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(SNIFFLES)
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("THE TYPEWRITER" BY
LEROY ANDERSON PLAYING)
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♪
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(TYPEWRITERS CLACKING)
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JERRY LEWIS: Oh.
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Oh.
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(PAPER RUFFLES)
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(CLICKING)
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(KEYS CLACKING)
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♪
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(RAPID TYPING)
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(TYPEWRITER DINGS, CLICKS)
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(RAPID TYPING)
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(DINGS, CLICKS)
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(RAPID TYPING)
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(DINGS, CLICKS)
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(RAPID TYPING)
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(DINGS, CLICKS)
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(RAPID TYPING)
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♪
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- (DINGS, CLICKS)
- (RAPID TYPING)
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♪
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(DINGING REPEATEDLY)
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(RAPID TYPING)
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(DINGS, CLICKS)
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(RAPID TYPING)
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(DINGS, CLICKS)
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♪
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(DINGS, CLICKS)
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(RAPID TYPING)
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♪
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- (DINGS, CLICKS)
- (TYPING RHYTHMICALLY)
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(DINGS, CLICKS)
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♪
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(DINGS TWICE)
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(TYPING RHYTHMICALLY)
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(DINGS, CLICKS)
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♪
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(DINGS, CLICKS)
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♪
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(DINGS TWICE)
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(TYPING RHYTHMICALLY)
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♪
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(RAPID TYPING)
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(DINGS, CLICKS)
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(RAPID TYPING)
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(DINGS, CLICKS)
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♪
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(DINGS, CLICKS)
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(RAPID TYPING)
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(DINGING REPEATEDLY)
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♪
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(PANTING)
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- (BELL RINGS)
- (APPLAUSE)
55
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MAN: (SHORT CHUCKLE) Jerry Lewis.
56
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SCOT: That was great, Frankie.
57
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- (LAUGHS SOFTLY)
- That was great.
58
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Thank you.
59
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- (EXHALES)
- Wow.
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AUNT BINI: Turns out, her little brother
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and my ex-boyfriend Yanni Nakamora
62
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used to run together before
Yanni got done by Winter Hill
63
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for ripping off a truck
of ladies dresses.
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Anyways, I tracked her down.
65
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She was in town doing some
kind of big TV hoop-de-doo
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00:02:58,182 --> 00:02:59,322
for some kind of flavored schnapps...
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DUKE: Uncle Eddy, do you want me
68
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- to help you move the furniture?
- EDDY: Aww.
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Thanks, Beanstalk. Bit shattered.
70
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But I'll manage.
71
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Too much of the black stuff last night.
72
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Oh, no.
73
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My fags are soggy.
74
00:03:12,119 --> 00:03:14,603
Could do with a dry cigarette
for once, I think.
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00:03:14,628 --> 00:03:16,764
Well, there is the toaster oven.
76
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Oh, it's come to that, has it?
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SAM: Harold, I'll make you fresh food.
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You don't have to eat the leftovers.
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Don't give him any more. He already ate!
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It's for later.
You never know with these things.
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- Hi. Hi.
- Hey!
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- Hi. Hi, hi.
- Hi. When does everyone else come over?
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I have no idea. Bini?
84
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Is there another place
you can get ready, honey?
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I didn't know what bathroom to choose.
86
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What can I do? How can I help?
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Uh, please get out the food processor.
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- Hi.
- For me.
89
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DUKE: Oh, Mom. Who's Madeline Kahn?
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- Queen.
- What? Who is Madeline Kahn?
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- Oh, my God.
- AUNT BINI: I was just saying
92
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how Harold used to drive
Madeline Kahn around.
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- What?
- HAROLD: Yeah, it was before
94
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all the Mel Brooks mishigas.
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She asked me to call her "Mads."
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- Oh, my God.
- Mom, can I wear the special one?
97
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Uh, yes, you can.
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- DUKE: Thank you.
- So, what's gonna be
99
00:04:05,785 --> 00:04:07,135
the seating situation?
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Oh, there's no seating situation.
101
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It's just, like... You'll see.
102
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It's, like, a free-flowing kind of...
(STAMMERS)
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There's no seating situation.
104
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I like to know for sure
the seating situation.
105
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I got the spinal stenosis in my back.
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AUNT BINI: We used to take
her for chinks, out in Saugus.
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Samanther, Samanther.
Remember when we used to go
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to Dragon Island for chinks?
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Jesus, with that. Bini!
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HAROLD: The vertebrates are all farkakt.
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I got to know where I'm sitting.
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AUNT BINI: Madeline said
she didn't remember him.
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But she was very nice about it
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and thanked him for all his hard work.
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Come on, Harold.
You shtupped Madeline Kahn, didn't you?
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- (CHUCKLES)
- Young man, nice uniform,
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driving around all night in a Lincoln?
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- Chicken tenders on this one, huh?
- (LAUGHTER)
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- Eh, it was a Grand Marquis.
- Oh, okay.
120
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- SAM: Frankie!
- AUNT BINI: Oh, vey iz mir!
121
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It was strictly a
professional relationship.
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But I will say, the biggest
bazungas I ever saw.
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- (LAUGHTER)
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
124
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And she just left them
hanging out there.
125
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She knew what she was doing. Huh?
126
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- God rest her soul.
- Sure.
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00:05:05,637 --> 00:05:06,637
- MAX: Mom?
- SAM: Yeah?
128
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Paisley wants to know
if her date can bring a friend
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- to Frankie's Batceañera.
- What? No.
130
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- Paisley's not... no.
- EDDY: All right!
131
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Which one of you's has laid
a top-ten hit in that bog?
132
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Confess or burn.
133
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Does anyone smell smoke?
134
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Oh, yeah.
135
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Sorr... that's me, that's me.
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(GRUNTS)
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(EXHALES)
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I'm serious about that shit, though.
139
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Think it's grown a twin.
140
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(BELCHES, GROANS) Bugger me.
141
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Oh, fuck, my lips.
142
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- (LAUGHS): Eddy.
- I'm eating here.
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Okay. You need any help?
144
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- SAM: Hi!
- Buenas tardes, Sam.
145
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Buenas tardes.
146
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Hi, Rosita.
147
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- Welcome.
- Hi! How are you?
148
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Looks so beautiful, Sam.
149
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I want a food truck!
Knishes and carnitas.
150
00:05:53,145 --> 00:05:56,096
Don't start nothing,
I'm sneaking out for a crafty fag.
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CECILIA: Reinita.
152
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- (GASPS) Que bonita...
- I don't like it. (LAUGHS)
153
00:05:59,442 --> 00:06:00,933
- You look incredibly...
- Don't talk to me.
154
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I'm memorizing a speech.
155
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- Don't interrupt and be annoying.
- Right.
156
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- My garters are slipping!
- Not ready yet, either.
157
00:06:06,801 --> 00:06:07,801
- SAM: Eddy.
- EDDY: What?
158
00:06:07,826 --> 00:06:09,518
- You got an extra fag?
- No.
159
00:06:09,543 --> 00:06:11,229
- Look who's here.
- Bro.
160
00:06:11,254 --> 00:06:13,721
- Back to party. Better. Hello.
- Always.
161
00:06:13,746 --> 00:06:15,737
- Wow. You look so...
- Wow you.
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00:06:15,762 --> 00:06:18,612
- SAM: My gorgeous.
- Is she really wearing a men's suit?
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Yes. From the '40s.
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It's a replica of one
worn by Frida Kahlo.
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That's really frickin' cool.
I love my cousins.
166
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Phil. (MOUTHS)
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I've said hello.
168
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- I mean, there's nothing...
- Let's get a drink.
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- All right.
- I-I did say hello.
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What a beautiful simcha, Sam.
171
00:06:37,675 --> 00:06:40,049
Thank you so much for coming, Esperanza.
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You know you taught me
how to be a Jewish mother.
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(BOTH LAUGH)
174
00:06:44,004 --> 00:06:46,040
- Where's my Duke?
- Oh, she's, um,
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00:06:46,065 --> 00:06:48,573
she's actually out there
with her friends, with the kids.
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- Ay. Okay.
- You see?
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- Smoke show.
- Hey. Hey.
178
00:06:52,262 --> 00:06:53,940
- Isn't this cool?
- It's fantastic.
179
00:06:53,965 --> 00:06:55,292
- Hi.
- Hey, Jaia.
180
00:06:55,317 --> 00:06:57,784
I've never been to a bat
mitzvah like this before.
181
00:06:57,809 --> 00:06:59,249
Oh, you're in for a treat, Caroline.
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00:06:59,274 --> 00:07:00,979
We're having a proper blowout.
183
00:07:01,004 --> 00:07:04,975
We have marichos, carnitas and knishes.
184
00:07:05,732 --> 00:07:08,410
A lot more than cheese. Right, darling?
185
00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:11,810
Well, I guess I won't have
to leave early, then, will I?
186
00:07:11,835 --> 00:07:14,100
- (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
- It's, uh, "mariachi."
187
00:07:14,125 --> 00:07:16,506
- It's mariachi.
- Okay.
188
00:07:16,710 --> 00:07:19,053
SAM: So... Yeah, so we thought
we'd throw them all,
189
00:07:19,078 --> 00:07:22,146
- everybody, into...
- In the... Sure, in-into one pot.
190
00:07:22,883 --> 00:07:24,810
XANDER: Hello.
191
00:07:26,748 --> 00:07:28,652
Hello, everyone.
192
00:07:30,811 --> 00:07:32,680
Oh, hi.
193
00:07:32,705 --> 00:07:38,904
(SPANISH SONG PLAYING)
194
00:07:40,972 --> 00:07:45,972
(MARIACHI MUSIC PLAYING)
195
00:07:48,985 --> 00:07:50,959
I'm so proud of you. I love you.
196
00:08:09,656 --> 00:08:12,803
- (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- (GRITO)
197
00:08:29,053 --> 00:08:31,304
(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
198
00:08:31,329 --> 00:08:33,064
(LAUGHTER)
199
00:08:33,089 --> 00:08:34,920
SAM: Congratulations.
200
00:08:46,107 --> 00:08:47,943
This is my childhood.
201
00:08:51,485 --> 00:08:54,060
All mothers are slightly insane.
202
00:08:59,756 --> 00:09:01,685
Ka nui nga mihi.
203
00:09:01,710 --> 00:09:03,615
I'm proud of you.
204
00:09:04,870 --> 00:09:06,005
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
205
00:09:06,030 --> 00:09:08,154
MARION: Frankie. Beautiful.
206
00:09:08,179 --> 00:09:09,942
- I love you.
- MAX: I love you.
207
00:09:10,193 --> 00:09:11,865
That's beautiful.
208
00:09:11,890 --> 00:09:14,154
- Did you get that out of my room?
- No, I didn't.
209
00:09:14,179 --> 00:09:15,613
I can't believe you did that.
210
00:09:15,638 --> 00:09:17,607
- Didn't you give me that?
- I did, yeah.
211
00:09:17,632 --> 00:09:20,365
(PLAYING "DE COLORES")
212
00:09:35,404 --> 00:09:38,748
♪ De Colores ♪
213
00:09:38,773 --> 00:09:42,009
♪ De Colores se visten los campos ♪
214
00:09:42,034 --> 00:09:45,404
♪ En la primavera ♪
215
00:09:45,437 --> 00:09:48,707
♪ De Colores ♪
216
00:09:48,740 --> 00:09:52,271
♪ De Colores son los pajarillos ♪
217
00:09:52,296 --> 00:09:55,576
♪ Que vienen de afuera ♪
218
00:09:55,601 --> 00:09:58,779
♪ De Colores ♪
219
00:09:58,804 --> 00:10:02,271
♪ De Colores es el arco iris ♪
220
00:10:02,296 --> 00:10:06,881
♪ Que vemos lucir ♪
221
00:10:06,906 --> 00:10:10,276
♪ Y por eso los grandes amores ♪
222
00:10:10,301 --> 00:10:12,279
♪ De muchos colores ♪
223
00:10:12,304 --> 00:10:14,920
♪ Me gustan a mi ♪
224
00:10:14,945 --> 00:10:18,315
♪ Y por eso los grandes amores ♪
225
00:10:18,340 --> 00:10:20,209
♪ De muchos colores ♪
226
00:10:20,234 --> 00:10:23,068
♪ Me gustan a mi... ♪
227
00:10:26,832 --> 00:10:29,248
(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
228
00:10:31,058 --> 00:10:33,062
(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
229
00:10:41,564 --> 00:10:44,942
♪ Canta el gallo ♪
230
00:10:44,967 --> 00:10:48,438
♪ Canta el gallo con el quiri quiri ♪
231
00:10:48,463 --> 00:10:51,828
♪ Quiri quiri quiri ♪
232
00:10:51,853 --> 00:10:55,164
♪ La gallina ♪
233
00:10:55,189 --> 00:10:58,559
♪ La gallina con el cara cara ♪
234
00:10:58,584 --> 00:11:01,858
♪ Cara cara cara ♪
235
00:11:01,883 --> 00:11:05,164
♪ Los polluelos ♪
236
00:11:05,189 --> 00:11:08,524
♪ Los polluelos con el pio pio ♪
237
00:11:08,549 --> 00:11:12,242
♪ Pio pio pi... ♪
238
00:11:12,789 --> 00:11:14,727
(SAM GROANS)
239
00:11:16,139 --> 00:11:17,422
You okay?
240
00:11:17,914 --> 00:11:19,602
Babe, what are you doing?
241
00:11:19,627 --> 00:11:21,570
- Huh? Hi.
- Hi.
242
00:11:21,595 --> 00:11:24,274
Oh, nothing. Go back to the party.
243
00:11:24,992 --> 00:11:28,867
I'm looking for a little...
(INHALES LOUDLY)
244
00:11:30,646 --> 00:11:33,977
(SNIFFS) Did you see him out there?
245
00:11:34,002 --> 00:11:35,055
I did.
246
00:11:35,080 --> 00:11:36,923
Playing "dad" for the crowd.
247
00:11:36,948 --> 00:11:38,805
And we all just smile and nod.
248
00:11:38,830 --> 00:11:41,836
Ooh, my goodness. It's amazing you came.
249
00:11:41,861 --> 00:11:43,663
What do you expect, Sam?
250
00:11:43,688 --> 00:11:46,866
You want him to give
you a public apology?
251
00:11:46,891 --> 00:11:49,561
(EXHALES SHARPLY) Uh, yeah.
252
00:11:49,594 --> 00:11:51,984
That'd be great. A
little public humility.
253
00:11:52,009 --> 00:11:54,234
That would... I would really like that.
254
00:11:54,259 --> 00:11:59,133
Frankie wanted him here,
and you fulfilled that request.
255
00:12:00,924 --> 00:12:03,992
Yeah, what choice did I have,
though, really?
256
00:12:04,017 --> 00:12:06,359
Is Frankie having a great time?
257
00:12:06,601 --> 00:12:08,922
'Cause that's all that really matters.
258
00:12:09,772 --> 00:12:12,609
Honestly, I'm more concerned about you.
259
00:12:14,019 --> 00:12:15,531
What is that supposed to mean?
260
00:12:15,556 --> 00:12:16,624
You know what, never mind.
261
00:12:16,649 --> 00:12:18,118
- Forget it.
- No, no, no, no.
262
00:12:18,143 --> 00:12:20,477
I really... I would like to know.
263
00:12:20,502 --> 00:12:23,204
I would like to know. Let's talk.
264
00:12:24,078 --> 00:12:26,899
Uh, you're so concerned about me.
265
00:12:26,924 --> 00:12:29,859
I love when people are
concerned about me.
266
00:12:29,900 --> 00:12:32,844
Fine. This death grip
you have on your anger.
267
00:12:32,869 --> 00:12:34,738
What happened to you, what he did.
268
00:12:34,763 --> 00:12:36,930
We all know. We were there.
269
00:12:36,955 --> 00:12:38,524
We don't need to rehash it every day.
270
00:12:38,549 --> 00:12:39,641
It's incessant with you.
271
00:12:39,666 --> 00:12:42,711
The folded arms and the eye rolls;
272
00:12:42,736 --> 00:12:44,438
it is not flattering.
273
00:12:44,463 --> 00:12:47,719
And your friends don't want
to tell you 'cause we love you.
274
00:12:47,744 --> 00:12:49,203
But...
275
00:12:49,696 --> 00:12:51,883
you gotta move on.
276
00:12:52,724 --> 00:12:54,766
(GRUNTS)
277
00:12:55,623 --> 00:12:58,126
Okay. Wow.
278
00:12:58,484 --> 00:12:59,699
(GROANS)
279
00:12:59,724 --> 00:13:01,492
That...
280
00:13:01,866 --> 00:13:03,891
(GROANS)
281
00:13:03,916 --> 00:13:06,961
So, you've been
separated from Jeff for what,
282
00:13:06,986 --> 00:13:09,117
about 15 minutes now?
283
00:13:09,267 --> 00:13:12,484
And you're gonna tell me
that I need to move on?
284
00:13:12,743 --> 00:13:15,641
Yeah, I am.
285
00:13:19,146 --> 00:13:21,483
That's really great.
286
00:13:25,584 --> 00:13:27,153
Ow.
287
00:13:30,508 --> 00:13:32,977
(SIGHS)
288
00:13:38,672 --> 00:13:40,688
I really need to find weed.
289
00:13:41,505 --> 00:13:43,107
(SAM GRUNTS)
290
00:14:03,761 --> 00:14:05,330
(SIGHS)
291
00:14:14,339 --> 00:14:16,519
(ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING)
292
00:14:16,544 --> 00:14:18,960
♪
293
00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:23,615
Can you feel something on my back?
294
00:14:23,648 --> 00:14:27,286
Yes. It-it is lumpy. Uh... what is that?
295
00:14:27,318 --> 00:14:30,438
It's my corset of torment.
296
00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:32,938
You see, I have an arrhythmia.
297
00:14:32,963 --> 00:14:35,008
My heart flutters from time to time.
298
00:14:35,461 --> 00:14:38,397
Uh, a-are you okay to dance right now?
299
00:14:38,429 --> 00:14:39,828
Oh, yes.
300
00:14:39,853 --> 00:14:42,856
Frankly, I think
my cardiologist is an idiot.
301
00:14:42,881 --> 00:14:45,611
I only listen to him because
my daughter forces me to.
302
00:14:45,636 --> 00:14:50,616
(CHUCKLES) My son only let me
have two glasses of wine a night.
303
00:14:50,641 --> 00:14:51,643
- (LAUGHS)
- Oh...
304
00:14:51,675 --> 00:14:54,422
So I sneak tequila.
305
00:14:56,990 --> 00:14:59,289
I steal swims.
306
00:14:59,555 --> 00:15:01,133
Desnuda.
307
00:15:01,158 --> 00:15:03,428
- Oh, my God.
- (LAUGHS)
308
00:15:03,453 --> 00:15:07,016
Very interesting.
309
00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:09,734
(STRAINING)
310
00:15:09,759 --> 00:15:11,922
I-I... you want to sit down?
311
00:15:11,947 --> 00:15:13,508
No, I don't want to sit down.
312
00:15:13,533 --> 00:15:15,899
- Okay, all right.
- We've only just started.
313
00:15:15,924 --> 00:15:18,883
Okay, baby, let's go again.
314
00:15:18,908 --> 00:15:20,246
- Let's.
- Oh, wow.
315
00:15:20,271 --> 00:15:22,592
(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
316
00:15:22,617 --> 00:15:24,186
- SAM: Hi.
- Hi.
317
00:15:24,211 --> 00:15:25,323
Nothing.
318
00:15:25,348 --> 00:15:26,375
(LAUGHS): Nothing?
319
00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:27,654
Oh, and I hadn't even asked.
320
00:15:27,679 --> 00:15:29,070
What are you doing?
321
00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:30,624
- Nothing.
- We're hiding.
322
00:15:30,649 --> 00:15:32,406
- What do you think?
- I see.
323
00:15:32,431 --> 00:15:33,994
Well, I'm hiding, so...
324
00:15:34,019 --> 00:15:35,750
(SAM CHUCKLES)
325
00:15:35,775 --> 00:15:37,310
- Hi.
- Hi, Mark.
326
00:15:37,335 --> 00:15:39,178
- SUNNY: Hey.
- Hey.
327
00:15:39,203 --> 00:15:41,319
What a shock, bumping into you
328
00:15:41,344 --> 00:15:43,313
at the party you brought me to.
329
00:15:44,203 --> 00:15:45,742
- Of course.
- Sorry.
330
00:15:45,767 --> 00:15:48,672
- I stole her for, like...
- Let's, uh, grab a drink.
331
00:15:48,697 --> 00:15:50,499
If you had a minute, yeah.
332
00:15:51,854 --> 00:15:53,913
- Excuse me.
- Yeah, sure.
333
00:15:53,938 --> 00:15:55,100
Oh.
334
00:15:55,125 --> 00:15:56,641
Oh, hello.
335
00:15:56,674 --> 00:15:58,577
- Hey.
- Hi. Hi.
336
00:15:58,758 --> 00:16:00,742
Do you... Having...
337
00:16:00,767 --> 00:16:05,591
Did you... did you try,
um, the horchata?
338
00:16:05,616 --> 00:16:07,385
Uh, not yet. Is that pork?
339
00:16:07,410 --> 00:16:10,014
Huh? No. It's a drink.
340
00:16:10,039 --> 00:16:11,055
- Never mind.
- Oh, sorry.
341
00:16:11,088 --> 00:16:12,757
- Yeah.
- I-I'll check it out.
342
00:16:17,487 --> 00:16:18,487
Hmm?
343
00:16:18,512 --> 00:16:20,855
- Do you, uh...
- Believe in magic? What?
344
00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:22,316
Do you want him to leave?
345
00:16:22,341 --> 00:16:23,876
Yeah. What do you think?
346
00:16:23,901 --> 00:16:26,204
But he's in his element.
He's not gonna leave.
347
00:16:26,229 --> 00:16:28,128
No, I mean, do you want me
to go talk to him?
348
00:16:28,153 --> 00:16:30,252
- You know, scare him a little.
- (SIGHS)
349
00:16:30,277 --> 00:16:32,183
Yes.
350
00:16:32,208 --> 00:16:35,221
Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait.
351
00:16:35,246 --> 00:16:37,049
- Stop.
- What?
352
00:16:37,082 --> 00:16:38,448
What were you gonna...?
353
00:16:38,473 --> 00:16:40,175
What are you gonna say to him?
354
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:41,727
What would you do?
355
00:16:41,752 --> 00:16:43,187
What would I do to him right now?
356
00:16:43,212 --> 00:16:46,382
Yeah, wh-what-what would you
say to him to make him leave?
357
00:16:46,407 --> 00:16:49,144
I would get right up in his face,
358
00:16:49,169 --> 00:16:50,613
- like this.
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
359
00:16:50,638 --> 00:16:52,065
And I would say,
360
00:16:52,090 --> 00:16:54,342
"Why are making your daughter's night
361
00:16:54,366 --> 00:16:55,845
"about you?
362
00:16:55,870 --> 00:16:58,270
It's time for you to leave, asshole."
363
00:16:58,302 --> 00:17:01,806
(CHUCKLES) And what if he didn't?
364
00:17:01,839 --> 00:17:03,323
It wouldn't get that far.
365
00:17:04,552 --> 00:17:06,697
But if it did?
366
00:17:06,722 --> 00:17:08,247
(SIGHS)
367
00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:10,348
Well, then I would give him what we call
368
00:17:10,373 --> 00:17:11,674
a Chicago beatdown.
369
00:17:11,699 --> 00:17:13,360
Do you know what a Chicago beatdown is?
370
00:17:13,385 --> 00:17:16,759
Nope. No, I don't, but please tell me.
371
00:17:16,784 --> 00:17:18,789
A Chicago beatdown is the
type of beatdown that,
372
00:17:18,822 --> 00:17:19,891
after you've gotten one...
373
00:17:19,924 --> 00:17:21,460
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
374
00:17:21,485 --> 00:17:24,603
... you don't go out in
public for over a month.
375
00:17:24,628 --> 00:17:27,823
No. No. Mm.
376
00:17:27,923 --> 00:17:31,347
You'd do that? You'd do that for me?
377
00:17:32,493 --> 00:17:33,728
Boop.
378
00:17:34,681 --> 00:17:35,681
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
379
00:17:35,706 --> 00:17:37,141
Wait, wait, wait, wait. Stop.
380
00:17:37,174 --> 00:17:39,814
Stop, stop. Come back, come back.
381
00:17:39,839 --> 00:17:41,127
Come back.
382
00:17:41,152 --> 00:17:43,222
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
383
00:17:43,247 --> 00:17:46,353
Ooh. Very...
384
00:17:46,378 --> 00:17:48,587
- satisfying exercise, buddy.
- Yeah? Yeah?
385
00:17:48,612 --> 00:17:50,463
- I got you, buddy.
- I like that.
386
00:17:50,488 --> 00:17:51,789
- My God, feel my heart.
- Oh.
387
00:17:51,822 --> 00:17:53,730
My heart is, like, racing.
388
00:17:55,956 --> 00:17:58,223
Get your hand off my heart.
389
00:18:00,505 --> 00:18:03,642
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
390
00:18:04,318 --> 00:18:05,844
FRANKIE: Hi.
391
00:18:05,869 --> 00:18:08,688
Ooh. Hi.
392
00:18:08,713 --> 00:18:10,298
- (OOHS AND AHS)
- (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
393
00:18:10,322 --> 00:18:12,417
Yes!
394
00:18:13,578 --> 00:18:15,012
Um, so I want to give a toast...
395
00:18:15,046 --> 00:18:16,548
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
396
00:18:16,580 --> 00:18:18,983
I want to give a toast,
but before I do that,
397
00:18:19,008 --> 00:18:21,211
I want to ask the room a question.
398
00:18:22,428 --> 00:18:25,894
Who here was raised by a single mom?
399
00:18:27,411 --> 00:18:29,881
(INDISTINCT MURMURS)
400
00:18:31,757 --> 00:18:33,409
Same.
401
00:18:34,065 --> 00:18:35,810
And I can say,
from watching it all go down,
402
00:18:35,834 --> 00:18:38,331
that it's a thankless job.
403
00:18:39,570 --> 00:18:41,644
But now I get to thank my mom...
404
00:18:42,433 --> 00:18:44,209
Sam "Old Iron Pants" Fox.
405
00:18:44,241 --> 00:18:45,376
(LAUGHTER)
406
00:18:45,410 --> 00:18:48,073
- Thank you.
- PHYLLIS: Louder!
407
00:18:48,917 --> 00:18:50,549
I'm gonna murder you.
408
00:18:50,581 --> 00:18:53,017
- What? I can't hear her.
- Shh!
409
00:18:53,050 --> 00:18:55,953
So, I-I just want to add
that I've come to realize
410
00:18:55,987 --> 00:18:58,519
that life is about choices.
411
00:18:58,894 --> 00:19:01,559
Rabbi Hilary told me that when
she looked at a graveyard,
412
00:19:01,593 --> 00:19:03,228
what she didn't see was
413
00:19:03,260 --> 00:19:06,839
the rows of headstones with a
bunch of faded names and dates.
414
00:19:07,317 --> 00:19:09,109
What she saw was the choices
415
00:19:09,134 --> 00:19:11,236
that went into all of these lives.
416
00:19:11,581 --> 00:19:13,939
So I think life is about
the choices that we make.
417
00:19:14,675 --> 00:19:18,486
Anyway, Dad, thank you for coming
418
00:19:18,511 --> 00:19:20,412
and for being here now.
419
00:19:20,855 --> 00:19:22,547
That was a good choice.
420
00:19:23,011 --> 00:19:24,978
And thank you,
everybody else, for coming.
421
00:19:25,003 --> 00:19:26,353
I love you all so much.
422
00:19:26,378 --> 00:19:27,794
Good night, Detroit!
423
00:19:27,819 --> 00:19:30,277
- (APPLAUSE)
- WOMAN: We love you!
424
00:19:31,452 --> 00:19:34,081
- (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
- Mazel tov!
425
00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:38,303
Mazel tov! (WHISTLES)
426
00:19:38,328 --> 00:19:39,925
Mazel tov, siman tov!
427
00:19:39,950 --> 00:19:42,809
Siman tov, mazel tov!
Mazel tov, siman tov!
428
00:19:42,834 --> 00:19:44,568
Siman tov, mazel tov!
429
00:19:44,601 --> 00:19:46,739
♪
430
00:19:46,764 --> 00:19:48,292
PHYLLIS: Frankie.
431
00:19:48,713 --> 00:19:50,871
Baby. Thank you.
432
00:19:50,896 --> 00:19:52,400
I love you.
433
00:19:52,425 --> 00:19:55,380
(CLINKING GLASS)
434
00:19:55,413 --> 00:19:56,736
Uh...
435
00:19:56,761 --> 00:19:59,230
Hi. Uh, Frankie,
436
00:20:00,034 --> 00:20:02,354
I just wanted to say a few words.
437
00:20:02,613 --> 00:20:04,355
Um...
438
00:20:05,089 --> 00:20:07,370
I am so proud of you.
439
00:20:08,295 --> 00:20:11,253
You've grown into a very
impressive young woman.
440
00:20:12,597 --> 00:20:15,253
Uh, your future is bright.
441
00:20:16,096 --> 00:20:18,098
Uh, every time I see you,
442
00:20:18,437 --> 00:20:20,916
uh, which I know isn't often enough...
443
00:20:21,761 --> 00:20:24,105
you always impress me.
444
00:20:24,512 --> 00:20:29,041
And, uh, you've impressed
all of us here today.
445
00:20:29,066 --> 00:20:30,291
(CHUCKLES)
446
00:20:30,316 --> 00:20:33,417
So, congratulations.
447
00:20:33,535 --> 00:20:35,238
Happy sweet 16.
448
00:20:36,175 --> 00:20:38,480
She's 15, you moron!
449
00:20:38,505 --> 00:20:40,800
Quinceañera. Quinceañera.
450
00:20:41,971 --> 00:20:42,971
(WOMAN BLOWS RASPBERRY)
451
00:20:42,996 --> 00:20:44,437
Really.
452
00:20:44,462 --> 00:20:46,431
("HAVA NAGILA" PLAYING)
453
00:20:46,463 --> 00:20:53,463
♪
454
00:20:53,808 --> 00:20:56,744
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
455
00:21:02,655 --> 00:21:04,596
Hey. Uh, Rob?
456
00:21:04,621 --> 00:21:05,822
- (SCOFFS)
- Ralph?
457
00:21:05,847 --> 00:21:09,698
Ray? Rich. Good to see you.
458
00:21:10,042 --> 00:21:11,760
You know...
459
00:21:12,386 --> 00:21:13,720
since the girls aren't around,
460
00:21:13,745 --> 00:21:15,970
I'm gonna let you in
on a little something.
461
00:21:15,995 --> 00:21:17,996
I have been your daughters'
emergency contact
462
00:21:18,029 --> 00:21:19,798
on all their school forms.
463
00:21:19,823 --> 00:21:22,588
I've driven them to soccer
tournaments in Temecula.
464
00:21:22,613 --> 00:21:24,802
Chaperoned field trips to the missions.
465
00:21:24,827 --> 00:21:27,063
And you know what so
many strangers say to me?
466
00:21:27,277 --> 00:21:29,088
"Your daughters are fantastic."
467
00:21:29,113 --> 00:21:31,080
"Oh," I say, "they're not my daughters.
468
00:21:31,105 --> 00:21:32,888
"But I wish they were my daughters.
469
00:21:32,913 --> 00:21:34,557
Because they are fantastic."
470
00:21:34,582 --> 00:21:35,652
And you know what else?
471
00:21:35,677 --> 00:21:38,058
It has been my pure pleasure
watching them grow up.
472
00:21:38,083 --> 00:21:40,419
And being there for them.
And I can't imagine my life
473
00:21:40,444 --> 00:21:42,495
without them. Excuse me.
474
00:21:50,170 --> 00:21:52,878
♪ What does a girl do? ♪
475
00:21:52,903 --> 00:21:55,620
♪ What should she do? ♪
476
00:21:55,645 --> 00:21:58,620
- ♪ What does a girl do? ♪
- (LAUGHING)
477
00:21:58,645 --> 00:22:00,878
♪ What should she do? ♪
478
00:22:01,341 --> 00:22:06,095
♪ I've only known him
a short time, it's true ♪
479
00:22:06,770 --> 00:22:11,126
♪ I should be careful
and watch what I do ♪
480
00:22:11,151 --> 00:22:12,314
Hey, princess, what's up?
481
00:22:12,339 --> 00:22:13,607
I'm gonna whisper in your ear
482
00:22:13,632 --> 00:22:15,806
because I don't want to embarrass you.
483
00:22:16,418 --> 00:22:20,587
- ♪ Oh ♪
- ♪ What does a girl do? ♪
484
00:22:20,612 --> 00:22:23,103
♪ What should I do? ♪
485
00:22:23,128 --> 00:22:26,098
♪ How do I know he's not ♪
486
00:22:26,123 --> 00:22:28,642
♪ Playing a game? ♪
487
00:22:28,667 --> 00:22:30,914
♪ And if he is ♪
488
00:22:30,939 --> 00:22:33,978
♪ Will he put me to shame? ♪
489
00:22:34,003 --> 00:22:36,337
♪ Now he's getting near ♪
490
00:22:36,362 --> 00:22:39,775
♪ Oh, my, oh, my dear, oh ♪
491
00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:41,111
Hmm.
492
00:22:44,048 --> 00:22:47,723
Oh. I know exactly what
you're going through, bro.
493
00:22:47,756 --> 00:22:51,056
Persona non fucking grata. (SCOFFS)
494
00:22:51,081 --> 00:22:53,250
And here, with your family, it sucks.
495
00:22:54,658 --> 00:22:56,087
I used to be you.
496
00:22:56,112 --> 00:22:58,431
Oh, everybody hated me
after Sunny and I split.
497
00:22:58,896 --> 00:23:00,009
They don't anymore?
498
00:23:00,034 --> 00:23:02,298
(CHUCKLING): No. They still do.
499
00:23:02,323 --> 00:23:05,416
- Just not like before.
- Why not?
500
00:23:07,217 --> 00:23:09,595
I went on, like, an amends tour.
501
00:23:09,831 --> 00:23:11,181
It was a whole AA thing.
502
00:23:11,206 --> 00:23:13,900
Basically, I apologized.
503
00:23:15,117 --> 00:23:17,666
But I don't have
anything to apologize for.
504
00:23:17,691 --> 00:23:19,642
I haven't done anything wrong.
505
00:23:21,221 --> 00:23:22,994
Totally.
506
00:23:23,853 --> 00:23:27,662
Hey. Nice speech, man.
507
00:23:28,853 --> 00:23:30,580
JEFF: It was a great speech.
508
00:23:30,605 --> 00:23:34,576
Parts... that one part... you know.
509
00:23:34,917 --> 00:23:36,337
Shit.
510
00:23:36,690 --> 00:23:38,111
Are my teeth blue?
511
00:23:38,914 --> 00:23:40,392
Goddamn it.
512
00:23:40,417 --> 00:23:44,750
♪ I've only known him
a short time, it's true ♪
513
00:23:45,247 --> 00:23:47,579
- (CHUCKLES)
- ♪ I should be careful ♪
514
00:23:47,604 --> 00:23:50,625
♪ And watch what I do ♪
515
00:23:50,650 --> 00:23:52,930
♪ But now he wants to park ♪
516
00:23:52,955 --> 00:23:57,102
♪ Where it's awfully dark, oh ♪
517
00:24:07,809 --> 00:24:10,469
- Oh.
- Hey. Hey.
518
00:24:10,494 --> 00:24:11,641
- Hi.
- Hi.
519
00:24:11,666 --> 00:24:13,766
- (CLEARS THROAT)
- Can we talk?
520
00:24:13,791 --> 00:24:17,633
Um... (CLEARS THROAT) this
is not really the right time
521
00:24:17,658 --> 00:24:19,555
for a money conversation, Xander.
522
00:24:19,580 --> 00:24:21,446
We do that through lawyers.
523
00:24:21,471 --> 00:24:23,110
Yeah, not money. No.
524
00:24:23,135 --> 00:24:25,282
Um, just hear me out.
525
00:24:27,613 --> 00:24:32,184
Uh, this whole... you know...
526
00:24:33,016 --> 00:24:34,961
today, this...
527
00:24:36,796 --> 00:24:38,432
I don't really know how to put it.
528
00:24:38,457 --> 00:24:42,071
Um... I guess I feel...
529
00:24:43,438 --> 00:24:45,086
Yeah, I mean, Frankie and you
530
00:24:45,111 --> 00:24:48,021
and the girls and...
531
00:24:48,707 --> 00:24:51,633
this mix of cultures and, uh...
532
00:24:52,579 --> 00:24:54,625
all the love in the room...
533
00:24:56,125 --> 00:24:57,743
I'm moved.
534
00:25:00,379 --> 00:25:02,852
O... kay.
535
00:25:02,877 --> 00:25:05,586
Great. You're moved.
536
00:25:05,825 --> 00:25:08,495
And also I just want...
I just wanted to say that,
537
00:25:08,520 --> 00:25:11,016
um, I wish I had been at more of these.
538
00:25:11,041 --> 00:25:14,000
Well, you could have, Xander.
You were invited.
539
00:25:14,025 --> 00:25:17,360
If the girls wanted you there,
I made sure you knew about it.
540
00:25:17,385 --> 00:25:19,680
I know. I know. That's not what I meant.
541
00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:23,805
Um... I just wanted to say that I...
542
00:25:25,964 --> 00:25:28,344
I should have done better.
543
00:25:32,961 --> 00:25:35,110
I had no excuse.
544
00:25:37,631 --> 00:25:39,985
How long are you in town for?
545
00:25:41,250 --> 00:25:42,625
Um...
546
00:25:42,650 --> 00:25:44,961
Do you want to come for dinner Friday?
547
00:25:45,514 --> 00:25:47,617
Me and the girls?
548
00:25:48,237 --> 00:25:49,891
Yes.
549
00:25:50,311 --> 00:25:51,883
Yeah, that would be...
550
00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:54,219
Yeah, I would like that.
551
00:25:54,244 --> 00:25:56,981
- Okay.
- Yeah. What time?
552
00:25:57,006 --> 00:26:00,579
Um... what time...?
553
00:26:00,604 --> 00:26:02,790
- You know what...
- I'll see you Friday.
554
00:26:02,815 --> 00:26:04,917
- Okay.
- Okay.
555
00:26:12,305 --> 00:26:14,415
(GROANS)
556
00:26:20,284 --> 00:26:21,919
Shit.
557
00:26:21,944 --> 00:26:23,883
All of a sudden there's, like...
558
00:26:24,424 --> 00:26:27,500
- this, like, tiny little hedgehog...
- Dormin?
559
00:26:33,084 --> 00:26:34,084
Present.
560
00:26:34,109 --> 00:26:36,446
(COUGHS, CHUCKLES) I'm sorry.
561
00:26:39,818 --> 00:26:41,422
Gimme.
562
00:26:43,693 --> 00:26:44,875
Your son.
563
00:26:44,900 --> 00:26:47,040
- CAROLINE: Oh, my God.
- DORMIN: Oh, come...
564
00:26:49,064 --> 00:26:52,196
- (CHUCKLES)
- I love you, sweetie.
565
00:26:52,221 --> 00:26:53,618
(CHUCKLING): I love you.
566
00:26:53,643 --> 00:26:56,282
- Be good, take care.
- You, too.
567
00:26:56,307 --> 00:26:57,469
(CHUCKLES)
568
00:26:57,704 --> 00:27:00,204
I wish that, that you would
cut loose some more.
569
00:27:00,229 --> 00:27:01,530
- All right.
- I'm serious.
570
00:27:01,555 --> 00:27:03,422
- Do you feel better?
- Mom.
571
00:27:03,647 --> 00:27:05,126
- Marion.
- CAROLINE: Good night, Phyllis.
572
00:27:05,150 --> 00:27:06,618
DORMIN: See you, Gran.
573
00:27:08,064 --> 00:27:10,602
How you doing, lumpy, hmm?
574
00:27:10,627 --> 00:27:12,313
Oh. (CHUCKLES)
575
00:27:12,338 --> 00:27:14,374
(MUTTERS)
576
00:27:17,263 --> 00:27:19,813
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
577
00:27:19,923 --> 00:27:22,469
Everybody's leaving.
578
00:27:23,234 --> 00:27:25,540
Come on, let's go say goodbye.
579
00:27:25,987 --> 00:27:27,383
I already did.
580
00:27:27,408 --> 00:27:28,922
Well, let's go say goodbye again.
581
00:27:28,947 --> 00:27:30,735
You're not gonna see 'em for a while.
582
00:27:30,760 --> 00:27:33,696
- So? They don't care.
- Huh?
583
00:27:34,782 --> 00:27:36,532
We never see them.
584
00:27:36,557 --> 00:27:38,133
We never see anyone in our family,
585
00:27:38,158 --> 00:27:39,336
because that's the way you want it,
586
00:27:39,360 --> 00:27:40,743
and that's the way they want it.
587
00:27:40,768 --> 00:27:42,344
(SIGHS)
588
00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:45,672
Just go say goodbye.
What's the big deal?
589
00:27:45,787 --> 00:27:49,141
(SCOFFS) They didn't
come here to see me, Mom.
590
00:27:49,166 --> 00:27:52,504
They came here to see Frankie.
And now they're leaving again.
591
00:27:55,920 --> 00:27:57,227
Duke.
592
00:27:57,625 --> 00:28:00,665
Okay, Mom. Jesus Christ!
593
00:28:07,926 --> 00:28:10,782
You were my last fun child.
594
00:28:11,691 --> 00:28:13,657
(SIGHS)
595
00:28:15,225 --> 00:28:17,102
Did you see that shit?
596
00:28:17,272 --> 00:28:19,915
(JAZZ PLAYING QUIETLY)
597
00:28:23,788 --> 00:28:26,625
(QUIET CHATTER)
598
00:28:28,434 --> 00:28:30,266
(CLEARS THROAT) Yes.
599
00:28:30,291 --> 00:28:33,071
- What are you doing?
- Hello, I have a reservation.
600
00:28:33,390 --> 00:28:34,500
Get out of here.
601
00:28:34,525 --> 00:28:37,118
I believe it's under Bob Dobalina.
602
00:28:37,193 --> 00:28:39,128
You need a mint, Mom.
603
00:28:39,153 --> 00:28:41,868
(EXHALES) Excuse me.
604
00:28:42,078 --> 00:28:44,227
Is the bar open seating?
605
00:28:46,346 --> 00:28:49,016
- Right this way.
- Thank you.
606
00:28:50,606 --> 00:28:53,907
- Just sit right here.
- Thank you very much, Miss.
607
00:28:56,225 --> 00:28:57,805
- Good evening.
- Hi!
608
00:28:57,830 --> 00:28:59,719
- How you doing?
- Good. How are you?
609
00:28:59,744 --> 00:29:02,665
- I'm doing well.
- Uh, I would like a bottle
610
00:29:02,690 --> 00:29:05,297
of your least expensive wine.
611
00:29:05,322 --> 00:29:07,165
I think I can do better than that.
612
00:29:07,190 --> 00:29:09,086
Thank you.
613
00:29:10,242 --> 00:29:11,516
(GRUNTS)
614
00:29:11,541 --> 00:29:15,821
Okay. I have two seats for
you right here. Excuse me.
615
00:29:17,085 --> 00:29:19,047
SAM: Let me get a little video.
616
00:29:19,072 --> 00:29:20,118
MAX: Okay, here are your menus,
617
00:29:20,142 --> 00:29:21,392
and I'll be right back with some bread.
618
00:29:21,416 --> 00:29:22,551
Okay...
619
00:29:23,438 --> 00:29:25,243
- Yes.
- Mom.
620
00:29:25,268 --> 00:29:27,597
Very, very professional.
621
00:29:27,622 --> 00:29:29,852
(CHUCKLES) That's my kid.
622
00:29:30,236 --> 00:29:33,235
My daughter. It's her first job.
623
00:29:33,439 --> 00:29:35,836
I'm kvelling a little bit.
624
00:29:36,077 --> 00:29:38,266
- Spying on her.
- (CHUCKLES)
625
00:29:38,291 --> 00:29:40,290
MARGO (ON TV):
So you've pointed out, so often.
626
00:29:40,315 --> 00:29:43,922
So many qualities, so often.
Her loyalty, efficiency,
627
00:29:43,947 --> 00:29:45,329
devotion, warmth and affection.
628
00:29:45,354 --> 00:29:48,508
And so young. So young and so fair.
629
00:29:48,746 --> 00:29:51,050
BILL (ON TV):
I can't believe you're making this up.
630
00:29:51,223 --> 00:29:54,258
It sounds like something out
of an old Clyde Fitch play!
631
00:29:54,283 --> 00:29:56,563
Hi, baby. All About Eve.
632
00:29:56,588 --> 00:29:58,344
Yeah, I put it on.
633
00:29:58,369 --> 00:30:00,102
I'm so proud of you.
634
00:30:00,127 --> 00:30:02,543
Good, hard, honest work.
635
00:30:02,568 --> 00:30:04,954
- Fuck yeah.
- Thanks.
636
00:30:05,729 --> 00:30:08,547
- Are you the mother?
- Oh. Yes, I am.
637
00:30:08,572 --> 00:30:11,415
I'm Cesario. Thank you
for coming to my restaurant.
638
00:30:11,440 --> 00:30:13,954
Your daughter is
very beautiful and kind.
639
00:30:13,979 --> 00:30:15,625
- Oh...
- Nice to meet you, Chef.
640
00:30:15,650 --> 00:30:16,875
Nice to meet you.
641
00:30:16,900 --> 00:30:20,504
She comes in early to help
my babbo with his English.
642
00:30:20,706 --> 00:30:24,343
You do? You help his babbo?
643
00:30:24,432 --> 00:30:26,899
- I love Babbo.
- Oh, thank you.
644
00:30:26,924 --> 00:30:28,571
(MAX AND SAM CHUCKLE)
645
00:30:29,723 --> 00:30:32,672
- Oh. Can I sit here?
- Uh, sure.
646
00:30:32,697 --> 00:30:34,300
Thanks.
647
00:30:35,291 --> 00:30:36,742
(CLEARS THROAT)
648
00:30:39,085 --> 00:30:42,461
- Oh. This for you.
- Oh. Thank you very much.
649
00:30:43,329 --> 00:30:45,657
Uh, I understand you're an actress.
650
00:30:45,829 --> 00:30:47,180
Yeah.
651
00:30:47,205 --> 00:30:48,665
I have so many stories,
652
00:30:48,690 --> 00:30:50,095
but I don't know what to do with them.
653
00:30:50,119 --> 00:30:52,696
- I'm not a writer. (CHUCKLES)
- (GRUNTS)
654
00:30:52,721 --> 00:30:53,977
When I was a boy,
655
00:30:54,002 --> 00:30:57,946
- my mother worked long hours...
- ♪ When I was just a little girl ♪
656
00:30:57,971 --> 00:31:02,544
♪ I asked my mother, "What will I be? ♪
657
00:31:02,915 --> 00:31:07,079
♪ Will I be pretty, will I be rich?" ♪
658
00:31:07,104 --> 00:31:09,736
♪ Here's what she said to me ♪
659
00:31:09,868 --> 00:31:14,868
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com
45618
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