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1
00:00:02,350 --> 00:00:05,179
- ♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo
2
00:00:05,222 --> 00:00:09,400
♪ Boo, boo,
boo, boo ♪
3
00:00:09,444 --> 00:00:13,317
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo
4
00:00:13,361 --> 00:00:17,452
♪ Boo, boo,
boo, boo ♪
5
00:00:17,495 --> 00:00:21,499
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo
6
00:00:21,543 --> 00:00:24,067
♪ Boo, boo,
boo, boo ♪
7
00:00:24,111 --> 00:00:25,068
- [laughs]
8
00:00:25,112 --> 00:00:26,287
Ooh! [growls]
9
00:00:26,330 --> 00:00:27,853
- Mommy!
- Aaaaaaah!
10
00:00:27,897 --> 00:00:29,246
- Duncan!
- Duncan!
11
00:00:31,988 --> 00:00:33,163
- Okay, Jing, don't forget,
12
00:00:33,207 --> 00:00:35,426
after ice skatingyou have a riding lesson.
13
00:00:35,470 --> 00:00:38,212
Then after riding,you have fencing.
14
00:00:38,255 --> 00:00:40,518
- En garde!
[munching]
15
00:00:40,562 --> 00:00:42,129
- Duncan, what are you doingafter school?
16
00:00:42,172 --> 00:00:43,217
- Wait, I have school today?
17
00:00:43,260 --> 00:00:45,088
- Kimber,check my plumbing schedge,
18
00:00:45,132 --> 00:00:47,134
and hit me with my appoints.
19
00:00:47,177 --> 00:00:48,874
[beeping]
20
00:00:48,918 --> 00:00:50,572
- All your appoints
just "canced."
21
00:00:50,615 --> 00:00:52,313
I told you not to be yourself
with people.
22
00:00:52,356 --> 00:00:53,966
- That can't be right.
23
00:00:54,010 --> 00:00:55,229
My customers love me.
24
00:00:55,272 --> 00:00:56,143
I'll bet Russia's
hacking my phone,
25
00:00:56,186 --> 00:00:58,145
or I'm being
"Impractical Joker'd"
26
00:00:58,188 --> 00:01:00,190
Either way,
it's destroying our democracy.
27
00:01:00,234 --> 00:01:02,714
- Calm down, Jack.
Democracy's already dead.
28
00:01:02,758 --> 00:01:03,759
- What am I gonna do?
29
00:01:03,802 --> 00:01:06,109
You know how importantmy work is to me
30
00:01:06,153 --> 00:01:07,458
and that I can't be alone.
31
00:01:07,502 --> 00:01:09,895
- Enjoy it, Jack.
You got the day off.
32
00:01:09,939 --> 00:01:12,246
It's your own personal
Jack's off day.
33
00:01:12,289 --> 00:01:14,248
[laughing]
- What's so funny?
34
00:01:14,291 --> 00:01:15,771
Tell me!
- Well, Jing--
35
00:01:15,814 --> 00:01:16,902
- Don't you dare.
36
00:01:16,946 --> 00:01:17,903
- You're right, honey.
37
00:01:17,947 --> 00:01:20,297
I'm just gonnaenjoy myself today
38
00:01:20,341 --> 00:01:22,995
and go somewhere where I canforget all about plumbing.
39
00:01:24,432 --> 00:01:25,346
[bell jingles]
40
00:01:25,389 --> 00:01:27,957
You're not gonna install
that showerhead yourself.
41
00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:31,134
I'm a plumber, and I could
follow you to your shower
42
00:01:31,178 --> 00:01:32,179
and screw it in for you.
43
00:01:32,222 --> 00:01:35,138
- And I'll takethis pepper spray, too.
44
00:01:38,185 --> 00:01:39,621
[bell jingles]
- You're even needier
45
00:01:39,664 --> 00:01:41,275
than usual today, Jack.
46
00:01:41,318 --> 00:01:43,277
If I didn't enjoy people'sdiscomfort so much,
47
00:01:43,320 --> 00:01:44,713
I'd ask you to leave.
48
00:01:44,756 --> 00:01:45,844
What's going on?
49
00:01:45,888 --> 00:01:48,151
- All my jobs
canceled today, Hal,
50
00:01:48,195 --> 00:01:49,196
and I can't figure out why.
51
00:01:49,239 --> 00:01:51,807
- Well, I hate to bethe bearer of bad news.
52
00:01:51,850 --> 00:01:53,504
Eh, who am I kidding?I enjoy it.
53
00:01:53,548 --> 00:01:55,767
[chuckles]There's a new plumber in town.
54
00:01:55,811 --> 00:01:57,508
- New plumber?
55
00:01:57,552 --> 00:02:00,381
- Yep, he stopped in on his wayover to Mrs. Tramer's house.
56
00:02:00,424 --> 00:02:02,383
- That was my appointment.
57
00:02:02,426 --> 00:02:05,168
She canceled because her uncle
died in a plane crash.
58
00:02:05,212 --> 00:02:09,216
I'm gonna see
this "new plumber" right now.
59
00:02:09,259 --> 00:02:11,435
- [gasps] Oh!
- [screams]
60
00:02:11,479 --> 00:02:12,349
I can't see!
61
00:02:14,264 --> 00:02:16,745
[tires screech]
62
00:02:16,788 --> 00:02:18,399
[grunts]
63
00:02:18,442 --> 00:02:20,444
Dead uncle, my ass.
64
00:02:20,488 --> 00:02:23,230
- I didn't plan it, Jack.
It just--it just happened.
65
00:02:23,273 --> 00:02:25,188
- Hello, mate.I'm Bobby Bastille.
66
00:02:27,451 --> 00:02:29,192
- What?
- You in need of a plumber?
67
00:02:29,236 --> 00:02:32,195
- I am a plumber.Why is your shirt off?
68
00:02:32,239 --> 00:02:33,805
- Well, why wouldn't it be?
69
00:02:33,849 --> 00:02:35,981
- Ah, this is called
an Australian tuxedo, mate.
70
00:02:36,025 --> 00:02:37,592
Oi, oi, oi, oi.
71
00:02:37,635 --> 00:02:39,202
You're good to go,Mrs. Tramer.
72
00:02:39,246 --> 00:02:41,204
- Please, don't leave me,
Bobby.
73
00:02:41,248 --> 00:02:43,815
- Oh, sorry, I've got a fullday of people who need me.
74
00:02:43,859 --> 00:02:45,339
- These are my clients!
75
00:02:45,382 --> 00:02:46,688
- I don't knowwhat to say, mate.
76
00:02:46,731 --> 00:02:49,430
I guess they found another manto lube their tubes.
77
00:02:49,473 --> 00:02:52,259
- That sounds like
you knew what to say.
78
00:02:52,302 --> 00:02:53,912
- Good day.
79
00:02:55,436 --> 00:02:59,266
- Good--ah--day--ah.
80
00:02:59,309 --> 00:03:01,355
[sighs]
81
00:03:01,398 --> 00:03:03,487
- What are you still doingin my bathroom?
82
00:03:03,531 --> 00:03:07,361
- Lamenting the toll the years
have taken on my body.
83
00:03:07,404 --> 00:03:10,233
[screams] Why do women
keep doing that to me?
84
00:03:10,277 --> 00:03:13,454
[panting]
85
00:03:13,497 --> 00:03:15,412
Ohh!
86
00:03:15,456 --> 00:03:17,240
I'm not trash!
87
00:03:20,287 --> 00:03:22,289
Ohh!
88
00:03:22,332 --> 00:03:25,683
[rock music]
89
00:03:25,727 --> 00:03:28,295
Namaste.
90
00:03:28,338 --> 00:03:29,861
[grunting]
91
00:03:29,905 --> 00:03:31,733
Ah, huh, ohh.
92
00:03:31,776 --> 00:03:33,300
Ohh, ohh, ohh, oh!
93
00:03:33,343 --> 00:03:35,302
♪
94
00:03:35,345 --> 00:03:36,346
[grunts]
95
00:03:36,390 --> 00:03:39,131
Ahh, ohh, no!
96
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:44,528
- I know I'm a good plumber,but he's hot as hell, Annie.
97
00:03:44,572 --> 00:03:45,529
I can't compete.
98
00:03:45,573 --> 00:03:47,270
- What?
You don't have to compete.
99
00:03:47,314 --> 00:03:50,186
You're the best-looking guy
in town.
100
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:51,535
Damn.
101
00:03:51,579 --> 00:03:54,364
- My sink's making
a weird noise.
102
00:03:54,408 --> 00:03:56,497
- Oh, he's hot.
You're screwed, Dad.
103
00:03:56,540 --> 00:03:58,368
- Give me that card back.
- I threw it away.
104
00:03:58,412 --> 00:04:00,979
- I can see itin your pocket.
105
00:04:01,023 --> 00:04:03,068
- Nope. Threw it away.
Time for a bath.
106
00:04:03,112 --> 00:04:04,896
And no matter what you hear,
I'm fine.
107
00:04:04,940 --> 00:04:07,116
- [sighs] My rock-and-rollgood looks
108
00:04:07,159 --> 00:04:08,552
can't compete with that guy.
109
00:04:08,596 --> 00:04:09,814
Ugh.
110
00:04:12,339 --> 00:04:15,298
[gulping]
111
00:04:15,342 --> 00:04:16,647
- He's been like that
all night.
112
00:04:16,691 --> 00:04:18,910
- He's not even chewing.
113
00:04:18,954 --> 00:04:21,783
- [gulping]
114
00:04:21,826 --> 00:04:23,306
- It's gonna be okay, Jack.
115
00:04:23,350 --> 00:04:26,353
You just need to figure outyour next move.
116
00:04:26,396 --> 00:04:28,790
- You're right, Annie.
I should kill myself.
117
00:04:28,833 --> 00:04:31,009
I'll be in the garage.
Don't come in for 15 minutes.
118
00:04:31,053 --> 00:04:32,141
Ah, make it 20,
119
00:04:32,184 --> 00:04:34,230
in case a good song
comes on the car radio.
120
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:35,884
- You're not killing yourself.
121
00:04:35,927 --> 00:04:38,800
And did you paythe life insurance premium?
122
00:04:38,843 --> 00:04:40,454
- It's just a stupid job, Dad.
123
00:04:40,497 --> 00:04:42,325
Nowadays, people have three
or four careers in their life.
124
00:04:42,369 --> 00:04:44,327
Like, I'm gonna be
an influencer,
125
00:04:44,371 --> 00:04:45,546
then a YouTube star,
126
00:04:45,589 --> 00:04:47,548
and when people tire of me,
I'll do network TV.
127
00:04:47,591 --> 00:04:49,506
- And when my history teacher'snot teaching,
128
00:04:49,550 --> 00:04:51,900
he drives an Uber,and when he's not doing that,
129
00:04:51,943 --> 00:04:53,597
he sharpens knivesin the parking lot,
130
00:04:53,641 --> 00:04:55,556
and when he's not doing that,he can sign you up
131
00:04:55,599 --> 00:04:56,948
for Cricket Wireless.
132
00:04:56,992 --> 00:04:59,603
- You can be
anything you want, Jack.
133
00:04:59,647 --> 00:05:01,605
Accountant,
business accountant,
134
00:05:01,649 --> 00:05:03,520
certified public accountant.
135
00:05:03,564 --> 00:05:06,436
This is an opportunity to
completely reinvent yourself.
136
00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:08,220
- Well, there is
this one thing,
137
00:05:08,264 --> 00:05:09,613
but I don't want to say it,
138
00:05:09,657 --> 00:05:11,441
because you're just gonna
think I'm nuts.
139
00:05:11,485 --> 00:05:15,619
- Go on. Whatever it is, youhave your family's support.
140
00:05:15,663 --> 00:05:18,405
Right, kids?
- Dream, Daddy, dream!
141
00:05:18,448 --> 00:05:21,538
- Well, for the last 35 years,
I've, uh--
142
00:05:21,582 --> 00:05:24,628
oh, boy, I've been working on,
uh, an idea for a--
143
00:05:24,672 --> 00:05:27,762
- It's okay, Jack.
We're on your side.
144
00:05:27,805 --> 00:05:29,241
- Rock opera.
145
00:05:29,285 --> 00:05:32,506
- Mm-hmm--mm--
- [coughs]
146
00:05:32,549 --> 00:05:36,161
- Is that silent excitement
I'm detecting?
147
00:05:36,205 --> 00:05:37,511
all: Mm-hmm.
148
00:05:37,554 --> 00:05:40,427
- It's great that you're
dreaming of a new career,
149
00:05:40,470 --> 00:05:43,821
but rock operasaren't really the rage anymore.
150
00:05:43,865 --> 00:05:46,215
- That's because there's never
been one like this.
151
00:05:46,258 --> 00:05:48,173
It's about a kid who has
no sense of taste or smell
152
00:05:48,217 --> 00:05:50,306
but plays a mean game
of Skee-Ball.
153
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:51,655
- That sounds like "Tommy."
154
00:05:51,699 --> 00:05:54,789
- No, "Tommy's" about
a deaf, dumb, and blind kid
155
00:05:54,832 --> 00:05:56,399
who plays a mean pinball.
156
00:05:56,443 --> 00:05:58,662
Read the back
of an album cover.
157
00:05:58,706 --> 00:05:59,620
- I'll humor you, Dad.
158
00:05:59,663 --> 00:06:01,535
What's your rock opera called?
159
00:06:01,578 --> 00:06:03,275
- "Rommy."
160
00:06:03,319 --> 00:06:06,322
- Is anyone going
to state the obvious?
161
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:08,324
- All my notes
are still here.
162
00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:09,760
I just have to write the songs
163
00:06:09,804 --> 00:06:11,762
and see if my fog machine
still works.
164
00:06:11,806 --> 00:06:14,330
- Are you sure you don'twant to consider the CPA thing?
165
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:17,202
I mean, those dudes
are the bad boys of math.
166
00:06:17,246 --> 00:06:19,204
- Nope. This is what
I was meant to do.
167
00:06:19,248 --> 00:06:20,684
And I owe it all to you guys
168
00:06:20,728 --> 00:06:23,295
for encouraging me
to dream again.
169
00:06:23,339 --> 00:06:24,122
I don't know how much longer
170
00:06:24,166 --> 00:06:25,515
I could've gone on
the way I was.
171
00:06:25,559 --> 00:06:28,039
- You just quit plumbingan hour ago.
172
00:06:28,083 --> 00:06:30,999
- Okay, honey.You go work on your rock opera.
173
00:06:31,042 --> 00:06:33,436
We're just gonna slowly
back into the kitchen
174
00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:36,134
and whisper to each other.
175
00:06:36,178 --> 00:06:39,355
Hmm.
- Is Daddy's brain broken?
176
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:41,313
- No, Jing. Daddy's fine.
177
00:06:41,357 --> 00:06:42,793
Dad's having
a nervous breakdown, Mom.
178
00:06:42,837 --> 00:06:45,274
I don't need any more
negative attention at school.
179
00:06:45,317 --> 00:06:47,058
Not after
I pooped my gym shorts
180
00:06:47,102 --> 00:06:48,277
at the top of the rope.
181
00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:50,366
- Maybe you should
start dating again, Mom,
182
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:51,541
just to play it safe.
183
00:06:51,585 --> 00:06:52,542
I need structure.
184
00:06:52,586 --> 00:06:53,674
- Don't panic, kids.
185
00:06:53,717 --> 00:06:54,718
This is just a phase.
186
00:06:54,762 --> 00:06:57,242
He will tire of this
the same way he tired
187
00:06:57,286 --> 00:06:59,941
of boxing, turtle racing,
and ghostbusting.
188
00:06:59,984 --> 00:07:02,509
- So am I busted or what?
189
00:07:02,552 --> 00:07:04,336
- I need more Post-It notes.
190
00:07:04,380 --> 00:07:05,686
I just had the best idea
for a scene
191
00:07:05,729 --> 00:07:06,513
after the fourth intermission.
192
00:07:06,556 --> 00:07:08,950
- Go get 'em, honey.
Rock that opera.
193
00:07:08,993 --> 00:07:10,517
- You're not embarrassing
at all, Dad.
194
00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:12,344
- Mom will always love you.
195
00:07:12,388 --> 00:07:14,303
- And your brain is fine.
196
00:07:14,346 --> 00:07:15,522
- [giggling]
197
00:07:15,565 --> 00:07:17,785
- Aw, it's good to see him
excited again.
198
00:07:21,223 --> 00:07:23,486
[whirring, thumping]
199
00:07:23,530 --> 00:07:26,141
- Jack, you're snoring again.
[thumping]
200
00:07:26,184 --> 00:07:27,316
Jack?
201
00:07:27,359 --> 00:07:30,537
[synthesizer playing]
202
00:07:30,580 --> 00:07:32,539
- Hey! Couldn't sleep?
Me either.
203
00:07:32,582 --> 00:07:34,149
- Have you been
out here all night?
204
00:07:34,192 --> 00:07:36,325
- Yep, yep, yep.
I'm pumped full of inspiration
205
00:07:36,368 --> 00:07:38,632
and Adderall.
- I need that for school.
206
00:07:38,675 --> 00:07:41,330
- Look at me, look at me,look at me. No, you don't.
207
00:07:41,373 --> 00:07:42,853
- So you got a little bit
of work done?
208
00:07:42,897 --> 00:07:45,160
- Better. I finished the play,wrote all the songs,
209
00:07:45,203 --> 00:07:46,901
started the sets,have some rough choreography
210
00:07:46,944 --> 00:07:47,902
and caughta black widow spider.
211
00:07:47,945 --> 00:07:49,730
It's under that cup.
212
00:07:49,773 --> 00:07:51,514
- You finished the whole thing?
213
00:07:51,558 --> 00:07:53,647
- It's super rough, but I'm notchanging a word of it.
214
00:07:53,690 --> 00:07:54,865
- Want to hear it?
- Not really.
215
00:07:54,909 --> 00:07:56,301
- Okay, here we go.
216
00:07:56,345 --> 00:07:59,174
- Rommy is a peace-loving
18-year-old boy
217
00:07:59,217 --> 00:08:02,873
who was born in the USA
but raised in H-E-L-L.
218
00:08:02,917 --> 00:08:04,658
- Hell.
219
00:08:04,701 --> 00:08:06,747
- Daddy's keyboard swore.
220
00:08:06,790 --> 00:08:10,228
- The only thing he loves more
than peace is Skee-Ball
221
00:08:10,272 --> 00:08:13,231
and Rainbow, his hippie
flower-child girlfriend.
222
00:08:13,275 --> 00:08:16,234
- Wow, that sounds terrific.
Okay, we have to go--
223
00:08:16,278 --> 00:08:19,586
- Now, Rommy's dad
is a warmongering general.
224
00:08:19,629 --> 00:08:21,109
[militaristic drumming]
225
00:08:21,152 --> 00:08:23,590
And his mom is
a greedy oil tycoon
226
00:08:23,633 --> 00:08:26,157
who only loves the sound
of a cash register.
227
00:08:26,201 --> 00:08:27,550
[woman screaming]
Hang on.
228
00:08:27,594 --> 00:08:30,335
[car horn honks]
229
00:08:30,379 --> 00:08:33,208
- Leave Britney alone!
230
00:08:33,251 --> 00:08:34,905
- You know what
a cash register sounds like.
231
00:08:34,949 --> 00:08:37,212
Anyway, they're locked
in a battle for Rommy's soul,
232
00:08:37,255 --> 00:08:39,693
But eventually they learn
that all you need is--
233
00:08:39,736 --> 00:08:41,129
I haven't written
that song yet.
234
00:08:41,172 --> 00:08:43,131
So what do you think?
Any questions?
235
00:08:43,174 --> 00:08:45,394
- Where'd that spider go?
- To freedom.
236
00:08:45,437 --> 00:08:47,396
- He's just overtired.
237
00:08:47,439 --> 00:08:48,702
Once he gets some sleep,
238
00:08:48,745 --> 00:08:50,399
he'll forget
all about this silliness.
239
00:08:50,442 --> 00:08:52,444
- You don't think
I'm wasting my time, do you?
240
00:08:52,488 --> 00:08:54,664
You should tell me if you do,even though I'm in no condition
241
00:08:54,708 --> 00:08:55,578
to handle that kind of honesty.
242
00:08:55,622 --> 00:08:57,624
all: No!
- Sounds great, honey.
243
00:08:57,667 --> 00:08:58,755
You keep working.
244
00:08:58,799 --> 00:09:00,714
We're just gonna
walk backward to the kitchen
245
00:09:00,757 --> 00:09:02,629
and share concerned looks.
[door closes]
246
00:09:02,672 --> 00:09:04,805
- Oh, you're not goin'
anywhere.
247
00:09:04,848 --> 00:09:06,241
- His brain is broken.
248
00:09:06,284 --> 00:09:09,810
- Because you're my stars!
249
00:09:09,853 --> 00:09:11,812
The play's about a family,
and you're pretty much
250
00:09:11,855 --> 00:09:14,205
my favorite family,
so it makes perfect sense.
251
00:09:14,249 --> 00:09:15,946
- Of course, Jack.
Everything you're doing
252
00:09:15,990 --> 00:09:18,253
makes perfect sense,
but let's not forget
253
00:09:18,296 --> 00:09:19,994
how much you love
being a plumber.
254
00:09:20,037 --> 00:09:22,170
- That Jack is dead, baby!
255
00:09:22,213 --> 00:09:25,260
Rehearsal starts in ten, baby!
256
00:09:29,351 --> 00:09:31,048
- I'm not playing
Duncan's girlfriend.
257
00:09:31,092 --> 00:09:33,181
I'm still in therapy
about being his sister.
258
00:09:33,224 --> 00:09:35,836
- Look, I'll date my sister,
but I don't want to dance.
259
00:09:35,879 --> 00:09:37,228
- Where's my character?
260
00:09:37,272 --> 00:09:38,882
- I was thinking
you could represent
261
00:09:38,926 --> 00:09:40,623
the conflict
between America's promise
262
00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:42,756
and its sins of genocide
and oppression.
263
00:09:42,799 --> 00:09:45,280
- Can I be a cat?
- Yeah, that works, too.
264
00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:48,675
Okay, and action!
265
00:09:48,718 --> 00:09:50,459
- I'm Rommy.
I play Skee-Ball.
266
00:09:50,502 --> 00:09:52,766
- Cut!Son, it's a rock opera.
267
00:09:52,809 --> 00:09:54,724
When it's in italics,you sing it.
268
00:09:54,768 --> 00:09:56,334
- Yeah, I'm not doing that.
- Fine.
269
00:09:56,378 --> 00:09:58,336
I guess I'll just gostick my head in the oven.
270
00:09:58,380 --> 00:09:59,903
- [sighs]
Okay, I'll sing.
271
00:09:59,947 --> 00:10:01,252
- Ugh, Jack, you can't keep
272
00:10:01,296 --> 00:10:02,819
threatening suicide
to get what you want.
273
00:10:02,863 --> 00:10:04,038
- It's called directing,
and it worked.
274
00:10:04,081 --> 00:10:06,301
Now, let's go again.
And action!
275
00:10:06,344 --> 00:10:09,260
- [playing guitar]
- ♪ I'm Rommy
276
00:10:09,304 --> 00:10:12,263
♪ I can't taste
277
00:10:12,307 --> 00:10:13,264
Why?
278
00:10:13,308 --> 00:10:16,050
♪ I can't smell
279
00:10:16,093 --> 00:10:17,051
- [sighs]
280
00:10:17,094 --> 00:10:19,270
♪ I'm pregnant
281
00:10:19,314 --> 00:10:21,925
Mom!
- Jack, Kimberly cannot be
282
00:10:21,969 --> 00:10:23,710
carrying Duncan's baby!
283
00:10:23,753 --> 00:10:25,233
- It's not Duncan's baby.
284
00:10:25,276 --> 00:10:27,931
It's Rommy's,
and it may or may not be
285
00:10:27,975 --> 00:10:29,106
the second coming of Christ.
286
00:10:29,150 --> 00:10:30,934
I haven't decided yet,
but it is.
287
00:10:30,978 --> 00:10:32,109
Five, six, seven, eight.
288
00:10:32,153 --> 00:10:35,330
[playing guitar]
289
00:10:35,373 --> 00:10:38,115
♪ Don't be a fool, Rommy
290
00:10:38,159 --> 00:10:40,727
♪ Let's go kill some commies
291
00:10:40,770 --> 00:10:43,947
♪ We'll be father-son
army buddies ♪
292
00:10:43,991 --> 00:10:45,470
♪
293
00:10:45,514 --> 00:10:48,256
- ♪ Don't you fallfor his poor potion ♪
294
00:10:48,299 --> 00:10:51,172
♪ Come with Momand frack the ocean ♪
295
00:10:51,215 --> 00:10:55,872
♪ We'll get richand buy matching Jet Skis ♪
296
00:10:57,221 --> 00:11:01,922
- ♪ I'm a cat,
that is that ♪
297
00:11:01,965 --> 00:11:03,532
Meow.
298
00:11:03,575 --> 00:11:05,926
- Okay, then your mom and I
will drop some bad acid,
299
00:11:05,969 --> 00:11:07,754
strip our clothes off,
and do a groovy dance
300
00:11:07,797 --> 00:11:09,277
where we learn
that all you need is--
301
00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:10,582
I still haven't written
that song yet.
302
00:11:10,626 --> 00:11:11,975
- Strip your clothes off?
303
00:11:12,019 --> 00:11:13,847
- Don't worry,
we'll be wearing nudie tights
304
00:11:13,890 --> 00:11:15,326
so we don't shock
the audience.
305
00:11:15,370 --> 00:11:17,328
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Audience?
306
00:11:17,372 --> 00:11:19,069
We're not performing this
for people, right?
307
00:11:19,113 --> 00:11:20,288
- Yeah, I thought we were just
308
00:11:20,331 --> 00:11:22,333
keeping youfrom offing yourself.
309
00:11:22,377 --> 00:11:23,987
- Well, I was gonna save this,
310
00:11:24,031 --> 00:11:26,337
but you know the theater
at the top of the hill?
311
00:11:26,381 --> 00:11:27,512
- Hilltop Theater?
312
00:11:27,556 --> 00:11:30,428
- I rented it out,
and we're going to perform
313
00:11:30,472 --> 00:11:32,953
for the whole town
Saturday night!
314
00:11:32,996 --> 00:11:34,606
all: No!
315
00:11:34,650 --> 00:11:37,740
- Being freaks in the privacyof our garage is one thing,
316
00:11:37,784 --> 00:11:39,002
but in front of the whole town?
317
00:11:39,046 --> 00:11:41,962
- We can't do this--
it'll be like Kimberly
318
00:11:42,005 --> 00:11:43,659
at the top of the rope
all over again.
319
00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:45,792
- Well, I don't like this
any more than you do.
320
00:11:45,835 --> 00:11:48,229
You kids get your dad
his favorite spaghetti pizza,
321
00:11:48,272 --> 00:11:50,666
and we'll break the news to himthat we're quitting.
322
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:52,929
The show must not go on.
323
00:11:52,973 --> 00:11:55,192
- Honey, I just had
a brainstorm!
324
00:11:55,236 --> 00:11:57,151
Where's our American flag
and blowtorch?
325
00:11:57,194 --> 00:11:58,935
- Everyone be a jacket.
326
00:12:01,459 --> 00:12:03,026
- We're jackets.
327
00:12:03,070 --> 00:12:04,767
- What are you all doing
in here?
328
00:12:04,811 --> 00:12:06,987
- Practicing our lines?
329
00:12:07,030 --> 00:12:08,989
- Love the work ethic.
330
00:12:09,032 --> 00:12:12,035
But don't over-rehearse,
it won't feel real.
331
00:12:12,079 --> 00:12:14,908
- I found that spider!Aah!
332
00:12:16,170 --> 00:12:17,432
- Hey, guys.What's up?
333
00:12:17,475 --> 00:12:20,174
- Good day, madam,
we're feeling a bit peckish,
334
00:12:20,217 --> 00:12:22,219
but find ourselveslow on funds.
335
00:12:22,263 --> 00:12:23,177
Can you accommodate?
336
00:12:23,220 --> 00:12:26,136
- You mean you want free food.
- Yep!
337
00:12:26,180 --> 00:12:28,051
- Okay.
338
00:12:28,095 --> 00:12:30,358
Burnt pizza slices,rock-hard garlic knots,
339
00:12:30,401 --> 00:12:31,925
and this calzonethat was coughed on
340
00:12:31,968 --> 00:12:32,926
by a kid with measles.
341
00:12:32,969 --> 00:12:35,189
- I'll roll the dice.
[munches]
342
00:12:35,232 --> 00:12:37,844
Hey, Duncan.Hey, you.
343
00:12:37,887 --> 00:12:40,237
- I'm on his radar!
344
00:12:40,281 --> 00:12:42,892
- Here's your spaghetti pizza.Is it your dad's birthday?
345
00:12:42,936 --> 00:12:45,025
- No. We have to
break his heart.
346
00:12:45,068 --> 00:12:47,244
Oh, and I think it is
his birthday.
347
00:12:47,288 --> 00:12:49,638
- Cool ponytail, Duncan.
- Oh, yeah.
348
00:12:49,681 --> 00:12:52,859
My dad's making us
do this dumb rock opera.
349
00:12:52,902 --> 00:12:55,078
I'm a draft-dodging
hippie Skee-Ball prodigy
350
00:12:55,122 --> 00:12:57,211
who can't taste or smell
for some reason.
351
00:12:57,254 --> 00:13:00,605
- We think it's about Vietnam.
Or incest. There's no telling.
352
00:13:00,649 --> 00:13:02,825
- I love rock operas.I'd totally go see that.
353
00:13:02,869 --> 00:13:05,306
- You would?
'Cause I'm, like, the star.
354
00:13:05,349 --> 00:13:07,003
And it's all about me
and my journey.
355
00:13:07,047 --> 00:13:09,832
- You know, my grandma
was a Vietnam vet.
356
00:13:09,876 --> 00:13:12,748
I bet that would bring back
some great memories.
357
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:13,967
Count us in!
358
00:13:14,010 --> 00:13:15,272
- I need tenfront and center seats,
359
00:13:15,316 --> 00:13:16,839
and I'm showing up late.
360
00:13:16,883 --> 00:13:18,972
- If the theater has heat,
I'll go.
361
00:13:19,015 --> 00:13:22,236
- Oh, yeah,
you'll be so hot...
362
00:13:22,279 --> 00:13:23,890
in the theater
'cause of the temperature.
363
00:13:23,933 --> 00:13:26,457
Oh, my God, Duncan. Let's go!
- Ugh!
364
00:13:26,501 --> 00:13:29,896
- Good news, honey,
the nudie tights came in,
365
00:13:29,939 --> 00:13:31,941
and we're gonna
look really naked.
366
00:13:31,985 --> 00:13:33,334
They block nothing.
367
00:13:33,377 --> 00:13:36,946
- Yeah, about that,
the kids and I were talking
368
00:13:36,990 --> 00:13:38,861
in the closet earlier, and...
369
00:13:38,905 --> 00:13:40,907
How do I put this delicately?
370
00:13:40,950 --> 00:13:42,778
Sweetheart, your play is--
371
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:44,040
how should I say this?--
terrible.
372
00:13:44,084 --> 00:13:46,303
- Huh?
- We don't want to perform it
373
00:13:46,347 --> 00:13:49,045
in public or private
or really anywhere.
374
00:13:49,089 --> 00:13:51,743
- Really?
Everyone feels this way?
375
00:13:51,787 --> 00:13:54,529
- It's okay, kids.
Love is honesty.
376
00:13:54,572 --> 00:13:56,139
- What? Mom's crazy.
377
00:13:56,183 --> 00:13:58,272
The play has a great message
of some kind,
378
00:13:58,315 --> 00:14:01,014
and Mia likes my ponytail,
so I can't wait to perform it.
379
00:14:01,057 --> 00:14:04,321
- And I want to do it, too.The theater has heat, right?
380
00:14:04,365 --> 00:14:06,889
- Annie, are you trying
to crush my dreams?
381
00:14:06,933 --> 00:14:10,675
- What? No.
[laughs]
382
00:14:10,719 --> 00:14:13,591
I was, um, just in character
383
00:14:13,635 --> 00:14:17,160
and being
a soulless oil tycoon.
384
00:14:17,204 --> 00:14:19,249
I can't wait for my friends,
385
00:14:19,293 --> 00:14:21,556
coworkers,
and bosses to see it.
386
00:14:21,599 --> 00:14:23,775
- Good, because I printed out
10,000 flyers,
387
00:14:23,819 --> 00:14:26,169
and you need to pass 'em outwhile you're working your beat.
388
00:14:26,213 --> 00:14:28,084
- Copy that.It's showtime.
389
00:14:31,174 --> 00:14:35,135
[sighs, grunts]
390
00:14:35,178 --> 00:14:36,919
I'm a horrible wife.
391
00:14:44,971 --> 00:14:46,320
- Hey, Mia, it's me, Duncan.
392
00:14:46,363 --> 00:14:48,191
- I know.
You make a great hippie.
393
00:14:48,235 --> 00:14:50,193
- Thanks.
I tie-dyed my shirt,
394
00:14:50,237 --> 00:14:52,108
but, um, I forgot
to let it dry.
395
00:14:52,152 --> 00:14:54,937
- Cool. Hey, does the theater
smell like crap up there, too?
396
00:14:54,981 --> 00:14:56,547
- Oh, yeah.
397
00:14:56,591 --> 00:14:59,072
- Oh, the cat
is played by Jing.
398
00:14:59,115 --> 00:15:00,160
I know her!
399
00:15:01,204 --> 00:15:02,989
- There's hardly
anybody here, Jack.
400
00:15:03,032 --> 00:15:04,991
There's no shamein being ashamed.
401
00:15:05,034 --> 00:15:07,210
Let's go.
- That doesn't make sense.
402
00:15:07,254 --> 00:15:09,038
You handed outall the flyers, right?
403
00:15:09,082 --> 00:15:10,997
- Yep. Got rid of
every last one.
404
00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:14,217
- Well, even if my story only
reaches Duncan's weird friends
405
00:15:14,261 --> 00:15:17,220
and that old soldier,
it's a story worth telling.
406
00:15:17,264 --> 00:15:18,613
Places, everyone!
407
00:15:22,008 --> 00:15:25,402
- ♪ I'm Rommy
408
00:15:25,446 --> 00:15:28,666
- ♪ I'm Rainbow
409
00:15:28,710 --> 00:15:32,018
♪ I'm pregnant
410
00:15:32,061 --> 00:15:36,109
- ♪ With my baby
411
00:15:36,152 --> 00:15:38,807
- Oh, I'm very happy
to be here.
412
00:15:38,850 --> 00:15:41,027
- ♪ I'm a military guy
413
00:15:41,070 --> 00:15:43,812
♪ I love genocide
414
00:15:43,855 --> 00:15:46,206
♪ I love to kill, kill, kill
415
00:15:46,249 --> 00:15:49,252
♪ K-k-k-kill, kill, kill
416
00:15:49,296 --> 00:15:51,167
- ♪ I'm an oil tycoon
417
00:15:51,211 --> 00:15:53,343
♪ I just bought the Moon
418
00:15:53,387 --> 00:15:55,693
♪ I like to
drill, drill, drill ♪
419
00:15:55,737 --> 00:15:57,608
♪ Then I s-spill,
spill, spill ♪
420
00:15:57,652 --> 00:15:59,784
- [chirps]
421
00:15:59,828 --> 00:16:02,091
- Focus!
422
00:16:02,135 --> 00:16:04,006
- It's not a movie, Grandma.
423
00:16:04,050 --> 00:16:07,401
- I know.I was yelling at my eyes.
424
00:16:11,057 --> 00:16:16,149
[both squeaking]
425
00:16:17,324 --> 00:16:20,022
[water rushing]
426
00:16:22,285 --> 00:16:24,244
[metal groaning]
427
00:16:24,287 --> 00:16:26,115
[rumbling]
428
00:16:31,294 --> 00:16:34,080
- Come on, Fluffy.Just try and go.
429
00:16:34,123 --> 00:16:35,298
[rumbling]
430
00:16:35,342 --> 00:16:36,212
[dog yelps]
431
00:16:36,256 --> 00:16:38,084
Fluffy?Oh, my God!
432
00:16:40,303 --> 00:16:42,218
- Bertha, cancelmy State of the Sewers address,
433
00:16:42,262 --> 00:16:44,090
and get me my floaties.
434
00:16:44,133 --> 00:16:46,831
Bottom drawer.
- [inhales deeply]
435
00:16:46,875 --> 00:16:49,269
[water bubbling]
436
00:16:49,312 --> 00:16:51,314
- Bertha?
437
00:16:51,358 --> 00:16:53,447
This will not define my term!
438
00:16:53,490 --> 00:16:54,535
Hmm.
439
00:16:54,578 --> 00:16:56,276
Hmm.
440
00:16:56,319 --> 00:16:57,538
- A sewer pipe break?
441
00:16:57,581 --> 00:16:59,279
Yeah, I don't really
fix things.
442
00:16:59,322 --> 00:17:01,498
I just take my shirt off
and bang a few pipes.
443
00:17:01,542 --> 00:17:03,587
[chuckles]
444
00:17:04,806 --> 00:17:07,113
But I think I know
just the guy.
445
00:17:07,156 --> 00:17:09,767
- ♪ If I roll to the left
446
00:17:09,811 --> 00:17:12,118
♪ Then it's
Mother Earth's death ♪
447
00:17:12,161 --> 00:17:15,077
♪ If I roll to the right
448
00:17:15,121 --> 00:17:17,210
♪ Then war I must fight
449
00:17:17,253 --> 00:17:22,084
♪ Why are parents
so into control? ♪
450
00:17:22,128 --> 00:17:25,783
♪ Come on, let me in your
451
00:17:25,827 --> 00:17:28,786
all:
♪ Love hole
452
00:17:28,830 --> 00:17:31,528
♪ Let him in your love hole
453
00:17:31,572 --> 00:17:34,488
♪ Get a ball deep
in your love hole ♪
454
00:17:34,531 --> 00:17:37,317
♪ Let him in your love hole
455
00:17:37,360 --> 00:17:44,237
♪ Love hole, love hole
456
00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:48,241
[all panting]
457
00:17:48,284 --> 00:17:50,156
- I know what that song's
really about.
458
00:17:50,199 --> 00:17:51,244
He's good at Skee-Ball.
459
00:17:51,287 --> 00:17:53,594
[all screaming, panting]
460
00:17:53,637 --> 00:17:57,250
- Look at this crowd.
It's a hit!
461
00:17:57,293 --> 00:18:00,166
- Jack, there's
a plumbing emergency in town.
462
00:18:00,209 --> 00:18:01,906
- Oakdale needs you, Jack.
463
00:18:01,950 --> 00:18:05,258
If you don't help us, this townwill be under water forever.
464
00:18:05,301 --> 00:18:07,347
- Oh, now you need him.
465
00:18:07,390 --> 00:18:09,175
You dumped him before
just 'cause he's ugly.
466
00:18:09,218 --> 00:18:11,220
- He's not that ugly.
He's, like, a solid six.
467
00:18:11,264 --> 00:18:15,224
- Sorry, folks. I don't do
plumbing gigs anymore.
468
00:18:15,268 --> 00:18:18,488
The theater is my toolbox now,and the only pipes I care about
469
00:18:18,532 --> 00:18:20,490
are between
my jaw and clavicle.
470
00:18:20,534 --> 00:18:23,145
- Daddy, our house is swimming.
471
00:18:23,189 --> 00:18:25,713
- [gasps] We're gonna
lose our home, Jack.
472
00:18:25,756 --> 00:18:27,845
- But the next scene
is the climax.
473
00:18:27,889 --> 00:18:30,413
Where am I gonna find a tenor
that can sight-read music?
474
00:18:30,457 --> 00:18:34,243
- ♪ He's standingright in front of you ♪
475
00:18:34,287 --> 00:18:36,202
[all gasp]
- Oh, wow.
476
00:18:36,245 --> 00:18:38,552
- I feel stirrings.
477
00:18:38,595 --> 00:18:40,989
- Uh, Jack, you should reallygo take care
478
00:18:41,032 --> 00:18:44,384
of that flood thingy.
- Yeah, get out of here.
479
00:18:44,427 --> 00:18:46,168
- You're right, Kimberly.
The town needs me.
480
00:18:46,212 --> 00:18:48,605
Because at a time like this--
- Just go!
481
00:18:48,649 --> 00:18:50,390
- Okay, okay!
482
00:18:50,433 --> 00:18:52,609
- ♪ You were born for war
483
00:18:52,653 --> 00:18:54,437
- ♪ How can you be sure?
484
00:18:54,481 --> 00:18:56,657
- ♪ Born to drill the Earth
485
00:18:56,700 --> 00:18:58,398
- ♪ Coach me in childbirth
486
00:18:58,441 --> 00:19:01,314
- ♪ I like to meow and purr
487
00:19:01,357 --> 00:19:04,012
- ♪ I was born to
488
00:19:04,055 --> 00:19:05,231
♪ Roll
489
00:19:05,274 --> 00:19:09,452
♪ I was born to roll
490
00:19:09,496 --> 00:19:13,456
♪ My balls are my soul
491
00:19:13,500 --> 00:19:17,460
♪ Don't try to change me, man
492
00:19:17,504 --> 00:19:19,201
all:
♪ He am what he am
493
00:19:19,245 --> 00:19:21,072
- ♪ Born to roll
494
00:19:21,116 --> 00:19:23,292
all:
♪ Balls are his soul
495
00:19:23,336 --> 00:19:26,208
- ♪ I was born to plumb
496
00:19:26,252 --> 00:19:30,473
♪ Water's filling my lungs
497
00:19:30,517 --> 00:19:34,216
♪ Gotta save
this ungrateful town ♪
498
00:19:34,260 --> 00:19:37,393
♪ Don't sing,
or else I'll drown ♪
499
00:19:37,437 --> 00:19:39,047
all: ♪ Don't sing,
he'll drown ♪
500
00:19:39,090 --> 00:19:41,397
♪ Oh, no, pants down
501
00:19:41,441 --> 00:19:43,225
- Thanks!
502
00:19:43,269 --> 00:19:46,010
♪
503
00:19:46,054 --> 00:19:48,317
[panting]
504
00:19:48,361 --> 00:19:50,058
I did it!
[shushing]
505
00:19:50,101 --> 00:19:51,451
- Hey!
- Shut up!
506
00:19:51,494 --> 00:19:54,628
- ♪ Without war
507
00:19:54,671 --> 00:20:01,156
♪ I would never know
I love peace ♪
508
00:20:03,332 --> 00:20:06,335
♪ War
509
00:20:06,379 --> 00:20:09,251
- Oh, take me, army man.
510
00:20:09,295 --> 00:20:12,298
[cheers and applause]
511
00:20:12,341 --> 00:20:14,691
- Whoa, someone wants a Tony.
512
00:20:14,735 --> 00:20:18,086
- Well, the flood's receding.
It's FEMA's problem now.
513
00:20:18,129 --> 00:20:21,872
[applause]
- Author! Author!
514
00:20:21,916 --> 00:20:23,265
- You're a hero, Daddy.
515
00:20:23,309 --> 00:20:25,354
- I don't want to getall gooshy,
516
00:20:25,398 --> 00:20:27,269
but I'm gladyou didn't kill yourself.
517
00:20:27,313 --> 00:20:30,316
- Not today, son.
Not today.
518
00:20:30,359 --> 00:20:32,187
- You're the real plumber,
Jack.
519
00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:35,059
I'm just a stripper
who took my gimmick too far.
520
00:20:35,103 --> 00:20:36,322
- [Australian accent]Thanks, mate.
521
00:20:36,365 --> 00:20:38,933
[cheers and applause]
522
00:20:38,976 --> 00:20:42,284
Enjoy intermission. We'll be
back for the second act.
523
00:20:42,328 --> 00:20:43,764
all:
What? Oh.
524
00:20:47,115 --> 00:20:48,072
- The reviews are in.
525
00:20:48,116 --> 00:20:49,422
I'm too nervous.
You read it.
526
00:20:49,465 --> 00:20:51,424
- Let's see."Plumber Saves Town,"
527
00:20:51,467 --> 00:20:53,426
Bertha's memorial,"North Korea launches--"
528
00:20:53,469 --> 00:20:56,211
Oh, here we go,"'Rommy' is a brilliant,
529
00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:59,170
inspiring,star-making triumph."
530
00:20:59,214 --> 00:21:01,347
- [gasps]
- "For Bobby Bastille,
531
00:21:01,390 --> 00:21:02,783
"who has beenwhisked to Hollywood
532
00:21:02,826 --> 00:21:04,959
"and cast as heroicJack the Plumber
533
00:21:05,002 --> 00:21:06,439
in feel-good flood movie."
534
00:21:06,482 --> 00:21:08,397
Hmm.
- Unbelievable.
535
00:21:08,441 --> 00:21:12,140
I know a famous person.
536
00:21:12,183 --> 00:21:14,098
I shook his hand.
He kissed my wife.
537
00:21:14,142 --> 00:21:16,579
And not just a little,
for a long time.
538
00:21:16,623 --> 00:21:18,320
- You're really
taking this well, Jack.
539
00:21:18,364 --> 00:21:21,497
- Well, being a great
playwright was fun,
540
00:21:21,541 --> 00:21:24,239
but I realized
my true passion is plumbing.
541
00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:26,894
Look, I even got
new business cards made.
542
00:21:26,937 --> 00:21:28,374
Not bad, huh?
543
00:21:29,723 --> 00:21:32,334
- We have to destroy
those business cards.
544
00:21:39,994 --> 00:21:41,604
-Yaah!-ANNOUNCER: Welcome to the world of
Duncanville.
38981
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