All language subtitles for Fun.with.Dick.and.Jane.2005.1080p.WEBRip.x264-RBG

Globodyne is a consolidator
of media properties.

Consolidator. Consolidator.

Oh, no!

Globodyne's a consolidator
of media properties

and data retrieval

with a focus in fiber-optic
content provision.

It's basically a synergy
of Web-based

and platform-based
UNIX-driven delivery systems.

Okay, I made
that last part up.

I just assumed that you knew
you needed a passport

to get into Russia.

But if I should have
told you, then I'm...

really sorry,
Mr. Fairbanks.

It's not my fault

airport security strip-searched
you, Mr. Fairbanks.

I mean, maybe
you shouldn't have--

Have made that joke,
you know? I--

Hon? Fire.

You know what
I'm gonna do for you?

I'm gonna load you up
with drink coupons.

Can you make this little man
something to eat?

Oh.

...macaroni con queso...

You sure about this?

The trainer said
it's just a minor annoyance.

He said it just reminds him
to be a little less vocal.

Hey, Dick.

Morning, Joe.

That a new car?

It's the new Mercedes S500.

You can only special-order
these from Germany.

How's it run?

Well, it's a Mercedes.

Check this out:

Mercedes, on.

Yeah? Well, watch this:

Beemer, sit. Stay.

Play dead.

Good boy.

That's cute, Dick.
Mercedes, off.

have begun to run
into situations."

Situations.

The big boys
want to see you upstairs.

Which floor, 20th?

Twenty-sixth?

Thirty-second?

Not the 51st?

Yes.

Congratulations,
Mr. Harper.

Uh...

Go ahead and wrap this up.
Okay.

How do I look?
Great.

Anything in my teeth?
No.

I need a paper bag.

Hey, Oz.

Dick. Morning.

It is, isn't it?
Yeah.

Sure is.

Yeah.
Yeah.

Hey, uh, did you, uh--

Did you hear about Bill?

Oh, yeah.

That's, uh--
That's wild.

Yeah.

Yeah, I, uh, wonder--

I wonder who's gonna
take his place.

That's the big mystery.

Yeah.

You getting off?

Not this time, Oz.

Son of a bitch!

* I believe I can fly *

* I believe I can
Touch the sky *

* Every night
And every cloudy day *

* Spread my wings
And fly away *

* I believe I can soar *

* Catch me goin' through
That open door *

* I believe I can fly *

* I believe, I believe,
I believe *

Ahhh! Ooh!

Hello. I'm, uh...

Dick Harper, and I'm here
to see Jack McCallister.

Oh, well, that's him now, sorry.

He had to step out.

Dick.

Damn glad to finally
see you up here.

Hey...

man.

Frank Bascombe, CFO.

Nice to meet you, Frank.

Nice to meet you.
Wow!

Listen, Dick. Dick.

Jack's very sorry
that he couldn't be here

to congratulate you.

Well, on becoming the new

VP of Communication.

Are you--?
Wow!

Holy, uh--

Thank you.
No, no, no, no.

But also, he wanted to invite
you to his house

for an orientation meeting

on Monday morning.

Mm-hm.

Dick?
Uh-huh?

Ann's got the address.
All right.

Sure. I'll get that.

Okay. Ann?

Thanks.

And, uh, thank you...

Frank.

Wow, cool exit.

How do you like your eggs?

Pardon me!

Ours is an age
of unmeasured prosperity.

Oh, yeah.

You know what?

What?

You should quit your job.

Quit my job?
Yep.

Well, do you--?

Do you even know
what you're getting paid?

I can't quit my job.

Not specifically, but...

Bob got VP last month.

He's making 150 plus bonuses.

Come on, you wanna spend
more time with Billy.

Do it. Just-- Come on.

Do it. Do it.
Quit your job.

We must never become
a winner-take-all society.

on Saturday.

I'll buy candles.

I'll pick up
the new Starbucks sampler,

featuring Sade.

Oh, you animal.

That is gonna be so wild.

Yeah.

* Diamond life *

Thank you.

* Lover boy *

Just, um, make
yourself at home.

* He moves in space
With minimum waste *

* And maximum joy *

* No need to ask *

* He's a smooth operator *

* Smoo-- *

Yeah. Mr. McCallister.

Dick.

Hey, call me Jack.
Likewise.

With...my name.

Dick, I mean.

Man. Dick Harper.

Dick Harper.

Dick Harper playing the harp.

Harpo Marx

playing the jew's-harp.

D.H.

DH.

You're my designated hitter.

Dick Harper, I need you to step
up into the batter's box

and knock one clean out
of the ballpark for me now.

Gone.

You ever have a nickname?

Uh, well, I--
It was, uh, uh--

Um, Squirt.
The Squirt.

Something about...

how I was conceived,
I don't know.

Well, we gonna think
of something.

You didn't have trouble finding
the place, did you?

Oh, no, sir.
Uh, by the way,

what a absolutely beautiful
hou-- Home you have.

So then my lawyer
says to her lawyer:

"If she thinks she's getting
that yacht,

then she's a little dinghy."

He always--
He loves that one.

Oh...

dinghy!
The point is that
we need somebody

who projects confidence
in this position.

Now, we've seen the way
you handle yourself.

You've been a great cheerleader
for this company.

So we were
thinking that, uh--

Well, you go ahead
and tell him.

No, you go ahead.

What's up, guys? Come on.

Don't, uh, hold out
on me here. What?

We want you to go on
MoneyLife this afternoon

and announce our
quarterly projections.

Ooh.

You're the guy.
You're the guy

we have faith in.

You can get our
positive spin out there.

Right. Positive...spin.

These are fickle times,
Dick.

We need to stick together
as a team.

Like my daddy
always used to say...

Well, you can count
on me, sir.

I mean, I can't tell you
how happy I am.

Thank you.

Hey, how were
those eggs Florentine?

Best I've ever had.
Good answer.

And do you know what's sitting
in front of me? Do you know?

A kosher meal!

A kosher meal!

How many times
do I need to tell you?

I don't need a kosher meal!

I'm Episcopalian!

No-- No, you, miss-- You--

No, you grow up.

For-- No, you, miss--

Uh, Phyllis?

Can I, uh--?
Can I talk to you for a minute?

You wanna hear yelling?
Here's a yell!

It's personal.

Wow. Never actually
had makeup on.

Hi.

Hi.

Where's Sam?

Ah, Washington.

These are your talking points.
They were just faxed over.

And Sam is on the line
for you.

Oh, hey.

Hello. Mr. Harper?

Hey, Sam. How you doin'?

Nice talking to ya.

I, uh, thought
you were gonna be here.

Me too. I hear
it's beautiful out there.

Oh, that's the thing about--

Okay, Dick,
we're on in five.

Oh, yep, sure.
Four, three,

two...

Today we're talking with
the new VP of Communications

at Globodyne, Dick Harper.

How you doin', Dick?

Just terrific, Sam.
Thank you for asking.

And so is Globodyne,
by the way.

Now, Dick, tell me,

what is the shareholder
to make of the fact

that Jack McCallister,
your CEO,

has unloaded a considerable
share of his stocks?

I think CEOs sell their stocks
for many reasons, Sam.

Both professional
and personal.

Actually, over the past year,
Jack McCallister has sold

80 percent of his holdings
through shell companies.

How do you explain that?

The reasons for doing something
like that would be--

Oop, losing you there. Hold on.

The reasons for doing something
like that would be, uh--

Could be many.

Uh, both, uh...

Uh...
Uh--

There's also talk of some
of the Globodyne

portfolio documents
being subpoenaed.

Specifically those of your CFO,
Frank Bascombe.

And now, joining us
with his insights

is presidential hopeful
Ralph Nader.

Really?

Hi, Ralph.

Uh, big fan, love your stuff.

I wish I could say
the same.

But I don't know how
you sleep at night, sir.

I believe that corporations
like Globodyne

pervert the American dream.

They leverage our future
so the super-rich get richer.

You are a disgrace.

Ralph, I don't know

where you're getting
your "sthatistics."

I can only say that,
in my estimation,

Globodyne is completely
transparent.

And we'd be more than willing

to share any and all
documentation.

What is going on?

Can somebody tell me
what the heck is--?

Hey, there's a fire!
Somebody should--

Okay. Whoa.

This can't be good.

Out of my way.

Hey, that's my ficus!

My ficus!

You're not even from this floor.

Help! Security!

What's going on?

so Dick finally wants
to know what's going on.

Frank?

Methinks somebody
made a boo-boo.

Maybe we didn't know
how to use Quicken.

Yeah, that could be it.

Frank. Frank,
try to focus, okay?

What's happening
to Globodyne?

Globodyne?

Yeah. Wha--
What happened, Frank?

We took our
shifting losses...

Yeah.

...and we put them
into businesses...

Yeah, yeah.

...that we actually owned.

Mm-hmmmm.

And then the balance sheet...

It showed profit.

But actually,
there was...

debt.

What the hell?

Oh, you're sick.

I want you to hit me.

Frank, let go of me now.

I want you to hit me.

Frank, let go.
You're scaring me.

Hit me.
Frank! Get off!

Mr. McCallister?

I don't know
what to tell ya, buddy.

We're just a cell
in a much larger organism

called the global economy.

Weak companies have to die

so that stronger companies
can get stronger.

It's just nature.

Nature? What?

You ever read Walden Pond?
It's all in there.

Hey, you send him
a copy of the tape.

What about
the other employees, sir?

Hey, they're gonna be fine.
Don't go there.

This is America,
the land of opportunity.

I don't know, sir.

With all due respect,

this doesn't feel right.

Step away from
the rotors, now, boy.

They gonna chop
your head clean off, now.

* I been in the right place *

* But it must have been
The wrong time *

* I'd have said
The right thing *

* But I must have used
The wrong line *

* I been in a bad place *

* And I wonder
What it's good for *

Honey? I'm home.

Oh, and the vice president
is home.

Ohh.

Mm-mm.

I see you got them
diggin' the hot tub.

I know. Yes, I called the guy.

They came right out.

Wow.

That almost...never happens.

I know.
We're so lucky.

Look at it!

Oh, my gosh!

Look!
Wow!

I did it,
and it's perfect.

My gosh.

That could f-feed
a family of four.

Oh-oh. I mean,
I-- In my--

Look at that, Billy.

I'm surprised you left off
the hooves.

Uh, you know,
before we get into that,

I have some wonderful news.

Mama quit her job! Yay!

I did. I did, I did!

Isn't that great?

Oh, my gosh!
That's incredible.

You know, the timing of it,
it was just beautiful, Dick.

And, oh, thank you.

I just-- I just did it!

No. Oh, boy.

And now, you know what?

I can spend so much more time
with my little, beautiful boy.

Now, what's your news,
big Mr. VP?

I have something of
an announcement to make.

It turns out that

a very wonderful opportunity

has just presented itself
in the form of me

not necessarily working

at Globodyne anymore.

Were you fired?

I wasn't fired.
Globodyne tanked.

Dick.

Fired.

What--? What do you mean?

How could that happen?
Hm?

They ju-- They just gave you
a promotion. And--

There is nothing to worry about.
I'm gonna get my severance,

money from my pension.

We're fine.

I am a winner.

Billy,

tell your father
he's a winner.

See?

Sí.

Hey!

Our first day
at home together.

Hey.

Let's have a big family
breakfast.

Oh, gosh, honey,
Billy's already gone to school,

and I gotta go meet him

for that Mommy & Me
lunch thing.

What are you gonna do?
Oh.

Are you gonna look for a job?

You know what?

I think I might just
take this day.

Great.

I do, I think you should.

But, listen, I gotta go pick up
that thing at the thing.

Baby, I gotta go.
I'm sorry.

Sorry. Okay, good.

I'll see you later, baby.
Yeah.

Have a really good time.

Bye.

* Early in the mornin' *

* Risin' to the street *

* Light me up that cigarette *

* And I'll strap shoes
On my feet *

* Got to find the reason *

* Reason things went wrong *

* Got to find the reason
Why my money's all gone *

Okay.

* Life is too short
So love the one you got *

* 'Cause you might get run over
Or you might get shot *

* Never start no static
I just get it off my chest *

* Lovin' is what I got *
Cheers.

Former CFO Frank Bascombe
has been indicted

on charges of fraud
and money laundering.

Lead investigators
say all roads

lead to Mr. Bascombe,

and no evidence has yet to link

former CEO Jack McCallister

to this growing scandal.

We've all had to make
sacrifices.

I sold my place
in Jackson Ho-- No.

Uh, Martha's Vineyard.

Oh, shut up.

Hey, bud. Hey, hey, hey.

Can't be that bad,
can it, bud?

Ruff.

Ruff!

Ahh!

God.

Oh, you know it.

Uh, so can I send you
a résumé?

No, I got a terrific one here.

You'll love it.

Do you have a fax number?

So there are no new openings
at this time.

Right.

And what about the near future?

Uh-huh. Yeah. Sure.

I could stop calling.

This afternoon? Okay.

I'll be there. Bye.

Hon.
Yeah?

I got an interview
at Pyramid Tech.

I was really startin'
to wonder there.

Hey.

Hold on!

Hey!

Dick.

Oz.

Ohh!

Wanna go get a drink?

You buying?

Sure.

Harper?

Yeah.

Dick Harper!

Yeah.

You don't have to stand
in this line.

Come on with me.

Hey, Oz.
Rain check.

Son of a bitch!

Hector, what's going on?
What--?

What happened?

Your check
go bouncy-bounce.

But it's okay,

I heard what happened
to your husband.

Not everybody could afford
landscaping like this, eh?

I am sorry, Miss Jane.

Oh, no, no, no.

No!

This is all--

Everything, it's all wrong!

I want this out.

Roll it all up.

I ordered Kentucky bluegrass.

This is...green.

Dick Harper!
What a stroke of luck.

Oh, jeez.

Um, I'm sorry,

I-I don't remember
where you know me from.

Oh, I don't know you.

I just saw you
spaz out MoneyLife.

Oh, my God, that was great.

Hey, some of the fellas
would like to meet ya.

Hello, Dick.

I can't believe
it's really you.

Oh, my God,
it's him.

Did you bring
your "sthatistics"?

We have a little expression

around here when
someone makes a mistake.

It's called "pulling a Dick."

Up high, up high.

Have you seen
DickHarperIsATool.com?

Oh, you're gonna love this.
This is dynamite.

DICK:
I don't know

where you're getting
your st-st-st-atistics.

St-st-st-atistics.

Who is that? Who is that?

It's you! It's you!

DICK:
Can we just get on

with the job interview?

This guy!

We couldn't hire you!

We just wanna take your picture.

Okay, everybody,
little bit closer.

One, two, three.

MEN:
"Sthatistics"!

Hey...

how'd it go?

Oh, not too bad.

Um, it was good practice.

What are you doing?

Uh, going through
our finances.

I'm not sure, but it seems
that we may be

in a little bit
of a pickle, Dick.

Well, sure,
our financial bounce-back

has taken a bit longer
than expected.

But, you know,
that's natural.

Our lawn was
repossessed today.

I didn't even know
they could do that.

Now, I think that maybe
it's time that you should

start thinking about
accepting something

a little bit lower

than a vice-presidency.

No. Took me 15 years
to get a VP-ship.

If I step back now, I'll lose
everything I worked for.

We're just gonna have to suck
it up for a couple of months.

In a couple of months,

we'll be declaring bankruptcy.

Oh, come on.

Our-- Our savings--

Look.
Our savings

was in Globodyne stock. Jesus.

And look. Our pension
was in Globodyne stock.

Everything was in
Globodyne s-stock. All--

It is so much fun!

I have made a mud man!

Now, Billy is looking
at the glass half full.

Hon, relax.

We've got 600 grand.

Where?

We're standing in it.
Our house.

Since Globodyne,

the local property market
crashed, Dick.

If we sold our house today,
we would actually

owe the bank 150 grand.

I knew it.

It was churning in my gut,
and I didn't listen.

You said we could afford
this house--

I know.
--take out
a second mortgage,

so that we could
put in the pool.

We could redo the kitchen.
I said that.

All of that. And now
we are on the verge

of losing the house.
If we lose the house,

then Billy loses
all sense of security.

And later on, never be able
to have a relationship.

So he'll spend
his whole life alone.

Just there he'll be,
just alone,

nobody with him,
just like a bum.

Like a--
Hon? Hon?

Yeah?
You need a paper bag?

You said everything
was gonna be okay.

Something wrong
with the electricity!

be the best.

Hi.

I'm Lucy, and I'll be your
Kostmart training team leader.

I am so happy to welcome you
to the Kostmart team.

Now, we work hard here,
but we play hard also.

Now, I think we're all gonna
have a good time here

because at Kostmart,
we're more than a store.

We're family.

Now, before we get started,
I am gonna need you all

to piss in one of these cups.

Wow.

It's taking a little while.

Just relax.

I've been married for 20 years.

I know what it looks like.

You want me
to get you a cola?

It's just hard to do

while you're standing
there watching.

I could sell you my pee
for a hundred dollars.

I been off the pipe
for two years.

MAN:
Unfortunately,
we don't have any, um,

positions available
in Pilates or yoga.

But we are looking for
a Jeet Kun Do instructor.

Y-yes. I mean, that's--

Oh, my-- I thought--

I-- I didn't even--
I didn't say that?

I was born doing...

that.

Hi, welcome to Kostmart.

Watch.

Hi!

Welcome to Kostmart.

Check out our makeup counter
on aisle 12B.

Welcome to Kostmart.

Check out our CDs.
Garth Brooks on sale,

aisle 51.

Welcome to Kostmart.
Your local...

gun emporium.

Aisle 42, hunting gear.

WOMAN:
And the next thing I knew,
I was wearing it.

Oh.
Well, Jane.

Hey, Veronica.

Hi, how are you?

Good, good.

I didn't know
you worked out here.

Hello there, ma'am.
Welcome to Kostmart.

I hope you'll take a trip
by the deli counter today

for a complimentary
cube of jalapeño cheddar.

I'm lactose intolerant.

Where do you keep
the cigarettes?

But I'm not sure
that's a good--

Dick? You missed one.

I'll get it. I'll get it.

Wait. Ma'am?

Ma'am. Welcome!

Here we go. Hi.

Hi. Um...

My name's Jane,

and I'll be your
instructor here today

for beginners' Jin Ku Pow.

So let's just get
right into it.

Here we go.

We're just gonna loosen up
a little bit.

Here we go. Yeah.

There we go.
And ho. And hit.

Excuse me!

Ma'am!

And jab. And jab.

Ha, ha! Now I gotcha!

Get this!

Ahh!

It's punch, and punch,
and step and kick!

It burns!

I saw you eyeballin' me

when I came in the door.

You were all up
in my goodies.

I'm glad you fired me.

How's a person
supposed to survive

and feed their family
on that kind of a salary?

It's a lease.

* Why me, Lord? *

It's such a good idea.

We're sorry we couldn't pay you.
I mean, we have no money.

Oh, it's okay.

Your son is very
important to me.

I would do anything for him,
Mr. Richard.

But in the meantime,

thank you for letting us
pay you in appliances.

Yeah.
* What did I ever do *

* That was worth
Love from you *

* And the kindness
You've shown? *

Hey, think about this, hon:
how many places you'll see

on one tank of gas.

* Lord, help me, Jesus
I've wasted it *

You want me to drive?

Yeah.

* So help me, Jesus *

* I know what I am *

* Now that I know *

* That I've needed you so *

* Help me, Jesus *

* My soul's in your hand *

Here it is!

* Try me, Lord *

* Did you think
There's a way... *

It's all right.
We can live without it.

People lived without these
for thousands of years.

There goes the boxing match.

You can go to a bar.

It's rigged, anyway.

What are you doing
with the television?

Oh.

Hi.

Um--

You're going to sell it!

No, no. Billy!

God! Just go, Dick!

Damn it,
Blanca, grab him!

Go, go!
Papa! Mama!

Don't take my Telemundo!

Hurry, hurry.
SpongeRoberto

SquarePantalones!

* Now that I know
That I've needed you so *

* Help me, Jesus *

* My soul's in your hand *

We've run out
of things to sell.

Well...

There's always prostitution.

Dick!

I mean me.

Hon, we just gotta look
for more work, that's all.

There is no work, Dick.
It's our only choice.

No matter how menial.
There's 6000 other people

out of work.

Vice presidents
are working at Burger King.

Honey, it's gonna be fine.

All we need is $400,

and we're good
for another month.

This is just temporary.

Okay.
So stay calm.

Okay.
And don't panic!

Ah! Damn.

Are you going to sit
in the dirt hole all night long?

Come-- Come on, hon.
Let's get out.

I'm starting to turn
into a raisin, anyway.

What's the matter?

You look sad, Richard.

Blanca.
Hm?

Call me Dick.

there's just no jobs out there.

Mira, I have a cousin

who might be able
to help you find some work.

It's not much.

But it's a something.

I need one guy
who knows how to paint.

That's me!

Hold on, I got it.
I got it.

Ah, I'm here.

Hey, I was here first!

You almost got that one.
Uhh?

Don't worry.

There'll be more.

That thing is already starting
to swell up like a balloon.

No.
Just a little bit.

Did you see that?

We should report that guy.

Report him!

We should report him.
Let's report him.

This is a new drug
in the same family of Botox.

We don't expect any problems.

Your check for $14 is waiting
for you at the front desk,

and we think you are all
going to look beautiful.

Okay.

Now, if you can begin
by just filling out those forms.

Those are insurance waivers.

And then you'll find a list

of various aspects of your face.

Go ahead and check off
anything that you think

you might want to improve on
just a little bit.

I'm screwed.

Well, I think
I'm gonna go, guys.

Carlos, Eduardo, Gustavo.

Mucho gusto, Dick.

Pleasure talking to you
last couple hours.

Hey, congratulations
on the baby too.

INS?

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

You're not going anywhere.
Hold it.

You gotta be kidding me.
Oh, this is hilarious.

You guys know
the drill.

Let's see some papers.

You gotta be kidding me.

Let's see some papers.

Where'd my wallet go?

This is--

No, no. I dropped my wallet.

My wallet is--

What do you got?

We got a, uh,
Don Johnson, Elvis

and Opie Taylor.

Okay, Dick Harper,

you're free to go.
Dick Harper?

That'sh me, Dick Harper.

Hey, that guy's not Dick Harper!

Whoa! Jeez!

We don't want
problems here.

You're making
a mishtake in judgment, sir.

I am an American.

You gotta work
on your accent, Pablo.

Could we--? You wanna talk
to my wife, Yane?

Yeah.
Oh, okay, yeah.

We'll call your wife, "Yane"

and "athk" her
if you're American.

And then we'll call
my wife, "Yennifer,"

and his wife,
"Yaqueline" too.

It's ringing,
it's ringing!

Hola!

Get in!

No, wait!
I'm an American!

Yeah.
I swear on the fag!

Hey, watch your language.

Get in there!

Negative side effects
with only

three of 14 participants
in the study.

That's not bad.

Let's see, now...

Hello?

Dick, what--?

Oh, honey, I--
I can barely under--

What?

Why are you doing
that accent?

Hoo!

Hoo.

Oh.

La migra!

La migra!

Oh!

Ah!

Holy hell.

I did this
little cosmetics test,

and I-- And I had
a little reaction.

Is it really that bad?

No, it's not so bad.

It's just...different.

can we talk about this
some other time?

Yeah, come on, come on,
go, go, go, go.

I gotta go in.

I-I gotta go to bed.

You comin'?

I think I'm gonna
sit in the car.

And think for a while.

Okay.

Don't think for too long.
We gotta get up early.

Soup kitchen
stops serving at 8.

* If you wanna make a move
Then you better come in *

* It's just the ability
To reason that wears so thin *

* Livin' and dyin'
And the stories that are true *

* Is knowin'
When you're through... *

I'm not playing anymore.

I've just about had it.

* The boy's a time bomb *

* Black coat, white shoes
Black hat, Cadillac, yeah *

* The boy's a time bomb *

Sorry.

Oh, my God,

I'm heartily sorry
for having offended thee.

It's okay.

I'm putting it back.

I'm putting it back!

It's okay.

* Black coat, white shoes
Black hat, Cadillac, yeah *

* The boy's a time bomb *

* Black coat, white shoes
Black hat, Cadillac, yeah *

* The boy's a time bomb *

* Oh *

* Time bomb! *

Mm.

Wha--?

Hon.

What happened?

Got the--?

Oh, Dick.

It's beautiful.

Honey.

Oh, Dick, I love you.

I love you.

Ah!
Ow.

Uh.
Ow.

Ah, oh.

Jus--

Mm.

Are these too big
for my face?

Uh-huh.

Well, now you look like
the Unabomber.

Good.

What are you doing
with Billy's squirt gun?

We followed the rules,
and we got screwed.

We were good people,

honest people,

and we got screwed.

Damn it.

What are you gonna do now?

You gonna rob a bank
or something?

We got screwed,
over and over again, hon.

Then I stole the lawn back,
and you know what happened?

We have a lawn now.

Yeah, but--
Shh.

Uh-oh.

We're all just cavemen,

trying to protect
our little patch of land.

Well, I have a club,

and I'm gonna take what I need.

Keep laughing, Jane.

Keep laughing, okay?

I'll be back soon,

with the loot.

Oh, no, no, no.
I'm coming.

Not gonna miss this

for the world.

Suit yourself.

Besides, you're gonna
need a good wheelman.

Okay, that's it.

Joke's over.
Let's go home.

No, no, no.

We haven't done
the caper yet.

Wow, okay, will you--

Then-- Then let's do it

before, you know,

we die of carbon-monoxide
poisoning.

Wait! When you're in there,

will you get me
some Sno-Caps?

Oh, no, no, no,
Raisinets,

Raisinets.
I want Raisinets.

Hon!

Your thingy-mabob.

I know.

All right.

And don't forget
to kill the witnesses, hon!

Okay.

Ugh!

Brain freeze.

You ever get that?

Phew.

One brain freeze.

Anything else?

Mm-hm.

Yeah.

Yeah, I got something...

else...

right here.

Hey, Jake, take a break.
I got this one.

That'll be 1.29, please.

One twenty-nine.

Go! Jane, go!

Just go!

Oh, God. You did it?

Oh, there that is.

That was wild.

That was wild!

You actually robbed
that place?

No, but I had a slushie,

and I didn't even pay for it.

* Yeah, yeah, yeah *

Well, then our problems

are pretty much over.

Jane, just drive the car, okay.

We'll find another place, okay?

* 'Cause I'm losing control *

* Uncontrollable urge
I wanna tell you all about it *

Give me your money!

Oh!
Garth!

Dick?

Oh, my God.

You remember Jane.

She's in the car.

Jane?

Hi, Garth.

Hey, Jane.

Honey, it's, uh,
the guy, Garth.

From the barbeque.

Harper, what are you--?

Oh, I had you going there.

Had me going?

You scared me
to death.

Yeah, you wanna hang out
with Garth soon, hon?

Drive.

Just drive.

Just drive the car.

Okay, Dick.

Okay.

* Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Y-y-y-yeah, yeah, y-yeah *

My car's right there.

Thank you, sonny,
thank you.

Oh, no, I--

Oh, maybe.

Now, that place is loaded.

Uh-huh.

And you are just
the guy for the job.

But seriously,
doesn't this remind you

of that movie, Heat?
With Val Kilmer.

I'm trying my best here.

There's nothing
to be ashamed of,

is all I'm saying.

Dick, some people--

Some people have
that robbing thing and--

And some people don't.

Maybe you're not a badass.

Hey, man.
What can I do you for?

You can do me for
all the money in the till.

This is a stickup.

Whoa, what's wrong
with you, dude?

I'm married.
That's what's wrong with me.

Oh, my God.
Oh, my God!

Move it, paraquat.

Uh...

Come on, Zig-Zag.

Ah! That's a real gun.

He's robbing me.

Dick!

Honey, robe.

Oh, God, okay.

Oh, sweetheart,
I'm sorry.

Listen to me.
What are you doing?

Are you craz--
What do you mean?

Listen, put your hands down.

He's been under
a bit of stress.

Why are you
undercutting me?

To be fair,
we both have.

DICK:
I'm trying to rob this man.

We don't need to do this.

I got a call
about the mortgage.

If we don't pay it tomorrow,

the sheriff's coming to put us
out on the street.

Get the money out of there
right now! I mean it!

Pull it out,
put it in a sock,

and let's go!

Come on.

Come on!

I'm not authorized to--

Oh.

DICK:
Wow, that's fantastic.

Women are amazing,
aren't they?

This is like jelly jars.

Look, look.

Hon?
Huh?

I don't think anybody's
actually following us.

Oh, look out for that.

Oh! Park under there.

Oh, my God.

I can't believe
we just did that.

We did do it.

We did do it.

Mm.

Exactly.

And you know, maybe
we can figure out a way

we can give back some of what

we've taken to other
people who need it.

We will.

It's a definite possibility.

Wanna grab a cup of coffee
while we're here?

Iced mocha sounds nice.

Yeah.

Get down on the ground
and you won't get hurt.

Whoa, Jesus.
Are you okay, hon?

I'm okay.
All right.

You!

Two iced mochas, let's go.
Two iced mochas.

Yeah, whipped cream.

Whipped cream.
Any whipped cream, hon?

On yours?

No, thanks.

No whipped cream on hers.

Are these nonfat muffins?

Are they nonfat muffins?!

I think so.

Okay. Hon,
these are nonfat muffins.

Get some of those.

Which ones,
vanilla or chocolate?

In the back,
in the back.

This one?
No, no, that one.

Front?

No, that one.

Yeah, okay that's good.
That's good.

Okay, nobody try to follow us.

Because we're
desperate criminals.

We're crazy people.

And I'll kill you all!

Oh, honey.
Coffee, coffee.

Oh, yeah, right.

Thanks a lot.

JANE:
What are you doing in there?

What do you think?
Brrahh!

Brrahh!

It's Elvis on a motorcycle?

It's Evel Knievel, hon.

I like the way
it makes my butt look.

]

Hi, hi.

* Plug me in and turn me on *
Yay!

* Listen here
'Cause here it come *

* It got hot licks
On your guitar strings *

* Riffs and rhythms
And guitar thangs *

* Turn me on and turn me up
And turn me loose *

* I am alive and amplified *

* Turn me on and turn me up
And turn me loose *

* I am alive and amplified *

* Turn me on and turn me up
And turn me loose *

* I am alive and amplified *

* Turn me on and turn me up
And turn me loose *

* I am alive and amplified *

Honey, where's my car?

* Finger tingle
Got that feelin' *

Mercedes, out.

* You just touched
The Sistine ceilin' *

* Come alive
And a gimme five *

* Just slap my hand
And amplify *

Yay!

Now I can watch soccer!

[WHISPERS]
No matter what happens,
know that I love you.

Oh, I love you too.

Let's do this.
Okay.

Go, go, go, go!

Go, go, go, go!

No!

This guy's really loaded.

Wow.

That's a lot of lettuce.

Should we pistol-whip him?

Hey, don't laugh.

Uh-uh. Don't you laugh,
now, okay?

Because it demeans
what we're doing here.

Yeah.

Anyway, shall we?

Let's do it.
W-what is that?

Nothing.

Don't do anything funny
or else.

You could pay
the ultimate price.

Beep, boop.
Beep, beep. Boop.

* Domo arigato *

* Mr. Roboto *

* Domo *

* Domo *

Honey, come on,
cut the crap.

Let's go.

Okay.

Don't move.

We sound so funny.

I know.

That's what
I was thinking.

Oh, my God.

Hel--!

Did you guys hear
what happened to Bob Blaustein?

Bob Blaustein?
Yeah.

Who's Bob Blaustein?

Oh, he works
at, uh, Sonent Global.

Or, should I say
"worked" at Sonent Global.

Yeah.

Yeah, and if they're
not careful,

they'll become
the next Pyramid Tech.

Absolutely.
Ooh, ouch.

Yeah.
Oh, Dick,

what you been up to
since Globodyne went under?

Oh, just workin' at home,

playing in the stock market.

I tell you guys...

it's like stealin' money.

You're on fire, Dick.

Okay.

Let me hold that door
for you, ma'am.

Why, thank you.

You're welcome.

Ah!

Oh, my goodness.

This woman has fainted.

Are you all right?

You want to open her blouse
so she can...

...breathe.

Right.

Oh, that's it.

Oh, uh, let me get back to you.
Excuse me.

Yes?

May I help you?

Vault inspector.

What happened to Phil?

Necrotizing fasciitis.

Caused by an
invasive streptococcus.

What?

Flesh-eating disorder.

It's all over the money.

Might wanna wash your hands.

No way!

Oh, God.

Oh, my God.
Oh, no.

You, whiskers!

Whiskers, on the floor.

Oh, Dick. Oh!

I will blow those whiskers

right off your face.
I'm down!

Go get the money, please.

Put your weapons down.

Oh, shit.

Stick to the plan.

I'm putting it down.

I'm putting the weapon down.

Honey.
What are you doing?

Oh, Dick.
Oh, Dick. Oh, Dick.

Run, Dick, run.

Stay on the ground.

Whoa, boy.

I'm sorry.

Hon, get the car.
Get the car.

Debbie.

Honey.
Oh!

Oh, thank God.

of now-defunct Globodyne,

were charged
with armed robbery

after holding up
a local branch...

Dick.

Dick, that could have been us.

What were we thinking?

--and turned to crime

as a result
of their sudden unemployment.

DEBBIE:
No, no, no, no!

Like this woman, Naomi Seiler,

a human-resources manager

caught last May managing
a different kind of resource:

two hundred and twenty kilos
of Canada's finest marijuana.

I knew her.

She always remembered
everybody's birthday.

Or this man, Mark Fish,

a former VP of Globodyne,
who was arrested

after using his home
as the setting for secret,

high-stakes cock fights.

Mark Fish?

He was such a nice guy.

Former Globodyne
CFO Frank Bascombe

starts serving his 18-month
prison term next week.

Eighteen months?

But that's nothing.

Bastard.

--trying to incriminate
Jack McCallister.

The collapse
of Globodyne hurt me

financially and personally,

just like any other employee.

I'm sick about it.

I'm ate up about it.

Now, watch this shot.

Did I get him?

Now you did.
Great.

Look at that guy.

Everybody's in hell,

and he's on vacation,
shootin' stuff.

Man, I hope every one
of these bastards

get what they deserve.

Prosecutors say

next to be indicted will be

company spin doctor
Dick Harper.

Harper gave the public...
What? Indicted?

--Globodyne's finances
about one minute
before the company...

Indicted?

That's not fair.

They made you go

on that show.

You hear what they said?

I'm gonna be indicted.

But you only said
what they told you.

Indicted, Jane.

Indicted.

I'm gonna be indicted.

Wait, it's gonna be o--

Indicted!
Honey, Dick.

Indicted!

Honey.
Gonna be indicted!

Hold it, they can't--

It's gonna be okay.
Just calm down.

I can't calm down,
I'm gonna be indicted.

Indicted!

Oh...

I'm gonna be indicted!

Indicted!

I'm gonna be indicted!

Indicted!

You know, I haven't seen you
in the downtown club

for a while, sir.

Well, that's because
I was very, very busy.

Being indicted.

Ah.

Hoo-ah!

You guys are my kind of peeps.

Captains of industry.

Masters of the universe.

Presidents of Hair Club for Men.

That's a nice piece of hair.

You can't even see
the tread marks.

This squirrel died
of natural causes.

Excuse me, pardon me.

I gotta get to the toppy-tip

of the financial summit.

Isn't anyone
going to do anything?

This happens every week.

This guys actually
isn't that bad.

And I'm gonna need
some more string

so I can go on believing
I'll be a real boy some day

without being manipulated

by the bullshit!

Oh, my God, Dick.

Come down from there.

I'm in the middle
of a very important meeting.

Sweetie, you're standing
on a table,

pretending to be a puppet.

Who's pretending?

Couldn't you have
just cut him off?

He only had half a beer.

Dick, hi.

Long time,

no see.

Ahh!

Frank!

I'm gonna get...
Frank!

Just--

Frank, where are you goin'?

I just wanna have a...

talk.

Hey there, Frankie.

How do you like those
eggs Florentine?

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Wait, it was Jack.

It was Jack.

He siphoned off
all of Globodyne's assets.

And then he dumped the stock.

It was his plan
from the beginning.

Son of a bitch.

That fucker!

Hon, language.

She's right.

Yeah, and I bet
when you get out of prison,

you'll get $20 million
to keep your mouth shut.

No, 10.

You think I could have
gotten 20?

Dick.
I want him.

Let go.

Don't you think I feel terrible?

Why do you think
I'm drinking myself to death?

Well, instead of drinking,

why don't you...
do something about it?

Yeah, Frank.

Sometimes the cure
is a clean conscience.

That is good.

Thanks, hon.

I just thought of it.

You did?

Yeah.

You're right.

You're right.
Help me up.

Help me up.

Yeah, help me up.

I gotta think of something.

Okay, just give me a minute.

Just give me--

Hey!

Hey!

Not...this time, Frank.

I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

It's force of habit.

I know a way.

I know a way.

But it's really, really risky.

Four hundred million in
highly liquid U.S. bearer bonds.

So it's a vault job.

Go in after midnight,

bypass security, and--

Vvvvrrr.
Power tools.

It's a little
simpler than that.

Power tools.

out of the safe-deposit box.

Here's my babies.

So, what's he gonna
do with the money?

Bastards.
Honey.

DICK:
They can't hear us.
What's next?

who asks him for his signature

to verify what
they call "membership."

And then, once the bonds
are counted and confirmed,

McCallister will receive
a CRM-114 deposit form,

and on this form,
he inputs his account number

that only he and the bank know.

And then the agent
will take this

to an authorization officer
for further verification.

And once the account
representative has stamped

and initialed the document,

the account rep
will take the CRM-114

back to McCallister for final
approval before finalization.

I thought you said
this was gonna be simple.

Can you explain it again?

Jane doesn't seem to understand.

Jane, it's simple.
It's so simple.

Jeez.
Now, listen.

All we have to do--
Phew.

--is switch
McCallister's CRM-114

with his account number
with one of our own.

So sorry.

A copy that we have made

that has a number
from an account

that I have established.

And Jack sends
the 400 million to us...

without knowing it.

That's-- You got it.
It's, uh, so simple.

That is beautiful.
It's a switch.

FRANK: It's a switch.
DICK: A simple switch.

It's a switch.
That is so sexy, man.

That is unbelievable.
That's gonna be fun.

Except Jane is gonna
have to do the switch,

because if McCallister
sees either one of us,

he's gonna know
something's up.

And I...?

Do nothing.

I can do that.

Yeah.

Okay.

You-- You do it then.

You-- You're the one.

Yep.

I mean, you could do it--
No, it's good.

No, you do it. You do it.
You do it.

You deserve to do it.

Honey, it's--
No.

* A great day coming... *

Are you ready
to make the switch?

Yeah.
Do you have the form?

Honey, it's right here.

We should practice the move
one more time--

No, I got it.
Okay, fine.

I won't even
be involved, you know?

And I won't participate at all.

It's all you.
Let's do one, for good luck.

Oh, I got dressed up.

You're not
doing me any favors.

Get outta the car!
All right.

I just think it's important.
That's all.

Okay, I'll be
the bank representative.

And you be you.
Ho! Whoa, whoa.

Whoa! Hey, hey!
Wait, sir.

No! No, no!

No!

Oh!

Everybody ready?

Uh, no.

What?

Well, Dick
lost the form. So...

What?

Do you have an extra copy?

Do you have any idea

what I went through
to get that form?

Oh, let me guess,
a fifth of Scotch!

You son of a--

Wait. Stop it.
Knock if off!

God, wait a second.

Can we get another one?

Is that possible?
How can we do that?

You know what,
I'm gonna take the car.

And I'm gonna try
to delay McCallister.

He's here. He's here.

Oh, God.

What are you--?
I'm going.

That was not cool.

Okay. It's very simple,
I got it.

I got it.
It's very simple.

Go into the bank.
Go into the office

of the client-relations
coordinator.

All the document forms
are backed up on her hard disk,

so you have
to print one out.

What's this guy?
Do I say hello?

Never mind.
Just blow past 'em.

Whoa.

Oh, certainly.
I'll patch you through.

Quaint.

McCallister.
12 o'clock.

Okay, I'm gonna go.

I'm gonna go...stall him.

Hon.
What?

How am I supposed to find
the relations coordinator?

Turn around.

Oh.

Duh.

Oh, my.

Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.

Jack McCallister.

I'm sorry.

It's me.
Deb Festerbooth.

Hi.

Hi.

Oh, is that the legendary
espresso machine?

You-- You want some?

Really, could I?
Sure, yeah.

Good to see you, sir.

From the fundraiser.

I-I am truly sorry.

But I really
don't recall you, Miss, uh...

Festerbrook. Booth. Yes.

I have to go.
No, listen, this is crazy.

You have to remember.

And here you go.

Thank you.

Oh, excuse me.
That's my phone.

Oh, me too.

Grand Cayman Bank,
how may I help you?

This is Karen.

Yes, Mrs. Williams,

this is Officer...

Redgreen of the...

MVPDL,

and we've recovered
a stolen vehicle

that is registered in your name.

We'd appreciate it if you could
come to the impound lot--

What? My car's been stolen?

of a green monkey on my ass?

Someone stole my car
right outta the parking lot.

No way.

Yeah.

I got it.

[***]

Dick.
Yeah?

Is the client-relations
coordinator

a blond woman with a red scarf?
Yeah.

'Cause I think she noticed
that her car isn't stolen.

What's the account number?

P-N-5-9-7...

P-N-5-9-7...

Uh-huh?
2-K-4-0.

2-4-K--

No, 2-K-4-0!

My car!

Oh, oh. Oh, my God.

Got it.

Oh, my God, my car!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I didn't see
you there.

What is wrong with you?

What's wrong with me?

You're parked
in a handicapped space.

That's not a handicapped space!

It is now!

What are you doing here?

It's too late.
It's too late.

The account rep's authorizing
the CRM-114 right--

Oh, man!

Wait a second.

He's not going back
into the room.

Where is he going?

I'm gonna go down there

and get this stamped
and initialed.

You stall him.

Oh, I hate stalling.

Traffic congestion.

Hey, Spence.
Good to see you again.

How ya been?

Well, thank you. Uh...

Will you excuse me
for a moment?
Of course.

Yeah.

Hey, Dick, I'm probably
gonna be arrested for DWI,

so I won't be there
when you get out.

Can we talk about this later?

Look what I found
in his car.

Because I don't
wish to discuss this

in front of the branch
employees. That's why.

Nobody likes
to be the bad guy, Bill.

But here I am,
chopping heads.

I already verified--

I understand
the need for layoffs.

I'm just concerned
about bank morale.

I'm fine.
Thank you very much.

Thank you.

Madam, can I have my form back?

What did you just call me?

I just don't wanna
start a bloodbath.

Can I have my form back?

Your "forn"?

Is that the correct spelling
of your name?

Why don't I just, um,
do this for you, sir?

My form.

There is one
bright light down here.

Spencer, the guy with
the stampy thing.

He's top-drawer.
Thank you, sir.

Dick?

Dick Harper?

I-I-I-I-I--

M-m-m-m-m--

Jack McCallister.

MAN:
You just struck me.

Look at you!
Look what the cat coughed up.

My gosh, you cut
an impressive swath,

I'll tell you that much.

And you smell good too,
ya devil.

JANE:
Just hold on a second.

What do you say we just
put all this behind us?

Dick, what are you doing here?

You know, working,
mostly, here.

Temporarily,
over in Transfers.

Okay, just drop it.

Yeah, I was in Mexico
for a while.

But most of all,
I've been working in Transfers.

Oh, by the way...

Poppycocker.

You are my greatest
inspiration.

So there's no hard feelings?

Hey, you did
the best you could,

and that's all anybody
could ask for.

Decent of you to say.

Like my granddaddy always
used to tell me.

Bye.

You were so great.
We did it!

Mr. McCallister?

Please.

I don't know.
I think I made a mistake.

Are you kidding?
You were great!

No, no, no.

Days like this,
they make my hand shake.

Know what I'm saying?

I could imagine.

What's he doin'?

I don't know.
What is he doing?

Uh, we got one situation
here, now, fellas,

which is that
that number wrong.

That's incorrect right there.

Did he see us?

I think he saw you.

Mm-mm. Mm-mm.

You were sticking
your big head out there.

I gotta
hit the road here, fellas,

so I'm gonna sign this for ya.

Then you gonna change that.
Yes, of course.

Oh, man.

You know, this is
really not the time.

It's really not the--

Oh, God, he's coming.

He's coming, hon.

Jack, hey, it was great,
uh, seein' ya.

Where's Frank Bascombe?

Come again?

You didn't think I'd catch that,
now, did ya?

Wh-- What do you mean?

All right, Dick,
here's what you're gonna do.

You're gonna turn around.

You gonna march outta here now.
You're gonna take

Goldilocks there with ya.

And I won't put
the two of you in prison

for a very long time.

Actually, honey,

I think that sounds
pretty good. I think--

I think we should
take it, you know.

You think so, hon?

I think-- I do.

Because I don't.

Dick Harper!

I've been terminated,
bankrupted,

deported and blackmailed
because of you.

And I'm not leaving here
without your money.

What you gonna do, Dick?

Shoot me if I don't
approve that form?

Write me a check.

You are kiddin' me.

Dick, it's not
gonna do us any good.

He's just gonna cancel it
the minute we walk out of here.

I don't care.

I don't care.

I'm not walking out
of this bank empty-handed.

All right.
All right, Dick,

I'm gonna write you a check.

I'm gonna need
my hand back, though.

Gladly.

All right, yes, sir.

I'm gonna write you that check.

And what's more,
I'm not gonna cancel it

as soon as I leave
because I think it takes

a lot of cojones to do what
you two have done here today.

And I admire that.

So...

here you go.

Just a little something to show
you what I think you're worth.

Y'all take care, now.

Dick,

honey.

Give me the squirt gun, okay?

Do you still have
McCallister's form?

Why?

Because I just got
his signature.

Weren't you an art major?

Dick Harper!

I had no idea
what you were doing!

I was completely fooled.

God, I didn't know
you could act.

Hon,

in tenth grade I played Biff
in Death of a Salesman.

Oh, that's--

Just-- Wow.

See the way I got
my eyes watering up?

Yes, sir.

It's all right there.

I am married to a genius.

It's a turn-on, isn't it?

You're a criminal.

I'm a hardened criminal.

Hon...

first...

we need to talk
to Spencer.

Right.

Are you in the habit
of signing things without...

looking at them?

McCALLISTER:
Miss Sheinkopf.

Miss Sheinkopf,
I'm gonna be home by 6.

MAN:
Mr. McCallister!

We're all waiting for you
over here, Jack.

Everybody's really pumped.

Come on!

Is this some kind
of a joke, Dick?

Are you still trying
to get even with me?

Why would I wanna
get even

with the most generous man
on the planet?

I still can't believe
you did that.

Jane and I
were way off base.

He's on in 20, right?
Let's hook him up.

Wait. On what?

Sam Samuels.
MoneyLife.

Oh, and, uh,

here are some
suggested responses.

Live to Southern California,

where, in the most stunning act
of personal generosity,

Jack McCallister--
Who do you think you are?

I'm your VP
of Communications, Jack.

--personally funded
the corporation's

struggling pension fund.

Wh-- Wh-- You said
I just did what?

[CHUCKLING]
God.

I love this guy.

But, uh,

seriously, Jack,

what made you do it?

Well, I-I-I, uh,

Sam...
I, uh...

Uh...I-I-I uh...

I realized, Sam,

that since
the employees of Globodyne

had given me so much,

it was time for me
to give back to them.

So yesterday,
I wire-transferred--

$400 million

into the newly-created

Globodyne Pension Relief Fund.

Whoo!

Let's look at what
happened today

when the first
ex-Globodyne employees

received their shares of money.

Many of these people
had their entire life savings

invested in the company

and were delighted to learn

their pensions
had been returned.

It is the first time
in U.S. corporate history

that a CEO
has personally funded

a bankrupted pension plan.

This incredible gesture

won't soon be forgotten
by the people

whose lives it has
so dramatically affected.

And this is just the beginning.
In the coming months,

thousands more
will be receiving a check

for the full value of their
lost pensions and life savings.

Jack, Jack,
he's got your back!

Jack, Jack, he's got your back!

Jack, Jack,
he's got your back!

You hear that?
They love you, Jack.

Now go to hell.

Mr. McCallister,

do you consider yourself
a modern-day Robin Hood?

Do you wanna save the whales?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey.

Have you decided
to contribute to the homeless?

What made you so gracious?

Mr. McCallister,
how do you feel right now?

Mr. McCallister, how about
giving a brother a buck?

Look at our beautiful family.

My name is Dick Harper.

I agree.

Hey, Harpers!

Stick 'em up!
Look who it is.

Garth?

How ya doing, Garth?

Great.
Hey, how do you like

the new wheels?

Nice.

Hooked up
with a new company.

Great benefits.
Yeah?

Yeah. They trade energy.
It's called Enron.

Huh.

* Oh, the moon belongs
To everyone *

* The best things in life
They're free *

* The stars belong
To everyone *

* They gleam there
For you and for me *

* Flowers in spring
The robins that sing *

* The sunbeams that shine *

* They're yours
And they're mine *

* Love can come to everyone *

* The best things in life
They're free *

* Moon belongs to everyone *

* The best things in life
They're free *

* Stars belong to everyone *

* They glitter there
For you and me *

* Flowers in spring
The robins that sing *

* Sunbeams that shine *

* Oh, they're yours
And they're mine, y'all *

* Love can come to everyone *

* The best things in life
They're free *

* Oh *

* All the good things *

* Every one
Of the better things *

* The best
Best things in life *

* They're free *

* Ha *