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1
00:00:00,823 --> 00:00:03,756
(bell clangs)
2
00:00:03,823 --> 00:00:07,023
We have been invited
to a highly exclusive event.
3
00:00:07,090 --> 00:00:09,556
We will be spending
this Sunday evening
4
00:00:09,623 --> 00:00:14,323
at our neighbor Sean's
Superb Owl party.
5
00:00:14,390 --> 00:00:16,890
Vampires have huge respect
for owls.
6
00:00:16,956 --> 00:00:18,423
One: they're nocturnal,
7
00:00:18,490 --> 00:00:20,356
two: they're predators,
and three:
8
00:00:20,423 --> 00:00:24,090
they don't give a hoot
where they dump their scat.
9
00:00:24,156 --> 00:00:25,323
NADJA:
The party we're going to
10
00:00:25,390 --> 00:00:27,190
is celebrating the Superb Owl,
11
00:00:27,256 --> 00:00:29,223
who is the greatest owl
of all time.
12
00:00:29,290 --> 00:00:31,790
Do you think we're going to get
to touch its little beak?
13
00:00:31,856 --> 00:00:33,690
Depends what mood he's in.
14
00:00:33,756 --> 00:00:37,456
Yeah, I know
it's a Super Bowl party, but
15
00:00:37,523 --> 00:00:40,056
I tried to correct them
and they wouldn't listen.
16
00:00:40,123 --> 00:00:42,490
That's the owl's egg.
17
00:00:42,556 --> 00:00:45,456
Also, I didn't try
all that hard.
18
00:00:45,523 --> 00:00:47,590
("You're Dead"
by Norma Tanega playing)
19
00:00:47,656 --> 00:00:50,190
♪♪ Don't sing if you want
to live long ♪♪
20
00:00:50,256 --> 00:00:52,590
♪♪ They have no use
for your song ♪♪
21
00:00:52,656 --> 00:00:55,323
♪♪ You're dead, you're dead,
you're dead ♪♪
22
00:00:55,390 --> 00:00:59,656
♪♪ You're dead
and out of this world ♪♪
23
00:00:59,723 --> 00:01:02,723
♪♪ Now your hope and compassion
is gone ♪♪
24
00:01:02,790 --> 00:01:05,556
♪♪ You sold out your dream
to the world ♪♪
25
00:01:05,623 --> 00:01:07,790
♪♪ Stay dead, stay dead,
stay dead ♪♪
26
00:01:07,856 --> 00:01:11,623
♪♪ You're dead
and out of this world. ♪♪
27
00:01:11,690 --> 00:01:15,156
♪♪ ♪♪
28
00:01:20,156 --> 00:01:24,256
Remember, no killing
at this Superb Owl party...
29
00:01:24,323 --> 00:01:25,456
‐Super Bowl.
‐...out of respect
30
00:01:25,523 --> 00:01:28,323
for our good friend
and host, Sean.
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00:01:28,390 --> 00:01:29,623
NANDOR:
Once this evening is over,
32
00:01:29,690 --> 00:01:31,056
Guillermo will have
a nice assortment
33
00:01:31,123 --> 00:01:32,923
‐of virgins for us.
‐(laughs)
34
00:01:32,990 --> 00:01:34,490
(doorbell rings)
35
00:01:34,556 --> 00:01:36,156
Oh‐‐ and behave.
36
00:01:36,223 --> 00:01:37,690
‐(groans)
‐Blend in.
37
00:01:37,756 --> 00:01:39,023
This is an all‐human party.
38
00:01:39,090 --> 00:01:40,190
Hey!
39
00:01:40,256 --> 00:01:42,123
You guys made it! Nadja...
40
00:01:42,190 --> 00:01:45,290
Nandor... My man Laz...
41
00:01:45,356 --> 00:01:46,390
Dilbert‐looking guy.
42
00:01:46,456 --> 00:01:48,890
(chuckles)
So, what are you waiting for?
43
00:01:48,956 --> 00:01:51,390
Get your rears in gear
and get in here.
44
00:01:51,456 --> 00:01:52,490
‐(laughs)
‐That counts.
45
00:01:52,556 --> 00:01:54,156
SEAN:
All right, come on!
46
00:01:54,223 --> 00:01:56,056
Yo, Charmaine!
47
00:01:56,123 --> 00:01:57,456
Look who it is.
48
00:01:57,523 --> 00:01:59,856
‐Our European neighbors
from next door.
‐Oh.
49
00:01:59,923 --> 00:02:01,956
Could you run to the ShopRite
and grab a few more bags
50
00:02:02,023 --> 00:02:03,623
of those Tostitos Hint of Limes
51
00:02:03,690 --> 00:02:04,590
before you start drinking?
52
00:02:04,656 --> 00:02:06,056
SEAN:
First off, I already started.
53
00:02:06,123 --> 00:02:07,256
‐(Charmaine groans)
‐What?
54
00:02:07,323 --> 00:02:08,956
‐What?
‐Now you're catching
an attitude?
55
00:02:09,023 --> 00:02:11,056
‐Right in front of our guests?
‐(mouth full): Well,
this is my house.
56
00:02:11,123 --> 00:02:12,456
I can catch whatever I want.
57
00:02:12,523 --> 00:02:13,790
Why don't you go catch it
somewhere else?
58
00:02:13,856 --> 00:02:15,523
Oh, shut up. (groans)
59
00:02:15,590 --> 00:02:17,023
SEAN:
It's always something
with this one.
60
00:02:17,090 --> 00:02:18,423
Anyway, come on in.
61
00:02:18,490 --> 00:02:20,956
Listen, we're sort of
a no‐shoes household,
62
00:02:21,023 --> 00:02:23,623
‐so, uh...
‐I'm not taking my shoes off
for anyone.
63
00:02:23,690 --> 00:02:25,723
That's fine, Laz.
64
00:02:25,790 --> 00:02:28,190
GUILLERMO:
Virgins, virgins, virgins...
65
00:02:29,523 --> 00:02:31,523
(scoffs) Stupid. I don't know
why I always do that.
66
00:02:31,590 --> 00:02:34,390
You know, I've been thinking
about my lineage lately,
67
00:02:34,456 --> 00:02:36,323
and just because
I have Van Helsing blood in me
68
00:02:36,390 --> 00:02:39,623
doesn't mean that I'm destined
to be this vampire killer.
69
00:02:39,690 --> 00:02:40,756
(grunts)
70
00:02:42,056 --> 00:02:43,290
Get back!
71
00:02:43,356 --> 00:02:45,056
I'm sure that
somewhere along the line
72
00:02:45,123 --> 00:02:46,590
there was an amazing baker
73
00:02:46,656 --> 00:02:47,856
in my family, right?
74
00:02:47,923 --> 00:02:49,256
But does that make me
an amazing baker?
75
00:02:49,323 --> 00:02:52,690
Actually, I am a really,
really good baker.
76
00:02:55,356 --> 00:02:56,290
Oh, no.
77
00:02:56,356 --> 00:02:57,756
COLIN:
The thing with motion smoothing
78
00:02:57,823 --> 00:02:59,056
that you have to remember
79
00:02:59,123 --> 00:03:02,190
is, you want it on
for sporting events
80
00:03:02,256 --> 00:03:03,656
but off for TV and movies.
81
00:03:03,723 --> 00:03:06,156
Even take a football movie,
82
00:03:06,223 --> 00:03:09,256
like 1974's The Longest Yard,
83
00:03:09,323 --> 00:03:11,390
starring mustachioed actor
Burt Reynolds.
84
00:03:11,456 --> 00:03:12,990
Dude, you're‐‐
you're blocking kickoff.
85
00:03:13,056 --> 00:03:14,690
Well, better to not watch
the game at all
86
00:03:14,756 --> 00:03:17,290
than to watch
in the wrong format, right?
87
00:03:17,356 --> 00:03:18,490
NADJA:
Colin, enough!
88
00:03:18,556 --> 00:03:19,923
They want the owl.
89
00:03:19,990 --> 00:03:21,456
So, do you have any knowledge
90
00:03:21,523 --> 00:03:23,123
of the owl's temperament
tonight?
91
00:03:23,190 --> 00:03:25,156
Uh, I hope it's not too fussy.
92
00:03:25,223 --> 00:03:27,556
Who, Charmaine?
No, she's always like that.
93
00:03:27,623 --> 00:03:29,856
‐(laughter)
‐CHARMAINE: What'd you say,
Frankie?
94
00:03:29,923 --> 00:03:31,323
‐FRANK: Oh, nothing.
‐(groans)
95
00:03:31,390 --> 00:03:32,790
You still owe me $100
for that pizza night.
96
00:03:32,856 --> 00:03:34,590
‐Oh, get out of here!
‐No, you don't get to talk
97
00:03:34,656 --> 00:03:36,556
‐until you give me that pizza...
‐I paid you back two weeks ago.
98
00:03:36,623 --> 00:03:38,090
‐SEAN: Get off it, Charmaine!
‐He never paid me back.
99
00:03:38,156 --> 00:03:39,390
‐Get off it!
‐100 bucks for pizza?
100
00:03:39,456 --> 00:03:41,656
Ugh, Nadia, you must be
miserable in here.
101
00:03:41,723 --> 00:03:42,756
All this testosterone. Come on.
102
00:03:42,823 --> 00:03:43,756
The other wives are having
103
00:03:43,823 --> 00:03:44,790
a little powwow in the kitchen.
104
00:03:44,856 --> 00:03:46,623
‐Sean has more wives?
‐SEAN: I wish.
105
00:03:46,690 --> 00:03:47,856
Excuse me?
106
00:03:47,923 --> 00:03:49,223
‐Nothing, nothing.
‐Yeah, that's what I thought.
107
00:03:49,290 --> 00:03:50,656
MIKEY (chuckling):
Busted.
108
00:03:50,723 --> 00:03:52,656
So, how come we never see
you guys around here
109
00:03:52,723 --> 00:03:54,956
‐during the regular season?
‐SEAN: Believe me, I tried
110
00:03:55,023 --> 00:03:56,056
to get 'em to hang,
111
00:03:56,123 --> 00:03:57,723
but they never seem to be around
during the day.
112
00:03:57,790 --> 00:03:58,956
You know, come to think of it,
113
00:03:59,023 --> 00:04:00,556
I really only see them at night.
114
00:04:00,623 --> 00:04:02,723
It's like they're, uh, vampires
or something.
115
00:04:02,790 --> 00:04:05,290
(laughter)
116
00:04:12,290 --> 00:04:14,456
‐(men shouting indistinctly)
‐Get in.
117
00:04:14,523 --> 00:04:15,856
Fuck.
118
00:04:15,923 --> 00:04:17,256
You heard what he said.
119
00:04:17,323 --> 00:04:18,856
He knows we're vampires.
120
00:04:18,923 --> 00:04:20,656
(knock on door)
121
00:04:22,690 --> 00:04:25,456
Um, ocupado.
122
00:04:25,523 --> 00:04:28,390
Yes. Uh, we are just taking
a nice shit together.
123
00:04:28,456 --> 00:04:30,123
WOMAN:
I‐I'll come back.
124
00:04:30,190 --> 00:04:33,056
I think we need to...
(growls softly)
125
00:04:33,123 --> 00:04:35,123
‐What, "whack" him?
‐Yes.
126
00:04:35,190 --> 00:04:36,723
No, if we "whack" him,
127
00:04:36,790 --> 00:04:38,456
we'll have to "whack" everybody.
128
00:04:38,523 --> 00:04:40,690
The place will be
a fucking bloodbath.
129
00:04:40,756 --> 00:04:42,723
But he knows our dark secret.
130
00:04:42,790 --> 00:04:44,090
All right.
131
00:04:44,156 --> 00:04:47,890
Let's get him to a private place
where we'll both hypnotize him.
132
00:04:47,956 --> 00:04:49,456
He'll forget everything.
133
00:04:49,523 --> 00:04:53,156
‐Good old double hypnosis.
‐Yes.
134
00:04:53,223 --> 00:04:56,023
GUILLERMO:
It's tough finding new groups
of virgins.
135
00:04:56,090 --> 00:05:00,056
Tried joggers. Hard to catch
and very sweaty and slippery.
136
00:05:00,123 --> 00:05:01,356
Tried incels.
Definitely virgins.
137
00:05:01,423 --> 00:05:03,290
But very bitter, apparently.
138
00:05:03,356 --> 00:05:06,423
"Mosquito Collectors
of the Tristate Area."
139
00:05:06,490 --> 00:05:09,590
Beep, beep, beep. Nerd alert.
(chuckles)
140
00:05:09,656 --> 00:05:11,356
I'm kidding.
141
00:05:11,423 --> 00:05:13,723
They are nerds, though.
They're probably virgins.
142
00:05:13,790 --> 00:05:17,923
Sourcing food for my master
does have its benefits.
143
00:05:17,990 --> 00:05:20,390
It gives me a chance to search
for my own food.
144
00:05:20,456 --> 00:05:22,356
And save some for later.
145
00:05:23,390 --> 00:05:24,656
So, um,
146
00:05:24,723 --> 00:05:27,723
how long have you guys been, uh,
collecting mosquitoes for?
147
00:05:27,790 --> 00:05:29,456
Seems like it would take up
a lot of your time
148
00:05:29,523 --> 00:05:31,356
and it wouldn't leave much time
for anything else.
149
00:05:31,423 --> 00:05:33,256
Dating.
150
00:05:33,323 --> 00:05:36,756
What makes you so interested
in mosquito collecting, son?
151
00:05:37,590 --> 00:05:40,190
‐Well?
‐Uh, I love insects.
152
00:05:41,090 --> 00:05:43,156
Mosquitoes
153
00:05:43,223 --> 00:05:45,556
are an evil, deadly species.
154
00:05:45,623 --> 00:05:49,090
Doesn't the fact that they drink
human blood sicken you?
155
00:05:49,156 --> 00:05:51,390
‐Yeah.
‐CLAUDE: Yeah? Sure about that?
156
00:05:51,456 --> 00:05:53,290
You guys are the ones
with the mosquito club.
157
00:05:53,356 --> 00:05:54,490
‐(chuckles) Just...
‐What about
158
00:05:54,556 --> 00:05:56,656
other creatures
that drink human blood?
159
00:05:56,723 --> 00:06:00,256
Creatures with sharp teeth
and stupid accents?
160
00:06:03,290 --> 00:06:04,323
You...
161
00:06:04,390 --> 00:06:07,623
Y‐You mean, um, vampires?
162
00:06:07,690 --> 00:06:09,823
You said that, not me.
163
00:06:09,890 --> 00:06:11,623
You did.
164
00:06:11,690 --> 00:06:13,523
But yeah.
165
00:06:13,590 --> 00:06:16,990
Do evil, bloodsucking vampires
sicken you?
166
00:06:18,823 --> 00:06:21,223
Yeah. Yeah.
167
00:06:21,290 --> 00:06:23,323
‐They make me sick.
‐You sure about that?
168
00:06:23,390 --> 00:06:25,556
Yeah, I want to throw up
right now.
169
00:06:25,623 --> 00:06:28,923
Well, brother,
you've come to the right place.
170
00:06:28,990 --> 00:06:29,956
He's worthy.
171
00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:31,656
‐Yes.
‐Yes.
172
00:06:31,723 --> 00:06:33,856
‐Come on, guys. He's worthy.
‐TONYA: Oh.
173
00:06:33,923 --> 00:06:35,023
Like we practiced.
174
00:06:35,090 --> 00:06:36,323
(whooping)
175
00:06:36,390 --> 00:06:38,023
‐Activate.
‐Yes!
176
00:06:41,490 --> 00:06:43,423
CLAUDE:
Huh?
177
00:06:43,490 --> 00:06:45,456
Holy...
178
00:06:52,290 --> 00:06:54,990
‐You guys are vampire hunters.
‐(Derek chuckles)
179
00:06:55,056 --> 00:06:56,156
Hell, yeah, we are.
180
00:06:56,223 --> 00:06:57,890
Yeah, that mosquito thing?
It's all a cover.
181
00:06:57,956 --> 00:06:59,223
Actually,
you're the first person
182
00:06:59,290 --> 00:07:00,923
we've gotten to do
that cool reveal for.
183
00:07:00,990 --> 00:07:02,223
Wow.
184
00:07:07,590 --> 00:07:10,099
Moving around like a l‐lunatic.
Put a collar
185
00:07:10,166 --> 00:07:11,099
on the guy, you know?
186
00:07:11,166 --> 00:07:12,332
(laughs)
187
00:07:12,399 --> 00:07:15,066
(laughs)
Great joke, assholes.
188
00:07:15,132 --> 00:07:16,999
‐(laughs)
‐We were just saying
what a beautiful house
189
00:07:17,066 --> 00:07:18,666
‐you have.
‐Oh, thanks.
190
00:07:18,732 --> 00:07:20,766
Yes. Uh, we were also wondering
191
00:07:20,832 --> 00:07:24,266
if it has an attic
or basement or...
192
00:07:24,332 --> 00:07:26,299
‐Yeah.
‐...dark, soundproof room
193
00:07:26,366 --> 00:07:27,899
you could show us?
194
00:07:27,966 --> 00:07:29,399
Oh, you guys want a tour.
195
00:07:29,466 --> 00:07:31,432
(chuckles):
Yeah, sure. So, these steps
196
00:07:31,499 --> 00:07:33,932
were built by my Uncle Fulvio
in 2011.
197
00:07:33,999 --> 00:07:35,732
‐(laughs)
‐And then Sean says to me,
198
00:07:35,799 --> 00:07:38,132
"Why don't we wait to celebrate
our anniversary until after
199
00:07:38,199 --> 00:07:39,599
"I get back
from the Islanders game?
200
00:07:39,666 --> 00:07:41,166
‐If they win."
‐What?
201
00:07:41,232 --> 00:07:42,899
‐(all groan)
‐LIZA: My Ronnie did
202
00:07:42,966 --> 00:07:44,832
the exact same thing to me,
only he did it
203
00:07:44,899 --> 00:07:46,799
on the same day
as my sister's funeral.
204
00:07:46,866 --> 00:07:48,332
‐CHARMAINE: No.
‐Are you kidding?
‐Yeah. He said that...
205
00:07:48,399 --> 00:07:50,266
NADJA:
I had completely forgotten
that when a human
206
00:07:50,332 --> 00:07:54,566
takes a mate, the mate keeps
growing and changing and aging.
207
00:07:54,632 --> 00:07:55,599
‐LIZA: He said that.
‐Wow.
208
00:07:55,666 --> 00:07:57,732
Can I ask you all, m‐my ladies,
209
00:07:57,799 --> 00:08:00,032
you are all
such strong, beautiful,
210
00:08:00,099 --> 00:08:02,999
‐vicious, vibrant women.
(chuckles)
‐Yes. (chuckles)
211
00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:06,366
How did you all end up married
to such boiled potatoes?
212
00:08:06,432 --> 00:08:07,632
(all laugh)
213
00:08:07,699 --> 00:08:09,932
You know what, though?
Seanie used to be so thoughtful.
214
00:08:09,999 --> 00:08:11,332
He was so sweet.
215
00:08:11,399 --> 00:08:12,666
When my dog had to get put down,
216
00:08:12,732 --> 00:08:13,866
he brought me flowers
for a month straight.
217
00:08:13,932 --> 00:08:14,899
WENDY:
Oh, yeah, I remember that.
218
00:08:14,966 --> 00:08:16,266
CHARMAINE:
Yeah, what happened to us?
219
00:08:16,332 --> 00:08:17,632
NADJA:
These poor women.
220
00:08:17,699 --> 00:08:19,532
They take a lovely,
handsome chap
221
00:08:19,599 --> 00:08:22,299
from the street,
make him their husband,
222
00:08:22,366 --> 00:08:24,532
and then,
in the blinks of an eye,
223
00:08:24,599 --> 00:08:27,699
he becomes
a big, lazy sack of shit.
224
00:08:27,766 --> 00:08:28,732
So sad.
225
00:08:28,799 --> 00:08:30,266
All right.
Who needs some more wine?
226
00:08:30,332 --> 00:08:31,566
I think
that this bottle's turned,
227
00:08:31,632 --> 00:08:33,199
‐but it'll still
get the job done.
‐Yes, please.
228
00:08:33,266 --> 00:08:34,432
‐(Charmaine laughs)
‐You love wine.
229
00:08:34,499 --> 00:08:35,866
‐WENDY: Oh, yeah.
‐CHARMAINE: Hey, Joanie.
230
00:08:35,932 --> 00:08:38,499
What, are you lost? Do you want
to go back up to bed?
231
00:08:38,566 --> 00:08:40,399
Oh, what kind of movie
are you making?
232
00:08:40,466 --> 00:08:41,432
‐There's a camera.
‐CHARMAINE: Oh.
233
00:08:41,499 --> 00:08:42,466
You should get back up to bed.
234
00:08:42,532 --> 00:08:44,199
‐Oh, we love wine.
‐(glass shatters)
235
00:08:44,266 --> 00:08:45,299
WENDY:
Holy shit.
236
00:08:45,366 --> 00:08:47,099
‐What?
‐JOAN: It's you.
237
00:08:47,166 --> 00:08:48,699
I‐It's you. I‐I used
238
00:08:48,766 --> 00:08:50,332
to see you sitting
up in the tree.
239
00:08:50,399 --> 00:08:52,999
No, Ma, this is
our next‐door neighbor.
240
00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:55,466
I'm sorry about her.
This is Sean's mom.
241
00:08:55,532 --> 00:08:57,866
The neurologist
has her on Aricept now,
242
00:08:57,932 --> 00:08:59,832
but when the sun goes down,
she gets a little mixed up.
243
00:08:59,899 --> 00:09:01,766
You transformed yourself
into a cat.
244
00:09:01,832 --> 00:09:03,866
‐(laughs)
‐You taught me the dance
245
00:09:03,932 --> 00:09:06,332
‐of the ancient soothsayer.
‐NADJA: Ooh!
246
00:09:06,399 --> 00:09:07,466
Calm yourself, dear.
247
00:09:07,532 --> 00:09:09,132
You're just feeling
a little bit demented,
248
00:09:09,199 --> 00:09:10,232
that's all.
249
00:09:10,299 --> 00:09:11,999
I'm so sorry about your brain.
250
00:09:12,066 --> 00:09:14,366
Oh, yeah, everything
she's saying is completely true.
251
00:09:14,432 --> 00:09:15,699
I am Nadja.
252
00:09:15,766 --> 00:09:18,366
Sean's mother Joanie grew up
right here in this house.
253
00:09:18,432 --> 00:09:19,932
We used to have
so much fun together.
254
00:09:19,999 --> 00:09:23,532
I used to pin her
to the ceiling for hours.
255
00:09:23,599 --> 00:09:25,366
She cried and cried.
256
00:09:25,432 --> 00:09:27,432
‐I know you.
‐Guys, uh, can you help
get Ma back up to bed?
257
00:09:27,499 --> 00:09:28,766
I know her. I know who she is.
258
00:09:28,832 --> 00:09:31,066
NADJA: She used to be
such a cute, little
259
00:09:31,132 --> 00:09:32,199
fresh‐faced girl.
260
00:09:32,266 --> 00:09:34,666
But now she just looks
like an elephant's knee.
261
00:09:34,732 --> 00:09:36,532
‐Okay, don't make me
pick you up, Joan.
‐NADJA: Sorry
262
00:09:36,599 --> 00:09:38,066
‐about how demented you are. Oh.
‐(Charmaine sighs)
263
00:09:38,132 --> 00:09:40,699
SEAN:
And here it is.
The crown jewel of the home.
264
00:09:40,766 --> 00:09:43,399
The world's largest collection
265
00:09:43,466 --> 00:09:45,399
of Ocean's Twelve memorabilia.
266
00:09:45,466 --> 00:09:47,632
Brad Pitt's tinted sunglasses
from when
267
00:09:47,699 --> 00:09:49,666
he first meets Baron Toulour.
Ooh!
268
00:09:49,732 --> 00:09:52,732
Scott Caan bobblehead,
mint condish. Yeah, it's like,
269
00:09:52,799 --> 00:09:54,866
they did some decent
world‐building in Eleven,
270
00:09:54,932 --> 00:09:56,732
but it all pays off
in Ocean's Twelve.
271
00:09:56,799 --> 00:09:59,399
You need to fucking stop talking
about the sea.
272
00:09:59,466 --> 00:10:01,732
‐What?
‐We know that you know
our secret.
273
00:10:01,799 --> 00:10:02,832
What secret?
274
00:10:02,899 --> 00:10:04,332
That we are vampires.
275
00:10:04,399 --> 00:10:06,032
You said it downstairs in front
276
00:10:06,099 --> 00:10:08,666
‐of all of your round friends.
‐I was just joking.
277
00:10:08,732 --> 00:10:11,199
You're not vampires.
Get the fuck out of here.
278
00:10:11,266 --> 00:10:13,366
Yes, we are.
279
00:10:13,432 --> 00:10:15,866
(gasps)
Whoa! How are you doing this?
280
00:10:15,932 --> 00:10:18,432
Where are the wires?
How are you doing that?!
281
00:10:18,499 --> 00:10:21,199
I'm thinking
maybe he didn't know.
282
00:10:21,266 --> 00:10:22,532
‐So, we shouldn't hypnotize him?
‐(gasps)
283
00:10:22,599 --> 00:10:24,966
‐No, now we definitely should.
‐Oh, fuck.
284
00:10:25,032 --> 00:10:26,666
Vampires are real.
285
00:10:26,732 --> 00:10:29,499
‐Vampires are real!
‐Let the double hypnosis
286
00:10:29,566 --> 00:10:31,066
‐commence.
‐(gagging)
287
00:10:31,132 --> 00:10:32,432
We command
288
00:10:32,499 --> 00:10:34,166
‐that you forget...
‐You forget
289
00:10:34,232 --> 00:10:39,066
‐everything.
‐...that we are vampires,
please.
290
00:10:39,132 --> 00:10:41,066
(grunts, gasps)
291
00:10:41,132 --> 00:10:43,299
I think it's worked.
292
00:10:43,366 --> 00:10:45,032
What happened?
293
00:10:45,099 --> 00:10:46,932
Quite all right, Sean?
294
00:10:46,999 --> 00:10:48,099
Uh, yeah, totally.
295
00:10:48,166 --> 00:10:50,332
But wh‐who's Sean?
296
00:10:50,399 --> 00:10:53,232
Shit. He's forgotten everything.
297
00:10:53,299 --> 00:10:56,399
CLAUDE:
So, what are some of the terms
we use for vampires?
298
00:10:56,466 --> 00:10:58,132
Mosquitoes.
299
00:10:58,199 --> 00:11:00,832
Suckers. Biters.
300
00:11:00,899 --> 00:11:02,099
GUILLERMO (whispering):
I know that it seems like
301
00:11:02,166 --> 00:11:04,332
a big coincidence that I go out
looking for virgins
302
00:11:04,399 --> 00:11:07,066
and find a secret den
of vampire hunters,
303
00:11:07,132 --> 00:11:08,699
but this is no coincidence.
304
00:11:08,766 --> 00:11:10,166
Okay? It's like
the universe has been trying
305
00:11:10,232 --> 00:11:11,866
to tell me for a long time,
"Hey, Guillermo."
306
00:11:11,932 --> 00:11:14,032
And I've been like, "I don't
know, I don't think so."
307
00:11:14,099 --> 00:11:15,366
But now like, "Hey, Guillermo.
308
00:11:15,432 --> 00:11:18,166
Yeah, dude. Yeah."
309
00:11:18,232 --> 00:11:19,232
CLAUDE:
Familiars
310
00:11:19,299 --> 00:11:21,632
are pathetic,
311
00:11:21,699 --> 00:11:25,666
lonely, desperate, low‐IQ,
312
00:11:25,732 --> 00:11:28,332
sad losers.
313
00:11:28,399 --> 00:11:30,966
They live to do the bidding
of their cruel,
314
00:11:31,032 --> 00:11:33,066
uncaring masters.
315
00:11:33,132 --> 00:11:34,632
Okay, gonna open up the floor to
316
00:11:34,699 --> 00:11:37,399
any thoughts and/or suggestions.
317
00:11:37,466 --> 00:11:38,966
Oh, um, Claude, okay.
318
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:41,699
One idea that I had is, uh,
319
00:11:41,766 --> 00:11:43,866
that I think that we should
all have sex with each other.
320
00:11:43,932 --> 00:11:47,066
'Cause that way if any of us
is a virgin, then, you know,
321
00:11:47,132 --> 00:11:48,699
we wouldn't be any longer.
322
00:11:48,766 --> 00:11:50,599
And then it would prevent us
from being targeted
323
00:11:50,666 --> 00:11:52,432
‐by vampires.
‐Derek...
324
00:11:52,499 --> 00:11:54,499
you need to stop
suggesting that.
325
00:11:54,566 --> 00:11:57,432
Okay, yeah, yeah,
to‐totally, yeah.
326
00:11:58,899 --> 00:12:02,166
Knock, knock, Joanie.
327
00:12:02,232 --> 00:12:04,266
Miss Nadja, is it really you?
328
00:12:04,332 --> 00:12:06,232
Yes, of course it is me.
329
00:12:06,299 --> 00:12:08,066
I was lying down there.
330
00:12:08,132 --> 00:12:11,432
Oh, I've missed you so much,
my little Joanie!
331
00:12:11,499 --> 00:12:14,699
So, did you have a good life?
332
00:12:14,766 --> 00:12:16,332
Uh, yes.
333
00:12:16,399 --> 00:12:18,566
I‐I think so. Oh!
334
00:12:18,632 --> 00:12:21,166
I took a trip to Nova Scotia
at one point.
335
00:12:21,232 --> 00:12:23,532
(Nadja whoops, laughs)
336
00:12:23,599 --> 00:12:26,532
And did you marry
that boy you liked?
337
00:12:26,599 --> 00:12:28,232
‐Franklin?
‐Yeah.
338
00:12:28,299 --> 00:12:30,266
Oh, yes, I...
339
00:12:30,332 --> 00:12:31,699
Oh, wow, look.
340
00:12:31,766 --> 00:12:35,032
You were very beautiful
for a very brief moment.
341
00:12:35,099 --> 00:12:36,199
Wait.
342
00:12:36,266 --> 00:12:38,399
Where did you get this necklace?
343
00:12:38,466 --> 00:12:39,866
This is my necklace.
344
00:12:39,932 --> 00:12:42,899
‐Pardon?
‐The jade one in this photo.
345
00:12:42,966 --> 00:12:46,466
You motherfucker!
346
00:12:46,532 --> 00:12:48,166
It was my prized jade necklace.
347
00:12:48,232 --> 00:12:50,332
It was given to me
by my mother when I was young,
348
00:12:50,399 --> 00:12:53,032
just before she was
eaten by a bear.
349
00:12:53,099 --> 00:12:54,599
I should have known
you would have stolen it!
350
00:12:54,666 --> 00:12:56,832
You were always
a sneaky little human shit!
351
00:12:56,899 --> 00:13:00,432
You know, if you listen to it,
you can still hear her screams.
352
00:13:00,499 --> 00:13:02,399
‐(distorted screaming)
‐It was the type of jade
353
00:13:02,466 --> 00:13:04,166
that absorbs human screams.
354
00:13:04,232 --> 00:13:05,732
And she was really screaming.
355
00:13:05,799 --> 00:13:09,132
So it took it very strongly.
Thieving bitch!
356
00:13:09,199 --> 00:13:10,566
Give it back to me!
357
00:13:10,632 --> 00:13:12,332
You little brat, where is it?!
358
00:13:12,399 --> 00:13:13,599
I don't know what you're
talking about!
359
00:13:13,666 --> 00:13:14,999
You are a lying piece
of old cabbage!
360
00:13:15,066 --> 00:13:17,832
But I don't know what
you're talking‐‐ help!
361
00:13:17,899 --> 00:13:20,766
Help! I'm having
an episode! Help!
362
00:13:20,832 --> 00:13:23,166
‐She attacked me!
‐Oh, no, she didn't.
363
00:13:23,232 --> 00:13:24,966
‐Oh, she‐she did.
‐Nadia, go.
364
00:13:25,032 --> 00:13:26,632
Go enjoy yourself,
we'll take care of her.
365
00:13:26,699 --> 00:13:28,699
‐Ma, she didn't attack you.
‐She‐she did.
366
00:13:28,766 --> 00:13:30,966
Mama? Mama?
367
00:13:31,032 --> 00:13:32,732
Scream for me.
368
00:13:35,466 --> 00:13:36,999
My mother gave it to me.
369
00:13:37,066 --> 00:13:39,966
She said, um, "I can't
wait to see you wear this
370
00:13:40,032 --> 00:13:43,232
for the rest of your life
every minute of every day."
371
00:13:43,299 --> 00:13:44,799
And then, honestly,
the next day,
372
00:13:44,866 --> 00:13:46,599
walked out the house
and bam‐‐ bear.
373
00:13:46,666 --> 00:13:49,432
Mama, scream for me
if you're here.
374
00:13:49,499 --> 00:13:52,266
That is worse than a bible‐‐
that burns my eyes.
375
00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:54,032
(hisses)
376
00:13:54,099 --> 00:13:56,666
Mama?
377
00:13:58,699 --> 00:14:00,399
Mama!
378
00:14:02,399 --> 00:14:06,166
COLIN:
Sure, the guys on the field
are having a good time today,
379
00:14:06,232 --> 00:14:09,232
but they're not gonna be having
such a good time in 20 years.
380
00:14:09,299 --> 00:14:10,932
That's when they'll have
381
00:14:10,999 --> 00:14:13,299
applesauce sloshing
around in their skulls.
382
00:14:13,366 --> 00:14:16,666
Has anyone heard the ancient
screams of a very large woman?
383
00:14:16,732 --> 00:14:17,832
ANNOUNCER:
What a throw by...
384
00:14:17,899 --> 00:14:20,699
‐(screams)
‐The halftime show‐‐
385
00:14:20,766 --> 00:14:22,866
a lot of people consider that
to be the highlight.
386
00:14:22,932 --> 00:14:24,266
I like the commercials.
387
00:14:24,332 --> 00:14:26,866
I like to see what they come
up with for the Clydesdales
388
00:14:26,932 --> 00:14:29,932
‐each year.
‐All right, bros, who's ready
389
00:14:29,999 --> 00:14:33,532
for piping‐hot nachos
fresh from the microwave?
390
00:14:33,599 --> 00:14:36,466
FRANK:
Uh, Sean, those are batteries.
391
00:14:36,532 --> 00:14:38,966
LASZLO:
It is possible
to over‐hypnotize,
392
00:14:39,032 --> 00:14:40,866
and I fear
393
00:14:40,932 --> 00:14:42,732
that's what we've done
with Sean.
394
00:14:42,799 --> 00:14:45,166
You see, there's various
levels of over‐hypnosis.
395
00:14:45,232 --> 00:14:47,966
If it's not too serious, it's
what's called "Weak Brain."
396
00:14:48,032 --> 00:14:51,166
If it's slightly worrying, it's
called "Thoughtless Sallies."
397
00:14:51,232 --> 00:14:54,199
And if it's a fucking nightmare
and you can forget about him,
398
00:14:54,266 --> 00:14:55,366
it's "Brain Scramblies."
399
00:14:55,432 --> 00:14:56,599
Yes! Yes!
400
00:14:56,666 --> 00:14:58,932
(all cheering, clamoring)
401
00:15:00,032 --> 00:15:02,132
Go, go, yeah,
no, oh, come on!
402
00:15:02,199 --> 00:15:04,999
How is that a yellow card?!
Are you kidding me?!
403
00:15:09,947 --> 00:15:13,113
Typically, when a vampire turns
a human's brain into pudding
404
00:15:13,180 --> 00:15:14,847
from over‐hypnosis,
405
00:15:14,913 --> 00:15:16,547
the proper etiquette is
406
00:15:16,613 --> 00:15:18,713
to put them
out of their misery...
407
00:15:18,780 --> 00:15:21,080
by murdering them.
408
00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:23,113
We're not gonna kill him.
409
00:15:23,180 --> 00:15:25,380
It goes against
our non‐killing agreement.
410
00:15:25,447 --> 00:15:27,547
Yes, but it is now
necessary to do
411
00:15:27,613 --> 00:15:29,947
the humane thing
and rip Sean's head off.
412
00:15:30,013 --> 00:15:32,213
‐(knocking)
‐Uh, not now.
413
00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:33,880
We are taking
a human shit together.
414
00:15:33,947 --> 00:15:36,413
‐Uh...
‐Have either of you two seen
415
00:15:36,480 --> 00:15:38,613
a jade necklace containing
the bloodcurdling screams
416
00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:40,280
of my dead mother in here?
417
00:15:40,347 --> 00:15:42,147
Eh... oh, maybe check behind
418
00:15:42,213 --> 00:15:44,713
the Andy Garcia cross‐stitch.
419
00:15:44,780 --> 00:15:46,747
SEAN:
No soap? Radio?
420
00:15:46,813 --> 00:15:48,880
Ha, bowling ball.
421
00:15:48,947 --> 00:15:51,947
Nandor wants to kill Sean 'cause
he's got the Brain Scramblies.
422
00:15:52,013 --> 00:15:53,280
Well, then Nandor is correct.
423
00:15:53,347 --> 00:15:55,413
Have you gone soft,
my sweet syrup pie?
424
00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:57,213
No, my sweet syrup pie,
I've gone hard.
425
00:15:57,280 --> 00:15:59,213
‐(sighs)
‐'Cause he's my best friend,
he's my pal.
426
00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:01,380
He's my homeboy,
my rotten soldier.
427
00:16:01,447 --> 00:16:03,980
He's my sweet cheese,
my good‐time boy.
428
00:16:04,047 --> 00:16:06,347
Laszlo, this is clearly
what must be done.
429
00:16:06,413 --> 00:16:08,547
(grunting)
430
00:16:08,613 --> 00:16:10,213
Oh, Yahtzee!
431
00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:12,013
For Sean's own sake.
432
00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:13,613
I'll go get
my head‐ripping gloves.
433
00:16:13,680 --> 00:16:15,580
No, no, no, hang on, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
434
00:16:15,647 --> 00:16:17,013
We're not animals.
435
00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:19,213
Let's give him one
last night to remember.
436
00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:21,513
One magical night
on Earth before we...
437
00:16:21,580 --> 00:16:22,713
"whack" him.
438
00:16:22,780 --> 00:16:25,547
Well, okay, yes, that is fair.
439
00:16:26,780 --> 00:16:28,047
I can feel it, guys.
440
00:16:28,113 --> 00:16:30,180
I mean, I really think
we are, like,
441
00:16:30,247 --> 00:16:32,113
this close to finding
our first vampire.
442
00:16:32,180 --> 00:16:34,713
‐Yes.
‐Wait, so you guys
443
00:16:34,780 --> 00:16:36,713
have never actually...
444
00:16:36,780 --> 00:16:38,680
met or seen a real vampire.
445
00:16:38,747 --> 00:16:40,513
Well, come on,
it's not like they're just
446
00:16:40,580 --> 00:16:42,347
walking around
in broad daylight, you know?
447
00:16:42,413 --> 00:16:43,780
‐Yeah.
‐Throwing a football
in the park.
448
00:16:43,847 --> 00:16:45,113
‐Seriously.
‐Running errands.
449
00:16:45,180 --> 00:16:46,913
‐Yeah.
‐Going to the bank.
450
00:16:46,980 --> 00:16:48,413
‐Eating a pretzel.
‐Yeah.
451
00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:50,480
‐Walking a dog...
‐SHANICE: I have.
452
00:16:50,547 --> 00:16:53,447
My roommate
453
00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:54,747
was turned
454
00:16:54,813 --> 00:16:56,147
by a vampire.
455
00:16:56,213 --> 00:16:58,113
And became a vampire.
456
00:16:58,180 --> 00:17:00,780
She died right
in front of my eyes.
457
00:17:00,847 --> 00:17:02,580
But then she came back to life.
458
00:17:02,647 --> 00:17:03,913
What the fuck?!
459
00:17:03,980 --> 00:17:06,713
But she was different, sick...
460
00:17:06,780 --> 00:17:09,147
unnatural.
461
00:17:09,213 --> 00:17:10,513
And eventually she just...
462
00:17:10,580 --> 00:17:12,113
vanished.
463
00:17:12,180 --> 00:17:14,980
Her future was so bright.
464
00:17:15,047 --> 00:17:17,213
She was such a brilliant LARPer.
465
00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:18,280
GUILLERMO:
I think Shanice and I
466
00:17:18,347 --> 00:17:20,980
might have a mutual friend.
467
00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:25,713
Small world.
468
00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:28,180
This is the life.
469
00:17:28,247 --> 00:17:30,880
Hanging out with
my three favorite gerbils.
470
00:17:30,947 --> 00:17:33,880
I only have one question‐‐
are we inside or outside?
471
00:17:33,947 --> 00:17:35,413
‐You need to focus, Sean.
‐Huh?
472
00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:38,113
And enjoy the most magical
night of your life.
473
00:17:38,180 --> 00:17:39,347
Hold tight.
474
00:17:39,413 --> 00:17:41,847
What? Whoa...
How are you doing this?!
475
00:17:41,913 --> 00:17:43,213
How are you doing this?!
476
00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:44,680
What's going on now?!
477
00:17:44,747 --> 00:17:46,013
Oh, God, no! Mother Mary!
478
00:17:46,080 --> 00:17:47,847
‐Wait for us.
‐Here we come.
479
00:17:47,913 --> 00:17:49,880
Hey!
480
00:17:49,947 --> 00:17:52,013
(Sean screaming)
481
00:17:52,080 --> 00:17:54,413
Oh, no, no! Fuck me!
482
00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:56,613
LASZLO:
Now that you've experienced
483
00:17:56,680 --> 00:17:58,247
the pleasure of flying,
484
00:17:58,313 --> 00:18:01,713
enjoy the marvel
of transfiguration.
485
00:18:01,780 --> 00:18:02,780
What?
486
00:18:02,847 --> 00:18:04,213
Bat!
487
00:18:04,280 --> 00:18:06,180
Whoa! Where'd that asshole go?!
488
00:18:06,247 --> 00:18:07,947
Oh, God! Get off!
(shudders)
489
00:18:08,013 --> 00:18:10,547
Look at that,
he's having a lovely time.
490
00:18:10,613 --> 00:18:12,347
(Sean shouting)
491
00:18:12,413 --> 00:18:13,980
‐He loves this.
‐No, get out of my hair!
492
00:18:14,047 --> 00:18:15,247
Get out of my hair! Get...!
493
00:18:15,313 --> 00:18:17,113
‐Sean, look at me.
‐No!
494
00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:18,713
Stop that! What are you doing?
495
00:18:18,780 --> 00:18:20,080
It ain't natural!
496
00:18:20,147 --> 00:18:22,013
Are you enjoying
watching me, Sean?
497
00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:23,680
No! Stop it! Get down here!
498
00:18:23,747 --> 00:18:25,547
(screams)
499
00:18:25,613 --> 00:18:27,413
Ooh, get a good look at this!
Wow!
500
00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:30,080
‐Holy shit!
‐Sorry, Laszlo.
501
00:18:30,147 --> 00:18:31,613
But, you know,
it's his last night.
502
00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:32,847
LASZLO:
I don't care.
503
00:18:32,913 --> 00:18:35,080
And now for the grand finale.
504
00:18:35,147 --> 00:18:37,913
NANDOR:
We vampires have
dominion of animals.
505
00:18:37,980 --> 00:18:40,347
So we decided
to throw you a little
506
00:18:40,413 --> 00:18:41,513
puppy party.
507
00:18:41,580 --> 00:18:42,680
(laughs)
508
00:18:42,747 --> 00:18:43,813
(snaps fingers)
509
00:18:43,880 --> 00:18:45,047
What have you done?!
510
00:18:45,113 --> 00:18:46,780
‐Oh, God!
‐(dogs barking)
511
00:18:46,847 --> 00:18:49,247
(Sean screaming)
512
00:18:50,380 --> 00:18:51,713
(Nadja laughs)
513
00:18:51,780 --> 00:18:53,913
‐Sean.
‐(laughs)
514
00:18:53,980 --> 00:18:57,413
We did something
really good tonight.
515
00:18:57,480 --> 00:18:59,680
I'm proud of us.
516
00:18:59,747 --> 00:19:00,847
‐Yes.
‐My boys.
517
00:19:00,913 --> 00:19:03,013
(Sean screams)
518
00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:09,580
I haven't really had
many real friends.
519
00:19:09,647 --> 00:19:13,713
So, when I met Jenna,
my whole life changed, really.
520
00:19:13,780 --> 00:19:16,935
But she was taken from me.
521
00:19:17,001 --> 00:19:18,968
GUILLERMO:
I guess I never really
think about
522
00:19:19,035 --> 00:19:21,735
the victims or their families.
523
00:19:21,801 --> 00:19:24,968
Uh, I guess I switched
that part of my brain off
524
00:19:25,035 --> 00:19:27,768
with, um, feelings and emotions.
525
00:19:27,835 --> 00:19:30,001
Killing vampires,
killing humans,
526
00:19:30,068 --> 00:19:33,535
collecting victims‐‐
it's all so nasty and ugly.
527
00:19:33,601 --> 00:19:36,335
And, you know, I devoted
my life to it, so...
528
00:19:38,601 --> 00:19:40,335
SHANICE:
So that's why I'm here!
529
00:19:40,401 --> 00:19:44,201
Because vampires cause
nothing but pain!
530
00:19:44,268 --> 00:19:45,735
‐Hear, hear.
‐Hear, hear.
531
00:19:45,801 --> 00:19:47,468
Come on, say "aye"
if you're with me.
532
00:19:47,535 --> 00:19:50,101
‐Aye!
‐I have to go.
533
00:19:50,168 --> 00:19:51,835
I'm so sorry.
534
00:19:51,901 --> 00:19:54,135
‐I think I left
my toilet running.
‐You sure?
535
00:19:54,201 --> 00:19:56,368
‐Yeah.
‐We're just about to start
crossbow practice.
536
00:19:56,435 --> 00:19:59,901
‐What's that?
‐Derek got us some mannequins
to use as targets.
537
00:19:59,968 --> 00:20:01,268
Yeah.
538
00:20:01,335 --> 00:20:03,301
‐Get a load of this, huh?
‐That's a weapon.
539
00:20:03,368 --> 00:20:05,735
‐Yeah.
‐And those are vampires?
540
00:20:05,801 --> 00:20:07,568
Yeah, I got the costumes
at a Halloween store.
541
00:20:07,635 --> 00:20:10,435
Okay, I don't think
I'd be really...
542
00:20:12,435 --> 00:20:15,001
(all whooping, clamoring)
543
00:20:15,068 --> 00:20:16,201
Damn, pimp!
544
00:20:16,268 --> 00:20:17,401
‐I have to go.
‐Whoa!
545
00:20:17,468 --> 00:20:18,935
I'm sorry, is‐is it just me,
546
00:20:19,001 --> 00:20:20,168
or is this guy an epic pimp?
547
00:20:20,235 --> 00:20:21,168
We'll see you
on Wednesday, right?
548
00:20:21,235 --> 00:20:22,368
No, yeah, a‐and if you don't,
549
00:20:22,435 --> 00:20:24,168
it was really nice meeting you.
550
00:20:24,235 --> 00:20:26,368
And, Shanice, I'm very
sorry about your friend.
551
00:20:26,435 --> 00:20:28,435
And you guys should be
really careful
552
00:20:28,501 --> 00:20:30,401
when dealing with vampires‐‐
they're no joke.
553
00:20:30,468 --> 00:20:33,135
CLAUDE:
Hey, hope to see you
again soon, son.
554
00:20:33,201 --> 00:20:34,501
And not just 'cause you,
555
00:20:34,568 --> 00:20:36,201
you have wicked skills
with the C‐bow.
556
00:20:36,268 --> 00:20:38,735
You're a mighty cool dude,
Guillermo.
557
00:20:39,901 --> 00:20:42,401
Thank you.
558
00:20:44,768 --> 00:20:45,901
CLAUDE:
Just slide it.
559
00:20:45,968 --> 00:20:47,868
‐Yeah, push it to the left...
‐Yeah, you got
560
00:20:47,935 --> 00:20:49,968
‐to throw your weight into it.
‐There you go, you got it.
561
00:20:50,035 --> 00:20:52,001
All right, we'll close it‐‐
don't worry about it.
562
00:20:52,068 --> 00:20:53,301
GUILLERMO:
All right.
563
00:20:53,368 --> 00:20:55,335
Well, that was a lot of fun,
old chap.
564
00:20:55,401 --> 00:20:58,435
I bet you could die a happy man.
565
00:20:58,501 --> 00:20:59,935
(groans)
566
00:21:00,001 --> 00:21:01,201
He's worse than before.
567
00:21:01,268 --> 00:21:02,668
We've ruined him again.
568
00:21:02,735 --> 00:21:04,635
All the more reason to put him
out of his misery.
569
00:21:04,701 --> 00:21:05,668
Go ahead, Nandor.
570
00:21:05,735 --> 00:21:06,668
Yes.
571
00:21:06,735 --> 00:21:08,835
Here I go.
572
00:21:09,768 --> 00:21:11,935
Head rub time.
573
00:21:12,001 --> 00:21:13,535
LASZLO:
Forgive us, old chap.
574
00:21:13,601 --> 00:21:15,235
Oh, my God.
575
00:21:15,301 --> 00:21:16,868
Who is that piece of ass?
576
00:21:16,935 --> 00:21:19,168
Mamaloosha!
577
00:21:19,235 --> 00:21:20,235
That is Charmaine.
578
00:21:20,301 --> 00:21:21,668
You know her?
579
00:21:21,735 --> 00:21:22,801
She's your wife.
580
00:21:22,868 --> 00:21:24,668
(laughing):
Yeah.
581
00:21:24,735 --> 00:21:27,268
‐I wish.
‐Seanie!
582
00:21:27,335 --> 00:21:28,735
I've been calling for you
for, like, 20 minutes.
583
00:21:28,801 --> 00:21:30,568
The garbage disposal's
all messed up again.
584
00:21:30,635 --> 00:21:34,035
You are the most
beautiful creature
585
00:21:34,101 --> 00:21:35,535
I have ever seen.
586
00:21:35,601 --> 00:21:36,635
CHARMAINE:
Stop messing around.
587
00:21:36,701 --> 00:21:37,868
SEAN:
I want to spend the rest
588
00:21:37,935 --> 00:21:39,701
of my life making you happy.
589
00:21:39,768 --> 00:21:40,501
This is for you.
590
00:21:40,568 --> 00:21:43,435
It's a token of my undying love.
591
00:21:43,501 --> 00:21:45,301
You emptied out a junk drawer?
592
00:21:45,368 --> 00:21:47,268
‐What the hell is
wrong with you?
‐(chuckles)
593
00:21:47,335 --> 00:21:50,168
Wha... what is this?
594
00:21:50,235 --> 00:21:51,401
‐What?
‐This is beautiful.
595
00:21:51,468 --> 00:21:53,301
Seanie, did you get this for me?
596
00:21:53,368 --> 00:21:55,301
‐That is my necklace.
‐Oh, my God, Seanie.
597
00:21:55,368 --> 00:21:57,535
‐This is a bloody...
‐Whoa, whoa, whoa.
598
00:21:57,601 --> 00:21:59,468
Leave them to it, my darling.
599
00:22:01,401 --> 00:22:04,135
I suppose it is quite sweet.
600
00:22:04,201 --> 00:22:06,001
I'll just get it when they die.
601
00:22:06,068 --> 00:22:07,568
(Charmaine giggling)
602
00:22:07,635 --> 00:22:08,868
NANDOR:
So, we didn't need
603
00:22:08,935 --> 00:22:10,735
to kill Sean after all.
604
00:22:10,801 --> 00:22:14,501
Yes, his mind has been wiped
to a blank slate and now
605
00:22:14,568 --> 00:22:17,335
he can start a new one just
focused on the amazingness
606
00:22:17,401 --> 00:22:19,301
of his wife
and his marriage, and
607
00:22:19,368 --> 00:22:22,001
he doesn't remember
we're vampires at all.
608
00:22:22,068 --> 00:22:23,701
Come on, Colin Robinson.
609
00:22:23,768 --> 00:22:25,335
‐We're off.
‐Hold on a minute.
610
00:22:25,401 --> 00:22:27,168
I‐I may have overdone it.
611
00:22:27,235 --> 00:22:29,868
This one just pissed himself.
612
00:22:29,935 --> 00:22:31,801
Who cares? Come on, let's go.
613
00:22:31,868 --> 00:22:33,235
NANDOR:
So, all in all, I would say
614
00:22:33,301 --> 00:22:35,101
our first Superb Owl celebration
615
00:22:35,168 --> 00:22:37,668
was a marked success.
616
00:22:37,735 --> 00:22:40,268
Even though the owl
didn't show up.
617
00:22:40,335 --> 00:22:41,768
♪♪ Ooh, night owl ♪♪
618
00:22:41,835 --> 00:22:43,435
♪♪ Well, yeah ♪♪
619
00:22:43,501 --> 00:22:47,135
‐♪♪ Here come the night owl ♪♪
‐♪♪ Ooh, night owl ♪♪
620
00:22:47,201 --> 00:22:49,268
♪♪ Oh, oh, oh... ♪♪
621
00:22:49,335 --> 00:22:52,101
Can you tell me,
how is it you haven't aged
622
00:22:52,168 --> 00:22:53,868
after all these years?
623
00:22:53,935 --> 00:22:57,801
I have the gift of eternal life.
624
00:22:57,868 --> 00:22:59,868
Oh, wow.
625
00:22:59,935 --> 00:23:01,835
‐Yeah, well.
‐Oh, can you
626
00:23:01,901 --> 00:23:03,401
share this gift with me?
627
00:23:03,468 --> 00:23:04,768
I would love to be young again.
628
00:23:04,835 --> 00:23:07,268
Yeah, that's not really
how it works.
629
00:23:07,335 --> 00:23:10,235
If I turned you,
you would stay forever...
630
00:23:10,301 --> 00:23:12,568
like this.
631
00:23:12,635 --> 00:23:14,101
Oh.
632
00:23:14,168 --> 00:23:17,035
‐Well, I'll pass, then.
‐Yeah.
633
00:23:17,101 --> 00:23:20,268
♪♪ Ooh, night owl ♪♪
634
00:23:20,335 --> 00:23:22,135
(hooting)
635
00:23:22,201 --> 00:23:25,735
‐♪♪ Now you try to tell me ♪♪
‐♪♪ Ooh, night owl ♪♪
636
00:23:25,801 --> 00:23:28,135
♪♪ What a fool you've been ♪♪
637
00:23:28,201 --> 00:23:31,735
♪♪ Ooh, night owl ♪♪
638
00:23:31,801 --> 00:23:37,135
‐♪♪ Yes, but it's all‐all over ♪♪
‐♪♪ Ooh, night owl ♪♪
639
00:23:37,201 --> 00:23:39,801
♪♪ Be on your merry way ♪♪
640
00:23:39,868 --> 00:23:41,601
♪♪ Ooh. ♪♪
641
00:23:41,668 --> 00:23:43,268
(hooting)
642
00:23:46,901 --> 00:23:50,268
Captioned by
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access.wgbh.org
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