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1
00:00:02,197 --> 00:00:03,645
WOMAN: Mummy's here now.
2
00:00:03,725 --> 00:00:06,632
This will all be over in
two shakes of a lamb's tail.
3
00:00:06,660 --> 00:00:08,925
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
4
00:00:09,155 --> 00:00:11,612
Mr K can send as many... (COCKS GUN)
5
00:00:11,631 --> 00:00:13,378
... dollies as he likes.
6
00:00:13,519 --> 00:00:15,509
I'll fix them all.
7
00:00:15,925 --> 00:00:17,725
(EXHALES HEAVILY)
8
00:00:21,561 --> 00:00:23,212
DJ ON CAR RADIO: Yeah, that was
9
00:00:23,223 --> 00:00:26,797
Signed, Sealed, Delivered
by Stevie Wonder.
10
00:00:26,805 --> 00:00:31,805
OK, this next one is going
out to Fran and Jamie.
11
00:00:32,278 --> 00:00:34,257
Oh, my God! They're playing my request.
12
00:00:34,639 --> 00:00:36,339
(SIGHS) Go on, turn it up.
13
00:00:36,610 --> 00:00:39,493
The two of them are
off to bonnie Scotland
14
00:00:39,547 --> 00:00:41,975
to take someone out.
15
00:00:41,987 --> 00:00:44,737
- Well, whatever you've got planned for them...
- What?
16
00:00:44,786 --> 00:00:46,525
... I'm sure they'll enjoy it.
17
00:00:47,666 --> 00:00:49,188
I love a road trip.
18
00:00:50,702 --> 00:00:54,344
We're just a couple of
hot babes cutting loose,
19
00:00:54,531 --> 00:00:56,671
letting the road take
us wheresoe'er it will.
20
00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:58,539
We've got to stay sharp today, Jamie.
21
00:00:58,791 --> 00:01:00,637
This target used to work for Mr K
22
00:01:00,663 --> 00:01:02,639
before she went completely insane.
23
00:01:02,761 --> 00:01:05,816
- Oh, my God. Is it Annie Maddox?
- Yep.
24
00:01:05,838 --> 00:01:09,290
She wiped out an entire family
by drilling holes in their heads.
25
00:01:09,294 --> 00:01:11,172
Not just the family, mate.
She wiped out the family,
26
00:01:11,183 --> 00:01:13,018
the pets, the neighbours
and some poor guy
27
00:01:13,022 --> 00:01:15,050
parked in a Mr Whippy van outside.
28
00:01:15,775 --> 00:01:18,532
Mr K says we have to deal with her
before she goes even more rogue.
29
00:01:19,809 --> 00:01:21,644
(MOBILE PINGS)
30
00:01:24,271 --> 00:01:26,822
I gave you my phone for you to give
me directions. What are you doing?
31
00:01:26,955 --> 00:01:28,572
- Nothing.
- (MOBILE PINGS)
32
00:01:30,593 --> 00:01:32,477
- Er, Fran?
- Mm-hm.
33
00:01:33,389 --> 00:01:34,651
Don't be cross
34
00:01:34,685 --> 00:01:39,403
but I might have signed
you up to a... dating app.
35
00:01:39,666 --> 00:01:42,015
- What?!
- Joao is out of your life.
36
00:01:42,046 --> 00:01:44,075
You're single. You've
got to get back in there.
37
00:01:44,102 --> 00:01:46,256
Apps are the way forward. I'm on one.
38
00:01:46,679 --> 00:01:48,101
I've hooked up with three guys already.
39
00:01:48,125 --> 00:01:50,032
- I thought you were with Colin.
- (GROANS)
40
00:01:50,146 --> 00:01:51,428
I gave him the boot.
41
00:01:51,634 --> 00:01:54,542
You're gonna like this. I've
made you an amazing profile.
42
00:01:54,626 --> 00:01:57,792
- There's a bunch of people interested.
- I bet they're all weirdos.
43
00:01:57,819 --> 00:02:01,094
Somebody did send a picture of
a grave with your name on it but
44
00:02:01,152 --> 00:02:04,908
there are a couple of
really, really cool people.
45
00:02:04,938 --> 00:02:08,054
Er... you might want to look at this.
46
00:02:08,150 --> 00:02:12,086
She loves climbing and animals!
47
00:02:13,707 --> 00:02:15,645
Er, no, I think you
should delete the app.
48
00:02:16,152 --> 00:02:18,730
How are gonna know if she's
responded to your message?
49
00:02:19,077 --> 00:02:21,789
- Have you messaged her?!
- Well, yeah. I just put "Hey."
50
00:02:24,161 --> 00:02:27,063
And I also sent her a picture of
you dressed as the Tin Man at Pride.
51
00:02:27,085 --> 00:02:29,985
Why would you do that? Why
would you send that picture?!
52
00:02:30,205 --> 00:02:32,113
(RATTLING)
53
00:02:34,858 --> 00:02:38,740
When you went to the garage,
did you fill up with petrol...
54
00:02:39,537 --> 00:02:41,662
- ... or diesel?
- Yeah, now,
55
00:02:41,677 --> 00:02:44,312
I couldn't remember what you'd said
56
00:02:44,339 --> 00:02:46,718
so I put in half and half.
57
00:02:48,232 --> 00:02:51,393
- (ENGINE FAILS TO START)
- It's not a fucking shandy, Jamie.
58
00:02:51,634 --> 00:02:53,838
Nah, there's nothing. Nothing.
59
00:02:53,991 --> 00:02:56,454
- Should I call the AA?
- How are you gonna explain all this?
60
00:02:56,484 --> 00:02:57,613
It's not that bad.
61
00:02:59,165 --> 00:03:00,379
Oh, yeah.
62
00:03:06,064 --> 00:03:08,509
- (SIGHS)
- Do you wanna call them or shall I?
63
00:03:12,712 --> 00:03:13,788
Oh, for f...
64
00:03:13,805 --> 00:03:15,500
(TYRES SCREECH)
65
00:03:17,125 --> 00:03:20,096
You just can't get
enough of me, can you?
66
00:03:21,430 --> 00:03:23,365
- Hiya, guys! So...
- Shut up, Charles!
67
00:03:24,527 --> 00:03:28,844
So, you had to call the competition
to bail your asses out again.
68
00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:31,293
We just need a lift to the station
so we can get on with our job.
69
00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:32,685
Sure, we could do that.
70
00:03:32,735 --> 00:03:34,756
Or we could drive you all the way there,
71
00:03:34,786 --> 00:03:36,754
split the hit 50-50.
72
00:03:36,838 --> 00:03:38,565
I hear you got Annie Maddox.
73
00:03:38,581 --> 00:03:40,015
She's worth big money.
74
00:03:40,354 --> 00:03:42,749
- No.
- Suit yourself.
75
00:03:42,981 --> 00:03:44,565
(ENGINE STARTS)
76
00:03:44,881 --> 00:03:46,334
OK, um...
77
00:03:46,787 --> 00:03:48,175
- 80-20.
- Deal.
78
00:03:48,206 --> 00:03:49,941
Ignore him, he's an idiot.
79
00:03:50,395 --> 00:03:52,691
Good luck explaining this to Mr K.
80
00:03:54,327 --> 00:03:56,329
(STAMMERS) OK, 50-50.
81
00:03:58,530 --> 00:03:59,925
40-60?
82
00:04:04,285 --> 00:04:06,764
- Welcome to the fast lane...
- (INHALER RATTLES)
83
00:04:07,137 --> 00:04:09,008
- ... bitch.
- (INHALES DEEPLY)
84
00:04:12,702 --> 00:04:13,999
A few ground rules.
85
00:04:14,060 --> 00:04:15,200
No chewing gum.
86
00:04:15,421 --> 00:04:17,340
I just had the seats reupholstered.
87
00:04:17,473 --> 00:04:18,610
No crying.
88
00:04:18,980 --> 00:04:21,420
If you need to cry,
do it outside the van.
89
00:04:21,569 --> 00:04:25,417
Mostly importantly, nobody
touches the tech but me.
90
00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:26,634
It's military grade
91
00:04:26,759 --> 00:04:30,714
and finely-tuned to respond
to my voice and my voice alone.
92
00:04:30,744 --> 00:04:33,009
- VAN COMPUTER: Ordering Home Alone.
- No!
93
00:04:33,085 --> 00:04:34,569
Obviously not!
94
00:04:34,699 --> 00:04:37,376
(HUFFS) Fucking thing's been acting up.
95
00:04:39,466 --> 00:04:41,942
Give me the target's address,
I'll plug it in to the GPS.
96
00:04:41,972 --> 00:04:44,718
But if I gave you the location,
97
00:04:44,844 --> 00:04:47,273
you'd just sling us out and
take the job yourself, so
98
00:04:47,342 --> 00:04:49,707
- I will direct you.
- Wow.
99
00:04:49,718 --> 00:04:52,403
So this whole super uptight
thing isn't just an act.
100
00:04:52,639 --> 00:04:53,989
This should be fun.
101
00:04:54,588 --> 00:04:56,762
Your van is so much cooler than ours.
102
00:04:57,151 --> 00:04:59,901
You've got carpet, phone charger,
103
00:04:59,927 --> 00:05:01,514
- a bean bag back there.
- Yeah.
104
00:05:01,685 --> 00:05:03,273
- Gun rack.
- Yep.
105
00:05:04,222 --> 00:05:05,839
Is that an espresso machine?
106
00:05:05,850 --> 00:05:09,889
It is indeed. Well spotted. I'm
actually not allowed to use that.
107
00:05:10,068 --> 00:05:12,929
Um, Liz said so. Because
I get quite gassy.
108
00:05:13,024 --> 00:05:15,233
Yeah. One Vanilio capsule
109
00:05:15,275 --> 00:05:17,651
and my arsehole is in tatters.
110
00:05:18,554 --> 00:05:20,165
(MOBILE PINGS)
111
00:05:22,214 --> 00:05:24,304
- Oh, my God, she messaged you back.
- Who?
112
00:05:24,651 --> 00:05:25,952
JAMIE: Nobody. Nobody.
113
00:05:25,971 --> 00:05:29,526
Fran's visa marriage just collapsed
so she signed up to a dating app
114
00:05:29,537 --> 00:05:32,321
and a really cute woman's messaging her.
115
00:05:32,595 --> 00:05:34,948
This should be fun. What did she say?
116
00:05:35,055 --> 00:05:37,191
Well, that's none of your business.
117
00:05:37,340 --> 00:05:38,801
OK, new ground rule.
118
00:05:38,926 --> 00:05:40,578
Everyone has to read out their messages.
119
00:05:40,673 --> 00:05:44,036
- Your application for an overdraft has been den...
- Not you, Charles!
120
00:05:44,296 --> 00:05:47,351
We're not messaging, we're
emoji-ing. Gotta get with the kids.
121
00:05:47,373 --> 00:05:49,334
And she's sent me a thumbs-up
122
00:05:49,369 --> 00:05:51,867
which is massive in my community.
123
00:05:51,897 --> 00:05:54,441
- What a dick.
- You are so in there.
124
00:05:54,468 --> 00:05:56,263
- Do you think?
- Definitely.
125
00:05:56,321 --> 00:05:58,799
- (MOBILE PINGS)
- "What are you up to this weekend?
126
00:05:58,810 --> 00:06:01,400
My flatmate is away so I'm home alone."
127
00:06:01,423 --> 00:06:04,961
- COMPUTER: Ordering Home Alone.
- Jesus Christ! Not again!
128
00:06:04,984 --> 00:06:06,644
Grrrr! (HUFFS CROSSLY)
129
00:06:06,651 --> 00:06:08,444
OK, guys, can I just say something?
130
00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:10,664
I know Liz well and she's
getting really worked up.
131
00:06:10,675 --> 00:06:13,574
So can everyone please
not even say anything
132
00:06:13,585 --> 00:06:15,984
that remotely sounds
a bit like Home Alone?
133
00:06:16,011 --> 00:06:18,513
- COMPUTER: Ordering Home Alone.
- What the fuck?!
134
00:06:19,638 --> 00:06:22,575
- Can we pull over? I think I might need another cry.
- Fuck my life.
135
00:06:27,182 --> 00:06:30,366
I heard Annie Maddox is holed
up in an old school or something.
136
00:06:31,325 --> 00:06:32,418
Maybe.
137
00:06:33,318 --> 00:06:35,045
Guess she really lost it, huh?
138
00:06:37,365 --> 00:06:39,279
(SCOFFS AND CHUCKLES)
139
00:06:39,630 --> 00:06:42,033
Can you at least tell me how
much further till I turn off?
140
00:06:42,048 --> 00:06:45,598
No way. Just stay on the road
until I tell you to come off.
141
00:06:45,934 --> 00:06:48,210
- (COUGHS) Uptight.
- (CHARLES CHATTERS SOFTLY)
142
00:06:49,983 --> 00:06:53,015
So, this is your area
of the van, I'm guessing.
143
00:06:53,034 --> 00:06:56,558
- Yeah, this is my man cave, if you will.
- (BOTH CHUCKLE)
144
00:06:57,019 --> 00:07:00,081
No, it's lovely. Liz even let me
put up some pictures that I've done.
145
00:07:00,234 --> 00:07:02,618
Oh, yeah. Now, who are those people?
146
00:07:02,763 --> 00:07:04,845
These guys are famous impressionists...
147
00:07:04,864 --> 00:07:06,694
- Oh, yeah?
- ... and heroes of mine.
148
00:07:06,709 --> 00:07:10,787
I used to be quite involved in
the whole impression game myself.
149
00:07:10,799 --> 00:07:12,820
- Ah. Wow.
- I used to be pretty handy.
150
00:07:12,846 --> 00:07:16,443
Yeah. We used to have a monthly
comedy night back in Helmand
151
00:07:16,466 --> 00:07:18,156
when I was there as an army nurse.
152
00:07:18,198 --> 00:07:21,397
Um, we used to call it Laugh-ganistan.
153
00:07:22,130 --> 00:07:23,686
(CHUCKLES)
154
00:07:23,885 --> 00:07:25,806
- Laugh... Afghanistan.
- Oh!
155
00:07:25,829 --> 00:07:29,556
- (CHUCKLES) Play on words. Bit of a play on words.
- That's good.
156
00:07:29,637 --> 00:07:33,027
- (LAUGHS)
- No, I seriously considered going pro, actually,
157
00:07:33,054 --> 00:07:36,165
until Liz reminded me, "Look,
you haven't got the talent,
158
00:07:36,245 --> 00:07:37,973
- the ability... "
- The charisma.
159
00:07:37,981 --> 00:07:40,471
The charisma. She kind
of made me realise that
160
00:07:40,505 --> 00:07:42,431
your dreams are a waste of time.
161
00:07:42,705 --> 00:07:44,425
- Great.
- Yeah.
162
00:07:45,402 --> 00:07:46,402
What's up?
163
00:07:47,163 --> 00:07:51,050
Well, we were emoji-ing and
it was all going really well
164
00:07:51,065 --> 00:07:53,896
- and then suddenly she just left the chat.
- Ouch.
165
00:07:54,231 --> 00:07:56,131
- What did you send her?
- I mean,
166
00:07:56,199 --> 00:07:58,400
just the usual, to be honest. Er, I did,
167
00:07:58,423 --> 00:08:01,652
- fox, horse, fox, fox, fox, horse, unicorn.
- (SCOFFS)
168
00:08:02,232 --> 00:08:04,185
- You sent a unicorn?
- Yeah.
169
00:08:04,265 --> 00:08:06,088
- Do you know what that means?
- Wh...
170
00:08:06,405 --> 00:08:08,405
(JAMIE AND CHARLES CHATTER)
171
00:08:09,252 --> 00:08:11,155
- Charles... come on.
- Jamie, I...
172
00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:12,600
- I'm rusty.
- Just one. Go on.
173
00:08:12,623 --> 00:08:15,983
- No, I'm shy. I'm shy. Shy boy.
- (SIGHS) (TUTS)
174
00:08:16,486 --> 00:08:18,546
OK, right, I'll do one.
175
00:08:18,561 --> 00:08:19,930
- OK. (LAUGHS)
- Um...
176
00:08:20,373 --> 00:08:21,585
OK.
177
00:08:23,611 --> 00:08:25,701
(SILLY VOICE) I'm ET.
178
00:08:27,512 --> 00:08:29,617
- Is it ET?
- Yes.
179
00:08:29,945 --> 00:08:33,839
Yeah, good. I don't think
ET ever says, "I'm ET."
180
00:08:34,309 --> 00:08:36,029
It was more kind of um...
181
00:08:36,257 --> 00:08:41,052
(AS ET) I'll be right here.
182
00:08:41,075 --> 00:08:43,367
Oh, Charles, that is brilliant.
183
00:08:43,398 --> 00:08:45,770
- Thank you.
- Is that one of your...
184
00:08:46,117 --> 00:08:48,218
- Yeah?
- One of those classics, yeah.
185
00:08:48,279 --> 00:08:51,125
- I'm famous for that one.
- I'd love to be able to do that.
186
00:08:52,059 --> 00:08:57,059
(AS ET) ET phone home.
187
00:08:57,605 --> 00:09:00,868
- COMPUTER: Ordering Home Alone.
- The fuck, Charles!
188
00:09:01,165 --> 00:09:02,230
Sorry.
189
00:09:02,642 --> 00:09:04,980
- (SOFTLY) You got me in trouble.
- Not my fault.
190
00:09:05,125 --> 00:09:07,125
(TYRES SCREECH)
191
00:09:07,516 --> 00:09:08,896
We'll stay here tonight.
192
00:09:08,904 --> 00:09:11,330
We need to be fresh if
we're gonna take Annie down.
193
00:09:11,365 --> 00:09:14,598
Charles, let's check and
see if they have any rooms.
194
00:09:14,629 --> 00:09:15,629
OK, cool.
195
00:09:16,150 --> 00:09:17,176
Now or... ?
196
00:09:17,195 --> 00:09:18,808
- Andale!
- Yes, mamacita.
197
00:09:24,441 --> 00:09:26,427
- How's it going up here?
- Well,
198
00:09:26,488 --> 00:09:30,103
my dating technique could best
be described as... chilling.
199
00:09:30,115 --> 00:09:33,723
No, I meant with Liz. I
saw you guys chatting away.
200
00:09:33,742 --> 00:09:36,381
- What?
- There's more than a whiff of chemistry.
201
00:09:36,453 --> 00:09:39,340
I have not seen one single
sign that she is into it.
202
00:09:39,371 --> 00:09:40,725
I got us a room.
203
00:09:40,954 --> 00:09:42,094
What?!
204
00:09:43,829 --> 00:09:45,282
The four of us.
205
00:09:46,067 --> 00:09:47,805
Yeah, I mean, obviously er...
206
00:09:48,365 --> 00:09:49,492
all of us.
207
00:09:51,285 --> 00:09:52,925
They only had one left, so...
208
00:09:53,050 --> 00:09:54,873
Well, that makes sense. Yeah.
209
00:09:57,528 --> 00:09:58,695
Get your stuff.
210
00:09:58,996 --> 00:10:01,533
Yeah, I'll see... (CLEARS
THROAT) ... see you in there.
211
00:10:09,966 --> 00:10:13,559
You look like you're gonna be
comfy down there tonight, Charles.
212
00:10:13,881 --> 00:10:15,399
That's good, actually.
213
00:10:15,704 --> 00:10:16,786
(GRUNTS)
214
00:10:17,125 --> 00:10:19,008
- It's nice in here, isn't it?
- Yeah.
215
00:10:19,025 --> 00:10:20,923
- Yeah.
- Not sleeping in the bed?
216
00:10:20,934 --> 00:10:23,481
Basically, me and Liz
have this arrangement
217
00:10:23,493 --> 00:10:26,460
where I let her sleep in the bed
and she lets me sleep on the floor.
218
00:10:26,491 --> 00:10:29,233
- And you're welcome.
- Thank you, I appreciate it.
219
00:10:29,414 --> 00:10:30,432
It's lovely.
220
00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:33,071
- Nice jimjams, Charles.
- Oh, thank you very much. Yeah, paisley.
221
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:38,725
- You wanna take a picture, Fran?
- Yeah, er, actually, I was
222
00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:43,060
taking er... in the tea- and
coffe-making facilities. Yep.
223
00:10:43,644 --> 00:10:45,371
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
224
00:10:45,398 --> 00:10:46,925
It's just one of our weapons guys.
225
00:10:47,267 --> 00:10:48,792
We're running low on ammo.
226
00:10:50,185 --> 00:10:51,786
I'm so sorry I'm late.
227
00:10:52,491 --> 00:10:54,165
I drove as fast as I could.
228
00:10:54,433 --> 00:10:57,499
I've got Ofsted in tomorrow.
Day job's an absolute mare.
229
00:11:00,683 --> 00:11:02,005
(HEAVY THUD)
230
00:11:07,410 --> 00:11:08,905
Forgot I had that in there.
231
00:11:09,465 --> 00:11:10,774
That were lucky.
232
00:11:11,965 --> 00:11:14,096
Naughty little grenade. Huh!
233
00:11:14,832 --> 00:11:17,826
Right, just the two boxes
of the 9-mils then, is it?
234
00:11:17,837 --> 00:11:19,276
Thank you.
235
00:11:19,710 --> 00:11:20,808
Goodbye.
236
00:11:20,938 --> 00:11:23,656
Right, while I've got you, can
I interest you in anything else?
237
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:25,922
I've got a silencer.
238
00:11:26,205 --> 00:11:28,858
Er, I've got... an Uzi.
239
00:11:29,354 --> 00:11:30,565
I've got a mini Uzi.
240
00:11:30,850 --> 00:11:32,272
I've got um...
241
00:11:33,317 --> 00:11:35,079
Michelle Gordon's homework.
242
00:11:36,456 --> 00:11:37,524
Fuck.
243
00:11:38,005 --> 00:11:39,892
And the pièce de resistance:
244
00:11:39,900 --> 00:11:42,874
- some weed brownies.
- Oh, dealing drugs now as well, are you?
245
00:11:42,893 --> 00:11:45,672
You try keeping up with child
support on a teacher's salary.
246
00:11:45,700 --> 00:11:47,751
- I love brownies.
- Might be nice.
247
00:11:47,927 --> 00:11:49,796
Help you chill the fuck out, Fran.
248
00:11:49,815 --> 00:11:51,526
Er, I am actually super chilled.
249
00:11:51,545 --> 00:11:54,429
You spent most of the day
harassing a climbing instructor.
250
00:11:57,847 --> 00:11:59,415
(WHISPERING) Did I
harass the instructor?
251
00:11:59,487 --> 00:12:00,898
(WHISPERING) You were a bit persistent.
252
00:12:01,012 --> 00:12:04,168
Really sorry, but could you just get
off my bed? I'm gonna sleep there.
253
00:12:04,216 --> 00:12:06,786
If that's all right, sorry. Thanks.
254
00:12:09,846 --> 00:12:11,801
There was Alison and Stella
and they both left me.
255
00:12:11,825 --> 00:12:13,327
There was the florist who went off
256
00:12:13,398 --> 00:12:15,663
with the sperm that I had paid for.
257
00:12:15,696 --> 00:12:18,885
Joao is a nice Brazilian barista.
I tried to take care of him.
258
00:12:18,904 --> 00:12:21,498
He moved in, claimed squatters'
rights and evicted me.
259
00:12:21,517 --> 00:12:24,201
And now my credit card statement
looks like RuPaul's wedding list.
260
00:12:24,205 --> 00:12:26,707
Can anyone else see that magical wizard?
261
00:12:29,005 --> 00:12:30,531
It's a good bake.
262
00:12:30,922 --> 00:12:32,357
I feel nothing.
263
00:12:32,590 --> 00:12:35,331
My love-life's been
pretty dormant since...
264
00:12:35,579 --> 00:12:37,043
since Aggie died.
265
00:12:37,138 --> 00:12:39,060
Oh, your partner's died? I'm so sorry.
266
00:12:39,088 --> 00:12:42,901
Yeah. (SIGHS) Right before
her 90th birthday as well.
267
00:12:43,907 --> 00:12:46,061
- She were 90?
- Yeah.
268
00:12:46,147 --> 00:12:47,839
I like a mature woman.
269
00:12:48,357 --> 00:12:49,965
Great memories with her though.
270
00:12:50,097 --> 00:12:51,880
I used to wheel her out into the sun
271
00:12:51,899 --> 00:12:53,878
and sometimes her eyes would open...
272
00:12:56,565 --> 00:12:59,565
- And?
- No, that's it. Her eyes would open.
273
00:13:06,485 --> 00:13:08,688
(SNORING)
274
00:13:09,725 --> 00:13:11,725
(SNORING AND GRUNTING)
275
00:13:13,961 --> 00:13:15,620
Well, he's out cold.
276
00:13:18,410 --> 00:13:21,113
Hey, for what it's worth,
277
00:13:22,285 --> 00:13:24,285
I'm sorry about your divorce.
278
00:13:24,722 --> 00:13:26,204
That sucks.
279
00:13:26,657 --> 00:13:29,184
Yeah. It was just nice having
somebody at the end of the phone,
280
00:13:29,203 --> 00:13:31,067
really, I think.
281
00:13:31,129 --> 00:13:34,128
Although, to be honest, Joao
never answered my calls so...
282
00:13:36,293 --> 00:13:38,315
This job is pretty lonely.
283
00:13:39,044 --> 00:13:40,402
Honestly?
284
00:13:41,561 --> 00:13:44,197
Sometimes I feel like I'm just...
285
00:13:44,485 --> 00:13:46,995
one bad day away
286
00:13:47,110 --> 00:13:49,585
from doing something
really crazy, like...
287
00:13:50,047 --> 00:13:51,763
blowing up a zoo.
288
00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:54,318
Or becoming a Christian.
289
00:13:54,909 --> 00:13:56,645
(MAN SNORES SOFTLY)
290
00:14:01,410 --> 00:14:02,874
Um...
291
00:14:03,446 --> 00:14:06,325
will you go for a drink with me?
292
00:14:09,645 --> 00:14:10,854
Sure?
293
00:14:11,636 --> 00:14:13,353
- Why not?
- (MAN SNORES)
294
00:14:13,467 --> 00:14:15,202
- Really?
- No! (LAUGHS)
295
00:14:15,212 --> 00:14:17,896
- Oh, fuck's sake.
- Serious?! (SNORTS)
296
00:14:19,205 --> 00:14:21,433
Fran! I'm fucking with you.
297
00:14:21,529 --> 00:14:23,163
Of course I'll get that drink with you.
298
00:14:23,178 --> 00:14:27,245
Why do you have to be such a
monumental dick... all the time?
299
00:14:27,268 --> 00:14:28,746
That's just my way.
300
00:14:29,645 --> 00:14:31,565
Let me give you my personal number.
301
00:14:32,169 --> 00:14:34,339
Oh, er... here.
302
00:14:36,485 --> 00:14:38,365
(MAN SNORES)
303
00:14:43,387 --> 00:14:46,757
Let me drop you a line sometime.
304
00:14:47,415 --> 00:14:49,325
(SNORING CONTINUES)
305
00:14:53,525 --> 00:14:55,805
- (GRUNTS SLEEPILY)
- Oh, er, fuck.
306
00:14:55,839 --> 00:14:57,316
- Right. I've gotta go.
- Big day tomorrow!
307
00:14:57,321 --> 00:14:58,685
- Yeah.
- (CLEARS THROAT)
308
00:14:58,725 --> 00:15:00,845
(BIRDSONG)
309
00:15:00,925 --> 00:15:02,885
(MOBILE BUZZES)
310
00:15:08,085 --> 00:15:09,626
(GROANS)
311
00:15:13,485 --> 00:15:14,942
(WHISPERING): Jamie.
312
00:15:16,245 --> 00:15:19,028
Mr K. Hi.
313
00:15:19,495 --> 00:15:23,285
Yeah, no, we are... we are just
approaching the target right now.
314
00:15:27,285 --> 00:15:29,296
(SOFTLY) Jamie. Jamie!
315
00:15:29,344 --> 00:15:30,828
Liz and Charles have gone!
316
00:15:30,851 --> 00:15:33,230
- (GRUNTS) What?
- Mr K, hi, er... Uh, i... u...
317
00:15:33,245 --> 00:15:36,245
I'm so sorry. I just...
(IMITATES DISTORTED SPEECH)
318
00:15:36,325 --> 00:15:37,965
... eaking up.
319
00:15:38,045 --> 00:15:40,085
They are nicking our job.
They're nicking our job.
320
00:15:40,195 --> 00:15:42,312
(MUMBLES) Liz and Charles
321
00:15:42,365 --> 00:15:44,805
don't actually know the
address so it doesn't...
322
00:15:45,420 --> 00:15:47,832
This is my fault. She asked for my phone
323
00:15:47,841 --> 00:15:49,772
and I gave it to her because
I thought she meant it.
324
00:15:49,796 --> 00:15:52,856
She said she was putting her
personal number in it and she lied.
325
00:15:52,875 --> 00:15:56,207
- She was getting the location.
- Liz gave you her personal number.
326
00:15:56,245 --> 00:15:59,620
- Nice one, Fran.
- Yeah, um... now's not the time, Jamie.
327
00:16:00,144 --> 00:16:01,556
What time is it?
328
00:16:03,205 --> 00:16:05,325
- Mate, I need to borrow your car. I...
- What?!
329
00:16:05,508 --> 00:16:07,825
I've got Ofsted. You're
not having the car.
330
00:16:07,853 --> 00:16:11,429
- It is gonna happen and Ofsted's pointless.
- Not a chance. No way am...
331
00:16:13,822 --> 00:16:15,257
Nice one, Fran.
332
00:16:15,338 --> 00:16:17,583
Again, I will leave you
hanging. We don't have time.
333
00:16:24,885 --> 00:16:27,694
Blimey. Is this where she's holed up?
334
00:16:29,765 --> 00:16:31,340
Something's not right.
335
00:16:33,245 --> 00:16:35,245
Probably best sleep that off, mate.
336
00:16:36,913 --> 00:16:38,601
Someone's trashed their van.
337
00:16:39,321 --> 00:16:41,872
- Try phoning them.
- I don't have any reception.
338
00:16:55,365 --> 00:16:57,365
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
339
00:17:02,285 --> 00:17:04,805
(SINISTER MUSIC)
340
00:17:05,445 --> 00:17:07,125
(EERIE LAUGHTER)
341
00:17:09,665 --> 00:17:11,224
- (DISTANT SHRIEKING)
- What's that?
342
00:17:14,685 --> 00:17:17,016
Ssh. Keep it down.
343
00:17:17,045 --> 00:17:18,725
(CLATTERING)
344
00:17:37,981 --> 00:17:42,124
Wow. Those weed brownies have
hit Liz and Charles pretty hard.
345
00:17:42,167 --> 00:17:45,204
(WHISPERING) I don't think this
dolly tea party was their idea.
346
00:17:45,228 --> 00:17:46,596
(WHISPERING) Annie's off her rocker.
347
00:17:47,045 --> 00:17:49,269
- Just keep your eyes peeled.
- (MOUTHS)
348
00:17:50,045 --> 00:17:51,725
Coo-ee!
349
00:18:02,884 --> 00:18:05,282
Here you go, poppet. It's boiling.
350
00:18:05,311 --> 00:18:07,065
- Drink up.
- It's boiling. It's boiling!
351
00:18:07,085 --> 00:18:09,854
Don't be silly. Watch Mummy.
352
00:18:13,558 --> 00:18:15,794
(SLURPS AND GULPS)
353
00:18:20,405 --> 00:18:22,405
(GULPS)
354
00:18:23,208 --> 00:18:24,752
Ahhh!
355
00:18:25,365 --> 00:18:27,005
Now then, who's for more cake?
356
00:18:28,452 --> 00:18:30,983
- I said who's for more cake!
- Oh, yeah. Love some.
357
00:18:31,002 --> 00:18:32,725
- 100%.
- Maybe lemon drizzle.
358
00:18:33,634 --> 00:18:36,251
I hate to be difficult but have
you got a gluten-free option?
359
00:18:36,261 --> 00:18:37,845
- My stomach is...
- (THUD)
360
00:18:42,844 --> 00:18:44,670
Awesome job rescuing us (!)
361
00:18:44,818 --> 00:18:46,445
Don't know what we'd do without you.
362
00:18:46,483 --> 00:18:47,660
If you hadn't double crossed us
363
00:18:47,679 --> 00:18:49,806
- we wouldn't be in this mess.
- Ssh.
364
00:18:53,533 --> 00:18:56,413
You pretended to like me
just so you could get the hit.
365
00:18:56,451 --> 00:18:58,296
Don't cry, you'll ruin your make-up.
366
00:18:58,305 --> 00:19:00,308
I think I've shat
myself. It's the gluten.
367
00:19:00,336 --> 00:19:02,334
- I said shut up!
- (PLATE SHATTERS)
368
00:19:02,639 --> 00:19:06,662
This always happens. Dollies
never do what Mummy says.
369
00:19:11,915 --> 00:19:14,509
I'll just have to fix you all, won't I?
370
00:19:15,285 --> 00:19:17,245
(ELECTRICAL WHIRRING)
371
00:19:17,325 --> 00:19:19,205
(ALL SCREAM)
372
00:19:20,405 --> 00:19:22,012
Please, I beg you!
373
00:19:22,284 --> 00:19:24,148
- Please, please!
- (MAN CLEARS THROAT)
374
00:19:25,565 --> 00:19:27,422
I'm so sorry to disturb you.
375
00:19:27,437 --> 00:19:30,025
If I could just grab my car
keys then I'll be on my way.
376
00:19:35,205 --> 00:19:38,025
(ALL SCREAM) No, no,
no! Please don't do it!
377
00:19:38,045 --> 00:19:40,519
- (EVIL GIGGLE)
- Don't do it, please! (ALL SCREAM)
378
00:19:40,805 --> 00:19:42,636
- (DRILL STOPS)
- Oh!
379
00:19:42,950 --> 00:19:45,663
Oh, dear. Battery must have died.
380
00:19:45,715 --> 00:19:46,936
Back in a tick.
381
00:19:46,983 --> 00:19:49,315
(ALL SIGH WITH RELIEF)
382
00:19:50,725 --> 00:19:52,685
Well, that's my career up in smoke.
383
00:19:53,023 --> 00:19:55,712
- Visitation rights as well. Thanks a lot.
- Ooh!
384
00:19:55,765 --> 00:19:57,204
Found it.
385
00:19:57,529 --> 00:19:59,405
(CHUCKLES)
386
00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:02,315
For fuck's sake. One of us
must have something we can use.
387
00:20:02,339 --> 00:20:05,147
Did I know I was coming
to Satan's tea party? No.
388
00:20:06,405 --> 00:20:09,461
Oh, the grenade. It's still
in my pocket from last night.
389
00:20:09,518 --> 00:20:10,868
Get it.
390
00:20:10,910 --> 00:20:12,903
I'm tied up.
391
00:20:19,597 --> 00:20:23,191
Will someone else pull the pin? My
hand's tied to the fucking chair.
392
00:20:23,253 --> 00:20:26,123
- Fran's hard. She can pull it.
- Grab it under your chin
393
00:20:26,142 --> 00:20:28,002
and pass it down the
line as quick as you can.
394
00:20:28,025 --> 00:20:30,533
Like pass the orange.
I love pass the orange.
395
00:20:39,845 --> 00:20:41,125
Oh.
396
00:20:50,125 --> 00:20:51,399
Fran.
397
00:20:51,642 --> 00:20:52,891
Yeah?
398
00:20:52,905 --> 00:20:54,569
You can use your hands.
399
00:20:55,813 --> 00:20:57,501
I did know that.
400
00:20:59,645 --> 00:21:01,343
(PIN CLICKS SOFTLY)
401
00:21:03,685 --> 00:21:06,340
- (GRENADE CLATTERS)
- Oh, shit. Where's it gone?
402
00:21:06,365 --> 00:21:08,457
(ALL MUTTER SOFTLY) Over here.
403
00:21:10,226 --> 00:21:12,295
I've got it. I've got it.
404
00:21:14,005 --> 00:21:15,618
Now!
405
00:21:16,205 --> 00:21:18,845
(ALL YELL)
406
00:21:22,246 --> 00:21:23,590
(SILENCE)
407
00:21:23,728 --> 00:21:25,950
- Ar...
- (EXPLOSION)
408
00:21:32,375 --> 00:21:33,934
(GRUNTS WITH EFFORT)
409
00:21:34,110 --> 00:21:36,151
OK, that's Mummy all bagged up.
410
00:21:36,405 --> 00:21:39,049
Shame really. If she wasn't a sociopath,
411
00:21:39,068 --> 00:21:41,525
she would actually be
really lovely, you know?
412
00:21:41,818 --> 00:21:43,620
Look, Charles and I,
413
00:21:43,645 --> 00:21:46,325
we appreciate you guys helping us out.
414
00:21:46,709 --> 00:21:49,475
- We know you didn't have to do that.
- Yeah, well, listen, I...
415
00:21:49,884 --> 00:21:52,097
I know you'd have done
the same for us, so...
416
00:21:52,154 --> 00:21:53,709
100%. You know what?
417
00:21:53,733 --> 00:21:56,893
Come on, bring it in,
guys. No? OK, no worries.
418
00:21:58,642 --> 00:22:02,437
- We should probably pack this lot up.
- Hey, you've done enough.
419
00:22:02,885 --> 00:22:04,753
We'll pack. You drive.
420
00:22:04,805 --> 00:22:06,498
- Andale!
- Yep.
421
00:22:07,685 --> 00:22:09,685
Thanks again, guys. Keep in touch.
422
00:22:13,765 --> 00:22:16,380
- I mean, I know we complain a lot about them...
- Hm.
423
00:22:16,423 --> 00:22:18,482
... but they're actually all right.
424
00:22:18,764 --> 00:22:21,209
You had it right all along
and I didn't believe you.
425
00:22:21,233 --> 00:22:23,145
But actually they're decent.
426
00:22:23,365 --> 00:22:25,391
- Do you think they could be...
- (ENGINE STARTS)
427
00:22:25,462 --> 00:22:28,120
Unbe-fucking-lievable.
428
00:22:29,290 --> 00:22:33,012
I'll let Mr K know Charles
and I got the job done.
429
00:22:33,045 --> 00:22:35,786
- (ENGINE REVS)
- Nothing personal, just business.
430
00:22:35,805 --> 00:22:39,219
- Let me know about that drink, Fran!
- (ENGINE REVS)
431
00:22:42,185 --> 00:22:43,872
Sure, yeah.
432
00:22:45,174 --> 00:22:47,643
Kids, jobs, car.
433
00:22:47,701 --> 00:22:49,545
Would you like my clothes as well?
434
00:22:51,109 --> 00:22:53,170
Yep. If it gets cold on the walk
435
00:22:53,193 --> 00:22:54,536
I might just take them.
436
00:22:55,550 --> 00:22:56,668
Phone an Uber.
437
00:22:56,695 --> 00:22:58,696
- There's no reception.
- Oh, there's no reception.
438
00:22:59,631 --> 00:23:02,445
I'm starving. Can we at least
order a pizza or something?
439
00:23:02,460 --> 00:23:05,088
- Again, no reception.
- Not even a small one?
440
00:23:05,195 --> 00:23:07,243
The size of the pizza is not the issue.
441
00:23:07,446 --> 00:23:12,278
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
442
00:23:12,316 --> 00:23:15,958
- Do we really need another person?
- It's a big job today.
443
00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:17,896
And Nikhil is supposed to be the best.
444
00:23:21,120 --> 00:23:23,740
Mr K tell me choose new partner.
445
00:23:23,893 --> 00:23:25,125
I choose you.
446
00:23:31,087 --> 00:23:35,503
Final warning. I am big, scary
man with mullet and muscles...
447
00:23:36,003 --> 00:23:38,930
- Hey!
- Please! I have a really delicate trachea!
448
00:23:45,198 --> 00:23:46,533
Mr. K.
449
00:23:50,843 --> 00:23:52,626
I'm really sorry, Jamie.
33833
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