Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
2
00:00:27,050 --> 00:00:30,940
TYRES SQUEAL
3
00:00:34,010 --> 00:00:36,049
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
4
00:00:36,050 --> 00:00:36,529
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
5
00:00:36,530 --> 00:00:38,569
LAUGHTER
That's it, Pusface!
6
00:00:38,570 --> 00:00:38,929
LAUGHTER
That's it, Pusface!
7
00:00:38,930 --> 00:00:40,369
Jonny! Keep running!
8
00:00:40,370 --> 00:00:42,049
Get off! What?
9
00:00:42,050 --> 00:00:44,089
Pissface! Agh! Oh! Oh!
10
00:00:44,090 --> 00:00:46,129
Pissface! Agh! Oh! Oh!
11
00:00:46,130 --> 00:00:47,449
Pissface! Agh! Oh! Oh!
12
00:00:47,450 --> 00:00:49,489
I did it! You weirdo.
13
00:00:49,490 --> 00:00:49,849
I did it! You weirdo.
14
00:00:49,850 --> 00:00:51,889
Running all the way.
15
00:00:51,890 --> 00:00:52,489
Running all the way.
16
00:00:52,490 --> 00:00:54,529
Water! Water, please?
Ugh! Please?
17
00:00:54,530 --> 00:00:57,799
Water! Water, please?
Ugh! Please?
18
00:00:57,800 --> 00:00:59,719
My champion!
19
00:00:59,720 --> 00:01:01,729
Salt? You bloody arsehole!
20
00:01:01,730 --> 00:01:03,769
Salt? You bloody arsehole!
21
00:01:03,770 --> 00:01:04,609
Salt? You bloody arsehole!
22
00:01:04,610 --> 00:01:06,649
It worked! It worked!
Jonathan!
23
00:01:06,650 --> 00:01:07,729
It worked! It worked!
Jonathan!
24
00:01:07,730 --> 00:01:09,529
Come in, Adam.
25
00:01:09,530 --> 00:01:11,569
YOU... can piss off!
What...? Oi!
26
00:01:11,570 --> 00:01:12,769
YOU... can piss off!
What...? Oi!
27
00:01:12,770 --> 00:01:14,119
My little Bobble.
28
00:01:14,120 --> 00:01:16,199
Running home to Mummy.
29
00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:17,089
Running home to Mummy.
30
00:01:17,090 --> 00:01:19,129
That was a killer. Classic.
31
00:01:19,130 --> 00:01:19,399
That was a killer. Classic.
32
00:01:19,400 --> 00:01:21,409
Ow!
33
00:01:21,410 --> 00:01:23,449
Mum! Come through, sweetie.
34
00:01:23,450 --> 00:01:24,529
Mum! Come through, sweetie.
35
00:01:24,530 --> 00:01:26,119
Dead.
36
00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:29,329
HE CHORTLES
37
00:01:29,330 --> 00:01:31,249
Here you are, darling.
38
00:01:31,250 --> 00:01:33,319
Thirsty.
I bet you are. So brave.
39
00:01:33,320 --> 00:01:33,649
Thirsty.
I bet you are. So brave.
40
00:01:33,650 --> 00:01:35,569
So brave? So disgusting!
41
00:01:35,570 --> 00:01:37,639
SNIFFS
Oh, he stinks.
42
00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:39,649
Er, do you want me to rub my sweaty
groin juice all over your face?
43
00:01:39,650 --> 00:01:40,039
Er, do you want me to rub my sweaty
groin juice all over your face?
44
00:01:40,040 --> 00:01:42,119
You dare!
Boys! Ugh, groin juice?! Revolting!
45
00:01:42,120 --> 00:01:43,609
You dare!
Boys! Ugh, groin juice?! Revolting!
46
00:01:43,610 --> 00:01:45,649
TUTS
Oh, beef tonight.
47
00:01:45,650 --> 00:01:45,959
TUTS
Oh, beef tonight.
48
00:01:45,960 --> 00:01:47,449
Beef? Boom! Yes!
49
00:01:47,450 --> 00:01:48,679
Bring it on!
50
00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:50,689
And I thought maybe you were going
to ask your girlfriends over,
51
00:01:50,690 --> 00:01:51,079
And I thought maybe you were going
to ask your girlfriends over,
52
00:01:51,080 --> 00:01:52,729
you know, the ones we've never met?
53
00:01:52,730 --> 00:01:54,769
You thought wrong.
Very wrong.
54
00:01:54,770 --> 00:01:55,009
You thought wrong.
Very wrong.
55
00:01:55,010 --> 00:01:56,569
Oh, it is Dad's birthday.
56
00:01:56,570 --> 00:01:58,609
Where is the birthday boy... er,
man?
57
00:01:58,610 --> 00:01:58,849
Where is the birthday boy... er,
man?
58
00:01:58,850 --> 00:02:00,889
And what is this doing here?
59
00:02:00,890 --> 00:02:01,159
And what is this doing here?
60
00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:03,169
Cos your not-mad father made me
take it all down.
61
00:02:03,170 --> 00:02:05,209
Did he?He's been such a
misery guts all day.
62
00:02:05,210 --> 00:02:06,049
Did he?He's been such a
misery guts all day.
63
00:02:06,050 --> 00:02:08,089
I don't know what to do with him.
Push him off the roof?
64
00:02:08,090 --> 00:02:08,449
I don't know what to do with him.
Push him off the roof?
65
00:02:08,450 --> 00:02:10,249
LAUGHS
Finally.
66
00:02:10,250 --> 00:02:12,289
Wait! Just a minute.
67
00:02:12,290 --> 00:02:13,159
Wait! Just a minute.
68
00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:15,079
There, Bobble. Really?
69
00:02:15,080 --> 00:02:16,849
Good boy.
70
00:02:16,850 --> 00:02:18,889
Good dog. Pissface!
71
00:02:18,890 --> 00:02:19,489
Good dog. Pissface!
72
00:02:19,490 --> 00:02:21,529
Oh, hello, Martin.
GRUNTS
73
00:02:21,530 --> 00:02:21,799
Oh, hello, Martin.
GRUNTS
74
00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:23,449
Happy birthday, Dad.
Happy birthday.
75
00:02:23,450 --> 00:02:25,489
Balls! Sorry? What? Balls!
76
00:02:25,490 --> 00:02:25,969
Balls! Sorry? What? Balls!
77
00:02:25,970 --> 00:02:28,009
Can you please stop saying "balls"
every time anyone wishes you
78
00:02:28,010 --> 00:02:28,849
Can you please stop saying "balls"
every time anyone wishes you
79
00:02:28,850 --> 00:02:30,049
a happy birthday?! See?
80
00:02:30,050 --> 00:02:31,399
Why are you dressed like a berk?
81
00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:33,049
You are in a good mood, aren't you?
82
00:02:33,050 --> 00:02:35,089
Martin, you know
Adam was running here tonight.
83
00:02:35,090 --> 00:02:35,329
Martin, you know
Adam was running here tonight.
84
00:02:35,330 --> 00:02:36,679
Why were you running again?
85
00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:38,689
Cos he's a tit. Groin juice?
Don't you dare!
86
00:02:38,690 --> 00:02:39,049
Cos he's a tit. Groin juice?
Don't you dare!
87
00:02:39,050 --> 00:02:41,089
Don't you remember?
For his training.
88
00:02:41,090 --> 00:02:41,479
Don't you remember?
For his training.
89
00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:43,249
The race, remember? Sunday?
90
00:02:43,250 --> 00:02:44,839
What? Oh, yeah. The marathon.
91
00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:46,609
It's not a marathon. Really?
92
00:02:46,610 --> 00:02:48,679
You're running a marathon, aren't
you? Very good.
93
00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:49,009
You're running a marathon, aren't
you? Very good.
94
00:02:49,010 --> 00:02:51,079
You know it's not a marathon.
Sorry. Half marathon. Keep going.
95
00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:51,559
You know it's not a marathon.
Sorry. Half marathon. Keep going.
96
00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:53,569
You don't mean
quarter marathon, do you?
97
00:02:53,570 --> 00:02:53,929
You don't mean
quarter marathon, do you?
98
00:02:53,930 --> 00:02:55,969
Stop it, Jonny. It's not a quarter
marathon, is it?
99
00:02:55,970 --> 00:02:57,049
Stop it, Jonny. It's not a quarter
marathon, is it?
100
00:02:57,050 --> 00:02:59,089
It's a half marathon. Mum, I told
you, it's a quarter marathon.
101
00:02:59,090 --> 00:03:00,529
It's a half marathon. Mum, I told
you, it's a quarter marathon.
102
00:03:00,530 --> 00:03:02,449
That's what I've been training for
a quarter marathon.
103
00:03:02,450 --> 00:03:04,249
Quarter marathon? Does that even
exist?
104
00:03:04,250 --> 00:03:06,049
I bet you couldn't run a quarter
marathon.
105
00:03:06,050 --> 00:03:08,089
Course I could. What, is it? A mile?
Er, 6.5 miles.
106
00:03:08,090 --> 00:03:09,049
Course I could. What, is it? A mile?
Er, 6.5 miles.
107
00:03:09,050 --> 00:03:11,089
6.55 miles.
108
00:03:11,090 --> 00:03:11,449
6.55 miles.
109
00:03:11,450 --> 00:03:13,489
Human calculator. Ugh! I need more
water. Allow me. Er, no thanks!
110
00:03:13,490 --> 00:03:15,079
Human calculator. Ugh! I need more
water. Allow me. Er, no thanks!
111
00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:17,089
Boys, behave!
112
00:03:17,090 --> 00:03:18,169
Pusface.
113
00:03:18,170 --> 00:03:20,809
Did you make these?
114
00:03:20,810 --> 00:03:22,849
Seriously, do you have to be
such a dick?
115
00:03:22,850 --> 00:03:23,089
Seriously, do you have to be
such a dick?
116
00:03:23,090 --> 00:03:25,159
Yup. And seriously,
do you have to smell like a sewer?
117
00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:25,489
Yup. And seriously,
do you have to smell like a sewer?
118
00:03:25,490 --> 00:03:27,529
Um, no, that's just your face.
119
00:03:27,530 --> 00:03:27,769
Um, no, that's just your face.
120
00:03:27,770 --> 00:03:29,809
Sorry? Groin juice? Urgh!
121
00:03:29,810 --> 00:03:30,649
Sorry? Groin juice? Urgh!
122
00:03:30,650 --> 00:03:32,689
No!Adam!
123
00:03:32,690 --> 00:03:34,129
No!Adam!
124
00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:35,569
JONNY HOWLS
125
00:03:35,570 --> 00:03:37,639
It's actually 6.554 miles.
126
00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:39,769
It's actually 6.554 miles.
127
00:03:39,770 --> 00:03:43,249
Oh!
128
00:03:43,250 --> 00:03:45,319
So, we only got you a couple of
things,
129
00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:45,649
So, we only got you a couple of
things,
130
00:03:45,650 --> 00:03:47,719
cos you only asked for a
couple of things.
131
00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:48,049
cos you only asked for a
couple of things.
132
00:03:48,050 --> 00:03:50,089
The world's most boring
couple of things.
133
00:03:50,090 --> 00:03:50,449
The world's most boring
couple of things.
134
00:03:50,450 --> 00:03:52,199
Here. Is this a present?
135
00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:53,959
No, it's your arse.
136
00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:57,409
Course it's a present!
137
00:03:57,410 --> 00:04:01,009
No need to say thank you.
138
00:04:01,010 --> 00:04:03,049
It's a battery tester.
Yes.
139
00:04:03,050 --> 00:04:03,559
It's a battery tester.
Yes.
140
00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:05,159
Well, say thank you.
141
00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:07,129
In a minute! I haven't tested it
yet.
142
00:04:07,130 --> 00:04:07,729
In a minute! I haven't tested it
yet.
143
00:04:07,730 --> 00:04:09,769
You're going to test the battery
tester? Obviously.
144
00:04:09,770 --> 00:04:10,489
You're going to test the battery
tester? Obviously.
145
00:04:10,490 --> 00:04:12,529
God, how much crap
do you keep in your pockets?
146
00:04:12,530 --> 00:04:13,319
God, how much crap
do you keep in your pockets?
147
00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:15,289
Pillock. Here! Have a pound!
148
00:04:15,290 --> 00:04:15,559
Pillock. Here! Have a pound!
149
00:04:15,560 --> 00:04:17,329
Ow! God, Dad!Martin!
150
00:04:17,330 --> 00:04:19,399
LAUGHS
Nice shot, Dad.
151
00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:19,729
LAUGHS
Nice shot, Dad.
152
00:04:19,730 --> 00:04:21,169
TESTER BEEPS
153
00:04:21,170 --> 00:04:23,209
It works.
154
00:04:23,210 --> 00:04:25,489
It works.
155
00:04:25,490 --> 00:04:26,929
You're welcome.
156
00:04:26,930 --> 00:04:28,999
PHONE RINGS
157
00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:32,359
Oh, please stop calling me.
158
00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:34,369
SIGHS
It's your wretched mother again.
159
00:04:34,370 --> 00:04:34,849
SIGHS
It's your wretched mother again.
160
00:04:34,850 --> 00:04:36,889
Ugh! Horrible Grandma.
161
00:04:36,890 --> 00:04:37,319
Ugh! Horrible Grandma.
162
00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:39,049
Hello again, Cynthia.
163
00:04:39,050 --> 00:04:41,089
It's Martin's birthday.
164
00:04:41,090 --> 00:04:41,329
It's Martin's birthday.
165
00:04:41,330 --> 00:04:42,919
I know, Cynthia.
166
00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:44,929
Martin's my only son.
167
00:04:44,930 --> 00:04:46,969
Cynthia, we've had this conversation
three times already.
168
00:04:46,970 --> 00:04:48,049
Cynthia, we've had this conversation
three times already.
169
00:04:48,050 --> 00:04:50,119
We're having a quiet night in,
just the four of us, OK?
170
00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:53,809
We're having a quiet night in,
just the four of us, OK?
171
00:04:53,810 --> 00:04:55,879
She hung up. Again. Good.
Nice one, Mum.
172
00:04:55,880 --> 00:04:56,569
She hung up. Again. Good.
Nice one, Mum.
173
00:04:56,570 --> 00:04:58,609
I'm sorry, but I'm not having
that grotty old moose ruining
174
00:04:58,610 --> 00:04:59,239
I'm sorry, but I'm not having
that grotty old moose ruining
175
00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:02,569
another of Dad's birthdays.
176
00:05:02,570 --> 00:05:04,609
Yes, another
of Dad's wonderful birthdays.
177
00:05:04,610 --> 00:05:05,209
Yes, another
of Dad's wonderful birthdays.
178
00:05:05,210 --> 00:05:07,009
Huh?
179
00:05:07,010 --> 00:05:08,359
Here, Mr Wonderful.
180
00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:10,009
Is that my other present?
181
00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:13,900
No, it's your other arse.
182
00:05:14,330 --> 00:05:16,369
Drill bits. You're welcome again.
183
00:05:16,370 --> 00:05:18,889
Drill bits. You're welcome again.
184
00:05:18,890 --> 00:05:20,039
Where are you going?
185
00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:22,009
Well, to test the drill
bits, obviously.
186
00:05:22,010 --> 00:05:22,489
Well, to test the drill
bits, obviously.
187
00:05:22,490 --> 00:05:24,529
CHUCKLES
What is wrong with him tonight?
188
00:05:24,530 --> 00:05:24,889
CHUCKLES
What is wrong with him tonight?
189
00:05:24,890 --> 00:05:26,809
Maybe we could drill
into his head to find out.
190
00:05:26,810 --> 00:05:28,849
DRILLING
Dad!Right!
191
00:05:28,850 --> 00:05:30,919
DRILLING
Dad!Right!
192
00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:31,399
DRILLING
Dad!Right!
193
00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:33,409
I'm not having any more of this
crap!
194
00:05:33,410 --> 00:05:34,849
My drill!
195
00:05:34,850 --> 00:05:36,199
Martin! It's your birthday!
196
00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:38,209
Why are you being such a grumpy git
the whole time?
197
00:05:38,210 --> 00:05:40,199
What are you talking about?
I'm serious.
198
00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:41,569
What is going on? What?
199
00:05:41,570 --> 00:05:43,399
Nothing is going on.
200
00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:44,449
TUTS
201
00:05:44,450 --> 00:05:46,369
Dad? Dad?
202
00:05:46,370 --> 00:05:48,409
HE SIGHS
All right! God.
203
00:05:48,410 --> 00:05:51,409
HE SIGHS
All right! God.
204
00:05:51,410 --> 00:05:53,449
I'm not going into space.
205
00:05:53,450 --> 00:05:54,649
I'm not going into space.
206
00:05:54,650 --> 00:05:55,729
I'm sorry?
207
00:05:55,730 --> 00:05:57,799
I'm not going into bloody space!
208
00:05:57,800 --> 00:05:58,009
I'm not going into bloody space!
209
00:05:58,010 --> 00:06:00,049
Wha...?
210
00:06:00,050 --> 00:06:00,769
Wha...?
211
00:06:00,770 --> 00:06:02,809
You're not going into space?
When are you not going into space?
212
00:06:02,810 --> 00:06:03,079
You're not going into space?
When are you not going into space?
213
00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:05,159
Tonight?
Well, obviously not tonight!
214
00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:05,449
Tonight?
Well, obviously not tonight!
215
00:06:05,450 --> 00:06:07,489
Did you see my spaceship outside?
216
00:06:07,490 --> 00:06:07,729
Did you see my spaceship outside?
217
00:06:07,730 --> 00:06:09,479
Er, have you been drinking?
218
00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:11,449
Yeah, out of the drains?
What are you talking about, Martin?
219
00:06:11,450 --> 00:06:12,529
Yeah, out of the drains?
What are you talking about, Martin?
220
00:06:12,530 --> 00:06:14,119
I read an article.
221
00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:15,559
Right.
222
00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:16,849
Read it.
223
00:06:16,850 --> 00:06:18,439
What? The whole article?
224
00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:20,449
Oh, bleeding hell!
225
00:06:20,450 --> 00:06:21,649
Oh, bleeding hell!
226
00:06:21,650 --> 00:06:23,569
"Affordable space travel for all
227
00:06:23,570 --> 00:06:25,639
"not expected until 2050, say
experts."
228
00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:29,530
"not expected until 2050, say
experts."
229
00:06:29,690 --> 00:06:31,009
And?
230
00:06:31,010 --> 00:06:33,049
2050.
231
00:06:33,050 --> 00:06:33,319
2050.
232
00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:35,089
And? Well, I'll be dead
by then, won't I?
233
00:06:35,090 --> 00:06:36,409
Will you? Yes.
234
00:06:36,410 --> 00:06:38,449
Right, and who told you that?
Your psychic doctor?
235
00:06:38,450 --> 00:06:39,289
Right, and who told you that?
Your psychic doctor?
236
00:06:39,290 --> 00:06:40,999
Prats. The computer system.
237
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:42,889
It's called the internet,
but do go on.
238
00:06:42,890 --> 00:06:44,929
There was this programme on
it, and it asks your date of birth
239
00:06:44,930 --> 00:06:45,169
There was this programme on
it, and it asks your date of birth
240
00:06:45,170 --> 00:06:47,239
and other stuff, and then it tells
you when you're going to,
241
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:47,569
and other stuff, and then it tells
you when you're going to,
242
00:06:47,570 --> 00:06:48,679
you know, die.
243
00:06:48,680 --> 00:06:50,759
Oh, Martin. Why would you do that?
244
00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:51,769
Oh, Martin. Why would you do that?
245
00:06:51,770 --> 00:06:53,809
I die on April 9th, 2048.
246
00:06:53,810 --> 00:06:54,409
I die on April 9th, 2048.
247
00:06:54,410 --> 00:06:56,449
Oh, my God, Dad!
I did yours as well.
248
00:06:56,450 --> 00:06:56,809
Oh, my God, Dad!
I did yours as well.
249
00:06:56,810 --> 00:06:58,849
No way! What?
You did the boys?
250
00:06:58,850 --> 00:06:59,089
No way! What?
You did the boys?
251
00:06:59,090 --> 00:07:01,159
Er, we really don't want to know
when we die, thank you! Yeah!
252
00:07:01,160 --> 00:07:01,849
Er, we really don't want to know
when we die, thank you! Yeah!
253
00:07:01,850 --> 00:07:03,889
You looked up when our lovely
sons are going to...
254
00:07:03,890 --> 00:07:05,809
You looked up when our lovely
sons are going to...
255
00:07:05,810 --> 00:07:07,399
...perish? What?
256
00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:09,479
How could you do such a thing?
You didn't do mine, did you?
257
00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:09,799
How could you do such a thing?
You didn't do mine, did you?
258
00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:11,569
Well, you last a couple of months
after me.
259
00:07:11,570 --> 00:07:13,639
Oh, my God! Incredible.
3rd of June, 2048.
260
00:07:13,640 --> 00:07:14,759
Oh, my God! Incredible.
3rd of June, 2048.
261
00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:16,729
Dad!Martin! Right.
262
00:07:16,730 --> 00:07:17,089
Dad!Martin! Right.
263
00:07:17,090 --> 00:07:19,129
Thank you for telling me
when I'm actually going to die.
264
00:07:19,130 --> 00:07:19,609
Thank you for telling me
when I'm actually going to die.
265
00:07:19,610 --> 00:07:21,529
Thank you so much!
266
00:07:21,530 --> 00:07:23,329
You're unbelievable!
267
00:07:23,330 --> 00:07:25,369
Eh? Calm down, Jackie.
268
00:07:25,370 --> 00:07:27,409
It's probably not the
exact exact date.
269
00:07:27,410 --> 00:07:27,719
It's probably not the
exact exact date.
270
00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:29,689
Just go away. Although, it's
probably pretty close,
271
00:07:29,690 --> 00:07:30,049
Just go away. Although, it's
probably pretty close,
272
00:07:30,050 --> 00:07:32,089
because I did have to put in quite a
lot of your medical data so, er...
273
00:07:32,090 --> 00:07:32,449
because I did have to put in quite a
lot of your medical data so, er...
274
00:07:32,450 --> 00:07:34,369
Right. Thank you again!
275
00:07:34,370 --> 00:07:35,449
DOORBELL
276
00:07:35,450 --> 00:07:36,769
SIGHS
277
00:07:36,770 --> 00:07:38,809
If that's your bloody mother
coming to ruin everything...
278
00:07:38,810 --> 00:07:39,289
If that's your bloody mother
coming to ruin everything...
279
00:07:39,290 --> 00:07:41,329
I am so angry with you!
280
00:07:41,330 --> 00:07:42,649
I am so angry with you!
281
00:07:42,650 --> 00:07:44,689
Well done.
Yes, good work, Doctor Death.
282
00:07:44,690 --> 00:07:46,609
Well done.
Yes, good work, Doctor Death.
283
00:07:46,610 --> 00:07:48,679
Please don't be her.
284
00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:49,009
Please don't be her.
285
00:07:49,010 --> 00:07:51,079
GROANS
286
00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:51,409
GROANS
287
00:07:51,410 --> 00:07:52,729
Jackie?
288
00:07:52,730 --> 00:07:54,599
Oh, Jim! Thank God it's you.
289
00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:56,569
Oh, Jackie, thank God it's you, too.
290
00:07:56,570 --> 00:07:57,649
Oh, Jackie, thank God it's you, too.
291
00:07:57,650 --> 00:07:59,719
Um, can I help you, Jim?
What?
292
00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:00,049
Um, can I help you, Jim?
What?
293
00:08:00,050 --> 00:08:02,089
Oh, yes, we just popped round
to wish Martin a happy birthday,
294
00:08:02,090 --> 00:08:04,129
Oh, yes, we just popped round
to wish Martin a happy birthday,
295
00:08:04,130 --> 00:08:04,369
Oh, yes, we just popped round
to wish Martin a happy birthday,
296
00:08:04,370 --> 00:08:06,289
didn't we, Milson?
297
00:08:06,290 --> 00:08:07,969
Um, hello, Jim.
298
00:08:07,970 --> 00:08:09,409
Happy birthday, Martin.
299
00:08:09,410 --> 00:08:11,089
Balls!Ugh!
300
00:08:11,090 --> 00:08:13,129
Um, Jim, could I have your date of
birth, please?
301
00:08:13,130 --> 00:08:14,929
OTHERS: Do not tell him!
Don't tell him that!
302
00:08:14,930 --> 00:08:16,969
Right, why don't you go in there
and practise holding your breath
303
00:08:16,970 --> 00:08:17,209
Right, why don't you go in there
and practise holding your breath
304
00:08:17,210 --> 00:08:19,249
for an hour, hmm?
Jackie!
305
00:08:19,250 --> 00:08:20,569
Bye-bye, Martin.
306
00:08:20,570 --> 00:08:22,249
But, Jackie!
307
00:08:22,250 --> 00:08:23,929
Anything else, Jim? Yes, um,
308
00:08:23,930 --> 00:08:25,969
I wondered if I could perhaps
perform some magic tricks
309
00:08:25,970 --> 00:08:27,289
I wondered if I could perhaps
perform some magic tricks
310
00:08:27,290 --> 00:08:29,089
for the birthday boy.
311
00:08:29,090 --> 00:08:30,649
What? Magic tricks?
312
00:08:30,650 --> 00:08:32,039
You do magic?
313
00:08:32,040 --> 00:08:33,649
Oh, yes, we've been teaching
ourselves
314
00:08:33,650 --> 00:08:35,719
lots of magic tricks lately,
haven't we, Milson?
315
00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:37,639
lots of magic tricks lately,
haven't we, Milson?
316
00:08:37,640 --> 00:08:41,530
Look.
317
00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:48,289
NERVY MUTTERINGS
318
00:08:48,290 --> 00:08:50,209
NERVY MUTTERINGS
319
00:08:50,210 --> 00:08:51,559
What are you doing?
320
00:08:51,560 --> 00:08:53,569
Magic with my magic hankie.
321
00:08:53,570 --> 00:08:56,689
Magic with my magic hankie.
322
00:08:56,690 --> 00:08:58,759
Does Martin enjoy magic?
323
00:08:58,760 --> 00:08:59,239
Does Martin enjoy magic?
324
00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:01,319
Absolutely hates it.
Would rather set his head on fire.
325
00:09:01,320 --> 00:09:02,119
Absolutely hates it.
Would rather set his head on fire.
326
00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:06,010
Um, do come in, Jim.
327
00:09:07,970 --> 00:09:10,009
Any card? Any card, Martin.
328
00:09:10,010 --> 00:09:10,609
Any card? Any card, Martin.
329
00:09:10,610 --> 00:09:12,409
Bleeding hell. Now what?
330
00:09:12,410 --> 00:09:15,239
Look at the card.
331
00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:17,209
And now tell me what the card is.
332
00:09:17,210 --> 00:09:18,409
And now tell me what the card is.
333
00:09:18,410 --> 00:09:20,449
Really? Um, the Four Of Clubs.
334
00:09:20,450 --> 00:09:21,479
Really? Um, the Four Of Clubs.
335
00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:25,370
BREATHES HEAVILY
336
00:09:26,330 --> 00:09:28,369
Martin Goodman,
is your card the King Of Diamonds?
337
00:09:28,370 --> 00:09:30,439
Martin Goodman,
is your card the King Of Diamonds?
338
00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:32,449
Martin Goodman,
is your card the King Of Diamonds?
339
00:09:32,450 --> 00:09:32,809
Martin Goodman,
is your card the King Of Diamonds?
340
00:09:32,810 --> 00:09:34,849
What?
No. The Four Of Clubs!
341
00:09:34,850 --> 00:09:35,089
What?
No. The Four Of Clubs!
342
00:09:35,090 --> 00:09:37,159
Oh, yes. I can never do that one.
343
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:37,369
Oh, yes. I can never do that one.
344
00:09:37,370 --> 00:09:39,289
Well, thanks so much, Jim.
345
00:09:39,290 --> 00:09:41,329
Er, sorry, Martin, but I don't think
Jim's quite finished. Have you?
346
00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:43,399
Er, sorry, Martin, but I don't think
Jim's quite finished. Have you?
347
00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:44,209
Er, sorry, Martin, but I don't think
Jim's quite finished. Have you?
348
00:09:44,210 --> 00:09:46,249
Oh, no, Jackie,
I've got lots more magic for Martin.
349
00:09:46,250 --> 00:09:48,529
Oh, no, Jackie,
I've got lots more magic for Martin.
350
00:09:48,530 --> 00:09:50,209
How exciting!
351
00:09:50,210 --> 00:09:52,249
Do carry on, Jim. Yes, bravo!
352
00:09:52,250 --> 00:09:53,209
Do carry on, Jim. Yes, bravo!
353
00:09:53,210 --> 00:09:55,249
Bravo! Buggers.
354
00:09:55,250 --> 00:09:57,479
Bravo! Buggers.
355
00:09:57,480 --> 00:09:59,449
Well, that's your dad sorted
for the night!
356
00:09:59,450 --> 00:10:00,169
Well, that's your dad sorted
for the night!
357
00:10:00,170 --> 00:10:01,729
Maybe Jim will saw him in half.
358
00:10:01,730 --> 00:10:03,769
CHUCKLES
Or much smaller pieces.
359
00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:05,569
CHUCKLES
Or much smaller pieces.
360
00:10:05,570 --> 00:10:07,609
Shall we just start dinner without
him? Yes, please! Definitely.
361
00:10:07,610 --> 00:10:08,359
Shall we just start dinner without
him? Yes, please! Definitely.
362
00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:10,439
Right. Birthday beef
without the birthday boy!
363
00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:12,199
Right. Birthday beef
without the birthday boy!
364
00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:14,279
Skill McGill!
Skilligan McGilligan!
365
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:15,049
Skill McGill!
Skilligan McGilligan!
366
00:10:15,050 --> 00:10:17,089
DOOR CLOSES
Huh? Hello?
367
00:10:17,090 --> 00:10:20,039
DOOR CLOSES
Huh? Hello?
368
00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:22,009
What are you doing? Where's Jim?
He's gone.Gone?
369
00:10:22,010 --> 00:10:22,969
What are you doing? Where's Jim?
He's gone.Gone?
370
00:10:22,970 --> 00:10:25,009
Yeah, I paid him and he went.
You paid him? Ah!
371
00:10:25,010 --> 00:10:25,639
Yeah, I paid him and he went.
You paid him? Ah!
372
00:10:25,640 --> 00:10:27,239
So that's how you get rid of Jim.
373
00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:29,209
What did you pay him with?
I found 20 quid in your purse.
374
00:10:29,210 --> 00:10:29,569
What did you pay him with?
I found 20 quid in your purse.
375
00:10:29,570 --> 00:10:31,609
Fantastic.
Er, thank you very much, Martin.
376
00:10:31,610 --> 00:10:32,089
Fantastic.
Er, thank you very much, Martin.
377
00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:34,129
Can I have my dinner now?
No, you cannot have your dinner now.
378
00:10:34,130 --> 00:10:34,609
Can I have my dinner now?
No, you cannot have your dinner now.
379
00:10:34,610 --> 00:10:36,409
Boys?
380
00:10:36,410 --> 00:10:38,449
Jackie! What am I going to bleeding
eat? It's my birthday!
381
00:10:38,450 --> 00:10:40,369
Jackie! What am I going to bleeding
eat? It's my birthday!
382
00:10:40,370 --> 00:10:42,409
Er, really? I thought it
was your death day.
383
00:10:42,410 --> 00:10:43,369
Er, really? I thought it
was your death day.
384
00:10:43,370 --> 00:10:45,409
Not this crap again.Well, maybe we
don't want our dinner
385
00:10:45,410 --> 00:10:45,769
Not this crap again.Well, maybe we
don't want our dinner
386
00:10:45,770 --> 00:10:47,809
with someone who keeps telling
us when we're gonna drop dead. What?
387
00:10:47,810 --> 00:10:48,889
with someone who keeps telling
us when we're gonna drop dead. What?
388
00:10:48,890 --> 00:10:50,929
I didn't tell you when the boys were
going to drop dead. How kind.
389
00:10:50,930 --> 00:10:51,719
I didn't tell you when the boys were
going to drop dead. How kind.
390
00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:53,689
Anyway, those two have nothing
to worry about.
391
00:10:53,690 --> 00:10:55,729
They go on for years.
Please shut up.
392
00:10:55,730 --> 00:10:55,969
They go on for years.
Please shut up.
393
00:10:55,970 --> 00:10:59,569
Yes, shut up, Martin. Oh, potatoes.
394
00:10:59,570 --> 00:11:01,609
You last right up to
the Mars Colonisation Programme.
395
00:11:01,610 --> 00:11:02,689
You last right up to
the Mars Colonisation Programme.
396
00:11:02,690 --> 00:11:04,729
Um, and what year is
the Mars Colonisation Programme?
397
00:11:04,730 --> 00:11:06,769
Um, and what year is
the Mars Colonisation Programme?
398
00:11:06,770 --> 00:11:07,129
Um, and what year is
the Mars Colonisation Programme?
399
00:11:07,130 --> 00:11:09,049
Er...
400
00:11:09,050 --> 00:11:11,089
2085.
401
00:11:11,090 --> 00:11:13,129
GROANS
Wait! 2085 that's all right, isn't it?
402
00:11:13,130 --> 00:11:15,169
GROANS
Wait! 2085 that's all right, isn't it?
403
00:11:15,170 --> 00:11:15,559
GROANS
Wait! 2085 that's all right, isn't it?
404
00:11:15,560 --> 00:11:17,569
Er, yeah, actually,
that is ages away.
405
00:11:17,570 --> 00:11:18,289
Er, yeah, actually,
that is ages away.
406
00:11:18,290 --> 00:11:20,359
See? And you get to go to Mars,
you lucky sods.
407
00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:20,929
See? And you get to go to Mars,
you lucky sods.
408
00:11:20,930 --> 00:11:22,369
What do you think about that?
409
00:11:22,370 --> 00:11:24,199
Yeah, that's pretty cool. Yeah.
410
00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:26,279
Sorry, no. Adam, you
get to go to Mars.
411
00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:27,079
Sorry, no. Adam, you
get to go to Mars.
412
00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:29,089
Jonny, you don't. What?
Cos you die first.
413
00:11:29,090 --> 00:11:29,809
Jonny, you don't. What?
Cos you die first.
414
00:11:29,810 --> 00:11:31,609
Ah! I die first?
415
00:11:31,610 --> 00:11:33,049
But Adam's older than me!
416
00:11:33,050 --> 00:11:35,089
Yeah, but he lives longer cos of
his, you know, running and exercise.
417
00:11:35,090 --> 00:11:35,719
Yeah, but he lives longer cos of
his, you know, running and exercise.
418
00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:37,799
Of course! My running and exercise.
419
00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:38,329
Of course! My running and exercise.
420
00:11:38,330 --> 00:11:40,129
HE HEAVES
421
00:11:40,130 --> 00:11:42,169
July 22nd, 2082.
That's when you die.
422
00:11:42,170 --> 00:11:42,769
July 22nd, 2082.
That's when you die.
423
00:11:42,770 --> 00:11:45,049
Oh, my God!What?
424
00:11:45,050 --> 00:11:47,089
Dad just told me my death day.
Oh, Martin! Ow!
425
00:11:47,090 --> 00:11:48,529
Dad just told me my death day.
Oh, Martin! Ow!
426
00:11:48,530 --> 00:11:50,599
July 22nd, 2082.
Don't tell me, Jonny!
427
00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:51,409
July 22nd, 2082.
Don't tell me, Jonny!
428
00:11:51,410 --> 00:11:52,519
Ow!
429
00:11:52,520 --> 00:11:54,599
Jackie, calm down. Adam's gonna go
to Mars. Isn't that fantastic?
430
00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:55,849
Jackie, calm down. Adam's gonna go
to Mars. Isn't that fantastic?
431
00:11:55,850 --> 00:11:57,799
That is fantastic.
I need a drink.
432
00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:59,809
But, Jackie, Mars!
Don't you think that's incredible?
433
00:11:59,810 --> 00:12:00,049
But, Jackie, Mars!
Don't you think that's incredible?
434
00:12:00,050 --> 00:12:02,119
Mars, Mars, Mars.
435
00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:03,289
Mars, Mars, Mars.
436
00:12:03,290 --> 00:12:05,329
Brilliant. Well, I promise
I'll give you a lovely funeral.
437
00:12:05,330 --> 00:12:07,129
Brilliant. Well, I promise
I'll give you a lovely funeral.
438
00:12:07,130 --> 00:12:09,169
Thank you. And I'll try not
to fart on your grave.
439
00:12:09,170 --> 00:12:10,489
Thank you. And I'll try not
to fart on your grave.
440
00:12:10,490 --> 00:12:11,929
Pusface!
441
00:12:11,930 --> 00:12:13,969
Anyway, it's all crap, isn't it,
working out when you're gonna die?
442
00:12:13,970 --> 00:12:14,809
Anyway, it's all crap, isn't it,
working out when you're gonna die?
443
00:12:14,810 --> 00:12:16,849
Yeah. It's just a shame
you never took up running.
444
00:12:16,850 --> 00:12:18,529
Yeah. It's just a shame
you never took up running.
445
00:12:18,530 --> 00:12:20,569
Right, well, I'll just start running
now, then I'll live longer than you.
446
00:12:20,570 --> 00:12:22,009
Right, well, I'll just start running
now, then I'll live longer than you.
447
00:12:22,010 --> 00:12:24,049
You're gonna start running now, are
you? Yeah. Let's go for a run.
448
00:12:24,050 --> 00:12:25,129
You're gonna start running now, are
you? Yeah. Let's go for a run.
449
00:12:25,130 --> 00:12:27,169
Sorry? You want to go for a run
right now?
450
00:12:27,170 --> 00:12:27,769
Sorry? You want to go for a run
right now?
451
00:12:27,770 --> 00:12:29,809
Yes, I can run as far as you, easy!
452
00:12:29,810 --> 00:12:30,439
Yes, I can run as far as you, easy!
453
00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:32,359
Where are you going?
Putting my shoes on.
454
00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:34,439
Pissface? Your mother!
What?
455
00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:35,089
Pissface? Your mother!
What?
456
00:12:35,090 --> 00:12:38,980
Oh.Yeah.
457
00:12:41,810 --> 00:12:43,849
Go on, then.
458
00:12:43,850 --> 00:12:45,889
March 20th, 2085.
459
00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:46,489
March 20th, 2085.
460
00:12:46,490 --> 00:12:48,529
Great.
461
00:12:48,530 --> 00:12:49,489
Great.
462
00:12:49,490 --> 00:12:50,809
You're running now? Now?
463
00:12:50,810 --> 00:12:52,849
Yes!You can't run now.
We've got beef.
464
00:12:52,850 --> 00:12:53,689
Yes!You can't run now.
We've got beef.
465
00:12:53,690 --> 00:12:55,729
Can you move out of the way,
please?Jonny!
466
00:12:55,730 --> 00:12:56,569
Can you move out of the way,
please?Jonny!
467
00:12:56,570 --> 00:12:58,249
Yes, he has gone insane.
468
00:12:58,250 --> 00:13:00,289
Right. Ready, Pusface?
469
00:13:00,290 --> 00:13:02,119
Right. Ready, Pusface?
470
00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:04,129
Wait. That's not...
Oh, my God.
471
00:13:04,130 --> 00:13:04,609
Wait. That's not...
Oh, my God.
472
00:13:04,610 --> 00:13:07,729
Horrible Grandma.
473
00:13:07,730 --> 00:13:09,799
Happy birthday, Martin.
474
00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:10,129
Happy birthday, Martin.
475
00:13:10,130 --> 00:13:12,199
Balls!
476
00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:16,090
Balls!
477
00:13:19,430 --> 00:13:21,469
Banning me from seeing my son
on his birthday...
478
00:13:21,470 --> 00:13:23,149
Banning me from seeing my son
on his birthday...
479
00:13:23,150 --> 00:13:24,829
I wasn't banning you, Cynthia.
480
00:13:24,830 --> 00:13:26,509
My only son.
481
00:13:26,510 --> 00:13:28,549
I don't think we got your card
this year, did we, Martin?
482
00:13:28,550 --> 00:13:29,459
I don't think we got your card
this year, did we, Martin?
483
00:13:29,460 --> 00:13:31,429
Jackie. That's because I didn't send
a card.
484
00:13:31,430 --> 00:13:32,509
Jackie. That's because I didn't send
a card.
485
00:13:32,510 --> 00:13:34,909
Fair enough.
486
00:13:34,910 --> 00:13:36,979
Oh, I thought you were going
to give Martin a present then.
487
00:13:36,980 --> 00:13:38,749
Oh, I thought you were going
to give Martin a present then.
488
00:13:38,750 --> 00:13:40,189
Bleeding hell, Jackie.
489
00:13:40,190 --> 00:13:41,779
Why would I give Martin a present?
490
00:13:41,780 --> 00:13:43,429
His birthday, perhaps?
491
00:13:43,430 --> 00:13:44,989
But he's not a baby.
492
00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:47,059
Um, that's not quite how birthdays
work...
493
00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:48,019
Um, that's not quite how birthdays
work...
494
00:13:48,020 --> 00:13:49,459
Horrible.....Grandma.
495
00:13:49,460 --> 00:13:51,469
I stopped giving Martin presents
years ago when he was seven.
496
00:13:51,470 --> 00:13:52,979
I stopped giving Martin presents
years ago when he was seven.
497
00:13:52,980 --> 00:13:54,949
Six. Yes, six.
498
00:13:54,950 --> 00:13:55,309
Six. Yes, six.
499
00:13:55,310 --> 00:13:57,349
I remember, because I just
re-wrapped the same present
500
00:13:57,350 --> 00:13:58,909
I remember, because I just
re-wrapped the same present
501
00:13:58,910 --> 00:14:00,589
I'd given him when he was five.
502
00:14:00,590 --> 00:14:01,669
SHE LAUGHS
503
00:14:01,670 --> 00:14:03,379
Lovely. A whistle.
504
00:14:03,380 --> 00:14:04,549
Lovely.
505
00:14:04,550 --> 00:14:06,589
Well, he wasn't to know, was he?
506
00:14:06,590 --> 00:14:06,829
Well, he wasn't to know, was he?
507
00:14:06,830 --> 00:14:08,869
Jackie, can we bloody eat now?
All right!
508
00:14:08,870 --> 00:14:09,139
Jackie, can we bloody eat now?
All right!
509
00:14:09,140 --> 00:14:10,579
I'm looking forward to the beef.
510
00:14:10,580 --> 00:14:12,589
Oh, are you, Cynthia?
511
00:14:12,590 --> 00:14:14,629
Well, it's about the only thing you
make that's edible.
512
00:14:14,630 --> 00:14:18,469
Well, it's about the only thing you
make that's edible.
513
00:14:18,470 --> 00:14:20,389
Get rid of her?
How am I going to get rid of her?
514
00:14:20,390 --> 00:14:21,469
Er, poison?
515
00:14:21,470 --> 00:14:23,059
Garrotting? Drowning in a bucket!
516
00:14:23,060 --> 00:14:24,829
Any of those will do. Idiots.
517
00:14:24,830 --> 00:14:26,899
I really don't care
how you get rid of her, Martin.
518
00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:28,979
You can take her to Mars
in your spaceship if you like.
519
00:14:28,980 --> 00:14:29,269
You can take her to Mars
in your spaceship if you like.
520
00:14:29,270 --> 00:14:30,829
Jackie, I don't have a spaceship!
521
00:14:30,830 --> 00:14:32,869
Ju... OK.
522
00:14:32,870 --> 00:14:34,909
Let's all just sit down,
eat our beef and...
523
00:14:34,910 --> 00:14:35,869
Let's all just sit down,
eat our beef and...
524
00:14:35,870 --> 00:14:37,939
Eat our beef?! I am not eating
my lovely beef with that... woman!
525
00:14:37,940 --> 00:14:40,019
Eat our beef?! I am not eating
my lovely beef with that... woman!
526
00:14:40,020 --> 00:14:40,669
Eat our beef?! I am not eating
my lovely beef with that... woman!
527
00:14:40,670 --> 00:14:42,469
But, Jackie...And instead of
looking up
528
00:14:42,470 --> 00:14:44,029
when your wife and kids drop dead,
529
00:14:44,030 --> 00:14:46,099
why don't you look up when your pig
of a mother snuffs it?!
530
00:14:46,100 --> 00:14:46,429
why don't you look up when your pig
of a mother snuffs it?!
531
00:14:46,430 --> 00:14:47,629
Er, yes, actually!
532
00:14:47,630 --> 00:14:49,429
Who the hell do you think
I looked up first?!
533
00:14:49,430 --> 00:14:51,469
And? She lives to
a shitting hundred.
534
00:14:51,470 --> 00:14:51,709
And? She lives to
a shitting hundred.
535
00:14:51,710 --> 00:14:53,459
Of course she does.What?!
536
00:14:53,460 --> 00:14:55,429
OK, if you're not going to get
rid of her,
537
00:14:55,430 --> 00:14:56,269
OK, if you're not going to get
rid of her,
538
00:14:56,270 --> 00:14:58,309
you can have your dinner with her.
539
00:14:58,310 --> 00:14:58,579
you can have your dinner with her.
540
00:14:58,580 --> 00:15:00,949
Huh?
541
00:15:00,950 --> 00:15:02,989
Jacqueline, are you going to feed me
tonight or what?
542
00:15:02,990 --> 00:15:04,189
Jacqueline, are you going to feed me
tonight or what?
543
00:15:04,190 --> 00:15:08,080
Oh, yes, Cynthia.
544
00:15:18,710 --> 00:15:20,269
And? Grim.
545
00:15:20,270 --> 00:15:21,469
Really? How grim?
546
00:15:21,470 --> 00:15:23,539
Prison grim. Ooh, that is grim.
547
00:15:23,540 --> 00:15:24,109
Prison grim. Ooh, that is grim.
548
00:15:24,110 --> 00:15:26,149
Well, he wanted a shitty birthday,
so...
549
00:15:26,150 --> 00:15:26,579
Well, he wanted a shitty birthday,
so...
550
00:15:26,580 --> 00:15:28,189
To Dad's shitty birthday!
551
00:15:28,190 --> 00:15:30,259
OTHERS: Dad's shitty birthday!
552
00:15:30,260 --> 00:15:30,469
OTHERS: Dad's shitty birthday!
553
00:15:30,470 --> 00:15:31,549
Uh...
554
00:15:31,550 --> 00:15:32,989
Er, no, you're not allowed in here!
555
00:15:32,990 --> 00:15:34,739
What? Please don't send me back in
there.
556
00:15:34,740 --> 00:15:36,349
Martin, go and sit with your mother!
557
00:15:36,350 --> 00:15:38,269
But, Jackie,
I can't take it in there any more.
558
00:15:38,270 --> 00:15:40,339
Any more? You've been in there
for, like, two minutes.
559
00:15:40,340 --> 00:15:40,669
Any more? You've been in there
for, like, two minutes.
560
00:15:40,670 --> 00:15:42,349
What, that long?!
561
00:15:42,350 --> 00:15:43,909
Oh, hello, Mum.
562
00:15:43,910 --> 00:15:47,149
There's been a little accident.
563
00:15:47,150 --> 00:15:48,589
It's all over them!
564
00:15:48,590 --> 00:15:50,629
Yes, I don't know how it happened.
565
00:15:50,630 --> 00:15:51,379
Yes, I don't know how it happened.
566
00:15:51,380 --> 00:15:53,459
I must have just slipped and
somehow bumped into the bottle.
567
00:15:53,460 --> 00:15:54,589
I must have just slipped and
somehow bumped into the bottle.
568
00:15:54,590 --> 00:15:56,029
It's on the walls as well!
569
00:15:56,030 --> 00:15:58,099
Yes, it is, isn't it?
570
00:15:58,100 --> 00:15:58,789
Yes, it is, isn't it?
571
00:15:58,790 --> 00:16:00,019
And this wall?
572
00:16:00,020 --> 00:16:02,099
You did this on purpose,
didn't you, Cynthia?
573
00:16:02,100 --> 00:16:02,389
You did this on purpose,
didn't you, Cynthia?
574
00:16:02,390 --> 00:16:04,339
I beg your pardon? Oh, God.
575
00:16:04,340 --> 00:16:06,419
You know, Cynthia, you come here
and you treat this place like crap.
576
00:16:06,420 --> 00:16:08,179
You know, Cynthia, you come here
and you treat this place like crap.
577
00:16:08,180 --> 00:16:09,709
Oh, do I, Jacqueline?
578
00:16:09,710 --> 00:16:11,389
Yes, you bloody do!
579
00:16:11,390 --> 00:16:13,429
Well, maybe that's because this
place IS crap.
580
00:16:13,430 --> 00:16:15,949
Well, maybe that's because this
place IS crap.
581
00:16:15,950 --> 00:16:17,989
Er...This place is crap, is it?
582
00:16:17,990 --> 00:16:18,469
Er...This place is crap, is it?
583
00:16:18,470 --> 00:16:20,269
Yes. Crap.
584
00:16:20,270 --> 00:16:22,309
And the food.Really?
585
00:16:22,310 --> 00:16:22,579
And the food.Really?
586
00:16:22,580 --> 00:16:24,659
I thought you liked my beef -
you said it was "edible".
587
00:16:24,660 --> 00:16:26,269
I thought you liked my beef -
you said it was "edible".
588
00:16:26,270 --> 00:16:27,539
Well, I was wrong.
589
00:16:27,540 --> 00:16:28,549
It was inedible.
590
00:16:28,550 --> 00:16:30,229
Sort of see that one coming.
591
00:16:30,230 --> 00:16:31,789
And you know what else is crap?
592
00:16:31,790 --> 00:16:33,139
No, do tell me.
593
00:16:33,140 --> 00:16:36,109
Your family.
594
00:16:36,110 --> 00:16:38,149
Your family is crap.
595
00:16:38,150 --> 00:16:39,229
Your family is crap.
596
00:16:39,230 --> 00:16:41,299
You'd better bloody say something
right now.
597
00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:41,509
You'd better bloody say something
right now.
598
00:16:41,510 --> 00:16:42,949
Er, Mum...
599
00:16:42,950 --> 00:16:44,389
Have you finished your meal?
600
00:16:44,390 --> 00:16:46,429
Oh, my God! My family's crap?!
601
00:16:46,430 --> 00:16:46,789
Oh, my God! My family's crap?!
602
00:16:46,790 --> 00:16:48,829
Well, I've got news for you,
Cynthia -
603
00:16:48,830 --> 00:16:49,069
Well, I've got news for you,
Cynthia -
604
00:16:49,070 --> 00:16:51,109
you're part of this crap family!
605
00:16:51,110 --> 00:16:51,539
you're part of this crap family!
606
00:16:51,540 --> 00:16:53,149
And don't I bloody know it?!
607
00:16:53,150 --> 00:16:55,219
With my crap daughter-in-law
and her crap hair!
608
00:16:55,220 --> 00:16:56,989
With my crap daughter-in-law
and her crap hair!
609
00:16:56,990 --> 00:16:58,739
WHISPERS: Crap hair?!
610
00:16:58,740 --> 00:17:00,659
And those idiotic boys,
611
00:17:00,660 --> 00:17:02,629
whose names I can barely
be bothered to remember.
612
00:17:02,630 --> 00:17:03,709
whose names I can barely
be bothered to remember.
613
00:17:03,710 --> 00:17:05,389
I'm Nicholas. And I'm Lawrence.
614
00:17:05,390 --> 00:17:07,309
And your son? Eh, Cynthia?
615
00:17:07,310 --> 00:17:09,349
What about your son? Your only son?
616
00:17:09,350 --> 00:17:09,829
What about your son? Your only son?
617
00:17:09,830 --> 00:17:11,869
Well, he used to be bearable,
618
00:17:11,870 --> 00:17:12,949
Well, he used to be bearable,
619
00:17:12,950 --> 00:17:14,989
but then he met you.
620
00:17:14,990 --> 00:17:18,880
but then he met you.
621
00:17:20,750 --> 00:17:22,789
Right!
622
00:17:22,790 --> 00:17:24,349
Martin?
623
00:17:24,350 --> 00:17:26,419
I'm not taking this shit any more!
624
00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:27,109
I'm not taking this shit any more!
625
00:17:27,110 --> 00:17:29,149
You, Cynthia Goodman,
are a terrible mother!
626
00:17:29,150 --> 00:17:30,469
You, Cynthia Goodman,
are a terrible mother!
627
00:17:30,470 --> 00:17:31,789
Hooray!
628
00:17:31,790 --> 00:17:33,469
And a terrible human being!
629
00:17:33,470 --> 00:17:34,909
Hoorah!
630
00:17:34,910 --> 00:17:36,829
Oh, it's all coming out now!
631
00:17:36,830 --> 00:17:38,899
Well, don't think I don't know
your secret name for me.
632
00:17:38,900 --> 00:17:40,549
Well, don't think I don't know
your secret name for me.
633
00:17:40,550 --> 00:17:42,589
It's Horrible Grandma, isn't it?
634
00:17:42,590 --> 00:17:42,829
It's Horrible Grandma, isn't it?
635
00:17:42,830 --> 00:17:44,509
Yup! It's Horrible Grandma!
636
00:17:44,510 --> 00:17:46,579
Cos you're the most horrible grandma
in the world.
637
00:17:46,580 --> 00:17:48,229
JACKIE: Er, universe.
Multiverse.Huh?
638
00:17:48,230 --> 00:17:50,099
Well, cos scientists think there
could be
639
00:17:50,100 --> 00:17:51,589
any number of universes out there.
640
00:17:51,590 --> 00:17:52,819
Yeah, maybe later.
641
00:17:52,820 --> 00:17:54,899
Well, since you all hate me so
much...
642
00:17:54,900 --> 00:17:55,309
Well, since you all hate me so
much...
643
00:17:55,310 --> 00:17:56,389
And we do.
644
00:17:56,390 --> 00:17:58,309
You're going home and never coming
back? No.
645
00:17:58,310 --> 00:18:00,349
I'm going to stay right here
and you'll never get rid of me!
646
00:18:00,350 --> 00:18:02,269
I'm going to stay right here
and you'll never get rid of me!
647
00:18:02,270 --> 00:18:04,339
SHE GIGGLES
648
00:18:04,340 --> 00:18:04,549
SHE GIGGLES
649
00:18:04,550 --> 00:18:05,869
You're a pig!
650
00:18:05,870 --> 00:18:07,309
Well, you would know!
651
00:18:07,310 --> 00:18:10,309
DOOR SLAMS
652
00:18:10,310 --> 00:18:12,109
Oh, my God.
653
00:18:12,110 --> 00:18:14,419
What just happened?
654
00:18:14,420 --> 00:18:16,429
More gin. More gin!
655
00:18:16,430 --> 00:18:16,669
More gin. More gin!
656
00:18:16,670 --> 00:18:17,989
GLASS SMASHES
657
00:18:17,990 --> 00:18:20,509
What the...?
658
00:18:20,510 --> 00:18:22,739
Huh?
659
00:18:22,740 --> 00:18:24,709
Oh, dear!
The shelves just fell off the wall!
660
00:18:24,710 --> 00:18:26,269
Oh, dear!
The shelves just fell off the wall!
661
00:18:26,270 --> 00:18:28,339
OK, if that cow isn't out of
this bloody house
662
00:18:28,340 --> 00:18:29,029
OK, if that cow isn't out of
this bloody house
663
00:18:29,030 --> 00:18:31,069
in two seconds... I just told you
I'm not going anywhere!
664
00:18:31,070 --> 00:18:32,989
in two seconds... I just told you
I'm not going anywhere!
665
00:18:32,990 --> 00:18:34,909
Right, then, I'm getting out
of this bloody house!
666
00:18:34,910 --> 00:18:36,829
Jackie...Boys, we're going for a
run.
667
00:18:36,830 --> 00:18:38,629
What?! Mum?
668
00:18:38,630 --> 00:18:40,549
And, Martin? Yes?
669
00:18:40,550 --> 00:18:42,469
You're staying here and guarding
your lunatic of a mother.
670
00:18:42,470 --> 00:18:44,029
Oh, shitting shit!
671
00:18:44,030 --> 00:18:46,099
Careful you don't break
both your legs, Jacqueline.
672
00:18:46,100 --> 00:18:46,429
Careful you don't break
both your legs, Jacqueline.
673
00:18:46,430 --> 00:18:47,539
SHE GROWLS
674
00:18:47,540 --> 00:18:48,589
CYNTHIA GIGGLES
675
00:18:48,590 --> 00:18:50,629
Come on! Best night ever? Possible!
676
00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:50,899
Come on! Best night ever? Possible!
677
00:18:50,900 --> 00:18:52,069
Hello, all!
678
00:18:52,070 --> 00:18:54,109
Oh, God. No, Jim, not now.
679
00:18:54,110 --> 00:18:54,349
Oh, God. No, Jim, not now.
680
00:18:54,350 --> 00:18:56,389
Sorry, Jackie, but I think
I left something in your house.
681
00:18:56,390 --> 00:18:57,229
Sorry, Jackie, but I think
I left something in your house.
682
00:18:57,230 --> 00:18:59,029
Well, you can get it tomorrow, OK?
Excuse me.
683
00:18:59,030 --> 00:19:01,069
I must have it now, Jackie, I must!
684
00:19:01,070 --> 00:19:01,309
I must have it now, Jackie, I must!
685
00:19:01,310 --> 00:19:02,899
It's my hankie.
686
00:19:02,900 --> 00:19:04,549
Your hankie.
687
00:19:04,550 --> 00:19:07,549
My magic hankie.
688
00:19:07,550 --> 00:19:09,619
I'm sure I left it in here
somewhere.
689
00:19:09,620 --> 00:19:09,829
I'm sure I left it in here
somewhere.
690
00:19:09,830 --> 00:19:11,539
Please hurry up. Please!
691
00:19:11,540 --> 00:19:13,619
I can't believe you made her tea.
692
00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:13,789
I can't believe you made her tea.
693
00:19:13,790 --> 00:19:14,899
HE SPLUTTERS
694
00:19:14,900 --> 00:19:16,069
It's delicious.
695
00:19:16,070 --> 00:19:18,109
Oh, here it is! Silly me.
696
00:19:18,110 --> 00:19:20,179
Oh, here it is! Silly me.
697
00:19:20,180 --> 00:19:22,259
It was in my pocket the whole time.
698
00:19:22,260 --> 00:19:22,429
It was in my pocket the whole time.
699
00:19:22,430 --> 00:19:23,539
HE SNORTS
700
00:19:23,540 --> 00:19:24,589
What is it?
701
00:19:24,590 --> 00:19:27,229
It's my magic hankie.
702
00:19:27,230 --> 00:19:28,819
Well, bye, all!
703
00:19:28,820 --> 00:19:30,419
MARTIN:Er, goodbye, Jim.
704
00:19:30,420 --> 00:19:32,149
Actually, Jim...
705
00:19:32,150 --> 00:19:34,189
..how would you like to perform
some magic
706
00:19:34,190 --> 00:19:34,429
..how would you like to perform
some magic
707
00:19:34,430 --> 00:19:38,320
for my wonderful mother-in-law?
708
00:19:47,540 --> 00:19:49,549
Well, get on with it, you silly man!
709
00:19:49,550 --> 00:19:50,989
Well, get on with it, you silly man!
710
00:19:50,990 --> 00:19:53,029
Mrs Cynthia Goodman, is your card...
711
00:19:53,030 --> 00:19:54,739
Mrs Cynthia Goodman, is your card...
712
00:19:54,740 --> 00:19:57,349
..the ten of hearts?
713
00:19:57,350 --> 00:19:59,389
I just told you, you idiot - it's
the queen of bloody spades!
714
00:19:59,390 --> 00:20:01,459
I just told you, you idiot - it's
the queen of bloody spades!
715
00:20:01,460 --> 00:20:02,029
I just told you, you idiot - it's
the queen of bloody spades!
716
00:20:02,030 --> 00:20:03,109
Oh.
717
00:20:03,110 --> 00:20:04,819
Such a difficult one, isn't it, Jim?
718
00:20:04,820 --> 00:20:06,589
Yes, it's difficult, isn't it?
719
00:20:06,590 --> 00:20:08,659
Perhaps you'd like to see me
make something disappear?
720
00:20:08,660 --> 00:20:10,549
Perhaps you'd like to see me
make something disappear?
721
00:20:10,550 --> 00:20:12,589
I'd like to see you
make SOMEONE disappear.
722
00:20:12,590 --> 00:20:13,939
I'd like to see you
make SOMEONE disappear.
723
00:20:13,940 --> 00:20:15,949
Actually, why don't you make me
disappear from this stupid craphole?
724
00:20:15,950 --> 00:20:17,989
Actually, why don't you make me
disappear from this stupid craphole?
725
00:20:17,990 --> 00:20:18,469
Actually, why don't you make me
disappear from this stupid craphole?
726
00:20:18,470 --> 00:20:20,509
Aw, how sweet.
727
00:20:20,510 --> 00:20:20,869
Aw, how sweet.
728
00:20:20,870 --> 00:20:22,099
Um, OK, then, Mrs Goodman.
729
00:20:22,100 --> 00:20:24,179
Perhaps I could borrow this towel?
730
00:20:24,180 --> 00:20:24,709
Perhaps I could borrow this towel?
731
00:20:24,710 --> 00:20:26,029
The magic towel?
732
00:20:26,030 --> 00:20:28,789
The magic towel.
733
00:20:28,790 --> 00:20:32,029
And so...
734
00:20:32,030 --> 00:20:34,099
..I say the magic word...
735
00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:34,309
..I say the magic word...
736
00:20:34,310 --> 00:20:36,349
HE STUTTERS:..abadababadababada...
737
00:20:36,350 --> 00:20:38,899
HE STUTTERS:..abadababadababada...
738
00:20:38,900 --> 00:20:42,589
..and she's gone!
739
00:20:42,590 --> 00:20:44,629
Er, isn't she just
sort of behind the towel?
740
00:20:44,630 --> 00:20:46,189
Er, isn't she just
sort of behind the towel?
741
00:20:46,190 --> 00:20:48,229
What? Oh, no, no,
she's definitely disappeared.
742
00:20:48,230 --> 00:20:49,789
What? Oh, no, no,
she's definitely disappeared.
743
00:20:49,790 --> 00:20:51,109
Right.
744
00:20:51,110 --> 00:20:53,149
And now, with the power of magic,
I will make her come back again.
745
00:20:53,150 --> 00:20:54,589
And now, with the power of magic,
I will make her come back again.
746
00:20:54,590 --> 00:20:55,909
Please don't.
747
00:20:55,910 --> 00:20:59,800
HE STUTTERS
748
00:21:04,820 --> 00:21:06,259
Cynthia?
749
00:21:06,260 --> 00:21:08,269
As I said,
with such a massive heart attack,
750
00:21:08,270 --> 00:21:10,309
she really wouldn't have
felt a thing, Mr Goodman.
751
00:21:10,310 --> 00:21:10,579
she really wouldn't have
felt a thing, Mr Goodman.
752
00:21:10,580 --> 00:21:12,659
All just very quick and painless.
753
00:21:12,660 --> 00:21:13,309
All just very quick and painless.
754
00:21:13,310 --> 00:21:14,749
A good way to go.
755
00:21:14,750 --> 00:21:16,819
Thanks, Doctor.Thank you.
756
00:21:16,820 --> 00:21:19,549
Thanks, Doctor.Thank you.
757
00:21:19,550 --> 00:21:21,469
HE EXHALES
Wow.
758
00:21:21,470 --> 00:21:22,909
Yeah.
759
00:21:22,910 --> 00:21:24,979
Again, Martin, I'm so sorry
that I killed your mother...
760
00:21:24,980 --> 00:21:27,059
Again, Martin, I'm so sorry
that I killed your mother...
761
00:21:27,060 --> 00:21:27,589
Again, Martin, I'm so sorry
that I killed your mother...
762
00:21:27,590 --> 00:21:29,509
..with my magic.
763
00:21:29,510 --> 00:21:31,069
Er, right, Jim.
764
00:21:31,070 --> 00:21:33,109
In a way, I did sort of make her
disappear.
765
00:21:33,110 --> 00:21:34,259
In a way, I did sort of make her
disappear.
766
00:21:34,260 --> 00:21:36,229
Goodbye, Jim. Come on, Milson.
767
00:21:36,230 --> 00:21:36,499
Goodbye, Jim. Come on, Milson.
768
00:21:36,500 --> 00:21:38,029
Good girl.
769
00:21:38,030 --> 00:21:40,069
Ooh, and, Martin, here's that �20
back.
770
00:21:40,070 --> 00:21:42,109
Ooh, and, Martin, here's that �20
back.
771
00:21:42,110 --> 00:21:43,429
Ooh, and, Martin, here's that �20
back.
772
00:21:43,430 --> 00:21:45,469
Buy yourself something
nice at the funeral.
773
00:21:45,470 --> 00:21:45,709
Buy yourself something
nice at the funeral.
774
00:21:45,710 --> 00:21:49,600
Er...Goodbye, Jim.
775
00:21:51,470 --> 00:21:53,509
Well, she definitely didn't last to
100.
776
00:21:53,510 --> 00:21:54,589
Well, she definitely didn't last to
100.
777
00:21:54,590 --> 00:21:55,789
Adam.
778
00:21:55,790 --> 00:21:57,829
It's all just so strange.
779
00:21:57,830 --> 00:21:58,099
It's all just so strange.
780
00:21:58,100 --> 00:22:00,109
What? Being murdered by magic?
Jonny!
781
00:22:00,110 --> 00:22:00,499
What? Being murdered by magic?
Jonny!
782
00:22:00,500 --> 00:22:02,269
And on my birthday, too.
783
00:22:02,270 --> 00:22:04,339
Yeah, your birthday.
784
00:22:04,340 --> 00:22:05,989
Yeah, your birthday.
785
00:22:05,990 --> 00:22:08,629
What a birthday.
786
00:22:08,630 --> 00:22:12,179
HE SOBS
787
00:22:12,180 --> 00:22:14,149
Oh, poor Dad.
788
00:22:14,150 --> 00:22:15,709
Yeah.
789
00:22:15,710 --> 00:22:17,629
I'm sorry, Dad.
790
00:22:17,630 --> 00:22:19,189
HE CRIES
791
00:22:19,190 --> 00:22:21,229
That's it, Martin.
792
00:22:21,230 --> 00:22:21,589
That's it, Martin.
793
00:22:21,590 --> 00:22:23,629
Aw, let it all out.
794
00:22:23,630 --> 00:22:25,139
Aw, let it all out.
795
00:22:25,140 --> 00:22:27,109
SOBBING TURNS TO LAUGHTER
796
00:22:27,110 --> 00:22:29,149
SOBBING TURNS TO LAUGHTER
797
00:22:29,150 --> 00:22:33,040
SOBBING TURNS TO LAUGHTER
798
00:22:33,710 --> 00:22:35,509
Er...It's just nerves.
799
00:22:35,510 --> 00:22:36,949
Is it nerves?
800
00:22:36,950 --> 00:22:38,989
It's not nerves!
801
00:22:38,990 --> 00:22:39,229
It's not nerves!
802
00:22:39,230 --> 00:22:41,269
HE LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY
803
00:22:41,270 --> 00:22:45,160
HE LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY
804
00:22:50,270 --> 00:22:52,339
I change shapes just to hide in
this place
805
00:22:52,340 --> 00:22:53,389
I change shapes just to hide in
this place
806
00:22:53,390 --> 00:22:55,429
But I'm still, I'm still an animal
807
00:22:55,430 --> 00:22:57,469
But I'm still, I'm still an animal
808
00:22:57,470 --> 00:22:57,949
But I'm still, I'm still an animal
809
00:22:57,950 --> 00:23:00,019
Nobody knows it but me when I slip
810
00:23:00,020 --> 00:23:00,709
Nobody knows it but me when I slip
811
00:23:00,710 --> 00:23:04,600
Yeah, I slip, I'm still an animal
812
00:23:05,305 --> 00:23:11,884
813
00:23:11,934 --> 00:23:16,484
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
60063
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
