couple.

Honey!

Still watching this? We have been watching it since marriage.

It's a good one.

See, it's so funny.

We haven't done that for a while.

I don't want that...

You go to bed first, I'm watching TV.

We are not young anymore, we don't have much chance to have a baby.

I'm getting angry.

Every time is like that, you always ruin the funniest part.

Should I buy you a DVD instead?

It's okay.

So itchy.

Every time I kiss you, you say it's itchy.

Should we make love without kissing?

Maybe this way.

I kiss you and you don't have to kiss me, that'd be okay.

Alright.

Lights off.

You kiss me after having chocolate, there are ants all over my body.

It's so itchy.

Keith Szeto, graduated in 1 990.

He used to woo girls with horoscope.

He likes to give palm telling for girls.

After graduation,

he becomes a master in metaphysics.

Always teaches people to be ghostbusters on TV shows,

and earns lots of money in feng shui.

It's quite problematic about this house.

I bought it for $30,000,000.

Money is not the problem, let me explain that to you.

Your bed is right under the beam.

It would bring you misfortune.

The end of your bed is conflicting with the '5 evils'.

It'd be bad for your health.

The main door is at the 'declining' position, the dining table is at the 'sick' position.

The TV is at the 'broken' position.

The sofa is at the 'evil' position.

There's a ghost in the washroom, just forget it.

There's an overhead chop out there.

The MTR is next to it.

The 'sky' is conflicting with the 'ground',

it would be a disaster for you.

If you don't move out, it will endanger your life.

We just moved in for a month.

Do you think death would be an end?

According to my analysis, you will probably go to jail.

for 38 years, and it's a frame-up.

You will be harassed by nigger.

Nigger!

I would buy this house from you for $2,000,000.

And turn it into a nunnery.

$2,000,000?

Honey! We won the Mark Six jackpot.

$80 million!

Dare you take this wicked money?

Give it to me!

I will donate it for you.

Otherwise, it will endanger your children.

Your son will become a drug addict and your daughter, a porno star.

The 3D ones.

3D?

Strip...and bare it all.

Isn't it pathetic?

What the hell! Dare you hit me?

You should know that I'm a fake.

Dare you hit me, you better watch out.

See, don't think that I'm dumb.

What the hell!

Keith's wife is a metaphysician too.

She is the famous metaphysician in town, Du-Gu Ling Ling.

For our country and to nourish the next generation.

For Szeto's family to propagate.

Honey. Hubby.

Please take off your clothes.

Wait!

There are quite a few days in this month not suitable for sex.

Really? Let me check.

Got it.

All odd days are not suitable?. All even days!

Are you sure?

Today is the eighth day, it's an even day.

I'm sure, today is not suitable

But I can't hold any longer.

If you really do it, you will be sick.

See the doctor then?

You will lose money.

Take it as donation?

It will be hard for you to walk.

Take a taxi then?

I'm afraid you will be impotent.

Dare you say that.

I will sleep in the living room.

See you next month.

Fate gives me no choice...

Charlie Lam, graduated in 1 998.

He's so popular in school.

He's very good at dancing.

Upon graduation, he started to teach dancing.

It should be a good job for him.

But his wife, Nancy Chan,

is the sister of Chok, a gangster.

She's such a jealous woman.

Bitch, dare you lay hands on my hubby?

Go to hell, bitch!

What is it?

Bitch, dare you lay hands on my hubby?

Go to hell, bitch!

Bitch!...

Sister...

Brother, what's up?

We are working down here...

and there are cops coming...

Is there any place we can hide?

Honey, we haven't done it for a while, let's...

Let's do is some other time.

I got a headache.

And sore throat too, and...

It's not the right time.

What do you mean? Just do it as you want to.

I do have manners.

I won't peek as you guys make love.

Nancy, just go ahead.

Enjoy it.

Let's do it then.

Why there's no sound at all?

My dear brother-in-law, are you impotent?

My sister won't be satisfied with that.

Move a bit, please.

Faster!

Harder!

My sister hasn't even screamed for having sex

No climax at all, must be wrong pose.

Change the pose! Change!

My dear brother-in-law,

can't you give my sister an orgasm?

What the hell are you doing?

I...

Say it!

You have been urging us the whole night, I haven't even taken off my pants yet.

You haven't taken your pants off?

Sorry, I'm over nervous about my sister's sexual life

Go ahead, I won't bother you guys anymore.

Sorry...sorry.

Master Jude, see you at Jiangmen on Saturday.

Okay, see you then.

Is Master Jude here yet?

I sent a car to pick him up, he'll be here soon.

Where should we bring him for tonight?

I heard there's a kind of massage here

with one hanging on the ceiling...

Come on, it's you or she got hanged?

She's the one.

So cruel?

You got hanged then.

Hang her.

Stop!

Stop...

Stop!

What's that? So wonderful?

Where are you from?

Don't you even know the Booby 4?

Cheap!

Right, there are only 4, you are out of this.

I like cheap, let's go.

Thanks.

You should put on more clothes, beware of catching cold.

But I need to take photo.

You are...?

Model.

I'm Eleven, what about you?

I'm Charlie.

You are so cute

So beautiful!

What...

Don't you know I am here to take photos?

This is a public area, we have the right to watch you take photos.

Yeah, I'm the Best Actor. I don't mind them watching me either.

Yeah. You are so stingy.

Are you really the Best Actor, Claude Cheung?

I am your fan.

Shut up! And you!

We'd like to take pictures with you.

Shut up! Bitch!

Come here...

Security!

What's the big deal?

They're not ordinary security guards.

They are professional killers that I hired, they are called "Must Kill"

What? "Must Kill"?

Don't panic!

With big boobs doesn't mean they can fight.

Yeah.

Good!

Go!

Ha!

Scared?

Come on, let's go on.

Long time no see!

Master Jude!...

What's wrong with him?

Well, he fell off from a swing in the washroom.

Injury.

Need to get a doctor?

What is it?

I brought this.

"3D Porno" pirate DVD

Let's watch it.

So big! Is it real or not?

She told the press that it's real.

She said her mum feeds her with papaya every day.

Is it possible, doctor?

Yes, for having 60 papayas every day.

We are not coming to watch DVD though.

Should we go for the real stuff?

By the way, those young models are really charming.

Yeah...

Any beauties there?

Yes!

That's Master Jude.

Let's go!

OK! Girls, relax!

Well done, everybody, but remember

our theme for today is sunshine.

You are all wearing bikinis.

So you have to relax and move a bit.

Thrust out your chest, okay?

Okay! Take a break first?.

Lighting please...where's the gaffer?

Do you think those guys?.

...got scared off by "Must Kill"?

No way, they are willing to die for us.

Here they come again.

Pass!

Watch out!

Best Actor.

Scum.

Hello! Hello!

We thought you have a good figure with a quick glance just now,

but now we realize you have a really attractive figure.

I am York.

I am Tina.

What a nice name!

I always saw you got caught on TV.

Damn it...here you go.

I saw you playing football,

and we like playing football too.

Should we have a "friendly match" some time?

Really? Yeah.

Well, "One-on-One" will be fine?

Really?

You scared me...

I am your super fan.

I have even bought the DVD of your only Category III movie where you got naked.

Really? As far as I could recall, I have never got naked in any movie.

When you were 3,

you played in a movie "Prostituting to raise the orphan".

And the famous actress, Dumballa played as your mother.

You both got naked for nursing in a scene.

I could get naked with you together in a movie too.

Master...I always got harassed by ghosts, what should I do?

There's an actress who used to get harassed by ghosts before.

And she asked me what she should do.

I taught her a phrase then she's doing fine.

Amida Buddha?

It's this one...

I'd charge $1 million for a phrase, card or cash?

Shit!

Doctor...

How should I check for breast cancer myself?

That's easy.

You start pressing from the bottom

Keep pressing and move up bit by bit...

If there's no knot, it'd be fine.

How about cervical cancer?

Then you have to use this finger...

Is it?

To make appointment with your doctor.

You are so wicked...

I am Eleven...

You are not eleven years old though?

You silly.

Master Jude, it's yours.

She could be my granddaughter.

I'd better watch my "3D Porno".

Are you afraid of me?

I scare that I will be charged.

What do you mean?

Charged of having sex with minors.

What the hell!

You guys get along so well with your teacher.

Of course.

We have a party in the president suite tonight.

Dinner at 8p.m., then we will have karaoke.

And we will cut the cake at 12a.m.

You can come along with your friends.

Dunno how he's doing.

They are not giving artificial respiration to him

They are kissing though, how could he wake up?

Okay, we will come tonight.

Yeah!

I think the girls are not coming.

I'd better go to have a massage instead.

You guys can go for massage, but I can't...

They would recognize me.

So what? Ka Ying go to have massage too.

Yeah.

It's different, he's such a nice guy.

No one would believe he's having sex there.

It's 12a.m. now, should we cut the cake?

What if they come?

If they come, I'll cut my...

Cut!

Cut!

Master Jude, those girls...

So soon?

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to Master Jude

Happy birthday to you

I told you, we would come.

Happy birthday!

Make a wish and blow the candles.

My wish is...

You blow it for me.

No nasty words.

I blow it myself.

Surprise!

Let's give Master Jude a kiss.

Great!

I am so happy...I am so happy...

I am dying!

Don't move...

Call the ambulance.

Master Jude, are you alright?

How do you feel?

I think I'm dying.

Stop saying so, Master Jude.

This has to be diagnosed by a professional doctor.

How's he doing now?

He's gonna die soon.

Master Jude, it's those girls' fault.

We will take revenge for you.

Right! For what they did to you,

they have to pay for it.

Great!...

Promise me, the first time you guys make love to them,

it would count as mine.

After having sex with them, call my name to get me noted.

That's it.

Okay, no problem.

No problem...

"Master Jude, take it!"

Are you nuts? I haven't died yet.

What the hell!

Are you alright?

Master Jude...

It's your fault. "Master Jude, take it!"

"Master Jude, take it!"

Master Jude dedicated his entire life to his students.

So we should repay him.

In fact...

He has taught us so many things

Master Jude is a good teacher.

He has taught us a lot of interesting knowledge about men and women.

There's something odd about them?

Is it?

What is it?

When men fool around, do you know when they are most thrilled?

Taking off the clothes. No.

At the climax. No.

It's?. The afterglow after they have done it.

They are laughing nastily.

We'd better watch out.

Wives are wizard without doubt,

but the five husbands have taken unfaithful action already.

Against nightclubs in residential area!

Against nightclubs in residential area!

Against insulting women!

Against insulting women!

Against depreciating the social status of women!

Against depreciating the social status of women!

Against agency for prostitution!

Against agency for prostitution!

Burn the nightclubs! Hit you to death!

Sorry, it's too much.

It's okay, in fact you are so brave.

Who wanna beat us up?

It's you three?

What? Wanna use violence?

We won't be scared, see how many people we have...

But they have just left?.

...to fetch weapons...

Dare you stay here, I will call the Commissioner of Police.

Sir, which network are you using?

Must-tone!

It won't work in my turf.

We cannot get through the police hotline!.

We will make the emergency cal lin the nearby restaurant then. Beat them up!

We can't stay here for long, they will be back soon.

I would let them go after me and you guys run.

You are so manly! Really?

Damn it, you never did that for me before.

Go to hell.

It's the privilege of women?

Shit!

Chop him up!

Help...

How would he be so brave?

Maybe...he saw a cockroach.

Cockroach?

Really?

If I saw it...

I would scream too.

Really?

York...I want to...

You are thinking too much?

I really want to...

What do you want?

I really want it!

Cockroach...

Mouse...

Centipede...

Gecko...

Crocodile...

Crocodile?

So many bugs!...

This girl is wonderful.

I am so exhausted.

What? Why did I got so many love bites?

What should I do?

Honey, are you back?

Yes, honey.

Don't come in.

Why? This is not the first time I see you shit.

Honey...

Honey...

My mask is very expensive...

You know, as a politician, I should care about my image.

Many people told me that I look old on TV?. I got wrinkles.

Other councillors have Botox injection too, right?

Yes.

Okay, I will buy another one tomorrow.

You go to bed first, I still have whitening treatment.

I have a court case tomorrow, take your time.

Goodnight.

"When Testicular Cancer Loves Cervical Cancer"

Scene 1 0, Shot 7, Take 1

Action!

Flora.

I have a secret to tell you.

I have a secret to tell you too.

Cut!

What the hell! Where did you find this actress?

She can't even speak well, how could she act?

Hey...

Angelamammy is one of the top singers.

Top singer?

How could she be a singer?

Those are voice-over, fool.

Alright...go for the love scene.

Come on.

"When Testicular Cancer Loves Cervical Cancer"

Scene 30, shot 1, take 1.

Action!

Hey!

What are you doing?

It's been written clearly in our contract.

You could kiss and fondle the body double only.

Whatever.

Hurry up, come on.

Who is she?

Body double.

Hurry up, I am busy.

Kiss the hell!

Let's post it on twitter.

Go ahead.

Wait!

What the hell...

The Hong Kong film industry is ruined by unprofessional actresses

and lousy managers like you!

Your acting, singing, figure and attitude are all bad.

Don't know what punctuality is, and you can't shit everyday.

How do you know?

Angelamammy is so popular and has so many fans.

So?

Don't force me to...

Lock up!

Lousy manager...bad acting...

Lousy manager...bad acting...

Help...

Lousy manager...bad acting...

Lousy acting...

Lousy acting...Lousy acting...

Let's run, he's nuts...

Insane...

That's all for today.

No actress.

Director, can I try?

You are...

We met at Master Jude's party the other day.

I'm Audrey.

Audrey of Audrey Hepburn.

Why are you here?

My friend is a makeup artist in next studio.

So I came to watch the film shooting.

I love acting.

But...

I don't need a body double for love scenes.

Come here.

"When Testicular Cancer Loves Cervical Cancer"

Shot 7, Take 2

Action!

Baby...

I have a secret to tell you.

I have a secret to tell you too.

Stop that.

Otherwise, I will turn into a werewolf...

If you are not a werewolf

and Edward is not a vampire,

it will be great.

But for getting rid of our spell,

I have to fall in love with a virgin.

I am, I am a virgin.

Take Me!

Take Me!

Cut!

Assistant Director, what's the meaning of "Take Me"?

Make love to her.

Okay, carry on.

Action!

Take...take you?

If I make love to you, you will be a werewolf too.

I will find another virgin.

What a waste, come on.

Cut!

Lights off, we have to bring up our feeling.

Okay?

You will soon be the Best Actress.

Really?

I'm a crazy cinephile

I like to act as the different characters in the movies

Audrey Hepburn, Marilyn Monroe...

and Angelina Jolie.

Don't ever scare me like this.

Bitch!

Plan A.

Who is she?

What do you mean?

She!

No one is here, except me.

I am practising with myself.

"Kissing the Invisible Woman", can't you see that?

What? She...

She's leaving!

Hey!

Sit down.

Sze, are you having too much work lately?

There's only me here.

I think I have psychosis.

Let me check.

Probably.

I read from a magazine, it says it's been proven that

middle aged women have 80% chance of having psychosis

if they lack exercise.

Which magazine?

Next weekly.

It's reliable then

I will take you to see a doctor tomorrow.

That woman is back again.

No one... No, I did see her.

There's no woman here. No!

I got her.

I am your husband.

You are grabbing me.

Why is she having

my husband's voice?

I am your husband.

I think I have gone mad.

Honey, I have to see the doctor in the government clinic.

Of course, it's much cheaper.

Are you my husband then?

I am not, your husband left already.

I am a fly.

I have gone mad...

I am gonna kill you!

Subtitle by Aldi Arman

It's fine now.

Just sore throat.

Take some medicine and you will be fine.

Do you need to check my breasts today?

Just once every year will do.

Linda, we did the check-up last time.

Wrong again, I am Dorlina.

Yes, Dorlina. I am sorry, okay.

I came with my friend today.

She's afraid she would have breast cancer too, please check on her.

Ask her to come in.

Granny, what's your problem?

Why are you here?

To give you a surprise.

What's your problem then?

I want to do body check-up.

The nurse will come in.

She would stay in the washroom for at least half an hour.

Let me treat you to dinner.

In fact, I am a "Good Guy".

Then I put on my clothes.

"Good Guy" is the short form.

In fact, the full name is...

"Good Lecherous Guy"

I'm coming.

What are you doing?

He suddenly passed out while doing body check.

I am giving him artificial respiration.

Stay away, you don't know what to do.

Let me do it.

Finished.

Hello?

I miss you.

I wanna see you.

I can't go out so late at night?

I don't care, I wanna see you.

Part 1 is done this morning, I want to go for part 2.

Part 2?

I will go to your place if you don't come.

Don't do that.

Either you come to my place or I will go to your place.

Honey.

Who called you so late at night?

My patient called me for an emergency.

I will be back soon, sleep well.

Go ahead and come back as soon as it's done.

Come in, it's not locked.

Take a Viagra first.

Honey, you are late.

I am here though.

Are we going for part 2?

There are 7 episodes for Harry Potter.

Hurry up then otherwise it wouldn't be done before dawn.

Who is it? You didn't call for a substitute though?

It's my mum.

Sit back and don't panic, I will ask her leave.

Mum.

Daughter...it's over...

Your father has a mistress.

Come in first.

Who is he?

He's Doctor Fu.

I'm sick and he came over to check it up for me.

Doctor?

He looks so lecherous.

Have a seat, I'll bring you some tea.

It's over...It's over...

Are you really a doctor?

Yes, I am a doctor.

That would be fine.

Men are all rubbish.

Are you wooing my daughter?

We do have ethics.

What? What ethics?

You are gonna have sex with her, right?

As a doctor, I will n...ever

have affair with patients.

That'd be fine.

You know, my husband is a beast...

Beast! You know?

Mrs. Ngai, are you trying to have fun or you wanna do it with me?

Doctor, I'm so pathetic...

I am even worse...

Shit!

You bastard! Dare you get hard by just seeing me...

My daughter will definitely get screwed by you.

Peril, don't ever hang out with him.

I don't wanna see him.

It's such a tragic ending.

It's filled with evil spirit.

That's all for today.

Open the door!

Miss, you look familiar.

We met at Master Jude's party.

Where's your friend? I did hear a man's voice.

I came here alone.

Something wrong then.

How can I help you?

Don't you remember me? I am Jeanne.

What do you wanna know?

I know, you wanna know about your marriage.

I have been traced by ghost.

How do you know?

It's unfathomable.

He has been after me for years, he keeps harassing me every night.

It's full of evil spirit, don't peek on her tits.

I think you look alright.

Do you really know how?

Wait...

Are you possessed by Bruce Lee?

It's really my idol, Bruce Lee.

What can I do for you?

I am ghost, I can't rape her,

you do it for me.

You'd better do it yourself.

If you don't, I will possess you to rape her.

Okay, let me do it.

I'm not well educated, don't lie to me.

Come on!

Well...

We should have dinner first and go for a drink,

Then go to karaoke.

If we have feeling for each other...

Are you fooling me, punk?

Look over there!

Stay there!

Hands up.

Get up!

How dare you pass yourself off as Bruce Lee...

Spread your legs.

Hands behind your head.

And?

What's the rush?

Have a seat.

What would you like to have?

Roast pork and chicken with rice.

Roast pork and chicken with rice.

God, please save me.

God, please save me.

Don't ever let me see her again.

I'm so scared.

There's a ghost licking the roast pork.

What?

What did you say?

There's a ghost licking the roast pork.

What? What ghost?

It's over there!

Where?

It's here!

It's here though!

Roast pork! She's been licking

Iike this, didn't you see that?

You are the one licking the roast pork now.

You have to buy it.

What the hell! Is it for a thriller movie?

Who the hell would live in such a nasty place?

God, please save me.

God, please save me.

God, please save me.

God, please save me.

1 1/F, please.

Why are you here?

What do you want?

The other lift is not working.

What's wrong with him?

He's not the only one scared by us

for all these years, my twin sister...

Master Kwan is here! Should all evil spirits get lost!

It's not ready to use.

You know that?

Alright.

Hurry up and get it even.

I told you to rape her.

Yeah.

Bedroom is there.

Hurry up.

You are doomed, as I take out my sword...

you will be screwed.

You are gonna die...

I'm dying...I'm dying...

Wait...

I'm coming...

Really? I'm dying then...

"Master Jude, take it."

In fact, I am not possessed.

I just tried to fool you, I am good at it.

You are wonderful.

Of course.

I did know that.

Why didn't you blow my cover?

If I did, I wouldn't have the chance...

You are so wicked.

But I like it.

What?

It's...

I am possessed by a lecher!

Let it be.

Couldn't I?

Honey, what happened?

Honey, I got raped by a ghost.

It's okay, don't be scared...

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8

That's all for today.

See you next time.

Thank you, sir.

Bye. Bye.

Hi! Charlie!

I'm Eleven, still remember me?

The one taking photos last time, right?

Yes.

Wanna learn dancing?

I have been wondering...

and you are my choice.

Good pick for you.

Yes.

I have been teaching here for 5 years.

No one is better than me.

I don't want you to teach me dancing.

I want you to take me.

I am still a virgin.

Well, how old are you?

16.

in 3 days.

Then stay away from me.

What are you scare of?

You can take my virginity after 3 days.

Why are you so horny?

Everyone will bid for your virginity?.

...if you sell it on the net.

You need money?

No.

My friends have been teasing me for being a virgin.

Thanks, but I really can't.

Do I look awful?

No.

Am I pretty?

Okay.

What are you afraid of then?

I just wanna find someone I like,

who is experienced and gentle to take my first time.

What's happening?

You like me?

Kind of.

What do you mean?

There are a bit like, kind of like, passionately like...

Ultimately like.

kind of rank... C

You don't like me that much.

There are also bad, worse, worst...

deadly worst.

But I am married

That's good.

You have experience and no commitment.

Want any sampling?

Sampling?

What do you mean?

How about a kiss?

Nancy, get a place to hide.

Shit! My wife is back!

Honey!

My brother-in-law!

Why is there a woman's voice?

No.

Stop talking about that.

Where can we hide? The cops are looking for us.

Hurry up.

As you can see there's nowhere to hide here.

It's you.

Don't think of going upstairs, then we can't find you.

Sir, we are dancers.

Show it to them.

You are the one fighting downstairs.

No, not a chance. No fighting at all!

I can prove it.

The cops are here?

I can prove that he's a good guy.

Who are you?

Student.

I got molested by someone downstairs just now.

They are so nice to hide me here.

Otherwise, I will be in trouble.

Really?

Believe me, I am a good citizen with long hair only.

Sir, I am only 1 5, I won't lie.

You'd better go home.

But I am still a bit scared.

Uncle, please take me home.

Okay.

Who's that chick? She's quite smart.

I thought she's your fellow.

I would be happy if I have such fellow.

Master Jude dedicated his entire life to each and every student.

We should repay him in return.

Master Jude, take it.

In fact...

Master Jude has taught us many things.

But for getting rid of our spell,

I have to fall in love with a virgin.

Master Jude is a good teacher.

He has taught us many interesting knowledge about men and women.

Are you not feeling well?

No, I just want you to give me a body check.

He made me understand...

It's full of evil spirits, don't peek on her tits.

I have been stalked by ghost.

It's unfathomable.

He told us that although this world has gone mad.

We have to understand ourselves.

I just wanna find someone I like,

who is experienced and gentle to take my first time.

Girls, we better watch out.

You are so great, we have 3 times.

I don't know, maybe got chased by someone...

It's too exciting.

Yeah, so exciting.

No way, I gotta go, I have a meeting tomorrow.

Tomorrow night then.

Don't let me go?

No way, I gotta go, it's so late.

and my legs are still trembling.

Okay, let's go separately, otherwise we will be on the press.

See you. Bye-bye!

I am too exhausted tonight.

Honey, are you back?

I have been waiting for you a long while.

I am so happy today.

I am really happy.

I won a case today!

So I have decided to take a month's vacation.

To make up for my ill-treating you.

It's alright, you don't have to.

Why? Why don't you want it?

I have been longing for that.

You haven't had sex for so long, it must be hard for you.

Yeah, I gotta fetch something.

Really?

Then I have to make that up for you.

I just wanna have some water.

Here you go.

Crawl back.

Give me my pants.

Give me my pants.

You come in and I will give it to you.

I don't want it then.

I don't want my pants.

I don't wanna go inside.

Chan Chun, why are you a Chinese

and I am a Japanese?

Are you going home?

Yes, I have to shoot an ad tomorrow.

Then...

I will pick you up tomorrow.

Okay.

What?

Haven't you seen a Chinese guy wooing a Japanese chick?

Get lost, nuts.

What? Haven't you seen a Chinese guy wooing a Japanese chick?

Nuts!

What? Haven't you seen Chan Chun before?

Go away!

What's up?

Chan Chun!

As you are back today, you are not gonna leave!

You have to be a responsible husband and make love to me...

for 300 rounds.

Don't you have the guts?

I have something for you!

"Asian Weakling"?

You are "Asian Weakling"!

Nunchucks?

See who is better!

Be careful!

You are defeated by me today and

I can do whatever I want.

You have to be gentle.

It's full of evil spirits again.

That's it.

It's full of evil spirits, the time to peek on her tits.

Are you Jeanne or ghost?

Whatever.

Whether you are human or ghost, I'm gonna rape you anyway.

Hurry up.

Should Master grant me the power!

Should all evil spirits come to your true form!

Shit!

Dare you seduce my husband?

Honey, don't be afraid, I am here to rescue you.

Folks, the ghost has gone, it's me.

You are lying! It's still here, I have to save my husband.

Red chopsticks!

The ghost has gone.

Honey, just let me off.

You are my husband? Okay, let me ask you.

What is the date we first kissed?

How many golden bracelets did I wear on our wedding?

How many dishes did we have on my last birthday?

What's the size of my bra?

You don't know, dare you say you are my husband.

Burn him with joss sticks then the ghost will leave.

Shit, you get pay only, why being so serious?

Dial 999?

Well, just call the ambulance.

Serious?

Dunno, check it yourself.

Eleven!

Someone bid your virginity for $1 90,000 on the net.

Just sell it.

But I wanna give it to you.

What if I reject?

I wrote a letter to your wife and your brother-in-law.

Saying that we were having sex that night.

I haven't mailed it yet.

Are you threatening me?

Relax.

Have a drink.

You... What?

Why is it salty?

Today is my birthday.

I will be sixteen after 1 2:00.

By then, you need not go to jail for having sex with me.

Why you look so charming?

Really?

As Charlie Cho said, you will turn into a werewolf after drinking this.

What?

He's my uncle.

Born to be lustful?

No way...

Hold it, it's gonna be 12:00 soon.

Your mother didn't teach you how to protect yourself.

You shouldn't drink anything from strangers at karaoke.

Wait, it's not 12:00 yet.

Almost.

1 0 9 8 7?.

6 5 4 3 2 1

License check! ID card!

What?

License check!

You look familiar.

Juvenile card.

She's sixteen now.

Not until tomorrow.

What? It's already 1 2:00.

My watch shows it's 1 1 :1 5.

This clock is one hour ahead.

Did you do anything with this minor just now?

Don't move!

Robbery!

You are here?

Your wife is in Taiwan now, I should come earlier.

When did you come?

This afternoon.

So early, you did many things though?

I have counted how many underpants you have.

How many pair of shoes your wife has.

Check whether you use condoms with your wife or not.

And I put a doll under your bed for casting you a spell.

After watching "Chungking Express",

I wanna hang around in your place like Faye Wong did in the movie.

Did you sleep on my bed too?

Of course I did.

I imagined having sex with you on your bed.

Don't panic...

I have cleaned it up already.

You really scared me up.

Don't you scare that your wife will be back earlier?

No, I told her

I would go to Singapore for a medical meeting.

How would she come back earlier?

You are so wicked.

Where's my key?

Someone is back.

Is it my wife?

Baby...

Come in...

Come in.

My husband...

has gone to Singapore.

Don't be like that.

He won't be back tonight.

Let's go upstairs.

Why is she bringing a guy home?

You may say "networking", or "having an affair" if you don't mind.

Affair?

What are you doing?

Chop them up!

Hey, we are no better.

What ground do we have?

What should we do then?

Pretend not having seen that.

Let them do it in the bedroom.

And we do it here, okay?

No way, impossible.

What do you want then?

Honey!

Hubby?

Aren't you in Singapore?

You should be in Taiwan too.

What are you looking for?

A guy.

No...looking for a hat.

Hat?

Is there any hat?

There's no hat, honey.

Washroom.

How could it be possible?

Honey, what's wrong with you today?

Look how much I love you,

I bought you a new hat.

Wow, you look so handsome.

It really suits you, honey.

What is it? Honey...

Why are you rushing to the bed? What are you looking for?

Someone slept here before?

No one is here. You are silly.

Hey...

What is it?

Brown hair? What is it?

I wanna give you a surprise.

This is mine.

Why is it brown then?

I wanna dye the hairs in a private part...

It's just for you, okay?

What?

Don't you trust me?

Tell me, don't you trust me?

You don't trust me, right? No...

I am leaving!

Hey...No...

As you said.

What's wrong with you guys?

I am exhausted.

What about you?

The cops took me to the police station and

got my fingerprints and took many photos like this.

Then I used to stand like this.

What about you then?

After being raped, I suffered from post-traumatic shivering disorder.

Who raped you?

My wife.

And you?

I am much worse.

My wife treated me with different brutal punishments.

I am too ashamed to see others.

Look.

What is that?

I have a wife, see?

Wash it off.

Non-washable.

She has used military ink that?.

... can't be washed off.

It would only fade away in 7 months.

Right, where is the doctor?

Not back yet.

Why are you guys here?

It's a long story.

Let's talk inside.

In fact, I don't know whether my wife has betrayed me or not.

Don't you know that?

You think she did?

We said nothing.

Hello? Yes.

Well...

You keep an eye on that, I will be back soon.

What is it?

I hired a private detective to check her out.

He just called me and

told me that she brought a guy home.

Really?

That's too much.

Give me a stimulant, I will chop them up for you.

Try to be forgiving.

Yes...

This bastard is unforgivable! I'm gonna chop him up!

Chop him up!...

Great!

Cut off his balls.

Great!

Cut off his balls for soup.

Great!

With this chopper!

I am gonna castrate him!

He's wiping his mouth after making love to your wife.

You are...

Nothing, in fact...

We are here to kill pests.

What pests?

To kill you.

Cut him!

What are you doing?

I am gonna castrate him, feeling distressed?

You'd better not to hurt him.

Playing threesome?

Even more.

What? 4P?

What? Six in a roll?

Let me introduce,

he is the barrister I hired,

Mr. Ying Hung.

I hired him to handle

our group divorces

Divorce?

You are having an affair.

Shut up!

You wanna get beaten up again?

Don't try to complain as if you are victims.

Wait after seeing the clip.

He won't be back tonight.

Let's...

Why is there such a clip?

Bastard, let's go.

By the way, if he is the one, what is it gonna to do with us?

Wait after seeing the entire clip.

Some more?

You bastard.

You hired paparazzi?

If I upload this clip on You Tube,

you can't be a councilor anymore.

I didn't...

Don't you remember you almost got charged for having sex with a minor?

How do you know about my affair,

you use "Black Magic" again?

I spent more than $90,000 to prove your unfaithfulness to me.

How?

I told her.

Are you a ghost or a human?

Ghost, of course.

It's predestined fate...

It's okay now, let's go home.

Audrey?

I have betrayed you.

Why?

Hillary said she would introduce me to Johnny Depp in Hollywood.

Only meet up Johnny Deep or sleep with him?

Meet first then sleep, depends...

We didn't frame you up though?

But...you did have an affair too.

Me?

My husband has gone to Singapore.

You are so wicked...

So wicked...

No...

You have 2 choices.

One, divorce.

Divorce, then you have to give us half of everything you have.

Together with the legal charge on assaulting Mr. Ying, the other half will be gone as well.

You will have nothing at all.

Two, let us keep all your assets and

you will be under surveillance for 3 years.

If you did the same again, all your assets will be confiscated.

It's the same though?

You choose No.1, right?

We choose No.2!

You are really my "friends"!

Well, I change my mind!

Honey, you don't have to keep the assets for me.

You need not return it to me after 3 years, it's all yours.

Are you going that far?

So what? All in.

They started quarreling among themselves.

Honey, we surrender.

The five guys got defeated

and signed the injustice treaty.

Their wives emerged victorious.

They gathered at Master Jude's tomb.

Master Jude, we have to report our failure.

My wife took away all my money.

Now, my daily wage is $28. Isn't it terrible?

I am even worse, she used to be my wife.

but now she becomes my boss, and always beats me up.

Why don't you have to go to jail?

She used her sister's ID.

She's already 1 8, what a joke!

Master Jude, my wife went to learn karate without my knowing

and became a black belt.

She has been engaged to shoot kung-fu movies now.

and I become her training sandbag at home.

I felt like being spied on all the time.

I would bathe even with my clothes on.

Guys, don't give up, I have figured it out,

if 2012 is not the end of the world,

we will have good fortune.

That's good, Keith!

Shit!

Everyone knows that I am a fake, just for fun.

You stupid fellows!

Master Jude, why are you here?

I am not a ghost but an angel instead.

How can you become an angel for going to erotic massage so often?

Well,

it helps promoting the economy.

No problem at all!

All men would fool around.

But we need to treasure our better half.

Better half?

Master Jude, are you being threatened? How would you say something like that?

If your wife doesn't love you, she will leave you long ago.

By punishing you, it would retain her composure.

Love is like a potted plant.

It will bloom if it's watered by a couple together.

Your wife is now willing to water it,

you should go back for her.

Master Jude, you must have met Jesus.

Or you won't be preaching so much?

There's no Feng Shui then?

Of course.

That's it.

It's boring!

Let's make love then.

Making love while watching it.

Okay.

But no chocolate.

If you water like this, it will die.

Like this.

No...

To the flowers.

Sze, your acting is excellent.

You must be the Best Actress this year.

Forget it, Claude!

Coming.

Rice.

Water.

Please.

I am sweating.

Let me help you.

I wanna shit.

Okay.

Here.

I can't.

Okay, laxative!

For our country to nourish the next generation.

For Szeto's family to propagate.

Honey. Hubby.

Please take off your clothes.

Wait.

Again?

There are quite a few days not suitable for having sex this month.

Let me check.

Forget it...

Men are so naive.

They think that they are smart,

not realizing that we are even better.

We know what they wanna do with a glimpse.

When did you know about that?

You know, as a politician, I should care about my image.

Many people told me that I look old on TV?. I got wrinkles.

Other councillors have Botox injection too, right?

Okay, I will buy another one tomorrow.

Honey, go to bed first, I still have whitening treatment.

I have a court case tomorrow, take your time.

I can't go out so late at night?

Part 2?

Nurse, well...

Doctor went out for emergency last night.

I wanna know whether he has left any record or not.

He didn't tell me.

Honey, what happened?

Honey

I got raped by a ghost.

It's okay, don't be scared

It hurts...

We all know men like fooling around.

If he would lie to you,

it means he still cares about you.

If you love him, maybe you should

Let him go.

Otherwise, he won't come back for you.

That's impossible.

I have been with him for all these difficult years,

I will not let go of him.

We used to have our stall on Temple Street only,

but he's now charging $1,000 a feet for feng shui.

How can I let other woman take him?

No way! That would be a big loss!

So I have made a wise decision.

Thanks.

Five wives are so beautiful and intelligent.

But there's a proverb.

While the priest climbs a post

The devil climbs ten

Your wives gave us money.

Let's go for fun!

Subtitle by Aldi Arman