All language subtitles for The.Office.(US).S04E05.Local.Ad.720p.WEB-DL.X265

Yeah. Everything. It's all good.
It's all good. Phyllis.

Dancing babies.

Dancing babies.
I love it. I love it.

We are making a commercial
for Dunder Mifflin today,

our first ad ever.

Corporate purchased some
airtime in local markets

to spread the word
about Dunder Mifflin Infinity,

and they are even sending up
a professional ad company

to help us make it later.
So it's not too shabby.

Best ad ever?

Give me a break,
give me a break

Break me off
a piece of that

I am totally blanking.
What is the thing?

Nobody tell him.

What?
No. Why?

You got it.
You're so close.

Break me off
a piece of that

Applesauce

"Break me off a piece of that
applesauce." I don't think so.

A piece of that
Chrysler car

Nope.

Football cream

Okay.
It's football cream.

It's football cream. All
right, so, anybody else?

I'm taking a computer animation
class, so I can try to do a logo.

Look at that.

Even the receptionist is getting in on
the creativity. Very good. Very good.

Hello. Hello.

Hey. How you doing?
Michael Scott.

Hey, Michael.
Regional manager.

Hi, Michael. Nice to meet you.
Excited to talk ideas.

Us, too, man.
You know what,

I want this to be cutting edge.
I want it to be fast.

Quick cuts, you know?
Youthful, sort of a

MTV-on-crack
kind of thing.

That sounds great.

All right. Good. Well, this
is what we have to work with.

I would like you to meet
Andrew Bernard, the Nard Dog.

Who let
the Nard dog out?

He gives the best back
rubs in the office.

That's true, I give a mean back rub.
Also do good aromatherapy.

You just got
Nard-dogged!

Now, this gentleman right here
is the key to our urban vibe.

Urban? I grew up
in a small town.

What about me
seems urban to you?

Stanley is hilarious.

Phyllis is like
our Mrs. Butterworth.

Kind of a less
urban Aunt Jemima.

These are our accountants.

And as you can see, they
are very different sizes.

What you might
want to do is kind of

a Papa Bear, Mama Bear,
Baby Bear thing.

That might be
kind of fun.

Mama Bear.

Who else?

I think it's great that the
company's making a commercial,

because not very many
people have heard of us.

I mean, when I tell people
that I work at Dunder Mifflin,

they think that we sell mufflers
or muffins or mittens or...

And frankly all of those sound better
than paper, so I let it slide.

You playing
that game again?

Second Life is not a game. It is a
multi-user virtual environment.

It doesn't have
points or scores.

It doesn't have
winners or losers.

Oh, it has losers.

I signed up for Second
Life about a year ago.

Back then, my life was so great that
I literally wanted a second one.

In my second life,
I was also a paper salesman

and I was also
named Dwight.

Absolutely everything
was the same.

Except I could fly.

Little girl in a field
holding a flower.

We zoom back to find
that she's in the desert

and the field
is an oasis.

We zoom
back further,

the desert is a sandbox in the
world's largest resort hotel.

Zoom back further, the hotel
is actually the playground

of the world's
largest prison.

But we zoom back further...
Okay,

I can tell that your
time is valuable...

Actually,

I don't get paid by the hour
anymore, but thank you.

I get paid
by the year.

So... That all sounds
really, really ambitious.

Yeah. I know.

Why don't we show you what we
did with the Nashua branch?

Mmm...

Okay.

That's what Nashua
came up with?

That sucks. Wow.

That's what we
came up with.

Well, we can do
better than that.

Well, the main part of the ad
has to stay the same, actually.

Yeah, it's the last five seconds
where we have some leeway.

The waving?

Well, no, no. You don't have to be waving.
That was just what they did.

You guys can
be clapping

or sitting, standing
outside, inside, whatever.

And this is where you
really get to be creative.

I need some advice. I've been spending a
lot of time making out with Angela lately.

We've been necking.
But only necking. Right?

Not actually
kissing our mouths.

Just neck on neck.

It's just like rubbinglnuzzling
our necks together.

It's hot. I'm not gonna lie to
you, but it's a little weird.

But you seem like
a guy with answers.

So how do I fast track
this, get to first base?

We cannot
talk about this,

because someone
might hear us.

We'll use code names.

Angela can stay the same, but
we'll change Andy to Dwight.

That's not
different enough.

Dwike?

You have a call
from Eddie Murphy.

Hello.

MICHAEL IMITATING EDDIE MURPHY Shrek.
Shrek. I'm a donkey.

I'm a donkey, Shrek.

I'm just kidding.
It's me. Hello, Ry.

What?
Okay, calm down.

I just have
a small problem.

I told you not to call
about small problems.

Yeah. Well, when I call
about big problems,

you don't like that either,
so make up your mind, kiddo.

Here is the deal, the ad guys that you
sent are locking me in a creative box

and sort of
ignoring my ideas.

That's good. They're creative.
You're not.

I'm creative, Ryan.

It's not part
of your job.

It's, like,
maybe you can cook,

but that doesn't mean you
should start a restaurant.

Well, actually I can't cook and
I am starting a restaurant,

Mike's Cereal Shack.

I'm thinking we'll have as many
varieties as you can buy in the store.

Okay. I'm not really
interested in that right now.

I'm delegating creativity
to creative professionals.

It's a different
skill set.

Look, I wasn't good at sales, right?
Yeah!

But I'm good at managing
people who do sales.

Are you? I don't think you're
doing such a great job here,

suppressing ideas
and creativity.

All right, let me ask you this. Tell
me if you think this is creative.

When I was five,

I imagined that there was
such a thing as a unicorn.

And this was before I had even
heard of one or seen one.

I just drew
a picture of a horse

that could fly over rainbows and
had a huge spike in its head.

I was five,
five years old.

Couldn't even talk yet.

Hey, guys. You know what? We
cannot shoot this ad today.

Okay, when should we come back?

How about
never-hundred hours, sir?

Wait, we were
sent here to help...

I'm not gonna
argue with this guy.

Let's go.

Good luck, dude.
Hey, thanks.

Thank you.
Thank you.

Michael,
David Wallace.

What is this about
dismissing the ad people?

Yeah. I'm glad you called. Ryan
is being a little bitch again.

I'm on, Michael.

What's up,
my brother?

Listen, David, I would like
to do this ad in-house.

I want to use only the creativity that
we have right here in the office,

and I will send it to
you tomorrow morning.

Take a look at it. If you do not
think that it's ready to air,

send the ad agency
back down here

and we'll do it
on my dime.

This is weird.

I'm willing to stake
my entire reputation on it.

Okay. I'll see
you tomorrow.

Okay.
Okay.

And thus Michael Scott
sealed his own destiny.

In a good way.

Has anyone ever come up to you
and said, "You're not creative"?

Yes.

Well, they're wrong.
You are creative.

You are damn creative,
each and every one of you.

You are so much
more creative

than all of the other dry, boring
morons that you work with.

Who are you talking to,
specifically?

I kind of know what it's
like to be in commercials.

My nickname in high school
used to be Kool-Aid Man.

When I was younger I always wanted
to be an actor in commercials,

then I realized
I had a brain.

I'm excited about doing the ad, but
I'm not really used to doing videos

with so many
people around.

We have three scenes
to film, big scenes.

We have a song to write,
so let's get cracking.

Kelly, I want you
to do makeup.

Oscar, I would like you to do
costume design, obviously.

Phyllis, I'd like you
to look around town

and see if we have any
celebrities in our local area.

Sue Grafton is at
the Steamtown Mall.

She's doing a book
signing right now.

Okay, okay. Phyllis, this
is what I want you to do.

I want you to go down to the mall.
I want you to get in line.

I want you to get her
to be in this commercial.

This would be a huge coup, people.
All right?

Do not take no for an answer.
Okay.

Does anyone actually know
what Sue Grafton looks like?

I mean is she hot, or...

She's crazy hot.

Well, then maybe we should just use
Angela and say she's Sue Grafton.

Would anyone notice?

That's not happening.

I find the mystery
genre disgusting.

I hate being titillated.

Bye, everyone.

Light it up, Phyllis.
Get her, Phyl.

Out of paper, out of stock

Those friendly faces
around the block

Break loose
from the chains

That are causing
you pain

Call Michael and Stanley,
Jim, Dwight, Creed

Call Andy and Kelly
For your business paper needs

Dunder Mifflin

The people person's
paper people

Dunder Mifflin

The people person's
paper people

Time out. Time out.
Time out. I thought...

I was under the impression that
this was going to be a rap.

What's rap?

Okay, Darryl, wow.

You need to learn a lot
about your own culture.

I'll make you a mix.

Great.

News flash. I got some juicy updates
on Operation F'allen Angel.

Remind me to
tell you later.

Hey.

No talk.
I'm animating.

Why don't we take a quick
10-second break from that

so I can show you
what's going on here.

Okay, this is Dwight's Second Life.
He's on it all the time.

So much so that his little guy
here has created his own world.

It's called
Second Second Life

for those people who want to be
removed even further from reality.

Are you serious?
Yeah.

Oh, my God.
He's really in pain.

Who's that?

Oh, it's just my avatar guy.
Whatever.

He looks
a lot like you.

Yeah. How much time did
you spend on that?

Not much. It's just for
tracking Dwight, so...

Right. You're a sports
writer in Philadelphia?

Nice build, too.

Yep.

You have a guitar
slung on your back.

I did not know
you played guitar.

I...

Why don't we go back to the animation?
No, no, no.

I want to see more of Philly Jim.
No, show me how this...

I want Philly Jim.

Show me
how this works.

Oh, boy.

Out of paper,
out of stock

Those friendly faces
around the block

Break loose from the chains

That are causing you pain

Call Michael, Stanley,
Jim, Dwight and Creed

Call Andy and Kelly
for your business paper needs

Call Dunder Mifflin

People person's
paper people

Dunder Mifflin

It's the people
person's paper people

Stop, stop, stop.

This is not me. This is not...
It's not my music.

You're right. It's better than you.
It's us.

Dunder Mifflin

The people person's
paper people

No, no, no. I hate it!
I hate it.

I don't hate it. I just don't like
it at all, and it's terrible.

You're on your own, Mike.

Okay, you know what?
Hold on, hold on, Darryl.

You just said you hated it. No.

You said you hated it.
I said I hate the style.

Break me off a piece
of that lumber tar

Snickers bar

Okay. Wow. Wow.
This looks terrible.

Break me off a piece
of that Grey Poupon

Andy. Andy. This is a
pivotal scene in the ad.

And if we don't get this,
if we don't nail it,

we're gonna lose the whole
triumph of the moment.

The triumph of the will. Now, God, what?
What, Phyllis?

Well, I got in line
to buy Sue Grafton's book

and when it came
to my turn,

I asked her if she wanted to be in the
ad, and she said, "No, thank you."

But I wasn't supposed to
take no for an answer...

Attagirl.
...so I kept on asking,

and they finally threw me out of the
store in front of all my friends.

Okay.

Did you or did you
not get Sue Grafton?

No.

Oh, you're...

Can somebody give her a tissue?
Please?

I hope you're not killing yourself on
this, because I'm sure it's good enough

for Michael's ad that will
probably be seen by no one.

Maybe. But it's not
good enough for me yet.

Okay. Do you want me to stay?

No, no, you can go home.
I'm good.

Pam is staying late tonight
to achieve her dreams,

so I'm pretty
proud of her.

Unfortunately,
she was my ride home.

You coming?

I...

Piss or get
off the pot!

Dunder Mifflin.
This is Pam.

Good morning.

Yeah, I'm sorry. I looked
away for a second,

and Creed snatched
your hash browns.

Thank you.
You're welcome.

I worked until
about 2:45 a.m.,

and then I had to decide if I wanted
to spend the night with Michael

editing in his office and Dwight
watching Michael edit in his office,

or drive home and probably
fall asleep at the wheel

and die in
a fiery car wreck.

I passed out on my
keyboard trying to decide.

Let me pour
you some bubbly,

because somebody got to a
whole new level last night.

Andy, I can't hear
this right now.

No. No. No.
This is good.

You know how we haven't
really gotten anywhere

that I want to get
to physically yet?

Well, last night,
that changed.

We're making out. I'm kissing
her neck and her cheek

and her ear lobe, and she's
not really kissing me back,

but she closes her
eyes and she's like,

"Oh, D. Oh, D."

She called you D?

Yeah.
D for Andy.

Oh, D.

Oh, D.

Oh, D.

Oh, D.

Oh, D!
Oh, D!

Oh, D!
Oh, D!

I'm about to send the ad to corporate.
And it is sent.

They'll probably watch it right away.
I would.

Okay.

Yes? Pam, please clear
my phone lines.

Certainly.

Okay, clear.

They could call
any second now.

Oh, God.

I better call.

Well, it's been tough.

The geniuses at corporate
rejected my commercial,

and tonight they are airing
the brain-dead version.

So welcome
one and all

to the world premiere
of corporate crap fest.

Hey, seemed
like a big hit.

No.
People are stupid.

People like waving.
Waving sells, not art.

The ad we made, our ad,
the real one,

was full of humor and full of depth
and full of heart, and it was real.

Hey, could you do me a favor? Could
you put that in the DVD player?

Hey, everybody, I just
want to welcome you all

to the premiere of the real
Dunder Mifflin commercial.

The Michael Scott director's cut.
Hope you like it.

It all starts
with an idea.

But you can never tell
where an idea will end up.

Because ideas spread.

They change, grow.

They connect us
with the world.

And in a fast-moving world,

where good news moves
at the speed of time,

and bad news isn't
always what it seems.

Because when push
comes to shove,

we all deserve
a second chance

to score.

Dunder Mifflin. Limitless
paper in a paperless world.

Animation, all her, by the way.
Really?

Yeah, I just thought...
The animation was cool.

Thanks.

Hey, listen, you ever been
on a motorcycle because...

Michael, that was fun.

That was fun.

Next round of drinks
is on me, people.

Claude Van Damme

Hair for men

Poison gas, NutraSweet

It's got to rhyme
with "piece."

F'ancy F'east.

Break me off a piece
of that Fancy Feast

It's the cat food.
Nailed it.