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1
00:02:26,665 --> 00:02:32,065
01 National Lampoons Vacation Comedy
1983 720p [H264-mp4] English
2
00:02:38,366 --> 00:02:40,827
Clark Griswold. I'm trading
my wife's old car in.
3
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:42,495
[CHUCKLES]
4
00:02:42,662 --> 00:02:44,998
Say goodbye to the old
gas-guzzler, Russ.
5
00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:46,708
See you later.
6
00:02:46,875 --> 00:02:48,418
Pretty exciting,
isn't it, Rusty?
7
00:02:48,585 --> 00:02:51,463
- What's that, Dad?
- Picking up the new car.
8
00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:54,424
Yeah, you can't wait, can you?
9
00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:56,843
- Hi there, Ed.
- Good to see you, Mr. Griswold.
10
00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:59,304
- How're you doing? Ruben, right?
- Rusty.
11
00:02:59,471 --> 00:03:01,347
- Okay.
- Look at him. He can't wait.
12
00:03:01,514 --> 00:03:03,224
So did you bring your trade-in?
13
00:03:03,391 --> 00:03:06,144
Yeah, a guy just took it away
a couple of seconds ago.
14
00:03:06,311 --> 00:03:07,729
- Let's get to it, then.
- Okay.
15
00:03:07,896 --> 00:03:10,607
We were afraid the new one
wouldn't come in yet.
16
00:03:10,774 --> 00:03:14,235
On our way to California. The big
vacation, the whole family, Walley World.
17
00:03:14,402 --> 00:03:16,696
- Walley World? Very exciting, Clyde.
- Clark.
18
00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:19,324
Well, there she is.
19
00:03:19,491 --> 00:03:20,533
Where?
20
00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:22,452
Right here. The wagon.
21
00:03:22,619 --> 00:03:25,163
Dad, this is not the
car you ordered.
22
00:03:25,330 --> 00:03:29,417
Take it easy, Rusty. Ed, this
is not the car I ordered.
23
00:03:30,418 --> 00:03:33,713
I distinctly ordered the Antarctic
Blue Super Sportswagon...
24
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:36,382
with the CB and the
optional Rally fun pack.
25
00:03:37,467 --> 00:03:39,344
You didn't order
the Metallic Pea?
26
00:03:39,844 --> 00:03:43,223
Metallic Pea? No,
Antarctic Blue.
27
00:03:43,389 --> 00:03:46,726
The Sportswagon. This isn't
even the right model.
28
00:03:47,018 --> 00:03:49,395
I think you're right. I don't
think this is the car.
29
00:03:49,562 --> 00:03:51,564
This is the new Wagonqueen
Family Truckster.
30
00:03:51,731 --> 00:03:55,235
This is a damn fine automobile,
if you want my honest opinion.
31
00:03:55,401 --> 00:03:57,237
Beats the hell out
of the Sportswagon.
32
00:03:57,403 --> 00:03:59,072
But I want to make you happy.
33
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:00,448
Davenport.
34
00:04:00,615 --> 00:04:02,367
I'll get to the bottom of this.
35
00:04:02,534 --> 00:04:03,827
DAVENPORT: Yes, Mr. Ed?
36
00:04:03,993 --> 00:04:06,996
Mr. Griswold ordered a blue
Sportswagon. Where is it?
37
00:04:07,163 --> 00:04:09,040
I don't know, sir.
38
00:04:11,626 --> 00:04:14,128
I know what must have happened.
39
00:04:14,796 --> 00:04:15,880
It didn't come in.
40
00:04:16,047 --> 00:04:21,594
Ed, I'm not your ordinary,
everyday fool. Okay?
41
00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:25,014
Now, I'd like my Antarctic Blue
Super Sportswagon right now.
42
00:04:25,181 --> 00:04:28,768
If you can't get it for me, I'm
gonna take my business elsewhere.
43
00:04:29,143 --> 00:04:30,186
Where's my old car?
44
00:04:34,524 --> 00:04:36,818
I'm just as upset as
you are. Believe me.
45
00:04:36,985 --> 00:04:38,611
Davenport.
46
00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:42,198
Get Mr. Griswold's car
back. Bring it back here.
47
00:04:47,912 --> 00:04:51,833
I can get you the wagon, no problem. The
problem is, it might take six weeks.
48
00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:54,794
I owe it to myself to
tell you, Mr. Griswold...
49
00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:57,630
if you're thinking of taking
the tribe cross-country...
50
00:04:57,797 --> 00:04:59,924
this is the automobile
you should be using.
51
00:05:00,091 --> 00:05:02,093
The Wagonqueen Family Truckster.
52
00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:04,929
You think you hate it now,
but wait until you drive it.
53
00:05:05,096 --> 00:05:08,516
I don't want to drive it. I just
want my old car back, okay?
54
00:05:08,683 --> 00:05:12,812
I'm not falling for this
bit. No way. Let's go, Russ.
55
00:05:22,071 --> 00:05:24,073
[CAR ENGINE RATTLING]
56
00:05:45,678 --> 00:05:47,305
Clark, is that the right car?
57
00:05:47,472 --> 00:05:50,516
No, it isn't, honey.
I changed my mind.
58
00:05:50,683 --> 00:05:53,478
They flattened our old
car like a pancake.
59
00:05:53,645 --> 00:05:56,898
Are you serious? Is this
really our car, Dad?
60
00:05:57,065 --> 00:06:00,151
What happened? I thought we were
gonna get the little Sports thing.
61
00:06:00,318 --> 00:06:02,904
Oh, no. The Sportswagon's
much too small.
62
00:06:03,071 --> 00:06:05,198
Besides, I got a great
deal on this one.
63
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:08,993
Let me tell you, if we're taking
the whole tribe across country...
64
00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:11,746
believe me, this is
your automobile.
65
00:06:11,913 --> 00:06:13,039
[RATTLING CONTINUES]
66
00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:14,832
Why is it still running'?
67
00:06:14,999 --> 00:06:16,501
Oh, all new cars do that.
68
00:06:16,668 --> 00:06:18,127
I'll take care of
that in a second.
69
00:06:18,294 --> 00:06:19,963
[CHUCKLES]
70
00:06:21,297 --> 00:06:24,842
You may think you hate it now,
honey, but wait until you drive it.
71
00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:28,554
Whoa! An air bag.
72
00:06:28,721 --> 00:06:31,975
You know, Clark, it's not too
late to fly out to California.
73
00:06:32,141 --> 00:06:33,393
We only have two weeks.
74
00:06:33,559 --> 00:06:36,562
Let's not get into that
again, sweetie pie. Please?
75
00:06:36,729 --> 00:06:40,608
Lots of families fly, Clark.
Especially cross-country.
76
00:06:40,775 --> 00:06:44,737
The whole idea of a family vacation is
to spend time together as a family.
77
00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:47,323
You get on an airplane, you
put on your earphones...
78
00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:49,659
and you're lost in
your own world.
79
00:06:49,826 --> 00:06:52,036
It's an awfully
long ride, Clark.
80
00:06:52,203 --> 00:06:54,414
I'm looking forward to
an awfully long ride.
81
00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:59,043
You get to see the kids all the time. I
see them two minutes in the morning...
82
00:06:59,210 --> 00:07:02,630
two minutes in the evening. Maybe
three hours on the weekend.
83
00:07:02,797 --> 00:07:06,843
Sheesh. One of these days I'm gonna get
up and realize that my little babies...
84
00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:09,053
are all grown up. And then what?
85
00:07:09,721 --> 00:07:13,224
I just thought it might
be easier to fly.
86
00:07:13,391 --> 00:07:16,602
Nothing worthwhile
is easy, Ellen.
87
00:07:16,769 --> 00:07:18,771
We know that.
88
00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:20,064
Kids?
89
00:07:20,231 --> 00:07:21,315
[VIDEOGAME PLAYING OVER TV]
90
00:07:21,482 --> 00:07:23,192
Who wants to see the triptych?
91
00:07:23,359 --> 00:07:24,944
What? Dad, we're playing.
92
00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:28,948
Okay, shut off the video games.
Come on, Russ. Shut it off.
93
00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:32,326
I know you'll enjoy this. I worked
out the trip on the computer...
94
00:07:32,493 --> 00:07:35,371
so we get the maximum amount
of fun time at Walley World...
95
00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:38,332
without missing any of the
good stuff along the way.
96
00:07:38,499 --> 00:07:40,043
Here we go. There's us.
97
00:07:40,209 --> 00:07:41,627
And there's Walley World.
98
00:07:43,212 --> 00:07:45,381
Let's just take a look
at Day One. Shall we?
99
00:07:45,548 --> 00:07:48,259
Honey, come on in. We're
gonna do Day One.
100
00:07:48,885 --> 00:07:50,136
[BEEPING]
101
00:07:52,638 --> 00:07:56,809
Okay, now there's the Family
Truckster as we leave Chicago.
102
00:07:56,976 --> 00:07:59,520
[VIDEO GAME BEEPING]
103
00:08:01,856 --> 00:08:04,275
CLARK: Rusty, please, do
not eat the Truckster.
104
00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:09,447
Russ, do you mind? I'm trying to work
this out here on the computer. Please.
105
00:08:11,074 --> 00:08:14,952
Okay, Audrey. Thank you,
Audrey. That's just great.
106
00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:17,914
RUSTY: Look out,
Dad, here I come.
107
00:08:18,081 --> 00:08:19,665
CLARK: All right,
that's enough, Russ.
108
00:08:19,832 --> 00:08:21,876
Okay. Now, I think we're
moving towards...
109
00:08:22,043 --> 00:08:24,003
Thank you. Good shot, Audrey.
110
00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:26,714
Dad, I forgot. Why
aren't we flying?
111
00:08:26,881 --> 00:08:30,676
Why aren't we flying? Because getting
there is half the fun. You know that.
112
00:08:33,012 --> 00:08:35,598
I turned off the water, the
stove, the heat and the air.
113
00:08:35,765 --> 00:08:38,392
Locked the door, notified the
police, stopped the papers.
114
00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:39,977
I called to get the grass cut.
115
00:08:40,144 --> 00:08:42,688
Did I put the timers on
the living-room lights?
116
00:08:42,855 --> 00:08:44,690
Oh, and don't forget the mail.
117
00:08:44,857 --> 00:08:47,360
- Watch that elbow. Keep your arm straight.
- Bye!
118
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:49,112
[ALL CHATTERING]
119
00:08:49,278 --> 00:08:50,446
- Bye!
- CLARK: So long.
120
00:08:50,613 --> 00:08:54,992
MAN 1: Drive careful now, Clark. MAN
2: Watch out for the Indians, Clark.
121
00:08:55,159 --> 00:08:57,370
Watch those freeways.
122
00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:58,871
Oh, goodbye.
123
00:08:59,038 --> 00:09:00,832
ELLEN: Oh, I know I've
forgotten something.
124
00:09:01,791 --> 00:09:03,209
CLARK: Walley World,
here we come.
125
00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:04,710
[ENGINE STARTS]
126
00:09:15,304 --> 00:09:17,223
CLARK & ELLEN
[SINGING]:
Mockingbird, tell me
127
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:20,351
- Everybody have you heard?
- Have you heard?
128
00:09:20,518 --> 00:09:24,730
- He's gonna buy me a mockingbird
- He's gonna buy me a mockingbird
129
00:09:24,897 --> 00:09:28,818
- And if that mockingbird don't sing
- And if that mockingbird don't sing
130
00:09:28,985 --> 00:09:33,030
- He's gonna buy me a diamond ring
- He's gonna buy me a diamond ring
131
00:09:33,197 --> 00:09:37,451
- And if that diamond ring don't shine
- If that diamond ring don't shine
132
00:09:37,618 --> 00:09:41,497
- He's gonna surely break this heart of
mine - It's gonna break this heart of mine
133
00:09:41,664 --> 00:09:46,252
- And that's why I keep on singin' in your ear
- And that's why, yes indeed, oh, yes indeed
134
00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:49,297
Ya y, ya y, whoa-oh-oh
135
00:09:49,463 --> 00:09:51,757
- CLARK: Come on, kids.
- We don't know any of your songs.
136
00:09:51,924 --> 00:09:54,927
- Dad, is that made-up? It sounds made-up.
- CLARK: Okay, I got one.
137
00:09:55,094 --> 00:09:59,432
How about The Walley World
National Anthem? Huh?
138
00:10:00,224 --> 00:10:01,726
- Okay, okay, you start.
- Ahem.
139
00:10:01,893 --> 00:10:05,521
ALL [SINGING]: Who's the
moosiest moose we know?
140
00:10:05,688 --> 00:10:06,856
Marty Moose
141
00:10:07,023 --> 00:10:10,401
Who's the star of our
favorite show? Marty Moose
142
00:10:10,568 --> 00:10:13,863
"M" is for merry
We're merry, you see
143
00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:17,575
"O" is for oh, gosh
Oh, golly, oh gee
144
00:10:17,742 --> 00:10:21,204
"S" is for super-swell
family glee
145
00:10:21,370 --> 00:10:25,166
"E" is for everything
you want to be
146
00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:29,170
M-A-R-T-Y
147
00:10:29,337 --> 00:10:33,049
M-O-O-S-E
148
00:10:33,216 --> 00:10:34,508
What's that spell?
149
00:10:34,675 --> 00:10:37,178
Marty Moose, Marty
Moose, Marty Moose
150
00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:38,471
Yuck!
151
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:39,805
That's me.
152
00:10:39,972 --> 00:10:41,807
[IMITATES MOOSE LAUGH]
153
00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:44,185
CARL: All right.
That's more like it.
154
00:10:44,352 --> 00:10:45,561
Here's one you don't know.
155
00:10:45,728 --> 00:10:48,814
We used to sing it when you were
kids. You're gonna like this. Ah...
156
00:10:48,981 --> 00:10:50,901
BOTH [SINGING]: Jimmy crack
corn and I don't care
157
00:10:51,067 --> 00:10:53,069
Jimmy crack corn
and I don't care
158
00:10:53,236 --> 00:10:54,987
Jimmy crack corn
159
00:11:13,297 --> 00:11:16,259
[SINGING] Swing low
160
00:11:16,425 --> 00:11:19,679
Sweet chariot
161
00:11:20,596 --> 00:11:22,556
Comin' for to carry me home
162
00:11:22,723 --> 00:11:25,518
Swing low, chariot
163
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:28,271
I looked over Jordan
and what did I see
164
00:11:28,437 --> 00:11:30,439
Comin' for to carry me home
165
00:11:30,606 --> 00:11:32,358
Band of angels comin'
166
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:34,110
What smells in here, honey?
167
00:11:35,111 --> 00:11:37,113
Russ. Russ. Your feet.
168
00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:37,048
Clark, isn't this the gas tank?
169
00:12:37,214 --> 00:12:38,591
Yes, I know, honey.
170
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:42,720
Get in the car. I'm just
fixing the license plate here.
171
00:12:48,059 --> 00:12:49,310
CLARK: Hey, see that, kids?
172
00:12:49,477 --> 00:12:52,605
That's the St. Louis Arch.
The Gateway to the West.
173
00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:56,525
It's over 600-feet tall, and there's
an elevator all the way to the top.
174
00:12:56,692 --> 00:12:58,527
That's 60 stories to you and me.
175
00:12:58,694 --> 00:13:01,864
RUSTY: Wow, Dad, can we
go up on it? CLARK: No.
176
00:13:02,031 --> 00:13:03,699
Dad, what river is this?
177
00:13:03,866 --> 00:13:06,619
That's the Mississippi.
The mighty Mississip.
178
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:07,870
[CHUCKLES]
179
00:13:08,037 --> 00:13:11,874
The Old Miss. The Old Man.
180
00:13:12,041 --> 00:13:15,711
[SINGING IN DEEP
VOICE] Deep river
181
00:13:15,878 --> 00:13:21,133
My home is over Jordan
182
00:13:21,300 --> 00:13:23,761
ELLEN: Clark, I think
this is the wrong exit.
183
00:13:23,928 --> 00:13:26,972
CLARK: What's the difference, as
long as we get across the river?
184
00:13:36,148 --> 00:13:37,228
[SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE]
185
00:13:37,358 --> 00:13:39,527
Clark? What are you doing?
186
00:13:39,693 --> 00:13:42,488
- Just relax, Ellen.
- This is so dangerous.
187
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:45,449
We have no business being
in an area like this.
188
00:13:45,616 --> 00:13:46,826
Well, look at it this way.
189
00:13:46,992 --> 00:13:49,161
This is a part of America
we never get to see.
190
00:13:49,328 --> 00:13:51,330
- That's good.
- No, that's bad.
191
00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:54,750
I mean, we can't close our eyes
to the plight of the cities.
192
00:13:54,917 --> 00:13:57,461
Kids, you noticing
all this plight?
193
00:13:58,254 --> 00:14:00,339
This will just make us
appreciate what we have.
194
00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:02,007
[GUNSHOT THEN WOMAN SCREAMS]
195
00:14:02,174 --> 00:14:03,509
Roll them up.
196
00:14:10,599 --> 00:14:13,519
I'd better ask these fellas how
to get back on the expressway.
197
00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:17,565
Pardon me.
198
00:14:17,731 --> 00:14:21,026
I wonder if you could tell me how
to get back on the expressway?
199
00:14:21,193 --> 00:14:24,196
- Fuck your mama.
- Thank you very much.
200
00:14:28,951 --> 00:14:31,287
MAN 1: Hey, Darnell, check
out this Truckster.
201
00:14:31,454 --> 00:14:32,746
MAN 2: It's a Truckster.
202
00:14:32,913 --> 00:14:34,874
With a luggage rack.
203
00:14:37,376 --> 00:14:40,963
CLARK: Hey, excuse me,
homes? Heh-heh. Aha.
204
00:14:41,130 --> 00:14:44,300
What it is, bro. We're
from out of town.
205
00:14:44,467 --> 00:14:45,509
MAN 3: No shit?
206
00:14:45,926 --> 00:14:48,637
I'd really appreciate it if you
could give me directions...
207
00:14:48,804 --> 00:14:50,598
back onto the expressway.
208
00:14:50,764 --> 00:14:53,559
- What? For free?
- Sure.
209
00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:55,644
Five dollars.
210
00:14:55,811 --> 00:14:59,482
- I'm not gonna give you $5 for directions.
- I think that's fair, Clark.
211
00:15:02,234 --> 00:15:03,694
Okay. Here's $10.
212
00:15:03,861 --> 00:15:05,738
Thank you.
213
00:15:06,447 --> 00:15:07,781
[METALLIC CLANGING]
214
00:15:07,948 --> 00:15:08,991
Keep the change.
215
00:15:09,158 --> 00:15:12,411
Okay. Now, you see which way
you're pointing, right?
216
00:15:12,578 --> 00:15:14,079
- Yeah.
- Yeah, okay, that's good.
217
00:15:14,246 --> 00:15:15,664
Because, you see that place?
218
00:15:15,831 --> 00:15:19,043
- Yeah.
- Uh-huh. You see where it say, "Rib Tips"?
219
00:15:19,210 --> 00:15:20,419
- Rib Tips.
- Mm-hm. Fuck that.
220
00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:22,379
You don't want to go that way.
221
00:15:22,546 --> 00:15:24,507
I wonder if these guys
know the Commodores.
222
00:15:24,673 --> 00:15:27,176
You gonna go all the way
down about half a block...
223
00:15:27,343 --> 00:15:29,929
and you'll see a Torino
with no wheels on it.
224
00:15:30,095 --> 00:15:33,015
Inside that Torino is
my cousin, Jackie.
225
00:15:33,182 --> 00:15:35,434
You tell him that you're
my boy, and you're lost.
226
00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:37,603
He'll make sure you get
where you're going.
227
00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:40,689
You don't want to know from me.
This ain't my neighborhood.
228
00:15:40,856 --> 00:15:43,567
I'm from the west side of
Chicago, here on vacation.
229
00:15:43,734 --> 00:15:46,278
CLARK: Thanks a lot.
You've been a great help.
230
00:15:53,452 --> 00:15:54,912
- Honey?
- Hmm.
231
00:15:56,830 --> 00:15:58,749
This reminds me of the
time in college...
232
00:15:58,916 --> 00:16:01,794
when we drove down to Fort
Lauderdale in my Austin-Healy.
233
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:05,464
I haven't thought about
that for a long time.
234
00:16:06,757 --> 00:16:08,884
Remember what we did in the car?
235
00:16:09,051 --> 00:16:12,263
It's amazing we didn't
get in an accident.
236
00:16:12,429 --> 00:16:14,056
Want to relive a fond memory?
237
00:16:14,223 --> 00:16:16,100
Are you serious?
238
00:16:16,267 --> 00:16:18,519
- No.
- Why not?
239
00:16:18,686 --> 00:16:21,230
Because, that's why.
240
00:16:22,231 --> 00:16:23,482
The kids are asleep.
241
00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:27,903
Let's just wait until
we get to a motel.
242
00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:34,493
Okay, we'll wait. I gotta find
the best one on the road.
243
00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:36,829
Do you want to put
your head in my lap?
244
00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:38,998
That's not what I was thinking.
245
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:43,544
The wheel. Let me get this.
246
00:16:43,711 --> 00:16:46,255
There you go, move
it out of your way.
247
00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:48,048
Comfy?
248
00:16:50,092 --> 00:16:51,510
Clark?
249
00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:54,179
Clark, my head's stuck.
250
00:16:57,224 --> 00:16:59,268
Clark, quit kidding
around. It hurts.
251
00:16:59,435 --> 00:17:00,894
It's stuck.
252
00:17:01,061 --> 00:17:03,731
Cut it out.
253
00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:07,985
I know what you're trying to
do, and I think it's sick.
254
00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:11,739
The wheel's stuck.
255
00:17:13,365 --> 00:17:15,159
That was a dirty trick.
256
00:17:15,326 --> 00:17:16,994
The damn wheel is
all screwed up.
257
00:17:17,161 --> 00:17:19,622
You're tired. You get
weird when you get tired.
258
00:17:19,788 --> 00:17:23,792
Let's just find a motel. I
don't want you dozing off.
259
00:17:23,959 --> 00:17:26,712
I'm not tired. Are you kidding?
260
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:29,715
I could go another
100 miles. Come on.
261
00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:31,717
No problem.
262
00:18:00,245 --> 00:18:02,247
[SNORING]
263
00:18:12,174 --> 00:18:14,885
[MAN MUTTERING]
264
00:18:15,552 --> 00:18:18,013
[HORN HONKING]
265
00:18:19,973 --> 00:18:21,183
[SNORING]
266
00:18:32,319 --> 00:18:33,779
[DOG YELPS]
267
00:18:34,738 --> 00:18:36,490
[HORN HONKS]
268
00:18:39,034 --> 00:18:44,498
Sparky, why don't you turn
off the TV and come to bed?
269
00:18:45,624 --> 00:18:47,751
Okay, honey.
270
00:18:50,254 --> 00:18:51,296
[SCREAMS]
271
00:19:07,187 --> 00:19:09,857
Well, up and at
them. We're here.
272
00:19:31,295 --> 00:19:32,504
Oh!
273
00:19:32,671 --> 00:19:34,381
[IMITATES "PSYCHO" THEME]
274
00:19:34,548 --> 00:19:36,341
Clark.
275
00:19:36,842 --> 00:19:39,678
- Can I do your back, honey?
- I've already done my back.
276
00:19:39,845 --> 00:19:41,221
Can I do your front?
277
00:19:41,388 --> 00:19:43,182
Go do your own front.
278
00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:51,523
You know Clark, maybe we should
call Catherine and Eddie...
279
00:19:51,690 --> 00:19:55,486
and tell them that we won't be
in until tomorrow afternoon.
280
00:19:55,652 --> 00:19:57,070
Afternoon?
281
00:19:57,237 --> 00:20:00,908
If we're not there by 10:00 a.m., it's
gonna throw the schedule completely off.
282
00:20:01,074 --> 00:20:03,035
I planned everything
very carefully...
283
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:06,705
so we'd be at Walley World
first thing Saturday morning.
284
00:20:07,998 --> 00:20:11,168
Sparky, I know how much
this trip means to you...
285
00:20:11,335 --> 00:20:14,505
and that you want all of
us to have a great time...
286
00:20:14,671 --> 00:20:17,382
but it's a long way
to Walley World.
287
00:20:17,549 --> 00:20:22,137
And I think it'd be easier on all
of us if you'd just try to relax.
288
00:20:24,264 --> 00:20:26,683
I'm way ahead of you, honey.
289
00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:34,733
[CHUCKLES] on.
290
00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:36,568
When did you get these?
291
00:20:36,735 --> 00:20:39,238
I have my little secrets.
292
00:20:42,407 --> 00:20:44,701
- What a nice thought.
- Mm.
293
00:20:49,623 --> 00:20:50,666
[GIGGLES]
294
00:20:50,833 --> 00:20:52,626
Don't drink yet.
295
00:20:52,918 --> 00:20:54,419
[CLEARS THROAT]
296
00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:01,426
Ready for this?
297
00:21:02,928 --> 00:21:04,096
[BED RATTLING]
298
00:21:07,391 --> 00:21:12,271
Ahh... I'd like to propose
a toast, if I may.
299
00:21:12,437 --> 00:21:16,108
Here's to a very
restful vacation.
300
00:21:17,442 --> 00:21:20,237
Here's to a very
relaxing vacation...
301
00:21:20,404 --> 00:21:22,990
a renewed love affair...
302
00:21:24,616 --> 00:21:28,036
and a time ofjoy
with our babies.
303
00:21:28,203 --> 00:21:30,205
[BED SQUEAKING &
RATTLING INTENSIFYING]
304
00:21:31,915 --> 00:21:33,834
You know, honey, I
never told you this.
305
00:21:34,001 --> 00:21:36,253
I know it's been a
rough beginning.
306
00:21:36,420 --> 00:21:38,463
I think there's
something wrong here.
307
00:21:38,630 --> 00:21:41,258
It's the bed. It will
slow up in a second.
308
00:21:41,633 --> 00:21:45,387
I got it. Hold on
to this. Enjoy it.
309
00:21:46,263 --> 00:21:49,057
- Clark, what are you doing?
- Let's try this, my darling.
310
00:21:49,224 --> 00:21:51,310
Aha.
311
00:21:51,476 --> 00:21:53,687
Now we're talking.
312
00:21:53,854 --> 00:21:56,481
We haven't done this
for a long time.
313
00:21:56,648 --> 00:21:57,774
[CLARK CHUCKLES]
314
00:21:57,941 --> 00:21:59,276
[ELLEN MOANS]
315
00:21:59,651 --> 00:22:02,154
ELLEN: Oh. Clark.
316
00:22:02,404 --> 00:22:04,531
- What's that noise?
- What's going on?
317
00:22:04,698 --> 00:22:08,410
Hey. Don't you kids
knock anymore?
318
00:22:08,952 --> 00:22:11,455
Sorry, we thought you were
fighting or something.
319
00:22:11,622 --> 00:22:13,916
Nobody is fighting in here.
320
00:22:14,541 --> 00:22:15,667
[RATTLING & SQUEAKING STOPS]
321
00:22:15,834 --> 00:22:17,210
It's very late.
322
00:22:17,377 --> 00:22:18,712
RUSTY: Where is Morn?
323
00:22:18,879 --> 00:22:20,631
ELLEN: I'm under here, kids.
324
00:22:20,797 --> 00:22:22,841
Go back to bed.
325
00:22:23,216 --> 00:22:25,344
Go back to bed, now. Rusty.
326
00:22:25,510 --> 00:22:27,095
The bed was very soft.
327
00:22:27,262 --> 00:22:29,556
Weird-o-rama.
328
00:22:29,723 --> 00:22:31,350
Really.
329
00:22:33,685 --> 00:22:37,230
CLARK: This is the street Wyatt
Earp used to keep law and order on.
330
00:22:37,397 --> 00:22:39,816
ELLEN: It seems kind
of dirty and touristy.
331
00:22:39,983 --> 00:22:42,194
CLARK: Oh, Ellen, the
Old West was dirty.
332
00:22:42,361 --> 00:22:45,030
Everything isn't like home. If
everything were like home...
333
00:22:45,197 --> 00:22:47,199
there'd be no reason
for leaving. Right?
334
00:22:47,366 --> 00:22:49,034
RUSTY: Oh, yeah,
Dad. This is great.
335
00:22:49,201 --> 00:22:53,121
- You know, I'm glad we didn't go
to Hawaii. CLARK: I'll bet you are.
336
00:22:57,250 --> 00:22:59,419
Okay. Kids!
337
00:22:59,586 --> 00:23:02,381
Let's go get a drink. What do
you say? Here you go, champ.
338
00:23:02,589 --> 00:23:04,049
[CHUCKLES]
339
00:23:05,050 --> 00:23:06,468
Well.
340
00:23:09,554 --> 00:23:11,098
Howdy, city slickers.
341
00:23:11,264 --> 00:23:14,810
Welcome to the Long Branch. No
fighting, no cussing, no gunslinging.
342
00:23:14,977 --> 00:23:18,897
Watch what you say to our
bartender. He's an ornery cuss.
343
00:23:19,106 --> 00:23:20,899
- Thank you, Sheriff.
- Marshal.
344
00:23:21,066 --> 00:23:22,567
CLARK: Oh. Sorry.
345
00:23:22,734 --> 00:23:23,986
It's no sweat.
346
00:23:24,152 --> 00:23:26,071
Give me five, partner.
347
00:23:29,866 --> 00:23:32,869
That guy was a crummy Wyatt Earp.
He's wearing jogging shoes.
348
00:23:33,036 --> 00:23:34,496
They used to, Rusty.
349
00:23:34,663 --> 00:23:38,125
Hey, Knucklehead. Set us up
with four redeyes, will you?
350
00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:41,920
Hey, yellow-belly.
I'm talking to you.
351
00:23:44,172 --> 00:23:45,757
[CHUCKLES]
352
00:23:45,924 --> 00:23:48,760
Hey, tenderfoot. Move your
chicken wings, turkey.
353
00:23:48,927 --> 00:23:50,846
[LAUGHING]
354
00:23:55,142 --> 00:23:57,144
Clark. That's not nice.
355
00:23:57,310 --> 00:23:59,855
It's all part of the act, hon.
356
00:24:00,022 --> 00:24:01,398
Hey, underpants.
357
00:24:01,565 --> 00:24:03,191
Hey, yellow...
358
00:24:04,317 --> 00:24:05,944
ELLEN: Clark!
359
00:24:06,403 --> 00:24:08,405
I'm okay. I'm okay.
360
00:24:08,572 --> 00:24:09,906
I'm all right.
361
00:24:10,073 --> 00:24:11,283
[LAUGHS]
362
00:24:11,450 --> 00:24:16,038
I don't think that's very funny. A noise
like that could impair the kids' hearing.
363
00:24:16,204 --> 00:24:18,081
Oh, come on.
364
00:24:18,248 --> 00:24:21,585
It was real. It looked real, didn't it?
Hell, I thought it was a real gun.
365
00:24:21,752 --> 00:24:23,795
Didn't it look real
when I fell down, hon?
366
00:24:23,962 --> 00:24:25,839
- What?
- Didn't it look real, sweetie?
367
00:24:26,006 --> 00:24:28,508
- What?
- Are you happy now, Clark?
368
00:24:28,675 --> 00:24:30,844
- She's deaf.
- What's the difference?
369
00:24:31,011 --> 00:24:33,638
It was fun anyway. Let's have
a drink. What do you say?
370
00:24:33,805 --> 00:24:35,140
Pardon me, sir?
371
00:24:40,395 --> 00:24:43,065
Catherine said we
just stay on 50.
372
00:24:43,231 --> 00:24:45,859
Well, I was thinking about
shooting over to 54...
373
00:24:46,026 --> 00:24:48,195
- and zipping down to Liberal.
- What for?
374
00:24:48,361 --> 00:24:50,447
- The House of Mud.
- What's the House of Mud?
375
00:24:50,614 --> 00:24:54,201
It's only the largest freestanding
mud dwelling ever built, that's all.
376
00:24:54,367 --> 00:24:57,579
You see, kids, the pioneers didn't
have bricks, so they used mud.
377
00:24:57,746 --> 00:25:00,332
They didn't use mud,
they used sod, Dad.
378
00:25:00,499 --> 00:25:03,418
Right, Audrey, and when they
ran out of sod, they used mud.
379
00:25:03,585 --> 00:25:06,797
Clark, let's just skip
the House of Mud.
380
00:25:06,963 --> 00:25:09,591
I think Dodge City was
enough for one day.
381
00:25:09,758 --> 00:25:13,386
Besides, Catherine and
Eddie are expecting us.
382
00:25:14,221 --> 00:25:15,806
It's living history, Ellen.
383
00:25:15,972 --> 00:25:18,391
But if you'd rather
see your cousins...
384
00:25:18,558 --> 00:25:19,768
it's okay by me.
385
00:25:19,935 --> 00:25:22,646
Personally, I'd rather see
a pile of mud than Eddie.
386
00:25:22,813 --> 00:25:25,524
- Knock it off.
- ELLEN: What's going on'?
387
00:25:25,690 --> 00:25:27,984
Rusty is licking his hand
and touching me with it.
388
00:25:28,151 --> 00:25:30,362
Clark, tell Rusty
to behave himself.
389
00:25:30,529 --> 00:25:32,155
Rusty, behave yourself.
390
00:25:32,322 --> 00:25:35,534
Audrey's eating peanut butter and
smiling with it all over her teeth.
391
00:25:35,700 --> 00:25:37,786
Audrey, eat with
your mouth closed.
392
00:25:37,953 --> 00:25:41,706
- No eating in the car, kids.
- You suck, you know that?
393
00:25:41,873 --> 00:25:45,168
- Retard.
- I am trying to concentrate on the road.
394
00:25:56,888 --> 00:25:58,265
RUSTY: What did you say?
395
00:25:58,431 --> 00:25:59,599
[ELLEN TALKING INDISTINCTLY]
396
00:25:59,766 --> 00:26:03,395
ELLEN: Stop it, both of you.
Just give me the peanut butter.
397
00:26:09,025 --> 00:26:11,486
AUDREY: He started it! ELLEN:
I don't care who started it!
398
00:26:11,653 --> 00:26:13,613
[KIDS & ELLEN ARGUING]
399
00:26:13,780 --> 00:26:15,140
ELLEN: I don't care
who started it.
400
00:26:15,282 --> 00:26:18,201
I don't want to hear another
word out of either one of you.
401
00:26:28,128 --> 00:26:30,755
Clark, you're doing
80 miles an hour.
402
00:26:30,922 --> 00:26:33,758
- Doesn't seem like it, does it?
- Slow down.
403
00:26:34,843 --> 00:26:37,429
I don't know why. We're
making good time.
404
00:26:39,890 --> 00:26:43,435
[SINGING] Love for sale
405
00:26:43,602 --> 00:26:45,896
Appetizing, yummy love for sale
406
00:27:01,453 --> 00:27:02,829
[DOG BARKING]
407
00:27:02,996 --> 00:27:05,207
CATHERINE: Oh, they're
here. Eddie, come on.
408
00:27:05,373 --> 00:27:08,293
Oh, I can't believe
it. It's been an age!
409
00:27:08,460 --> 00:27:11,046
ELLEN: I never thought we'd
get out here, you look great!
410
00:27:11,213 --> 00:27:14,382
- Eddie, get down here.
- Eddie, you look terrific.
411
00:27:14,549 --> 00:27:16,968
- Ellen, how are you?
- I never thought you'd get here.
412
00:27:17,135 --> 00:27:18,845
ELLEN: Good to see you.
413
00:27:19,012 --> 00:27:22,515
Come and meet your second
cousins. Look how they've grown.
414
00:27:22,682 --> 00:27:25,018
And you have lost
weight, Catherine.
415
00:27:25,185 --> 00:27:27,854
Yeah, added a few more
mouths to the litter.
416
00:27:28,021 --> 00:27:29,189
[CLARK & EDDIE CHUCKLING]
417
00:27:29,356 --> 00:27:33,485
Let's see. Rusty and Audrey,
cousins Vicki and Dale.
418
00:27:33,652 --> 00:27:38,156
- Hi.
- And this is Eddie Junior and this is Junior.
419
00:27:38,323 --> 00:27:41,159
And this little moppet on
my skirts is Daisy-Mabel.
420
00:27:41,326 --> 00:27:43,578
Well. How old are
you, little one?
421
00:27:43,745 --> 00:27:46,998
- She was born without a tongue, Clark.
- CLARK: Ooh.
422
00:27:47,165 --> 00:27:50,335
But don't worry about her. She whistles
like a bird and eats like a horse.
423
00:27:50,502 --> 00:27:52,003
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
424
00:27:52,170 --> 00:27:55,131
Take your little guests out back
and show them your worm farm.
425
00:27:55,298 --> 00:27:58,009
Go on, scoot. Ellen,
come in the house.
426
00:27:58,176 --> 00:28:02,013
- I've got so much to tell you.
- Look at the flowers. I love them.
427
00:28:04,349 --> 00:28:06,977
Oh, boy. Look at that car.
428
00:28:07,143 --> 00:28:09,271
Yeah, that's the
Family Truckster.
429
00:28:09,437 --> 00:28:13,191
Boy, she's a beaut. I
like those green walls.
430
00:28:13,358 --> 00:28:16,194
We had some trouble
in St. Louis.
431
00:28:16,778 --> 00:28:20,490
So you're looking really...
432
00:28:20,657 --> 00:28:22,158
fit.
433
00:28:23,159 --> 00:28:25,537
This is the old homestead, huh?
434
00:28:26,579 --> 00:28:27,622
[SIGHS]
435
00:28:27,789 --> 00:28:31,668
Yeah, I don't know for
how long, though.
436
00:28:31,835 --> 00:28:35,213
The bank's been after me
like flies on a rib roast.
437
00:28:35,380 --> 00:28:37,841
Yeah. I know the feeling.
438
00:28:38,842 --> 00:28:40,427
Fuck it.
439
00:28:45,390 --> 00:28:47,892
- I bet you could use a cool one, huh?
- Now you're talking.
440
00:28:48,059 --> 00:28:50,061
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
441
00:28:58,903 --> 00:29:02,324
I'm going steady.
And I French kiss.
442
00:29:03,199 --> 00:29:07,370
- So? Everyone does that.
- Yeah, but Daddy says I'm the best at it.
443
00:29:11,249 --> 00:29:12,876
Want a worm?
444
00:29:13,043 --> 00:29:14,919
No, thanks.
445
00:29:15,795 --> 00:29:17,630
Hey, you got Pas-Man?
446
00:29:18,590 --> 00:29:19,674
No.
447
00:29:19,841 --> 00:29:22,093
You got Space Invaders?
448
00:29:22,594 --> 00:29:24,054
Nope.
449
00:29:24,637 --> 00:29:27,849
- You got Asteroids?
- No, but my dad does.
450
00:29:28,016 --> 00:29:30,852
He can't even sit on
the toilet some days.
451
00:29:33,521 --> 00:29:35,857
So, what do you do here, Dale?
452
00:29:36,024 --> 00:29:37,442
Well...
453
00:29:38,443 --> 00:29:40,653
I got a stack of nudie
books this high.
454
00:29:42,530 --> 00:29:45,241
Oh, she's beautiful.
455
00:29:48,620 --> 00:29:53,792
- Would you sell me any of them?
- Shit, no. I cherish these things.
456
00:29:55,168 --> 00:29:56,711
I use them a lot.
457
00:29:59,047 --> 00:30:00,548
How do you use a magazine?
458
00:30:00,715 --> 00:30:03,468
I was getting to that.
459
00:30:03,635 --> 00:30:07,847
A guy taught me something
really neat last year.
460
00:30:08,890 --> 00:30:10,308
Did you ever bop your baloney?
461
00:30:14,354 --> 00:30:16,356
[HUMMING]
462
00:30:17,440 --> 00:30:19,901
I guess we're 11, aren't we?
463
00:30:20,068 --> 00:30:24,656
- No, we're 12 with Aunt Edna.
- Aunt Edna? She's still alive?
464
00:30:24,823 --> 00:30:26,282
Oh, you bet.
465
00:30:26,449 --> 00:30:30,245
I can't wait to see the look on
Clark's face when he hears that.
466
00:30:30,412 --> 00:30:33,665
Well, she came to help out when
Eddie ruptured his spleen...
467
00:30:33,832 --> 00:30:36,167
and she's been with
us ever since.
468
00:30:36,334 --> 00:30:38,795
She wanted to go back to
Phoenix a year ago...
469
00:30:38,962 --> 00:30:40,964
but Eddie wouldn't let her.
470
00:30:41,965 --> 00:30:46,386
Frankly, without her Social Security,
we'd never be able to live like this.
471
00:30:48,513 --> 00:30:52,058
Gee, Cath, it looks like you've
really got your hands full.
472
00:30:52,225 --> 00:30:55,061
Oh, it's not so bad.
473
00:30:55,228 --> 00:30:58,773
Eddie says after the baby comes,
I can quit one of my night jobs.
474
00:31:03,611 --> 00:31:05,363
How do you like yours, Clark?
475
00:31:05,530 --> 00:31:07,824
Oh, medium-rare, a
little pink inside.
476
00:31:07,991 --> 00:31:10,326
No, your bun. Light or dark?
477
00:31:10,493 --> 00:31:13,204
Oh. Either way, it
doesn't matter.
478
00:31:14,414 --> 00:31:17,917
Vicki, can I help you with
that Kool-Aid? Please?
479
00:31:18,376 --> 00:31:20,211
EDDIE: Mm-mm-mm.
480
00:31:20,378 --> 00:31:25,175
I don't know why they call this stuff Hamburger
Helper. It does just fine by itself.
481
00:31:25,341 --> 00:31:29,137
I like it better than Tuna
Helper myself. Don't you, Clark?
482
00:31:29,304 --> 00:31:32,182
You're the gourmet
around here, Ed. Heh.
483
00:31:37,228 --> 00:31:38,521
No meat in this?
484
00:31:38,688 --> 00:31:42,525
You get plenty of meat at home.
Be polite. Have some ketchup.
485
00:31:47,197 --> 00:31:48,907
Real tomato ketchup, Eddie?
486
00:31:49,073 --> 00:31:51,242
Nothing but the best.
487
00:31:51,409 --> 00:31:52,452
[CHUCKLES]
488
00:31:52,619 --> 00:31:55,830
Aunt Edna. Helper's
getting cold.
489
00:31:57,582 --> 00:31:59,626
Is that your Aunt Edna?
490
00:32:07,759 --> 00:32:12,972
ELLEN: Aunt Edna. After all these
years. You're looking so good.
491
00:32:17,060 --> 00:32:19,687
CLARK: Hi, Edna. Nice
to see you again.
492
00:32:20,355 --> 00:32:22,982
You remember Clark, don't you?
493
00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:28,446
You were the ones who sent me
the fruitcake for Christmas.
494
00:32:28,613 --> 00:32:31,157
It made me so sick.
495
00:32:31,616 --> 00:32:35,036
I'm sorry. We thought
you enjoyed fruitcake.
496
00:32:35,203 --> 00:32:37,789
You enjoy throwing up every
five minutes, Claude?
497
00:32:37,956 --> 00:32:41,125
- Clark.
- I thought so.
498
00:32:41,501 --> 00:32:45,588
Well, am I going to eat or
am I gonna starve to death?
499
00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:50,134
Catherine.
500
00:32:50,301 --> 00:32:53,930
Did you tell Clark and
Ellen the good news?
501
00:32:54,097 --> 00:32:56,516
No. I was just about to.
502
00:32:56,683 --> 00:32:58,726
Catherine, what's the good news?
503
00:32:58,893 --> 00:33:02,230
You're driving me to Phoenix.
504
00:33:05,608 --> 00:33:08,611
[POP MUSIC PLAYING OVER RADIO]
505
00:33:13,992 --> 00:33:16,452
Junior Pig Competition?
506
00:33:16,995 --> 00:33:18,663
You won this for raising a pig?
507
00:33:18,830 --> 00:33:21,416
Yeah. First Place.
508
00:33:21,583 --> 00:33:24,377
Does anybody know about it?
509
00:33:24,544 --> 00:33:25,795
Everybody knows.
510
00:33:27,171 --> 00:33:32,343
Vicki, don't get offended, but being
a farmer is not too cool, you know.
511
00:33:34,137 --> 00:33:35,972
Oh, yeah?
512
00:33:36,264 --> 00:33:40,101
Well, how cool...
513
00:33:40,268 --> 00:33:41,978
is this?
514
00:33:49,027 --> 00:33:53,323
I'm real glad that things are
going good for you, Clark.
515
00:33:55,533 --> 00:33:57,118
Mm-hm. Tsk.
516
00:33:57,285 --> 00:34:02,874
I got laid off when they closed
that asbestos factory. Ahem.
517
00:34:03,041 --> 00:34:04,751
And now, wouldn't you know it...
518
00:34:04,917 --> 00:34:07,003
the Army cut my
disability pension...
519
00:34:07,170 --> 00:34:12,175
because they said the plate in
my head wasn't big enough. Shoo.
520
00:34:15,470 --> 00:34:18,806
Eddie, Clark and Ellen don't
want to hear about our troubles.
521
00:34:18,973 --> 00:34:20,433
No, no. It's very interesting.
522
00:34:20,600 --> 00:34:23,645
Why don't you just ask him
for the money, Eddie?
523
00:34:23,811 --> 00:34:25,647
He sure as hell
can't take a hint.
524
00:34:26,439 --> 00:34:30,610
Well, I didn't want to ask
you, Clark, you know, but...
525
00:34:30,777 --> 00:34:34,489
Could you, maybe, spare
a little extra cash?
526
00:34:34,656 --> 00:34:36,699
Sure, Eddie.
527
00:34:36,908 --> 00:34:38,368
[CHUCKLES]
528
00:34:41,120 --> 00:34:42,705
How much do you need?
529
00:34:42,872 --> 00:34:44,874
About $52,000.
530
00:34:48,169 --> 00:34:50,505
Goodbye, baby.
531
00:34:50,672 --> 00:34:52,507
And you'll send those checks?
532
00:34:52,674 --> 00:34:54,801
- All taken care of.
- Okay.
533
00:34:54,967 --> 00:34:58,429
- Okay, let's go. Come on, Edna.
- Lay off, lay off.
534
00:34:59,347 --> 00:35:01,432
Well, gotta be going.
535
00:35:01,599 --> 00:35:04,102
- What's this?
- This is for you, Clark.
536
00:35:04,268 --> 00:35:06,020
Oh, what is it?
537
00:35:06,187 --> 00:35:09,607
- Gift.
- You didn't have to buy me a gift, Eddie.
538
00:35:09,774 --> 00:35:11,067
Oh, go on, open it.
539
00:35:11,234 --> 00:35:12,610
Oh.
540
00:35:14,278 --> 00:35:16,864
Oh, Eddie, you shouldn't have.
541
00:35:17,031 --> 00:35:19,784
- You really shouldn't have.
- RUSTY: Those are great, Dad.
542
00:35:19,951 --> 00:35:22,495
- Quiet down, Russ.
- EDDIE: Try them on.
543
00:35:22,662 --> 00:35:24,330
No, I don't want
to get them dirty.
544
00:35:24,497 --> 00:35:26,624
I told you he wouldn't
like them, Eddie.
545
00:35:27,709 --> 00:35:29,377
- CLARK: I love them.
- I knew you did...
546
00:35:29,544 --> 00:35:33,131
because the last time I saw you you
remarked about how much you liked mine.
547
00:35:33,297 --> 00:35:36,551
- Well, I guess we'd better be going.
- Yeah.
548
00:35:36,718 --> 00:35:38,136
- Whew.
- Ha-ha.
549
00:35:38,302 --> 00:35:39,387
- Bye, Eddie.
- Bye, Ellen.
550
00:35:39,554 --> 00:35:42,932
- Bye, Clark. It's was great having you here.
- Goodbye. Thank you. Okay.
551
00:35:43,891 --> 00:35:46,519
Here he is, Uncle Clark,
all walked and everything.
552
00:35:46,686 --> 00:35:48,187
What is this? A dog?
553
00:35:48,354 --> 00:35:51,607
He's Aunt Edna's. His name is
Dinky. He watches Family Feud.
554
00:35:52,316 --> 00:35:54,652
Oh. Hi, how are
you, little fellow?
555
00:35:54,819 --> 00:35:56,154
[G ROWLS THEN BARKS]
556
00:35:56,320 --> 00:35:57,822
Easy.
557
00:35:58,072 --> 00:36:01,701
Yeah. You folks didn't get
to meet Dinky last night.
558
00:36:01,868 --> 00:36:04,120
He had the shits, so
he slept in the barn.
559
00:36:04,495 --> 00:36:08,332
Ah. Well, great. Better make some
space for him in the back. Come on.
560
00:36:08,499 --> 00:36:09,500
[GROWLING]
561
00:36:09,667 --> 00:36:12,628
Ow! No. No. Sit, sit.
Roll over. Come on, heel.
562
00:36:12,795 --> 00:36:16,340
- Here. Have a good trip.
- Thanks, Vic.
563
00:36:16,966 --> 00:36:18,968
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
564
00:36:22,638 --> 00:36:27,477
CATHERINE: Bye! Bye, kids,
bye, Aunt Edna. Bye-bye!
565
00:36:44,035 --> 00:36:46,788
Look at these sandwiches.
Here, Aunt Edna.
566
00:36:46,954 --> 00:36:48,539
EDNA: Thank you.
567
00:36:48,831 --> 00:36:50,208
Audrey.
568
00:36:51,167 --> 00:36:54,212
Oh, Rusty, stop playing with the
dog and come and have some lunch.
569
00:36:54,378 --> 00:36:56,380
[DOG GROWLING]
570
00:36:59,926 --> 00:37:01,469
Oh, Clark, look.
571
00:37:01,636 --> 00:37:04,722
Your favorite,
baloney and cheese.
572
00:37:07,600 --> 00:37:09,852
And what should I have?
573
00:37:10,019 --> 00:37:14,023
Maybe some fruit or
something like that.
574
00:38:18,504 --> 00:38:20,673
Mom, my sandwich is all wet.
575
00:38:20,840 --> 00:38:22,717
Well, they're all wet.
576
00:38:23,551 --> 00:38:27,930
Oh, God. The dog went
on the picnic basket.
577
00:39:27,448 --> 00:39:29,033
Russ, look.
578
00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:31,869
Excellent. They have a pool.
579
00:39:32,787 --> 00:39:35,373
Aren't the woods beautiful?
580
00:39:36,082 --> 00:39:39,377
Clark. Dinkums needs a
long walk and a bath.
581
00:39:39,543 --> 00:39:42,171
Rusty, take care of Dinkums.
582
00:39:42,338 --> 00:39:45,383
- Dad, he bites.
- CLARK: Bite him back.
583
00:39:56,060 --> 00:39:58,062
[RINGING]
584
00:40:02,817 --> 00:40:06,779
- We'd like three tents for the night, please.
- All right. That'll be $37.
585
00:40:06,946 --> 00:40:09,073
Thirty-seven dollars
for three tents?
586
00:40:09,240 --> 00:40:10,574
Oh, they're very nice tents.
587
00:40:10,741 --> 00:40:14,078
And that price includes
scenery and wildlife fun.
588
00:40:16,080 --> 00:40:18,416
Oh, come on, Clark. It
seems like a nice place.
589
00:40:18,582 --> 00:40:21,293
It's got a pool and everything.
590
00:40:21,460 --> 00:40:24,046
- All right.
- Here you go.
591
00:40:24,213 --> 00:40:26,799
- Fill out that.
- CLARK: Mm-hm.
592
00:40:31,095 --> 00:40:34,056
Clark W. Griswold.
You want my street?
593
00:40:34,223 --> 00:40:35,266
Please.
594
00:40:35,433 --> 00:40:38,519
- What do you need my address for?
- We like to send out a mailer.
595
00:40:42,523 --> 00:40:44,608
AUDREY: I can't wait to
get in. RUSTY: Me, too.
596
00:40:44,775 --> 00:40:46,444
Get our bathing...
597
00:40:47,903 --> 00:40:49,238
Ugh.
598
00:40:49,530 --> 00:40:52,199
That's disgusting.
599
00:40:56,328 --> 00:40:58,539
Too cheap to pay for
a hotel room, huh?
600
00:41:00,791 --> 00:41:04,545
Ooh. Clark, this tent smells.
601
00:41:05,296 --> 00:41:06,589
Edna, this is your tent.
602
00:41:06,756 --> 00:41:08,758
[FLIES BUZZING]
603
00:41:24,648 --> 00:41:25,983
[COUGHING]
604
00:41:26,150 --> 00:41:28,152
ELLEN: Sp... Sparky.
605
00:41:28,319 --> 00:41:31,489
- This isn't very romantic.
- Isn't it?
606
00:41:31,655 --> 00:41:36,535
No, I don't think there's enough
room for two in this sleeping bag.
607
00:41:36,702 --> 00:41:39,497
Honey, right now, we're one.
608
00:41:39,663 --> 00:41:43,709
- One heart beating for two.
- Oh, Sparky.
609
00:41:43,876 --> 00:41:45,878
[GROWLING]
610
00:41:49,048 --> 00:41:51,592
Sparky, there's a wild animal.
611
00:41:51,759 --> 00:41:53,010
- Yeah.
- No.
612
00:41:53,177 --> 00:41:56,222
- I know, I'm gonna go for it, honey.
- Wild animal... No.
613
00:41:58,557 --> 00:42:01,310
Ow! Get off. Down. Go.
614
00:42:02,019 --> 00:42:04,480
I'm sorry, honey.
It's Dinky. Get off!
615
00:42:08,359 --> 00:42:10,152
I'll kill that dog.
616
00:42:10,861 --> 00:42:12,071
[SIGHS]
617
00:42:12,238 --> 00:42:13,697
I'm sorry.
618
00:42:14,073 --> 00:42:16,283
[GRUNTS]
619
00:42:19,203 --> 00:42:20,454
Ah.
620
00:42:21,205 --> 00:42:23,707
What do you say, honey? Uhn!
621
00:42:23,874 --> 00:42:27,002
In spite of all the little problems,
it really is fun, isn't it?
622
00:42:27,169 --> 00:42:28,504
No.
623
00:42:28,671 --> 00:42:32,049
But with every new day
there's fresh hope.
624
00:42:33,884 --> 00:42:35,970
Hey, kids, let's go.
625
00:42:36,137 --> 00:42:38,222
We're losing daylight here.
626
00:42:38,848 --> 00:42:40,224
Hey, did you walk him?
627
00:42:40,391 --> 00:42:43,018
Yeah. He took a big one
on Aunt Edna's blanket.
628
00:42:43,561 --> 00:42:45,855
- Good boy.
- EDNA: Help!
629
00:42:46,021 --> 00:42:48,315
Oh, boy. Go take care of Aunt
Edna. I'll take the leash.
630
00:42:48,482 --> 00:42:50,067
[DOG GROWLS THEN BARKS]
631
00:42:50,860 --> 00:42:52,820
CLARK: Uh-Oh, uh-oh.
632
00:42:52,987 --> 00:42:55,364
Roll over. Ow.
633
00:42:56,615 --> 00:42:57,658
Dinky.
634
00:42:58,075 --> 00:43:00,828
Ow! You're tearing my flesh!
635
00:43:00,995 --> 00:43:04,707
Good morning, Edna. Ah! No,
Dinky. Sit. Roll over.
636
00:43:05,749 --> 00:43:07,918
Ah. Ah, OW!
637
00:43:09,003 --> 00:43:10,045
Audrey, you're next.
638
00:43:10,212 --> 00:43:12,006
- No way, José.
- Hey, Audrey.
639
00:43:12,173 --> 00:43:13,382
[SNIFFS]
640
00:43:13,549 --> 00:43:14,592
What's the problem?
641
00:43:14,758 --> 00:43:18,554
Ma, I had to sit next to Aunt Edna
last time. She smells like mothballs.
642
00:43:18,721 --> 00:43:19,847
Anyway, it's her turn.
643
00:43:20,014 --> 00:43:23,934
For your information, Rusty slept
in his underpants last night.
644
00:43:24,101 --> 00:43:26,770
- Yeah, I did.
- Hey, hey, hey! Easy, kids. Cut it out.
645
00:43:26,937 --> 00:43:30,524
Everybody in the car, boat
leaves in two minutes.
646
00:43:30,691 --> 00:43:34,361
Or perhaps, you don't want to see the
second-largest ball of twine on earth.
647
00:43:34,528 --> 00:43:36,197
Which is only four
short hours away.
648
00:43:36,363 --> 00:43:37,990
[CHUCKLES]
649
00:43:42,536 --> 00:43:43,579
[RATTLING]
650
00:43:43,746 --> 00:43:45,623
Sweetie, do you
hear that rattle?
651
00:43:45,956 --> 00:43:48,792
- Where is it coming from?
- Beats the heck out of me.
652
00:43:48,959 --> 00:43:52,546
I've been looking for it ever since
we left. It's driving me crazy.
653
00:43:53,005 --> 00:43:55,633
RUSTY: God, Dad, check
it out behind you.
654
00:43:55,799 --> 00:43:57,676
Oh, shoot. Now
what have we done?
655
00:43:57,843 --> 00:43:58,886
[SIREN WAILING]
656
00:43:59,053 --> 00:44:00,638
- Will you hold my purse?
- Huh?
657
00:44:00,804 --> 00:44:02,973
Just hold my purse.
658
00:44:09,146 --> 00:44:10,147
[SIREN STOPS]
659
00:44:22,826 --> 00:44:24,995
Hello, officer.
What's the problem?
660
00:44:27,665 --> 00:44:29,708
Get out of the car.
661
00:44:36,423 --> 00:44:38,425
I don't think I was
speeding. Was I weaving?
662
00:44:38,592 --> 00:44:40,594
Shut your mouth, sir.
663
00:44:42,137 --> 00:44:45,724
If I wasn't in uniform, I'd split your
skull with the butt of this revolver...
664
00:44:45,891 --> 00:44:48,560
faster than you could
say "police brutality."
665
00:44:49,019 --> 00:44:52,481
Well, officer, whatever it is I've
done, I'm sure I can explain.
666
00:44:56,610 --> 00:44:59,071
Explain this, you
son of a bitch.
667
00:44:59,238 --> 00:45:01,156
Oh, my God.
668
00:45:02,408 --> 00:45:06,704
Do you know what the penalty for
animal cruelty is in this state?
669
00:45:06,870 --> 00:45:08,455
No, sir, I don't.
670
00:45:08,747 --> 00:45:10,207
Well...
671
00:45:10,874 --> 00:45:12,459
It's probably pretty stiff.
672
00:45:13,168 --> 00:45:15,921
You can't think I'd do
this on purpose, sir.
673
00:45:16,088 --> 00:45:19,758
Look, I tied him to the rear
bumper when I was packing the car.
674
00:45:19,925 --> 00:45:22,720
It was very confusing,
I must've forgot.
675
00:45:24,013 --> 00:45:26,598
I'm very sorry. I feel terrible.
676
00:45:27,182 --> 00:45:29,685
How do you think that
little dog feels?
677
00:45:31,603 --> 00:45:33,022
[SHIVERS]
678
00:45:34,356 --> 00:45:38,110
Look, I told you I was sorry.
It really was an accident.
679
00:45:39,653 --> 00:45:43,073
Yeah. I guess I can
buy that, sir.
680
00:45:43,240 --> 00:45:45,200
But it is a shame.
681
00:45:45,617 --> 00:45:48,495
I had a pooch like
this when I was a kid.
682
00:45:51,081 --> 00:45:52,361
[VOICE BREAKING]
Poor little guy.
683
00:45:52,499 --> 00:45:55,419
He probably kept up with
you for a mile or so.
684
00:45:56,712 --> 00:45:58,172
- Tough little mutt.
- Tough.
685
00:45:58,339 --> 00:46:00,549
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
686
00:46:08,474 --> 00:46:10,893
EDNA: I was afraid you'd
get pulled over, Clark.
687
00:46:11,060 --> 00:46:14,772
You've been exceeding the speed
limit for thousands of miles.
688
00:46:14,938 --> 00:46:17,775
Dad wasn't speeding. The cop
stopped us because Dad forgot...
689
00:46:17,941 --> 00:46:20,736
- He was speeding, Rusty.
- RUSTY: No, he wasn't, Mom.
690
00:46:20,903 --> 00:46:23,530
Russ! Listen to your
mother. I was speeding.
691
00:46:23,697 --> 00:46:25,074
I was driving like a maniac.
692
00:46:25,240 --> 00:46:27,743
We can all be grateful to
this man for stopping us.
693
00:46:27,910 --> 00:46:29,620
- You see, a car...
- Here's the leash.
694
00:46:29,787 --> 00:46:32,414
I'm going to get the rest of
the carcass off the road.
695
00:46:32,581 --> 00:46:34,333
- Thank you, officer.
- See you.
696
00:46:34,500 --> 00:46:36,085
Have a nice day.
697
00:46:36,835 --> 00:46:38,212
[EDNA WHIMPERING]
698
00:46:49,223 --> 00:46:51,934
EDNA: This your idea
of a good restaurant?
699
00:46:52,101 --> 00:46:54,186
Dog killer.
700
00:46:54,353 --> 00:46:56,647
ELLEN: I'm sure the
food is just fine.
701
00:46:56,814 --> 00:46:59,024
Uh-uh-uh. New car, I'll take it.
702
00:46:59,191 --> 00:47:00,551
WOMAN: Thank you.
CLARK: Thank you.
703
00:47:00,692 --> 00:47:03,779
Oh, kids. Oh, kids. Mm-mm.
704
00:47:06,824 --> 00:47:07,866
Waitress.
705
00:47:11,745 --> 00:47:13,747
[SNORING]
706
00:48:00,669 --> 00:48:01,712
[HORN HONKING]
707
00:48:10,679 --> 00:48:12,055
[EXCLAIMS]
708
00:48:18,061 --> 00:48:19,730
What happened?
709
00:48:20,981 --> 00:48:23,442
What happened to your hair?
710
00:48:23,984 --> 00:48:25,319
You're sweating.
711
00:48:25,486 --> 00:48:28,572
- Are you blushing?
- Don't be silly.
712
00:48:28,739 --> 00:48:30,240
Are you all right, Clark?
713
00:48:30,407 --> 00:48:32,618
Hell, yes. I'm fine.
I'm having a ball.
714
00:48:37,706 --> 00:48:39,208
[SIGHS]
715
00:48:39,875 --> 00:48:42,252
Come on, honey, look at the
mountains, breathe the air.
716
00:48:42,419 --> 00:48:43,962
[INHALES DEEPLY]
717
00:48:44,254 --> 00:48:45,255
[EXHALES]
718
00:48:45,422 --> 00:48:48,091
Put on a happy face for me.
719
00:48:52,638 --> 00:48:56,099
I guess there's not much
more that can happen to us.
720
00:48:56,266 --> 00:48:58,727
I think the worst is behind us.
721
00:48:59,853 --> 00:49:01,522
[THUDDING]
722
00:49:07,152 --> 00:49:09,696
ELLEN: Clark, I need
my vanity case.
723
00:49:09,863 --> 00:49:11,949
We've got to go back
and look for it.
724
00:49:12,115 --> 00:49:13,784
All my credit cards are in it.
725
00:49:13,951 --> 00:49:17,621
Honey, number one, I've already called
the bank and told them you've lost them.
726
00:49:17,788 --> 00:49:21,124
B, there's no way we're gonna find
it. We don't know where it fell off.
727
00:49:21,291 --> 00:49:24,962
And three, I've got my credit cards and
we've still got plenty of cash. Okay?
728
00:49:25,128 --> 00:49:27,881
No, we don't. You
gave $500 to Eddie...
729
00:49:28,048 --> 00:49:31,635
and everything has cost twice
as much as you figured out.
730
00:49:31,802 --> 00:49:34,346
There's nothing in that luggage
that can't be replaced.
731
00:49:34,513 --> 00:49:36,557
Except for your diaphragm.
732
00:49:36,723 --> 00:49:39,101
We can always cash a
check down the road.
733
00:49:39,268 --> 00:49:40,852
Don't you trust me?
734
00:49:41,019 --> 00:49:44,648
As long as you don't tie
me to the rear bumper.
735
00:49:47,484 --> 00:49:49,152
That hurt, Ellen.
736
00:49:50,195 --> 00:49:53,490
ELLEN: Clark, I think we're
lost. CLARK: We're not lost.
737
00:49:53,657 --> 00:49:55,659
Will you please let
me do the driving?
738
00:49:55,826 --> 00:50:00,163
ELLEN: I honestly don't think you're gonna
find the Grand Canyon on this road.
739
00:50:00,330 --> 00:50:02,958
CLARK: Jesus, it's only the biggest
god-damn hole in the world.
740
00:50:03,125 --> 00:50:04,960
EDNA: Clark, watch
your language.
741
00:50:05,127 --> 00:50:06,878
CLARK: Make that the
second-biggest.
742
00:50:07,045 --> 00:50:09,840
Dad, I haven't seen
a car for an hour.
743
00:50:10,007 --> 00:50:12,759
Shut up, Audrey. You don't think
Dad knows where he's going?
744
00:50:12,926 --> 00:50:15,178
- Thank you, Russ.
- You're lost.
745
00:50:17,180 --> 00:50:20,017
- I saw some detour signs.
- CLARK: I didn't see any.
746
00:50:20,183 --> 00:50:23,437
I saw them when you and Mom
were trying to fold the map.
747
00:50:23,604 --> 00:50:26,815
When they close a road they put
up big signs. Like this one.
748
00:50:26,982 --> 00:50:28,191
[ALL SCREAM]
749
00:50:39,244 --> 00:50:41,538
[TIRES BURST]
750
00:50:43,415 --> 00:50:46,043
[GROANING]
751
00:50:49,004 --> 00:50:52,174
- I think I broke my nose.
- I stabbed my brain.
752
00:50:52,341 --> 00:50:54,885
L 1118i got my period.
753
00:50:55,052 --> 00:50:57,179
I'd better check under the hood.
754
00:51:09,691 --> 00:51:12,194
ELLEN: Audrey, gather up the
clothes and put them in a pile.
755
00:51:12,361 --> 00:51:15,656
Rusty, find the first-aid
kit, then get the suitcases.
756
00:51:15,822 --> 00:51:17,824
Mom, where can I go
to the bathroom?
757
00:51:18,575 --> 00:51:20,535
Find a bush, Audrey.
758
00:51:22,663 --> 00:51:25,457
RUSTY: Dad, you must've jumped
this thing about 5O yards.
759
00:51:25,624 --> 00:51:28,627
CLARK: It's nothing to
be proud of, Rusty.
760
00:51:29,086 --> 00:51:31,129
Fifty yards. Heh.
761
00:51:31,296 --> 00:51:35,425
EDNA: Ellen! Ellen,
get me out of here.
762
00:51:35,592 --> 00:51:38,011
Stay in the car. It's hot
and dangerous out here.
763
00:51:38,178 --> 00:51:41,348
Don't you tell me what to
do. I'll do what I want.
764
00:51:41,515 --> 00:51:44,101
I should never have come
on this trip with you.
765
00:51:44,267 --> 00:51:45,811
I should have taken an airplane.
766
00:51:45,977 --> 00:51:49,773
And he... He shouldn't even have a
license to drive an automobile.
767
00:51:49,940 --> 00:51:53,276
He should be behind bars.
768
00:51:53,443 --> 00:51:56,905
Sit down and shut up.
769
00:52:03,161 --> 00:52:06,581
Move out of that seat,
and I'll split your lip.
770
00:52:14,005 --> 00:52:16,383
Rusty, come on up here.
771
00:52:16,550 --> 00:52:18,468
Hello, Russ.
772
00:52:18,635 --> 00:52:21,346
I'm gonna hike down the road
to find a service station.
773
00:52:21,513 --> 00:52:24,808
I want you to stay here
and take care of things.
774
00:52:24,975 --> 00:52:28,812
- You'll be okay, Dad?
- Oh, sure, sure, sure.
775
00:52:29,646 --> 00:52:33,108
You know, I haven't had much of a
chance to talk to you man to man, Russ.
776
00:52:33,275 --> 00:52:35,026
Well, I've only been a
man a few days, Dad.
777
00:52:35,193 --> 00:52:37,654
[CHUCKLES]
778
00:52:37,821 --> 00:52:40,574
You're growing up so damn fast.
779
00:52:40,949 --> 00:52:43,076
I've spent the last 15
years of my life...
780
00:52:43,243 --> 00:52:46,955
developing newer and
better food additives.
781
00:52:47,247 --> 00:52:49,916
I guess I've missed
an awful lot.
782
00:52:51,543 --> 00:52:54,296
At first, I didn't want
to take this vacation.
783
00:52:54,921 --> 00:52:56,965
But now I'm glad I did.
784
00:52:57,132 --> 00:53:00,677
It's given me a chance to spend
a lot more time with you and...
785
00:53:00,844 --> 00:53:03,346
- Audrey.
- Audrey. Yeah.
786
00:53:04,055 --> 00:53:05,265
[SIGHS]
787
00:53:05,432 --> 00:53:08,226
You know, it's been real fun
for me, too, Dad. Really.
788
00:53:08,393 --> 00:53:10,562
Except for Aunt Edna.
789
00:53:10,729 --> 00:53:13,064
Oh, she doesn't mean to
be a pain in the rump.
790
00:53:13,231 --> 00:53:15,025
It's just the way she is.
791
00:53:15,192 --> 00:53:18,445
- Let's not let it spoil our fun.
- I won't.
792
00:53:18,612 --> 00:53:21,782
You know, maybe she'd be nicer
if she had a family of her own.
793
00:53:21,948 --> 00:53:26,161
You know, instead of always having
to glom onto someone else's.
794
00:53:27,788 --> 00:53:29,998
You're a pretty
bright little guy.
795
00:53:30,165 --> 00:53:32,000
Excuse me. Man.
796
00:53:32,167 --> 00:53:33,543
[CHUCKLES]
797
00:53:34,336 --> 00:53:35,962
[SOBS]
798
00:53:37,130 --> 00:53:38,673
It's okay, Dad.
799
00:53:40,383 --> 00:53:42,135
You know what I wanna do?
800
00:53:44,221 --> 00:53:47,349
When I was your age, my dad
shared a beer with me...
801
00:53:47,516 --> 00:53:49,976
and I thought it was the
best thing in the world.
802
00:53:55,857 --> 00:53:57,025
Ahh...
803
00:54:00,070 --> 00:54:01,238
[SIGHS]
804
00:54:01,404 --> 00:54:05,075
When I was a boy, just about every
summer we'd take a vacation.
805
00:54:05,784 --> 00:54:08,119
And you know, in 18 years...
806
00:54:08,411 --> 00:54:10,205
we never had fun.
807
00:54:12,499 --> 00:54:14,167
But now I have my own family.
808
00:54:14,334 --> 00:54:15,752
And we're on our own vacation.
809
00:54:15,919 --> 00:54:18,547
- And you know something, Russ?
- What, Dad?
810
00:54:19,756 --> 00:54:21,925
We're gonna have fun.
811
00:54:26,388 --> 00:54:27,430
We're gonna have fun.
812
00:54:27,931 --> 00:54:28,974
[BURPS]
813
00:54:29,140 --> 00:54:34,145
Hey. Don't let your mother smell beer on
your breath. She'll take it out on me.
814
00:54:35,438 --> 00:54:39,359
Well, I better get a move on if I
want to get us out of here by dark.
815
00:54:41,820 --> 00:54:43,029
Good talk, son.
816
00:54:43,196 --> 00:54:44,948
Good talk, Dad.
817
00:54:45,615 --> 00:54:47,284
Clark?
818
00:54:52,289 --> 00:54:56,001
I just had a good talk with Rusty.
You'll be in good hands here, honey.
819
00:54:57,669 --> 00:54:59,337
Where are you going?
820
00:54:59,504 --> 00:55:03,133
There's gotta be a phone or a gas
station around here somewhere, honey.
821
00:55:04,092 --> 00:55:07,095
All right, but if you're
not back in an hour...
822
00:55:07,262 --> 00:55:10,265
I'll be fine. You'll be fine. I'm
sure this happens all the time.
823
00:55:10,432 --> 00:55:12,726
A patrol car will
be by any minute.
824
00:55:13,935 --> 00:55:16,015
CLARK [SINGING]: Over the
river and through the woods
825
00:55:16,146 --> 00:55:17,939
To Grandmother's house we go Ho!
826
00:55:18,857 --> 00:55:22,861
A thousand bottles of beer on the
wall A thousand bottles of beer
827
00:55:24,696 --> 00:55:26,740
Four bottles of beer
828
00:55:26,907 --> 00:55:28,992
If one of those bottles
should happen to fall
829
00:55:29,159 --> 00:55:32,412
I love a parade
830
00:55:32,579 --> 00:55:36,541
The trampling of feet I love
every beat I hear of a drum
831
00:55:36,708 --> 00:55:39,127
I love a parade
832
00:55:39,294 --> 00:55:40,337
[COUGHS]
833
00:55:40,503 --> 00:55:43,423
I hear a band I just wanna stand
834
00:55:48,970 --> 00:55:53,475
CLARK: We pass a god-damn gas station
every 100 yards for 1,000 miles.
835
00:55:53,642 --> 00:55:56,686
But when you really need one, you
end up walking your ass off.
836
00:55:56,853 --> 00:55:59,356
This is no way to run a desert.
837
00:55:59,522 --> 00:56:02,567
Jesus. I'm gonna die.
That's it! I'm dying.
838
00:56:03,360 --> 00:56:05,445
What an asshole.
839
00:56:10,450 --> 00:56:12,786
CLARK: Taxi. Taxi? Taxi!
840
00:56:12,953 --> 00:56:14,412
Dead. I'm dead.
841
00:56:14,579 --> 00:56:17,749
Taxi! Here boy.
842
00:56:17,999 --> 00:56:21,878
Heat. The heat. I'm dying.
I'm dead. I'm finished.
843
00:56:22,629 --> 00:56:24,130
[GRUNTING]
844
00:56:24,297 --> 00:56:25,757
Hot. Hot.
845
00:56:34,140 --> 00:56:35,976
Hot wrist.
846
00:56:39,437 --> 00:56:41,439
[MUTTERING]
847
00:56:43,400 --> 00:56:45,568
Mom, Mommy?
848
00:56:47,946 --> 00:56:51,741
[SCREAMING]
849
00:56:54,035 --> 00:56:56,037
ELLEN: I'm not sure of his
exact height and weight.
850
00:56:56,204 --> 00:56:58,456
All I know is the man was
a saint with children...
851
00:56:58,623 --> 00:57:00,417
and a genius with
food additives...
852
00:57:00,583 --> 00:57:02,585
and he was... Clark!
853
00:57:02,752 --> 00:57:03,962
[IN HOARSE VOICE] Ellen!
854
00:57:04,129 --> 00:57:05,880
[ELLEN SCREAMS]
855
00:57:06,047 --> 00:57:07,882
- I was so worried.
- Russ.
856
00:57:08,049 --> 00:57:10,010
- ELLEN: What are you doing?
- Russ, Russ!
857
00:57:10,176 --> 00:57:12,929
Audrey? Audrey.
858
00:57:13,513 --> 00:57:15,432
Have you grown?
859
00:57:15,598 --> 00:57:17,934
- ELLEN: Are you all right?
- I feel fine.
860
00:57:18,101 --> 00:57:19,853
What happened? How
did you get here?
861
00:57:20,020 --> 00:57:23,231
Well, these two nice Indians and a
man on a camel called a tow truck.
862
00:57:23,398 --> 00:57:25,734
- Daddy's back.
- A camel?
863
00:57:25,900 --> 00:57:28,278
A camel. Hey, kids,
are you thirsty?
864
00:57:28,445 --> 00:57:31,531
- Yeah, I bet you are, too.
- You said it.
865
00:57:33,867 --> 00:57:35,785
[HORN HONKING]
866
00:57:51,176 --> 00:57:54,471
Okay. What do I owe you?
867
00:57:54,721 --> 00:57:58,058
Never heard of no one so shit-all
stupid as you driving off that road.
868
00:57:58,224 --> 00:58:01,144
You must have got
manure for your brains.
869
00:58:01,311 --> 00:58:03,938
Yes, well, I'm from out of town.
870
00:58:04,105 --> 00:58:05,815
What's the bill?
871
00:58:05,982 --> 00:58:07,776
[CHUCKLES]
872
00:58:10,320 --> 00:58:11,696
Come on, come on. How much?
873
00:58:11,863 --> 00:58:13,156
How much you got?
874
00:58:13,323 --> 00:58:15,784
No, I'm asking how
much the repairs are.
875
00:58:15,950 --> 00:58:18,995
And I'm asking you,
how much you got?
876
00:58:20,622 --> 00:58:22,373
You're out of your mind.
877
00:58:22,832 --> 00:58:25,210
I don't have time to play
around. How much is it?
878
00:58:26,002 --> 00:58:27,962
All of it, boy.
879
00:58:29,547 --> 00:58:31,549
What does your sheriff think
of your business practices?
880
00:58:31,716 --> 00:58:33,426
[LAUGHING]
881
00:58:54,239 --> 00:58:57,033
Audrey, honey, how much
babysitting money do you have?
882
00:58:57,200 --> 00:58:59,369
- How come?
- How much?
883
00:58:59,536 --> 00:59:00,620
What's the matter?
884
00:59:00,787 --> 00:59:05,291
Nothing. I just spent $500 on
four bald tires and a tow.
885
00:59:05,458 --> 00:59:06,835
How much do you have, Audrey?
886
00:59:08,336 --> 00:59:11,131
- Thirty-five.
- She has $40, Dad.
887
00:59:11,297 --> 00:59:14,008
How would you know unless you
went in my purse, you sneak?
888
00:59:14,175 --> 00:59:16,678
Have you been going through
her private property?
889
00:59:16,845 --> 00:59:19,222
I don't give a frog's fat
ass who went through what.
890
00:59:19,389 --> 00:59:21,057
We need money.
891
00:59:22,058 --> 00:59:24,018
Edna, how much do you have?
892
00:59:24,185 --> 00:59:25,895
She's asleep, Clark.
893
00:59:26,646 --> 00:59:28,815
Russ, wanna look
through Edna's purse?
894
00:59:28,982 --> 00:59:30,775
Clark.
895
00:59:36,197 --> 00:59:37,740
CLARK: Unzip it, Russ.
896
00:59:41,744 --> 00:59:44,372
- RUSTY: She has 11 cents, Dad.
- Terrific.
897
00:59:44,539 --> 00:59:47,083
ELLEN: The motel will
cash your check.
898
00:59:47,250 --> 00:59:49,210
They better. We're
gonna run out of gas.
899
00:59:53,965 --> 00:59:57,719
I'm sorry, sir. I can't
accept this credit card.
900
00:59:57,886 --> 01:00:00,930
- Why not?
- The computer says it's been reported lost.
901
01:00:01,097 --> 01:00:05,435
Oh, no. You see, my wife lost her cards
in Colorado and I had to report it.
902
01:00:05,602 --> 01:00:08,438
The computer is probably saying
I lost mine, which I haven't.
903
01:00:08,605 --> 01:00:11,691
Well, you'll have to straighten
that outwith your bank.
904
01:00:12,525 --> 01:00:15,153
- Would you take a personal check?
- For how much?
905
01:00:15,320 --> 01:00:17,864
- Three-hundred dollars.
- I can't do that, sir.
906
01:00:18,031 --> 01:00:20,617
I've lost all my cash. We're
on our way to California.
907
01:00:20,783 --> 01:00:23,995
- Walley World?
- Yeah. Walley World.
908
01:00:24,162 --> 01:00:26,873
And I'm sort of stuck between
a rock and a hard place.
909
01:00:27,040 --> 01:00:31,127
- You know, I'd really appreciate it.
- Not without a major credit card.
910
01:00:33,588 --> 01:00:36,132
I have $6.13 to my name...
911
01:00:36,299 --> 01:00:38,968
so I can see we're gonna
have to work something out.
912
01:00:39,135 --> 01:00:41,387
I've already told you I
can't accept a check...
913
01:00:41,554 --> 01:00:43,181
without a major credit card.
914
01:00:43,348 --> 01:00:45,391
I'm making this out for $1,000.
915
01:00:45,558 --> 01:00:50,313
All you have to do is give me
$300 in cash, and keep $70G...
916
01:00:50,480 --> 01:00:53,983
all for doing nothing more than
acting like a total creep.
917
01:00:55,318 --> 01:00:56,819
The only thing I can do...
918
01:00:56,986 --> 01:00:59,948
is have you stay here
until the check clears.
919
01:01:00,114 --> 01:01:02,575
Ten working days.
920
01:01:29,310 --> 01:01:32,313
Okay, let's go, come on.
Ha-ha. Where is Edna?
921
01:01:32,480 --> 01:01:34,899
- She's in the car.
- Good. Come on, get in the car.
922
01:01:35,066 --> 01:01:38,069
Don't you want to look
at the Grand Canyon?
923
01:01:39,487 --> 01:01:41,572
Great, let's go.
924
01:01:51,582 --> 01:01:53,626
Rusty, up and at them.
925
01:01:54,669 --> 01:01:55,920
What?
926
01:01:56,087 --> 01:01:58,840
Crack open those sandwiches
I got at the gas station.
927
01:01:59,007 --> 01:02:02,343
I'm so hungry, I could eat a sandwich
from a gas station. Ha-ha-ha.
928
01:02:03,469 --> 01:02:05,221
There's one for everyone.
929
01:02:05,388 --> 01:02:09,350
Audrey, wake up Aunt Edna. It's time
for her to eat and take her pill.
930
01:02:09,517 --> 01:02:12,020
Please, get off me.
931
01:02:12,186 --> 01:02:14,480
Mom, tell Audrey to quit
pushing Aunt Edna on me.
932
01:02:14,647 --> 01:02:16,941
I'm sick of her lying
on me all the time.
933
01:02:17,400 --> 01:02:19,402
Be quiet.
934
01:02:19,902 --> 01:02:23,031
- Auntie?
- Honey, it's only a few hours to Phoenix.
935
01:02:23,197 --> 01:02:26,117
- Let her be, she's fine.
- She's not fine.
936
01:02:26,826 --> 01:02:28,494
CLARK: She's fine.
Don't be silly.
937
01:02:28,661 --> 01:02:31,122
She's not fine, Clark.
938
01:02:31,289 --> 01:02:32,498
She's dead.
939
01:02:32,749 --> 01:02:34,417
[TIRES SQUEALING]
940
01:02:39,505 --> 01:02:40,548
[CLARK MUTTERING]
941
01:02:40,715 --> 01:02:42,955
AUDREY: She breathed on me. A
dead person breathed on me.
942
01:02:43,092 --> 01:02:45,678
RUSTY: Her hand touched me.
She's stiff already. Ugh.
943
01:02:48,806 --> 01:02:50,099
CLARK: Ugh.
944
01:02:57,315 --> 01:02:58,941
Goddamn it, anyway.
945
01:03:08,493 --> 01:03:12,121
She must have passed away
somewhere near Flagstaff.
946
01:03:13,414 --> 01:03:16,000
What are we going to do, Clark?
947
01:03:18,461 --> 01:03:20,797
We could leave her here.
The first phone we pass...
948
01:03:20,963 --> 01:03:23,633
we could call your cousin and
he could come and get her.
949
01:03:23,800 --> 01:03:25,510
That's the meanest, coldest...
950
01:03:25,676 --> 01:03:27,887
What do you want me to do,
call Federal Express?
951
01:03:28,054 --> 01:03:30,556
We don't have to ride with
a dead person, do we?
952
01:03:30,723 --> 01:03:32,100
Please say we don't.
953
01:03:32,266 --> 01:03:34,477
It'd be real easy for
Cousin Normie to find her.
954
01:03:34,644 --> 01:03:37,105
All he'd have to do is
look for the buzzards.
955
01:03:37,271 --> 01:03:40,691
Hell. We'll drive her to Cousin
Normie's, for Pete's sake.
956
01:03:40,858 --> 01:03:44,487
I just didn't want to get caught up in
a funeral, inquests and all that crap.
957
01:03:44,654 --> 01:03:49,951
You are the most self-centered,
egotistical, manipulative...
958
01:03:50,118 --> 01:03:52,495
Don't say anything
you'll regret, Ellen.
959
01:03:52,662 --> 01:03:55,081
I'm being practical. If we
drove straight through...
960
01:03:55,248 --> 01:03:58,292
we'd have three days at
Walley World at best. Three.
961
01:04:00,878 --> 01:04:03,339
She can't weigh more
than 100 pounds.
962
01:04:03,589 --> 01:04:06,551
Oh, no. You can't put
her up on that roof.
963
01:04:06,717 --> 01:04:07,927
Yes, he can.
964
01:04:08,094 --> 01:04:12,014
You want me to strap her to the hood?
What's the difference? She'll be fine.
965
01:04:12,181 --> 01:04:14,684
It's not as if it's going
to rain or something.
966
01:04:15,726 --> 01:04:17,854
[THUNDER CRASHING]
967
01:04:41,169 --> 01:04:44,922
ELLEN: This is terrible. Ugh.
968
01:04:45,089 --> 01:04:47,508
What a nightmare.
969
01:05:00,980 --> 01:05:02,982
[RINGING DOORBELL]
970
01:05:03,357 --> 01:05:05,735
Don't just blurt it
out about Edna dying.
971
01:05:05,902 --> 01:05:08,571
How about if I ask him to
play twenty questions?
972
01:05:11,199 --> 01:05:12,700
[RINGING DOORBELL]
973
01:05:16,662 --> 01:05:20,875
- Oh, for Christ's sake, he isn't even home.
- Maybe the neighbors know where he is.
974
01:05:21,042 --> 01:05:24,921
- Moron knows we're coming and isn't home.
- Normie's always been flighty.
975
01:05:25,087 --> 01:05:27,632
- He's always been a jag-off.
- Will you watch your mouth?
976
01:05:27,798 --> 01:05:29,258
There's a note.
977
01:05:30,593 --> 01:05:33,513
"Have gone to Flagstaff.
Be back on Monday."
978
01:05:34,138 --> 01:05:35,806
Jeez, what a worm.
979
01:05:54,367 --> 01:05:59,455
ELLEN: Oh... Darn,
it's locked.
980
01:06:03,459 --> 01:06:05,378
Okay, let's go.
981
01:06:06,045 --> 01:06:08,256
We can't leave her on the patio.
982
01:06:09,131 --> 01:06:12,635
You rather I slip her in the night-deposit
box at the funeral home? Come on.
983
01:06:12,802 --> 01:06:15,137
It's raining all over her.
984
01:06:15,304 --> 01:06:17,974
She can't catch a cold now, Mom.
985
01:06:18,808 --> 01:06:21,561
Clark, we have to at
least say something.
986
01:06:21,727 --> 01:06:24,522
Okay, bow your heads,
bow your heads.
987
01:06:25,147 --> 01:06:26,732
Oh, God.
988
01:06:27,942 --> 01:06:30,903
Ease our suffering in this,
our moment of great despair.
989
01:06:31,070 --> 01:06:35,866
Yea, admit this good and decent woman
into thine arms and the flock...
990
01:06:36,033 --> 01:06:38,119
in thine heavenly area up there.
991
01:06:39,996 --> 01:06:43,916
And Moab he laidest down behind
the land of the Canaanites.
992
01:06:44,083 --> 01:06:47,712
And, yea, though the
Hindus speak of karma...
993
01:06:47,878 --> 01:06:50,047
- Clark.
- I implore you...
994
01:06:50,214 --> 01:06:52,758
- give her a break.
- Clark.
995
01:06:53,217 --> 01:06:55,219
[SINGING]
996
01:06:59,015 --> 01:07:01,851
Clark, this is a serious
matter. I'll do it myself.
997
01:07:02,018 --> 01:07:06,230
Honey, I'm not an ordained
minister. I'm doing my best, okay?
998
01:07:06,731 --> 01:07:10,359
Lord, we love this woman
with all our hearts.
999
01:07:10,526 --> 01:07:13,362
- Let's not overdo it, Mom.
- Shut up.
1000
01:07:13,529 --> 01:07:15,990
We know she deserves
better than this...
1001
01:07:16,157 --> 01:07:20,286
but my husband wants his beloved
family to get to Walley World...
1002
01:07:20,453 --> 01:07:22,038
to have their vacation.
1003
01:07:22,204 --> 01:07:25,166
I hope you understand.
Have mercy on his soul.
1004
01:07:25,333 --> 01:07:27,627
Amen. Let's go. Come on.
1005
01:07:27,793 --> 01:07:30,838
I hope you kids have learned
something about life and death.
1006
01:07:31,005 --> 01:07:34,175
AUDREY: Yeah. Don't die
unless somebody's home.
1007
01:07:35,885 --> 01:07:39,221
Normie will understand when he sees
the note we pinned on Edna's sleeve.
1008
01:07:39,388 --> 01:07:43,392
Sure. You left his dead mother tied
to a lawn chair in his backyard.
1009
01:07:43,559 --> 01:07:45,645
I'm sure he won't mind.
1010
01:07:45,811 --> 01:07:47,730
Look, it's all over
and done with.
1011
01:07:47,897 --> 01:07:51,150
We'll find a place to stay and start
fresh in the morning. It's fine.
1012
01:07:51,317 --> 01:07:54,111
I don't want to be in the car
anymore. I want to go home.
1013
01:07:54,278 --> 01:07:56,072
I don't want to go
to Walley World.
1014
01:07:56,238 --> 01:07:59,950
Clark, under the circumstances, I
wouldn't mind if we just went home.
1015
01:08:00,117 --> 01:08:02,828
In retrospect, it seems like a
pretty bad idea driving out.
1016
01:08:02,995 --> 01:08:05,039
It's been one disaster
after another.
1017
01:08:05,206 --> 01:08:08,084
Yeah, it's been a
real drag, Dad.
1018
01:08:08,250 --> 01:08:10,419
Maybe we can try it
some other time.
1019
01:08:10,586 --> 01:08:14,590
- Walley World's overrated anyway.
- What do you think?
1020
01:08:14,757 --> 01:08:16,676
[TIRES SQUEAL
1021
01:08:18,344 --> 01:08:20,429
I think you're all
fucked in the head.
1022
01:08:20,596 --> 01:08:24,141
We're ten hours from the fucking
fun park and you want to bail out.
1023
01:08:24,308 --> 01:08:27,103
Well, I'll tell you something.
This is no longer a vacation.
1024
01:08:27,269 --> 01:08:29,730
It's a quest. It's
a quest for fun.
1025
01:08:30,481 --> 01:08:32,566
I'm gonna have fun and
you're gonna have fun.
1026
01:08:32,733 --> 01:08:34,694
We're all gonna have
so much fucking fun...
1027
01:08:34,860 --> 01:08:37,738
we'll need plastic surgery to
remove our god-damn smiles.
1028
01:08:37,905 --> 01:08:41,367
You'll be whistling "zippity-doo-dah"
out of your assholes.
1029
01:08:41,534 --> 01:08:42,660
[LAUGHS]
1030
01:08:42,827 --> 01:08:45,871
I gotta be crazy. I'm on a
pilgrimage to see a moose.
1031
01:08:46,038 --> 01:08:49,875
Praise Marty Moose. Holy shit.
1032
01:08:50,876 --> 01:08:52,795
Dad, do you want an
aspirin or something?
1033
01:08:53,629 --> 01:08:54,797
Don't touch.
1034
01:09:09,353 --> 01:09:11,313
Next time you have one
of your outbursts...
1035
01:09:11,480 --> 01:09:14,483
I'd appreciate if you'd have some
consideration for your kids.
1036
01:09:14,650 --> 01:09:16,902
- What are you talking about?
- You don't know?
1037
01:09:17,069 --> 01:09:20,239
All I know is I'm trying to treat
my family to a little fun.
1038
01:09:20,406 --> 01:09:22,825
Spare me, Clark. I know
your brand of family fun.
1039
01:09:22,992 --> 01:09:26,203
Tomorrow you'll probably kill the
desk clerk, hold up a McDonald's...
1040
01:09:26,370 --> 01:09:30,624
and drive us a thousand miles out of the way
to see the world's largest ball of mud.
1041
01:09:30,791 --> 01:09:33,085
You know what your
problem is, Ellen?
1042
01:09:34,336 --> 01:09:38,215
You have a knack for looking at the dark
side of things. That's your problem.
1043
01:09:39,550 --> 01:09:41,969
You wouldn't know a good
time if it bit you.
1044
01:09:42,136 --> 01:09:45,014
- Where are you going?
- What do you care?
1045
01:09:50,186 --> 01:09:51,729
[PIANO PLAYING JAZZ MUSIC]
1046
01:09:51,896 --> 01:09:53,898
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
1047
01:10:16,712 --> 01:10:18,714
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
1048
01:11:16,146 --> 01:11:18,482
Waiting for someone?
1049
01:11:19,316 --> 01:11:22,653
No. Ahem. Do you
mind if I sit clown?
1050
01:11:22,820 --> 01:11:24,154
[CHUCKLES]
1051
01:11:24,488 --> 01:11:26,407
Fancy seeing you here.
1052
01:11:26,949 --> 01:11:29,743
Having a nice little
family vacation?
1053
01:11:32,329 --> 01:11:34,874
[CHUCKLING] Oh. No.
1054
01:11:35,040 --> 01:11:37,877
It would appear so,
wouldn't it? No, no.
1055
01:11:38,043 --> 01:11:41,672
No, the truth of it is, and
this is highly confidential...
1056
01:11:42,131 --> 01:11:44,216
I own this motel.
1057
01:11:45,217 --> 01:11:49,221
Own the whole chain, nationwide.
Twenty-two hundred units.
1058
01:11:50,431 --> 01:11:54,018
Yeah, once a year, I travel
across the country, incognito.
1059
01:11:54,184 --> 01:11:56,729
Check things out, and see how
the operation is running.
1060
01:11:56,896 --> 01:11:59,440
I thought you were gonna say
you worked for the CIA.
1061
01:11:59,899 --> 01:12:01,609
[LAUGHS]
1062
01:12:02,276 --> 01:12:04,904
- That's an old bit, huh?
- Really.
1063
01:12:05,070 --> 01:12:07,948
Oh, no. No, I'm
not with the CIA.
1064
01:12:08,115 --> 01:12:10,993
I was, but that was
a long time ago.
1065
01:12:11,160 --> 01:12:13,746
I don't like to talk
about it, really.
1066
01:12:14,121 --> 01:12:17,374
No, I'm mostly interested
in my motels now.
1067
01:12:17,541 --> 01:12:20,252
- And my airline.
- That's great.
1068
01:12:20,419 --> 01:12:22,671
I'm just trying to
have a little fun.
1069
01:12:22,838 --> 01:12:25,007
It's too bad you're married.
1070
01:12:25,174 --> 01:12:27,134
I'm in the mood for some fun.
1071
01:12:27,843 --> 01:12:29,261
Married?
1072
01:12:29,428 --> 01:12:32,014
Oh, you mean those
people I'm with?
1073
01:12:32,181 --> 01:12:34,266
That's my brother's family.
1074
01:12:34,433 --> 01:12:35,935
My brother's ring.
1075
01:12:36,101 --> 01:12:39,939
I usually borrow them on these
little inspection tours of mine.
1076
01:12:40,689 --> 01:12:44,735
It sort of helps to complete the
disguise. It's fun for them.
1077
01:12:44,902 --> 01:12:48,238
It's a good disguise. I like
the station-wagon effect.
1078
01:12:48,405 --> 01:12:51,450
Yeah? Well, that's
a big part of it.
1079
01:12:51,617 --> 01:12:56,664
You know, in order to be convincing, you
have to look and act like an ordinary jerk.
1080
01:12:58,457 --> 01:13:02,711
You know, stop at all the stupid
sites and look like a fool.
1081
01:13:03,337 --> 01:13:05,631
Basically, be yourself?
1082
01:13:05,798 --> 01:13:07,383
Yeah.
1083
01:13:07,883 --> 01:13:10,010
You like the disguise?
1084
01:13:13,973 --> 01:13:18,394
CLARK: Yeah, my credo is, if
you have to have a credo...
1085
01:13:18,560 --> 01:13:21,271
you know, "Go for
it," pretty much.
1086
01:13:21,438 --> 01:13:25,776
You only go around this crazy
merry-go-round once. You know?
1087
01:13:25,943 --> 01:13:28,612
- I agree.
- Yeah.
1088
01:13:31,365 --> 01:13:33,283
[INHALES SHARPLY]
1089
01:13:33,575 --> 01:13:35,703
Yeah, that's my credo.
1090
01:13:39,415 --> 01:13:42,334
You don't have to
have a credo, but...
1091
01:13:42,501 --> 01:13:43,794
If the fur fits, wear it.
1092
01:13:43,961 --> 01:13:47,464
A penny saved,
pennies from heaven.
1093
01:13:47,631 --> 01:13:51,385
My favorite credo, oh, ha-ha...
1094
01:13:54,471 --> 01:13:58,517
um, you know, a
penny saved, and...
1095
01:13:58,684 --> 01:14:00,185
Thank you.
1096
01:14:00,352 --> 01:14:01,937
[WATER SPLASHING]
1097
01:14:04,648 --> 01:14:07,109
Wow. This feels great.
1098
01:14:09,528 --> 01:14:10,821
Well...
1099
01:14:10,988 --> 01:14:12,948
are you gonna go for it?
1100
01:14:13,782 --> 01:14:15,367
Uh... Here?
1101
01:14:15,534 --> 01:14:17,494
For starters, sure.
1102
01:14:17,661 --> 01:14:20,664
Why not'? Don't you swim?
1103
01:14:20,831 --> 01:14:22,624
Oh, sure. Ha-ha.
1104
01:14:22,791 --> 01:14:27,880
Sure, I took third in the state
finals in my senior year.
1105
01:14:28,255 --> 01:14:30,841
Yeah, I swim. Heck, yes.
1106
01:14:31,008 --> 01:14:34,261
Oh, yeah, I feel completely
at ease in the water.
1107
01:14:34,428 --> 01:14:36,805
Yeah, l...
1108
01:14:36,972 --> 01:14:38,932
I'm proficient in many
strokes and I dive.
1109
01:14:39,099 --> 01:14:42,061
As a matter of fact, I
could've been in the Olympics.
1110
01:14:42,811 --> 01:14:47,191
Yeah, uh... Yeah,
I'll be right there.
1111
01:14:47,900 --> 01:14:49,359
Yeah.
1112
01:14:50,486 --> 01:14:53,405
This is crazy, this is
crazy, this is crazy.
1113
01:14:53,989 --> 01:14:55,407
[EXHALES]
1114
01:14:55,574 --> 01:14:57,785
- How's the water?
- Exhilarating.
1115
01:14:58,869 --> 01:15:02,039
I'm in deep, I'm in deep.
1116
01:15:06,210 --> 01:15:08,045
Ah! Cold!
1117
01:15:08,212 --> 01:15:11,256
Jesus. Fuck. Ah!
1118
01:15:11,965 --> 01:15:13,509
Clark?
1119
01:15:13,675 --> 01:15:14,927
CLARK: Cold!
1120
01:15:15,886 --> 01:15:17,471
Jesus! Ah!
1121
01:15:25,479 --> 01:15:27,147
Clark?
1122
01:15:27,731 --> 01:15:30,234
- Hi, honey.
- What are you doing?
1123
01:15:30,400 --> 01:15:31,568
Uh... Swimming.
1124
01:15:31,735 --> 01:15:35,030
Yeah, my back was killing me.
1125
01:15:35,197 --> 01:15:39,076
I thought, you know, a good hot
swim would loosen up the muscles.
1126
01:15:39,243 --> 01:15:42,371
Why go to the car and get the
bathing suit? Jump right in.
1127
01:15:43,080 --> 01:15:44,915
It's exhilarating.
1128
01:15:45,082 --> 01:15:49,128
Guess what, honey? This
person here was here.
1129
01:15:49,545 --> 01:15:51,672
I didn't see this person...
1130
01:15:51,839 --> 01:15:55,384
so I screamed, that's why I
yelled. I was so surprised.
1131
01:15:55,551 --> 01:15:58,053
You can imagine,
can't you, honey?
1132
01:16:02,015 --> 01:16:03,058
Honey?
1133
01:16:03,225 --> 01:16:04,434
[DOOR CLOSES]
1134
01:16:13,902 --> 01:16:15,279
Uh...
1135
01:16:16,238 --> 01:16:18,073
Will you excuse me?
1136
01:16:18,240 --> 01:16:19,449
If you have to go.
1137
01:16:20,868 --> 01:16:23,662
Well, I'd stay if I weren't
married, but I am.
1138
01:16:23,829 --> 01:16:25,414
I know.
1139
01:16:25,914 --> 01:16:30,419
- I hope I didn't spoil your evening.
- No, it's been interesting.
1140
01:16:31,295 --> 01:16:33,255
Well, enjoy the
rest of your trip.
1141
01:16:33,422 --> 01:16:35,048
You, too.
1142
01:16:38,927 --> 01:16:40,929
[ALL CHATTERING]
1143
01:16:43,765 --> 01:16:46,101
I can't believe this.
1144
01:16:46,852 --> 01:16:50,314
I am so humiliated.
1145
01:16:51,940 --> 01:16:54,443
Cut it out, Audrey. You don't
even know how to inhale.
1146
01:16:54,610 --> 01:16:56,069
So?
1147
01:16:56,236 --> 01:16:58,363
Maybe I don't want to.
1148
01:16:58,530 --> 01:17:00,908
You're such a dork, Audrey.
1149
01:17:01,950 --> 01:17:04,578
How can he do this to Mom?
1150
01:17:05,120 --> 01:17:07,331
They'll probably get a divorce.
1151
01:17:07,497 --> 01:17:08,999
I'd better go talk to him.
1152
01:17:13,879 --> 01:17:15,964
- Hey, squirt.
- Hey, Dad.
1153
01:17:16,131 --> 01:17:17,216
What are you doing up?
1154
01:17:18,467 --> 01:17:20,344
You woke the whole
motel up, Dad.
1155
01:17:21,845 --> 01:17:23,222
Oh. Ha-ha-ha.
1156
01:17:23,388 --> 01:17:25,098
I was swimming.
1157
01:17:25,265 --> 01:17:26,516
Yeah, I saw you.
1158
01:17:28,644 --> 01:17:30,479
Russ, come here a minute.
1159
01:17:32,147 --> 01:17:33,190
[SIGHS]
1160
01:17:33,357 --> 01:17:34,524
Russ...
1161
01:17:34,691 --> 01:17:37,569
you know I wouldn't do
anything to hurt your morn.
1162
01:17:38,987 --> 01:17:41,490
It's been a long drive...
1163
01:17:42,491 --> 01:17:43,825
and, jeez, I work...
1164
01:17:43,992 --> 01:17:48,163
I work very hard for you
and Audrey and your morn.
1165
01:17:50,582 --> 01:17:54,753
I guess when you get older
you get these feelings...
1166
01:17:55,295 --> 01:17:59,633
and these feelings make you do
things you wouldn't normally do.
1167
01:18:00,092 --> 01:18:03,595
- Like swimming naked with girls?
- Yeah. Like swimming naked with girls.
1168
01:18:03,762 --> 01:18:06,515
Well, not with girls. You think
I was swimming with girls?
1169
01:18:06,682 --> 01:18:09,643
It was just one girl.
I saw that girl.
1170
01:18:09,810 --> 01:18:11,061
Who, that girl?
1171
01:18:11,228 --> 01:18:14,022
Oh, no, that's a waitress.
No, I was just ordering in.
1172
01:18:14,189 --> 01:18:16,858
She's a pool waitress. I was...
1173
01:18:17,025 --> 01:18:20,445
ordering some fish for
you and Audrey and Mom.
1174
01:18:20,612 --> 01:18:24,032
- She took your order?
- She took my order, yeah. Ha-ha.
1175
01:18:24,199 --> 01:18:26,243
Swimming waitress.
1176
01:18:26,410 --> 01:18:28,036
You understand, don't you, Russ?
1177
01:18:28,203 --> 01:18:31,206
Sure, I understand.
1178
01:18:31,540 --> 01:18:33,625
Do you think Mom will buy it?
1179
01:18:35,711 --> 01:18:37,671
Good talk, son.
1180
01:18:38,797 --> 01:18:40,674
Go to bed, Russ.
1181
01:18:41,049 --> 01:18:42,551
Goodnight.
1182
01:18:46,596 --> 01:18:48,098
Ellen?
1183
01:18:51,727 --> 01:18:53,228
Ellen?
1184
01:18:53,478 --> 01:18:55,022
Honey?
1185
01:18:57,482 --> 01:18:59,109
Are you mad?
1186
01:18:59,985 --> 01:19:01,737
No.
1187
01:19:03,238 --> 01:19:05,407
Do you like that girl?
1188
01:19:06,325 --> 01:19:08,243
Is that what you want?
1189
01:19:08,410 --> 01:19:11,621
Oh, no. No, no, no.
1190
01:19:11,788 --> 01:19:14,041
How could I like a
girl like that?
1191
01:19:14,207 --> 01:19:16,084
She's ugly-
1192
01:19:16,960 --> 01:19:18,754
I love you.
1193
01:19:21,506 --> 01:19:24,134
I'm sorry about everything.
1194
01:19:24,301 --> 01:19:26,595
I got angry because you
were right and I knew it.
1195
01:19:26,762 --> 01:19:28,597
I was hurt, honey.
1196
01:19:28,764 --> 01:19:31,683
I'm sorry, too. It's
not all your fault.
1197
01:19:31,850 --> 01:19:33,643
I know you've been trying.
1198
01:19:33,810 --> 01:19:36,104
I'm gonna try, too.
1199
01:19:37,856 --> 01:19:39,941
I know how to have fun.
1200
01:19:40,776 --> 01:19:42,611
And I'm going to prove it.
1201
01:19:43,362 --> 01:19:46,073
- Come on. Come on. Come on.
- Ellen? What are we doing?
1202
01:19:46,239 --> 01:19:48,617
Honey, you don't have to
prove anything to me.
1203
01:19:48,784 --> 01:19:52,412
Come on, Clark. I want us
to have some fun together.
1204
01:19:53,413 --> 01:19:56,458
- Come on.
- The water's very...
1205
01:19:57,125 --> 01:19:59,044
ELLEN: Fuck! Aah!
1206
01:20:04,091 --> 01:20:05,133
Ooh!
1207
01:20:06,009 --> 01:20:07,469
Aah!
1208
01:20:11,390 --> 01:20:12,766
Aah!
1209
01:20:29,991 --> 01:20:32,244
CLARK: We must be
getting close.
1210
01:20:32,411 --> 01:20:34,830
We're almost there. Everybody
just take it easy.
1211
01:20:34,996 --> 01:20:38,458
Just take it easy.
We're gonna be there.
1212
01:20:40,836 --> 01:20:44,631
I know we're getting close.
What is that? What is that?
1213
01:20:44,798 --> 01:20:46,216
There it is.
1214
01:20:46,383 --> 01:20:47,884
Walley World, next three exits.
1215
01:20:48,051 --> 01:20:51,221
- Dad! Whoa!
- Walley World!
1216
01:20:52,556 --> 01:20:55,016
We made it, damn it. We made it.
1217
01:20:56,017 --> 01:20:59,271
The Griswolds are one hell of
a family, huh? We made it!
1218
01:20:59,521 --> 01:21:01,523
[FAMILY CHATTERING]
1219
01:21:02,524 --> 01:21:05,485
Don't get too much sun,
now. Watch out. Watch out.
1220
01:21:09,322 --> 01:21:10,615
Oh.
1221
01:21:10,782 --> 01:21:12,534
It's beautiful.
1222
01:21:12,701 --> 01:21:15,328
It's just beautiful.
1223
01:21:16,371 --> 01:21:18,790
Oh, darling.
1224
01:21:20,792 --> 01:21:25,881
- We made it.
- You did it, Clark. Sparky.
1225
01:21:26,047 --> 01:21:28,550
I love you guys. I love. I love.
1226
01:21:42,189 --> 01:21:44,816
CLARK: Aah. First ones
here. First ones here.
1227
01:21:47,944 --> 01:21:49,779
First ones here.
1228
01:21:49,946 --> 01:21:52,240
ELLEN: But we're so
far away, Clark.
1229
01:21:52,407 --> 01:21:55,744
Right, right. And at the end of the
day, when the lot's all full...
1230
01:21:55,911 --> 01:21:59,539
and everybody's fighting to get out,
we'll be the first ones out, too.
1231
01:22:00,916 --> 01:22:05,253
Why? Because we're
the Griswolds.
1232
01:22:05,754 --> 01:22:07,255
[BOTH LAUGH]
1233
01:22:07,422 --> 01:22:09,257
Come on, I'll race you.
1234
01:23:19,995 --> 01:23:22,555
MARTY [ON RECORDING]: Sorry, folks.
We're closed for two weeks...
1235
01:23:22,706 --> 01:23:27,168
to clean and repair America's
favorite family fun park. Sorry.
1236
01:23:27,335 --> 01:23:29,004
[MARTY CHUCKLES]
1237
01:23:29,170 --> 01:23:30,463
[CHUCKLES]
1238
01:23:32,215 --> 01:23:33,425
[DISTORTED VOICE] Sorry,
folks. We're closed...
1239
01:23:33,592 --> 01:23:35,552
Clark. What are you doing?
1240
01:23:35,719 --> 01:23:37,762
We watch his program.
1241
01:23:37,929 --> 01:23:41,016
We buy his toys. We go to
his movies. He owes us.
1242
01:23:41,182 --> 01:23:43,059
Doesn't he owe us, huh?
1243
01:23:43,226 --> 01:23:44,853
He owes the Griswolds, right?
1244
01:23:45,020 --> 01:23:46,688
Fucking A right, he owes us.
1245
01:23:46,855 --> 01:23:49,608
- Clark, you're scaring me.
- Don't be scared.
1246
01:23:49,774 --> 01:23:52,652
I just think somebody owes us
an explanation, that's all.
1247
01:23:52,819 --> 01:23:57,073
- Come on. Come on, come on.
- Clark, now just a minute.
1248
01:24:02,245 --> 01:24:03,830
[TIRES SCREECHING]
1249
01:24:03,997 --> 01:24:05,040
[ENGINE BACKFIRES]
1250
01:24:16,134 --> 01:24:18,637
Honey, you wanna check the
mileage for me, please?
1251
01:24:18,803 --> 01:24:21,431
- ELLEN: Where are you going?
- I'll be right back.
1252
01:24:21,598 --> 01:24:23,558
I'm just gonna get
some sporting goods.
1253
01:24:23,725 --> 01:24:25,560
[HORNS HONKING]
1254
01:24:25,727 --> 01:24:27,687
CLARK: Thank you, thank you.
1255
01:24:35,570 --> 01:24:37,530
ELLEN: Clark, will
you listen to me?
1256
01:24:37,697 --> 01:24:40,909
Let's just find a hotel. I'll call
my parents, they'll wire us money.
1257
01:24:41,076 --> 01:24:43,578
We can fly home and forget
this vacation ever happened.
1258
01:24:43,745 --> 01:24:47,248
Honey, relax. I told you I'm not angry
anymore. I'm in complete control.
1259
01:24:47,415 --> 01:24:50,251
I'm sure they're not repairing
every ride at the same time.
1260
01:24:50,418 --> 01:24:53,338
I think they owe us a little
explanation and a little fun, okay?
1261
01:24:53,505 --> 01:24:56,591
Whatever happens, just trust me.
Will you just trust me? Huh, kids?
1262
01:25:02,555 --> 01:25:06,226
Sorry, folks, park's closed. The moose
out front should have told you.
1263
01:25:06,393 --> 01:25:09,896
- Yes, we're here to see Mr. Roy Walley.
- What is your name, sir?
1264
01:25:10,063 --> 01:25:12,190
Clark W. Griswold.
1265
01:25:14,776 --> 01:25:16,403
What's this regarding,
Mr. Gristle?
1266
01:25:16,569 --> 01:25:19,989
We're here, public relations...
Summer inspection.
1267
01:25:20,156 --> 01:25:22,409
- Personal matter. Inspection.
- Ah.
1268
01:25:25,787 --> 01:25:29,958
Well, nobody notified
this office of anything.
1269
01:25:30,125 --> 01:25:32,335
Well, I'm notifying you.
1270
01:25:32,502 --> 01:25:34,629
I'm afraid I'm gonna need
more than that, sir.
1271
01:25:34,796 --> 01:25:36,631
Okey-dokey. How's this?
1272
01:25:36,798 --> 01:25:38,258
[WHIMPERS]
1273
01:25:38,425 --> 01:25:41,761
Clark, have you lost your
mind? Where did you get that?
1274
01:25:41,928 --> 01:25:44,222
Sporting goods store. You
listen to me, fat ass.
1275
01:25:44,389 --> 01:25:46,641
Do what I say and there
won't be any problem, okay?
1276
01:25:46,808 --> 01:25:51,146
We just drove 2460 miles, just for
a little Roy Walley entertainment.
1277
01:25:51,312 --> 01:25:53,481
The moose says you're
closed. I say you're open.
1278
01:25:53,648 --> 01:25:56,109
We're not really violent people.
1279
01:25:56,276 --> 01:25:58,111
This is our first gun.
1280
01:25:58,278 --> 01:26:00,155
CLARK: No, it isn't.
1281
01:26:00,613 --> 01:26:03,700
- What's going on here?
- You. Freeze. Freeze.
1282
01:26:03,867 --> 01:26:06,578
Sit! Sit, come on.
1283
01:26:06,745 --> 01:26:09,456
Lie down. Let's go, lie down.
1284
01:26:10,498 --> 01:26:11,958
Roll over.
1285
01:26:12,500 --> 01:26:13,918
Stay.
1286
01:26:15,670 --> 01:26:19,674
Okay. Okay. Let's ride.
Let's ride. Come on.
1287
01:26:19,841 --> 01:26:21,342
Stay.
1288
01:26:24,971 --> 01:26:28,183
Yee-hoo. This is
scary, isn't it?
1289
01:26:28,349 --> 01:26:31,519
Make sure you keep your hands
on the handlebars at all times.
1290
01:26:31,686 --> 01:26:34,731
- We don't want any accidents.
- Ls that a real gun, Mom?
1291
01:26:34,898 --> 01:26:38,485
I don't know, Rusty. But
when this is all over...
1292
01:26:38,651 --> 01:26:41,279
your father may be going
away for a little while.
1293
01:26:41,446 --> 01:26:45,033
Boy, I sure am bushed. Have
you had enough yet, sir?
1294
01:26:45,200 --> 01:26:47,076
What do you mean, bushed?
1295
01:26:47,243 --> 01:26:49,037
Where are the big
rides? The big ones?
1296
01:26:54,834 --> 01:26:57,295
Screamie Mimi! Let's
go. Get in the front.
1297
01:26:57,462 --> 01:26:58,880
Come on.
1298
01:26:59,631 --> 01:27:00,882
Huh?
1299
01:27:02,967 --> 01:27:05,470
Has your father ever
killed anyone before?
1300
01:27:05,637 --> 01:27:08,431
Oh, just a dog. Oh,
and my Aunt Edna.
1301
01:27:08,598 --> 01:27:11,935
- Hey. You can't prove that, Rusty.
- Ooh.
1302
01:27:13,937 --> 01:27:16,564
Rusty? May I call you Rusty?
1303
01:27:16,731 --> 01:27:19,484
I had a bad experience on
this ride once before.
1304
01:27:19,651 --> 01:27:21,069
What happened?
1305
01:27:21,236 --> 01:27:22,320
I threw up.
1306
01:27:28,409 --> 01:27:30,411
[WHIMPERING]
1307
01:27:37,919 --> 01:27:40,004
No, don't do that again.
1308
01:27:51,099 --> 01:27:52,100
[SCREAMING]
1309
01:28:36,102 --> 01:28:38,104
[SCREAMING]
1310
01:28:49,699 --> 01:28:51,701
[CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY
1311
01:29:17,435 --> 01:29:20,813
Goodie, goodie, goodie! The Loop-D-Loop.
Come on, get in there. Let's go.
1312
01:29:20,980 --> 01:29:23,191
- Please, don't push.
- Come on, Audrey.
1313
01:29:23,358 --> 01:29:25,443
Isn't this fun, honey? Come on.
1314
01:29:27,487 --> 01:29:29,906
That's not a real
gun, is it, Clark?
1315
01:29:30,073 --> 01:29:32,158
What? Are you kidding?
This is a Magnum P.l.
1316
01:29:32,325 --> 01:29:33,910
It's a BB gun.
1317
01:29:34,077 --> 01:29:36,204
Don't try me. I could put
an eye out with this.
1318
01:29:36,371 --> 01:29:39,874
- You couldn't break the skin with that.
- It could. It could break the skin.
1319
01:29:40,041 --> 01:29:42,627
It could lodge under the skin
and cause a bad infection.
1320
01:29:42,794 --> 01:29:46,214
- That's an old wives' tale, Clark. I'm telling.
- You're not going...
1321
01:29:46,381 --> 01:29:48,549
- Ooh!
- Clark.
1322
01:29:48,716 --> 01:29:50,385
See, I told you. I warned you.
1323
01:29:50,551 --> 01:29:52,887
If you wrecked these pants,
you're paying for them.
1324
01:29:53,054 --> 01:29:55,932
Yeah, I'll pay for them.
You'll pay for them.
1325
01:29:56,641 --> 01:29:59,227
LASKY: Why did you shoot me?
CLARK: It's a BB gun. I told you.
1326
01:29:59,394 --> 01:30:01,034
- LASKY: Well it hurt.
- What do you want?
1327
01:30:01,187 --> 01:30:03,189
- Why'd you shoot me?
- You tried to run away.
1328
01:30:03,356 --> 01:30:05,483
LASKY: I wasn't going anywhere.
CLARK: I thought you were.
1329
01:30:05,650 --> 01:30:06,985
RUSTY: This is great, Dad!
1330
01:30:10,488 --> 01:30:12,323
[SCREAMING]
1331
01:30:27,088 --> 01:30:29,048
[CLARK LAUGHING]
1332
01:30:40,560 --> 01:30:42,562
- Whoa.
- Ow!
1333
01:30:43,688 --> 01:30:45,231
[ALL SCREAMING]
1334
01:31:02,707 --> 01:31:04,709
[CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]
1335
01:31:08,296 --> 01:31:09,589
Freeze!
1336
01:31:13,217 --> 01:31:14,469
Don't shoot.
1337
01:31:15,386 --> 01:31:17,138
MAN: You, out.
1338
01:31:17,305 --> 01:31:20,141
All right, hands
behind your heads.
1339
01:31:20,308 --> 01:31:22,351
Spread your legs apart.
1340
01:31:22,518 --> 01:31:25,772
And up against the wall.
You two, over there.
1341
01:31:28,941 --> 01:31:31,736
- Just a BB gun.
- You're all under arrest.
1342
01:31:31,903 --> 01:31:33,988
You have the right
to remain silent.
1343
01:31:34,155 --> 01:31:37,700
- If you give up the right to remain silent...
- Watch your hands, mister.
1344
01:31:37,867 --> 01:31:39,827
In a court of law.
1345
01:31:44,290 --> 01:31:47,585
How many are there? A lot of them?
What, five? What, are they Arabs?
1346
01:31:47,752 --> 01:31:50,046
Whatever they want, pay
them. We'll pay them.
1347
01:31:50,213 --> 01:31:52,340
- What's going on?
- We've got it under control.
1348
01:31:52,507 --> 01:31:54,175
- These people are terrorists.
- Where?
1349
01:31:54,342 --> 01:31:55,551
- There.
- Them?
1350
01:31:55,718 --> 01:31:58,471
- LASKY: Hello, Mr. Walley.
- He treated me like a dog, Mr. Walley.
1351
01:31:58,638 --> 01:32:01,557
- He humiliated my human decency!
- What did he do with your dog?
1352
01:32:01,724 --> 01:32:04,685
He kidnapped me, but I wanna
tell you, I had a great time.
1353
01:32:04,852 --> 01:32:08,564
It's the most fantastic time I ever
had. I like where I was way up high...
1354
01:32:08,731 --> 01:32:11,067
I'm glad you liked it.
Now, what's happening?
1355
01:32:11,234 --> 01:32:12,954
- That's Roy Walley, honey.
- ELLEN: I know!
1356
01:32:13,027 --> 01:32:14,862
Mr. Walley, my name
is Russ Lasky.
1357
01:32:15,029 --> 01:32:17,865
- I met you at the summer picnic last year.
- I don't remember.
1358
01:32:18,032 --> 01:32:20,451
- They kidnapped my men.
- I was the one who was sick.
1359
01:32:20,618 --> 01:32:23,704
Anyway, I went on all the rides,
and I didn't get sick this time.
1360
01:32:23,871 --> 01:32:26,624
- Normally, I get sick on all your rides...
- Quiet!
1361
01:32:28,543 --> 01:32:32,296
Uh... Mr. Walley? Roy'?
1362
01:32:32,797 --> 01:32:35,299
I think I can make some
sense out of this.
1363
01:32:35,466 --> 01:32:37,718
Well, somebody better explain...
1364
01:32:37,885 --> 01:32:40,555
or there'll be a lot
of explaining to do.
1365
01:32:40,721 --> 01:32:43,516
- I'm Clark W. Griswold.
- Uh-huh.
1366
01:32:43,683 --> 01:32:46,310
And, oh, this is my wife, Ellen.
1367
01:32:46,477 --> 01:32:50,356
Hi. We're really big fans of yours.
We watch your show all the time.
1368
01:32:50,648 --> 01:32:53,192
- Oh.
- And my children, Audrey and Rusty.
1369
01:32:54,068 --> 01:32:56,154
- ROY: Nice family.
- Heh-heh.
1370
01:32:56,320 --> 01:32:57,655
CLARK: Uh...
1371
01:32:58,239 --> 01:33:01,993
- We're from Chicago, Roy. The Windy City.
- Yes, I've been there many times.
1372
01:33:02,160 --> 01:33:07,248
We just spent two weeks of
living hell driving out here.
1373
01:33:07,748 --> 01:33:10,710
We lost a very dear member
of the family along the way.
1374
01:33:12,920 --> 01:33:14,422
But the important thing, Roy...
1375
01:33:14,589 --> 01:33:17,633
is that we could've gone anywhere
we wanted to this summer.
1376
01:33:17,800 --> 01:33:19,385
Anywhere in the world.
1377
01:33:19,552 --> 01:33:21,345
But when I asked my kids...
1378
01:33:21,512 --> 01:33:25,933
And I said... Kids, remember when I said,
"Where would you like to go this summer?"
1379
01:33:26,100 --> 01:33:27,935
- What did you say?
- Hawaii?
1380
01:33:28,102 --> 01:33:30,438
Shut up, Russ. Audrey,
you remember?
1381
01:33:30,897 --> 01:33:33,107
Uh... Walley World, Dad?
1382
01:33:33,274 --> 01:33:36,777
Walley World, Dad.
Roy Walley World.
1383
01:33:37,153 --> 01:33:38,946
I don't imagine you
have any children.
1384
01:33:39,113 --> 01:33:41,157
Are you kidding? I have seven.
1385
01:33:41,324 --> 01:33:43,826
I thought so. Seven, did
you hear that, honey?
1386
01:33:44,410 --> 01:33:46,120
You look so young.
1387
01:33:46,662 --> 01:33:48,873
- You do look very young.
- Oh? Well.
1388
01:33:49,040 --> 01:33:50,875
Did you ever drive
them across country?
1389
01:33:51,042 --> 01:33:52,251
Oh, hell yes.
1390
01:33:52,418 --> 01:33:56,756
I took the whole clan to Florida one year.
The worst two weeks I ever had in my life.
1391
01:33:56,923 --> 01:33:59,884
The smell from the back seat was
unbearable. You know families.
1392
01:34:00,051 --> 01:34:02,637
I know that smell.
I know that smell.
1393
01:34:02,803 --> 01:34:07,058
But, Roy, can you imagine how
your kids would've felt...
1394
01:34:07,225 --> 01:34:09,310
if when you got to
Florida, it was closed?
1395
01:34:09,477 --> 01:34:10,853
Oh, they don't close Florida.
1396
01:34:11,020 --> 01:34:15,066
I know they don't close the state
of Florida. But, you know...
1397
01:34:15,233 --> 01:34:17,652
when we got here, to
Roy Walley World...
1398
01:34:17,818 --> 01:34:19,987
and it was closed down, Roy...
1399
01:34:20,154 --> 01:34:22,531
If you had seen the look
on my kids' faces...
1400
01:34:22,698 --> 01:34:25,993
- I just went a little haywire.
- You went a lot haywire, if you ask me.
1401
01:34:26,160 --> 01:34:28,996
Well, I'm very sorry, sir. And
I'm sorry to all these people.
1402
01:34:29,163 --> 01:34:31,374
I didn't mean any harm.
1403
01:34:31,540 --> 01:34:35,127
I just want you to ask yourself
one thing. If you were...
1404
01:34:35,670 --> 01:34:36,963
If you were me...
1405
01:34:37,129 --> 01:34:39,924
wouldn't you do the same
thing for your children?
1406
01:34:40,091 --> 01:34:42,426
- No.
- MAN: We're all finished here, Mr. Walley.
1407
01:34:42,593 --> 01:34:45,221
You want me to take them
downtown and book them?
1408
01:34:45,471 --> 01:34:47,014
Um...
1409
01:34:49,016 --> 01:34:50,559
No. No.
1410
01:34:50,726 --> 01:34:53,145
Forget it, officer. I'm not
gonna press any charges.
1411
01:34:53,312 --> 01:34:55,398
[YELLS]
1412
01:34:57,692 --> 01:35:01,195
Walley. Good, huh? What did I
tell you? Did I say trust me?
1413
01:35:01,362 --> 01:35:03,030
Huh? Ha-ha-ha.
1414
01:35:04,407 --> 01:35:06,409
[ALL SCREAMING]
108536