Original subtitles

Ever thought about window cleaners?

They spend their days looking into hundreds of little boxes,

many of which have got people In. AH sorts of people.

That's mo! What about that physique, eh? Oo?

A bit Steve McQueen, Isn't It?

No wonder the birds go crazy for mo.

Favourite gear I: a white nylon T-shlrt.

Because when you wet It, you can press It up against the window.

And then give them a little smile.

Well, nlce for the old ones. Makes ll sort of Remembrance Day.

[MI]

Still, you can't expect to go potty on your first day, can you?

Cor, cop a load of that, eh? What a knocker factory!

She's obviously a pushover for my brand of animal magnetism.

[MOUTHING] Plss off!

Whoops! Lost mo balance.

And me bucket.

[MI]

Some of the things you see are quite an education.

I mean, just look at that shower! Btlmey, they're big for their age.

They're also Mg for my age.

[YELLS] [GLASS BREAKS]

[MI]

But aii this was nothing to what I saw in a shop down the high street.

It aii started with a iittie bit of window undressing.

I 'vo hoard of your work gelling on lop of you, but not you gelling on lop of your work!

What a diabolical way to start a new career.

Flat on me back, staring up blokes' trouser legs.

And along comes this bird. If It hadn't been for her, I might have jacked It In right away.

Because she awoke In mo deep-rooted feelings of senslllvlly and delicacy

I never knew! had. Never knew I could say.

In fact, one look at Elizabeth and I fell like a pal! of lead knickers.

She was the type of girl you say, "Please, may I?� before you give her one.

A card, I mean.

Because Sid did promise me a piece of the action with any new customers. Cori

Wouldn't have minded a place of her action.

What are you trying to do, ruln ma?

One broken window, one bucketed traffic warden

threatening to sue, and now you tell me you lost your squeegee.

I muet've dropped It under the crowd. And that': another thlng.

I pay you to clean windows.

If you wanna Ila on the floor and look up skirts, you do It In your own time, right?

But I told you, It was shock. They were having It off In the window.

So? Have you got a sax hang-up or something?

Ho, but I thought she had three lags.

Look, Tlmmy boy, In our business you've got to be Immune from shocks,

especially from hlrds, three-lagged or one-lagged.

As long as they are satisfied customers...

they hrlng In new ones.

Hay, I mot a real knockout this morning.

Fabulous face, fantastic body, lag: rlght up to her armpits.

What about her windows? Windows?

Oh, I gave her a card.

It': no good just chatting up dolly hlrds.

You've gotta grease the old hag: too. Ta.

It': not all Raquel Walch pulling you onto her dumplings, you know.

[CAR APPROACHES]

Christ, what also did you do?

Hello. As we were pssslng, I just thought I'd stop and see If you were all rlght.

Thou fall: can sometime: have delayed affects.

Oh, yes. I mean, no!

Thank you, I'm all rlght.

Flna. Wall, I have to get hack on patrol now. Good nlght.

What's all that, than? It was her.

Who? The hlrd, I told you.

Have you gone stark raving bonkers, trying to chat up female fuzz?

I didn't know who she was. But I don't care, Sld. Oh, Isn't she a knockout?

Oh, yeah, you picked the rlght word, boy.

What I wouldn't do for her.

Wall, I'm more worrlad about what you wouldn't do for my customers.

What do you mean, ah?

I mean, I've got to he sure, If some hlrd offer: to squeeze out your chamole,

you don't go retracting your ladder!

Christ, anyone would thlnk I was a bloody vlrglnl

I do. And so doe: Rosla.

What doe: she know, ah?

Sister: always know.

I don't know what you're on about. Rasponslhllltlas, that': what.

You taking over some of mlna.

I mean, with Roele pregnant, I feel It': only proper I should cut It out for a whlle.

Window cleaning?

Not cleaning, you hark!

Servicing, keeping the customers happy.

Oh. Anything I can do, Sld?

Yeah, wall, that': what worrlu ma. Can you do?

Oh, coma off It, Sldl

Never mlnd 'Coma off It.' Have you aver been on It?

Of course I have!

Yeah? I don't reckon you could dlp your tassel In a fira bucket without instructions.

Vary funny, Sld.

All rlght, Tlmmo. After dlnnar, you and ma are going out.

What for?

To get a professional opinion.

Tim�: Mind you, I didn't like id admii ii, but Sid was right.

My sex Hfe held as much sensation as a concrete contraceptive.

In fact, I could describe myself as the walking answer to contraception.

I don't do It!

With mo, It': more a can of good kiss, good fool and good night.

NM ilk! Sid.

I mean, he really deserved the Queen's Award for Industry.

Oh, God. I don't know why your old man works In tho lost property off loo.

Might just a: wall move the whole lot hare!

Dad's working on It.

I wouldn't mlnd If ha nicked something worthwhile.

WOMAN: That you, boys? Yes, Mum.

How did It all go, dear? Oh, flna, Mum.

You could say It was a great day In the history of British window cleaning.

Oh, that': nlca. Rosla could hardly walt for you to get hack.

Oh, that': nlca too.

Yeah, she's been dreaming about that chocolate fudge all day.

Oh, Sidney, you didn't forget It?

She told you she'd got a craving for chocolate fudge.

Yeah, wall, I know. I'm sorry. I forgot.

ROSIE: Sidney! Hare, love!

Ah! And how's llttla earth mother tonight, ah?

I'm starving. Ha forgot It.

You didn't.

Sorry, love, It slipped ma mlnd. I'll go after dlnnar. The nawngant stock: It.

One llttla thlng. I ask you to do one llttla thlngl

I'm sorry, Rosla, love. It': not the and of the world. I'll go now.

I don't want It now!

All rlght, I won't go and got It now!

Rosla, all I want to do I: make you happy.

Than plu off. Roslal

Yes, uh... Well, I thlnk I'll have a wash before the thieving magpie gets home.

Tlmmy, I won't have you talking Ilka that.

Your father never take: anything that anyone wants.

Not even us.

[ROSIE SOBS]

It': tlma I forked the potatoes.

Rosie, love, I said I was sorry, but with Timmy and everything, I had a lot on me mind today.

Oh, I'll but. And not only on your mlnd.

Don't he Ilka that.

My friend: get around too, you know.

They nu a lot of your ladder, but not so much of you.

Rosla, sometime: I've got to he sociable.

You don't thlnk I Ilka drinking all them cup: of tea, do you?

It's part of hulldlng up the huslnsss, Rosls.

I'm dolng It all for you, love.

Oh, all rlght. I'll forgive you.

That's a glrl.

But watch It, because, Sidney Noggatt,

one extramarital and I'll cut It off.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Don't answer It.

They've probably coma about the tally.

Isn't It working?

Dad won't pay the instalments. Ha can't got colour.

I keep talllng hlm It's a black-and-whlta sat!

It I: Dad.

So, what's the matter with hl: key?

He': got hl: arm: full.

Oh, God. More colourful crap.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Hera!

Harpoon It yourself, did you?

Ha, bloody ha.

Oh, God.

It was left on the Pullman Express. Look nlca over the fira, won't It?

Look hatter on It. Who asked for your opinion?

Now, don't you two start.

Hang on! I've got some rights hare! As a regular rant-payer"

Rent? It don't even pay our window cleaner.

Glva over, Dad. Sld': told you why he doesn't do our windows.

Rlght. It': had to hrlng your work home. It only cause: trouble.

You can't clean your own, Ilka a psychiatrist never treat: hl: own famllyl

I don't Interfere In your business,

so don't try to tall ma what to do with my moon.

Oh, coma on, Dad. I was only kidding.

I thlnk ha': great. Do you?

Sure. We'll call hlm Clarence.

Clarence?

Good evening, Clarence. What do you thlnk of Dad?

'I thlnk ha': a stupid old glt.' You thlnk ha': a stupid old glt? That's funny--

Wall, I still thlnk you're nothing but a no-good spongar.

ISOBs]

Now, now. Your dad didn't moan It. Say you're sorry, Dad.

All rlght. I'm sorry.

Ha uh! ha': sorry, Rush.

It': not hlml

Wall, I nld I was sorry. It': not you!

Wall, what I: It, dear?

That bloody thing's laarlng at ma!

Don't do that! You'll break hl: antlers!

TIIIIIY: Ysah, but what's this 'professional opinion' bit?

You're not taking ma to the doctor, are you?

[sun LAUGHS]

Lil's not a doctor, but she's certainly a specialist.

Who's LII?

My vary obliging second-removed cousin, Llly Lamour.

The biggest sensation slnce natural gas.

[BURLESQUE MUSIC PLAYS]

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

[CHEERING AND WHISTLING]

WOMAN: I can't get It on rlght.

What's It Ilka tonight?

Four man and a dog. Ouch!

Hope nobody': decent! Evening, pueeycatel

Hallo, darling. How are you?

Good show tonight, glrls. Hallo, love, how are you? HI, Ill.

And to what do we owe this royal vlslt?

I need help, Ill.

What? Have you worn It out?

No, not ma.

Thl: I: for the family. I'd Ilka you to meat my hrothar-In-law Tlmmy.

Please, Sld--.

HI, Tlmmy. HI.

MAN [OVER PA]: Baby dolls, please. Baby dolls.

So, what's the problem?

Well, there's been a slight gap in Timmy': education.

Yes, but I don't want to fill It hare.

You're not hunt, are you?

Of course I'm not bent.

Between you and me, he': etlll got a blue how tled to It!

Ha: ha, now? Please, Sid--

Wall, drlnk up and tall Ill all about It.

Oh, LII, Ill. You're a doll.

And you're a bastard.

Sld, where are you going? Sld, where are you going?!

To get some chocolate fudge.

Relax, Tlmmy. I won't hlta. Relax!

I can't. They'll he hack In a mlnuta.

Not a: long a: that music's playing.

Ooh! I: my hand cold?

Uh, no, It was just that you-- Aahl

Wall, hallo.

You've left ma.

Oh, I'm-- I'm sorry.

You got ovaraxcltad.

Yes, yes, that': what It was, yes.

[enumme]

We're not dolng too well, are we?

No.

Would It help If I wore the llon tamer': gear?

No. I don't know what's coma over ma.

Wall, It Isn't ma.

Ooh...

Ooh...

Oh!

Now, that': hatter.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

[CREAKING AND IIOANING]

Ohh...l

Oh, that was tarrlflc. That was absolutely tarrlflc.

I'm glad, Tlmmy. But there's something you ought to know.

Yes?

I moan, I don't want you to go through llfa with a fatlsh.

What do you mean?

You've just had my suspandar halt.

[MI]

TIIIIIY: Another night of mad, passionate failure.

AH that and the fetish bit.

I mean, Imagine having lo say lo a blrd, "Sorry, love,

I can only get It together If you wear gum boots and a gas mask.

And also, would you mind terribly If I had a feather up me us?�

I never thought of meself as belng unnatural. Bloody unlucky, yes, but not unnatural.

"Timothy gets terribly confused when It comes to sex. "

SIDNEY: Hare': a llst of today's jobs. I'm starting you oft' with another chance.

Not with LII?

Huh! You won't he nalng Ill again, not If she no: you first.

Mrs. Jacqueline Brown. Oh, 47 Lyndhurst.

Rlght, Bluabaard. She's a bit of a nympho.

And If you fall there, you may as well buy a bacon slicer and joln the Vienna Boys' Cholr.

[THUNDER RUMBLES]

Coma on, son, get It off. Hare, coma on.

Sld. Morning, Jacqul.

You're early.

Sorry, love. Had to rearrange the schedule.

At least you'll get done before the raln.

Oh, I'm breaking In some new help.

Slnce when did you need help?

Wall, you know how thlng: are. You gotta expand.

And Is this the expansion?

Yeah. Ma new mate Tlmmy. Nlca to meat you, Tlmmy.

Me too. He hasn't had much experience yet.

But I'm sort of letting hlm feel hle way around

with a few understanding customers.

You were always thoughtful, Sld.

Yeah. Well, I'll leave hlm to get on with It, then.

Won't I he nalng you again?

Oh, sure. I'll he In and out, now and than.

Good job, now, Tlmmo.

Right? Rlght.

[cumeme]

You won't be needing that inside. The rooms are qulte small.

Oh, yes, of course. Sorry, madam.

[THUNDER CRASHES]

Oh, It': so humld today. Aren't you hot?

JACQUI: You, you are. You're sweating.

Yes, I am a bit, yes.

How about a cold drlnk? Some tea or coffee?

Oh, I'm easy.

I wouldn't have thought so.

Uh-- Wall, a Coke would he flna, yes.

One Coke coming up.

Yes, well, I thlnk I'd better get started.

What's the rush?

Are you aiming to he the fastest window cleaner In the West?

No. I just thought--

Look, just slt down and have your drlnk first.

Oh, rlght.

I hope you're not In such a hurry about everything.

I won't joln you. I have to watch my flgura.

You must have plenty of company.

Oh, I nu you're another Sld.

Oh, no, not qulta.

Ara you married? Oh, you're joking.

You?

Mm-hmm. He': abroad with the services.

Oh, what's he In?

Anything that moves.

No, I'm halng unkind. He': In the navy, so you can't blame hlm.

Or us.

[CRASH OF THUNDER]

Oh, God, qulck, the window! There's one over the elnk.

Rlght.

Don't worry, we'll soon clear up-- Oh!

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm afraid I've made a man.

Already?

No, you us, I've upset the� Oh!

[MI]

[TABLE RATTLES]

[BUBBLES POP]

[SLURPING NOISE]

[HANDEUS 'HALLELUJAH CHORUS' PLAYS]

Well, Jacqui had certainly taught me how to come clean.

New I know what they mean by the ultimate detergent.

Talk about soft hands and forever blowing bubbles!

Taught me something eise too: it's just iike ielrning to ride a bike.

Once you find you can stay up, there's no problem.

In fact, right there and than, I couldfire won the Tour do France, ladder and all.

[MI]

Hallo. Oh, hl.

Hard at It? Yeah, on and off, yes.

You hatter pull over. Oh, rlght.

Sorry, mate.

[GLASS SMASHES]

Oh, God.

What the bloody hall do you thlnk you're dolng?

Complete accident, slr.

Wall, I shall want your name and address.

Falr enough, yes.

Uh, I clean them too.

Please, you must move out of the road.

Oh, rlght.

Ara you all rlght, slr? No thank: to hlm.

Sorry about that.

I'm afraid I shall have to take a law particulars.

Fabulous. Name?

Tlmmy. Tlmmy what?

Lea. And yours?

I mean, I can't go through llfa calling you WPC 49, can I?

Radlatt. Elizabeth Radlatt. Address?

Scruggs Lana, 63.

Uh... WIII you come to the movies tonight?

Ara you trying to hrlha ma?

Yes.

Than I accept.

[SHOUTS] Yahoo!

[MI]

What a day!

With this kind of iuck, I could even seii return tickets to kamikaze piiots.

I could hardly wilt for me next client, Ills: Prendergast.

A new customer, so Sld said to take It easy.

Now? Now.

Oh, thank you. It's the mattress that makes It so heavy.

Be even heavier If we were on It.

Now I can flnleh my housework before I go out.

I'm afraid my daily': gone off with a hernia.

Ah, wall, my auntla want off with a Lithuanian.

[cuumme]

Oh, no. I've dropped me leather.

Do you know who you ramlnd ma of? Humphrey Bogart.

Oh, you're taking the mickey.

No, It': your body.

You haven't nan my body.

I mean the way you walk.

You mean the way he held Lauren Bacall In To Have and lo Have Not?

'If you want anything, whistle.'

[WHISTLES BADLY]

You can fill your bucket In there.

Yes, ma'am.

[WHISTLES CHEERFULLY]

You a movla fan, than? I nu all the old stuff on the tally.

Wall, I go a: much a: possible when I'm not teaching.

TIMMY: Get away. What do you teach?

Biology-

Ooh! Wlsh I was In your clan.

You don't have to he gallant. I wouldn't say It unless I meant It.

In fact, you ramlnd ma a bit of Marilyn Monroe.

In these glasses? New you're taking the mickey.

Ho, really. In that fllm where she was short-sighted.

How lo Marry a Millionaire. Yeah.

I flnd you vary attractive, Ills: Prandargast,

and I wanna klu you. Dustin Hoffman In The Graduate.

It was Mrs. Robinson.

So?

I don't know how to put this. I moan, I'm rather shy and I hardly know you.

Don't worry, love, I'm way ahead of you.

Would you no If you can flx the flush In the bathroom?

The flush?

I'd hate you to thlnk I was taking advantage,

but sometime: It work: and sometime: It doesn't.

Oh... Yeah. Thank you.

I'll have a go.

Meanwhile, If you don't mlnd, I'll go and get ready.

Well, this was a puzzler and no mistake.

Get ready for what?

I'd feel such a bark bursting In Markers,

only to find her dressed to go shopping.

I was getting confused again.

Birds unfunny things, you know.

One minute they give you the "No, no, you mustn't" bit. Then suddenly It's "Yes, you must, you randy bugger. "

[TOILET FLUSHES]

Should he all rlght now. I, uh--

[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS ON RADIO]

Uh... Had to adjust the ballcock.

I wlsh I was clever with my hands.

Bat you could he If you trlad.

No, no, you mustn't. It': wicked.

Oh, that': not what Lauren Bacall aald.

[IN AMERICAN ACCENT] I want to klu thou beautiful breasts.

That's Clark Gable In Rod Dust. Ha never nld that.

[IN AMERICAN ACCENT] Because Jean Harlow': weren't a: beautiful a: yours.

You can't stay long, you know. Her father coma: homo for lunch.

Then the quicker we reach the Alamo, the better!

John Wayne.

True Grit.

[BELT suns]

He': getting naughty now.

Naughty and Impatient.

[scmmas]

What's-J? Oh!

Scissors. Sclssorsl Have you got any scissors?

It': all rlght. I've done It.

Oh, good.

Right, lat': take It off.

No, she doesn't want to. She's shy.

Under hare. It': nlcar. Oh. Rlght.

No, no, ha': got to say hallo to her first.

Oh-.

TIMMY: Hallo. Hallo.

Oh, yes, oh, she Ilka: that.

L: he enjoying It too?

[TIMMY MUMBLES]

Mmm. Talk to her. Talk to her.

[TIIIIIY YELPS]

Ha nld he can't Walt any longer.

[noon ovens]

MAN: Carola?

MAN: You upstairs?

Just finishing the carpet. Ba rlght with you.

MAN: I'll coma and help.

Where are my knickers?

Sod your knickers. Stop hlm coming up.

BB!� Th! hi!�!

Ooh!

Ma leather?

Hallo. They lat ma off early. Oh.

Morning. Morning.

Wall, that': It, than. Don't worry about the payment. We'll and an account.

Thank you.

Extraordinary way to clean windows.

Oh, he'll coma hack and do the rut later.

No, I mean he was cleaning them with knickers.

Knickers?

[amenae]

TIMMY: How's that?

Bloody marvellous.

Bloody horrible. I just hope It doesn't affect the baby, that's all.

Evening, all.

There! I didn't forget this time, did I?

Oh, you are good to ma. But I nld plnaappla.

Pineapple?

Never mlnd. It': the thought that counts.

Rosla, you distinctly said--

MR. LEA: It's not In the centre. TIIIIIY: Yes, It ls.

Oh, God.

You know what you can do, don't you?

Sld, can I ask a favour?

It depends. Hare, how did It go today?

Oh, you would have been proud of ma, Sld.

Can I borrow the minivan tonight? What for?

I've got a very special date. Not with one of my customers?

Of course not.

Because that would he highly unethical.

Ara window cleaner: struck off?

You us, she's off duty tonight and--

Hang on. Off duty? You mean Fanny the Fuzz?

Her name I: Elizabeth.

I don't care If It': Sherlock Holmes.

You can't hrlng her hack hare.

Why not? She's a nlca glrl. Nlca glrl?! She's a copper!

I don't nu why I can't hrlng her hack.

Because most of this let's probably on her llst, that': why.

Now what are we fighting about?

Timmy': got himself involved with the law.

Tlmmy, what have you done? Nothing, Mum.

Just because I've got a date with a glrl that happens to be a policewoman.

Policewoman? Oh...

She's a smashing hlrd, Mum. Intelligent, wall-spoken.

Oh, yeah. She's passed all her cross-examinations.

You can all relax, because I'm not bringing her back.

Oh, I thlnk that': wise, dear. We don't want to refurnish.

Oh, and I won't he In for grub. All rlght.

Take your bucket, than. It shouldn't he In hare.

Hallo, what's this?

Well, from memory, I'd say they were a palr of knickers.

They're for hl: collection. Collection?

Didn't you know your son's the demon knlckar nlckar of Scruggs Lana?

Why don't you halt up.

It': not true. Tlmmy?

Of course It': not. He': having you on.

All rlght, It' you're all so Interested, uh... I bought them.

You bought knickers?

He': dead klnky too.

Disgusting. Go on.

Drop your trousers. Show them what you're wearing.

I bought them for a glrlfrland. [CHUCKLES]

L: It a crlma to he found with a palr of knickers?

Not If you're a window cleaner.

And what I: that supposed to mean?

Wall, If the cap fits--

[cumznnae]

[ROSIE YELLS]

Quick, ambulance! It's coming!

[BELCHES]

Wind.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[euusuors]

[HORSES GALLOPING]

Oh, sorry, I was trying to look for the, um--

Oh! Tlmmyl

Sorry, just dropped a bit of popcorn.

You won't flnd It up there.

Behave yourself.

WOMAN: Shh!

[euusuors]

[HORSES GALLOPING]

I'm gonna have to put you In handcuffs.

I don't know. You can't wln, can you?

You make s pass, It's wrong. You don't make s pass, you've insulted them.

Who': Imam�;

You wouldn't Ilka to thlnk I didn't fancy you, would you?

No, I'm glad you do. It': just that there's a proper tlme and a proper place.

Yeah, but what happen: when you've got the tlme but can't afford the place?

Oh, Tlmmy.

It': not a question of money. It': just getting to know each other.

That's what I was trying to do.

You're sweet. But you're impossible.

That's what Sld says. Impossible, I mean.

And you're too good for that sort of job.

What's wrong with cleaning windows?

Nothing, but you should he dolng something a llttla more--

A llttla more rewarding.

Such as?

Wall, you'd, uh, make a good policeman.

It' you thought about it seriously.

What's so funny?

The family. If I told them I was gonna he a copper, they'd go berserk!

What's wrong with halng a copper?

Nothing. It': all rlght for some, I suppose.

If you're the officious type.

Oh, wall, thank: a lot.

Oh, I didn't-- I didn't mean you.

I thlnk It': tlma I want homo now, anyway.

Llz. Llzl

You don't have to drlva ma. I can get a cab.

Of course I'll drlva you.

Llzl Llzl

Excuse ma, slr. �1, please.

Oh, yes. Llz, Walt a mlnutal

Excuse ma, slr. Plck It up, please.

Without service.

Thank you.

[ENGINE STOPS]

I've enjoyed It, Tlmmy. Really, I have.

Trust ma to put ma hlg flat foot In It.

Oh, I didn't mean your kind--

I know what you meant.

Ilka to coma In for a good-nlghtar?

Would I? Oh, yes!

[THUDDING]

Ta.

How many of you llva hare? Just ma and my parents.

Early-to-haddars, ah?

No, they're out at one of Daddy's dlnnere.

What doe: your, uh, dad do, than?

He': an Inspector.

Income tax? Pollca.

He': not that frightening.

Wall, won't he mlnd ma halng hare, than?

Why should ha? Any more than your parent: would object to ma.

Oh-.

So you see, Tlmmy, If ever you did decide to change jobs, I mlght be able to help.

Tlmmy, I'm talking to you.

Llz.

Handcuffs.

[noon ovens]

MAN: I'm extremely glad to he hack. WOMAN: Oh, It wasn't so had, dear.

It': all rlght. Don't panlc.

WOMAN: Ara you In, Elizabeth? Yes, Mummy.

Oh, I didn't know you had company.

Mummy, this ls Tlmmy.

Oh, how nlce. Pleased to meet you, Mrs. Radlett.

How long ha: that van been outside?

Oh, It': mlna, slr.

Oh, I: It? Yes, slr.

Wall, the tyre: are worn. It really shouldn't he on the road at all.

I'm sorry, slr.

Have you been In a fight? No, slr.

Why': your mouth bleeding?

How was the dlnnar, Daddy?

RADLETT: Absolutely dreadful.

The chlef constable ha: got verbal dlarrhoea. I need a brandy.

How about Mr...?

No, thanks. I have to he going.

Tlmmy just dropped me home from the movies.

MOTHER: How nlca.

I take It you're conversant with the tyre tut.

Tyre tut?

Yes. You, uh, put a coln In the tread.

And ll' It fall: out, the tyre': Illegal.

Oh, I'll do that, slr.

Good. And I should put some Dattol on your mouth If I were you.

Oh, yes, I'll do that too, slr. Good nlght, ma'am.

Oh, yes, wall, good nlght.

So nlca.

He's lylng, of course. Lying?

Oh, yes.

You can't got all that blood round your mouth unlau you've been In a fight.

It wasn't blood, John. It was lipstick.

Lipstick? Oh, Christ, I: he one of thou?

I take It you're also conversant with the cost of four bloody tyros.

Only you could screw your way Into a fuzz nut!

How was I to know about her old man?

You better pull your finger out and get some new clients to pay for this lot!

And I don't mean Scotland Yard, the Old Bailey or Hi5!

What Std didn't know was the only thing I'd screwed out of Elizabeth was another date.

As for the job, welt, It was a relief to find that some people only expected the window cleaner to clean windows.

[TOILET FLUSHES]

[MI]

Although there was never a dull moment,

and mostly ll was a good, healthy outdoor Hfo,

there were times I fell the job was gelling on top of me.

One marshmallow for you, for halng a good boy,

and one for ma, for halng a good customer.

Oh!

What's the matter?

Nothing. Clrculatlon will come back.

But I have been a good customer, though, haven't I, Tlm?

I mean, who also gives you a two-year contract?

No one. Wall, than, act grateful.

I did. That was 10 mlnutu ago!

Oh! Walt, I've got to finish thl: first.

Oh, excuses, excuses.

You sound Ilka my late husband. Didn't know he was dead.

Wall, he ls. From the waist down.

Walt, Walt. Ha won't suddenly hurtla In, wlll ha?

Oh, not untll the batting shop closes.

Than all he'll want I: more money, the bastard.

[MAN WHISTLES]

Not there! MAN: Brenda?

Go away! I'm resting.

MAN: It': Important, Brenda!

Not there! The rug.

TIMMY: The rug?

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

Look, you're wasting your tlma. I don't have any money.

Oh, with you looking llke that, Brenda, who need: money?

BRENDA: Oh, you? And what do you thlnk you're going to do?

You, Brenda, you.

Wall, you've got another thlnk coming. And get off ma marshmallows.

Oh, now, Brenda, you know how I foal about you.

BRENDA: Oh, yes, with your clammy hands.

BRENDA: Look, I'm warning you! MAN: Oh, coma on, Bran.

Right! You asked for this.

How would you Ilka to meat my husband?

Wall-- What--

BRENDA: All rlght. You can coma out now.

Coma out?

Ah! Uh!

Ha hasn't gone for a gun, ha: ha?

[LAUGHING]

[noon sums]

Brenda, for God's sake!

You thought that he was my husband!

What? And ha thought that you were.

You mean he wasn't your husband? Ha was the landlord.

That's the way he Ilka: hl: rant.

You wicked cowl

[BRENDA SCREAMS]

Std had warned me about the next call, Vtllters House.

"Hygiene-mad,� he said. "Wipe your feet, newspapers on the carpet.

And you even have to wash your hands before you touch the soap!�

In fact, Std said, "Better be safe. Don't touch anything, and certainly not Mrs. Vtllters.�

Because her old man owned this block of ?ats we serviced.

Hallo. Uh, window cleaner.

[HEAVY ACCENT] Please? Uh, windows.

Ah, Mrs. Vllllar: Instruct ma to lat you do It.

Dld she, now?

You start up or down, please? Oh, that': up to Mrs. Vllllars.

Oh, I: no matter. She Isn't home.

Oh. Wall, I thlnk I'd Ilka to start at the top and work ma way down.

Top. Okay.

TIMMY: Cor!

Thl: I: top. No shoe: hare.

You're kidding. No. It I: so there I: no dlrt for feat.

And Mrs. Vllllar: say to use newspapers.

She sound: Ilka a rlght klnk to ma.

Hare, what about that mirror?

Ah. Mrs. Vllllar: Ilka: to nu everything.

Oh, you mean It': a two-way? Please?

A two-way mirror. You know, one way you look In, the other way you look out?

Oh, I am sorry. My English.

Ah. Wall, say you and ma were having it--

Batter not say that.

Suppose you wars Mug �m: ?anks� and--

I'll start the windows.

Okay. Ah... A moment.

L: good? Oh, vary good.

Good. Also, she say to cover hooks.

I should'va worn glove: for thl: job.

Mrs. Vllllar: Ilka everything vary clean.

Hay, she I: kinky. Look at this. Body Discipline.

It': whlp: and things, Isn't It?

No, I: yoga. She I: hlg yoga-dour.

Naked Yoga. Naked yoga!

L: hatter with free body.

You mean you do this? Of course.

'The toe-hold lotus posture.' She must be on hinges to do that.

After practice, I: not difficult. You slt, I show.

SH? SH.

Oh, slt.

Hr�, you do so.

So. Coma.

Ma?

INGRID: Sl?

NOW lo.

And so.

[enums]

You try agaln.

Try agaln? I can't move.

I got rlgor mortls.

That's because you are not yet circulating.

Look, I thlnk I should go and circulate thou windows.

Ah, but first, we must uncramp you.

Mrs. Vllllar: wlll not Ilka If you fall off ladder.

Yeah, well, the Idea doesn't grab me much either.

So...

Thl: I: for clrculatlng your head.

TIMMY: You're having ma on!

Evan you can't do that.

Without clothes, of course. Oh!

So I: good. I: releasing all tension.

You speak for yourself.

Make: blood to the head. It': the beet cure. Come on.

Watch It! I had a llttla bit of zlp trouble yesterday.

Okay. You do It.

Rlght. Don't blame ma If thl: get: hlggar than both of us.

Maybe thl: I: aular for you.

Uh, couldn't we just lle on the bed and meditate?

The had! I: good Idea.

Ilka so. And I hold your lag: up. Oh, coma. You're spollt by clothes.

Yes, wall, I'd rather he spollt than do manlf an Injury.

Rlght.

[enums]

Hope I'm not elck on her carpet.

Vary qulat. Balance.

Concentrate. I am!

I count three and I let go. One, two--

How dare you?

OW! Oh-..

Um, I was just-- Get off my had at once!

And you, get out. Yes, ma'am. Sorry, ma'am, I was--

She was only rallavlng my tensions.

Out! Out. Yeah.

I'll speak to you later, lngrld. Yea, madam.

I forgot ma ladder. I sald, get out.

But my ladder--

You don't get out of thl: house, I shall call the pollca.

Out of thl: house. Yes, ma'am.

And put a clean cover on my had Immediately.

Immediately!

[MI]

You coma hack hare, no ladder, no bucket, no shoe: and socks,

and you tall ma It': because you've got cramp?

What are you, some sort of congenial ldlot or something?

It was thl: naked yoga, Sld.

You realise old man Vllllers will probably cancel our whole office contract.

I'm sure If you apologised--

Ma?! Was I standing on ma head half-knackar: naked?!

I was wearing ma shorts!

I don't care If you was wearing a frog sultl

No, I meant apologise for ma, Sld.

I mean, when It come: to charm chat, no one': more experienced than you.

Wall, I suppose, ll' you look at It that way. Rlght.

I need my bloody head examined. Come on.

Oh, could we stop off and get me some shoe: first?

[CAR APPROACHING]

Mos manna

Oh, no.

What are you standing there for? Coma on!

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Ah, Mrs. Vllllars.

I've come round here in person to apologise for the inexcusable behaviour

of my young hrothar-In-law hare.

Basically, ha': a good boy. Honest, klnd to animals.

And hl: parents. But emotionally, ha': a shade retarded.

However, I feel sure that someone of your warmth,

your intuitive grasp of the situation

facing young Pnopla today,

will have no difficulty in deciding

that thl: was just a chlldlsh ascapada.

Have you flnlshad, Mr. Noggatt? I have Indeed, Mrs. Vllllars.

And what have you got to say?

Oh, I agree.

Oh, I mean, I'll do anything to make up for It.

Then the incident I: closed. And you may proceed with the windows.

Thank you, Mr. Noggatt. Thank you, Mrs. Vllllars.

Leave thou thing: out there. You can coma In and flx up a llght bulb for ma first.

A llght bulb? Oh, yes, of course.

And wlpa your feat. Than coma Into the house.

There's a broken one down In the cellar.

Rlght.

Oh, It': the coal cellar.

The light': up there on the left-hand wall.

Oh.

Ah. I need something to stand on.

Thll'll do.

Must say, I never thought of you In a coal cellar.

And how did you thlnk of ma?

Wall, you Ilka everything so clean, don't you?

Oh, ta.

You have a �rm young body.

Oh, no. Tha-- The top': coma off. Look.

[YELLs]

Oh, I'm-- I'm sorry. It sort of came off In my hand.

You're just a dlrty llttla boy, aren't you.

Don't worry. It': only coal.

Look. Hera. Lat ma put It on for you.

Stay where you are. You're filthy.

Oh, It'll rlnn off.

You're not going to walk through my house Ilka that.

Oh, of course not. I'll take ma shoe: off.

You'll take your clothe: off. Pardon?

Every stitch. Off.

Than we'll glva you a hath.

Oh, now, Walt a mlnuta. All I need I: a tap.

There must he one In the garden.

I hope you're not going to cause more trouble.

No, of course not.

All I'm saying ls, If we put newspaper: on the carpet--

Ara you refusing to take a hath?

Yes! I-- No.

I'll take one when I get home.

Vary wall. ll' you're going to hahava Ilka a chlld,

[LIGHT BULB SHATTERS]

We'll just have to treat you Ilka one.

Wh-- What are you dolng? I'm undressing you.

No, you're not. Get off!

[IN SPANISH ACCENT] I hrlng thee present: from the myetlcal shore: of a distant land.

Ara you smashed agaln? Oh, Roslal

That's not nlce, when he': remembered your pineapple.

Thanks, Mum. Tlmmy hack yet?

He': up having a hath. Glva u: a klu, than.

That's hatter, ah? Coma on.

Mmm, you small good. What I: It?

[IN GERMAN ACCENT] 'From the mystical shore: of a distant land.'

What's all this, than? All what?

The gear. We going to a party or something?

Ho, It's just nlca to dress up now and than.

Walt a mlnuta.

What day I: It? Wednesday. Why?

He': been, than, ha: ha? Who, dear?

The window cleaner, that's who! So that's why you're all puffed up, la It?

I don't know what you're on about.

There's nothing wrong with window cleaners. You keep tailing ma.

All rlghtl All rlghtl But I know that randy bastard that does this street!

Really, Sidney. If you're Inferring--

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Oh. That'll he Dad with another armful.

It': not Dad. It': the law. Oh, my God. Now what?

Ho, relax. It's only Timmy': bluebird.

Uh-huh.

Hallo. Uh, sorry you had to Walt.

Sorry to call unannounced. I: Tlmmy In?

He': having a hath.

I can't ask you In. The place ha: just been fumlgatad.

Fumlgatad? Yeah. Had a plague of flying ants.

Oh, how awful. Can I glva hlm a manage?

We had a data tonight, but a: you can no, I had to go on duty.

Okay, I'll tall hlm. I'll no hlm tomorrow.

Lucky old hlm.

You don't remember me, do you? I used to clean your school windows.

A: a matter of fact, I do remember, but I didn't thlnk you did.

Wall, I didn't tlll just now. It': the way you nld 'How awful.'

How awful. Oh-- I haven't changed much slnca school, have I?

Oh, I don't know. Wall, good luck with the flying ants.

Yeah. Yeah.

Tlmmo? What?

Got a manage for you. A manage?

Christi You got hlackwatar favor or something?

Have you ever been interfered with In a coal cellar?

Interfered with? Mrs. Vllllers.

I don't thlnk It': funny.

[LAUGHS] I'm sorry--

What's the manage? What's the manage?

Tonight's data': tomorrow. Your copper knickers I: on duty.

Just a: wall. Glva you tlma to get the coal out your Y-frontsl

[MI]

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

Llzl Llzl

[YELLs]

HAN: Bloody fool! Why don't you look whore you're going?

I'm tarrlhly sorry. I was just--

Never mlnd about that. Coma out of the way.

I'm glad I found you. I don't thlnk he was.

Sld gave ma your manage. Tomorrow's flna. Where shall we go?

Do you Ilka spaghetti? Yeah.

I'll cook you some.

What, at your place?

The family's dining out In the country.

Oh, LIZ!

Tlmmyl I'm on duty.

I don't care, Llz. I just don't care. I've just got to klu you.

[I.lz cusps]

Tlmmy, control yourself.

HAN [OVER 'IiliALKIE-TALKIE]: Message to aii units. Disturbance outside discotheque, 23 King Street.

Repeat, discotheque, 23 King Street. Message ends.

Forty-nine proceeding to Klng Strut.

'EMMY: Spaghetti belegnese at her place. Parents In Cewsvllle.

Curl What a turn-up.

Aii next day, I kept thinking of the evening to come.

Al inst sile was showing signs of succumbing lo my irresistible magnetism.

I mean, faced with my suave, debonair charm, what chance did she stand?

[wmsruue]

WOMAN [OVER INTERCOM]: Who I: It?

Oh, It': Noggatt': Window Cleaning. Good morning.

[auzzme]

Hallo, I'm sorry, It': ma agaln. Uh, wlll I need my ladder?

WOMAN: No.

Oh, ta.

Hallo, ma agaln. Could you pres: the knob for ma again?

[auzzme]

No, It': not Sld. I'm Tlmmy, hl: hrothar-In-law.

Batter Identify manlf. Can't he too careful than days, can you?

[WHISTLING CHEERFULLY]

Uh, where can I get ma water? Oh, rlght.

Cosy llttla pad you've got hare.

[wmsruue]

Oh, God! Sorry about that. I'll get another one.

[sesame]

Uh... Look, ml...

I know It's none of my business, but If there's anything I can do--

Don't touch ma!

Okay. I just thought I mlght help.

How could you help?

Wall, I don't know what It ls, do I?

Have you aver been In love?

L: that all? I thought it was something nrlous.

Serious? I've glvan four year: of my llfa to Ronnla.

I've made a home, cooked, cleaned, scrubbed. And all for what?

So some bleached hitch-- Of course It': nrlousl

I-- I wouldn't get In an uproar, glrl. I mean, than thlng: happen.

Ronnie's a bastard.

Yeah, wall, It': probably a touch ol' the old four-year Itch.

Ha need: shaking up, a hlt of hl: own madlclna.

What do you mean?

Wall, Ronnie's made you jealous, right?

You return the compliment.

Do you really thlnk It would work?

It': worth a try. Nothing to Ion, have you?

[CAR APPROACHING]

It': Ronnla. I'd hatter get on with the windows.

[wmsruue]

I'm going to take your advice.

Good for you.

Hay, that': tarrlflc. It': a had.

Get In It.

Pardon?

I thought you offered to help ma.

Ya-- Yes, I did.

Ron won't Ilka It If I'm In had with you.

It': your Ideal

Oh, God!

Coma on, quickly, get undressed!

Yes, yes, all rlght.

Cor! Yes.

There we go.

Ooh! What's the ma--? Owl What's the matter?

We're only simulating.

Oh. Oh, sorry, mlu. Sorry.

[KEYS JANGLING]

WOMAN: Elvlal

Oh, hallo, Ronnla.

Elvlal Elvla, how could you do thl: to ma? And with a man!

I can explain, madam. Get out! You male chauvinist plgl

Look, I can axplaln everything!

[ALL YELLING]

Uh, hallo, Mum? Look, I've, uh, run Into a slight problem.

Do you know where I can flnd Sld?

What's he dolng In hospital?

SID: Hallo, Smllar.

Hello, Smiler. Listen to hlm. Hey, how long before he can say Dada?

We've dacldad not to tall hlm who you are untll ha': stronger.

Full of wlt today, aren't we, ah? He': got my ayes, you know.

A: long a: It': only your ayes, ha': all rlght.

Who's a beautiful llttla diddums?

SID: Eh, diddums?

[cumznnae]

Oh, sorry.

[BABIES CRYING]

Hallo, Rosla, congratulations. You too, Sld.

�Hm pounds, B ounces. mu!

It': nlca of you to coma, Tlmmy.

I bought than for you.

Oh, look, Sidney. Weren't they lovely?

Hare, what's the matter with your aye?

Oh, nothing. Uh, hanged It on a wall.

ROSIE: Glve them to the nurse, Sidney. She'll put them In water.

She'll have to put them In splints.

Isn't he great? Look: just Ilka Sld.

I hope not. That's not our baby.

Oh. Wall, hack to the old treadmill, love.

Tlmmo can Walt for a whlla. Mum's coming In after lunch.

I'll nu you later, than. Sober.

Oh, she's full of qulp: today, ah?

Hay, and for God's sake, don't lat hlm hold the baby. It': odds-on he'll drop hlm.

Ta-ra, Noggatt Junior. Ta-ra. Ta-ra, love.

Isn't he fantastic?

I mean, I just thought of you a: a great hlg lump.

Oh, charming. No, no--

Ho, what I meant ls that I never thought about the baby belng inside.

It': amazing.

Walt untll you have one of your own.

Yeah. I might, mightn't I?

Oh! That was fantastic.

More? Oh, you're joking.

I feel Ilka Rosla did.

Wall, so long a: It': only the spaghetti.

We don't want you making medical history.

Do you know something, Llz? What?

I thlnk you're the most smashing hlrd I've aver mat.

I don't exactly flnd you repulsive either.

When you're not trying to emulate Sld.

Oh, Sid': all rlght once you get to know hlm.

I do know hlm. What?

Met hlm when I was at school. You never told me.

I didn't thlnk It was that Important.

Dld you...? No, I didn't.

You fancied hlm? I want out with hlm once.

He lost, three fall: out of three.

You don't know how glad I am, Llz.

Do you Ilka talavlslon? Talavlslon?

There's a great Charlie Snowgardan concert on.

Oh, that': nlca.

Unfortunately, the at down hero's broken. Do you mlnd going upstairs?

Upstairs?

You. My mum and dad have got a at at the bottom of thalr had.

Charlla Snow-- Charlla Snowgardan? That's tarrlflcl

Only If you Ilka hl: muslc, though.

Love It. Especially when It's upstairs.

[MUSIC PLAYS ON TV]

No! Why not?

Because I can't concentrate.

[GASPS]

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

Hallo? Oh, hallo, Mummy. No, I was just watching the tally.

Yes? Oh, poor you.

So that mean: you'll he staying the nlght, than?

LIZ: Of course. It': not the first tlma I've been alone, I: It? Okay.

You too.

Thalr car's broken down.

Aw...

That's too had. Now, Tlmmy, that doesn't mean--

Oh, Llz, I want you more than aver.

Oh, I know, Tlmmy. And It was wrong of ma to lat you go thl: far.

But why, Llz?

Because I don't want to he just another easy lay.

But you're not an easy lay. I mean--

I don't want to sound old-fashioned, Tlmmy,

but I have to he able to llva with myself.

I want to feel that when I finally get married--

Wall, why don't we.

Tlmmy, I: that a proposal?

Uh...

Yes. I suppose It ls.

[MI]

Hey, we're In thelr bed.

That's all rlght. We'll make It before they get hack.

Yeah. Yeah. We'd better.

Slowly, Tlmmy. Slowly. It': not a race.

Oh, rlght, yes.

What's the matter?

Um... Nothing. Nothing.

I thought you wanted ma.

I do. I do, I do.

Tlmmy?

I'll he all rlght In a mlnuta. I musfva wanted you too much.

Don't worry. We've got a llfatlma ahead of us.

They're coming hack In the morning.

I mean when we're married, ellly.

Married?

To a copper?

When did thl: happen?

A few day: ago. I didn't know how you'd all take It.

Never mlnd how we're gonna take It. How I: ehe gonna take It, living In your attic?

TIII we flnd a flat, her old man say: we can stay there.

What, In the pollca station?

[LAUGHING]

No, In their house.

To thlnk I'm going to Ion my llttla baby boy.

Oh, turn It up, Mum! He': not going to war.

No, but It': the next but thlng.

Wall, thank you and goodbye, Sldnay Noggatt.

Oh, come on. I was only kidding. it's a good ides. Give him a ssnss of responsibility.

I thlnk every man should have a wife.

Hmm. Preferably hl: own.

L: It going to he a church wedding?

Yeah. But It': all rlght. They're taking care of everything.

Can't Walt to nu Dad In a gray topper.

Hay, you're rlght. I shall have to watch out for one of them.

[MI]

SID: Coma on, for God's sake!

It': llke trying to get a hunch of performing seal: on the road!

I can't flnd my gloves.

What do you want glove: for? He': helng married, not knighted. Mum!

I thlnk I'm going to cry.

[SNIFFS]

So am I It' I don't get you lot out In that Rolls. Coma on, love.

Stop crying. You'll lose your eyelashes. Just get In there and relax, glrll

Now, where the hell I: Dad? Dad?

Hera. Not a had flt, I: It?

Christ, you look Ilka the cover of Butch Male. Got In the car. Go on.

Walt. I've gotta get ma hat. Tlmmy?

TIMMY: I'm In the karzyl Hay, I'd hatter do that a: wall.

Oh, God.

I'm sure I've forgotten something.

You've got everything but the bleeding wand. Get In the car!

Sidney, you're so uncouth. Oh, go on.

[WHISTLING 'BRIDAL CHORUS']

Oh, hl, Did.

Hare, a qulck one for the road.

Oh, ta, Dad. I'll get ma tooth mug.

I've got butterflies In the old tum.

I had the same thlng, eon, only mlne were bloody great hate.

[LAUGHS]

Ta. Rlght.

Wall, hero's to the first baby.

Oh, turn It up, Dad. Don't rush It.

I shall never forget the day you were horn. It was Guy Fawkes Night.

I know. How do you know?

It': my birthday. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Well, I remember walking home from the hospital. All the rocket: and firework: are going off.

I remember wondering what you were gonna he llke. You know, what you were gonna do.

I never thought about marriage then.

Ma nalthar.

Dad, what the bloody hall are you dolng?

I'm toasting the bridegroom. You want for a pea, not a plus-up!

Go on. They're waiting for you downstairs. You're coming with ma. Coma on.

Oh, God, now I want to go! Hay! Walt for u: In the Mlnll

Hay, Fred, how about that for a nlca place of crumpat, ah?

FRED: Where?

Sea-through charlie: and all.

Yeah. Wonder If she want: a llft to Bristol.

Her Bristol: don't need no lifting, matai Coma on. Give u: a hand with this.

I often wonder why some of them bother to wear anything at all than days.

I'm glad they don't, mate.

[LAUGHS]

You would.

Tlmmol

Right, off we go.

Now what?

[CHURCH ORGAN PLAYS]

I'm glad you're all rlght. I was afraid thara'd been an accident.

Wall, we had to atop because Dad nearly had one.

Lovely day for It.

Better still If we'd got the groom. He's rlght behind. Sld's bringing hlm.

I can't understand It. He': such a dependable boy.

If he say: ha': going to do something, he always doe: It.

It': a little more than saying he': going to do something. He': going to get married.

Hare they coma. About bleeding tlma too.

Dad! Wall, It bloody ls.

Where's Tlmmy, than? I was hoping he was hare.

But you were bringing hlm. Yeah, but I lost hlm.

Don't worry, love. Ha can't he far away.

[MI]

He': probably just lost hl: way, dear.

Hare he comes.

I'm afraid that's the next wedding.

But we haven't flnlshad thl: one yet.

I fear you're wall over your time, slr.

Can't you sllda us down one, vicar?

Well, I mlght just squeeze you In at 4:00.

If you thlnk I'm sitting hare untll 4:00--

Ho, no, no. Of course not. Besides, my man have to go on duty later on.

There are lot: of criminal: abroad, you know.

Not only abroad.

It': so unllka Tlmmy.

L: It? MRS. LEA: Oh, yes.

I mean, I'm sure he hasn't sloped.

Elopad, madam? Tall ma, how many glrls ls ha engaged to?

Uh, okay, uh, why don't we go hack to the reception hall. At least he know: where that le.

He, no, look, you see, reporting It to the engineers Isn't gonna get me married, ls It?

What?

Hallo?

No W"?

Bloody reception-hall phone's out of order.

1.20, Including the phone.

Um, how far I: It to London? Oh, about, uh, 60 mllu.

Oh...

MANAGER: We still haven't served the wlne, slr.

Look, I really don't thlnk we should open the champagne untll we've had the wedding.

Quito rlght. I'm only hers for the hear anyway.

And I'm only hare, slr, because your son I: supposed to marry my daughter.

Don't worry. He'll he hare. Unless, of course, ha': been arrested.

What would he he arrested for? I don't know.

Your mob don't always glva reasons, do they?

"Y mob, a: you..

No of fence. Yes, all rlght.

Just a flgura of speech.

I've got a lot of respect for the police.

Thank you, yes.

Anybody aver call: them bastards, I always deny It.

I'm sure the commissioner wlll he most happy to know about that.

Now, ll' you'll excuse ma, I'd Ilka a word with my wlfa.

Wall, your health.

Down the hatch.

ISOBs]

Ah, John, dear, I was just talllng Mrs. Lea,

If Timothy had been Involved In an accident,

the pollca would he the first to hear about It.

Oh, yes, certainly, certainly. My mob--

Man... [LAUGHS]

Have already checked the hospitals.

Mind you, he could'va lost hl: memory.

Or hle nerve. Oh, no, he': plenty of nerve.

Wall, you have to, cleaning windows.

Timmy': like Sidney. He'll go up anything.

Here we are, ladlee. Reinforcement.

Oh, ta. Sidney, do you remember

when you was an hour late for our wedding?

Do I? I broke the zlp on ma trousers!

[sun LAUGHS]

Yes, well, one hour's a little different to three hours.

Oh...

Oh, God. It': baby's feeding tlma. I've gotta take than hack.

Right, love, coma on, than.

You can do It style In the Rolls.

Oh-- I won't say nu rovolr, because I'll nu you agaln later.

Coma on.

Look, darling, why don't you go and have a llttla chat with Aunt Malsla.

She's In qulta good form for a change.

I have nothing to say to Aunt Malsla.

Wall, I don't Ilka to nu you sitting hare by yourself.

Daddy, do stop fussing. I'm okay.

Hallo, Johnny. Hora, did you hear the one about the fella

who gave up drlnk for the sake of hl: wlfa and kidneys?

[LAUGHS]

That's bloody marvellous!

[CIGARETTE LIGHTER CLICKING]

[SIGHS]

HI.

I brought you some grub. You're getting slashed.

Wouldn't you get slashed?

Yeah, but you ought to soak it up with something.

Apart from anything else, I feel such a twlt In thl: wedding dress.

You look gorgeous.

Stood up at tho bloody altar. Ho!

Yeah, well. Maybe It': for the beet.

And what doe: that mean?

Well, I don't honestly thlnk Tlmmy was ready for marriage.

So you told hlm to run for hl: llfa?

Ma? Christ, no! I was all for It.

Okay, I had ma doubt: to hagln with. Than I began to envy hlm.

Why, you're a vary attractive woman, Llz.

It' I wasn't married, I'd he tempted meeelt'.

You really are a smooth bastard, aren't you?

What did I say?

You can't even talk to a jilted brlde without trying to pull her.

I was only commlnratlng. I don't want commlnratlon.

I just want to got out of thl: bloody place and thl: bloody outfit.

So, what's stopping you?

I'll nlp round the slda. I've got my van outside. I'll run you homo.

I can't leave just Ilka that.

Now, why not?

I'll coma straight hack hare and tall them--

You had an attack of the vapours. Hmm?

Coma on. Coma on.

[MI]

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

It could only happen to me. I even get seasick looking at boats!

Talk about "Get me to the church on time. "

I'll probably turn up and throw up.

Church? Ha! I didn't even make the reception!

I thought of calling the house, but I might've got her old man and a coln up me tread.

A: for me fut, well, I'd worn them off.

They felt like the end of me legs turned up.

[MI]

The house looked even darker than me matrimonial future.

They were either aii asieep or inspector Radiett was iuririhg behind the door, his truncheon in his hand.

Terrific wedding night. Everyone In bed but the groom.

And up there was me place of nuptial bliss.

Question was, how could Romeo get to Juliet without his bleeding ladder?

Sld, behave yourself!

I sald, I'm going to have to put you In handcuffs.

[YELLING AND SCREAMING]

[LIZ SCREAMING]

[sun YELLING]

No hard feelings, than, Tlmmy, ah?

Of course not, Sld. Probably saved ma from a fate worn than death anyway.

Yeah, wall, I won't he up any ladder: for a whlla.

Hot to worry, Sld. I got It all fixed up.

Got a new boy starting tomorrow.

Owl

And remember, In our business,

you gotta be Immune from shocks, especially from blrds.

A: long a: they're eatletled customers, they hrlng In the new ones, rlght?

Rlght. Rlght.

[BICYCLE BELL CLANGS]

If you aver want your window: cleaned...

I llva on a houseboat.

Falr enough. I mlght even do your porthole for nothing.