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1
00:00:08,140 --> 00:00:11,242
[rock music]
2
00:00:11,244 --> 00:00:16,113
♪ ♪
3
00:00:16,115 --> 00:00:18,749
You lost your virginity
in your parents' basement
4
00:00:18,751 --> 00:00:20,117
While watching
the notebook?
5
00:00:20,119 --> 00:00:21,552
At least it's romantic.
6
00:00:21,554 --> 00:00:22,820
Chick flick.
7
00:00:22,822 --> 00:00:23,854
And what's the connection
8
00:00:23,856 --> 00:00:25,322
Between 9/11
and first hand job?
9
00:00:25,324 --> 00:00:27,825
Both happened while i was
on the bus to middle school.
10
00:00:27,827 --> 00:00:28,859
That was a busy bus.
11
00:00:28,861 --> 00:00:30,761
And while you were giving
birth to caitlin?
12
00:00:30,763 --> 00:00:33,163
Younger liza was going
to her first concert--
13
00:00:33,165 --> 00:00:34,632
Spice girls,
asbury park.
14
00:00:34,634 --> 00:00:35,499
I dressed as sporty,
15
00:00:35,501 --> 00:00:36,967
Though right now
i feel scary.
16
00:00:36,969 --> 00:00:38,035
Do not let fear get in.
17
00:00:38,037 --> 00:00:38,936
You're doing this.
18
00:00:38,938 --> 00:00:40,004
And you're staying with me,
19
00:00:40,006 --> 00:00:41,105
So i can live vicariously.
20
00:00:41,107 --> 00:00:42,406
I'm nothing but
a lab rat to you.
21
00:00:42,408 --> 00:00:45,175
A hot lab rat with
a fancy new job.
22
00:00:45,177 --> 00:00:46,110
(man)
hey!
23
00:00:46,112 --> 00:00:48,145
Who's ready to go
off the grid?
24
00:00:50,349 --> 00:00:52,983
Oh, look how cute
caitlin was then.
25
00:00:52,985 --> 00:00:55,286
Look at you and david.
You actually look happy there.
26
00:00:55,288 --> 00:00:57,087
We were on vacation
together in the bahamas,
27
00:00:57,089 --> 00:00:59,023
Where i later discovered
he gambled away
28
00:00:59,025 --> 00:01:00,057
Caitlin's college fund.
29
00:01:00,059 --> 00:01:01,025
- Memories.
- Mmm.
30
00:01:01,027 --> 00:01:02,059
Are you sure about this?
31
00:01:02,061 --> 00:01:03,761
Because when i erase
your internet presence,
32
00:01:03,763 --> 00:01:04,862
You're gone forever.
33
00:01:04,864 --> 00:01:05,729
I have to do it.
34
00:01:05,731 --> 00:01:06,931
I can't have the
people i work with
35
00:01:06,933 --> 00:01:07,965
Finding my life online.
36
00:01:07,967 --> 00:01:08,999
I don't need the details.
37
00:01:09,001 --> 00:01:11,068
Wait, wait.
I'm getting a message.
38
00:01:11,070 --> 00:01:12,002
Don't worry.
39
00:01:12,004 --> 00:01:14,138
That bitch will
never find you again.
40
00:01:14,140 --> 00:01:16,073
That bitch
was my daughter.
41
00:01:18,978 --> 00:01:20,477
Honey, hey,
i got your message.
42
00:01:20,479 --> 00:01:21,545
Is everything okay?
43
00:01:21,547 --> 00:01:23,013
(caitlin)
mom, i don't want to come home.
44
00:01:23,015 --> 00:01:24,915
I want to finish out
the school year in india.
45
00:01:24,917 --> 00:01:26,150
(liza)
are you sure?
46
00:01:26,152 --> 00:01:27,818
I don't want you to stay
if you're unhappy.
47
00:01:27,820 --> 00:01:29,219
(caitlin)
no, i'm not unhappy.
48
00:01:29,221 --> 00:01:31,855
In fact, i'm very happy.
49
00:01:31,857 --> 00:01:32,790
I met someone.
50
00:01:32,792 --> 00:01:35,559
His name is arjun,
and he's beautiful.
51
00:01:35,561 --> 00:01:37,995
His lips are like pillows.
52
00:01:37,997 --> 00:01:39,229
That's great, honey,
53
00:01:39,231 --> 00:01:40,197
And very descriptive.
54
00:01:40,199 --> 00:01:41,398
Is he in class with you?
55
00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:42,866
(caitlin)
of course he's in class with me.
56
00:01:42,868 --> 00:01:43,867
He's this premed genius,
57
00:01:43,869 --> 00:01:46,804
And he wants to take me
to goa this weekend.
58
00:01:46,806 --> 00:01:48,238
Honey, i'm glad you're staying,
59
00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:50,908
But i don't want you going to
goa with a pillow-lipped genius.
60
00:01:50,910 --> 00:01:53,777
(caitlin)
mom, how can you
make decisions for me
61
00:01:53,779 --> 00:01:55,646
From the suburbs of new jersey?
62
00:01:55,648 --> 00:01:56,647
Caitlin, i love you,
63
00:01:56,649 --> 00:01:59,216
And i am very glad you
met a boy that you like,
64
00:01:59,218 --> 00:02:00,851
But listen to me carefully:
65
00:02:00,853 --> 00:02:03,554
Do not go to goa.
66
00:02:03,556 --> 00:02:04,855
(josh)
i'll go to goa.
67
00:02:04,857 --> 00:02:07,625
In fact, i would love
to go-a to goa with you.
68
00:02:07,627 --> 00:02:08,926
Uh, honey,
you're breaking up.
69
00:02:08,928 --> 00:02:11,729
We will talk about
this later, okay?
70
00:02:13,733 --> 00:02:15,399
Excuse me, sir,
are you stalking me?
71
00:02:15,401 --> 00:02:17,368
Actually, i thought
you were stalking me.
72
00:02:17,370 --> 00:02:18,402
I mean, this is my studio
73
00:02:18,404 --> 00:02:21,071
That you just happened to
be loitering in front of, so...
74
00:02:21,073 --> 00:02:22,039
We're neighbors.
75
00:02:22,041 --> 00:02:24,274
I bet that's probably
why we met at the bar
76
00:02:24,276 --> 00:02:26,043
Around the corner.
77
00:02:26,045 --> 00:02:28,912
So, neighbor,
what's going on?
78
00:02:28,914 --> 00:02:30,047
You got any plans tonight?
79
00:02:30,049 --> 00:02:31,548
You want to take a stroll?
80
00:02:31,550 --> 00:02:32,449
A stroll?
81
00:02:32,451 --> 00:02:33,651
Yeah, through the burgh.
82
00:02:33,653 --> 00:02:34,818
I'll show you all the sights.
83
00:02:34,820 --> 00:02:36,754
I would so love to
take a stroll with you,
84
00:02:36,756 --> 00:02:39,590
But right now i am
very late for this job
85
00:02:39,592 --> 00:02:42,426
That i can't be late for.
86
00:02:42,428 --> 00:02:43,494
Yeah.
87
00:02:43,496 --> 00:02:44,628
How's 8:00?
88
00:02:44,630 --> 00:02:45,996
That's perfect.
89
00:02:45,998 --> 00:02:47,698
Good day, sir.
90
00:02:50,403 --> 00:02:52,636
Oh, my god.
What am i doing?
91
00:02:52,638 --> 00:02:55,939
[energetic dance music]
92
00:02:55,941 --> 00:03:00,611
♪ ♪
93
00:03:04,383 --> 00:03:05,549
And you're telling
me this now,
94
00:03:05,551 --> 00:03:07,351
One week before
the book comes out?
95
00:03:07,353 --> 00:03:08,952
No, no, no.
We'll deal with it.
96
00:03:08,954 --> 00:03:11,355
What choice do we have?
97
00:03:11,357 --> 00:03:12,723
That is just effin' perfect.
98
00:03:12,725 --> 00:03:14,925
Joyce carol oates writes
the best book of her career
99
00:03:14,927 --> 00:03:18,696
And sue grafton moves the
release of her new mystery
100
00:03:18,698 --> 00:03:19,663
To the same date.
101
00:03:19,665 --> 00:03:21,498
She can't hold a candle
to joyce carol oates.
102
00:03:21,500 --> 00:03:23,133
I actually wrote a paper
about her in college.
103
00:03:23,135 --> 00:03:26,270
Joyce carol oatesand the riddling natureof female desire.
104
00:03:26,272 --> 00:03:29,339
Well that sounds like a
riveting marketing plan to me.
105
00:03:29,341 --> 00:03:30,407
Well, how are the reviews?
106
00:03:30,409 --> 00:03:31,375
I bet they're amazing.
107
00:03:31,377 --> 00:03:33,444
Oh, and do you think
reviews sell books?
108
00:03:33,446 --> 00:03:35,646
No, your generation has
absolutely destroyed
109
00:03:35,648 --> 00:03:36,980
All pretense of
critical relevance.
110
00:03:36,982 --> 00:03:39,616
What about michiko kakutani
from the new york times?
111
00:03:39,618 --> 00:03:40,818
The only way a good review
112
00:03:40,820 --> 00:03:42,419
By michiko kakutani
could sell books
113
00:03:42,421 --> 00:03:44,955
Is if her twerking
ass caught fire.
114
00:03:44,957 --> 00:03:46,490
Jco deserves
a number-one debut.
115
00:03:46,492 --> 00:03:48,959
We need to sell her
to a younger audience,
116
00:03:48,961 --> 00:03:51,862
To your fetus peers.
117
00:03:51,864 --> 00:03:53,497
- Got it.
- Figure this out.
118
00:03:53,499 --> 00:03:54,631
That's why you're here.
119
00:03:54,633 --> 00:03:56,900
Uh, yes,
of course.
120
00:04:07,379 --> 00:04:08,345
What's that?
121
00:04:08,347 --> 00:04:09,246
Anton bjornberg,
122
00:04:09,248 --> 00:04:11,281
The hottest writer
to hit sweden
123
00:04:11,283 --> 00:04:12,349
Since stieg larsson.
124
00:04:12,351 --> 00:04:14,418
And better yet,
he's alive.
125
00:04:14,420 --> 00:04:15,919
I never heard of him.
126
00:04:15,921 --> 00:04:16,620
Nobody has.
127
00:04:16,622 --> 00:04:17,988
The book just got translated,
128
00:04:17,990 --> 00:04:19,456
And he's in town
meeting every editor
129
00:04:19,458 --> 00:04:21,325
At every publishing
house this week.
130
00:04:21,327 --> 00:04:23,494
I've got finish reading
this thing by tonight.
131
00:04:23,496 --> 00:04:24,628
Wow.
Can i take a look?
132
00:04:24,630 --> 00:04:25,729
Oh, you can keep this copy.
133
00:04:25,731 --> 00:04:28,265
I've got a pdf on both
my ipads and my kindle.
134
00:04:28,267 --> 00:04:29,600
Do you want one for yours?
135
00:04:29,602 --> 00:04:30,534
No, this works.
136
00:04:30,536 --> 00:04:32,136
Hey, what are you
doing for lunch?
137
00:04:32,138 --> 00:04:34,138
Possibly being eaten
by diana. Why?
138
00:04:34,140 --> 00:04:35,172
I'm supposed to meet lauren,
139
00:04:35,174 --> 00:04:37,641
And i could really use your
help keeping her entertained
140
00:04:37,643 --> 00:04:38,909
While i read this thing.
141
00:04:38,911 --> 00:04:40,010
Sure.
142
00:04:40,012 --> 00:04:42,146
Yes.
You're the best.
143
00:04:44,517 --> 00:04:45,749
Back in an hour.
144
00:04:45,751 --> 00:04:47,384
And think about oates!
145
00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:51,722
(lauren)
okay.
146
00:04:51,724 --> 00:04:53,657
Hector and dorf
made the most insane video
147
00:04:53,659 --> 00:04:55,092
For their new underwear line.
148
00:04:55,094 --> 00:04:57,661
First you think you're looking
at a giant furry penis,
149
00:04:57,663 --> 00:04:58,896
And then it suddenly stands up
150
00:04:58,898 --> 00:05:02,966
And you realize it is actually
a golden retriever puppy.
151
00:05:02,968 --> 00:05:04,902
So many of your
stories involve penises.
152
00:05:04,904 --> 00:05:06,303
It's totally gone viral.
153
00:05:06,305 --> 00:05:09,173
Oh, cool.
Is there, like, an app for that?
154
00:05:09,175 --> 00:05:10,007
So, like, no.
155
00:05:10,009 --> 00:05:13,210
Hector and dorf are
avant-garde fashion visionaries,
156
00:05:13,212 --> 00:05:15,612
And we planned it that way.
157
00:05:15,614 --> 00:05:17,080
Are you really just
gonna sit here
158
00:05:17,082 --> 00:05:18,882
And read your swedish book?
159
00:05:18,884 --> 00:05:19,516
Yeah.
160
00:05:19,518 --> 00:05:20,751
I would love to see that video.
161
00:05:20,753 --> 00:05:22,352
Yeah, no, no, no,
i'll send it to you with a--
162
00:05:22,354 --> 00:05:23,887
Oh, with some of
our new moisturizer.
163
00:05:23,889 --> 00:05:25,088
You're developing
crow's-feet.
164
00:05:25,090 --> 00:05:27,457
That is very unusual
for women our age.
165
00:05:27,459 --> 00:05:28,492
Yeah, i know, i know.
166
00:05:28,494 --> 00:05:31,428
We have this premature
eye wrinkle thing
167
00:05:31,430 --> 00:05:32,462
On my mother's side
168
00:05:32,464 --> 00:05:33,964
And i spent way too much time
169
00:05:33,966 --> 00:05:35,833
On the beaches in goa.
170
00:05:37,670 --> 00:05:39,403
The--uh, what you doing there?
171
00:05:39,405 --> 00:05:40,437
Cover yourself, woman!
172
00:05:40,439 --> 00:05:41,839
We are not at burning man.
173
00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:44,107
What? It's perfectly legal
to be topless in new york.
174
00:05:44,109 --> 00:05:46,176
Plus it's topless tuesday
on twitter, okay?
175
00:05:46,178 --> 00:05:46,977
I need to tweet.
176
00:05:46,979 --> 00:05:48,345
Wait, you're
putting that online?
177
00:05:48,347 --> 00:05:49,780
Hell, yeah.
#toplesstuesday,
178
00:05:49,782 --> 00:05:50,781
#lunchwiththegirls.
179
00:05:50,783 --> 00:05:52,216
I don't think she means us.
180
00:05:52,218 --> 00:05:54,484
(lauren)
listen, okay,
i am empowering women.
181
00:05:54,486 --> 00:05:55,786
Breasts aren't shameful.
182
00:05:55,788 --> 00:05:56,753
Hey, ask rihanna.
183
00:05:56,755 --> 00:05:59,122
Lauren, you are doing this
for the attention.
184
00:05:59,124 --> 00:06:00,691
No, no, no.
I need to feed the beast.
185
00:06:00,693 --> 00:06:02,926
I've got over
35,000 followers.
186
00:06:02,928 --> 00:06:04,161
- And climbing.
- Hi, hey.
187
00:06:04,163 --> 00:06:05,696
Like me on instagram
and twitter.
188
00:06:05,698 --> 00:06:06,763
I'm laurenhectordorf.
189
00:06:06,765 --> 00:06:10,200
Remind me never to have lunch
with you on tuesday again.
190
00:06:13,606 --> 00:06:14,738
I do not believe this.
191
00:06:14,740 --> 00:06:17,040
Lauren's boobs are
trending on twitter.
192
00:06:17,042 --> 00:06:18,375
No way.
Trending?
193
00:06:18,377 --> 00:06:19,309
That's good, right?
194
00:06:19,311 --> 00:06:22,813
She is like the kim kardashian
of fashion publicists.
195
00:06:22,815 --> 00:06:24,882
"lunchwiththegirls"
is trending too.
196
00:06:24,884 --> 00:06:26,984
Just since lunch?
197
00:06:26,986 --> 00:06:28,552
How?
198
00:06:31,991 --> 00:06:33,290
Okay, i have a crazy idea.
199
00:06:33,292 --> 00:06:34,992
There are no crazy ideas,
only bad ones.
200
00:06:34,994 --> 00:06:37,394
Do you really want
to pitch me a bad idea?
201
00:06:37,396 --> 00:06:40,731
You want to get joyce carol
oates attention on social media.
202
00:06:40,733 --> 00:06:43,400
Move the release of
her book to tuesday.
203
00:06:43,402 --> 00:06:44,868
Why would we do that?
204
00:06:44,870 --> 00:06:46,570
Topless tuesday.
205
00:06:46,572 --> 00:06:47,371
Excuse me?
206
00:06:47,373 --> 00:06:48,939
Topless tuesday.
It's a huge deal.
207
00:06:48,941 --> 00:06:51,108
Women post topless
selfies on twitter
208
00:06:51,110 --> 00:06:52,609
To support
female empowerment.
209
00:06:52,611 --> 00:06:57,147
We could run a viral campaign
with our fans on social media.
210
00:06:57,149 --> 00:07:00,083
#showusyouroates.
211
00:07:03,455 --> 00:07:05,522
Rhianna posts topless
selfies all the time
212
00:07:05,524 --> 00:07:08,392
And has, like,
35 million followers.
213
00:07:08,394 --> 00:07:12,996
Just another 35 million nails
in our cultural coffin.
214
00:07:13,999 --> 00:07:17,935
Bring me a fresh bar
of 70% dark chocolate.
215
00:07:17,937 --> 00:07:21,371
And get me joyce carol oates'
agent on the phone.
216
00:07:31,984 --> 00:07:34,885
(josh)
i grew up in this
small little town
217
00:07:34,887 --> 00:07:35,986
In west virginia.
218
00:07:35,988 --> 00:07:39,323
They basically filmed
winter's bone in my backyard.
219
00:07:39,325 --> 00:07:40,924
- No way.
- Way.
220
00:07:40,926 --> 00:07:41,658
Yeah.
221
00:07:41,660 --> 00:07:42,926
I'm a total hillbilly.
222
00:07:42,928 --> 00:07:45,762
Who just could not wait
to get out of there.
223
00:07:45,764 --> 00:07:46,697
So after high school,
224
00:07:46,699 --> 00:07:49,599
I bummed around the world
for a couple years.
225
00:07:49,601 --> 00:07:51,735
I was in europe.
I was in asia.
226
00:07:51,737 --> 00:07:54,438
Until finally
i started apprenticing
227
00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:55,439
For this guy in tokyo
228
00:07:55,441 --> 00:07:59,643
Who was like this
master tattoo artist.
229
00:07:59,645 --> 00:08:00,978
I love that story.
230
00:08:00,980 --> 00:08:03,180
That's why i totally dig
that you lived in india
231
00:08:03,182 --> 00:08:05,115
For all those years, you know?
232
00:08:05,117 --> 00:08:05,983
Well, yeah.
233
00:08:05,985 --> 00:08:07,684
Yeah, living in
a third-world country
234
00:08:07,686 --> 00:08:09,486
Really changes your perspective.
235
00:08:09,488 --> 00:08:12,189
I miss it so much.
236
00:08:12,825 --> 00:08:14,458
[beyond the sea playing]
237
00:08:14,460 --> 00:08:15,492
Oh, oh.
This is amazing.
238
00:08:15,494 --> 00:08:17,661
- You have to see this.
- ♪ somewhere ♪
239
00:08:17,663 --> 00:08:21,832
- Look at this guy.
- ♪ beyond the sea ♪
240
00:08:21,834 --> 00:08:24,034
He just drives around the city
241
00:08:24,036 --> 00:08:25,869
Just singing.
242
00:08:25,871 --> 00:08:28,105
♪ my lover stands
on golden sands ♪
243
00:08:28,107 --> 00:08:30,607
- He's terrible.
- Yeah, i know.
244
00:08:30,609 --> 00:08:33,243
♪ and watches the ships ♪
245
00:08:33,245 --> 00:08:36,913
♪ that go sailing ♪
246
00:08:36,915 --> 00:08:38,548
- Meatballs.
- What?
247
00:08:38,550 --> 00:08:39,583
Best meatballs in brooklyn.
248
00:08:39,585 --> 00:08:42,986
Just stay right here.
I will be right back.
249
00:08:42,988 --> 00:08:45,255
(woman)
liza?
250
00:08:45,257 --> 00:08:48,125
Oh, my god.
Michelle, tom!
251
00:08:48,127 --> 00:08:49,059
Oh!
252
00:08:49,061 --> 00:08:51,161
Where have you been?
253
00:08:51,163 --> 00:08:51,995
You moved,
254
00:08:51,997 --> 00:08:53,864
And you disappeared
from facebook.
255
00:08:53,866 --> 00:08:55,198
I have been so
worried about you.
256
00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:58,068
Yeah, i've been staying
with my friend maggie.
257
00:08:58,070 --> 00:08:59,503
She lives nearby.
258
00:08:59,505 --> 00:09:00,971
The lesbian artist?
259
00:09:00,973 --> 00:09:02,539
You could have
stayed with me.
260
00:09:02,541 --> 00:09:03,673
What are you guys
doing here?
261
00:09:03,675 --> 00:09:05,308
Oh, every month we
come to brooklyn
262
00:09:05,310 --> 00:09:06,743
To try out a hot
new restaurant.
263
00:09:06,745 --> 00:09:08,779
Well, by "hot,"
she means "overpriced."
264
00:09:08,781 --> 00:09:12,983
You know, we should
introduce liza to richard.
265
00:09:12,985 --> 00:09:15,152
Richard
is an absolute catch,
266
00:09:15,154 --> 00:09:17,054
Also recently divorced.
267
00:09:17,056 --> 00:09:19,322
- Promise me you'll call.
- I swear.
268
00:09:19,324 --> 00:09:20,257
Oh!
269
00:09:20,259 --> 00:09:23,393
Liza, it's so
good to see you!
270
00:09:23,395 --> 00:09:26,830
Oh, don't be a stranger.
271
00:09:26,832 --> 00:09:27,798
Okay.
272
00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:30,667
It's straight ahead.
It's straight ahead to the left.
273
00:09:30,669 --> 00:09:32,869
Can't miss it.
274
00:09:32,871 --> 00:09:33,737
Who's that?
275
00:09:33,739 --> 00:09:35,772
Oh, yeah, uh,
it's just some older woman
276
00:09:35,774 --> 00:09:38,041
Looking for directions
for the subway.
277
00:09:38,043 --> 00:09:38,975
And she kissed you?
278
00:09:38,977 --> 00:09:41,645
Yeah.
She was very...
279
00:09:41,647 --> 00:09:44,181
French.
280
00:09:44,183 --> 00:09:46,817
Oh.
281
00:09:46,819 --> 00:09:49,786
Omg,
mouth-gasm.
282
00:09:49,788 --> 00:09:51,721
- Oh, my god.
- They're the best.
283
00:09:51,723 --> 00:09:53,457
- Right?
- Yeah.
284
00:09:59,298 --> 00:10:00,230
Babe, i can't.
285
00:10:00,232 --> 00:10:02,065
I have to finish
reading this book.
286
00:10:02,067 --> 00:10:03,033
Why are you staying over
287
00:10:03,035 --> 00:10:04,901
If you just want to read?
288
00:10:04,903 --> 00:10:06,403
Good air conditioning
289
00:10:06,405 --> 00:10:08,071
And better sheets.
290
00:10:08,073 --> 00:10:10,674
What, i can only stay here
if i have sex with you?
291
00:10:10,676 --> 00:10:11,508
No, babe.
292
00:10:11,510 --> 00:10:13,477
It's just been
three whole days.
293
00:10:13,479 --> 00:10:15,979
Okay, well, why don't you
read something for once?
294
00:10:15,981 --> 00:10:18,849
That copy of the goldfinch
has been on your nightstand
295
00:10:18,851 --> 00:10:20,784
For over a year.
296
00:10:29,194 --> 00:10:31,128
In 400 pages.
297
00:10:31,130 --> 00:10:32,262
Okay?
298
00:10:32,264 --> 00:10:34,030
I promise.
299
00:10:43,775 --> 00:10:46,109
(josh) okay,
so this is where you live.
300
00:10:46,111 --> 00:10:48,812
(liza) yep,
with my roommate, maggie.
301
00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:50,547
She's a really
awesome artist.
302
00:10:50,549 --> 00:10:51,448
Multidisciplinary.
303
00:10:51,450 --> 00:10:54,384
Some might describe
her work as really--
304
00:10:59,958 --> 00:11:01,458
Ahh.
305
00:11:04,329 --> 00:11:07,397
One more thing you
should know about me...
306
00:11:08,867 --> 00:11:10,700
I'm all about work
right now.
307
00:11:10,702 --> 00:11:13,703
So no time, really,
for personal life.
308
00:11:13,705 --> 00:11:15,805
Didn't like the kiss,
huh?
309
00:11:15,807 --> 00:11:16,840
Of course not.
No.
310
00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:18,141
God, no.
I loved the kiss.
311
00:11:18,143 --> 00:11:20,210
It was superb.
You're an excellent kisser.
312
00:11:20,212 --> 00:11:21,778
Best kiss
i've had in years.
313
00:11:21,780 --> 00:11:23,713
Seriously.
I mean it.
314
00:11:23,715 --> 00:11:25,015
But i--
315
00:11:25,017 --> 00:11:26,550
Yeah.
316
00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:29,186
The work thing.
317
00:11:29,188 --> 00:11:30,921
I got it.
318
00:11:31,957 --> 00:11:36,226
I will try and keep
my distance, neighbor.
319
00:11:36,228 --> 00:11:38,662
Okay.
320
00:11:38,664 --> 00:11:40,363
Neighbor.
321
00:11:40,365 --> 00:11:41,932
♪ you bring a joy with you ♪
322
00:11:41,934 --> 00:11:46,937
♪ a certain peace
that's hard to find ♪
323
00:11:46,939 --> 00:11:49,339
♪ i never knew
someone like you ♪
324
00:11:49,341 --> 00:11:51,508
♪ who sees me clear
as sky is blue ♪
325
00:11:59,218 --> 00:12:00,417
- Morning.
- Hey.
326
00:12:00,419 --> 00:12:02,719
How was your date
with josh last night?
327
00:12:02,721 --> 00:12:04,020
It wasn't a date.
328
00:12:04,022 --> 00:12:06,923
It was more
of a neighborly tour.
329
00:12:06,925 --> 00:12:09,893
That kiss was
very neighborly.
330
00:12:09,895 --> 00:12:10,827
You saw that?
331
00:12:10,829 --> 00:12:11,895
Hmm!
I felt that.
332
00:12:11,897 --> 00:12:13,930
And i was two floors up.
333
00:12:13,932 --> 00:12:14,731
Yeah.
334
00:12:14,733 --> 00:12:16,566
I don't need any more
trouble in my life right now.
335
00:12:16,568 --> 00:12:19,102
Well, one woman's trouble
is another woman's fantasy.
336
00:12:19,104 --> 00:12:21,004
My fantasy is
restarting my career,
337
00:12:21,006 --> 00:12:22,072
Not macking on
some sweet kid
338
00:12:22,074 --> 00:12:23,974
Who would take tattoo
needles to his eyes
339
00:12:23,976 --> 00:12:25,542
If he knew how old i was.
340
00:12:25,544 --> 00:12:28,144
That kiss was hot,
though.
341
00:12:28,146 --> 00:12:30,880
It was so hot.
342
00:12:30,882 --> 00:12:32,949
It's never gonna
happen again.
343
00:12:32,951 --> 00:12:33,683
Ever.
344
00:12:33,685 --> 00:12:34,651
♪ oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
345
00:12:34,653 --> 00:12:36,820
♪ oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
346
00:12:42,728 --> 00:12:43,693
(kelsey)
liza!
347
00:12:43,695 --> 00:12:45,895
Oh, god, i finally
finished that book.
348
00:12:45,897 --> 00:12:47,530
- Did you read it?
- I'm so sorry, i didn't.
349
00:12:47,532 --> 00:12:49,633
I had kind of a date
with josh last night.
350
00:12:49,635 --> 00:12:52,202
Ooh, that hottie
you met at the bar?
351
00:12:52,204 --> 00:12:52,869
Yeah.
352
00:12:52,871 --> 00:12:54,271
God, at least one
of us is having fun.
353
00:12:54,273 --> 00:12:56,306
Thad masturbated
next to me all night,
354
00:12:56,308 --> 00:12:58,775
But i did not let him
break my concentration.
355
00:12:58,777 --> 00:13:00,443
Wow, i wish i had
your focus.
356
00:13:00,445 --> 00:13:01,444
How was the book?
357
00:13:01,446 --> 00:13:03,947
You know, the translation
is a little stilted,
358
00:13:03,949 --> 00:13:05,782
But he is amazing.
359
00:13:05,784 --> 00:13:06,816
The book is about his life,
360
00:13:06,818 --> 00:13:09,819
But he makes every
detail feel universal.
361
00:13:09,821 --> 00:13:11,388
I'll finish it tonight.
362
00:13:11,390 --> 00:13:12,322
If i can sign this guy,
363
00:13:12,324 --> 00:13:14,791
It will change
everything for me.
364
00:13:21,266 --> 00:13:24,100
Where have you been?
I've been e-mailing
you all morning.
365
00:13:24,102 --> 00:13:25,235
I'm sorry,
it's 8:00 a.M.
366
00:13:25,237 --> 00:13:27,537
I didn't realize
all morning had started yet.
367
00:13:27,539 --> 00:13:28,638
We have a photo shoot.
368
00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:30,407
Showusyouroates.
369
00:13:30,409 --> 00:13:31,274
Seriously?
370
00:13:31,276 --> 00:13:32,242
I'm always serious.
371
00:13:32,244 --> 00:13:34,477
Haven't you figured
that out by now?
372
00:13:45,190 --> 00:13:47,824
So are we gonna get
to meet joyce today?
373
00:13:47,826 --> 00:13:49,426
No.
374
00:13:49,428 --> 00:13:50,293
Not today.
375
00:13:50,295 --> 00:13:51,528
[cell phone rings]
376
00:13:51,530 --> 00:13:53,096
Sorry.
377
00:13:54,900 --> 00:13:55,965
Michelle.
378
00:13:55,967 --> 00:13:56,933
(michelle)
lizey.
379
00:13:56,935 --> 00:13:58,034
Guess who saw your picture
380
00:13:58,036 --> 00:13:59,736
And really wants
to go on a date with you.
381
00:13:59,738 --> 00:14:01,938
Tom's very available
friend richard.
382
00:14:01,940 --> 00:14:04,541
Wow, that's very nice,
but i don't think i want to--
383
00:14:04,543 --> 00:14:05,975
(michelle)
oh, liza, honey,
384
00:14:05,977 --> 00:14:06,876
Listen to me.
385
00:14:06,878 --> 00:14:09,045
What happened
with you and david
386
00:14:09,047 --> 00:14:09,813
Is terrible,
387
00:14:09,815 --> 00:14:12,248
And losing that beautiful house.
388
00:14:12,250 --> 00:14:13,450
But you need to take a chance,
389
00:14:13,452 --> 00:14:15,418
And i can vouch for this man.
390
00:14:15,420 --> 00:14:16,820
Recently divorced,
391
00:14:16,822 --> 00:14:17,954
Very good looking,
392
00:14:17,956 --> 00:14:19,122
Owns his own business.
393
00:14:19,124 --> 00:14:21,691
- Wow.
- Honey, this is good for you.
394
00:14:21,693 --> 00:14:22,625
Just say yes.
395
00:14:22,627 --> 00:14:23,827
Okay. Okay, okay.
396
00:14:23,829 --> 00:14:25,261
Just give him my number.
397
00:14:25,263 --> 00:14:27,297
(michelle)
fabulous.
398
00:14:29,134 --> 00:14:33,303
Wonderful.
This is all very empowering.
399
00:14:39,945 --> 00:14:40,643
This one.
400
00:14:40,645 --> 00:14:41,678
More banner,
less boob.
401
00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:44,981
- Okay.
- Now post it to twitter.
402
00:14:44,983 --> 00:14:46,616
God help us.
403
00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:02,799
Word on the street--
404
00:15:02,801 --> 00:15:04,601
Bjornberg's
signing with knopf.
405
00:15:04,603 --> 00:15:06,536
His agent wouldn't even
let him take the meeting.
406
00:15:06,538 --> 00:15:08,471
Well, then you have to
find a way to meet him.
407
00:15:08,473 --> 00:15:09,873
What do you mean?
Like, stalk the guy?
408
00:15:09,875 --> 00:15:11,408
No, i mean don't let
someone else's rules
409
00:15:11,410 --> 00:15:14,944
Get in the way of working with a
writer you're passionate about.
410
00:15:14,946 --> 00:15:16,646
You are wise.
411
00:15:16,648 --> 00:15:20,016
I'm on twitter
and nothing is twittering.
412
00:15:21,286 --> 00:15:24,087
You forgot the hashtag.
413
00:15:24,089 --> 00:15:26,222
Right.
Hashtag.
414
00:15:30,996 --> 00:15:32,896
Liza, get in here.
415
00:15:35,434 --> 00:15:39,135
Look at this,
look at this.
416
00:15:39,137 --> 00:15:41,004
Showusyouroates
is trending.
417
00:15:41,006 --> 00:15:43,039
Joyce carol oates fans
from around the world
418
00:15:43,041 --> 00:15:45,508
Are freeing the nipple
in solidarity.
419
00:15:45,510 --> 00:15:46,810
And maybe, just maybe,
420
00:15:46,812 --> 00:15:50,280
They will even buy
one of her books.
421
00:15:50,282 --> 00:15:51,948
Oh, my god.
422
00:15:54,553 --> 00:15:55,919
I don't believe this.
423
00:15:55,921 --> 00:15:57,353
I know.
We've gone global.
424
00:15:57,355 --> 00:16:00,990
Excuse me. I have
a small twitter emergency.
425
00:16:27,018 --> 00:16:28,017
Oh, my god.
426
00:16:28,019 --> 00:16:29,819
You are turning
back into a pumpkin.
427
00:16:29,821 --> 00:16:32,889
Really? Way to make a girl
feel good before a blind date.
428
00:16:32,891 --> 00:16:33,990
No, i'm kidding.
429
00:16:33,992 --> 00:16:35,191
You look pretty.
430
00:16:35,193 --> 00:16:36,860
Very ladylike.
431
00:16:36,862 --> 00:16:37,760
Ladylike.
432
00:16:37,762 --> 00:16:39,162
I'm not sure
that's a compliment.
433
00:16:39,164 --> 00:16:40,096
Oh, 100%.
434
00:16:40,098 --> 00:16:40,964
I like ladies.
435
00:16:40,966 --> 00:16:42,665
It does feel nice to be
wearing my own clothes.
436
00:16:42,667 --> 00:16:44,734
Some of those hipster
thrift store finds
437
00:16:44,736 --> 00:16:45,568
Smell like weed.
438
00:16:45,570 --> 00:16:46,870
Well, god's in the details.
439
00:16:46,872 --> 00:16:49,138
Anyway, it's great
to see the old liza back.
440
00:16:49,140 --> 00:16:51,107
Well, this old girl
is about to go on a date
441
00:16:51,109 --> 00:16:52,709
With an
appropriate-aged fellow
442
00:16:52,711 --> 00:16:55,345
Whose references i might
actually comprehend.
443
00:16:55,347 --> 00:16:56,579
Hmm, where's
he taking you?
444
00:16:56,581 --> 00:17:00,183
Roberto's, this really nice
italian place in paramus.
445
00:17:00,185 --> 00:17:00,917
Oh.
446
00:17:00,919 --> 00:17:02,252
All right, don't
give me that look.
447
00:17:02,254 --> 00:17:03,286
I'm excited about this.
448
00:17:03,288 --> 00:17:05,288
No, no, no,
i'm excited for you.
449
00:17:05,290 --> 00:17:06,890
Are you?
450
00:17:06,892 --> 00:17:08,424
Honey, you're my friend.
451
00:17:08,426 --> 00:17:09,425
I want what you want.
452
00:17:09,427 --> 00:17:11,995
Crazy thing is,
my life just got interesting
453
00:17:11,997 --> 00:17:14,330
And i can't even
talk about it.
454
00:17:22,841 --> 00:17:25,909
Nobody thought that
healthy food and mexican food
455
00:17:25,911 --> 00:17:26,709
Could go together,
456
00:17:26,711 --> 00:17:28,845
But i was a believer
from the beginning.
457
00:17:28,847 --> 00:17:29,679
And let me tell you,
458
00:17:29,681 --> 00:17:32,215
Chipotle has been
very good to me.
459
00:17:32,217 --> 00:17:33,583
That's wonderful.
460
00:17:33,585 --> 00:17:35,585
Mm, and my ex-wife.
461
00:17:35,587 --> 00:17:40,957
She still participates
in the upside, believe me.
462
00:17:40,959 --> 00:17:42,225
Mm...
463
00:17:42,227 --> 00:17:43,726
How was your fish?
464
00:17:43,728 --> 00:17:45,795
It was very good.
465
00:17:45,797 --> 00:17:46,429
Mm.
466
00:17:46,431 --> 00:17:47,497
It's hard for
me to eat out
467
00:17:47,499 --> 00:17:49,299
With everything i know
about the food business.
468
00:17:49,301 --> 00:17:51,434
Sometimes too much
information's not a good thing.
469
00:17:51,436 --> 00:17:55,004
You know, when michelle
told me that you were 40,
470
00:17:55,006 --> 00:17:57,040
I thought, "whoa.
471
00:17:57,042 --> 00:17:59,075
"if i wanted to be with
a 40-year-old woman,
472
00:17:59,077 --> 00:18:01,110
I would have
stayed married."
473
00:18:02,213 --> 00:18:04,314
Sorry, that's a very--
that's a bad joke.
474
00:18:04,316 --> 00:18:05,548
You're very cute.
475
00:18:05,550 --> 00:18:07,250
Thank you.
476
00:18:07,252 --> 00:18:10,219
Now you ask me
a question.
477
00:18:10,221 --> 00:18:10,987
Excuse me?
478
00:18:10,989 --> 00:18:11,955
Go ahead.
Ask anything.
479
00:18:11,957 --> 00:18:14,791
I know these blind dates
can be awkward.
480
00:18:14,793 --> 00:18:16,859
How long have you
been divorced?
481
00:18:16,861 --> 00:18:18,461
Two years since
it's been final,
482
00:18:18,463 --> 00:18:20,396
But it hadn't been
good for years.
483
00:18:20,398 --> 00:18:22,732
Honestly, we stuck
it out for the kids,
484
00:18:22,734 --> 00:18:25,868
Who couldn't
have cared less.
485
00:18:25,870 --> 00:18:27,403
What about you?
486
00:18:27,405 --> 00:18:29,238
It really hasn't
been that long.
487
00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:30,673
We've been separated
about a year.
488
00:18:30,675 --> 00:18:33,443
We actually haven't signed
the divorce papers yet,
489
00:18:33,445 --> 00:18:35,011
Because we can't
afford the lawyers.
490
00:18:35,013 --> 00:18:37,213
We're actually too broke
to get divorced.
491
00:18:37,215 --> 00:18:38,615
How's that for comedy?
492
00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:39,949
Or tragedy.
Take your pick.
493
00:18:39,951 --> 00:18:44,988
I'm sorry, there's just this
one email i have to respond to.
494
00:18:44,990 --> 00:18:46,990
No problem.
495
00:18:49,861 --> 00:18:51,594
[phone chimes]
496
00:19:00,005 --> 00:19:01,004
Can i get anybody dessert?
497
00:19:01,006 --> 00:19:03,673
- Oh, i'm done.
- Yeah, me too.
498
00:19:21,426 --> 00:19:22,525
Hey, nut.
499
00:19:22,527 --> 00:19:24,527
You looking for someone?
500
00:19:31,236 --> 00:19:32,402
Sorry.
501
00:19:32,404 --> 00:19:35,471
I just really
needed to do that.
502
00:19:35,473 --> 00:19:36,539
Okay.
503
00:19:36,541 --> 00:19:39,208
I'll see you
around the burgh.
504
00:19:39,210 --> 00:19:41,511
Wait, that's it?
505
00:19:41,513 --> 00:19:43,546
For now.
38984
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