All language subtitles for 04 Vegas Vacation - Comedy 1997 Eng Subs 720p [H264-mp4]

MAN [ON RADIO]: 4:22 on a sunny
Thursday afternoon here...

in Chicago, on K-LITE.

Now, here's one for all
you rush-hour rockers.

The Beach Boys with
"Good Vibrations."

[LAUGHING

BOY: Hey, Mr. Griswold.

Vegas, V9988, Vegas!

Rusty, Audrey, Ellen?

Honey? I'm home.

[MAN CHATTERING
INDISTINCTLY ON TV]

- Hi, honey.
- Oh, hi, honey.

- Smells good.
- Oh, well... Don't, don't, don't!

Kids, come on in
here. Gather around.

- I wanna show you something.
- Is it my new car?

Keep dreaming, son.

Here. Eat these.

- They're chocolate chip.
- They're delicious.

They're four years old.

Anyone for milk?

Eight years old.

It's my long-life food preservative.
It's finally been approved.

I got my big bonus.

- Yeah, Dad.
- AUDREY: Congratulations, Daddy.

CLARK: Isn't it great?

And that's not all.

Mr. Shirley thinks a guy like Clark
Griswold deserves a few days off.

A guy like Clark Griswold thinks
he should take those days off...

and take his family on a
fabulous vacation to say...

fantastic Las Vegas.

[LAUGHS]

Dad, Las Vegas? There's
nothing to do there.

Clark, I don't think that Las Vegas is
the kind of place you take a family.

Oh, come on.

Las Vegas has changed, Ellen.

It's the number one family
destination in America.

AUDREY: Dad, I'm not going. The
people there are so phony.

Isn't there legalized
prostitution?

Not within the
city limits, Russ.

I'll tell you what there is.

There's first-class entertainment,
beautiful scenery...

and all the shrimp
cocktail you can eat.

Listen, everybody. Who knows how
many more chances we'll get...

to do something
together as a family?

I mean, Ellen, you and
I are always working.

And you guys are growing up so fast,
I hardly recognize you anymore.

Okay. There's one more reason
why you should all go.

I'm gonna remarry your morn.

If she'll have me.

Really, Sparky?

CLARK: What do you say,
Russ? My 20th anniversary.

I could use a best man.

Have anybody in mind
for a bridesmaid?

- How about Audrey?
- Audrey who?

- Dad.
- What do you say? Let's do it.

I think this is gonna be the
greatest vacation ever.

You know you look really
beautiful right now?

Oh, no.

You know, honey?

The guys at work tell me there's
this special club we can join...

if we meet in the bathroom.

Clark, are you serious?

Come on. You love me, don't you?

I do, but here?

Now?

Well, we've been
married 20 years.

How do we do it?

You go first. I'll
be right behind you.

Are you okay? You look all red.

Yeah. Just have to
go to the restroom.

[SIGHS]

Excuse me.

Where you going, P0P?

Oh, your mother's got
something caught in her eye.

Just gonna... I'm gonna
help her get it out.

Ellen?

ELLEN: Ow.

Look, maybe we should join...

- I don't know if this will work...
- Some other kind of club.

CLARK: I just want
some time with you.

- I just think there's...
- This is gonna be such a great vacation.

- A better time to...
- This is gonna be our best one.

[BELL CHIMES]

WOMAN [OVER P.A.]: The
flight captain has...

ELLEN: Foot. Foot. Foot.

- My foot. My foot.
- I got it. I got it. I got it.

I'll never fly again.

I thought the pilot
was very helpful.

See the way the plane applauded?

You know, if you two wanna use
the bathrooms here, we'll wait.

RUSTY: Hey, is this for us?

ELLEN: Clark. A limo?

We're the Griswolds.

Sorry, my pen burst in
the altitude, you know?

CHAUFFEUR: I'm sorry, sir. Come.
Please. Come this way. Please.

CLARK: This is it. This is it.

Would you look at this.

[MOUTHING WORDS] Wayne Newton.

Wow, it's beautiful.

Audrey, come here.
You gotta see this.

Daddy.

[COUGHING]

Help. Daddy, I'm stuck.

Daddy.

- Vegas. Vegas. Vegas.
- AUDREY: Daddy!

[HORN HONKING AND
PEOPLE CHEERING]

[GASPING]

CLARK: Look, everybody. I
think you should see this.

AUDREY: Daddy. Daddy.

Audrey?

Is this it?

- Welcome to the fabulous Mirage.
- Thank you.

Oh, don't worry, Audrey. It
won't leave a permanent line.

Come on, come on, come
on! There's a lot to do.

There's a lot to do.

Welcome to the Mirage.
Your credit card?

Yes, indeedy. Clark
W. Griswold. Four.

We have excellent
dry-cleaning service...

- if you're so inclined.
- Oh, it's just a birthmark.

Now, in order to get to your rooms,
go this way through the casino.

Veer to the left. Take a sharp right
at the first giant palm tree.

You'll see a group of blackjack tables.
Not baccarat, not craps. Blackjack.

Take another right and
then wind around left.

If you get to the pool,
you've gone too far. Back up.

You'll see a bank of elevators. They
aren't yours. Stay away from them.

Keep walking. You'll see another
bank of elevators. The gold ones.

Go to the tenth floor. Go right
at the end of the hallway.

You'll find your room.

Any questions?

No. Not really.

- Russ.
- Yeah, Dad?

Oh, there you are.
Did you get that?

Well, let's go then. Thanks.

Good luck.

What's this?

Look at these people.

Blinded by glitter and
the almighty dollar.

[CHEERING]

Clark, the elevators are there.

Hold on, honey.

They always put the machines that
pay off the most right in front.

- Five dollars, Clark?
- Five dollars. Here we go.

You see? Las Vegas is already
bringing us closer together.

Let's go to the room.

Honey, call up the kids.

See how they like this.

Rusty and Audrey
Griswold, please.

[PHONE RINGING]

Mom, we're next door. Can't
we get our own rooms?

Honey, please don't
spoil your daddy's fun.

Dad, we're too old for this.

(Hey, hey, he)'-

Come on.

Sit down.

Kids, remember when
you were babies?

No.

It was a wonderful time.

We had your cribs
right in our bedroom.

Then we'd wrap you up in those
little baby blankets...

and roll you back and forth
across the bed into each other.

Those days are... Well,
they're almost over.

So to close out that wonderful
chapter in our lives...

I got us four tickets
to Siegfried and Roy.

Number one show on the planet.

"Masters of the lmpossible."

Yeah. And we're all going.

Because we're the Griswolds.

Can't you just wrap me up in a blanket
and roll me across the bed again?

No, Russ. Get dressed.

Hey. Wanna try our hand
at a little blackjack?

ELLEN: What do you know
about blackjack, Clark?

Honey, did you forget
I was in the Army?

You weren't in the Army, Clark.

Well, not in the Army, but I have
played cards with men in uniform.

Just don't want you to lose
all your money. That's all.

CLARK: When a man can come to Las Vegas
with a few extra bucks in his pocket...

maybe throw a ten-spot
down on a table...

pay an extra dollar for a
steak with his eggs...

that's a happy day for that man.

And when his woman
is at his side...

Ellen?

Is that Wayne Newton?

I suppose it is. Why?
Want his autograph?

I think he's staring at me.

No. No, I... I must be tired.
Maybe I'll go find the kids.

No. I think they want a little
time away from mama and papa bear.

Let's let them get
into some trouble.

- AUDREY: Rusty.
- Audrey, I'm asking for five bucks.

What'll you do if
you win? Run away?

You're the most boring
person to travel with.

Fine. You want five bucks?
Here. Here, big man.

- Here's five bucks.
- Thank you.

- Get a wallet.
- Jeez.

- Hi.
- MAN: Good evening.

Would the two of
you have any ID?

Well, you see, we left our
IDs upstairs, actually.

See, we're on our honeymoon, but if
you wait here for two minutes...

I'll can run upstairs and get the
ID. I'll be right back. Okay?

My friend, $200
in chips, please?

Good evening. Changing 200.

You know blackjack is the only
game where a smart player...

has a mathematical
advantage over the house?

Are you a professional?

Me? No. Not really.

Are you?

- MARTY: Place your bet, sir.
- Yes, the bet.

Okay. What the hell.

- Hit me.
- EDDIE: It's a bust.

Las Vegas Fun Police.
Hand over your chips.

- Eddie?
- Twenty-two. Player busts.

[EDDIE LAUGHING]

Oh, man. It is a
blazer out there.

You're lucky you got air conditioning
in here like Mother Nature intended.

Clark Griswold, did you think you
were gonna get to Las Vegas...

- and not see your favorite cousin, huh?
- Your bet.

There you go. What are you
doing in Las Vegas, Eddie?

Where else can you wear
shorts 24 hours a day, huh?

Whoa! I am on fire.

- What?
- Shuffling.

EDDIE: Here's the best part.

Thanks to that defective
plate in my head...

the VA gave me a huge plot of
government land just north of town.

Oh, yeah. Every time I belch the
plate shifts and my legs give out.

But, man, what a view.

Nineteen.

- Twenty.
- Oh, he's good.

He's good.

- Another 100 in chips, please.
- MARTY: Changing 100.

That's it, Clark.

Show them who's boss.

It's people like you who blow the family
nest egg here that built this town.

Not this pretty boy.

Whoa!

Oh, gee.

I can't believe it.

I've lost $300 in 15 minutes?

[BURPS]

WOMAN: Hi. EDDIE:
I'm okay. I'm okay.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[CHEERING]

SIEGFRIED: You're very
kind. You're very kind.

- ROY: Wow, what a great audience!
- Yeah. All right. Awesome.

Terrific.

- May I ask you where you come from?
- Me? Chicago, Illinois.

- Fantastic. All right.
- Chicago.

- Sir, why don't you come on stage?
- Oh, come on, Clark. It'll be fun.

- Yeah, Dad, do it.
- No. I can't...

- Go on.
- All right. I'll play along. Okay.

ROY: Give him a hand.

- Good to have you.
- SIEGFRIED: Be comfortable.

What is your name, sir?

- Clark Griswold.
- Clark Griswold.

Marvelous.

SIEGFRIED: Now, let's
do some real magic.

- Clark...
- Listen, I know the routine.

What's it gonna be tonight?
Wires? Mirrors? Trap doors?

You know, I happen to
know a little magic.

I don't know if you've
ever seen this.

Can you tell it's my thumb, huh?

Looks like my thumb,
but it's not.

I'll do whatever you want.
It doesn't matter to me.

I'm here to help.

- ROY: Enter.
- Okay. I know this one. Yeah.

ROY: Trust me. CLARK: All
right. I'll trust you.

So this is going up then,
huh? I'll just go with it.

Me.

Great.

All right.

[CLARK SCREAMING]

[CROWD CHEERING]

- RUSTY: I wonder where Dad went.
- I haven't got a clue.

How'd you do at the
tables last night?

I'm about even.

- Why'd you tell Eddie we were here?
- Oh, come on.

How often do I get to see
my cousin Catherine?

Anyway, we're just
stopping by for lunch.

I wanna gamble.

Russell, I never wanna hear those
words out of your mouth again.

Gambling is a very
serious business.

Is that clear?

Excuse me a minute.

- Fifty on black, please.
- DEALER: No more bets.

- Red 25. Red wins.
- Jeez!

Shall we?

[MOUTHING WORDS] Remember me?

[MOUTHING WORDS] Yes.

Love you.

Your baby?

ELLEN: Are you watching
for an address, Clark?

- Yeah, Dad. What block are we on?
- Very funny, Russ.

Honey, will you check
the map again?

Hey, could that be it?

CLARK: Well, Eddie said there
was enough room for a pool.

Get out the sunscreen.

Cousins.

What do you think
of my spread, huh?

Can you believe it? They used to test
H-bombs on this beautiful property.

CATHERINE: Oh, Ellen.
I missed you so much.

Ellen.

Eddie, don't you worry
about radiation?

All I know, Clark, is my teeth
have never been whiter...

and my garden is spitting
out 50-pound tomatoes.

Hey, Denny boy,
come on over here.

Would you just
look at that view?

It's government property all around
us, so you know nobody's gonna build.

Look at this one here.

They grow up so
fast, don't they?

I tell him he's gonna
pierce himself shut...

but what can you do?

- The boy likes eating through a straw.
- Gotta let kids make their own mistakes.

Doesn't that hurt?

[MUFFLED] It's not bad.

Who's hungry?

- You need help with the grill, Eddie?
- No, thanks, Clark. Don't have one.

I'll get the tongs.

Renewing your wedding vows?

Oh, that's so wonderful.

I wish Eddie and I had time
for that sort of thing.

But with the constant
windstorms and flash floods...

oppressive heat and home schooling,
we don't have a minute free.

- Could you hand me that oven mitt?
- Oh, yeah.

I love what you've done
with the kitchenette.

Oh, thanks. Yeah, listen...

- things could be a lot worse.
- Yeah. You could be pregnant again.

[CATHERINE CRYING]

Oh, no.

I've been earning money
testing fertility drugs.

And I think this one's
gonna be a winner.

Everybody loves a baby.

Yeah. Life is good.

My kids are thriving.

Little Ruby-Sue must have grown
a foot since you saw her last.

- Daddy, Daddy, I caught another snake.
- That's good, sweetheart.

Go put it in the pit
with the other ones.

And get inside and
work on your typing.

Nice kids, Eddie.

VICKIE: Don't ever
pick me up again.

Jerk.

Look who's home.

This one here's
my pride and joy.

Lord is my witness,
I hate this heat.

If it ain't gluing your
butt to the seat...

it's making you sweat
like a farm animal.

And I want something better!

Hey, everybody.

You remember your cousin Vickie,
don't you, Russ? She's a dancer now.

Her picture's everywhere.

Phone booths, men's rooms.

She's famous.

Show them that little move I
taught you there, pork chop.

Don't think unnatural thoughts
about your cousin, Russ.

She's got her mama's looks and
her daddy's sense of balance.

Hose down, now, kids.
Chicken's almost ready.

- How's your chicken? Mine's dry as hell.
- Mine's dry as hell too.

You wanna hang with me tonight,
I'll give you my beeper number.

Really? That would be great.

If you're still hungry, I can wrestle
the potato salad from the dog.

As appealing as that sounds,
Eddie, we should be going.

Still got a lot of sightseeing, and
I added tetanus shot to the list.

ELLEN: Sorry about
the tablecloth.

Rusty's never had this
reaction to poultry before.

He just ain't used to real
home cooking. Are you, tiger?

CATHERINE: Eddie.

- Eddie, he's sick. Anyway, I...
- He'll be all right.

Wish you and Catherine could
come, but no room for the kids.

- So thanks for the lunch, and bye.
- EDDIE: Not so fast, Clark.

Let me get the babysitter.

Hey, kids. Roundup time.

That'll keep them
busy for hours.

Where are we going?

CLARK: Hoover Dam. Over 1000 feet
wide, and 727 feet to the bottom.

Where can I buy some bait?

Oh, I love electricity. Eddie
says we're gonna get some soon.

What a magnificent achievement.

Clark, this is a family vacation. Could
you try to stay with the family?

Oh, I'm sorry, honey.

MAN: This way, please. The
tour is about to start.

Welcome, everyone.

I am your dam guide, Arnie.

Now, I'm about to take you through
a fully functioning power plant.

So please, no one wander
off the darn tour.

And please, take all the
darn pictures you want.

Now, are there any
dam questions?

Yeah. Where can I
get some damn bait?

Eddie.

This way, please.

What did he say?

"This way."

Don't worry about water leaking through
the rocks, folks. It's perfectly normal.

Please, keep up with the tour.

This is one of the oldest
dam tunnels we have.

[WHISPERING] Audrey.
Audrey, come here.

Give me your gum.

- Out of my mouth?
- I don't care. Any gum. Give me gum.

- Look what's happening here.
- Here.

Just tell them I'll catch up.

Yeah... Yeah.

Damn it.

CLARK: Hello?

Ellen? Russ?

Where the hell is
the damn dam tour?

[WHISTLING]

Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

[ECHOING] Ellen?

[SCREAMS]

And there are over 100 million
tons of cement in these walls.

Ellen?

Hello? Hello? Help.

It's not that high.

Okay. Here we go.

Let's see if I still got it.

Nice breeze up here.

ARNIE: And that's how
a power plant works.

How?

This tour gets
better every week.

- Fishing's been better, though.
- Yeah.

Remember when I had
the puffer fish?

[SCREAMING]

[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

Just like in gym class.

One hand at a time.

- Ellen!
- What was that?

[SINGING "AMERICA
THE BEAUTIFUL"]

[THUD]

- Oh, my God. Clark!
- Daddy!

CLARK: Sorry, honey. I'll
be right up. AUDREY: Daddy.

- Daddy.
- Clark.

Clark?

This is steep.

Okay. Here we go.

[GRUNTING]

CLARK: I got it. EDDIE:
Need some help, Clark?

No. I got it.

That's a workout there, isn't it?
Climbed all the way up there.

- I almost lost my tag.
- ELLEN: Clark.

Drinks at the
Snacketeria, on me.

I can't help noticing you're taking more
of an interest in the fairer sex lately.

There's something your old dad
would like to say about that:

You see, Russ, there comes a time
in every young man's life...

when he enters...

the fragrant garden
of beautiful flowers.

And he wants to enter that garden
with a knowledge and a mulch...

to let the flowers bloom more
brightly, rather than...

- Dad.
- What?

If this is about
sex, I already know.

- You do?
- Yeah.

Oh.

Good talk, son.

So, what's it gonna be tonight?
"The Amazing Elvis Monkeys"?

- How about "Liberace on Ice"?
- Oh, Clark, I don't' know.

It's been such a long day.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

MAN [ON TV]: At
Hoover Dam today...

the water level dropped four feet
after an unexplained flood...

CLARK: Oh, thank you.

Hey, look at this.

Four tickets to Wayne Newton.

Wayne Newton?

Wayne Newton?

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

CLARK: That's Las Vegas,
they never stop giving.

- Yeah?
- Hi. For Ellen Griswold.

- I'm Mr. Ellen Griswold. Thank you.
- Okay.

"Please wear this
tonight. A friend."

Hey, who's it from, Morn?

I don't know.

But it's beautiful.

I guess they really know how
to treat their high rollers.

Okay, kids. Inspection
in five minutes.

You heard your father. Move it.

Wayne Newton just happens to be one
of America's greatest entertainers.

You don't know the
affect he has on women.

Yes. Griswold. Right
this way, sir.

Here.

Make the seats good.

No...

No gratuity is necessary, sir.

- No, really. Keep it.
- Follow me, please.

Oh, Clark.

- We're in the front row!
- I tipped him.

[WAYNE NEWTON SINGING
"ONCE IN A LIFETIME"]

What energy!

WAYNE: Thank you.

You're really a magical
group of people.

Oh, Greg, give me some birds.
Let me hear some birds.

[BIRDS CHIRPING OVER SPEAKERS]

[SINGING "LOVIN' YOU"
BY MINNIE RIPPERTON]

Mrs. Ellen Griswold.

Ellen, huh?

Holy crap. Wayne Newton's
hitting on Morn.

It's all part of the act, Russ.

Now you.

[SINGING]

Well, I think we know
who sent the dress.

You're very lucky. I've been to every
Wayne show for the last 15 years.

And I've never seen him
do anything like this.

No, I'm just saying I've never
heard you hit those notes before.

Don't worry, Clark. You have nothing
to fear from Wayne Newton. He's...

unattainable.

- Mom, you didn't see the way he was...?
- CLARK: Watch your mouth.

I think I'll go upstairs
and take a bath.

Not me.

- Anybody up for craps?
- We're too young, remember?

Oh, yeah. I remember
when I was too young.

Here.

Both of you take 20 bucks. If
you need Daddy, I'll be...

rolling the dice.
Have fun, kids.

- Have a nice night.
- See you later.

Daddy wants a seven!
Let's go, seven!

- Seven. A winner!
- Yeah!

DEALER: Place your bets.
Lucky roller coming out.

- Place your bets.
- CLARK: Yeah.

- Yeah.
- MAN: Yeah.

EDDIE: Let go of
me. Let go of me!

Clark? There he is. Clark!

See, I told you. Clark!

Look out, don't hurt
me now. Don't hurt me.

Nice place for a pearl necklace.

- Sir, do you know this person?
- No, no. Hi. Clark W. Griswold.

Nice to meet you.

Have you ever swam with the dolphins?
Them things is hard to catch.

Twelve. Craps. A loser.

Eddie, has anybody
ever told you before:

"You're bad luck"?

Those were my
mother's dying words.

But when you got your body
covered in third-degree burns...

and your foot's caught in a
bear trap, you'll talk crazy.

I seem to have run out of pocket
money. Do you cash checks?

- Only if you're staying at the hotel, sir.
- Indeed I am.

There we are.

No problem.

Good luck, Mr. Griswold.

Clark...

if you're thinking about buying
me a Cadillac, forget it.

- I won't take it.
- No. Just trying to get even, Eddie.

Now, where can I do
the most damage?

MAN: Shrimp
cocktail, 29 cents.

[MAN SINGING]

- Fake IDs.
- How'd you know?

When I was your age, they had
to use a water cannon...

to keep me away from the girls.

Ten bucks. Ten, ten.

Shrimp, ladies.

Ten of them. I need the 10.

Here.

- Thanks.
- Have a good evening, Mr. Morris.

[SINGING]

Oh, whatever.

DEALER: Another 21! EDDIE: Yeah,
Clark, you nailed her there.

Oh, okay. Let's see. House
has 14, and house busts.

- EDDIE: You're on a roll now!
- Yeah!

Wendy, you are my lucky charm.

I don't know what is
wrong with me tonight.

- You're rolling.
- Good luck, everybody.

Good luck, everybody.

Batter up.

Big bet for a big man.

Sure you don't wanna save a
few bucks for the buffet?

Okay, wise guy. Let's see how
you do against three hands.

This should be sweet.

CLARK: Sweet for me,
Marty. You're finished.

Straw.

Eddie, I'm trying
to concentrate.

Oh, yeah! That's a bigger
fire than the red drink.

[CHEERING]

Did you come to Las
Vegas to be a showgirl?

No, I'm on vacation
with my parents.

Hard to believe we're
related, right?

- A drink, please.
- Welcome to the Riviera.

May I see some ID?

I think we have a problem, sir.

Good night.

Hey, pal, why the long face?

You know that crap ID you sold
me? I want my 10 bucks back.

Those lousy bums threw you out?

Helicopter rides to the Grand
Canyon. See it as God does.

They tossed me.

Oops. Yeah.

Don't they realize
what it's like to be:

[SINGING] A boy on the
town When he's in love

- Just give me my $10 back.
- I'm not through with you yet, all right?

You're Nick Pappagiorgio.

You're from Yuma, Arizona.
You're into software.

Stick your head in and
say, "Joey Heatherton."

- Right here on the strip?
- Smile, kid. You're in Vegas.

So you guys have been together
longer than the real Beatles?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Great. Will you excuse me?

Hey! You wanna dance up here?

No, I don't think so.

Audrey, honey, let me tell
you something I learned:

In this world, you're either up
on the stage in the spotlight...

or down in the pit
serving drinks.

Go have some fun.

Audrey?

Audrey!

What are you doing up there?

I'm starting my vacation.

She's gonna break
a lot of hearts.

She's gonna break something.

Congratulations.
You've won the car.

Could I see some ID, please?

And where would you like the
car sent, Mr. Pappagiorgio?

Eighteen.

Nineteen. So close.

CLARK: Oh, come on.

That's it. I've had enough.
Let's get out of here.

Good luck, sir.

I ain't seen a beating like that since
somebody stuck a banana in my pants...

and turned a monkey loose.

Thanks for the
pick-me-up, Eddie.

Why don't you just call it a night
and let Ellen lick your wounds.

That sounds great, but Ellen
went to sleep hours ago.

Then she must be one
hell of a sleepwalker.

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

Good night, Eddie.

So that's how they got the
title "Danke Schoen."

- It means "Thank you."
- "Thank you" in German.

Oh.

Ellen, what are you doing up?
I thought you went to bed.

It got late. I got
worried about you.

Clark, Wayne Newton.

- Pleased to meet you.
- Into food preservatives? What a gas.

I like it.

- Being on the road is just...
- You've been everywhere.

We never go anywhere. We're boring.
Clark falls asleep in front of the TV.

I guess I'll just go
upstairs and get some sleep.

Well, okay. Okay. Look. Look, let
me just tip the piano player.

- She was marvelous.
- I might have some...

I've got a chip here.

ELLEN: Danke schoen.

- Thanks.
- Like to sit down?

Very special lady.

That's why I entered into the
sacred bond of marriage with her.

I hear that.

You know, Clark, I love women.

I observe them. I cherish them.

Don't let that one get
out of your sight.

(0K8)'-

Wayne has invited us to Shenandoah
tomorrow for lunch and festivities.

- That's my home.
- Thank you.

Love to. But we have a
lot of plans, don't we?

Yeah.

Oh, my God!

It's Wayne Newton!

I'm a fan, sir. I am a fan. I can't
believe I'm standing next to you.

Well, here, take my seat, Eddie.

- Thank you for the drink, Wayne.
- Okay. Good night, Wayne.

Do you need a bodyguard?
I'd die for you.

- Can I play five dollars in coins, please?
- What?

I'd like to bet five dollars.

Five dollars. New
roller coming out.

- Kid looks like a shooter.
- I'll go for this.

- Go for this. I'm ready.
- MAN 1: He looks like a shooter.

- Yo, 11, 7, any way!
- MAN 2: Come on!

- Seven. Any way.
- Seven now.

- Seven. A winner!
- Yeah.

Way to go, kid.

- You wanna press it?
- Press it?

I wanna press this up.

- MAN 3: Press this up?
- Yeah. Yeah, press it.

Give him the dice. He
can do it. Come on.

- Come on, baby. Come on.
- Seven. Any way.

- Seven. Winner!
- Yeah!

- Yeah!
- MAN 3: Yeah!

Fantastic. This kid's great.

I'm sorry to bother you,
sir. May I see some ID?

Yeah. ID? Sure.

Thank you.

Welcome to the Mirage, Mr.
Pappagiorgio. My name is Dean.

Why do they do that when
we got a hot table? Why?

- Thank you, Dean.
- How do you like Yuma?

Yuma. It's great.

My wife and kids are back in
Yuma where I work in software...

in the software business.

Hey, let the man roll the dice.

No corrective lenses tonight?

No, I do not require them.

- Good luck, sir.
- Let's go, kid! Let's do this.

- But you do.
- MAN 1: Come on!

- Come on!
- MAN 2: Seven again.

- Yes.
- MAN 3: Seven again! I can't believe it!

- Russ? Audrey?
- ELLEN: Oh, Clark, don't wake them.

MAN [ON TV]: Forget
craps, forget blackjack...

if you wanna make money in a casino,
walk up to a baccarat table and say:

"I wanna play baccarat."

You feeling lucky
tonight, Sparky?

Not now, honey. They're
teaching me baccarat.

I'm learning baccarat.

Bet with the player.

That's not exactly
what I had in mind.

Bet with the bank. Bet with the
bank. Bet with the player.

Nine is a natural.

Bet with the bank.
Bet with the player.

Nine is a natural.

Bet with the bank.

Bet with the player.

Nine is a natural.

- Bet with the bank.
- Clark!

Eight is a winner. What?

- Honey...
- Give me that.

CLARK: Think we ought to be doing
this before we get married?

- Hard six coming out.
- ELLEN: What?

CLARK: Hit me.

[SLAPPING]

Ow! Good night, honey.

He'll do it again. The
kid's gonna do it again.

MAN 2: Do it again.
MAN 3: Hit me!

Right now. Ready?

Seven out.

[ALL GROANING]

- Nice roll, Mr. Nick.
- You did good, kid.

- Thank you.
- Cash me in.

- Kid, you made me a lot of money.
- Great roll.

- Jilly from Philly.
- Nick Pappagiorgio from Yuma.

Nick Pappagiorgio from Yuma?
You like getting massaged?

- "BY Who?
- By WhQ? By me"

Meet us in the spa at
10:00 tomorrow morning.

Randy, this guy is with
us. You take care of him.

We're so impressed
with your playing...

we'd like to invite you to stay
in one of our suites. Follow me.

And if there's anything you need,
don't hesitate to call me.

Thank you.

[LAUGHING]

Oh, my God.

Card counting, Clark?

- Is that legal?
- Sharpens the player's edge.

Hello.

Hey! Here come the kids.

Okay. What happened
to you last night?

Hey, what are you having
for breakfast, lazybones?

- BOTH: Coffee.
- Make it three.

Four it is. Hey, gang!

Don't shout, Daddy.

I had an idea.

How about an "alone day" where
each of us Griswolds...

goes out and explores the city of Las
Vegas in their own personal way?

I don't think that's
a very good idea.

- Great.
- Love you.

Be back at 5.

Oh, you'll have a great time.

Have fun.

Payback time.

Five hundred dollars.

You don't know when
to quit, do you?

- Chips.
- Changing 500.

Here's an idea:

Why don't you give me half the
money you were gonna bet...

then we'll go out back, I'll kick you
in the nuts, and we'll call it a day?

Pappagiorgio?

- How are you enjoying that massage?
- I'm enjoying it, Jilly, I really am.

You know what your problem is,
Nick? You're a nervous guy.

You gotta learn how to relax.

You're right,
Jilly. I know I do.

A little harder
on the shoulders.

That's it, kid.

Now that you got that, all we gotta
do is teach you how to dress.

[LAUGHING]

Now aren't you a
little slice of pie?

WOMAN: Are you thinking
of dancing, honey?

- AUDREY: No.
- She's got a body for it, though.

I do? Thanks.

Well, do it while you're
young and foolish.

I'm going to college in the fall, but
I'm doing volunteer work this summer.

- Our prime years are few and fast.
- Woulda, coulda, shoulda.

Helen, show this girl
something with a heel.

Hit me.

Yeah. Twenty.

It's 20. It's a push!

- I didn't lose.
- That's it.

Griswold, you are freaking dead.

JILLY: I love you, kid!

Fantastic. Unbelievable.

Ellen. Outrageous. Where's
the rest of the family?

They're busy.

Did I catch you at a bad time?

- Because I could just...
- No, no.

A singer's body is his instrument, and
I believe in keeping it finely tuned.

Come on in. Let's have some fun.

Blackjack.

Blackjack. Blackjack.

WOMAN: Yeah. MARTY: Six!

They're not bad.

These boys aren't
much to talk to...

but if you need a night away from
your cat, they're more than fine.

[SIRENS WAILING]

No!

Yeah!

[MUMBLING]

What? What did you say?

I said, blackjack!

[LAUGHING]

Changing 1600.

Lunch was wonderful.

I hope you enjoyed the
company as much as the food.

Oh, Wayne.

MAN: Please, madame. Chin up.

Ellen, you know, I've
always felt very blessed...

by all the gifts that
I've been given.

But after meeting you, I
realize how truly alone I am.

But, Wayne, you have
millions of fans.

Please, they just love
me for my talent.

I feel so many things right now.

I wish I could spend the
rest of my life with you.

Well...

We could turn the den into a guest room.
But I don't know about your horses.

Clark pretty much likes the garage
for the car and the lawnmowers.

[LAUGHING]

Ellen, you're too much.

I have something for you.

It's a lock of my hair.

Gosh.

Oh, it's getting late.

I've gotta go. But thank you.

- It's been wonderful.
- Ellen, wait.

If you have nothing to do
later, please come back.

I'm gonna make pasta.

Come on, Griswold, you
think this sign's here...

to hold down the table?

- What can I do with five dollars?
- Gee, I don't know.

Buy a bullet and rent a gun?

[LAUGHING]

[MEN LAUGHING]

- JILLY: Hey, I'll see you. Have a good time.
- Alrighty.

Rusty?

Ellen?

Good luck, sir.

I had a fantastic
alone day, Clark.

- It was a great idea.
- Oh, yeah.

- Where did you get that stuff?
- At the men's store. Ask for Caesar.

- Daddy!
- 'Ch, my God!

- Look, Dad, Vickie took me to her stylist.
- ELLEN: Clark.

Did you know there were 92 individual
muscles in the human throat?

All this time I thought I was
unhappy with you and Mom.

But I was just dissatisfied with myself.
All that's changed, thanks to Las Vegas.

Dad, this is Larry, Kurt and Ira.
They're professional entertainers.

- Nice to meet you, sir.
- How do you do?

You know what drives me
crazy? Baccarat tables.

Larry can bend his leg up over his
head without falling. Wanna see?

- VICKIE: See this.
- It's after-riding wear.

- If those guys weren't bust-outs...
- ELLEN: Isn't it lovely?

All of you come with me now.

Not you.

Now, listen, I know we haven't
seen a lot of each other lately...

and that's okay, but
we're the Griswolds.

And we're on vacation.

And starting right now, we're
gonna have a great time.

But, Dad, we're
having a great time.

Who knew my sister had the
legs of a thoroughbred?

- Am I right?
- Shut up, Russ.

The point is, starting now...

we're gonna have a
great time together.

How?

How? Well...

How?

Well, we could all...

sit on a bench as a family and
watch a beautiful Vegas sunset.

Wouldn't that be great?

Audrey.

We could count the bulbs
on the strip. Audrey.

Larry's taking me to see the
world's largest thermometer.

I got a teeny thing
happening downtown.

I mean, you know...

Ellen? I know what we can do.

We can get remarried. Right now.

There's a Honeymoon Slots
tournament at the Golden Nugget.

And guess what. Newlyweds
get in for free.

I've got news for you, Clark:

I haven't said yes yet.

- Well, if you're all too busy...
- You hang on a minute, mister.

You brought us for a
family vacation...

and the only time we've spent together
is on your way to the casino.

- I've invited you.
- You find the Clark Griswold I married...

and tell him I'm at the Mirage.

Come on, kids.

Don't worry about me. I got plenty
I can do on my own in Las Vegas.

EDDIE: Which hand is il' in?

Who wants it now?
Who wants it?

There you go, you
little heathens.

Eddie, thanks for
buying me dinner.

Best buck-49 buffet
in town, Clark.

Clark, this is all-you-can-eat.

We only need one plate.

Oh, yeah. Okay.

These rolls.

Oh, I had that last
time I was here.

Fresh broccoli.

[SNEEZING]

CLARK: God bless you.
EDDIE: Thank you.

CLARK: Maybe I'll just replace
these and take a carrot.

And that's the macaroni.

- That's good.
- No, let's get a little more.

Some of this spaghetti
Bolognese here.

You're lucky you came on Italian night.
That stuff will knock your socks off.

This doesn't look like chicken.

COOK: Oh, you're right.

This isn't chicken.
This is chicken.

Want some?

- I think I'll just be over by the Saltines.
- Oh, okay.

- Here, go ahead.
- Go ahead and get us a table.

I'll have some of the...
Some of the yellow.

And don't get cheap on me.

[LAUGHING]

Mmm.

This bread pudding is
extra-runny tonight.

Eddie, when you look at
me, what do you see?

Time's up, Eddie.

I'll tell you what you see:

You see a man whose
family counted on him...

to give them the best vacation ever. And
I can't do it. I can't do it, because...

Eddie, you have
something on your...

- I get it'?
- Yeah.

Eddie, I've gambled away more money
than you'll ever understand.

Try me.

Twenty-two thousand,
six hundred dollars.

Oh, God! Oh, God!

- Oh, my God!
- Eddie.

Oh, God!

- Eddie! Please!
- Oh, my God.

- Clark.
- I don't know what I'll tell Ellen. I mean...

If I could just get that money
back, I could turn it all around.

Clark, you've been so good to
Catherine and me through the years.

I hate to see you
down like this.

I've got some...

Money stashed away.

And it'd be my honor to help
you in your time of need.

You mean it?

There's just one little problem.

I forgot where I buried it.

CLARK: ls it safe to
be digging like this?

EDDIE: Oh, yeah. Watch
out for the scorpions.

Yeah, I got money buried
all over this yard, Clark.

I used to have quite a little
system for finding it.

But... Oh, wait,
here's something.

Twenty-eight dollars.

CLARK: Got one.
Got one. Got one.

- Six bucks.
- Oh, yeah. Yuban coffee.

You know you can sprinkle that stuff on
anything. Ice cream, mashed potatoes...

or just eat it right out of the
can for a quick pick-me-up.

Oh, my God.

There must be over $100 in here.

Oh, yeah, yeah. That's from
when I sold one of my kidneys.

We didn't really need
the cash at the time...

but I figured with all the
advances in medicine...

I might as well sell it while
somebody still wanted to buy it.

Smartest thing I
ever did, Clark.

Eddie, why do you have all this
money buried in the ground?

For a rainy day, Clark.

And we don't get too many
of those in the desert.

Where's the nearest casino?

Hello, room service?

I'd like the crab Rangoon,
chicken fingers...

the Jackpot Burger...

and the Tropical Banana Torte.

No, cancel that.

I'm going out.

EDDIE: I gotta warn you, Clark. They
don't play the same games here...

that they do at them
regular casinos.

Eddie, this place is great.

They don't have these
games at the Mirage.

Pick a number? I'm
great at that.

Coin toss. Eddie,
these are my games.

Give me 20 bucks. War!

You know, Russ and I
play this all the time.

- I'm in.
- Here we go.

Nine.

That's fast.

Give me another 20, Eddie.

War. Bet again.

- Nine again.
- You know, Clark...

maybe you ought to
spread it around...

not have all your fun
at just one table.

Dealer has rock. Pay paper.

- Call it.
- Clark, what say we go back home...

- and bury what's left of my money?
- Heads.

I'm sorry, sir, it's tails.

Almost.

Give me that! Give me that!

- Clark.
- He cheated, Eddie.

- Clark.
- He switched them. I saw him.

- Foun - Seven.

Eddie, what am I doing?

I need to go someplace
where a man can think.

Oh, I wouldn't do
that here, Clark.

The stalls are awfully dirty and
they're backed up all the time.

No. Eddie, I need to be alone.

Oh, I see.

You want me to go with you?

All right. Come on.

Come on, Clark. The
night is young.

They're giving away free hot
sandwiches at the blood bank.

Hot sandwiches. I'm not
worthy of a hot sandwich.

I'm not a father. I'm not
a husband. I'm nothing.

Oh, you may feel like nothing
now, but look on the bright side.

You used to be something, and nobody
can ever take that away from you.

Goodbye, Ellen.

I'm sure you'll be happy
with Wayne Newton.

Where am I gonna go?

Well, you can live with
us right here in Vegas.

We'll dig you a guest room.

Rusty and my poor little Audrey.

And in the evening you
can sit outside...

and you can tell us all how much
more good you used to have it.

Look at all these
happy families.

Where did I go wrong?
What did I do?

Without my family, there
is no Clark Griswold.

We could go into
business for ourselves.

We can raise snakes, maybe
open up our own petting zoo.

Yeah, that's what we could do.

And we could have a lot of
happy, wonderful times, Clark.

We'll get your money back.

Eddie, I'm not worried
about my money.

I don't care if I ever
get my money back.

I gotta get my family back.

- Well, what about my money?
- You stay here. I'll be right back.

Police emergency.

MAN: Hey! What are
you doing there?

- Uh-oh.
- MAN: Hey! Hey! Open up!

- Open this door!
- Don't be alarmed. He's with me.

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Say cheese.

Oh, Wayne.

It's Dean Martin's recipe.

I always make too much.

Thank you so much for
having me for dinner.

Ellen, l...

There's something I
have to tell you.

Oh, no.

Wayne, please don't.

Ellen, I've always
been a moral man.

But my resolve is melting in the
blinding light of your precious smile.

Maybe you're hungry. Would
you like some pasta?

On your right is Treasure Island.
On the left is Harrah's.

Next stop, Wayne Newton's house.

Wayne, please.

Please.

Wayne!

CLARK: Ellen, don't
worry. I'm here, honey.

Get out of my way.
Hands off my wife!

Clark, it's not the way it looks.
We were just having pasta.

Ellen, I've been a fool.

And not a loveable fool who clowns for the
delight of children and small people.

But a fool who's only
fooling himself.

Clark, you're back.

You have got to be kidding me.

Oh, why don't you
go sing something?

Ellen, I've learned that a
family vacation only works...

when you're with your family.
And you and Russ and...

- Audrey.
- Audrey.

You are my family.

And the most important thing is for us to
get back together before it's too late.

- What do you say, Ellen?
- I'm with you, baby.

Then let's go get our kids.

- Is there a charge for parking?
- No.

Park it.

Hey, have you seen this person?

Mr. Pappagiorgio. Yeah, Lanai 6.

My son.

Mr. Pappagiorgio?

Let's go.

Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

- Rusty!
- Russ!

- Oh, Clark, do something.
- Okay. Look out.

Russ! Rusty!

Oh, my little baby boy!

- CLARK: Rusty?
- Excuse me. Excuse me.

Russ.

Am I right? I mean, am I right?

- Oh, Nick.
- So I says to him...

I said, "Get your own monkey."

Oh, my Lord. Rusty!

Oh, you must be lost.
This is Mr. Pappagiorgio.

His name is not Pappagiorgio.
His name is Rusty Griswold...

and he's a C-plus student. Now, out
of the pool! Let's go, young man!

'Dad! _NOW!

I'm looking for an underage kid
named Pappagiorgio. Seen him?

Yes, he stole my wallet.
He's back there.

- Where's your sister?
- Audrey?

She's with Vickie somewhere.

- Where's Vickie?
- Where's Vickie?

- Mr. Pappagiorgio, your usual table?
- Not tonight.

You are in deep
trouble, my friend.

Excuse me.

(He)', everybody!

Vickie, where's Audrey?

Oh, my God.

- Our baby.
- Hang on, honey!

Daddy's coming to get you!

Excuse me. Get out
of my way, please.

- What do you think you're doing?
- You told me to get a summer job!

What? Ten years of tap-dancing lessons
and this is how you repay me?

Let's go, young lady.

Excuse me! Excuse me!

Come on, let's get out of here.

[GIGGLING]

Oh, Daddy. I don't know what I was
thinking. Let's go home right now.

- Yeah, when are we going?
- Let's just quit while we're ahead.

Ahead or behind,
what does it matter?

- We still have each other.
- Sparky.

And when we get home, even though
I've lost most of our money...

Wait a minute. "I've
lost most of our money"?

How much did you lose?

Well, with the checks
and the credit cards...

a couple of trips to the ATM and
the plane tickets I cashed in...

I don't know, 22, 23,000
dollars. Somewhere in there.

- What?
- Dad, what about my tuition?

- You were gonna buy me a snowboard.
- We still have our love.

That's what I've
come to realize.

Clark, how much money
do you have right now?

I'm broke.

- Rusty?
- I spent it all.

Having an entourage
is expensive.

- Audrey?
- No pockets.

I've got two dollars.

Clark, get our money back.

There.

I'm telling you, this is
not the way to do this.

- Can't your parents wire us money?
- There.

CLARK: Oh, Keno. Oh, this
is easy. I saw this on TV.

Okay, you gotta pick 10 numbers.

We've gotta play the kids'
birthdays, 16 and 7.

Oh, and Dad's old
football number, 44.

- Excuse me, is that your family?
- Yeah.

- You're a lucky man.
- Luckiest guy on earth.

Don't forget Grandma and
Granddad's anniversary.

I never got married.
I was scared.

Afraid to take the risk.
Beautiful children.

Oh, thank you. We're
very blessed.

This whole thing is
money, money, money.

Let me tell you something.
Money isn't everything.

I sit here alone, you
know. Nobody cares.

If I win at something, I have
nobody to share it with.

Well, you have your health.

- It seems you have a hobby.
- Yeah, a hobby I got. That's it.

My health...

If I did have a family, I'd
like it to be like yours.

Tonight, consider yourself
part of our family.

Yeah. I'm gonna take
you up on that.

- Really. Thank you.
- Okay.

Nice of you. Good luck.

- Hey, Dad, game's almost starting.
- Yeah.

- WOMAN: Seven.
- It's seven.

It's Audrey's birthday.

We're gonna do it.

WOMAN: Ten.

- WOMAN: Fourteen.
- Doesn't matter.

Even eight matches wins $15,500.

WOMAN: Twenty-two.

Thirty-three.

(Eight)'-

Your final number, 54.

MAN: I won. I w0n. I won.

I won!

I won! I won!

All the years I've
waited for this. Years!

I've been coming here for... I've
never won once, and now I won.

The money is mine. I have the
money. The money is mine. I got it!

For the first time, I got the...

Hey, sir, are you all right?

Rusty.

Get... Go get someone.

Sir.

Oh, my God.

I won. I won the money.

I won. I won the money. Did
you hear me? I said I won.

- It's okay.
- It's here. Right here.

- That's wonderful.
- I won the money.

I won the money.

That's wonderful.

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

What did he say?

I think he said,
"Take the ticket."

He said, "Take the ticket"?

I think he did.

He's gone. There was
nothing you could do.

- We'll never even know his name.
- He was Mr. Ellis.

- The loneliest guy I ever saw.
- He would've given anything...

just to have someone sit with
him and say a few nice words.

Jeez.

ELLEN: I hope you kids have learned
something about the dangers of gambling.

CLARK: No, no, Sparklet.
Don't blame gambling.

Gambling is what
made America great.

You see, kids, when Columbus set
sail on a little rickety boat...

and let it ride to the New World
on a single tank of gas...

that was a gamble. Ben
Franklin, Thomas Edison...

Albert Einstein, all gamblers.

- Wasn't Einstein German?
- Hard to tell from his accent, Russ.

But I do know one thing.

When a beautiful
young blond co-ed...

took a chance on a gangly
boy of a man named Clark...

she was taking a gamble too.

Ellen Priscilla Ruth
Smith Griswold...

will you remarry me?

Ellen Griswold, do you promise
to love and honor Clark...

for as long as you
both shall live?

[CATHERINE SOBBING]

Oh, God!

- I do.
- Clark Griswold, do you...?

CATHERINE: I love you, Eddie.

Promise to love and
honor Ellen...

- for as long as you both shall live?
- I do.

I don't care if you ruined
my life. I love you!

Then by the power vested in
me by the state of Nevada...

and the Las Vegas
Entertainers' Association...

I now pronounce
you man and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

Eddie...

this is for you.

Clark, where did all
this come from?

Well, we were very, very
fortunate last night, Eddie...

and I think the Griswolds... We
learned something on this vacation.

And that is that it's not what you have
but who you have to share it with.

- Dad.
- In a minute, Russ.

You see, the promise of material
possessions can often blind one to the...

What is it, Russ?

Those four cars over there...

they're mine.

What do you mean,
they're...? They're yours?

Yeah.

- Where'd you get them?
- I pulled four slot machines...

and I won four cars, you know. I
put a dollar in, I got a car.

Okay. I think I get it.

- Give me the keys, please.
- EDDIE: Five thousand dollars?

- CLARK: Excuse me a minute.
- Five thousand dollars.

Okay, Ellen, you
drive the red one.

You take the white one.

You take the Mustang, and I'll take
that big black thing over there.

After you, Mr. Pappagiorgio.

- Goodbye, Eddie.
- Goodbye, Clark.

- Bye, everybody.
- EDDIE: Bye, Ellen.

ELLEN: Bye, Eddie. EDDIE: Bye.

CATHERINE: Bye,
guys! EDDIE: Bye!

Drive carefully!

Have a good trip!