All language subtitles for RuPauls.Drag.Race.S12E08

[RuPaul] Previously on
RuPaul's Drag Race...

[RuPaul] You get to star in
Madonna: The Unauthorized Rusical.

% God bless the gays %

% God bless the gays %

% God bless the children%

[RuPaul] Heidi.

What was kind of missing was Madonna.

[RuPaul] Brita.

[Michelle] You did mess up
here and there,

and it kind of threw you off.

[RuPaul] Gigi Goode.

You embodied Madonna the most.

Con-drag-ulations, you are
the winner of this week's challenge.

Heidi, shantay, you stay.

Brita, sashay away.

[dramatic music playing]

[blows raspberry]

I just had to lip-sync
against Brita and I sent her home

and it's sad.

[sniffles]

[Heidi] "Sis, share the joy.

XO. Brita, bitch."

-Brita, bitch.
-We love you, Brita.

-[clapping]
-[Crystal] We love you.

It's okay.

I'm so sad.

I know how badly Brita wanted this

and...

She's one of my best friends, and...

It just sucks to see her go.

[Heidi] Bye, sis.

[Gigi] To Brita

Brita is one of my
best friends in the world.

I see how much Brita tries

and it just sucks to see
somebody that you care about

have their dream stripped away from them.

[Jackie] Gigi, you've won three times.
This is incredible.

-[Sherry] Third time's a charm, honey.
-[Gigi] Third time's a--

Well, hopefully there's gonna be
a fourth and fifth and sixth, like--

-A fourth and fifth and sixth?
-[laughing]

[Jaida] Okay.

I'm so happy that you won,

but I'm really surprised that,
Jan, this wasn't your week.

I--

I'm frustrated because
this is, like, what I do.

I'm a singer. I dance, I perform.

Like, that's my thing.

I want to win those challenges.

I want to win a challenge.

And I thought that
this was gonna be the one.

I really wanted that win.

I'm frustrated.

I'm angry.

I'm crushed.

[Jaida] When Jan was called safe,

I could see on her face
it was like, "Girl."

Not only did I not win the challenge,

but my best friend
just went home, so I'm like...

[sniffles]

It sucks. It really sucks.

[sniffles] Like, but
the worst part about it is that

my best friend just went home.

[Jaida] Yeah, she's a little salty
that her friend left

but I'm thinking
she's a little bit more upset

that she had not won this challenge.

Everyone back at home is gonna be
so upset that she went home

and at least,
if there was any consolation,

it could have been
that I would've won this challenge.

And it just,

it-- it sucks.

[Jackie] I think this is
a build-up of weeks and weeks

of her not breaking through to the judges.

She also says
she's really upset about Brita,

but I think it's more that she's upset

that neither her nor Brita have been
able to live up to their reputation.

[Jackie] We're just gonna have to
keep pushing ourselves.

You have to keep selling
what you do the best

every challenge,
no matter what the challenge is.

Every bitch thinks
that they gonna be that star,

and they gonna be that bitch,
and they gonna win, win, win, win, win.

Child, look.
We all wanna win this competition.

[cries out] Ah, my nails.

I hope the girls aren't getting
too cocky about the challenge wins

'cause the race is still on

and we all know that
the big battle happens at top four.

Just like the almighty black widow spider,

she sneaks up on a bitch,

and the next thing you know, you're dead.

[dramatic music playing]

And now I'm laying eggs in you, bitch.

No I'm kidd-- [laughing]

[car engine starting up]

% RuPaul's Drag Race %

[RuPaul] The winner of RuPaul's Drag Race
receives a one-year supply

of Anastasia Beverly Hills cosmetics,

and a cash prize of $100,000!

With extra special guest judge

Chaka Khan.

% RuPaul's Drag Race %

% May the best woman %

% Best woman win %

[upbeat music playing]

Yass.

Hi, America.

This morning I feel fine.

I had a very emotional week last week.

Maybe the girls see that

as a weakness.

But, bitch, I'm from New York.

I cry about it, I get over it,

and I'm focused on the next challenge.

Hello, hello, hello.

[cheering]

[Sherry]
Oh, I love this outfit.

Why, thank you.
It is a Klein Epstein & Parker suit.

-[queens cheer]
-All I wear.

[laughing]

Ladies, when this competition is over,

you'll always be bosom buddies.

And who else but a bosom buddy

will sit down and tell you the tea?

As in, girl, your make up is terrible.

-[whooping]
-Child.

But I've got just the thing
to make it better.

Oh, pit crew!

[cheering]

Ladies, for today's mini challenge

you'll be pairing up
to share the gift of shade

and so much more.

Now, using these wonderful products

provided by FabFitFun,

you need to curate a box
for your bosom buddies.

Mm-hmm.

And then you'll exchange
gifts and share the love...

With a whole lot of shade on the side.

Bitch, okay.

Now, I'm going to pair you up.

Gigi Goode and Jackie Cox.

Come on over here.

Crystal Methyd and Jaida Essence Hall.

Come on, honey.

Simply Jan and Simply Heidi.

Which means
the Widow Von'Du and Sherry Pie

are together at last.

Okay, ladies, you've got 15 minutes
to get into quick drag.

Stuff those boxes

and get ready for a bosom buddies' kiki.

Ready, set,

skiddly pop.

[Crystal] Oh, these boxes are so cute.

What do we have here?

-Get that hat.
-This hat right here?

-[Gigi] Snatch a pair of these glasses.
-Yes, get some glasses.

-Body lotion for the dry personality.
-[laughing]

[Sherry] All right, let's become ladies.

[queen] It's time to be pretty.

Jan, you promise you won't cry
if you don't win this one?

Oh, shit.

Yeah, I don't know
what you guys are talking about.

[RuPaul] Time's up, ladies.

First up, Gigi and Jackie,

you'll be kiking with Crystal and Jaida.

-Oh, my goodness.
-[Gigi] Oh, my God.

The circus is in town.

-Hello ladies.
-[laughing]

Maybe black is just a lot more slimming
than whatever those colors are.

Yeah, I just like to be
a little bit more exciting, I guess.

Yeah, well, something's gotta
make up for the personality.

[laughing]

We have a little gift.

[Jackie] We curated a box from

-FabFitFun.
-FabFitFun.

Well that is so crazy
because we also curated a box for you

from FabFitFun.

[Jackie] Oh, well.

Crystal.

Now, I know the judges are always saying
that your make up is just, um...

-terrible.
-[laughing]

So I got you the season one filter, okay?

It's just a towel that you
put over the lens of the camera.

[laughing]

Thank you.

Miss Jaida, I got something for you, too.

Now listen, I got you this lotion...

Oh, it is perfect.

And it's cruelty-free,

unlike your performance
as Cardi B in The Snatch Game

which was really cruel for us to watch.

[laughing]

Stop it.

Gigi, I got you
this face purifying cleanser

so you can wash both of your faces.

[Jackie] But which face is it?

The face of the one win, or the other win?

-Or maybe it's the third?
-The third?

Or the no win.

[laughing]

Oh!

Sister, I've always told you
you were so beautiful

and you're like a work of art to me.

You know that one where they're like...
[screams]

Screaming, yes, honey.

So what I did,
was I wanted to frame your face a little,

so I bought you
these beautiful sunglasses.

-Oh, try them on really quickly.
-[Jackie] Gorgeous.

Oh... [gasps]

And look, you've never looked
more beautiful, Jaida.

Oh, this has been so fun.

Well, you guys have a great day.

We're gonna say goodbye.

-Goodbye, ladies.
-Goodbye, girls.

-[Gigi] Sluts.
-Uh, whores.

[laughing]

Next up, Heidi and Jan.

You'll be kiking with Widow and Sherry.

[overlapping] Hi!

It's so nice to see... you.

[Sherry] Well, um,
we actually curated this box

from FabFitFun for you ladies,

-isn't it cute--
-You're so kind.

Well, somebody has to be kind to you--

'Cause life has not been at all.

We also curated a box from FabFitFun

-just for you.
-Yeah.

[Sherry] Oh, fabulous.

Sherry, you're just such a strong,
independent and handsome drag queen,

so I just got you this blanket.

Wow, it's very heavy.

Just like you.

[laughing]

[Widow] Heidi, I know
that you got a lot of shit

from pretty much everyone
about how busted your mug is.

-Oh.
-So I felt I should get you a new mug.

[laughing]

[Widow] Try not to crack this one.

[laughing]

Miss Widow,
I actually got you some luggage,

you know, to help you pack
when you get sent home.

-[snorts]
-Yet I've been safe, mostly.

Safe, just coasting, yeah.

-[laughing]
-[Jaida] Oh, bitch.

My darling, I know
how much you've been struggling

with your best friend
leaving the competition.

[laughing]

[Jan] At least I have some friends.

And so I got you this lovely terrarium,

I thought we could put some plants in it

and you can water it
with your salty crocodile tears.

[laughing]

This was so lovely to catch up.

Give us a call...

-never.
-Never.

[laughing]

[Sherry] Bye, girls.

[RuPaul] Wow.

You were all so giving.

The winners
of today's mini challenge are...

[drum roll]

Jackie Cox and Gigi Goode.

-Ah.
-[applause]

Sister.

[RuPaul] Con-drag-ulations.

FabFitFun is providing $1,000

and a one-year subscription to you both.

-[cheering]
-[Jackie] Fabulous, thank you.

I finally won a mini challenge!

Look, it's not the challenge win,
but I'll take that $1,000 gift card.

[electronic music playing]

Ladies, Drag Race
turns queens into stars.

And today's biggest stars
create their own

lifestyle, beauty, and wellness brands.

So, for today's maxi challenge,

you need to think like a star

and create a ridiculously extravagant,

and totally unnecessary product

for a new drag queen
lifestyle brand we're calling...

droop.

[laughing]

#DragRace

Now, after you create your posh product,

you need to sell it
in your own commercial.

Now, I shop at droop all the time.

-[beeping]
-Oh, what is that?

Oh, it's time to pull out
the solid gold goose egg

that I keep, um, between me down there.

[laughing]

It helps keep my biorhythms
in sync with the stock market.

Thanks, droop.

[laughing]

Now, gentlemen, start your engines,

and may the best woman win.

[beeping]

Oh, it's beeping again.

[laughing]

This challenge is all about
personality and selling yourself,

and coming off of last week,

I have to show the judges
what makes me special.

We will see if I achieve that.

[dramatically] Dun-dun-dun.

Child. Y'all ready to sell your brand?

For this week's maxi challenge,
we have to come up with

an over-the-top upper echelon product,

they're asking for a whole hell of a lot
and it's going down now.

This challenge is
so opposite of me, like...

This is for, like,
boujee rich people.

And, Heidi, I made $9,000 last year.

-[Jaida] Working where?
-At my job at a gas station.

-[Widow] Just nine?
-Oh, my God.

Upper echelon...
I don't know how to spell echelon.

[laughing]

Girl.

Hey, kitty girls.

[queens] Hey.

We got company.

-Hi everybody.
-[queens] Hey.

Give a big Drag Race welcome

to health and fitness guru, Bob Harper.

[queens] Hi, Bob.

Bob's here to help me help you.

Sickening.

Well, hello, Miss Heidi.

You know, you have done very well
in the personality department

in this competition.

How are you gonna
infuse Heidi into this product?

Um, my brand is
Heidi's Multipurpose Lotion.

[whistling] Soft and supple.

[laughing]

Thank God for that gap
between your teeth

-so you can say that right.
-Oh, honey, it's come in handy many times.

Now, there's
a lot of products called soft and supple.

-Is there?
-[RuPaul] Yeah.

You need to get your ass out of Ramsuer.

[laughing]

So, are you saying that Heidi's lotion is

hy-dra-ting?

[ding]

That could by my new name.
[laughs]

Did you not think of Hydrating Heidi?

-No, I did not.
-Oh, my goodness.

Is that trademarked now by you?

It's not, but I--
Yeah, I'll see your ass in court.

[laughing]

[Bob] When you're selling something,

you gotta take that name
and what your product is

and you gotta somehow
meld those two worlds together,

so when people are thinking of their
product, they have Heidi's face in mind.

Now, Heidi,
you were in the bottom

last week.
-[Heidi] Yes.

[RuPaul] You haven't won
any challenges yet.

You better get out there,
you better act your ass.

All right, I can't wait.

-All right, thank you.
-Thank you.

-Bye.
-Bye.

[Heidi] I'm not a thief, Mama Ru.

Imma give you 2.3 per cent
of all Heidi's Hydrates sales.

I think that's a generous deal

and I'm looking forward
to doing business with you, partner.

-Hi, Widow.
-Hi, Ru.

Meet Bob Harper.

-Hi, Bob, nice to meet you.
-Nice to meet you.

So, now, what is your product?

My brand's called Throat�.

My revolutionary throat-coating spray.
'Cause you're gagging.

Do you have a gag reflex?

I mean, you don't get to be this size and
you can't shove things down your throat.

[laughing]

Now, does it have
more than just one use?

Yes, it does.

It could be used
as a setting spray, mace...

Maybe you wanna do some
extracurricular activities and need to...

Okay, all right.

Now, Widow, so far, you won one challenge.

You haven't won any since.

What do you think has held you back?

I-- Quite honestly, I don't know.

What I have to do
with everything that I brand myself with

is really stay true to who I am.

[RuPaul] Just make sure
you bring the funny.

Ru says I haven't
touched the top in a while,

that's pretty much all the fuck
I'm thinking about right now.

I'm feeling some type of way, like,

I didn't come here just to,
you know, fade in the background.

-Hi, Jan.
-Hi, Ru.

Tell me about your product.
Tell me what you got.

My product is called Sure, Jan.

If you feel like Jan Brady
and you wanna be a little more Marcia,

then, girl, we just gotta spritz

and then you're feeling the "Jan-tasy."

You could really attract
a whole group of people that

are kind of, like, you know,

the quiet little person that goes,
"I wanna be just like Jan."

Now, you came close
to winning last week.

-I did.
-And you got very emotional.

I did. I was upset to see
one of my best friends leave.

-It sucks.
-It's not RuPaul's Best Friends Race.

-It's not, and that's why--
-Gotta think like a winner.

If anything,
it's a good thing that Brita's gone

because now I don't
have to worry about her.

And now that she's gone,

I'm really gonna push it to the judges.

-Just make sure you bring the funny, okay?
-Mm-hmm, I will.

All right, we'll see you out there.

-See you, Jan.
-Bye, guys.

Hey, J. Cox.

What is your product?

Jackie's Magic Carpet Merkins.

[RuPaul] So, I see that you've taken
the Middle Eastern theme

and you've run with that.

I ran with it,
and growing up, there isn't very much

Middle Eastern representation,
at least in things that I can watch on TV.

Uh-huh.

But, in the very first episode
of I Dream of Jeannie,

Barbara Eden actually speaks Persian.

Really?

For me, that was like,
oh, my God, I know what she's saying,

you know, and there was this moment
I'd never seen anyone

-who spoke Perisan or Farsi on TV before--
-[RuPaul] Yeah.

So I fell in love with that character.

Barbara Eden played
the character of the genie

in I Dream of Jeannie.

I love her as an icon,

and I really admire the way
she's embraced the character of Jeannie,

now 50 years later.

Why would someone need a merkin?

Well, you know, sometimes
the between-me-down-theres

-don't get enough attention.
-That's right.

Sometimes you can really zhuzh it up
with a magic carpet merkin.

This is the type of challenge that
seems to me it's either gonna go so well

or it is going to crash and burn.

So, it's gonna be really interesting
to see you sell this merkin.

We'll see you out there.

-[Jackie] Thanks, you guys.
-Thank you.

[RuPaul] Now, listen up, ladies.

In a few moments
you'll be filming your droop commercials

with the help of Bob Harper.

And tomorrow on the main stage,

we'll be joined by
our extra special guest judge,

the legendary

Chaka Khan.

-[screaming]
-Oh, my God.

Chaka Khan.
[screams]

My heart is beating so fast.

I'm, like, salivating over here.

All right, good luck and don't fuck it up.

-Come on, Bob.
-Bye, guys.

[Widow] Chaka Khan.

What?

My commercial, without a doubt,

has to be funny as shit.

I'm not going down in front of Chaka Khan.

I am gagging.

-Hi, Jackie Cox.
-[Jackie] Hello.

Let's do this.

It's time for me to film my green screen
commercial with Bob Harper.

I'm ready for this.

All right, so we have 20 minutes.

You can use the pit crew, you can use
any of the furniture provided by Objects.

[Jackie] Great. Let's set the scene.

I need this big chair,

and then I need my pillows.

We only have 20 minutes.

You're dealing with a director
and a lot of cameras.

You have to know exactly what you want

and how you want it all to go down.

So, you're gonna be
my little harem boy, just fanning me.

Oh.

That's your character, own that.

I'm feeling like I'm
in a genie's bottle right now.

[Jackie] Exactly.

This is what we're going for here.

Action.

Introducing Magic Carpet Merkins.

And then we'll cut,
and then I need someone to set the merkins

while I hold this position.

And then they'll appear
when you hit play again.

What's going on, I mean... wh-- what?

Being a fan of 1960s television,

I do love the stop, pause and reset

old school TV magic,

but Bob's just kind of confused.

Hard cut. Sound effect. Poof. I'm a genie.

Oh.

I'm hard cutting
like it's the sixties, baby.

You really are, I mean, I get it now.

Barbara Eden,
Elizabeth Montgomery, send me help.

Now that we know your vision, my darling,

let's do another take.

Introducing Jackie's Magic Carpet Merkins.

So, if someone can grab those merkins
and set them on this table.

Bryce.

I'll just keep holding.

Standing here frozen.

Waiting for those merkins.

Bryce.

Run.

By all means, move at a glacial pace.

[Jackie] We are just pausing the camera,

moving the things into frame
and restarting the camera.

Just like they did it in the old days.

[Bob chuckles] And action.

[gasps]

[laughing]

[Bob] Oh, my God, that's great.

[Bob] Okay, Gigi, we got 20 minutes.

What are we gonna do?

Well, my product is called
Goode Night, Bitch.

Um, it's a fragrance that doubles as

-a highly potent sleeping aid.
-[Bob] Okay.

Knock me out.

Introducing Ru Co-lab's
newest fragrance and sleeping aid,

Goode Night, Bitch.

And cut.

Good?

Um, I'd like to do one more time.

Give me something different
with Goode Night, Bitch, okay?

I mean, make Goode Night, Bitch
sound just even more important.

Okay.

Introducing Ru Co-lab's
newest fragrance and sleeping aid,

Goode Night, Bitch.

I feel like it's working,
Gigi, I feel sleepy.

-Oh.
-I mean, you're very statuesque.

I just need the statue to move a bit.

-Hi, Bob.
-How are you, honey?

Baby, I'm good,
ready to shoot this commercial.

-Yeah?
-This is gonna be a winning one.

-It is?
-For sure, it's fun.

[Jan] Here we go.

Hey, girl, it's the high-energy,

high-belting bitch from season 12.

Wow, Jan-tastic.

Wow.

All right, just know this.

You're coming off very intense right now

-Okay.
-[Bob] So, it's, like, I want

a couple of different levels, all right?

-You got it.
-Take a breath.

-You got it.
-Action.

Hey, everyone.

Introducing the all-enhancing spray

to make your simple life Jan-tastic.

Breathe, Jan. Breathe, honey.

-I'm sorry.
-It's okay.

[Bob] Next scene, what do we got?

[Jan] When I say "one," throw it on me

and then on three I'll drop

so that it looks
like it's raining as I'm going down.

Oh, God. Are you really gonna drop?

Oh, yeah, girl. We getting down there.

[screaming silently]

[Bob] Be careful.

Let's do it.

[whimsical music playing]

[thuds]

Oh. My head hurts.

I am truly throwing
everything but the kitchen sink

at Bob to show him my personality.

-Are you okay?
-I'm great.

-Wait, how many fingers?
-[chuckles] Two.

[laughing]

[Bob] And action.

Oh, hey, bitch. It's Jaida Essence Hall.

Now I know what you're thinking,

[muffled] damn, she's snatched.

And you're right, I am.

Wait, wait, wait, hold on one second.

Wait, you hit your mic,

-don't-- don't hit your chest.
-Oh, shit. Okay, got you. Thank you.

Now I know what you're thinking,

damn, she's snatched.

And you're right.

[muffled] I am.

Oh, fuck, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I know what you're thinking,

[muffled] damn, she's snatched.

Don't hit your mic.

-Oh, I keep--
-Yeah, I know, I know.

It's like Celine Dion, honey,
I get it. I wanna do it, too.

Now I know what you're thinking,

damn, she looks snatched.

And you're right, I am.

Beautiful.

Moving on.

The artist formerly known
as Heidi N Closet.

Yes.

Now, are you gonna be using any of
the furniture, any of these things--

[Heidi] Yes, I need the pedestal
here for my lotion.

Where's the lotion?

The lotion.

She puts the lotion in the basket.

She puts the lotion in the basket.

[Heidi] ...on the skin,
or else she gets the hose again.

[laughing]

So let's get
all the narration first, okay?

-Okay, yes.
-Action.

Are you tired of your skin being...

Ooh.

Take two.

Are you tired of your skin
being thirsty and dry?

Are you tired of not having
a so much of a tight downstairs?

-Cut. Big, honey, big and funny.
-Okay.

[Bob] Sell it.

Sell it, Heidi, just like on the corner.

[Bob] Heidi is so funny.

But she's making me laugh...
in between takes.

As soon as you stop delivering your lines,
you are cracking me up.

Give me more of what you're giving
when the camera turns off...

-Okay.
-...on camera.

-You got that?
-Yes.

Forget about everything,
just let loose, Heidi. Go, girl.

Now introducing
Heidi's Hydrates Multipurpose Lotion.

Yes.

Made from tears of a drag queen.

[exaggerated sobbing]

Just go, get in there. Oh, God.

[Heidi] Mama gots a lot of personality

and if that's what they want on camera,
that's what I'm gonna give 'em.

[screaming]

[shudders]
The girls look okay?

My Tyra Banks.

Get in there, I gotta make money.

I got 30 cents in my bank account.

[screaming]

[Heidi] Oh, she's a actress.

She really is, right there.

[Bob] Widow Von'Du, Throat�.

.Sounds like it could be
really fun and super exciting

It's gonna be all about your delivery.

All right, action.

I am Widow Von'Du.

Humanitarian.

Oh, fuck, I forgot
the first couple of lines.

Cut, let's start again.

[Widow] I'm a little nervous

and so I'm a little demure
for the first take

'cause I'm trying to just
remember the shit that I wrote.

Relax and action.

Throat� is GMO-free...

cruelty-free...

Ooh, forgot the next line.
[chuckles]

Oh, my Jesus.

I'm nervous as shit.

Just sell it for me.

[clears throat]

[Widow] I want to remember
everything I wrote,

but Ru's words are sitting
right on my frontal lobe.

Throat�...

Fuck. Can't remember.

[Bob] So, let me just remind you

that your droop ad needs to be memorable,

impactful,

and it needs to reflect your brands.

-I love what you have on, by the way.
-Thank you, me too.

All right, let's start. Wow me.

Unh, unh. Oh, yeah.

The magic mullet!

Okay, perfect, um...

Wait, what's happening?

Well, I wanna start and then
kind of cut to the B-roll

'cause I don't really
have anything to fill.

-[Bob] Okay.
-In my vision.

-Okay, honey.
-[Crystal] Now.

I worked with a team of scientists

to create a product that will turn you
into a fierce bitch like me

in a matter of seconds.

Um, I need just a table
that we can do science on.

[laughing]

[Bob] Is that a science table, Crystal?

Oh, hot.

[Crystal] Hurry.

I am running around
like a chicken with its head cut off.

[hammer banging]

Hmm...

I've gotta scramble
and get all these shots filmed

because if I don't,
this commercial is gonna make no sense.

We got seven minutes left,
we gotta power through it.

Wow, Crystal, you're so
gorgeous and confident.

Try to be a little different,
you're still giving me Crystal, okay?

[in a deep voice] Wha-- Wow, Crystal.

[laughing] I like it.

Wow, Crystal,

I wish I could be
as gorgeous and confident as you.

[laughing] Sounds like Cher.

I think that was it?

I don't really exactly know what that was.

[Crystal] At the end of my shoot,

I'm pretty sure that I got
all the shots that I need,

but who knows?

If not, this commercial
is not gonna make any sense.

[upbeat music playing]

[Jan] Here we go!

It's my wedding day, I'm getting married.

[Heidi] It's another day, honey.

[vocalizing to "Wedding March"]

So, today is elimination day
and somebody has to take their ass home.

[Sherry] It's our wedding day.

[screaming]

[Crystal] Today's
runway theme is Black Wedding.

I'm really excited for this runway,

I know that the other queens have got...

very...

expensive gowns,

and my take is a little bit different

and I'm hoping that it pays off.

[upbeat music playing]

[Jackie] Jan, how are you doing?

I'm good.

I feel like last week, obviously,
was a very emotional week for me.

And I also wanna say, like, I...

was just upset about Brita leaving

because I have
such a high respect for her.

[Jan] I don't want people to think that

I'm upset that I didn't win.

Because I'm genuinely upset the most

about Brita leaving.

I've known Brita for years.

I've looked up to her since the first day

that I started doing drag
in New York City.

We competed against each other,

and from that day, she's always been
such a cheerleader for me.

I know that other girls don't have
the same relationship that we do

which is why I'm so emotional about it.

Because I know the tremendous amount
of pressure and stress

and effort that she puts into her drag.

I'm not denying that I wasn't, like,
not thrilled that I didn't win.

It just makes me wanna
work harder and show the judges

that I'm not just somebody
who's gonna do well in a musical,

I can do well in different
elements of this competition.

And I think I did that this week.

When Jan's frustrated
and in her head about things,

[high-pitched] she jumps
into this little voice

and you can tell that all of a sudden,
things aren't going well.

[normal voice] I think this competition
has shaken her.

I'm so happy
y'all are my season 12 sisters.

[Sherry] Talking about sisters,

anybody think that they can do
a good impression of one of your sisters?

[imitating Jan] Um, hey guys.

-[laughing]
-Really emotional this this week.

[laughing]

[imitating Jan]
Okay, everybody, I'm so excited

we're in the Werk Room again today.

Are you feeling the jantasy?

[Heidi imitating Jan] Oh, my God,
I'm just here living my fantasy.

-I know I look like a woman.
-Aaw.

[laughing]

[Jackie] What's happening in here, girls?

We're doing impre-- Do you have any
impressions of any of the cast members?

[imitating Crystal] Oh, I don't really
have any impressions of anyone,

except for Crystal Methyd.

[laughing]

[Widow] Oh, my God.

Look, I'll be Aiden.

[screaming]

She just stopped talking.

The ghost of Henny.

[Imitating Aiden] Boo!

["Cover Girl" by RuPaul starts playing]

[RuPaul laughing]

% Cover girl %

% Put the bass in your walk %

% Head to toe %

% Let your whole body talk %

% And what? %

Welcome to the main stage
of RuPaul's Drag Race.

Michelle Visage,
are you buying what I'm selling?

Well, baby, you know me.

If I can't sell it,
I'm just gonna sit on it.

[laughing]

-Miss Ruth Brown.
-Yes.

The hilarious Ross Matthews.

Now, Ross,
do you ever shop on droop?

Uhh, only if I have a droopon.

That stuff's expensive, Ru.

[laughing]

[RuPaul] And my friend Chaka Khan.

Tell me something good.

Um...

A lot of money.

[laughing]

[laughing]

We love you,
thank you so much for coming.

Thank you for having me here,
it's a pleasure to be here with you.

This week we challenged
our queens to create a sickening product

for the new drag lifestyle brand droop.

And tonight on the runway

category is Black Wedding.

Gentlemen, start your engines,

and may the best woman win!

["Superstar" by RuPaul starts playing]

Category is Black Wedding.

Why it gotta be wedding?

[chuckling]

[RuPaul] First up J. Cox.

[Michelle] She's making
a very veiled threat.

[Jackie] My inspiration is
a beautiful bride

waiting for her husband
to come back from war.

"Darling? Are you coming back?

I received the letter.
He's been killed in combat."

The black wedding has become a funeral.

[Chaka Khan] She's a good actress.

[RuPaul] Yeah, I think
she's looking for Godot.

[laughing]

[RuPaul] Jan. Simply Jan.

Looks gorgeous.

[Ross] Um, Ma'am,
there's no smoking in here.

[laughing]

[Jan] I am dressed in so many layers

of organdy, crinoline, sparkle, shimmer...

I am feeling my jantasy hardcore.

I take my ring off

and I flip
this entire wedding on its head.

[judges gasp]

-[Ross] That's gonna hurt coming out.
-[RuPaul] Yeah.

-[Chaka Khan] I love "I don't."
-[RuPaul] Uh-huh.

[Michelle] Take that, Melania.

[RuPaul] Jaida Essence Hall.

[Michelle] Ah, she's rich.

Black diamonds are forever.

[Chaka Khan] Yes, darling.

[Jaida] I am a trophy wife, honey.

I am coming out here,
I finally got this fat ass ring

that I have been waiting for all my life.

I'm just ready to walk
down this aisle and get this money.

I mean man.

[RuPaul] Guess who's black in the house.

[laughing]

[Ross] She's a nice gay
for a black wedding.

[laughing]

[RuPaul] Gigi Goode.

-[RuPaul] Oh, my God.
-[Ross] So pretty.

-[RuPaul] So gorgeous.
-[Ross] Next level.

[Gigi] My silhouette is inspired by
the classic Christian Dior New Look.

I'm cinched in the waist
and then just jutting out at the hips.

I have my tiny little wedding ring
that you just have to squint to see

'cause I can't overacessorize
in this type of look.

[RuPaul] She loves some black tulle.

-But who doesn't?
-[laughing]

[RuPaul] Sherry Pie.

In the library with the candlestick.

[laughing]

[Ross] Got a light?

[laughing]

[Sherry] My bride may or may not be dead.

Letting the candle lead me
through the hallways

of my dilapidated old mansion.

She is looking for her wedding,

but thank God she's got a candle,
'cause it's dark in here.

[Ross] Michelle, can you candle this?

[laughing]

[Michelle] I don't think
I can candle this.

-[laughing]
-Whoo.

[RuPaul] Heidi.

[Ross] Tiara? I hardly know ya!

-[RuPaul] Heidi is the new black.
-[Chaka Khan] Heidi is the new black.

[Heidi] I've chosen
this elegant black gown.

it has this big cold shoulder piece
that wraps around me

and, you know, makes me feel secure
'cause it's my wedding day.

All eyes are on me at my wedding.

Can't nobody take my day away from me.

[RuPaul] She done already
done drove hearses.

[laughing]

[RuPaul] The Widow Von'Du.

[Michelle] She got a standing bovation.

[RuPaul] She looks
like Mary Wilson a little bit.

Kind of, sort of, I can see it.

[Widow] I am wearing this sequinned gown

with this beautiful giant train,

and then when I take off
that mask, boom, bitch.

Look at in my eyes.

She ain't got no soul

[Michelle] Peek-a-Ru.

[Ross] She's registered
at Bed Black & Beyond.

[laughing]

[RuPaul] Crystal Methyd.

[Ross] She's dying to get married.

[Chaka Khan] Oh, Lord, have mercy, yes.

[Crystal] I am serving an undead bride

who just dug her way
out of her grave to find her love.

I am loving my character.

My gloves are even
ripped at the fingertips

because when you die,
your nails keep growing.

I am covered in dust.

I think I look drop dead gorgeous

-[Ross] Um, there's a shampoo for that.
-[laughing]

[Michelle] Death becomes her.

[laughing]

[RuPaul] Welcome, ladies.

It is time for the judges' critiques.

First up, Jackie Cox.

Let's take a look
at your droop commercial.

[Jackie] When you're out
at the discotheque,

Does your snatch game got you down?

Is your hoo-hoo looking more ho-hum?

[laughing]

Well, Jackie Cox has the solution.

For you!

Introducing Jackie's Magic Carpet Merkins.

What is this merkin, you ask?

Jackie Cox has the answers.

For you!

A merkin is a wig
for your very own cave of wonders

originally worn by ladies of the night.

Hookers.

Jackie's Magic Carpet Merkins
will spruce up any queen's look.

Plus, that special man
in your life can wear it, too.

Not there.

There.

Jackie's Magic Carpet Merkins
are a wish come true.

For you!

The carpets may not match the drapes.

Droop is not responsible
for any rashes, hives, or gout

that may occur from using
magic carpet merkins.

Jackie Cox is not a genie.

But don't tell her that.

[laughing]

[RuPaul] All right, Jackie,
let's go to the judges.

Well, for starters,
I think you look really beautiful.

I get who this woman is right away

and I love that you were
telling a story on the runway, too.

I actually
really enjoyed your infomercial.

You had elements of the old school
in there with the, "For you!"

And some really funny jokes that landed.

Your whole infomercial was thought out,

from the way you wrote it,

to knowing that you were gonna
turn to the camera

and have that be a gimmick. Well done.

I think you did a great job.

Did she make you wanna buy a merkin?

What is a merkin?

[Michelle] The vagina wig.

That's the best stuff
I've learned this year.

[laughing]

She's living the merkin dream.

That's right.

-Thanks, Jackie.
-Thank you, RuPaul.

Up next, Jan.

Simply Jan.

Hey, everyone!

it's the high-energy, high-belting

highly positive bitch from season 12, Jan.

Simply Jan.

Have you ever wanted to...

[moans]

feel the Jan-tasy?

Well, girl, now you can.

Introducing Sure, Jan,

the all-enhancing spray
that will make your simple life

Jan-tastic!

Tired of being the boring ugly sister
that can't get a buck?

Ooh.

Sure, Jan.

Jantastic.

Tired of sounding like
a fucked up car motor?

[screeching]

[glass breaking]

Sure, Jan.

[vocalizing]

Jan-tastic.

Tired of sitting at home complaining
instead of doing something about it?

Sure, Jan.

Jantastic!

You can get Sure, Jan for $69.

So, what are you waiting for?

Feel the jantasy with Sure, Jan.

Jan, you look
so gorgeous tonight.

You look beautiful.

Thank you so much.

I love everything about this.

I would wear that to my wedding.

With your infomercial,

between making you feel better
and then doing death drops,

then you're gonna be a better singer.

I think you tried to fit so much in

that it became convoluted.

Okay.

I loved the puns in your video.

-Thank you.
-[Ross] Everything with Jan.

But you had so much energy

that it started at a hundred

and stayed there the whole time.

We need peaks and valleys

'cause we don't know where to go,
where to follow you, we get exhausted.

Right.

It was a little [trilling].

Up next, Jaida Essence Hall.

Oh, hey, bitch.

It's Jaida Essence Hall,

terrible actress from Gay's Anatomy

and world famous rich drag queen.

Now, I know what you're thinking

damn, she looks snatched.

And you're right.

But why the hell am I really here?

Crotch got you down?

Lumpy, bumpy tuck?

Sticky mess and bubblegum crotch?

Ouch!

Then you need the Luxuratuck.

At a modest $5,000 per pair,

these panties are sourced
from the silk of rare tarantulas

found in the Glamazonian rainforest.

And made for strength, stretch, luxury,

and pulling back those little lady bits.

Anaconda?

I don't even know her!

[laughing]

Each Luxuratuck is crafted with
a diamond encrusted monogram

and offer anyone who wants to
let the world know that you are indeed...

that bitch.

Get snatched.

From the front all the way to the back

with the Luxuratuck.

[laughing]

I love this look.

Thank you.

[Ross] Because it's so gorgeous,

I mean, any girl would want this dress,

and any man...
[laughing]

would want this dress, too.

You were so good in your infomercial.

Because right out of the gate
you made a joke

that let us know it was okay to laugh.

Terrible actress from Gay's Anatomy.

I think you're so freaking funny,

bitch.

[laughing]

And it's so funny.

You hit the jokes
where they needed to be,

so we actually had time to laugh
and continue to listen.

You are actually selling a real product
that I would probably buy.

Well you need one.

[Michelle] I do.

[laughing]

Up next, Gigi Goode.

Hi.

I'm better than you.

And in the rare case
you're anything like me,

you find it hard to get
a good night's sleep

after a long day of competing

for the title of
America's next drag superstar.

Introducing Ru Co-lab's
newest fragrance and sleeping aid,

Goode Night, Bitch.

With subtle notes of lavender,

horse tranquilizer,

and pine.

Goode Night, Bitch is designed
to help you fall asleep faster

and stay asleep longer.

[quietly] Possibly for days.

For just $18,500,

or roughly the prize money

for three maxi challenges
and two mini challenges,

you'll finally wake up
feeling fully rested

and only slightly constipated.

Don't just wait to fall asleep.

Get knocked the fuck out.

Goode Night, Bitch.

[snoring]

Tonight on the runway. My God.

Oof. Stunning.

You really
do look like a picture.

Picture perfect.

[Ross] Your infomercial

just felt a little clunky.

And it's like you couldn't
get your rhythm in it.

Goode Night, Bitch.

And that's where some
of the jokes were lost.

Like, even when you were
listing the ingredients, right?

You wanna end on the funny one.

Okay.

There's pine, this and horse tranquilizer.

O-ho-ho, that's when we laugh.

Meh...

on the video.

Up next, I hope y'all saved room
for some Sherry Pie.

[Sherry] Nothing better to do
than count your money?

I just have so much money.

I'm Sherry Pie,

and if you're tired
of counting your money,

then boy, oh, boy,

I have something that you can spend it on.

Sherry Pie's Aura Pie.

Sherry Pie's Aura Pie is all-natural

guaranteeing to turn any aura

from drab to fab!

I know what you're thinking...

Does this work?

What is an aura?

How did you become so good looking?

I don't know the answer
to any of those questions,

but I do know how much it costs.

$350 a slice.

The newest, hottest treat

for the financially elite.

Get yours now!

[RuPaul] All right,
let's go to the judges.

You're performing
with such ease in the infomercial,

but then I realize
we're about a half way through

before we get a joke.

-Yeah.
-[Ross] Right?

I don't know, it's like a race horse,

you just sort of trotted
the first half of the race.

Not gonna win that way.

I just wanted more from you,
especially in this challenge.

Tonight on the runway, however,

you gave us all of the extra more
that we were looking for.

-It was all very beautiful.
-Thank you.

Up next, Heidi.

Are you tired of your skin
being thirsty and dry?

Are you tired of having a not-so-tight...

downstairs?

Now introducing
Heidi's Hydrates Multipurpose Lotion

made from
[whistling] silks and satins,

as well as tears of a drag queen.

Mine!

-[thunder rumbling]
-[wailing]

Oh, God.

Get in there.

Uses range from frying chicken

to waxing a car

and vaginal rejuvenation.

[gasps]

Thank you.

All this can be yours

for $699

[whispering] and 96 cents.

Heidi's Hydrates may cause hair loss,

[yelling]
mood swings

and uncontrollable flatulence.

-[farts]
-Ooh. Excuse me.

Heidi's Hydrates.

Bitch, I told you
it could cause hair loss.

[laughing]

Tonight on the runway,
I think this is a beautiful gown on you.

Thank you.

Let me tell you, that dress is cut

within an inch of all of our lives.

I mean, that's the cut for every woman.

You have this ability to show your heart.

Then we watch your video,

and you're hilarious, too?

It's just so fun to see
somebody who I instantly love

have all the goods to back it up.

The tear thing was hilarious,

the whistling through the teeth
when you were speaking.

It was so funny and so much fun to watch.

-So, Heidi.
-Yes?

First of all, you know
I'm gonna sue your black ass?

-Oh, boy, here we go.
-[laughing]

Lo and behold, this bitch
just done stole my idea.

That's a mark against you,
but at the same time,

it's a mark for you
because you are listening.

You did really good, very funny.

But just keep this in mind,

I now own 51 per cent of Heidi's Hydrates.

[laughing]

[RuPaul] Up next, the Widow Von'Du.

All right.

Hello.

I am Widow Von'Du.

Humanitarian,

philanthropist,

organ donor.

Are you wanting to be a Broadway actress?

Maybe a singer?

Maybe you want to do some
extracurricular activities this weekend?

Wink, wink.

Well, have I got good news for you.

I introduce to you

my revolutionary
throat-coating spray Throat�.

'Cause, bitch,

you're gagging.

Every bottle has a non-lethal dosage
of black widow venom

just to give you
that extra little tingling sensation

deep inside.

Throat� has so many different uses.

Mace.

[coughing]

Setting spray,

or even cleaning the kitchen.

You can coat your Throat� today.

'Cause you're gagging, bitches.

[Michelle] Tonight on the runway,
it was gorgeous.

I love the veil with the crystals.

That's hot.
I think that's really effective.

[Michelle] Mm-hmm.

In the infomercial, I felt like
you were just kind of sitting there

and matter-of-factly just saying things.

I needed a whole lot more funny.

I don't know what happened.

You see what I'm seeing, though, right?

Yes.

What was missing from the infomercial

was the joy.

Why do you think that happened?

I don't know, I-- I really don't know.

[sobbing]

It just seems like
something is crushing me

and I don't know what it is, and it just--

It's keeping me from doing better.
I don't-- I don't know.

This is
where it gets really, really tough.

This is where all of the self-doubt
and saboteur pops up

and tries to derail your path.

I really want to do well in front of

the judges, and especially
in front of Chaka Khan,

I waited...

forever to finally be
in the presence of you, and I'm--

-Oh, bless you.
-I wanted this, I wanted this so bad.

It's a bad review.

Don't take it too deeply to your heart.

This could be a turning point
for you, you know that?

I see great promise in you.

Hear what she's saying to you, Widow.

Hear it. And own it.

Really, 'cause this is important.

Thank you.

Up next, Crystal Methyd.

Boo!

[laughing]

Oh, hey, it's me,
Crystal Methyd, drag legend.

You know, people are always telling me...

Wow, Crystal,

I wish I could be
as gorgeous and confident as you.

Well, I've been working on a project
with a few scientists

that will turn you
into a fierce bitch like me

in a matter of seconds.

The Magic Mullet!

Made from a unique blend of hair

collected from the tails
of squirrels and raccoons.

Each headband is infused
with our advanced droop technology,

which releases hormones into the brain

to increase strength and sex drive.

The Magic Mullet is
super absorbent and dishwasher safe,

making it perfect for working out.

Don't waste years of your life

waiting for your hair to grow
long and beautiful like mine

because you could die at any minute.

What are you waiting for?

Wow, thanks Magic Mullet.

The Magic Mullet. Get the party started.

[laughing]

I think this look is to die for.

[laughing]

I'm like
a horror film fanatic.

It all works, you look great.

Thank you.

And again, Crystal,

we get to see a different side
of your make up skills.

The Magic Mullet was really smart

because you've heard Ru
talk about your mullet

and you played on something
that you know he's obsessed with.

And you just sold it.

[Ross] It was hilarious.

My favorite shot was
when you were hammering the wig.

[laughing]

I just really wanted to let you all know
how silly and crazy I am, so.

-Oh, we know.
-[laughing]

-Thank you so much, Crystal.
-Thank you.

All right, ladies.

Since we're all together,

I'm gonna ask each of you...

Who should go home tonight?

And why?

Let's start with Jackie Cox.

If one of us has to go home,

I laughed the least at Widow's.

Jan, who do you think
should go home tonight?

I would have to say Widow as well.

All right, Jaida?

I would also have to say Widow.

[RuPaul] Gigi?

I agree with my sisters.
I would say Widow.

[RuPaul] All right, Sherry?

Widow.

[RuPaul] Heidi? What say you?

[whispering] Oh, God.

This is hard.

Say it.

She's one of my best friends here

and it's tearing me up to say this,

this is solely based off the video, Widow.

[RuPaul] All right. So, Widow,

who do you think
should go home tonight and why?

The only other video I saw
that was as bad as mine was Jan's.

[RuPaul] All right, Crystal

I've known Widow
since I started doing drag.

I didn't see Widow in that video.

I would have to say Widow.

Thank you, ladies, for your honesty.

While you untuck backstage,

the judges and I will deliberate.

You may leave the stage.

All right, now,
just between us squirrel friends

what do you think?

Let's start with Jackie Cox.

[Michelle] Jackie Cox's
infomercial was a home run.

And it was clever, you know.

But you weren't familiar with the merkin?

No, I wasn't, and actually
it was an educational video.

[laughing]

[RuPaul] Jan.

She's like an excited kid
who just wants to please.

And please she does, she's very talented.

I just think that Jan is gunning too hard

and it's now coming back to bite her.

-I just need her to take a breath...
-Mm-hmm.

...and kind of focus and fine tune.

[RuPaul] Jaida Essence Hall.

She's hella funny.

She could be a comedian.

[Michelle] This girl is
the dark horse of the competition.

Every single week we see
another layer peeled away

and we see more and more Jaida.

[RuPaul] Gigi Goode.

She just... didn't have it
in the infomercial challenge.

It-- it just didn't work bottom line.

-Yeah.
-Or top line, I don't know her.

Yeah.
[laughing]

[RuPaul] Sherry Pie.

In her infomercial, listen,

it did not suck, it just
wasn't up to Sherry Pie level.

I don't think
it was a terrible week for her,

but there may be some room
for some of these other queens...

-Yeah.
-To step in front of her in line.

[RuPaul] Heidi.

She surprised me

because I didn't expect
to laugh so hard at her infomercial.

It was funny.

[RuPaul] The unexpected twist in rhythm

that makes something really funny.

She's amazing.

She's going to go far.

[RuPaul] Widow Von'Du.

She didn't do the very best commercial.

Wink, wink.

It came across as flat.

And we know Widow
to be big and boisterous.

We've seen this before, right?

When a great queen has a lot of momentum

and maybe they start thinking
about their position in the competition

and then that gets them
out of actually winning.

Yeah.

Crystal Methyd.

Crystal Methyd has done
the biggest 180 in this competition

That infomercial was freaking hilarious.

She's one of my favorites, of course.

Boo!

So exciting to see
what's happened with Crystal.

Pay attention to that one.

She's a threat.

All right, silence.

I've made my decision.

Bring back my girls.

Welcome back, ladies.

I've made some decisions.

Heidi. I loved your performance
so much this week,

I wanna marry it.

Crystal Methyd.

Your mullets were magic,

and your zombie gave us life.

Jaida Essence Hall.

Your anaconda don't,

but your Luxuratuck do.

Jackie Cox.

This week, your merkin was workin'.

Heidi.

Con-drag-ulations, you are
the winner of this week's challenge.

[cheers and applause]

[screaming] Yeah, I win. Oh, bitch.

Heidi, you've won a cash prize of $5,000.

Thank you so,
[whistling] so very much.

[laughing]

Jaida, Crystal, Jackie,

you are all safe.

The four of you may step
to the back of the stage.

[tense music playing]

Gigi Goode.

On the runway,
you had a good night, bitch.

[chuckles]

But your commercial was... sleeper.

You're safe.

Thank you.

Widow Von'Du.

On the runway, you were dazzling,

but your commercial
did not leave us gagging.

I'm sorry, my dear,
but you are up for elimination.

Sherry Pie,

the judges ate up your runway look,

but your Aura Pie was a little...

undercooked.

Jan,

we love your black wedding look,

but your commercial...

left us unsure, Jan.

Sherry Pie.

You're safe.

You may join the other girls.

Jan. I am sorry my dear,
but you are up for elimination.

[Jan] I don't wanna go home.

I have so much more
to offer to this competition.

I'm not going down without a fight.

Two queens stand before me.

Prior to tonight,
you were asked to prepare

a lip-sync performance

of "This Is My Night"

by the legend Chaka Khan.

Ladies, this is your last chance
to impress me

and save yourself

[echoing] from elimination.

The time has come...

[thunder rumbling]

for you to lip sync...

for...

your...

[echoing] life!

[Widow] I am not

going the fuck home.

Good luck

and don't fuck it up.

["This Is My Night"
by Chaka Khan starts playing]

% I'm puttin' on my makeup %

% It's time to wake up %

% The owners of the night are calling me %

% I'm ready and I'm willing %

% To pull out the happy feeling %

% Something special's in the air for me %

% The night is mine %

% I'm gonna keep it just right %

% Gonna let this magic %

% Light, light, light, light, oh %

% This is my night %

% I'm gonna do it just right %

% I'm gonna let this magic shine %

% This is my night %

% I'm gonna do it just right %

% I'm gonna let this magic shine %

% I feel like winning %

% I don't know the reason %

% Something telling me to let it ride %

[Jackie] Widow is really selling
the words and the emotion of this song

I think Chaka Khan's soul
has now entered Widow

and is coming alive one the stage.

% Light, light, light, light, oh %

% This is my night %

% I'm gonna do it just right %

% I'm gonna let this magic shine %

% This is my night %

% I'm gonna do it just right %

% I'm gonna let this magic shine %

[cheering]

[laughing]

[Jan] I am pulling out my moves

and dancing the house down,

showing the judges how badly

I want to be here.

% This is my night %

% I'm gonna do it just right %

% I'm gonna let this magic shine %

% Let it shine %

% This is my night, my night %

% I'm gonna do it just right %

% I'm gonna let this magic shine %

% Yeah %

[cheers and applause]

Damn.

Ladies, I've made my decision.

Widow Von'Du, shantay, you stay.

[breathes deeply]

Widow, you may
join the other girls.

Thank you.

[RuPaul] Jan,

you are simply fabulous.

And never forget that.

Now,

sashay away.

Thank you so much
for this amazing opportunity.

I really did my best

and I hope to make you
proud in the future.

[applause]

America, world, thank you so much.

I hope you got to
get to know me a little bit more,

and everyone,

[moans]

get ready to feel the Jan-tasy.

Bye.

[cheers and applause]

[Jan] I made it.

I got to RuPaul's Drag Race.

The most disappointing thing
about being eliminated

is not making it to the top four.

I saw myself up there with the best girls.

One bad week and it could be your time.

Just disappointed that this was my week.

I look so good tonight. Damn.

[RuPaul] Con-drag-ulations, ladies.

And, remember,
if you can't love yourself,

how in the hell
you gonna love somebody else?

Can I get an amen in here?

Amen.

All right,
now let the music play.

% I am American, American %

% Red, white and blue %

% I am American, American %

% Just like you, too %

[RuPaul]
Next time on RuPaul's Drag Race.

It's time for America's first

drag queen president.

You vow to make America what again?

Glitter again.

The facts are
her mullet is not even real.

[gasp]

Candidates, let's keep it civil.

[Widow] If she cannot win
the war against her beard,

how can she win the wars for America?

She done already done had herses.

You're trying to become
America's next drag superstar.

Now, I don't know what that's like.

[laughing]

% I am American, American, American %

% I am American, American %

% Red, white, and blue %

% I am American, American, American %

% I am American, American %

% Just like you, too %

% Am-Am-Am-Am-Am-American
American, American %

% I am American, American %

% Red, white, and blue %

% I am American, American %

% Just like you, too %