Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,236 --> 00:00:05,206
- Boo, boo, boo, boo
2
00:00:05,239 --> 00:00:09,377
Boo, boo,
boo, boo
3
00:00:09,410 --> 00:00:13,347
Boo, boo, boo, boo
4
00:00:13,381 --> 00:00:17,418
Boo, boo,
boo, boo
5
00:00:17,451 --> 00:00:21,522
Boo, boo, boo, boo
6
00:00:21,555 --> 00:00:23,891
Boo, boo,
boo, boo
7
00:00:23,924 --> 00:00:24,892
- [laughs]
8
00:00:24,925 --> 00:00:26,060
Ooh! [growls]
9
00:00:26,094 --> 00:00:27,728
- Mommy!
- Aaaaaaah!
10
00:00:27,761 --> 00:00:29,263
- Duncan!
- Duncan!
11
00:00:37,405 --> 00:00:40,208
- Okay, gang,
forget about the heat wave.
12
00:00:40,241 --> 00:00:41,875
Summer starts now!
13
00:00:41,909 --> 00:00:43,711
- Ew, gross.
14
00:00:43,744 --> 00:00:46,614
It looks like a Vegas pool but
smells like an Orlando pool.
15
00:00:46,647 --> 00:00:48,082
- I'm not getting in there.
16
00:00:48,116 --> 00:00:49,617
I heard a kid
once sat on a drain,
17
00:00:49,650 --> 00:00:51,119
and it sucked the guts
out of his butt.
18
00:00:51,152 --> 00:00:53,053
- [groans]
There's no room, Jack.
19
00:00:53,087 --> 00:00:55,623
- There's plenty of room.
Watch.
20
00:00:55,656 --> 00:00:58,126
Oh!
- Aah!
21
00:01:00,294 --> 00:01:02,530
- [gulping]
- Mm-hmm.
22
00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:04,765
- Excuse me.
Could you unhand my penis?
23
00:01:04,798 --> 00:01:06,066
- I am so sorry.
24
00:01:06,100 --> 00:01:07,701
Is that yours?
I thought it was mine.
25
00:01:07,735 --> 00:01:09,237
- No problem.
26
00:01:10,003 --> 00:01:13,006
So you'll--
you'll let it go now?
27
00:01:14,142 --> 00:01:15,743
[all groaning]
28
00:01:15,776 --> 00:01:18,812
- I'm dying.
29
00:01:18,846 --> 00:01:21,081
- The AC is blowing warm air!
30
00:01:21,115 --> 00:01:23,484
- By that logic, then
the heater should blow cold.
31
00:01:23,517 --> 00:01:25,419
Oh, God!
That's hot!
32
00:01:26,787 --> 00:01:29,123
- Dad, we're begging you.
33
00:01:29,157 --> 00:01:31,759
Take us somewhere
where we can cool down.
34
00:01:31,792 --> 00:01:33,894
- Jack, are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
35
00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:35,263
- Uh-huh.
36
00:01:35,296 --> 00:01:36,564
That guy had to know
it wasn't his penis.
37
00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:38,999
- No.
[whispers inaudibly]
38
00:01:39,032 --> 00:01:42,470
- Oh, yeah.
Hang on, kids!
39
00:01:42,503 --> 00:01:44,172
[horns honking]
[both screaming]
40
00:01:44,205 --> 00:01:45,606
- Jack, we were going
the right way!
41
00:01:45,639 --> 00:01:48,008
- Whoop.
Hang on again, kids!
42
00:01:48,041 --> 00:01:49,810
- [screaming]
- Oh, my God!
43
00:01:49,843 --> 00:01:51,779
- Here we are.
44
00:01:52,846 --> 00:01:54,782
- The woods?
They're gonna kill us.
45
00:01:54,815 --> 00:01:56,184
Kick!
[all grunting]
46
00:01:56,217 --> 00:02:00,188
- Nobody's killing anyone.
47
00:02:00,221 --> 00:02:01,655
[all scream]
48
00:02:01,689 --> 00:02:03,357
- Now march into those woods
single file.
49
00:02:03,391 --> 00:02:06,026
[all grunting]
50
00:02:07,195 --> 00:02:09,463
- Wah, wah!
- [shrieks]
51
00:02:09,497 --> 00:02:11,199
- What is it, hon?
Rattlesnakes?
52
00:02:11,232 --> 00:02:14,168
- I don't have reception.
There's rattlesnakes?
53
00:02:14,202 --> 00:02:17,004
- What the hell is this?
54
00:02:17,037 --> 00:02:20,107
- Paradise, Eden, Valhalla.
55
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:21,875
We called it "The Hole."
56
00:02:21,909 --> 00:02:24,212
- Every kid in town
used to come here.
57
00:02:24,245 --> 00:02:26,680
Even the ugly ones.
All were welcome.
58
00:02:26,714 --> 00:02:28,048
- We'd ride our bikes here
every day
59
00:02:28,081 --> 00:02:29,983
and splash around
without a care in the world.
60
00:02:30,017 --> 00:02:32,220
Swimming, laughing,
skinny dipping.
61
00:02:32,253 --> 00:02:35,055
- Do you have any stories
that don't end with you naked?
62
00:02:35,088 --> 00:02:38,158
- No good ones.
- The Hole was a magical place.
63
00:02:38,192 --> 00:02:41,229
Time stood still, and summer
seemed to never end.
64
00:02:41,262 --> 00:02:42,463
- So why did you stop coming?
65
00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:43,831
- The new mall opened up,
and they had
66
00:02:43,864 --> 00:02:45,233
air conditioning
and a Sbarro.
67
00:02:45,266 --> 00:02:46,467
- It was the first time
any of us had had
68
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,336
truly horrible Italian food.
69
00:02:48,369 --> 00:02:49,903
Come on.
70
00:02:49,937 --> 00:02:51,905
Last one in is the Harris
to embarrass!
71
00:02:51,939 --> 00:02:54,141
- Right behind you!
72
00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:56,143
- Oh!
Oh ho ho!
73
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:58,212
Ow!
74
00:02:58,246 --> 00:03:00,648
Still got it!
75
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:03,083
- I don't know how to swim!
76
00:03:04,252 --> 00:03:05,486
- I'm not doing this.
77
00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:07,054
- Why didn't they
just murder us?
78
00:03:07,087 --> 00:03:08,756
[both gasping]
79
00:03:08,789 --> 00:03:11,225
- What is that?
- It's hideous!
80
00:03:11,259 --> 00:03:13,227
[both screaming]
81
00:03:14,127 --> 00:03:16,063
- Whoo-hoo!
82
00:03:16,096 --> 00:03:18,031
- [screams]
83
00:03:18,065 --> 00:03:20,067
- Oh, dear God.
84
00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:22,002
- Ooh, we on vacation
85
00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:25,005
- Aah-aah-aah-aah-aah-aah-aah-
aah-aah-ooo!
86
00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:27,741
- Yeah!
87
00:03:27,775 --> 00:03:29,176
- Yay!
- Whoo!
88
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:30,944
[both breathing heavily]
89
00:03:30,978 --> 00:03:33,381
You know, I usually hate
hanging out with you guys,
90
00:03:33,414 --> 00:03:35,683
but I didn't think about
running away once today.
91
00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:38,118
- This might be the snake venom
in me talking,
92
00:03:38,151 --> 00:03:39,853
but I think this
was a perfect day.
93
00:03:39,887 --> 00:03:41,455
- Don't forget, Jack.
94
00:03:41,489 --> 00:03:44,191
We have to leave an offering
for the Squirrel Man.
95
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:45,759
- Squirrel Man?
96
00:03:45,793 --> 00:03:47,961
- Legend has it that
he watches over the woods
97
00:03:47,995 --> 00:03:50,063
and protects the swimming hole,
98
00:03:50,097 --> 00:03:52,866
so we always leave him
something to say thanks.
99
00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:54,868
- Like leaving cookies
for Santa?
100
00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:57,471
- No, nothing like that, Jing.
101
00:03:59,172 --> 00:04:02,810
- Now, let's sorta put out
this fire and hit the road.
102
00:04:02,843 --> 00:04:05,178
[all grunting]
Yeah, that'll do.
103
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:09,917
all: And Bingo
was his name-o
104
00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:14,388
- Bingo was his name-o
105
00:04:14,422 --> 00:04:17,157
[all laughing]
- Can we get a dog?
106
00:04:17,190 --> 00:04:18,826
- Ooh, great idea.
107
00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:20,093
Let's go to the pet store
right no--
108
00:04:20,127 --> 00:04:21,161
[gasps]
109
00:04:21,194 --> 00:04:22,663
Uh-oh.
Jack.
110
00:04:22,696 --> 00:04:24,465
Parking violator.
111
00:04:24,498 --> 00:04:27,835
Turn around!
- Whoa!
112
00:04:27,868 --> 00:04:29,637
Mom, you're off duty.
113
00:04:29,670 --> 00:04:31,439
- I'm never off duty,
and you knew that
114
00:04:31,472 --> 00:04:33,240
when you signed on
to be my daughter.
115
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:34,575
[grunts]
116
00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:37,244
[imitates siren]
117
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:39,112
Duncan, cover me!
118
00:04:39,146 --> 00:04:40,548
- Pump, pump.
119
00:04:42,049 --> 00:04:44,251
- Don't ticket that car.
120
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:47,020
- You're parked across
three handicap spaces.
121
00:04:47,054 --> 00:04:48,756
- I can explain.
I'm a dick.
122
00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:51,625
- Dick or no dick,
you broke the law.
123
00:04:51,659 --> 00:04:54,027
- Sorry, there's two things
I don't pay:
124
00:04:54,061 --> 00:04:55,829
Parking tickets
and child support.
125
00:04:55,863 --> 00:04:57,197
- [grunts]
- Nope!
126
00:04:57,230 --> 00:04:58,332
- [grunts]
- Too slow!
127
00:04:58,366 --> 00:04:59,867
- [grunts]
- I'm over here now!
128
00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:01,301
Missed again!
- I've got a shot, Dad.
129
00:05:01,335 --> 00:05:03,036
- Stand down, Duncan.
130
00:05:03,070 --> 00:05:06,106
This is what she spent eight
years at the academy for.
131
00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:08,041
[both heavy breathing]
132
00:05:08,075 --> 00:05:09,943
- Hey, look.
133
00:05:09,977 --> 00:05:11,445
It's the mother of your
children with an attorney.
134
00:05:11,479 --> 00:05:12,613
- Oh, crap.
Which one?
135
00:05:12,646 --> 00:05:13,681
- Take the shot.
136
00:05:13,714 --> 00:05:15,449
- Aah!
137
00:05:15,483 --> 00:05:17,217
- [grunts]
138
00:05:17,250 --> 00:05:18,919
- You've been super served.
139
00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:21,355
- [grumbles]
[grunts]
140
00:05:21,389 --> 00:05:23,190
- Ugh.
Oh.
141
00:05:23,223 --> 00:05:25,225
Contested?
142
00:05:25,258 --> 00:05:29,296
I'm used to death threats,
but contesting my ticket?
143
00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:31,064
That's just sick.
144
00:05:31,098 --> 00:05:33,133
- Remember, honey,
you're on public access TV,
145
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:34,735
so play to the cameras.
146
00:05:34,768 --> 00:05:38,539
- Okay, let's get started.
[clears throat]
147
00:05:38,572 --> 00:05:42,410
[clearing throat]
148
00:05:42,443 --> 00:05:44,044
- What am I gonna do?
149
00:05:44,077 --> 00:05:46,013
Judge Jeremiah's
getting clobbered
150
00:05:46,046 --> 00:05:49,216
in the public access ratings
by a live feed of the dump.
151
00:05:50,451 --> 00:05:52,252
- Go back!
152
00:05:52,285 --> 00:05:54,054
My boyfriend will kill me if
I watch the dump without him.
153
00:05:54,087 --> 00:05:58,258
- First case, Annie Harris
versus Neil LaDouche.
154
00:05:58,291 --> 00:06:01,161
Okay, sweetie.
What did you hit?
155
00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:04,932
- Wha--I didn't hit anything.
I'm parking enforcement.
156
00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:07,200
This able-bodied wisenheimer
157
00:06:07,234 --> 00:06:09,903
parked in three
handicap spaces.
158
00:06:09,937 --> 00:06:11,171
- I disagree, Your Honor.
159
00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:13,273
- Well, I don't know
who to believe.
160
00:06:13,306 --> 00:06:15,008
Case dismissed.
161
00:06:15,042 --> 00:06:17,177
- Don't you bang that gavel.
162
00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:18,712
- Okay.
163
00:06:18,746 --> 00:06:20,914
- You will not dismiss me
or this case.
164
00:06:20,948 --> 00:06:23,717
You know, I am sick and tired
of rich people
165
00:06:23,751 --> 00:06:25,118
not having to follow
166
00:06:25,152 --> 00:06:26,520
the same rules
as the rest of us.
167
00:06:26,554 --> 00:06:29,623
Justice should be served
equally to everyone,
168
00:06:29,657 --> 00:06:31,525
like free booze at a wedding.
169
00:06:31,559 --> 00:06:33,360
Am I right?
[crowd agreeing]
170
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:35,429
And justice should be swift,
171
00:06:35,463 --> 00:06:37,565
not sitting under a heat lamp
for two hours
172
00:06:37,598 --> 00:06:39,800
waiting for the bridal party
to finish taking pictures
173
00:06:39,833 --> 00:06:41,101
while we starve.
174
00:06:41,134 --> 00:06:43,036
- Yeah!
[crowd cheering]
175
00:06:43,070 --> 00:06:44,872
- Who is that?
176
00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:46,740
My idiot constituents
love her.
177
00:06:46,774 --> 00:06:48,709
- Her name is A--
- Shut up, I'm watching.
178
00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:50,110
- So in conclusion, Your Honor,
179
00:06:50,143 --> 00:06:52,145
tell Mr. LaDouche he is not
above the law,
180
00:06:52,179 --> 00:06:53,914
he needs to pay that fine,
181
00:06:53,947 --> 00:06:55,916
and that destination weddings
are a burden.
182
00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:57,785
That is what
the honeymoon's for.
183
00:06:57,818 --> 00:07:00,153
[crowd cheering]
- Yeah, mommy!
184
00:07:00,187 --> 00:07:02,456
- He paid the fine
ten minutes ago.
185
00:07:02,490 --> 00:07:04,458
He's in the parking lot
doing doughnuts.
186
00:07:04,492 --> 00:07:06,794
- Ha ha!
[gunshots]
187
00:07:06,827 --> 00:07:08,662
Take that, sky!
188
00:07:08,696 --> 00:07:12,633
- Annie, how would you like to
be a low-paid part-time judge
189
00:07:12,666 --> 00:07:14,234
on public access television?
190
00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:17,270
- A TV judge?
What do you think, Jack?
191
00:07:17,304 --> 00:07:19,139
- I don't know.
You'd be working two jobs,
192
00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:21,341
we have kids, you keep saying
we're gonna watch "The Wire."
193
00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:22,810
- Jack, shut it.
Hey.
194
00:07:22,843 --> 00:07:24,244
What if we made you
a TV bailiff?
195
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:25,946
Good?
196
00:07:25,979 --> 00:07:29,016
- Then I'd say, Judge Annie
will return after this.
197
00:07:29,049 --> 00:07:31,018
[hitting gavel]
198
00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:33,153
- So we're not getting a dog?
199
00:07:36,524 --> 00:07:38,425
- All rise and shine
200
00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:41,929
for the new star of Oakland
Public Access, the honorable...
201
00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:44,131
- Judge Mommy!
202
00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:46,433
- I hereby call
this breakfast to order.
203
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:48,201
- I'm loving the robe, honey.
204
00:07:48,235 --> 00:07:51,171
It leaves everything
to the imagination.
205
00:07:51,204 --> 00:07:53,440
- I don't get it, Mom.
How can you be a judge?
206
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:55,175
Don't you have to, like,
go to college
207
00:07:55,208 --> 00:07:57,010
and have a red, old face?
208
00:07:57,044 --> 00:07:58,378
- Nope.
All you gotta do is a take
209
00:07:58,411 --> 00:08:00,614
a 45-minute online course.
It's easy.
210
00:08:00,648 --> 00:08:02,182
- I want to be a judge.
211
00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:03,851
- It's not that easy, Jing.
212
00:08:03,884 --> 00:08:05,686
- Are you gonna be dealing
with any troubled youth
213
00:08:05,719 --> 00:08:08,121
who only know how to express
their feelings by fighting?
214
00:08:08,155 --> 00:08:10,023
- Sorry.
I only cover small stuff
215
00:08:10,057 --> 00:08:13,293
like traffic violations,
property disputes,
216
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:16,029
and if I'm lucky,
seizure of a speedboat.
217
00:08:16,063 --> 00:08:17,497
- Cool.
218
00:08:17,531 --> 00:08:19,733
- I sentence you
to 20 years in prison,
219
00:08:19,767 --> 00:08:22,736
and to give
my son that speedboat.
220
00:08:22,770 --> 00:08:25,238
- [grunting]
221
00:08:25,272 --> 00:08:28,709
[engine revving]
222
00:08:28,742 --> 00:08:30,310
[all cheering]
223
00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:33,080
- Cool boat, Duncan.
Want to catch some bad guys?
224
00:08:33,113 --> 00:08:34,815
- You know it.
225
00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:38,085
- Read chapter seven
about the Louisiana Purchase!
226
00:08:38,118 --> 00:08:39,587
[all cheering]
227
00:08:39,620 --> 00:08:41,021
- All right!
- Slap.
228
00:08:41,054 --> 00:08:44,057
[purring]
229
00:08:45,893 --> 00:08:47,728
Where'd everyone go?
- They left while your eyes
230
00:08:47,761 --> 00:08:50,998
were glazed over and you were
high-fiving the air.
231
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:53,000
- Crap.
The heat wave's back.
232
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:56,336
- [gasps]
I call the cool row of tiles!
233
00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:57,771
Ahh.
- I'm the oldest.
234
00:08:57,805 --> 00:08:59,272
The cool tiles
are my birthright.
235
00:08:59,306 --> 00:09:01,208
[grunts]
- Wait.
236
00:09:01,241 --> 00:09:04,011
What are we doing on the floor?
We've got The Hole.
237
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:06,046
- Let's roll.
238
00:09:07,147 --> 00:09:09,082
- Okay,
first case on the docket.
239
00:09:09,116 --> 00:09:10,784
It says here, Hal,
240
00:09:10,818 --> 00:09:13,353
that you sold Mr. Mitch
a defective ladder.
241
00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:14,955
Mr. Mitch,
talk to me.
242
00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:16,523
- Well, I bought it
for the school to secure
243
00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:18,125
the ceiling tiles
that keep falling
244
00:09:18,158 --> 00:09:19,192
on the students' heads.
245
00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:20,628
But then the ladder broke
246
00:09:20,661 --> 00:09:22,630
and I fell
on the students' heads.
247
00:09:22,663 --> 00:09:25,098
Sometimes I wonder if I'll
ever regain their trust.
248
00:09:25,132 --> 00:09:28,201
- Hal, it sounds to me
like the ladder was defective.
249
00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:31,104
- Well, actually,
he was just using it wrong.
250
00:09:31,138 --> 00:09:33,306
You see, you need to put
one foot on each--
251
00:09:33,340 --> 00:09:36,076
- [gibbers authoritatively]
Is this a courtroom,
252
00:09:36,109 --> 00:09:37,945
or a mansplaining convention?
253
00:09:37,978 --> 00:09:39,546
[laughter]
- She's funny.
254
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:42,149
- Mr. Mitch,
you can go back to Hal's store
255
00:09:42,182 --> 00:09:44,384
and pick any ladder you want.
256
00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:47,154
Hal, learn to shut it.
Ya guilty.
257
00:09:47,187 --> 00:09:48,255
[cheers and applause]
258
00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:49,823
- What's mansplaining?
259
00:09:49,857 --> 00:09:51,158
- This feels like a trap.
260
00:09:52,626 --> 00:09:54,962
- This is it.
The Hole.
261
00:09:54,995 --> 00:09:56,129
Wolf,
where's your bathing suit?
262
00:09:56,163 --> 00:09:59,266
- Almost forgot.
Okay, ready.
263
00:09:59,299 --> 00:10:02,002
- Why didn't you tell me
Wolf was jacked?
264
00:10:02,035 --> 00:10:03,603
- This place is beautiful.
265
00:10:03,637 --> 00:10:05,939
It reminds me of "Avatar,"
I think.
266
00:10:05,973 --> 00:10:07,307
Wait, what was "Avatar" about,
again?
267
00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:08,475
- I don't know.
268
00:10:08,508 --> 00:10:10,778
It's so unspoiled and pure.
269
00:10:10,811 --> 00:10:12,279
I should start a hotel here.
270
00:10:12,312 --> 00:10:16,583
- Oh, my God.
Check this out.
271
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:18,318
A jet ski!
272
00:10:18,351 --> 00:10:22,289
[all shouting]
273
00:10:22,322 --> 00:10:25,258
This is gonna define
our childhood!
274
00:10:25,292 --> 00:10:27,995
- [muttering]
275
00:10:28,028 --> 00:10:29,997
- Keep kicking, buddy.
You're doing great.
276
00:10:30,030 --> 00:10:31,498
- You got me?
Have you still got me?
277
00:10:31,531 --> 00:10:33,200
Have you all still got me?
all: Yes.
278
00:10:33,233 --> 00:10:35,368
- I'm not gonna let
anything happen to you.
279
00:10:35,402 --> 00:10:38,605
all: On your mark,
get set, chicken fight!
280
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:40,473
[all yelling]
281
00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:48,181
- Duncan, will you put
sunscreen on my back?
282
00:10:48,215 --> 00:10:50,784
- With pleazh.
283
00:10:50,818 --> 00:10:53,053
Wait. That wasn't me.
I make trumpet farts.
284
00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:54,221
[farts]
See?
285
00:10:54,254 --> 00:10:56,189
- [groans]
- Oh, why'd I do that?
286
00:10:56,223 --> 00:10:58,358
[groans]
287
00:10:58,391 --> 00:11:01,161
- Oh, great Squirrel Man,
288
00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:04,698
we honor you
with these humble offerings.
289
00:11:04,732 --> 00:11:05,899
Okay, what do you got?
290
00:11:05,933 --> 00:11:07,835
- Shotgun shell.
- Vegan ham.
291
00:11:07,868 --> 00:11:09,136
- My parents'
garage door clicker.
292
00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:10,370
- Wet Frito crumbs.
293
00:11:10,403 --> 00:11:13,240
- He will be pleased.
294
00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:16,209
- You say your neighbor's dog
is barking all night,
295
00:11:16,243 --> 00:11:19,212
but the only one I hear
yapping is you!
296
00:11:19,246 --> 00:11:20,247
[laughter]
297
00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:23,250
Cone him, Jack-O.
298
00:11:23,283 --> 00:11:25,252
- [howls]
299
00:11:25,285 --> 00:11:27,654
- She's a hit!
Have some champagne with me.
300
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:28,989
- But I'm three years sober.
301
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:30,423
- That sounds like
a "you" problem.
302
00:11:30,457 --> 00:11:32,359
- Another divorce?
303
00:11:32,392 --> 00:11:34,161
You're off again,
you're on again.
304
00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:36,229
You're off again,
you're on again.
305
00:11:36,263 --> 00:11:37,865
Are you a couple,
306
00:11:37,898 --> 00:11:39,599
or are you
a friggin' light switch?
307
00:11:39,632 --> 00:11:40,934
all: Ya guilty.
308
00:11:40,968 --> 00:11:42,936
- Ya guilty.
[all cheering]
309
00:11:42,970 --> 00:11:44,604
- Look at us,
310
00:11:44,637 --> 00:11:47,240
sitting in the "rich guys
with mistresses" section.
311
00:11:47,274 --> 00:11:49,843
- They even gave me
fresh crayons.
312
00:11:49,877 --> 00:11:52,112
[chews loudly]
Mm. Royal blue.
313
00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:53,546
- Oh, this is crazy.
314
00:11:53,580 --> 00:11:56,049
I'm on the cover of both
public access trade mags.
315
00:11:56,083 --> 00:12:00,353
- Everyone's staring
because my tan looks so good.
316
00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:02,589
- Judge Annie,
I'm such a big fan.
317
00:12:02,622 --> 00:12:04,792
Can I have a selfie?
- Sure, why not?
318
00:12:04,825 --> 00:12:06,059
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
We're in the middle
319
00:12:06,093 --> 00:12:08,028
of a comped family dinner.
320
00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:11,298
But you can buy this official
Judge Annie T-shirt.
321
00:12:11,331 --> 00:12:13,533
- Um, can I have one
without the back?
322
00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:15,969
- You got it.
323
00:12:17,137 --> 00:12:18,939
- Today, I'm gonna swim
in that cave
324
00:12:18,972 --> 00:12:20,540
and look for smugglers.
325
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:22,275
- I'ma go scope out
the beach on the other side,
326
00:12:22,309 --> 00:12:24,945
start my own Fyre Festival.
327
00:12:24,978 --> 00:12:27,080
- What?
328
00:12:27,114 --> 00:12:29,216
I thought The Hole
was for everyone.
329
00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:31,218
- So we can't
come here anymore?
330
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:32,920
- Like hell.
331
00:12:32,953 --> 00:12:34,121
[yells]
332
00:12:35,188 --> 00:12:36,156
Apparently not.
333
00:12:36,189 --> 00:12:38,291
- Okay, fence, it's on.
334
00:12:38,325 --> 00:12:41,094
[grunts]
Go, go, go!
335
00:12:41,128 --> 00:12:43,163
- What are you punks doing?
336
00:12:43,196 --> 00:12:45,565
- Trespassing.
Come on.
337
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:47,134
Oh, crap.
338
00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:48,135
[groans]
339
00:12:48,168 --> 00:12:49,302
[synthesizer tone]
340
00:12:49,336 --> 00:12:50,938
- [panting]
341
00:12:50,971 --> 00:12:52,172
Hello!
342
00:12:52,205 --> 00:12:56,343
Let's get ready to justice!
343
00:12:56,376 --> 00:12:59,479
- Papa Mom's Pizza
proudly presents
344
00:12:59,512 --> 00:13:02,282
Judge Annie "Ya Guilty" Harris!
345
00:13:02,315 --> 00:13:04,117
- Yeah!
346
00:13:04,151 --> 00:13:06,486
- And introducing the plaintiff
with a net worth
347
00:13:06,519 --> 00:13:09,022
he always keeps
at 69 million dollars,
348
00:13:09,056 --> 00:13:11,825
Neil LaDouche.
349
00:13:11,859 --> 00:13:13,360
[silence]
350
00:13:13,393 --> 00:13:16,796
And the defendants,
Duncan and Kimberly--
351
00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:19,032
I love those names.
- Aww.
352
00:13:19,066 --> 00:13:20,868
- Harris?
- What?
353
00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:22,602
- Kids,
what are you doing here?
354
00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:24,271
- We tried to use
the swimming hole,
355
00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:26,139
but this jerk
says that he owns it,
356
00:13:26,173 --> 00:13:28,208
and he charged us
with attempted trespassing.
357
00:13:28,241 --> 00:13:31,044
- I thought The Hole
was on public land.
358
00:13:31,078 --> 00:13:33,013
- Yeah.
No one owns The Hole.
359
00:13:33,046 --> 00:13:34,781
- Actually, I do.
360
00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:36,616
I bought all
the public land in town
361
00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:39,186
so my ex couldn't have a picnic
with her new boyfriend.
362
00:13:39,219 --> 00:13:41,388
So it's my right
and white privilege
363
00:13:41,421 --> 00:13:44,024
to develop the property,
and starting tomorrow,
364
00:13:44,057 --> 00:13:47,027
I plan to break ground
on a brand-new go-kart track.
365
00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:49,196
[all gasp]
- For adults only.
366
00:13:49,229 --> 00:13:50,663
all: Boo!
367
00:13:50,697 --> 00:13:52,632
- That's bogus.
368
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:54,634
- Mom, I mean, Your Highness,
369
00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:57,137
The Hole means so much to us,
370
00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:58,838
just like it did
to you and Dad.
371
00:13:58,872 --> 00:14:02,475
Wolf learned to swim there.
I did a sick backflip.
372
00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:04,177
- It was tight.
- And when we're old,
373
00:14:04,211 --> 00:14:07,180
we'll think about The Hole
and be happy and cry,
374
00:14:07,214 --> 00:14:09,983
like Grandpa does when he sees
an American flag.
375
00:14:10,017 --> 00:14:12,485
- [moans]
This land has meant so much
376
00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:15,055
to the kids of Oakdale
ever since we stole it
377
00:14:15,088 --> 00:14:17,157
from its indigenous
inhabitants.
378
00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:20,928
It has been sitting there
unused for many years.
379
00:14:20,961 --> 00:14:23,863
I got to swim in it.
My kids now swim in it.
380
00:14:23,897 --> 00:14:26,533
And future generations
should swim in it, too.
381
00:14:26,566 --> 00:14:29,202
- My wife,
hero of the people.
382
00:14:29,236 --> 00:14:31,171
- However--
both: Uh-oh.
383
00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:34,074
- Mr. LaDouche does own it,
384
00:14:34,107 --> 00:14:36,243
so the court reluctantly rules
385
00:14:36,276 --> 00:14:39,112
in favor of LaDouche's
Adult Go-Kart World.
386
00:14:39,146 --> 00:14:41,714
Sorry, my beloved children.
387
00:14:41,748 --> 00:14:43,450
Ya guilty.
- Mom!
388
00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:45,252
- What?
- Sorry, kids.
389
00:14:45,285 --> 00:14:46,453
The law is the law.
390
00:14:46,486 --> 00:14:48,121
- I really hate to do this,
391
00:14:48,155 --> 00:14:49,689
but I need you to look
into the camera and say,
392
00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:53,693
"Papa Mom's,
that's-a spicy justice."
393
00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:56,629
both: "Papa Mom's,
that's-a spicy justice."
394
00:14:56,663 --> 00:14:57,897
- Okay, now one in Spanish.
395
00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:06,873
- You guys have hardly touched
your personal party pizzas.
396
00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:08,741
You love Papa Mom's,
397
00:15:08,775 --> 00:15:09,876
official sponsor of me.
398
00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:10,877
- Why bother?
399
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,112
As soon as we enjoy it,
400
00:15:12,145 --> 00:15:13,613
you'll just give it
to a rich guy.
401
00:15:13,646 --> 00:15:15,048
- How could you do that to us?
402
00:15:15,082 --> 00:15:17,084
That was the wrongest thing
403
00:15:17,117 --> 00:15:18,318
that's ever happened
in a courtroom.
404
00:15:18,351 --> 00:15:19,819
- I don't know what you did,
Mommy,
405
00:15:19,852 --> 00:15:21,754
but it sounds irredeemable.
406
00:15:21,788 --> 00:15:23,823
Oh, guess what.
I learned a new word today.
407
00:15:23,856 --> 00:15:27,227
- I feel terrible, kids,
but my hands were tied.
408
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:29,229
I have to uphold the law.
409
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:31,064
When I finished
that online course,
410
00:15:31,098 --> 00:15:33,133
I clicked "agree"
on a sacred oath.
411
00:15:33,166 --> 00:15:34,567
- That does it.
412
00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:36,169
I'm getting you fired
by finding
413
00:15:36,203 --> 00:15:37,504
your old offensive tweets.
414
00:15:37,537 --> 00:15:39,572
"Cumberbatch is a treasure."
415
00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:41,674
"At Dane Cook, ha!"
416
00:15:41,708 --> 00:15:43,810
"At Delta,
why is my luggage wet?"
417
00:15:43,843 --> 00:15:46,113
These suck.
- Oh, yeah?
418
00:15:46,146 --> 00:15:49,016
Well, President of Delta
Glen Hauenstein
419
00:15:49,049 --> 00:15:51,784
slid into my DMs
with a personal apology,
420
00:15:51,818 --> 00:15:52,819
and now we're Twitter buddies.
421
00:15:52,852 --> 00:15:54,354
- Kids, get out here.
422
00:15:54,387 --> 00:15:57,657
I have something better
than a swimming hole!
423
00:15:57,690 --> 00:15:59,859
The box says
only one person at a time,
424
00:15:59,892 --> 00:16:02,495
but I'm sure
that's just for safety.
425
00:16:02,529 --> 00:16:03,530
[grunts]
426
00:16:03,563 --> 00:16:05,632
Whoa!
427
00:16:05,665 --> 00:16:07,667
Oh! Summer starts--
428
00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:09,102
Oh!
[snake hisses]
429
00:16:09,136 --> 00:16:11,038
Ow! It's a baby,
so it doesn't know
430
00:16:11,071 --> 00:16:13,640
when to stop producing venom!
431
00:16:13,673 --> 00:16:15,042
- You know what, Jing?
Your father and I
432
00:16:15,075 --> 00:16:17,710
have been so busy
dispensing justice,
433
00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:20,213
we totally forgot
about getting that dog.
434
00:16:20,247 --> 00:16:22,049
- Oh, yeah.
You're right.
435
00:16:22,082 --> 00:16:24,051
As soon as we're done here,
we're going straight to the--
436
00:16:24,084 --> 00:16:26,486
- Listen up.
We got a standoff in progress.
437
00:16:26,519 --> 00:16:28,155
We're taking Judge Annie
on the road.
438
00:16:28,188 --> 00:16:29,356
Follow me.
439
00:16:29,389 --> 00:16:32,192
- I was this close to a puggle.
440
00:16:33,893 --> 00:16:36,063
- Why am I blindfolded?
441
00:16:36,096 --> 00:16:39,232
- Annie, it's reality TV.
We can't fake your reaction.
442
00:16:39,266 --> 00:16:41,668
Yeah--oh, sorry.
I can say that better.
443
00:16:41,701 --> 00:16:43,203
Ready?
Three, two, one.
444
00:16:43,236 --> 00:16:47,006
It's reality TV.
We can't fake your reaction.
445
00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:48,741
Oh, that's awful.
Go with the first one.
446
00:16:57,784 --> 00:17:00,187
- The Hole?
What are we doing here?
447
00:17:00,220 --> 00:17:03,723
- Annie, we're creating
public access ratings gold.
448
00:17:03,756 --> 00:17:05,925
This is gonna be bigger
than the time
449
00:17:05,958 --> 00:17:08,228
that zoning commissioner
jumped off the bridge.
450
00:17:08,261 --> 00:17:10,263
It's perfect.
- What's the case?
451
00:17:10,297 --> 00:17:11,764
- That small business owner--
452
00:17:11,798 --> 00:17:13,066
- LaDouche.
453
00:17:13,100 --> 00:17:16,203
Versus a gang
of radicalized teens.
454
00:17:16,236 --> 00:17:20,207
- [gasps]
Duncan, Kimberly, other kids,
455
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:22,175
what the hell are you doing?
456
00:17:22,209 --> 00:17:24,344
- We are skinny-dipping
for justice.
457
00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:27,447
If he wants to drain this lake,
he's legally a perv.
458
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:30,083
- Yeah. He'll have to register
as a sex offender,
459
00:17:30,117 --> 00:17:31,951
just like
the zoning commissioner did.
460
00:17:31,984 --> 00:17:35,355
- Jack, our kids are involved
in a naked rebellion.
461
00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:36,923
- This is terrible.
462
00:17:36,956 --> 00:17:38,091
Where should
I set up the merch?
463
00:17:38,125 --> 00:17:39,692
Oh, and can you say
"Ya guilpy"?
464
00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:41,794
I got a bunch
of misprinted T-shirts.
465
00:17:41,828 --> 00:17:43,130
- Kids, get out of there.
466
00:17:43,163 --> 00:17:44,631
You're breaking the law,
467
00:17:44,664 --> 00:17:46,566
and you ate
less than an hour ago.
468
00:17:46,599 --> 00:17:47,967
- Sorry, Mom.
469
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,103
This story
ends with us being naked.
470
00:17:50,137 --> 00:17:53,206
- I will prune
for my core beliefs.
471
00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:55,475
- Yeah, your boy will always
drop draws for the right cause.
472
00:17:55,508 --> 00:17:57,076
You know what?
Put that on a shirt.
473
00:17:57,110 --> 00:17:58,711
- I have my jeans on
because I have body issues,
474
00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:00,313
but I share their outrage.
475
00:18:00,347 --> 00:18:03,250
- I will not be intimidated
by middle-class children.
476
00:18:03,283 --> 00:18:04,984
God created this paradise
477
00:18:05,017 --> 00:18:07,120
for me to race
my adult friends in go-karts.
478
00:18:07,154 --> 00:18:09,222
- You flip that switch,
ya gonna regret it.
479
00:18:09,256 --> 00:18:11,057
- [laughs]
Oh, Annie.
480
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:13,160
You know the justice system
better than anyone.
481
00:18:13,193 --> 00:18:15,728
Rich people
never suffer consequences.
482
00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:19,065
[dramatic music]
483
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:20,633
- [mutters]
484
00:18:20,667 --> 00:18:22,001
Perv, perv!
485
00:18:22,034 --> 00:18:24,304
all: Perv, perv, perv!
486
00:18:24,337 --> 00:18:26,806
[all muttering]
487
00:18:26,839 --> 00:18:29,142
Perv, perv, perv.
488
00:18:29,176 --> 00:18:31,511
- Okay, ya boy is not sure
this is the right cause.
489
00:18:31,544 --> 00:18:33,413
- I hate my shoulders so much.
490
00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:35,014
- Stop.
They're nice.
491
00:18:35,047 --> 00:18:38,351
- I came here to do a job,
and I'm doing it.
492
00:18:38,385 --> 00:18:39,819
[all gasp]
493
00:18:39,852 --> 00:18:42,255
That's right.
They're different sizes.
494
00:18:42,289 --> 00:18:44,257
- Make your ruling fast,
Judge Annie.
495
00:18:44,291 --> 00:18:46,959
We don't have the budget
to pixelate.
496
00:18:46,993 --> 00:18:48,127
- Oh, God, oh, God.
497
00:18:48,161 --> 00:18:50,263
[horn blaring]
498
00:18:50,297 --> 00:18:51,798
- Silence!
499
00:18:54,901 --> 00:18:57,470
- The Squirrel Man.
500
00:18:57,504 --> 00:19:00,006
He is real.
501
00:19:00,039 --> 00:19:02,041
- How's it going?
Thanks for coming.
502
00:19:02,074 --> 00:19:04,076
'Sup.
503
00:19:06,679 --> 00:19:09,048
I've lived here for 50 years,
504
00:19:09,081 --> 00:19:11,218
peacefully watching
teenagers skinny-dip
505
00:19:11,251 --> 00:19:13,119
with my squirrel wife,
and eating
506
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:15,488
the treats left for me,
much like Santa Claus
507
00:19:15,522 --> 00:19:16,789
enjoying his cookies.
508
00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:18,057
- [grumbles]
- [groans]
509
00:19:18,090 --> 00:19:20,059
- I never thought I'd see a day
510
00:19:20,092 --> 00:19:23,196
that this peaceful place
would see such conflict.
511
00:19:23,230 --> 00:19:25,498
If I've learned
one thing from my solitude,
512
00:19:25,532 --> 00:19:27,400
it's that
the meaning of life is--
513
00:19:27,434 --> 00:19:29,035
- 50 years?
514
00:19:29,068 --> 00:19:30,737
Well, that means you have
squatter's rights.
515
00:19:30,770 --> 00:19:34,140
- Are you saying
that old weirdo owns this land?
516
00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:37,510
- Yes, under the laws
of adverse possession,
517
00:19:37,544 --> 00:19:41,080
which means he gets to decide
what the land is used for.
518
00:19:41,113 --> 00:19:43,250
What's it gonna be,
Squirrel Man?
519
00:19:43,283 --> 00:19:47,387
- I say, my big,
beautiful toilet stays!
520
00:19:47,420 --> 00:19:48,821
[all cheering]
521
00:19:48,855 --> 00:19:51,591
- Sorry, LaDouche,
but ya guilpy.
522
00:19:51,624 --> 00:19:53,526
- Guilpy, guilpy, guilpy!
523
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:54,661
[cheers and applause]
524
00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:56,062
- [yells]
525
00:19:56,095 --> 00:19:59,666
- T-shirts!
Who wants a T-shirt?
526
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:03,303
- Can we all have
an extra, extra large?
527
00:20:05,272 --> 00:20:06,906
both: Thanks, Mom!
We love you!
528
00:20:06,939 --> 00:20:08,174
- Copy that, kids.
529
00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:12,078
- You took on the system
and won, Duncan.
530
00:20:12,111 --> 00:20:14,447
Hey, I'm gonna get out now,
'cause that guy poops in here.
531
00:20:14,481 --> 00:20:17,484
- Yeah.
He's wise, but he's gross.
532
00:20:19,252 --> 00:20:22,522
- And so the children
had a wonderful summer,
533
00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:25,124
and I watched
every moment of it.
534
00:20:25,157 --> 00:20:26,593
Not sexually.
What's your deal?
535
00:20:26,626 --> 00:20:28,094
I thought you were cool.
536
00:20:28,127 --> 00:20:29,896
Oh, and Annie's
no longer a judge.
537
00:20:29,929 --> 00:20:31,063
Good night.
538
00:20:35,101 --> 00:20:36,603
- The plaintiff
is suing her parents
539
00:20:36,636 --> 00:20:39,639
for reneging
on promise of dog.
540
00:20:39,672 --> 00:20:41,941
- All right,
who's gonna lie to me first?
541
00:20:41,974 --> 00:20:43,109
- Well, Your Honor--
542
00:20:43,142 --> 00:20:44,611
- Wells are for drinking water.
543
00:20:44,644 --> 00:20:47,046
- Your Honor,
we never actually said--
544
00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:51,050
- [gibbering authoritatively]
545
00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:53,085
Zip it.
Jing, did your parents
546
00:20:53,119 --> 00:20:54,621
tell you that they were
gonna get you a dog?
547
00:20:54,654 --> 00:20:56,923
- Yes. It felt like
a verbal contract.
548
00:20:56,956 --> 00:20:59,959
- Byrd,
bring me a box of puppies.
549
00:21:00,993 --> 00:21:02,595
Take as many as you want,
sweetie.
550
00:21:02,629 --> 00:21:04,597
- Oh!
I'll take all of them.
551
00:21:04,631 --> 00:21:07,066
- But Judge Judy,
the discussion was for one.
552
00:21:07,099 --> 00:21:09,336
- Oh, so there
was a discussion.
553
00:21:09,369 --> 00:21:10,637
- Damn it.
She's good.
554
00:21:10,670 --> 00:21:12,972
- You're a liar,
and you're guilpy.
555
00:21:13,005 --> 00:21:15,475
The court rules
in favor of Jing.
556
00:21:16,776 --> 00:21:18,945
- Hey, Judge Judy,
want to fight crime?
557
00:21:18,978 --> 00:21:21,448
- Hell yeah!
558
00:21:22,782 --> 00:21:24,517
- Yeah!
- Whoo!
559
00:21:24,551 --> 00:21:26,252
- I love you, Jing.
560
00:21:26,285 --> 00:21:30,423
- I love you, too--oh, wait.
Is this a dream?
561
00:21:30,457 --> 00:21:32,392
- I thought the speedboat
gave it away.
562
00:21:39,699 --> 00:21:41,434
-Yaah!
-ANNOUNCER: Welcome to
the world of Duncanville.
39729
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
