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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:38,300 --> 00:00:42,155 MEET MONICA VELOUR 2 00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:23,591 There you go. 3 00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:27,556 That's mine. 4 00:02:27,731 --> 00:02:29,892 Hey, Tobe! 5 00:02:32,944 --> 00:02:34,980 Oh my God. 6 00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:37,771 Stay right here. Excuse me. 7 00:02:39,367 --> 00:02:41,278 Stare much? 8 00:02:41,453 --> 00:02:44,069 - Hey, Kenny. - Hey. Can I have a taco dog? 9 00:02:44,247 --> 00:02:48,115 - Yeah, is that it? - And a button buster. 10 00:02:50,295 --> 00:02:52,502 There you go. 11 00:02:55,425 --> 00:02:57,276 Is that your girlfriend? 12 00:02:57,380 --> 00:02:58,712 Not that you'd understand, 13 00:02:58,957 --> 00:03:03,539 but Amanda Pak is so hopelessly dorky 14 00:03:03,709 --> 00:03:08,393 that even a dateless wonder like myself has to draw the line somewhere. 15 00:03:08,563 --> 00:03:10,599 Uh-huh. 16 00:03:10,774 --> 00:03:13,561 $4.50, home slice. 17 00:03:13,735 --> 00:03:17,023 My dad says he'll pay you if you give me a receipt. 18 00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:20,443 He's gonna start deducting me from his taxes. 19 00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:23,199 I think you and your dad deserve each other. 20 00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:26,453 He also told me to ask you for a ride home when you're done. 21 00:03:30,961 --> 00:03:34,670 ♪ Fish got to swim, birds got to fly ♪ 22 00:03:34,839 --> 00:03:38,377 ♪ I've got to love one man till I die ♪ 23 00:03:38,551 --> 00:03:40,382 ♪ So I can't help ♪ 24 00:03:40,553 --> 00:03:44,466 ♪ Loving that man of mine ♪ 25 00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:46,597 ♪ Diddley-doot-doo-doot-doo... ♪ 26 00:03:46,768 --> 00:03:49,430 - This is gay. - No, classic. 27 00:03:49,604 --> 00:03:51,560 It stood the test of time. 28 00:03:51,731 --> 00:03:53,642 The coolest cars, the '50s. 29 00:03:53,817 --> 00:03:55,398 The best movies, the '70s. 30 00:03:55,568 --> 00:03:59,152 The best songs, the '30s. The golden age of American songwriting. 31 00:03:59,322 --> 00:04:01,062 More like olden age. 32 00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:04,358 Why can't you like normal stuff like everybody else? 33 00:04:08,665 --> 00:04:10,621 Hey, Tobe. 34 00:04:10,792 --> 00:04:12,407 Oh, hey, Amanda. 35 00:04:12,585 --> 00:04:16,419 - Is that your little brother? - No! 36 00:04:16,589 --> 00:04:19,422 Are you babysitting like me? Cool. 37 00:04:19,592 --> 00:04:21,378 See you at graduation. 38 00:04:21,553 --> 00:04:23,509 Okay, bye-bye. 39 00:04:38,611 --> 00:04:41,273 Hi, Mr. Hulbert. Can I stay here a while? 40 00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:43,530 My mom says I still need adult supervision. 41 00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:46,533 Yeah yeah, sure. I'll supervise you. 42 00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:49,115 - Here, get me another beer. - Sure. 43 00:04:50,749 --> 00:04:52,705 Pop Pop, it's the middle of the day. 44 00:04:52,876 --> 00:04:54,582 I know. 45 00:04:54,753 --> 00:04:56,789 My pants don't seem to fit me anymore. 46 00:04:58,715 --> 00:05:01,127 What, do you want me to be uncomfortable? 47 00:05:03,887 --> 00:05:06,344 You get more crap all the time. 48 00:05:06,514 --> 00:05:09,551 - Is it worth any money? - Not yet. 49 00:05:09,726 --> 00:05:13,389 - Go home, Kenny. - What are you watching? 50 00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:16,896 I traded tapes with a guy in LA. Got some old Vitaphone shorts 51 00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:19,023 and a Monica Velour movie for my collection. 52 00:05:19,194 --> 00:05:21,606 - Now go home. - I want to watch. 53 00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:24,567 Just tell me when the gross stuff is gonna happen. 54 00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:33,743 This movie is totally rare. 55 00:05:33,917 --> 00:05:37,080 Everything today is just shot on video, 56 00:05:37,253 --> 00:05:39,619 strippers on Prozac junk. 57 00:05:43,259 --> 00:05:45,966 Hands Solo, I presume. 58 00:05:46,137 --> 00:05:48,753 Consarnit, can't a fella get any privacy around here? 59 00:05:48,932 --> 00:05:51,389 There's no time for that. We need your help. 60 00:05:51,559 --> 00:05:52,548 Who's we? 61 00:05:52,727 --> 00:05:55,059 I'm Princess Layme. 62 00:05:55,230 --> 00:05:57,596 And my companion is Dork Fudgepacker. 63 00:05:57,774 --> 00:05:59,435 Hey. 64 00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:02,271 The star of this movie is Monica Velour. 65 00:06:02,445 --> 00:06:04,902 I have almost all of her movies. 66 00:06:05,073 --> 00:06:07,280 She was the most respected, 67 00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:09,907 biggest, classic X film star. 68 00:06:11,329 --> 00:06:13,786 We're being pulled in by the Muff Star's tractor beam. 69 00:06:19,796 --> 00:06:22,538 Cocktroopers. Get down. 70 00:06:24,008 --> 00:06:25,464 Look at her. 71 00:06:25,635 --> 00:06:28,217 She's sweet, beautiful, 72 00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:31,630 totally sexy, confident. 73 00:06:37,981 --> 00:06:40,768 You're crazy. This movie sucks. 74 00:06:41,776 --> 00:06:43,516 You know dick. 75 00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:46,778 Now go home. There's a gross part coming up. 76 00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:49,189 Bye, Tobe. 77 00:06:52,704 --> 00:06:55,662 It's been said that the future belongs to the young. 78 00:06:55,832 --> 00:06:59,074 And to that I have only one response: 79 00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:01,117 God help us all. 80 00:07:03,173 --> 00:07:05,664 But seriously, before you the young 81 00:07:05,842 --> 00:07:10,006 can have the future, you'll have to spend the next 20 or so years 82 00:07:10,180 --> 00:07:13,172 working for us the old. 83 00:07:14,976 --> 00:07:19,185 Because you're not ready for the keys to life's car just yet. 84 00:07:26,362 --> 00:07:28,853 Here we go, nice smile. 85 00:07:29,032 --> 00:07:32,240 Great. Let's get some picture with your friends. 86 00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:34,822 Um... 87 00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:37,741 Smile, please. 88 00:07:37,916 --> 00:07:39,827 The button's on top. 89 00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:41,832 I know where the button is. 90 00:07:42,003 --> 00:07:44,119 Can we go now? 91 00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:46,003 No no, one more. One more. 92 00:07:46,174 --> 00:07:48,631 Oh, look. Look at the bear. 93 00:07:48,801 --> 00:07:51,543 You stand here. 94 00:07:51,721 --> 00:07:53,507 Great. 95 00:07:53,681 --> 00:07:55,922 This will make a great holiday picture. 96 00:07:58,102 --> 00:08:00,218 Well, it clicked. It did something. 97 00:08:01,856 --> 00:08:05,223 That's it. That's it. That's it. Huh? Good. 98 00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:11,688 Empty. 99 00:08:11,866 --> 00:08:13,857 Oh, sorry, dude. 100 00:08:14,869 --> 00:08:17,235 Hurry up. On my God. 101 00:08:20,875 --> 00:08:23,912 Chug chug chug chug chug. 102 00:08:28,716 --> 00:08:32,550 - Hey, Perbert. - Even Perbert wants a peek. 103 00:08:33,888 --> 00:08:35,628 What are you guys looking at? 104 00:08:35,807 --> 00:08:37,217 Live from Amanda Pak's, 105 00:08:37,392 --> 00:08:39,849 it's Saturday night. 106 00:08:46,651 --> 00:08:49,267 Hitachi Magic Wand. 107 00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:52,528 The Cadillac of vibrators. 108 00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:54,360 No batteries, you just plug it in. 109 00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:57,196 Annie Sprinkle's all-time favorite. 110 00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:03,789 Russ Meyer? 111 00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:06,246 - No way. - Yeah way. 112 00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:15,135 People who jerk off to porn are just creepy. 113 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:22,801 Well, she's not gonna get laid just sitting in her room. 114 00:09:29,068 --> 00:09:32,151 ♪ There's a great big mystery ♪ 115 00:09:32,322 --> 00:09:34,813 ♪ And it sure is worrying me ♪ 116 00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:36,527 ♪ This diddie wa diddie ♪ 117 00:09:37,785 --> 00:09:39,992 ♪ This diddie wa diddie ♪ 118 00:09:40,163 --> 00:09:44,076 ♪ I wish somebody would tell me what diddie wa diddie means. ♪ 119 00:09:52,717 --> 00:09:54,503 Rise and shine, boy. 120 00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:57,885 Wakey wakey eggs and bacey. 121 00:10:15,323 --> 00:10:17,109 Cheer up, I've got a surprise for you. 122 00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:19,069 Give it to me later. 123 00:10:19,243 --> 00:10:21,655 How about I give it to somebody else? 124 00:10:21,829 --> 00:10:23,865 Okay, what? 125 00:10:29,253 --> 00:10:30,914 Happy graduation. 126 00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,714 Awesome. 127 00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:37,717 Thanks, Pop Pop. The Civic. 128 00:10:37,887 --> 00:10:40,674 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Give it back. Give it back. 129 00:10:45,853 --> 00:10:47,639 Happy graduation. 130 00:10:49,232 --> 00:10:51,848 What is this? The truck? 131 00:10:52,026 --> 00:10:54,267 It's not a truck. It's a family business. 132 00:10:54,445 --> 00:10:55,901 Why can't I have the Civic? 133 00:10:58,074 --> 00:11:00,315 The Civic is mine. 134 00:11:02,286 --> 00:11:05,995 The truck? What am I supposed to do with the truck? 135 00:11:06,165 --> 00:11:07,780 You got your own business. 136 00:11:07,959 --> 00:11:10,200 People work their whole lives for that. 137 00:11:10,378 --> 00:11:11,709 Be your own boss. 138 00:11:11,879 --> 00:11:15,667 Anywhere you go you have a nice income. 139 00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:17,503 Not for long. 140 00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:21,920 People don't want to eat pig eyes or donkey dicks 141 00:11:22,098 --> 00:11:24,214 or whatever hot dogs are made of anymore. 142 00:11:27,979 --> 00:11:30,311 You're right. You're so goddamn smart, 143 00:11:30,481 --> 00:11:33,689 sell them broccoli burgers or gaysicles 144 00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:35,691 or whatever the hell it is they do eat these days. 145 00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:39,980 How come you couldn't just give me money like everybody else? 146 00:11:40,992 --> 00:11:44,280 It's a good thing your mother's not alive to hear you talk so ungrateful. 147 00:11:44,454 --> 00:11:47,070 Otherwise the both of us would just smack the hell out of you. 148 00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:50,991 I'm going upstairs. 149 00:11:58,092 --> 00:11:59,457 Tobe. 150 00:12:01,179 --> 00:12:03,135 Tobe! 151 00:12:15,443 --> 00:12:16,899 Thattaboy. 152 00:12:17,069 --> 00:12:19,151 Chip off the old block. 153 00:12:24,994 --> 00:12:28,031 That's nice. That's really nice. 154 00:12:46,557 --> 00:12:48,263 - Hello. - Hello. 155 00:12:48,434 --> 00:12:50,470 - I'm calling about the Weenie Wiz. - Yeah. 156 00:12:50,645 --> 00:12:54,103 I saw your ad on the web. It's 1970 all original? 157 00:12:54,273 --> 00:12:55,809 Uh, yeah. 158 00:12:55,983 --> 00:12:58,395 And the giant hot dog, what's that built of? 159 00:12:58,569 --> 00:13:01,902 Um, metal. Yeah, metal and paint. 160 00:13:02,073 --> 00:13:04,906 It's a work of art. A thing of mystery meat beauty. 161 00:13:05,076 --> 00:13:06,816 You want to come take a look at it this afternoon? 162 00:13:06,994 --> 00:13:09,406 I'd love to, but I'm in Loogootee. 163 00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:11,445 - What? - Loogootee, Indiana. 164 00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:13,285 The place where corn on the cob comes from. 165 00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:15,290 I saw your post on the web. 166 00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:17,201 Um, well, can you come up here and get it? 167 00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:19,462 I don't have a lot of time. 168 00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:23,045 I don't know, it's not like I can drive it to Indiana. 169 00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:08,302 ♪ I'm just like putty ♪ 170 00:14:08,472 --> 00:14:10,758 ♪ Putty in your hands ♪ 171 00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:16,097 ♪ With a wave of your hand ♪ 172 00:14:16,272 --> 00:14:17,682 ♪ Putty putty ♪ 173 00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:19,097 ♪ I'm your slave to go man ♪ 174 00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:24,978 ♪ And I'll go on this way... ♪ 175 00:14:25,156 --> 00:14:28,114 Hey, I see you, you little creep. 176 00:14:28,284 --> 00:14:30,491 - What? - Were you gonna stand here all night 177 00:14:30,661 --> 00:14:32,902 - looking at my daughter, huh? - Dad! 178 00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:35,071 - Well? - What? No, sir. 179 00:14:35,249 --> 00:14:38,582 - I just came to see your daughter. - Tell it to the police, punk. 180 00:14:41,213 --> 00:14:43,078 - Oooh! - Hey, come back here! 181 00:14:43,257 --> 00:14:45,964 Come back here! 182 00:14:46,135 --> 00:14:48,842 We are not done. Where are you going? 183 00:14:56,312 --> 00:14:58,519 - Hey, I've got to talk to you. - Leave me alone. 184 00:14:58,689 --> 00:15:00,145 Hey. 185 00:15:09,116 --> 00:15:12,074 The cops was just here. 186 00:15:12,244 --> 00:15:14,530 What for? 187 00:15:14,705 --> 00:15:18,698 They told me somebody who was driving the Weenie Wiz 188 00:15:18,876 --> 00:15:22,664 was caught peeping through some high school girl's window tonight. 189 00:15:24,465 --> 00:15:27,207 - It wasn't me. - Of course it was you. 190 00:15:27,385 --> 00:15:29,546 What do you think, I'm some kind of a half-assed retard? 191 00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:32,712 Okay. Well, I'm sorry. I won't do it again. 192 00:15:32,890 --> 00:15:35,256 I told them I didn't know a thing about it. 193 00:15:35,434 --> 00:15:38,141 I said it must have been somebody else's blue truck 194 00:15:38,312 --> 00:15:40,143 with a 20-foot hot dog on top. 195 00:15:40,314 --> 00:15:42,475 For some reason they had trouble believing that. 196 00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:47,314 Now they think I'm Lester the molester for Christ's sake. 197 00:15:47,488 --> 00:15:49,570 Do you realize what you're doing to me? 198 00:15:49,740 --> 00:15:52,607 It's time you grew up, God damn it. 199 00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:55,527 Go back to school or get some kind of a job. 200 00:15:55,705 --> 00:15:57,286 Find yourself a girlfriend. 201 00:15:57,456 --> 00:16:00,072 Hanging around that rathole room 202 00:16:00,251 --> 00:16:02,458 with those crazy movies and all that goddamn junk. 203 00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:05,370 What should I do? Sit around getting drunk all day? 204 00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:09,291 You know, sometime you and that smart mouth are gonna turn around 205 00:16:09,468 --> 00:16:11,129 and you're gonna find me croaked. 206 00:16:11,303 --> 00:16:14,045 Not the way you put it away. You're preserved 207 00:16:14,223 --> 00:16:17,135 like some mutant two-headed sheep or Einstein's brain. 208 00:16:17,309 --> 00:16:18,549 You through, smartass? 209 00:16:18,728 --> 00:16:21,435 Never wanted to have this conversation to begin with. 210 00:16:21,605 --> 00:16:24,221 You've got a head like a rock. 211 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,436 Just like your mother. 212 00:17:07,443 --> 00:17:09,650 I hear you in there, you little hoodlum. 213 00:17:09,820 --> 00:17:11,856 Go to bed. 214 00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:14,272 Okay okay. I'm sorry. 215 00:17:16,619 --> 00:17:19,486 Pinhook. Pinhook. 216 00:17:19,663 --> 00:17:21,403 Pinhook. 217 00:17:24,210 --> 00:17:26,667 Loogootee. 218 00:17:27,838 --> 00:17:30,250 Pinhook. 219 00:17:42,186 --> 00:17:43,847 Yay. 220 00:17:44,021 --> 00:17:47,184 Getting closer all the time, buddy. 221 00:17:50,736 --> 00:17:53,102 - Hello? - It's Tobe. 222 00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:56,272 We talked before about the truck I'm selling. 223 00:17:56,450 --> 00:17:58,987 - The giant doggy? - Are you still interested? 224 00:17:59,161 --> 00:18:01,117 I'm pretty far. 225 00:18:01,288 --> 00:18:03,279 No no, it's cool. I'm gonna drive it down. 226 00:18:03,457 --> 00:18:05,698 - My lucky day. - $5000, right? 227 00:18:05,876 --> 00:18:08,367 - That's right. - I'll take the bus back. 228 00:18:08,546 --> 00:18:10,537 - There's a bus station, right? - Hey, where's the rest of your hat? 229 00:18:10,714 --> 00:18:13,330 - Of course. - Great. See you soon. 230 00:18:15,469 --> 00:18:18,336 I'm leaving, Pop Pop. 231 00:18:18,514 --> 00:18:21,472 The windows around here aren't big enough for you? 232 00:18:23,686 --> 00:18:25,972 I'm going to Indiana to sell the truck 233 00:18:26,146 --> 00:18:28,558 and then I don't know what I'll do. 234 00:18:28,732 --> 00:18:31,644 You're leaving just because I yelled at you? 235 00:18:34,321 --> 00:18:35,902 Later, Kenny. 236 00:18:36,073 --> 00:18:39,816 Hey hey. Well, do you need anything? 237 00:18:42,454 --> 00:18:44,194 Get cash. 238 00:18:44,373 --> 00:18:48,161 Even if you've got to walk the guy to the bank, get cash. 239 00:18:49,587 --> 00:18:53,205 Hey, where are you going? 240 00:18:56,594 --> 00:18:59,506 ♪ Love is waiting just around the corner ♪ 241 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:02,342 ♪ Love is waiting just around the corner ♪ 242 00:19:02,516 --> 00:19:05,474 ♪ Love is waiting just around the corner ♪ 243 00:19:08,939 --> 00:19:12,102 ♪ They say love is just around the corner ♪ 244 00:19:12,276 --> 00:19:15,018 ♪ Any cozy little corner ♪ 245 00:19:15,195 --> 00:19:17,311 ♪ Love is just around the corner ♪ 246 00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:20,731 ♪ When I'm around you ♪ 247 00:19:20,910 --> 00:19:23,777 ♪ Venus de Milo ♪ 248 00:19:23,954 --> 00:19:26,240 ♪ Was noted for her charms ♪ 249 00:19:26,415 --> 00:19:29,498 ♪ Just strictly between us, you're cuter than Venus ♪ 250 00:19:29,668 --> 00:19:32,785 ♪ And what's more, you've got arms ♪ 251 00:19:32,963 --> 00:19:36,046 ♪ So let's cuddle in a corner ♪ 252 00:19:36,216 --> 00:19:38,628 ♪ Any cozy little corner ♪ 253 00:19:38,802 --> 00:19:41,339 ♪ Love is just around the corner ♪ 254 00:19:41,513 --> 00:19:44,425 ♪ And I'm around you ♪ 255 00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:47,433 ♪ Love is just around the corner ♪ 256 00:19:47,603 --> 00:19:50,470 ♪ Love is just around the corner. ♪ 257 00:20:22,554 --> 00:20:26,422 ♪ Cocaine, champagne ♪ 258 00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:30,184 ♪ Take a ride on my jet plane ♪ 259 00:20:30,354 --> 00:20:34,438 ♪ Spotlights, late nights ♪ 260 00:20:34,608 --> 00:20:38,521 ♪ End it all with a drunken fight... ♪ 261 00:20:39,905 --> 00:20:43,193 Hey, baby. What are we drinking? 262 00:20:43,367 --> 00:20:45,107 Uh, bourbon. 263 00:20:45,285 --> 00:20:46,616 Coming right up, handsome. 264 00:20:46,787 --> 00:20:48,448 Take a seat wherever you want. 265 00:20:48,622 --> 00:20:52,615 Oh, and I need $40 cash upfront for the drinks. 266 00:20:52,793 --> 00:20:54,658 - Here, I'll get it. - Wait, is that-- 267 00:20:54,837 --> 00:20:58,295 Wait, no. I'm looking for Miss Monica Velour. 268 00:20:58,465 --> 00:21:00,421 Monica? 269 00:21:00,592 --> 00:21:02,583 Yeah, she's coming on at 8:30. 270 00:21:02,761 --> 00:21:05,548 I need $40 though in the front. 271 00:21:11,228 --> 00:21:13,014 - Thanks. - Remember, 272 00:21:13,188 --> 00:21:15,554 Sunday is single dad night here at The Petting Zoo. 273 00:21:15,733 --> 00:21:19,146 Free games and face painting in the parking lot for the kiddies. 274 00:21:27,536 --> 00:21:30,653 Hey, I thought you said she came on at 8:30. 275 00:21:33,417 --> 00:21:35,328 What's your name anyway? 276 00:21:35,502 --> 00:21:37,663 Snickers. 277 00:21:39,089 --> 00:21:41,296 Your parents gave you a dog's name? 278 00:21:41,467 --> 00:21:43,958 No, it's a candy bar. 279 00:21:45,220 --> 00:21:46,426 Huh. 280 00:21:46,597 --> 00:21:48,553 I guess it's better than PayDay. 281 00:21:48,724 --> 00:21:51,511 Or Crackle. 282 00:21:51,685 --> 00:21:53,641 You need another drink. 283 00:21:53,812 --> 00:21:55,268 No. 284 00:21:55,439 --> 00:21:57,521 I'll just finish what I have. 285 00:21:57,691 --> 00:21:59,352 ♪ Now is the time to release ♪ 286 00:21:59,526 --> 00:22:02,814 ♪ All the things you've been holding back... ♪ 287 00:22:02,988 --> 00:22:05,570 You want to go to the executive VIP lounge? 288 00:22:05,741 --> 00:22:07,402 Where's that? 289 00:22:07,576 --> 00:22:09,441 Only $400. 290 00:22:09,620 --> 00:22:11,576 We could have a real good time. 291 00:22:12,998 --> 00:22:14,863 I didn't see any lounge. 292 00:22:15,042 --> 00:22:19,035 We used to have a lounge but the roof collapsed. 293 00:22:19,213 --> 00:22:21,795 Now it's in the back seat of my car. 294 00:22:21,965 --> 00:22:24,251 Okay, for you... 295 00:22:25,886 --> 00:22:27,877 $200. 296 00:22:28,055 --> 00:22:29,795 No. No thank you. 297 00:22:29,973 --> 00:22:32,009 I'm here to see Monica Velour. 298 00:22:33,644 --> 00:22:36,351 - $100. - Huh-uh. 299 00:22:38,190 --> 00:22:41,023 - $60 and two packs of smokes? - No. 300 00:22:42,152 --> 00:22:45,269 Hey, fellas. What are we having? 301 00:22:45,447 --> 00:22:47,438 - I'm hungry for a bite of Snickers. - Yeah? 302 00:22:47,616 --> 00:22:49,698 - Snickers needs some nuts. - Right here, baby. 303 00:22:51,161 --> 00:22:54,403 And now the star of "Welcome Back Harder" 304 00:22:54,581 --> 00:22:58,449 and "Saturday Night Beaver," adult film superstar 305 00:22:58,627 --> 00:23:00,538 - Monica Velour. - Monica Velour. 306 00:23:00,712 --> 00:23:03,670 Whoo! Monica! 307 00:23:06,802 --> 00:23:08,508 ♪ Tonight ♪ 308 00:23:08,679 --> 00:23:12,342 ♪ I celebrate my love ♪ 309 00:23:12,516 --> 00:23:14,598 ♪ For you ♪ 310 00:23:14,768 --> 00:23:17,430 ♪ It seems ♪ 311 00:23:17,604 --> 00:23:23,144 ♪ The natural thing to do ♪ 312 00:23:23,318 --> 00:23:29,063 ♪ Tonight no one's gonna find us ♪ 313 00:23:29,241 --> 00:23:34,952 ♪ We'll leave the world behind us ♪ 314 00:23:35,122 --> 00:23:37,454 ♪ When I make love to you... ♪ 315 00:23:37,624 --> 00:23:40,286 You've got to be shitting me. 316 00:23:40,460 --> 00:23:42,075 Damn. 317 00:23:42,254 --> 00:23:43,869 Somebody ordered off the senior menu. 318 00:23:44,047 --> 00:23:46,584 Shut up. 319 00:23:46,758 --> 00:23:49,465 I think grandma's got Depends on under there. 320 00:23:49,636 --> 00:23:50,751 Right. 321 00:23:54,808 --> 00:23:58,050 It's amateur night at the old folks' home. 322 00:24:02,983 --> 00:24:05,645 Yo, I think this guy over here is in love. 323 00:24:10,741 --> 00:24:13,653 Oh, leave it on, baby. 324 00:24:13,827 --> 00:24:17,069 - Leave it on. - Shh! 325 00:24:17,247 --> 00:24:21,240 Hey, I think this dickwad has a problem. 326 00:24:21,418 --> 00:24:23,374 Yo, dickwad. What's your problem? 327 00:24:25,005 --> 00:24:27,542 I don't-- I don't have a problem. 328 00:24:27,716 --> 00:24:29,832 No, I think you do have a problem. 329 00:24:30,010 --> 00:24:33,673 You keep giving me a look like some kind of pissed-off faggot look. 330 00:24:33,847 --> 00:24:36,179 - You know what I mean? - Yeah, I see that look. 331 00:24:36,350 --> 00:24:38,090 Hey, can't we all just get along? 332 00:24:38,268 --> 00:24:41,806 We're all friends. This guy just wants us to be polite 333 00:24:41,980 --> 00:24:44,892 while his grandma up there earns money for his back-to-school clothes. 334 00:24:45,067 --> 00:24:46,853 Right, guy? 335 00:24:52,574 --> 00:24:55,236 Don't the sheep back at the frat house 336 00:24:55,410 --> 00:24:57,196 feel neglected with all you guys here tonight? 337 00:24:57,371 --> 00:24:59,282 - What? - Hear what he said to you, son? 338 00:24:59,456 --> 00:25:01,447 Oh no he didn't. 339 00:25:01,625 --> 00:25:04,708 Who the fuck do you think you are, geek? 340 00:25:07,047 --> 00:25:09,663 That's Monica Velour. Okay? 341 00:25:09,841 --> 00:25:13,208 More woman than you sad rodeo clowns 342 00:25:13,387 --> 00:25:17,471 could ever hope to get in your entire regrettable existences. 343 00:25:17,641 --> 00:25:19,757 Big words from such a little dick. 344 00:25:19,935 --> 00:25:21,891 That's what I'm talking about, man. 345 00:25:23,981 --> 00:25:27,940 ♪ How friends turn into lovers ♪ 346 00:25:29,278 --> 00:25:32,361 ♪ When I make love to you... ♪ 347 00:25:37,035 --> 00:25:39,071 - Fuck this shit! - Jesus Christ! Milton! 348 00:25:41,957 --> 00:25:44,915 Come on, get up. Get up. 349 00:25:45,085 --> 00:25:47,292 God damn it, stop it! 350 00:25:47,462 --> 00:25:49,168 Look at my club! 351 00:25:49,339 --> 00:25:50,954 It's not my fault. 352 00:25:51,133 --> 00:25:53,249 Never happened until you came around. 353 00:25:53,427 --> 00:25:55,008 You promised me eight weeks of headlining. 354 00:25:55,178 --> 00:25:57,920 I know what I promised you. But look at you. 355 00:25:58,098 --> 00:26:01,181 You're too old to be dancing. I'll tell you what-- 356 00:26:01,351 --> 00:26:03,763 why don't you come in on Monday and work the room, huh? 357 00:26:03,937 --> 00:26:05,802 She's not working the room with me. 358 00:26:05,981 --> 00:26:09,064 - Oh, eat me, Sparkles. - Snickers. 359 00:26:09,234 --> 00:26:11,976 That boy was just doing what you should have been doing. 360 00:26:12,154 --> 00:26:15,396 Just because we work in a sty don't mean we got to put up with those pigs. 361 00:26:15,574 --> 00:26:16,689 We got rights. 362 00:26:16,867 --> 00:26:18,152 I'm gonna give you two rights, a left 363 00:26:18,327 --> 00:26:21,239 and another right if you don't shut up and get out of my face! 364 00:26:21,413 --> 00:26:22,619 You ain't my daddy. 365 00:26:22,789 --> 00:26:25,622 Close the door. 366 00:26:25,792 --> 00:26:27,453 Come on. Come on. Come on, I've got a kid. 367 00:26:27,627 --> 00:26:29,367 That makes two people with problems, don't it? 368 00:26:29,546 --> 00:26:33,414 What about my car service? How am I supposed to get home? 369 00:26:33,592 --> 00:26:35,674 Stick a rocket up your ass and fly. 370 00:26:35,844 --> 00:26:37,800 I don't care. 371 00:26:37,971 --> 00:26:39,381 Bye. 372 00:26:58,700 --> 00:27:00,156 How's he doing? 373 00:27:00,327 --> 00:27:01,817 You know this fella? 374 00:27:01,995 --> 00:27:04,657 He knows me. 375 00:27:04,831 --> 00:27:06,662 He'll be fine. 376 00:27:06,833 --> 00:27:09,700 Might have actually gotten hurt if he weren't so loaded. 377 00:27:09,878 --> 00:27:13,291 People probably survive a plane crash, they get enough beers in 'em. 378 00:27:13,465 --> 00:27:15,877 Ma'am, he's not fit to drive. You know where he lives? 379 00:27:18,136 --> 00:27:19,421 Uh, yeah. 380 00:27:19,596 --> 00:27:22,804 I don't live anywhere near here. 381 00:27:22,974 --> 00:27:26,182 Just don't talk. I'll tell them where to go. 382 00:27:27,354 --> 00:27:29,640 You'll have to sign off for him. 383 00:27:31,775 --> 00:27:34,391 Hey, is that nitrous? 384 00:27:52,254 --> 00:27:54,040 Is this your house? 385 00:27:54,214 --> 00:27:55,704 Well, I didn't know where you lived 386 00:27:55,882 --> 00:27:58,464 and I figured one of us should be able to get home okay. 387 00:27:59,970 --> 00:28:02,712 Where do you live, anyway? 388 00:28:03,723 --> 00:28:05,588 Auburn, Washington. 389 00:28:06,977 --> 00:28:08,968 Your parents vacationing down here? 390 00:28:09,146 --> 00:28:11,853 My mom died when I was three 391 00:28:12,023 --> 00:28:14,105 and I haven't met my dad. 392 00:28:15,193 --> 00:28:17,184 Jeez, sorry. 393 00:28:18,321 --> 00:28:19,902 So what are you doing here? 394 00:28:20,073 --> 00:28:22,405 I came to see you. 395 00:28:23,785 --> 00:28:26,492 - Just me? - Uh-huh. 396 00:28:28,081 --> 00:28:30,037 How old are you? 18? 19? 397 00:28:30,208 --> 00:28:31,823 18. 398 00:28:32,002 --> 00:28:33,913 Do you know how old I am? 399 00:28:34,087 --> 00:28:35,918 I could have had you. 400 00:28:36,089 --> 00:28:38,000 So? 401 00:28:38,175 --> 00:28:40,757 You're Monica Velour. 402 00:28:41,970 --> 00:28:43,801 You're beautiful. 403 00:28:43,972 --> 00:28:46,509 You're-- 404 00:28:46,683 --> 00:28:48,924 you're a star. 405 00:28:49,102 --> 00:28:50,967 Now I know you're drunk. 406 00:28:51,146 --> 00:28:53,182 Come on, upsy-daisy. 407 00:28:53,356 --> 00:28:54,687 What is that? 408 00:28:54,858 --> 00:28:56,564 It's what you need right now, trust me. 409 00:29:02,949 --> 00:29:05,611 Ugh, it tastes like powdered puke. 410 00:29:05,785 --> 00:29:07,696 Well, you'll thank me tomorrow. 411 00:29:07,871 --> 00:29:10,157 Don't do a whole lot of drinking, do you? 412 00:29:12,125 --> 00:29:13,786 Not really. 413 00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:16,872 Once I drank a whole case 414 00:29:16,987 --> 00:29:19,538 of non-alcoholic beer though. 415 00:29:20,634 --> 00:29:25,094 I woke up in a pile of fake vomit. 416 00:29:30,185 --> 00:29:33,052 I heard what you did. It was nice. 417 00:29:33,230 --> 00:29:35,471 Stupid, but nice. 418 00:29:37,067 --> 00:29:39,103 It's not often a guy stands up for me. 419 00:29:39,277 --> 00:29:41,814 Those guys were morons. 420 00:29:41,988 --> 00:29:45,151 They were just talking bullshit. 421 00:29:45,325 --> 00:29:47,566 Ah, who knows? Maybe not. 422 00:29:47,744 --> 00:29:49,905 There are certain things a girl just don't want to hear 423 00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:52,571 no matter how old she gets. 424 00:29:52,749 --> 00:29:55,035 But that's the deal, right? 425 00:29:55,210 --> 00:29:57,451 You're only as good as what's in your bra and panties. 426 00:29:58,713 --> 00:30:00,374 It's weird. 427 00:30:00,549 --> 00:30:03,632 You're a dream. 428 00:30:03,802 --> 00:30:06,464 It looks like you've been popped out of the movie 429 00:30:06,638 --> 00:30:08,174 to sit on the couch with me. 430 00:30:10,141 --> 00:30:14,510 I used to watch your movies and think about how great it would be 431 00:30:14,688 --> 00:30:18,556 to meet you and talk to you, hang out with you. 432 00:30:18,733 --> 00:30:21,190 But it was always just a dream. 433 00:30:23,989 --> 00:30:26,025 But now my dream is real. 434 00:30:27,367 --> 00:30:29,699 Get a lot of ass talking like that? 435 00:30:32,622 --> 00:30:34,487 You got any dough? 436 00:30:34,666 --> 00:30:37,533 My wallet is in my backpack. 437 00:30:39,713 --> 00:30:41,544 I'm calling you a cab. 438 00:30:48,054 --> 00:30:51,296 You've reached the Country Checkered Cab Company 439 00:30:51,474 --> 00:30:54,011 serving Pinhook, Loogootee 440 00:30:54,185 --> 00:30:56,426 and all of greater Guthrie Township. 441 00:30:56,605 --> 00:31:00,018 Your call is important to us. 442 00:31:00,191 --> 00:31:01,897 Please wait. 443 00:31:02,068 --> 00:31:04,354 So where are you staying? 444 00:31:05,905 --> 00:31:08,112 Fuck. 445 00:31:10,243 --> 00:31:11,779 Come on. 446 00:31:11,953 --> 00:31:13,818 Wake up. 447 00:31:13,997 --> 00:31:16,534 The school bus is outside. 448 00:31:16,708 --> 00:31:19,666 The ice cream man is here. 449 00:31:19,836 --> 00:31:22,873 Santa Claus came. 450 00:32:13,598 --> 00:32:15,304 Hey, Kayla kitten. 451 00:32:20,939 --> 00:32:23,601 Ronny, a phone call would really be appreciated 452 00:32:23,775 --> 00:32:26,061 before you decide to just drop on by. 453 00:32:26,236 --> 00:32:29,103 I saw the police and ambulance at the club last night. 454 00:32:29,280 --> 00:32:31,612 I just came by to see if you were dead. 455 00:32:31,783 --> 00:32:35,571 Well, sorry to disappoint you. 456 00:32:35,745 --> 00:32:38,077 "Stripper Wins Custody Battle." 457 00:32:38,248 --> 00:32:41,160 That's not a headline you read a whole bunch, huh? 458 00:32:41,334 --> 00:32:44,292 Well, I've got to make a living somehow. 459 00:32:44,462 --> 00:32:47,625 It's not like your alimony can keep me going. 460 00:32:47,799 --> 00:32:49,255 No, well, that's why I came by. 461 00:32:49,426 --> 00:32:53,214 See, my lawyer, he wants to make some changes now that you're working. 462 00:32:53,388 --> 00:32:55,549 Great. 463 00:32:55,724 --> 00:32:59,216 So? You gonna invite us in? 464 00:33:00,645 --> 00:33:02,681 Look, 465 00:33:02,856 --> 00:33:05,518 it's 8:00 AM on a Saturday morning. 466 00:33:05,692 --> 00:33:08,525 Can't we-- can't we do this some other time? 467 00:33:08,695 --> 00:33:12,483 I ain't leaving. So maybe we'd just better take this inside, huh? 468 00:33:14,534 --> 00:33:16,775 No. 469 00:33:19,914 --> 00:33:22,030 You got somebody in there, don't you? 470 00:33:22,208 --> 00:33:24,199 It's none of your goddamn business. 471 00:33:24,377 --> 00:33:27,244 You're turning tricks again, aren't you? 472 00:33:27,422 --> 00:33:30,084 You know what? Fuck you. 473 00:33:30,258 --> 00:33:33,000 The judge is gonna love this. 474 00:33:33,178 --> 00:33:35,760 This-- this is rich. 475 00:33:35,930 --> 00:33:39,297 I've got to see for myself what kid of loser 476 00:33:39,476 --> 00:33:42,092 pays money to screw an old shipwreck like you. 477 00:33:42,270 --> 00:33:44,226 What? 478 00:33:45,648 --> 00:33:47,513 Hey hey! Hey hey! Ow! 479 00:33:47,692 --> 00:33:49,273 - Get out of here! Just get out! - Dumb bitch. 480 00:33:49,444 --> 00:33:52,777 Hey, you're sick, you know that? You need help. 481 00:33:52,947 --> 00:33:55,233 Just go. Go, little man. 482 00:33:55,408 --> 00:33:58,241 - Yeah yeah yeah. - Mommy! 483 00:33:59,913 --> 00:34:02,245 Keep it up, you'll see her when she's 21. 484 00:34:04,709 --> 00:34:06,950 Kayla baby, I'm sorry. 485 00:34:07,128 --> 00:34:09,835 Everything's gonna be fine. 486 00:34:27,190 --> 00:34:28,930 What are you doing? 487 00:34:30,151 --> 00:34:32,984 Look, it's not a good time. 488 00:34:33,154 --> 00:34:34,143 You need to go. 489 00:34:34,322 --> 00:34:36,779 Wakey wakey, eggs and bacey. 490 00:34:36,950 --> 00:34:40,033 It's-- you shouldn't have been here to begin with. 491 00:34:40,203 --> 00:34:41,909 Just beat it. 492 00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:44,617 Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. 493 00:34:44,791 --> 00:34:48,158 Those eggs are probably bad. 494 00:34:52,340 --> 00:34:54,626 Five minutes. 495 00:34:54,801 --> 00:34:58,009 Breakfast and then I'll go. 496 00:35:13,528 --> 00:35:15,393 This is a switch. 497 00:35:49,898 --> 00:35:52,560 Look, you really really need to go. 498 00:35:56,654 --> 00:36:00,567 Um, can I get your autograph? 499 00:36:02,493 --> 00:36:04,358 Sure. 500 00:36:04,537 --> 00:36:07,404 Like one on your underwear or something? 501 00:36:08,416 --> 00:36:10,532 No no. Hold on. 502 00:36:16,549 --> 00:36:18,585 Jeez, look at this. 503 00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:21,297 Some old perv croak and leave it to you? 504 00:36:21,471 --> 00:36:25,305 No, it's, uh, mine. 505 00:36:26,726 --> 00:36:28,387 God. 506 00:36:28,561 --> 00:36:31,268 Haven't seen that stuff in years. 507 00:36:31,439 --> 00:36:34,522 My ex made me burn all my movie junk. 508 00:36:35,610 --> 00:36:38,898 Oh, here you are. Girl of the Month. 509 00:36:39,072 --> 00:36:41,779 Yeah, right. My big break. 510 00:36:41,950 --> 00:36:45,568 - Miss January, 1978. - 1978. 511 00:36:49,374 --> 00:36:50,864 Um, were your turn-ons 512 00:36:51,042 --> 00:36:53,749 really chest hair and customized vans? 513 00:36:53,920 --> 00:36:56,536 If they were, they sure ain't now. 514 00:36:56,714 --> 00:37:00,127 I think my manager wrote most of that crap. 515 00:37:02,345 --> 00:37:05,212 Hey, what's that? 516 00:37:06,474 --> 00:37:09,466 That's the premiere of "Furburger Deluxe." 517 00:37:09,644 --> 00:37:12,681 Oh right, the drive-in waitress one. 518 00:37:12,855 --> 00:37:14,720 Believe me, 519 00:37:14,899 --> 00:37:18,187 bending over in roller skates is not as easy as it looks. 520 00:37:21,197 --> 00:37:23,233 God, where'd you get all this crap? 521 00:37:23,408 --> 00:37:25,364 Uh, the web, 522 00:37:25,535 --> 00:37:28,277 junk stores. 523 00:37:28,454 --> 00:37:30,240 All over. 524 00:37:31,416 --> 00:37:32,997 Must have a lot of time on your hands. 525 00:37:33,167 --> 00:37:34,873 You're the best. 526 00:37:35,044 --> 00:37:37,706 I don't get into much. Only the best. 527 00:37:37,880 --> 00:37:40,496 Yeah, were the best. Were. 528 00:37:42,635 --> 00:37:45,342 You know, all this time 529 00:37:45,513 --> 00:37:49,256 I told my folks that I was a jazzercise instructor. 530 00:37:53,438 --> 00:37:56,601 13 years of my life 531 00:37:56,774 --> 00:37:59,481 right here. 532 00:38:10,872 --> 00:38:13,158 Look, you should split. 533 00:38:13,332 --> 00:38:14,617 I've got some people coming by. 534 00:38:16,169 --> 00:38:17,579 It was really nice to meet you. 535 00:38:21,591 --> 00:38:24,298 So can I see you? 536 00:38:24,469 --> 00:38:26,585 Bye-bye. 537 00:38:28,014 --> 00:38:30,630 - My van is really far. - Bye. 538 00:38:33,853 --> 00:38:35,969 Yeah. 539 00:38:36,147 --> 00:38:38,058 All right, see you later. 540 00:38:39,525 --> 00:38:41,106 Maybe. 541 00:38:55,666 --> 00:38:58,078 ♪ Keep knocking and you can't come in ♪ 542 00:38:58,252 --> 00:39:01,335 ♪ Keep knocking and you can't come in ♪ 543 00:39:01,506 --> 00:39:04,669 ♪ Keep knocking and you can't come in... ♪ 544 00:39:04,842 --> 00:39:06,878 Hello. 545 00:39:07,053 --> 00:39:09,465 Tobe's not here. 546 00:39:09,639 --> 00:39:12,176 Speak slow and leave your number. 547 00:39:12,350 --> 00:39:14,511 Semper fi. 548 00:39:17,063 --> 00:39:19,600 Hey, Pop Pop. It's Tobe. 549 00:39:19,774 --> 00:39:21,765 I'm in Indiana. 550 00:39:21,943 --> 00:39:24,275 I got beat up, 551 00:39:24,445 --> 00:39:26,527 cheated out of money, 552 00:39:26,697 --> 00:39:29,109 someone spray painted the truck, 553 00:39:29,283 --> 00:39:31,319 people tell me to go home. 554 00:39:31,494 --> 00:39:34,782 So much for small-town hospitality. 555 00:39:34,956 --> 00:39:37,663 Don't touch my junk. I'm coming back. 556 00:39:37,834 --> 00:39:41,827 I'm just gonna sell the truck and take a bus home. 557 00:39:42,004 --> 00:39:44,711 - Hello? - Hey, Claude. 558 00:39:44,882 --> 00:39:46,418 It's Tobe. 559 00:39:46,592 --> 00:39:49,459 I'm driving through your neighbor's cornfields. 560 00:39:49,637 --> 00:39:53,380 - I'm in the big white barn. - I see it. 561 00:40:09,657 --> 00:40:11,193 Can you see me? 562 00:40:13,536 --> 00:40:16,653 - Uh, yeah, I see you. - I can see you too. 563 00:40:21,377 --> 00:40:23,083 Oh, I'm sorry. 564 00:40:23,254 --> 00:40:25,540 Listen, I put a lot of work into that guy. 565 00:40:25,715 --> 00:40:27,455 I've got to use him every chance I get. 566 00:40:27,633 --> 00:40:29,624 Claude Turner. 567 00:40:29,802 --> 00:40:31,838 Hey, Tobe. 568 00:40:32,013 --> 00:40:34,174 You look like you're having a rough trip. 569 00:40:34,348 --> 00:40:36,304 No, it's cool. 570 00:40:36,475 --> 00:40:37,840 You want to check out the truck? 571 00:40:38,019 --> 00:40:41,102 The phallic symbol express? Absolutely. 572 00:40:41,272 --> 00:40:42,808 Come on. 573 00:40:48,446 --> 00:40:50,687 Hmm. 574 00:40:52,783 --> 00:40:55,490 Whatever floats your boat. 575 00:40:55,661 --> 00:40:58,403 Come on in. 576 00:40:58,581 --> 00:41:00,162 Whoa. 577 00:41:09,717 --> 00:41:11,582 So you're an artist? 578 00:41:11,761 --> 00:41:14,343 That's a good word. 579 00:41:14,513 --> 00:41:16,469 Pretty cool stuff. 580 00:41:16,641 --> 00:41:18,597 More good words. 581 00:41:18,768 --> 00:41:20,599 Here you go. 582 00:41:20,770 --> 00:41:22,726 Root beer, king of soda. 583 00:41:29,779 --> 00:41:33,647 You collect all the stuff my grandpa would tell me to throw out. 584 00:41:34,700 --> 00:41:36,031 He called it junk. 585 00:41:36,202 --> 00:41:37,908 American culture. 586 00:41:38,079 --> 00:41:41,367 Junk is America. 587 00:41:41,540 --> 00:41:45,624 We don't have the Sistine Chapel or the pyramids. 588 00:41:45,795 --> 00:41:49,379 We have PEZ dispensers 589 00:41:49,548 --> 00:41:52,039 and Big Boy 590 00:41:52,218 --> 00:41:55,585 and trucks with weenies. 591 00:41:55,763 --> 00:41:58,675 And a Russ Meyer and a Creature Feature. 592 00:41:58,849 --> 00:42:00,180 Oh! 593 00:42:02,728 --> 00:42:05,344 Look, we're only 200 years old. 594 00:42:05,523 --> 00:42:07,605 We're still the naive, 595 00:42:07,775 --> 00:42:10,107 over-hormonal teenagers of planet Earth 596 00:42:10,278 --> 00:42:12,564 making lots of mistakes. 597 00:42:16,951 --> 00:42:20,535 - That's five grand, right? - Yeah. 598 00:42:22,957 --> 00:42:25,949 Oh, uh, no checks. 599 00:42:26,127 --> 00:42:28,209 Cash. 600 00:42:28,379 --> 00:42:30,495 Oh? 601 00:42:30,673 --> 00:42:32,459 Hmm. 602 00:42:32,633 --> 00:42:34,840 Well, you know, 603 00:42:35,011 --> 00:42:38,720 I'm not the cash-laden celeb artist I appear to be. 604 00:42:38,889 --> 00:42:42,848 It'll take me a few days before I can get over to the bank. 605 00:42:44,478 --> 00:42:46,560 But I can offer you something for collateral. 606 00:42:46,731 --> 00:42:48,517 Maybe we can even make a trade. 607 00:42:48,691 --> 00:42:51,854 How about Uncle Ronny or Tricky Dick for the truck? 608 00:42:53,362 --> 00:42:56,069 I can stay in town until Monday. 609 00:42:56,240 --> 00:42:58,401 Is Monday good? 610 00:42:58,576 --> 00:43:00,908 Okay. 611 00:43:04,874 --> 00:43:08,537 ♪ See see Rider ♪ 612 00:43:10,629 --> 00:43:13,962 ♪ See what you've done done ♪ 613 00:43:14,133 --> 00:43:17,375 ♪ Lord Lord Lord ♪ 614 00:43:17,553 --> 00:43:20,215 ♪ Made me love you ♪ 615 00:43:20,389 --> 00:43:25,258 ♪ Now your gal done come ♪ 616 00:43:27,855 --> 00:43:32,019 ♪ You made me love you ♪ 617 00:43:32,193 --> 00:43:37,153 ♪ Now your gal done come. ♪ 618 00:44:18,114 --> 00:44:21,072 Hey. Hey! 619 00:44:21,242 --> 00:44:22,857 Who are you? 620 00:44:23,035 --> 00:44:25,526 Uh, a friend. 621 00:44:25,704 --> 00:44:28,036 She's not here right now. 622 00:44:28,207 --> 00:44:30,789 Go get your happy ending somewhere else. 623 00:44:30,960 --> 00:44:33,872 Thanks for the tip. 624 00:44:35,047 --> 00:44:36,537 What's the matter? 625 00:44:36,715 --> 00:44:39,127 You got something against beautiful teenage girls? 626 00:44:39,301 --> 00:44:41,087 You miss your mommy? 627 00:44:41,262 --> 00:44:43,878 Or did you forget what year it is? 628 00:45:03,659 --> 00:45:05,445 Hey! 629 00:45:05,619 --> 00:45:07,575 - What you do? - I'm her husband. 630 00:45:07,746 --> 00:45:10,408 You bug off. 631 00:45:10,583 --> 00:45:13,245 - I call police. - Hey hey, relax. 632 00:45:13,419 --> 00:45:15,626 Ow! Hey! 633 00:45:15,796 --> 00:45:17,752 Hey, stop it! 634 00:45:17,923 --> 00:45:18,753 Hey hey! 635 00:45:18,924 --> 00:45:20,960 Yeah, I know, steamed dumplings in 20 minutes. Yeah. 636 00:45:21,135 --> 00:45:23,296 Yeah yeah yeah yeah. 637 00:45:36,192 --> 00:45:38,934 - Thanks for coming down. - Who couldn't wash somebody's hair? 638 00:45:39,111 --> 00:45:41,727 A dead monkey could do this, I'm telling you. 639 00:45:41,906 --> 00:45:43,942 You know I have a kid right? 640 00:45:46,452 --> 00:45:48,613 Weekends, extra, whatever you need. 641 00:45:52,625 --> 00:45:55,617 Hey. Hey. 642 00:45:55,794 --> 00:45:58,456 She says I don't have the proper image, she says. 643 00:45:58,631 --> 00:46:01,794 She says this is a class establishment. 644 00:46:01,967 --> 00:46:03,958 Dusty-cunted old hag, where does she get off? 645 00:46:04,136 --> 00:46:06,047 I've got class coming out of my friggin' ass. 646 00:46:07,765 --> 00:46:09,471 Swear to God, 647 00:46:09,642 --> 00:46:12,884 you screw a few hundred guys and the whole world turns against you. 648 00:46:16,190 --> 00:46:18,101 I need a drink. 649 00:46:25,824 --> 00:46:27,189 Hold this. 650 00:46:31,080 --> 00:46:32,616 Fuck 'em all. 651 00:46:41,090 --> 00:46:43,797 That winner at my house the other morning was my ex, 652 00:46:43,968 --> 00:46:46,505 if you hadn't figured that out. 653 00:46:46,679 --> 00:46:48,670 Sounds like a good person to be broken up with. 654 00:46:48,847 --> 00:46:51,054 Yeah. Right now it's looking pretty crappy. 655 00:46:52,059 --> 00:46:54,801 I'm taking him to court to get custody of my daughter. 656 00:46:54,979 --> 00:46:57,516 If he finds out I'm back in the biz 657 00:46:57,690 --> 00:47:00,602 I've got a snowball's chance in hell. 658 00:47:00,776 --> 00:47:03,984 But you're not still in it, are you? 659 00:47:04,154 --> 00:47:07,567 You haven't done a movie since "Where's the Beef?" 660 00:47:07,741 --> 00:47:09,857 No, there's these local guys, 661 00:47:10,035 --> 00:47:12,617 they want to put me in a comeback movie. 662 00:47:12,788 --> 00:47:16,155 They say I've got bo x cover recognition. 663 00:47:17,585 --> 00:47:21,999 I shouldn't do it, but I'm fucking broker than broke. 664 00:47:22,172 --> 00:47:26,381 Won't your ex find out? Can't you do something else? 665 00:47:27,845 --> 00:47:28,925 Yeah. 666 00:47:29,096 --> 00:47:31,337 You saw how that went. 667 00:47:35,019 --> 00:47:36,805 So what's this movie about? 668 00:47:36,979 --> 00:47:41,393 Well, there's no script, but I think it's gonna be good. 669 00:47:41,567 --> 00:47:43,808 I mean classy. Something that'll lead to bigger things. 670 00:47:43,986 --> 00:47:45,647 What's it called? 671 00:47:47,072 --> 00:47:48,357 "Bunghole Banditos." 672 00:47:50,075 --> 00:47:52,407 Wow. 673 00:47:52,578 --> 00:47:55,365 Sounds like Oscar time. 674 00:47:55,539 --> 00:47:57,325 I don't know. 675 00:47:57,499 --> 00:48:00,161 It's not gonna be like the old days. 676 00:48:01,295 --> 00:48:03,001 They had real stories. 677 00:48:03,172 --> 00:48:05,834 We were actresses. We tried to make it believable. 678 00:48:06,008 --> 00:48:09,091 Yeah, now it's like Evel Knievel is directing. 679 00:48:09,261 --> 00:48:12,253 Yeah right. 50 guys, one girl, 680 00:48:12,431 --> 00:48:14,763 half a gallon of Crisco-- will she make it? 681 00:48:15,768 --> 00:48:18,009 - Did you hear her? - Yeah, but... 682 00:48:18,187 --> 00:48:20,929 they want to pay me three grand. 683 00:48:21,106 --> 00:48:23,222 That's a lot more than I got in the '70s. 684 00:48:23,400 --> 00:48:27,018 I mean, some of those early ones all I got was 50 bucks, 685 00:48:27,196 --> 00:48:29,938 a stick of grass and a case of the crabs. 686 00:48:33,661 --> 00:48:37,199 Is the crabs thing still part of your contract? 687 00:48:40,376 --> 00:48:43,163 You are a weird fucking kid. 688 00:48:45,255 --> 00:48:48,292 Linda. Linda baby, 689 00:48:48,467 --> 00:48:50,833 we've got to get together, 690 00:48:51,011 --> 00:48:54,094 - party sometime. - Yeah, whoo! 691 00:48:54,264 --> 00:48:56,880 Sure, how's never? Is never a good time? 692 00:48:57,059 --> 00:49:00,017 I got 20 bucks. 693 00:49:03,148 --> 00:49:06,481 That's my real name-- Linda Romanoli. 694 00:49:06,652 --> 00:49:09,018 You probably already knew that. 695 00:49:10,656 --> 00:49:13,363 And my shoe size and blood type too. 696 00:49:13,534 --> 00:49:15,570 Eight and a half. 697 00:49:17,413 --> 00:49:21,281 I don't know your blood type. Honest. 698 00:49:27,297 --> 00:49:29,959 I'm gonna be sick. I've got to sit down. 699 00:49:31,343 --> 00:49:33,208 All right, don't sit. Don't sit. Don't sit. 700 00:49:33,387 --> 00:49:35,719 You're almost home. 701 00:49:35,889 --> 00:49:38,596 ♪ Doing things right four or five times ♪ 702 00:49:38,767 --> 00:49:40,052 ♪ Four or five times ♪ 703 00:49:40,227 --> 00:49:43,185 - ♪ Maybe I'll sigh ♪ - ♪ Maybe I'll sigh ♪ 704 00:49:43,355 --> 00:49:45,721 - ♪ And maybe l'll cry ♪ - ♪ And maybe I'll cry... ♪ 705 00:49:45,899 --> 00:49:47,935 ♪ If I die ♪ 706 00:49:48,110 --> 00:49:50,442 ♪ I'm gonna try four or five times ♪ 707 00:49:50,612 --> 00:49:52,068 ♪ Four of five times... ♪ 708 00:49:58,537 --> 00:50:01,199 - Hold on. - Oh! 709 00:50:03,292 --> 00:50:06,125 What kind of knight in shining armor are you? 710 00:50:07,421 --> 00:50:11,005 - ♪ And maybe l'll cry ♪ - ♪ And maybe I'll cry... ♪ 711 00:50:11,175 --> 00:50:13,791 No no. No no no. 712 00:50:13,969 --> 00:50:16,381 You're kinda cute. 713 00:50:16,555 --> 00:50:20,218 Like the guy in the "Archie" comics with the funny hat. 714 00:50:20,392 --> 00:50:24,180 Jughead. He was the drummer in their band. 715 00:50:24,354 --> 00:50:26,436 Right. 716 00:50:29,318 --> 00:50:31,809 Oh! 717 00:50:34,615 --> 00:50:37,732 I'm thinking you maybe should leave. 718 00:50:41,413 --> 00:50:43,574 Here. 719 00:50:53,300 --> 00:50:55,131 Can I call you? 720 00:51:21,495 --> 00:51:23,451 Score. 721 00:51:35,384 --> 00:51:36,464 What can I do for you today? 722 00:51:37,803 --> 00:51:40,340 Um... uh... 723 00:51:40,514 --> 00:51:44,132 I'd like to buy some fireworks. 724 00:52:02,619 --> 00:52:06,237 You look for her? 725 00:52:06,415 --> 00:52:09,873 Uh, yeah. Do you know where she is? 726 00:52:10,043 --> 00:52:11,999 At school. 727 00:52:12,170 --> 00:52:14,206 Every day same time. 728 00:52:14,381 --> 00:52:16,747 Do you know where that is? 729 00:52:16,925 --> 00:52:20,133 This way. Not far. 730 00:52:20,304 --> 00:52:22,010 Half a mile. 731 00:52:54,379 --> 00:52:57,212 ♪ Baby ♪ 732 00:52:57,382 --> 00:53:00,089 ♪ Baby, are you satisfied? ♪ 733 00:53:00,260 --> 00:53:03,093 - Hello. - Hi, Daddy. 734 00:53:03,263 --> 00:53:06,847 ♪ I say baby... ♪ 735 00:53:07,017 --> 00:53:10,601 - How was school? - ♪ Baby, are you satisfied? ♪ 736 00:53:12,981 --> 00:53:16,314 ♪ Mmm, baby ♪ 737 00:53:16,485 --> 00:53:19,602 ♪ Tell me if you're satisfied ♪ 738 00:53:38,465 --> 00:53:40,751 They're so worried about your safety, you know? 739 00:53:40,926 --> 00:53:44,885 They spend half your class time letting you know that drugs kill, 740 00:53:45,055 --> 00:53:47,296 don't drink and drive, 741 00:53:47,474 --> 00:53:50,090 don't have sex-- you'll get AIDs, 742 00:53:50,268 --> 00:53:52,884 don't commit suicide. If you're thinking about it get help. 743 00:53:53,063 --> 00:53:54,678 And then what do they do? 744 00:53:54,856 --> 00:53:58,565 Uh, I can't think. 745 00:53:58,735 --> 00:54:01,568 Well, here, they let you sign up for the army 746 00:54:01,738 --> 00:54:03,854 at the booth in front of the gym. 747 00:54:04,032 --> 00:54:05,397 - Gym? - Uh-huh. 748 00:54:05,575 --> 00:54:06,985 I hate gym. 749 00:54:07,160 --> 00:54:09,993 Hold that thought. 750 00:54:11,581 --> 00:54:14,368 - Hey, Monica. - Hey, kiddo. I got your note. 751 00:54:17,879 --> 00:54:20,461 There is only one thing to do. 752 00:54:20,632 --> 00:54:23,499 Frankenbooty must be destroyed. 753 00:54:23,677 --> 00:54:25,508 I won an award for this. 754 00:54:25,679 --> 00:54:29,342 Yeah, the Coochie Award for breast actress, 1980. 755 00:54:29,516 --> 00:54:30,596 Yeah yeah. 756 00:54:30,767 --> 00:54:34,510 It's kind of like an Oscar except shaped like a horse dick. 757 00:54:34,688 --> 00:54:37,680 I wound up banging the dents out of my Chevy with it. 758 00:54:39,651 --> 00:54:41,937 What was it like working with Donnie Davis? 759 00:54:42,112 --> 00:54:45,525 I mean, he totally revolutionized horror 760 00:54:45,699 --> 00:54:49,362 with "The Last House on the Street" and "The House Two Doors Down." 761 00:54:49,536 --> 00:54:51,618 Well, I can't tell you much there. 762 00:54:51,788 --> 00:54:55,030 I mean, the guy knocked off a case of Scotch a week. 763 00:54:55,208 --> 00:54:57,620 He wasn't awake for most of the shoot, and when he was 764 00:54:57,794 --> 00:55:01,537 his attention was mostly focused on how to most effectively grab my ass. 765 00:55:09,931 --> 00:55:12,468 Now this part, to me this is like 766 00:55:12,642 --> 00:55:15,975 a direct homage to the Hammer Films tradition 767 00:55:16,146 --> 00:55:17,727 of horror with sex. 768 00:55:17,898 --> 00:55:19,559 Homage? Ain't that cheese? 769 00:55:21,568 --> 00:55:25,186 Oh no, it's French. It means "to show respect for." 770 00:55:28,617 --> 00:55:32,451 Well, the only French you should use when talking about this masterpiece 771 00:55:32,621 --> 00:55:36,580 is "la turd" or "la money de easy." 772 00:55:36,750 --> 00:55:38,661 You know what I think of th is? 773 00:55:38,835 --> 00:55:41,121 It was fun to make 774 00:55:41,296 --> 00:55:43,378 but boring as paint drying to watch. 775 00:55:45,675 --> 00:55:48,667 Oh! 776 00:55:50,305 --> 00:55:53,593 Now you know how it feels. 777 00:56:01,983 --> 00:56:04,690 You are a weird fucking kid. 778 00:56:19,334 --> 00:56:21,450 Come on. I look like dog crap. 779 00:56:21,628 --> 00:56:24,540 You, nature-- what's not to like? 780 00:56:24,714 --> 00:56:26,875 You'll break your camera. 781 00:56:31,429 --> 00:56:33,841 Where the hell are we going? 782 00:56:35,392 --> 00:56:37,724 You wouldn't be the first guy to take me out to the woods 783 00:56:37,894 --> 00:56:39,680 to try and kill me, you know. 784 00:56:41,857 --> 00:56:43,768 That's weird. 785 00:56:52,576 --> 00:56:55,363 - And? - Sit down. 786 00:56:55,537 --> 00:56:57,653 Relax. 787 00:56:59,875 --> 00:57:02,287 What are you doing? 788 00:57:02,460 --> 00:57:04,621 It's okay. 789 00:57:04,796 --> 00:57:07,629 Are you-- are you trying to fucking kill me? 790 00:57:07,799 --> 00:57:10,506 Okay, turn it off. I'm not kidding. 791 00:57:10,677 --> 00:57:12,668 It's okay, it's okay. 792 00:57:12,846 --> 00:57:14,882 It's our one-week anniversary. 793 00:57:15,056 --> 00:57:16,842 I met you a week ago today. 794 00:57:17,017 --> 00:57:18,882 All right, get down. Get down. 795 00:57:21,354 --> 00:57:24,972 You fucking dick. 796 00:57:34,826 --> 00:57:37,784 - That was awesome. - That was really good. 797 00:57:46,671 --> 00:57:50,004 And for dinner we have hot dogs. 798 00:57:50,175 --> 00:57:52,541 That's a shock. 799 00:57:56,765 --> 00:58:01,509 So how did you first hook up with Mr. Wonderful? 800 00:58:01,686 --> 00:58:04,302 Yeah, right. 801 00:58:04,481 --> 00:58:08,269 I had this gig dancing down in Tampa. 802 00:58:09,986 --> 00:58:12,728 And he brought in his business clients, 803 00:58:12,906 --> 00:58:15,147 became a regular, talked to the girls, 804 00:58:15,325 --> 00:58:17,941 started asking me out and after a while I said yeah. 805 00:58:19,287 --> 00:58:22,154 And at first it was nice. 806 00:58:23,875 --> 00:58:26,161 He treated me good. 807 00:58:26,336 --> 00:58:28,247 He bought me nice stuff. 808 00:58:28,421 --> 00:58:30,503 He had a good job. He was straight. 809 00:58:31,841 --> 00:58:34,127 So getting married seemed like the thing to do. 810 00:58:34,302 --> 00:58:37,009 And I tried to be a good girl, 811 00:58:37,180 --> 00:58:40,013 but it weren't enough. 812 00:58:40,183 --> 00:58:42,970 What he wanted was a goddamn slave. 813 00:58:43,144 --> 00:58:44,759 Ouch. 814 00:58:44,938 --> 00:58:46,849 Yeah, we fought all the time, 815 00:58:47,023 --> 00:58:49,730 throwing dishes, the whole nine yards. 816 00:58:49,901 --> 00:58:52,859 We knew the cops by name after awhile. 817 00:58:56,908 --> 00:58:59,695 Everybody makes mistakes. 818 00:58:59,869 --> 00:59:01,734 Yeah, everybody makes mistakes. 819 00:59:01,913 --> 00:59:04,495 Sure, but it ain't that easy. 820 00:59:04,666 --> 00:59:08,204 You can make a mistake that can ruin your whole life. 821 00:59:10,880 --> 00:59:12,871 He didn't ruin your life. 822 00:59:13,049 --> 00:59:16,667 Yeah, I got Kayla out of it. 823 00:59:18,471 --> 00:59:20,803 It's just life, you know? 824 00:59:20,974 --> 00:59:24,137 You get sucked into things and time goes by 825 00:59:24,311 --> 00:59:26,723 and you wonder who's that looking at you in the mirror. 826 00:59:26,896 --> 00:59:28,932 Not that you'd understand. 827 00:59:31,067 --> 00:59:33,308 It's just... 828 00:59:34,529 --> 00:59:37,236 I thought I'd be farther along at this age, 829 00:59:37,407 --> 00:59:40,194 made a difference in the world. 830 00:59:40,368 --> 00:59:41,983 You know? 831 00:59:48,001 --> 00:59:50,117 But you have made a difference. 832 00:59:50,295 --> 00:59:53,378 You made people happy, excited. 833 00:59:53,548 --> 00:59:54,708 Excited? 834 00:59:54,883 --> 00:59:58,876 I think I've had a little too much of that kind of excitement in my life. 835 00:59:59,054 --> 01:00:01,215 People like me-- 836 01:00:01,389 --> 01:00:04,381 goofy-looking guys who can't get a date, 837 01:00:04,559 --> 01:00:08,051 lonely old guys or couples even. 838 01:00:08,229 --> 01:00:11,392 I mean, there are probably thousands of babies 839 01:00:11,566 --> 01:00:14,603 born from "Jigglebuns Part 2" alone. 840 01:00:14,778 --> 01:00:16,769 Yeah. 841 01:00:17,947 --> 01:00:19,778 Maybe. 842 01:00:22,994 --> 01:00:25,030 Got a girlfriend? 843 01:00:27,415 --> 01:00:29,622 No. 844 01:00:29,793 --> 01:00:31,249 I don't know. 845 01:00:31,419 --> 01:00:34,957 There was this one girl I liked-- Amanda. 846 01:00:36,841 --> 01:00:38,957 But she's a dork. 847 01:00:39,135 --> 01:00:41,797 And I'm a dork. 848 01:00:42,972 --> 01:00:46,009 I think dork dating is still illegal in most states. 849 01:00:47,602 --> 01:00:49,888 You're just scared. 850 01:00:50,897 --> 01:00:52,012 I'm not scared. 851 01:00:52,190 --> 01:00:54,977 Young and scared of the real thing. 852 01:00:56,903 --> 01:00:59,394 You're scared it won't be like a movie. 853 01:01:03,201 --> 01:01:05,613 If you could be anywhere in the world right now, 854 01:01:05,787 --> 01:01:07,698 where would you be? 855 01:01:07,872 --> 01:01:09,783 I don't know. 856 01:01:09,958 --> 01:01:11,869 Well, think of someplace. 857 01:01:12,043 --> 01:01:13,829 But how am I gonna get there? 858 01:01:14,003 --> 01:01:16,995 You gonna drive me in the bonermobile? 859 01:01:23,263 --> 01:01:25,629 Okay. 860 01:01:27,016 --> 01:01:28,802 Oregon. 861 01:01:28,977 --> 01:01:31,559 What's in Oregon? 862 01:01:31,729 --> 01:01:33,435 It's natural out there. 863 01:01:33,606 --> 01:01:36,268 I don't know. It's spiritual. 864 01:01:38,445 --> 01:01:41,608 There's the ocean and clams on the beach. 865 01:01:41,781 --> 01:01:43,191 Great dope. 866 01:01:43,366 --> 01:01:46,733 Me and Kayla, we get a place in the woods-- 867 01:01:46,911 --> 01:01:48,242 a log cabin. 868 01:01:48,413 --> 01:01:51,576 Nobody looking down their noses at us anymore. 869 01:01:51,749 --> 01:01:55,082 I heard of a family who did that once. 870 01:01:55,253 --> 01:01:56,789 Really? 871 01:01:56,963 --> 01:01:58,794 Yeah. 872 01:01:58,965 --> 01:02:00,876 Gave it all up and moved out into the woods. 873 01:02:01,050 --> 01:02:03,132 That's cool. How'd they do? 874 01:02:03,303 --> 01:02:05,544 One winter they got snowed in 875 01:02:05,722 --> 01:02:08,054 and they had to eat their grandma. 876 01:02:11,728 --> 01:02:13,218 You know, for a young kid, 877 01:02:13,396 --> 01:02:16,058 you really are a negative downer. 878 01:02:18,526 --> 01:02:20,733 Sorry. 879 01:02:20,904 --> 01:02:23,111 You know what I hate more than anything else? 880 01:02:23,281 --> 01:02:25,522 Negativeness. 881 01:02:30,205 --> 01:02:32,412 Hmm. 882 01:02:36,586 --> 01:02:39,077 I sort of have a confession to make. 883 01:02:40,882 --> 01:02:42,543 I knew this was coming. 884 01:02:44,636 --> 01:02:46,877 I'm 17. 885 01:02:48,139 --> 01:02:50,095 17. 886 01:02:50,266 --> 01:02:51,881 Fuck. 887 01:02:53,061 --> 01:02:56,178 I think the last date I had with a 17-year-old, 888 01:02:56,356 --> 01:02:59,223 I was 12. 889 01:03:00,652 --> 01:03:02,108 I turn 18 in October. 890 01:03:04,864 --> 01:03:06,980 Hmm. 891 01:03:17,168 --> 01:03:19,079 You a virgin? 892 01:03:23,841 --> 01:03:25,377 It's cute. 893 01:03:25,552 --> 01:03:28,385 It's old-timey like a-- 894 01:03:28,555 --> 01:03:32,047 like a kid still wanting to be president. 895 01:03:38,147 --> 01:03:39,933 I'm not stupid. 896 01:03:40,108 --> 01:03:42,520 You had this all planned. 897 01:03:42,694 --> 01:03:45,686 Is that okay? We can go home. 898 01:03:45,863 --> 01:03:49,071 No. It's original. 899 01:03:49,242 --> 01:03:51,733 "A" for effort. 900 01:03:53,788 --> 01:03:56,951 - Pinch a little, don't twist. - Oh. 901 01:03:57,125 --> 01:04:00,208 - You ain't changing channels. - I'm sorry. 902 01:04:02,130 --> 01:04:04,291 No, don't press on it. 903 01:04:04,465 --> 01:04:06,547 More like you're painting a house. 904 01:04:06,718 --> 01:04:08,208 Is this good? 905 01:04:08,386 --> 01:04:10,468 There you go. 906 01:04:10,638 --> 01:04:12,879 Just like that. 907 01:04:15,852 --> 01:04:18,594 Now put a raincoat on your little friend there. 908 01:04:18,771 --> 01:04:22,434 - Little? - Don't worry about it. 909 01:04:23,610 --> 01:04:26,522 - Oh, wow. - Oh, that's right. 910 01:04:26,696 --> 01:04:29,278 Back and forth. 911 01:04:29,449 --> 01:04:32,941 Little circles. 912 01:04:33,119 --> 01:04:34,984 Little circles. 913 01:04:53,264 --> 01:04:55,255 Whoo! 914 01:04:55,433 --> 01:04:58,596 Whoo! Yeah! 915 01:05:00,563 --> 01:05:03,646 ♪ I love someone second to none ♪ 916 01:05:03,816 --> 01:05:06,728 ♪ But, Cupid, you hear me talking to you ♪ 917 01:05:06,903 --> 01:05:11,488 ♪ In making love he makes a dove look stupid ♪ 918 01:05:13,201 --> 01:05:16,034 ♪ He's made love a special art ♪ 919 01:05:16,204 --> 01:05:19,241 ♪ Gives me treatment for my heart ♪ 920 01:05:19,415 --> 01:05:21,781 ♪ I realized ♪ 921 01:05:21,959 --> 01:05:23,995 ♪ Right from the start... ♪ 922 01:05:26,506 --> 01:05:28,588 Hey, Pop Pop, call me. 923 01:05:28,758 --> 01:05:31,340 Call me back on the telephone. 924 01:05:31,511 --> 01:05:33,251 You know, the telephone? 925 01:05:33,429 --> 01:05:35,169 Remember reading about that? 926 01:05:35,348 --> 01:05:37,680 It was invented shortly after your 40th birthday. 927 01:05:37,850 --> 01:05:40,341 It's where you can talk to people far away without having to yell real loud. 928 01:05:40,520 --> 01:05:42,431 Come on. 929 01:05:47,068 --> 01:05:49,024 Steeno residence, Kenneth speaking. 930 01:05:49,195 --> 01:05:51,811 Kenny, it's Tobe. Hey, have you seen my grandpa? 931 01:05:51,989 --> 01:05:54,321 - Is he all right? - I was at the skin doctor all day. 932 01:05:54,492 --> 01:05:58,235 Do me a favor-- find him. Tell him to ignore my last message. 933 01:05:58,413 --> 01:06:00,199 I don't think I'm coming back. 934 01:06:00,373 --> 01:06:02,159 Huh? Why? 935 01:06:02,333 --> 01:06:04,164 Tell him I'm in love 936 01:06:04,335 --> 01:06:06,542 with Monica Velour. 937 01:06:06,713 --> 01:06:08,704 Who's that? 938 01:06:08,881 --> 01:06:11,247 It's the lady in all my posters. 939 01:06:11,426 --> 01:06:13,838 Just do it. 940 01:06:21,227 --> 01:06:23,013 I don't know where you get that, but it's good. 941 01:06:23,187 --> 01:06:25,428 I need that too. 942 01:06:25,606 --> 01:06:28,598 Hot dogs. Get your hot dogs. 943 01:06:37,160 --> 01:06:39,401 Hi, Mommy. 944 01:06:40,413 --> 01:06:42,244 Hey, baby. 945 01:06:42,415 --> 01:06:44,656 Uh, why aren't you with your daddy? 946 01:06:44,834 --> 01:06:46,950 Tobe said you wanted to see me. 947 01:06:48,504 --> 01:06:50,085 Didn't I tell you never to go with strangers? 948 01:06:50,256 --> 01:06:52,998 He's not a stranger. He's your friend. I saw him in your house. 949 01:06:53,176 --> 01:06:55,167 What the hell are you doing? 950 01:06:55,344 --> 01:06:57,050 Are you crazy? 951 01:06:57,221 --> 01:06:58,961 You wanted to see her. Here she is. 952 01:06:59,140 --> 01:07:01,802 And you didn't pick her up so there's no custody rules broken. 953 01:07:01,976 --> 01:07:05,389 This is not cool. My ex finds out about this, he's gonna shit. 954 01:07:06,522 --> 01:07:08,387 Johnny, watch Kayla, will you? 955 01:07:08,566 --> 01:07:11,308 - Come here, Kayla. - Go on, baby. 956 01:07:14,322 --> 01:07:15,983 What are those guys doing here? 957 01:07:16,157 --> 01:07:19,274 - They're my friends. - They're the creeps who yelled at you. 958 01:07:19,452 --> 01:07:22,785 Look, you can't do this, coming around out of the blue, 959 01:07:22,955 --> 01:07:25,662 picking up my kid, asking all kinds of questions. 960 01:07:25,833 --> 01:07:29,075 - Huh-uh. - Hey, who invited Oscar Mayer? 961 01:07:31,255 --> 01:07:34,042 I'd like to see you. What about tomorrow? 962 01:07:34,217 --> 01:07:36,253 I don't think so. I'm working. 963 01:07:36,427 --> 01:07:38,292 You got a job? 964 01:07:38,471 --> 01:07:42,714 Yeah, I'm gonna do some glamour work over at the Crestline Motor Lodge. 965 01:07:42,892 --> 01:07:44,808 I'm gonna be a big star all over again. 966 01:07:46,546 --> 01:07:50,214 Wait, that "Bunghole Burrito" movie? 967 01:07:50,278 --> 01:07:52,098 I thought you said you don't want to. 968 01:07:52,276 --> 01:07:54,813 Yeah, well, when is life doing things you want to? 969 01:07:54,987 --> 01:07:56,648 I need the money. You got any better suggestions? 970 01:07:56,823 --> 01:07:57,945 I mean I can't even get 971 01:07:58,000 --> 01:08:01,487 a six-buck-an-hour shampoo girl job in this town. 972 01:08:01,661 --> 01:08:04,869 Not without someone waving a dick in my face. 973 01:08:05,039 --> 01:08:07,325 - Well, what about Kayla? - What about Kayla? 974 01:08:07,500 --> 01:08:10,116 Lawyers don't work for free. 975 01:08:10,294 --> 01:08:13,127 No, you said that if people find out you're back in the business, 976 01:08:13,297 --> 01:08:14,537 you would never get custody. 977 01:08:14,715 --> 01:08:18,082 Well, maybe I'll get lucky this time. 978 01:08:18,261 --> 01:08:20,047 Nobody will ever know I did it. 979 01:08:20,221 --> 01:08:22,007 The way this one sounds, 980 01:08:22,181 --> 01:08:24,843 they're not gonna be taking any close-ups of my face anyway. 981 01:08:25,017 --> 01:08:27,599 There has to be something else though. 982 01:08:27,770 --> 01:08:29,556 This could ruin everything. 983 01:08:29,730 --> 01:08:31,311 What are you getting so high and mighty for? 984 01:08:31,482 --> 01:08:34,940 You wouldn't even know who I was unless I balled on camera. 985 01:08:40,199 --> 01:08:42,690 Come on, Linda. Beer's getting cold. 986 01:08:42,869 --> 01:08:44,700 I mean warm. 987 01:08:44,871 --> 01:08:47,908 And I'm getting cold. Come on. 988 01:08:48,082 --> 01:08:50,744 You know something? You're just like all the rest. 989 01:08:51,794 --> 01:08:55,878 You spend your whole life looking for some wild jungle sex machine. 990 01:08:56,048 --> 01:08:59,415 And when you find one all you want to do is turn her into fucking June Cleaver. 991 01:09:01,137 --> 01:09:04,220 I just-- I just don't think you should do it. I could help you. 992 01:09:04,390 --> 01:09:06,802 Look, I don't need another guy 993 01:09:06,976 --> 01:09:09,183 trying to run my life. 994 01:09:09,353 --> 01:09:10,843 You're not my boyfriend. 995 01:09:11,022 --> 01:09:13,559 You're some kid I took home 'cause I felt sorry for. 996 01:09:13,733 --> 01:09:15,394 And you're fucking 17. 997 01:09:15,568 --> 01:09:18,685 I mean, all you know about is, like, book reports 998 01:09:18,863 --> 01:09:20,444 and dances at the gym 999 01:09:20,615 --> 01:09:23,277 and some stupid movies I did 30 years ago. 1000 01:09:23,451 --> 01:09:27,239 I mean, that's fantasy. This is reality. 1001 01:09:27,413 --> 01:09:29,404 That's something you know nothing about. 1002 01:09:29,582 --> 01:09:32,619 And the reality is that me and every other woman in the world... 1003 01:09:35,588 --> 01:09:37,453 we have minds of our own. 1004 01:09:37,632 --> 01:09:40,840 So unless you want to buy some Arab slave girl 1005 01:09:41,010 --> 01:09:42,841 or a thing you blow up with a bicycle pump, 1006 01:09:43,012 --> 01:09:45,173 you'd better learn to fucking deal with it. 1007 01:09:53,773 --> 01:09:55,263 You should go. 1008 01:09:55,441 --> 01:09:58,558 Monica, really, I care about you. 1009 01:09:58,736 --> 01:10:01,443 Yeah, that's not my name. 1010 01:10:02,990 --> 01:10:04,730 Hey, you got ears, weenie boy? 1011 01:10:04,909 --> 01:10:07,446 The lady don't want you around here. 1012 01:10:07,620 --> 01:10:10,111 You're busting up the party. Amscray. 1013 01:10:13,417 --> 01:10:16,250 Okay, I want you to call your daddy 1014 01:10:16,420 --> 01:10:18,251 and tell him that you're with a girlfriend 1015 01:10:18,422 --> 01:10:20,128 and you're gonna be home soon, okay? 1016 01:10:20,299 --> 01:10:22,506 Okay. 1017 01:10:48,577 --> 01:10:50,659 Yeah, baby. 1018 01:10:50,830 --> 01:10:53,663 Oh, fuck me! 1019 01:10:53,833 --> 01:10:55,915 Later. 1020 01:11:09,682 --> 01:11:11,468 I see you. 1021 01:12:00,024 --> 01:12:02,515 Oh, fuck. 1022 01:12:20,169 --> 01:12:21,705 Hey, Tobe. 1023 01:12:25,132 --> 01:12:27,748 I was wondering if I'd ever see you again. 1024 01:12:29,553 --> 01:12:33,512 Here to bestow me with the wondrous educated hot dog? 1025 01:12:33,682 --> 01:12:35,468 Yeah. 1026 01:12:35,643 --> 01:12:37,975 Sorry, I got caught up in some stuff. 1027 01:12:38,145 --> 01:12:40,306 That's five grand, right? 1028 01:12:45,194 --> 01:12:47,480 What kind of stuff catches you up in Loogootee? 1029 01:12:47,655 --> 01:12:51,614 Well, there's this woman I'm involved in. 1030 01:12:51,784 --> 01:12:53,945 You work fast. 1031 01:12:54,120 --> 01:12:56,577 I sort of knew her from before. 1032 01:12:56,747 --> 01:12:59,614 Oh, the thick plottens. 1033 01:13:04,505 --> 01:13:06,336 Everything hunky-dory? 1034 01:13:08,217 --> 01:13:10,424 I don't know. Maybe-- 1035 01:13:10,594 --> 01:13:12,050 maybe I need some advice. 1036 01:13:12,221 --> 01:13:14,963 Well, if you don't mind 1037 01:13:15,141 --> 01:13:17,848 that I've lived alone for going on 10 years. 1038 01:13:18,018 --> 01:13:22,557 When I was your age a computer would fill this whole barn. 1039 01:13:22,731 --> 01:13:23,937 Sit down. 1040 01:13:35,619 --> 01:13:38,577 This girl that I-- 1041 01:13:38,747 --> 01:13:41,739 or this woman that I'm with, 1042 01:13:41,917 --> 01:13:44,954 she's a mess. 1043 01:13:45,129 --> 01:13:47,586 I see. 1044 01:13:47,756 --> 01:13:50,213 I mean, she's angry all the time. 1045 01:13:50,384 --> 01:13:55,174 You know, it's like she's given up on things ever going right for her. 1046 01:13:55,347 --> 01:13:58,680 It's like the biggest problem she has is her. 1047 01:14:00,227 --> 01:14:02,934 Sounds like a lot of people sometime. 1048 01:14:06,192 --> 01:14:08,433 How old is your lady-friend? 1049 01:14:09,945 --> 01:14:12,186 Uh, 49. 1050 01:14:12,364 --> 01:14:16,232 You know, I hate to be the one to say this to you but... 1051 01:14:18,120 --> 01:14:20,702 but you may not be big enough to go on this ride. 1052 01:14:22,416 --> 01:14:24,623 She's surrounded by creeps. 1053 01:14:24,793 --> 01:14:27,079 They're just taking total advantage of her. 1054 01:14:27,254 --> 01:14:30,462 We bring people into our lives for a reason. 1055 01:14:30,633 --> 01:14:32,874 She brought you into hers. 1056 01:14:33,052 --> 01:14:35,589 I want to help her. 1057 01:14:35,763 --> 01:14:40,006 I know I can make things better for her. 1058 01:14:40,184 --> 01:14:42,766 Yeah, helping people-- 1059 01:14:44,355 --> 01:14:46,721 tricky biz. 1060 01:14:46,899 --> 01:14:50,312 Now you can open the door and they just stay there. 1061 01:14:50,486 --> 01:14:52,943 Or even jump out the window. 1062 01:14:54,782 --> 01:14:57,114 But she's gonna ruin her life. 1063 01:14:57,284 --> 01:15:01,072 I don't-- what should I do? 1064 01:15:01,247 --> 01:15:03,238 You care about her? 1065 01:15:03,415 --> 01:15:04,575 Yeah. 1066 01:15:04,750 --> 01:15:08,163 Her, not just you and her? 1067 01:15:10,839 --> 01:15:12,249 Uh-huh. 1068 01:15:16,178 --> 01:15:18,760 Then you have to do the first thing that comes into your mind. 1069 01:15:18,931 --> 01:15:21,172 Unless it involves automatic weapons. 1070 01:15:21,350 --> 01:15:23,591 Or semi-automatic weapons. 1071 01:15:25,396 --> 01:15:27,352 Even if you flop, 1072 01:15:27,523 --> 01:15:29,730 it'll be real. 1073 01:15:29,900 --> 01:15:32,232 It'll be a Tobe... 1074 01:15:32,403 --> 01:15:33,813 Hulbert. 1075 01:15:33,988 --> 01:15:37,355 It'll be a Tobe Hulbert flop. 1076 01:15:39,868 --> 01:15:41,824 But what if I do flop? 1077 01:15:44,039 --> 01:15:46,621 Well, 1078 01:15:46,792 --> 01:15:50,455 my dad, also Claude, was a magician 1079 01:15:52,339 --> 01:15:54,295 back when people really wanted to believe 1080 01:15:54,466 --> 01:15:57,048 in something that was obviously unreal. 1081 01:15:57,219 --> 01:15:59,676 When I would watch him do his act, 1082 01:15:59,847 --> 01:16:02,429 it would be another layer 1083 01:16:02,599 --> 01:16:05,682 of mystery for me and my mom, 1084 01:16:05,853 --> 01:16:08,970 if the tricks he did last week 1085 01:16:09,148 --> 01:16:11,514 would work this week. 1086 01:16:12,985 --> 01:16:14,976 They didn't always. 1087 01:16:16,113 --> 01:16:19,651 Sometimes the rabbit would be in heat. 1088 01:16:19,825 --> 01:16:21,861 Or the assistant got drunk. 1089 01:16:22,036 --> 01:16:25,153 Even magic can let you down sometimes. 1090 01:16:26,832 --> 01:16:30,495 But when I would ask him about things going wrong, 1091 01:16:30,669 --> 01:16:33,832 he said, 1092 01:16:34,006 --> 01:16:36,668 "Show up on time, 1093 01:16:36,842 --> 01:16:39,333 do your act 100% 1094 01:16:39,511 --> 01:16:40,921 and hope for the best." 1095 01:16:43,182 --> 01:16:45,013 So there you have it. 1096 01:16:45,184 --> 01:16:47,266 From my dad to you. 1097 01:16:48,520 --> 01:16:50,852 Show up on time. 1098 01:16:51,023 --> 01:16:53,139 Do your act 100%. 1099 01:16:55,152 --> 01:16:56,767 And hope? 1100 01:16:56,945 --> 01:16:58,981 And hope. 1101 01:17:01,909 --> 01:17:04,571 Anything else? 1102 01:17:07,331 --> 01:17:08,821 - See you. - Bye. 1103 01:17:08,999 --> 01:17:11,991 Thanks for the bike. Wish me luck. 1104 01:17:12,169 --> 01:17:16,538 All effort only postpones our inevitable failures. 1105 01:17:16,715 --> 01:17:19,798 - What? - Good luck. 1106 01:17:54,962 --> 01:17:57,453 Yeah, no. Just-- 1107 01:18:03,929 --> 01:18:05,294 Listen, not happening, buddy, all right? 1108 01:18:05,472 --> 01:18:07,383 Wait wait. 1109 01:18:07,558 --> 01:18:09,924 Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah yeah. Come on in. 1110 01:18:10,102 --> 01:18:12,218 Hurry up. 1111 01:18:14,022 --> 01:18:15,683 I don't want him to be part of this. 1112 01:18:15,858 --> 01:18:17,849 Who fucking cares what you want? 1113 01:18:18,026 --> 01:18:19,812 The more the merrier. 1114 01:18:19,987 --> 01:18:21,978 And just for that, Tinker Bell here gets first pop. 1115 01:18:24,616 --> 01:18:27,073 Listen, you little stalker from a time warp. 1116 01:18:32,499 --> 01:18:33,784 All right, come on. Strip down, bro. 1117 01:18:33,959 --> 01:18:36,291 It's almost game time. I want to get some test shots. 1118 01:18:36,462 --> 01:18:39,295 Work on your wood, dude. Time is money. 1119 01:18:43,552 --> 01:18:46,168 I'm gonna go grab me some smokes. 1120 01:18:46,346 --> 01:18:48,052 And lube up, honey. I want to get rolling. 1121 01:18:48,223 --> 01:18:50,134 Where are you going? 1122 01:19:06,700 --> 01:19:08,816 It's the cops. 1123 01:19:08,994 --> 01:19:11,280 I'll handle this. 1124 01:19:12,915 --> 01:19:14,280 Howdy, Officers. 1125 01:19:14,458 --> 01:19:16,949 I got a report of some suspicious activities in here. 1126 01:19:17,127 --> 01:19:20,961 No, just making a good old fashioned all-American dirty movie. 1127 01:19:21,131 --> 01:19:22,792 You fellas care to join us? 1128 01:19:22,966 --> 01:19:25,082 Uh, no. 1129 01:19:25,260 --> 01:19:27,592 We need to see IDs from every one. 1130 01:19:27,763 --> 01:19:28,878 Come on, guys. It's gonna be fine. 1131 01:19:29,056 --> 01:19:30,136 You in charge here? 1132 01:19:30,307 --> 01:19:33,049 Yeah, Rod Kroger. This is my director Luke Rivet. 1133 01:19:38,106 --> 01:19:40,722 - Underage. 17. - What? What? 1134 01:19:40,901 --> 01:19:44,018 Are you-- Rod, come on. Rod! Rod! 1135 01:19:45,364 --> 01:19:48,697 Come on. Come on. He's not even supposed to be here. 1136 01:19:48,867 --> 01:19:50,949 We haven't shot anything yet, all right? 1137 01:19:51,119 --> 01:19:53,826 Son, you know what's going on here? 1138 01:19:55,040 --> 01:19:57,827 They just told me if I did what they said I could have a good time 1139 01:19:58,001 --> 01:19:59,992 - and make some money. - Liar! 1140 01:20:00,170 --> 01:20:02,126 Get him out of here. 1141 01:20:03,131 --> 01:20:06,089 - Grab your gear, kid. - Bitch, you set us up. 1142 01:20:06,260 --> 01:20:09,252 Party's over, amigos. 1143 01:20:27,114 --> 01:20:31,232 Oh, Jesus H Christ taking a dump. What now? 1144 01:20:33,453 --> 01:20:35,944 Mrs. Hulbert, your son here 1145 01:20:36,123 --> 01:20:38,910 almost got into some very serious trouble. 1146 01:20:39,084 --> 01:20:41,791 I really think you need to keep a closer watch on him, 1147 01:20:41,962 --> 01:20:45,125 his acquaintances, his classmates, 1148 01:20:45,299 --> 01:20:47,790 his internet sites. 1149 01:20:47,968 --> 01:20:50,175 Pornography is an evil thing. 1150 01:20:50,345 --> 01:20:52,552 Thank you, Officer. 1151 01:20:54,308 --> 01:20:56,139 Love her with all your might, Tobe. 1152 01:20:56,310 --> 01:20:59,017 She's the only one you got. 1153 01:21:09,448 --> 01:21:11,404 Man, I loved her in "Frankenbooty." 1154 01:21:11,575 --> 01:21:13,156 What? 1155 01:21:14,369 --> 01:21:16,360 That's two jobs you screwed me out of. 1156 01:21:16,538 --> 01:21:18,153 And you almost got me busted. 1157 01:21:18,332 --> 01:21:20,493 Spent my last 20 bucks on a cab ride home. 1158 01:21:20,667 --> 01:21:22,623 You got some fucking explaining to do, kiddo. 1159 01:21:26,089 --> 01:21:27,920 I, uh-- 1160 01:21:28,091 --> 01:21:29,922 I thought these might help you in court. 1161 01:21:32,220 --> 01:21:33,926 Jesus. 1162 01:21:35,057 --> 01:21:37,594 He's an even bigger asswipe than I thought. 1163 01:21:37,768 --> 01:21:39,804 If that's possible. 1164 01:21:44,858 --> 01:21:48,146 Oh man. I'm gonna gold frame this one. 1165 01:21:54,034 --> 01:21:56,116 What is this? 1166 01:21:56,286 --> 01:21:58,368 It's 5000. 1167 01:21:58,538 --> 01:22:00,449 For you. 1168 01:22:00,624 --> 01:22:03,582 Holy Christ. 1169 01:22:06,171 --> 01:22:07,456 What do I got to do? 1170 01:22:07,631 --> 01:22:09,462 Nothing. 1171 01:22:11,134 --> 01:22:13,216 It's for Oregon. 1172 01:22:14,221 --> 01:22:17,133 You, me, Kayla. 1173 01:22:26,775 --> 01:22:28,766 What? 1174 01:22:28,944 --> 01:22:31,936 I really need the money but... 1175 01:22:36,493 --> 01:22:37,903 We can't. 1176 01:22:38,078 --> 01:22:39,943 Well, I-- 1177 01:22:40,122 --> 01:22:42,784 I could go to school, work part time. 1178 01:22:42,958 --> 01:22:44,823 You could, I don't know, 1179 01:22:45,001 --> 01:22:47,083 start a business or something. 1180 01:22:47,254 --> 01:22:48,994 Oh, come on. 1181 01:22:49,172 --> 01:22:51,584 I need some old fart who's got a good job 1182 01:22:51,758 --> 01:22:54,124 and wants to settle down. I got a kid. 1183 01:22:55,262 --> 01:22:58,049 I mean, you're 17. 1184 01:22:58,223 --> 01:23:01,465 No guy your age wants to be a father. 1185 01:23:01,643 --> 01:23:03,304 You need to do things. 1186 01:23:03,478 --> 01:23:05,343 You need to see the world. 1187 01:23:07,190 --> 01:23:09,932 You'd leave us high and dry. 1188 01:23:11,069 --> 01:23:13,685 Kayla's got one half-ass dad already. 1189 01:23:13,864 --> 01:23:16,651 That's more than enough. 1190 01:23:16,825 --> 01:23:19,282 But... 1191 01:23:19,453 --> 01:23:23,037 this has been so great, right? 1192 01:23:23,206 --> 01:23:27,074 I've done more this week than I've probably done my whole life. 1193 01:23:27,252 --> 01:23:29,459 I mean, you're incredible. 1194 01:23:29,629 --> 01:23:31,585 - Don't. - I love-- 1195 01:23:31,757 --> 01:23:33,418 Huh-uh. 1196 01:23:33,592 --> 01:23:36,083 You're only gonna make it worse. 1197 01:23:39,222 --> 01:23:41,178 Don't I get to decide what I can say? 1198 01:23:41,349 --> 01:23:43,305 No. Not this time. 1199 01:23:43,477 --> 01:23:46,890 You're the baby. I'm the grownup here. 1200 01:23:51,985 --> 01:23:53,941 Fuck you. 1201 01:23:56,198 --> 01:23:58,735 - Get up. - No. 1202 01:24:01,411 --> 01:24:03,902 Get up. 1203 01:24:17,928 --> 01:24:19,543 Okay. 1204 01:24:19,721 --> 01:24:21,882 I'm gonna make this nice and easy. 1205 01:24:23,350 --> 01:24:26,342 This is you and this is me. 1206 01:24:28,730 --> 01:24:30,436 Again. 1207 01:24:30,607 --> 01:24:32,518 You. 1208 01:24:32,692 --> 01:24:34,853 Me. 1209 01:24:37,280 --> 01:24:40,238 You need to go. 1210 01:24:41,576 --> 01:24:43,441 Go home. 1211 01:24:43,620 --> 01:24:47,863 Get a girlfriend your own age and do something with your life. 1212 01:24:52,671 --> 01:24:55,162 But I sold the truck to help you. 1213 01:24:56,508 --> 01:24:58,749 You made me happy. I want you to be happy. 1214 01:24:58,927 --> 01:25:00,588 You're Monica Velour. I never even thought-- 1215 01:25:00,762 --> 01:25:02,423 Shh. 1216 01:25:06,685 --> 01:25:08,346 Kiss me. 1217 01:25:27,330 --> 01:25:29,241 I've done it all. 1218 01:25:30,625 --> 01:25:32,911 But I think I like kissing best. 1219 01:26:29,225 --> 01:26:32,638 Fuck you. Fuck you! Fuck you! 1220 01:27:55,520 --> 01:27:57,476 Work of art. 1221 01:29:19,521 --> 01:29:21,136 Oh my God. 1222 01:29:26,152 --> 01:29:27,562 Oh! 1223 01:29:27,737 --> 01:29:31,229 - You ever heard of a knock? - Oh boy. 1224 01:29:31,407 --> 01:29:35,320 What are you doing watching my videos? 1225 01:29:35,495 --> 01:29:37,406 Hey, it's my house, okay? 1226 01:29:37,580 --> 01:29:39,161 Goodbye, candy pants. 1227 01:29:39,332 --> 01:29:41,573 Listen, I'll call you tomorrow down the hall, all right? 1228 01:29:43,962 --> 01:29:47,375 Oh, Pop Pop. Impressionable young mind here. 1229 01:29:49,300 --> 01:29:50,915 You could never be a doctor. 1230 01:29:51,094 --> 01:29:54,086 Damn, there goes my lifelong career goal. 1231 01:29:54,264 --> 01:29:56,220 You could have wrote, you know. 1232 01:29:56,391 --> 01:29:58,302 You could have answered the phone. 1233 01:29:58,476 --> 01:30:01,013 - I was busy. - Yeah, I see. 1234 01:30:01,187 --> 01:30:05,396 Yeah, while you were out proposing to Miss October 1914, 1235 01:30:05,567 --> 01:30:07,899 I thought maybe I might enjoy myself for a while. 1236 01:30:08,069 --> 01:30:09,684 How'd you know? 1237 01:30:09,863 --> 01:30:12,570 The kid told me. What's his name? Neighbor's boy. 1238 01:30:16,452 --> 01:30:18,818 Are you okay? Did you have a good time? 1239 01:30:18,997 --> 01:30:21,329 Did you get cash for the truck? 1240 01:30:21,499 --> 01:30:23,535 Yeah, I did. 1241 01:30:25,545 --> 01:30:27,752 Did you miss me? 1242 01:30:29,257 --> 01:30:31,122 What the hell do you think? 1243 01:30:31,301 --> 01:30:33,667 Who else have I got in my life 1244 01:30:33,845 --> 01:30:36,552 except for you, you skinny little pain in the ass? 1245 01:30:36,723 --> 01:30:38,714 I knew you'd be back. 1246 01:30:41,811 --> 01:30:44,644 Pop Pop, it's against the law. 1247 01:30:44,814 --> 01:30:45,769 All right, all right. 1248 01:30:45,940 --> 01:30:48,522 Maybe I should just hang out with Tommy Komenski. 1249 01:30:48,693 --> 01:30:52,026 Kenny, Kenny, Kenny. Uh, he's sorry. 1250 01:30:52,197 --> 01:30:53,858 Just don't tell your parents, okay? 1251 01:30:54,032 --> 01:30:57,616 He's too old to do jail time. What's up? 1252 01:30:57,785 --> 01:30:59,741 I tried to tell you on the phone. 1253 01:30:59,913 --> 01:31:02,074 Some girl came by. She was looking for you. 1254 01:31:02,248 --> 01:31:04,330 She gave me this. 1255 01:31:37,575 --> 01:31:39,531 - Amanda? - That's me. 1256 01:31:39,702 --> 01:31:42,660 Hey, it's Tobe from school. 1257 01:31:42,830 --> 01:31:45,196 I got your note. What's up? 1258 01:31:45,375 --> 01:31:49,744 Not much. Just babysitting all summer. 1259 01:31:49,921 --> 01:31:52,537 So you like Russ Meyer? 1260 01:31:52,715 --> 01:31:56,082 Totally. "Beneath the Valley of the Ultra-Vixens" 1261 01:31:56,261 --> 01:32:01,221 is like "Our Town" on acid and, like, Viagra. 1262 01:32:02,767 --> 01:32:06,225 I found your gift on the lawn. Sorry my dad scared you away. 1263 01:32:06,396 --> 01:32:08,387 Oh yeah. 1264 01:32:08,564 --> 01:32:11,271 Don't worry, he scares every one away. 1265 01:32:13,278 --> 01:32:14,768 So where were you? 1266 01:32:14,946 --> 01:32:16,982 I sold my truck 1267 01:32:17,156 --> 01:32:20,740 and wanted to drive around and see the country. 1268 01:32:20,910 --> 01:32:22,741 Really? 1269 01:32:22,912 --> 01:32:25,699 Last time I stopped by, your friend told me you were marrying a hooker. 1270 01:32:25,873 --> 01:32:28,364 What? No, no hookers. That's Kenny. 1271 01:32:28,543 --> 01:32:30,875 Kenny fell out of a Tilt-a-Whirl when he was eight. 1272 01:32:31,045 --> 01:32:32,785 He hasn't been the same since. 1273 01:32:32,964 --> 01:32:36,832 I've seen him try to make phone calls with a cable remote. 1274 01:32:37,010 --> 01:32:38,671 Good. 1275 01:32:38,845 --> 01:32:42,178 I don't go out with married guys. 1276 01:32:44,142 --> 01:32:46,758 So we should hang out sometime. 1277 01:32:48,688 --> 01:32:50,804 I don't work weekends. 1278 01:33:38,100 --> 01:33:42,450 Subrip & Sync: easytobeaman90193