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1
00:00:02,526 --> 00:00:05,995
It's the beginning of a new season.
2
00:00:06,019 --> 00:00:09,531
Could this season change things for you?
3
00:00:09,555 --> 00:00:13,469
Could it be your season?
4
00:00:13,493 --> 00:00:15,871
Yes, I believe it could...
5
00:00:17,831 --> 00:00:20,610
Welp, I got laughed
out of the library again.
6
00:00:20,634 --> 00:00:22,144
What's wrong, my boy?
7
00:00:22,168 --> 00:00:24,280
It's my soft-ass library card.
8
00:00:24,304 --> 00:00:27,105
Nobody takes me seriously
with this flimsy thing.
9
00:00:29,242 --> 00:00:30,752
A relatable problem.
10
00:00:30,776 --> 00:00:34,356
Naomi at the reference desk
asked if I took it for a swim.
11
00:00:34,380 --> 00:00:36,959
I tried countering with
a Jacques Cousteau joke,
12
00:00:36,983 --> 00:00:39,561
but I'll give you one
[BLEEP] guess how that went.
13
00:00:39,585 --> 00:00:42,898
No. This must be laminated.
14
00:00:42,922 --> 00:00:44,900
Why do we have to come help Steve
15
00:00:44,924 --> 00:00:47,437
get his douchey liberty card laminated?
16
00:00:47,461 --> 00:00:49,705
Li-brary.
17
00:00:49,729 --> 00:00:52,263
Li-brary card.
18
00:00:53,133 --> 00:00:56,045
We should be taking him
to a speech therapist.
19
00:00:56,069 --> 00:00:57,447
Hey, look,
20
00:00:57,471 --> 00:00:59,715
there's a Langley Copy,
Print, and Office Services.
21
00:00:59,739 --> 00:01:01,183
Let's just go there.
22
00:01:01,207 --> 00:01:03,185
Where laminating is at
best third on the list,
23
00:01:03,209 --> 00:01:05,521
lumped in with God knows
what "services"?
24
00:01:05,545 --> 00:01:08,724
No, we need to go where
the job will be done right.
25
00:01:08,748 --> 00:01:10,259
Little Colombia?
26
00:01:10,283 --> 00:01:12,594
Nobody laminates like a Colombian.
27
00:01:12,618 --> 00:01:15,931
You're about to see true
masters practice their craft...
28
00:01:15,955 --> 00:01:18,534
flat plastic without a bubble in sight.
29
00:01:18,558 --> 00:01:19,735
I mean, some bubbles.
30
00:01:19,759 --> 00:01:20,936
They're... They're not wizards.
31
00:01:20,960 --> 00:01:23,673
But let me tell you,
those edges never curl.
32
00:01:23,697 --> 00:01:25,741
Well, over time, sure. Oh, we're here.
33
00:01:29,216 --> 00:01:32,081
I had no idea there was a
Colombian District in Langley.
34
00:01:32,105 --> 00:01:34,016
Oh, it's a thriving community,
35
00:01:34,040 --> 00:01:35,084
brimming with the sights, sounds,
36
00:01:35,108 --> 00:01:37,153
and flavors of authenticity.
37
00:01:37,969 --> 00:01:41,423
These bowls here are handmade
in the town of Boyac�.
38
00:01:41,447 --> 00:01:43,559
And, look. There's a festival today.
39
00:01:43,583 --> 00:01:44,827
Fool's Day.
40
00:01:44,851 --> 00:01:46,095
Something's always happening
41
00:01:46,119 --> 00:01:48,230
here in the land of a thousand rhythms.
42
00:01:48,254 --> 00:01:50,099
Dad, how do you know
so much about Colombia?
43
00:01:50,123 --> 00:01:51,567
Did you do a mission there or something?
44
00:01:51,591 --> 00:01:55,571
No! I-I... read about it
in a-a magazine.
45
00:01:55,595 --> 00:01:58,307
- Cool.
- Oh, oh, you need the name of the magazine?
46
00:01:58,331 --> 00:01:59,975
To make it more believable to you?
47
00:01:59,999 --> 00:02:01,377
I've already stopped thinking about it.
48
00:02:01,401 --> 00:02:02,411
Fine.
49
00:02:03,469 --> 00:02:06,582
Look, the truth is,
I do know about Colombia,
50
00:02:06,606 --> 00:02:10,452
for that country changed
the very core of who I am.
51
00:02:10,476 --> 00:02:13,723
It turned me from an arrogant,
flashy razzle-dazzler
52
00:02:13,747 --> 00:02:16,992
to the humble and hard-working
agent that I am today.
53
00:02:17,016 --> 00:02:20,196
- That sounds worse.
- It's a cautionary tale I've never shared.
54
00:02:20,220 --> 00:02:21,931
That's okay. We're really just focused
55
00:02:21,955 --> 00:02:23,265
on finding a laminating guy.
56
00:02:23,289 --> 00:02:25,467
But I think I may finally be ready.
57
00:02:25,491 --> 00:02:28,804
The story of my time as
a young agent in Colombia
58
00:02:28,828 --> 00:02:30,139
starts right...
59
00:02:32,632 --> 00:02:35,555
? Good morning, U.S.A. ?
60
00:02:35,590 --> 00:02:38,948
? I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ?
61
00:02:38,972 --> 00:02:41,751
? The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ?
62
00:02:41,775 --> 00:02:46,444
? And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race ?
63
00:02:48,314 --> 00:02:51,627
? Oh, boy, it's swell to say ?
64
00:02:51,651 --> 00:02:54,230
- ? Good... ?
- ? Good morning, U.S.A. ?
65
00:02:54,254 --> 00:02:55,286
Aah!
66
00:02:56,590 --> 00:02:59,902
? Good morning, U.S.A. ?
67
00:02:59,926 --> 00:03:01,837
It was the height of the drug war.
68
00:03:01,861 --> 00:03:03,105
What about my library card?
69
00:03:03,129 --> 00:03:04,574
As you know, I cut my teeth
70
00:03:04,598 --> 00:03:06,842
in the Miami field office of the CIA.
71
00:03:06,866 --> 00:03:08,044
Wait, Miami?
72
00:03:08,068 --> 00:03:10,312
I thought you were
talking about Colombia.
73
00:03:10,336 --> 00:03:12,314
Miami is not Colombia.
74
00:03:12,338 --> 00:03:14,716
I know that.
Don't you think I know that?
75
00:03:17,343 --> 00:03:21,991
There's a place between here
and Colombia called Miami.
76
00:03:24,684 --> 00:03:26,117
Here comes the drop.
77
00:03:28,488 --> 00:03:32,735
Looks like they're trolling
for some blow-fish.
78
00:03:32,759 --> 00:03:34,069
Cargo is onboard.
79
00:03:34,093 --> 00:03:36,338
We'll monitor the delivery, and then...
80
00:03:36,362 --> 00:03:39,075
Fly in on a Jet Ski-i-i-i-i-i!
81
00:03:39,099 --> 00:03:41,210
Smith, this isn't our mission.
82
00:03:41,234 --> 00:03:43,079
Save your mission for the nuns,
83
00:03:43,103 --> 00:03:45,904
'cause I'm a stone-cold sinner.
84
00:04:01,321 --> 00:04:04,366
Screw it. Let's nail these creeps.
85
00:04:24,077 --> 00:04:25,121
We got them.
86
00:04:25,181 --> 00:04:29,325
C-I-Ya-a-a-a-y!
87
00:04:29,349 --> 00:04:33,395
? Don't leave me this way ?
88
00:04:33,419 --> 00:04:34,864
? Ahhh ?
89
00:04:34,888 --> 00:04:36,466
? Baby ?
90
00:04:36,490 --> 00:04:40,859
? My heart is full of
love and desire for you ?
91
00:04:44,964 --> 00:04:46,676
We did the job with style,
92
00:04:46,700 --> 00:04:48,878
but never lost sight of the mission.
93
00:04:48,902 --> 00:04:50,812
That was all you today, Smith.
94
00:04:50,836 --> 00:04:52,214
I love your passion, man.
95
00:04:52,238 --> 00:04:54,484
I love it and I love it
and I love your fashion.
96
00:04:54,508 --> 00:04:55,685
It's like I say, man...
97
00:04:55,709 --> 00:04:58,488
I like doing good and
looking even better.
98
00:05:01,181 --> 00:05:04,049
And we never did the drugs.
99
00:05:05,053 --> 00:05:06,253
_
100
00:05:06,254 --> 00:05:08,232
While we no doubt kicked ass yesterday,
101
00:05:08,256 --> 00:05:11,501
the objective was to track
the smugglers into Miami
102
00:05:11,525 --> 00:05:14,038
and figure out their
distribution process,
103
00:05:14,062 --> 00:05:17,107
not launch a surprise Jet Ski attack.
104
00:05:17,131 --> 00:05:19,865
I wasn't surprised.
105
00:05:20,735 --> 00:05:22,112
- Bull's-eye!
- Whoo-hoo!
106
00:05:22,136 --> 00:05:24,314
Uh, settle down, boys.
107
00:05:24,338 --> 00:05:26,872
Now, this is a map of Downtown Miami.
108
00:05:28,208 --> 00:05:29,986
Sorry. I don't settle down.
109
00:05:30,060 --> 00:05:31,788
I get down.
110
00:05:34,014 --> 00:05:35,859
We know where El Narco is.
111
00:05:35,883 --> 00:05:37,928
And by now, he knows we mean business.
112
00:05:37,952 --> 00:05:39,996
I say we waltz into his compound,
113
00:05:40,020 --> 00:05:41,665
and I'll straight-up tell El Narco,
114
00:05:41,689 --> 00:05:44,668
"No blow north of Mexico."
115
00:05:44,692 --> 00:05:46,270
- Whoo! Yes.
- Whoo-hoo!
116
00:05:46,294 --> 00:05:48,272
I guess Smith's action-movie ideas
117
00:05:48,296 --> 00:05:50,140
haven't gotten us killed yet, right?
118
00:05:50,164 --> 00:05:51,539
Let's do it.
119
00:05:52,633 --> 00:05:56,813
And so I was on my way to
Colombia to confront El Narco.
120
00:05:56,837 --> 00:05:58,214
I would need a translator.
121
00:05:58,238 --> 00:05:59,883
But more than that, I would need some
122
00:05:59,907 --> 00:06:02,753
extra-pleated baby-blue
slacks to slide over
123
00:06:02,777 --> 00:06:06,757
my extra-extra bikini-cut
Calvin Klein underwears.
124
00:06:06,781 --> 00:06:10,961
Because when you look good,
you find good translators.
125
00:06:10,985 --> 00:06:12,829
...after which I translated
126
00:06:12,853 --> 00:06:14,965
Chomsky's "Syntactic Structures,"
127
00:06:14,989 --> 00:06:17,434
and received the Leonard
Bloomfield Award.
128
00:06:17,458 --> 00:06:19,435
Yeah, but how many chicks
have you slept with?
129
00:06:19,459 --> 00:06:21,705
Smith, he's clearly qualified.
130
00:06:21,729 --> 00:06:24,574
Qualified to make us look
like a bunch of ass-butts.
131
00:06:24,598 --> 00:06:27,511
Look at his suit. We can't be seen
in public with this guy.
132
00:06:27,535 --> 00:06:29,446
- Next.
- Aloha!
133
00:06:29,470 --> 00:06:32,516
Oh, yeah, that was before
we really knew each other.
134
00:06:32,540 --> 00:06:34,450
Yes. So sorry, Roger.
135
00:06:34,474 --> 00:06:36,453
This is a story that
doesn't include you.
136
00:06:36,477 --> 00:06:39,389
Wow, so you've never put it
together that... You know what?
137
00:06:39,413 --> 00:06:41,325
I'm just gonna sit back
and enjoy the story.
138
00:06:41,349 --> 00:06:44,260
I'll say it again. Aloha!
139
00:06:44,284 --> 00:06:46,130
Someone called for a laminator?
140
00:06:46,154 --> 00:06:47,931
Actually, a translator.
141
00:06:47,955 --> 00:06:49,599
Close enough. I'll take it. Aah!
142
00:06:49,623 --> 00:06:52,402
Geez, I thought there was an
elk in the room for a sec.
143
00:06:52,426 --> 00:06:54,604
That's a lot of brown you got on, man.
144
00:06:54,628 --> 00:06:56,228
Kind of rumpled, too.
145
00:07:00,368 --> 00:07:02,012
Much better.
146
00:07:02,036 --> 00:07:03,947
Who is this?
147
00:07:03,971 --> 00:07:05,882
Hi. Stan Smith. CIA.
148
00:07:05,906 --> 00:07:08,752
Enrique Ruiz. A Colombian man.
149
00:07:08,776 --> 00:07:11,487
I like the way your hand
feels in this handshake.
150
00:07:11,511 --> 00:07:12,956
Wish I could say the same.
151
00:07:12,980 --> 00:07:15,291
Whoa! Looks and attitude?
152
00:07:15,315 --> 00:07:17,293
Do you even speak Spanish?
153
00:07:17,317 --> 00:07:20,096
Uh, does this answer your question?
154
00:07:24,925 --> 00:07:27,171
Oh, mama. This guy can salsa.
155
00:07:27,195 --> 00:07:30,106
He's actually dancing
what's known as bachata.
156
00:07:36,270 --> 00:07:38,871
Now, this is a translator.
157
00:07:40,189 --> 00:07:42,986
No one could deny Enrique's "it" factor.
158
00:07:43,010 --> 00:07:44,188
The job was his.
159
00:07:44,212 --> 00:07:45,655
And it was a risky mission,
160
00:07:45,679 --> 00:07:48,058
but just the kind I lived for.
161
00:07:48,813 --> 00:07:50,126
Hola, boychiks.
162
00:07:50,150 --> 00:07:53,986
The name's Stan Smith,
and I'm here to talk to El Narco.
163
00:07:56,224 --> 00:07:58,657
Stahn Smeeeeth.
164
00:08:02,420 --> 00:08:04,541
Hey, remind me.
When we're done with this mission,
165
00:08:04,565 --> 00:08:06,076
I want to know what
"la cucaracha" means.
166
00:08:06,616 --> 00:08:09,013
Whoa, El Narco's got a rhino.
167
00:08:09,700 --> 00:08:11,281
It's not even an albino rhino.
168
00:08:11,305 --> 00:08:13,217
What's wrong with this guy?
All this money,
169
00:08:13,241 --> 00:08:15,285
and he's not even shoving
it in everybody's face.
170
00:08:15,309 --> 00:08:17,821
Yeah, this is tasteful. Show me gaudy.
171
00:08:17,845 --> 00:08:19,756
I know. Where's the night club, right?
172
00:08:19,780 --> 00:08:22,092
- I bet he doesn't even have one.
- Doesn't have a night club.
173
00:08:22,611 --> 00:08:24,761
Probably doesn't even enjoy soft kisses.
174
00:08:31,191 --> 00:08:34,704
I feel like I'm at college,
and I've just met my best friend.
175
00:08:34,728 --> 00:08:35,906
Wait. What's your favorite movie?
176
00:08:35,930 --> 00:08:37,641
- Porn.
- I've seen that.
177
00:08:37,665 --> 00:08:39,326
- My favorite part is when...
- When the guy's like...
178
00:08:41,001 --> 00:08:43,047
Yes! I'm here for El Narco.
179
00:08:43,071 --> 00:08:47,851
Tell him Stan Smith is here
and El Dumbass's time is up.
180
00:08:47,875 --> 00:08:49,119
Translate, my dude.
181
00:08:49,143 --> 00:08:50,654
- And I do a little of this.
- Yeah.
182
00:08:50,678 --> 00:08:52,389
- And that.
- Spell it out for them.
183
00:08:52,413 --> 00:08:55,125
- And a spin move, and...
- That's word-for-word, bitches.
184
00:08:55,149 --> 00:08:57,060
I'm El Narco.
185
00:08:57,084 --> 00:09:00,864
Holy crap. The translator was El Narco?
186
00:09:00,888 --> 00:09:02,599
Yeah. Total betrayal.
187
00:09:02,623 --> 00:09:04,734
He was sitting in his throne,
flipping me off
188
00:09:04,758 --> 00:09:07,071
- with his big, gray finger.
- Gray?
189
00:09:07,095 --> 00:09:09,139
Yeah, he was a pretty
weird-looking dude.
190
00:09:09,163 --> 00:09:10,540
And to make matters worse...
191
00:09:11,908 --> 00:09:13,277
This was a setup.
192
00:09:13,301 --> 00:09:15,345
You intercept one shipment in Miami
193
00:09:15,369 --> 00:09:18,414
and think you can take
down my entire kingdom? Ha!
194
00:09:18,438 --> 00:09:21,351
Don't laugh yet 'cause my team
is surrounding the compound
195
00:09:21,375 --> 00:09:24,821
and ready to kick it
into high gear... now.
196
00:09:24,845 --> 00:09:25,922
We're all dead.
197
00:09:26,076 --> 00:09:29,293
Dude, you asked me
to help you plan this.
198
00:09:29,317 --> 00:09:30,360
Kill him.
199
00:09:30,384 --> 00:09:32,596
Uh, daring escape.
200
00:09:32,620 --> 00:09:33,697
Smoke bomb.
201
00:09:38,392 --> 00:09:39,903
Why doesn't he spit it out?
202
00:09:39,927 --> 00:09:41,705
This guy makes me laugh.
203
00:09:43,597 --> 00:09:45,775
Now, fool, go back to America
204
00:09:45,799 --> 00:09:48,444
and spread the fame of El Narco.
205
00:09:48,468 --> 00:09:49,980
Oh, and one more thing.
206
00:09:50,004 --> 00:09:52,449
Of course I have a night club.
207
00:09:59,347 --> 00:10:00,991
An albino rhino.
208
00:10:01,015 --> 00:10:03,994
Oh, it was so hard not
to tell you in the car.
209
00:10:04,018 --> 00:10:05,461
It was so hard.
210
00:10:05,485 --> 00:10:06,863
I wanted to tell you so bad,
211
00:10:06,887 --> 00:10:08,332
but I was like, "Err, yeah,
212
00:10:08,356 --> 00:10:10,867
uh, El Narco doesn't have one of those."
213
00:10:15,114 --> 00:10:17,292
So, El Narco sent you back to the U.S.
214
00:10:17,316 --> 00:10:18,826
with your tail between your legs?
215
00:10:18,850 --> 00:10:21,162
Ah, I could see
how that would humble you.
216
00:10:21,186 --> 00:10:23,098
Humbled? No, sir.
217
00:10:23,122 --> 00:10:24,966
But your whole team died.
218
00:10:24,990 --> 00:10:26,101
What does that have to do with me?
219
00:10:26,125 --> 00:10:27,835
Those agents were dead weight.
220
00:10:27,859 --> 00:10:28,970
Now they were just dead.
221
00:10:28,994 --> 00:10:31,306
And my weight was lifted.
222
00:10:31,330 --> 00:10:34,442
Wow, you have a way with words.
223
00:10:34,466 --> 00:10:38,846
Would you order for me?
I want a water and a bread.
224
00:10:38,870 --> 00:10:40,982
There was no way I was leaving Colombia
225
00:10:41,006 --> 00:10:42,650
without taking down El Narco.
226
00:10:42,674 --> 00:10:46,854
And I had my work cut out for me
because he was beloved by all.
227
00:10:46,878 --> 00:10:49,457
El Narco! El Narco is here!
228
00:10:50,201 --> 00:10:52,127
Yes. And bringing gifts.
229
00:10:52,151 --> 00:10:53,483
Chickens.
230
00:10:54,686 --> 00:10:55,686
And hams.
231
00:10:56,688 --> 00:10:59,266
What about the sides, El Narco?
232
00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:00,935
Yes, yes.
233
00:11:00,959 --> 00:11:03,338
Only the best for my people.
234
00:11:03,362 --> 00:11:05,272
Now we play soccer.
235
00:11:05,296 --> 00:11:07,698
Behold my golden leg.
236
00:11:10,435 --> 00:11:12,947
Uh, eh, goal! Go-o-o-o-al!
237
00:11:12,971 --> 00:11:14,149
Yeah.
238
00:11:14,517 --> 00:11:16,684
Yeah!
239
00:11:16,708 --> 00:11:19,487
He had the villagers
wrapped around his finger,
240
00:11:19,511 --> 00:11:22,157
the same gray finger
I mentioned earlier.
241
00:11:22,181 --> 00:11:24,159
Wait, y-you keep mentioning that.
242
00:11:24,183 --> 00:11:25,560
You know who else has gray fingers...
243
00:11:25,584 --> 00:11:27,895
Yeah, probably El Narco's parents.
244
00:11:27,919 --> 00:11:29,965
But that's a story for a different time,
245
00:11:29,989 --> 00:11:32,756
a story that I don't know.
246
00:11:35,126 --> 00:11:36,504
El Americano!
247
00:11:36,528 --> 00:11:37,772
Shh.
248
00:11:37,796 --> 00:11:40,441
Ha! You look ridiculous
hiding in the bushes.
249
00:11:40,465 --> 00:11:41,976
I thought I sent you home.
250
00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:44,846
Good people, please,
this man is not your friend.
251
00:11:44,870 --> 00:11:47,715
He's responsible for death
and suffering in my country.
252
00:11:47,739 --> 00:11:50,585
He's an honest champion of the village.
253
00:11:50,609 --> 00:11:51,987
He gives us gifts.
254
00:11:52,011 --> 00:11:53,855
You don't understand. He...
255
00:11:53,879 --> 00:11:56,457
Mangos. Mangos, mangos, mangos for sale.
256
00:11:56,481 --> 00:11:58,793
- Sir, I'm trying to...
- Juicy mangos.
257
00:11:58,817 --> 00:12:00,461
Eat what the toucans eat.
258
00:12:00,485 --> 00:12:02,129
Forget your stupid mangos.
259
00:12:02,153 --> 00:12:04,399
Now he judges our mangos!
260
00:12:08,359 --> 00:12:11,206
Hope you're not planning
to drive anywhere.
261
00:12:11,230 --> 00:12:12,513
Car bomb!
262
00:12:16,367 --> 00:12:18,946
Ah, does this please my people?
263
00:12:18,970 --> 00:12:20,548
I declare a festival tomorrow
264
00:12:20,572 --> 00:12:23,150
to celebrate my victory over this fool.
265
00:12:23,174 --> 00:12:24,920
Car bomb!
266
00:12:25,044 --> 00:12:26,487
Car bomb!
267
00:12:27,121 --> 00:12:28,623
Ooh, a mean chicken.
268
00:12:28,647 --> 00:12:29,757
Get him, chicken.
269
00:12:31,316 --> 00:12:32,760
I needed a new plan
270
00:12:32,784 --> 00:12:36,698
to expose El Narco for
the criminal he was.
271
00:12:36,722 --> 00:12:38,138
It'll never work.
272
00:12:38,470 --> 00:12:41,102
You left those sunglasses in Miami.
273
00:12:41,126 --> 00:12:43,438
Eat, se�or.
274
00:12:43,462 --> 00:12:46,307
Why do you show such kindness,
Mango Man?
275
00:12:46,331 --> 00:12:49,577
Because I despise El Narco.
276
00:12:49,601 --> 00:12:53,380
That idiot says I have bad mangos.
277
00:12:53,404 --> 00:12:54,316
If they're so bad,
278
00:12:54,355 --> 00:12:57,985
why do the flies choose to
lay their eggs in them, eh?
279
00:12:58,009 --> 00:12:59,254
Their own babies.
280
00:12:59,278 --> 00:13:01,989
- Mango Man used the word "idiot"?
- Yep.
281
00:13:02,894 --> 00:13:04,992
How does that make you feel, Roger?
282
00:13:05,016 --> 00:13:06,193
Indifferent.
283
00:13:06,217 --> 00:13:07,595
You guys, I'm telling a story.
284
00:13:07,619 --> 00:13:11,855
Mr. Mango Man, will you work
with me to take down El Narco?
285
00:13:13,292 --> 00:13:15,603
No, no, no. Too dangerous.
286
00:13:15,627 --> 00:13:17,472
I have already said too much.
287
00:13:17,496 --> 00:13:21,208
Mango, mango, mango. Night mango.
288
00:13:21,232 --> 00:13:22,744
Everything set for the festival?
289
00:13:22,768 --> 00:13:24,345
I know El Narco wants to move product,
290
00:13:24,369 --> 00:13:26,013
but... this feels risky.
291
00:13:26,037 --> 00:13:29,684
Just make sure Uncle Sam
is filled with the goods.
292
00:13:29,708 --> 00:13:31,486
We both have to make sure, Dave.
293
00:13:31,510 --> 00:13:34,089
We are a team. This isn't just on me.
294
00:13:34,524 --> 00:13:36,891
I didn't know what he had
planned for the festival,
295
00:13:36,915 --> 00:13:38,893
but I knew it would be my best chance
296
00:13:38,917 --> 00:13:41,763
to expose El Narco in
front of his village.
297
00:13:41,787 --> 00:13:42,964
Uncle Sam.
298
00:13:42,988 --> 00:13:44,299
The float.
299
00:13:44,323 --> 00:13:46,033
The drugs are in the float.
300
00:13:46,057 --> 00:13:49,304
Time to do some good
while looking even better.
301
00:13:49,328 --> 00:13:50,661
Mango Man, now!
302
00:13:52,798 --> 00:13:54,776
Oh, yeah, he...
he said he wasn't gonna help.
303
00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:56,311
He was very clear about that.
304
00:13:56,335 --> 00:13:59,236
Come on, try and steal it from me.
305
00:14:01,340 --> 00:14:03,050
Hey, what's going on?
306
00:14:03,074 --> 00:14:05,920
Gather round, amigos,
as I expose El Narco
307
00:14:05,944 --> 00:14:08,856
for who he truly is... a drug dealer.
308
00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:10,992
You'll never be able to show your face
309
00:14:11,016 --> 00:14:13,528
in 1980s Colombia again.
310
00:14:13,552 --> 00:14:16,820
And now I give you the real fool.
311
00:14:19,785 --> 00:14:23,070
Ha-ha! He's covered in rhino crap.
312
00:14:23,094 --> 00:14:25,807
What? No. Where's the coke?
313
00:14:25,831 --> 00:14:28,009
Or... Or is this the uncut stuff?
314
00:14:28,033 --> 00:14:30,011
Ohh!
315
00:14:30,035 --> 00:14:31,346
Ack! Ugh!
316
00:14:31,370 --> 00:14:32,814
Why do people like drugs?
317
00:14:32,838 --> 00:14:34,704
Ya ate shit, dude.
318
00:14:35,174 --> 00:14:37,907
I can't believe you fell for my trick.
319
00:14:39,126 --> 00:14:41,422
Aw, no way, he fell back in!
320
00:14:41,446 --> 00:14:43,158
Oh, here, let me help you up.
321
00:14:43,182 --> 00:14:44,492
No.
322
00:14:44,516 --> 00:14:46,813
He kissed the anteater!
323
00:14:47,052 --> 00:14:50,297
The anteater loves him.
That's his girlfriend now.
324
00:14:53,392 --> 00:14:56,504
And for dessert, car bomb!
325
00:14:58,063 --> 00:15:00,307
Aw, man, that was my Ferrari.
326
00:15:00,331 --> 00:15:01,643
How could I be so stupid?
327
00:15:01,667 --> 00:15:04,912
It wasn't you, El Narco.
It was the fool's fault.
328
00:15:04,936 --> 00:15:07,582
- Don't call me that.
- Yeah, the fool made me do it.
329
00:15:07,606 --> 00:15:09,984
In fact, from here until forever,
330
00:15:10,008 --> 00:15:13,188
I declare this festival
the Day of the Fool.
331
00:15:13,212 --> 00:15:15,190
- Fool! Fool!
- No.
332
00:15:15,214 --> 00:15:17,258
I'm not a fool. Stop it.
333
00:15:17,282 --> 00:15:18,459
Hear that?
334
00:15:18,483 --> 00:15:20,327
You'll always be a turd-slipping,
335
00:15:20,351 --> 00:15:23,064
anteater-kissing, balls-hurting fool.
336
00:15:23,088 --> 00:15:24,099
My balls don't hurt.
337
00:15:26,025 --> 00:15:28,069
El Narco was right.
338
00:15:28,093 --> 00:15:29,604
My balls did hurt.
339
00:15:29,628 --> 00:15:33,208
And arrogant Stan was
always going to be a fool.
340
00:15:33,232 --> 00:15:35,543
So I left that Stan in Colombia.
341
00:15:35,567 --> 00:15:36,944
And who returned?
342
00:15:36,968 --> 00:15:38,613
The man I am today.
343
00:15:38,637 --> 00:15:42,817
A methodical, hard-working agent
who'd never be a fool again.
344
00:15:42,841 --> 00:15:45,286
- Fool?
- Not at this table, friend.
345
00:15:45,310 --> 00:15:47,422
It is. It's you, the fool.
346
00:15:48,980 --> 00:15:51,559
Wait, you're the fool of Fool's Day?
347
00:15:51,583 --> 00:15:53,094
The fool. The fool.
348
00:15:53,118 --> 00:15:54,429
The fool. The fool. The fool. The fool.
349
00:15:54,453 --> 00:15:57,365
No, no. I-I left all that behind.
350
00:15:57,389 --> 00:15:59,567
He kissed it again!
351
00:15:59,591 --> 00:16:02,693
Mm, get it, girl. I ain't jealous.
352
00:16:06,946 --> 00:16:08,390
Get that away from me, Roger.
353
00:16:08,414 --> 00:16:10,259
You're almost as bad as El Narco.
354
00:16:10,283 --> 00:16:11,393
Dad, are you kidding?
355
00:16:11,417 --> 00:16:13,996
Roger is El Narco.
356
00:16:14,020 --> 00:16:15,197
No.
357
00:16:15,221 --> 00:16:16,599
Blowing up cars,
358
00:16:16,623 --> 00:16:19,201
publicly shaming you
for his own amusement.
359
00:16:19,225 --> 00:16:22,004
- Being piss-poor at soccer.
- Tread lightly, bitch.
360
00:16:22,028 --> 00:16:25,140
Wait. Hold this.
361
00:16:26,049 --> 00:16:29,077
Damn it. Roger, I should kill you.
362
00:16:29,101 --> 00:16:30,145
But you won't.
363
00:16:30,169 --> 00:16:33,081
'Cause I made you the man you are today?
364
00:16:34,131 --> 00:16:36,485
How did this stupid,
little holiday you started
365
00:16:36,509 --> 00:16:37,820
spread around the dang world?
366
00:16:37,844 --> 00:16:39,855
Hey, it's one day a year
where people don't have to
367
00:16:39,893 --> 00:16:42,157
feel bad about the
stupid things they do.
368
00:16:42,181 --> 00:16:43,292
Who wouldn't want that?
369
00:16:43,316 --> 00:16:46,517
You. You made me cheat on my wife.
370
00:16:47,253 --> 00:16:49,632
And he told me you're going
to make him do it again
371
00:16:49,656 --> 00:16:51,489
this year at Red Rocks!
372
00:16:53,125 --> 00:16:56,972
- Roger, we're stopping this holiday.
- How are you gonna stop it?
373
00:16:56,996 --> 00:16:59,374
Well, it started when I
couldn't catch El Narco.
374
00:16:59,398 --> 00:17:02,177
But if I show the village
that I did catch him,
375
00:17:02,201 --> 00:17:03,512
I'll be de-fooled.
376
00:17:03,536 --> 00:17:05,780
Roger, we're going to Colombia.
377
00:17:05,804 --> 00:17:07,182
Ohh, sorry, I can't.
378
00:17:07,206 --> 00:17:09,452
My improv group, Pizza Party Weekend,
379
00:17:09,476 --> 00:17:10,785
has a cage match tonight.
380
00:17:10,809 --> 00:17:12,321
No. We're leaving now.
381
00:17:12,345 --> 00:17:13,788
Oh, are we?
382
00:17:13,812 --> 00:17:16,747
Looks like we got ourselves a standoff.
383
00:17:18,017 --> 00:17:20,663
I'm taking you to Colombia.
384
00:17:20,687 --> 00:17:21,930
No way.
385
00:17:21,954 --> 00:17:24,467
My improv team needs me, Stan.
386
00:17:24,491 --> 00:17:26,724
I do all the Southern characters.
387
00:17:28,094 --> 00:17:29,938
This isn't happening, Stan.
388
00:17:29,962 --> 00:17:31,330
Oh, it's happening.
389
00:17:32,298 --> 00:17:35,077
Oh, don't worry.
That thing's always going off.
390
00:17:35,101 --> 00:17:37,145
No Colombia.
391
00:17:37,169 --> 00:17:38,613
Yes Colombia.
392
00:17:38,637 --> 00:17:41,350
Flight 718 to Colombia is overbooked.
393
00:17:41,374 --> 00:17:43,752
We are offering vouchers
and hotel accommodations
394
00:17:43,776 --> 00:17:46,221
to anyone willing to fly tomorrow.
395
00:17:46,245 --> 00:17:49,624
You'll have to kill me
to get me to Colombia.
396
00:17:49,648 --> 00:17:51,293
We can make that happen.
397
00:17:51,317 --> 00:17:54,563
I need the bathroom,
and you're coming with me.
398
00:17:54,587 --> 00:17:57,366
I'll go anywhere but Colombia.
399
00:18:00,459 --> 00:18:03,438
Who's in Colombia now?
400
00:18:03,462 --> 00:18:06,041
Oh, no, my improv group.
401
00:18:06,065 --> 00:18:07,776
Alright.
402
00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:09,244
Uh, did someone order a pizza box
403
00:18:09,268 --> 00:18:11,847
with a bunch of comedy inside?
404
00:18:11,871 --> 00:18:14,449
We just need a location
to get us started.
405
00:18:14,473 --> 00:18:16,040
The deep South!
406
00:18:17,343 --> 00:18:21,656
Okay, we're two hungry
out-of-town New Yorkers.
407
00:18:28,087 --> 00:18:31,622
It's your fault I crashed
my sister's car, fool.
408
00:18:35,094 --> 00:18:37,806
Mama, I'm sorry I wet the bed.
409
00:18:37,830 --> 00:18:40,832
It's okay, Marco. It was the fool.
410
00:18:41,901 --> 00:18:44,101
You made me wet my bed, fool!
411
00:18:45,037 --> 00:18:47,282
No, he didn't. It was you.
412
00:18:48,167 --> 00:18:49,418
The fool walks among us.
413
00:18:49,442 --> 00:18:51,153
The fool. The fool. The fool. The fool.
414
00:18:51,177 --> 00:18:54,623
Maybe I was the fool once,
but I'm a changed man.
415
00:18:54,647 --> 00:18:57,025
And you'll all have to
start taking responsibility
416
00:18:57,049 --> 00:18:58,827
- for your own mistakes.
- Why?
417
00:18:58,851 --> 00:19:01,830
Because after 20 years of being a joke,
418
00:19:01,854 --> 00:19:05,434
I have finally caught
your famous El Narco.
419
00:19:06,725 --> 00:19:10,038
What? I got him. I won.
420
00:19:10,062 --> 00:19:12,040
Roger, why are they laughing?
421
00:19:12,064 --> 00:19:14,131
Whoa, you need a new moisturizer.
422
00:19:15,334 --> 00:19:16,511
Oh, dang.
423
00:19:19,096 --> 00:19:22,051
I'm still the same fool
I was 20 years ago.
424
00:19:22,118 --> 00:19:23,652
I thought I changed.
425
00:19:23,676 --> 00:19:25,320
I thought I was a better man.
426
00:19:25,344 --> 00:19:28,723
But I'm a fool now,
and I'm gonna die a fool.
427
00:19:30,749 --> 00:19:33,528
Mister, there's a fool in all of us,
428
00:19:33,552 --> 00:19:36,331
and this holiday makes us feel better.
429
00:19:36,355 --> 00:19:38,189
You know what to do.
430
00:19:40,827 --> 00:19:43,861
Oh, my God. Throw it.
431
00:19:44,831 --> 00:19:46,875
Yeah, I knew that.
432
00:19:46,899 --> 00:19:49,066
This is all your fault, fool.
433
00:19:50,637 --> 00:19:52,881
Whoa. That does feel good.
434
00:19:52,905 --> 00:19:54,405
Give me another.
435
00:19:55,821 --> 00:19:57,219
Oh, yeah.
436
00:19:57,243 --> 00:19:58,954
And I got some other gripes.
437
00:19:58,978 --> 00:20:01,690
This is for the time I accidentally said
"I love you"
438
00:20:01,714 --> 00:20:03,758
to the DirecTV operator as I hung up.
439
00:20:04,851 --> 00:20:06,761
- And this is...
- Stan, buddy,
440
00:20:06,785 --> 00:20:08,964
I'm sorry I lied to you for 20 years.
441
00:20:08,988 --> 00:20:11,033
It's okay. The fool made you do it.
442
00:20:11,057 --> 00:20:13,302
In fact, he deserves worse than mangos.
443
00:20:13,563 --> 00:20:15,504
Ah, you son of a bitch.
444
00:20:17,864 --> 00:20:20,242
This guy's got incredible aim.
445
00:20:20,266 --> 00:20:21,376
Smoke bomb.
446
00:20:29,942 --> 00:20:31,654
I'll take two.
447
00:20:31,678 --> 00:20:33,656
Wait. Is this you?
448
00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:35,324
It's all of us, really.
449
00:20:36,058 --> 00:20:38,126
Hey, you broke my statues!
450
00:20:38,150 --> 00:20:39,261
Blame it on the fool.
451
00:20:39,285 --> 00:20:41,196
You're not even wearing pants!
452
00:20:41,220 --> 00:20:46,157
And yet my dignity's intact,
thanks to Fool's Day.
453
00:20:49,033 --> 00:20:50,673
What a [BLEEP] moron.
454
00:20:55,568 --> 00:20:57,268
Bye! Have a beautiful time!
455
00:20:57,269 --> 00:20:59,369
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com
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