Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,586 --> 00:00:03,463
[CLICKS TONGUE] Dave?
2
00:00:06,883 --> 00:00:08,134
Yes, Dad?
3
00:00:08,176 --> 00:00:11,012
Can you help me with something?
I think it's your... fridge?
4
00:00:11,054 --> 00:00:12,981
Something seems off.
5
00:00:13,023 --> 00:00:14,098
Well, without even looking at it,
6
00:00:14,099 --> 00:00:15,850
I can tell you that it's
not supposed to be
7
00:00:15,852 --> 00:00:17,172
opened and shut every 30 seconds.
8
00:00:17,173 --> 00:00:18,228
[CHUCKLES]
9
00:00:18,269 --> 00:00:19,796
Maybe take a break on the snacks.
10
00:00:19,838 --> 00:00:20,855
Yeah.
11
00:00:20,897 --> 00:00:21,981
It looks fine.
12
00:00:22,023 --> 00:00:23,399
Did you, like...
13
00:00:23,400 --> 00:00:25,527
Ow, my foot!
14
00:00:25,568 --> 00:00:27,862
So it's happening to you, too, huh?
15
00:00:27,904 --> 00:00:30,031
Do we have any food in the house?
16
00:00:30,073 --> 00:00:31,573
What the hell?
17
00:00:31,574 --> 00:00:34,077
Uncle Arty is coming any second
18
00:00:34,119 --> 00:00:36,121
and he's gonna expect a big spread.
19
00:00:36,162 --> 00:00:38,123
Uncle Arty's coming? You
gotta tell me this stuff.
20
00:00:38,164 --> 00:00:39,249
I did.
21
00:00:39,290 --> 00:00:40,417
Just now.
22
00:00:40,458 --> 00:00:41,543
[KNOCKS ON DOOR]
23
00:00:41,584 --> 00:00:42,919
Maybe he can look at my foot.
24
00:00:42,961 --> 00:00:44,441
Oh, what's the matter with your foot?
25
00:00:44,462 --> 00:00:45,622
It's perfect, like your face.
26
00:00:45,623 --> 00:00:46,875
I love you!
27
00:00:46,881 --> 00:00:47,961
- I love you.
- [DOOR OPENS]
28
00:00:47,962 --> 00:00:49,092
Hello, family!
29
00:00:49,134 --> 00:00:51,427
I'm here, and I'm starving!
30
00:00:51,469 --> 00:00:54,347
By the way, parallel parking
with a phone in your hand
31
00:00:54,389 --> 00:00:55,974
is terrible!
32
00:00:57,392 --> 00:00:59,601
Arty, what's the big news?
33
00:00:59,602 --> 00:01:00,602
Oh, yeah.
34
00:01:00,636 --> 00:01:01,938
Aunt Judith...
35
00:01:01,980 --> 00:01:03,039
- dead.
- [GASPS]
36
00:01:03,081 --> 00:01:05,066
Oh, no!
37
00:01:05,108 --> 00:01:06,608
What a horrible way to hear that.
38
00:01:06,609 --> 00:01:08,770
I don't understand.
39
00:01:08,772 --> 00:01:10,281
She wasn't even sick.
40
00:01:10,321 --> 00:01:12,449
Joanna, she was 103.
41
00:01:12,490 --> 00:01:15,076
Age is just a number, Dave.
42
00:01:15,118 --> 00:01:17,454
But that number was 103.
43
00:01:17,495 --> 00:01:18,663
Oh, boy.
44
00:01:18,705 --> 00:01:20,290
Aunt Judith was a cool lady.
45
00:01:20,331 --> 00:01:21,499
I'm so sorry.
46
00:01:21,541 --> 00:01:23,960
Oh, she was my favorite great-aunt.
47
00:01:24,002 --> 00:01:26,129
The last of her generation.
48
00:01:26,171 --> 00:01:28,089
She was like my kindred spirit.
49
00:01:28,131 --> 00:01:29,189
She was the only one in the family
50
00:01:29,190 --> 00:01:31,759
who didn't ask me when I was
getting married all the time.
51
00:01:31,801 --> 00:01:33,428
Well, I never ask you that, Joanna.
52
00:01:33,470 --> 00:01:34,888
Thanks, Doctor Uncle.
53
00:01:34,929 --> 00:01:36,489
Because I know it's never gonna happen.
54
00:01:37,599 --> 00:01:39,976
Oh, Debbie, I got to tell you,
55
00:01:40,018 --> 00:01:42,144
she left you something in the will.
56
00:01:42,145 --> 00:01:43,980
- DEBBIE: Aww.
- Her favorite Mont Blanc pen.
57
00:01:44,022 --> 00:01:46,982
[CHUCKLING] Oh. She loved that pen.
58
00:01:46,983 --> 00:01:49,485
She used that pen to
write the part of her will
59
00:01:49,527 --> 00:01:52,655
that left me a two-bedroom
house in Boca!
60
00:01:52,697 --> 00:01:53,990
[SCOFFS]
61
00:01:54,032 --> 00:01:55,917
She left you a house?
62
00:01:55,959 --> 00:01:57,035
Yeah!
63
00:01:57,076 --> 00:01:59,037
Well, I did some pro
bono physical therapy
64
00:01:59,078 --> 00:02:00,955
on her knee before she died,
65
00:02:00,997 --> 00:02:03,124
so at least I know that
when she met her maker,
66
00:02:03,166 --> 00:02:05,667
her ligaments were supple.
67
00:02:05,668 --> 00:02:08,504
So you massaged her 103-year-old knee,
68
00:02:08,546 --> 00:02:11,340
and she gave you a house?
69
00:02:11,341 --> 00:02:13,968
I'm very good at what I do, Dave.
70
00:02:16,787 --> 00:02:21,643
71
00:02:21,684 --> 00:02:23,685
Oh, Rebecca!
72
00:02:23,686 --> 00:02:26,022
I have something for you.
73
00:02:26,064 --> 00:02:30,026
All the years, Stewie
and I hosted everyone
74
00:02:30,068 --> 00:02:31,986
after the funeral.
75
00:02:32,028 --> 00:02:33,947
It's called a shiva.
76
00:02:33,988 --> 00:02:35,615
We mourn.
77
00:02:35,657 --> 00:02:37,699
We tell sad stories.
78
00:02:37,700 --> 00:02:40,369
We cry a lot.
79
00:02:40,370 --> 00:02:42,205
- I live for them.
- Yeah.
80
00:02:42,247 --> 00:02:46,209
Unfortunately, people
have to die for them.
81
00:02:46,251 --> 00:02:48,210
[BOTH LAUGH]
82
00:02:48,211 --> 00:02:49,378
Well, anyway,
83
00:02:49,379 --> 00:02:51,339
now that we're living in your house,
84
00:02:51,381 --> 00:02:53,341
I thought it's time for me
85
00:02:53,383 --> 00:02:55,435
to pass the torch...
86
00:02:55,477 --> 00:02:56,553
to you.
87
00:02:56,554 --> 00:02:57,971
Deb!
88
00:02:58,012 --> 00:02:59,221
I'm touched.
89
00:02:59,222 --> 00:03:02,058
I want you to have my shiva shawl.
90
00:03:02,100 --> 00:03:03,159
Wha...?
91
00:03:03,201 --> 00:03:04,561
I have worn this shawl
92
00:03:04,602 --> 00:03:07,230
to every shiva I've ever thrown.
93
00:03:07,272 --> 00:03:09,023
Oh. Thanks, Deb.
94
00:03:09,065 --> 00:03:10,984
I was thinking I needed
something appropriate.
95
00:03:11,025 --> 00:03:14,028
Wow! It's leopard print.
96
00:03:14,070 --> 00:03:16,239
Yeah, you gotta have
some flair, you know?
97
00:03:16,281 --> 00:03:18,074
I mean, you're not the dead one.
98
00:03:18,116 --> 00:03:19,125
Oh.
99
00:03:19,167 --> 00:03:20,176
[CHUCKLES]
100
00:03:20,218 --> 00:03:21,260
Mm!
101
00:03:21,302 --> 00:03:25,623
There are shoes to match,
but your feet are too big.
102
00:03:25,665 --> 00:03:27,000
Hey.
103
00:03:27,041 --> 00:03:29,043
- Oh, hi, Davey.
- Hi, missed you, baby.
104
00:03:29,085 --> 00:03:30,103
Guess what.
105
00:03:30,144 --> 00:03:33,339
You're gonna be hosting
Aunt Judith's shiva.
106
00:03:33,381 --> 00:03:36,092
I have passed the torch of hosting
107
00:03:36,134 --> 00:03:38,052
to your beautiful bride.
108
00:03:38,094 --> 00:03:40,013
Oh, that's so nice.
109
00:03:40,054 --> 00:03:41,331
Now pass it back.
110
00:03:41,372 --> 00:03:42,432
No!
111
00:03:42,473 --> 00:03:44,434
Dave, this is a big honor.
112
00:03:44,475 --> 00:03:46,352
Rebecca, a big honor
113
00:03:46,394 --> 00:03:48,271
is getting to dance with Ellen.
114
00:03:50,606 --> 00:03:52,607
Having my family over after a funeral
115
00:03:52,608 --> 00:03:54,777
is just a bunch of older
people complaining
116
00:03:54,819 --> 00:03:57,447
and eating your food,
and spoiler alert...
117
00:03:57,488 --> 00:03:58,780
[SIGHS] ...we already have that.
118
00:03:58,781 --> 00:04:00,116
Yeah.
119
00:04:00,158 --> 00:04:01,450
Look, Dave,
120
00:04:01,451 --> 00:04:04,453
if you don't want to
do the shiva, don't.
121
00:04:04,454 --> 00:04:06,164
- You'll do the next one.
- Thank you, Mom.
122
00:04:06,205 --> 00:04:07,290
Because it'll be mine,
123
00:04:07,332 --> 00:04:10,793
because you will kill me if
you don't take the torch.
124
00:04:10,835 --> 00:04:12,754
David, take the torch.
125
00:04:12,795 --> 00:04:14,088
I don't want the torch.
126
00:04:14,130 --> 00:04:15,298
Take the torch!
127
00:04:15,340 --> 00:04:17,383
It's not a torch for us to take.
128
00:04:17,425 --> 00:04:18,593
We are taking the torch!
129
00:04:18,634 --> 00:04:19,814
Fine! We're taking the torch.
130
00:04:19,815 --> 00:04:20,862
Yay!
131
00:04:20,903 --> 00:04:23,598
? ?
132
00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:25,558
This is a big milestone,
133
00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:27,727
hosting our first family event.
134
00:04:27,769 --> 00:04:29,478
Rebecca, it's not Thanksgiving.
135
00:04:29,479 --> 00:04:31,272
It's a shiva.
136
00:04:31,314 --> 00:04:33,441
It's just my family sitting
around eating horseradish
137
00:04:33,483 --> 00:04:35,150
and trying to avoid my cousin Dan
138
00:04:35,151 --> 00:04:37,432
so he doesn't invite anybody
to one of his stand-up shows.
139
00:04:37,445 --> 00:04:40,239
Yeah, but what if we
made it our own a little,
140
00:04:40,281 --> 00:04:41,491
like our wedding?
141
00:04:41,532 --> 00:04:44,327
I mean, we were wedding
vanguards, remember?
142
00:04:44,369 --> 00:04:47,497
We were the first people
to have a photo booth.
143
00:04:47,538 --> 00:04:49,373
Everyone took all those funny pictures,
144
00:04:49,374 --> 00:04:51,084
except cousin Dan.
145
00:04:52,168 --> 00:04:53,970
Hey, you know who loved
it? Your Aunt Judith.
146
00:04:54,012 --> 00:04:55,088
Oh, yeah.
147
00:04:55,129 --> 00:04:56,689
She was always taking the prop mustache
148
00:04:56,690 --> 00:04:59,151
and putting it over
her regular mustache.
149
00:05:00,802 --> 00:05:02,095
Exactly!
150
00:05:02,136 --> 00:05:05,306
She was a hip lady who
bucked convention.
151
00:05:05,348 --> 00:05:07,849
She would've loved a modern shiva.
152
00:05:07,850 --> 00:05:09,851
Should it have a doughnut bar?
153
00:05:09,852 --> 00:05:12,672
We'll do high-end s'mores.
154
00:05:12,714 --> 00:05:13,714
It's just...
155
00:05:13,731 --> 00:05:15,817
It's so crazy to me that my Aunt Judith
156
00:05:15,858 --> 00:05:18,361
left my Uncle Art a house in Florida.
157
00:05:18,403 --> 00:05:19,404
He's never gonna use it.
158
00:05:19,445 --> 00:05:22,782
He complains about the
humidity in the shower.
159
00:05:22,824 --> 00:05:25,701
Would it be nuts to ask him
to let my parents stay there?
160
00:05:25,702 --> 00:05:27,022
I mean, at least until he retires
161
00:05:27,023 --> 00:05:28,286
and moves down there full time?
162
00:05:28,327 --> 00:05:30,581
I mean, that would be amazing,
163
00:05:30,623 --> 00:05:32,458
but you'd have to ask
your parents first.
164
00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:34,127
It is their life.
165
00:05:34,168 --> 00:05:37,212
Yeah, but their life
is filling up my DVR
166
00:05:37,213 --> 00:05:38,214
with "The Masked Singer".
167
00:05:39,918 --> 00:05:41,758
Trust me, I think they're
gonna love this plan.
168
00:05:41,759 --> 00:05:45,138
That's a dumb idea. Who
the hell came up with that?
169
00:05:45,179 --> 00:05:46,556
We Kleins are a proud people,
170
00:05:46,597 --> 00:05:49,392
and we could never, ever
inconvenience our family
171
00:05:49,434 --> 00:05:51,894
like that.
172
00:05:51,936 --> 00:05:53,813
[CHUCKLING] You live in my house.
173
00:05:53,855 --> 00:05:55,231
Exactly!
174
00:05:55,273 --> 00:05:57,358
We have a place to stay.
175
00:05:57,400 --> 00:05:59,234
I'm not asking Uncle Arty
176
00:05:59,235 --> 00:06:03,239
because this is what Aunt Judith wanted.
177
00:06:03,281 --> 00:06:05,742
But [SIGHS]... Uncle Art has a house.
178
00:06:05,783 --> 00:06:06,909
Why does he need two?
179
00:06:06,923 --> 00:06:08,283
But if we asked him to stay there,
180
00:06:08,284 --> 00:06:09,328
and he said yes,
181
00:06:09,370 --> 00:06:11,956
then we would be the
ones with two houses.
182
00:06:11,998 --> 00:06:14,225
This is my house!
183
00:06:14,226 --> 00:06:17,368
You don't have any houses.
184
00:06:18,632 --> 00:06:19,632
Forget it!
185
00:06:23,333 --> 00:06:26,092
? ?
186
00:06:26,329 --> 00:06:27,455
Hey, Joanna.
187
00:06:27,496 --> 00:06:28,668
Is everything okay?
188
00:06:28,709 --> 00:06:31,045
[SCOFFS] I'm just so
down about Aunt Judith.
189
00:06:31,087 --> 00:06:33,422
- I can't believe she died alone.
- Yeah.
190
00:06:33,464 --> 00:06:34,923
I am not going out like that.
191
00:06:34,924 --> 00:06:36,384
I've got to meet someone.
192
00:06:36,425 --> 00:06:38,344
Oh, you will meet someone.
193
00:06:38,386 --> 00:06:40,012
Yeah, well, I meet people all the time,
194
00:06:40,054 --> 00:06:41,596
then they all end up being lunatics.
195
00:06:41,597 --> 00:06:43,015
[SIGHS]
196
00:06:43,057 --> 00:06:44,599
I'm taking a new approach,
197
00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:47,268
so I made this list of all the traits
198
00:06:47,269 --> 00:06:49,197
I am looking for in a future partner.
199
00:06:49,238 --> 00:06:50,272
Okay.
200
00:06:50,314 --> 00:06:52,066
- Strong swimmer.
- Mm-hmm.
201
00:06:52,108 --> 00:06:55,027
Between 5'4 " and 5'9".
202
00:06:55,069 --> 00:06:56,404
Does accents?
203
00:06:56,445 --> 00:06:58,406
[BRITISH ACCENT] Oh, I fancy 'em.
204
00:06:58,447 --> 00:07:01,701
Eeeh. Don't ever do that again.
205
00:07:01,742 --> 00:07:03,411
Hi, girls.
206
00:07:03,452 --> 00:07:05,954
We brought the silver tea service...
207
00:07:05,955 --> 00:07:07,622
- [DOOR CLOSES]
- ...and the family china
208
00:07:07,623 --> 00:07:09,375
and all the chafing dishes.
209
00:07:09,417 --> 00:07:11,126
Where do you want us to put them?
210
00:07:11,127 --> 00:07:12,878
Oh, we won't be needing that.
211
00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:14,714
I have my own serving ware.
212
00:07:14,755 --> 00:07:16,257
Not to brag, but it's the same set
213
00:07:16,298 --> 00:07:17,883
Chrissy Teigen has.
214
00:07:17,925 --> 00:07:21,136
[CHUCKLES] Oh. I find
her very appealing.
215
00:07:21,137 --> 00:07:22,722
Yeah.
216
00:07:22,763 --> 00:07:24,390
But does she have chafing dishes?
217
00:07:24,432 --> 00:07:25,524
You're gonna need them
218
00:07:25,566 --> 00:07:27,768
to keep Aunt Marilyn's kugel warm.
219
00:07:27,810 --> 00:07:29,978
When it's cold, it's like a brick.
220
00:07:29,979 --> 00:07:31,814
Wh-When it's warm, it's like a brick,
221
00:07:31,856 --> 00:07:33,149
but at least it's warm.
222
00:07:33,190 --> 00:07:35,943
Well... I've got the food covered.
223
00:07:35,985 --> 00:07:38,779
I found a cool recipe
for kugel empanadas
224
00:07:38,821 --> 00:07:40,281
on this lifestyle blog.
225
00:07:40,322 --> 00:07:42,323
Kugel empanadas?
226
00:07:42,324 --> 00:07:45,286
Rebecca, a woman is dead.
227
00:07:47,163 --> 00:07:50,249
Well, I know it's a
little unconventional,
228
00:07:50,291 --> 00:07:53,419
but Aunt Judith, she was
an unconventional lady.
229
00:07:53,461 --> 00:07:54,536
Don't worry.
230
00:07:54,537 --> 00:07:58,132
Everything is gonna be very tasteful.
231
00:07:58,174 --> 00:08:01,342
Just picked up Aunt
Judith from the printer!
232
00:08:01,343 --> 00:08:03,971
Hey, set her over in the selfie corner.
233
00:08:05,473 --> 00:08:10,685
? ?
234
00:08:10,686 --> 00:08:12,726
- [DOOR CLOSES]
- STEW: Baby, please try to be calm.
235
00:08:12,727 --> 00:08:14,064
Relax. Let Rebecca do her thing.
236
00:08:14,065 --> 00:08:16,316
I can't relax, Stewie.
237
00:08:16,317 --> 00:08:17,443
I'm not happy!
238
00:08:17,485 --> 00:08:19,194
[SIGHING] Drink your drink.
239
00:08:19,195 --> 00:08:22,448
Oh, what is with this rosemary, Stew?
240
00:08:22,490 --> 00:08:25,326
I'm not basting a chicken.
241
00:08:25,367 --> 00:08:27,368
This isn't the way it's supposed to be!
242
00:08:27,369 --> 00:08:29,455
You mean, it's not the way you did it.
243
00:08:29,497 --> 00:08:31,832
You and I always had the best shivas.
244
00:08:31,841 --> 00:08:33,041
Everyone was talking about it.
245
00:08:33,042 --> 00:08:35,710
You're not wrong. You're not wrong.
246
00:08:35,711 --> 00:08:38,005
Like the time Uncle Isaac hung
on for another two weeks
247
00:08:38,047 --> 00:08:40,758
so we could throw his
shiva in Atlantic City.
248
00:08:42,510 --> 00:08:47,848
I mean, really, an Aunt
Judith selfie station?
249
00:08:47,890 --> 00:08:51,477
Why is that woman changing everything?
250
00:08:51,519 --> 00:08:53,728
You mean your gorgeous daughter-in-law
251
00:08:53,729 --> 00:08:55,231
who you said makes you so proud
252
00:08:55,272 --> 00:08:57,233
and who you gifted
your favorite shawl to?
253
00:08:57,274 --> 00:08:58,359
[SIGHS]
254
00:08:58,401 --> 00:09:01,195
Yeah, her.
255
00:09:01,237 --> 00:09:04,072
You know, I remember
the first time you hosted,
256
00:09:04,073 --> 00:09:08,828
and my mother [CHUCKLES] was
on you like white on rice, right,
257
00:09:08,869 --> 00:09:10,078
criticizing every choice.
258
00:09:10,079 --> 00:09:12,373
Oh, I know. She made me feel terrible.
259
00:09:12,415 --> 00:09:15,209
I mean, she said that my
shawl was too flashy,
260
00:09:15,251 --> 00:09:16,877
wasn't good taste.
261
00:09:16,919 --> 00:09:18,045
- Ah.
- Insane.
262
00:09:18,087 --> 00:09:19,254
I know!
263
00:09:19,255 --> 00:09:22,508
But you had to make it your own.
264
00:09:22,550 --> 00:09:25,386
And there's a tradition
of bucking tradition.
265
00:09:28,097 --> 00:09:29,931
But, Stewie, why does being herself have
266
00:09:29,932 --> 00:09:33,853
to have a little twig branch
in a perfectly good cocktail?
267
00:09:33,894 --> 00:09:36,105
Baby, we just have to let Rebecca
268
00:09:36,147 --> 00:09:37,981
do the hosting in her own way.
269
00:09:37,982 --> 00:09:39,400
No, no, no, no, no!
270
00:09:39,442 --> 00:09:42,027
Do you have any idea
what's going on up there?!
271
00:09:42,069 --> 00:09:44,530
It'll be a debacle, like their wedding!
272
00:09:44,572 --> 00:09:47,074
Hey, the wedding was not a debacle.
273
00:09:47,116 --> 00:09:48,583
I mean, yes, it was a little trendy.
274
00:09:48,584 --> 00:09:49,743
- Stewie.
- What?
275
00:09:49,785 --> 00:09:53,788
Instead of a glass,
they broke a mason jar.
276
00:09:53,789 --> 00:09:56,291
Still, you passed the torch, Deb,
277
00:09:56,292 --> 00:09:58,793
and the torch cannot
be un-passed, right?
278
00:09:58,794 --> 00:10:00,546
Right.
279
00:10:00,588 --> 00:10:02,214
Wrong!
280
00:10:02,256 --> 00:10:04,091
Listen, you don't fix this right now,
281
00:10:04,133 --> 00:10:06,218
you're gonna be the
pariah of the family.
282
00:10:06,260 --> 00:10:07,969
[GASPS] Well, in that case,
283
00:10:07,970 --> 00:10:10,505
can't we give the guests
an option, you know?
284
00:10:10,506 --> 00:10:11,724
- Deb!
- Yes!
285
00:10:11,765 --> 00:10:14,976
Yes, I'm not eating chopped liver poke,
286
00:10:14,977 --> 00:10:16,604
or whatever it is.
287
00:10:16,645 --> 00:10:18,855
I want horseradish. I want herring.
288
00:10:18,856 --> 00:10:22,067
I want babka, and I
want pickled everything.
289
00:10:22,109 --> 00:10:25,820
? ?
290
00:10:25,821 --> 00:10:28,282
Hey, I don't know what you're
doing on Tuesday at 10:00 p.m.,
291
00:10:28,324 --> 00:10:30,117
but I'm doing stand-up
two hours from here.
292
00:10:30,159 --> 00:10:32,994
It's pretty cool. I'm funny and edgy...
293
00:10:32,995 --> 00:10:34,496
- raw.
- [CHUCKLES]
294
00:10:34,497 --> 00:10:35,956
I got to be honest, Cousin Dan,
295
00:10:35,998 --> 00:10:38,000
- I-I'm never gonna come to that.
- Okay.
296
00:10:38,001 --> 00:10:39,126
Put you down for a plus-two.
297
00:10:39,168 --> 00:10:41,462
[LAUGHS] No, thank you.
298
00:10:41,504 --> 00:10:44,632
Oh, am I glad to see
you. I need a drink.
299
00:10:44,673 --> 00:10:46,934
Mm, can I interest
you in a Borscht-tini?
300
00:10:46,976 --> 00:10:48,052
Is it good?
301
00:10:48,093 --> 00:10:50,345
I mean, it's sour cream
and beets in gin,
302
00:10:50,346 --> 00:10:51,430
so no.
303
00:10:51,472 --> 00:10:53,974
Okay.
304
00:10:54,016 --> 00:10:55,309
Oh, honestly?
305
00:10:55,351 --> 00:10:56,351
After that description?
306
00:10:56,352 --> 00:10:57,436
- [EXHALES SHARPLY]
- Wow.
307
00:10:57,478 --> 00:10:59,896
Let me get a beer, too.
308
00:10:59,897 --> 00:11:02,149
Sorry, I'm not normally
like this, just family stuff.
309
00:11:02,191 --> 00:11:03,275
Oh, I get it.
310
00:11:03,317 --> 00:11:05,986
Everyone's always asking me
when I'm gonna settle down.
311
00:11:06,028 --> 00:11:08,656
Me too. It's like, I'm looking, lay off.
312
00:11:08,697 --> 00:11:10,532
Yeah, like hounding me is gonna make me
313
00:11:10,533 --> 00:11:12,534
find the perfect girlfriend any faster.
314
00:11:12,535 --> 00:11:14,536
Do you know how hard it
is for me to find someone
315
00:11:14,537 --> 00:11:16,956
who likes dogs as much as I do?
316
00:11:16,997 --> 00:11:17,998
[CHUCKLES]
317
00:11:20,709 --> 00:11:21,709
Thanks for the drink.
318
00:11:21,710 --> 00:11:22,728
[CHUCKLES]
319
00:11:22,770 --> 00:11:24,379
Do you do accents?
320
00:11:24,380 --> 00:11:27,091
Uh... [ITALIAN ACCENT] Not anymore-a.
321
00:11:29,051 --> 00:11:30,511
[LAUGHS]
322
00:11:32,555 --> 00:11:34,473
Oh, leaving so soon?
323
00:11:34,515 --> 00:11:36,642
Make sure to get a pic with
Aunt Judith over there
324
00:11:36,684 --> 00:11:39,186
and hashtag it ShivaToDieFor7.
325
00:11:39,228 --> 00:11:41,325
ShivaToDieFor one
through six were taken.
326
00:11:41,327 --> 00:11:42,399
[CHUCKLING] Yeah.
327
00:11:42,439 --> 00:11:44,107
I'm just taking this to the other shiva.
328
00:11:44,108 --> 00:11:46,986
I came here by accident.
329
00:11:47,027 --> 00:11:51,906
? ?
330
00:11:51,907 --> 00:11:52,968
What is this?
331
00:11:53,010 --> 00:11:54,673
Oh, this is the basement shiva.
332
00:11:56,171 --> 00:11:57,505
Kugel?
333
00:12:01,088 --> 00:12:02,988
? ?
334
00:12:03,190 --> 00:12:05,893
So, you threw an
alternate basement shiva?
335
00:12:05,901 --> 00:12:08,070
You gave me the torch
and then you took it back?
336
00:12:08,111 --> 00:12:10,864
No, technically Deb did
not take back the torch.
337
00:12:10,906 --> 00:12:13,533
She simply lit a second brighter torch
338
00:12:13,575 --> 00:12:15,469
which made the first
torch totally meaningless.
339
00:12:15,511 --> 00:12:16,526
[SCOFFS] Oh.
340
00:12:16,528 --> 00:12:18,373
And you think this is
helping the situation?
341
00:12:19,456 --> 00:12:21,458
Rebecca, here's what happened.
342
00:12:21,500 --> 00:12:23,085
A couple of people said
343
00:12:23,126 --> 00:12:25,545
that they wanted to have
the more traditional food,
344
00:12:25,587 --> 00:12:29,049
so I said they can come down
to the basement with it,
345
00:12:29,091 --> 00:12:31,425
and then one thing led to another,
346
00:12:31,426 --> 00:12:32,469
and before you knew it,
347
00:12:32,511 --> 00:12:37,099
we had this upstairs/downstairs
shiva... situation.
348
00:12:37,140 --> 00:12:39,600
One thing didn't lead to another.
349
00:12:39,601 --> 00:12:41,102
This is what you do.
350
00:12:41,103 --> 00:12:43,938
This is what you've been doing
since you moved in here,
351
00:12:43,939 --> 00:12:45,607
and I have had it!
352
00:12:45,649 --> 00:12:48,943
So if you want your torch back,
take your shawl back, too.
353
00:12:48,944 --> 00:12:50,904
[ALL GASP]
354
00:12:50,946 --> 00:12:53,448
The shiksa shunned
355
00:12:53,490 --> 00:12:55,242
the shiva shawl.
356
00:12:55,284 --> 00:12:57,577
For shame!
357
00:12:57,619 --> 00:12:59,746
Not cool... but raw!
358
00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:05,170
You know, it seems like everyone
could really use a drink, so...
359
00:13:05,171 --> 00:13:06,931
I'm gonna go see what
that bartender's up to.
360
00:13:06,932 --> 00:13:09,342
Rebecca,
361
00:13:09,383 --> 00:13:11,677
we might've passed the
torch back and forth
362
00:13:11,719 --> 00:13:13,678
several times in this family,
363
00:13:13,679 --> 00:13:17,808
but no one has ever
returned the shiva shawl!
364
00:13:19,018 --> 00:13:21,979
Mom, you undermined us, just
like you did at our wedding
365
00:13:22,021 --> 00:13:25,283
when you changed the
choreography of the flash mob.
366
00:13:25,325 --> 00:13:28,360
Please, in fairness, she
did not go lightly into this.
367
00:13:28,361 --> 00:13:31,322
Your mother tortured
herself as to whether or not
368
00:13:31,364 --> 00:13:33,366
she should betray you
with this basement shiva.
369
00:13:33,407 --> 00:13:35,326
- Unbelievable.
- She is a beautiful angel!
370
00:13:35,368 --> 00:13:38,037
You know who was a beautiful angel?
371
00:13:38,913 --> 00:13:39,913
Your Aunt Judith.
372
00:13:39,914 --> 00:13:41,394
- Oh, yeah, she was.
- Of course, yes.
373
00:13:41,395 --> 00:13:43,750
Judith was a generous person.
374
00:13:43,751 --> 00:13:45,878
So generous that she said
375
00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:48,713
she liked Dave and
Rebecca's horrible wedding,
376
00:13:48,714 --> 00:13:50,383
despite the loud music,
377
00:13:50,424 --> 00:13:52,217
the terrible food,
378
00:13:52,218 --> 00:13:54,345
and that miserable parking.
379
00:13:54,387 --> 00:13:56,888
We had free valet, Art!
380
00:13:56,889 --> 00:13:59,724
I don't like people in my car, Dave.
381
00:13:59,725 --> 00:14:02,186
The point is...
382
00:14:02,228 --> 00:14:05,397
is that she gave of herself,
383
00:14:05,398 --> 00:14:07,899
whether it be soup to the homeless.
384
00:14:07,900 --> 00:14:10,361
She gave me her handicap parking space
385
00:14:10,403 --> 00:14:12,738
at your very loud wedding.
386
00:14:13,906 --> 00:14:17,410
And her OxyContin to her nurses...
387
00:14:17,451 --> 00:14:20,705
and me during her final days.
388
00:14:22,081 --> 00:14:24,958
Judith gave back.
389
00:14:24,959 --> 00:14:26,961
That's exactly what I'm gonna do.
390
00:14:27,003 --> 00:14:28,879
Oh, my God, I think it's happening.
391
00:14:28,921 --> 00:14:30,548
Stew...
392
00:14:30,589 --> 00:14:31,882
Deb.
393
00:14:31,924 --> 00:14:35,093
The house in Florida...
394
00:14:35,094 --> 00:14:36,387
It's yours.
395
00:14:36,429 --> 00:14:38,556
[GASPS] Ours?
396
00:14:38,597 --> 00:14:41,225
Oh, my God. Arty, we can't.
397
00:14:41,267 --> 00:14:43,768
Yes, you can. I thought
long and hard about this.
398
00:14:43,769 --> 00:14:46,439
This is what Judith would've wanted...
399
00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:48,106
For me to have
400
00:14:48,107 --> 00:14:50,109
a great legacy.
401
00:14:50,151 --> 00:14:51,776
I don't know what to say.
402
00:14:51,777 --> 00:14:54,739
I do! [BLEEP] yeah!
403
00:14:56,782 --> 00:14:59,819
Is the way Judith would have reacted.
404
00:14:59,854 --> 00:15:04,300
? ?
405
00:15:04,342 --> 00:15:06,136
There you are.
406
00:15:06,177 --> 00:15:09,096
Here I am.
407
00:15:09,097 --> 00:15:11,724
I've been looking everywhere for you.
408
00:15:11,766 --> 00:15:14,060
Really? We're all just in one room.
409
00:15:14,102 --> 00:15:17,897
Look, this... this might
sound crazy, but...
410
00:15:17,939 --> 00:15:20,066
I feel a real connection to you.
411
00:15:20,108 --> 00:15:22,569
Oh, that doesn't sound crazy at all.
412
00:15:23,611 --> 00:15:25,613
- I knew you felt the same way.
- Mm!
413
00:15:25,655 --> 00:15:27,781
Oh, no, Joanna! Joanna, n-no!
414
00:15:27,782 --> 00:15:28,949
Y-You don't want to do this.
415
00:15:28,950 --> 00:15:30,410
No, I know, Art! I know!
416
00:15:30,451 --> 00:15:33,620
She may be short, and she
may not be an architect.
417
00:15:33,621 --> 00:15:34,955
She's not much of a kisser,
418
00:15:34,956 --> 00:15:37,750
but I am trying to follow my heart.
419
00:15:37,792 --> 00:15:39,127
Alright,
420
00:15:39,169 --> 00:15:41,796
but your heart just led you
to your cousin Margaret.
421
00:15:43,431 --> 00:15:45,100
No!
422
00:15:45,141 --> 00:15:46,475
But...
423
00:15:46,476 --> 00:15:48,269
So, you're not the bartender?
424
00:15:48,311 --> 00:15:49,938
I'm a surgeon.
425
00:15:49,980 --> 00:15:51,106
You are?
426
00:15:51,147 --> 00:15:52,190
Still your cousin.
427
00:15:52,232 --> 00:15:54,909
Sorry! I'm getting confused!
I just don't understand.
428
00:15:54,910 --> 00:15:57,311
If you're not the bartender, why
are you standing by the bar?
429
00:15:57,312 --> 00:15:59,814
Because I was drinking,
because I was at a shiva,
430
00:15:59,815 --> 00:16:00,975
and now I'm gonna be drinking
431
00:16:00,976 --> 00:16:04,230
because I just made out
with my cousin, so...
432
00:16:05,487 --> 00:16:06,488
[SIGHS]
433
00:16:07,489 --> 00:16:08,824
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
434
00:16:08,865 --> 00:16:10,083
Aah!
435
00:16:10,125 --> 00:16:12,419
[KNOCKS ON DOOR]
436
00:16:12,461 --> 00:16:13,961
Can I come in?
437
00:16:13,962 --> 00:16:15,255
[SOFTLY] Yeah.
438
00:16:15,297 --> 00:16:17,758
I wanted to give you this.
439
00:16:17,799 --> 00:16:20,134
Your shawl?
440
00:16:20,135 --> 00:16:22,337
And the matching shoes.
441
00:16:22,338 --> 00:16:23,347
Well...
442
00:16:23,388 --> 00:16:26,058
you could stretch them out.
443
00:16:27,184 --> 00:16:28,877
Congrats on the new house.
444
00:16:28,919 --> 00:16:31,379
Oh, thank you.
445
00:16:31,380 --> 00:16:32,881
And congrats to you, too,
446
00:16:32,923 --> 00:16:35,551
'cause now I won't be
around meddling so much.
447
00:16:35,592 --> 00:16:37,553
- Deb.
- No, no.
448
00:16:37,594 --> 00:16:40,388
I'm so sorry, beauty.
449
00:16:40,389 --> 00:16:42,557
Deb, that means a lot.
450
00:16:42,558 --> 00:16:44,351
I'm sorry, too.
451
00:16:44,393 --> 00:16:45,893
- You?
- Yeah.
452
00:16:45,894 --> 00:16:46,894
For what?
453
00:16:46,895 --> 00:16:48,697
Well, I should've listened.
454
00:16:48,739 --> 00:16:51,325
Maybe my shiva was too out there.
455
00:16:51,367 --> 00:16:54,369
I mean, nobody even
danced in the drum circle.
456
00:16:54,370 --> 00:16:55,871
Oh, yeah.
457
00:16:55,913 --> 00:16:59,374
Aunt Judith would have loved it.
458
00:16:59,375 --> 00:17:01,502
You know, I don't say this often enough,
459
00:17:01,543 --> 00:17:04,879
but I really admire you.
460
00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:08,217
Well, I admire you, too.
461
00:17:08,259 --> 00:17:09,927
Nothing ever gets you down.
462
00:17:09,969 --> 00:17:12,012
Oh, you don't have to say that...
463
00:17:12,054 --> 00:17:13,888
But I'll let you.
464
00:17:13,889 --> 00:17:15,349
No, it's true.
465
00:17:15,391 --> 00:17:16,850
You guys went broke,
466
00:17:16,892 --> 00:17:18,928
and you stay so positive.
467
00:17:18,970 --> 00:17:21,097
It's like you don't even
know it's happening.
468
00:17:21,138 --> 00:17:24,432
You do know it's happening, right?
469
00:17:24,433 --> 00:17:25,768
[LAUGHING] Oh, Rebecca.
470
00:17:25,810 --> 00:17:27,769
I'm gonna miss you.
471
00:17:27,770 --> 00:17:29,437
[LAUGHS]
472
00:17:29,438 --> 00:17:30,940
I'm gonna miss you, too.
473
00:17:30,982 --> 00:17:33,734
But it's for the best.
474
00:17:33,776 --> 00:17:36,070
Yeah. It's for the best.
475
00:17:37,613 --> 00:17:39,781
I think.
476
00:17:39,782 --> 00:17:40,863
You think?
477
00:17:40,864 --> 00:17:42,866
Yeah, yeah.
478
00:17:42,907 --> 00:17:45,535
No, i-it's... it's for the best.
479
00:17:45,577 --> 00:17:46,828
Right?
480
00:17:48,998 --> 00:17:49,998
? ?
481
00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:52,869
You know, my parents are moving out,
482
00:17:52,870 --> 00:17:55,081
my sister just embarrassed herself
483
00:17:55,122 --> 00:17:57,416
by tongue blasting our cousin.
484
00:17:57,458 --> 00:18:00,336
[LAUGHS] Some days, life is beautiful.
485
00:18:00,378 --> 00:18:02,672
Yeah, well...
486
00:18:02,713 --> 00:18:03,922
I can't thank you enough
487
00:18:03,923 --> 00:18:06,258
for hosting another terrible event.
488
00:18:06,259 --> 00:18:08,261
But I gotta jet, literally.
489
00:18:08,302 --> 00:18:09,761
My flight is in three hours,
490
00:18:09,762 --> 00:18:12,765
and I still got to pick up
my bogus therapy pig
491
00:18:12,807 --> 00:18:14,684
so I can get the extra leg room.
492
00:18:14,725 --> 00:18:16,435
Uncle Art, don't go.
493
00:18:16,477 --> 00:18:17,770
Deb has something to say.
494
00:18:17,812 --> 00:18:22,774
Arty, I so appreciate your generosity,
495
00:18:22,775 --> 00:18:24,110
but we decided,
496
00:18:24,151 --> 00:18:26,362
we don't want the house in Florida.
497
00:18:26,404 --> 00:18:28,321
[LAUGHS] Who's "we", 'cause I feel like
498
00:18:28,322 --> 00:18:30,408
I should've been looped
into this conversation.
499
00:18:30,449 --> 00:18:32,326
Rebecca and I.
500
00:18:32,368 --> 00:18:34,453
We're just not ready for this!
501
00:18:34,495 --> 00:18:35,615
Rebecca... what's happening?
502
00:18:35,713 --> 00:18:37,956
What are you... What are you
doing? What are you saying?
503
00:18:37,957 --> 00:18:40,209
Dave, I'm an only child.
504
00:18:40,251 --> 00:18:43,713
I've never lived in a
house this full of family.
505
00:18:43,754 --> 00:18:45,131
I love it.
506
00:18:45,172 --> 00:18:47,967
Let's just wait for a
solution that's more local.
507
00:18:48,009 --> 00:18:49,968
- Yes, local. Local.
- No, no, no, no.
508
00:18:49,969 --> 00:18:51,786
Baby, no. Davey is right.
509
00:18:51,788 --> 00:18:52,804
Thank you.
510
00:18:52,805 --> 00:18:54,932
We will see each other sometimes.
511
00:18:54,935 --> 00:18:56,975
[VOICE BREAKING] We'll call
each other on the phone.
512
00:18:56,976 --> 00:18:58,477
I mean, it won't be the same.
513
00:18:58,519 --> 00:18:59,553
It won't be.
514
00:18:59,595 --> 00:19:01,479
- I don't got it. I don't want to go.
- Dad.
515
00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:04,149
Would you please hurry
with this decision?
516
00:19:04,150 --> 00:19:06,736
Because my piglet is
waiting, and unlike me,
517
00:19:06,777 --> 00:19:08,153
he's an anxious flyer.
518
00:19:08,154 --> 00:19:10,781
Okay. [SCOFFS] Listen, guys.
519
00:19:10,823 --> 00:19:12,533
I know this will be hard.
520
00:19:12,575 --> 00:19:16,329
Obviously, there is stuff that
I will miss, too, you know?
521
00:19:16,370 --> 00:19:19,832
Like coming into the kitchen
and finding my father pantless.
522
00:19:19,874 --> 00:19:21,834
Well, Sunday mornings, me and mimosas...
523
00:19:21,876 --> 00:19:24,169
both bottomless.
524
00:19:24,170 --> 00:19:26,255
Yeah, you know, this
is hard for me, too.
525
00:19:26,297 --> 00:19:29,008
I-I've never lived more
than 2 miles from you guys,
526
00:19:29,050 --> 00:19:31,969
and for the last couple
months, it's been two minutes.
527
00:19:32,011 --> 00:19:35,348
But we all agree, this
is the right thing to do.
528
00:19:35,389 --> 00:19:38,267
But it's just so hard.
529
00:19:38,309 --> 00:19:40,770
I can't stand it.
530
00:19:40,811 --> 00:19:43,521
Very comfortable here, and
the rent is next to nothing.
531
00:19:43,522 --> 00:19:44,574
[SIGHS HEAVILY]
532
00:19:44,615 --> 00:19:46,776
Alright, alright, alright! That's it!
533
00:19:46,817 --> 00:19:48,444
None of you want this.
534
00:19:48,486 --> 00:19:51,906
I have been stup... I want this so bad!
535
00:19:51,947 --> 00:19:53,908
Dave, the house
536
00:19:53,949 --> 00:19:55,034
is off the table.
537
00:19:55,076 --> 00:19:57,953
What about your legacy, Art?
What about giving back?
538
00:19:57,995 --> 00:20:00,790
I'm giving back
539
00:20:00,831 --> 00:20:02,874
by not giving you the house.
540
00:20:02,875 --> 00:20:04,877
That's how I'll give,
541
00:20:04,919 --> 00:20:06,045
by taking.
542
00:20:06,087 --> 00:20:08,005
That's my legacy!
543
00:20:10,883 --> 00:20:12,218
[SIGHS]
544
00:20:12,259 --> 00:20:13,803
So, I guess, uh...
545
00:20:13,844 --> 00:20:14,887
This means that...
546
00:20:14,929 --> 00:20:16,055
You're staying here?
547
00:20:16,097 --> 00:20:17,848
We can stay with our children.
548
00:20:17,890 --> 00:20:20,392
Oh, that's what we really wanted,
549
00:20:20,393 --> 00:20:22,895
- deep down, huh?
- Hey! [LAUGHS]
550
00:20:22,937 --> 00:20:24,396
- Yeah.
- Is it?
551
00:20:24,397 --> 00:20:26,898
- Aww!
- [LAUGHTER]
552
00:20:26,899 --> 00:20:28,233
Hey!
553
00:20:28,234 --> 00:20:30,569
? ?
554
00:20:30,611 --> 00:20:34,447
Well, it all worked out in the end.
555
00:20:34,448 --> 00:20:36,158
No, it did not. [CHUCKLES]
556
00:20:37,244 --> 00:20:38,364
You guys didn't get a house,
557
00:20:38,365 --> 00:20:41,497
and Joanna made out with our cousin.
558
00:20:41,539 --> 00:20:43,999
[CHUCKLING] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
559
00:20:44,041 --> 00:20:48,420
But is it not, in a way, exactly
the kind of crazy story
560
00:20:48,421 --> 00:20:51,257
that people can tell
about me at my shiva?
561
00:20:51,298 --> 00:20:54,426
You know, like Aunt
Judith's fun stories?
562
00:20:54,427 --> 00:20:55,845
Read my lips...
563
00:20:55,886 --> 00:20:57,595
No one is ever gonna
speak of that again.
564
00:20:57,596 --> 00:20:59,432
Yeah. Profoundly disturbing.
565
00:20:59,473 --> 00:21:02,017
- REBECCA: So weird.
- Oh, a toast.
566
00:21:02,059 --> 00:21:04,436
To family staying close.
567
00:21:04,437 --> 00:21:06,305
But not as close as Joanna
568
00:21:06,347 --> 00:21:07,523
and her cousin Maggie.
569
00:21:07,565 --> 00:21:08,658
- Hey-oh!
- Hey-oh!
570
00:21:08,699 --> 00:21:09,708
Hey-oh!
571
00:21:09,750 --> 00:21:11,026
- Hello, family.
- [PIG SQUEALS]
572
00:21:11,068 --> 00:21:12,945
We missed our flight.
573
00:21:12,987 --> 00:21:14,363
Got to stay here tonight.
574
00:21:14,405 --> 00:21:16,073
Dave, Rebecca,
575
00:21:16,115 --> 00:21:17,450
I'll take your room.
576
00:21:17,500 --> 00:21:22,050
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
39341
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.