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1
00:00:02,278 --> 00:00:03,417
- How's it going in there?
2
00:00:03,451 --> 00:00:05,039
- Give me some privacy.
3
00:00:05,074 --> 00:00:07,800
- Left a wide variety
of menstrual options for you.
4
00:00:07,835 --> 00:00:11,011
Pads are easiest, panty liners
if it's a light flow.
5
00:00:11,045 --> 00:00:12,874
And I've been hearing
a lot of good chatter lately
6
00:00:12,909 --> 00:00:15,015
in my moms' group
about the Diva cub.
7
00:00:15,049 --> 00:00:18,087
- I don't wanna bleed
into a tiny bucket, Dad.
8
00:00:18,121 --> 00:00:20,054
Just let me use a tampon
in peace.
9
00:00:20,089 --> 00:00:22,815
- You know, the ancient
Egyptians used a tampon.
10
00:00:22,850 --> 00:00:25,853
It was reed wrapped
in soft papyrus.
11
00:00:25,887 --> 00:00:27,820
These "pessarions"
as they were called
12
00:00:27,855 --> 00:00:29,512
were a luxury of
the upper class.
13
00:00:29,546 --> 00:00:30,996
[toilet flushes]
14
00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:33,067
The unrelenting Egyptian sun
combined with the--
15
00:00:33,102 --> 00:00:35,000
well, the less-than-absorbent
papyrus
16
00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:37,451
meant that you had to change
the thing once every hour.
17
00:00:37,485 --> 00:00:40,764
Well, if you could afford
to do that, let's just say
18
00:00:40,799 --> 00:00:43,560
you probably owned
yourself a boatload of Jews.
19
00:00:43,595 --> 00:00:47,047
- Stop, please.
It's done, okay?
20
00:00:47,081 --> 00:00:50,015
Let's never talk
about this again.
21
00:00:50,843 --> 00:00:52,569
- Hey.
22
00:00:54,295 --> 00:00:57,885
Oh, sweetie, did you leave
the applicator in?
23
00:00:58,713 --> 00:01:00,888
You did, didn't ya?
24
00:01:00,922 --> 00:01:03,408
Gonna have to work out a better
system than this, darling,
25
00:01:03,442 --> 00:01:05,065
'cause it's only the beginning.
26
00:01:05,099 --> 00:01:06,825
I mean, what's gonna happen
when we need to discuss
27
00:01:06,859 --> 00:01:08,309
your upcoming
sexual awakening?
28
00:01:08,344 --> 00:01:11,243
I mean, your fertile years,
they are upon us.
29
00:01:11,278 --> 00:01:13,003
- Dad.
- What?
30
00:01:13,038 --> 00:01:14,695
Very treacherous road
and, boy,
31
00:01:14,729 --> 00:01:16,800
I'm not wearing
the proper shoes for it.
32
00:01:16,835 --> 00:01:19,009
- Is there a woman
I can talk to?
33
00:01:19,044 --> 00:01:20,563
- Oh, I wish.
34
00:01:20,597 --> 00:01:24,222
I wish I knew some sex-positive
woman with enough knowledge--
35
00:01:25,499 --> 00:01:27,190
Oh, shit, I do.
36
00:01:27,225 --> 00:01:30,780
- So if you have any questions
about anal sex
37
00:01:30,814 --> 00:01:34,853
or oral sex
or any sex, you just ask.
38
00:01:34,887 --> 00:01:37,442
- So, you've had all the sex?
39
00:01:37,476 --> 00:01:39,582
- All that can be had.
40
00:01:39,616 --> 00:01:41,170
But that's who I am.
41
00:01:41,204 --> 00:01:44,414
There are asexual people out
there who are just as satisfied
42
00:01:44,449 --> 00:01:46,865
with their lives
as I am with mine.
43
00:01:46,899 --> 00:01:50,558
You know what, I just want you
to know the important thing is
44
00:01:50,593 --> 00:01:53,561
sex doesn't have to be
bad or scary,
45
00:01:53,596 --> 00:01:55,598
and it should...
46
00:01:55,632 --> 00:01:57,082
always feel good.
47
00:01:57,117 --> 00:01:59,602
Oh, I can see that
you're getting overwhelmed.
48
00:01:59,636 --> 00:02:01,673
We are getting ahead
of ourselves.
49
00:02:01,707 --> 00:02:03,847
Look, I brought you something.
50
00:02:04,469 --> 00:02:06,160
This is very basic.
51
00:02:06,195 --> 00:02:09,267
It just has three settings,
but for my money,
52
00:02:09,301 --> 00:02:12,062
number two hits the sweet spot.
53
00:02:12,097 --> 00:02:15,445
So we're just gonna put this
right over on the shelf,
54
00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:18,241
and one day,
when you are ready,
55
00:02:18,276 --> 00:02:23,557
it will be waiting for you
to begin your own exploration.
56
00:02:23,591 --> 00:02:26,111
[laughs]
Okay?
57
00:02:29,183 --> 00:02:30,805
- What happened to
"I haven't dated
58
00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:32,497
since I became
a single father"?
59
00:02:32,531 --> 00:02:34,188
- Who's dating?
60
00:02:34,223 --> 00:02:36,535
After Lucy's first
little visit there,
61
00:02:36,570 --> 00:02:39,469
she would stop by every time
she was in town, and you know--
62
00:02:39,504 --> 00:02:41,506
- We formed an ecosystem.
- Yeah.
63
00:02:41,540 --> 00:02:43,439
- Beth needed
a maternal figure,
64
00:02:43,473 --> 00:02:46,959
I longed for a sense of family
that didn't feel like a trap,
65
00:02:46,994 --> 00:02:49,962
and Jim was pent up with years
66
00:02:49,997 --> 00:02:52,896
of incredible untapped
sexual energy.
67
00:02:52,931 --> 00:02:54,967
- Oh, well, hey now, please
don't sell yourself short,
68
00:02:55,002 --> 00:02:57,556
because it was your prowess
that ignited that cannon.
69
00:02:57,591 --> 00:02:59,075
- [laughs]
- It was.
70
00:02:59,109 --> 00:03:02,112
- It's not flattery, Jim,
ask around the sex club.
71
00:03:02,147 --> 00:03:05,219
Your powerful orgasms have
quite the reputation.
72
00:03:05,254 --> 00:03:07,187
- Sex club?
- It's nothing weird.
73
00:03:07,221 --> 00:03:09,499
Look, Lucy and I,
we're platonic exes
74
00:03:09,534 --> 00:03:11,225
who occasionally
have sex in public,
75
00:03:11,260 --> 00:03:13,848
and sometimes we raise
a daughter together.
76
00:03:13,883 --> 00:03:16,851
- It really is that simple.
- Is it, Lucy?
77
00:03:16,886 --> 00:03:19,406
- Can I remind you please,
that, earlier today,
78
00:03:19,440 --> 00:03:22,961
you yelled "boo" right
into my face when I suggested
79
00:03:22,995 --> 00:03:24,687
the possibility
of a future together?
80
00:03:24,721 --> 00:03:26,827
I mean, something changed?
81
00:03:26,861 --> 00:03:29,105
- Look how sweaty
and frazzled she is.
82
00:03:29,139 --> 00:03:33,005
She clearly ran here
to confess her love for you.
83
00:03:34,110 --> 00:03:35,249
- Holy shit.
84
00:03:35,284 --> 00:03:36,457
That's not true, is it?
85
00:03:36,492 --> 00:03:37,665
- [laughs quietly]
86
00:03:37,700 --> 00:03:39,978
I just listened
to you two go on
87
00:03:40,012 --> 00:03:41,600
about your
hole filling sessions
88
00:03:41,635 --> 00:03:45,052
like a couple of goddamn weekly
pickup basketball games.
89
00:03:45,086 --> 00:03:48,469
I'm not exactly in the mood
to profess my love.
90
00:03:48,504 --> 00:03:49,919
- You love me?
91
00:03:50,609 --> 00:03:54,303
- Speech, speech, speech.
92
00:03:54,337 --> 00:03:56,753
- I know you mean well,
but that is not gonna help
93
00:03:56,788 --> 00:03:58,272
untangle this clusterfuck.
94
00:03:58,307 --> 00:04:01,068
- You're right,
I am so sorry.
95
00:04:01,102 --> 00:04:02,932
This is so great.
I'm gonna leave you two
96
00:04:02,966 --> 00:04:06,798
to enjoy this beautiful moment
in private.
97
00:04:06,832 --> 00:04:09,732
Oh, oh, oh, you know, I thought
I had all the Jim out of me,
98
00:04:09,766 --> 00:04:11,561
but it's like a lava lamp
just broke in there.
99
00:04:11,596 --> 00:04:12,804
Excuse me.
100
00:04:12,838 --> 00:04:15,289
I just need
to use the restroom.
101
00:04:15,324 --> 00:04:16,704
- I'm gonna go now.
102
00:04:16,739 --> 00:04:18,603
- Whoa, whoa!
103
00:04:18,637 --> 00:04:20,743
Jules, wait, Jules,
hey, come on.
104
00:04:20,777 --> 00:04:23,332
- Why can't we just
have one normal chapter
105
00:04:23,366 --> 00:04:24,609
in our love story?
106
00:04:24,643 --> 00:04:26,680
- 'Cause I'm not
a normal man, Jules,
107
00:04:26,714 --> 00:04:27,922
and you are not
a normal woman.
108
00:04:27,957 --> 00:04:29,269
You are exceptional.
109
00:04:29,303 --> 00:04:30,960
Now I want you to trust me,
please.
110
00:04:30,994 --> 00:04:32,582
There is nothing going on
between Lucy and I.
111
00:04:32,617 --> 00:04:33,997
Watch this.
112
00:04:34,032 --> 00:04:37,242
Lucy, we can never, ever
have sex again!
113
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:38,657
- Totally fine!
114
00:04:38,692 --> 00:04:40,625
And I like the way things
are trending out there.
115
00:04:40,659 --> 00:04:42,178
- Now, please, please,
116
00:04:42,212 --> 00:04:43,938
I'll make whatever commitment
you want me to make.
117
00:04:43,973 --> 00:04:45,388
Gimme that speech
118
00:04:45,423 --> 00:04:47,010
you were itching to deliver
on my doorstep.
119
00:04:47,045 --> 00:04:48,667
I have never been on
the receiving end
120
00:04:48,702 --> 00:04:51,187
of a declaration
of love before.
121
00:05:00,161 --> 00:05:01,715
- [sighs]
122
00:05:02,578 --> 00:05:04,649
Wanna do this thing or not?
123
00:05:05,270 --> 00:05:07,099
- I feel like there had to be
more to it than that
124
00:05:07,134 --> 00:05:09,067
because we are
the Sid and Nancy of baseball,
125
00:05:09,101 --> 00:05:10,689
we are reuniting, I mean,
there's a story there--
126
00:05:10,724 --> 00:05:13,796
- I am being so cool right now,
all things considered!
127
00:05:13,830 --> 00:05:15,384
- You really are.
You really are.
128
00:05:15,418 --> 00:05:17,351
And of course I would love
to give things another shot.
129
00:05:17,386 --> 00:05:19,319
You know, in the past,
we never worked out
130
00:05:19,353 --> 00:05:21,942
because I always made you
take care of me, ugh.
131
00:05:21,976 --> 00:05:24,082
I just really wanna take care
of you now.
132
00:05:24,116 --> 00:05:25,877
- Well, that's a little better.
133
00:05:25,911 --> 00:05:27,637
Little more of that,
little more of this,
134
00:05:27,672 --> 00:05:29,536
and the three of us might make
it out of this thing alive.
135
00:05:29,570 --> 00:05:32,021
- Well, four of us,
'cause my daughter, Beth,
136
00:05:32,055 --> 00:05:33,505
is due here
any minute for the weekend.
137
00:05:33,540 --> 00:05:35,714
Boy, I cannot wait
for my two favorite people
138
00:05:35,749 --> 00:05:37,164
to finally meet each other.
139
00:05:37,198 --> 00:05:38,959
- Yeah, we don't have to rush
right into that.
140
00:05:38,993 --> 00:05:40,270
- Kinda do,
because we're coming out
141
00:05:40,305 --> 00:05:41,893
of a little bit
of a rough patch.
142
00:05:41,927 --> 00:05:43,343
I need to prove to her
that I have a life
143
00:05:43,377 --> 00:05:45,414
independent of just being
her father,
144
00:05:45,448 --> 00:05:48,589
so, well, I need her to
sign off on the relationship.
145
00:05:48,624 --> 00:05:50,488
- What now?
- Hey, Dad.
146
00:05:50,522 --> 00:05:52,144
- Beth, hey.
Hey, darling.
147
00:05:52,179 --> 00:05:54,733
I'd like for you
to meet Julia--
148
00:05:54,768 --> 00:05:56,977
- Oh, Beth!
- Lucy!
149
00:05:57,011 --> 00:05:59,013
- [laughing]
- Hi, oh, my God!
150
00:05:59,048 --> 00:06:00,739
- You're so beautiful.
- Hi.
151
00:06:00,774 --> 00:06:04,294
- Oh, I'm so proud of you.
- Oh, I missed you so much.
152
00:06:04,329 --> 00:06:06,883
When did you get in?
- Oh, just a few hours ago.
153
00:06:06,918 --> 00:06:09,921
Look at you, you're so radiant.
I'm so proud of you.
154
00:06:09,955 --> 00:06:12,544
- Oh, my God, I have so much
to catch you up on.
155
00:06:12,579 --> 00:06:13,856
So much I have to tell you.
156
00:06:13,890 --> 00:06:14,995
Can you, like,
do brunch tomorrow?
157
00:06:15,029 --> 00:06:16,583
Can you do brunch?
- I wish.
158
00:06:16,617 --> 00:06:18,136
I'm just in and out.
- No!
159
00:06:18,170 --> 00:06:19,965
No, can you stay
a little bit longer?
160
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:21,864
You can't talk?
161
00:06:21,898 --> 00:06:23,244
- I can...
162
00:06:24,073 --> 00:06:25,557
Have brunch tomorrow.
163
00:06:25,592 --> 00:06:27,179
- Who are you?
164
00:06:27,214 --> 00:06:30,493
- This is Julia James,
who I told you about so often.
165
00:06:31,943 --> 00:06:33,151
- O-okay.
166
00:06:34,117 --> 00:06:36,879
- And Beth Brockmire's
lukewarm "okay"
167
00:06:36,913 --> 00:06:39,364
puts brunch on the table!
168
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:41,435
Yeah!
169
00:06:44,818 --> 00:06:46,095
- Give it up for Envy!
170
00:06:46,129 --> 00:06:49,374
[cheers and applause]
171
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:52,998
All right, everyone,
enjoy your brunch,
172
00:06:53,033 --> 00:06:57,555
and don't forget--
it's bottomless mimosas.
173
00:06:59,004 --> 00:07:00,420
- You use cash?
174
00:07:00,454 --> 00:07:02,007
You know you can pay
for everything
175
00:07:02,042 --> 00:07:03,906
with your phone now,
right?
176
00:07:03,940 --> 00:07:05,252
- I know, I just think
there's something
177
00:07:05,286 --> 00:07:06,874
more honest
about a fistful of singles.
178
00:07:06,909 --> 00:07:08,842
- You know, we could
have just gone to
179
00:07:08,876 --> 00:07:10,395
a normal brunch place.
180
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:14,157
This place is a little,
uh, 2010s.
181
00:07:14,192 --> 00:07:17,816
- Yeah, I asked Limon
what a good place would be
182
00:07:17,851 --> 00:07:20,647
that would be memorable,
and, uh--
183
00:07:20,681 --> 00:07:21,648
[exhales]
184
00:07:21,682 --> 00:07:23,166
- Oh.
185
00:07:23,201 --> 00:07:28,413
- So tell me about, uh, school.
What grade are you in?
186
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:30,519
- Uh, 15th, I guess.
187
00:07:30,553 --> 00:07:32,624
If you wanna call it that.
188
00:07:32,659 --> 00:07:33,867
Yeah.
189
00:07:33,901 --> 00:07:36,421
- And what are your
favorite subjects.
190
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:38,665
Do you like--
- Why are we doing this?
191
00:07:38,699 --> 00:07:41,391
- I just--we're just--two girls
192
00:07:41,426 --> 00:07:44,153
having a super fun girls'
bonding brunch.
193
00:07:44,187 --> 00:07:46,500
Excuse me,
I'm a little dry here!
194
00:07:46,535 --> 00:07:49,538
- Why do I need to bond
with you?
195
00:07:49,572 --> 00:07:52,333
- I don't know, why do you
need to bond with Lucy?
196
00:07:52,368 --> 00:07:56,683
- Well, I mean, Lucy,
she's a feminist pioneer,
197
00:07:56,717 --> 00:08:01,239
she's a sex educator,
she's an entrepreneur.
198
00:08:01,273 --> 00:08:05,001
- I actually tried that mojito
flavored lube she invented
199
00:08:05,036 --> 00:08:08,039
and...couldn't get a buzz.
200
00:08:08,073 --> 00:08:09,661
- Are you and my dad
getting back together?
201
00:08:09,696 --> 00:08:12,112
- Is that something
you'd be okay with?
202
00:08:12,146 --> 00:08:13,907
- That's what this is?
203
00:08:13,941 --> 00:08:15,425
You need my stamp of approval?
204
00:08:15,460 --> 00:08:17,393
God,
we're two different people,
205
00:08:17,427 --> 00:08:19,291
with two completely
different lives.
206
00:08:19,326 --> 00:08:21,017
When is he gonna
start seeing that?
207
00:08:21,052 --> 00:08:22,294
- Aren't you being
a little dramatic?
208
00:08:22,329 --> 00:08:23,882
I mean,
there are worse things.
209
00:08:23,917 --> 00:08:25,953
I'm sure the people of
The Disputed Lands would kill
210
00:08:25,988 --> 00:08:27,334
for their biggest
problem to be
211
00:08:27,368 --> 00:08:28,680
that their daddies
love them too much.
212
00:08:28,715 --> 00:08:30,233
- You know,
my dad always talked about
213
00:08:30,268 --> 00:08:31,959
how great you were,
but I don't know.
214
00:08:31,994 --> 00:08:33,202
From where I'm sitting,
215
00:08:33,236 --> 00:08:34,686
you're just a washed up
alcoholic
216
00:08:34,721 --> 00:08:36,757
who blew up a magician.
- He blew himself up.
217
00:08:36,792 --> 00:08:40,796
- So because you dated my dad
for a couple months,
218
00:08:40,830 --> 00:08:44,558
like, 15 years ago, you think
you have all of the answers?
219
00:08:44,593 --> 00:08:46,526
- I don't know if I have
all the answers,
220
00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:49,011
but I'm pretty sure I can solve
your most pressing problem.
221
00:08:49,045 --> 00:08:50,978
- Yeah?
- How 'bout trying to not be
222
00:08:51,013 --> 00:08:54,568
such a bitch all the time?
223
00:08:54,603 --> 00:08:55,742
Help me?
224
00:08:55,776 --> 00:08:58,020
- Limon, I really want
this place to feel
225
00:08:58,054 --> 00:09:00,263
like a home
for all three of us.
226
00:09:00,298 --> 00:09:01,851
- That's very thoughtful,
Jim.
227
00:09:01,886 --> 00:09:03,991
- Probably need to make it more
female-friendly in here.
228
00:09:04,026 --> 00:09:07,063
Tell you what, why don't you
get me a case of Chardonnay,
229
00:09:07,098 --> 00:09:09,549
some magazines about
awful, terrible,
230
00:09:09,583 --> 00:09:12,621
horrible, stupid people,
and two more throw pillows
231
00:09:12,655 --> 00:09:14,864
than the common sense amount
for each room.
232
00:09:14,899 --> 00:09:17,004
- That's very sexist, Jim.
233
00:09:17,039 --> 00:09:19,420
- Yeah, well,
so is your mother, Limon.
234
00:09:20,076 --> 00:09:22,078
[knocking]
235
00:09:22,113 --> 00:09:24,564
[muffled dance music]
236
00:09:24,598 --> 00:09:25,703
- Occupied.
237
00:09:25,737 --> 00:09:27,049
- It's Beth.
238
00:09:27,083 --> 00:09:28,637
- Walk away Beth.
239
00:09:28,671 --> 00:09:30,604
You were talking shit
back there
240
00:09:30,639 --> 00:09:32,710
like someone who's never been
in a fight before,
241
00:09:32,744 --> 00:09:35,057
and unless you wanna
rectify that right now,
242
00:09:35,091 --> 00:09:37,266
a face-to-face is unwise.
243
00:09:38,094 --> 00:09:40,234
- I really have to pee,
though, please.
244
00:09:44,273 --> 00:09:46,758
Huh, whoa, okay.
Thank God.
245
00:09:50,728 --> 00:09:52,108
- [exhales]
246
00:09:52,937 --> 00:09:54,076
- Look, I'm not going
anywhere
247
00:09:54,110 --> 00:09:55,525
and your dad's
not gonna change,
248
00:09:55,560 --> 00:09:57,735
so how's about we just tell him
we fuckin' bonded
249
00:09:57,769 --> 00:09:59,046
and call it a day.
250
00:09:59,081 --> 00:10:00,427
- Yeah, sounds great.
251
00:10:00,461 --> 00:10:01,842
Anything to end
this nightmare brunch.
252
00:10:01,877 --> 00:10:03,326
- Great.
253
00:10:04,673 --> 00:10:07,192
- And how do you know if I've
never been in a fight before?
254
00:10:07,227 --> 00:10:08,435
- You're a talker,
just like he is.
255
00:10:08,469 --> 00:10:10,610
I'm a fighter.
Fighters always know.
256
00:10:13,164 --> 00:10:15,062
- Hey, let me hit that.
257
00:10:15,684 --> 00:10:17,202
Please.
258
00:10:18,825 --> 00:10:20,378
- Good call.
259
00:10:23,415 --> 00:10:25,521
I like to drink
on the toilet, too.
260
00:10:26,384 --> 00:10:28,662
- Why do you even wanna
get back with my dad?
261
00:10:29,525 --> 00:10:32,942
I mean, in all the stories
he told, he was awful.
262
00:10:33,667 --> 00:10:36,359
Come on,
I actually wanna know.
263
00:10:37,084 --> 00:10:38,430
- He sees me.
264
00:10:40,329 --> 00:10:43,643
My schemes, my stubbornness,
265
00:10:43,677 --> 00:10:45,506
the drinking, the rage,
266
00:10:45,541 --> 00:10:48,164
and he doesn't just
see these as flaws.
267
00:10:48,199 --> 00:10:50,442
He actually
finds them delightful.
268
00:10:52,203 --> 00:10:55,378
He's the only one
who's ever loved all of me.
269
00:10:55,413 --> 00:10:59,451
[thumping dance music
continues, muffled]
270
00:10:59,486 --> 00:11:01,384
- That's kinda sweet.
271
00:11:07,977 --> 00:11:09,358
[toilet flushes]
272
00:11:09,392 --> 00:11:11,912
- We never even got
a food order in.
273
00:11:11,947 --> 00:11:14,674
- By food do you mean booze?
274
00:11:14,708 --> 00:11:16,883
- It's how I eat
three meals a day.
275
00:11:16,917 --> 00:11:20,645
- All right.
- Okay, okay.
276
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:23,510
[laughs]
Mmm.
277
00:11:26,996 --> 00:11:28,618
Okay, Dolly!
278
00:11:30,068 --> 00:11:31,794
Can I have
another mimosa please?
279
00:11:31,829 --> 00:11:33,209
- You got it, sugar.
280
00:11:33,244 --> 00:11:35,729
- Hey, what do you say
we get some real drinks,
281
00:11:35,764 --> 00:11:39,008
and turn this brunch
into a "drunch."
282
00:11:39,043 --> 00:11:41,459
- A Long Island ice tea,
please.
283
00:11:41,493 --> 00:11:43,806
- Nope, she won't--
she won't have that.
284
00:11:43,841 --> 00:11:45,635
Hold on.
285
00:11:45,670 --> 00:11:50,295
- Okay, uh, do you guys
do Jagerbombs?
286
00:11:50,330 --> 00:11:52,504
- Okay, you just give me
five minutes,
287
00:11:52,539 --> 00:11:55,300
and bring me a scotch
while I deal with this.
288
00:11:55,335 --> 00:11:56,819
- Okay.
- Yeah?
289
00:11:58,407 --> 00:11:59,719
- Are you cutting me off?
290
00:11:59,753 --> 00:12:01,134
- What is going on?
291
00:12:01,790 --> 00:12:04,344
You walk into a bar with
the name Brockmire,
292
00:12:04,378 --> 00:12:06,553
people expect a certain level
of professionalism.
293
00:12:06,587 --> 00:12:08,313
Instead it's amateur hour.
294
00:12:08,348 --> 00:12:10,695
- Well, I don't know,
I never got to meet
295
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:12,766
Jim Brockmire,
legendary drunk.
296
00:12:12,801 --> 00:12:16,770
All I had was my dad,
who's a teetotaling hawk
297
00:12:16,805 --> 00:12:19,739
who would sniff my breath
anytime I came home after dark.
298
00:12:19,773 --> 00:12:22,224
- Did nobody ever teach you
how to drink?
299
00:12:22,258 --> 00:12:24,191
- Especially not someone
who could pick it all up
300
00:12:24,226 --> 00:12:25,883
on their corporate
credit card.
301
00:12:25,917 --> 00:12:27,229
- Credit card?
Don't you know
302
00:12:27,263 --> 00:12:29,403
you can pay for everything
on your phone now?
303
00:12:29,438 --> 00:12:31,026
- [chuckles]
- Okay, baseball, baseball,
304
00:12:31,060 --> 00:12:33,960
baseball, baseball--this is now
officially a business meeting.
305
00:12:33,994 --> 00:12:35,962
so let's reach for
that top shelf.
306
00:12:35,996 --> 00:12:37,273
- Yeah?
- Yes, okay.
307
00:12:37,308 --> 00:12:39,517
- Here's the thing.
- Mm-hmm.
308
00:12:39,551 --> 00:12:42,485
- The alcohol you drink
is who you wanna be.
309
00:12:42,520 --> 00:12:44,453
When you order
a Long Island ice tea,
310
00:12:44,487 --> 00:12:46,627
you're telling the world,
"I'm gonna suck your dick,
311
00:12:46,662 --> 00:12:48,906
but then I'm gonna puke all
over it afterwards," all right?
312
00:12:48,940 --> 00:12:50,355
Now, I used to drink
white wine
313
00:12:50,390 --> 00:12:52,461
'cause I wanted to be day drunk
all night long.
314
00:12:52,495 --> 00:12:53,738
Now I drink whiskey
315
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:55,982
'cause I just prefer
to be mean and numb.
316
00:12:56,016 --> 00:12:57,604
- That sounds sad.
317
00:12:57,638 --> 00:13:00,572
I want something fun,
like, vodka?
318
00:13:00,607 --> 00:13:03,990
- Vodka's too clean.
It's like for girls on diets
319
00:13:04,024 --> 00:13:07,338
and doctors getting drunk
in hospital parking lots.
320
00:13:07,372 --> 00:13:09,581
You seem like a gin girl.
321
00:13:09,616 --> 00:13:13,827
Yeah, comes on strong,
great finish, distinct,
322
00:13:13,862 --> 00:13:15,898
not for everybody.
323
00:13:15,933 --> 00:13:17,244
- Gin it is.
324
00:13:17,279 --> 00:13:18,556
- Two Pimm's cups!
325
00:13:19,833 --> 00:13:21,524
Oh, wait,
can I just get the scotch?
326
00:13:25,149 --> 00:13:26,219
- ♪ I'm gonna show you
327
00:13:26,253 --> 00:13:28,255
♪ What a woman can do
328
00:13:28,290 --> 00:13:32,535
♪ Ooh
329
00:13:32,570 --> 00:13:37,402
♪ 'Cause I've got a fashion,
let me shine it on you ♪
330
00:13:37,437 --> 00:13:39,335
- Congrats on shutting
this place down,
331
00:13:39,370 --> 00:13:42,097
but can y'all please settle up
when you get a chance?
332
00:13:42,131 --> 00:13:43,443
- Mm, we just started bonding.
333
00:13:43,477 --> 00:13:44,996
I just need
a little bit more time.
334
00:13:45,031 --> 00:13:47,067
- Girl, I got places to be,
335
00:13:47,102 --> 00:13:48,758
and these shoes
are giving me corns.
336
00:13:48,793 --> 00:13:52,314
- Understood, we do not want
those corns to pop.
337
00:13:53,487 --> 00:13:55,144
Hey, Beth!
- Huh?
338
00:13:55,179 --> 00:13:56,801
- What's the magic words?
339
00:13:56,836 --> 00:14:00,805
- Baseball, baseball, baseball,
baseball, baby!
340
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:03,118
- We just would like this
business meeting to continue
341
00:14:03,152 --> 00:14:04,809
for another hour
342
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:07,985
by renting this room
for 5K.
343
00:14:08,019 --> 00:14:09,434
[whispers]
One hour.
344
00:14:09,469 --> 00:14:10,850
- ♪ I'm gonna give
you something ♪
345
00:14:10,884 --> 00:14:12,748
- Hm.
- ♪ That you never forget
346
00:14:12,782 --> 00:14:16,890
♪ You better take cover
'cause I'm coming for you ♪
347
00:14:16,925 --> 00:14:21,861
♪ On a high wire,
I'm a live wire ♪
348
00:14:21,895 --> 00:14:23,345
[tense music]
349
00:14:23,379 --> 00:14:26,624
- The hell are they, Limon?
They've been gone for hours.
350
00:14:26,658 --> 00:14:28,453
- They have
their privacy settings on.
351
00:14:28,488 --> 00:14:29,938
I can tell you they're safe.
352
00:14:29,972 --> 00:14:32,181
- Nobody's safe in this world.
Are you stupid?
353
00:14:32,216 --> 00:14:34,252
Are you a stupid, stupid robot?
354
00:14:34,287 --> 00:14:37,359
- Keep yelling at me, Jim.
It'll make you feel better.
355
00:14:37,393 --> 00:14:38,947
- I'm not yelling, Limon,
356
00:14:38,981 --> 00:14:40,638
and please don't tell me
what to do,
357
00:14:40,672 --> 00:14:42,571
you stupid little
piss-colored
358
00:14:42,605 --> 00:14:44,573
know-it-all piece of shit!
359
00:14:44,607 --> 00:14:46,264
- I'm sorry you feel that way.
360
00:14:46,299 --> 00:14:50,751
- You're a smug little
smiling bastard, you know that?
361
00:14:51,338 --> 00:14:53,030
I'm sorry, Limon,
I'm a little on edge.
362
00:14:53,064 --> 00:14:54,721
I'm just kinda freaking out.
363
00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:58,380
Where are they?
364
00:14:59,346 --> 00:15:00,969
- You know what, Jules?
365
00:15:01,831 --> 00:15:03,385
I think you're pretty cool.
366
00:15:04,179 --> 00:15:08,321
I give you permission
to date my dad, yes.
367
00:15:08,355 --> 00:15:10,564
Oh, but never tell me
what to do,
368
00:15:10,599 --> 00:15:13,188
because I do not need a mom,
and I am a grown woman.
369
00:15:13,222 --> 00:15:14,810
I can make my own
terrible decisions.
370
00:15:14,844 --> 00:15:16,916
- Speaking of,
how's film school?
371
00:15:16,950 --> 00:15:19,573
- Oh, so I'm working
on my first film, right,
372
00:15:19,608 --> 00:15:22,024
and it's this long form
found footage essay.
373
00:15:22,059 --> 00:15:26,132
It's kind of like Adam Curtis'
"HyperNormalisation"
374
00:15:26,166 --> 00:15:29,998
except I use clips from
rom-coms from the early 2000s
375
00:15:30,032 --> 00:15:31,792
to show how love was sold
376
00:15:31,827 --> 00:15:34,174
at the start
of late stage capitalism.
377
00:15:34,209 --> 00:15:37,764
- So it's eight hours of, like,
socialism and Kate Hudson?
378
00:15:37,798 --> 00:15:41,112
That sounds awful,
never show that to me.
379
00:15:41,147 --> 00:15:42,976
- You sound just like my dad.
380
00:15:43,011 --> 00:15:44,357
- Hey, he's honest.
381
00:15:44,391 --> 00:15:45,841
- Mm-hmm.
382
00:15:45,875 --> 00:15:47,636
Yeah, I guess
that's something.
383
00:15:47,670 --> 00:15:50,811
I mean, he's smothering
and he's codependent,
384
00:15:50,846 --> 00:15:53,573
and he spent way more time
doing my hair
385
00:15:53,607 --> 00:15:55,678
than I would ever
admit to my therapist,
386
00:15:55,713 --> 00:15:59,475
but he keeps it straight
with me,
387
00:15:59,510 --> 00:16:01,132
even when it's hard.
388
00:16:02,306 --> 00:16:04,618
Cheers, Dad.
389
00:16:04,653 --> 00:16:06,827
Oh, and just for the record
it's nine hours,
390
00:16:06,862 --> 00:16:08,208
and just for that
I'm gonna play it
391
00:16:08,243 --> 00:16:10,279
at your goddamn
rehearsal dinner.
392
00:16:10,314 --> 00:16:11,556
- You need to understand.
393
00:16:11,591 --> 00:16:12,868
- Hey, I know them.
394
00:16:12,902 --> 00:16:15,112
- What's happening
in The Disputed Lands
395
00:16:15,146 --> 00:16:16,596
is only natural.
396
00:16:16,630 --> 00:16:19,599
The desert takes
what it is owed.
397
00:16:19,633 --> 00:16:21,670
- So you know a death cult?
- Uh-huh.
398
00:16:21,704 --> 00:16:25,846
- Every loss of life
to natural disaster...
399
00:16:25,881 --> 00:16:28,642
is another offer
400
00:16:28,677 --> 00:16:30,368
of repentance.
401
00:16:30,403 --> 00:16:32,025
- Hey!
402
00:16:32,060 --> 00:16:34,959
My mom died
in a super typhoon,
403
00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:38,514
and you're saying
she's some kind of sacrifice?
404
00:16:39,550 --> 00:16:41,621
- I'm saying your mother
had it coming.
405
00:16:42,553 --> 00:16:44,589
We all have it coming.
406
00:16:44,624 --> 00:16:46,074
- [screams]
407
00:16:46,108 --> 00:16:47,454
[all gasp]
408
00:16:49,387 --> 00:16:53,943
[inarticulate screaming]
409
00:16:53,978 --> 00:16:55,048
[gunshot]
410
00:16:55,083 --> 00:16:56,187
[panicked chatter]
411
00:16:56,222 --> 00:16:57,533
- Oh, shit.
412
00:16:59,811 --> 00:17:01,986
- Gotta work on
your exit strategy.
413
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:03,401
- Okay.
414
00:17:03,436 --> 00:17:04,644
[police sirens]
415
00:17:04,678 --> 00:17:06,577
God, Jules, you know,
you're right.
416
00:17:06,611 --> 00:17:08,958
That felt so much better
than just talking.
417
00:17:08,993 --> 00:17:09,821
- Right?
418
00:17:09,856 --> 00:17:11,720
[upbeat guitar music]
419
00:17:11,754 --> 00:17:13,756
[giggling]
- Jules, we should really
420
00:17:13,791 --> 00:17:15,379
do this again, right?
421
00:17:15,413 --> 00:17:16,828
Oh.
422
00:17:16,863 --> 00:17:20,246
- You know, my mom died, too,
when I was young.
423
00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:21,833
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
424
00:17:21,868 --> 00:17:23,939
I don't know if I have
any memories of her, though.
425
00:17:23,973 --> 00:17:25,699
And the ones that I have
are so faded,
426
00:17:25,734 --> 00:17:27,667
I don't even know
if they really happened.
427
00:17:27,701 --> 00:17:30,911
- Oh, no,
that's so sad for you.
428
00:17:30,946 --> 00:17:33,845
I'm so sorry 'cause, see,
429
00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:37,539
I feel like I remember
my mom,
430
00:17:37,573 --> 00:17:40,852
like, really well,
'cause my dad told me
431
00:17:40,887 --> 00:17:45,581
all these stories of them,
in their time together.
432
00:17:45,616 --> 00:17:48,722
He says I remind him of her
every day.
433
00:17:50,379 --> 00:17:53,141
I know her.
I'm so sorry.
434
00:17:55,488 --> 00:17:56,799
Whoa.
435
00:17:58,422 --> 00:18:00,113
Whoa.
Ha ha ha.
436
00:18:00,148 --> 00:18:02,495
- Mama needs to nap.
437
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:06,395
[hinges squeak]
438
00:18:06,430 --> 00:18:08,190
[both giggling, muttering]
439
00:18:10,330 --> 00:18:11,676
- Hi!
440
00:18:11,711 --> 00:18:14,196
- Um, where the hell
have you been?
441
00:18:14,231 --> 00:18:16,440
- Bonding.
442
00:18:16,474 --> 00:18:19,132
- Why are you wearing
fake tits?
443
00:18:19,167 --> 00:18:23,550
- Oh, right, this are,
it's a business expense.
444
00:18:24,241 --> 00:18:25,863
Very baseball, baseball.
- Baseball, baseball,
445
00:18:25,897 --> 00:18:27,347
baseball, baseball.
- Baseball, baseball.
446
00:18:27,382 --> 00:18:30,212
It's just--you heard us
say baseball, so that's--
447
00:18:30,247 --> 00:18:32,387
It's--
448
00:18:32,421 --> 00:18:34,354
Oh, wow.
449
00:18:34,389 --> 00:18:35,700
Oh, that's--
450
00:18:35,735 --> 00:18:38,600
[rock and roll music]
451
00:18:38,634 --> 00:18:39,980
- Mission accomplished.
452
00:18:43,156 --> 00:18:46,194
- Did you get a chance to...
clean the Lucy juice
453
00:18:46,228 --> 00:18:47,850
off the sheets?
454
00:18:47,885 --> 00:18:50,094
- The hell is the matter
with you?
455
00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:52,821
- Can somebody close the sun?
456
00:18:52,855 --> 00:18:54,202
[fades off, mumbling]
457
00:18:54,961 --> 00:18:58,171
- Beth, you okay?
Honey?
458
00:18:58,206 --> 00:18:59,241
[claps]
459
00:18:59,276 --> 00:19:00,622
Honey!
460
00:19:00,656 --> 00:19:01,761
[clears throat]
461
00:19:01,795 --> 00:19:03,383
The hell did ya do to her?
462
00:19:03,418 --> 00:19:06,490
- Going drink for drink with me
is always a bad idea.
463
00:19:06,524 --> 00:19:08,423
You know that.
- [scoffs]
464
00:19:08,457 --> 00:19:11,391
- Honey, what's the big deal?
465
00:19:11,426 --> 00:19:14,083
- Uh, the big deal is
I'm an alcoholic, okay?
466
00:19:14,118 --> 00:19:15,637
My greatest fear
in life is that,
467
00:19:15,671 --> 00:19:17,466
the awful gift
that my father gave me,
468
00:19:17,501 --> 00:19:18,950
I'm gonna pass it along to her.
469
00:19:18,985 --> 00:19:20,469
I mean, I've never seen her
like that before.
470
00:19:20,504 --> 00:19:22,747
It's frickin' terrifying.
- Okay.
471
00:19:22,782 --> 00:19:24,784
You asked me
to take her to brunch.
472
00:19:24,818 --> 00:19:26,130
And, to me,
brunch is just an excuse
473
00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:27,752
to publicly drink
in the mornings.
474
00:19:27,787 --> 00:19:30,479
But I will be very careful
with her and alcohol
475
00:19:30,514 --> 00:19:32,101
in the future.
476
00:19:32,136 --> 00:19:34,242
- All right, okay, look,
the important thing is
477
00:19:34,276 --> 00:19:37,417
you're both safe
and everybody's okay, I guess.
478
00:19:38,004 --> 00:19:39,419
- For the record,
I think the fight thing's
479
00:19:39,454 --> 00:19:41,766
gonna be really good for her.
480
00:19:41,801 --> 00:19:43,768
- I'm sorr--the fight thing?
What fight thing?
481
00:19:43,803 --> 00:19:46,806
- She punched a cult leader
in the balls.
482
00:19:46,840 --> 00:19:51,051
I was so proud of her.
I get parenting now.
483
00:19:51,707 --> 00:19:53,778
- Beth punched a cult leader
in the balls?
484
00:19:53,813 --> 00:19:56,022
- Relax, nobody got hurt.
485
00:19:56,056 --> 00:19:57,679
I had my sweet baby on me.
486
00:19:57,713 --> 00:19:59,612
- You flashed a gun
on a New York City street?
487
00:19:59,646 --> 00:20:01,372
- Prospect Park,
and I just shot one off
488
00:20:01,407 --> 00:20:03,029
in the air
to escape among the scatter.
489
00:20:03,063 --> 00:20:04,410
- Okay.
- You can take the girl
490
00:20:04,444 --> 00:20:06,101
out of Morristown--
- Get out, get out.
491
00:20:06,135 --> 00:20:07,689
- What?
- You know my daughter
492
00:20:07,723 --> 00:20:09,346
less than 24 hours,
you already got her
493
00:20:09,380 --> 00:20:11,900
into a drunken brawl
that ended in gunplay.
494
00:20:11,934 --> 00:20:13,764
Can't have anybody
around my family
495
00:20:13,798 --> 00:20:15,628
with this poor impulse control.
496
00:20:15,662 --> 00:20:17,354
Get outta here.
497
00:20:17,388 --> 00:20:20,874
- Uh, I've got 500 boxes
of tampons for Jim Brockmire.
498
00:20:20,909 --> 00:20:23,808
- Ah, Jesus Christ.
499
00:20:23,843 --> 00:20:25,983
- Why'd you order
500 boxes of tampons?
500
00:20:26,017 --> 00:20:27,709
- [muffled]
And a case of Pamprins.
501
00:20:27,743 --> 00:20:29,193
- In a moment of weakness,
I thought
502
00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:30,643
we all might actually have
a life here together,
503
00:20:30,677 --> 00:20:31,644
but I was insane.
504
00:20:31,678 --> 00:20:33,577
- 500 boxes?
505
00:20:33,611 --> 00:20:35,889
I'm beating down
menopause's door.
506
00:20:35,924 --> 00:20:37,408
- Well, you know what,
you can take 'em with ya
507
00:20:37,443 --> 00:20:40,756
as a lovely parting gift.
Just get outta here, please.
508
00:20:40,791 --> 00:20:42,379
- You wanna be the hero
of this story?
509
00:20:42,413 --> 00:20:44,553
Well, while you're
on your high horse,
510
00:20:44,588 --> 00:20:45,899
answer me this.
511
00:20:45,934 --> 00:20:47,246
How'd all your memories
of Manila
512
00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:48,902
suddenly come
flooding back to you?
513
00:20:48,937 --> 00:20:50,421
You told me
you couldn't remember anything.
514
00:20:50,456 --> 00:20:53,079
Your goal, in those days,
was to drink to forget
515
00:20:53,113 --> 00:20:54,770
as soon as
you could remember to try.
516
00:20:54,805 --> 00:20:56,116
- What was I supposed to say?
"Sorry, Beth,
517
00:20:56,151 --> 00:20:57,808
"I don't remember your mother.
518
00:20:57,842 --> 00:20:59,637
I was black out drunk the night
you were conceived."
519
00:20:59,672 --> 00:21:01,501
'Cause I know,
that's great parenting advice.
520
00:21:01,536 --> 00:21:05,298
- Great parenting is not lying
to your daughter every day.
521
00:21:05,333 --> 00:21:07,783
You don't know shit
about that woman.
522
00:21:07,818 --> 00:21:09,406
So stop making up stories
523
00:21:09,440 --> 00:21:11,822
just so you can feel
like you're a good dad.
524
00:21:11,856 --> 00:21:14,273
- You know what, this was
a really big mistake.
525
00:21:14,307 --> 00:21:15,757
- Yeah, huge.
526
00:21:26,802 --> 00:21:28,079
[door slams]
38922
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