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1
00:00:07,507 --> 00:00:10,742
[lively rock music]
2
00:00:10,744 --> 00:00:12,276
♪ ♪
3
00:00:12,278 --> 00:00:13,778
- I worked at random house
for three years.
4
00:00:13,780 --> 00:00:15,947
I started as an assistant
to a marketing vp,
5
00:00:15,949 --> 00:00:18,516
And then i worked my way up
to junior editor.
6
00:00:18,518 --> 00:00:19,684
- Wow.
Impressive.
7
00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:22,420
- At the time, i was one
of the youngest people ever
8
00:00:22,422 --> 00:00:24,389
To make editor.
9
00:00:24,391 --> 00:00:25,590
I was 25.
10
00:00:25,592 --> 00:00:26,924
- I'm 25.
11
00:00:26,926 --> 00:00:29,160
- Don't worry.
You don't look a day over 7.
12
00:00:29,162 --> 00:00:30,194
- [chuckles sarcastically]
13
00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:32,263
And then for the past...
14
00:00:32,265 --> 00:00:35,133
What, 15 years, nothing?
15
00:00:35,135 --> 00:00:37,101
- I quit to raise my child,
caitlin,
16
00:00:37,103 --> 00:00:38,736
Who's now spending
her senior year
17
00:00:38,738 --> 00:00:40,905
In an exchange program
in india.
18
00:00:41,841 --> 00:00:44,008
Look, i know i've been
out of play for a while,
19
00:00:44,010 --> 00:00:47,278
But i am a much smarter,
more capable person today
20
00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:49,147
Than i was 15 years ago.
21
00:00:49,149 --> 00:00:49,847
- Hmm, i'm sure.
22
00:00:49,849 --> 00:00:51,916
- I'm ready to throw myself
back into work 24-7.
23
00:00:51,918 --> 00:00:53,551
I'm ready to pick up
where i left off.
24
00:00:53,553 --> 00:00:57,221
- Well, it has been
quite a long hiatus, liza.
25
00:00:57,223 --> 00:00:58,856
Things have changed.
26
00:00:58,858 --> 00:01:00,458
- Facebook, twitter, iphones.
27
00:01:00,460 --> 00:01:02,260
- Ipads, ebooks, youtube.
28
00:01:02,262 --> 00:01:03,795
- Instagram, snapchat, skype.
29
00:01:03,797 --> 00:01:05,830
- Pinterest.
- Bang with friends.
30
00:01:05,832 --> 00:01:07,932
- Seriously?
You bang with friends?
31
00:01:07,934 --> 00:01:08,900
- It's way better than tinder.
32
00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:11,202
- Alice met a guy on tinder
last week
33
00:01:11,204 --> 00:01:12,136
Who showed her a boob shot
34
00:01:12,138 --> 00:01:13,404
Of a girl his roommate
hooked up with,
35
00:01:13,406 --> 00:01:16,140
And it was her very own boob.
36
00:01:16,142 --> 00:01:18,376
- Shut up.
And she could recognize it?
37
00:01:18,378 --> 00:01:20,111
- Clear as a fingerprint.
38
00:01:20,113 --> 00:01:21,212
- Hello?
39
00:01:21,214 --> 00:01:22,480
Hey.
Sorry.
40
00:01:22,482 --> 00:01:25,383
Look, i'm not expecting
to come back where i left off.
41
00:01:25,385 --> 00:01:27,185
I'll start anywhere.
42
00:01:27,187 --> 00:01:28,252
I'll read.
43
00:01:28,254 --> 00:01:30,721
I'm a terrific reader.
44
00:01:32,459 --> 00:01:33,825
I'll start as an assistant.
45
00:01:33,827 --> 00:01:34,892
- Oh, that would be weird.
46
00:01:34,894 --> 00:01:38,729
I mean, assistants are generally
right out of college.
47
00:01:38,731 --> 00:01:40,198
You're way too o--
48
00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:41,799
- Overqualified.
49
00:01:41,801 --> 00:01:43,601
- No, i think she was gonna
say--
50
00:01:43,603 --> 00:01:45,303
- Orange.
51
00:01:45,305 --> 00:01:46,838
- I'm way too orange?
52
00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:47,905
- Industry term.
53
00:01:47,907 --> 00:01:51,109
Please don't put words
in my mouth, liza.
54
00:02:00,820 --> 00:02:02,253
- Damn.
55
00:02:02,255 --> 00:02:04,255
- They've lived here
for 12 years,
56
00:02:04,257 --> 00:02:06,224
But then dave had left liza
for debbie,
57
00:02:06,226 --> 00:02:08,926
A blackjack dealer he was
shtupping in atlantic city.
58
00:02:08,928 --> 00:02:11,028
The good news is he left liza
the house.
59
00:02:11,030 --> 00:02:13,164
The bad news is, of course,
that he took out four mortgages
60
00:02:13,166 --> 00:02:15,867
That she never knew about
to support his gambling habit.
61
00:02:15,869 --> 00:02:18,369
I've said too much.
You don't need the details.
62
00:02:18,371 --> 00:02:21,139
- I love a flat screen
above a fireplace.
63
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:21,772
- I don't know.
64
00:02:21,774 --> 00:02:25,276
Sounds like the home of a woman
who lives with her cats
65
00:02:25,278 --> 00:02:26,744
And is gonna die alone.
66
00:02:26,746 --> 00:02:27,912
- Not in this house, she won't.
67
00:02:27,914 --> 00:02:28,713
She can't afford to.
68
00:02:28,715 --> 00:02:31,516
Now, either someone buys
this place by next week,
69
00:02:31,518 --> 00:02:34,919
Or it goes to the bank.
70
00:02:34,921 --> 00:02:37,288
- Can she leave the tv?
71
00:02:37,290 --> 00:02:39,957
- Hi.
Can i get anybody anything?
72
00:02:39,959 --> 00:02:42,493
Coffee? Tea?
Cyanide?
73
00:02:42,495 --> 00:02:43,127
- Mom.
74
00:02:43,129 --> 00:02:44,962
I'm trying to have
a cultural experience.
75
00:02:44,964 --> 00:02:46,330
You can't call me every day.
76
00:02:46,332 --> 00:02:48,332
- Caitlin, i do not call you
every day.
77
00:02:48,334 --> 00:02:51,602
It just seems that way because
of the time difference.
78
00:02:51,604 --> 00:02:52,236
- [chuckles]
79
00:02:52,238 --> 00:02:53,604
- But i want you to know
we're selling the house.
80
00:02:53,606 --> 00:02:56,641
So you may want to come home
from bombay early.
81
00:02:56,643 --> 00:02:57,842
- Mom, it's mumbai,
82
00:02:57,844 --> 00:03:00,111
And you just want me
to come home to help you pack.
83
00:03:00,113 --> 00:03:01,612
- That is not true.
I miss you.
84
00:03:01,614 --> 00:03:04,182
- It's just because you don't
have anything else going on
85
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:05,383
In your life right now.
86
00:03:05,385 --> 00:03:06,284
- Excuse me?
87
00:03:06,286 --> 00:03:07,919
- You're just feeling hurt
and rejected
88
00:03:07,921 --> 00:03:08,653
Since dad left.
89
00:03:08,655 --> 00:03:10,888
- Well, thanks for putting
that in a nutshell
90
00:03:10,890 --> 00:03:11,789
And stabbing me with it.
91
00:03:11,791 --> 00:03:13,624
- Okay, i think
you're so brilliant,
92
00:03:13,626 --> 00:03:16,527
And you used to have
such a cool job.
93
00:03:16,529 --> 00:03:18,930
You should really go back
to work.
94
00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:22,867
- Well, you're gonna be late
for class.
95
00:03:22,869 --> 00:03:23,935
I'll call you tomorrow.
96
00:03:23,937 --> 00:03:27,071
- Bye, mom.
I love you.
97
00:03:27,807 --> 00:03:31,142
[lively percussive music]
98
00:03:31,144 --> 00:03:33,244
♪ ♪
99
00:03:33,246 --> 00:03:36,013
- How is that the older
and more experienced you are
100
00:03:36,015 --> 00:03:38,282
The less you desirable
you become?
101
00:03:38,284 --> 00:03:39,784
- You're talking about
your marriage again?
102
00:03:39,786 --> 00:03:40,785
- No, finding work.
103
00:03:40,787 --> 00:03:43,688
I have gone on
over a dozen interviews,
104
00:03:43,690 --> 00:03:46,357
And these young girls seem
to take a special pleasure
105
00:03:46,359 --> 00:03:48,326
In rubbing my age in my face.
106
00:03:48,328 --> 00:03:50,294
- Oh, you must want
to spank them.
107
00:03:50,296 --> 00:03:51,262
- It's like i woke up one day,
108
00:03:51,264 --> 00:03:53,364
Realized my marriage
was a big lie,
109
00:03:53,366 --> 00:03:55,066
And i'd become ruth van wrinkle.
110
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:57,368
- Liza, you did the right thing
for the time.
111
00:03:57,370 --> 00:03:59,036
- No, you did the right thing.
112
00:03:59,038 --> 00:04:00,304
You followed
your artistic dreams,
113
00:04:00,306 --> 00:04:01,739
You stuck with
the lesbian thing,
114
00:04:01,741 --> 00:04:03,774
And you moved to brooklyn
before it become hot.
115
00:04:03,776 --> 00:04:04,842
- Excuse me, i moved to brooklyn
116
00:04:04,844 --> 00:04:06,477
Because i couldn't afford
manhattan.
117
00:04:06,479 --> 00:04:09,046
And now thanks to all these
bearded cheese mongers
118
00:04:09,048 --> 00:04:12,016
And chicks that look like
macaulay culkin,
119
00:04:12,018 --> 00:04:12,917
I can't afford brooklyn.
120
00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:14,652
- Jeez, how did i miss
the memo on brooklyn?
121
00:04:14,654 --> 00:04:18,556
And by the way, when did bombay
become mumbai?
122
00:04:18,558 --> 00:04:20,224
You know you can't call it
bombay anymore?
123
00:04:20,226 --> 00:04:21,259
- Well, who wants the word
"bomb"
124
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:23,661
In the name of their city
anyway?
125
00:04:23,663 --> 00:04:24,629
You know what, i got to pee.
126
00:04:24,631 --> 00:04:25,997
Order, like, six more of these,
127
00:04:25,999 --> 00:04:26,897
And then we'll go dancing,
128
00:04:26,899 --> 00:04:28,966
And we'll split that hit
of ecstasy i've been saving
129
00:04:28,968 --> 00:04:30,134
Since 1998.
130
00:04:30,136 --> 00:04:31,469
Excuse me.
131
00:04:32,472 --> 00:04:35,373
- Excuse me.
Sir.
132
00:04:35,375 --> 00:04:38,009
Mr. Bartender.
Hello.
133
00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:39,243
Hello!
134
00:04:40,146 --> 00:04:41,846
Really?
Hello?
135
00:04:41,848 --> 00:04:43,180
- Oh.
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
136
00:04:43,182 --> 00:04:45,383
Hey, hey, hey.
You don't wave a shoe.
137
00:04:45,385 --> 00:04:46,550
Never wave a shoe.
138
00:04:46,552 --> 00:04:49,520
In thailand, that's considered
a capital offense.
139
00:04:49,522 --> 00:04:50,621
- And you've been to thailand?
140
00:04:50,623 --> 00:04:52,857
- No, but i have been
to myanmar.
141
00:04:52,859 --> 00:04:55,359
- Which used to be burma.
- Back in the day.
142
00:04:55,361 --> 00:04:56,460
- I knew that.
143
00:04:56,462 --> 00:04:58,229
- What are you having here?
144
00:04:58,231 --> 00:04:59,397
- Uh, skinny margarita.
145
00:04:59,399 --> 00:05:00,064
Six of 'em.
146
00:05:00,066 --> 00:05:03,200
- Really?
Tyler, two shots of bourbon.
147
00:05:03,202 --> 00:05:04,535
Trust me.
148
00:05:05,571 --> 00:05:08,005
Um, i'm josh.
149
00:05:08,007 --> 00:05:10,608
- I'm liza.
150
00:05:10,610 --> 00:05:11,909
So are these for real,
151
00:05:11,911 --> 00:05:14,478
Or can you scrub 'em off
whenever you want to?
152
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:15,279
- Scrub them off.
153
00:05:15,281 --> 00:05:18,449
Why would i--why would i want
to scrub these off?
154
00:05:18,451 --> 00:05:19,183
- My bad.
155
00:05:19,185 --> 00:05:20,284
You'll definitely want to take
that skull
156
00:05:20,286 --> 00:05:22,453
With the rose between its teeth
to your grave.
157
00:05:22,455 --> 00:05:26,324
- I--it's what i do.
I'm a tattoo artist.
158
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:27,058
- I'm so sorry.
159
00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:29,560
I didn't mean
to insult your work.
160
00:05:29,562 --> 00:05:31,929
Do you have your own parlor?
161
00:05:31,931 --> 00:05:33,297
- Parlor?
[laughs]
162
00:05:33,299 --> 00:05:35,366
You're not really from
around here, are you?
163
00:05:35,368 --> 00:05:37,101
- Just over the bridge.
164
00:05:37,103 --> 00:05:39,270
- Yeah.
I figured.
165
00:05:39,272 --> 00:05:40,104
I have my own studio.
166
00:05:40,106 --> 00:05:43,207
It's more of like a lounge,
really.
167
00:05:43,209 --> 00:05:46,377
Body art's this really
personal experience.
168
00:05:46,379 --> 00:05:48,546
It's important that everybody
feels comfortable.
169
00:05:48,548 --> 00:05:52,216
So here's to being comfortable.
170
00:05:59,726 --> 00:06:01,992
- You must get a lot
of crazy requests.
171
00:06:01,994 --> 00:06:02,893
- Oh, you have no idea.
172
00:06:02,895 --> 00:06:08,132
Last week i tattooed the insides
of lena dunham's ass cheeks.
173
00:06:08,134 --> 00:06:08,833
- What? Why?
174
00:06:08,835 --> 00:06:11,969
- Said she wanted to keep
something private.
175
00:06:11,971 --> 00:06:14,105
- Who's lena dunham?
176
00:06:14,107 --> 00:06:15,139
- That's funny.
177
00:06:15,141 --> 00:06:17,708
So what about you?
Hmm?
178
00:06:17,710 --> 00:06:18,809
What do you do?
179
00:06:18,811 --> 00:06:21,412
- Um, i'm actually--
i'm actually looking for work
180
00:06:21,414 --> 00:06:22,680
Right now,
in publishing.
181
00:06:22,682 --> 00:06:24,215
- Okay, and how's that going?
182
00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:25,216
- It could be better.
183
00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:26,817
I took a bit of a sabbatical.
184
00:06:26,819 --> 00:06:30,855
- Nice.
Doing what?
185
00:06:30,857 --> 00:06:32,623
- I...
186
00:06:32,625 --> 00:06:35,192
Um, worked on a novel.
187
00:06:35,194 --> 00:06:37,395
And, um...
188
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:40,765
And i did some volunteer work
in india.
189
00:06:40,767 --> 00:06:42,299
- That's amazing.
- I know, yeah.
190
00:06:42,301 --> 00:06:46,036
I call it my "eat, pray,
endure chronic diarrhea" period.
191
00:06:46,038 --> 00:06:46,737
- [laughs]
192
00:06:46,739 --> 00:06:49,373
I'm gonna steal your cell phone
for a second.
193
00:06:49,375 --> 00:06:50,374
- Wait a minute.
Why?
194
00:06:50,376 --> 00:06:52,176
- Just relax, scaredy-cat.
195
00:06:52,178 --> 00:06:53,077
- What are you doing?
196
00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:56,046
- I'm taking a picture
of my junk.
197
00:06:56,048 --> 00:06:56,747
No.
198
00:06:56,749 --> 00:07:00,518
I'm adding myself
to your calendar right here,
199
00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:02,753
Next thursday.
200
00:07:02,755 --> 00:07:05,122
- Are you asking me on a date?
201
00:07:05,124 --> 00:07:05,856
- Is that a yes?
202
00:07:05,858 --> 00:07:08,592
- I don't know.
Let me see that junk shot first.
203
00:07:08,594 --> 00:07:09,193
Oh, my god.
204
00:07:09,195 --> 00:07:10,961
I totally thought
that was gonna sound flirty,
205
00:07:10,963 --> 00:07:11,796
But it came out creepy.
206
00:07:11,798 --> 00:07:14,532
- It came out really sexy
if you ask me.
207
00:07:16,869 --> 00:07:17,735
- Please give me my phone.
208
00:07:17,737 --> 00:07:19,336
You are way too young
for me.
209
00:07:19,338 --> 00:07:20,805
- Whoa, whoa.
I'm 26, dude.
210
00:07:20,807 --> 00:07:24,809
I mean, we got to be
the same age, give or take.
211
00:07:24,811 --> 00:07:26,777
- My phone.
212
00:07:26,779 --> 00:07:27,311
- Hey.
213
00:07:27,313 --> 00:07:29,113
- Hey, this is my girlfriend,
maggie.
214
00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:31,749
My friend who is a girl,
named maggie.
215
00:07:31,751 --> 00:07:34,251
And we need to get going.
Yes.
216
00:07:34,253 --> 00:07:34,952
- Okay.
217
00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:36,654
- It was very nice to meet you.
218
00:07:36,656 --> 00:07:38,622
- Yeah.
- Dude.
219
00:07:38,624 --> 00:07:39,957
- [laughs]
220
00:07:49,235 --> 00:07:50,000
- Oh, my god.
221
00:07:50,002 --> 00:07:52,536
- Wait, what are you doing?
He was hot.
222
00:07:52,538 --> 00:07:55,039
- I know,
and i think he raped my phone.
223
00:07:55,041 --> 00:07:55,906
- What?
Get back in there.
224
00:07:55,908 --> 00:07:58,409
- Oh, no, no, no.
He thought i was in my 20s.
225
00:07:58,411 --> 00:07:59,210
- What?
- Yes.
226
00:07:59,212 --> 00:08:00,478
What do they put in the drinks
in that place,
227
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,279
And how do we get it into
the water supply?
228
00:08:02,281 --> 00:08:03,314
- You know,
actually that's not
229
00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:04,615
A totally ludicrous
assumption.
230
00:08:04,617 --> 00:08:05,816
- We were discussing his junk,
231
00:08:05,818 --> 00:08:08,886
Which i believe means "penis,"
by the way.
232
00:08:08,888 --> 00:08:09,420
- Uh-huh.
233
00:08:09,422 --> 00:08:11,055
You know, come over.
I want to show you something.
234
00:08:11,057 --> 00:08:12,456
- I've seen your weird nipple.
235
00:08:12,458 --> 00:08:14,592
- No, not that.
236
00:08:14,594 --> 00:08:15,860
[sighs]
237
00:08:16,729 --> 00:08:17,628
Look at yourself.
238
00:08:17,630 --> 00:08:19,430
You've got a great figure,
239
00:08:19,432 --> 00:08:20,531
Great hair,
240
00:08:20,533 --> 00:08:21,365
Great legs.
241
00:08:21,367 --> 00:08:23,601
I mean, that's what people see
when they look at you.
242
00:08:23,603 --> 00:08:24,468
They don't see a number.
243
00:08:24,470 --> 00:08:26,570
- The bar was dark,
and the guy was drunk.
244
00:08:26,572 --> 00:08:28,272
- Liza, you've always
looked good for your age.
245
00:08:28,274 --> 00:08:30,074
I mean, you were getting carded
until you were 30.
246
00:08:30,076 --> 00:08:33,310
- I know, and my husband still
leaves me for a younger woman.
247
00:08:33,312 --> 00:08:34,178
How's that for irony?
248
00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:35,813
- Would you stop feeling sorry
for yourself
249
00:08:35,815 --> 00:08:36,547
And listen to me?
250
00:08:36,549 --> 00:08:39,416
What, no one wants to hire
a 40-year-old has-been?
251
00:08:39,418 --> 00:08:40,484
Tell 'em you're 26.
252
00:08:40,486 --> 00:08:42,720
- Are you insane?
Nobody's gonna believe that.
253
00:08:42,722 --> 00:08:43,988
- People believe
what you tell them.
254
00:08:43,990 --> 00:08:45,556
They believe
the real housewives are real.
255
00:08:45,558 --> 00:08:48,759
They think that coconut water
is gonna shrink their ass.
256
00:08:48,761 --> 00:08:50,895
They'll believe you're 26.
257
00:08:53,132 --> 00:08:54,899
- I'm gonna need
some highlights.
258
00:08:54,901 --> 00:08:58,035
- Oh, girl, we're going
way bigger than that.
259
00:08:58,037 --> 00:08:59,069
[jittery rock music]
260
00:08:59,071 --> 00:09:02,039
- ♪ like a birth in reverse ♪
261
00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:05,042
♪ what i saw through
the blinds ♪
262
00:09:05,044 --> 00:09:08,379
♪ you could say
that i'm saying ♪
263
00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:10,814
♪ phenomenal lies ♪
264
00:09:10,816 --> 00:09:15,019
♪ on the cosmic eternity
party line ♪
265
00:09:15,021 --> 00:09:16,253
- Who inspires you?
266
00:09:16,255 --> 00:09:17,454
- Katniss everdeen.
267
00:09:17,456 --> 00:09:18,622
- Favorite band.
268
00:09:18,624 --> 00:09:19,623
- One direction.
269
00:09:19,625 --> 00:09:20,858
- More specifically?
270
00:09:20,860 --> 00:09:22,359
- Harry.
271
00:09:22,361 --> 00:09:23,961
- You're ready.
272
00:09:23,963 --> 00:09:25,062
♪ ♪
273
00:09:25,064 --> 00:09:26,297
Yes.
274
00:09:29,835 --> 00:09:33,037
[quizzical music]
275
00:09:33,039 --> 00:09:35,973
♪ ♪
276
00:09:35,975 --> 00:09:38,042
- [inhales sharply]
277
00:09:38,044 --> 00:09:39,376
Hmm.
278
00:09:42,515 --> 00:09:45,349
You've been out of school
for...
279
00:09:45,351 --> 00:09:46,383
Four years?
280
00:09:46,385 --> 00:09:47,084
- Mm-hmm.
281
00:09:47,086 --> 00:09:48,586
- What have you been doing?
282
00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:50,854
- Mostly volunteer work
in india
283
00:09:50,856 --> 00:09:51,989
And working on a novel.
284
00:09:51,991 --> 00:09:53,757
- Oh.
Well...
285
00:09:53,759 --> 00:09:54,858
I see.
286
00:09:54,860 --> 00:09:57,328
And now you're ready
for some real life.
287
00:09:57,330 --> 00:09:58,262
- I'm ready for a job.
288
00:09:58,264 --> 00:10:00,397
- Yes, well, i'm sorry to say
there's not a lot here
289
00:10:00,399 --> 00:10:02,199
That suggests a work ethic.
290
00:10:02,201 --> 00:10:03,667
- Uh...
Dartmouth.
291
00:10:03,669 --> 00:10:05,970
- Every young person
who applies for this job
292
00:10:05,972 --> 00:10:08,806
Is an ivy league
english major.
293
00:10:08,808 --> 00:10:11,008
Can you answer phones
for eight hours at a stretch
294
00:10:11,010 --> 00:10:12,176
Without texting your friends?
295
00:10:12,178 --> 00:10:14,378
Can you make strong coffee,
never wear perfume,
296
00:10:14,380 --> 00:10:15,412
And not annoy me?
297
00:10:15,414 --> 00:10:16,947
- Okay, could you give me
some guidelines?
298
00:10:16,949 --> 00:10:19,316
I mean, regarding what
constitutes annoying behavior?
299
00:10:19,318 --> 00:10:21,552
- That's an annoying question.
- Noted.
300
00:10:21,554 --> 00:10:22,820
- I'm not here
to give you guidelines
301
00:10:22,822 --> 00:10:24,188
Or hold your hand or,
god forbid, ever read
302
00:10:24,190 --> 00:10:27,157
That novel you've been
working on since college.
303
00:10:27,159 --> 00:10:28,192
- I understand.
304
00:10:28,194 --> 00:10:29,259
I'm a very hard worker.
305
00:10:29,261 --> 00:10:31,795
I will figure out
how to make your life easier
306
00:10:31,797 --> 00:10:33,831
And how never to annoy you.
307
00:10:34,767 --> 00:10:36,300
- Tell me, leslie,
308
00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:39,937
What would you say makes you...
309
00:10:39,939 --> 00:10:41,538
Special?
310
00:10:44,410 --> 00:10:46,577
- I'm a grown-up.
311
00:10:46,579 --> 00:10:49,113
I don't think i'm special.
312
00:10:50,516 --> 00:10:51,949
Yes.
Yes.
313
00:10:51,951 --> 00:10:53,450
- Hey, it's maggie.
Leave a message.
314
00:10:53,452 --> 00:10:56,387
- Maggie,
you won't believe this.
315
00:10:56,389 --> 00:10:57,054
I got the job.
316
00:10:57,056 --> 00:11:02,259
I am working for diana trout,
head of marketing.
317
00:11:02,261 --> 00:11:03,227
26.
318
00:11:03,229 --> 00:11:05,729
[toilet flushes]
319
00:11:05,731 --> 00:11:07,998
- Congrats.
- Oh.
320
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:08,465
Thanks.
321
00:11:08,467 --> 00:11:10,768
- Or maybe i should say,
my condolences.
322
00:11:10,770 --> 00:11:13,070
- Excuse me?
- Oh. Sorry.
323
00:11:13,072 --> 00:11:14,438
I'm kelsey peters.
324
00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:15,139
I'm an editor here,
325
00:11:15,141 --> 00:11:17,741
And i saw you meeting
with diana trout.
326
00:11:17,743 --> 00:11:18,442
- Liza miller.
327
00:11:18,444 --> 00:11:19,810
And i'm sure she's no picnic,
328
00:11:19,812 --> 00:11:22,346
But i'm just really happy
to have a job.
329
00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:23,113
- Of course.
330
00:11:23,115 --> 00:11:24,882
I didn't mean to [bleep]
in your cheerios.
331
00:11:24,884 --> 00:11:26,483
- Okay.
- It's a pretty cool company.
332
00:11:26,485 --> 00:11:28,686
I started working here
right out of college
333
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:29,486
As an assistant,
334
00:11:29,488 --> 00:11:32,122
And i just made junior editor
six months ago.
335
00:11:32,124 --> 00:11:32,890
- Wow.
- Yeah.
336
00:11:32,892 --> 00:11:36,126
So basically i was you
two years ago.
337
00:11:36,128 --> 00:11:37,461
- If you say so.
338
00:11:37,463 --> 00:11:40,230
So what's the problem
with diana trout?
339
00:11:40,232 --> 00:11:41,532
- The problem with trout pout
340
00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:43,801
Is that she's 43 and divorced.
341
00:11:43,803 --> 00:11:45,102
- Wow.
Tragic.
342
00:11:45,104 --> 00:11:46,370
- She sees girls like us
come in here
343
00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:48,739
With our fresh ovaries
and our faces plumped
344
00:11:48,741 --> 00:11:49,907
With natural elasticity
345
00:11:49,909 --> 00:11:51,375
And she just wants
to destroy us.
346
00:11:51,377 --> 00:11:52,810
- Well, thanks for the warning.
347
00:11:52,812 --> 00:11:55,012
- No problem.
It's called paying it forward.
348
00:11:55,014 --> 00:11:58,315
As taylor swift said, there
is a special place in hell
349
00:11:58,317 --> 00:12:01,185
For women
who don't help other women.
350
00:12:01,187 --> 00:12:04,088
I've got your back, girl.
351
00:12:04,090 --> 00:12:05,756
- Thanks.
352
00:12:05,758 --> 00:12:06,457
Girl.
353
00:12:06,459 --> 00:12:09,727
[booming electronic music]
354
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,995
- ♪ girl, you better wake up ♪
355
00:12:11,997 --> 00:12:14,231
♪ girl, you better run ♪
356
00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:15,232
♪ first thing in the morning ♪
357
00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:18,936
♪ faster than a bullet
coming out of that gun ♪
358
00:12:18,938 --> 00:12:20,604
♪ tells you that he loves you ♪
359
00:12:20,606 --> 00:12:23,407
♪ then you take it all back ♪
360
00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:26,009
- I need you to set up a twitter
account for jane austen
361
00:12:26,011 --> 00:12:27,244
And start writing her tweets.
362
00:12:27,246 --> 00:12:28,979
- Jane austen?
Dead jane austen?
363
00:12:28,981 --> 00:12:31,281
- Yes, we're releasing
pride and prejudice
364
00:12:31,283 --> 00:12:31,982
As an ebook.
365
00:12:31,984 --> 00:12:33,217
We need to make some noise
in the twitterverse.
366
00:12:33,219 --> 00:12:34,551
- You want me to tweet?
- As jane.
367
00:12:34,553 --> 00:12:37,154
Are you deaf? Is that how
you got into dartmouth?
368
00:12:37,156 --> 00:12:38,455
- No, of course not.
369
00:12:38,457 --> 00:12:39,990
- Put it on facebook
and match.Com.
370
00:12:39,992 --> 00:12:41,525
And christian mingle.
371
00:12:45,331 --> 00:12:47,264
Not hot enough!
372
00:12:53,205 --> 00:12:55,072
- Hey, lady.
How's the first day going?
373
00:12:55,074 --> 00:12:57,007
- Oh, it's going great.
Really great.
374
00:12:57,009 --> 00:12:58,208
Hanging in.
- Good.
375
00:12:58,210 --> 00:13:00,177
You want to come join
some friends after work
376
00:13:00,179 --> 00:13:01,011
For krav maga?
377
00:13:01,013 --> 00:13:02,579
- Sure.
That sounds fun.
378
00:13:02,581 --> 00:13:05,315
Refresh my memory.
Is that a bird or cocktail?
379
00:13:05,317 --> 00:13:07,651
- [laughs]
you're funny.
380
00:13:07,653 --> 00:13:09,186
- [chuckles forcefully]
381
00:13:09,188 --> 00:13:12,422
[upbeat rock music]
382
00:13:12,424 --> 00:13:13,524
♪ ♪
383
00:13:13,526 --> 00:13:15,926
- Oh, my god, you totally
kicked ass in there.
384
00:13:15,928 --> 00:13:17,694
- More like i got my ass kicked.
385
00:13:17,696 --> 00:13:18,562
- Liza, this is lauren.
386
00:13:18,564 --> 00:13:20,931
She's a publicist
at hector and dorf.
387
00:13:20,933 --> 00:13:21,632
- Hey, oh, i'm so sorry.
388
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:23,400
I think i accidentally
punched you in the tit.
389
00:13:23,402 --> 00:13:25,702
- Oh, it's all good.
- Hey, come have a drink.
390
00:13:25,704 --> 00:13:26,904
I want you to meet thad.
391
00:13:26,906 --> 00:13:29,606
- Who's thad?
- He's my boyfriend.
392
00:13:29,608 --> 00:13:30,607
He's a hedge fund guy,
393
00:13:30,609 --> 00:13:31,642
But don't hold that against him.
394
00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:33,243
He's really great.
- Cool.
395
00:13:33,245 --> 00:13:35,412
- [screams]
oh, my god.
396
00:13:35,414 --> 00:13:36,747
- What?
- What?
397
00:13:36,749 --> 00:13:39,583
- That bush.
398
00:13:39,585 --> 00:13:40,150
- Wow.
399
00:13:40,152 --> 00:13:42,486
- Oh, it looks like
my mother's vagina.
400
00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:43,554
- Don't you wax?
401
00:13:43,556 --> 00:13:46,490
- I, uh--i just came back
from three years in india.
402
00:13:46,492 --> 00:13:48,659
- Hey, can i put the bush
up on instagram
403
00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:49,526
For hector and dorf?
404
00:13:49,528 --> 00:13:51,595
They're always looking
for inspiration.
405
00:13:51,597 --> 00:13:53,096
- No, you may not.
406
00:13:53,098 --> 00:13:56,233
And for your information,
i call it a wisconsin.
407
00:14:01,473 --> 00:14:02,806
- [laughs]
408
00:14:04,443 --> 00:14:07,110
- So what year did you say
you graduated dartmouth?
409
00:14:07,112 --> 00:14:10,113
- Oh, that must have been,
god...
410
00:14:10,115 --> 00:14:10,914
'08.
411
00:14:10,916 --> 00:14:12,149
- Oh, so you must know
craig fowler.
412
00:14:12,151 --> 00:14:14,785
- Oh, yeah.
Everybody knows fowler.
413
00:14:14,787 --> 00:14:16,787
Fowler loved the ladies.
414
00:14:16,789 --> 00:14:18,422
- Fowler is gay.
415
00:14:18,424 --> 00:14:20,424
- Right.
416
00:14:20,426 --> 00:14:21,758
He loved the ladies as friends,
417
00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:24,628
And he loved the dudes
for the hot sex.
418
00:14:24,630 --> 00:14:26,396
- Babe, i'm empty here.
419
00:14:26,398 --> 00:14:30,000
- Oh, sorry.
I'll be right back.
420
00:14:30,002 --> 00:14:31,335
- Yeah, he works at our firm,
421
00:14:31,337 --> 00:14:32,636
But i think he was '06,
422
00:14:32,638 --> 00:14:34,271
But i bet you guys know
a ton of people in common.
423
00:14:34,273 --> 00:14:36,840
- No, i didn't have much
of a social life.
424
00:14:36,842 --> 00:14:39,343
I participated
in a lot of sit-ins,
425
00:14:39,345 --> 00:14:41,778
So i got arrested,
like, every weekend.
426
00:14:41,780 --> 00:14:44,248
- And then you spent three years
in india.
427
00:14:44,250 --> 00:14:45,716
- Yeah, about that.
- Doing what?
428
00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:48,752
- Working for various
charity organizations.
429
00:14:48,754 --> 00:14:49,419
- Such as...
430
00:14:49,421 --> 00:14:50,721
- Excuse me, is this
a background check?
431
00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:52,489
- Oh, no, no.
I'm just curious.
432
00:14:52,491 --> 00:14:53,690
I think it's cool.
433
00:14:53,692 --> 00:14:54,324
- Cool?
434
00:14:54,326 --> 00:14:56,960
Yeah, it wasn't cool, thad.
435
00:14:56,962 --> 00:14:57,794
It was a war zone.
436
00:14:57,796 --> 00:14:59,029
That's what real poverty is;
437
00:14:59,031 --> 00:15:00,497
It's a war zone.
438
00:15:00,499 --> 00:15:03,066
With all its attended misery,
bad hygiene,
439
00:15:03,068 --> 00:15:04,001
And deprivation.
440
00:15:04,003 --> 00:15:07,738
- Is that why your bush
turned gray?
441
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:09,106
- Yeah.
442
00:15:09,108 --> 00:15:10,440
Partially gray.
443
00:15:10,442 --> 00:15:11,675
'cause of some of the things
i saw,
444
00:15:11,677 --> 00:15:14,745
And maybe some of the things
i smelled.
445
00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:15,646
Yeah, i don't know.
446
00:15:15,648 --> 00:15:17,514
I have quite processed it all
yet.
447
00:15:17,516 --> 00:15:18,115
- Wow.
448
00:15:18,117 --> 00:15:20,183
- ♪ smile for the people ♪
449
00:15:20,185 --> 00:15:22,386
♪ meeting every day ♪
450
00:15:22,388 --> 00:15:24,187
- Let me ask you something,
451
00:15:24,189 --> 00:15:26,957
You've seen a lot of vaginas,
right?
452
00:15:26,959 --> 00:15:29,293
- Hmm, i've seen my fair share.
453
00:15:29,295 --> 00:15:31,995
- So...
454
00:15:31,997 --> 00:15:33,563
What's in style?
455
00:15:33,565 --> 00:15:34,464
- Why do you ask?
456
00:15:34,466 --> 00:15:35,766
- Well, last night at the gym,
457
00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:37,601
I was almost busted
when i was changing.
458
00:15:37,603 --> 00:15:41,471
Apparently nobody under 30
looks a day over 12 down there.
459
00:15:41,473 --> 00:15:42,005
- [laughs]
460
00:15:42,007 --> 00:15:43,473
I've got someone
that can help you with that.
461
00:15:43,475 --> 00:15:46,543
I know this girl--well,
technically she's a man now,
462
00:15:46,545 --> 00:15:47,344
But he's great.
463
00:15:47,346 --> 00:15:49,046
- Oh, god, this is insane.
464
00:15:49,048 --> 00:15:49,846
- So keep the bush.
465
00:15:49,848 --> 00:15:51,148
I mean, i hear it's coming back
in style, anyways.
466
00:15:51,150 --> 00:15:54,484
- No, i mean, insane thinking
i can get away with this.
467
00:15:54,486 --> 00:15:55,752
Do i really want to trade
468
00:15:55,754 --> 00:15:58,055
My dignity, wisdom,
and self-respect
469
00:15:58,057 --> 00:16:00,624
For another chance at my 20s?
470
00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:02,292
- Yes.
471
00:16:02,294 --> 00:16:03,927
Yes, you do.
472
00:16:05,197 --> 00:16:07,698
[keyboard clacking]
473
00:16:19,645 --> 00:16:22,679
- Jane austen
has over 1,000 followers.
474
00:16:22,681 --> 00:16:23,413
How cool is that?
475
00:16:23,415 --> 00:16:25,182
- Am i supposed
to congratulate you?
476
00:16:25,184 --> 00:16:26,049
- No, i just thought--
477
00:16:26,051 --> 00:16:27,484
- Just expected a gold star
478
00:16:27,486 --> 00:16:28,352
For doing your job.
479
00:16:28,354 --> 00:16:30,420
That's the problem
with your generation, leslie.
480
00:16:30,422 --> 00:16:31,321
- Right.
By the way...
481
00:16:31,323 --> 00:16:34,624
I have another idea for
the pride and prejudice reissue.
482
00:16:34,626 --> 00:16:37,861
Maybe we could ask a writer
like j.K. Rowling
483
00:16:37,863 --> 00:16:38,962
Or stephenie meyer
484
00:16:38,964 --> 00:16:40,030
To write an intro.
485
00:16:40,032 --> 00:16:42,632
It would be a really great
marketing hook.
486
00:16:42,634 --> 00:16:43,900
- Oh, is that your idea
487
00:16:43,902 --> 00:16:45,869
Of a really great
marketing hook?
488
00:16:45,871 --> 00:16:47,304
Poaching a world-class writer
489
00:16:47,306 --> 00:16:48,338
From a rival publishing house
490
00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:50,574
To promote one of our reissues?
491
00:16:50,576 --> 00:16:51,641
It's time for a staff meeting.
492
00:16:51,643 --> 00:16:53,010
You should be
fetching me coffee.
493
00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:55,645
Not pitching me
ridiculous ideas.
494
00:16:57,850 --> 00:16:58,915
- You're right.
She is that bad.
495
00:16:58,917 --> 00:17:01,318
- Told you; you got to just
suck it up for at least a year,
496
00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:04,821
And then with my help,
you could have her job.
497
00:17:04,823 --> 00:17:07,491
- What? No.
I'm just happy to have a job.
498
00:17:07,493 --> 00:17:09,226
- Liza, trout pout is 43.
499
00:17:09,228 --> 00:17:12,396
She says she's 41,
but, trust me, i know.
500
00:17:12,398 --> 00:17:14,064
She lies about her age.
501
00:17:14,066 --> 00:17:15,565
How pathetic is that?
502
00:17:15,567 --> 00:17:17,667
- Ha.
Totes pathetic.
503
00:17:17,669 --> 00:17:20,170
Hashtag pathetic.
504
00:17:20,172 --> 00:17:21,038
- Exactly.
505
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:23,540
She's hit her head on
the glass ceiling so many times,
506
00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:24,641
She's got dementia.
507
00:17:24,643 --> 00:17:25,509
- Kelsey, i don't understand.
508
00:17:25,511 --> 00:17:27,711
You are such a strong woman
at work,
509
00:17:27,713 --> 00:17:29,179
But then around thad--
510
00:17:29,181 --> 00:17:30,547
- What?
What about thad?
511
00:17:30,549 --> 00:17:32,249
- I just don't like the way
he treats you.
512
00:17:32,251 --> 00:17:33,717
- What are you talking about?
513
00:17:33,719 --> 00:17:34,851
- A little subservient?
514
00:17:34,853 --> 00:17:36,953
You can't let men get away
with that.
515
00:17:36,955 --> 00:17:40,624
- Girl, i like doing things
for my man.
516
00:17:40,626 --> 00:17:43,193
Lighten up, judge judy.
517
00:17:45,164 --> 00:17:48,065
- Amazon is promising us
the home page for three days.
518
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:50,734
We're also providing free
interactive study guides
519
00:17:50,736 --> 00:17:52,002
To every high school.
520
00:17:52,004 --> 00:17:53,904
- Well, love the art,
521
00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:55,472
But we're going to need
a better hook
522
00:17:55,474 --> 00:17:57,541
If you want us to market these.
523
00:17:57,543 --> 00:18:01,778
What if we got a world-class
author from our own stable
524
00:18:01,780 --> 00:18:05,782
To write the intros
to the austen books?
525
00:18:05,784 --> 00:18:08,218
- Jennifer weiner's book
drops next month,
526
00:18:08,220 --> 00:18:11,955
And i happen to know
she loves austen.
527
00:18:11,957 --> 00:18:13,156
- Perfect.
528
00:18:13,158 --> 00:18:14,858
[muffled]
- ♪ ass, titties ♪
529
00:18:14,860 --> 00:18:16,426
♪ ass and titties ♪
530
00:18:16,428 --> 00:18:18,428
- All right, who's the gangster?
531
00:18:18,430 --> 00:18:20,230
- ♪ ass and titties ♪
532
00:18:20,232 --> 00:18:21,298
♪ ass, titties ♪
533
00:18:21,300 --> 00:18:23,233
- Are you serious?
534
00:18:23,235 --> 00:18:25,702
- ♪ ass, ass,
titties, titties ♪
535
00:18:25,704 --> 00:18:26,336
- Get out!
536
00:18:26,338 --> 00:18:30,173
- Sorry.
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
537
00:18:30,175 --> 00:18:32,209
- ♪ come on, ho ♪
538
00:18:32,211 --> 00:18:33,777
- Oh, my god,
what is happening?
539
00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:34,945
Give me that.
- I have no idea.
540
00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:37,714
Somebody's been messing
with my phone.
541
00:18:37,716 --> 00:18:38,248
- Hmm.
542
00:18:38,250 --> 00:18:40,250
Looks like you have a date
tonight
543
00:18:40,252 --> 00:18:42,352
With josh.
544
00:18:42,354 --> 00:18:44,421
And josh is cute.
545
00:18:44,423 --> 00:18:45,856
Where is he taking you?
546
00:18:45,858 --> 00:18:46,957
- Uh, no, i can't.
547
00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:48,625
Trout pout has me buried
with work.
548
00:18:48,627 --> 00:18:50,260
- Liza, are you crazy?
549
00:18:50,262 --> 00:18:51,761
We're only in our 20s once.
550
00:18:51,763 --> 00:18:53,597
- I know, you're right.
It's true.
551
00:18:53,599 --> 00:18:54,564
- Well, you got to live it.
552
00:18:54,566 --> 00:18:56,933
Before you know it,
you're gonna be in your 40s,
553
00:18:56,935 --> 00:18:58,201
Living in a house in the suburbs
554
00:18:58,203 --> 00:19:00,737
With a husband who watches tv
all night
555
00:19:00,739 --> 00:19:03,473
While you're in your bathtub,
spritzing your shower hose
556
00:19:03,475 --> 00:19:05,509
On our special place.
557
00:19:06,378 --> 00:19:08,278
- I think they call it a wand.
558
00:19:10,549 --> 00:19:11,314
[sighs]
559
00:19:11,316 --> 00:19:12,949
Help me with my makeup.
560
00:19:12,951 --> 00:19:14,184
- Yes.
561
00:19:20,192 --> 00:19:21,791
- ♪ ah, ooh ♪
562
00:19:21,793 --> 00:19:24,027
[laid-black bluesy music]
563
00:19:24,029 --> 00:19:29,366
♪ ah, ooh,
ah, ooh ♪
564
00:19:29,368 --> 00:19:32,669
♪ i lost everything ♪
565
00:19:32,671 --> 00:19:35,272
[cell phone ringing]
566
00:19:38,443 --> 00:19:40,544
- Caitlin, hey.
Is everything okay?
567
00:19:40,546 --> 00:19:42,245
- Mom, where have you been?
568
00:19:42,247 --> 00:19:43,380
You haven't called in a week.
569
00:19:43,382 --> 00:19:45,448
- I was trying to give you
your space.
570
00:19:45,450 --> 00:19:47,584
- Well, i didn't mean for you
to ignore me.
571
00:19:47,586 --> 00:19:51,054
- I'm sorry.
How's mumbai?
572
00:19:51,056 --> 00:19:52,389
- I miss home,
573
00:19:52,391 --> 00:19:53,657
And i miss you, mom.
574
00:19:53,659 --> 00:19:54,758
Please don't sell the house.
575
00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:56,760
- Don't worry.
We'll find another.
576
00:19:56,762 --> 00:19:57,928
- It's just all hitting me.
577
00:19:57,930 --> 00:19:58,929
You know, you and dad,
578
00:19:58,931 --> 00:20:02,132
And it's just so sad, and...
579
00:20:02,134 --> 00:20:03,333
I hate curry.
580
00:20:03,335 --> 00:20:05,235
- It's gonna be okay.
581
00:20:05,237 --> 00:20:06,770
I promise.
582
00:20:06,772 --> 00:20:09,239
- I want to come home.
583
00:20:09,241 --> 00:20:11,441
- Then come home.
584
00:20:11,443 --> 00:20:12,442
Come home, honey.
585
00:20:12,444 --> 00:20:14,678
- Where will we live?
586
00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:16,313
- We'll figure it out.
587
00:20:16,315 --> 00:20:17,514
I love you, honey.
588
00:20:17,516 --> 00:20:19,449
I'll call you tomorrow, okay?
589
00:20:22,354 --> 00:20:23,687
[sighs]
590
00:20:23,689 --> 00:20:25,155
[door clicks open]
591
00:20:26,692 --> 00:20:27,591
- Hey!
592
00:20:27,593 --> 00:20:29,392
Scaredy-cat!
593
00:20:29,394 --> 00:20:30,827
Where you going?
594
00:20:33,031 --> 00:20:36,600
- Just coming to meet you.
595
00:20:37,803 --> 00:20:39,302
- ♪ feeling all right ♪
596
00:20:39,304 --> 00:20:41,738
[upbeat music]
597
00:20:41,740 --> 00:20:44,741
♪ i'm not feeling too good
myself ♪
598
00:20:44,743 --> 00:20:47,711
♪ ♪
599
00:20:47,713 --> 00:20:50,247
♪ feeling all right ♪
41496
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