All language subtitles for If.I.Were.You.2012.720p.WEB-DL.English

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Hey. I'm on my way home.

I just have to stop off
and pick up some groceries.

Give me a call if you hear back.
I can pick up the dry cleaning.

Hey, Paul, I was just calling you.

No, no, I had a client meeting outside,

so I'm out of the office.
I'm at, uh...

What?

Again?

No. No, no. No, no.
It's okay.

You're the one who's gonna
have the horrible evening.

God, that audit is going on forever.

Ah. No, I won't wait up for you.

I'll probably just fall asleep
in front of the tv.

Okay. Bye-bye.

-Hi. Table for one?
-Oh, no.

No, I just want to take out.

Um, do you still have that

Chocolate cake with the crushed almonds?

-Yes.
-My husband used to love that.

If I could get a takeout for
two, that'd be great.

I'll check if we have any left.

I'm so sorry.
We just sold our last...

Slice.

Hello?

Sorry, I don't know what came
over me, but, um,

I just forgot what time
you said you would be home.

Late.

Oh. Late.

Yeah... Right. Okay.

Well, let me let you get back to
your audit.

Okay.

-I'm gonna go.
-[ spanish accent ] what?

Oh, oh, my god.

Oh, my god.

Oh, my god!

Paul!

Paul, wait!

Paul, wait!
You're not serious?!

Stop it, Lucy.

-You're... Paul, you can't go!
-Stop it.

Lady, are you buying something?

-Uh, yes. Sure, sure.
-What?

Uh, a newspaper.

Hi.

Huh?

a rope.

What?

A rope.

Hey, what is she saying?

What would you like?

-I want...
-Hey, what is she saying?

What would you like?

I want a rope!

-Uh...A rope.
-A rope?

Okeydokey.
One rope is coming up.

-Is it a good length?
-Yeah.

And I'll take this, too.

Oh, no, no.
Listen, this is not for sale.

-I'm saving it for tonight because...
-How much do you want?

Just take it.

Who cares?

She gave you over $200.
Why would she do that?

What can I say?
People like me.

What on earth would she want
a rope for?

Uh, are you gonna pay for
that?

Um, excu..., uh, are you
all right?

What difference does it make?

Uh...

Yeah?

I...,uh, we just met in the
hallway just now,

and, I think I saw you
earlier in the store,

and I just want to make
sure that you're all right.

-I'm fine.
-Okay.

But you ...you don't seem fine.

-I'm fine!
-Sorry.

Okay.
Uh, listen.

This is gonna sound really
strange,

but how do I know that
you're not standing on a chair

with a noose around your neck?

I really, really, really don't
want to get involved, but...

Oh!

Oh. Oh. Oh, good god.

Uh...Okay.
It's... it's all right.

It's all right.

Nothing is ever
gonna be all right again.

Ever.

Oh, uh, no.
Stop that.

Stop young lady, stop.
Stop, stop drinking.

Give me that. I'll just...
I'll get you some water.

Uh, alcohol is a depressant.

It's the last thing in the world
you need right now.

You're, like, the nicest
person I've ever met.

Why would you do this for a
complete stranger?

Well, enough about me.

Um...Okay.

Uh, so...

What happened to make you so...
Sad?

I can't... I can't talk about it.

Oh, sometimes it's good
to talk.

No, really open up... spill out
all the gory details.

-I'm itching to.
-I'm absolutely sure.

-There's this man.
-Ah!

-I love him.
-Uh-huh.

And I thought we were gonna
get married,

-Have children, a life together, but...

But?

If I tell you this, you're
not gonna like me anymore.

Oh, well, I'm sure I'll like you just
as much as I...like you right now.

-Are you married?
-Uh, yes.

But I'm a big girl.

He's married, too.

-small world.
-But he doesn't love his wife.

Paul and her got married when
they were practically children,

and it hasn't meant anything in
years,

so I thought he was gonna
leave her.

But tonight she kept phoning and
phoning,

and he thought she sounded
suspicious.

So he said he had to go home before
she checked up on his alibi,

and I said,
"why not tell her the truth?"

Right? Isn't it meaner to let her think
she's paranoid

and then in a month say, "guess what.
I love someone else."

Right? I mean, a clean break
hurts less, right?

What do you think?

Uh, well, what I think has
no...relevance.

-But you must have an opinion.
-What did he say?

He said I can't understand
what it's like to be married.

And whose fault is that?

How could he go home to her?

We should be making love on this
couch,

like all those other,
wonderful times, and he...

Do you think this means he
doesn't really love me?

Um...

Well, uh, he...He said that
his...his marriage to...

Uh...

I don't know her name.

-He calls her "the wife."
- Ah. The wife.

he doesn't like talking about
her.

-It makes him uncomfortable.
-Oh, I'm sure it would.

But he did say they haven't
had sex in two years.

what kind of a woman must she
be, right?

I can't go two days without sex.
Who can?

I mean, I've been multiorgasmic
since I was 8.

How nice for you.
Um, uh...

Are you sure that he's telling
you the truth?

I mean, I know marriage.
I know...Marriage,

and I'm sure that they still have sex,

sometimes.

oh, well, that's...

You...you think he...

He's been lying to me?

Uh, if he's...
If he's just been using me,

I don't think I could take it.

Oh. Um...

Oh, uh...

Uh, I-I'm just gonna take it in,
uh...

Uh, hello?

Um, no.
No, I'm not at home.

Well, uh, when you said that you
were gonna work late,

I, uh, I decided to, um,

to go visit my mom.

Join me? No.
No, that's not a good idea.

oh, when will I be home?
So many questions.

Um...Uh, well it'll be a while.

Uh, yeah.
I'll be right there, mom.

I got to go.
Bye.

Okay.

So, you were just getting ready
to tell...

Oh! No! Oh...

Just let me die, please.

Young lady, listen.
Listen, listen, listen, please.

Suicide is an impulse act.

If you'd just wait a little while,
I'm sure you'll change your mind.

So I should do it really fast,
okay?

Just... can I ask you a favor?

If I just get brain damage,

do you promise to hold a pillow
over my face?

Oh, my god. I feel dizzy.
I feel...

What's wrong?

-I... I haven't eaten yet.
-I'm so sorry.

Do you want some grapes?

It's... oh. It's...

Oh...

Oh, my god.

it's okay. It's okay.

It's paul. What do I do?

-What? Oh, you're asking me?
- What? You're so wise.

Don't answer it.

Hi.
I'm sorry.

Mm-hmm.

He wants to come over.

I guess his wife isn't home
after all.

What about your wife?

Yeah.

He says he doesn't care what she
thinks.

Well, then why doesn't he just
ask her for a divorce,

instead of coming over here...

for...

You're so right.

Paul, I refuse...

I refuse to see you again until you
ask your wife for a divorce.

-That.. that was smart, right?
-Yeah. I hope so.

I've... I've always been attracted
to older men.

I slept with my english teacher
when I was in madrid.

and when I came here as an
au pair, the dads...

Well, the au pair thing didn't
work out.

But, um, just between you and I,

I'm not as young as I seem.

Oh, no. You couldn't be.

When Paul and I get married,

I don't want one of those dead
marriages, you know.

You see those couples
nothing to talk about,

but what chores to do, what tv
show to watch.

I'm gonna have sex three times a
day until we die.

Jesus. Three times a day...

How would you even find the time?

Uh, w... what do you do?

I don't know.

how can you
not know what you do?

Oh, well, really, I'm an actress.

But I haven't had a part in a while,

so I do temp work in offices.

That's how I met Paul.

I was taking some papers into his office.

The door was closed, so I thought
they'd gone out for lunch.

You know, I just opened the door,
and he was just there

at his desk, his head in his hands,
crying.

H... he was crying?

Yeah, he was crying.

He told me later that he felt
like his life meant nothing,

like he might as well be dead
already.

Well, we all feel like that
sometimes.

I mean, even I feel like that
sometimes.

But do I screw the office temp?

No, I...I...I...I wake up
every morning,

and I...I do the laundry and I
cook and I go to work

and I visit my mother, who doesn't
even remember who I am.

Okay, sometimes I...watch tv.

I... talk about what groceries
I'm gonna buy.

But you're nothing... nothing
like paul's wife.

you're so different.

You're so kind. Your husband must
love you so much.

no.

He doesn't.

-Are you sure?
-Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Does he have affairs?

Yes. At least one.

Oh, my god. That's terrible.

-Is it still going on?
-Yes.

Oh, shit.

Well, what are you gonna do?

You mean am I gonna go buy a
bottle of scotch

and drink it straight from the bottle?
No.

Am I gonna put a noose around
my neck? No.

Pills... I can get pills.
Women can always get pills.

And who cares if one day you
just happen to take too many?

Not your husband. No, no, no.

Then he can live happily ever
after with a bouncing bimbo.

No. I can't die.

I need to stay alive so that I can
destroy his future happiness.

Oh! I actually have a reason to live.

For a minute there, I thought
I didn't.

Oh, my god.

You're not who you've been
pretending to be tonight.

What?

I recognize you.

-Oh, I'm sorry.
-I... I'm sorry.

I thought you were one of those
people that, are, you know,

happy with a nothing life, a
boring marriage, an office job.

But you're not.

You're like me, and you're
so much like me!

I am nothing like you.
We are exact opposites.

Give us any situation, situation "x",
and you would choose to do "b",

while I would do "a".

And even when I was your age,

I would not have slept with a
sobbing businessman.

I would not ever be an actress.

I would never be a poet
or an astrologer.

Actress and astrologer are
not equivalent.

Well, they're close enough.

It's true there was a moment there
where I was a foot reflexologist.

But that's scientifically
proven, so it's...

My point is that

I would do everything differently
if I were you,

and you would do everything
differently if you were me, too.

Although it's hard to imagine
that our lives could be...

any worse than they are
right now.

So how much worse would
our lives be if I would do

what you would do and
you would do what I would do?

That's such a brilliant idea!

What idea?
I haven't had an idea.

No, but you're right.
We've been...

feeling and thinking and deciding for
ourselves, and our lives are a mess.

We should try the opposite!

Decide one thing and then do
the other?

I mean like... like I get to
think what you should do,

and you get to think
what I should do...

like when you told me to
stop drinking and not kill myself.

I would be drunk...and dead,

if I'd made up my own mind
instead of letting you

make up my mind for me.

Maybe that just means that...

I make better decisions than
you do.

No offense, Madelyn, but...

your life sounds crappier than
mine.

My life sounds crappier than
yours?

I'm not the one married to a
man who's cheating on me.

Look at it this way... we're both
self-destructive people

or we wouldn't be involved with
men that treat us like shit.

But we would not be
self-destructive

if we were making decisions
for someone else.

'cause I don't want to destroy
your life

and you don't want to
destroy my life.

No, of course not.

So...the way to fix our lives...

is to stop making our own
decisions,

and let the other one
make them instead.

Not on little things, like
"what color lipstick should I wear?"

I'd go pinker if I were you,

but on... on... on... on the
big stuff, you know?

We call each other before we
decide anything major.

You would really do anything
I said?

Thank you so much. I didn't
realize I didn't have any money.

No, no, it's okay. I got it.

So...

should you stay with your husband
or should you leave him?

-I should...
-I...I...I get to decide.

I'm the objective one.

S...subjective.

-I always get those two mixed up.
-obje... objective.

Objective. Okay. Think.

Okay, if he loves her, you
should kick him out.

If he loves her, you're gonna
get dumped soon anyway.

But maybe... maybe he doesn't
love her.

Maybe she's just some bimbo.

You know, how long have you
been married?

A long time.

And would you throw all those
years away...

-over some silly fling?
-Yes.

No.

-No.
-No.

You're such a nice person.

If he still loves you, you'll find
a way to make things work.

And if not, once the bimbo is out
of the picture,

you dump the creep.

So, first step...

You have to find out who he
loves...

you or his girlfriend.

Okay? So you go home and ask your
husband...

What's his name?

-Fred.
-Fred,

You say, "Fred, do you still
love me?"

And then call and tell me what
he said,

and I'll tell you what to do next.

-Okay.
-Okay.

I feel... a little bit like
Alice in wonderland.

Oh, my god!

I spent half my life feeling
like that girl.

-Isn't that incredible?
-Yes.

-Wow! We're so much alike.
-No, we're nothing alike.

There you go.
That's your mission.

And when I hear from Paul,

you'll get to tell me what to do.

okay.

Uh, I go this way.
I have to take the subway.

You don't live in my building?

Uh...No.

No. I...

I saw you buying the rope,
and I... I followed you home.

Oh, my god.

You really are the kindest
person I've ever met.

-Oh.
-Hug?

-Oh. Nice of you.
-Oh...

I'm gonna work so hard to make
you happy.

-Bye!
-Okay. Bye-bye.

Good night.

Don't...Call me.

what are you looking at?!

Hi, mom.

Henry?

No... It's me.

I've got you something.

Do you want it?
I got you some ice cream.

Here you go.

Now...

It's your favorite.

Thank you, Henry.

Hey. I'm in here.

You've been working late...
a lot of evenings.

Yeah. Work's been rough.

Are you...

Are...

Do you still love me?

Of course I love you.

God, visits to your mother
always get you down.

Uh, where's my sweatshirt?

On the chair.

I'm just gonna go catch the
end of the game.

Okay. I've asked him.

And what did he say?

He said he loved me, but I
don't know that I believed him.

And frankly, I don't know that
I care.

So, now...

Let's talk about what I want you
to say to your married man.

I've got it!

You have to tell your husband
you're in love with someone else.

Why on earth would I do that?

To see if he gets jealous.

If he doesn't love you anymore,
it won't be that big a deal,

Other than the male ego...
you know,

"is my penis bigger than his?"

If penis size comes up, just
tell him they're both the same.

That takes the whole penis issue
off the table.

But if he gets really angry

and the penis thing if off the table,

that means he loves you.

Then call me,
but not till after midnight

so I can tell you what
Paul said about the ultimatum.

Wait.

Uh, under this... the rules of
this pact thingy,

you're not allowed to call him
until I give my permission.

Oh, I'm not calling him.

Every night, when his wife is
brushing her teeth,

He calls me to say he loves me.

You didn't brush your teeth.

I don't feel like brushing my teeth.

-You always brush your teeth.
-Well, not tonight.

But you never miss.

You use your electric toothbrush.

You said your dad had gum disease.
You want to be safe.

Good night.

-It's 3:00.
-Oh, my god!

The nursing home... my mother!

-Hello?
-He didn't call me.

Uh...

-I'll be right back.
-Is it the nursing home?

No.

It's 3:00 in the morning.

He didn't call. And you were
supposed to call me...

after you told your husband
you were having an affair.

-Well, I haven't told him yet.
-Why not?

Because I got sleepy.

How can you sleep when you
don't know

if you're gonna be
married tomorrow or not?

well, maybe now it won't be
so easy.

Why do you think he didn't call?

Uh... maybe his wife forgot to
brush her teeth.

Oh, no, no, no.
She always brushes her teeth.

She's got, like, this obsessive
thing about her gums.

Paul thinks it's stupid,
but he's afraid to tell her

'cause he thinks she will make
him listen to more gross stories

about her dad's teeth falling out.

No wonder he doesn't love her
anymore, right?

Who would want to live with
someone like that?

Hello?

Hello?

Made... Madelyn?

Who was that?

Who was it?

That was a man...

a man I am seeing,

a man who's so crazy about me,

he calls me
in the middle of the night,

a man who loves every single thing
about me!

Hey...!

Hey, I made breakfast...

Your favorites... french toast,
coffee, orange juice.

I think I'll just go straight
to the office.

Oh. Okay.

I'll see you tonight, then,
right?

Hey, we should, uh...
go for dinner.

We haven't done that in a while.

Just tell me who he is!

French toast. Oh, my god!

Oh, you're his first choice.
I'm so happy for you.

I really hope this plan
works out for me, too.

I wanted to be his only choice.

Oh, yeah. Well, I want to be
the only choice too,

but, you know,
maybe that doesn't happen...

the whole soul-mate thing.

I don't need a soul mate.

But if there's going to be a second,
at least let it be a distant second...

you know, "distant enough that
you don't have sex with" second.

Okay.

Maybe a...A drunken kiss at the
christmas party.

But that's my limit.

And now I'm supposed to stay
married to a man

who has a really close second,

and has suddenly decided
that he wants me

because he's jealous of an
imaginary somebody.

It's a fake fuck! It just seems
like a really puny life.

Mm... well,

maybe he was lonely or
busy with work,

and she was right there saying,

"Hey, big boy.
You look like you need a hug."

We're all human.

But to risk...

everything...

-for...
-A slut.

-Mm-hmm.
-It's hard. I know.

You know, when we retire...

we were going to move to Asia...

For a little bit, for a year.

Do you know where that is...
Asia?

We've been saving and saving for it.

We even talked about moving to
the south of France.

Do you know that if you live...
um,

more than commuting distance
to paris,

it doesn't cost any more than
living here?

But you're way too young to
think about retirement.

Retirement is what people
like us look forward to.

Retirement is...

you know, when you finally get
to do what makes you happy.

Our goal is to retire as soon as
humanly possible.

And now I won't even be able to
have my home,

I will grow old alone.

You live your life according to
certain ideas and expectations.

And then suddenly...
It's gone.

But why not forgive him?

He was willing to forgive
your affair.

-You'd be even.
-I didn't have an affair.

well, yeah, but that's so easy to fix.

It's not like it's hard to find a man
who wants to fuck.

I don't want to fuck another man.

But it would fix everything.

And sometimes you have to think
outside the box.

oh, uh, I... I've got to
get to work.

But we haven't talked
about me yet.

Paul hasn't called. Should I call him?

No. Definitely do not call him.

I was afraid you'd say that.

I shouldn't have given him an ultimatum.

You know what?

Being a second choice is not that bad,

and gradually you can work
your way up

closer and closer to the first choice

until maybe, one day,
you get to be her.

What if he's dead?

That's the worst thing of being
the other woman.

We never know when they're dead.

Who's gonna send us an
invitation to the funeral?

Oh, my god.
Do you think he's dead?

Men who don't call are never dead.

Okay.

And you have to get on
with your life.

You can't keep waiting for
him to call.

He is my life.

What about your career?

Well, that's a big word for a
tv commercial

and a walk-on in a fringe festival play.

Oh, my god. Career.
I'm so late!

Okay, but what do I...
what do I do today?

I want you to, um...

To think... right? Think about...

How to make your career something
that is more than just imaginary.

Okay! Okay, I can do...okay.
And what else?

-I'll call you.
-When?

-Soon.
-Soon. Okay!

-Hi.
-They're all waiting.

Shit. This...This...
this... put in my office.

Yes.

Here she is.

We had to start without you.

You know I hate talking to these people.

Hi, hi, hi.

I'm Madelyn Reed.

Um, here at Jameson Research,

we conduct research on...

everything,

from the, latest economic trends
to marketing strategies to...

and this is where you come in...
individual purchasing decisions.

Okay. So...

-My colleague Keith here...
-Hi.

-Hi.
-Hi.

Is going to show you some,uh...

covers for the latest
cookbook...

"smart heart meals for the happy family."

Okay, let's start off with some
general questions.

Maggie, is this the kind of cookbook
you would buy?

Yes. I would definitely buy it.

I love their kitchen.

Their kitchen... good.

Kit-chen.

Uh, how about you, tyler?

I think it could be a good
birthday present for my mom.

My dad's had heart problems.

Aw. Uh, what about you, sam?

I don't like the wife.

What do you think of the
wife, sarah?

I love her earrings.

Earrings.

I just don't think she's very hot.

Well, she's making lunch for
her husband,

so how hot would she be?
Uh, another opinion. Carla.

She's smiling, but I don't think
she looks happy.

Well, again, making lunch for
the husband, okay?

So what do we think about
the husband?

-He's kind of cute.
-Yeah.

cute... well, it's easy to be cute,

when you're the one being waited
on hand and foot.

But what does she have to do to get
him to make lunch for her, huh?

Sleep with the mailman?

- M...Madelyn?
- Can we get another opinion? Lindy.

I like his smile.

-Really?
-Mm-hmm.

Well, I think that he looks
just a little bit smug.

See here in the second one?
Right there?

-I don't know...
-No. Look, look, look. Look.

Do you really think that he
appreciates her?

I mean... Here she's gone to
all the trouble

to make him this really
lifesaving meal,

and he's probably sitting there
like sam over here,

thinking, you know, "oh, wait.
She's not hot anymore.

And if I'm gonna stay alive,

what I need to do is
shtup that bimbo."

-What bimbo?
-I don't see a bimbo.

There's always a bimbo.

And even if you get over
the first bimbo,

there's gonna be another bimbo,

because, you know, it's not
like people fall for the bimbo

because of the
uniqueness of the bimbo.

But that doesn't mean that the
bimbo will last forever,

because the illusion of immortality
is not the same as immortality itself.

Okay?

Mr. Smug face over there can
fuck all the bimbos he can get,

and at the end of the day, he
will still end up alone. Beacu...

If you think...

that once the bimbos go to
wherever it is that bimbos go,

that you can crawl back to
that wonderful, wonderful wife

who has made you
all those beautiful lunches,

then you've got another thing
coming, you bastard!

Madelyn... Madelyn, are you...
are you all right?

-What if we go to my office?
-Excuse me.

I'm just gonna go get something
I left in my coat pocket.

Nervous today.

-Uh, Madelyn?
-I know how to open the door!

This is most unexpected, but
don't move.

Uh, we'll be serving coffee.

Bimbo.

Uh, just a minute.

What's wrong?

Nothing. I just... I got thirsty.

-You're our most reliable employee.
-Don't call me reliable!

Reliable is good!

I used to think so, but I'm not
so sure anymore.

Okay, I know I shouldn't drink,

but life feels so painful drunk

that I don't want to know what
it feels like sober.

These just came for you.

Aren't you lucky?

Pretty secretary.
They're always so pretty.

"To the love of my life. Paul."

-Is it your anniversary?
-Nope.

Oh, my god. He was
unfaithful with some bimbo.

Yes. Oh, my god. Yes.

I'm being traded in like an old car.

Oh, it is so good to finally have
someone sane to talk about this with.

This is the best day of my life.

Surely not.

I've known that these are bad
times, Keith,

but I've never thought of you
as a cruel man.

I have something to confess.

Well, can it wait for an even
more wonderful day?

Oh, shit. My phone's ringing.

This is not soon!

-Was that paul?
-No.

It's just someone that I-I made
a really strange contract with.

It's complicated.
It's really complicated.

Oh, Madelyn.

I've wanted to say this since
the first day,

you walked into the office,
looking for a job.

The moment I saw you all decked
out in your gray suit

and black pumps, I knew it!

I love you.

-You love me?
-With all my heart and soul.

You love me?

Well, I mean, I've always known
that...

you like chatting with me, but
I never knew that you loved me.

There's so many things about my
life I don't know.

What else don't I know?
Maybe I have secret superpowers.

Let's seize the moment!

What... what moment exactly?
They go by so quickly.

-Oh, Madelyn, just say the word.
-What word would that be?

-Say yes!
-But to what, exactly?

To me.

-But...
-No, no, no, no. No buts.

But... but... but.
You're married!

Madelyn, one word from you
and Lydia's gone... history.

Oh, look. My bottle's empty.

I'm just gonna take a-a-a-a...

A mental-health day.

You know, seldom more deserved,

but under the circumstances,
a highly unachievable goal.

You...

You will at least think about it,
will you?

Honestly, I'll do my very best
not to think about it,

But I'll p-p-probably fail,

so this is the best that I can do.

Yes!

-If this man you're seeing...
-Paul.

I love to say his name.
Paul.

Yes, if this paul and his
wife decided that...

starting a whole new life with
whole new people

was just too exhausting,
what would you do?

I'd kill myself.

But wouldn't you think,
"Wow! A whole new start"?

-No, I'd kill myself.
-Okay.

How did that thinking on your
career go?

Well, I looked at the list
for this week's auditions,

even for parts that don't pay,
and there's nothing.

Okay. Well, let me look at it.

Here.

You're so nice. I thought you'd
forgotten all about my problems,

and you've been thinking
so much about me.

-Thank you.
-Um, okay.

Let me see here.

Get out the old, uh...

Okay. You don't need these.

Okay.

Aha.

Gang member...

Carjacker, hit man, hooker...

Aha! Shakespeare.

Ha! What could be better?
-A tv commercial?

-Ah, but a play!
-It's long!

And... and commercials you don't
have to learn so many lines,

and I can use my speciality.

Your speciality?

-You...want to see?
-Oh, yeah.

See, I turn away and then look
back and give a little smile.

It used to have a wink in it, too,

but this director told me
it was too much.

Just tell me which one you
prefer. I'll show you.

No wink.

Wink.

But you can do more than that?

Not that much, no.
I flunked dance classes, and...

You flunked dance classes.
Okay. Okay.

Well, um, uh, you just have to
keep trying.

We can all do more.

No, that's what we do.

We... we work hard,
we get better,

then we analyze our mistakes,
we work hard again,

and we get even better.
That's life!

And then somebody pulls the rug
out from under us

and we wish we were dead,
but let's not think about that.

Okay.

The relevant point is that if
you were in a play right now,

-You would not be pining over...
- Paul?

Oh, look.
Auditions at 7:00 tonight.

Maybe you'll be discovered.

Maybe you'll move to california.

-They'll laugh at me.
-You're just nervous.

I hate auditions.
Just sitting there all alone,

waiting for someone to call your
name,

and then they just say,
"stop! Stop!"

And what if paul comes and I'm
not home? It...

you have to do what I say.
Remember, I did what you said.

I asked my husband if he
loved me, and then I...

told him I was sleeping with
an imaginary man.

Going to an audition is a lot
less than that.

-I'll go if you come with me.
-Nope. Nope.

That is not part of the...

Wait a minute.
That is actually a great idea.

because if I go and I see that
they...

-do laugh at you...
-Yeah.

We can start looking at alternate
career options.

Because you do not need to
spend the rest of your life

waiting for a man to call.

-Oh, excuse me.

-Is that Fred?
-No. Keith.

He's a co-worker who just told
me that he's in love with me.

Oh, my god. See? I told you.

It's so easy to find someone
to fuck,

and he loves you, so it's great!

You just... you just fuck this...
uh... keith,

and then you and your
husband will be even for real.

You can't make me fuck him!

-That's just too much of a pact.
-Oh, please don't be sad.

We'll find someone for you to
fuck that you like.

Maybe we'll meet someone special
at the audition.

"down from the waist,"

"they are centaurs,
though woman all above."

Don't even think about it.

"but to the girdle do the gods inherit,"

" beneath all are fiends''

"there's hell, there's sulfurous,"

"there's the pit burning,
scalding, stench, consumption!"

"Fie! Fie!"

Phones off!

Just pick it up anywhere.
Anywhere at all.

Keith, can't talk.

"say 'aye' and 'no' to every thing
I said!"

why do we need a breakfast meeting?

We can cover that campaign at the office.

No, we don't need alone time, Keith.

-"when the rain came..."
-Could we have silence, please?

sorry.
Goodbye. Don't call back.

"...the wind to make me chatter...

"And the thunder would not
peace at my bidding."

"there..."

-I'm just gonna put it on vibrate, okay?
-Yeah.

"there, I smelt them out."

Next!

"what shall cordelia do?
Love and be silent."

"Then poor cordelia!
And yet not so,"

since I am sure that my love is
more richer than my mouth.

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Nothing, my lord."

"Nothing shall come of nothing...
speak again!"

They are so much better than me.

"Unhappy that I am,"

"I cannot heave my heart
into my mouth."

You can't be as bad as that.

Do you really think so?

Sure. Some people are born with more...

you know, talent,

but it's not rocket science.
It's just pretending.

You're pretty. And you're...

pretty.

Any no-talent idiot that works hard
is bound to be better than that.

Wow.

If my family had given me that
kind of encouragement,

my whole life would be different.

"Those duties back as I... as
are fit, obey you, love you..."

I'd be the one sleeping next
to Brad Pitt right now.

"why have my sisters husbands,
if they say they love you all?"

"haply, when I shall wed
the lord whose hand..."

What? Keith, what? What?
No. No.

It's not great news that my husband
is in love with another woman.

No, I don't think that's how god
answers prayers.

I must have silence!

I'm sorry.

"...so young."

Oh, my god.

"so young and so untender?"

Thank you. Thank you.
That will be all. Thanks.

-"So young, my lord..."
-Stop. Stop!

Next.

"Where am I?"

"Fair daylight? I am mightily abused."

What's this play about anyway?

"I should even die with pity,
to see another thus."

"I will not swear these on my hands."

-Oh, it's my husband.
-Let me talk to him.

-I don't know what to say.
-Let me talk to him.

Why?

I'll tell him what a bastard he is,

for cheating on a saint like you.

-Give me the phone.
-No, no, no, no, no.

Hey, I can't talk right now.

Uh, no.

No, not because I'm in bed with someone.

"Not yet."

I know I'm not at home.

So what? You go out all the time.
Why can't I go out sometimes?

"Not an hour more..."

Uh, no. I did not agree to have
dinner with you.

No, no, no, no, no.
You said, "let's have dinner."

And I said, uh... I don't know
what I said, but it wasn't "yes."

I am not with my lover.

No, I'm definitely not naked!

You cannot tell by my voice that
I'm naked.

Okay. Why should I? You don't
tell me everywhere you go.

Why should I tell you where I go?

No, please don't say that you
love me!

Because!

I don't believe you anymore,
and I am so sick of your lies!

No. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
I like your lies.

Bring on the lies. What?

Because I didn't know that life...

was this shitty little nasty thing,
and I don't want to know!

So just spoon me full of ice cream

and tell me...

That love lasts forever.

And that all dreams come true.

Oh, yeah. Sure.
Just like my mom. Uh-huh.

Hello, dementia. I'm over here.

What? No. No.

Don't... Shut up!
Just shut up!

I am not the love of anyone's life,

and this is not about who I'm fucking!

You're hired!

The audacity of it!
Just bursting into character!

I hadn't even thought about a
woman playing Lear.

-I'm sorry, but I...
-She wants top billing.

And the whole businessperson
look... I like it.

She gets to keep the wardrobe.
That's a deal-breaker.

The corporate empire is collapsing.

Lear is reduced to begging on
Wall Street.

The madness of capitalism!

-You don't unders...
-She loves your ideas!

You have to suck up to the director.

You're young for the part,
but that's been done before.

Laurence Olivier played it at 39,
Gielgud at 26,

and people had their children much
younger in Shakespeare's day.

So, so, so, so... Should they still
be daughters or sons?

And who should play the fool?

Speciality.

Thank you! Yes! Yes.

And, of course, I want to thank god.

Thank you.

I have a part in a play!

Shakespeare!

Does the fool ha...has lots of lines?

You're gonna be nice and busy.

I'm in a play with my new
best friend. You can't quit.

And you have to do whatever I say.

I thought that...

Mainly it was gonna be me
telling you what to do.

I'm older. I'm wiser. I'm...

better... equipped to have information,

and, uh, in this case,
I'm a big bitcher...

pig bicture. Big... kind of person.

But you were so right.

I haven't thought about Paul...

For the last 20 minutes.

I haven't gone 20 minutes
without thinking about him,

since the first time he kissed me.

Do you want to hear about
our first kiss?

It was like the best first kiss ever.

-Maybe another time.
-Okay.

Um...I really, really want to
kiss him right now.

Do you really think I should not
call him?

I'm sure. Absolutely.

Start thinking about the play,
learning all the lines.

Well, maybe tonight when the
wicked witch of the west...

is brushing her yucky teeth,
he will call me.

Just seems so strange.

You've always brushed your teeth
before bed.

Can't we just go to sleep?

Is...

his penis bigger than mine?

no, no.
It's an amazing coincidence.

They're exactly the same size.

You've measured them?

Why won't you tell me what you
were doing last night?

You wouldn't believe me if I told you.

Oh, I'll be home late, again, tonight.

Who is he?!

It's the office. I better take it.

You're heading out. We'll talk later.

Oh, no.

I'll wait for you
to finish your call.

-You don't have to wait.
-I don't mind.

Go ahead. Take it.

Where'd I leave the notes
on that audit?

I think they're upstairs.

This is Paul.

Uh, damn it.
I got to work late tonight.

Yeah?

I'll talk to you later.

Who was that?

We need to talk.

No.

I'm not having the talk.
Okay?

You're not telling me you're
leaving me for another man.

Sit... sit down.

I can't keep this up.

So...

There is no other man.

Right. Well, then who keeps
calling you, then?

Just a...friend.

Just a friend. Okay.
What does that mean? Huh?

That you've seen him but you
haven't had sex yet?

Madelyn.
How far have you gone?

And where did you do it?
Huh? Here?

Upstair... in our home?
In our bed?

Why does the thought of
someone else wanting me,

suddenly make me irresistible?

I should go.

What's your hurry? Huh?

Is he somebody you work with?

I would like to think that
if I were having an affair,

it would be with someone
more interesting

than the men with whom I work.

So help me god,
if that's him, I'll kill him.

It can't be him.
He doesn't exist!

Oh, fuck!

I knew I should have spent more
on the flowers.

It was so unexpected.

The phone just rang,
and it was paul.

I would have called you to see
if I should see him or not,

but he was in such a hurry,

and really, I mean,

I have to see
him again someday, right?

It's not like our paths will
never cross again and,

We could be really old and,

"oh, my god. You were
the love of my life."

So, he's coming over here tonight.

Is it okay if I have sex with him?

If he called you... ,sure.

Yeah. Okay.

But if you called him...

I know you didn't,
but if you had,

um, that would be different.

It would?

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

You wouldn't want to be a
home wrecker,

Would you, lucy?

Okay, see you at rehearsal tonight.

If you're not too busy.

Is this...

I'm confused.

Oh, my god.

Yellow roses?

His favorite?

My god.

I knew something was up.

This morning he was singing.

He only sings when he's happy.

I went online to check the
credit card...

A florist...

But I had no idea.

My husband is gay?!

Oh.

In my heart, I knew it.

I knew it the first time
we had sex.

Wait.

Your husband is the one who
sent my wife flowers?

You have a wife?

He isn't gay?
Oh.

Well, who is she?

Madelyn Reed.

Rings a bell, but just a tinkle.

Do you have a photo?

Yeah.

That Madelyn?!

My husband is Keith Halbertson.

I knew it was a co-worker.

Don't tell her you know.

She'll just deny it.

And we need proof

so that we can
soak them in the divorce.

Wait.

Well...What do we know?

Do you think they've slept
together yet, or...

Did we catch them in time?

He...

He calls her in the middle
of the night.

Oh, shit!

Just shit, shit, shit.

I don't mean to be rude,

but I was just heading out.

how can they do this to us?

Don't they know how much
they're hurting us?

Have they no morals?

To perform such an act
of cruelty, of...

selfishness, of lust...

A sin,

against good people,
who promised:

"For better of worse,
till death do you part,"

who'd look after them
if they had cancer,

or they went blind or...

or... who would
give them a kidney.

What kind of scum would do that?

Sneak around, lie...

have sex for kicks
just 'cause they were bored?

My god.

There is nothing more
disgusting than infidelity.

Don't you agree?

"I must love you..."

"...And...and sue to
know you better."

"Sir, I shall study..."

"Deserving."

"He hath been out nine years,"

"and away he shall again."

"Ah, the king is coming."

"The king is coming."

Your line.

Oh...uh...Can you carry on
without me?

You're Lear.

Oh, I know.

Can I speak to you in private?

We have no secrets here.

We are a team.

One for all and all for one.

-Team!
-Hurrah!

Okay.

Well, I know you're depending
on me to play Lear.

Because, well, I mean, all the
other Lears sucked.

And I'm usually very reliable,

and I'm usually sober...

but...

I can't do this.

Yes, you can.

We believe in you.

We believe in you.

Okay.

What I mean is that,

I'm going through
something right now,

with someone you know,

and if you only
knew what it was,

you would understand, okay?

And everything that I had...

everything...

everything is suddenly just gone!

You know, kaput! Pow!

And it's all been replaced
by madness.

Hold that feeling.

Why would I hold it?

It hurts.

You're so lucky.

You're already there.

Shh! She's coming.

Okay, don't say anything
that I said.

Did I say anything?

Okay, just act natural.
Act natural.

You're actors.
You know how to do that.

Hi.

I'm sorry I'm late.

What happened?

He didn't come.

I guess he loves his wife more.

I don't know how I'd get through
this without you.

I adore subtext.

She needs a script.

Thank you.

- Aren't you gonna answer that?
-No.

-What does that mean?
-It means I'm asleep.

- Did you split up with him?
- He doesn't exist.

I know more than
you think I know.

I'll answer it.

I'll tell the bastard what I
think of him fucking my wife.

Hold it.

What?

Hey.

Hey.

Called the pastor for you.
He's on his way.

Oh.

No, I don't really wanna...

Speak to a complete stranger.

I'm sure he'll make you
feel better.

He's a lot of fun.

He did card tricks at the
christmas party.

Whooh.

Well, in that case,

I think I'll just head down
the hall and get some coffee

and make some phone calls.

If he does show up,

tell him not to wait around
on my account.

Thanks for taking care of her.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I haven't turned this thing off,
day or night,

for the past two years,
just in case I got "the call".

I got the call.

Me too.

Mother or father?

Mother.

You?

Father.

Last one?

Yeah.

It's...

It's scary.

Why?

We've been the adults
for a long time.

Maybe because we're next.

Yeah.

Do I feel more mortal?
Yes, but..

little, little, little, little, too,
you know?

-Huh.

Like a kid who can't go home
when she screws up,

because home just died
in her sleep.

"Dad, I need money."

"Mom, I quit school."

"Dad, could you explain
women to me?"

"Mom, he broke my heart."

Those...were the days.

-You?
-Oh, yes, please.

Favorite memories?

When I was, uh, 30...

I'd had a really bad miscarriage.

I had really wanted kids.

And everybody was saying
the right things...

"You'll have other chances" ,
"cheer up."

My husband said,

He was trying to make me
feel better...

He said, uh...

Maybe we should just save enough
money for a down payment first.

And I thought I had to say
all that same kind of crap.

So then my mother...

came to visit me in the hospital,

And I said: "I'll be fine."

And she just climbed up
onto my hospital bed,

and held me,

and just let me cry and cry.

That's my mom.

Wow.

You?

Well...

I decided on my 16th birthday,

that I was gonna quit high school,

and just hitchhike
all over south america,

and nobody was gonna stop me.

Now, suddenly,

I'm the coolest guy in the school,

where I was not popular at all.

I went home,

and I'm packing up everything
in my backpack in my room.

My old man walks in.

He says: "you know,

you can tell them
I wouldn't let you."

and I thought,
"how did he know?"

I mean, I was petrified.

And I said, dad,
they're just gonna say,

"You should have gone anyway."

he said:
then you tell them,

"I'll break every bone in your
body if you go."

This man had never even
laid a finger on me.

So I went back to school
the next day, and I said:

"my dad stormed into my room
with his belt out,

threatening to beat me
to a pulp if I dared..."

He saved my honor.

What do you think is happening to them?

You mean, like, where are they?

Right now?

Right now.

Or is this it?

It's over...
the only chance you get.

What do you like best about
being alive?

Less and less.

No.

Really, I mean, maybe
this is how it works.

If you're lucky and you die old,

that your life has just
become so disappointing,

and so lonely,

so loveless, so empty,

so achy-breaky painful,

that when death finally
does come along, you say...

"Where have you been?"

Oh, come on.

You're just saying that
to cheer me up.

But come on.

Give up spiked whiskey coffee

and nursing-home waiting rooms?

Ice cream.

I like ice cream.

Wind.

I like... I love windy days.

Well...kisses.

Not, you know, kiss-kiss,
"see you later" kiss,

but kisses like...

Like...

Like the first time you ever
kiss somebody.

You know? Kisses.

When was our last first kiss?

And did we even know
it was our last?

Then our first kisses were gone forever.

I just had drunk sex with a stranger

in a nursing-home waiting room.

What do you do after sex
with a stranger,

in a nursing-home?

I know. It's kind of...

Awkward.

Well, we're gonna have to...

Have to see each other again...

breakfast or something,

Otherwise it'll be the most surrealist
experience of our lives.

Well, it would have some
competition for me.

Now, I've got a busy day.

I've got a funeral to plan.

Oh, shit. So do I.

Do you have any recommendations
on people who were...

I think, uh, I'm gonna use...

Amberson's.

That's where I buried my dad.

Amberson's?

Amberson's on hunter?

Yes. Yeah.

Maybe I'll see you there.

That is potent stuff.

I mean, I'm actually gonna, uh,
grab a cab, leave my car here.

Do do you want to share a cab?

No, no. Thanks.

Um, I just... I have
phone calls to make and...

I'll just... stay.

Okay.

Well, um...

Thanks. Bye.

Thanks.

-Don't say "thanks."
-No, no, no, no.

I told you it'd be easy.

I didn't even ask his name.

A complete stranger.

I love sex like that.

"you had me at 'hello.'"

Oh, and now you and
your husband can stay married,

'cause you'll be even.

I don't even know why I'm
doing the things I'm doing.

I don't know why I just
told you that,

but who else would I admit it to?

Well, you told me:

"'cause that... that's what
best friends do", right?

Uh, yeah.

And I have something to confess.

Paul didn't call me yesterday morning.

I called him.

You could tell, right?

Wow. You know me so well.

That's why I've always wanted
a best friend.

But he did call me today.

he...called you today?

His mother-in-law died,

so now the "wife" really needs him.

The wife.

how long do you think
he has to wait,

until he tells her he's leaving her?

Two weeks?

well, I don't know that there's
a set time for that kind of thing.

Mmaybe I can google it.

But wouldn't it be great if he
came to the opening night?

And my dream is coming true...

I'm...I'm an actress!

"google it"?

"We that are young shall never
see so much,

"nor live..."

"So long."

We made it all the way to the
end of the play!

I can't believe I only fell off
the stage once.

Oh, it was twice.

That was...

That was...

That was...

so horrible.

So, so horrible!

Except for my star.

Bless you.

All of you were bad!

But then...

there was you.

Yeah.
What was that thing you did,

when lear says, "oh, ho! 'tis foul"?

You have no talent whatsoever.

Not a single drop.

You are a talentless void!

An empty pit of ineptitude!

Well, Madelyn says
life is not about talent.

Life is about working hard and
getting better bit by bit.

So I just have to keep trying.

And trying.

And trying.

You were great.

Do you want to hang out
at my place?

Uh... I got to go home to Fred.

You can say it.

I should give up acting.

Maybe...

We should go hang out.

"court holy water indoors
is so much better

than this rainwater out of doors."

"Good nuncle, ask thy daughters:"

"forgiveness, for here's a..."

something pities...

Something.

-"night."
-I couldn't even do easy acting.

You know what?

I only got the commercial 'cause
I have nice breasts.

See?

Lucy, come on, now.

Take it from the top.

And this time remember...
it's night.

She's cold.

I'm never gonna get it right.

Just keep at it.

How long is it gonna take?

Years! It's too hard.

Lucy, you were so happy,

when you thought that you were
going to be a real actress.

I'm not happy now.

So I give up.

No. I decide,
and you're not giving up.

Now, come on.

Take it from the top.

Think about the words.

Fuck!

So you stayed out all night.
That's great.

Thank you so much for coming.

I'm so sorry.

I'm not as stupid as
you think I am, okay?

Thank you so much for coming.

She will be missed.

Thank you so much for coming.

I know who he is, Madelyn.

Thank you so much for coming.

It was her time.

We have a time?

Oh, yes. I believe that.

That's nice for you.

I fucking know who he is.

This is a blessing.

Really?

She's out of her misery now.

But...no more ice cream.

Thank... oh, Keith.

And, uh, your wife.
I didn't expect you.

Of course you didn't.

But I wouldn't have missed this
for the world.

Really?

Oh, Madelyn, Madelyn.

Oh, my goodness.

Okay.

If you need anything...

anything...

You have my number.

Call me day or night.

We... will do anything we can.

But I'm sure what you
most need right now

is time with your husband.

For this to happen to you now,
of all times.

But just remember,

god doesn't give us any more
than we can carry.

God has some formula where
he can calculate

exactly how much pain
to inflict on each individual?

Isn't it interesting

that things that are supposed
to be mindlessly comforting

are really, really horrible,

you know, when you think about it?

That's my Madelyn. No bullshit.

I love it.

Come on. Come on.
Give me another hug.

Come on.

Take as much time off as you need.

That doesn't mean we don't
miss you at the office.

We miss you so much.

Well...

Speaking of "no bullshit,"

you know,

everybody's mother dies.

What is the big deal here?

Lidia! Show some respect
for christ's sake.

The old lady's lying dead
in that box over there.

Thank you so much for coming.

Thank you so much for coming.

As it was in the beginning,

is now, and ever shall be,

world without end.

Now, I'm sure margaret's daughter,

would like to share some
memories of her beloved mother.

Madelyn?

Would you like to say a few words?

Well...Uh...

I guess I...

I didn't really have anything prepared.

I keep expecting her to walk through
the door and say, "hi."

Oh.

-Hi.
-Hi.

Um, what can I say?

She's in a better place.

Her time has come.

She lived a good life.

"Howl...Howl..."

"Oh, ye are men of stones."

"Had I your eyes,"

"and tongues,
I'd use them to crack..."

"heaven's vaults."

"She's gone forever."

"I know when one is dead
and when one lives."

"She's dead..."

"As earth."

Keith always said you were
very good at your job,

but I didn't realize
you were such a talker.

Excuse me.

I am so sorry.

How are you? Are you okay?

Is there anything I can do?

Yes. Do you have the time
to go someplace with me?

-Yeah.
-Okay

Want to duck in the coatroom
and have a quick go?

Shh.

"Death, be not proud."

No. I have another idea.

You better come over.

Hello.

I'm just gonna pop out,

and, uh...

get some ice cream with...

I don't know your name.

Derek.

-Derek.
-Derek.

Derek, this is my husband, Paul.

Husband. Paul.

Derek.

And you're...

-Madelyn.
-Madelyn.

Madelyn.

-I'm Keith.
- Keith.

-I'm Lydia.
-Lydia.

I hope I don't have to remember all these.

Nice to meet you, all.

Here. See you later.

Is that the undertaker?

I don't think so.

This is really good.

Good ice cream.

It is. It is.

Oh, my god. I got to go.

I'm gonna be late for rehearsal.

I'm in a play.

Wait, wait. What?

You're an actress?

No, no, no.

Um, I'm just...

This is just something that my
husband's girlfriend wanted me to do.

Your husband's girlfriend
wanted you to...

It's not as bonkers as that sounds.

But yes, it is.

What's the play?

Uh, "King Lear." I play Lear.

I've... I've got to go. I'm sorry.

whoa, whoa, whoa.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
You can't just...

Wait, wait, wait. You can't just
walk off like that.

You're starring in "King Lear."

You're... you're one in a billion.

If you only knew.

Listen, if you're free...

tomorrow night's my dad's funeral.

It should be a rockin' good time.

It should be.

No, I...

Will you... will you join me?

I don't think that I can.

I just don't.

I'm sorry.

That's all right.

I've been turned down
by lesser women.

I know what I want it
to say on my grave!

"He slept with King Lear."

"So farewell to you both."

"Prescribe not us our duties."

"Let your study,

"be to content your lord
who hath received you"

at fortune's alms."

"You have..."

Hi.

Sorry I'm late.

No, no, no, no.

I'm sick of people waltzing in
here whenever they feel like it.

You better have one hell of a
good reason for being late.

Well, what is it?

You're wearing black.

Let's hope somebody died.

It's a tragedy... everybody dies.

That's why I prefer comedies...
happy endings.

Kisses.

We're waiting, Lucy.

"Oh, nuncle..."

"court holy water indoors..."

"is so much better than
this rainwater out of doors."

"Good nuncle, in...
ask thy daughters' forgiveness."

Here's a night pities neither
wise men nor fool."

That's...

That is a remarkable improvement.

Damn, I'm such a good director.

We should celebrate...
go out to dinner.

Today I ran into the stranger
that I had drunk sex with.

Okay. My job is not yet done.

I officially forbid you from
seeing a guy you had sex with,

when you didn't know each
other's names.

One day it's the hottest sex you
ever had, and the next day it's...

"You play the accordion!"

Really, it doesn't work.

That's what I thought.

That's what you...
we're starting to think alike?

Isn't that great?

Let me try it.

Okay, so what would you say
if I told you...

I really felt like calling Paul
and asking him,

"Hey, how was
your mother-in-law's funeral?"

-You'd say...
-Yes.

-What?
-Call him.

-Call him?
-Yes. Call him.

Funerals... that's the time when we
start thinking about our own lives,

time slipping away...

"If only, if only..."

Wouldn't it be nice to finally
know what's in his heart?

Yeah, but I don't know.

To me, it just seems...

a little bit rude.

Won't they be sharing snacks and
memories about the dead lady?

You'll know the truth.

Don't you want to finally know
the truth?

Yeah.

Do it.

Okay.

Okay.

He's not picking up.

Hi.

What do I say?

What do you want to say to him?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm here, sorry.

Um, I'm just calling you...

I just want you to know
that I love you.

What happened?

He said, "Jesus christ. Leave me
alone. I'm a married man."

He loves his wife.

Are you going to be all right?

I'll be okay. All right!

We've been through so much
together, I forgot how we met.

I'm not gonna kill myself when
I just landed a juicy role.

Shakespeare.

And I think I can do a really
good job at it.

And I'll become a star.

And he'll spend the rest of his life
missing me.

I'm okay.

So, who was the man at the funeral?

and what have you been
doing with him for six hours?

You're not quite yourself, are you?

-There, there.
-That's true.

I don't know that
I owe anybody an explanation,

but, for the record,

that man's dad died
the same night as my mother,

and we got to... to...talking.

And today I felt like,

he was the only one who
understood what I was feeling.

Oh, and how long
has this been going on?

Yes. You've been a busy girl.

I swear I met him for the first
time the night my mom died.

I said that Madelyn wouldn't
have sex with a man,

whose name she didn't know.

She's no cheap slut,
for christ's sake.

Wait, wait. So Lydia was right.

He's not the one
you've been sleeping with?

What are you talking about?

You bet I'm right.

Why are they even here?

Hard to get rid of.

You might think you're so smart,
but we know everything.

Oh, surely not.

Yes, we do.

The phone calls, the late nights...

That all started before your mother died.

We said we'd keep it secret
till we had proof,

but I've had enough.

We know you two
are having an affair!

No, we're not!

I didn't even know she wanted an affair.

You should have told me.

Though I know what you were up to.

Oh, no.
Wait. Listen, please.

Can we just not get into all that?

I buried my mother today.

Yellow roses.

On our credit card.

Yes, I sent her flowers because
her mother was dead...

Well, was dying.

Right?

Yes. Sure. Right.

I told Keith that my mother was dying.

You never told me that.

Because you were busy being audited.

So...

The man at the funeral's dad died,

and Keith sent me flowers
because my mother was dying.

Questions all answered?

Great.

Good night.

Wait. Wait.
I have a question.

I am so tired, Paul.

Why can't you just leave me alone?

Because I love you,

and I want to know
if our marriage can be saved.

Ask your question.

If it's not Keith and it's not
the man at the funeral,

who is it that calls you
in the middle of the night?

Do you really want to save this marriage?

More than anything.

Then let's talk in the morning.

Lucy!

Lucy!

Oh, Paul, I missed you so much!

Stop it.

Get off. Get off.

How did you get her number? Huh?

I was so careful.

-I didn't even tell you her name.
-What?

Did you look at my phone
when I was sleeping?

How dare you do that!

What are you talking about?

I know what you've been doing, Lucy.

You know about the play?

Oh, stop playing games.

I know you've been calling my wife.

-Your wife?
-Oh, come on!

You might be an idiot,
but I'm not.

I checked her cell to see
who's been calling her.

What did I find, Lucy?

Huh?
Your number!

I've... I've never called your wife.

Again and again.

When she's at work,
in the middle of the night...

In the middle of the...

What's your wife's name?

You know my wife is Madelyn Reed.

Why else would you be calling her?

But your last name is Jefferson.

She uses her own name.

Look... and will you stop trying
to come up with some excuse?

What? Like, oh, you're just
randomly calling some woman

who happens to be my wife.

Jesus! Why else would you be
calling her countless fucking times?

We're friends.

Oh! Frin... come on!
Really.

But I'm telling you the truth!

Oh, sure. Absolutely.

You just happened by sheer chance
to become best buddies with my wife.

She... she must have seen us
the day we had the fight.

She said she followed me home,

But she never, never told me
she was your wife.

We made a pact.

She had to do whatever I told
her, and I've been doing...

Jesus. Okay, you have lost your mind.

This is like some
fucking "fatal attraction" here.

Never call my wife again!
You understand?

And never call me or I'll phone the police.

I'm gonna go home and just pray
to god my wife forgives me.

I'm sure she will.

I mean, after all,
she cheated on you, too...

With that guy she met
a couple of nights ago.

She saw him again yesterday.

What's his name?

Oh, right.
She doesn't know his name.

You know about him?

She tells me everything.

She said she didn't have sex
with him.

And what did she tell you
about her co-worker Keith?

Keith? She said she didn't have
sex with him either.

Really?

I can't believe you did that.

Lovely home.

You're gonna miss it.

You do not play me like a game.

Yeah, I cheated on you, Madelyn,
but you know what?

Now I realize why I took up with Lucy

because deep down I sensed you
were already cheating on me.

What?

Don't give me any more of your lies!

- Lucy told me everything.
- Oh, everything?

Oh, yeah. And I'm not just
talking about the stranger

you had sex with, Madelyn.

My god, you didn't even
know his name!

I know all about Keith, too.

Keith?

I know you've been sleeping
with him for over a year.

Yeah.
Just hoping I'd have an affair

so that you can get a better
divorce settlement.

Well, it's not gonna happen, Madelyn!

Okay?
I'm fighting you for everything!

Okay.

Absolutely out of your mind.

Here. There you go.

I'll pack that. Take these.

You can have someone to
clean up after yourself,

Pack your pillow, so you can
snore all you want with Lucy!

What do you mean,
madelyn's not coming?

Well, I'm not certain...

but... but I'd be very surprised if...
if she showed up.

- Is she ill?
- No.

- Could you call her?
- No. I'm not calling her.

But we need our Lear.

Can't you find someone else?

No, you can't just
have anybody play Lear.

We'll have to cancel the play.

She seemed so reliable!
What happened?

Well, she's not even an actress.

I'm the actress.

I'm the one that has the right
to be here.

And frankly, she was here
just for one reason.

She had this scheme to distract me
so I'd forget about the man I love.

Would that be her husband?

- Yeah.
- I thought so.

Perhaps we could call her husband.

Presumably, you have his number.

- He could tell us where she is.
-No he could not.

He's living with me now.

Ah. Now I understand.

Are you sure that Madelyn is all right?

If her husband left her today,

for you, presumably she'd be upset.

We've all read the tragedies.

Oh, no! She wouldn't.

- I don't think so.
- You don't think.

Knock harder.

- Do it again.
- Is she hurt?

I think we should call the police.

- Seriously?
- Oh! Thank god.

Come on.

-Thank god you're here.
- Hi.

I don't know what we would have
done if you hadn't been home.

Are you all right?

Of course. I'm fine.

Well, when we heard
what happened, we...

It's just life.

50% of marriages end up in divorce.

And everybody's mother dies.

Say the truth, I'll be
glad to get rid of this house.

I swear I've spent the last
10 years doing housework.

I just...

Need a day to deal with it.

Then... then... then you'll
be at rehearsal tomorrow?

No. I'm not doing the play.

You can't quit!
Go.

If you quit, they have to cancel.

I don't know
how much she's told you.

Everything.

Oh, well, then you know we
can't be on the stage together.

I can if she can.

I'll get some coffee.

You shouldn't be drinking alcohol.
it's a depressant.

Well, and if we have to choose,

we'd rather get rid of Lucy than you.

Definitely.

Look, I know... I know
this isn't the best time,

but I wouldn't ask you to do this

if I didn't believe it was the
best thing for you and also...

I don't want to disappoint
everybody, but...

I'm exhausted.

I mean, maybe if I was their age,
you know...

No, no. If you were their age,
you wouldn't understand the part.

Gielgud was a horrible Lear at 26.

That's the best thing about being old.

Look, you have learned
so much more about life...

love never works out,
we're all going to... die.

So you can finally play the juicy roles.

Well, men can.

Please don't make us cancel it.

I memorized all my lines!

Grandmother's already paid
for her plane ticket.

It's only three weeks till opening night.

Yeah, and the play will probably
close after the first night.

Yes. We've only sold 17 tickets.

Look, I know this might mean
nothing to you,

but it's the best thing
that's ever happened to me.

Three weeks.

Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.

Look...you take today to do
whatever it is that you need to do,

and we'll see you tomorrow.

I promise this is just what you need.

Oh, I'm so happy.

You get some sleep.

Are you eating?

You have to take care of yourself.

And if you need anything,
anything at all,

You just let us know, all right?

We did it!

- I can't believe it!
- It's so wonderful!

You remember the day we met,
you told me,

"If you give yourself a little time,
an impulse will go away"?

Yes. Now go away.

Oh... oh, I'm sorry.

I...was...just, uh...

Waiting for someone
I thought might...Show up.

Taxi dropped this off for you, sir.

Thank you.

Other way.

Lion face. Mouse face.

Lion face.

Release the jaw.

And shake it out. Shake it out.

No, no, no. She's a
C.E.O.'s daughter, not a hooker.

All right, ladies and gentlemen.

It's five minutes to places.

Let's go out there and make
magic tonight.

Magic!

No, just a little closer.

- That's my motivation.
- God!

They look good.

You're making me really uncomfortable.

Lear, Lear, Lear, Lear!

Lear, Lear, Lear, Lear!

Lear, Lear, Lear, Lear!

Go, Shakespeare!

It's time.

Are you still worried
about your acting abilities?

I think you've proved that
they're pretty good.

Let's just get on with it, okay?

- Do you still love him?
- Fuck off.

- Do you miss him?
- Fuck off!

We were married
for a long time, lucy.

We shared each other's lives.

My mother's gone,
I'm about to lose my home,

and the only thing that's gotten me
through these last few weeks,

is this play, and we're just about to
be laughed off the stage.

So don't expect me to make you
feel better, okay?

It's all "Madelyn this"
and "Madelyn that."

What?

I knew he didn't love me.

I just wanted to get back at you
for tricking me.

So let's hope you were right
when you said I could do better.

Tonight I'll tell him the truth.

I'll tell him you never slept
with that guy you work with,

and I'll tell him you didn't sleep
with the other one, too.

I mean, only married people
think one fuck matters anyway.

We're starting!

I get...

Why you would hate the woman
who's trying to steal your husband.

I get it.

But then why...
Why did you help me?

Because I started to like you.

Just remember... this entire play
is resting on your shoulders.

Now relax.

The queen is coming.

Go.

Uh... attend the lords of... of...

France...

...burgundy, gloucester.

I shall, my liege.

Mean...time...

Meantime...

we shall express our darker purpose.

Give me the map there.

Know that...

we have divided in three our kingdom,

and 'tis our fast intent to shake all
cares and business from our age,

Conferring them on
younger strengths while we...

unburdened, crawl toward death.

I did her wrong.

Canst you tell me how an oyster
make his shell?

No.

Nor I neither, but I can tell you
why a snail has a house.

Why?

Why, to put her head in it, not to
give it away to her daughters,

and leave her horns without a case.

I shall forget my nature...

So kind a mother.

Be my cars ready?

Thy asses are gone about them.

To take it again, perforce!
Monster ingratitude!

If thou were my fool, I'd
have thee beaten...

For being old before thy time.

How is that?

Thou shouldst not have been old
till thou hadst been wise.

You see me here,

you gods,

an old woman, full of grief as age,

wretched in both.

If it be you that stir these daughters'
hearts against their mother,

fool me not to bear it tamely.

Touch me with noble anger,

and let not women's weapons,
water drops, stain my cheeks.

No, you unnatural hags,

I will have such revenges on you
both that all the world shall...

I will do such things...
yet I know not what I will do,

but they shall be
the terrors of the earth.

You think I'll weep?

No. I'll not weep.

I have full cause of weeping.

But this heart shall break into
a hundred thousand pieces

or ere I'll weep.
Singe my head!

Auntie, court holy water indoors

is much better than
this rainwater out of doors.

And that all-shaking thunder, strike.

Here's a night
pities neither wise man nor fool.

With a heigh-ho,

the wind and the rain must make
content with his fortunes fit,

for the rain, it raineth every day.

Never, never, never,
never, never...

Do you see this?

Look upon her. Look...her lips.

Look there.

Look there.

There.

Bravo!

Bravo!

Bravo!

Bravo!

Bravo!

Bravo!

Bravo!

Let's do another one!

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