Original subtitles

- ♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo

♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪

♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo

♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪

♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo

♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪

- [laughs]

Ooh! [growls]

- Mommy! - Aaaaaaah!

- Duncan! - Duncan!

- Okay, Jing, don't forget,

after ice skatingyou have a riding lesson.

Then after riding,you have fencing.

- En garde! [munching]

- Duncan, what are you doingafter school?

- Wait, I have school today?

- Kimber,check my plumbing schedge,

and hit me with my appoints.

[beeping]

- All your appoints just "canced."

I told you not to be yourself with people.

- That can't be right.

My customers love me.

I'll bet Russia's hacking my phone,

or I'm being "Impractical Joker'd"

Either way, it's destroying our democracy.

- Calm down, Jack. Democracy's already dead.

- What am I gonna do?

You know how importantmy work is to me

and that I can't be alone.

- Enjoy it, Jack. You got the day off.

It's your own personal Jack's off day.

[laughing] - What's so funny?

Tell me! - Well, Jing--

- Don't you dare.

- You're right, honey.

I'm just gonnaenjoy myself today

and go somewhere where I canforget all about plumbing.

[bell jingles]

You're not gonna install that showerhead yourself.

I'm a plumber, and I could follow you to your shower

and screw it in for you.

- And I'll takethis pepper spray, too.

[bell jingles] - You're even needier

than usual today, Jack.

If I didn't enjoy people'sdiscomfort so much,

I'd ask you to leave.

What's going on?

- All my jobs canceled today, Hal,

and I can't figure out why.

- Well, I hate to bethe bearer of bad news.

Eh, who am I kidding?I enjoy it.

[chuckles]There's a new plumber in town.

- New plumber?

- Yep, he stopped in on his wayover to Mrs. Tramer's house.

- That was my appointment.

She canceled because her uncle died in a plane crash.

I'm gonna see this "new plumber" right now.

- [gasps] Oh! - [screams]

I can't see!

[tires screech]

[grunts]

Dead uncle, my ass.

- I didn't plan it, Jack. It just--it just happened.

- Hello, mate.I'm Bobby Bastille.

- What? - You in need of a plumber?

- I am a plumber.Why is your shirt off?

- Well, why wouldn't it be?

- Ah, this is called an Australian tuxedo, mate.

Oi, oi, oi, oi.

You're good to go,Mrs. Tramer.

- Please, don't leave me, Bobby.

- Oh, sorry, I've got a fullday of people who need me.

- These are my clients!

- I don't knowwhat to say, mate.

I guess they found another manto lube their tubes.

- That sounds like you knew what to say.

- Good day.

- Good--ah--day--ah.

[sighs]

- What are you still doingin my bathroom?

- Lamenting the toll the years have taken on my body.

[screams] Why do women keep doing that to me?

[panting]

Ohh!

I'm not trash!

Ohh!

[rock music]

Namaste.

[grunting]

Ah, huh, ohh.

Ohh, ohh, ohh, oh!

♪

[grunts]

Ahh, ohh, no!

- I know I'm a good plumber,but he's hot as hell, Annie.

I can't compete.

- What? You don't have to compete.

You're the best-looking guy in town.

Damn.

- My sink's making a weird noise.

- Oh, he's hot. You're screwed, Dad.

- Give me that card back. - I threw it away.

- I can see itin your pocket.

- Nope. Threw it away. Time for a bath.

And no matter what you hear, I'm fine.

- [sighs] My rock-and-rollgood looks

can't compete with that guy.

Ugh.

[gulping]

- He's been like that all night.

- He's not even chewing.

- [gulping]

- It's gonna be okay, Jack.

You just need to figure outyour next move.

- You're right, Annie. I should kill myself.

I'll be in the garage. Don't come in for 15 minutes.

Ah, make it 20,

in case a good song comes on the car radio.

- You're not killing yourself.

And did you paythe life insurance premium?

- It's just a stupid job, Dad.

Nowadays, people have three or four careers in their life.

Like, I'm gonna be an influencer,

then a YouTube star,

and when people tire of me, I'll do network TV.

- And when my history teacher'snot teaching,

he drives an Uber,and when he's not doing that,

he sharpens knivesin the parking lot,

and when he's not doing that,he can sign you up

for Cricket Wireless.

- You can be anything you want, Jack.

Accountant, business accountant,

certified public accountant.

This is an opportunity to completely reinvent yourself.

- Well, there is this one thing,

but I don't want to say it,

because you're just gonna think I'm nuts.

- Go on. Whatever it is, youhave your family's support.

Right, kids? - Dream, Daddy, dream!

- Well, for the last 35 years, I've, uh--

oh, boy, I've been working on, uh, an idea for a--

- It's okay, Jack. We're on your side.

- Rock opera.

- Mm-hmm--mm-- - [coughs]

- Is that silent excitement I'm detecting?

all: Mm-hmm.

- It's great that you're dreaming of a new career,

but rock operasaren't really the rage anymore.

- That's because there's never been one like this.

It's about a kid who has no sense of taste or smell

but plays a mean game of Skee-Ball.

- That sounds like "Tommy."

- No, "Tommy's" about a deaf, dumb, and blind kid

who plays a mean pinball.

Read the back of an album cover.

- I'll humor you, Dad.

What's your rock opera called?

- "Rommy."

- Is anyone going to state the obvious?

- All my notes are still here.

I just have to write the songs

and see if my fog machine still works.

- Are you sure you don'twant to consider the CPA thing?

I mean, those dudes are the bad boys of math.

- Nope. This is what I was meant to do.

And I owe it all to you guys

for encouraging me to dream again.

I don't know how much longer

I could've gone on the way I was.

- You just quit plumbingan hour ago.

- Okay, honey.You go work on your rock opera.

We're just gonna slowly back into the kitchen

and whisper to each other.

Hmm. - Is Daddy's brain broken?

- No, Jing. Daddy's fine.

Dad's having a nervous breakdown, Mom.

I don't need any more negative attention at school.

Not after I pooped my gym shorts

at the top of the rope.

- Maybe you should start dating again, Mom,

just to play it safe.

I need structure.

- Don't panic, kids.

This is just a phase.

He will tire of this the same way he tired

of boxing, turtle racing, and ghostbusting.

- So am I busted or what?

- I need more Post-It notes.

I just had the best idea for a scene

after the fourth intermission.

- Go get 'em, honey. Rock that opera.

- You're not embarrassing at all, Dad.

- Mom will always love you.

- And your brain is fine.

- [giggling]

- Aw, it's good to see him excited again.

[whirring, thumping]

- Jack, you're snoring again. [thumping]

Jack?

[synthesizer playing]

- Hey! Couldn't sleep? Me either.

- Have you been out here all night?

- Yep, yep, yep. I'm pumped full of inspiration

and Adderall. - I need that for school.

- Look at me, look at me,look at me. No, you don't.

- So you got a little bit of work done?

- Better. I finished the play,wrote all the songs,

started the sets,have some rough choreography

and caughta black widow spider.

It's under that cup.

- You finished the whole thing?

- It's super rough, but I'm notchanging a word of it.

- Want to hear it? - Not really.

- Okay, here we go.

- Rommy is a peace-loving 18-year-old boy

who was born in the USA but raised in H-E-L-L.

- Hell.

- Daddy's keyboard swore.

- The only thing he loves more than peace is Skee-Ball

and Rainbow, his hippie flower-child girlfriend.

- Wow, that sounds terrific. Okay, we have to go--

- Now, Rommy's dad is a warmongering general.

[militaristic drumming]

And his mom is a greedy oil tycoon

who only loves the sound of a cash register.

[woman screaming] Hang on.

[car horn honks]

- Leave Britney alone!

- You know what a cash register sounds like.

Anyway, they're locked in a battle for Rommy's soul,

But eventually they learn that all you need is--

I haven't written that song yet.

So what do you think? Any questions?

- Where'd that spider go? - To freedom.

- He's just overtired.

Once he gets some sleep,

he'll forget all about this silliness.

- You don't think I'm wasting my time, do you?

You should tell me if you do,even though I'm in no condition

to handle that kind of honesty.

all: No! - Sounds great, honey.

You keep working.

We're just gonna walk backward to the kitchen

and share concerned looks. [door closes]

- Oh, you're not goin' anywhere.

- His brain is broken.

- Because you're my stars!

The play's about a family, and you're pretty much

my favorite family, so it makes perfect sense.

- Of course, Jack. Everything you're doing

makes perfect sense, but let's not forget

how much you love being a plumber.

- That Jack is dead, baby!

Rehearsal starts in ten, baby!

- I'm not playing Duncan's girlfriend.

I'm still in therapy about being his sister.

- Look, I'll date my sister, but I don't want to dance.

- Where's my character?

- I was thinking you could represent

the conflict between America's promise

and its sins of genocide and oppression.

- Can I be a cat? - Yeah, that works, too.

Okay, and action!

- I'm Rommy. I play Skee-Ball.

- Cut!Son, it's a rock opera.

When it's in italics,you sing it.

- Yeah, I'm not doing that. - Fine.

I guess I'll just gostick my head in the oven.

- [sighs] Okay, I'll sing.

- Ugh, Jack, you can't keep

threatening suicide to get what you want.

- It's called directing, and it worked.

Now, let's go again. And action!

- [playing guitar] - ♪ I'm Rommy

♪ I can't taste

Why?

♪ I can't smell

- [sighs]

♪ I'm pregnant

Mom! - Jack, Kimberly cannot be

carrying Duncan's baby!

- It's not Duncan's baby.

It's Rommy's, and it may or may not be

the second coming of Christ.

I haven't decided yet, but it is.

Five, six, seven, eight.

[playing guitar]

♪ Don't be a fool, Rommy

♪ Let's go kill some commies

♪ We'll be father-son army buddies ♪

♪

- ♪ Don't you fallfor his poor potion ♪

♪ Come with Momand frack the ocean ♪

♪ We'll get richand buy matching Jet Skis ♪

- ♪ I'm a cat, that is that ♪

Meow.

- Okay, then your mom and I will drop some bad acid,

strip our clothes off, and do a groovy dance

where we learn that all you need is--

I still haven't written that song yet.

- Strip your clothes off?

- Don't worry, we'll be wearing nudie tights

so we don't shock the audience.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Audience?

We're not performing this for people, right?

- Yeah, I thought we were just

keeping youfrom offing yourself.

- Well, I was gonna save this,

but you know the theater at the top of the hill?

- Hilltop Theater?

- I rented it out, and we're going to perform

for the whole town Saturday night!

all: No!

- Being freaks in the privacyof our garage is one thing,

but in front of the whole town?

- We can't do this-- it'll be like Kimberly

at the top of the rope all over again.

- Well, I don't like this any more than you do.

You kids get your dad his favorite spaghetti pizza,

and we'll break the news to himthat we're quitting.

The show must not go on.

- Honey, I just had a brainstorm!

Where's our American flag and blowtorch?

- Everyone be a jacket.

- We're jackets.

- What are you all doing in here?

- Practicing our lines?

- Love the work ethic.

But don't over-rehearse, it won't feel real.

- I found that spider!Aah!

- Hey, guys.What's up?

- Good day, madam, we're feeling a bit peckish,

but find ourselveslow on funds.

Can you accommodate?

- You mean you want free food. - Yep!

- Okay.

Burnt pizza slices,rock-hard garlic knots,

and this calzonethat was coughed on

by a kid with measles.

- I'll roll the dice. [munches]

Hey, Duncan.Hey, you.

- I'm on his radar!

- Here's your spaghetti pizza.Is it your dad's birthday?

- No. We have to break his heart.

Oh, and I think it is his birthday.

- Cool ponytail, Duncan. - Oh, yeah.

My dad's making us do this dumb rock opera.

I'm a draft-dodging hippie Skee-Ball prodigy

who can't taste or smell for some reason.

- We think it's about Vietnam. Or incest. There's no telling.

- I love rock operas.I'd totally go see that.

- You would? 'Cause I'm, like, the star.

And it's all about me and my journey.

- You know, my grandma was a Vietnam vet.

I bet that would bring back some great memories.

Count us in!

- I need tenfront and center seats,

and I'm showing up late.

- If the theater has heat, I'll go.

- Oh, yeah, you'll be so hot...

in the theater 'cause of the temperature.

Oh, my God, Duncan. Let's go! - Ugh!

- Good news, honey, the nudie tights came in,

and we're gonna look really naked.

They block nothing.

- Yeah, about that, the kids and I were talking

in the closet earlier, and...

How do I put this delicately?

Sweetheart, your play is--

how should I say this?-- terrible.

- Huh? - We don't want to perform it

in public or private or really anywhere.

- Really? Everyone feels this way?

- It's okay, kids. Love is honesty.

- What? Mom's crazy.

The play has a great message of some kind,

and Mia likes my ponytail, so I can't wait to perform it.

- And I want to do it, too.The theater has heat, right?

- Annie, are you trying to crush my dreams?

- What? No. [laughs]

I was, um, just in character

and being a soulless oil tycoon.

I can't wait for my friends,

coworkers, and bosses to see it.

- Good, because I printed out 10,000 flyers,

and you need to pass 'em outwhile you're working your beat.

- Copy that.It's showtime.

[sighs, grunts]

I'm a horrible wife.

- Hey, Mia, it's me, Duncan.

- I know. You make a great hippie.

- Thanks. I tie-dyed my shirt,

but, um, I forgot to let it dry.

- Cool. Hey, does the theater smell like crap up there, too?

- Oh, yeah.

- Oh, the cat is played by Jing.

I know her!

- There's hardly anybody here, Jack.

There's no shamein being ashamed.

Let's go. - That doesn't make sense.

You handed outall the flyers, right?

- Yep. Got rid of every last one.

- Well, even if my story only reaches Duncan's weird friends

and that old soldier, it's a story worth telling.

Places, everyone!

- ♪ I'm Rommy

- ♪ I'm Rainbow

♪ I'm pregnant

- ♪ With my baby

- Oh, I'm very happy to be here.

- ♪ I'm a military guy

♪ I love genocide

♪ I love to kill, kill, kill

♪ K-k-k-kill, kill, kill

- ♪ I'm an oil tycoon

♪ I just bought the Moon

♪ I like to drill, drill, drill ♪

♪ Then I s-spill, spill, spill ♪

- [chirps]

- Focus!

- It's not a movie, Grandma.

- I know.I was yelling at my eyes.

[both squeaking]

[water rushing]

[metal groaning]

[rumbling]

- Come on, Fluffy.Just try and go.

[rumbling]

[dog yelps]

Fluffy?Oh, my God!

- Bertha, cancelmy State of the Sewers address,

and get me my floaties.

Bottom drawer. - [inhales deeply]

[water bubbling]

- Bertha?

This will not define my term!

Hmm.

Hmm.

- A sewer pipe break?

Yeah, I don't really fix things.

I just take my shirt off and bang a few pipes.

[chuckles]

But I think I know just the guy.

- ♪ If I roll to the left

♪ Then it's Mother Earth's death ♪

♪ If I roll to the right

♪ Then war I must fight

♪ Why are parents so into control? ♪

♪ Come on, let me in your

all: ♪ Love hole

♪ Let him in your love hole

♪ Get a ball deep in your love hole ♪

♪ Let him in your love hole

♪ Love hole, love hole

[all panting]

- I know what that song's really about.

He's good at Skee-Ball.

[all screaming, panting]

- Look at this crowd. It's a hit!

- Jack, there's a plumbing emergency in town.

- Oakdale needs you, Jack.

If you don't help us, this townwill be under water forever.

- Oh, now you need him.

You dumped him before just 'cause he's ugly.

- He's not that ugly. He's, like, a solid six.

- Sorry, folks. I don't do plumbing gigs anymore.

The theater is my toolbox now,and the only pipes I care about

are between my jaw and clavicle.

- Daddy, our house is swimming.

- [gasps] We're gonna lose our home, Jack.

- But the next scene is the climax.

Where am I gonna find a tenor that can sight-read music?

- ♪ He's standingright in front of you ♪

[all gasp] - Oh, wow.

- I feel stirrings.

- Uh, Jack, you should reallygo take care

of that flood thingy. - Yeah, get out of here.

- You're right, Kimberly. The town needs me.

Because at a time like this-- - Just go!

- Okay, okay!

- ♪ You were born for war

- ♪ How can you be sure?

- ♪ Born to drill the Earth

- ♪ Coach me in childbirth

- ♪ I like to meow and purr

- ♪ I was born to

♪ Roll

♪ I was born to roll

♪ My balls are my soul

♪ Don't try to change me, man

all: ♪ He am what he am

- ♪ Born to roll

all: ♪ Balls are his soul

- ♪ I was born to plumb

♪ Water's filling my lungs

♪ Gotta save this ungrateful town ♪

♪ Don't sing, or else I'll drown ♪

all: ♪ Don't sing, he'll drown ♪

♪ Oh, no, pants down

- Thanks!

♪

[panting]

I did it! [shushing]

- Hey! - Shut up!

- ♪ Without war

♪ I would never know I love peace ♪

♪ War

- Oh, take me, army man.

[cheers and applause]

- Whoa, someone wants a Tony.

- Well, the flood's receding. It's FEMA's problem now.

[applause] - Author! Author!

- You're a hero, Daddy.

- I don't want to getall gooshy,

but I'm gladyou didn't kill yourself.

- Not today, son. Not today.

- You're the real plumber, Jack.

I'm just a stripper who took my gimmick too far.

- [Australian accent]Thanks, mate.

[cheers and applause]

Enjoy intermission. We'll be back for the second act.

all: What? Oh.

- The reviews are in.

I'm too nervous. You read it.

- Let's see."Plumber Saves Town,"

Bertha's memorial,"North Korea launches--"

Oh, here we go,"'Rommy' is a brilliant,

inspiring,star-making triumph."

- [gasps] - "For Bobby Bastille,

"who has beenwhisked to Hollywood

"and cast as heroicJack the Plumber

in feel-good flood movie."

Hmm. - Unbelievable.

I know a famous person.

I shook his hand. He kissed my wife.

And not just a little, for a long time.

- You're really taking this well, Jack.

- Well, being a great playwright was fun,

but I realized my true passion is plumbing.

Look, I even got new business cards made.

Not bad, huh?

- We have to destroy those business cards.

-Yaah!-ANNOUNCER: Welcome to the world of Duncanville.