All language subtitles for Better.Late.Than.Never.S02E08.To.the.Sahara.and.Back.WEBRip.x264-ION10.en

male narrator: Africa.

Birthplace of civilization.

Home to exotic cultures
and unparalleled beauty.

[all shouting, singing]

narrator: They're back.

‐ Morocco, here we go.

[upbeat music]

narrator: Four living legends.

‐ He's here to make Morocco
great again.

[record scratches]

narrator: Saddle up again

for an adventure
they'll never forget.

‐ Oh!
‐ Oh my god.

‐ Whoo!

narrator:
Starring TV superstar...

Cultural icon...
‐ I'm a Lithuanian warrior.

narrator: NFL hall of famer...
‐ [screams]

narrator:
Former heavyweight champion...

‐ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

‐ [screaming]

narrator: As the sidekick.
‐ Whoo‐hoo‐hoo‐hoo!

narrator: Tonight the
adventure continues

in Morocco.

‐ We're in the middle
of nowhere.

‐ We are somewhere.

‐ In the middle of nowhere.
‐ Whoo!

narrator: Just when
you thought

it was safe to go back
on vacation.

‐ This is camel?
‐ I'm gonna be sick.

[growling]

‐ Oh, my God, you're second.
‐ Lead the way.

‐ Here we go.

‐ The s'more.
[coughing]

‐ Guys, it's happening,
Bill's going.

‐ [laughs]

[hawk screeches]

♪ ♪

‐ Well, time for Henry's wish.

Our final man
picnic of the trip.

‐ I have a confession to make.

I've never, really,
ridden a motorcycle.

I don't like motorcycles.

The Fonz road the bike.

Different human
being from Henry.

‐ Well we should get on
a Vespa, which is very simple.

Let's go out to the desert,

where Lawrence of Arabia
rode his camel.

You gotta face your fear,
Henry.

‐ All right. Do I wanna
put myself in this situation?

Apparently, yes, I'm going to.

‐ Fire it up!
Little bit, little bit.

‐ There you go, there you go.

‐ So here we are,
it's almost over.

‐ I know.
‐ We've each chosen

the one thing we're gonna do

before we get on
that plane to go home.

‐ Mm‐hmm.
‐ I am proud of you!

‐ I don't think
this is a good idea.

‐ It's a great idea!
‐ I am conquering my fear,

I am riding that scooter.

My anxiety level is orange,

the same color as my scooter,
but I'm gonna do it.

‐ Yes!
‐ Pick your feet up, Henry!

‐ There you go!

‐ Whoo! Go, go, go!

‐ Now we're going to ride
our scooters into the desert.

‐ Yee haw!

‐ Bill's last wish
before we went home

was to go to the desert,

and I'm thinking,
"Are we gonna survive this?"

‐ Come on Henry, you can do it!

♪ ♪

‐ ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, hey ♪

‐ What is this place?

‐ What is this, hotel tent?
‐ It's a "mo‐tent."

‐ This is where we're gonna
stay tonight, guys.

♪ ♪

‐ This is a mistake.
‐ We gotta stay here?

‐ That's the whole idea.
‐ You wanna drive back?

‐ Where does everyone swim,
or hang out, or eat?

♪ ♪

‐ We're in the
middle of nowhere.

‐ We are somewhere.

‐ In the middle of nowhere.
‐ That's right.

‐ This is our room, huh?
‐ Yeah.

♪ ♪

‐ Oh, there are only two beds.
‐ I sleep with Henry.

‐ Okay. I've already
shared a bed with Jeff,

And Terry.

Why not George?
If I sleep on the edge,

is there enough room
for three over here?

‐ C'mon Bill, Bill, I don't
wanna come between you.

No, you would never
come between us.

‐ Terry, where are you going?
‐ Check this out.

‐ Ooh!
‐ You got tees?

‐ Look at the delicious stuff
here. Terry, look!

Food, Terry!

‐ Nice, T. B.!
‐ Whoo!

‐ That'll be there
for a million years.

‐ I salute North Africa.

We have been a lot of places
on this trip.

But the Sahara Desert
is majestic.

We're in North Africa, man.
‐ C'mon!

‐ We are sitting here having
a cigar,

in the Sahara Desert.
‐ If you've gotta

take a dump,
just go over the ridge.

Just don't take a dump
by a big boulder

or a little bush or something.

You might get bit.

‐ By what?
‐ Snake.

‐ What?
‐ Boy.

‐ This is‐‐we're in the Sahara
desert for the first time.

Look at the romance!

‐ Well if that was green,
I'd say, "Wow."

But that's just a pile
of dirt out there.

‐ That was green at one time.

‐ Well, Bill, I wasn't here
5,000 years ago.

‐ Well, I was.

That's where
you're going, right?

‐ That's where you're going,
aren't you?

That's what he said.

Beat you to it.

‐ Our great adventure is slowly
coming to an end,

so I wanted this
to be really special.

The Sahara Desert,
exotic land,

always wanted to be here.

It's all strange,
and not part

of our tradition,
part of our culture.

‐ You guys really will
do anything

to get away from your wives.

Look at us.
‐ I actually‐‐

‐ There's not a person
in sight!

‐ I asked before I could come.

Did you ask?

‐ I didn't ask, I begged.

‐ True.
[laughter]

‐ We're going to get on camels

and visit the Gnawa people.
That's our adventure for‐‐

‐ Gnawa? Gnawa?
‐ The Gnawa.

People of the desert,
the Gnawa tribe.

[camel grumbling]
‐ It's camel time!

♪ ♪

‐ God, this is bumpy.

‐ What's your's name?
Santa Claus?

‐ Angel Burst.
‐ Oh, Angel Burst.

‐ He's got a great voice.
[camel growling]

We're coming to
the indigenous people.

‐ Look at it!

‐ The Gnawa tribe,
they have their culture

to which they're indebted to.

It's something to be admired.

‐ Look at this!
‐ I like that hat.

‐ Gotta love it!

♪ ♪

‐ Uh oh!

It's the parking
that's hard, huh?

‐ Lean back.
‐ I'm trying!

I'm trying!

‐ There's a technique
to getting

on and off a camel, you know.
‐ Ah.

It's something you didn't
share with me, Bill.

‐ Come on. Get down there.
That a girl.

Come on, get the hind end.
The hind end down, there we go.

‐ Camels have to sit down
real slow, real steady,

and it looks real weird.
Bill's the same way.

‐ Let me sit on this one.
‐ You want this one,

or you want the tall one?

‐ And down, down, down, down.
‐ He sits like a camel.

‐ [speaking French]

I got a bit of an advantage.
I speak the language.

[speaking French]

‐ Bill starts speaking French.

Nobody wants to hear Bill
speak French, except Bill.

‐ [speaking French]

‐ It's a toast.
‐ [speaking foreign language]

‐ A toast in Arab‐‐
[speaking foreign language].

[all speaking foreign language]
‐ All the good things

that's gonna happen to me.
‐ [speaking foreign language]

all: ♪ Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

‐ ♪ Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
‐ ♪ Oy, oy, oy, oy ♪

♪ ♪

‐ We sit down with this
mysterious tribe

that I've never heard of,

and they pass around
this booze,

and I just grab it
and drink it.

[slurping]

♪ ♪

‐ Are you okay, Terry?

‐ Ahh, it's good stuff!

[laughter]

‐ [singing in foreign language]

‐ I'm not sure what was
in that drink.

‐ ♪ When we drink
we do it right ♪

‐ [vocalizing]

‐ [singing in foreign language]

‐ ♪ Like a G6,
like a G6 ♪

♪ Now I'm feeling so fly ♪

♪ Like a G6,
like a G6 ♪

‐ I'm proud of George.

Not one time
has he drifted off.

‐ Well how can he drift off?

It's like being
in one big alarm clock.

Everyone's banging drums
and dancing around.

‐ Never stopped him
anywhere else we've been.

‐ That is true.
‐ ♪ Hell yeah ♪

‐ ♪ You can put
your hands up ♪

[all cheering]

‐ Beautiful. I'm telling you.
‐ It's so easy to think,

"Oh, we're so different
from one another.

"Oh my goodness,
their traditions

"are so different from ours.

They're not me, I'm not them."

And then you start
making music together,

and there are
no boundaries left.

What is incredible,
with no language‐‐

‐ [speaking French]

‐ We just came together.
‐ [speaking French]

‐ And we were connected
right here.

‐ [speaking French]

‐ In North Africa!

Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh.
‐ [speaking French]

‐ This whole experience
is about

going to places
that you wanna see.

Quite honestly, before Bill
dies‐‐I mean, before you die.

♪ ♪

‐ Catch it.
‐ No!

‐ Go! Run, Jeff, run, run, run!

‐ I‐‐second degree burns!

‐ Wow, this is really good.
‐ What kind of meat is that?

‐ What do you mean,
"What kind of meat?"

‐ Is it cow?
‐ [burps]

‐ Okay. Okay.

[hawk screeches]

♪ ♪

‐ I brought you out here 'cause
it's the result of a dream.

Coming to Morocco.

This is the romance.
The moon is out,

and we're out here
in the Sahara Desert at night,

and there's nothing alive.

♪ ♪

Getting on camels,
meeting the indigenous people,

singing the songs‐‐
‐ Yeah.

‐ Is this like a culmination
of a dream?

‐ You can't even put this
into words, actually.

‐ I thought I did.

‐ Guys, I got a little
something for you

that's gonna remind you
of your childhood: s'mores.

‐ We're in the Sahara.

We're looking up at the sky
that is eternal,

the wind coming off
thousands of miles of sand,

and there's Jeff Dye,
making s'mores.

‐ This is a great idea,
the only thing is

the sticks
are not long enough.

Oh my god.
‐ Ahh! [bleep]

‐ Okay, so‐‐
‐ Ouch!

‐ It took away from the moment.

But, I got over it.

‐ I love these.
I used to go to summer camp,

I was a counselor,
and we used to do this.

‐ Is that how you met
your wife?

‐ True.
‐ No.

‐ I met my wife
when I was doing "Happy Days"

and I had enough money‐‐

‐ Were you on "Happy Days"?
‐ I was.

I was a guest star,
and I had enough money‐‐

‐ You were a guest star?
‐ No, no, no.

‐ No, George, that's sarcasm.

‐ I wasn't, but I only had
one day of work a week.

I only had six lines
in the beginning.

But I made enough money
so I could buy a‐‐

my own sport coat.
‐ Nice.

‐ And I met Stacy in the store.

‐ That's beautiful.
‐ Yeah.

‐ Son of a bitch!

‐ Why you guys cuss
like that for?

‐ It's hurting my fingers.
It helps me with pain.

‐ I'm not sure the pain
of roasting

the marshmallow is worth
the s'more. [coughing]

‐ Guys, it's happening,
Bill's going!

‐ No, no. That's‐‐
[laughs]

Stick this
down my throat!

‐ Out of all the ways
that Bill's beautiful life

could have come to an end,

not one of us
picked marshmallow.

‐ [laughs]
‐ Everyone lost the death pool.

‐ Did you achieve what you
wanted to achieve, Henry, here?

‐ I did. I honestly have never
ridden a Vespa,

or anything like that, ever.

Because of you guys, I rode it,
we rode it quite a way‐‐

‐ You overcame a fear.
‐ Because of you.

I would not have
done it without you.

I never would have done it.

‐ Made me as happy as a kid.
On that bike,

I had this private moment of
almost wanting to scream‐‐eee!

I was really happy.
‐ How was that scream?

‐ Really, I'm serious.
‐ How'd the scream go?

‐ Eee!

‐ Really, though.

What about that boxing gym?

‐ Oh, my God.
‐ Wow.

‐ That was great to see.
‐ You came alive.

‐ Trying to express
to those guys

to bringing the punch back.

‐ Isn't that something?
‐ That was really great.

‐ And we saw some talent there.
‐ Yeah.

Automatically balanced, balance
that I never had, they have it.

‐ Being in that gym and
watching you come alive,

and watching you‐‐I mean,
like with those children

and telling them what
they needed to know.

‐ Why didn't you fight
those kids, George?

‐ You could've had a come
back right there.

‐ Knock 'em all out.

‐ They could whip me
those kids.

‐ That was‐‐that
was very dangerous.

‐ He could have fallen
in the fire!

‐ I was hoping he would!
‐ Falling in the fire is right!

‐ Are you kidding me?

‐ Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Don't kick him forward.

‐ No! Oh, [bleep]
‐ Oh!

Run, Jeff! Run, run, run!
‐ Ahh!

‐ What did he do?

‐ He stuck that
fiery marshmallow.

‐ Oh no.

‐ I knew you were afraid
of bugs and heights,

I didn't know you were afraid
of a little marshmallow.

‐ It was on fire, Jeff.

Where is he? Ho!

Soon as this pain subsides
a little, I'm gonna kill you.

I have second degree burns!

‐ That's the only degree
you'll ever get.

‐ Come here!
Look at that.

What are you laughing at?
‐ I'm not laughing.

‐ You can't get it off,

'cause you'll burn
your fingers up.

Look, I've got skin
falling off my knee.

You gotta just sit there,
and you just have to‐‐

Look‐‐look at this!
I got a bubble.

I got a blister bubble.

‐ This tastes like a fake knee.

‐ Boy, oh, that hurt.

Say you're sorry.
‐ I am sorry.

‐ Okay.
‐ I wanted to be in

the romance
of the Sahara Desert.

If you were still for a moment,
you wouldn't hear anything.

‐ Hey listen, we're star
gazing with Captain Kirk.

‐ I know.

I watched the first step
on the moon,

on a black and white
television set,

alone in a pasture
on Long Island.

I couldn't cash a $15 check
after "Star Trek."

And I had a little
black and white set,

and I was looking at the moon,
and it was about like this,

and looking at it,
and I was with them

'cause I had met 'em
three months earlier.

‐ Wow.
‐ I was in drama school

with fellow actors
who were playing Monopoly,

and then all of a sudden
it came on the television.

"One step for mankind,"
and holy mackerel.

‐ Oh yeah. I was a sperm.

‐ Well, I guess
after that joke,

it's time to go to bed.
‐ Get some sleep.

‐ [snoring]

‐ How's your knee, big fella?

‐ It's a little warm.

‐ Let's leave George here,
he's asleep.

‐ Dibs on big bed!
‐ [snoring]

[hawk screeches]

♪ ♪

‐ Morocco.
It's so foreign to us.

Peculiar, interesting,
different places.

So I've set up
this place for us to eat.

I hope the guys
appreciate it.

This is food in Morocco,
but American food.

‐ Oh, American.
‐ First of all,

how'd you find this place
is what I want to know?

‐ I was told about it.

I thought the guys
would enjoy

this cultural cuisine
adventure.

They're burgers.

Not quite the burgers
we know in America.

But they are burgers.

‐ Welcome to Café Clock.
Can I take your orders?

‐ The menu is in French.

‐ The menu is in French,
they don't know

what they're ordering.

I know what we're ordering.

‐ I'm gonna order for you guys.
Black cash‐‐

‐ Let me do it in French.

‐ Tabbouleh, de la sal
le de, tatooka.

‐ How's he doing, Bill?

‐ Not well, and I
gotta order for you.

‐ Hey, I took French
in college, I know French!

Oui. Bonjour.

‐ [speaking French]

‐ Bill is speaking in French.
‐ [speaking French]

‐ I have no idea what
he's saying.

‐ [speaking French]

‐ Yes, okay.
‐ Ah, good.

That's French, man.
‐ Hello, so the burgers.

‐ Wow!
‐ Whoa!

‐ All right.
‐ This actually does look nice.

‐ Now this is really good
stuff.

‐ Yeah.
‐ Who doesn't love

a great burger?

‐ Thank you.

A good old fashioned
cheese burger.

♪ ♪

‐ Wow.
‐ Yeah.

‐ This is really good.

‐ They were really
loving the burgers.

Is this good or what?

‐ I wonder where they get
the meat from?

‐ What kind of beef is this?

‐ Look at it.
‐ What kind of meat is this?

‐ Uhh‐‐

‐ What do you mean,
what kind of meat is it?

‐ Is it cow?
‐ It's gotta be cow.

‐ It better be, I would‐‐
‐ Did you order?

‐ Well, what‐‐I don't‐‐
What do you mean?

‐ You don't know?

‐ That's a tough one.

[suspenseful string music]

Camel.

‐ Wait a minute,
I'm eating Lucille?

‐ I'm not eat camel, I know.

‐ This is camel?
‐ Yes, this is camel meat.

‐ Camel is my friend.

♪ ♪

‐ Camel's good for you.
‐ It was delicious, I must say.

‐ They're the best camel
burgers in town.

‐ Yeah.

‐ I'm gonna be sick.

‐ The only problem is,
how do we get home?

We ate our ride.

This is a cultural center.
‐ What? This restaurant?

‐ No, this is a
camel burger joint.

‐ Well, the camel burger place
is also a cultural center.

‐ Oh.
‐ And I've invited

a Moroccan storyteller,

so feel the culture.

♪ ♪

Moroccan culture is antiquity,

long before lights
and television and‐‐

The culture is
a storytelling culture.

‐ Right. Yeah.
‐ You sit around

and you tell stories.

‐ I'm up for that.
‐ Hello everyone.

Welcome to
the storytelling session.

‐ You listen and you learn
Moroccan morality,

the laws of custom.

‐ This way we can
share these stories.

‐ I like stories.
‐ Yeah.

‐ Are you ready?
‐ Yes. We are ready.

I think I just want to take
a minute of telling a story,

filled with adventure,
with the color

of the time,
with a moral.

I got a story.

‐ What's he doing?
‐ Okay.

All right. I'm driving along
to the airport

to get on the plane
to come with you guys.

‐ Got it.
‐ And all of a sudden

I see a sign,

and it says,
"Labrador retriever for $10."

‐ I want to get up so bad

and go somewhere else.

‐ I walk outside,
I walk into the garden,

and there is
a beautiful Labrador retriever.

‐ Ah! I'm trying to be
respectful, but good golly.

‐ He's looking at me,
and I'm looking at him.

I say, "You are beautiful."
The dog says, "Thank you."

I said, "You speak?"
He said, "Yes I do."

‐ Oh the dumbest,
stupidest‐‐oh.

‐ He said, "I used to work
for the CIA.

I took notes
and then passed it along

to the government agencies."

‐ Here's a list of the places
that I'd rather be.

On top of Tokyo tower,
1,000 feet above the ground.

Hey! Oh that is just stupid!

Eating bull balls in Madrid.

‐ Put it back,
but don't eat it.

‐ Having my chest waxed
by Jeff.

Oh, God! All of these,
you put them together,

I would rather be doing

than listen to this story.

‐ I walk back inside, I said,
"Sir, you're selling

this dog for $10.

The dog speaks.
"How could you do that?"

He said, "I'll tell you why.
That dog is a liar."

Thank you. Thank you.

‐ Hah! Thank God!

‐ I have some follow up
questions about the story.

‐ I want‐‐I want to tell
a story.

Mine is really short.

‐ Oh no, no, no.

‐ Short story.
‐ Okay, that's it.

I'm never gonna get
through this story.

‐ Farmer in Louisiana
is bailing hay.

‐ Oh geez.
‐ Young farmer.

His bailer
gets caught and sticks.

Gets off the tractor,
crawls under the bailer,

and he hits it, and he hits it,

and he hits it, and finally
the stick comes loose.

But when it does,
it grabs his arm,

and jerks his arm off
right here at the shoulder.

‐ Right off his body?
‐ Spits it out.

‐ Bill?
‐ Yeah.

‐ This is a very long story.
‐ It is a long story.

‐ And he goes back to

the little country town
that he lives in.

‐ Oh, Lord.

‐ Do you have any idea
what this story is about?

‐ No.

‐ And he thinks
he can attach your arm.

‐ Ignorant.

‐ Ignorant.
‐ Unbelievable!

He walks outside,
the news people are there

from all over the world,
and they said,

"Farmer Brown, how did it go
with your surgery?"

And he goes, "Two thumbs up!"

‐ I get it, I get it, I do!
‐ Hey, is your pops funny?

‐ Yeah.
‐ Huh? You like it?

‐ Yeah, you killed it.
‐ Did you like it?

‐ Yeah, you killed it.

‐ Look at me,
it was fun, wasn't it?

‐ Like you died
a slow death up there.

‐ You didn't like the joke?
‐ I loved the joke.

‐ Thank you! Thank you!

‐ Thank you. Bye. Thank you.

‐ Well, how much
for that blue one?

‐ For you? $5,000.

‐ $4,500.
‐ Oh, God.

No, no.
‐ What?

‐ Y'all did not barter, at all?
‐ Well no, I‐‐

‐ What barter?
‐ I taught him how to barter.

‐ He taught me how to barter.

‐ You know, I noticed
this mad picnic

is kind of a Hollywood thing.

Howie wouldn't do it,

Strahan I know wouldn't do it,
Jimmy Johnson would hang up.

‐ No, he would not.
‐ Trust me!

‐ I'd go in there
and mess up his hair.

‐ Yeah.
‐ Come on, Jimmy!

‐ Yeah, you Jimmy one time.
[hawk screeches]

[upbeat music]

‐ Tonight, me and the guys
are tackling my wish,

of doing stand‐up
here in Morocco.

I'm excited to show these guys
what I'm good at.

And sure, I'm not as famous
and world renowned as them.

But, I am as equally passionate
and good at what I do.

‐ I would like to welcome you
in Marrakesh Comedy Club!

[cheering]

♪ ♪

‐ You have talked about this,
we've talked about you

travelling all over
the country, all over America.

‐ Yeah. This is my first love,
stand‐up comedy.

‐ And you're good at it?
‐ We're gonna taste it, now.

We're gonna taste
what it is you do.

‐ There's no way for me
to ever get in an NFL setting.

There's no way
I'm ever gonna be able to be

the star of a TV show,

just without working very hard
and learning it.

But from the moment you start,
they introduce you as,

"Our next comedian is blank."

They call you a professional
right away.

That's a lot of pressure.

‐ Tonight, we have got
an amazing show tonight.

Just wait for us!

‐ All right, this is
gonna be good!

‐ Our guest is Jeff Dye.

Please, ladies and gentlemen.
Welcome Jeff Dye.

‐ [hooting]

‐ Thank you. Thank you.

I'm gonna let these guys
go first,

because technically
they're my openers.

‐ Ladies and gentlemen,
our first performer

is the funniest guy,

in my opinion, in the world.

Give it up for Terry Bradshaw,
ladies and gentlemen!

‐ Hey! Hey! Thank you,
thank you!

It was so hot‐‐
‐ How hot was it?

‐ I passed a hyena
and all he could do was giggle.

[laughter]

Gosh, dog. Quit it.

I didn't know I was this good!

‐ Oh my god!
‐ I may be retired,

but this joke is a knock out.

‐ Knock, knock.
all: Who's there?

‐ Broken pencil.
‐ Broken pencil who?

‐ Forget about it,
it's pointless.

[laughter]
‐ That's funny, George.

‐ Travelling with George
for two years now,

and the one thing that George,
he likes to sleep.

‐ [speaking foreign language]

‐ His big fight was
"Rumble in the Jungle."

He napped so much, now it's
called "Slumber in the Jungle."

‐ Oh!
[laughter]

‐ Bill is so old
that in high school

he was voted to be
the most likely

to actually get
to year one A. D.

‐ Oh!
[laughter]

‐ Henry, obviously,
has put on

a little weight
since he did the Fonz.

As a matter of fact
the only time he hears "whoa"

now is when he steps
on the scales.

[laughter]

‐ Stop it right now!
‐ This is really rewarding,

to have these four great men

who I admire so much doing
what I do for a living,

the thing that I care
about the most.

‐ Jeffrey, I don't know
how you do it,

I'm going to leave stand‐up
to the professionals.

‐ I'm happy to be here, we all
just got back from Lithuania,

so we're happy to be alive,
really, to be honest.

‐ Yeah! That's funny, man!
I love that!

‐ Relax. Yeah, getting
a little loud, Dad.

[laughter]

The only bad part about, like,
travel with, like, old guys,

I've started doing, like,
other old guy stuff.

Like I'll eat dinner
at, like four.

[laughter]

‐ That's funny, Jeff!
‐ Thank you very much,

Terry Bradshaw everybody.

‐ You know George Foreman
hates cussing,

and he doesn't like
sex, and stuff.

‐ Oh no, Jeff, don't go there.

‐ Because he's already
hit his quota.

That's why he doesn't‐‐that's
why he doesn't like it.

The only thing I heard
about Bill, before the show,

was that like he talks
in long pauses.

He'll talk like this.

But once you get to know him,
that's not how he talks.

He never pauses, ever.

He just‐‐just keeps
going and going,

and it's an honor for me
to be on your final voyage.

I will say that, Bill.
It is an honor for me.

‐ We finally get to see Jeff do
what Jeff is so good at,

and that's stand‐up comedy.

Oh, so hard to do.

For him to get up there
in a foreign country

and bring it home,
that's a special talent.

I'm proud of my boy.

‐ Ladies and gentlemen,
you've been a great audience,

and we love you.

Thank you very much,
it's been a treat.

♪ ♪

[chatter in foreign language]

‐ Boy, these are pretty.
‐ Wow!

‐ You think these are handmade?
‐ Oh, they're all handmade.

♪ ♪

‐ How much is that?
‐ This one?

‐ Yeah.
‐ Let's say‐‐

‐ What do you mean,
"Let's say?"

‐ Henry wants to buy a rug.

I'm gonna help them,
I'm gonna negotiate for them.

He may not like it,
but you gotta haggle.

That's the custom here.

You're considered stupid
if you don't haggle.

‐ This piece, $10,200.
‐ $10,000?

‐ That is way too much.

I've been humbled before,
by experts.

This guy is no expert.

‐ $10,000, is that
what you're saying?

‐ Yes.
‐ Well let's say

you'll give it to us, as a‐‐
‐ Ohh‐‐

‐ That is the way you bargain,
he gives us a price,

and you say,
"Give it as a gift?"

‐ Yeah.

‐ I'm beginning to think Bill
is not a great negotiator.

‐ This place is great, huh?

Look at this weird thing.

‐ Do you have our size?
‐ Buying this dress.

Getting a dress.

♪ ♪

‐ Now, this one?
‐ Man, that's cool.

‐ This one?
‐ That's cool. Wow.

‐ Yes, perfect.
‐ Yeah.

‐ I like this.
‐ Yeah.

‐ I'm gonna start wearing
these things all the time,

'cause everything breathes,
you know what I'm saying?

‐ Oh yeah.
‐ Too little.

Too little.

‐ Looks good, huh?
‐ George, you getting two?

‐ Yeah.

‐ We'll be back
to pick them up.

‐ Sorry guys, I'm the owner
of this house.

‐ How are you? I'm Henry.
‐ Nice to meet you.

‐ I will show him
some other things.

‐ Okay.

‐ Well how much
for that blue one?

‐ For that one?
‐ Yes.

‐ It's about $5,000.
‐ $5,000.

‐ Yes.
‐ Okay, $4,500.

‐ Oh! God! No, no!
‐ What?

Come here. You gotta haggle.

You gotta bargain way down,
you go way down. Offer $1,000.

‐ Okay. You say $4,500?
‐ No!

‐ Okay, okay.
‐ What kind of

a Hollywood producer are you?

‐ Okay. What would be a price
to make you happy?

‐ This is it.

I'm going home with a rug.

Bye.
‐ Bye‐bye.

‐ Oh my, God.
‐ Watch yourself.

‐ Wait a minute.
‐ Hang on a second.

‐ Okay. Okay.
‐ Lead the way.

‐ Here we go.

[hawk screeching]

♪ ♪

‐ Now Morocco
is famous for its rugs.

More than anything
in the market,

I want to find
a nice Moroccan rug

to take back home with me.

Wow.

‐ You're welcome.
‐ How do you do?

‐ You're welcome.
How are you doing?

‐ I'm George. I'm doing fine.

Where are all the beautiful,
big rugs?

‐ [speaking foreign language]

‐ His name is big George
Foreman. Give him a big carpet.

‐ This is coming from
a different area of Morocco.

‐ Okay.
‐ Whoa!

‐ It's all hand woven,

then the patches
are embroidered by hand.

He can walk‐‐he can walk
on it to feel it.

It's like a massage for
your feet, if you walk on it.

‐ This is sweet.

‐ This is really nice.
‐ How do you feel?

‐ Oh. Oh.

‐ It feels like your feet
are making love.

‐ How much is this one?
‐ For you, as a good price,

$5,000

or 50,000 Dirham.
‐ That's a lot of money.

‐ Well it's a good piece,
it's handmade.

‐ Well I was just‐‐I was hoping
maybe um‐‐I'm gonna take a seat

and Think about it.

‐ Let's do $4,500.

‐ No, no, no, no,
that's way too much.

‐ What is your best offer?
What is your best offer?

The final‐‐the final,
the best price you could make.

‐ I think we could get this rug
somewhere else,

as good or better.

Whatever George wants,
George gets.

I would go $300 cash.

‐ How much?
‐ $300 American.

‐ Deal.
‐ Whoa!

‐ Offer just for you.
‐ One other thing‐‐

‐ Come on, come on.
‐ $300.

‐ We need you to ship it.

‐ To ship the carpet?
‐ To America, to his house.

‐ Really?
‐ You know what?

The shipping is for free.

‐ Oh man! Terry, the best
bargain guy in the world.

‐ I'm in the horse business
boys, I'm used to dealing.

Know what I'm saying?

‐ Cheers.
‐ Yeah!

‐ Booyah!
‐ Hang on a second, Henry.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Okay. I'm good.
Let's go backwards.

‐ I'm facing the wrong way!
‐ Wait a minute,

we're going the wrong way.
‐ I'm facing the wrong way!

‐ Henry, for God's sakes,
what are you doing?

‐ Okay. Excuse me. Pardon me.
‐ Sir?

Could I get my hat?

♪ ♪

‐ Hey, where's Bill and Henry?
‐ What are you talking about?

‐ We're out here relaxing
and having a good time.

‐ Now we're back at the hotel,
the three of us,

and Henry and Bill
haven't showed up yet,

and it's been awhile.

So I'm starting
to get‐‐you know,

I'm starting to get
a little bit worried about 'em.

‐ Hey! Look what we got. We got
the bargain of the century.

‐ We got the rug.
We got a great deal.

‐ You guys back?

‐ The shoppers are here.
‐ What'd you get?

‐ We are here.
‐ What do you got?

‐ We got a great rug.
We got a great carpet.

‐ That looks familiar.

♪ ♪

‐ Look like the same
one we saw.

‐ We bought a rug
just like that.

‐ No way.
Can't be the same rug.

‐ But how much did you pay
for that rug?

‐ Terry knows.

‐ We paid $300.

‐ No, you did not.
‐ Yeah.

‐ Swear to you.

‐ $300 bucks.
‐ Wait a minute.

Wait a minute, $300?

They paid $300
for their rug? $2,700.

‐ You paid $2,700 for that rug?
‐ What are you laughing at?

‐ You pay $2,700 for that rug.

‐ You have a receipt
that says, "$300?"

both: And the shipping.

‐ It can't be the same rug.

Was yours machine made,
or was it handmade?

both: Handmade.

‐ Handmade.
‐ This is hilarious.

‐ $2,700!

Someone put suckers
on the back of y'all's backs,

and put you through
that market,

'cause that is just ridiculous.

‐ It's a better qual‐‐

Hey, you‐‐

it is a better quality rug,
I tell you!

We have a better rug than you.

We couldn't have paid $2,700,
and you paid $300.

‐ $300, I swear to you.
‐ We did.

‐ What's the Yiddish word
for the opposite of frugal?

‐ Schmuck.
[laughter]

‐ Y'all did not barter, at all?
‐ Well no, I‐‐

‐ What barter?
‐ I taught him how to bargain.

‐ He taught me how to barter.

‐ But we were bargaining
and bargaining.

[laughter]

Hey!
Oh, isn't it wonderful.

This is so good,
let me celebrate.

Oh yeah.

‐ You guys are just dumber
than a box of rocks.

‐ That's true.

I am a box of rocks.

‐ Whoa!

‐ That guy's got some
bad breath, right there.

‐ So we're running up over
the hill‐‐the hill's

are alive‐‐and
I'm out of breath,

and I think,
"My God, I'm gonna die."

‐ Henry, the plane
is gonna leave,

and I'm still looking for you.

‐ I'm looking at you.

‐ Quit screwing around,
we're gonna miss the flight.

‐ ♪ Ooh, whoo, I'm a rebel
just for kicks, now ♪

♪ I been feeling
it since 1966, now ♪

♪ Might be over now ♪

‐ This looks beautiful.
‐ This is beautiful.

‐ Look at this.
‐ Beautiful.

‐ How gorgeous is this?
‐ How nice is this?

‐ So, here we are at the end.

We've been to five
countries, seven cities,

and to celebrate the end
of another epic trip,

we're gonna have a wonderful
celebratory dinner tonight.

Oh my gosh, this is so sad and
so joyous at the same moment.

‐ I'm gonna take my hat off.
‐ It's good etiquette.

‐ 'Cause we're at the table.

‐ Taking our fez's off.
‐ My hair look okay?

‐ Yes.
‐ Thank you.

What is that? It's good.

‐ Chicken.
‐ Is that chicken?

‐ Mm‐hmm.
‐ Delicious.

‐ Does it taste like chicken?
Then it must be chicken.

‐ Travelling around
at our age,

do all the things
that we've done,

it's a pretty cool thing.

You know? At our age.

I don't know what it'll be like
when I'm Bill's age.

I know he won't be around.

‐ Oh, oh.

‐ Here they are.

‐ ♪ Might be over now ♪

♪ But I feel it still ♪

♪ Might've had your fill ♪

♪ But I feel it still ♪

‐ Amazing, huh?
That we accomplished this?

‐ Pretty amazing.
‐ What was the one moment

that you learned most
about yourself on this trip?

‐ I would have to say Berlin,

and that I shared it
with you was amazing.

It's from my children.

‐ Even though the Winkler
history in Berlin

is heart breaking,

we thought it was important for
you to connect with the past

through this
hopefully fun adventure.

‐ Oh wow. Thank you.

‐ I found out
what bad shape I'm in.

‐ Oh, Bill, stop it right now.
‐ No, wait a minute.

So we're running up over the
hill, "The hills are alive!"

The hills are alive,
and I'm out of breath,

and I think,
"My God, I'm gonna die.

But I can't let it show,
I'm Captain Kirk."

So down the hill we go!

‐ You know that's the first
time finally admitted it!

‐ I did it for a joke,
just so you'd laugh.

‐ Okay.
‐ All right.

‐ What about you, George?
What was your favorite?

‐ We've enjoyed ourselves,

but most importantly
we've eaten so much food.

‐ The smelly herring
was incredible.

‐ First of all,
the can was swollen,

because of the gas, and when I
went‐‐ [imitates hissing]

I never smelled anything
so pitiful in my life.

I can do this.
‐ Hook it on there.

[hissing]
‐ Oh, my God!

Oh, that's [bleep].
[gags]

‐ Ohh!
‐ You don't know

what you're missing.

‐ In Barcelona, we went to
the festival of San Juan.

There was that bonfire,

and you said,

"I see you guys,
you embrace your difference,

and I want to let the fear
of being different go."

‐ These guys are my family.

They're not just
four living legends.

They're four great,
incredible men,

and they've taught me a lot,

and I love them to death.

I don't wanna stop.
I don't wanna quit

what we're doing,
and I love you guys.

‐ Ditto. Ditto. Ditto. Ditto.
‐ And you know we love you.

‐ All right, I figured‐‐
‐ Wow.

‐ Whoa, Baby!
‐ How 'bout this.

‐ Here we are,
we're at the last night here

in wonderful Morocco.

Everyone gets a magic lantern.

What I am hoping is that
in these lanterns

are not only the wishes that
you have from tonight, forward,

but the wish that we are
all together again.

I had no idea if our trip
this time was going

to equal how fantastic

the trip
was through Asia.

‐ [screams, laughs]

‐ What are you doing?
You're over everything, Henry.

‐ Great day. Great day.

‐ You're the model.
‐ If you had told me in my 20s

that I'd be on the journey
of a lifetime

at this point in my life,

I would not have believed you.

I just ate brain?
‐ [gags]

‐ That's nothing to play with.

‐ But here we are,
in our golden years.

‐ Hey! How you doing,
I'm from America!

‐ Here we are again.

‐ It started with a group
of friends in Asia.

Friends who became brothers.

[both yelling]

‐ Brothers who
became inseparable.

‐ Lithuania!

‐ And when I'm asked how
we feel at our age,

after having travelled
all these thousands of miles.

‐ Whoa, this is beautiful. Wow.
‐ Oh, my God.

‐ I say we've
never felt younger.

‐ You know what, I'm terrified,

but I wouldn't come up here
with anyone but you.

‐ That's nice of you to say.
‐ Uh‐oh, watch out, watch out.

‐ Uh oh.
‐ Nice.

‐ Oh! Whoa!

♪ ♪

both: Oh!
‐ Ohh!

Man's got some bad breath,
right there.

‐ Whoa!
‐ See that?

Out of his mouth.

‐ Better late than never.
‐ Cheers.

‐ Cheers.
‐ Georgie.

[hawk screeches]