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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:47,580 --> 00:00:52,450 "Once upon a time there was a lovely princess 2 00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:56,290 "But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort... 3 00:00:56,350 --> 00:01:01,220 "which could only be broken by love's first kiss. 4 00:01:01,320 --> 00:01:03,660 "She was locked away in a castle... 5 00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:07,960 "guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. 6 00:01:08,060 --> 00:01:12,400 "Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison. 7 00:01:12,470 --> 00:01:15,270 "but none prevailed. 8 00:01:15,370 --> 00:01:17,510 "She waited in the dragon's keep... 9 00:01:17,570 --> 00:01:20,510 "in the highest room of the tallest tower... 10 00:01:20,580 --> 00:01:25,150 for her true love and true love's first kiss." 11 00:01:25,210 --> 00:01:28,180 Like that's ever gonna happen 12 00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:31,990 - What a load of -- 13 00:03:37,210 --> 00:03:40,480 - Think it's in there? - All right. Let's get it! 14 00:03:40,550 --> 00:03:43,320 Whoa Hold on. Do you know what thing can do to you? 15 00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:46,320 Yeah it'll grind your bones for its bread. 16 00:03:46,420 --> 00:03:50,390 Yes well actually that would be a giant. 17 00:03:50,460 --> 00:03:54,530 Now ogres-- They're much worse. 18 00:03:54,630 --> 00:03:57,530 They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin. 19 00:03:57,600 --> 00:03:59,700 - No! - They'll shave your liver. 20 00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:03,040 Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! 21 00:04:03,140 --> 00:04:05,670 - Actually it's quite good on toast. - Back! Back beast! 22 00:04:05,740 --> 00:04:07,880 Back! I warn ya! 23 00:04:10,780 --> 00:04:14,220 -Right. 24 00:04:29,030 --> 00:04:33,570 This is the part where you run away. 25 00:04:40,380 --> 00:04:43,410 And stay out! 26 00:04:45,280 --> 00:04:48,350 "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures." 27 00:04:53,790 --> 00:04:56,290 All right. This one's full 28 00:04:56,890 --> 00:04:58,990 - Take it away! 29 00:04:59,100 --> 00:05:02,930 - Move it along. Come on! Get up! - Next! 30 00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:05,940 Give me that! Your flying days are over. 31 00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:08,640 That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next! 32 00:05:08,700 --> 00:05:11,470 - Get up! Come on! - Twenty pieces. 33 00:05:11,540 --> 00:05:13,910 - Sit down there! 34 00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:16,510 - Keep quiet! 35 00:05:16,580 --> 00:05:19,480 This cage is too small. 36 00:05:19,550 --> 00:05:21,620 Please don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. 37 00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:23,720 I can change. Please! Give ma another chance! 38 00:05:23,820 --> 00:05:26,160 -Oh shut up. -Oh! - Next! 39 00:05:26,260 --> 00:05:29,130 -What have you got? - This little wooden puppet. 40 00:05:29,230 --> 00:05:34,130 I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. 41 00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:36,600 Five shillings for the possessed toy. 42 00:05:36,700 --> 00:05:38,770 - Take it away. - Father please! Don't let them do this! 43 00:05:38,830 --> 00:05:40,770 - Help me! - Next. What have you got? 44 00:05:40,870 --> 00:05:43,470 - Well I've got a talking donkey. 45 00:05:43,540 --> 00:05:48,140 Right. Well that's good for ten shillings if you can prove it. 46 00:05:48,210 --> 00:05:52,110 Oh go ahead little fella. 47 00:05:52,210 --> 00:05:54,120 Well? 48 00:05:54,180 --> 00:05:56,920 Oh oh he's just-- He's just a little nervous. 49 00:05:56,990 --> 00:06:00,960 He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk you boneheaded dolt-- 50 00:06:01,060 --> 00:06:03,660 - That's it. I've heard enough. Guards! -No no he talks! 51 00:06:03,690 --> 00:06:07,830 He does. I can talk. I love to talk. 52 00:06:07,900 --> 00:06:10,830 I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw. 53 00:06:10,900 --> 00:06:13,470 - Get her out of my sight. -No no! 54 00:06:13,570 --> 00:06:17,940 I swear! Oh! He can talk! 55 00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:22,680 Hey! I can fly! 56 00:06:22,780 --> 00:06:24,380 - He can fly! - He can fly! 57 00:06:24,450 --> 00:06:27,520 - He can talk! Ha ha! That's right fool! 58 00:06:27,580 --> 00:06:29,890 Now I'm a flying talking donkey. 59 00:06:29,950 --> 00:06:32,560 Your right have seen a house fly maybe even a super fly 60 00:06:32,660 --> 00:06:35,690 but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. 61 00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:37,690 Ha ha! 62 00:06:37,790 --> 00:06:39,700 Uh-oh. 63 00:06:42,100 --> 00:06:44,070 Seize him! 64 00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:48,840 After him! He's getting away! 65 00:06:56,650 --> 00:06:59,880 Get him! This way! Turn! 66 00:07:05,090 --> 00:07:07,390 You there. Ogre! 67 00:07:07,490 --> 00:07:09,790 Aye? 68 00:07:09,830 --> 00:07:13,930 By the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized to place you under arrest... 69 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:19,600 and transport you to a designated... resettlement facility. 70 00:07:19,700 --> 00:07:23,740 Oh really? You and what army? 71 00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:36,490 Can I say something to you? 72 00:07:36,590 --> 00:07:39,920 Listen you was really really somethin' back there. Incredible! 73 00:07:40,020 --> 00:07:45,760 Are you talkin' to-- me? Whoa! 74 00:07:45,830 --> 00:07:49,800 Yes I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you was great back there? Those guards! 75 00:07:49,870 --> 00:07:52,600 They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up and bam! 76 00:07:52,700 --> 00:07:54,640 They was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. 77 00:07:54,700 --> 00:07:56,640 That really made me feel good to see that. 78 00:07:56,740 --> 00:07:59,740 - Oh that's great. Really. - Man it's good to be free. 79 00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:05,410 Now why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm? 80 00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:08,820 But uh I don't have any friends. 81 00:08:08,850 --> 00:08:11,550 And I'm not goin' out there by myself. 82 00:08:11,650 --> 00:08:14,160 Hey wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. 83 00:08:14,220 --> 00:08:16,160 You're a mean green fightin' machine. 84 00:08:16,260 --> 00:08:18,460 Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us. 85 00:08:22,870 --> 00:08:25,500 Oh wow! That was really scary. 86 00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:29,310 If you don't mind me sayin' if that don(t work your breath certainly will get the job done 87 00:08:29,410 --> 00:08:32,540 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something 'cause your breath stinks! 88 00:08:32,610 --> 00:08:35,810 You almost burned the hair outta my nose 89 00:08:35,910 --> 00:08:38,710 just like the time-- 90 00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:42,520 Then I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases eking out of my butt that day. 91 00:08:42,620 --> 00:08:45,320 Why are you following me? 92 00:08:46,490 --> 00:08:48,990 I'll tell you why. 93 00:08:49,090 --> 00:08:52,030 'Cause I'm all alone 94 00:08:52,090 --> 00:08:55,800 There's no one here beside me 95 00:08:55,900 --> 00:08:59,600 My problems have all gone 96 00:08:59,700 --> 00:09:03,010 There's no one to deride me 97 00:09:03,070 --> 00:09:05,040 But you gotta have friend-- 98 00:09:05,140 --> 00:09:08,140 Stop singing! 99 00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:10,310 It's no wonder you don't have any friends. 100 00:09:10,380 --> 00:09:14,050 Wow. Only a true friend would be that truly honest. 101 00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:18,190 Listen little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I? 102 00:09:19,220 --> 00:09:21,160 Uh-- 103 00:09:23,090 --> 00:09:26,330 -Really tall? - No! I'm an ogre. 104 00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:29,630 You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks." 105 00:09:29,700 --> 00:09:31,700 Doesn't that bother you? 106 00:09:31,770 --> 00:09:33,940 Nope. 107 00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:36,910 - Really? - Really really. 108 00:09:36,970 --> 00:09:40,110 - Oh. - Man I like you. What's your name? 109 00:09:40,210 --> 00:09:43,810 Uh Shrek. 110 00:09:43,910 --> 00:09:47,180 Shrek? Well you know what I like about you Shrek? 111 00:09:47,250 --> 00:09:51,290 You got a kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody- thinks-of-me thing. 112 00:09:51,390 --> 00:09:55,190 I like that. I respect that Shrek. You alright. 113 00:09:55,260 --> 00:09:59,260 Whoo! Look at that. Who'd want to live in a place like that? 114 00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:02,570 That would be my home. 115 00:10:02,670 --> 00:10:05,530 Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. 116 00:10:05,630 --> 00:10:09,440 You are quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. 117 00:10:09,510 --> 00:10:14,210 I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. 118 00:10:18,010 --> 00:10:20,680 I guess you don't entertain much do you? 119 00:10:20,820 --> 00:10:22,590 I like my privacy. 120 00:10:22,690 --> 00:10:25,290 You know I do too. That's another thing we have in common. 121 00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:27,590 Like I hate it when you got somebody in your face. 122 00:10:27,660 --> 00:10:31,590 You're trying to give them a hint and they won't leave. There's that awkward silence. 123 00:10:34,730 --> 00:10:37,470 - Can I stay with you? - Uh what? 124 00:10:37,530 --> 00:10:40,100 Can I stay with you please? 125 00:10:40,170 --> 00:10:42,510 - Of course! - Really? 126 00:10:42,570 --> 00:10:44,940 - No. - Please! I don't wanna go back there! 127 00:10:45,010 --> 00:10:48,940 You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak. Well maybe you do. 128 00:10:49,010 --> 00:10:51,610 But that's why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay! 129 00:10:51,750 --> 00:10:54,850 - Please! Please! - Okay! Okay! 130 00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:57,520 - But one night only. - Ah! Thank you! 131 00:10:57,620 --> 00:10:59,960 - What are you-- No! No! - This is gonna be fun! 132 00:10:59,990 --> 00:11:01,960 We can stay up late swappin' manly stories 133 00:11:01,990 --> 00:11:04,830 and in the mornin' I'm makin' waffles. 134 00:11:04,930 --> 00:11:08,130 - Oh! - Where do uh I sleep? 135 00:11:08,230 --> 00:11:10,000 Outside! 136 00:11:10,070 --> 00:11:13,170 Oh well I guess that's cool. 137 00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:15,270 I mean I don't know you and you don't know me 138 00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:17,740 so I guess outside is best you know. 139 00:11:17,870 --> 00:11:20,840 Here I go. 140 00:11:23,050 --> 00:11:27,120 Good night. 141 00:11:27,220 --> 00:11:31,220 I mean I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside. 142 00:11:31,290 --> 00:11:33,960 I'll just be sitting by myself outside I guess you know. 143 00:11:34,020 --> 00:11:36,330 By myself outside. 144 00:11:36,430 --> 00:11:41,200 I'm all alone. There's no one here beside me 145 00:12:45,490 --> 00:12:48,100 I thought I told you to stay outside. 146 00:12:48,160 --> 00:12:51,870 - I am outside. 147 00:12:57,370 --> 00:13:01,140 Well gents it's a far cry from the farm but what choice do we have? 148 00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:03,780 It's not home but it'll do just fine. 149 00:13:03,850 --> 00:13:05,750 What a lovely bed. 150 00:13:05,850 --> 00:13:08,180 - Got ya. - I found some cheese. 151 00:13:08,250 --> 00:13:10,750 - Ow! - Blah! Awful stuff. 152 00:13:12,490 --> 00:13:15,120 -Is that you Gorder? - How did you know? 153 00:13:15,190 --> 00:13:18,090 Enough! What are you doing in my house? 154 00:13:18,190 --> 00:13:20,130 Hey! 155 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:22,800 - Oh! no no no. 156 00:13:22,900 --> 00:13:26,500 - Dead broad off the table. - Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken. 157 00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:29,740 Huh? 158 00:13:29,810 --> 00:13:32,480 What? 159 00:13:32,540 --> 00:13:37,310 I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying ogre! 160 00:13:37,380 --> 00:13:39,980 What do I have to do to get a little privacy? 161 00:13:40,050 --> 00:13:42,520 -Aah! - Oh no. 162 00:13:42,590 --> 00:13:45,290 Oh no. 163 00:13:45,390 --> 00:13:48,990 - No! No! 164 00:13:49,020 --> 00:13:51,990 - What? 165 00:13:52,030 --> 00:13:54,000 - Quit it. - Don't push. 166 00:13:58,400 --> 00:14:01,300 What are you doing in my swamp? 167 00:14:01,370 --> 00:14:03,810 Swamp! Swamp! Swamp! 168 00:14:03,870 --> 00:14:07,110 - Oh dear! 169 00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:08,840 Whoa! 170 00:14:08,910 --> 00:14:12,310 All right get out of here. All of you move it! 171 00:14:12,380 --> 00:14:14,780 Come on! Let's go! Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey! 172 00:14:14,880 --> 00:14:16,820 - Quickly. Come on! - No no! 173 00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:19,120 No no. Not there. Not there. 174 00:14:19,220 --> 00:14:22,660 - Oh! 175 00:14:22,790 --> 00:14:25,660 Hey don't look at me. I didn't invite them. 176 00:14:25,730 --> 00:14:27,830 Oh gosh no one invited us. 177 00:14:27,900 --> 00:14:30,530 - What? - We were forced to come here. 178 00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:32,740 - By who? - Lord Farquaad. 179 00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:37,570 He huffed und he puffed und he... signed an eviction notice. 180 00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:40,340 All right. 181 00:14:40,410 --> 00:14:44,710 Who knows where this Farquaad guy is? 182 00:14:44,780 --> 00:14:47,580 - Oh I do. I know where he is. 183 00:14:47,650 --> 00:14:51,350 Does anyone else know where to find him? 184 00:14:52,860 --> 00:14:55,090 - Anyone at all? - Me! Me! 185 00:14:55,160 --> 00:14:57,090 - Anyone? - Oh! Oh pick me! 186 00:14:57,190 --> 00:14:59,560 Oh I know! I know! Me me! 187 00:14:59,660 --> 00:15:02,800 Okay fine. 188 00:15:02,900 --> 00:15:07,400 Attention all fairy tale things. 189 00:15:07,500 --> 00:15:12,210 Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially worn out. 190 00:15:12,310 --> 00:15:16,010 In fact I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right now... 191 00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:19,220 and get you all off my land and back where you came from! 192 00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:29,760 Oh! You! 193 00:15:29,790 --> 00:15:31,730 You're comin' with me. 194 00:15:31,830 --> 00:15:34,130 All right that's what I like to hear man 195 00:15:34,230 --> 00:15:38,000 Shrek and donkey two stalwart friends off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. 196 00:15:38,100 --> 00:15:40,100 I love it! 197 00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:43,370 - On the road again 198 00:15:43,470 --> 00:15:45,410 I can't wait to get on the road again 199 00:15:45,470 --> 00:15:47,410 What did I say about singing? 200 00:15:47,510 --> 00:15:49,410 - Can I whistle? - No. 201 00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:52,280 - Can I hum it? - All right hum it. 202 00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:25,110 That's enough. He's ready to talk. 203 00:16:38,060 --> 00:16:40,530 Run run run as fast as you can. 204 00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:44,100 You can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man! 205 00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:47,840 - You're a monster. - I'm not the monster here. You are. 206 00:16:47,900 --> 00:16:52,170 You and the rest of that fairy tale trash poisoning my perfect world. 207 00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:54,140 Now tell me! Where are the others? 208 00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:56,780 - Eat me! 209 00:16:56,880 --> 00:16:59,750 I've tried to be fair to you creatures. 210 00:16:59,850 --> 00:17:03,390 Now my patience has reached its end! Tell me or I'll-- 211 00:17:03,490 --> 00:17:06,260 No no not the buttons. Not my gumdrop buttons. 212 00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:08,360 All right then. Who's hiding them? 213 00:17:08,420 --> 00:17:13,760 Okay I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man? 214 00:17:13,830 --> 00:17:16,170 - The muffin man? - The muffin man. 215 00:17:16,270 --> 00:17:19,700 Yes I know the muffin man who lives on Drury Lane? 216 00:17:19,740 --> 00:17:23,170 Well she's married to the muffin man. 217 00:17:23,270 --> 00:17:25,410 - The muffin man? - The muffin man! 218 00:17:25,470 --> 00:17:28,510 - She's married to the muffin man. 219 00:17:28,580 --> 00:17:30,250 My lord! We found it. 220 00:17:30,310 --> 00:17:33,550 Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in. 221 00:17:44,930 --> 00:17:47,400 - Oh! 222 00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:51,830 - Magic mirror-- - Don't tell him anything! 223 00:17:51,900 --> 00:17:54,270 No! 224 00:17:54,340 --> 00:17:58,110 - Evening. 225 00:17:58,170 --> 00:18:00,040 Mirror mirror on the wall. 226 00:18:00,110 --> 00:18:03,550 Is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all? 227 00:18:03,580 --> 00:18:06,180 Well technically you're not a king. 228 00:18:06,280 --> 00:18:09,650 Uh Thelonius. 229 00:18:09,750 --> 00:18:13,420 - You were saying? - What I mean is you're not a king yet. 230 00:18:13,490 --> 00:18:17,060 But you can become one. All you have to do is marry a princess. 231 00:18:17,130 --> 00:18:20,130 - Go on. 232 00:18:20,230 --> 00:18:23,900 So just sit back and relax my lord 233 00:18:23,930 --> 00:18:28,240 because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. 234 00:18:28,300 --> 00:18:31,910 And here they are! 235 00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:36,980 Bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far far away. 236 00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:39,320 She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime. 237 00:18:39,380 --> 00:18:42,850 Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters. 238 00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:45,290 Please welcome Cinderella. 239 00:18:45,350 --> 00:18:49,430 Bachelorette number two\is a cape-wearing girl from the land of fancy. 240 00:18:49,490 --> 00:18:52,230 Although she lives with seven other men she's not easy. 241 00:18:52,330 --> 00:18:55,770 Just kiss her dead frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. 242 00:18:55,870 --> 00:18:59,570 Come on. Give it up for Snow White! 243 00:18:59,700 --> 00:19:02,340 And last but certainly not least 244 00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:04,510 bachelorette number three is a fiery redhead... 245 00:19:04,610 --> 00:19:07,110 from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling lava! 246 00:19:07,210 --> 00:19:09,250 But don't let that cool you off. 247 00:19:09,310 --> 00:19:12,480 She's a loaded pistol who likes pina coladas and getting caught in the rain. 248 00:19:12,580 --> 00:19:16,620 Yours for the rescuing Princess Fiona! 249 00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:19,160 So will it be bachelorette number one 250 00:19:19,260 --> 00:19:22,760 bachelorette number two or bachelorette number three? 251 00:19:22,860 --> 00:19:24,990 - Two! Two! - Three! Three! 252 00:19:25,090 --> 00:19:26,430 - Two! Two! - Three! 253 00:19:26,500 --> 00:19:28,630 Three? One? Three? 254 00:19:28,730 --> 00:19:30,800 Three! Pick number three my lord! 255 00:19:30,870 --> 00:19:34,600 Okay okay uh number three! 256 00:19:34,700 --> 00:19:39,410 Lord Farquaad you've chosen Princess Fiona. 257 00:19:39,510 --> 00:19:43,350 If you love pina coladas 258 00:19:43,380 --> 00:19:46,720 - And getting caught in the rain - Princess Fiona. 259 00:19:46,820 --> 00:19:48,980 - If you're not into yoga 260 00:19:49,090 --> 00:19:51,820 All I have to do is just find someone who can go-- 261 00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:54,160 But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night. 262 00:19:54,260 --> 00:19:56,160 - I'll do it. - Yes but after sunset-- 263 00:19:56,260 --> 00:20:00,330 Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen 264 00:20:00,430 --> 00:20:04,600 and DuLoc will finally have the perfect king! 265 00:20:04,670 --> 00:20:06,870 Captain assemble your finest men. 266 00:20:06,970 --> 00:20:10,840 We're going to have a tournament. 267 00:20:12,540 --> 00:20:15,540 But that's it. That�s it right there. That's DuLoc. 268 00:20:15,610 --> 00:20:17,650 I told ya I'd find it. 269 00:20:17,750 --> 00:20:21,850 So that must be Lord Farquaad's castle. 270 00:20:21,980 --> 00:20:24,050 Uh-huh. That's the place. 271 00:20:24,090 --> 00:20:27,520 Do you think maybe he's compensating for something? 272 00:20:31,790 --> 00:20:33,730 Hey wait. Wait up Shrek. 273 00:20:33,830 --> 00:20:36,700 Hurry darling. We're late. Hurry. 274 00:20:38,330 --> 00:20:41,840 - Hey you! 275 00:20:41,900 --> 00:20:44,770 Wait a second. Look I'm not gonna eat ya. 276 00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:48,740 - I just-- I just-- 277 00:21:19,280 --> 00:21:20,880 It's quiet. 278 00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:25,610 Too quiet. 279 00:21:28,180 --> 00:21:32,290 - Where is everybody? - Hey look at this! 280 00:21:45,670 --> 00:21:49,140 Welcome to DuLoc such a perfect town 281 00:21:49,210 --> 00:21:52,640 Here we have some rules Let us lay them down 282 00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:56,610 Don't make waves stay inline and we'll get along fine 283 00:21:56,680 --> 00:22:00,280 DuLoc is a perfect place 284 00:22:00,350 --> 00:22:04,890 Please keep off of the grass Shine your shoes wipe your... face 285 00:22:04,990 --> 00:22:08,590 DuLoc is DuLoc is 286 00:22:08,690 --> 00:22:12,130 DuLoc is a perfect 287 00:22:12,190 --> 00:22:15,630 - Place 288 00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:23,610 Wow! Let's do that again! 289 00:22:23,670 --> 00:22:26,340 No. No. No no no! No. 290 00:22:28,780 --> 00:22:31,180 Brave knights. 291 00:22:31,250 --> 00:22:35,380 - You are the best and brightest in the land. 292 00:22:35,420 --> 00:22:37,850 Today one of you shall prove himself-- 293 00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:40,290 All right. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom. 294 00:22:40,360 --> 00:22:42,290 - Sorry about that. 295 00:22:42,390 --> 00:22:47,900 That champion shall have the honor-- no no-- the privilege... 296 00:22:47,960 --> 00:22:52,000 to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona... 297 00:22:52,100 --> 00:22:55,440 from the fiery keep of the dragon 298 00:22:55,540 --> 00:22:59,740 If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful 299 00:22:59,810 --> 00:23:02,950 the first runner-up will take his place 300 00:23:03,050 --> 00:23:05,880 and so on and so forth. 301 00:23:05,980 --> 00:23:11,320 Some of you may die but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make. 302 00:23:16,490 --> 00:23:18,930 Let the tournament begin! 303 00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:24,530 - Oh! 304 00:23:24,630 --> 00:23:27,900 - What is that? 305 00:23:27,970 --> 00:23:32,510 - It's hideous! -Ah that's not very nice. 306 00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:35,080 - It's just a donkey. Huh? 307 00:23:35,140 --> 00:23:38,080 Indeed. Knights new plan! 308 00:23:38,180 --> 00:23:42,890 The one who kills the ogre will be named champion! Have at him! 309 00:23:42,950 --> 00:23:46,890 - Get him! - Oh hey! Now come on! Hang on now. 310 00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:49,260 Go ahead! Get him! 311 00:23:49,360 --> 00:23:53,030 Can't we just settle this over a pint? 312 00:23:53,100 --> 00:23:54,360 Kill the beast! 313 00:23:54,430 --> 00:23:58,930 No? All right then. 314 00:23:58,970 --> 00:24:01,040 Come on! 315 00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:13,250 I don't give a damn about my reputation 316 00:24:13,380 --> 00:24:17,390 -You've living in the past It's a new generation 317 00:24:17,450 --> 00:24:20,290 she wants to do 318 00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:22,590 And that's what I'm gonna do 319 00:24:22,660 --> 00:24:26,600 And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation 320 00:24:26,660 --> 00:24:30,470 Oh no no no no no Not me 321 00:24:30,530 --> 00:24:33,000 Me me me 322 00:24:31,300 --> 00:24:33,970 - Hey Shrek tag me! Tag me! 323 00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:36,710 And I don't give a damn about my reputation 324 00:24:36,810 --> 00:24:39,080 Never said I wanted to improve my station 325 00:24:39,140 --> 00:24:41,680 Ah! 326 00:24:41,710 --> 00:24:43,780 And I'm always feelin' good when I'm having fun 327 00:24:43,850 --> 00:24:45,950 And I don't have to please no one 328 00:24:46,050 --> 00:24:47,950 The chair! Give him the chair! 329 00:24:48,020 --> 00:24:50,650 And I don't give damn about my bad reputation 330 00:24:50,790 --> 00:24:53,890 Oh no no no no no Not me 331 00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:55,420 Me me me 332 00:24:55,490 --> 00:24:58,160 Oh no no no no 333 00:24:58,260 --> 00:25:01,930 Not me not me 334 00:25:02,030 --> 00:25:04,470 -Not me 335 00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:12,840 Oh yeah! Ah! Ah! 336 00:25:12,910 --> 00:25:15,680 Thank you! Thank you very much! 337 00:25:15,780 --> 00:25:18,150 I'm here till Thursday. Try the veal! Ha ha! 338 00:25:24,620 --> 00:25:26,560 Shall I give the order sir? 339 00:25:26,660 --> 00:25:30,260 No I have a better idea. 340 00:25:30,330 --> 00:25:35,500 People of DuLoc I give you our champion! 341 00:25:35,630 --> 00:25:39,470 - What? - Congratulations ogre. 342 00:25:39,570 --> 00:25:43,870 You've won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest. 343 00:25:43,970 --> 00:25:48,340 Quest? I'm already on a quest a quest to get my swamp back. 344 00:25:48,410 --> 00:25:51,650 - Your swamp? - Yeah my swamp! 345 00:25:51,750 --> 00:25:54,180 Where you dumped those fairy tale creatures! 346 00:25:54,250 --> 00:25:56,890 - Indeed. 347 00:25:56,990 --> 00:25:59,050 All right ogre I'll make you a deal. 348 00:25:59,090 --> 00:26:02,930 Go on this quest for me and I'll give you your swamp back. 349 00:26:02,990 --> 00:26:05,730 Exactly the way it was? 350 00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:08,530 Down to the last slime-covered toadstool. 351 00:26:08,630 --> 00:26:11,870 - And the squatters? - As good as gone. 352 00:26:14,940 --> 00:26:18,910 What kind of quest? 353 00:26:19,240 --> 00:26:21,540 Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon... 354 00:26:21,610 --> 00:26:24,280 and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp... 355 00:26:24,350 --> 00:26:27,480 which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. 356 00:26:27,580 --> 00:26:31,890 - Is that about right? - Maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk. 357 00:26:31,990 --> 00:26:35,520 I don't get it. Why don't you just pull some of that ogre stuff on him? 358 00:26:35,620 --> 00:26:37,560 Throttle him lay siege to his fortress 359 00:26:37,630 --> 00:26:40,430 grind his bones to make your bread the whole ogre trip. 360 00:26:40,530 --> 00:26:42,470 Oh I know what. 361 00:26:42,530 --> 00:26:44,730 Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village... 362 00:26:44,870 --> 00:26:46,940 and put their heads on a pike 363 00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:50,670 gotten a knife cut open their spleen and drink their fluids. 364 00:26:50,770 --> 00:26:52,880 Does that sound good to you? 365 00:26:52,980 --> 00:26:55,610 Uh no not really no. 366 00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:59,480 For your information there's a lot more to ogres than people think. 367 00:26:59,550 --> 00:27:02,280 - Example? - Example? 368 00:27:02,350 --> 00:27:08,520 - Okay um ogres are like onions. - They stink? 369 00:27:08,590 --> 00:27:10,890 - Yes-- No! - They make you cry? - No! 370 00:27:10,990 --> 00:27:14,430 You leave them out in the sun they get all brown start sproutin' little white hairs. 371 00:27:14,460 --> 00:27:16,470 No! Layers! 372 00:27:16,530 --> 00:27:18,870 Onions have layers. 373 00:27:18,970 --> 00:27:22,300 Ogres have layers! Onions have layers. 374 00:27:22,370 --> 00:27:24,770 You got it? We both have layers. 375 00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:30,280 Oh you both have layers. Oh. 376 00:27:30,380 --> 00:27:33,780 You know not everybody likes onions. 377 00:27:33,820 --> 00:27:36,490 Cake! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers. 378 00:27:36,550 --> 00:27:40,490 I don't care... what everyone likes. 379 00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:44,230 Ogres are not like cakes. 380 00:27:46,100 --> 00:27:49,470 You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. 381 00:27:49,570 --> 00:27:51,470 Have you ever met a person you say "Let's get some parfait" 382 00:27:51,530 --> 00:27:53,470 they say "No I don't like no parfait"? 383 00:27:53,570 --> 00:27:56,310 - Parfaits are delicious. - No! 384 00:27:56,370 --> 00:27:59,180 You dense irritating miniature beast of burden! 385 00:27:59,210 --> 00:28:02,140 Ogres are like onions! End of the story. 386 00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:04,210 Bye-bye. See ya later. 387 00:28:08,050 --> 00:28:12,460 Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet. 388 00:28:12,520 --> 00:28:14,720 You know I think I preferred your humming. 389 00:28:14,820 --> 00:28:17,490 Do you have a tissue or something? I'm making a mess. 390 00:28:17,560 --> 00:28:20,530 Just the word parfait make me start slobbering. 391 00:28:59,800 --> 00:29:02,270 Ooh! Shrek! Did you do that? 392 00:29:02,340 --> 00:29:06,140 You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was open. 393 00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:09,950 Believe me Donkey if it was me you'd be dead. 394 00:29:10,010 --> 00:29:12,750 It's brimstone. 395 00:29:12,820 --> 00:29:16,020 - We must be getting close. - Yeah right brimstone. 396 00:29:16,090 --> 00:29:20,190 Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. I know what I smell. It's wasn't no brimstone. 397 00:29:20,260 --> 00:29:22,220 It didn't come off no stone neither. 398 00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:43,580 Sure it's big enough but look at the location. 399 00:29:46,720 --> 00:29:51,420 Uh Shrek? Uh remember when you said ogres have layers? 400 00:29:51,520 --> 00:29:53,420 Oh aye. 401 00:29:53,490 --> 00:29:57,130 Well I have a bit of a confession to make. 402 00:29:57,190 --> 00:30:00,560 Donkeys don't have layers. We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves. 403 00:30:00,630 --> 00:30:04,730 - Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves. - You know what I mean. 404 00:30:04,800 --> 00:30:07,500 You can't tell me you're afraid of heights. 405 00:30:07,540 --> 00:30:12,170 I'm just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge over a boiling lake of lava! 406 00:30:12,240 --> 00:30:16,280 Come on Donkey. I'm right here beside ya okay? 407 00:30:16,380 --> 00:30:19,010 For emotional support 408 00:30:19,120 --> 00:30:23,690 we'll just tackle this thing together one little baby step at a time. 409 00:30:23,750 --> 00:30:25,690 - Really? - Really really. 410 00:30:25,790 --> 00:30:28,960 - Okay that makes me feel so much better. - Just keep moving. 411 00:30:29,060 --> 00:30:33,630 - And don't look down. Okay don't look down. Don't look down. 412 00:30:33,700 --> 00:30:37,100 Don't look down.\Keep on moving. Don't look down. 413 00:30:37,170 --> 00:30:40,970 Shrek! I'm lookin' down! 414 00:30:41,100 --> 00:30:43,970 Oh God I can't do this! Just let me off please! 415 00:30:44,070 --> 00:30:47,610 - But you're already halfway. - But I know that half is safe! 416 00:30:47,710 --> 00:30:50,480 Okay fine. I don't have time for this. You go back. 417 00:30:50,550 --> 00:30:52,980 - Shrek no! Wait! - Just Donkey-- 418 00:30:53,080 --> 00:30:56,190 - Let's have a dance then shall we? - Don't do that! 419 00:30:56,250 --> 00:31:00,120 Oh I'm sorry. Do what? 420 00:31:00,220 --> 00:31:03,330 - Oh this? - Yes that! 421 00:31:03,390 --> 00:31:06,760 Yes? Yes do it. Okay. 422 00:31:06,860 --> 00:31:09,170 No Shrek! 423 00:31:09,270 --> 00:31:12,400 - No! Stop it! - You said do it! I'm doin' it. 424 00:31:12,470 --> 00:31:16,740 I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek I'm gonna die. 425 00:31:16,770 --> 00:31:19,280 Oh! 426 00:31:19,410 --> 00:31:23,410 That'll do Donkey. That'll do. 427 00:31:26,780 --> 00:31:28,980 Cool. 428 00:31:29,090 --> 00:31:31,890 So where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway? 429 00:31:31,950 --> 00:31:35,730 Inside waiting for us to rescue her. 430 00:31:35,790 --> 00:31:38,690 I was talkin' about the dragon Shrek. 431 00:31:54,180 --> 00:31:56,110 You afraid? 432 00:31:56,180 --> 00:31:59,520 No but-- Shh. 433 00:31:59,550 --> 00:32:03,090 Oh good. Me neither. 434 00:32:03,190 --> 00:32:06,590 'Cause there's nothin' wrong with bein' afraid. 435 00:32:06,690 --> 00:32:09,890 Fear's a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation. 436 00:32:09,990 --> 00:32:12,030 Unfamiliar dangerous situation I might add. 437 00:32:12,090 --> 00:32:14,760 With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and breathes fire 438 00:32:14,800 --> 00:32:18,300 it sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little scared. 439 00:32:18,370 --> 00:32:22,370 I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that. 440 00:32:22,470 --> 00:32:25,810 Donkey two things okay? 441 00:32:25,880 --> 00:32:28,410 Shut... up. 442 00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:31,250 Now go over there and see\if you can find any stairs. 443 00:32:31,310 --> 00:32:33,980 Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for the princess. 444 00:32:34,050 --> 00:32:38,920 The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower. 445 00:32:39,020 --> 00:32:42,590 - What makes you think she'll be there? - I read it in a book once. 446 00:32:42,690 --> 00:32:46,600 Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle the stairs. 447 00:32:46,700 --> 00:32:49,700 I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt too. 448 00:32:49,830 --> 00:32:51,770 Those stairs won't know which way they're goin'. 449 00:32:56,310 --> 00:32:58,240 I'm gonna take drastic steps. 450 00:32:58,340 --> 00:33:01,110 Kick it to the curb. Don't mess with me. I'm the stair master. 451 00:33:01,210 --> 00:33:05,780 I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here. I'd step all over it. 452 00:33:08,780 --> 00:33:12,290 Well at least we know where the princess is but where's the-- 453 00:33:12,350 --> 00:33:16,660 Dragon! 454 00:33:30,210 --> 00:33:32,480 Donkey look out! 455 00:33:44,120 --> 00:33:46,160 - Got ya! 456 00:33:49,390 --> 00:33:54,600 Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! 457 00:34:08,610 --> 00:34:13,220 Oh! Aah! Aah! 458 00:34:21,920 --> 00:34:25,330 No. Oh no. No! 459 00:34:25,390 --> 00:34:29,030 - Oh what large teeth you have. 460 00:34:29,170 --> 00:34:32,970 I mean white sparkling teeth. I know you probably hear this all the time from your food 461 00:34:33,040 --> 00:34:37,170 but you must bleach 'cause that is one dazzling smile you got there. 462 00:34:37,310 --> 00:34:39,780 Do I detect a hint of minty freshness? 463 00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:44,610 And you know what else? You're-- you're a girl dragon! 464 00:34:44,680 --> 00:34:49,190 Oh sure! I mean of course you're a girl dragon. 465 00:34:49,250 --> 00:34:53,060 You're just reeking off feminine beauty. 466 00:34:53,160 --> 00:34:55,490 What's the matter with you? You got something in your eye? 467 00:34:55,590 --> 00:34:58,390 Ooh. Oh. Oh. 468 00:34:58,530 --> 00:35:00,860 Man I'd really love to stay but you know I'm uh-- 469 00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:04,900 I'm an asthmatic and I don't know if it'd work out if you're gonna blow smoke rings. 470 00:35:05,030 --> 00:35:06,940 Shrek! 471 00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:10,770 No! Shrek! Shrek! 472 00:35:10,870 --> 00:35:12,780 Shrek! 473 00:35:44,010 --> 00:35:45,470 Oh! Oh! 474 00:35:45,540 --> 00:35:47,480 - Wake up! - What? 475 00:35:47,580 --> 00:35:49,180 Are you Princess Fiona? 476 00:35:49,250 --> 00:35:54,580 I am awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me. 477 00:35:54,720 --> 00:35:56,690 Oh that's nice. Now let's go! 478 00:35:56,790 --> 00:35:58,790 But wait Sir Knight. 479 00:35:58,890 --> 00:36:01,120 This be-ith our first meeting. 480 00:36:01,220 --> 00:36:04,930 Should it not be a wonderful romantic moment? 481 00:36:04,990 --> 00:36:09,370 - Yeah sorry lady. There's no time. - Hey wait. What are you doing? 482 00:36:09,430 --> 00:36:11,500 You should sweep me off my feet... 483 00:36:11,600 --> 00:36:14,970 out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed. 484 00:36:15,100 --> 00:36:17,870 You've had a lot of time to plan this haven't you? 485 00:36:17,940 --> 00:36:22,210 Mm-hmm. 486 00:36:22,240 --> 00:36:25,180 But we have to savor this moment! 487 00:36:25,250 --> 00:36:27,980 You could recite an epic poem for me. 488 00:36:28,120 --> 00:36:30,550 A ballad? A sonnet! 489 00:36:30,620 --> 00:36:33,890 - A limerick? Or something! - I don't think so. 490 00:36:33,960 --> 00:36:38,390 Can I at least know the name of my champion? 491 00:36:38,460 --> 00:36:40,400 Um Shrek. 492 00:36:40,500 --> 00:36:44,170 Sir Shrek. 493 00:36:44,230 --> 00:36:49,000 I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude. 494 00:36:50,140 --> 00:36:52,140 Thanks! 495 00:36:56,150 --> 00:36:57,950 You didn't slay the dragon? 496 00:36:58,050 --> 00:37:00,520 - It's on my to-do list. Now come on! 497 00:37:00,620 --> 00:37:03,190 But this isn't right! 498 00:37:03,290 --> 00:37:05,550 You were meant to charge in sword drawn banner flying. 499 00:37:05,620 --> 00:37:07,690 That's what all the other knights did. 500 00:37:07,790 --> 00:37:10,090 Yeah right before they burst into flame. 501 00:37:10,130 --> 00:37:13,730 That's not the point. Oh! 502 00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:16,230 Wait. Where are you going? The exit's over there. 503 00:37:16,330 --> 00:37:18,370 Well I have to save my ass. 504 00:37:18,430 --> 00:37:21,670 What kind of knight are you? 505 00:37:21,740 --> 00:37:24,170 One of a kind. 506 00:37:24,240 --> 00:37:26,610 Slow down. Slow down baby please. 507 00:37:26,740 --> 00:37:30,950 I believe it's healthy to get to know someone over a long period of time. 508 00:37:31,010 --> 00:37:33,580 Just call me old-fashioned. 509 00:37:33,650 --> 00:37:37,190 I don't want to rush into a physical relationship. 510 00:37:37,250 --> 00:37:40,720 I'm not that emotionally ready for commitment of uh this-- 511 00:37:40,790 --> 00:37:43,130 Magnitude really is the word I'm looking for. 512 00:37:43,190 --> 00:37:46,730 Magnitude-- Hey that is unwanted physical contact. 513 00:37:46,760 --> 00:37:49,230 Hey what are you doing? 514 00:37:49,300 --> 00:37:52,570 Okay okay. Let's just back up a little and take this one step at a time. 515 00:37:52,670 --> 00:37:56,810 We really should get to know each other first as friends or pen pals. 516 00:37:56,910 --> 00:38:01,080 I'm on the road a lot but I just love receiving cards-- 517 00:38:01,180 --> 00:38:03,580 I'd really love to stay but-- 518 00:38:03,680 --> 00:38:06,250 Don't do that. That's my tail! That's my personal tail. 519 00:38:06,320 --> 00:38:09,750 You're gonna tear it off. I don't give permission-- What are you gonna do with that? 520 00:38:09,820 --> 00:38:13,620 Hey now. No way. No! No! 521 00:38:13,720 --> 00:38:16,460 No no! No. No no no! No! Oh! 522 00:38:43,350 --> 00:38:45,290 - Hi Princess! - It talks! 523 00:38:45,390 --> 00:38:49,130 Yeah it's getting him to shut up that's the trick. 524 00:38:54,400 --> 00:38:56,030 Oh! 525 00:39:24,690 --> 00:39:26,630 Okay you two head for the exit! 526 00:39:27,730 --> 00:39:30,300 I'll take care of the dragon. 527 00:40:23,890 --> 00:40:28,590 - You did it! 528 00:40:28,690 --> 00:40:31,530 You rescued me! You're amazing. You're-- 529 00:40:31,660 --> 00:40:35,360 You're wonderful. You're... 530 00:40:35,430 --> 00:40:37,770 a little unorthodox I'll admit. 531 00:40:37,830 --> 00:40:42,740 But thy deed is great and thine heart is pure. 532 00:40:42,840 --> 00:40:46,640 - I am eternally in your debt. 533 00:40:46,710 --> 00:40:51,050 And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed? 534 00:40:51,080 --> 00:40:55,820 I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She think I'm a steed. 535 00:40:55,890 --> 00:40:59,060 The battle is won. 536 00:40:59,160 --> 00:41:01,620 You may remove your helmet good Sir Knight. 537 00:41:01,720 --> 00:41:04,330 - Uh no. - Why not? 538 00:41:04,390 --> 00:41:06,560 I have helmet hair. 539 00:41:06,700 --> 00:41:09,870 Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer. 540 00:41:10,000 --> 00:41:12,570 No no you wouldn't-- 'st. 541 00:41:12,640 --> 00:41:15,100 But how will you kiss me? 542 00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:18,940 What? That wasn't in the job description. 543 00:41:19,040 --> 00:41:21,440 Maybe it's a perk. 544 00:41:21,510 --> 00:41:25,920 No. It's destiny. Oh you must know how it goes. 545 00:41:25,980 --> 00:41:29,790 A princess locked in a tower and beset by a dragon... 546 00:41:29,850 --> 00:41:32,820 is rescue by a brave knight 547 00:41:32,860 --> 00:41:36,160 and then they share true love's first kiss. 548 00:41:36,260 --> 00:41:38,330 Hmm? With Shrek? You think-- Wait. 549 00:41:38,460 --> 00:41:41,600 Wait. You think Shrek is your true love? 550 00:41:41,700 --> 00:41:43,700 Well yes. 551 00:41:47,740 --> 00:41:50,170 You think that Shrek is your true love! 552 00:41:50,270 --> 00:41:52,170 What is so funny? 553 00:41:52,240 --> 00:41:55,340 Let's just say I'm not your type okay? 554 00:41:55,410 --> 00:41:58,950 Of course you are. You're my rescuer. 555 00:41:59,050 --> 00:42:01,480 Now-- Now remove your helmet. 556 00:42:01,580 --> 00:42:03,790 Look. I really don't think this is a good idea. 557 00:42:03,890 --> 00:42:05,860 - Just take off the helmet. - I'm not going to. 558 00:42:05,960 --> 00:42:07,120 - Take it off! - No! 559 00:42:07,220 --> 00:42:09,290 - Now! - Okay! 560 00:42:09,360 --> 00:42:13,860 Easy. As you command Your Highness. 561 00:42:23,910 --> 00:42:27,380 You-- You're a-- an ogre. 562 00:42:27,440 --> 00:42:31,350 Oh you were expecting Prince Charming. 563 00:42:31,450 --> 00:42:33,950 Well yes actually. 564 00:42:35,890 --> 00:42:39,090 Oh no. This is all wrong. 565 00:42:39,190 --> 00:42:41,490 You're not supposed to be an ogre. 566 00:42:41,560 --> 00:42:46,830 Princess I was sent to rescue you by Lord Farquaad okay? 567 00:42:46,930 --> 00:42:48,830 He's the one who wants to marry you. 568 00:42:48,930 --> 00:42:50,830 Then why didn't he come to rescue me? 569 00:42:50,900 --> 00:42:55,270 Good question. You should ask him that when we get there. 570 00:42:55,300 --> 00:42:58,370 But I have to be rescued by my true love 571 00:42:58,440 --> 00:43:01,240 not by some ogre and his-- his pet. 572 00:43:01,310 --> 00:43:03,380 Well so much for noble steed. 573 00:43:03,450 --> 00:43:06,050 Look princess. You're not making my job any easier. 574 00:43:06,150 --> 00:43:09,520 Well I'm sorry but your job is not my problem. 575 00:43:09,590 --> 00:43:14,860 You can tell Lord Farquaad that if he wants to rescue me properly 576 00:43:14,920 --> 00:43:17,290 I'll be waiting for him right here. 577 00:43:17,360 --> 00:43:22,400 Hey I'm no one�s messenger boy all right? I'm a delivery boy. 578 00:43:22,500 --> 00:43:24,770 You wouldn't dare. 579 00:43:24,830 --> 00:43:26,870 - Ya comin' Donkey? - Put me down! 580 00:43:26,900 --> 00:43:28,870 Yeah I'm right behind ya. 581 00:43:28,940 --> 00:43:32,580 Put me down or you will suffer the consequences! 582 00:43:32,640 --> 00:43:37,110 This is not dignified! Put me down! 583 00:43:37,180 --> 00:43:40,120 Okay so here's another question. 584 00:43:40,150 --> 00:43:43,220 Say there's a woman that digs you right but you don't really like her that way. 585 00:43:43,290 --> 00:43:45,690 How do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren't hurt 586 00:43:45,790 --> 00:43:48,260 but you don't get burned to a crisp and eaten? 587 00:43:48,320 --> 00:43:51,090 You just tell her she's not your true love. 588 00:43:51,230 --> 00:43:53,900 Everyone knows it what happens when you find your-- 589 00:43:54,000 --> 00:43:56,570 Hey! 590 00:43:56,630 --> 00:43:58,930 The sooner we get to DuLoc the better. 591 00:43:59,030 --> 00:44:01,940 Oh yeah. You're gonna love it there Princess. It's beautiful! 592 00:44:02,040 --> 00:44:05,780 And what of my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? What's he like? 593 00:44:05,840 --> 00:44:07,980 Well, let me put it this way Princess. 594 00:44:08,080 --> 00:44:12,080 Men of Farquaad's stature are in short supply. 595 00:44:14,180 --> 00:44:18,250 I don't know. There are those who think little of him. 596 00:44:20,390 --> 00:44:23,260 Stop it. Stop it both of you. 597 00:44:23,330 --> 00:44:28,300 You know you're just jealous that you can never measure up to a great ruler like lord Farquaad. 598 00:44:28,360 --> 00:44:31,300 Yeah. Well maybe you're right Princess. 599 00:44:31,400 --> 00:44:34,700 But I'd let you do the "measuring" when you see him tomorrow. 600 00:44:34,770 --> 00:44:38,970 Tomorrow? It's take that long? 601 00:44:39,080 --> 00:44:43,780 - Shouldn't we stop to make camp? - No that'll take longer. 602 00:44:43,850 --> 00:44:48,320 - We can keep going. - But there are robbers in the woods. 603 00:44:48,350 --> 00:44:51,720 Whoa! Time out Shrek! Camping's starting to sound good. 604 00:44:51,790 --> 00:44:55,890 Hey. Come on. I'm scarier than anything we're going to see in this forest. 605 00:44:55,960 --> 00:44:58,360 I need to find somewhere to camp now! 606 00:45:05,200 --> 00:45:09,310 - Hey! over here. - Shrek we can do better than that. 607 00:45:09,370 --> 00:45:11,970 Now I don't think this is fit for a princess. 608 00:45:12,040 --> 00:45:14,840 No no it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches. 609 00:45:14,910 --> 00:45:19,880 - Homey touches? Like what? 610 00:45:19,920 --> 00:45:24,190 A door? Well gentlemen I bid thee good night. 611 00:45:24,290 --> 00:45:26,660 Do you want me to come in and read you a bedtime story? 'cause I will. 612 00:45:26,760 --> 00:45:29,060 I said good night! 613 00:45:31,560 --> 00:45:33,500 Shrek what are you doing? 614 00:45:33,560 --> 00:45:36,630 I just-- You know-- Oh come on. 615 00:45:36,700 --> 00:45:39,300 I was just kidding. 616 00:45:44,640 --> 00:45:48,240 And uh that one that's Throwback 617 00:45:48,310 --> 00:45:51,680 the only ogre to ever spit over three wheat fields. 618 00:45:51,810 --> 00:45:54,880 Right. Yeah. 619 00:45:54,950 --> 00:45:57,890 Hey can you tell my future form these stars? 620 00:45:57,950 --> 00:46:01,590 Well the stars don't tell the future Donkey. They tell stories. 621 00:46:01,690 --> 00:46:05,230 Look there's Bloodnut the Flatulent. 622 00:46:05,330 --> 00:46:08,960 - You can guess what he is famous for. - All right. Now I know you're making this up. 623 00:46:09,030 --> 00:46:11,770 No. Look. There he is 624 00:46:11,830 --> 00:46:14,900 and there's the group of hunters running away from his stench. 625 00:46:14,970 --> 00:46:17,570 Man there ain't nothin' but a bunch of little dots. 626 00:46:17,670 --> 00:46:21,580 You know donkey sometimes things are more than they appear. 627 00:46:21,680 --> 00:46:23,850 Hmm? 628 00:46:23,950 --> 00:46:25,980 Forget it. 629 00:46:28,820 --> 00:46:32,560 Hey Shrek what we gonna do when we get our swamp back anyway? 630 00:46:32,660 --> 00:46:34,420 Our swamp? 631 00:46:34,490 --> 00:46:36,590 You know. When we're through rescuing the princess and all that stuff. 632 00:46:36,690 --> 00:46:41,400 We? Donkey there is no "we". There's no "our". 633 00:46:41,530 --> 00:46:43,770 There's just me and my swamp. 634 00:46:43,830 --> 00:46:48,140 And the first thing I'm gonna do is build a ten-foot wall around my land. 635 00:46:48,200 --> 00:46:50,670 You cut me deep Shrek. 636 00:46:50,770 --> 00:46:54,110 You cut me real deep just now. 637 00:46:54,210 --> 00:46:56,150 You know what I think? 638 00:46:56,210 --> 00:46:59,320 I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out. 639 00:46:59,450 --> 00:47:03,620 - No do ya think? - Are you hidin' something? 640 00:47:03,690 --> 00:47:05,650 Never mind Donkey. 641 00:47:05,720 --> 00:47:09,090 Oh this is another one of those onion things isn't it? 642 00:47:09,230 --> 00:47:12,830 No this is one of those drop-it and leave-it-alone things. 643 00:47:12,900 --> 00:47:16,670 - Why don't you want to talk about it? - Why do you want to talk about it? 644 00:47:16,730 --> 00:47:18,500 - Oh Why you block? - I'm not blocking. 645 00:47:18,600 --> 00:47:20,870 - Oh yes you are. - Donkey I'm warning you. 646 00:47:20,940 --> 00:47:24,440 - Who are you trying to keep out? Just tell me that Shrek. Who? - Everyone! Okay? 647 00:47:25,710 --> 00:47:28,180 Oh now we're gettin' somewhere. 648 00:47:28,210 --> 00:47:31,510 Oh for 'the love of Pete! 649 00:47:31,610 --> 00:47:34,050 Hey what's your problem Shrek? What do you got against the whole world anyway? 650 00:47:34,120 --> 00:47:36,350 Look. I'm not the one with the problem okay? 651 00:47:36,390 --> 00:47:39,390 It's the world that seems to have a problem with me. 652 00:47:39,460 --> 00:47:43,330 People take one look at me and go "Aah! Help! Run! 653 00:47:43,460 --> 00:47:47,160 A big stupid ugly ogre!" 654 00:47:47,260 --> 00:47:51,470 They judge me before they even know me. 655 00:47:51,600 --> 00:47:53,500 That's why I'm better off alone. 656 00:48:01,410 --> 00:48:03,610 You know what? 657 00:48:03,680 --> 00:48:09,350 When we met I didn't think you're was just a big stupid ugly ogre. 658 00:48:09,420 --> 00:48:12,350 Yeah I know. 659 00:48:12,460 --> 00:48:15,860 So uh are there any donkeys up there? 660 00:48:15,990 --> 00:48:19,330 Well there's um Gabby 661 00:48:19,400 --> 00:48:21,730 the Small and Annoying. 662 00:48:21,800 --> 00:48:26,700 Okay okay. I see it now. The big shiny one right there. That's one there? 663 00:48:26,800 --> 00:48:29,970 - That's the moon. - Oh okay. 664 00:48:51,330 --> 00:48:53,760 Again. Show me again. 665 00:48:58,200 --> 00:49:02,270 Mirror mirror show her to me. Show me the princess. 666 00:49:02,410 --> 00:49:06,410 - Hmph. 667 00:49:06,510 --> 00:49:11,280 Ah. Perfect. 668 00:50:14,610 --> 00:50:17,480 Mmm yeah you know I like it like that. 669 00:50:17,580 --> 00:50:21,820 - Oh come on baby. I said I like it. - Donkey wake up. 670 00:50:21,920 --> 00:50:24,420 - Huh? What? - Wake up. 671 00:50:24,520 --> 00:50:26,490 - What? - Good morning. 672 00:50:26,560 --> 00:50:29,830 How do you like your eggs? 673 00:50:29,930 --> 00:50:33,860 - Good morning Princess! - What's all this about? 674 00:50:33,960 --> 00:50:37,930 You know we kind of got off to a bad start yesterday. 675 00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:40,000 I wanted to make it up to you. 676 00:50:40,070 --> 00:50:44,640 I mean after all you did rescue me. 677 00:50:44,740 --> 00:50:47,740 - Uh thanks. 678 00:50:47,780 --> 00:50:51,610 Well eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us. 679 00:50:56,050 --> 00:50:57,990 - Shrek! 680 00:50:58,120 --> 00:51:00,020 What? It's a compliment. 681 00:51:00,060 --> 00:51:03,060 Better out than in I always say. 682 00:51:03,090 --> 00:51:06,860 - Well it's no way to behave in front of a princess. 683 00:51:06,960 --> 00:51:09,600 - Thanks - She's as nasty as you are. 684 00:51:09,670 --> 00:51:14,500 You know you're not exactly what I expected. 685 00:51:14,570 --> 00:51:19,680 Well maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them. 686 00:51:22,450 --> 00:51:24,750 La libert�! Hey! 687 00:51:24,850 --> 00:51:26,780 Princess! 688 00:51:26,850 --> 00:51:29,520 - What are you doing? 689 00:51:29,590 --> 00:51:32,560 Be still mon cherie for I am your savior! 690 00:51:32,590 --> 00:51:37,060 And I am rescuing you from this green-- 691 00:51:37,130 --> 00:51:39,730 - beast. - Hey! 692 00:51:39,760 --> 00:51:42,130 That's my princess! Go find your own! 693 00:51:42,200 --> 00:51:47,240 Please monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy here? 694 00:51:47,340 --> 00:51:50,940 Look pal. I don't know who you think you are! 695 00:51:50,970 --> 00:51:53,610 Oh of course! How rude that was. 696 00:51:53,680 --> 00:51:55,750 Please let me introduce myself. 697 00:51:55,850 --> 00:51:58,710 Oh Merry Men! 698 00:52:02,850 --> 00:52:04,790 Tadahdahdahwhoo 699 00:52:04,920 --> 00:52:06,990 I steal from the rich and give to the needy 700 00:52:07,060 --> 00:52:09,190 - He takes a wee percentage - But I'm not greedy 701 00:52:09,260 --> 00:52:11,260 I rescue pretty damsels Man I'm good 702 00:52:11,330 --> 00:52:14,330 - What a guy Monsieur Hood 703 00:52:18,030 --> 00:52:20,270 I like an honest fight and a saucy little maid 704 00:52:20,400 --> 00:52:22,570 - What he's basically saying is he likes to get-- - Paid 705 00:52:22,670 --> 00:52:25,310 - So - When an ogre in the bush grabs a lady by the tush 706 00:52:25,410 --> 00:52:27,610 - That's bad - That's bad 707 00:52:27,740 --> 00:52:29,980 When a beauty's with a beast it makes me awfully mad 708 00:52:30,050 --> 00:52:31,980 He's mad He's really really mad 709 00:52:32,080 --> 00:52:33,950 I'll take my blade and ram it through your heart 710 00:52:34,020 --> 00:52:38,650 Keep your eyes on me boys 'cause I'm about to start 711 00:52:44,230 --> 00:52:46,860 Man that was annoying! 712 00:52:46,900 --> 00:52:48,660 Oh you little... 713 00:53:15,930 --> 00:53:18,990 Um shall we? 714 00:53:20,330 --> 00:53:23,230 - Hold the phone. 715 00:53:23,770 --> 00:53:26,740 Oh! Whoa! whoa whoa. Hold on now. 716 00:53:26,840 --> 00:53:28,840 - Where did that come from? - What? 717 00:53:28,940 --> 00:53:31,770 That! Back there. That was amazing! 718 00:53:31,870 --> 00:53:33,810 Where did you learn that? 719 00:53:33,880 --> 00:53:37,010 Well-- When one lives alone 720 00:53:37,110 --> 00:53:39,880 uh one has to learn these things in case there's a-- 721 00:53:39,920 --> 00:53:42,550 - There is an arrow in your butt! - What? 722 00:53:42,690 --> 00:53:46,420 - What? Oh would you look at that? - Oh no. This is all my fault. 723 00:53:46,520 --> 00:53:48,460 - I'm so sorry. Why? What's wrong? 724 00:53:48,520 --> 00:53:51,890 - Shrek's hurt. - Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Oh no Shrek's gonna die. 725 00:53:51,960 --> 00:53:55,770 - Donkey I'm okay. You can't do this to me Shrek. I'm too young for you to die. 726 00:53:55,830 --> 00:53:57,970 Keep your legs elevated. Turn your head and cough. 727 00:53:58,030 --> 00:54:01,040 - Does anyone know the Heimlich? - Donkey! Calm down. 728 00:54:01,140 --> 00:54:05,780 If you want to help Shrek run into the woods and find me a blue flower with red thorns. 729 00:54:05,840 --> 00:54:09,380 Blue flower red thorns. Okay I'm on it. Blue flower red thorns. 730 00:54:09,480 --> 00:54:12,980 Don't die Shrek. And if you see a long tunnel stay away from the light! 731 00:54:13,080 --> 00:54:16,250 - Donkey! - Oh yeah. Right. Blue Flower red thorns. 732 00:54:16,320 --> 00:54:18,590 Blue flower red thorns. - What are the flowers for? 733 00:54:18,690 --> 00:54:20,860 - For getting rid of the Donkey. - Ah. 734 00:54:20,990 --> 00:54:23,390 Now you hold still and I'll yank this thing out. 735 00:54:23,460 --> 00:54:25,660 Ow! Hey! Easy with the yankin'. 736 00:54:25,700 --> 00:54:28,400 - I'm sorry but it has to come out. - No it's tender. 737 00:54:28,460 --> 00:54:30,200 Now hold on. 738 00:54:30,270 --> 00:54:32,370 What you're doing here is the opposite of help. - Don't move. 739 00:54:32,470 --> 00:54:35,100 - Look time out. - Would you-- 740 00:54:35,200 --> 00:54:39,680 Okay. What do you propose we do? 741 00:54:39,780 --> 00:54:42,450 Blue flower red thorns. Blue flower red thorns. Blue flower red thorns. 742 00:54:42,550 --> 00:54:44,950 This would be so much easier if I wasn't color-blind! 743 00:54:45,010 --> 00:54:47,080 - Blue flower red thorns. - Ow! 744 00:54:47,180 --> 00:54:49,620 Hold on Shrek! I'm comin'! 745 00:54:51,120 --> 00:54:53,190 Ow! Not good. 746 00:54:53,290 --> 00:54:55,860 - Okay. Okay I can nearly see the head. 747 00:54:55,960 --> 00:54:58,560 - It's just about-- - Ow! Ohh! 748 00:55:00,360 --> 00:55:03,030 Ahem. 749 00:55:03,100 --> 00:55:06,440 Nothing happened. We were just uh-- 750 00:55:06,570 --> 00:55:09,310 Look if you wanted to be alone all you had to do is ask. 751 00:55:09,370 --> 00:55:12,610 Oh come on! That's the last thing on my mind. 752 00:55:12,680 --> 00:55:16,380 The princess here was just-- Ugh! 753 00:55:19,580 --> 00:55:22,250 - Ow! - Hey what's that? 754 00:55:22,350 --> 00:55:25,150 That's-- Is that blood? 755 00:56:43,370 --> 00:56:45,330 Hey! 756 00:56:55,750 --> 00:56:57,610 There it is Princess. 757 00:56:57,710 --> 00:57:00,080 Your future awaits you. 758 00:57:00,150 --> 00:57:02,420 - That's Duloc? - Yeah I know. 759 00:57:02,490 --> 00:57:05,150 You know Shrek thinks Lord Farquaad's compensating for something 760 00:57:05,220 --> 00:57:07,690 which I think means he has a really-- Ow! 761 00:57:07,790 --> 00:57:09,730 Um I uh-- 762 00:57:09,790 --> 00:57:12,230 - I guess we better move on. - Sure. 763 00:57:12,330 --> 00:57:14,400 But Shrek? 764 00:57:14,530 --> 00:57:17,270 - I'm-- I'm worried about Donkey. 765 00:57:17,370 --> 00:57:19,770 - What? - I mean look at him. 766 00:57:19,800 --> 00:57:22,870 - He doesn't look so good. - What are you talking about? I'm fine. 767 00:57:22,910 --> 00:57:27,940 Well that's what they always say and the next thing you know you're on your back. 768 00:57:27,980 --> 00:57:30,450 - Dead. - You know she's right. 769 00:57:30,550 --> 00:57:33,420 You look awful. Do you want to sit down? 770 00:57:33,520 --> 00:57:36,190 - You know I'll make you up some tea. - Well I didn't want to say nothin' 771 00:57:36,290 --> 00:57:39,090 but I've got this twinge in my neck and when I turn my head like this look. 772 00:57:39,160 --> 00:57:41,060 - Ow! See? 773 00:57:41,160 --> 00:57:43,730 - Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner. - I'll get the firewood. 774 00:57:43,830 --> 00:57:48,330 Hey where are you goin'? Oh man I can't feel my toes! 775 00:57:48,360 --> 00:57:50,900 I don't have any toes! 776 00:57:50,970 --> 00:57:53,340 I think I need a hug. 777 00:57:56,870 --> 00:57:59,110 Mmm. 778 00:57:59,180 --> 00:58:03,150 Mmm. This is good. This is really good. 779 00:58:05,380 --> 00:58:07,650 - What is this? - Uh weed rat. 780 00:58:07,680 --> 00:58:09,790 Rotisserie style. 781 00:58:09,920 --> 00:58:12,420 No kidding. 782 00:58:12,520 --> 00:58:14,420 Well this is delicious. 783 00:58:14,490 --> 00:58:16,590 Well they're also great in stews. 784 00:58:16,690 --> 00:58:20,900 Now I don't mean to brag but I make a mean weed rat stew. 785 00:58:24,670 --> 00:58:28,800 I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night. 786 00:58:28,870 --> 00:58:33,940 Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. 787 00:58:34,040 --> 00:58:36,180 I'll cook all kinds of stuff for you. 788 00:58:36,280 --> 00:58:40,180 Swamp toast soup fish eye tartar-- you name it. 789 00:58:40,780 --> 00:58:43,850 I'd like that. 790 00:58:53,660 --> 00:58:56,300 Um Princess? 791 00:58:58,670 --> 00:59:00,700 - Yes Shrek? 792 00:59:01,400 --> 00:59:05,310 - I um I was wondering 793 00:59:05,370 --> 00:59:07,580 Are you-- 794 00:59:10,380 --> 00:59:13,150 Are you gonna eat that? 795 00:59:19,960 --> 00:59:24,060 Man isn't this romantic? Just look at that sunset. - Sunset? 796 00:59:24,130 --> 00:59:26,700 Oh no! I mean it's late. 797 00:59:26,760 --> 00:59:28,630 - I-It's very late. - What? 798 00:59:28,700 --> 00:59:31,630 Wait a minute. I see what's goin' on here. 799 00:59:31,730 --> 00:59:34,700 - You're afraid of the dark aren't you? - Yes! 800 00:59:34,770 --> 00:59:38,770 Yes that's it. I'm terrified. You know I'd better go inside. 801 00:59:38,870 --> 00:59:42,180 But don't feel bad Princess. I used to be afraid of the dark too until-- 802 00:59:42,240 --> 00:59:45,010 Hey no wait. I'm still afraid of the dark. 803 00:59:45,150 --> 00:59:48,250 - Good night. 804 00:59:48,320 --> 00:59:51,390 Good night. 805 00:59:51,450 --> 00:59:54,520 - Ohh! 806 00:59:57,460 --> 00:59:59,390 Oh what are you talkin' about? 807 00:59:59,460 --> 01:00:02,200 I don't even wanna hear it. Look I'm an animal and I got instincts. 808 01:00:02,300 --> 01:00:04,700 I know that you two are diggin' on each other. I could feel it. 809 01:00:04,800 --> 01:00:07,600 Oh you're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad. 810 01:00:07,700 --> 01:00:11,040 Oh come on Shrek. Wake up and smell the pheromones. 811 01:00:11,110 --> 01:00:13,780 - Just go in and tell her how you feel. - I-- 812 01:00:13,880 --> 01:00:17,880 There's nothing to tell. Besides even if I did tell her that 813 01:00:17,950 --> 01:00:19,850 well you know-- 814 01:00:19,950 --> 01:00:23,490 and I'm not sayin' that I do 'cause I don't-- 815 01:00:23,590 --> 01:00:25,950 she's a princess and I'm-- 816 01:00:26,050 --> 01:00:28,760 An ogre? 817 01:00:28,820 --> 01:00:31,460 Yeah. An ogre. 818 01:00:31,590 --> 01:00:35,630 - Hey where are you goin'? - To get... more firewood. 819 01:00:55,250 --> 01:00:56,520 Princess? 820 01:00:56,620 --> 01:00:59,350 Princess Fiona? 821 01:01:03,630 --> 01:01:06,430 Princess where are you? 822 01:01:11,730 --> 01:01:14,200 Princess? 823 01:01:17,270 --> 01:01:20,010 It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing no games. 824 01:01:30,250 --> 01:01:32,690 - Aah! - Oh no! - No help! 825 01:01:32,750 --> 01:01:35,820 - Shh! - Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! - No it's okay. It's okay. 826 01:01:35,960 --> 01:01:38,790 - What did you do with the princess? -Donkey shhh I'm the princess. 827 01:01:38,890 --> 01:01:41,630 - Aah! - It's me in this body. 828 01:01:41,730 --> 01:01:44,300 Oh my God! You ate the princess! 829 01:01:44,370 --> 01:01:46,270 - Can you hear me? - Donkey! 830 01:01:46,370 --> 01:01:48,670 - Listen keep breathing! I'll get you out of there! - No! 831 01:01:48,740 --> 01:01:51,240 - Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! - Shh. 832 01:01:51,310 --> 01:01:53,180 - Shrek! - This is me. 833 01:01:58,280 --> 01:02:01,180 Princess? 834 01:02:01,250 --> 01:02:04,720 What happened to you? You're uh uh 835 01:02:04,820 --> 01:02:06,760 uh different. 836 01:02:06,790 --> 01:02:09,060 - I'm ugly okay? - Well yeah! 837 01:02:09,160 --> 01:02:12,290 Was it something that you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats was a bad idea. 838 01:02:12,360 --> 01:02:14,900 - You are what you eat I said. Now-- -No. 839 01:02:14,960 --> 01:02:18,370 I-- I've been this way as long as I can remember. 840 01:02:18,430 --> 01:02:20,900 What do you mean? Look I ain't never seen you like this before. 841 01:02:21,000 --> 01:02:24,140 It only happens when the sun goes down. 842 01:02:25,540 --> 01:02:29,180 "By night one way by day another. 843 01:02:29,240 --> 01:02:31,280 "This shall be the norm... 844 01:02:31,380 --> 01:02:34,480 "until you find true love's first kiss... 845 01:02:34,620 --> 01:02:39,020 and then take love's true form." 846 01:02:39,120 --> 01:02:42,620 Ah that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry. 847 01:02:42,760 --> 01:02:44,660 It's a spell. 848 01:02:44,730 --> 01:02:47,330 When I was a little girl 849 01:02:47,430 --> 01:02:50,100 a witch cast a spell on me. 850 01:02:50,170 --> 01:02:52,700 Every night I become this. 851 01:02:52,800 --> 01:02:56,470 This horrible ugly beast! 852 01:02:58,940 --> 01:03:04,010 I was placed in a tower to await the day my true love would rescue me. 853 01:03:04,080 --> 01:03:06,720 That's why I have to marry lord Farquaad tomorrow... 854 01:03:06,780 --> 01:03:10,150 before the sun sets and he sees me... 855 01:03:11,450 --> 01:03:14,390 like this. 856 01:03:14,460 --> 01:03:17,760 All right all right. Calm down. Look it's not that bad. 857 01:03:17,860 --> 01:03:22,030 You're not that ugly. Well I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly. 858 01:03:22,100 --> 01:03:25,100 But you only look like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24-7. 859 01:03:25,200 --> 01:03:28,540 But Donkey I'm a princess 860 01:03:28,640 --> 01:03:32,210 and this is not how a princess is meant to look. 861 01:03:32,310 --> 01:03:36,040 Princess how 'bout if you don't marry Farquaad? 862 01:03:36,140 --> 01:03:38,050 I have to. 863 01:03:38,150 --> 01:03:40,980 Only my true love's kiss can break the spell. 864 01:03:41,050 --> 01:03:44,550 But you know you're kind of an ogre 865 01:03:44,690 --> 01:03:48,090 and Shrek-- well you've got a lot in common. 866 01:03:48,190 --> 01:03:49,660 Shrek? 867 01:03:49,760 --> 01:03:53,630 Princess I-- Uh how's it going first of all? 868 01:03:53,700 --> 01:03:56,500 Good? Um good for me too. 869 01:03:56,570 --> 01:03:58,500 I'm okay. 870 01:03:58,600 --> 01:04:03,470 I saw this flower and thought of you because it's pretty and-- 871 01:04:03,540 --> 01:04:07,810 well I don't really like it but I thought you may like it 'cause you're pretty. 872 01:04:07,880 --> 01:04:11,050 But I like you anyway. I'd-- uh uh-- 873 01:04:13,250 --> 01:04:16,790 I'm in trouble. Okay here we go. 874 01:04:16,890 --> 01:04:19,350 I can't just marry whoever I want. 875 01:04:19,450 --> 01:04:21,760 Take a good look at me Donkey. 876 01:04:21,860 --> 01:04:23,790 I mean really 877 01:04:23,860 --> 01:04:26,500 who could ever love a beast so hideous and ugly? 878 01:04:26,600 --> 01:04:29,030 "Princess" and "ugly" don't go together. 879 01:04:29,100 --> 01:04:31,500 - That's why I can't stay here with Shrek. 880 01:04:31,570 --> 01:04:36,040 My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love. 881 01:04:36,100 --> 01:04:39,510 - Don't you see Donkey? 882 01:04:39,610 --> 01:04:42,880 That's just how it has to be. 883 01:04:42,980 --> 01:04:46,050 It's the only way to break the spell. 884 01:04:46,110 --> 01:04:48,850 - You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth. - No! 885 01:04:48,920 --> 01:04:51,850 You can't breathe the word. No one must ever know. 886 01:04:51,950 --> 01:04:54,090 What's the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets? 887 01:04:54,160 --> 01:04:57,290 Promise you won't tell. Promise! 888 01:04:57,390 --> 01:05:00,500 All right all right. I won't tell him. But you should. 889 01:05:00,560 --> 01:05:03,530 I just know before this is over I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. 890 01:05:03,670 --> 01:05:07,170 - Look at my eye twitchin'. 891 01:05:29,890 --> 01:05:33,600 I tell him I tell him not. 892 01:05:34,100 --> 01:05:38,100 I tell him I tell him not. 893 01:05:38,170 --> 01:05:40,070 I tell him. 894 01:05:40,170 --> 01:05:42,270 Shrek! 895 01:05:42,340 --> 01:05:44,870 Shrek there's something I want-- 896 01:06:05,690 --> 01:06:07,900 Shrek. 897 01:06:09,300 --> 01:06:11,370 - Are you all right? - Perfect! 898 01:06:11,470 --> 01:06:13,400 Never been better. 899 01:06:13,470 --> 01:06:16,770 I-- I don't-- There's something I have to tell you. 900 01:06:16,870 --> 01:06:19,370 You don't have to tell me anything Princess. 901 01:06:19,510 --> 01:06:21,580 - I heard enough last night. - You heard what I said? 902 01:06:21,640 --> 01:06:23,580 Every word. 903 01:06:23,680 --> 01:06:25,810 I thought you'd understand? 904 01:06:25,950 --> 01:06:27,850 Oh I understand! 905 01:06:27,920 --> 01:06:31,490 Like you said "Who could love a hideous ugly beast?" 906 01:06:31,550 --> 01:06:34,290 But I thought that wouldn't matter to you. 907 01:06:34,360 --> 01:06:36,090 Yeah well it does. 908 01:06:38,660 --> 01:06:40,900 - Ah right on time. 909 01:06:40,960 --> 01:06:43,870 Princess I brought you a little something. 910 01:06:48,270 --> 01:06:51,910 What'd I miss? What'd I miss? 911 01:06:52,040 --> 01:06:54,680 Who said that? Couldn't have been a donkey. 912 01:06:56,010 --> 01:06:58,480 Princess Fiona. 913 01:06:58,610 --> 01:07:01,280 As promised. Now hand it over. 914 01:07:01,350 --> 01:07:05,620 Very well ogre. The deed to your swamp cleared out as agreed. 915 01:07:05,720 --> 01:07:10,230 Take it and go before I change my mind. 916 01:07:10,330 --> 01:07:13,230 Forgive me Princess for startling you 917 01:07:13,260 --> 01:07:15,200 but you startled me 918 01:07:15,300 --> 01:07:18,930 For I've never seen such a radiant beauty before. 919 01:07:19,030 --> 01:07:22,000 I am lord Farquaad. 920 01:07:22,140 --> 01:07:25,970 Lord Farquaad? Oh no no. 921 01:07:26,040 --> 01:07:29,010 - Forgive me my lord for I was just saying... 922 01:07:29,110 --> 01:07:34,580 a short... farewell. 923 01:07:34,650 --> 01:07:39,320 That is so sweet. You don't have to raise good manners on the ogre. 924 01:07:39,390 --> 01:07:41,290 It's not like it has feelings. 925 01:07:41,390 --> 01:07:45,330 No. You're right. It doesn't. 926 01:07:45,430 --> 01:07:49,430 Princess Fiona beautiful fair flawless Fiona. 927 01:07:49,500 --> 01:07:52,500 - I ask your hand in marriage. 928 01:07:52,600 --> 01:07:57,640 Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom? 929 01:08:00,940 --> 01:08:06,150 Lord Farquaad I accept. Nothing would make-- 930 01:08:06,210 --> 01:08:09,320 Excellent! I'll start the plans for tomorrow we wed! 931 01:08:09,450 --> 01:08:11,350 No! I mean uh 932 01:08:11,420 --> 01:08:13,820 Why wait? 933 01:08:13,920 --> 01:08:17,760 Let's get married today before the sun sets. 934 01:08:17,830 --> 01:08:20,500 Oh anxious are we? You're right. 935 01:08:20,600 --> 01:08:24,500 The sooner the better. There's so much to do! 936 01:08:24,600 --> 01:08:26,940 There is the caterer the cake the band the guest list. 937 01:08:27,040 --> 01:08:30,040 Captain round up some guests. 938 01:08:30,140 --> 01:08:32,810 Fare-thee-well ogre. 939 01:08:32,910 --> 01:08:35,540 Shrek what are you doing? You let her get away. 940 01:08:35,610 --> 01:08:38,310 - Yeah? So what? - Shrek there's something about her you don't know. 941 01:08:38,380 --> 01:08:40,820 Look I talked to her last night. She's 942 01:08:40,880 --> 01:08:44,920 Yeah I know you talked to her last night. You're great pals aren't ya? 943 01:08:44,990 --> 01:08:48,790 Now if you two are such good friends why didn't you follow her home? 944 01:08:48,860 --> 01:08:50,830 Shrek I-- I wanna go with you. 945 01:08:50,930 --> 01:08:53,860 I told you didn't I? You're not coming home with me. 946 01:08:53,960 --> 01:08:57,900 I live alone! My swamp! Me! Nobody else! 947 01:08:58,000 --> 01:09:00,100 Understand? Nobody! 948 01:09:00,170 --> 01:09:05,010 Especially useless pathetic annoying talking donkeys! 949 01:09:05,110 --> 01:09:08,280 - But. I thought - Yeah. You know what? 950 01:09:08,310 --> 01:09:10,550 You thought wrong! 951 01:09:12,310 --> 01:09:14,220 Shrek. 952 01:11:34,720 --> 01:11:36,690 Donkey? 953 01:11:36,790 --> 01:11:38,990 - What are you doing? 954 01:11:39,060 --> 01:11:42,060 I would think of all the people you would recognize a wall when you see one. 955 01:11:42,100 --> 01:11:44,030 Well yeah. 956 01:11:44,130 --> 01:11:47,470 But the wall's supposed to go around my swamp not through it. 957 01:11:47,570 --> 01:11:50,370 It is around your half. See that's your half and this is my half. 958 01:11:50,440 --> 01:11:53,040 Oh your half? Hmm. 959 01:11:53,140 --> 01:11:55,640 Yes my half. I helped rescue the princess. 960 01:11:55,740 --> 01:11:58,010 I did half the work I get half the booty. 961 01:11:58,080 --> 01:12:01,450 Now hand me that big old rock the one that looks like your head. 962 01:12:01,480 --> 01:12:03,820 - Back off! - No you back off. 963 01:12:03,920 --> 01:12:05,920 - This is my swamp! - Our swamp. 964 01:12:06,020 --> 01:12:07,920 - Let go Donkey! - You let go. 965 01:12:07,990 --> 01:12:09,990 - Stubborn jackass! - Smelly ogre. 966 01:12:10,060 --> 01:12:12,290 Fine! 967 01:12:12,360 --> 01:12:15,660 - Hey hey come back here. I'm not through with you yet. - Well I'm through with you. 968 01:12:15,760 --> 01:12:19,000 Uh-uh. Well you know with you it's always "Me me me!" 969 01:12:19,100 --> 01:12:21,700 Well guess what! Now it's my turn! 970 01:12:21,770 --> 01:12:23,870 So you just shut up and pay attention! 971 01:12:23,970 --> 01:12:25,910 You are mean to me. 972 01:12:26,040 --> 01:12:28,540 You insult me and you don't appreciate anything that I do! 973 01:12:28,640 --> 01:12:31,750 You're always pushing me around or pushing me away. 974 01:12:31,810 --> 01:12:35,620 Oh yeah? Well if I treated you so bad how come you came back? 975 01:12:35,680 --> 01:12:38,920 Because that's what friend do! They forgive each other! 976 01:12:39,050 --> 01:12:42,190 Oh yeah. You're right Donkey. 977 01:12:42,290 --> 01:12:46,530 I forgive you... for stabbin' me in the back! 978 01:12:46,600 --> 01:12:52,000 Ohh! You're so wrapped up in layers onion boy you're afraid of your own feelings. 979 01:12:52,130 --> 01:12:55,540 - Go away! - There you are doing it again just like you did to Fiona. 980 01:12:55,640 --> 01:12:58,240 And all she ever do was like you maybe even love you. 981 01:12:58,310 --> 01:13:02,440 Love me? She said I was ugly a hideous creature. 982 01:13:02,480 --> 01:13:04,480 I heard the two of you talking. 983 01:13:04,550 --> 01:13:06,450 She wasn't talking about you. 984 01:13:06,550 --> 01:13:08,850 She was talking about uh somebody else. 985 01:13:11,420 --> 01:13:13,790 She wasn't talking about me? 986 01:13:13,890 --> 01:13:16,190 Well then who was she talking about? 987 01:13:16,290 --> 01:13:18,990 Uh-uh no way. I ain't saying anything. You don't wanna listen to me. 988 01:13:19,090 --> 01:13:21,400 - Right? Right? - Donkey! 989 01:13:21,460 --> 01:13:24,000 - No! - Okay look. 990 01:13:24,100 --> 01:13:26,000 I'm sorry all right? 991 01:13:27,640 --> 01:13:29,570 Hmph. 992 01:13:30,910 --> 01:13:34,540 I'm sorry. 993 01:13:34,610 --> 01:13:38,880 I guess I am just a big stupid ugly ogre. 994 01:13:40,050 --> 01:13:42,050 Can you forgive me? 995 01:13:44,250 --> 01:13:46,190 Hey that's the friends are for right? 996 01:13:46,250 --> 01:13:48,890 Right. Friends? 997 01:13:48,990 --> 01:13:50,930 Friends. 998 01:13:50,990 --> 01:13:53,960 So um 999 01:13:54,060 --> 01:13:56,300 what did Fiona say about me? 1000 01:13:56,360 --> 01:13:59,500 What are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her? 1001 01:13:59,570 --> 01:14:02,600 The wedding! We'll never make it in time. 1002 01:14:02,640 --> 01:14:05,870 Ha-ha-ha! Never fear for where there's a will there's a way. 1003 01:14:05,940 --> 01:14:08,110 And I have a way. 1004 01:14:12,480 --> 01:14:14,920 - Donkey? 1005 01:14:14,980 --> 01:14:17,390 I guess this is just my animal magnetism. 1006 01:14:17,490 --> 01:14:20,660 Aw come here you. 1007 01:14:20,720 --> 01:14:23,530 All right all right. Don't get all slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass. 1008 01:14:23,630 --> 01:14:26,130 All right hop on and hold on tight. 1009 01:14:26,230 --> 01:14:29,730 I hadn't have a chance to install seat belts yet. 1010 01:14:36,170 --> 01:14:38,640 Whoo! 1011 01:15:01,400 --> 01:15:03,900 People of DuLoc 1012 01:15:04,030 --> 01:15:06,700 we gather here today... 1013 01:15:06,770 --> 01:15:08,770 to bear witness... 1014 01:15:08,900 --> 01:15:10,840 - to the union... - Um-- 1015 01:15:10,870 --> 01:15:13,380 - of our new king-- - Excuse me. 1016 01:15:13,440 --> 01:15:16,080 - Could we just skip ahead to the "I do's"? 1017 01:15:16,180 --> 01:15:18,110 Go on. 1018 01:15:23,150 --> 01:15:26,790 Go ahead have some fun. If we need you I'll whistle. How about that? 1019 01:15:29,420 --> 01:15:31,330 Shrek wait wait! Wait a minute! 1020 01:15:31,430 --> 01:15:34,100 - You want to do this right don't you? - What are you talking about? 1021 01:15:34,200 --> 01:15:36,100 There's a line There's a line you gotta wait for. 1022 01:15:36,200 --> 01:15:38,670 The preacher's gonna say "Speak now or forever hold your peace." 1023 01:15:38,770 --> 01:15:42,500 - That's when you say "I object!" - I don't have time for this! 1024 01:15:42,600 --> 01:15:44,340 Wait wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! 1025 01:15:44,410 --> 01:15:46,310 - Look you love this woman don't you? - Yes. 1026 01:15:46,440 --> 01:15:47,680 - You wanna hold her? - Yes. 1027 01:15:47,740 --> 01:15:49,980 - Please her? - Yes! 1028 01:15:50,080 --> 01:15:52,680 Then you got to got to try a little tenderness 1029 01:15:52,750 --> 01:15:55,550 - The chicks love that romantic crap! - All right! Cut it out. 1030 01:15:55,650 --> 01:15:59,220 - When does this guy say the line? - We gotta check it out. 1031 01:15:59,320 --> 01:16:02,490 - And so by the power vested in me 1032 01:16:02,590 --> 01:16:05,790 - What do you see? - The whole town's in there. 1033 01:16:05,890 --> 01:16:09,030 - I know pronounce you husband and wife - They're at the altar. 1034 01:16:09,100 --> 01:16:11,700 - king and queen. - Mother Fletcher! He already said it. 1035 01:16:11,770 --> 01:16:14,400 - Oh for the love of Pete! 1036 01:16:15,640 --> 01:16:17,710 I object! 1037 01:16:17,770 --> 01:16:19,880 - Shrek? 1038 01:16:19,940 --> 01:16:21,880 Oh now what does he want? 1039 01:16:25,410 --> 01:16:28,450 Hi everyone. Havin' a good time are ya? 1040 01:16:28,550 --> 01:16:30,790 I love DuLoc first of all. 1041 01:16:30,850 --> 01:16:33,360 - Very clean. - What are you doing here? 1042 01:16:33,420 --> 01:16:36,360 Really it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you. 1043 01:16:36,420 --> 01:16:39,760 - but showing up uninvited to a wedding-- - Fiona! 1044 01:16:39,860 --> 01:16:42,860 - I need to talk to you. - Oh now you wanna talk? 1045 01:16:42,960 --> 01:16:45,930 Well it's a little late for that so if you'll excuse me-- 1046 01:16:46,000 --> 01:16:48,400 - But you can't marry him. - And why not? 1047 01:16:48,470 --> 01:16:52,370 Because-- Because he's just marrying you so he can be king. 1048 01:16:52,440 --> 01:16:54,810 Outrageous! Fiona don't listen to him. 1049 01:16:54,880 --> 01:16:58,510 - He's not your true love. - And what do you know about true love? 1050 01:16:58,610 --> 01:17:00,950 Well I-- Uh-- 1051 01:17:01,050 --> 01:17:04,420 I mean-- - Oh this is precious. 1052 01:17:04,520 --> 01:17:09,160 the ogre has fallen in love with the princess! 1053 01:17:09,260 --> 01:17:11,530 - Oh good Lord. 1054 01:17:11,630 --> 01:17:13,500 An ogre and a princess! 1055 01:17:19,130 --> 01:17:21,640 Shrek is this true? 1056 01:17:23,100 --> 01:17:25,610 Who cares? It's preposterous! 1057 01:17:25,670 --> 01:17:29,310 Fiona my love we're but a kiss away for our "happily ever after." 1058 01:17:29,410 --> 01:17:32,010 Now kiss me! Mmmm! 1059 01:17:36,080 --> 01:17:39,420 "By night one way by day another." 1060 01:17:41,360 --> 01:17:44,090 I wanted to show you before. 1061 01:18:06,680 --> 01:18:09,220 Well uh 1062 01:18:09,280 --> 01:18:11,290 that explains a lot. 1063 01:18:11,350 --> 01:18:15,060 Ugh! It's disgusting! 1064 01:18:15,160 --> 01:18:17,160 Guards! Guards! 1065 01:18:17,260 --> 01:18:20,430 I order you to get that out of my sight now! Get them! 1066 01:18:20,500 --> 01:18:23,270 - Get them both! - No no! 1067 01:18:23,370 --> 01:18:27,170 This hocus-pocus alters nothing. This marriage is binding and that makes me king! 1068 01:18:27,240 --> 01:18:29,500 - See? See? - No let go of me! Shrek! 1069 01:18:29,600 --> 01:18:31,340 - No! Don't just stand there you morons. 1070 01:18:31,410 --> 01:18:33,940 Get out of my way! Fiona! 1071 01:18:36,580 --> 01:18:39,110 Arrgh! 1072 01:18:39,210 --> 01:18:42,180 I'll make you regret the day we met. I'll see you drawn and quartered! 1073 01:18:42,280 --> 01:18:45,190 - You'll beg for death to save you! - No! Shrek! 1074 01:18:45,290 --> 01:18:48,760 - And as for you my wife. - Fiona! 1075 01:18:48,890 --> 01:18:51,560 I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days! 1076 01:18:51,630 --> 01:18:53,460 - I am king! 1077 01:18:53,530 --> 01:18:57,330 I will have order! I will have perfection! I will have-- 1078 01:18:58,670 --> 01:19:01,670 Aaah! 1079 01:19:01,770 --> 01:19:04,540 - Aah! - All right. Nobody move. 1080 01:19:04,610 --> 01:19:06,680 I got a dragon here and I'm not afraid to use it. 1081 01:19:06,810 --> 01:19:09,380 - I'm a donkey on the edge! 1082 01:19:14,080 --> 01:19:16,450 Celebrity marriages. They never last do they? 1083 01:19:18,650 --> 01:19:20,460 Go ahead Shrek. 1084 01:19:21,860 --> 01:19:24,160 Uh Fiona? 1085 01:19:25,290 --> 01:19:27,500 Yes Shrek? 1086 01:19:27,560 --> 01:19:31,600 I-- I love you. 1087 01:19:31,700 --> 01:19:33,970 Really? 1088 01:19:35,040 --> 01:19:38,040 Really really. 1089 01:19:38,140 --> 01:19:40,040 I love you too. 1090 01:19:45,510 --> 01:19:47,180 Aawww! 1091 01:19:49,080 --> 01:19:52,320 "Until you find true love's first kiss... 1092 01:19:52,450 --> 01:19:55,760 and then take love's true form." 1093 01:20:19,310 --> 01:20:22,220 "Take love's true form. Take love's true form." 1094 01:20:28,420 --> 01:20:30,890 Fiona? 1095 01:20:33,430 --> 01:20:35,960 Fiona. 1096 01:20:36,060 --> 01:20:38,630 Are you all right? 1097 01:20:38,700 --> 01:20:40,640 Well yes. 1098 01:20:40,740 --> 01:20:43,940 But I don't understand. 1099 01:20:44,040 --> 01:20:46,170 I'm supposed to be beautiful. 1100 01:20:48,880 --> 01:20:51,110 But you are beautiful. 1101 01:20:53,680 --> 01:20:56,120 I was hoping this would be a happy ending. 1102 01:21:05,300 --> 01:21:05,890 Oy! 1103 01:21:43,270 --> 01:21:47,300 God bless us every one. 1104 01:21:47,290 --> 01:21:50,830 Come on y'all! Ha ha! 1105 01:22:07,560 --> 01:22:10,430 - Ooh! - Uh! 1106 01:22:57,060 --> 01:22:58,900 Oh that's funny. Oh. Oh. 1107 01:22:59,300 --> 01:23:02,800 I can't breathe. I can't breathe. 85711