All language subtitles for Vexed S02E04 x264 RB58-eng

OK, one minute left.

One minute to put up the
greatest dish of your life.

If it's not perfect,

you've wasted your time...

and mine.

OK, plating up time, make it count.

Michael, let's see if you've
done these prawns justice.

Prawn linguine.

- What are you watching?
- Come on!

What you've done with
those prawns is a disgrace.

It's a disgrace to you, it's
a disgrace to your family,

it's a disgrace to everybody
you've ever met.

This is what you've been doing?
I've been slaving away

and you two have been
watching a cookery programme

- on the gourmet channel.
- Hey.

This isn't any old
cookery programme.

This is Kitchen Maestro
with Robert Randall.

Alison, let's see if your
sea-bass died in vain.

I didn't even know
he was still cooking.

Yeah, he's staging a comeback.

He's opening a new
restaurant next month.

Building up publicity by appointing

an unknown amateur
as his new sous chef.

And this is the audition?

Each episode, they cook a dish -
worst one gets eliminated.

Last man or woman left standing

gets a new job in his restaurant.

Who's the scary lady?

Oh, that's his second in command.

- She's been around for ever.
- Yeah.

It's not slapping
me round the cheeks

and putting its tongue down my
throat, like Alison's sea-bass.

Compared to that
sea-bass, this dish

is a cross-eyed homeless boy...

As much of a tool now as
when he was famous, I see.

Right, I need you to sign
off on our last case report -

which I wrote, again.

And I appreciate it. Again.

But you really do
need to get out more.

- I get out plenty.
- Yeah!

- I do!
- One of you is going home.

- Alison's the winner hands-down.
- Thank you very much.

Head and shoulders above the rest.

Michael, you're going home.

Can you sign the report please?!

You've got the rest of your
career and the rest of your life...

Have I offended you in some way?

I have a social life.

Look, I didn't mean to upset you,

I'm genuinely concerned about you.

All you do is work, work, work.

Yeah, well, I don't need your pity.

I'm fine. As a matter of fact,
I'm going to a party tonight.

And I'm going to be back late.

- Hey, enjoy yourself!
- Very late.

VEXED
Season 2 - Episode 04

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
Sync: Marocas62

Hello?

Hey.

- How was the party?
- It was good, thanks.

Yeah? Couldn't have been that good,

you answered after the first ring.

Well, it's a murder.

That's what I do when
there's been a murder.

How did you know it was murder
before you answered the phone?

Busted!

Hey, Naz.

Hey. Victim's mid-20s, was
found hanging from there.

Hey...

Isn't this the girl who came
top of the cooking contest?

- Alison Clarke?
- Oh, yeah,

- poor thing.
- Yeah.

It's the pretty ones that
will really get to you.

We also found this.

- "Over-done".
- Short and sweet eh?

Plus...

Jesus Christ, Naz!
What are you doing?

It's only tomato sauce,

- so you can actually taste it.
- Yeah?

I say tomato sauce but it's more
of a homemade passata.

- Good one, too.
- That is good.

- Yeah, it's the oregano.
- Oregano!

That's what I'm tasting.

Why are people so
afraid of oregano?

- I dunno.
- Anyway...

It looks like she had a blow
to the back of the head -

that actually killed her, then
she was placed like that after.

- Who called it in?
- Her husband.

He came back early
from a business trip.

He's next door.

Mr. Clarke?

- Yeah.
- I'm... DI Dixon, this is...

DI Armstrong.

I know this is a
very difficult time,

we'd just like to ask
you a few questions

about your wife...
if that's all right.

So you came home early from a
business trip, is that right?

She texted saying that she had
done well in the competition.

I just wanted to come home and hug
her and tell her how proud I was.

The food at the hotel was awful.

I missed Ali's spaghetti a vongole.

She loved to feed me.

Clearly.

Um, can you think of anyone who
may have wanted to hurt Alison?

No.

She was an angel.
My little lamb.

Oh, God...

Her lamb with candied chestnuts!

I'll never eat it again!

OK, where were we?

Well, Alison Clarke
had no money worries,

no shady past.
The only thing I could find

was her cooking blog -

"Ready Or Gnocchi".

Oh, God, I hate blogs.

Why does every man, woman
and child need to broadcast

their half-arsed boring
opinions to the whole world?

Hey, remind me to
tweet about this later.

It's not surprising she was the
front runner in the competition.

Judging from these blogs
she was a hell of a chef.

You think it's about cooking?

Robert Randall may be a
has-been celebrity chef,

but he's still a celebrity chef.

And this is a hell of a
prize for an amateur to win.

Maybe somebody just didn't want
Alison in the competition.

Hello...!

Look, can we just focus on
the case, for one minute...

Hold this, will you?

- OK.
- Do your belt up.

OK, there are eight people
left in the competition.

- We need to check them out...
- Watch this.

A little trick a friend
of mine taught me.

What? What!

Great.

I am so sorry, DI
Armstrong, police.

- What's your name?
- Beth. Call me Beth.

OK, Beth, well,
look, I am so sorry.

Sometimes I get so
wrapped up, you know,

taking the bad guys
off the streets...

We've been involved in a stakeout,

and sometimes innocent,
attractive people

like yourself get
caught in the middle.

Let me give you my number...

For the insurance. Yeah?

Let me give you mine...

Screw the insurance.

- Call me yourself.
- OK.

- I'll do that, Beth.
- Goodbye, DI Armstrong.

Goodbye.

- You are unbelievable.
- I know.

- Not a compliment!
- Don't care.

Hey, what you doing?

I've got to go home to change,
you start interviewing everybody.

- So I'll drive you home.
- I would rather

not get in the car with
you again today, thank you.

Hold it up... Up!

We can't wait any
longer for Alison Clarke.

Let's start the baking round.

Off, off, off, off.

- OK, everyone, pay attention...
- Police!

There'll be no baking today.

Neither will there be any poaching,

frying, grilling,
searing or broiling -

whatever the hell that is.

One of your contestants -

Alison Clarke - died last night.

Oh, my God. She's really dead?

I'm afraid so.

Well, that's not really
our problem, is it?

We're on a schedule here.

That's very sensitive of you.

Well, what she meant was,
we have a TV show

- to make...
- I get it!

I was looking forward
to the baking round, too.

Pastry is a real challenge...

separates the chefs from the cooks.

But a woman has died,

a very attractive woman,

and she leaves behind a very
unhappy and obese husband,

whom she enjoyed over-feeding

and who will now struggle
to do so well again,

so it's very sad all round.

OK,

let's start with every
one of you telling me

where you were last night.

This is ridiculous,

you can't just waltz in here and

- wave your badge around...
- Let's start with you!

Where were you last night?

- So I'm a suspect now?
- Just answer the question.

Unless you've got
something to hide?

We were working on a
cheese souffle recipe,

all night.

Sue and I were in
my training kitchen,

attempting a six-cheese souffle.

Let me get this straight, Sue.

You were making...

a Sue-fley?

And before you were head chef,

you were a...

- ..Sue-s chef.
- Yes.

No, no, it's just that
you were, your name is...

Your name is Sue...
And...

You know what?
Forget it, it's fine.

We have a television show to make

and it has to be
transmitted later today.

Yeah, but this is a police matter.
And it takes precedence.

So let's all try and be grown-up
and professional about this.

- Thanks.
- Dad, what...

What are you doing here?

I can't pop round and
visit my own daughter?

No, of course...
Of course you can.

- Good. You well?
- Yep. Yeah.

- You?
- Oh, can't complain.

I'm actually just in
the middle of a case.

My day, even in the middle
of a quadruple murder,

we'd still find time
for tea and biscuits.

I really do have to go.

Well... what about...

catching up tonight over dinner?

OK.
Yeah.

How about here, seven-ish?

Perfect.

- Sorry.
- I'll leave you to it.

OK. Oh, I'll see you later.

Hey.

- What's going on?
- Time to prepare.

Competition continues
this afternoon.

- You're joining it.
- I'm...

- Wait, what?
- I've narrowed down the suspects

but I believe they'll
only open up to you

if they think that
you're one of them.

I was speaking to Robert
Randall, who owes me a favour.

I helped him a couple
of years ago when

someone was pinching his cheese.

Now, he says it's fine for
you to enter the next round,

but he's been told to treat
you like any other contestant.

And you need to be
convincing enough

so that the others
don't become suspicious.

- Can you cook?
- Yeah.

- Good.
- But I can show you

a couple of tricks
that'll make you great.

Come on, come on.

Check your smokes, check
your smokes, come on. Ah!

- Green pepper.
- Yes.

That's good.

- Orange pepper.
- Yes!

Voila!

This is ridiculous.

I mean, first this
morning gets postponed,

now we're late getting started.

I heard someone died.

- Who are you, anyway?
- I'm Georgina.

Cooking in the next round.

Next round?

How? You weren't
in the first round.

I was on the reserve list.

I had to do two weeks of nights

and one month double shifts
to get through to this contest

and you're on some bloody reserve
list that I've never heard of.

I bet you're delighted
Alison croaked.

And you aren't?

And what is that supposed to mean?

You asked her for a
pigeon and fennel recipe

and when she turned you
down, you went crazy.

- I'd hardly say I went crazy, Marcus!
- You screamed at her.

No, I did not!

Yeah.

Charlotte's kind
of short-tempered.

So...

- her and Alison had a row?
- Yeah.

Charlotte was screaming
and shoving her,

saying Alison thought she
was better than everyone else.

She told her she deserved to
be brought down a peg or two.

Really?

What's his story?

Stefan?

He never talks...

to anyone.

I mean, we want to win
but he really, really,

really wants to win.

He's obsessed.

You know...

Charlotte said she was angry

because Alison
wouldn't share a recipe,

but I think she was just
jealous because Alison's pretty.

Like you.

Thank you.

OK, who's in charge here?

Clive Wilkinson,
how can we help you?

E-mail, LAN,
wireless connectivity,

setting up a router, software.

- You're in charge here?
- Yeah.

OK. Well, I'm a detective.

I'm here to ask questions
about this guy, Marcus Porter.

- I believe he works here.
- Oh, yeah, he does.

What's he done, then?
Cos...

I wouldn't be surprised, he's
quite a one, is Marcus. You know?

Keeps himself to himself.
He's a real nerd.

Right...

Well, he's a suspect

in a murder investigation so...

Well, I'm not surprised.
Not surprised at all.

In fact, I wouldn't be surprised
if it involved cannibalism as well,

simmering of body parts,

living out his sordid fantasies
about eating human flesh.

Wait a minute, Jesus Christ...

He...he actually told
you about these fantasies?

No, no, no, but...

he was obsessed with
food, was Marcus.

And weird.

Weird as my uncle
Nigel, I tell you.

This man's really weird.
We were on holiday,

we were up this hill.
We were running down and

- I fall over and this sheep...
- OK, Clive. Clive.

This is going to be a
lot easier for all of us

if you just stick to the point
and to the realm of reality, OK?

OK, sorry.

Jesus.
OK,

is there anything
else you know about

Marcus Porter that
might actually help?

Well, I guess the
simplest thing to do

would be check his
computer, you know

read his e-mail, see what
websites he's been visiting.

OK, that's a good
idea, let's do it.

Well, I mean, I can get into a
lot of trouble for that, you know.

Privacy laws and all.

- What are you saying, Clive?
- Well,

I mean, why should I help you?

This is so cool.

What a bunch, eh?

Aren't you hot?

I'm just thinking, cos
it's quite stuffy in here

and I'm sure if you took your
coat off, you'd be a bit more...

- more comfortable.
- OK,

enough gossip
and plaiting each other's hair!

- Let's make some food.
- Speed.

- Rolling, yes?
- Rolling.

Contestants...

welcome to the second round...

of Kitchen Maestro.

You are all one step closer
to becoming the sous chef

in my brand-new restaurant.

The baking round will have to wait,

cos Sue and I have cooked up
something really rather special.

Today, I want you...

to replicate my signature dish.

We have made...

Robert's world-famous
lobster veronique.

His luxurious spin on a classic,

served with braised fennel.

OK.

Gather round!
All of you...

remember, taste.

Try.

Savour every flavour.

Begin.

Think about the
combination of flavours,

how unusual, how unique.

See?

Chef Randall...

Chef Randall, I think there's
something wrong with it.

Something wrong?

Oh, right, excuse me, sorry.

How many Michelin
stars do you have?

None!
You spit out my food?

- I cook for kings.
- I'm pretty sure.

That's what I'm saying,
seriously, please try it.

You pony riding child.

Sugar instead of salt.

Sugar!

Instead of salt.

My fault, chef, I'm sorry,
it won't happen again.

That's OK.
Accidents happen.

We can cut that bit.
Cut that bit, yes?

Still rolling.

Lobster veronique.

Cook, cook!

Begin.

Allons-y!

- There's a lot of porn.
- What, in the office?

Yeah, well, you can
download it to your mobile.

- Really?
- Yeah, I can show you how actually.

- Focus.
- Sorry.

- What other websites?
- There's a

cooking blog here,
Ready Or Gnocchi.

Oh, that's Alison Clarke's.

Looks like he posted on the
comments section under a pseudonym.

- Posted a lot.
- OK, print it all out for me.

Like sucking on a tramp's sock.

OK, last dish of the day.

And let's hope you haven't
murdered the fennel like Ian.

What's fennel ever
done to you, Ian?

Your mother run away with a piece
of fennel when you were a child?

OK...

Good luck.

I've tasted worse.

Can't remember when,
but I have tasted worse.

OK...

The best lobster
veronique of today is...

..Stefan.
Good job.

Ian, you're going home.

And I hope the next time you hear
the word fennel,

you cry yourself to sleep
like a big failure baby!

But...

as a consolation...

at least you get this.

A replica of the
Randall utility belt.

Six salts and spices

for instant flavour
to lift any meal.

I never leave home without mine.

The rest of you...

I'll see you tomorrow, where you
will continue the fight to be

my new sous chef

and for the title of...

Kitchen Maestro.

And break.

That's as long as I can hold that.

It's as long as I
can hold that, look!

Standing there like an idiot!

Come on, man, mind
where you're going!

Oh, Jesus...

Oh, God, did you see
what that freak did?

OK.

Marcus Porter was obsessed
by Alison Clarke's blog.

Kept on sending her weird,

freaky food-fixated messages.

If you'll take a
look at this, madam...

- Read that.
- "I want to be your risotto.

"Beat the starch out of me and
slather me in Parmesan," Jesus.

Yeah. The sick bastard.

It's the food stalker, definitely.

Well, I'm sorry, officer.
I've told you everything I know.

OK, well, I'm just going to take this
lobster for, er, forensic analysis.

Thank you.

Pigs.

Marcus, right?

I'm Georgina.

Quite a day, huh?

I suppose so.

I don't suppose you
fancy grabbing a drink?

What, us?

- The, the two of us?
- Yeah.

Why not?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that'd be...

that would be really great!

Oh, God, sorry.

I'm probably going to need those,
being my house keys and all!

- Crikey, that's really heavy.
- I'll give you a hand. OK.

- Maybe it was stuck.
- Oh, thank you.

Thanks.

The doctor says that it's
muscular atrophy or something,

yeah, but it doesn't really matter.

So, where do you want to go?

Actually, I've just remembered,

there's somewhere I'm
supposed to be, so...

Yeah, it's...

It's fine, it's fine.

Marcus isn't our killer.

I spoke to his GP.

Apparently he has
diagnosed muscular atrophy.

He wasn't strong
enough to lift Alison.

- He didn't do it.
- Damn.

Nine times out of ten,
it's the weird stalker guy.

So that leaves us with
Charlotte and Stefan.

Charlotte had a grudge,
something about a recipe Alison

wouldn't give her.
And she's got a temper.

I could definitely
see her flipping.

- What about Stefan?
- Stefan's odd.

You know, intense. And sweaty.

Yeah, I could imagine him doing it.

But these are just
my first impressions.

- It doesn't mean anything without evidence.
- OK.

Let's pick it up
with those two tomorrow.

I've got a hot date tonight, so...

I'm not going to get much
sleep, if you know what I mean.

I always know what you mean.

You sure it's just you
and your dad tonight?

Cos it looks like an
all-you-can-eat buffet in here.

Well, I thought I could use
the practice.

Who could this be?

It's Beth!

Oh, shit! Shit.

I forgot to book the restaurant.
I'm such a tit!

Oh, God...

Hey! Hey, blue eyes...

Oh, they're brown.

Well, look, I'll, I'll take
a better look at them tonight.

Er, yeah, listen, I-I...

booked the Wolseley
Restaurant in town tonight,

but I-I was thinking, hey, why
don't you come round to mine

and I'll cook you a
delicious, home-cooked meal?

Yeah, I cook. Oh, God, yeah.

All right, well, look,
I'll text you my address,

OK, and shall we say...
eight, eight thirty?

OK, look forward to it.

Yeah. Bye. Bye.

God, she's great.

So look, can I take
some of this food?

I thought you promised her
a delicious home-cooked meal.

Yeah, it is home-cooked.
You're home, you cooked it.

- You liked it?
- It was amazing.

Yeah, it was amazing.

Damn, she's good.

Sorry, the lamb was good. Tasty.

Oh, God rest her
delicious, lamb-y soul.

How do you even make
something like that?

That's a good question...

Well, you know what
they say about chefs?

They never, never
reveal their secrets.

- That's magicians.
- Is it?

Right! I'm just, I'm just, I'm
just worried that if I tell you,

then it's going to ruin the...
the effect.

That's still magicians.

- Yeah?
- Stop being shy!

- I want to know how you did it.
- Well, OK, OK...

Well, you take your lamb...

You know, there's, there's
a lot of different factors,

a lot of different ingredients.

- There's, there the lamb...
- Yeah.

Which is the chief component.

The lamb is slow-cooked at
120 degrees to melt the fat.

And... and then you put... butter

on there to crisp up the
rosemary and the garlic, you di...

You didn't, didn't really
need to know that now, did you?

The way you talk
about food is so sexy.

Yeah?

Well, so is your face.

You know, they say food
and sex go hand in hand.

Do they?

Marcus Porter we can eliminate.

- So we're down to these two.
- So what do your instincts say?

Well, he's very intense.

But she's very aggressive.

What do your instincts say?

Well, he kept his coat
on the entire time.

He must have been boiling.

Well, that's a bit weird.

It is weird.

Let me, let me get rid
of this jacket, sorry.

Why does your coat
smell of chicken?

- It's not...chicken.
- Yeah. Chicken.

God, that's weird.

When he left, his coat looked...

Stefan!

- Stefan!
- What?

I've had guys call me the
wrong name in bed before,

but Stefan is a first.

No. No, no, no, no,

the case I'm working
on at the moment.

Beth, Beth, please,
can you stay here?

Don't go anywhere.

I've just got to go for a bit.
But I'll be back!

Yep, I will be. I promise!

- Stefan was cheating.
- Yeah, I know.

Well, his coat looked
smaller after the round.

So, he must've been hiding stuff inside
it, that's why he wouldn't take it off.

His coffee was
actually chicken stock.

OK, so he was smuggling

pre-prepared food
into the contest.

Wow, he really wanted to win.

Maybe enough to kill
his main competitor.

- Right, I'll see you at his place.
- Yeah, I'll see you there.

Oh, shit.

Maier?

Maier!

Maier? Maier?

Jesus!

I don't know much
about cooking, but

that looks pretty burnt to me.

And I think I know why.

Oh, no.

He was stabbed with this knife.

A Japanese sushi knife.

Yeah, well, the question is

why would someone want to
make sashimi out of Stefan?

Tell me about the writing.

Pesto. Not bad, either.

Could've done with a little
less Parmesan, but hey,

it's just a tasting.

So I've just been on to the hospital
that Charlotte Devins works at.

Apparently she was
on a night shift,

according to the duty
nurse, so we've gone

from having three
suspects to having none.

Maybe it was a different killer.

I mean, we know that
Stefan was cheating.

Maybe someone else found out.

So Stefan kills Alison and
then someone kills Stefan?

Yeah, it makes a lot less
sense when you say it out loud.

OK, let's pick it up
from here tomorrow.

I should be having sex right now.

- So should I.
- Yeah, you got a date too?

Oh, no. I always think
I should be having sex.

Oh, thanks, Dad!

Yeah, all right, all right.

- Hey, you're early.
- I know.

I couldn't sleep.

I was thinking about
the case and baking.

All night.

OK.

OK. So we have croissants,

chocolate chip muffins.
I had to make six batches of these

just to get the
consistency perfect.

It's all about the
flour-to-egg ratio,

it has to be exact. Here...

try one of these.

You're not actually
in this competition.

- You do remember that, right?
- Oh, yeah.

I'm a professional detective,
why would you question that?

I think you're becoming a
tiny bit obsessed by this.

You know we talked
about you getting a life?

Police work and
cooking is all I need.

You're going to become a spinster!

You need cats to be a spinster.

Not necessarily.

You can't be a spinster at my age.

No, spinsterism is
not age-specific.

- Hi. Sorry to interrupt.
- Beth!

Hey.

Beth, Georgina, Georgina, Beth.

- Hi, Georgina.
- Hi.

These look amazing.

Yeah, help yourself.

- Have these got almonds in?
- Yes, they do. Thank you for noticing.

Yes, thank you for
noticing all my hard work.

Yeah, I made them
especially for you.

You're amazing.

- Isn't he amazing?
- He's all right.

Well, nice to meet you.

And catch some bad guys.

- See you.
- See you later.

You see?

Your cooking, my looks -
killer combination!

You're like my culinary
Cyrano de Bergerac.

Only you...you don't have
the big hooter, obviously.

We need to take another
look at Robert Randall.

But he's got an alibi.

Randall's been Sue's
boss for 30 years

so she has to cover for him.

That's a stretch, isn't it?

Yesterday we had to try one
of Randall's signature dishes.

It had been made with
sugar instead of salt.

Sue took the blame and
Randall let her off.

He'd never do that
unless it was his mistake

- and Sue was covering for him.
- A wild hypothesis

based on flimsy evidence-
I'll buy that.

So, I did some digging.

I ran Sue's credit cards and
found that she'd made a purchase

cigarrettes on the
other side of town

from Randall's test
kitchen at 10pm,

so there's no way she could've
been with him all night.

OK. Let's go take a run at them.

I forgot.

I popped home briefly and then
I came back to the kitchen.

I wasn't gone long.

Must've slipped my mind.

Really?

So, Chef Randall,

you want to tell us what
you were doing that night?

Cooking.

- We already told you.
- Right.

Venison tortellini.

- Right.
- It's cheese souffle,

we were making cheese souffle.

Yes, you told us the other day.

I remembered.
Chef Randall didn't.

Two people in my competition
are dead.

I'm not exactly thinking clearly.

Were you thinking
clearly when you killed

Alison Clarke and Stefan Maier?

Why would he kill people
in his own competition?

It's terrible publicity.

Right. We can't find a motive.

But you were lying
about your alibi.

You tell us why you're lying

and we will eliminate
you as suspects.

- We have a competition to get back to.
- Yes.

Either arrest us or let us go.

OK. Fine, go.

We'll talk to you again.

Thank you.

OK, we need to run
down where they were

that night and the
night that Stefan died.

We need to see if there are
any more cracks in their alibi

- and why they're lying.
- Definitely.

We should get right
on that in a few hours.

A few hours? What's wrong with now?

I think maybe at the contest

I might pick up a few
clues about the case.

- That sort of thing.
- Or...

you might cook Chef
Randall, our chief suspect,

something that he loves because
you're insanely competitive.

I'll let you eat whatever I cook.

Done.

We tasted Sue's dessert earlier on

and that set the standard to beat.

And remember,

while I am tasting the
bitterness of dark chocolate,

one of you...

will be tasting the bitterness...

..of defeat.

He must think those up.

He must think those
up while he's at home,

mean things to say about food.

It's like you don't care.

No, I do. I want this
more than anything.

If that's creme anglaise, then
I'm an old Chinese obstetrician.

Embarrassing!

In fact, I need something to
take the taste out of my mouth.

Coffee me.

Get me my damn espresso!

It's like swimming
through treacle!

Next up...

Now, I'm hoping

for something, anything,
just something I can eat.

Presentation - first-class.

Do you know what, please,
just tell me what you think.

I actually can't take it.
Do you like it?

You don't... I put cinnamon in,
which I know is controversial.

There's too much cinnamon isn't there?
I knew it, I knew it!

Stupid, stupid, stupid!

This dish...

Chef! Chef!

Oh, my God!
What the hell did you put in that?

- Cinnamon.
- Cinnamon!?

'Deadly delicious!'

- Will you stop doing headlines?
- Pastries to die for!

I didn't kill Robert Randall.

- No, she didn't.
- Oh, Naz, thank God!

What the hell's going on?

Randall's in hospital.
They've flushed out his system

and he's going to live.

And it wasn't my fault?

Hey, I tasted your tarte au citron.
It was a-maz-ing!

Just the right hint of lemon.

How did you get
the base so buttery?

- Well Tony told me...
- Hey, I never thought

I'd say this, but can we
talk about the case, please?

Sure, Jack.

We've been testing all the
food Randall was trying.

And we've got a positive result.

We found a nasty bacteria,
a strain of botulism.

Cheers, Tony.

Right. So, it was an accident?

No. A strain that virulent

has to be artificially introduced.

Especially when it's
found in espresso.

It was in the coffee?

Yep.

Sue!

Sue tried to kill me?

She brought the
cup straight to you.

Nobody else touched
it. We both saw.

Sue?!

I can't...

We would have found
out a lot sooner

if you hadn't provided
false alibis for each other.

I can't believe that!

The thing is the
night that Alison died,

I was with another woman

and I didn't want
my wife finding out.

So you pretended that
you were with Sue,

even though you had
no idea where she was?

We chefs tend to stick together.

I thought she was
stepping in to help me out.

I had no idea she was
covering her own tracks.

We can't prove that at the moment.

She's not under arrest?

The case against Sue
is circumstantial.

Technically, the bacteria
could have occurred naturally.

Or been introduced into
the cup itself earlier.

We'll find something on her.

I just can't believe she
killed those poor people.

I mean, I barely knew them. But...

But those poor, young people.

I mean, Stefan. Intense boy.

Alison...

I mean, so talented
and so beautiful.

And her blog was something
else, it really was.

But she wasn't above
using a bread maker.

So she kept her feet on
the ground, or so it seems.

- Hello, Mr. Randall.
- Hello.

Er, Robert, there was one thing.

Right before all this happened.

You said, "This dish is..."

when you tasted my lemon tart.

What was that last word?

- Promising.
- Promising?

For an amateur.

Right.

Thank you.

Get well.

So, we'll try and
trace Sue's whereabouts

on the nights Stefan
and Alison died.

Review all the CCTV footage

and re-canvas all the witnesses.

- Sounds like a plan?
- Yeah.

Hey, what's the matter?

- I don't know. It just seems...
- What?

It seems like we're
missing something.

You know, we still don't know
how all the murders are related.

There has to be something.

Hey, no!

Never take case
files home with you.

- Why?
- Because it's depressing

and unhealthy.

And sometimes, when you
leave them lying around,

the girl that you're
seeing opens them up

and you discover that
she's morbidly aroused

by crime scene photos

and then you've got
to break up with her,

but only after you've
done some weird shit

that you'd really
rather not talk about.

Or...
something along those lines.

Hey, look. Relax.
We know who did it.

By the end of the week, we'll
have enough evidence to arrest her.

Here, something for you.

Randall's utility belt!

Yeah, the paramedic got it
off Randall in the ambulance.

Don't worry, he'll
never know it's missing.

- Thanks.
- Hey, listen.

I won't tell anyone about it

as long as you keep
cooking for Beth.

You do know that is crazy, don't you?
What if you get married one day?

You can't have me dropping
off your Sunday lunch

through the back window.
She's going to find out

you're a chauvinist liar
who has never cooked for her.

Maybe.
In the meantime,

I want as much sex
with her as possible.

This is Sue Goretti.

Aye.
I recognise her from the telly.

Why?

Is she the killer?

Well, she's our chief suspect.

Leo! I can't find
the socket for the...

George!

- What are you doing here?
- Me? I'm just...

He's helping me
with a new security system.

After what happened with
Alison, you can't be too careful.

- Hang on, hang on!
- I knew it!

I knew the minute
you just turned up

at my flat that you
wanted something!

George, I'm just
trying to make a living.

By ambulance chasing my cases?!

You went through my case files and

you knew that the
husband of a murder victim

would be the perfect
customer for you.

You cannot go around using private
confidential police information.

If this got out,
it could ruin my career!

- Well, that's not going to happen.
- How do you know that?

Jack, do me a favour, talk
some sense into her, would you?

Actually...

I'm with my partner on this one.

Are you serious?

Yeah. Afraid so, mate.

Oh, I see!

Thank you.

That's OK.

Weren't we supposed
to meet at Tony's?

Yeah. I thought I'd drop
off some pastries for Beth.

- She is here, right?
- Yeah, but...

She appreciates my cooking, Jack.

It's the least I could do.

Right. Did you, did you
get any sleep last night?

No, but I'm fine. I'm totally fine.

Yeah? You're drinking coffee now.

How much have you had this morning?

Some, but I didn't feel
like sleeping and so I cooked

and I drank coffee, but I'm fine.
Really fine.

Really? This is the second night
in a row that you haven't slept.

And you're practically doing
star jumps in my kitchen.

These look ni...

Can you just come and stand here!
You're making me nervous.

Yeah.

Jesus!

So, did you make all these by hand?

Of course. No chef worth their
salt would use a bread maker.

Bread maker?

Hold on.

What's Alison Clarke's
blog called again?

Ready Or Gnocchi. Why?
What are you thinking?

I'm thinking I may have
just solved the crime.

No more coffee, all right?

Thank you for coming everyone.

This hopefully won't take long.

It's been a traumatic few days.

Sadly, the trauma isn't over yet.

Almost, but not quite.

In the immortal
words of Jon Bon Jovi,

"Whoa, we're halfway there."

You know this whole thing has
been about food.

Which is why, I've
taken the liberty,

of preparing a bowl
of risotto for you all.

If you'll excuse me.

OK.

Voila!

Please, enjoy.

You made this yourself?

I made it from some stuff
I had left in my fridge.

Some old sausages and
a jar of weird shit

I got in Berlin a few years ago.

That's right, help yourselves.
Don't be shy.

You made this?

But it's absolutely sensational!

- Oh, come on!
- No, really. It is.

Hey, you think that's good?

You should try my toad in the hole.

Maybe it's so good,

because I used some of Chef
Randall's speciality salt in it.

In fact, I used quite a lot.

I think you'll find it's not
commercially available yet.

I know. That's why I used the
salt from your utility belt.

My salt?
My personal salt?

- That's right.
- From my utility belt?

Yep.

What's wrong, Chef Randall?

- I thought you liked it.
- I need to go to hospital.

Could somebody call me
an ambulance, please?

Why?

That salt has a bacteria in it.

It's a strain of botulism.

We need to go and get
treatment immediately,

otherwise we're all going to die.

Chef Randall.

How do you know that it's got
bacteria in it?

Because I put it in there, OK!

Oh, God! I need to go to hospital!

- I need to...
- Chef Randall, It's OK!

It's OK, I lied!

I didn't put your
salt in the risotto.

It's OK!

I feel all hot and sweaty.
I can't breathe.

I know, I know.

It's amazing the tricks
your mind plays on you.

I mean, take me for instance.

I used to think Coldplay were good.

I mean, how is that possible?

It was all to divert suspicion
from the first murder -

Alison. That's why
you infected yourself.

That's why you murdered Stefan.
He was doing well in the contest.

You needed to make sure it looked
like that was the killer's motive.

I feel a wee bit better now.

How did you know it was me?

Because when you
talked about Alison,

you talked about her bread maker.
She never mentioned it on her blog.

And no chef worth their salt
would ever admit to using one.

You knew she had one, because
you'd been in her kitchen.

Then it was just a matter
of making a killer risotto

and forcing a confession.

You didn't go there
intending to kill Alison.

The blow to the back of the head
suggests it was spur of the moment.

So what happened, Randall?

I went to her house,

to tell her how fantastic
her meal had been.

That she was a certainty
to win the competition.

And then, just as
one chef to another,

I asked her for her recipe.

And she refused.

In fact, she laughed in my face.

She said I was a has-been.

That she'd only
entered the competition

to write about it on her blog.

That my recipes were from the 1980s,

that she had no intention
of working for me,

that I was a joke.

She laughed at me!

And you don't take no
for an answer, do you?

So you hit her. You hit her hard.

And when you realised
that she was dead,

you panicked, didn't you?

You wrote a message on
the wall in tomato sauce

so it looked like the
crime was about the contest.

As for Stefan, who
knows why you chose him.

Maybe because he was weird.

I'd have chosen him too.

It was easy enough to frame Sue.

All you had to do

was slip a bit of
salt into your espresso

before you drink it.

Chef Randall...

Your goose...

is cooked and served.

Nice!

What's wrong?

I think I'm just having
a massive coffee comedown.

Well, do you mind doing it later?

Because, I've got a
home-made breakfast

and a woman waiting for me.

Oh, shit.

- Oh shit, shit, shit!
- What, what, what?

The croissants I made this morning!

I used the salt from Randall's
utility belt!

- The one you gave me.
- Oh, my God, Beth!

Come on, let's go!

Come on, pick up, pick up, pick up!

- Shit!
- Maybe she's not up yet.

Or maybe she's writhing around

in agony from your poison pastry!

What!?

Oh, you are joking!

- Screw this!
- What are you doing?

Well, I'm not getting a 99, am I!?

Beth!

Beth? Beth?

Oh, my God, Beth.
No, no, please!

Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.

- What are you doing?!
- Why didn't you answer me?

I was doing my relaxation exercises.

OK, did you eat any
of the croissants?

What? Oh, yeah. Delicious.
As always.

- Right, come on. We've got to go.
- What?

We've got to go to the hospital.
Come on, I'll explain!

Did you eat anything?

- Yes, she ate a croissant.
- Can someone tell me

what the hell is going on?

The croissant you ate was poisoned.

- What?!
- I made the croissant,

I made all the food Jack
says he's cooked for you.

He passed it off as his
own, but it was mine.

The salt I used happens to
contain a nasty strain of bacteria,

which I must point out
I had no idea about...

OK, so you didn't cook anything?

I'll explain later.
Can we first just save your life,

- please?
- Wait, wait, wait. I didn't

- eat the croissant.
- You what?

- I threw it away.
- You threw it away?

And then I put the crumbs
on the plate

to make it look like I'd eaten it.

I don't understand.

OK...

Truth is, I don't really like your
food, Jack.

Or rather your food. Sorry.

I just said I liked it so you
would want to sleep with me.

But Beth, with an arse like yours,

I'd have slept with you anyway.

Come here!

Don't be silly.

Hang on, hang on, hang on.
So...

so you didn't like my food?

That's just personal taste.

It's not you, it's me.

That's fine. It's fine. I just...

I think I thought we made
a connection, you know.

- It seems I was wrong.
- Oh, God. Please don't cry.

I'm sorry!

I haven't slept in
a really long time

and I'm having a very
serious coffee come down.

I think this is goodbye.

OK?

I'd better just go and...

Georgina?

Georgina!

Coming!

Hey.

Hurry up, will you?
I'm parked on a double yellow.

- Wow, you look different.
- Thanks, I was going for different.

You were right,

I need to get a life outside work.

By the way, could
you possibly rustle up

- one of those lasagnes for me?
- No,

I'm done cooking for you so that
you can get your end away. Out!

I'll get a takeout!

- Keys!
- Sorry?

I think I feel like driving today.

I'm not comfortable with other
people driving the Golden Lady.

I promise I'll treat
her exactly as you would.

OK, but listen.

None of that fancy
police driving, OK?

Why am I letting you do this?

So, you and Beth.

- How's that all going?
- It's over.

- Three shags and then out.
- What?

- After all that?
- Yep.

I mean, she was pretty
and she was kind of fun,

but at the end of the
day she lied to me.

She lied about enjoying my food

and I cannot be with
a woman who lies.

It wasn't even your food.
It was my food.

OK, so you're going to break up with
her for being a liar,

even though you're a bigger liar?

Yeah, basically.

- What?
- Nothing.

You're just funny.

Thanks.

I think?

What the hell are you doing?

What did you do that for?!

Oh, right.

OK, I get it. So that's why
you wanted to drive my car.

How do I look?

Yeah, do-able.

Good enough.

You're paying for that by the way!

Yeah, we're just
here to investigate

the brutal murder
of their headmaster.

This is a very prestigious
school, detective.

Headmaster rejects a
child, Mum gets angry...

- Are you spying on us?
- I'm knitting

an egg cosy for my mother.
You got a problem with that?

Your mum and I are
getting divorced.

Marriage is really over-rated.

I mean, why get married
when you can just find

a woman you hate
and buy her a house?

She is a suspect in an
on-going murder investigation!

- It's just dinner.
- Miss, are you going to give him a detention?

That's not a bad idea.

Someone's trying to poison you.

Oh, my God, Jack! Jack!

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