Original subtitles

Hey, attaboy! Had a voyage, eh there?

Who is my good little vibe receiver? You are, you are.

You're better than Otro Cinco, that's for sure.

All right, now: it's 4th and Long, T-dog. We need you, baby, it's hero time. You ready?

Give me some paw, all right or not.

Ready? Break!

Down ! Set ! Listen yay !

Listen yay! Check five, check five!

Hut! Hut! Hike ! - [barks]

There goes Lattimer! Lattimer feeds back!

He banks right, he banks left, he fires !

Aww...

- Ahh... - [barks]

Trailer! That's... how are you gonna explain that to Artie? Huh?

Do you hear that?

- What, Myka?

Pitter-patter of rain on the Warehouse roof. No pings, no drama...

Ahh... best rainy day ever.

Claudia!

And here comes the thunderstorm

How many times have I told you

that the Warehouse is not your personal parking garage?

Come on, Artie, give me a break. I just washed this bad girl yesterday.

Not my problem! What... what are you doing in there?

- Playing. - With what?

Toyota's end-tune system.

- It's up-tastic. - Ok, show me.

Hmm. Impressive.

- Clang, yeah... - No damaging!

Oh no... I can hear Artie now: "Pete!"

"Don't play ball in the house! You'll put someone's eye out!"

Or... maybe that was my Mom.

Trailer! Hey. Hey, bud! What'd you get there?

- Where'd you get this? - [yelps]

Man, how many things did that football knock over.

"Conceptual model. For display purposes only. Do not activate".

Ominous, but intriguing.

We're not allowed to play with artifacts, so let's...

- ...let's put this baby back where we found it. What do you say? - [yaffs]

- [barks] - It takes a steady hand...

...to put it back where it belongs. Bingo!

- Where's the steal, my friend? He-he... - [whines]

Okay, kid. Get back to it, get back.

Jules Verne, eat your heart out...

Damn. We should sell these things.

Make enough money to put it in a gym around here.

Okay, okay. Now that is cool.

Ok, a little less cool. A little more [...] what the hell d'you do.

All right, let's go.

Okay, um... game's over, Charlie. Come away, come away. Let's find Artie!

Well, it wasn't my fault, I was with you!

Claudia, what's happening ?!

No idea,but apparently it's not Claudia's fault.

I suggest we TAKE COVER!!

Well, this is certainly a new look.

Steampunky, metallic, and talk about slimming.

- Um, Artie, what just happened ? - I'm gonna guess an artifact has triggered.

Yea-yes, but I wonder, who triggered it.

It wasn't me! It wasn't me, I swear!

I begged Trailer not to fox with that old-timey box.

- Bad Trailer! - [growls]

Oh, like "what, so the dog ate your homework in..."

Wait a minute, what box?

Um... t-th-he one with that steampunky diorama inside, and... Hey!

Artie, if that was an "old science project" years, I give you an A++.

Diorama? Oh...

- You didn't... - Didn't what, Artie?

What did Pete not do that we all know he did?

This is the brainchild of Thomas Alva Edison, Nikola Tesla and M.C.Escher.

Welcome... to the Original Warehouse 13!

Artie, how is this the original Warehouse 13?

I-i thought the original burned down over a century ago.

Yeah, this is what it looked like before the fire.

Only m...more 3D.

Transforms a third dimension? Times have changed since you were a kid.

Um...so does this mean we're inside the diorama now ?

Well, man, I'm still trying to wash the Ghoul stinky

off my favorite T-sh from the last time I got sucked into an artifact.

Why are you always been sucked into anything, Pete.

The Warehouse and everything in it, present company included,

has been transformed into a massive two-dimensional scale model.

What? No, I know you didn't do it, Trailer.

Alright, when the Regents hired Thomas Edison, Nikola Tesla and M.C.Esher

to design Warehouse 13 the first time...

...they asked for a proof-of-concept.

- [barks] - T-T-Trailer, I know!

Well, what they got

was an elaborate mechanized diorama showcasing their plans for the Warehouse.

And when somebody, not Trailer, activated that model,

Warehouse 13 1.0 superimposed itself on the current OS.

God, when did I start sounding like Fargo?

And if we don't reboot it back...

... the instruction '2D' will be the least of our problems.

Okay. So, if we just neutralize the thing, then... this all goes back to normal.

- Right? - Precisely.

But first we have to find it.

Pete, what aisle was the model in?

Umm... the... middle one? Look, I don't know!

How do they not all look the same to you, people?

Okay, you were with Trailer, right?

- He can show us, which one. - [barks]

Alright, fine. Lina, take Trailer, find the model.

Bring it back to my off...

- [barks] - Ooh, an earthquake, extra shaky!

The dogs have sense of seismic activity.

You were trying to tell me something, what's your point? Good Trailer.

What caused it?

- Claudia, periscope! - Aye-aye, Captain!

What am looking for?

- The Anubis Shrine. - Right!

- What's an Anubis Shrine? - The pyramid!

The pyramid, do you see the pyramid?

- Hello, glowy and pointy. - Let me see that.

Oh, oh, that's bad. That's very bad.

What, more bad? Exactly, how much bad does this place have?

The first Warehouse 13 was powered by three different energy sources.

Hydroelectricity, wind power, and seismic force.

Each of which was generated by an artifact.

You mean, like a pyramid that causes earthquakes?

Yes, triggering the diorama must have brought it back online.

- That's... going to be a problem. - A big one.

Those power sources were incredibly unstable.

That's why all three were taken offline decades ago.

Artie... if one's been activated, so will the other two. And soon.

Left unchecked, any of them could destroy the Warehouse.

How much, shut it down?

Does the pyramid come with an on-off switch?

The Anubis Shrine harnesses the vibrations of green Moldavite crystals

and converts them into energy, but in order to function properly...

...those crystals must be carefully balanced.

- And if they're not...? - More bad.

Mmm...yeah. Imagine an 11 point low on the Richter scale, and then... multiply it by 10.

A 110 point'o? What?!

Leena, there's no way that you'll get to the artifact in time.

We must shut that parable down.

- Do you...? - I'm on it.

- Take Trailer. Collective ouch for you. - [barks]

What? Trust me!

- Mighty long walk to that pyramid... - Who said anything about walking?

Trailer, just don't get your tongue caught on another artifact! - [barks]

Wait, w-w-wait, what do you mean "nothing works"?

- What, even a computer? - It looks like any technology,

hardwired to the warehouse got disconnected when this place was transformed.

So no. Not even.

Damn! So no cable TV either.

Plus, how are we supposed to figure out a way to reverse artifact

without the artifact database?

Try old-fashioned way: Pete-manual, manual-Pete

- About timing to got acquainted. - I hate blind dates.

Not a blind date, it's an arranged marriage. Now, read! I'll check in with the others.

Yes, Dad, we're exactly where we're supposed to be.

Remember, you need to balance those crystals to prevent any more tremors, and

if their alignment is out by so much as I hear...

Um, I think I can align a crystal. I've played Bejeweled.

Don't dawdle, keep me posted. [...] when you're done there...

Find the artifact, bring it to your office. Goodbye Artie...

Well, you heard the man. Better put some more giddyup in our Yeah!

Oh, this could be dangerous. One of us should stay out here, just in case.

I've got the cavalry on speed-dial. Just... keep your head down.

- We will. Come on, Trailer. - [barks]

Pete is so buying us dinner for this. But where'd it go?

Oh, I know. I knew Rib's Joint none of though. Now, how to get there?

- I don't see a door, do you? - [barks]

Oh... thanks for getting me past the velvet rope, Trailer.

It's starting again! This way, hurry!

The crystals must be inside that sarcophagus.

Now we just have to get to it.

Come on, Trailer. Here it goes... Ahhh!

Tear your heart out, Indiana Jones

No-no-no, this is all wrong.

Staying balanced... staying balanced.

Here!

That's better.

Good news: Team Warehouse - one, pyramid - zilch.

Don't uncork the champagne yet.

Remember how I said - it was only a matter of time

before the other energy sources come back online?

Time's up.

O-Okay, I did not know that...

... or-or-or that... or THAT!!

Thank God, I thought those alarms would never stop.

Any luck finding a way to clean up your mess and turn us back to normal?

Oh, well, no. No-not yet, but...

...ah! did you know that M.C. Escher designed the first

Warehouse 13 to fold in on itself?

Aha! Yeah, dude was bug nuts.

Someone called for a taxi?

- That's not annoying. - Not as annoying as the entire Warehouse

going haywire because we still have to neutralize that model.

- Leena and Trailer went to get it. - Well, they need to get it faster.

- Artie, what's going on? - The other two power sources

from the original Warehouse are back online and wreaking havoc,

and if we don't shut them down immediately...

Warehouse go boom! Yeah, we know.

Once inside the neutralizer processing center...

- The Gooery? - Yeah.

The other is Cervante's window.

Artie, those are on opposite sides of the Warehouse.

- It'll be faster if we split up. - Yeah, agreed!

You two take the windmill, we'll take the Gooery. Good luck!

- C'mon, Pete! The clock's tickin'!

Ahh, just when the manual is starting to get interesting.

Uhh, smells like rotten crayons, eww...

No, crayons don't go bad...

Well... well, they do, but they 're not... not like that.

In 1979 actually there was a banana mania that almost brought down...

- Artie, maybe later? - Okay.

You shot the first Warehouse continuous hydroelectricity,

so why is the goo-machine freaking out?

Because in the original design this was the location of the hydroelectric generator.

So, now the things have gotten off.

- Kludgy the Gooery is what, overcompensating? - Precisely.

You have to shut it down before it floods the Warehouse.

First you have to figure out how to get down there.

What about that thing?

Administrating since Iran-contras, but I suppose I could give it a...

Not you, me!

Here! Just... don't get it all gooey.

Remember you need to close that valve, and then ...

Relax, grumps, I've got this! I've been diving since...

Well, I've never been diving, but like all things,

I'm sure I'm good at it! Easy-peasy.

Keep going, you're almost the...!

THAT is not a good sound.

- Claudia, behind you! - And that folks, is how...

Aahh! ARTIEE !!

HEEELP!!

ARTIEE!! ARTIIEE, HELP!! ARTIIEE!!

- ARTIE! STOP THIS CRAZY THIING! - Claudia!

Claudia, HANG ON!

- YAAAY! Then this is over, I'm signing up for diving lessons...

Watch something, something to go as he [...]

The pressure's building, something must be coming... Oh no!

Hang on ! Come on, come on, reverse the pressure... reversing...

No, no, NO !!

Damn it, not now! Hold on, Claudia!

Ah! To reverse the flow of the drainage system...

I can't do that without the electri...

Oh! Hello...

This... is how it felt... for Augustus Gloop... [character from Charlie & The Chocolate Factory]

Please, work.

Yes!

Claudia! Oh, God...

Easy... peasy...

Huh... that's strange.

Pete, listen: we've got to shut down that other power source... NOW.

Oh, hey, Mykes!

Ask me, which Warehouse snagged, bagged and tagged Miguel de Cervantes's windmill?

Which Warehouse snagged, bagged and tagged Miguel de Cervantes's widmill, Pete?

Oh, let me tell you, Mykes! That would be Warehouse 10.

Look at you - reading the manual...

- So what else did you find out? - Ah, just the part about the windmill.

- Thought it might come in handy. - You think? Let's go!

Attaboy, Trailer. Find the diorama.

- [barks] - I smell it, too. Something's burning.

Oh my gosh, that's coming from aisle YC2112.

Please tell me the artifact isn't in the section.

[barks]

Of course it is.

Well, I'd say this merits a celebratory sing-along "We Are The Champions".

- I'll take the harmony. - Sh-shh...

- Feel that? - Feel w-what ? What are we feeling?

That heat.

The temperature here is increased by several degrees over the past few minutes.

Maybe you're just going through the change?

Manopause hot-flashes are common in a guy your age.

You know, if you ever want to get to be my age, you better just stop.

Did you figure out which aisle the diorama is in?

Yes. It's in YYC-2112, but everything around is on fire.

On fi... of course it is! I should have known this would happen.

- And what happened? - I'll explain after we pick you up.

Man-o-pause? Let me see him.

- Hey, did you see that ? - See what?

Fire, down in the stats!

Ar-are you sure? Maybe it was just an artifact getting its groove on.

I mean, you know how nutty things can be out there.

- I guess...

- Well, blow me down! There's our target. - Wow!

Okay, so here's what I'm thinking:

we touch down at safe distance away from the windmill,

make our way to the next aisle over, and... wow!

I got a plan. Follow my lead!

- Wait! Pete! What are you doing?! - Yeeee... !

Okay, so: according to the manual...

- Did...did I mention I read the manual? - Pete!

All right. Anyway, there's a bunch of gears inside that thing.

All we got to do is come up the works,

and that should take the wind out of those sails!

- Oh, is that all? - Don't worry!

I believe I've proven pretty conclusively that I can gum up

- anything I set my mind to. - True!

First, I have to figure out how to get past that... Awww! That left a mark!

Hey, look out!

- This wind is getting stronger! - Allright, grab hold of something, quick!

We need a way to [...] OR SOMETHING!!

Or-or maybe an artifact! Just wait here!

- Where the hell are you going? - Just... be right back! Probably...

Oh-God-oh-God-oh-God-oh-God! OH GOOOOD !!!

- Gotcha! - Pete, thank God! Wait...

- We're not getting blown away, how did you...? - Increase density?

Courtesy of mr. Charles Atlas's workout trunks. [a famous bodybulider]

God, did you remind me why I switched to boxers?

The boys can't breathe at all!

Well they can hold their breath for a few more minutes! Now can you please...

-... get us inside the windmill? - Hang on!

- Ehhh... Aww! - What's wrong?

Artifact downside. Thinking maybe I shouldn't crank the density all the way to 11.

Wait! The trunks don't just increase the person's density,

they also increase strength! Right?

- Yeah, so? - So, how's your arm?

Ah, well, they didn't call me Dr. Kay literally for nothing, but...

- Throw me. -Say what? - Throw me!

Throw me! Right down the mill!

Mykes, do you know what those giant blades will do if I miss?

Then don't miss! Just do it, Pete, I trust you!

- Okay? - Okay, you said it, I didn't!

Gotta stop those gear somehow... Wait, is that...?

Oh my God, it is! Don Quixote's lance !

"Fortune is guiding our affairs better than we ourselves could have wished."

Huh! So nice toss there, Dr. Kay.

Thanks. So, look, um... I'm...

...not totally comfortable asking you this, Mykes, but, um...

... can you help me take off my undies?

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how I went from zero...

- ...to hero! - Okay, okay.

Now can you just please call Artie and tell him that...

[both coughing heavily]

- What? - It's com... it's coming from the vents!

We need to go to the Lehmann Fornax right now. Get in!

Is that there all that smoke is coming from?

Where there's smoke, there's fire, and if we do not contain it fast...

...a second Warehouse 13 is gonna burn down.

Take the next right, the Lehmann Fornax is just around the corner.

OKay. More weirdness.

- We must have made wrong turn. - Wth the Prius'es navigation system?

Don't even play.

Alright, then why is there wall here when there's supposed to be a door?

Because what's on the other side of it didn't exist in the original version.

Inge Lehmann discovered the Earth superheated core

AFTER the original Warehouse 13 went down.

Which means Edison, Tesla, and Usher would never have thought to use it as a power source.

So [...] diorama downgraded the Warehouse from 4G to dial-up.

Fornax got disconnected just like the computer system.

But the vent to the center of the Earth is still open...

And still active.

We've got to get through this wall before this place explodes.

Aisle UNT8441, you're looking for an oversized pepper mill.

Meantime Leena and I will try putting out fires, literally.

Shotgun! Here, pepermill... nope!

Nope! Not back there.

- Any luck, Mykes? - None.

- Claud? - Yeah, I'll bet.

Maybe there's something else we can use instead.

- Yeah, like John Henry's sledgehammer. - Keep looking.

Wow.

- The vibe? - Mensa.

I'm guessing... it might have something to do with that.

Uh-oh...

I... think we just found our sledgehammer.

What is he doing with the Lumiere brothers' cinematograph?

One side, coming through!

- Well, that's one way to do it. - Okay. So now what?

We get in there, we act fast, we get out and we do it as a team. Everybody ready?

- Ready! - Ready! [...] way. - [barks]

Let's go save the Warehouse. Again.

Weeell, this is another fine mess.

Alright, people. The fate of the Warehouse is in our hands.

We've got to stabilize the temperature in here before this whole place goes up in flames.

Oh yes, because it's just so simple to stabilize the temperature inside the Earth's core.

Wait. The Fornax is the furnace that heats the Warehouse.

We can find a way to reconnect it, we should be able to control the thermostat.

Excellent idea! But, in the meantime there's still a lot of fires to be containing.

- Ok, Trailer and I will take care of it. Right, boy ? - [barks]

Claudia, you and I will prep the coolant system. If it's not ready...

- ... the second we're back online... - We all end up extra crispy. Understood!

Pete, Myka, you'll have to re-establish the connection

- between the Fornax and the Warehouse. - Okay.

Where do we do that?

Yeah, I should've worn my work shoes...

Whew! Yeah, this steam is gonna wreak havoc my pores.

Those ducts, tha-that's gotta be the problem, right there!

Oh, I'd say our problems are way bigger than that.

- How's it coming? - Coming, stop asking.

I'm just saying, we have a very small but significant window of...

- Did... we do that? - I don't know what did that

- Okay. Now you're scaring me. - You and me both.

- Attaboy, keep spraying! - [barks]

Pete there's another one of these across-the catwalks.

Just get over there and start cranking.

Whoa, boy! Feet, don't fail me now! Hyaaah!

- Ready? On three! - One! Two! THREE!!

It's working! Keep turning!

- Now! Claudia, now! - I'm right here! Stop yelling!

Victoryy!

Nice work everyone. You did it!

Fantastic!

- Now can we please just neutralize the stupid artifact? - God, yes, by all means.

O-o-oh! Maaajor vibe-age. Ah! Correction: uber major vibe-age!

- Aahhh! - Okay. Better buckle up, guys.

Something tells me this ride's about to get a wee bit bumpy.

My God! The Warehouse is folding itself up.

This is all M.C. freakin' Esher's fault!

I told you that guy was bug nuts!

Flattened by a giant M.C.Esher's version of the Warehouse.

Yet another way I'd never thought I'd be killed.

Really? I actually kinda pictured something like this.

No one is getting killed! We're gonna find that stupid diorama,

we're gonna neutralize the hell out of it!

Everybody into the car, quickly!

- We need to get back to aisle YYC2112. - Entering coordinates...

Destination locked and loaded. Hang on!

Claudia, look out!

Take the next left!

If we cut through [...] 84C, we can double back past the Dark Vault!

- Or get sucked into it! - Cross'em if you got'em!

Brake! Brake! BRAKE!!

- Back! Back! BACK!! - I'm backing, I'm backing!

- Ah! We're stuck... - Oh ye of little faith!

Whoo...

...oaaah!

There it is!

Go, go, go!

[barks]

- Over here! - Pete, did you break the Inka Vase...

Artie, you can yell at me later, okay? Come on!

Look! The diorama!

- Shut it off, shut it off! - What's it look like I'm doing?

Whoa! Huh! Ha-ha... Oh, yeah!

- Nice... okay... - All right...

All right!

- Let's not do that again. - Yes, let's not... do that... again.

-[barks] - It's alright, it's alright, I forgive you.

Okay, look - now that we're 3-dimensional again, I really want to get back to my book.

Oh yeah, and I have inventory to finish up.

- Lift, Claud? - Next stop, Artie's office.

- Hey Pete, you coming? - No thanks, me and T-dog

have a Super Bowl win here.

Aw, aw, aw, aw!

- Take it... outside! - Yes, papa.

- [barks] - Alright, alright!

- Hooah! - Stay outta trouble!

- Touchdown! - [barks]

Worst rainy day ever. Come on, Trailer.