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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:02:03,456 --> 00:02:05,462 Hey, Andy! What's up, dude? 2 00:02:05,535 --> 00:02:07,574 Hey, Joe. Hey, Sara. How you doing? 3 00:02:07,647 --> 00:02:08,758 When you going to get a car? 4 00:02:08,832 --> 00:02:11,897 - Hey, why don't you get a car? - I can't afford it. 5 00:02:13,952 --> 00:02:17,213 - So, Survivor tomorrow night. We on? - See you then. 6 00:02:17,281 --> 00:02:19,003 I'll bring a soda. Hey, enjoy your orange. 7 00:02:19,073 --> 00:02:20,981 - Okay, take care. - See you. Bye-bye. 8 00:02:21,985 --> 00:02:25,333 - That guy needs to get laid. - Tell me something I don't know. 9 00:02:41,283 --> 00:02:42,459 Good morning. 10 00:02:47,555 --> 00:02:49,823 Excuse me. Pardon me. 11 00:02:51,107 --> 00:02:52,186 Sorry. 12 00:03:00,900 --> 00:03:02,557 Excuse me. Thank you. 13 00:03:04,996 --> 00:03:07,199 - Good morning. - Hey. 14 00:03:07,333 --> 00:03:09,274 - Good morning, Paula. - Andy. 15 00:03:10,853 --> 00:03:13,023 Excuse me. I have a question. 16 00:03:13,542 --> 00:03:18,243 What is the difference between Hi8 and Digital video tapes? 17 00:03:18,662 --> 00:03:20,799 I'm not a salesman, so, I could probably... 18 00:03:20,870 --> 00:03:23,454 Welcome to Smart Tech. How can I be of service to you? 19 00:03:23,623 --> 00:03:25,029 Well, I was just wondering... 20 00:03:25,095 --> 00:03:27,515 what is the difference between these? 21 00:03:28,295 --> 00:03:31,109 Well, if I'm photographing someone as fine as yourself... 22 00:03:31,175 --> 00:03:32,865 I'd probably go Digital. 23 00:03:35,559 --> 00:03:39,617 # Hey, don't worry I've been lied to # 24 00:03:45,480 --> 00:03:48,326 - My God. Sorry I'm late, man. - No problem. 25 00:03:49,353 --> 00:03:50,596 Oh, man. 26 00:03:51,689 --> 00:03:53,543 - I had a weekend. - Yeah? 27 00:03:53,897 --> 00:03:56,831 We went to Tijuana, Mexico, you know... 28 00:03:56,905 --> 00:03:59,719 and we thought it would be fun, you know, to go to this show. 29 00:03:59,785 --> 00:04:02,020 Everyone's, "You gotta check out one of these shows. " 30 00:04:02,089 --> 00:04:04,509 And, you know, it's a woman fucking a horse. 31 00:04:04,778 --> 00:04:07,908 We get there, and, you know, we think it's gonna be awesome... 32 00:04:07,979 --> 00:04:11,240 and it is not as cool as it sounds like it would be, man. 33 00:04:11,594 --> 00:04:13,698 - It's kind of gross. - Yeah. 34 00:04:13,770 --> 00:04:15,362 You think, "A woman fucking a horse"... 35 00:04:15,434 --> 00:04:16,960 and you get there and it's... 36 00:04:17,035 --> 00:04:18,822 - ... a woman fucking a horse. - Yeah. 37 00:04:18,891 --> 00:04:20,799 It was really giving it to her. 38 00:04:21,099 --> 00:04:22,178 And you know what... 39 00:04:22,251 --> 00:04:24,770 to be honest, I felt bad for her. We all just felt bad for her. 40 00:04:24,844 --> 00:04:26,436 - Yeah. - Kind of felt bad for the horse. 41 00:04:26,508 --> 00:04:29,606 - Wow, that's something. - So what did you get up to? 42 00:04:30,412 --> 00:04:33,542 You know, I just kind of hung out. I was... 43 00:04:34,124 --> 00:04:35,432 God, Friday, when I went home... 44 00:04:35,500 --> 00:04:37,703 I really wanted an egg-salad sandwich. 45 00:04:37,773 --> 00:04:39,681 And I was just obsessing about it and I was like: 46 00:04:39,757 --> 00:04:41,665 "Man, I'm gonna make one of those. " 47 00:04:41,742 --> 00:04:45,090 So Saturday I went out and I got, like, a dozen eggs... 48 00:04:45,166 --> 00:04:47,653 and I boiled them all and then I just... 49 00:04:47,725 --> 00:04:50,571 I spent, I don't know, probably three hours... 50 00:04:52,494 --> 00:04:54,086 like, three-and-a-half hours making... 51 00:04:54,158 --> 00:04:58,052 you know, the mayonnaise and the onions and paprika... 52 00:04:58,126 --> 00:05:00,099 and, you know, all the accoutrement. 53 00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:01,581 And then, by the time I was done... 54 00:05:01,648 --> 00:05:03,174 I just really didn't feel like eating it. 55 00:05:03,247 --> 00:05:05,701 - I can imagine. - And I didn't have any bread. 56 00:05:06,287 --> 00:05:09,450 So, you know, it was pretty good. It was a good weekend. 57 00:05:09,903 --> 00:05:12,455 - Sounds pretty awesome. - Yeah, it was fine. 58 00:05:12,527 --> 00:05:13,867 Sounds really fun. 59 00:05:14,832 --> 00:05:16,292 - Cool. - Cool. 60 00:05:16,368 --> 00:05:17,708 Cool, cool. 61 00:05:20,721 --> 00:05:22,214 - Hey, Paula. - Yeah. 62 00:05:22,289 --> 00:05:24,677 I gotta tell you something. I'm really excited about it. 63 00:05:24,753 --> 00:05:28,014 For the first time today, I woke up... 64 00:05:28,401 --> 00:05:32,230 I came to the store, and I feel confident to say to you... 65 00:05:32,434 --> 00:05:34,822 that if you don't take this Michael McDonald DVD... 66 00:05:34,898 --> 00:05:37,166 that you've been playing for two years straight, off... 67 00:05:37,235 --> 00:05:38,859 I'm going to kill everyone in the store... 68 00:05:38,931 --> 00:05:40,718 and put a bullet in my brain. 69 00:05:41,106 --> 00:05:44,367 - David, what do you suggest we play? - I don't care. Anything. 70 00:05:44,595 --> 00:05:47,311 I would rather watch Beautician and the Beast. 71 00:05:47,379 --> 00:05:49,833 I would rather listen to Fran Drescher for eight hours... 72 00:05:49,908 --> 00:05:51,630 than have to listen to Michael McDonald. 73 00:05:51,699 --> 00:05:54,797 Nothing against him, but if I hear Yah Mo B There one more time... 74 00:05:54,868 --> 00:05:57,201 I'm gonna yah mo burn this place to the ground. 75 00:05:57,268 --> 00:06:00,049 You're such a smart ass. Get back on the floor. 76 00:06:02,164 --> 00:06:03,373 Fuck you. 77 00:06:04,692 --> 00:06:07,211 This is a great TV. Nothing beats a plasma. 78 00:06:07,285 --> 00:06:08,811 What are you doing? That's my customer. 79 00:06:08,885 --> 00:06:11,950 It certainly is not. When I came upon her, she was unattended. 80 00:06:12,021 --> 00:06:13,613 - No, that's my... - Wait. 81 00:06:13,686 --> 00:06:15,659 Go to the checkout there. Pick up there, please. 82 00:06:15,734 --> 00:06:17,456 She was unattended because I went to the back... 83 00:06:17,525 --> 00:06:19,247 to get the brochure that she requested. 84 00:06:19,318 --> 00:06:20,746 I apologize, but it's too late. 85 00:06:20,822 --> 00:06:22,282 The transaction has been completed. 86 00:06:22,358 --> 00:06:24,015 Then you're gonna give me half the commission. 87 00:06:24,086 --> 00:06:25,492 You'll receive none of the commission. 88 00:06:25,558 --> 00:06:26,964 I need to talk to Paula. This is crazy. 89 00:06:27,031 --> 00:06:28,012 This is bullshit. 90 00:06:28,087 --> 00:06:29,874 Every time I make a sale, you go crying to Paula. 91 00:06:29,943 --> 00:06:33,106 How about Jesse Jackson? Old Jesse needs a cause. 92 00:06:33,175 --> 00:06:34,668 Sick of you poaching my customers. 93 00:06:34,743 --> 00:06:36,171 I'm sick of your crybaby bullshit. 94 00:06:36,247 --> 00:06:39,115 You wanna take this shit outside? Just take it outside and squash it? 95 00:06:39,191 --> 00:06:42,321 Let's stay inside, so everybody can see what a pussy you have, okay? 96 00:06:42,392 --> 00:06:45,707 Because when I remove the blade I keep in my boot from its sheath... 97 00:06:45,784 --> 00:06:48,500 I can't return it until it has spilled blood. 98 00:06:48,569 --> 00:06:51,699 Look, listen to me. You are fucking with the wrong nigger. 99 00:06:52,281 --> 00:06:55,542 Hey! You're fucking with the wrong sun-nigger, okay? 100 00:06:55,609 --> 00:06:57,997 Dude, I will hang your old ass by your turban. 101 00:06:58,265 --> 00:07:01,133 Turban now? Do you see any fucking turban here? 102 00:07:01,210 --> 00:07:02,802 Do I talk like a turban guy? 103 00:07:02,874 --> 00:07:05,655 Do I say, "Hey, Jay, do you want a Slurpee? You want a Slurpee?" 104 00:07:05,722 --> 00:07:08,820 Fuck you, okay? I was born in Brooklyn. 105 00:07:08,891 --> 00:07:09,904 Brooklyn, okay? 106 00:07:09,979 --> 00:07:13,426 My accent is a fucking Brooklyn accent, okay? Okay? 107 00:07:13,498 --> 00:07:14,773 All right, man. Calm down, dude. 108 00:07:14,843 --> 00:07:16,914 Look, you still covering my shift on Friday or what? 109 00:07:16,986 --> 00:07:19,800 If I can keep this commission, with pleasure. 110 00:07:19,867 --> 00:07:22,615 - Cool, then. All right, pop. - No problem. 111 00:07:25,436 --> 00:07:27,028 - How about Andy? - No. 112 00:07:27,389 --> 00:07:28,882 Come on, man. We need, what, five guys... 113 00:07:28,957 --> 00:07:30,417 - ... to play a decent poker game, right? - Yeah. 114 00:07:30,492 --> 00:07:31,985 If we cancel this, I'm gonna have to go... 115 00:07:32,060 --> 00:07:33,914 to some stupid-ass birthday party with Jill... 116 00:07:33,980 --> 00:07:35,189 and that shit ain't happening. 117 00:07:35,261 --> 00:07:36,667 - No. - Why not? 118 00:07:37,021 --> 00:07:40,403 He's a really nice guy and all but I'm pretty sure that... 119 00:07:40,478 --> 00:07:41,786 he is a serial murderer. 120 00:07:41,853 --> 00:07:43,510 Who cares, man? He's a nice guy. 121 00:07:43,582 --> 00:07:45,785 I just wanna get drunk, fucked up, and play some cards. 122 00:07:45,854 --> 00:07:47,893 That's great. Look, I don't wanna end up a lampshade... 123 00:07:47,965 --> 00:07:49,906 in some creepy apartment, that's what I'm saying. 124 00:07:49,981 --> 00:07:51,922 I don't really see any other options. 125 00:07:51,998 --> 00:07:54,452 Andy. My man. 126 00:07:55,423 --> 00:07:57,178 You got any plans later on tonight? 127 00:07:57,247 --> 00:07:59,384 Why, do we have to unload the Sony truck? 128 00:07:59,455 --> 00:08:02,421 No, the guys are getting together, we're playing some poker... 129 00:08:02,496 --> 00:08:04,404 thought, you know, you'd wanna play. 130 00:08:04,672 --> 00:08:05,881 With you guys? 131 00:08:07,423 --> 00:08:09,789 Yeah, sure. That would be cool. 132 00:08:10,015 --> 00:08:13,113 - You know how to play, right? - Yeah, I play online sometimes. 133 00:08:13,184 --> 00:08:15,387 - We're gonna play in the store. - Great. 134 00:08:15,584 --> 00:08:17,012 Are we allowed to do that? 135 00:08:17,088 --> 00:08:18,647 - Absolutely not. - Yeah. 136 00:08:18,849 --> 00:08:19,796 Oh. 137 00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:21,887 Well, so I'm gonna go tell Paula. 138 00:08:23,074 --> 00:08:24,447 I'm just kidding. 139 00:08:24,512 --> 00:08:27,511 I'm kidding. That sounds great. Cool, I'll see you guys tonight. 140 00:08:27,585 --> 00:08:28,566 - Okay. - All right. 141 00:08:28,641 --> 00:08:30,233 Oops. 142 00:08:32,098 --> 00:08:34,039 - I almost feel guilty. - No, you don't. 143 00:08:47,875 --> 00:08:49,215 Going down! 144 00:08:49,827 --> 00:08:51,549 Going down! 145 00:08:51,620 --> 00:08:52,796 Dumbass. 146 00:08:53,636 --> 00:08:55,042 And a full house. 147 00:08:55,460 --> 00:08:56,768 - Oh, my dukes! - What? 148 00:08:56,900 --> 00:08:59,168 How much fucking online poker do you play, dawg? 149 00:08:59,237 --> 00:09:02,138 For like an hour or two a night, when I'm not playing Halo. 150 00:09:02,628 --> 00:09:04,994 Why did you invite this guy? He's a fucking ringer, man. 151 00:09:05,061 --> 00:09:06,205 This is hog shit. 152 00:09:06,277 --> 00:09:08,381 You, you're a fucking asshole to tell me to come here. 153 00:09:08,453 --> 00:09:10,208 You tell me he was a nice guy, didn't you? 154 00:09:10,277 --> 00:09:12,512 Well, fuck you people, and fuck you, you and you... 155 00:09:12,582 --> 00:09:15,450 fuck and kiss my big brown fucking ass, okay? 156 00:09:15,526 --> 00:09:16,834 I'm gonna see you tomorrow. 157 00:09:16,902 --> 00:09:17,915 - Peace. - All right, man. 158 00:09:17,990 --> 00:09:19,134 Fuck a goat. 159 00:09:20,454 --> 00:09:22,209 - Good night. - I love that guy. 160 00:09:22,278 --> 00:09:25,092 Dude, you totally... Oh, shit, I gotta go. Damn. 161 00:09:25,158 --> 00:09:26,750 About to go see Ellen in a little bit. 162 00:09:26,823 --> 00:09:28,229 Going now? Late-night action, huh? 163 00:09:28,295 --> 00:09:29,341 Dude, you know how it goes. 164 00:09:29,415 --> 00:09:31,803 Does your girlfriend know about all these late-night visits? 165 00:09:31,879 --> 00:09:33,372 It's like an unspoken agreement. Yeah. 166 00:09:33,448 --> 00:09:36,382 It's like a completely and utterly unspoken agreement. 167 00:09:36,455 --> 00:09:38,526 If you knew her, if you knew who I was dealing with... 168 00:09:38,599 --> 00:09:39,775 you wouldn't be saying this shit. 169 00:09:39,847 --> 00:09:41,668 There's nothing you can't do with this woman... 170 00:09:41,736 --> 00:09:43,742 straight up and down. I've done every single thing... 171 00:09:43,816 --> 00:09:45,637 I could possibly create. I've literally lubed up... 172 00:09:45,704 --> 00:09:47,972 and made love to the arches of her feet. All right. 173 00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:49,086 - Wow! - Yeah. 174 00:09:49,161 --> 00:09:50,753 - Foot fuck! - That's sick, man. 175 00:09:50,825 --> 00:09:52,285 - Wow. - That is not sick. 176 00:09:52,681 --> 00:09:54,535 - I will give you sick. - Oh, shit. 177 00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:57,282 I was sleeping with a woman recently, she had the... 178 00:09:57,353 --> 00:10:00,516 - Her tits were unbelievable. - Oh, man, I love titties. 179 00:10:01,098 --> 00:10:03,552 And so we're doing it and I'm about to finish... 180 00:10:03,626 --> 00:10:05,567 and her dog starts licking my ass. 181 00:10:05,642 --> 00:10:09,798 I swear to God, I have to decide, do I finish or do I stop the dog? 182 00:10:09,867 --> 00:10:11,688 I know your nasty ass. He finished. 183 00:10:11,755 --> 00:10:14,023 I finished. And then I stole the dog. 184 00:10:15,210 --> 00:10:16,834 No, I didn't, but... 185 00:10:17,099 --> 00:10:19,465 You know, sometimes, Amy and I would make love... 186 00:10:19,531 --> 00:10:21,570 till it was almost like we weren't two people... 187 00:10:21,643 --> 00:10:24,195 but we were two spirits or something. 188 00:10:24,268 --> 00:10:27,333 Our souls were connected in this way, I can't describe it. 189 00:10:27,404 --> 00:10:30,851 Time stood still. It was like we were sharing the same heart. 190 00:10:30,923 --> 00:10:34,566 Stop, man! Why do you always come and kill the vibe with those things? 191 00:10:34,636 --> 00:10:36,522 "Sharing the same heart," that's like some... 192 00:10:36,588 --> 00:10:37,667 Britney Spears shit, man. 193 00:10:37,741 --> 00:10:40,609 This is three grown ass men, don't nobody want to hear that shit. 194 00:10:40,685 --> 00:10:42,855 Yeah, man, come on, nobody wants to hear that shit. 195 00:10:42,926 --> 00:10:45,380 Thank you, Andy. Dude, you broke up two years ago. 196 00:10:45,454 --> 00:10:47,787 - You get over it at some point. - Two years, man. 197 00:10:47,854 --> 00:10:49,347 You need to get past that... 198 00:10:49,421 --> 00:10:52,519 because no ass is worth thinking that much about... 199 00:10:52,846 --> 00:10:54,022 I always say. 200 00:10:54,286 --> 00:10:55,659 Andy, do me a favor. 201 00:10:55,727 --> 00:10:58,988 Would you please help him redeem himself by telling a real sex story? 202 00:10:59,055 --> 00:11:00,002 Yes. 203 00:11:01,263 --> 00:11:04,524 I don't... You know what, I'm a gentleman and I don't... 204 00:11:05,039 --> 00:11:06,314 I don't kiss and tell. 205 00:11:06,384 --> 00:11:09,579 Fuck it, I raise you. Nastiest shit you've ever done. 206 00:11:09,839 --> 00:11:11,463 I'm talking about nasty. 207 00:11:12,656 --> 00:11:13,637 Wow. 208 00:11:13,776 --> 00:11:16,677 So many stories are running through my head right now. 209 00:11:18,673 --> 00:11:20,101 I dated this girl... 210 00:11:20,657 --> 00:11:24,104 for a while, and she was really a nasty freak. 211 00:11:24,178 --> 00:11:28,847 She just loved to get down with sex all the time. 212 00:11:28,913 --> 00:11:31,367 She was like, any time of day, she was like: 213 00:11:31,442 --> 00:11:34,059 "Yeah, let's go. I'm so nasty. " 214 00:11:34,162 --> 00:11:35,405 And I'd be nailing her. 215 00:11:35,474 --> 00:11:36,650 - Oh, shit. - She'd be like: 216 00:11:36,722 --> 00:11:38,990 "Oh, you're nailing me. Cool. " 217 00:11:39,219 --> 00:11:42,513 - She talk dirty to you? - She loved to dirty-talk. 218 00:11:43,154 --> 00:11:45,291 Totally into it. She'd be like: 219 00:11:45,362 --> 00:11:50,118 "Yeah, let's screw, let's... I wanna fuck. " 220 00:11:51,091 --> 00:11:52,650 God, it was so dirty. 221 00:11:53,108 --> 00:11:57,035 She'd be like, "Me so horny, me love you long time. " 222 00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:58,281 So... 223 00:11:58,356 --> 00:12:01,137 - So what were the titties like? - Yeah, describe her... 224 00:12:01,204 --> 00:12:03,210 Yeah, she had great tits. 225 00:12:03,348 --> 00:12:06,347 No, I mean, like, detailed. Did she have, like, you know... 226 00:12:06,421 --> 00:12:08,143 - ... them little pink teeny nipples. - Oh, yeah. 227 00:12:08,213 --> 00:12:10,601 Or like the long National Geographic nipples. 228 00:12:10,677 --> 00:12:13,131 You have like the bumpy Braille nipples, the Stevie Wonders. 229 00:12:13,205 --> 00:12:14,513 Yeah, they were nice. 230 00:12:14,582 --> 00:12:17,680 You know, when you, like, you grab a woman's breast and it's... 231 00:12:18,006 --> 00:12:20,110 And you feel it and... 232 00:12:20,885 --> 00:12:24,681 it feels like a bag of sand when you're touching it. 233 00:12:25,910 --> 00:12:27,250 Bag of sand? 234 00:12:29,399 --> 00:12:31,340 You know what I mean. Why don't we just play? 235 00:12:31,415 --> 00:12:33,007 Why don't you just deal the cards? 236 00:12:33,079 --> 00:12:34,638 What are you talking about? 237 00:12:34,712 --> 00:12:36,685 Have you ever felt a breast before, man? 238 00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:37,707 Yes. 239 00:12:37,783 --> 00:12:40,237 - Dude, are you gay? - No, I'm not gay. 240 00:12:40,312 --> 00:12:41,871 I've been with tons of women. 241 00:12:41,944 --> 00:12:43,885 I touched a guy's balls at Hebrew school once. 242 00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:45,846 Dude, it's not a big deal. You like to fuck guys. 243 00:12:45,912 --> 00:12:48,431 I'm cool. I got friends who fuck guys, in jail. 244 00:12:48,632 --> 00:12:49,808 No, I'm not gay. 245 00:12:49,881 --> 00:12:52,749 No, I've borked a lot of women in my day. 246 00:12:52,825 --> 00:12:53,904 You've "borked"? 247 00:12:54,137 --> 00:12:56,819 Hold up. Yo, answer this question: 248 00:12:57,816 --> 00:12:59,124 Are you a virgin? 249 00:13:00,634 --> 00:13:01,942 Are you a virgin? 250 00:13:02,106 --> 00:13:04,276 Yeah, not since I was 10. 251 00:13:04,346 --> 00:13:06,800 It all makes sense. You're a virgin. 252 00:13:06,874 --> 00:13:09,294 - I am... Shut up. - How does that happen? 253 00:13:09,371 --> 00:13:10,744 He's a fucking virgin. 254 00:13:10,810 --> 00:13:13,973 I knew it. That makes so much sense, man. Look, he's a virgin. 255 00:13:14,042 --> 00:13:16,245 - You guys are hilarious. - All right, come on, don't be mean. 256 00:13:16,314 --> 00:13:18,320 I'm not being mean. I'm trying to help the partner out. 257 00:13:18,395 --> 00:13:20,052 I'm trying to say I wanna get you laid, dude. 258 00:13:20,123 --> 00:13:21,267 I understand what's going on. 259 00:13:21,339 --> 00:13:24,055 You guys are so up your asses. 260 00:13:24,251 --> 00:13:27,512 From now on, your dick is my dick. I'm getting you some pussy. 261 00:13:37,532 --> 00:13:41,786 A bag of sand! Come on, man! You could do better than that. 262 00:13:42,205 --> 00:13:45,520 God, me so horny? Me so stupid! 263 00:13:51,358 --> 00:13:52,818 Oh, come on. 264 00:13:55,934 --> 00:13:58,354 It's gonna be fine. They don't even remember. 265 00:13:58,431 --> 00:14:00,121 Those guys are cool. 266 00:14:07,584 --> 00:14:09,044 This is gonna be bad. 267 00:14:10,207 --> 00:14:11,733 Yeah, well, virgin's not a dirty word. 268 00:14:11,807 --> 00:14:13,748 You know what's a dirty word, is asshole... 269 00:14:13,824 --> 00:14:15,252 and that's what you guys are. 270 00:14:15,329 --> 00:14:18,427 You know, I may not have had sex, but I could fuck you up. 271 00:14:20,353 --> 00:14:21,529 Yeah. 272 00:14:26,752 --> 00:14:27,928 Come on. 273 00:14:30,882 --> 00:14:32,572 - Hey, David. - Hey, Andy. 274 00:14:35,618 --> 00:14:37,591 - What's up? - Cal, good morning. 275 00:14:42,947 --> 00:14:44,375 - Hey, Andy. - Hey. 276 00:14:44,450 --> 00:14:46,304 We're gonna have to get you some punani. 277 00:14:48,771 --> 00:14:51,999 Andy, it's going down, partner. We're gonna be... 278 00:14:54,276 --> 00:14:56,446 This for you, partner, this for you. 279 00:14:56,516 --> 00:14:59,362 Waves of them coming at you on Friday, Saturday. 280 00:14:59,429 --> 00:15:01,916 By Sunday, your nuts gonna be drained. 281 00:15:01,989 --> 00:15:05,468 Hey, Andy, don't let him bother you. It's okay not to have sex. 282 00:15:06,020 --> 00:15:07,874 Not everybody is a pussy magnet. 283 00:15:07,940 --> 00:15:11,714 - What are you? 25? - I'm 40. 284 00:15:11,909 --> 00:15:14,396 Holy shit, man. You've got to get on that. 285 00:15:14,565 --> 00:15:18,623 Life isn't about sex. Life is about children and passion. 286 00:15:19,014 --> 00:15:19,961 Yeah. 287 00:15:20,038 --> 00:15:22,044 - And spirit. - Yeah, life's about passion. 288 00:15:22,118 --> 00:15:24,572 It's not about fucking and balls and pussy. 289 00:15:24,646 --> 00:15:27,809 It's about love. It's about people. 290 00:15:28,550 --> 00:15:31,266 - It's about connection. - It's all about connections. 291 00:15:31,335 --> 00:15:35,328 It's not about cock and ass and tits and butthole pleasures. 292 00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:37,057 It's not about butthole pleasures at all. 293 00:15:37,128 --> 00:15:40,226 It's not about this rusty trombone and dirty Sanchez. 294 00:15:40,295 --> 00:15:43,141 - Please stop. - And Cincinnati bowtie. 295 00:15:43,303 --> 00:15:47,874 And your pussy juice cocktail and this shit-stained balls. 296 00:15:47,945 --> 00:15:49,373 - Mooj, just please stop. - Just relax... 297 00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:51,553 All right. That's enough, party's over. 298 00:15:51,849 --> 00:15:53,506 Let the virgin get back to work. 299 00:15:57,737 --> 00:15:58,816 Andy! 300 00:15:59,113 --> 00:16:01,381 Andy, come on. We were just kidding. 301 00:16:01,738 --> 00:16:02,751 Pointless. 302 00:16:02,825 --> 00:16:05,028 Andy, nobody cares that you're a virgin. 303 00:16:05,098 --> 00:16:06,853 Don't be such a baby. 304 00:16:06,954 --> 00:16:09,222 They were just having fun. They didn't mean anything. 305 00:16:09,290 --> 00:16:11,012 - Get away from me, David. - Wait a minute. 306 00:16:11,083 --> 00:16:12,904 - Stop following me! - Hold up. 307 00:16:16,362 --> 00:16:18,117 - Hold on. - I'm gonna have to quit my job now. 308 00:16:18,187 --> 00:16:19,396 You don't have to quit your job. 309 00:16:19,467 --> 00:16:21,222 You know what, I don't wanna go out with you guys. 310 00:16:21,291 --> 00:16:22,566 - Fine. - Okay? I don't need your help. 311 00:16:22,635 --> 00:16:25,023 Okay, fine, you don't have to go out with us if you don't want. 312 00:16:25,099 --> 00:16:27,519 You know what, I respect women, I love women. 313 00:16:27,852 --> 00:16:31,080 I respect them so much that I completely stay away from them. 314 00:16:31,308 --> 00:16:33,445 - Okay. - I have a very fulfilling life. 315 00:16:37,068 --> 00:16:40,744 And now, I am making your silver pants blue. 316 00:16:41,709 --> 00:16:43,617 Get some roadburn, come on! 317 00:16:43,918 --> 00:16:45,989 Come on, sucker! 318 00:16:46,062 --> 00:16:49,257 # Now, pretty ladies around the worid # 319 00:16:49,422 --> 00:16:51,395 # Got a weird thing to show you # 320 00:16:52,685 --> 00:16:54,211 Oh, my God! 321 00:16:58,223 --> 00:17:00,905 Hey, Will and Grace, back to work. 322 00:17:00,975 --> 00:17:03,079 Hey, Haziz, can you just give us a second? 323 00:17:03,151 --> 00:17:05,354 We're just kind of in the middle of something. 324 00:17:05,456 --> 00:17:07,048 I'm on my break, okay? 325 00:17:07,120 --> 00:17:09,453 Fuck off, Haziz. Leave us alone, all right? 326 00:17:09,519 --> 00:17:11,525 - Fuck off? Fuck you! - Fuck you! 327 00:17:11,599 --> 00:17:13,485 - Fuck you! Fuck off. - Fuck off. 328 00:17:13,551 --> 00:17:15,208 I'm gonna kick you in the nuts, asshole. 329 00:17:15,280 --> 00:17:18,378 Hey, hey! Watch the language, okay? I have a family. 330 00:17:18,449 --> 00:17:19,495 Watch how you talk to me! 331 00:17:19,568 --> 00:17:22,436 It's a free country, Bambi. I can smoke out here if I want to. 332 00:17:22,513 --> 00:17:23,722 Smoke my pole. 333 00:17:23,793 --> 00:17:25,996 - You are a very unkind man. - Get inside! 334 00:17:26,066 --> 00:17:27,341 This is not professional. 335 00:17:27,408 --> 00:17:29,611 Paula, this asshole over here... 336 00:17:29,681 --> 00:17:31,403 - It's okay. - Paula! 337 00:17:31,505 --> 00:17:33,871 It's all right. Come on. You know, it's just... 338 00:17:34,386 --> 00:17:36,173 So, how could this not have happened? 339 00:17:36,242 --> 00:17:38,063 It just never happened. 340 00:17:38,482 --> 00:17:41,743 When I was young, I tried, and it didn't happen. 341 00:17:42,354 --> 00:17:45,648 And then I got older and I got more and more nervous... 342 00:17:45,779 --> 00:17:49,040 because it hadn't happened yet. And I got kind of... 343 00:17:49,971 --> 00:17:52,523 weirded out about it. Then it really didn't happen... 344 00:17:52,596 --> 00:17:55,661 and then, I don't know, I just kind of stopped trying. 345 00:17:56,180 --> 00:17:58,284 Do you want to give it another shot? 346 00:17:58,356 --> 00:18:00,046 Maybe it's too late. 347 00:18:01,108 --> 00:18:03,790 Sometimes I feel that it is just too late for me. 348 00:18:04,340 --> 00:18:06,095 No, that's crazy. 349 00:18:06,164 --> 00:18:09,010 You're 40 years old. You know, 40 is the new 20. 350 00:18:09,077 --> 00:18:10,985 You wanna spend the next 60 years of your life... 351 00:18:11,061 --> 00:18:12,489 never experiencing sex? 352 00:18:12,566 --> 00:18:14,539 And not just sex, but love... 353 00:18:14,613 --> 00:18:19,347 and a relationship, and laughing and cuddling and all that shit. 354 00:18:19,958 --> 00:18:21,233 I don't know. 355 00:18:22,422 --> 00:18:25,454 - I wouldn't know what to do. - Look, you gotta take a risk. 356 00:18:25,526 --> 00:18:27,118 You gotta risk it. Look at me. 357 00:18:27,190 --> 00:18:29,011 I went out with this girl for four months... 358 00:18:29,079 --> 00:18:30,736 and it was the greatest... 359 00:18:31,383 --> 00:18:33,040 greatest thing in my life. 360 00:18:33,944 --> 00:18:37,685 Until she went down on this guy in an Escalade, I think. 361 00:18:38,328 --> 00:18:39,788 And, you know, instead of saying: 362 00:18:39,863 --> 00:18:42,731 "Okay, what am I doing that caused this behavior?"... 363 00:18:42,807 --> 00:18:44,562 I dumped her. Stupid decision. 364 00:18:44,632 --> 00:18:47,380 I spent the last two years of my life regretting it. 365 00:18:47,448 --> 00:18:49,269 Why don't you get her back right now? 366 00:18:49,337 --> 00:18:51,343 Because she's dating this pot dealer. 367 00:18:51,417 --> 00:18:52,976 Stupid horrible decision. 368 00:18:53,049 --> 00:18:56,081 But, hey, that's her journey, you know. I gotta respect that. 369 00:18:56,153 --> 00:18:57,362 I gotta give her the space. 370 00:18:57,434 --> 00:19:01,208 She wants to be some immature little bitch and blow everybody... 371 00:19:01,274 --> 00:19:03,215 - ... that's love, man. - It sounds horrible. 372 00:19:03,290 --> 00:19:05,361 Of course it's horrible. It's suffering... 373 00:19:05,433 --> 00:19:07,853 and it's pain and it's... You know, you lose weight... 374 00:19:07,930 --> 00:19:09,358 and then you put back on weight... 375 00:19:09,434 --> 00:19:11,440 and then you call them a bunch of times... 376 00:19:11,515 --> 00:19:14,743 and you try and email and then they move or they change their email... 377 00:19:14,811 --> 00:19:16,271 but that's just love. 378 00:19:16,731 --> 00:19:18,585 Do you realize that this is the first time... 379 00:19:18,651 --> 00:19:20,854 we've spoken for more than, like, 30 seconds? 380 00:19:20,923 --> 00:19:21,936 Uh-huh. 381 00:19:22,300 --> 00:19:25,048 - It's kind of nice. - Come out with us this weekend. 382 00:19:25,756 --> 00:19:28,057 No pressure. We'll just have a good time. 383 00:19:28,284 --> 00:19:30,803 Okay, yeah, I will. I'll give it a shot. 384 00:19:30,877 --> 00:19:31,858 Great. 385 00:19:31,933 --> 00:19:34,037 But I'm not going to have sex with anybody. 386 00:19:34,108 --> 00:19:36,725 Good, sex should be the last thing on your mind. 387 00:19:48,222 --> 00:19:50,043 Logjam. Hi. 388 00:19:55,710 --> 00:19:56,657 Shit. 389 00:20:00,127 --> 00:20:01,238 Oh, God. 390 00:20:05,375 --> 00:20:06,486 Sorry. 391 00:20:08,032 --> 00:20:09,819 See you later. Thanks for the dance. 392 00:20:18,945 --> 00:20:20,886 I'm okay. It's all right. 393 00:20:26,689 --> 00:20:28,476 Oh, come on, bus! 394 00:20:34,946 --> 00:20:37,017 Oh, come on, dogs! 395 00:20:40,034 --> 00:20:41,888 Shit! You gotta be kidding me. 396 00:20:57,540 --> 00:21:01,019 I mean, I'm kind of nervous. I never had oral sex before. 397 00:21:01,508 --> 00:21:05,947 Jennifer told me how to do it. It's gonna kick ass. 398 00:21:12,133 --> 00:21:13,790 What are you doing? 399 00:21:13,862 --> 00:21:15,202 Okay, just... We're almost there. 400 00:21:16,294 --> 00:21:18,562 We have one. Houston, we have one. 401 00:21:19,302 --> 00:21:21,439 You'll pull my fucking hair out! 402 00:21:21,510 --> 00:21:23,331 - We did it. - God! 403 00:21:23,398 --> 00:21:25,022 Oh, my God, you came in your pants. 404 00:21:25,093 --> 00:21:27,775 - What did you do? - I had some Cream of Wheat. 405 00:21:28,263 --> 00:21:30,466 - You know what else is sexy? - What? 406 00:21:31,014 --> 00:21:32,638 - Me... - Yeah? 407 00:21:32,711 --> 00:21:33,855 ...sucking... 408 00:21:35,175 --> 00:21:37,595 on your... 409 00:21:38,183 --> 00:21:39,164 toe. 410 00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:41,061 - That's what you want to suck on? - Yeah. 411 00:21:41,127 --> 00:21:45,250 - It's just so big and thick. - Okay. 412 00:21:46,888 --> 00:21:48,163 Yeah. 413 00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:52,027 That tickles. 414 00:21:53,129 --> 00:21:55,102 I'm sorry. Oh, no. 415 00:21:55,177 --> 00:21:57,118 - Your nose is bleeding. - You think? 416 00:21:57,193 --> 00:21:59,494 - I'm sorry. - I'm hot. 417 00:21:59,721 --> 00:22:01,694 But, now, you can't have any of this. 418 00:22:02,409 --> 00:22:04,295 You should just give up forever! 419 00:22:12,779 --> 00:22:14,469 Cal, what do you think? Is this too yellow? 420 00:22:14,539 --> 00:22:15,520 No. 421 00:22:15,851 --> 00:22:17,857 What's Curious George like in real life? 422 00:22:17,931 --> 00:22:19,075 Come on, man. 423 00:22:28,428 --> 00:22:30,729 Wow, this is pretty crowded. 424 00:22:31,021 --> 00:22:33,769 Yeah. Well, it's $9 beer night. 425 00:22:34,893 --> 00:22:36,266 Okay, look now. 426 00:22:36,332 --> 00:22:38,469 So, this is what's about to happen, all right? 427 00:22:38,541 --> 00:22:41,125 You about to go run down some drunk chicks, all right? 428 00:22:41,196 --> 00:22:43,529 And don't confuse that with tipsy. We talking about drunk. 429 00:22:43,597 --> 00:22:45,538 I want vomit in the hair, bruised-up knees. 430 00:22:45,614 --> 00:22:47,042 A broken heel is a plus. 431 00:22:47,118 --> 00:22:48,578 That's what you want to find, okay? 432 00:22:48,654 --> 00:22:51,336 No, Dave already told me I didn't have to have sex tonight. 433 00:22:51,406 --> 00:22:52,387 And now he's gone, so... 434 00:22:52,462 --> 00:22:54,370 Dude, just stop thinking for a minute, all right? 435 00:22:54,446 --> 00:22:56,005 You ain't got to think on this one. 436 00:22:56,078 --> 00:22:57,932 All you got to do is use your instinct. 437 00:22:57,998 --> 00:22:59,371 Show me your instincts. 438 00:22:59,438 --> 00:23:02,088 My head, my heart. I follow my heart. 439 00:23:02,159 --> 00:23:04,678 Now, I'm gonna show you this one time, all right? 440 00:23:04,751 --> 00:23:07,368 Instincts. Show me your instincts. 441 00:23:07,952 --> 00:23:10,056 - Show me your instincts. - They're right here. 442 00:23:10,384 --> 00:23:12,106 Own your instincts. 443 00:23:12,271 --> 00:23:15,052 All you doing is using your instinct. That's it. 444 00:23:15,120 --> 00:23:17,802 That's how a tiger know he got to tackle a gazelle. 445 00:23:17,873 --> 00:23:19,694 There's a code written in his DNA. 446 00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:21,384 - It says, "Tackle the gazelle. " - Okay. 447 00:23:21,457 --> 00:23:24,489 And believe it or not, in every man, there's a code written that says: 448 00:23:24,561 --> 00:23:26,415 - "Tackle drunk bitches. " - No. 449 00:23:26,481 --> 00:23:29,829 You know what, I don't feel comfortable... 450 00:23:31,057 --> 00:23:33,227 hitting on drunk "bitches," you know. 451 00:23:33,297 --> 00:23:34,408 I don't think that's right. 452 00:23:34,482 --> 00:23:35,626 Okay, hold up. 453 00:23:35,698 --> 00:23:38,446 First of all, you making it out to be some kind of bad thing. 454 00:23:38,514 --> 00:23:40,847 I didn't use bitches in a derogatory sense. You did. 455 00:23:40,915 --> 00:23:42,539 It just does... This doesn't feel right. 456 00:23:42,611 --> 00:23:45,359 Of course it don't feel right. What has felt right for you didn't work. 457 00:23:45,427 --> 00:23:47,914 You need to try some wrong, dawg. 458 00:23:49,970 --> 00:23:52,303 Okay, how do I tell which ones are drunk? 459 00:23:52,371 --> 00:23:53,995 Now you're talking all right. Check this out. 460 00:23:54,067 --> 00:23:55,757 - You see this redhead over here? - Where? 461 00:23:55,827 --> 00:23:59,241 - With the big old titties. - I'm not gonna stare at a woman. 462 00:23:59,316 --> 00:24:01,803 Dawg, I'm not telling you to stare at nobody. 463 00:24:01,941 --> 00:24:04,591 I'm telling you to use your peripherals. Now look at me. 464 00:24:04,661 --> 00:24:06,067 - See. Look. See? - Yeah. 465 00:24:06,485 --> 00:24:07,760 I'm not looking at you. 466 00:24:08,468 --> 00:24:10,922 - No. I'm looking at... - You're looking at her? 467 00:24:12,757 --> 00:24:16,171 - What do you want me to do? - I want you to use your peripherals. 468 00:24:16,534 --> 00:24:18,388 See? I'm not looking at you. 469 00:24:19,414 --> 00:24:23,472 No. See, I'm looking at the redhead at 3:00 with the big titties. 470 00:24:23,669 --> 00:24:26,417 You see her, racked up right there, see her? 471 00:24:26,806 --> 00:24:28,234 - Yes. - Yeah. 472 00:24:28,502 --> 00:24:31,600 - You find one with the peripherals. - Okay. 473 00:24:31,991 --> 00:24:34,990 You see, over by the post. 474 00:24:35,736 --> 00:24:36,912 It looks like a... 475 00:24:36,984 --> 00:24:38,641 It's either a ficus... 476 00:24:38,712 --> 00:24:40,369 It might be a rubber tree plant. 477 00:24:40,664 --> 00:24:43,412 All right, if you're making a joke, dawg, it's not funny. 478 00:24:43,479 --> 00:24:45,966 I see a blonde and she's very pretty. 479 00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:48,373 Better, okay. All right. 480 00:24:48,440 --> 00:24:50,381 - Now with your peripherals... - Yeah. 481 00:24:50,456 --> 00:24:52,822 ...you got to scope out a hot, drunk chick. 482 00:24:52,985 --> 00:24:54,260 And then you should make your move. 483 00:24:54,329 --> 00:24:56,084 - Okay? All right. - Yes. 484 00:24:56,281 --> 00:24:58,963 And remember, it's more important that she's drunk than she's hot. 485 00:24:59,066 --> 00:25:01,399 For this first one. Go get her. Peripherals, though. 486 00:25:01,466 --> 00:25:02,577 All the way. 487 00:25:03,674 --> 00:25:04,883 All peripherals. 488 00:25:11,930 --> 00:25:13,173 That boy is stubborn. 489 00:25:15,931 --> 00:25:19,094 Hi, I'm Andy. You look comfortable. 490 00:25:19,323 --> 00:25:21,656 Can I get you another cocktail? 491 00:25:21,755 --> 00:25:22,834 Too drunk. 492 00:25:22,907 --> 00:25:26,201 - But you got the right idea. - But clinically alive. 493 00:25:28,252 --> 00:25:29,199 - Hey! - Yo! 494 00:25:29,276 --> 00:25:31,577 I'm having trouble finding the drunk people. 495 00:25:31,644 --> 00:25:33,781 - You want to know where there's one? - Yeah. 496 00:25:33,853 --> 00:25:37,529 I. I, Captain Yellowshirts. 497 00:25:38,653 --> 00:25:40,692 Okay. Have a good one. 498 00:25:40,765 --> 00:25:41,909 - Yo! - What? 499 00:25:41,981 --> 00:25:45,013 I met a girl and she's here with a bachelorette party... 500 00:25:45,085 --> 00:25:47,026 and they invited us to party with them. 501 00:25:47,294 --> 00:25:50,108 - Okay, that's good. - It's so good... 502 00:25:50,174 --> 00:25:51,766 because no one is hornier than a girl... 503 00:25:51,839 --> 00:25:54,358 who's about to watch her friend get married to a guy. 504 00:25:54,429 --> 00:25:55,802 It's so funny. 505 00:25:59,775 --> 00:26:03,418 So we just decided because this is my last night as a free woman... 506 00:26:03,487 --> 00:26:06,453 before I marry Dan, that we would just wig out. 507 00:26:06,655 --> 00:26:08,279 We're wigging out! 508 00:26:09,248 --> 00:26:11,930 You guys are hilarious. 509 00:26:13,152 --> 00:26:14,361 Wait a minute. 510 00:26:14,432 --> 00:26:17,814 Yes, Mr. President. Yes, the erection results are in. 511 00:26:19,008 --> 00:26:21,690 Hey, guys, look, it's Dr. Zeus' penis. 512 00:26:22,145 --> 00:26:23,867 I really mean this. 513 00:26:24,769 --> 00:26:27,102 Hey, everybody, who wants penis cake? 514 00:26:27,393 --> 00:26:28,406 I do. 515 00:26:28,514 --> 00:26:31,644 - She does. - Hey, you guys, Betty Cocker. 516 00:26:33,697 --> 00:26:35,223 What a good guy. What a... 517 00:26:35,298 --> 00:26:37,206 Dan, the guy Robin's marrying... 518 00:26:37,282 --> 00:26:40,380 is such a good guy. 519 00:26:40,451 --> 00:26:41,977 He sounds like a good guy. 520 00:26:42,051 --> 00:26:44,952 I hated him for like two years 'cause he cheated on me. 521 00:26:45,219 --> 00:26:46,395 - Oh. - But... 522 00:26:48,739 --> 00:26:50,876 he's really changed now. 523 00:26:52,003 --> 00:26:54,969 - He's a really good guy now. - Your friends seem nice. 524 00:26:55,044 --> 00:26:57,432 You have really kind eyes, you know that? 525 00:26:57,636 --> 00:27:00,766 Thanks. Your hat has sequins. 526 00:27:03,237 --> 00:27:04,184 Mmm. 527 00:27:07,716 --> 00:27:08,729 Mmm. 528 00:27:14,469 --> 00:27:16,606 - Your hands are on my belt. - What? 529 00:27:16,678 --> 00:27:18,619 - Your hands are on my belt. - I'm sorry. 530 00:27:18,694 --> 00:27:19,838 It's good. 531 00:27:20,742 --> 00:27:21,918 You're cute. 532 00:27:21,991 --> 00:27:24,095 This is kind of lame. You wanna get out of here? 533 00:27:24,166 --> 00:27:25,594 Okay, yeah. 534 00:27:30,598 --> 00:27:31,938 - Yeah. - Fuck. 535 00:27:32,487 --> 00:27:33,762 - Come on. - Okay. 536 00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:40,195 You wanna drive? 537 00:27:40,264 --> 00:27:42,684 I don't have a car with me here, so... 538 00:27:42,761 --> 00:27:44,548 Cars just suck. 539 00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:47,551 I'm driving. 540 00:27:48,744 --> 00:27:49,725 Are you drunk? 541 00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:51,293 No, I didn't have anything to drink. 542 00:27:51,368 --> 00:27:53,472 - Blow into this? - Okay. 543 00:27:58,345 --> 00:28:02,054 - What is this? - The judge recommended I get one. 544 00:28:08,362 --> 00:28:11,710 - Whoa, okay. Wow. - That's fast. 545 00:28:13,546 --> 00:28:15,966 - Okay. - Come on, you're in the lasso. 546 00:28:18,859 --> 00:28:20,516 # Missy be puttin' it down # 547 00:28:20,587 --> 00:28:21,633 # I'm the hottest round # 548 00:28:21,707 --> 00:28:23,167 # I told y'all mother-uh # 549 00:28:23,243 --> 00:28:24,387 # Y'all can't stop me now # 550 00:28:24,459 --> 00:28:25,472 # Listen to me now # 551 00:28:25,548 --> 00:28:26,757 # I'm lastin' 20 rounds # 552 00:28:26,827 --> 00:28:28,255 # And if you want me, people # 553 00:28:28,332 --> 00:28:29,792 # Then come on get me now # 554 00:28:30,668 --> 00:28:34,562 And Dan's like, "You're such a B-I-T-C-H, bitch!" 555 00:28:35,725 --> 00:28:38,441 And I'm like, "You're the bitch, bitch. " 556 00:28:38,508 --> 00:28:40,165 - You know? - Yeah. 557 00:28:40,237 --> 00:28:41,894 What was your name again? 558 00:28:42,157 --> 00:28:43,617 - Andy. - Andy. 559 00:28:43,693 --> 00:28:48,231 Let me tell you something, Andy. Don't ever be named Dan. 560 00:28:48,526 --> 00:28:51,176 Dan rhymes with man, and men jerk off. 561 00:28:51,246 --> 00:28:52,652 And he was a jerk-off. 562 00:28:52,718 --> 00:28:55,302 - Do you know what I mean? - Look out! The car! 563 00:28:55,598 --> 00:28:58,444 - Wow. - I like you. 564 00:28:58,862 --> 00:29:00,290 You're not a... 565 00:29:02,543 --> 00:29:03,524 Ugh. 566 00:29:03,599 --> 00:29:06,500 I think I ate some bad shellfish sandwich or something. 567 00:29:07,792 --> 00:29:09,733 - You're cute. - No. 568 00:29:15,951 --> 00:29:18,819 - That tasted good. - That tasted like shellfish. 569 00:29:20,081 --> 00:29:22,731 Look out! Sorry. 570 00:29:23,729 --> 00:29:24,775 Watch it! 571 00:29:27,089 --> 00:29:29,477 - Do you think I'm pretty? - Oh, yes. 572 00:29:29,778 --> 00:29:31,184 Oh, God, yes! 573 00:29:32,562 --> 00:29:36,749 - You're not looking at me. - Yes, you're pretty. 574 00:29:36,817 --> 00:29:39,369 Do you think I'm pretty? Look at me. 575 00:29:39,442 --> 00:29:42,376 - Look at me! - I'm looking! You're pretty! 576 00:29:42,451 --> 00:29:44,752 God, I just wanna live! 577 00:29:46,323 --> 00:29:48,777 God, I hope I get my period soon. 578 00:29:48,916 --> 00:29:52,264 - I am in a bad mood. - Okay. 579 00:29:52,339 --> 00:29:55,055 I'm so tired. 580 00:29:55,763 --> 00:29:57,103 Hey, whoa! 581 00:29:58,196 --> 00:30:00,529 Oh, God! Turn away! 582 00:30:00,852 --> 00:30:02,923 Hey, get off the wheel. 583 00:30:04,565 --> 00:30:07,052 You're not gonna get in my pants acting like that. 584 00:30:07,126 --> 00:30:08,619 I'm starving. 585 00:30:08,852 --> 00:30:11,272 Let's get some fucking French toast. 586 00:30:13,269 --> 00:30:16,748 - Okay, here we are. - Oh, God, we made it. 587 00:30:16,822 --> 00:30:18,130 Home sweet home. 588 00:30:19,382 --> 00:30:20,974 Oh, mommy! 589 00:30:24,695 --> 00:30:28,338 - Are you okay? - The fucker came out of nowhere. 590 00:30:29,686 --> 00:30:31,954 Okay. We're okay. 591 00:30:35,063 --> 00:30:36,338 Are you okay? 592 00:30:36,951 --> 00:30:39,022 Well, are you... What's the matter? 593 00:30:44,471 --> 00:30:45,680 I'm sorry. 594 00:30:46,232 --> 00:30:49,547 That's okay. I think I kind of had that coming. 595 00:30:50,296 --> 00:30:52,367 I'll still have sex with you if you want. 596 00:30:52,441 --> 00:30:55,342 You know what, I think I'm gonna pass on the sex, if you don't mind. 597 00:30:55,417 --> 00:30:57,805 At least I don't have to work out tomorrow. 598 00:30:58,521 --> 00:31:00,342 - Did you have a daiquiri tonight? - Yeah. 599 00:31:00,410 --> 00:31:01,423 I thought you might. 600 00:31:01,978 --> 00:31:03,286 It was a very bad night. 601 00:31:05,113 --> 00:31:06,159 Yeah, laugh. 602 00:31:06,234 --> 00:31:08,469 You know what, you guys wouldn't be laughing right now... 603 00:31:08,538 --> 00:31:11,886 if some girl had just vomited shellfish sandwich into your mouth. 604 00:31:13,051 --> 00:31:14,838 You know what, you're right, it's my bad. 605 00:31:14,907 --> 00:31:16,815 Let me apologize to you first of all... 606 00:31:16,891 --> 00:31:20,567 for not mentioning in detail that when you pick up a drunk woman... 607 00:31:20,635 --> 00:31:23,187 who's falling down on her way out of the bar... 608 00:31:23,259 --> 00:31:25,975 - ... that you should probably drive. - I drive a bike. 609 00:31:26,044 --> 00:31:29,458 Okay, Mr. Schwinn-fucking-Armstrong, who asked you to drive a bike? 610 00:31:29,532 --> 00:31:31,603 You know what, I'm not the only person in the worid... 611 00:31:31,676 --> 00:31:32,787 who rides a bike. 612 00:31:32,861 --> 00:31:35,445 Yeah, everyone rides a bike, when they're fucking six. 613 00:31:35,517 --> 00:31:37,556 Why don't you kiss something? 614 00:31:37,629 --> 00:31:40,628 Because this is over, you guys, okay? 615 00:31:40,701 --> 00:31:42,293 Can I just interject for a second? 616 00:31:42,365 --> 00:31:43,705 Let me just say... 617 00:31:43,805 --> 00:31:46,073 you're putting the pussy up on this pedestal. 618 00:31:46,141 --> 00:31:47,601 You're just building the pussy up, man. 619 00:31:47,678 --> 00:31:49,018 What are you even talking about? 620 00:31:49,086 --> 00:31:50,972 "Building the pussy up," what does that mean? 621 00:31:51,038 --> 00:31:55,544 You making the pussy into this great big Greek goddess named Pussalia... 622 00:31:55,615 --> 00:31:56,759 and what you're doing is... 623 00:31:56,829 --> 00:31:59,992 you're psyching yourself into thinking it's some impossible feat. 624 00:32:00,063 --> 00:32:01,371 Yeah, I think you're right. 625 00:32:01,438 --> 00:32:03,324 I'm putting the pussy up on a pedestal. 626 00:32:03,391 --> 00:32:04,731 - Right. - That's it. 627 00:32:04,927 --> 00:32:06,649 It's "Pussalia," right? 628 00:32:06,720 --> 00:32:09,086 - Look where you going. - I don't wanna say the word anymore. 629 00:32:09,152 --> 00:32:11,322 - Say what word? - "Pussy. " I don't wanna say it. 630 00:32:11,392 --> 00:32:13,562 Fuck it. "Pussy" is a scientific word. 631 00:32:13,664 --> 00:32:15,670 Dude! New pants, man. 632 00:32:16,191 --> 00:32:17,138 You know what, Dave? 633 00:32:17,216 --> 00:32:19,670 You know, you said there wasn't gonna be any pressure at all. 634 00:32:19,744 --> 00:32:21,303 - I'm not pressuring you. - Excuse me. 635 00:32:21,377 --> 00:32:22,936 Can one of you guys help me, please? 636 00:32:23,008 --> 00:32:24,501 No hablo English, lady. 637 00:32:25,857 --> 00:32:28,060 I actually am helping a customer right now. 638 00:32:28,129 --> 00:32:30,397 - Okay, well... - I'm on break. 639 00:32:30,466 --> 00:32:32,920 But our stock supervisor is very knowledgeable. 640 00:32:32,993 --> 00:32:35,381 He can answer all of your questions and he'd love to help you. 641 00:32:35,457 --> 00:32:36,470 Thank you. 642 00:32:36,546 --> 00:32:38,039 - Have a nice day. - You, too. 643 00:32:38,914 --> 00:32:43,004 - Great, okay. Hi, I'm Trish. - Hi, Andy is my name. 644 00:32:43,586 --> 00:32:46,552 - This one looks pretty good. - You don't wanna buy that VCR. 645 00:32:46,627 --> 00:32:47,574 I don't? 646 00:32:47,651 --> 00:32:49,373 No, actually to be totally honest with you... 647 00:32:49,443 --> 00:32:50,718 you don't wanna buy any VCR. 648 00:32:50,787 --> 00:32:52,411 It's a dead technology. 649 00:32:52,483 --> 00:32:56,443 It's like getting an eight-track player. 650 00:32:56,515 --> 00:32:58,816 - Yeah. - Or a Betamax. 651 00:32:58,883 --> 00:33:00,856 You know what, actually I'd recommend this one. 652 00:33:00,932 --> 00:33:02,011 This is a dual. 653 00:33:02,084 --> 00:33:05,018 You've got the VCR and DVD combo. 654 00:33:05,093 --> 00:33:08,475 So, you know, that technology would be probably pretty good for... 655 00:33:08,741 --> 00:33:09,820 - Six months or so? - Yeah. 656 00:33:09,893 --> 00:33:11,136 That's good. 657 00:33:11,268 --> 00:33:13,122 At best. Sorry. 658 00:33:13,253 --> 00:33:15,521 - No. - As good as it gets. 659 00:33:15,654 --> 00:33:16,798 Okay, that sounds good, then. 660 00:33:16,870 --> 00:33:17,916 Okay, all right. 661 00:33:19,045 --> 00:33:20,058 - It's perfect. - Sorry. 662 00:33:20,134 --> 00:33:21,343 Coming through. 663 00:33:21,671 --> 00:33:22,717 Okay. 664 00:33:22,790 --> 00:33:25,407 God, you know, it's so funny, I work right across the street... 665 00:33:25,478 --> 00:33:26,851 and I've never been in this place. 666 00:33:26,919 --> 00:33:28,292 - Really? Where at? - Yeah. 667 00:33:28,358 --> 00:33:30,877 The "We Sell Your Stuff On eBay" store. 668 00:33:31,655 --> 00:33:33,279 - Yes. - And that's the name? 669 00:33:33,511 --> 00:33:35,779 Yeah, I was looking for something... 670 00:33:35,943 --> 00:33:38,691 ...you know, obvious. So I chose that. 671 00:33:38,759 --> 00:33:40,863 I don't understand. So, what, you do what? 672 00:33:41,224 --> 00:33:43,110 Well, I take the stuff that you don't want... 673 00:33:43,176 --> 00:33:45,182 and then I "sell" it on eBay. 674 00:33:45,256 --> 00:33:47,644 But you don't actually sell anything in the store? 675 00:33:48,584 --> 00:33:50,077 No. I don't. 676 00:33:50,792 --> 00:33:52,798 So why do you have a store? 677 00:33:52,873 --> 00:33:54,116 I don't know. 678 00:33:54,185 --> 00:33:57,315 No, I think it's because, you know, I wanna maybe look professional... 679 00:33:57,386 --> 00:34:00,232 and not like a crazy person who's just gonna steal all your shit. 680 00:34:00,298 --> 00:34:02,566 Sure. I didn't mean anything by that. 681 00:34:02,634 --> 00:34:04,040 No, it's okay. 682 00:34:04,201 --> 00:34:07,746 You know what, you should come by sometime if you want, you know... 683 00:34:07,817 --> 00:34:09,539 see it for yourself, check it out. 684 00:34:09,610 --> 00:34:11,103 I'll check out your empty store. 685 00:34:11,178 --> 00:34:14,276 Yeah, it's the one across the street that's not empty. 686 00:34:15,563 --> 00:34:16,991 Here's my number. So... 687 00:34:17,515 --> 00:34:19,881 - All right. - So, just anytime. 688 00:34:20,524 --> 00:34:23,272 Why do I need your number if you're across the street, though? 689 00:34:24,491 --> 00:34:27,359 I don't really have a good answer for that, Andy. I just... 690 00:34:27,436 --> 00:34:29,322 - Sorry. - Just giving it to you. 691 00:34:29,548 --> 00:34:32,514 So I'll write you up, and I'll meet you over at the register. 692 00:34:32,588 --> 00:34:34,180 - Okay. - And check you out... Check out. 693 00:34:34,252 --> 00:34:35,527 - Okay, see you over there. - Okay. 694 00:34:35,597 --> 00:34:36,544 Okay. 695 00:34:36,941 --> 00:34:38,914 - Awful chatty. - Hey... 696 00:34:39,309 --> 00:34:41,380 Look, I think she gave me her number. 697 00:34:41,453 --> 00:34:43,873 She wrote down her number, but I think she gave me her number. 698 00:34:43,949 --> 00:34:45,257 - No, she gave you. - Dude, man. 699 00:34:45,325 --> 00:34:46,851 See, you still mad at me? 700 00:34:46,925 --> 00:34:48,712 - No, I was never. - Right, you see what I mean? 701 00:34:48,782 --> 00:34:50,603 Yeah, we gonna celebrate it, man. Yeah. 702 00:34:50,670 --> 00:34:52,043 - This is pretty cool. - Yeah. 703 00:34:52,110 --> 00:34:53,964 - Unbelievable. - Come on, give him some credit, man. 704 00:34:54,031 --> 00:34:55,175 The man pulled a number. 705 00:34:55,247 --> 00:34:57,701 It's just... I was in... I can't believe that happened. 706 00:34:57,774 --> 00:34:59,180 What you did with you's own hand. 707 00:34:59,246 --> 00:35:01,317 Man, she just gave me her number. 708 00:35:01,486 --> 00:35:05,925 That's great, man. I'm telling you, love is a mysterious fig. 709 00:35:05,999 --> 00:35:06,980 It is. 710 00:35:07,055 --> 00:35:09,705 Okay, here's a question. When should I call her? 711 00:35:10,288 --> 00:35:11,497 - You like her? - Yeah. 712 00:35:11,568 --> 00:35:12,974 You definitely don't want to call her. 713 00:35:13,041 --> 00:35:14,600 When is the next Olympics? 714 00:35:14,672 --> 00:35:15,980 So what you just got to do is... 715 00:35:16,048 --> 00:35:17,705 just get you a bunch of these hood rats... 716 00:35:17,776 --> 00:35:19,149 run through them, just knock them out. 717 00:35:19,216 --> 00:35:20,229 Boom, boom, boom. 718 00:35:20,304 --> 00:35:22,758 And once you've done slayed like 20, 30 of them hood rats... 719 00:35:22,833 --> 00:35:25,450 now you ready to go up to the upper echelon type ho. 720 00:35:25,521 --> 00:35:27,560 - You know what I mean? - I'm not a big ho runner. 721 00:35:27,633 --> 00:35:29,355 My uncle used to drive a ho runner. 722 00:35:29,425 --> 00:35:31,212 Screw these analogies. What he's saying is... 723 00:35:31,282 --> 00:35:33,223 you are going to be so bad at sex the first time... 724 00:35:33,298 --> 00:35:35,152 you don't want to have sex with someone you like... 725 00:35:35,218 --> 00:35:37,551 'cause they'll think you're a weirdo for being so lame at it. 726 00:35:37,618 --> 00:35:39,591 You want to have sex with hood rats first... 727 00:35:39,666 --> 00:35:41,639 so that by the time you get to the girl you do like... 728 00:35:41,714 --> 00:35:45,029 you're not terrible at sex, you'll be mediocre at it. 729 00:35:45,363 --> 00:35:46,769 Probably still pretty bad, though. 730 00:35:46,835 --> 00:35:48,972 Let's put it up for my man for pulling that number. 731 00:35:49,043 --> 00:35:51,311 - Way to go, man. - Politicked his ass off. 732 00:35:51,380 --> 00:35:53,583 - You did politic. - Thanks a lot. 733 00:35:53,683 --> 00:35:55,624 Like a train, round the bend. You ready? 734 00:36:28,438 --> 00:36:29,385 Yeah. 735 00:36:30,486 --> 00:36:31,630 - I can't. - Do it. 736 00:36:31,703 --> 00:36:33,262 - I can't pee in public. - Gotta do it. 737 00:36:33,334 --> 00:36:34,860 I've got a mental block about it. 738 00:36:34,935 --> 00:36:38,000 - Come on, do it. - I'm shy! 739 00:36:42,072 --> 00:36:44,591 I peed in public! 740 00:36:44,888 --> 00:36:47,123 - Let me out. - I can't hear what you're saying. 741 00:36:47,191 --> 00:36:49,645 - I don't want to be in here. - It's a soundproof room. 742 00:36:50,328 --> 00:36:52,399 - Just learn the techniques. - Right on, man. 743 00:36:53,849 --> 00:36:55,636 You guys, this is not funny! 744 00:37:25,628 --> 00:37:26,575 Hello. 745 00:37:32,957 --> 00:37:34,265 Hey, what you watching? 746 00:37:34,332 --> 00:37:36,371 - Dawn of the Dead, man. - Great. 747 00:37:36,509 --> 00:37:38,515 The store is slow. Paula's gone. 748 00:37:38,589 --> 00:37:40,890 - Yo, is Paula back? - No. She's not here. 749 00:37:41,341 --> 00:37:43,227 - She said we can't watch this in here. - You sure? 750 00:37:43,293 --> 00:37:45,561 I know. Can I ask you something in confidence? 751 00:37:45,629 --> 00:37:47,602 I know this is gonna sound weird. 752 00:37:48,285 --> 00:37:49,713 Am I good-looking? 753 00:37:49,789 --> 00:37:51,446 Do you think a woman will find me attractive? 754 00:37:51,518 --> 00:37:53,142 Oh, my God! 755 00:37:53,886 --> 00:37:56,373 - Oh, my God, the blood just... - Okay, never mind. 756 00:37:56,447 --> 00:37:58,202 Wait, Andy. Hold up. 757 00:37:58,271 --> 00:38:01,139 Listen, this is embarrassing for me. This is hard to talk about. 758 00:38:01,214 --> 00:38:03,580 - Are you ready for my honest answer? - Yes. 759 00:38:03,967 --> 00:38:06,235 Yeah. I think you're a good-looking cat. 760 00:38:06,975 --> 00:38:08,468 I don't think that anybody knows it... 761 00:38:08,543 --> 00:38:10,069 and I don't think anybody can see it. 762 00:38:10,144 --> 00:38:11,255 Well, that's why I'm asking you. 763 00:38:11,328 --> 00:38:13,748 You seem really well-groomed and really put together. 764 00:38:13,824 --> 00:38:16,408 I mean, look, dude. You think this was an accident? 765 00:38:16,736 --> 00:38:19,156 All of this right here? Premeditated, partner. 766 00:38:19,232 --> 00:38:22,493 You gotta highlight your attributes, like a diamond in the rough. 767 00:38:22,560 --> 00:38:24,217 You willing to make some sacrifices? 768 00:38:24,289 --> 00:38:25,302 Absolutely. 769 00:38:25,377 --> 00:38:28,059 You see that whole Teen Wolf thing you got going right there? 770 00:38:28,129 --> 00:38:29,916 You need to wax that right out. 771 00:38:29,985 --> 00:38:31,772 - Does it hurt? - No. Waxing don't hurt. 772 00:38:31,842 --> 00:38:33,750 I mean, not unless you're a bitch. You know what I mean? 773 00:38:33,826 --> 00:38:35,254 It didn't hurt me. I get it done all the time. 774 00:38:35,329 --> 00:38:36,953 What the fuck! 775 00:38:40,322 --> 00:38:42,143 Fuck that nigger up! 776 00:38:43,043 --> 00:38:45,409 Bitch, get out of the room! 777 00:38:48,227 --> 00:38:50,168 This is gonna be good. 778 00:38:50,243 --> 00:38:52,380 - This the one right here, right? - Hi, how are you? 779 00:38:52,451 --> 00:38:54,392 So this is your first time getting body waxed? 780 00:38:54,467 --> 00:38:55,480 Yes, it is. 781 00:38:55,555 --> 00:38:57,561 - Take off your shirt. - Okay. 782 00:39:00,804 --> 00:39:02,625 We're gonna need more wax. 783 00:39:02,692 --> 00:39:04,927 I'm staying. This is gonna be good. 784 00:39:05,540 --> 00:39:08,222 And clear all my appointments in the afternoon. 785 00:39:08,453 --> 00:39:09,728 Here we go. 786 00:39:10,053 --> 00:39:11,328 That feels warm. 787 00:39:14,341 --> 00:39:17,307 I like your sweater. Does that come in a V-neck? 788 00:39:18,629 --> 00:39:21,017 She starts doing his pubes, I'm out of here. 789 00:39:22,918 --> 00:39:24,444 You gonna look good after this, man. 790 00:39:24,519 --> 00:39:25,695 Thanks, man. 791 00:39:26,054 --> 00:39:27,362 - So, ready? - Yeah. 792 00:39:33,223 --> 00:39:35,010 You fucker! 793 00:39:36,103 --> 00:39:38,590 I'm sorry. That's just your job. 794 00:39:38,664 --> 00:39:41,979 - You want me to stop now? - No. It's okay. 795 00:39:43,432 --> 00:39:44,608 Let's do another one. 796 00:39:44,680 --> 00:39:46,272 That one little patch looks sexy though. 797 00:39:46,345 --> 00:39:48,286 - Does it look good? - Yeah, it looks really good. 798 00:39:49,448 --> 00:39:51,716 It looks man-tastic. 799 00:39:52,840 --> 00:39:53,951 Okay. 800 00:39:55,529 --> 00:39:59,008 Wow! I didn't expect that at all. I really didn't expect that. 801 00:39:59,561 --> 00:40:01,862 You got it. The first one is the only one that hurts. 802 00:40:01,929 --> 00:40:04,295 Yeah. Those hairs are pretty deep. 803 00:40:04,362 --> 00:40:05,408 Okay. 804 00:40:05,706 --> 00:40:07,265 - You ready? - Yup. 805 00:40:10,922 --> 00:40:12,612 Sucker motherfucker! 806 00:40:13,035 --> 00:40:15,238 You shithead! I hate you! 807 00:40:15,307 --> 00:40:17,029 I hate you so much! 808 00:40:18,123 --> 00:40:19,299 That one hurt. 809 00:40:19,371 --> 00:40:21,639 That one hurt just as much as the first one. 810 00:40:21,708 --> 00:40:23,616 - That's great, man. - Man! 811 00:40:25,451 --> 00:40:27,621 One, two, three. 812 00:40:28,748 --> 00:40:32,577 Fuck me! 813 00:40:33,004 --> 00:40:36,352 In the asshole! 814 00:40:38,477 --> 00:40:39,556 - I'm sorry. - I'm sorry. 815 00:40:39,629 --> 00:40:41,155 I really don't swear this much. 816 00:40:41,230 --> 00:40:42,603 You know what, I got a weak stomach. 817 00:40:42,668 --> 00:40:44,390 That's all I can really take. I'll see ya'll. 818 00:40:44,461 --> 00:40:46,729 - Jay. - Be tough, Andy, you got it. 819 00:40:46,797 --> 00:40:48,803 - Where did Jay go? - He went to throw up. 820 00:40:48,877 --> 00:40:50,086 - Ready? - Yup. 821 00:40:50,766 --> 00:40:51,779 One, two. 822 00:40:52,942 --> 00:40:55,112 Cocksucker motherfucker! 823 00:40:55,246 --> 00:40:56,838 You pulled on two. 824 00:40:58,063 --> 00:40:59,655 Why didn't you pull on three? 825 00:40:59,727 --> 00:41:01,002 Freddy pie hole! 826 00:41:02,670 --> 00:41:04,491 No! Kelly Clarkson! 827 00:41:09,487 --> 00:41:11,177 Ya'll done or ya'll... 828 00:41:11,248 --> 00:41:12,708 - That's fucked up. - Oh, shit falls! 829 00:41:12,784 --> 00:41:13,863 That's fucked up. 830 00:41:16,753 --> 00:41:18,607 I hate you. 831 00:41:18,672 --> 00:41:20,940 Stop smiling, you jerk! 832 00:41:21,008 --> 00:41:22,152 You pussy. 833 00:41:22,224 --> 00:41:24,230 Oh, God. What's next? 834 00:41:24,593 --> 00:41:26,730 - You're doing the nipple. - Not the nipple. 835 00:41:26,801 --> 00:41:28,458 - Come on. - Not the nipple. 836 00:41:28,530 --> 00:41:30,154 Please, Cal, hold my hand. 837 00:41:30,546 --> 00:41:33,228 - You kidding me, man? - Hold my goddamn hand, man. 838 00:41:33,778 --> 00:41:35,948 - Do it! Just hold. - Okay, here we go. 839 00:41:37,170 --> 00:41:38,151 Ready? 840 00:41:38,801 --> 00:41:40,044 No. Yup. 841 00:41:40,114 --> 00:41:41,968 One, two, three. 842 00:41:42,514 --> 00:41:44,815 Nipple fuck! 843 00:41:46,130 --> 00:41:48,496 Mika, you should burn in hell! 844 00:41:48,948 --> 00:41:51,500 Okay, all right. No, seriously, I think I'm done. 845 00:41:51,572 --> 00:41:53,840 I think we're done. I think that's good. 846 00:41:55,891 --> 00:41:57,166 You know what, guys... 847 00:41:57,236 --> 00:41:59,656 this is not a good look for me! 848 00:42:00,052 --> 00:42:01,807 You look like a man-o'- lantern. 849 00:42:01,876 --> 00:42:03,762 Thank you very much. Appreciate it. Thank you. 850 00:42:22,518 --> 00:42:24,175 - Thank you very much. - You're welcome. 851 00:42:24,246 --> 00:42:25,772 - Thank you. - Thanks. 852 00:42:26,231 --> 00:42:28,204 Andy, I owe you an apology, man. 853 00:42:28,279 --> 00:42:31,573 I wasn't very nice to you for the past two-and-a-half years. 854 00:42:31,639 --> 00:42:32,718 You were nice to me. 855 00:42:32,791 --> 00:42:35,343 No, I was... I thought you were really boring and... 856 00:42:35,415 --> 00:42:37,618 I kind of thought you were a serial killer. 857 00:42:38,872 --> 00:42:40,212 I'm not joking. 858 00:42:40,695 --> 00:42:43,443 - Hey! - Sorry. Shoot. Sorry, sorry. 859 00:42:43,512 --> 00:42:45,747 Don't worry. There's a lot of padding in these. 860 00:42:45,816 --> 00:42:48,084 I could hurl it off the balcony, it would be fine. 861 00:42:48,153 --> 00:42:49,810 - Yeah. It will be fine. - We couldn't break this... 862 00:42:49,880 --> 00:42:50,893 - ... if we tried. - No problem. 863 00:42:50,968 --> 00:42:52,974 Look, you shouldn't listen to Dave and Jay, okay? 864 00:42:53,048 --> 00:42:56,014 Those guys are crazy. You should listen to me, okay? 865 00:42:56,089 --> 00:42:58,935 Look, there is a hot-ass girl who works right there. 866 00:42:59,001 --> 00:43:02,196 There she is, in the bookstore. You should ask her out, man. 867 00:43:04,089 --> 00:43:05,844 Something wrong with her underpants. 868 00:43:05,946 --> 00:43:07,352 Yeah, they're not in my mouth. 869 00:43:07,418 --> 00:43:09,304 You know, I kind of... 870 00:43:10,490 --> 00:43:12,594 like the woman from the eBay store. 871 00:43:12,762 --> 00:43:13,743 That's great, but... 872 00:43:13,818 --> 00:43:15,061 you're not gonna get with anyone... 873 00:43:15,131 --> 00:43:16,690 unless you play the odds on this, man. 874 00:43:16,763 --> 00:43:18,584 You need to plant a lot of seeds. 875 00:43:18,651 --> 00:43:21,999 It's like this. When I was growing pot, I realized... 876 00:43:22,524 --> 00:43:25,490 - ... that the more seeds I planted... - Thank you. 877 00:43:25,595 --> 00:43:27,798 ...the more pot I could ultimately smoke. 878 00:43:27,867 --> 00:43:30,965 I think I have all the advice that I can handle right now. 879 00:43:31,036 --> 00:43:32,082 Don't get bitter. 880 00:43:32,156 --> 00:43:34,904 I'm not bitter. I almost lost a nipple, okay? 881 00:43:34,972 --> 00:43:36,694 That was Jay's idea, okay? 882 00:43:36,765 --> 00:43:39,252 And I wasn't going to say anything, but waxing your chest is... 883 00:43:39,325 --> 00:43:41,713 like the gayest thing you could possibly do, okay? 884 00:43:41,789 --> 00:43:45,366 Look at me. Looks are not important. Really look at me. 885 00:43:45,469 --> 00:43:48,283 I am ugly as fuck by traditional standards... 886 00:43:48,350 --> 00:43:50,683 but I get with women. 887 00:43:50,750 --> 00:43:52,789 Aren't you curious as to how that's possible? 888 00:43:52,862 --> 00:43:54,999 I am not ugly as fuck. 889 00:43:55,071 --> 00:43:56,826 I didn't say you were ugly as... 890 00:43:56,894 --> 00:43:58,300 - Well, you implied it. - Okay. 891 00:43:58,366 --> 00:44:00,853 It doesn't matter if you're ugly as fuck or you're ugly as shit. 892 00:44:00,926 --> 00:44:03,892 It's about talking to women, and I know how to do that... 893 00:44:03,967 --> 00:44:07,195 because I observe, because I am a novelist. 894 00:44:07,839 --> 00:44:09,660 What? You never told me that before. 895 00:44:09,728 --> 00:44:12,410 That's because I am not an arrogant prick, Andy. 896 00:44:12,511 --> 00:44:14,812 Okay? The problem most men have is... 897 00:44:15,136 --> 00:44:16,564 they don't know how to talk to women. 898 00:44:16,641 --> 00:44:20,186 You know what my problem is? I am not interesting. 899 00:44:20,320 --> 00:44:22,807 What am I supposed to say? "I went to magic camp?" 900 00:44:23,169 --> 00:44:24,891 "I'm an accomplished ventriloquist?" 901 00:44:24,961 --> 00:44:27,960 "I am a seventh-degree imperial yo-yo master. " 902 00:44:29,057 --> 00:44:30,998 Do me, yo-yo master. 903 00:44:31,073 --> 00:44:34,716 I want you to do me, 'cause you're the yo-yo guy. 904 00:44:35,042 --> 00:44:36,218 Are you done? Listen. 905 00:44:36,290 --> 00:44:38,144 The problem most men have is... 906 00:44:38,210 --> 00:44:41,525 they just plain straight up have no clue how to talk to women. 907 00:44:41,922 --> 00:44:44,703 Just ask a question, okay? That's it. 908 00:44:44,835 --> 00:44:47,900 Because women do not care about what you have to say... 909 00:44:47,971 --> 00:44:49,377 at all anyway, you know. 910 00:44:49,444 --> 00:44:51,385 And all they want to do is talk about themselves. 911 00:44:51,460 --> 00:44:53,117 So you're just gonna let them do that. 912 00:44:53,187 --> 00:44:54,746 Okay? So remember. 913 00:44:54,820 --> 00:44:57,918 Questions, be cool, and be kind of a dick. 914 00:44:57,987 --> 00:45:00,986 Here, be David Caruso in Jade. 915 00:45:01,475 --> 00:45:03,546 Okay. I know exactly what you're talking about. 916 00:45:03,620 --> 00:45:05,048 You do. That's good. 917 00:45:06,788 --> 00:45:08,128 There she is. 918 00:45:10,853 --> 00:45:12,510 Go plant that seed, man. 919 00:45:13,094 --> 00:45:14,784 Plant it with your finger. 920 00:45:26,502 --> 00:45:27,875 Can I help you? 921 00:45:29,831 --> 00:45:31,390 I don't know. Can you? 922 00:45:32,999 --> 00:45:34,885 Are you looking for something? 923 00:45:36,199 --> 00:45:38,718 Is there something I should be looking for? 924 00:45:42,824 --> 00:45:44,317 We have a lot of books. 925 00:45:44,744 --> 00:45:47,710 So, maybe it depends on what you like. 926 00:45:52,520 --> 00:45:53,926 What do you like? 927 00:45:54,184 --> 00:45:57,532 We have a great section of... 928 00:45:58,025 --> 00:45:59,431 do-it-yourself. 929 00:45:59,497 --> 00:46:01,765 Do you like to "do it yourself"? 930 00:46:02,665 --> 00:46:04,736 Sometimes. I mean... 931 00:46:05,290 --> 00:46:08,704 if the mood strikes. 932 00:46:09,930 --> 00:46:12,001 How is the mood striking you now? 933 00:46:18,667 --> 00:46:20,073 What's your name? 934 00:46:20,779 --> 00:46:21,923 What's your name? 935 00:46:21,995 --> 00:46:23,968 I'm Beth. 936 00:46:26,571 --> 00:46:27,650 Andy. 937 00:46:28,876 --> 00:46:29,955 Andy. 938 00:46:32,524 --> 00:46:35,011 - Don't tell on me, okay, Andy? - I wont. 939 00:46:36,653 --> 00:46:38,888 Unless you want to be told on... 940 00:46:39,725 --> 00:46:40,672 Beth. 941 00:46:43,374 --> 00:46:44,900 Wow. That totally worked! 942 00:46:44,973 --> 00:46:47,012 I literally said nothing. And she found me fascinating. 943 00:46:47,085 --> 00:46:48,840 I would've thought you were doing that for years. 944 00:46:48,909 --> 00:46:50,566 - Should I have asked her out? - No. That's the key. 945 00:46:50,637 --> 00:46:52,010 You wait for it to grow into a plant... 946 00:46:52,078 --> 00:46:53,506 and then you fuck the plant. 947 00:46:57,423 --> 00:46:58,436 Okay. 948 00:46:59,279 --> 00:47:00,455 This is easy. 949 00:47:01,263 --> 00:47:02,538 All right. 950 00:47:03,022 --> 00:47:05,541 Hello, Trish. How you doing? What's going on? 951 00:47:07,119 --> 00:47:08,230 Good joke. 952 00:47:08,304 --> 00:47:09,994 This is a fun conversation. 953 00:47:10,064 --> 00:47:12,332 Just grow a backbone and call her. 954 00:47:12,464 --> 00:47:14,951 She asked you to call her. She wants you to call her. 955 00:47:21,840 --> 00:47:22,766 Hello. 956 00:47:23,280 --> 00:47:24,588 Hey, how you doing? 957 00:47:26,448 --> 00:47:28,170 - How you doing? - I'm well. 958 00:47:28,561 --> 00:47:29,934 Who is this? 959 00:47:30,609 --> 00:47:33,510 - This is James. - James. Do I know you, James? 960 00:47:35,026 --> 00:47:36,967 I was wondering whether you had a few minutes... 961 00:47:37,042 --> 00:47:38,863 to talk about a little laundry detergent. 962 00:47:38,929 --> 00:47:40,968 Are you a telemarketer, James? 963 00:47:41,201 --> 00:47:42,182 Yep. 964 00:47:42,258 --> 00:47:43,533 Are you at the top of a tall building? 965 00:47:43,602 --> 00:47:45,935 Can you get to a roof quickly? Jump off! 966 00:47:46,002 --> 00:47:47,113 I mean, you people are sick. 967 00:47:47,187 --> 00:47:48,909 Get a real fucking job, why don't you? 968 00:47:48,979 --> 00:47:50,472 Go shoot yourself in the fucking head. 969 00:47:50,548 --> 00:47:53,264 Hey, why don't you just, you know, get a knife and run into it? 970 00:47:53,331 --> 00:47:54,671 Why don't you do that, huh? 971 00:47:54,740 --> 00:47:55,983 - Okay. - I'll see you later, James. 972 00:47:56,052 --> 00:47:59,247 - Nice to talk to you. - Fuck your mother, okay? Bye-bye. 973 00:48:00,915 --> 00:48:01,862 Oh. 974 00:48:04,949 --> 00:48:07,217 Hey, man. Got a big box of porn for you. 975 00:48:08,917 --> 00:48:11,152 - Can I come in? - Yeah. 976 00:48:13,013 --> 00:48:14,834 Sweet video game chair. 977 00:48:18,613 --> 00:48:19,822 So what's in the box? 978 00:48:19,894 --> 00:48:22,162 It's my personal collection of erotica. 979 00:48:22,550 --> 00:48:23,629 I want to give it to you. 980 00:48:23,702 --> 00:48:26,516 I think there might be a few tapes in there that just might open up... 981 00:48:26,582 --> 00:48:28,042 Pandora's box of love. 982 00:48:28,119 --> 00:48:29,100 Okay. 983 00:48:29,175 --> 00:48:31,857 Amy and I, we used to watch Harry Twatter... 984 00:48:31,959 --> 00:48:33,387 and we'd put it on the television... 985 00:48:33,462 --> 00:48:35,316 and then act it out as it was going on... 986 00:48:35,382 --> 00:48:36,941 and it was... 987 00:48:38,904 --> 00:48:40,364 She's adorable. 988 00:48:41,272 --> 00:48:42,645 Fucking bitch. 989 00:48:42,712 --> 00:48:44,653 Well, you know, this is really gracious and kind... 990 00:48:44,728 --> 00:48:45,839 and generous and everything. 991 00:48:45,912 --> 00:48:48,529 But I just don't want a big box of porn in my apartment. 992 00:48:48,601 --> 00:48:50,934 There's some really great stuff in here. 993 00:48:51,000 --> 00:48:53,268 Really great movies in here, man. 994 00:48:53,528 --> 00:48:54,988 Hey, did you ever see School of Rock? 995 00:48:55,065 --> 00:48:56,471 - Yeah. - Well, this is... 996 00:48:56,537 --> 00:48:58,096 It's called School of... 997 00:48:58,425 --> 00:48:59,504 You know... 998 00:48:59,801 --> 00:49:03,029 - That's nice. - But it stars Jack Black Cock. 999 00:49:03,866 --> 00:49:05,010 That makes sense. 1000 00:49:05,081 --> 00:49:06,836 Dude, here it is. 1001 00:49:06,906 --> 00:49:09,360 Boner Jams '03. It's a mixed tape I made. 1002 00:49:09,433 --> 00:49:13,360 All these great scenes that I was really into in the summer of 2003. 1003 00:49:13,658 --> 00:49:16,308 - I think you'd really dig it. - Yeah. Now I can see that. 1004 00:49:16,379 --> 00:49:17,839 This is... 1005 00:49:18,107 --> 00:49:19,480 Everybody Loves Raymond. 1006 00:49:19,547 --> 00:49:20,920 That's probably not supposed to be... 1007 00:49:20,987 --> 00:49:22,709 This is a good show. I just tape it sometimes. 1008 00:49:22,779 --> 00:49:24,752 Well, I don't think you understand something, Dave. 1009 00:49:24,828 --> 00:49:29,104 I don't want this stuff, okay? Because I don't do that, that much. 1010 00:49:29,180 --> 00:49:31,066 - What, masturbate? - Yeah. 1011 00:49:32,123 --> 00:49:34,391 Dude, I've jacked it twice since I've been here. 1012 00:49:34,460 --> 00:49:37,426 - Are you kidding me? Why not? - It's not a hobby of mine. 1013 00:49:37,501 --> 00:49:39,736 Well, then, that's the only hobby you don't have. 1014 00:49:39,805 --> 00:49:42,106 No, seriously, I just don't feel comfortable talking about... 1015 00:49:42,173 --> 00:49:43,219 You need to. You're wound up. 1016 00:49:43,293 --> 00:49:44,819 You're like one of these action figures... 1017 00:49:44,894 --> 00:49:46,551 all hermetically sealed in your box. 1018 00:49:46,620 --> 00:49:48,888 - You gotta play with... - Don't! 1019 00:49:48,957 --> 00:49:50,003 Don't take it out! 1020 00:49:50,077 --> 00:49:52,596 I'm sorry. You know what, it's just... 1021 00:49:52,733 --> 00:49:55,317 It loses its value if you take it out of its packaging. 1022 00:49:55,390 --> 00:49:58,389 I'm just saying, let it out. Give it some air, man. Play with it. 1023 00:49:58,463 --> 00:50:01,015 - Take your porn with you. - I'm not taking it. 1024 00:50:01,087 --> 00:50:02,679 Take your box-o-porn. 1025 00:50:02,751 --> 00:50:05,433 - It's my gift to you. - No. I don't want it. 1026 00:50:05,695 --> 00:50:06,806 David, it's not... 1027 00:50:06,879 --> 00:50:07,892 Andy, for the last time... 1028 00:50:07,967 --> 00:50:09,754 I don't want your giant box of pornography. 1029 00:50:09,823 --> 00:50:12,026 No, no, no! Come on, man. 1030 00:50:12,287 --> 00:50:13,530 So uncool. 1031 00:50:14,111 --> 00:50:15,255 Uncool? 1032 00:50:16,256 --> 00:50:19,899 Uncool is trying to give an honest man a big box of porn, Andy. 1033 00:50:20,769 --> 00:50:23,004 For the last time, I don't want to watch... 1034 00:50:23,072 --> 00:50:24,664 School of Cock with you. 1035 00:51:31,879 --> 00:51:33,700 It's nothing official. 1036 00:51:34,631 --> 00:51:37,499 Just a little token of my appreciation. 1037 00:51:57,544 --> 00:52:00,707 Hi, Andy. I'm gonna talk dirty to you. 1038 00:52:00,777 --> 00:52:04,900 I want to have lots of sexy sex with you. 1039 00:52:05,066 --> 00:52:08,960 I want to touch your big, fat noodle... 1040 00:52:09,066 --> 00:52:12,775 'cause I want to have naughty intercourse with you. 1041 00:52:13,002 --> 00:52:16,776 I want you to put your penis on, I mean, in me, Andy. 1042 00:52:17,066 --> 00:52:20,327 I want to do lots of, lots of sexy... 1043 00:52:20,395 --> 00:52:22,979 hot things with you. Shit. 1044 00:52:23,723 --> 00:52:26,689 This really isn't working, Andy. I don't know what to say... 1045 00:52:26,764 --> 00:52:28,137 because I am you. 1046 00:52:30,155 --> 00:52:31,463 Okay. New tape. 1047 00:52:33,644 --> 00:52:36,360 Nothing is ever good enough and it's always our fault. 1048 00:52:36,428 --> 00:52:38,215 Hey, you can't speak to your mother like that. 1049 00:52:38,284 --> 00:52:40,071 - You do. - She's not my mother. 1050 00:52:44,878 --> 00:52:47,113 I heard Dave gave you the box of porn. 1051 00:52:47,468 --> 00:52:48,481 Yeah, he did. 1052 00:52:49,838 --> 00:52:51,724 You ever watch, like, Primetime Live... 1053 00:52:51,790 --> 00:52:53,731 when they take a black light into a hotel room... 1054 00:52:53,806 --> 00:52:56,194 and show you all the semen all over the bedspread? 1055 00:52:56,782 --> 00:52:57,729 Yeah. 1056 00:52:58,319 --> 00:53:00,390 You blind someone with that box. 1057 00:53:00,975 --> 00:53:02,730 Could see that thing from space. 1058 00:53:06,126 --> 00:53:08,613 This right here, you looking at the Bentley of big screen TVs. 1059 00:53:08,687 --> 00:53:10,955 I'm talking about, this is the Rolls-Royce of big screens... 1060 00:53:12,495 --> 00:53:14,828 Sometimes, I think these butterflies are in here. 1061 00:53:15,311 --> 00:53:17,165 I think he might be fooling us all, though. 1062 00:53:17,232 --> 00:53:18,124 Really? 1063 00:53:18,192 --> 00:53:20,296 I actually think he might be, like, some genius... 1064 00:53:20,368 --> 00:53:22,374 and this is like some big, like, hilarious... 1065 00:53:22,448 --> 00:53:25,316 Like he's bored at work and he just wanted to kick up some shit... 1066 00:53:25,392 --> 00:53:26,700 so he told us all he's a virgin. 1067 00:53:26,769 --> 00:53:28,775 You're seeing that a lot of stuff that's not there. 1068 00:53:28,849 --> 00:53:30,735 You're just projecting all over him. 1069 00:53:30,929 --> 00:53:32,422 He might be an idiot savant... 1070 00:53:32,497 --> 00:53:35,365 but he's not, like, clever enough to go that deep. 1071 00:53:35,442 --> 00:53:36,750 But he's got a great body. 1072 00:53:36,818 --> 00:53:39,053 - Would you fuck him? - In a New York minute. 1073 00:53:39,122 --> 00:53:40,681 - You would fuck him? - Absolutely. 1074 00:53:42,898 --> 00:53:44,620 Hey, Andy, what are you doing for lunch? 1075 00:53:45,042 --> 00:53:47,146 I don't know. I have a turkey sandwich. 1076 00:53:47,219 --> 00:53:49,935 We're gonna go around the corner. I think you should come with us. 1077 00:53:50,003 --> 00:53:52,685 There's this great place. A lot of cute giris. 1078 00:53:53,075 --> 00:53:54,481 I don't know. Okay. 1079 00:53:55,380 --> 00:53:57,201 We brought you a shirt. 1080 00:53:57,620 --> 00:53:59,342 This place is pretty fancy. 1081 00:54:00,595 --> 00:54:01,576 Something going on? 1082 00:54:01,651 --> 00:54:03,406 Hey, who's ready to have some fun? 1083 00:54:05,396 --> 00:54:06,736 Hey, guys... 1084 00:54:08,116 --> 00:54:10,482 No, don't ignore me. I know what this is. 1085 00:54:10,549 --> 00:54:12,937 Within one hour, you'll each have 20 dates. 1086 00:54:13,077 --> 00:54:16,240 Don't... Please don't do this. I saw this on Primetime Live. 1087 00:54:16,374 --> 00:54:18,031 All right, ninja master. 1088 00:54:18,421 --> 00:54:20,329 We've given you all the advice we have to give. 1089 00:54:20,405 --> 00:54:21,549 Now you gonna put it in action. 1090 00:54:21,621 --> 00:54:23,507 Advice? You guys all gave me different advice. 1091 00:54:23,574 --> 00:54:25,395 - He thinks you're a pothead. - I am. 1092 00:54:25,558 --> 00:54:28,492 Dude. Hey, partner. What are you whining about? 1093 00:54:28,567 --> 00:54:30,638 - You asked for this shit. - No, I didn't. 1094 00:54:30,710 --> 00:54:32,465 Will you just quit whining like a bitch? 1095 00:54:32,535 --> 00:54:34,955 - I'm not whining like a bitch. - You are whining like a bitch. 1096 00:54:35,031 --> 00:54:37,899 And you about to cram like 10 years of pimpage into one day. 1097 00:54:37,975 --> 00:54:40,723 - I don't want to cram pimpage. - And after that... 1098 00:54:41,143 --> 00:54:42,800 you on my level. Come on. 1099 00:54:42,872 --> 00:54:45,238 - Just ask questions. - This is a bad idea. 1100 00:54:48,120 --> 00:54:49,395 - Hi. - Hi. How are you? 1101 00:54:49,464 --> 00:54:50,640 I'm fine. 1102 00:54:51,769 --> 00:54:52,913 Are you fine? 1103 00:54:53,656 --> 00:54:54,637 Yeah. 1104 00:54:55,480 --> 00:54:57,039 You're fine then? 1105 00:54:57,688 --> 00:55:00,720 Are you fucking retarded? What the hell's the matter with you? 1106 00:55:01,049 --> 00:55:02,542 Do you want me to be fucking retarded? 1107 00:55:03,674 --> 00:55:05,942 When I look into the eyes of the children and the parents... 1108 00:55:06,010 --> 00:55:07,383 and they are smiling and saying: 1109 00:55:07,450 --> 00:55:09,620 "Thank you, Dr. Montalban, you saved my child"... 1110 00:55:09,690 --> 00:55:10,736 it was worth it. 1111 00:55:13,498 --> 00:55:14,577 Amy... 1112 00:55:15,226 --> 00:55:17,265 - ... what are you doing here? - David. 1113 00:55:18,587 --> 00:55:20,822 - And you are Gina? - Gina. 1114 00:55:20,923 --> 00:55:22,547 - Hey, what's up? - Nothing. 1115 00:55:22,683 --> 00:55:25,137 Look, I'm going to be real honest with you. 1116 00:55:25,212 --> 00:55:27,600 It's been a long time since I've been with a man. 1117 00:55:27,676 --> 00:55:30,228 Spent a lot of time with the ladies. 1118 00:55:30,299 --> 00:55:32,632 Looking to get back up on that pogo stick. 1119 00:55:32,700 --> 00:55:34,586 - You know what I'm saying? - Excuse me. 1120 00:55:34,652 --> 00:55:38,448 Remember that time when we made love and you cried in my arms? 1121 00:55:38,524 --> 00:55:40,857 Please don't reminisce about the times we fucked, please. 1122 00:55:40,925 --> 00:55:42,712 - It's so creepy. - Let's go to Paris. 1123 00:55:42,781 --> 00:55:45,497 I want to take you underneath the Eiffel Tower and make love to you. 1124 00:55:45,566 --> 00:55:46,775 - Cut it out. - Cut what out? 1125 00:55:46,846 --> 00:55:49,300 This go to Paris! We've been broken up for like two years, man. 1126 00:55:49,374 --> 00:55:50,747 I don't want to date you anymore. 1127 00:55:50,813 --> 00:55:52,372 - You're a whore. - I am not a whore. 1128 00:55:52,446 --> 00:55:54,005 I just didn't like you. 1129 00:55:54,077 --> 00:55:55,156 This is so us. 1130 00:55:57,311 --> 00:55:58,837 - Psycho talk. - What? 1131 00:55:58,911 --> 00:56:00,666 - You're a good-looking man. - Thank you. 1132 00:56:00,735 --> 00:56:03,036 Very pretty. Real soft, delicate features. 1133 00:56:03,103 --> 00:56:05,491 You're real feminine, you know, which is good for me... 1134 00:56:05,566 --> 00:56:08,118 because that would be a simple sort of transition. 1135 00:56:08,191 --> 00:56:09,335 You know what I'm saying? 1136 00:56:09,407 --> 00:56:12,439 Maybe throw a little rouge on you, tuck your sac back. 1137 00:56:12,512 --> 00:56:14,005 - You game? - No. 1138 00:56:15,103 --> 00:56:18,680 You need to stop fucking around with my friend, okay? 1139 00:56:18,752 --> 00:56:21,500 Because you're giving him hope, and it's driving the man crazy. 1140 00:56:21,568 --> 00:56:24,502 I moved, I changed my e-mail address, my phone number. 1141 00:56:24,576 --> 00:56:25,916 He's practically stalking me. 1142 00:56:25,984 --> 00:56:28,317 Well, I didn't know all that. So, I'm sorry. 1143 00:56:29,537 --> 00:56:30,616 I love Minnesota. 1144 00:56:30,689 --> 00:56:33,176 I grew up in a town outside of Minneapolis... 1145 00:56:33,249 --> 00:56:35,997 with a population of, like, 500 people. Really small. 1146 00:56:36,066 --> 00:56:38,236 Yeah, it's like the Land of a Thousand Lakes. 1147 00:56:38,306 --> 00:56:40,956 What about you? You're used to, like, a really big city. 1148 00:56:41,090 --> 00:56:43,194 Really... God, yes. 1149 00:56:44,258 --> 00:56:47,453 The town that I grew up in was really small. I mean... 1150 00:56:47,587 --> 00:56:50,335 you know, it was just so safe. There was no crime. 1151 00:56:50,403 --> 00:56:53,468 I mean, a girl could just walk from one end of town to the other... 1152 00:56:53,540 --> 00:56:56,256 and just, you know, feel completely safe. 1153 00:56:59,300 --> 00:57:00,575 You suppose he's had enough? 1154 00:57:00,643 --> 00:57:02,976 Spank bank has once again been filled. 1155 00:57:03,844 --> 00:57:05,304 I'll tell you who's the hottest. 1156 00:57:05,380 --> 00:57:08,346 You're gonna think I'm crazy. Let me tell you. Gina. 1157 00:57:08,741 --> 00:57:11,642 Can't get va-Gina out of my head. Va-Gina all week. 1158 00:57:21,093 --> 00:57:22,433 - You know what's a fun game? - Huh? 1159 00:57:22,502 --> 00:57:24,356 You take three Excedrin PMs... 1160 00:57:24,422 --> 00:57:27,039 and you see if you could whack off before you fall asleep. 1161 00:57:28,903 --> 00:57:31,357 You always win is the best part about the game. 1162 00:57:34,024 --> 00:57:35,845 - Are you Andy? - Yeah. 1163 00:57:35,910 --> 00:57:37,436 Is this yours? Did you write this stuff? 1164 00:57:37,511 --> 00:57:40,063 My girlfriend, Jill, found your speed-dating card. 1165 00:57:40,807 --> 00:57:42,050 Yeah, right. 1166 00:57:42,119 --> 00:57:44,158 God, I've been looking for that speed-dating card. 1167 00:57:44,232 --> 00:57:45,954 Thank you so much for bringing it to me. 1168 00:57:46,024 --> 00:57:48,063 So, you actually wrote that one girl looked like... 1169 00:57:48,136 --> 00:57:49,957 she was "hurting for a squirting"? 1170 00:57:50,216 --> 00:57:52,866 Mmm-hmm. Yeah. Hurting for a squirting, I wrote that. 1171 00:57:52,937 --> 00:57:55,172 So you wrote "ho fo show. " 1172 00:57:55,945 --> 00:57:58,333 Yeah, I remember that girl. She was a ho. 1173 00:57:59,048 --> 00:58:00,192 Fo show. 1174 00:58:00,393 --> 00:58:02,366 Let me show you how this device works. 1175 00:58:02,441 --> 00:58:04,098 Right, I'm just looking for a cordless phone. 1176 00:58:04,170 --> 00:58:06,689 Yup, it's great. You can do anything, make video diaries... 1177 00:58:06,762 --> 00:58:10,307 Hey, Amy, how's it going? How you feeling? I'm great. 1178 00:58:10,507 --> 00:58:13,026 I feel fantastic since we broke up. 1179 00:58:13,545 --> 00:58:15,104 I feel awesome! 1180 00:58:15,178 --> 00:58:17,730 Can you just show me the department where there would be phones? 1181 00:58:17,802 --> 00:58:19,873 How have you been? What's been going on... 1182 00:58:19,947 --> 00:58:21,920 I bet... Hey, have you been doing a lot of this? 1183 00:58:24,140 --> 00:58:25,448 Sir, please, sir. 1184 00:58:25,516 --> 00:58:26,922 You are never gonna meet anybody... 1185 00:58:26,987 --> 00:58:29,539 with that kind of mentality about women, you sick son of a bitch. 1186 00:58:29,612 --> 00:58:31,269 Who the fuck are you to put me on trial? 1187 00:58:31,339 --> 00:58:32,931 I've never even met you. 1188 00:58:33,003 --> 00:58:35,107 So why don't you back the shit off, all right? 1189 00:58:35,180 --> 00:58:37,121 And stop with the inquisition. 1190 00:58:37,229 --> 00:58:38,438 That's how you talk? 1191 00:58:38,508 --> 00:58:40,295 You know what, I don't have to answer to you. 1192 00:58:40,365 --> 00:58:41,825 You ain't my bitch. 1193 00:58:41,901 --> 00:58:43,394 Know what I saying? 1194 00:58:43,469 --> 00:58:45,704 So, shit, man. Fuck it. 1195 00:58:45,774 --> 00:58:47,715 You shouldn't even be hanging out with this pervert. 1196 00:58:47,790 --> 00:58:49,829 I don't hang out with him. I work with him and that's it. 1197 00:58:49,901 --> 00:58:51,525 I tried to introduce him to a few nice people... 1198 00:58:51,597 --> 00:58:52,643 he made a fool of himself. 1199 00:58:52,717 --> 00:58:54,309 I don't mess with him, baby. That's not me. 1200 00:58:54,381 --> 00:58:56,518 You should keep your ho on a leash. 1201 00:58:56,590 --> 00:58:58,182 - Bro, I can't let you... - Hey. 1202 00:58:58,255 --> 00:59:00,326 I can't let you be talking to my woman like that, dawg. 1203 00:59:00,398 --> 00:59:02,469 - Know what I'm saying? - Bitch is running wild, man. 1204 00:59:02,543 --> 00:59:05,641 You miss that ass? That's the ass of a free man. 1205 00:59:05,711 --> 00:59:07,979 That ass is going out tonight, maybe to a club. 1206 00:59:08,047 --> 00:59:09,540 Maybe to a night club. 1207 00:59:09,743 --> 00:59:11,018 Hey, Andy... 1208 00:59:11,087 --> 00:59:13,322 - ... take a look at your pal. - Oh, my God. 1209 00:59:13,391 --> 00:59:15,845 Yeah, he's performing a public colonoscopy. 1210 00:59:15,920 --> 00:59:17,260 Isn't that sweet? 1211 00:59:17,328 --> 00:59:18,756 I'm gonna send David home for the day... 1212 00:59:18,832 --> 00:59:19,943 and you're gonna fill in for him. 1213 00:59:20,016 --> 00:59:21,640 - What? Selling things? - You got that right. 1214 00:59:21,712 --> 00:59:22,888 I don't think that's a good idea. 1215 00:59:22,961 --> 00:59:24,421 And you're gonna have to talk to people, too. 1216 00:59:24,497 --> 00:59:26,056 I know that's a frightening concept to you... 1217 00:59:26,128 --> 00:59:27,304 but I think you can handle it. 1218 00:59:27,376 --> 00:59:29,066 So get out there and start selling some shit. 1219 00:59:29,136 --> 00:59:30,379 ...thing for Amy. 1220 00:59:30,705 --> 00:59:32,111 - Hold it. - Check it out. 1221 00:59:32,177 --> 00:59:33,517 I miss her. 1222 00:59:36,274 --> 00:59:38,160 Dude, the floor's the ultimate aphrodisiac. 1223 00:59:38,226 --> 00:59:39,948 All you got to do is go make your pick now. 1224 00:59:40,018 --> 00:59:42,286 - Come on, man. - Okay. 1225 00:59:43,026 --> 00:59:44,934 And you could act a little enthused about it. 1226 00:59:45,010 --> 00:59:46,056 Yeah. 1227 00:59:47,411 --> 00:59:50,476 That's right. That's right. Gazelle in the pink top. 1228 00:59:51,603 --> 00:59:53,227 - Oh, shit. - Hi. 1229 00:59:53,299 --> 00:59:55,272 Looks like you're checking out digital cameras. 1230 00:59:55,348 --> 00:59:57,202 You know what, he ain't going to do it willingly. 1231 00:59:57,268 --> 00:59:59,984 No. We need to, like, really facilitate things a bit more. 1232 01:00:00,052 --> 01:00:01,512 - Yo, Andy. - Yeah. 1233 01:00:01,587 --> 01:00:03,047 What's up, dude? This is Jay, man. 1234 01:00:03,124 --> 01:00:04,333 Hey, Jay. 1235 01:00:04,436 --> 01:00:05,809 I am throwing a party tonight. 1236 01:00:05,876 --> 01:00:07,533 It's gonna be real mellow, just chilled up. 1237 01:00:07,604 --> 01:00:08,944 Now, you really need to be there. 1238 01:00:09,012 --> 01:00:11,432 It's gonna be really, really colorful. 1239 01:00:11,701 --> 01:00:12,944 Are you free? 1240 01:00:13,781 --> 01:00:14,794 Yeah, I think so. 1241 01:00:14,869 --> 01:00:17,170 That was a joke, man. I know you're free. 1242 01:00:17,462 --> 01:00:18,770 - I'm okay. - Gotta go, man. 1243 01:00:18,837 --> 01:00:19,883 All right, bye. 1244 01:00:22,549 --> 01:00:24,588 So, tell me, Montel... 1245 01:00:24,950 --> 01:00:27,884 why weren't we invited to the party? What are we, Al-Qaeda? 1246 01:00:27,958 --> 01:00:29,004 No, hold up. 1247 01:00:29,078 --> 01:00:31,182 - No, no. - It's not that kind of party, y'all. 1248 01:00:31,255 --> 01:00:33,196 You're not coming to our fucking party either, okay? 1249 01:00:33,271 --> 01:00:34,284 Fuck you, okay? 1250 01:00:34,359 --> 01:00:36,049 First of all, it ain't that kind of party. 1251 01:00:36,119 --> 01:00:37,940 - Go fuck a goat. - Yeah. 1252 01:00:38,039 --> 01:00:39,794 Why you always telling me to fuck a goat, man? 1253 01:00:39,863 --> 01:00:40,844 Fuck a goat! 1254 01:00:56,728 --> 01:00:57,839 Hello? 1255 01:01:00,057 --> 01:01:01,136 Hello? 1256 01:01:02,873 --> 01:01:04,017 Hello. 1257 01:01:05,561 --> 01:01:07,185 Hello. Hi. 1258 01:01:08,122 --> 01:01:10,542 - Are you here for Jay's party? - Yes. 1259 01:01:10,939 --> 01:01:12,498 I am Jay's party. 1260 01:01:14,266 --> 01:01:17,232 You know what, hiring a transvestite prostitute isn't helping me, man. 1261 01:01:17,306 --> 01:01:19,476 What? Ain't nobody hired no damn transvestite. 1262 01:01:19,546 --> 01:01:20,527 What are you talking about? 1263 01:01:20,603 --> 01:01:22,358 She was really nice, incidentally. 1264 01:01:22,427 --> 01:01:24,084 If that sister was a transvestite... 1265 01:01:24,155 --> 01:01:26,161 that was the Mona Lisa of transvestites. 1266 01:01:26,235 --> 01:01:28,056 You got a hummer from the tranny, didn't you? 1267 01:01:28,124 --> 01:01:31,319 You know, aren't we owed one now? 'Cause technically we paid her. 1268 01:01:31,387 --> 01:01:32,662 Get a dick, man. 1269 01:01:32,732 --> 01:01:34,324 Do you guys even like me? 1270 01:01:34,396 --> 01:01:37,711 Or is this some sort of cruel joke that you're all in on? 1271 01:01:37,788 --> 01:01:39,991 Because I'm not a freak. I'm a good person. 1272 01:01:40,061 --> 01:01:43,409 I always thought that Matt Damon was like a Streisand, but... 1273 01:01:44,029 --> 01:01:45,915 I think that he's rocking the shit in this one. 1274 01:01:45,981 --> 01:01:47,638 Shut up, Dave! 1275 01:01:47,710 --> 01:01:51,419 Hold up. Let's just chill on the aggression for a minute. 1276 01:01:51,805 --> 01:01:55,732 Look at him. He is such a bad ass. 1277 01:01:56,350 --> 01:01:58,618 He looks just like Luke Wilson. 1278 01:01:58,686 --> 01:01:59,633 Mmm-hmm. 1279 01:01:59,742 --> 01:02:01,399 So you saying she was definitely a man? 1280 01:02:01,471 --> 01:02:02,452 Yes. 1281 01:02:02,527 --> 01:02:04,533 Okay, well, how do you know that she was a man? 1282 01:02:04,607 --> 01:02:07,421 Because her hands were as big as Andr� the Giant's. 1283 01:02:07,743 --> 01:02:10,327 And she had an Adam's apple as big as her balls. 1284 01:02:11,071 --> 01:02:12,499 So you have no proof. 1285 01:02:12,704 --> 01:02:14,459 You know what? Just leave me alone. 1286 01:02:14,527 --> 01:02:16,500 Just stay away from me. Or I'm gonna tell Paula... 1287 01:02:16,576 --> 01:02:18,430 that you're all stealing the recordable CDs. 1288 01:02:19,072 --> 01:02:21,624 - Come on. - That's like we were paid to do it. 1289 01:02:21,697 --> 01:02:23,670 We did this 'cause we're your friends... 1290 01:02:23,745 --> 01:02:26,395 and we didn't think you have the balls to do it yourself. 1291 01:02:26,464 --> 01:02:27,673 - Really? - Yeah. 1292 01:02:27,905 --> 01:02:29,180 Okay, watch this. 1293 01:02:29,377 --> 01:02:30,783 Yo, Andy, it's just CDs, man. 1294 01:02:30,849 --> 01:02:32,670 That's a third strike for me, dawg. 1295 01:02:55,300 --> 01:02:56,247 Hi. 1296 01:02:56,931 --> 01:02:58,970 - Andy. Hi. - Right, yeah. 1297 01:02:59,140 --> 01:03:00,862 - You remember my name. - I did. 1298 01:03:00,932 --> 01:03:03,320 - How you doing? - I'm great. I like your store. 1299 01:03:03,395 --> 01:03:05,849 That's good, yeah. If you have time, look around. It's... 1300 01:03:05,924 --> 01:03:06,970 Okay. 1301 01:03:07,396 --> 01:03:08,671 How's business been? 1302 01:03:08,741 --> 01:03:11,587 You know, it's coming along. I mean, it takes a while. 1303 01:03:11,653 --> 01:03:14,554 - Do you want to go out sometime? - Yes. 1304 01:03:15,013 --> 01:03:17,401 Yes, I would like that. That would be great. 1305 01:03:17,478 --> 01:03:21,089 I think I'm maybe free this weekend, if that's okay. 1306 01:03:21,157 --> 01:03:23,839 Or you could call me tomorrow and we can just firm it up. 1307 01:03:23,909 --> 01:03:25,369 - Okay. Great. - Great. 1308 01:03:25,446 --> 01:03:28,893 Okay, so I'll call you, and yeah, that'll be good. 1309 01:03:28,966 --> 01:03:30,394 - How you doing? - Congratulations. 1310 01:03:30,471 --> 01:03:32,292 Okay, so I'll... Yeah. 1311 01:03:32,615 --> 01:03:33,858 Can I help you? 1312 01:03:33,927 --> 01:03:36,347 Yeah, these are wonderful. I'll take these. 1313 01:03:36,520 --> 01:03:39,999 Thanks, they are. They're great. The goldfish just crack me up. 1314 01:03:40,135 --> 01:03:41,116 Funny. 1315 01:03:41,191 --> 01:03:42,237 - Yeah, they are. - Yeah. 1316 01:03:42,311 --> 01:03:43,455 - Yeah. - They're cute. 1317 01:03:43,527 --> 01:03:46,559 I don't actually sell anything here. I just sell them on eBay. 1318 01:03:47,208 --> 01:03:48,352 I don't get it. 1319 01:03:48,680 --> 01:03:49,627 Okay. 1320 01:03:49,800 --> 01:03:52,614 - Can you help me? - No, you're on your own here. 1321 01:03:52,681 --> 01:03:55,713 Good luck to you, and to you. And I'll give you a call. 1322 01:03:55,786 --> 01:03:58,654 - Great. Nice to see you. - Great. Thanks for coming in. 1323 01:03:59,209 --> 01:04:00,190 Bye. 1324 01:04:00,777 --> 01:04:02,750 So, I guess I'll just give you some money... 1325 01:04:02,825 --> 01:04:05,245 and you can give me these shoes and... 1326 01:04:05,322 --> 01:04:07,906 You know, I know it seems so strange... 1327 01:04:07,978 --> 01:04:10,562 Yes. I'd just rather buy them from you straight up. 1328 01:04:10,635 --> 01:04:12,489 Yeah, I know. I wish it could be that easy, but... 1329 01:04:12,555 --> 01:04:15,653 I wish, too, but you're making it extremely difficult for me. 1330 01:04:15,722 --> 01:04:17,793 I'm just trying to get these shoes back to my house... 1331 01:04:17,867 --> 01:04:19,043 so I can wear them. 1332 01:04:19,498 --> 01:04:20,991 I got a corpse in my way. 1333 01:04:21,067 --> 01:04:22,178 Look out. Just kill it. 1334 01:04:22,251 --> 01:04:25,152 That's just so not fair that you have blades and... 1335 01:04:25,227 --> 01:04:27,014 I'm telling you, man, I feel great. 1336 01:04:27,148 --> 01:04:29,089 I'm so... It's like a weight has been lifted. 1337 01:04:29,164 --> 01:04:32,611 Celibacy is the way to go, man. Andy had it right, you know? 1338 01:04:32,683 --> 01:04:34,470 Look at him. He looks younger than all of us... 1339 01:04:34,540 --> 01:04:35,749 but he's 10 years older. 1340 01:04:35,820 --> 01:04:38,208 Why? Because he's never had a relationship. 1341 01:04:38,381 --> 01:04:40,900 No she-devil sucked his life force out yet. 1342 01:04:56,750 --> 01:04:58,985 - Hello? - Hey. Hi. Hello. 1343 01:04:59,343 --> 01:05:00,324 Is this Trish? 1344 01:05:01,263 --> 01:05:03,367 - Who's calling, please? - This is Andy. 1345 01:05:03,439 --> 01:05:05,576 - Hi, Andy. - Hi, how you doing? 1346 01:05:05,647 --> 01:05:08,461 - I'm good. How're you doing? - I'm doing great. 1347 01:05:09,231 --> 01:05:10,440 So you're gay, now? 1348 01:05:10,511 --> 01:05:12,332 No, I'm not gay. I'm just celibate. 1349 01:05:12,975 --> 01:05:14,948 I think... I mean, that sounds gay. 1350 01:05:15,023 --> 01:05:17,804 I just want you to know that this is the first conversation... 1351 01:05:17,872 --> 01:05:21,166 of three conversations that leads to you being gay. 1352 01:05:21,585 --> 01:05:24,072 There's this and then in a year it's like, "You know... 1353 01:05:24,145 --> 01:05:27,177 "I'm kind of going to wanna get back out there, but I think I like guys. " 1354 01:05:27,248 --> 01:05:29,964 And then there's the big, "I'm a gay guy now. " 1355 01:05:30,225 --> 01:05:32,591 - You're gay for saying that. - I'm gay for saying that? 1356 01:05:32,657 --> 01:05:35,144 - You know how I know you're gay? - How? How do you know I'm gay? 1357 01:05:35,218 --> 01:05:37,606 'Cause you macram�d yourself a pair of jean shorts. 1358 01:05:37,682 --> 01:05:38,728 You know how I know you're gay? 1359 01:05:38,802 --> 01:05:40,808 You just told me you're not sleeping with women anymore. 1360 01:05:40,883 --> 01:05:42,376 - You know how I know you're gay? - How? 1361 01:05:42,451 --> 01:05:45,417 'Cause you're gay and you can tell who other gay people are? 1362 01:05:45,489 --> 01:05:46,917 - Do you know how I know you're gay? - How? 1363 01:05:46,994 --> 01:05:48,400 You like Coldplay. 1364 01:05:49,075 --> 01:05:50,350 You're dead. 1365 01:05:51,699 --> 01:05:52,712 Come on. 1366 01:05:52,787 --> 01:05:54,673 Leave my torso alone at least. 1367 01:05:55,507 --> 01:05:56,880 I also wanted to call... 1368 01:05:56,948 --> 01:05:59,532 and see what night you might want to go out. 1369 01:05:59,636 --> 01:06:01,358 I'm actually free tonight. 1370 01:06:03,347 --> 01:06:06,608 Okay. Now, I was thinking maybe this weekend, but that's good. Okay. 1371 01:06:06,676 --> 01:06:07,623 Great. 1372 01:06:07,700 --> 01:06:09,608 Okay, what time do you want to pick me up? 1373 01:06:10,997 --> 01:06:12,272 Let's see. 1374 01:06:13,109 --> 01:06:16,556 That's actually kind of a problem because I ride a bike. 1375 01:06:16,821 --> 01:06:18,161 That's cool. Are you kidding me? 1376 01:06:18,230 --> 01:06:19,952 I love getting on the back of a motorcycle. 1377 01:06:20,022 --> 01:06:22,606 My boyfriend in college drove a motorcycle. 1378 01:06:22,678 --> 01:06:24,400 So, I mean, I'm cool. 1379 01:06:24,469 --> 01:06:28,396 Yeah, I bet that was cool. I ride a bicycle. 1380 01:06:29,462 --> 01:06:31,021 You know how I know that you're gay? 1381 01:06:31,095 --> 01:06:32,108 How? 1382 01:06:32,182 --> 01:06:34,352 You like the movie Maid in Manhattan. 1383 01:06:34,423 --> 01:06:35,883 - You know how I know you're gay? - How? 1384 01:06:35,959 --> 01:06:38,991 I saw you make a spinach dip in a loaf of sourdough bread once. 1385 01:06:39,063 --> 01:06:40,753 - You know how I know you're gay? - How? 1386 01:06:40,822 --> 01:06:43,439 You have a rainbow bumper sticker on your car that says: 1387 01:06:43,511 --> 01:06:45,648 "I love it when balls are in my face. " 1388 01:06:45,720 --> 01:06:46,766 That's gay? 1389 01:06:46,839 --> 01:06:48,147 God damn it! 1390 01:06:48,536 --> 01:06:51,055 I'm ripping your head off right now. It's off. 1391 01:06:51,129 --> 01:06:53,517 And now I'm throwing it at your body. 1392 01:06:54,329 --> 01:06:55,310 Fuck you! 1393 01:06:56,729 --> 01:06:57,808 You guys... 1394 01:06:58,553 --> 01:07:00,624 she's picking me up in an hour. 1395 01:07:01,625 --> 01:07:03,184 Oh, drag, dude. 1396 01:07:03,706 --> 01:07:05,876 - She's picking you up from here? - Yeah. 1397 01:07:05,945 --> 01:07:07,438 That's fucked up, man. 1398 01:07:07,513 --> 01:07:09,072 - Why? - Why? 1399 01:07:09,754 --> 01:07:13,048 Seriously. I mean, look at this place, man. 1400 01:07:13,563 --> 01:07:16,693 You gotta see this through the eyes of a woman, you know? 1401 01:07:16,762 --> 01:07:18,997 What is she going to think when she comes in here? Look. 1402 01:07:19,067 --> 01:07:21,433 - He's got a billion toys. - So what? 1403 01:07:21,498 --> 01:07:24,148 And more video games than a teenaged Asian kid. 1404 01:07:24,219 --> 01:07:25,679 It's all right. 1405 01:07:26,299 --> 01:07:28,981 Is that the Six Million Dollar Man's boss? 1406 01:07:29,308 --> 01:07:30,419 It's Oscar Goldman. 1407 01:07:30,492 --> 01:07:32,629 - Why do you have that? - That's worth a lot of money. 1408 01:07:32,701 --> 01:07:34,587 That's much more valuable than Steve Austin. 1409 01:07:34,651 --> 01:07:38,741 Well, that may be the case. But none of this shit is sexy, okay? 1410 01:07:38,812 --> 01:07:40,469 I'm not trying to be sexy, man. 1411 01:07:40,541 --> 01:07:41,947 I mean, seriously, Asia? 1412 01:07:42,076 --> 01:07:43,863 You framed an Asia poster? 1413 01:07:43,933 --> 01:07:45,841 How hard did the people at the frame store laugh... 1414 01:07:45,917 --> 01:07:47,858 - ... when you brought this in? - They did not laugh at me. 1415 01:07:47,933 --> 01:07:49,754 - Know why you're gay? - Because you like Asia. 1416 01:07:49,822 --> 01:07:51,031 You guys cool it with the gay. 1417 01:07:51,102 --> 01:07:52,857 You know, she's on her way over here, okay? 1418 01:07:52,926 --> 01:07:54,583 First, you relax, okay? 1419 01:07:54,653 --> 01:07:57,816 Just stop calming me down and tell me what I should do. 1420 01:07:57,886 --> 01:07:59,990 Okay, we just take everything that's embarrassing... 1421 01:08:00,062 --> 01:08:01,075 and we move it out of here. 1422 01:08:01,151 --> 01:08:03,092 So it doesn't look like you live in Neverland Ranch. 1423 01:08:10,207 --> 01:08:11,383 - Hi. - Hi. How are you? 1424 01:08:11,455 --> 01:08:12,436 Good. 1425 01:08:12,511 --> 01:08:14,419 So, you wanna head out? 1426 01:08:14,496 --> 01:08:16,283 Did you just move in or something? 1427 01:08:16,352 --> 01:08:18,522 No. Actually I'm getting new carpet in. 1428 01:08:18,592 --> 01:08:20,893 I'm having carpet put in tomorrow, so... 1429 01:08:22,208 --> 01:08:23,483 - Well, you know. - Yeah. 1430 01:08:23,552 --> 01:08:25,176 - Okay. - Looks good with the floors. 1431 01:08:25,249 --> 01:08:26,622 - Yeah. - All right. 1432 01:08:26,945 --> 01:08:28,351 I should tear up the hard wood... 1433 01:08:28,416 --> 01:08:30,455 and see if there's carpet underneath. 1434 01:08:30,528 --> 01:08:32,315 That's never the case. 1435 01:08:35,522 --> 01:08:37,114 - This is gonna be fun. - Yes. 1436 01:08:37,186 --> 01:08:39,007 You know, I drive by this place every day. 1437 01:08:39,074 --> 01:08:40,731 I've never been in before. 1438 01:08:41,346 --> 01:08:42,522 I'm glad you came. 1439 01:08:42,595 --> 01:08:45,725 You know, I never really go out with nice guys like you. 1440 01:08:46,626 --> 01:08:49,374 I think I've avoided nice guys like you my whole life... 1441 01:08:49,442 --> 01:08:50,848 at my own peril. 1442 01:08:52,643 --> 01:08:54,235 My last boyfriend drank a lot. 1443 01:08:54,307 --> 01:08:55,254 Mmm-hmm. 1444 01:08:55,332 --> 01:08:56,792 - And so... - This is just punch. 1445 01:08:58,019 --> 01:08:59,741 No, it's okay. A little bit's fine. 1446 01:08:59,812 --> 01:09:01,982 Buddha punch. I need some Buddha. 1447 01:09:02,501 --> 01:09:04,867 Excuse me, miss. Could you gather your team... 1448 01:09:04,932 --> 01:09:07,549 and sing happy birthday for my daughter, please? 1449 01:09:25,253 --> 01:09:27,870 - That was so good. What? - That was great. Happy birthday. 1450 01:09:27,942 --> 01:09:29,828 - It's your birthday, too? - No. 1451 01:09:29,895 --> 01:09:31,901 - It's his birthday, too. - No, no, no. 1452 01:09:31,974 --> 01:09:34,461 Could you sing for him and bring him a cake? 1453 01:09:34,535 --> 01:09:35,963 Happy birthday. 1454 01:09:49,384 --> 01:09:51,652 - Thanks a lot. - Happy birthday, Andy. 1455 01:10:07,305 --> 01:10:10,370 - You really like kissing, don't you? - Yes. 1456 01:10:13,035 --> 01:10:14,244 I really do. 1457 01:10:14,314 --> 01:10:15,971 Take off your pants, okay? 1458 01:10:17,450 --> 01:10:18,725 - Okay. - Okay. 1459 01:10:21,131 --> 01:10:23,399 - Wow, this is really gonna happen. - Oh, yeah. 1460 01:10:23,467 --> 01:10:24,840 Thank God. 1461 01:10:26,219 --> 01:10:29,251 - Okay, I'm taking off my pants. - Yeah. 1462 01:10:29,484 --> 01:10:31,010 Do you need some help? 1463 01:10:31,372 --> 01:10:34,687 I think I almost got them. It's hooked on my ankle. 1464 01:10:35,339 --> 01:10:36,832 Wow, that's... 1465 01:10:38,348 --> 01:10:40,103 Hey, wait. Do you have protection? 1466 01:10:40,173 --> 01:10:41,765 I don't like guns. 1467 01:10:44,589 --> 01:10:46,049 That's funny. 1468 01:10:46,125 --> 01:10:48,393 I have condoms right here. Okay? 1469 01:10:48,462 --> 01:10:50,249 - Okay. - There's, you know... 1470 01:10:50,318 --> 01:10:53,252 Check the expiration date because they were from when I was married. 1471 01:10:53,325 --> 01:10:56,041 And we didn't have sex that often. That's why there are so many, okay? 1472 01:10:56,109 --> 01:10:57,155 Okay. 1473 01:11:01,358 --> 01:11:02,666 I got them. 1474 01:11:04,943 --> 01:11:06,502 How does this go? 1475 01:11:06,991 --> 01:11:11,497 Okay. "Roll over the tip and down onto the base. " 1476 01:11:13,327 --> 01:11:14,820 Over the balls? 1477 01:11:15,407 --> 01:11:16,715 It doesn't say. 1478 01:11:19,792 --> 01:11:21,896 Do you mind if I use your magnum? 1479 01:11:23,025 --> 01:11:23,972 Yeah. 1480 01:11:25,777 --> 01:11:27,663 Wow. You got to be kidding. 1481 01:11:28,465 --> 01:11:29,871 I am Aquaman. 1482 01:11:31,889 --> 01:11:33,295 What is that? 1483 01:11:50,642 --> 01:11:51,655 Mom? 1484 01:11:52,787 --> 01:11:53,996 What's going on here? 1485 01:11:54,067 --> 01:11:55,921 - Who the hell are you? - It's Andy. 1486 01:11:55,987 --> 01:11:57,000 Hi, I'm Andy. 1487 01:11:57,076 --> 01:11:58,504 God! What are you doing? 1488 01:11:58,580 --> 01:12:00,521 Marla, get the fuck out of my room! 1489 01:12:00,596 --> 01:12:01,577 You know what... 1490 01:12:01,652 --> 01:12:04,106 I cannot believe that you're allowed to have sex when I'm not! 1491 01:12:04,180 --> 01:12:06,034 - That is so unfair. - I'm gonna head out. 1492 01:12:06,099 --> 01:12:07,080 You should go. 1493 01:12:07,156 --> 01:12:10,002 Oh, Jesus! How many times did you just do it? 1494 01:12:10,069 --> 01:12:11,148 Oh, my God! 1495 01:12:13,461 --> 01:12:14,867 I'm so sorry. 1496 01:12:21,622 --> 01:12:23,476 Dude, teach me. 1497 01:12:33,303 --> 01:12:34,250 Hotline. 1498 01:12:34,327 --> 01:12:37,675 Hi, yes, I'm calling because it's more than four hours... 1499 01:12:37,751 --> 01:12:40,685 and your ad said to call if it's been more than four hours. 1500 01:12:40,759 --> 01:12:42,613 How much of the medicine have you taken, sir? 1501 01:12:43,127 --> 01:12:45,908 I haven't taken any, but your ad said... 1502 01:12:45,975 --> 01:12:49,684 that if you've had an erection for more than four hours, you call. 1503 01:12:49,816 --> 01:12:53,044 You're only supposed to call if you've taken the medicine. 1504 01:12:53,113 --> 01:12:56,374 Okay. I'm sorry. I must not have heard that part. 1505 01:12:56,441 --> 01:12:58,807 Yes. If you haven't taken the medicine, you don't call. 1506 01:12:58,873 --> 01:13:00,814 Right. I'm sorry. Right. 1507 01:13:00,953 --> 01:13:03,090 So, there's nothing you can do? 1508 01:13:03,513 --> 01:13:05,486 - I just don't wanna... - There's nothing I can do. 1509 01:13:05,562 --> 01:13:06,575 I'm in Bombay, India. 1510 01:13:06,681 --> 01:13:09,298 Okay. No, not you personally. I just don't want... 1511 01:13:09,594 --> 01:13:11,415 I just don't want to have an erection anymore. 1512 01:13:12,538 --> 01:13:14,609 You know, you could have sex. 1513 01:13:14,714 --> 01:13:15,661 Okay. Yup. 1514 01:13:16,315 --> 01:13:20,024 That's one thing people do when they have an erection. 1515 01:13:20,090 --> 01:13:22,544 Yeah, that's not an option. I don't have sex. 1516 01:13:22,619 --> 01:13:24,854 Okay, well, then you can masturbate. 1517 01:13:24,923 --> 01:13:26,547 I'd rather not masturbate. 1518 01:13:26,620 --> 01:13:29,466 If you'd like the erection to go away, you can light a match... 1519 01:13:29,532 --> 01:13:33,426 blow out the flame and put the hot ember on your wrist. 1520 01:13:34,109 --> 01:13:36,148 And that will focus the brain elsewhere... 1521 01:13:36,220 --> 01:13:38,640 - ... and you will lose your erection. - Really? That'd work? 1522 01:13:38,716 --> 01:13:41,398 Take your finger and flick your testicle... 1523 01:13:41,469 --> 01:13:42,875 and if you do that till it hurts... 1524 01:13:42,941 --> 01:13:45,045 - ... your erection will go away. - Okay, all right. 1525 01:13:45,117 --> 01:13:46,457 It sounds unpleasant and it is. 1526 01:13:46,525 --> 01:13:48,182 It is a trick we use in India. 1527 01:13:48,254 --> 01:13:51,865 Okay, those are all good pieces of advice. I really appreciate it. 1528 01:13:51,934 --> 01:13:53,875 We appreciate your business. 1529 01:13:54,045 --> 01:13:56,018 Oh, no. We didn't get your business... 1530 01:13:56,093 --> 01:13:59,387 No, not this time. I guess I didn't need you this time. Thank you. 1531 01:14:26,753 --> 01:14:29,207 My goodness, Andy, you are a terrific salesman. 1532 01:14:29,282 --> 01:14:31,517 - Thank you. - Gosh, you really got it down. 1533 01:14:31,585 --> 01:14:33,340 - Thanks. - And your numbers are good. 1534 01:14:33,409 --> 01:14:34,335 Thanks. 1535 01:14:34,401 --> 01:14:36,255 I'm going to put you out on the floor full time. 1536 01:14:36,321 --> 01:14:37,268 - Really? - Yeah. 1537 01:14:37,345 --> 01:14:38,205 Wow. Okay. 1538 01:14:38,274 --> 01:14:40,477 Good. We're gonna get you a blue shirt and tie, all right? 1539 01:14:40,546 --> 01:14:41,438 Great. Thanks. 1540 01:14:41,506 --> 01:14:44,407 You know, Andy, I've been thinking about your problem. 1541 01:14:44,483 --> 01:14:46,554 I think I might have a solution for you. 1542 01:14:47,715 --> 01:14:50,681 You ever heard of the term "fuck buddy"? 1543 01:14:52,386 --> 01:14:53,432 What? 1544 01:14:53,571 --> 01:14:55,937 It's a special friend... 1545 01:14:56,835 --> 01:14:58,011 who you fuck. 1546 01:14:58,948 --> 01:15:00,954 No, haven't heard that term. 1547 01:15:01,027 --> 01:15:03,841 When I was a little girl, I developed early. 1548 01:15:04,484 --> 01:15:07,418 By the time I was 14, I had this body you're looking at. 1549 01:15:07,492 --> 01:15:10,426 - Can you imagine that? - I don't want to, no. 1550 01:15:11,012 --> 01:15:13,946 Well, needless to say, a lot of male attention. 1551 01:15:14,020 --> 01:15:15,131 Like men, yes. 1552 01:15:15,205 --> 01:15:19,034 Especially from our Guatemalan gardener, Javier. 1553 01:15:19,206 --> 01:15:20,285 Okay. 1554 01:15:20,646 --> 01:15:22,303 You know, Javier... 1555 01:15:23,142 --> 01:15:27,713 before he made passionate yet gentle love to me for the first time... 1556 01:15:29,030 --> 01:15:32,990 he serenaded me with a beautiful old Guatemalan love song. 1557 01:15:33,062 --> 01:15:34,654 Really, that's... 1558 01:15:35,015 --> 01:15:37,316 That sounds nice. 1559 01:16:03,593 --> 01:16:04,606 Okay. 1560 01:16:06,185 --> 01:16:07,361 My goodness. 1561 01:16:07,658 --> 01:16:09,795 - I think we better get back to work. - Yeah. 1562 01:16:09,866 --> 01:16:12,101 - Yeah, I better go back to work. - Yeah. 1563 01:16:12,171 --> 01:16:13,926 - So, okay. - All right. 1564 01:16:14,027 --> 01:16:15,814 So, you mull it over and I'll talk to you soon. 1565 01:16:15,883 --> 01:16:17,638 - All right, I will. Thank you. - Okay. 1566 01:16:22,538 --> 01:16:25,406 What's up, dawg? What happened? How was the date with Trish? 1567 01:16:25,483 --> 01:16:27,718 - It was a disaster. - Really? 1568 01:16:27,787 --> 01:16:30,469 Yes. I've never been more embarrassed in my life. 1569 01:16:30,667 --> 01:16:32,608 Couldn't get the condoms to work. 1570 01:16:32,684 --> 01:16:35,334 And one of them exploded on my balls. 1571 01:16:35,661 --> 01:16:37,351 And then her kid walked in the room. 1572 01:16:37,420 --> 01:16:38,312 Wait. Hold up. 1573 01:16:38,380 --> 01:16:39,840 She was hiding the kid from you, dawg? 1574 01:16:39,916 --> 01:16:41,191 You know what, it doesn't matter... 1575 01:16:41,260 --> 01:16:43,495 because it was going downhill straight from there. 1576 01:16:43,564 --> 01:16:45,668 Listen, you don't want no baby-daddy drama. 1577 01:16:45,741 --> 01:16:46,917 Trust me on this one, all right? 1578 01:16:46,989 --> 01:16:48,962 For all you know, he in prison right now. 1579 01:16:49,037 --> 01:16:50,345 Let's say y'all living together. 1580 01:16:50,414 --> 01:16:53,260 Next thing you know, you the one going on the 1st and the 15th... 1581 01:16:53,326 --> 01:16:54,502 to pick up the government check. 1582 01:16:54,574 --> 01:16:56,580 What if he got boys that's on the outside... 1583 01:16:56,653 --> 01:16:57,699 and they stalking you? 1584 01:16:57,774 --> 01:16:59,595 You see what I'm saying? You got to think, partner... 1585 01:16:59,662 --> 01:17:01,286 What the fuck are you talking about? 1586 01:17:01,358 --> 01:17:03,724 Here's what you do. You tell her you're a virgin. 1587 01:17:03,791 --> 01:17:05,830 You test her with this shit, okay? 1588 01:17:05,903 --> 01:17:08,553 Here, tell me. Tell me. This is how it's gonna go. Tell me. 1589 01:17:08,623 --> 01:17:10,345 - I'm a virgin. - Sweet. 1590 01:17:10,832 --> 01:17:14,093 I like that because you don't have chlamydia. 1591 01:17:15,280 --> 01:17:17,897 And I know that, and that shit is everywhere. 1592 01:17:18,416 --> 01:17:20,138 What if she laughs at me, though? 1593 01:17:20,208 --> 01:17:22,312 Then you punch her in the fucking head if she laughs. 1594 01:17:22,384 --> 01:17:24,838 I'm not going to punch her in the head. She's really sweet. 1595 01:17:24,913 --> 01:17:28,327 No. I mean, you punch her in her fucking head emotionally. 1596 01:17:28,401 --> 01:17:31,269 She's different. She's someone I felt like I had... 1597 01:17:31,345 --> 01:17:32,620 a connection with. 1598 01:17:32,689 --> 01:17:35,819 All you trying to do right now is bust off this first night. 1599 01:17:35,889 --> 01:17:38,309 You got a whole lot of semen back up in you. 1600 01:17:38,385 --> 01:17:39,496 I am going to tell her. 1601 01:17:39,570 --> 01:17:41,325 - You should totally tell her, man. - I'm going to. 1602 01:17:41,394 --> 01:17:43,531 'Cause I watched this movie called Liar Liar... 1603 01:17:43,602 --> 01:17:46,154 and the message was, "Don't lie. " 1604 01:17:46,227 --> 01:17:47,851 And that was a smart movie. 1605 01:17:47,923 --> 01:17:49,351 - Yeah, that's the right thing. - Yeah. 1606 01:17:50,066 --> 01:17:53,840 Really? All your girlfriends wanted to have sex with virgins, too? 1607 01:17:54,483 --> 01:17:57,930 That's funny. I didn't even know you girls talked like that. 1608 01:17:58,547 --> 01:18:01,546 I think my first time might be your best time, too. 1609 01:18:02,356 --> 01:18:03,696 Well, I knew it. You know what... 1610 01:18:03,764 --> 01:18:06,698 I knew that you'd react that way and I knew that... 1611 01:18:06,965 --> 01:18:11,241 you would want to lead me through my first sexual encounter... 1612 01:18:11,540 --> 01:18:15,849 with all the compassion and care that someone... 1613 01:18:16,117 --> 01:18:17,676 would give to their soul mate. 1614 01:18:17,749 --> 01:18:19,536 Oh, my God. I'm in trouble. 1615 01:18:22,645 --> 01:18:23,789 Hey, Andy. 1616 01:18:24,246 --> 01:18:25,805 You watching Survivor tonight? 1617 01:18:25,877 --> 01:18:28,243 No, actually I'm going out to dinner with somebody. 1618 01:18:28,309 --> 01:18:29,201 Hi. 1619 01:18:29,686 --> 01:18:30,667 This is her. 1620 01:18:30,742 --> 01:18:32,683 - Trish, this is Joe and Sara. - Hi. 1621 01:18:32,758 --> 01:18:34,033 - Hi, Trish. - Hey. 1622 01:18:34,103 --> 01:18:35,563 But tape it for me, okay? 1623 01:18:35,638 --> 01:18:37,262 - Will do. All right. - Thanks. 1624 01:18:37,335 --> 01:18:38,414 - So long. - Bye-bye. 1625 01:18:38,487 --> 01:18:40,111 - See you later. - Have a good night. 1626 01:18:40,183 --> 01:18:42,484 Yeah, my man's gonna get it on tonight. 1627 01:18:42,552 --> 01:18:43,499 Yes, sir. 1628 01:18:43,576 --> 01:18:45,996 Yeah, and you better get on me, too. 1629 01:18:46,295 --> 01:18:48,116 What is wrong with this woman? 1630 01:18:48,184 --> 01:18:49,328 Mercy, mercy, mercy. 1631 01:18:55,448 --> 01:18:57,072 I'm so sorry that happened the other night. 1632 01:18:57,145 --> 01:18:58,126 No, I'm sorry. 1633 01:18:58,201 --> 01:18:59,825 - Oh, my God. - That was me. 1634 01:18:59,897 --> 01:19:00,844 No. 1635 01:19:01,530 --> 01:19:04,114 Let me... I have something I want to tell you. 1636 01:19:04,985 --> 01:19:06,839 Kind of hard to talk about. 1637 01:19:07,769 --> 01:19:08,716 But... 1638 01:19:09,434 --> 01:19:12,335 you know, there are certain things... 1639 01:19:12,667 --> 01:19:14,935 about who I am that... 1640 01:19:15,418 --> 01:19:18,286 I'm sorry. I just have to get this off my chest. 1641 01:19:18,363 --> 01:19:20,947 I am so sorry, I didn't tell you I had kids. 1642 01:19:21,659 --> 01:19:23,414 Yeah, what was that about? 1643 01:19:23,482 --> 01:19:25,750 Gosh. You know, that really surprised me. 1644 01:19:28,507 --> 01:19:30,361 No, you should have told me probably, but... 1645 01:19:30,428 --> 01:19:31,375 I'm sorry. I know. 1646 01:19:31,452 --> 01:19:33,458 What do I care if you have a kid? 1647 01:19:33,916 --> 01:19:35,508 Well, I have two kids. 1648 01:19:36,349 --> 01:19:38,650 Wow. Okay. How old are they? 1649 01:19:39,612 --> 01:19:40,625 Six. 1650 01:19:41,340 --> 01:19:42,516 Sixteen. 1651 01:19:42,973 --> 01:19:44,281 Twenty-one. 1652 01:19:45,116 --> 01:19:46,391 Forty-two. 1653 01:19:47,261 --> 01:19:49,115 Fifty-six. How many kids do you have? 1654 01:19:49,181 --> 01:19:50,936 - I have three. - Okay, three. 1655 01:19:51,006 --> 01:19:52,914 Yeah, and one of them has a kid. 1656 01:19:52,990 --> 01:19:54,233 A one-year-old. 1657 01:19:54,559 --> 01:19:56,216 That's cool. That's great. 1658 01:19:58,142 --> 01:20:01,490 - I'm really glad we're doing this. - Me, too. 1659 01:20:05,695 --> 01:20:07,155 Listen, Andy... 1660 01:20:07,551 --> 01:20:10,419 I don't want to send you running for the hills or anything, but... 1661 01:20:10,495 --> 01:20:15,001 I really feel like if we decide to do this again, then... 1662 01:20:17,055 --> 01:20:20,153 maybe we should hold off on the physical part for a while. 1663 01:20:21,984 --> 01:20:24,219 That is a fantastic idea. 1664 01:20:24,992 --> 01:20:26,398 Why didn't I think of that? 1665 01:20:26,465 --> 01:20:27,641 - Really? - Totally. 1666 01:20:27,713 --> 01:20:30,876 - No sex? - No. Why do that? 1667 01:20:30,945 --> 01:20:32,667 Because here's the thing. 1668 01:20:32,801 --> 01:20:33,945 From personal experience... 1669 01:20:34,017 --> 01:20:36,601 I found that sex can really complicate things. 1670 01:20:36,673 --> 01:20:39,607 And what we should be doing right now is getting to know each other. 1671 01:20:39,682 --> 01:20:40,663 Yeah. 1672 01:20:41,026 --> 01:20:42,934 Well, I never thought you'd go for it. 1673 01:20:43,010 --> 01:20:44,285 I'm going for it. 1674 01:20:44,354 --> 01:20:47,222 Well, that just is a great, great notion. 1675 01:20:48,131 --> 01:20:49,177 Are you serious? 1676 01:20:49,251 --> 01:20:51,933 Look at my face. Look at how serious I am. 1677 01:20:52,226 --> 01:20:53,883 Can you see my nostrils? 1678 01:20:53,955 --> 01:20:55,677 - Yes. - That's serious. 1679 01:20:55,971 --> 01:20:57,344 That's more angry. 1680 01:20:57,731 --> 01:20:59,868 Yeah, you know what, most guys would be saying: 1681 01:20:59,940 --> 01:21:03,038 "Yeah," right now, but, like, by the third date, it would be: 1682 01:21:03,108 --> 01:21:06,490 "Hey, baby, I really need to physically express how I feel"... 1683 01:21:06,565 --> 01:21:08,833 - ... and all that stuff. - Well, hey, baby... 1684 01:21:08,900 --> 01:21:11,866 you know, three dates... Make it 10, 10 dates. 1685 01:21:13,669 --> 01:21:14,912 How about 15? 1686 01:21:14,981 --> 01:21:18,558 Fifteen. Screw your 15. 20 dates. 1687 01:21:18,821 --> 01:21:20,794 - Okay, 20 dates. - Twenty dates. 1688 01:21:21,221 --> 01:21:23,325 - Okay. - This is genius. 1689 01:21:23,686 --> 01:21:24,994 It's gonna hurt. 1690 01:21:26,918 --> 01:21:28,804 Not as much as you think. 1691 01:21:30,470 --> 01:21:32,509 We can really get to know each other this way. 1692 01:21:32,583 --> 01:21:33,530 Yeah. 1693 01:21:33,958 --> 01:21:36,412 - This is one, right? - No, next one. 1694 01:21:42,120 --> 01:21:43,974 Is it safe to come in, or are you guys doing it? 1695 01:21:44,040 --> 01:21:45,632 Honey, it's safe. 1696 01:21:48,007 --> 01:21:48,988 Great. 1697 01:21:49,063 --> 01:21:50,655 Well, good timing. 1698 01:21:50,983 --> 01:21:52,607 - Yeah. - You remember Marla. 1699 01:21:52,680 --> 01:21:55,494 - Hi, we met. - And this is my little bunny rabbit. 1700 01:21:55,561 --> 01:21:56,934 - Julia. - Hey. 1701 01:21:57,000 --> 01:21:59,268 - This is Andy. - Julia, how you doing? 1702 01:22:00,201 --> 01:22:03,615 You know what, do you by any chance like magic? 1703 01:22:04,072 --> 01:22:06,460 - Yeah. - I thought that you might. 1704 01:22:06,537 --> 01:22:07,965 Because I noticed on the way in... 1705 01:22:08,041 --> 01:22:10,528 that you had something shiny behind your ear. 1706 01:22:10,602 --> 01:22:12,935 Marla, did you see that? Something behind her ear? 1707 01:22:13,002 --> 01:22:14,430 You think you do? Could I check? 1708 01:22:14,506 --> 01:22:16,709 Do you mind if I check behind your ear? 1709 01:22:16,939 --> 01:22:18,247 Big money! 1710 01:22:19,627 --> 01:22:22,179 - That's amazing. - Wow, it is amazing. 1711 01:22:22,251 --> 01:22:24,257 There's something else, too, behind your ear, I think. 1712 01:22:24,331 --> 01:22:26,883 No, actually it's not behind your ear. I think it is your ear. 1713 01:22:26,955 --> 01:22:27,902 Rip! 1714 01:22:27,979 --> 01:22:31,294 It is your ear. There is your ear. 1715 01:22:31,372 --> 01:22:32,647 I ripped it off. 1716 01:22:32,716 --> 01:22:34,176 - Gross! - Yeah, that's... 1717 01:22:34,252 --> 01:22:37,251 All right. Wait. Okay, but that means that you... 1718 01:22:37,324 --> 01:22:40,170 walk around with a rubber ear in your pocket all day? 1719 01:22:40,972 --> 01:22:42,629 Yeah, like half the time. 1720 01:22:42,892 --> 01:22:44,679 You know, I can come to your high school... 1721 01:22:44,748 --> 01:22:46,634 and do it for your friends if you want. 1722 01:22:46,701 --> 01:22:48,456 You know what, I should head out. 1723 01:22:48,525 --> 01:22:49,800 - Really? - Yeah. 1724 01:22:49,869 --> 01:22:51,690 I have to give you a ride home. 1725 01:22:51,758 --> 01:22:52,934 Right. Yes, you do. 1726 01:22:53,006 --> 01:22:55,143 Yeah, 'cause you don't have a car or anything, right? 1727 01:22:55,214 --> 01:22:56,707 Right, I don't have a car. 1728 01:22:56,782 --> 01:22:59,301 'Cause he doesn't have a car, and he does magic. 1729 01:22:59,630 --> 01:23:00,643 Awesome. 1730 01:23:00,846 --> 01:23:03,333 And sarcasm is like a second language to me. 1731 01:23:03,406 --> 01:23:05,379 So, I'm right there with you. 1732 01:23:08,367 --> 01:23:09,707 But, Dad... 1733 01:23:10,416 --> 01:23:13,579 I don't know how to love. 1734 01:23:14,416 --> 01:23:15,876 You never... 1735 01:23:15,951 --> 01:23:19,812 taught me how... 1736 01:23:23,024 --> 01:23:24,811 - Hello. - Hey, Cal. 1737 01:23:24,976 --> 01:23:27,113 - Hey. - I just got back from a date. 1738 01:23:27,185 --> 01:23:29,191 Did you tell her you're a virgin? 1739 01:23:29,553 --> 01:23:31,592 No. I haven't gotten to that yet. 1740 01:23:31,665 --> 01:23:33,769 Really? Are you having sex right now? 1741 01:23:33,968 --> 01:23:36,072 No. She was incredible. 1742 01:23:36,401 --> 01:23:38,604 She was amazing. She didn't pressure me. 1743 01:23:38,673 --> 01:23:41,541 And she has three kids. 1744 01:23:41,618 --> 01:23:43,526 And one of her kids has a kid. 1745 01:23:45,683 --> 01:23:46,892 You all right? 1746 01:23:47,314 --> 01:23:51,404 Did you just say she has three kids, one of whom has a kid? 1747 01:23:51,475 --> 01:23:53,808 - Yeah. - So, so, she's a grandma? 1748 01:23:54,003 --> 01:23:54,950 No. 1749 01:23:55,027 --> 01:23:56,717 I'm not a doctor or anything like that... 1750 01:23:56,787 --> 01:23:58,858 but she's a fucking grandma. 1751 01:23:59,668 --> 01:24:01,194 Yeah, whatever, you know. 1752 01:24:01,268 --> 01:24:02,608 She's the hottest grandma I ever saw. 1753 01:24:02,676 --> 01:24:04,049 Yeah, she is. She's a hot grandma. 1754 01:24:04,116 --> 01:24:06,733 That's a good-looking grandma. My grandma looks like Jack Palance. 1755 01:24:06,805 --> 01:24:07,786 Well, she's no Jack Palance. 1756 01:24:07,861 --> 01:24:09,518 No. If Jack Palance looked like that lady... 1757 01:24:09,587 --> 01:24:11,473 I would want to fuck Jack Palance right now. 1758 01:24:11,540 --> 01:24:12,521 Yeah, me, too. 1759 01:24:13,076 --> 01:24:14,155 She's a hot grandma. 1760 01:24:14,229 --> 01:24:16,016 Heck, yeah. No, do a grandma, man. 1761 01:24:16,085 --> 01:24:18,767 You should fuck her on her plastic-covered couch. 1762 01:24:19,509 --> 01:24:21,450 Fuck her while she watches Murder, She Wrote. 1763 01:24:21,525 --> 01:24:23,051 She would probably find that very erotic. 1764 01:24:23,126 --> 01:24:24,302 Yeah, whatever, you know. 1765 01:24:24,374 --> 01:24:27,722 Fuck her and then have her send you a check for $12 on your birthday. 1766 01:24:28,374 --> 01:24:30,544 I'm the dude with the hot granny. 1767 01:24:31,862 --> 01:24:33,552 What did you want to talk to me about? 1768 01:24:33,622 --> 01:24:35,279 Well, Andy, the numbers just came in... 1769 01:24:35,351 --> 01:24:38,896 and you are by far our best salesman. 1770 01:24:39,255 --> 01:24:41,523 So, I am promoting you to floor manager. 1771 01:24:41,912 --> 01:24:43,667 This is the bullshit of all bullshits! 1772 01:24:43,736 --> 01:24:45,622 You scumbag! Ass kisser! 1773 01:24:47,863 --> 01:24:49,487 Thank you. That's great. 1774 01:24:49,815 --> 01:24:53,392 - I understand you have a girlfriend. - Yeah, kind of seeing somebody. 1775 01:24:53,816 --> 01:24:56,335 - I'm very happy for you. - Thanks. She's great. 1776 01:24:56,473 --> 01:24:58,032 Are you still a virgin? 1777 01:24:59,097 --> 01:25:00,503 You know, I don't really... 1778 01:25:00,570 --> 01:25:02,391 - ... talk about my personal life. - You're a virgin. 1779 01:25:02,457 --> 01:25:03,765 - Yes, I am. - Yeah. 1780 01:25:05,081 --> 01:25:06,738 My door is always open. 1781 01:25:07,321 --> 01:25:09,043 - So to speak. - Great. 1782 01:25:10,489 --> 01:25:11,797 Great. Thank you. 1783 01:25:12,282 --> 01:25:14,168 I'm very discreet. 1784 01:25:16,858 --> 01:25:19,191 But I'll haunt your dreams. 1785 01:25:21,019 --> 01:25:22,327 - Okay. - Okay. 1786 01:25:27,451 --> 01:25:28,791 Wow. 1787 01:25:30,588 --> 01:25:34,482 - So who's gonna take my job? - Cal will be taking over your job. 1788 01:25:34,556 --> 01:25:36,311 And he's interviewing people right now... 1789 01:25:36,380 --> 01:25:37,623 for his old job. 1790 01:25:37,693 --> 01:25:39,634 So, have you ever worked with electronics before? 1791 01:25:39,709 --> 01:25:40,788 - No. - No? 1792 01:25:41,020 --> 01:25:44,118 But I have electronics in my home. 1793 01:25:45,148 --> 01:25:48,944 Perfect. That's the job pretty much. You're very well-qualified. 1794 01:25:49,565 --> 01:25:51,025 More than these other losers. 1795 01:25:52,510 --> 01:25:55,062 - I could do that... - Wait, last thing. 1796 01:25:55,134 --> 01:25:57,075 I'm also gonna need that extended warranty on it... 1797 01:25:57,150 --> 01:25:59,385 for the price of "on the house. " 1798 01:26:01,278 --> 01:26:02,521 That I can't do. 1799 01:26:02,590 --> 01:26:05,174 Hey, don't be a Negro. Be my nigger. All right? Help me out. 1800 01:26:05,247 --> 01:26:07,220 Hold up. I ain't nobody's nigger. 1801 01:26:08,159 --> 01:26:10,809 I mean, you're somebody's nigger wearing this nigger tie. 1802 01:26:10,879 --> 01:26:12,339 Now you being condescending. 1803 01:26:12,416 --> 01:26:15,764 See, you've been warned, all right? Just move forward amicably. 1804 01:26:15,840 --> 01:26:17,148 Okay. Well, check this out. 1805 01:26:17,215 --> 01:26:19,221 First of all, you're throwing too many big words at me. 1806 01:26:19,296 --> 01:26:20,920 Okay, now because I don't understand them... 1807 01:26:20,992 --> 01:26:22,398 I'm gonna take them as disrespect. 1808 01:26:22,464 --> 01:26:24,732 Watch your mouth, and help me with the sale. 1809 01:26:24,801 --> 01:26:27,385 Okay, see, now you found yourself a nigger. 1810 01:26:27,457 --> 01:26:30,173 You were looking for a nigger? Nigger here now. See? 1811 01:26:30,241 --> 01:26:33,404 Today's forecast: Dark and cloudy, and chance of drive-by. 1812 01:26:33,601 --> 01:26:35,509 - You want to go? - I suggest you move back. 1813 01:26:35,585 --> 01:26:37,144 Then, nig, fire on. 1814 01:26:37,217 --> 01:26:38,460 What are we gonna do? 1815 01:26:38,977 --> 01:26:41,627 What are you gonna do, Mr. Floor Manager? 1816 01:26:42,978 --> 01:26:44,154 Go, get them, tiger. 1817 01:26:44,226 --> 01:26:45,818 This shit just got rigged. 1818 01:26:45,890 --> 01:26:47,711 - What are you gonna do, bitch? - I'll tell you what. 1819 01:26:47,779 --> 01:26:49,633 You know Luca Perry from 20th and 25th? 1820 01:26:49,699 --> 01:26:51,421 You ever heard of, Rolling 20s, nigger? 1821 01:26:51,491 --> 01:26:53,759 Since I was 16, nigger, I'm saying "frosty. " 1822 01:26:53,826 --> 01:26:55,418 You know what I'm saying, "spoon", nigger. 1823 01:26:55,490 --> 01:26:57,082 We fucked dwarfs in the ass. 1824 01:26:57,155 --> 01:26:59,009 Nigger, this dwarf here don't got to be tall... 1825 01:26:59,075 --> 01:27:00,797 to pull the trigger off in somebody face! 1826 01:27:00,868 --> 01:27:03,005 - Come on nigger, back up. - What's up? Hey... 1827 01:27:03,076 --> 01:27:04,252 Welcome to Smart Tech. 1828 01:27:04,324 --> 01:27:05,664 - Is this your boy? - What can I help you with? 1829 01:27:05,733 --> 01:27:07,357 Yeah, nigger, we will both mash you! 1830 01:27:07,428 --> 01:27:09,085 - How can we help you, sir? - Nigger, what? 1831 01:27:09,157 --> 01:27:11,425 No, he don't need no help. He's already been served. 1832 01:27:11,492 --> 01:27:14,240 I served him. He's taken care of. He's a little slow, but he got it. 1833 01:27:14,309 --> 01:27:16,893 See, what he thought was he can come up in here and make the rules. 1834 01:27:16,965 --> 01:27:19,266 But now he see that Jay make the moves at Smart Tech... 1835 01:27:19,333 --> 01:27:22,081 that I run this, bitch and now he bought the bounce. 1836 01:27:23,398 --> 01:27:24,509 This your boy? 1837 01:27:24,646 --> 01:27:27,066 Yeah, that's my boy. We represent Smart Tech. 1838 01:27:27,142 --> 01:27:28,548 You just got fucked up with him. 1839 01:27:28,615 --> 01:27:31,035 Both y'all niggers going get clapped up when I get back. 1840 01:27:32,038 --> 01:27:33,247 Both of you all niggers. 1841 01:27:33,318 --> 01:27:35,357 - What did I do? - It don't fucking matter! 1842 01:27:35,591 --> 01:27:38,656 Yeah, aim high, Willis. Aim high! 1843 01:27:38,727 --> 01:27:40,133 Please don't do this. 1844 01:27:40,935 --> 01:27:42,843 Jay, what's going on? 1845 01:27:44,936 --> 01:27:46,211 Jill broke up with me. 1846 01:27:46,280 --> 01:27:48,668 I'm so sorry. What happened? 1847 01:27:48,903 --> 01:27:50,909 I came home a little tipsy. 1848 01:27:51,175 --> 01:27:53,476 And I had one of my condoms on still. 1849 01:27:55,432 --> 01:27:58,562 Woke up the next morning and jumped in the shower with her. 1850 01:27:59,209 --> 01:28:01,150 I don't know what I was thinking. 1851 01:28:01,225 --> 01:28:02,304 Why did you cheat on her? 1852 01:28:02,378 --> 01:28:04,581 Because I'm insecure! You can't tell? 1853 01:28:04,650 --> 01:28:06,951 I know, man. It's gonna be okay. 1854 01:28:07,017 --> 01:28:09,056 - I'm cold. - It's gonna be all right, man. 1855 01:28:09,129 --> 01:28:10,688 Seriously, man, I'm sorry. 1856 01:28:10,985 --> 01:28:12,642 I apologize to you. I know. 1857 01:28:12,714 --> 01:28:14,469 If you wanna have a meaningful relationship... 1858 01:28:14,538 --> 01:28:16,675 you've got to leave the sex out of it, man. You're right. 1859 01:28:16,746 --> 01:28:17,890 It's all right. You're good. 1860 01:28:17,962 --> 01:28:19,717 I'm sorry. Come here. I love you, man. 1861 01:28:19,787 --> 01:28:21,215 Man, I love you, too. 1862 01:28:22,379 --> 01:28:23,971 You're a good guy. 1863 01:28:26,027 --> 01:28:28,360 Do you know how I know you guys are gay? 1864 01:28:28,427 --> 01:28:30,760 You're holding each other ever so gently. 1865 01:28:30,828 --> 01:28:31,775 Cabron. 1866 01:28:38,028 --> 01:28:39,074 Bravo. 1867 01:28:39,532 --> 01:28:41,058 At least he can cook, Mom. 1868 01:28:45,069 --> 01:28:47,588 I love... Spiderman. 1869 01:29:00,334 --> 01:29:02,504 Pull out slowly and go straight ahead. 1870 01:29:29,937 --> 01:29:31,048 I'm all right. 1871 01:29:31,537 --> 01:29:32,616 Nobody's there. 1872 01:29:32,785 --> 01:29:34,955 I want to know everything about you. 1873 01:29:35,026 --> 01:29:36,039 I want to tell you. 1874 01:29:36,113 --> 01:29:37,094 - You do? - Yeah. 1875 01:29:37,169 --> 01:29:39,885 Like, what do you want to do? What are your dreams? 1876 01:29:40,273 --> 01:29:43,087 You don't wanna work at Smart Tech for the rest of your life. 1877 01:29:43,697 --> 01:29:45,703 I've been working there for a long time. 1878 01:29:45,778 --> 01:29:49,323 And I've been thinking lately that maybe I should open my own store. 1879 01:29:49,587 --> 01:29:50,600 - Really? - Yeah. 1880 01:29:50,675 --> 01:29:53,969 - What kind of store? - Well, like a stereo store. 1881 01:29:54,035 --> 01:29:56,303 Oh, my God, that is... Why don't you do that? 1882 01:29:56,371 --> 01:29:57,963 I don't have enough money to do that. 1883 01:29:58,035 --> 01:29:59,441 What about those collectibles? 1884 01:29:59,508 --> 01:30:01,678 I bet if you sold those, you could make a lot of money. 1885 01:30:01,747 --> 01:30:05,423 I just sold a guy's G. I. Joe for $1,000. 1886 01:30:05,748 --> 01:30:07,176 - Really? - Do you have any of those? 1887 01:30:07,252 --> 01:30:08,331 - Yeah. - You do? 1888 01:30:08,405 --> 01:30:09,418 I have 47 of them. 1889 01:30:09,493 --> 01:30:10,637 No, you don't. 1890 01:30:10,709 --> 01:30:12,617 - Yeah, in their original boxes. - You do? 1891 01:30:12,692 --> 01:30:14,698 I could help you sell them on eBay. 1892 01:30:14,773 --> 01:30:17,739 I would not take a commission, I swear to God. 1893 01:30:17,813 --> 01:30:20,747 You could do it. You could totally pull it off. 1894 01:30:22,165 --> 01:30:24,106 - Yeah, let's do it. - Let's do it. 1895 01:30:41,527 --> 01:30:42,671 Aquaman. 1896 01:30:43,095 --> 01:30:44,141 Here. 1897 01:30:44,599 --> 01:30:45,907 Clothes on. 1898 01:30:47,640 --> 01:30:49,461 I'll send you off to... 1899 01:30:50,488 --> 01:30:53,302 a farm with lots of land. 1900 01:30:53,368 --> 01:30:56,050 So, you and other Aquamen can run around... 1901 01:30:57,113 --> 01:30:59,479 and play in the Aquafields. 1902 01:31:09,273 --> 01:31:11,214 Godspeed, Col. Steve Austin. 1903 01:31:13,562 --> 01:31:15,895 You don't wanna go, do you? Okay, you can stay. 1904 01:31:15,963 --> 01:31:17,750 Steve Austin can stay. 1905 01:31:21,563 --> 01:31:22,991 Hey, Cal. David. 1906 01:31:23,195 --> 01:31:25,299 Way to sell a big TV. 1907 01:31:25,370 --> 01:31:26,830 She likes you, man. 1908 01:31:27,034 --> 01:31:28,942 Too bad I retired my penis. 1909 01:31:29,243 --> 01:31:32,308 Mooj, we try to be fair with the schedule but it's hard. 1910 01:31:32,476 --> 01:31:35,858 Okay, but why every damn schedule comes up, I get most early shift? 1911 01:31:35,932 --> 01:31:38,680 It's bullshit. Nobody buys stereo at 10:00 in the morning. 1912 01:31:38,749 --> 01:31:39,762 No, I understand. 1913 01:31:39,837 --> 01:31:42,651 People buy stereo between 6:00 and 8:00. 1914 01:31:42,716 --> 01:31:43,663 Mmm-hmm. 1915 01:31:43,740 --> 01:31:47,055 Rich men get off work, then buy stereo. 1916 01:31:47,133 --> 01:31:49,553 - Right. - Not after fucking brunch. 1917 01:31:49,629 --> 01:31:51,188 Okay. Here's what we're gonna do. 1918 01:31:51,261 --> 01:31:53,748 I'm going to give you a couple of Jay's shifts. 1919 01:31:53,854 --> 01:31:56,373 And then I'll give you a couple of mine and that way... 1920 01:31:56,446 --> 01:31:59,478 - ... we'll all be equal, okay. - Thank you, Andy. 1921 01:31:59,775 --> 01:32:00,854 It's okay. 1922 01:32:01,245 --> 01:32:02,738 You're a good man, Andy. 1923 01:32:04,830 --> 01:32:07,611 By the way, what date are you on, now? 1924 01:32:07,999 --> 01:32:10,486 I think it's around 17. 1925 01:32:10,559 --> 01:32:13,209 It's hard to tell what actually constitutes a date, though. 1926 01:32:13,279 --> 01:32:16,988 Three to go. So that means you're gonna have sex in three days. 1927 01:32:17,665 --> 01:32:19,966 Maybe, I might try to space them out a little bit. 1928 01:32:20,032 --> 01:32:22,452 - I'll pray for your cock. - Okay, thanks. 1929 01:32:22,656 --> 01:32:24,629 - Thanks. Thank you. - Have a good cocky. 1930 01:32:24,800 --> 01:32:27,287 Trish is on the phone. Here is a shock. 1931 01:32:27,361 --> 01:32:29,247 - Girlfriend with a problem. - Hello. 1932 01:32:29,505 --> 01:32:31,642 I have done everything but sex! 1933 01:32:31,713 --> 01:32:34,079 I'm a woman, okay? Deal with it! 1934 01:32:34,145 --> 01:32:36,151 I'm gonna start taking you back to church. 1935 01:32:36,226 --> 01:32:38,112 We are gonna start going to church. 1936 01:32:38,178 --> 01:32:39,606 - Hello? - You know what? 1937 01:32:39,682 --> 01:32:40,957 What the hell are you talking about? 1938 01:32:41,025 --> 01:32:43,577 Oh, my God, I cannot believe this. Thank God you're here. 1939 01:32:43,650 --> 01:32:46,496 Jesus Christ. Marla locked herself in the bathroom. 1940 01:32:46,563 --> 01:32:47,510 What happened? 1941 01:32:47,586 --> 01:32:49,308 She wants to go to the family health clinic. 1942 01:32:49,379 --> 01:32:51,320 She wants birth control. But she's too young. 1943 01:32:51,395 --> 01:32:54,460 I want to have sex with my boyfriend! But I can't, Mom! 1944 01:32:54,532 --> 01:32:55,741 So, you want me to take her? 1945 01:32:55,811 --> 01:32:57,817 - No, I don't want you to take her. - Okay, all right. 1946 01:32:57,891 --> 01:33:00,607 I want her to keep it in her pants until she gets to college. 1947 01:33:00,675 --> 01:33:01,688 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 1948 01:33:01,764 --> 01:33:02,973 "Keep it in my pants"? 1949 01:33:03,043 --> 01:33:05,562 Okay, you didn't keep it in your pants, Mom. 1950 01:33:05,636 --> 01:33:08,951 I know. I don't want you to make the same mistakes as me, Marla. 1951 01:33:09,029 --> 01:33:11,930 Mistakes? Okay, so I was a mistake then. 1952 01:33:12,005 --> 01:33:15,779 No, you're not a mistake. Your sister was the mistake. 1953 01:33:16,453 --> 01:33:17,881 Oh, my God! 1954 01:33:18,277 --> 01:33:20,993 Her older sister, I mean, she wasn't planned, you know what I mean? 1955 01:33:21,061 --> 01:33:23,481 Because I was such a... Oh, God, you wanna run away, don't you? 1956 01:33:23,557 --> 01:33:24,570 No. 1957 01:33:24,646 --> 01:33:27,362 You and your boyfriend have sex all the time! 1958 01:33:27,430 --> 01:33:29,087 Oh, my God! Are you kidding? 1959 01:33:29,159 --> 01:33:30,914 We never have sex. Do we ever have sex? 1960 01:33:30,983 --> 01:33:32,258 No, we don't. 1961 01:33:32,518 --> 01:33:34,273 What? Yes, you do! 1962 01:33:34,342 --> 01:33:36,894 You're such a liar! Why do you lie to me? 1963 01:33:36,966 --> 01:33:37,947 Why? 1964 01:33:41,383 --> 01:33:43,269 I didn't hear anything after "a liar. " 1965 01:33:43,335 --> 01:33:46,051 - What did she say after "a liar"? - She sounds like a tea kettle. 1966 01:33:46,120 --> 01:33:47,941 Fuck you! 1967 01:33:50,151 --> 01:33:52,539 - Maybe I should take her. - No, I don't think so. 1968 01:33:52,615 --> 01:33:54,948 You know, a little information never hurt anybody. 1969 01:34:08,426 --> 01:34:09,439 Cool. 1970 01:34:10,473 --> 01:34:11,486 Wow! 1971 01:34:13,866 --> 01:34:15,872 Where do you put the penis? 1972 01:34:16,746 --> 01:34:18,021 Oh, shit. 1973 01:34:28,011 --> 01:34:29,603 It is... 1974 01:34:30,411 --> 01:34:31,937 not a Rubik's Cube. 1975 01:34:34,507 --> 01:34:35,454 Shit. 1976 01:34:37,132 --> 01:34:39,138 God, how much longer are they gonna make us wait? 1977 01:34:39,212 --> 01:34:41,632 I don't know. They should be out in a second. 1978 01:34:42,061 --> 01:34:43,074 Now, you're all here... 1979 01:34:43,149 --> 01:34:45,450 because you're interested in obtaining birth control. 1980 01:34:45,517 --> 01:34:46,726 Any questions? 1981 01:34:47,309 --> 01:34:49,544 Here's a cute story. I came home the other day... 1982 01:34:49,613 --> 01:34:52,481 and he is with his girlfriend in my marital bed... 1983 01:34:52,557 --> 01:34:55,371 doing things that are illegal in Alabama. 1984 01:34:55,502 --> 01:34:58,665 Sex acts, right? Things that my wife won't do, okay? 1985 01:34:59,086 --> 01:35:01,802 - Did you have a question? - How do I get my wife to do that? 1986 01:35:01,902 --> 01:35:03,242 Does anybody else have a question? 1987 01:35:03,310 --> 01:35:06,505 My daughter is, for lack of a better word... 1988 01:35:06,894 --> 01:35:07,940 dumb. 1989 01:35:08,206 --> 01:35:10,310 How do I stop her menstrual cycle? 1990 01:35:10,383 --> 01:35:12,553 You want her to stop having a menstrual cycle? 1991 01:35:12,623 --> 01:35:15,142 I want to stop it, maybe just for a few years. 1992 01:35:15,216 --> 01:35:17,353 Yeah, I don't think that's a good idea. 1993 01:35:17,424 --> 01:35:20,390 - Does anybody else have a question? - I have a question. 1994 01:35:20,464 --> 01:35:24,140 I think some of the people here might be sexually inexperienced. 1995 01:35:24,720 --> 01:35:27,654 Is it true that if you don't use it, you lose it? 1996 01:35:28,016 --> 01:35:29,575 Is that a serious question? 1997 01:35:29,649 --> 01:35:31,208 - No. It wasn't. - Okay. 1998 01:35:31,793 --> 01:35:35,272 Now, there are a lot of activities that you can engage in... 1999 01:35:35,345 --> 01:35:38,061 without having sex that are both fun and safe. 2000 01:35:38,129 --> 01:35:40,135 What sort of activities? I think... 2001 01:35:40,209 --> 01:35:42,346 everybody wants to know about the activities. 2002 01:35:42,417 --> 01:35:46,791 Well, instead of having intercourse, you could have outer-course. 2003 01:35:47,250 --> 01:35:49,289 Outer-course? What's that? 2004 01:35:49,394 --> 01:35:50,702 Yeah, what is that? 2005 01:35:50,771 --> 01:35:54,731 Outer-course is anything that isn't vaginal intercourse. 2006 01:35:55,027 --> 01:35:56,935 I prefer vaginal intercourse. 2007 01:35:58,547 --> 01:35:59,790 He really does. 2008 01:36:00,115 --> 01:36:03,529 Now, there are ways of having sex without intercourse. 2009 01:36:04,628 --> 01:36:07,889 Let's see, there are things like body rubbing or dry humping. 2010 01:36:07,956 --> 01:36:09,231 You could dry hump. 2011 01:36:09,300 --> 01:36:12,299 - There is masturbation. - Masturbation. Play with yourself. 2012 01:36:12,373 --> 01:36:14,314 - Mutual masturbation. - Play with a friend. 2013 01:36:14,388 --> 01:36:17,835 Deep kissing. There is erotic massage. 2014 01:36:17,909 --> 01:36:19,696 That sounds like it would be nice. 2015 01:36:19,765 --> 01:36:22,252 - Oral sex play. - Sounds like my Friday night. 2016 01:36:22,326 --> 01:36:24,147 Shut up, Seth. We went to temple. 2017 01:36:24,213 --> 01:36:25,935 Okay, are there any virgins here... 2018 01:36:26,006 --> 01:36:28,590 who are thinking about having sex for the first time? 2019 01:36:29,814 --> 01:36:30,761 Oh. 2020 01:36:31,190 --> 01:36:33,229 Wait. So you're a virgin? 2021 01:36:35,702 --> 01:36:38,450 - I'd tap that. - Oh, yeah, you'd "tap that"? 2022 01:36:38,518 --> 01:36:41,364 Seth, what, you think you're cool with your little Jew fro? 2023 01:36:41,431 --> 01:36:44,529 We don't say, "tap that. " What are you talking about, Seth? 2024 01:36:44,600 --> 01:36:46,803 You know what, I'm a virgin, too. 2025 01:36:48,761 --> 01:36:49,840 That's... 2026 01:36:49,913 --> 01:36:51,700 - We're virgins, too. - Yeah. 2027 01:36:53,560 --> 01:36:56,406 No, you know what, it's a personal choice... 2028 01:36:56,472 --> 01:36:57,932 and I don't think it's weird at all. 2029 01:36:58,009 --> 01:36:59,218 You know what your problem is? 2030 01:36:59,288 --> 01:37:00,945 You're putting the pussy on a pedestal. 2031 01:37:01,017 --> 01:37:02,674 That's the second time I've heard that. 2032 01:37:02,745 --> 01:37:04,599 What is the "pussy on a pedestal" thing? 2033 01:37:04,666 --> 01:37:08,375 Okay, I can't listen to anymore of this, 'cause it's making me sick. 2034 01:37:08,441 --> 01:37:09,388 So, bye. 2035 01:37:09,465 --> 01:37:11,536 You can get this information on your website, right? 2036 01:37:11,609 --> 01:37:13,266 - Yes. - Thanks. Nice meeting everybody. 2037 01:37:13,338 --> 01:37:14,417 Any other questions? 2038 01:37:14,490 --> 01:37:16,344 Do you have any extra-large condoms? 2039 01:37:16,410 --> 01:37:18,165 Seth, you got a tiny penis. 2040 01:37:22,107 --> 01:37:25,106 So, I made that all up to help you out. 2041 01:37:27,099 --> 01:37:28,559 No, you didn't. 2042 01:37:28,795 --> 01:37:31,990 But thank you for doing that. 2043 01:37:34,747 --> 01:37:36,306 How can you tell? 2044 01:37:36,476 --> 01:37:38,809 Well, you know, I go to school with, like, 400 guys... 2045 01:37:38,877 --> 01:37:40,250 who are all trying to have sex. 2046 01:37:40,316 --> 01:37:42,202 And, yeah, so I can tell who's done it. 2047 01:37:42,269 --> 01:37:43,282 Of course. 2048 01:37:43,357 --> 01:37:46,138 - And you really haven't? - No, I really haven't. 2049 01:37:46,620 --> 01:37:48,921 Please don't tell your mom, okay? 2050 01:37:48,989 --> 01:37:50,646 - Yeah, I won't. - Thanks. 2051 01:37:50,749 --> 01:37:53,781 But when are you gonna tell her? 2052 01:37:53,982 --> 01:37:55,868 Believe me, I'm working on it. 2053 01:37:57,182 --> 01:37:58,839 I am working on it. 2054 01:38:01,727 --> 01:38:02,903 Do you have any weed? 2055 01:38:04,798 --> 01:38:05,974 - Yeah. - You do have some. 2056 01:38:06,046 --> 01:38:08,085 Can spare any or is it all spoken for? 2057 01:38:08,766 --> 01:38:10,707 I mean, like what are we talking? Are we... 2058 01:38:10,783 --> 01:38:13,149 Just enough to get me baked for like a week. 2059 01:38:13,375 --> 01:38:14,388 That's a lot of weed. 2060 01:38:14,463 --> 01:38:16,317 Yeah, I am taking vacation next week, so... 2061 01:38:16,383 --> 01:38:18,138 - Where are you going? - I'm not going anywhere. 2062 01:38:18,208 --> 01:38:19,930 - I'll stay in my apartment. - Just getting baked? 2063 01:38:20,000 --> 01:38:21,428 I want to be baked the whole time. 2064 01:38:21,503 --> 01:38:23,771 Watch TV, I'll probably re-watch Gandhi. 2065 01:38:24,384 --> 01:38:26,238 - Gandhi baked is good. - Yes, isn't it? 2066 01:38:26,304 --> 01:38:27,863 I always feel bad when I watch it baked... 2067 01:38:27,937 --> 01:38:29,791 'cause I get really hungry and I'm eating a lot... 2068 01:38:29,857 --> 01:38:30,838 and poor Gandhi is... 2069 01:38:30,913 --> 01:38:32,570 - ... fucking starving his ass off. - Starving, I know. 2070 01:38:36,034 --> 01:38:37,462 - Sounds good. - Yeah. 2071 01:38:37,538 --> 01:38:40,155 I'm going to take her to capacity. Are you okay with that? 2072 01:38:40,226 --> 01:38:41,501 Give it a shot. 2073 01:38:41,569 --> 01:38:43,608 Freak! Oh, yeah! 2074 01:38:45,250 --> 01:38:47,769 Michael McDonald, man, I haven't heard this in years. 2075 01:38:47,842 --> 01:38:49,881 Yeah, I haven't heard it in like 48 minutes. 2076 01:38:50,594 --> 01:38:53,211 If I get the set, will you throw in the DVD? 2077 01:38:53,283 --> 01:38:55,453 You don't get the set. I'll throw in the DVD. 2078 01:38:55,940 --> 01:38:56,953 I'll take it. 2079 01:38:57,026 --> 01:38:58,748 - Really? - Yeah. 2080 01:38:59,715 --> 01:39:01,819 Y'all want to see something beautiful? Come here. 2081 01:39:01,891 --> 01:39:04,923 You want to see the most beautiful thing in the world? Check this out. 2082 01:39:04,995 --> 01:39:08,572 This is my baby right here. That's my baby's dick right there. 2083 01:39:09,188 --> 01:39:10,845 Looks like a poltergeist. 2084 01:39:11,141 --> 01:39:12,384 That is his foot. 2085 01:39:12,453 --> 01:39:14,688 Look at his dick. That's not even four months. 2086 01:39:14,757 --> 01:39:16,032 Extrapolate that. 2087 01:39:16,101 --> 01:39:18,369 By the time he's 30, what's gonna happen? 2088 01:39:18,436 --> 01:39:20,639 Yo, Andy! Come check this out, dawg. 2089 01:39:20,709 --> 01:39:23,163 Is this the movie about babies that are geniuses? 2090 01:39:23,237 --> 01:39:25,625 No, this is my child, dude. Jill is pregnant. 2091 01:39:25,702 --> 01:39:26,781 - That's yours? - Yeah. 2092 01:39:26,854 --> 01:39:28,795 That's why she broke up with me in the first place... 2093 01:39:28,870 --> 01:39:31,007 'cause she just thought that I wouldn't be a good father... 2094 01:39:31,078 --> 01:39:33,313 in light of the fact that I'd be cheating on her all the time. 2095 01:39:33,382 --> 01:39:35,006 But she got over all that. It's cool now. 2096 01:39:35,078 --> 01:39:36,932 Congratulations, man. That is great. 2097 01:39:37,190 --> 01:39:38,683 We having a party tonight, Andy... 2098 01:39:38,758 --> 01:39:40,251 and I really want you to be there, man. 2099 01:39:40,327 --> 01:39:42,715 We celebrating and I really, really want you to be there. 2100 01:39:42,791 --> 01:39:45,179 It looks like the Doppler radar. 2101 01:39:45,256 --> 01:39:46,269 Can you believe that? 2102 01:39:46,344 --> 01:39:47,903 This child ain't even four months old. 2103 01:39:47,976 --> 01:39:50,146 He ain't four months old yet. Look at what he's packing. 2104 01:39:50,217 --> 01:39:52,637 Everybody dick looks big on 60-inch TV. 2105 01:39:52,711 --> 01:39:55,165 My sister's dick looks big on TV, okay? 2106 01:39:56,104 --> 01:39:58,656 Oh, my God, this guy, Eric Gilliland... 2107 01:39:59,112 --> 01:40:01,599 - ... he has bought, like, 15 of these. - Really? 2108 01:40:01,673 --> 01:40:04,519 Yeah, I think he likes action figures even more than you. 2109 01:40:04,585 --> 01:40:07,005 - That is impossible. - I think so. 2110 01:40:07,850 --> 01:40:11,013 Andy, the way these things are flying off your shelf... 2111 01:40:11,082 --> 01:40:13,928 you know, I think you could actually make like... 2112 01:40:14,410 --> 01:40:15,903 maybe like $100,000. 2113 01:40:15,978 --> 01:40:18,049 - Really? - Yeah, you could open your store. 2114 01:40:18,122 --> 01:40:19,462 - Wow. - Honey... 2115 01:40:19,594 --> 01:40:21,665 - That's a lot of money. - I know. 2116 01:40:21,739 --> 01:40:24,291 That's incredible. I wouldn't have done it without you. 2117 01:40:24,363 --> 01:40:25,507 Thanks. 2118 01:40:26,155 --> 01:40:28,837 - And that's not the only good news. - What? 2119 01:40:29,259 --> 01:40:32,105 - You know what tonight is? - Survivor is on? 2120 01:40:33,356 --> 01:40:34,816 - No. - I know. 2121 01:40:35,404 --> 01:40:37,858 Is it The Apprentice? 2122 01:40:38,764 --> 01:40:39,711 No. 2123 01:40:40,460 --> 01:40:41,506 What? 2124 01:40:44,109 --> 01:40:48,265 It's our 20th date. 2125 01:40:54,542 --> 01:40:55,915 - Wow. - Yeah. 2126 01:40:55,982 --> 01:40:57,257 - Really? - Uh-huh. 2127 01:40:57,326 --> 01:41:00,489 Seriously? I think we're at 18. 2128 01:41:00,558 --> 01:41:02,215 'Cause there were a couple of dates there... 2129 01:41:02,286 --> 01:41:04,073 - ... that don't really count as dates. - No. 2130 01:41:04,142 --> 01:41:06,694 I'll give you a free pass on those other ones. 2131 01:41:07,694 --> 01:41:08,805 Thank you. 2132 01:41:08,879 --> 01:41:09,958 - Listen. - What? 2133 01:41:10,031 --> 01:41:11,207 - Listen. - Mmm-hmm. 2134 01:41:12,655 --> 01:41:14,214 I really like you. 2135 01:41:19,952 --> 01:41:21,674 I think I'm falling for you. 2136 01:41:22,480 --> 01:41:26,091 I don't know. I kind of see this going somewhere. 2137 01:41:26,416 --> 01:41:27,560 I do, too. 2138 01:41:27,664 --> 01:41:30,729 I just think we should just go crazy on each other. 2139 01:41:31,921 --> 01:41:33,829 - Okay. - Okay? 2140 01:41:34,673 --> 01:41:35,882 Oh, thank God! 2141 01:41:38,578 --> 01:41:39,525 Oh! 2142 01:41:40,177 --> 01:41:42,510 Okay, I should... I gotta pick those up. 2143 01:41:42,578 --> 01:41:43,657 Don't pick them up now. 2144 01:41:43,730 --> 01:41:45,005 No, I have to pick those up right now. 2145 01:41:45,074 --> 01:41:47,080 - Wait, we'll get them later. - Listen, no, I can't, no. 2146 01:41:47,154 --> 01:41:48,713 Listen, it's really important because... 2147 01:41:48,786 --> 01:41:50,956 once the integrity of the box gets compromised... 2148 01:41:51,027 --> 01:41:53,230 This is original packaging and that's why these things... 2149 01:41:53,299 --> 01:41:55,370 are so valuable. So you don't screw with that. 2150 01:41:55,443 --> 01:41:57,351 - You really don't screw with that. - All right. 2151 01:41:57,428 --> 01:41:59,401 We can wrap them again later, you know. 2152 01:41:59,475 --> 01:42:00,783 Yeah, I know. But you know what... 2153 01:42:00,851 --> 01:42:02,890 this is very important that we don't lose the value... 2154 01:42:02,963 --> 01:42:04,238 and compromise the integrity of it. 2155 01:42:04,308 --> 01:42:06,445 Andy, I'm throwing myself at you and... 2156 01:42:06,516 --> 01:42:08,457 all you can think about is a fucking toy. 2157 01:42:08,532 --> 01:42:11,498 They're not fucking toys! This is Iron Man, okay? 2158 01:42:11,573 --> 01:42:13,906 I got this when I was in second grade. 2159 01:42:14,101 --> 01:42:16,685 Do you know how hard it is for a kid to not open that? 2160 01:42:16,757 --> 01:42:17,933 This is important. 2161 01:42:18,005 --> 01:42:19,248 These are my things... 2162 01:42:19,317 --> 01:42:22,480 and you are trying to make me sell them and I don't want to. 2163 01:42:22,549 --> 01:42:23,824 - No. - And you're making me. 2164 01:42:23,893 --> 01:42:25,932 - I'm not making... - You are encouraging me... 2165 01:42:26,005 --> 01:42:28,044 - ... to quit my job. - I'm not! I'm not trying to... 2166 01:42:28,118 --> 01:42:30,735 You want me to open a store. You want me to sell everything. 2167 01:42:30,806 --> 01:42:32,496 You know what, I'm gonna tell you something. 2168 01:42:32,567 --> 01:42:35,566 I don't just change like that. I can't just change for you. 2169 01:42:35,638 --> 01:42:38,419 I don't... I'm not trying to change you. I like you. 2170 01:42:38,486 --> 01:42:40,525 I'm just... I'm trying to help you grow up, Andy. 2171 01:42:40,599 --> 01:42:42,191 Well, thanks a lot. 2172 01:42:42,263 --> 01:42:46,124 I mean, my God, you ride a bicycle to work in a stockroom. 2173 01:42:46,200 --> 01:42:48,435 You know what, I'm not in the stockroom anymore. 2174 01:42:48,504 --> 01:42:49,932 - I'm a floor manager. - Okay. 2175 01:42:50,008 --> 01:42:52,909 And I ride a bike because I like to. Einstein rode a bike. 2176 01:42:52,984 --> 01:42:55,568 He had a wife who he fucked, by the way. 2177 01:42:56,216 --> 01:42:58,419 What do I have to do for you to have sex with me? 2178 01:42:58,489 --> 01:43:00,877 Do you want me to dress up like Thor? I'll dress up like Thor. 2179 01:43:00,953 --> 01:43:02,479 I'll dress up like Iron Man. 2180 01:43:02,553 --> 01:43:04,210 What do they do? I'll do it. 2181 01:43:04,281 --> 01:43:06,068 What? Everything's always about sex. 2182 01:43:06,137 --> 01:43:07,663 Why don't you want to have sex with me? 2183 01:43:07,738 --> 01:43:10,104 Why not? Tell me. You tell me the truth. 2184 01:43:10,170 --> 01:43:12,274 Is it because I have a kid who has a kid? Is that why? 2185 01:43:12,345 --> 01:43:13,805 No, it's cool that you're a grandmother. 2186 01:43:13,882 --> 01:43:15,441 I love the fact that you're a grandmother. 2187 01:43:15,514 --> 01:43:17,968 - Oh, God! - You are. You're a hot grandma. 2188 01:43:18,042 --> 01:43:19,153 Oh, my God! 2189 01:43:19,226 --> 01:43:21,232 You are so mean! Get out! 2190 01:43:21,307 --> 01:43:23,924 - Okay, fine. Good! - Good, fine. You're gonna go. 2191 01:43:23,995 --> 01:43:27,223 - I didn't ask for any of this. - You asked for all of it, Andy. 2192 01:43:27,611 --> 01:43:28,951 Okay. Great. 2193 01:43:31,899 --> 01:43:32,846 Okay. 2194 01:43:33,211 --> 01:43:34,737 That's the way you want it... 2195 01:43:34,812 --> 01:43:37,626 that's the way homie's gonna play it. 2196 01:43:38,684 --> 01:43:40,276 Yeah. Truth be told. 2197 01:43:57,022 --> 01:43:59,093 Baby, you better enjoy yourself tonight... 2198 01:43:59,166 --> 01:44:01,401 'cause once this baby's born, you ain't going out again... 2199 01:44:01,470 --> 01:44:02,451 till that baby is in college. 2200 01:44:02,526 --> 01:44:03,702 - Me? - Yeah. 2201 01:44:03,775 --> 01:44:06,043 You the club rat. I'm not the one that be going out. 2202 01:44:06,110 --> 01:44:07,800 I'm not a club rat. 2203 01:44:07,871 --> 01:44:10,488 You're gonna get up, you march over there... 2204 01:44:10,558 --> 01:44:12,978 and I want you to hit on Bernadette now. 2205 01:44:13,215 --> 01:44:15,156 Dude, I'm not gonna hit on Bernadette. 2206 01:44:15,232 --> 01:44:16,311 Yes, you are, man... 2207 01:44:16,383 --> 01:44:18,870 'cause your depression is boring me for one thing... 2208 01:44:18,944 --> 01:44:20,830 and it's actually making me a little depressed... 2209 01:44:20,896 --> 01:44:22,782 which is then in turn making me more depressed... 2210 01:44:22,848 --> 01:44:24,538 that you're actually affecting my mood. 2211 01:44:24,607 --> 01:44:27,835 Look, I'm not in any kind of place to talk to a woman, all right? 2212 01:44:27,904 --> 01:44:29,975 I'm just... I'm fragile. 2213 01:44:30,112 --> 01:44:31,899 I hired her for you. 2214 01:44:31,969 --> 01:44:35,416 I hired a 90-pound girl to work in the stockroom at Smart Tech... 2215 01:44:35,489 --> 01:44:36,982 for you, okay? 2216 01:44:37,058 --> 01:44:38,518 I should have hired a 300-pound guy... 2217 01:44:38,594 --> 01:44:40,120 who could lift a 60-inch flat screen. 2218 01:44:40,194 --> 01:44:42,582 But instead I hired a hot girl... 2219 01:44:42,657 --> 01:44:45,885 who can't lift an iPod to bring you out of your funk. 2220 01:44:46,658 --> 01:44:48,118 - You hired her for me? - Yes. 2221 01:44:48,195 --> 01:44:49,568 So will you go talk to her? 2222 01:44:49,634 --> 01:44:51,356 Yeah, I'm meeting somebody. 2223 01:44:51,523 --> 01:44:52,470 No. 2224 01:44:55,972 --> 01:44:58,011 - Did you just flick me in the nuts? - No. 2225 01:44:58,084 --> 01:45:00,985 Flicked you in the fleshy patch where your nuts used to be. 2226 01:45:02,115 --> 01:45:03,837 Quit flicking my balls, man. 2227 01:45:03,908 --> 01:45:06,328 Okay, I'll stop flicking your balls. 2228 01:45:06,436 --> 01:45:08,737 But I'll start punching your nuts. 2229 01:45:09,636 --> 01:45:10,583 Oh! 2230 01:45:11,237 --> 01:45:12,316 Okay. 2231 01:45:15,909 --> 01:45:17,315 Well played, sir. 2232 01:45:17,668 --> 01:45:18,779 - Okay. - Thank you. 2233 01:45:18,853 --> 01:45:20,892 No problem, man. Go get 'em. 2234 01:45:21,477 --> 01:45:23,134 Mooj, you done see my son... 2235 01:45:23,205 --> 01:45:24,797 you know his foot gonna be bigger than this. 2236 01:45:24,870 --> 01:45:27,968 If that baby looks Pakistani, don't fucking look at me, okay? 2237 01:45:28,038 --> 01:45:31,452 I wouldn't mind. You got good genes. How old are you? What, 138? 2238 01:45:31,526 --> 01:45:34,340 When your son is born, is he already in parole? 2239 01:45:42,343 --> 01:45:45,571 I need some poon. 2240 01:45:45,896 --> 01:45:48,764 You guys were so right, right from the beginning. 2241 01:45:49,064 --> 01:45:53,536 I need genital to genital connection and that's all I need. 2242 01:45:53,991 --> 01:45:57,373 You know, the thing about relationships is that they... 2243 01:45:57,577 --> 01:45:59,234 make one person go... 2244 01:46:00,745 --> 01:46:02,882 And the other person go, "What are you talking about?" 2245 01:46:02,953 --> 01:46:04,129 And then one person goes... 2246 01:46:05,673 --> 01:46:07,232 How much have you had to drink, man? 2247 01:46:07,306 --> 01:46:10,654 How much have I had to drink? How many pots have you smoken? 2248 01:46:10,730 --> 01:46:11,841 What are you talking about? 2249 01:46:11,913 --> 01:46:15,043 How many times have you gone to the bathroom in your life? 2250 01:46:15,113 --> 01:46:16,257 Let me ask you that. 2251 01:46:16,329 --> 01:46:19,197 You know what, you don't have an answer for that, do you? 2252 01:46:19,274 --> 01:46:20,800 Fuck you, man! I'm sorry. 2253 01:46:20,874 --> 01:46:23,939 No, you're such a good guy, and I appreciate you. 2254 01:46:24,011 --> 01:46:25,919 What's up, baby, I didn't know you had came already. 2255 01:46:25,995 --> 01:46:28,066 Hey, motherfucker! 2256 01:46:30,347 --> 01:46:32,353 Man, you know what, tonight is the night. 2257 01:46:32,427 --> 01:46:36,933 You know what, you were totally right and I was wrong. 2258 01:46:37,164 --> 01:46:41,473 You were right all along. You cannot have a relationship... 2259 01:46:41,612 --> 01:46:43,716 with somebody until... 2260 01:46:44,333 --> 01:46:46,666 you have sex and that's the long... 2261 01:46:46,734 --> 01:46:48,424 That's the long and short of it. 2262 01:46:48,493 --> 01:46:51,808 - So, thank you. - That's good. 2263 01:46:52,141 --> 01:46:54,987 And now I have to go hunt for some hos. 2264 01:46:57,742 --> 01:47:00,905 - He going to be all right? - No, I don't think he is. 2265 01:47:01,039 --> 01:47:03,274 - Cal's a good guy. - Yeah, he's a great guy. 2266 01:47:03,343 --> 01:47:05,033 It's so funny, because, you know... 2267 01:47:05,103 --> 01:47:07,785 when I first met him and I thought you were cute at the store... 2268 01:47:07,855 --> 01:47:10,723 - ... he told me you were gay. - I'm not gay. 2269 01:47:11,087 --> 01:47:13,606 Cal says that I'm gay because he has a real problem... 2270 01:47:13,679 --> 01:47:15,914 with his own gayness. 2271 01:47:15,984 --> 01:47:19,147 But seriously, I'm going to lay it out for you, right now. 2272 01:47:19,760 --> 01:47:21,995 I was a little reticent to come over and talk to you. 2273 01:47:22,065 --> 01:47:24,781 You're very pretty and you seem very nice. The truth is... 2274 01:47:24,847 --> 01:47:28,326 I dated this woman, let me rephrase that, I dated this whore... 2275 01:47:28,881 --> 01:47:30,407 who stomped all over my heart. 2276 01:47:30,481 --> 01:47:33,229 And it's just taking me a little while to kind of... 2277 01:47:33,297 --> 01:47:34,856 you know, get back in the game. 2278 01:47:34,929 --> 01:47:36,269 Oh, my God. Say no more. 2279 01:47:36,337 --> 01:47:38,824 My last boyfriend Sal junior, is a scum bag. 2280 01:47:38,897 --> 01:47:41,034 I would totally pay people to have him killed. 2281 01:47:41,106 --> 01:47:43,177 That's how much I fucking hate that damn scum bag. 2282 01:47:43,249 --> 01:47:45,320 - God, you're fucking awesome. - You too. 2283 01:47:47,058 --> 01:47:48,912 Hey, you! 2284 01:47:50,899 --> 01:47:52,556 - Hey. - Hey. 2285 01:47:52,819 --> 01:47:54,279 How you doing? 2286 01:47:54,707 --> 01:47:57,161 Much better, now that I'm talking to you. 2287 01:47:57,395 --> 01:47:59,882 Hey, lookie, I can see through your shirt. 2288 01:48:00,627 --> 01:48:01,836 Nice. 2289 01:48:02,995 --> 01:48:05,579 So, you think we should... 2290 01:48:05,875 --> 01:48:08,362 take this party to my apartment or what? 2291 01:48:08,852 --> 01:48:11,753 I am RSVPing "yes. " 2292 01:48:15,317 --> 01:48:18,382 Hope you have a big trunk because I'm putting my bike in it. 2293 01:48:21,109 --> 01:48:22,537 Yeah, let's go! 2294 01:48:27,478 --> 01:48:29,965 Mom, I left my phone somewhere and I... 2295 01:48:30,679 --> 01:48:31,758 Thank you. 2296 01:48:33,047 --> 01:48:36,177 What's the matter? Where is Andy? 2297 01:48:36,247 --> 01:48:39,093 - We had a big fight, just... - Oh, Mom. 2298 01:48:39,607 --> 01:48:41,580 He just stormed out of here. 2299 01:48:41,654 --> 01:48:42,700 What happened? 2300 01:48:42,775 --> 01:48:45,327 Well, I just... Wait a minute, I thought you hated him. 2301 01:48:45,399 --> 01:48:48,781 I don't hate him. I mean, he does do magic, but... 2302 01:48:48,888 --> 01:48:51,156 you know, he's a big dork... 2303 01:48:51,544 --> 01:48:53,747 and I like seeing you happy. 2304 01:48:55,416 --> 01:48:56,495 I do. 2305 01:48:58,360 --> 01:49:00,748 - That's sweet, that's really sweet. - Mom. 2306 01:49:01,401 --> 01:49:04,247 Why don't you just go talk to him, work it out. 2307 01:49:04,313 --> 01:49:07,029 'Cause if the thing is that important, you can't just stop. 2308 01:49:07,770 --> 01:49:09,874 Let me dance for you. I would love it. 2309 01:49:11,066 --> 01:49:14,742 Look at your bra and your breasts and everything. That's so great. 2310 01:49:15,706 --> 01:49:19,054 Wow! You know what? You're so hot. You're so hot. 2311 01:49:19,354 --> 01:49:20,913 I'm smoking hot. 2312 01:49:20,986 --> 01:49:23,734 You know what? I'm just going to have sex with you. 2313 01:49:23,803 --> 01:49:25,809 Yes! Let's have sex. 2314 01:49:25,883 --> 01:49:28,020 - It's going to happen. - That's why we are here. 2315 01:49:28,091 --> 01:49:30,359 That's totally what's going to happen. 2316 01:49:30,588 --> 01:49:32,627 We could do it in the... 2317 01:49:33,596 --> 01:49:35,220 Butt, if you want to. 2318 01:49:36,828 --> 01:49:38,682 But, if I want to what? 2319 01:49:39,132 --> 01:49:42,033 - Butt. - But what? What? 2320 01:49:42,140 --> 01:49:44,081 - Do it. - Do it? 2321 01:49:44,253 --> 01:49:45,200 What? 2322 01:49:45,693 --> 01:49:48,409 I don't know what you're talking about. 2323 01:49:48,509 --> 01:49:50,482 - Butt. - But... 2324 01:49:50,717 --> 01:49:51,992 - What? - ... what? 2325 01:49:54,877 --> 01:49:57,080 But, it still feels so right. 2326 01:50:09,374 --> 01:50:10,420 Yeah! 2327 01:50:12,831 --> 01:50:16,507 Yeah. Right! Okay. Yeah. 2328 01:50:17,888 --> 01:50:19,545 That was a fun day. 2329 01:50:21,024 --> 01:50:23,990 You are so kinky. 2330 01:50:24,673 --> 01:50:26,330 Yeah, I'm so kinky. 2331 01:50:26,848 --> 01:50:29,946 That's why I did this because I thought it looks... 2332 01:50:30,016 --> 01:50:32,404 You like to shave, don't you? 2333 01:50:32,481 --> 01:50:35,163 - Let's shave each other. - I don't think you have any hair. 2334 01:50:35,233 --> 01:50:36,988 You know where to shave me. 2335 01:50:37,058 --> 01:50:39,031 - Yeah. - Because I want to shave you. 2336 01:50:39,106 --> 01:50:40,730 I want to shave your head. 2337 01:50:41,922 --> 01:50:43,709 I wanna give you a buzz cut. 2338 01:50:44,674 --> 01:50:46,298 Let's get in the bath. 2339 01:50:46,658 --> 01:50:48,086 In the bath? 2340 01:50:48,162 --> 01:50:52,351 Yes. We're gonna get dirty. Dirty, dirty. Sudsy. 2341 01:50:52,451 --> 01:50:54,392 It's just about time I got really dirty. 2342 01:50:54,467 --> 01:50:55,480 Yeah. 2343 01:50:58,180 --> 01:51:02,751 Hey. Hi, it's me, and I'm on my way to your house. 2344 01:51:02,819 --> 01:51:05,022 I want to do whatever you want to do, okay? 2345 01:51:05,219 --> 01:51:08,928 Fifty dates. 100. I hope not, but whatever. 2346 01:51:09,508 --> 01:51:12,158 I'm gonna see you soon, okay? Bye. 2347 01:51:16,037 --> 01:51:18,851 Wow. Okay, well, that was fast. Okay. 2348 01:51:21,221 --> 01:51:24,035 Wow! Holy shit! 2349 01:51:24,293 --> 01:51:26,747 Wow. This is just the right thing to happen. 2350 01:51:27,238 --> 01:51:30,466 Yeah, yeah, yeah! Wow! Almost got my penis. 2351 01:51:30,566 --> 01:51:31,939 Come to mama. 2352 01:51:33,447 --> 01:51:36,129 I'm gonna really take care of you tonight. 2353 01:51:36,359 --> 01:51:38,779 You're never gonna forget Beth. 2354 01:51:48,519 --> 01:51:50,460 I just want to please you. 2355 01:51:51,272 --> 01:51:52,798 What do you like? 2356 01:51:53,609 --> 01:51:56,575 I don't know. What do you like? 2357 01:51:57,096 --> 01:51:59,102 Can I show you what I like? 2358 01:51:59,592 --> 01:52:00,638 Okay. 2359 01:52:13,738 --> 01:52:16,420 It's so hot in here. 2360 01:52:17,130 --> 01:52:19,398 I wanna introduce you to my friend. 2361 01:52:23,563 --> 01:52:25,536 Your friend is so shiny. 2362 01:52:26,443 --> 01:52:29,344 This guy knows exactly what I like. 2363 01:52:34,475 --> 01:52:36,132 Where's you friend going? 2364 01:52:37,900 --> 01:52:40,419 This is how I'm gonna warm up for you. 2365 01:52:41,644 --> 01:52:45,320 That's always good to warm up. You don't wanna pull something. 2366 01:53:02,254 --> 01:53:04,522 Wow, this is graphic. 2367 01:53:17,807 --> 01:53:19,213 I can't do it. 2368 01:53:20,783 --> 01:53:23,335 God, what are you doing here? 2369 01:53:23,409 --> 01:53:25,961 We came here because we were concerned about you and Trish... 2370 01:53:26,033 --> 01:53:28,072 and now I could not give a fuck. 2371 01:53:28,144 --> 01:53:30,631 How did you even know where she lives? 2372 01:53:30,769 --> 01:53:33,004 - I hit it like eight months back. - What? 2373 01:53:33,072 --> 01:53:35,689 Never gave her back the key, man. You have no idea... 2374 01:53:35,761 --> 01:53:37,734 where this is going, all right? That girl is a freak. 2375 01:53:37,810 --> 01:53:41,125 Oh, it's happening! It's happening! Andy! 2376 01:53:41,554 --> 01:53:42,698 You think? 2377 01:53:42,994 --> 01:53:45,131 We've been talking, and look... 2378 01:53:45,553 --> 01:53:47,756 if you love Trish, you can't do this. 2379 01:53:47,826 --> 01:53:50,727 Look, you guys, I don't know what I'm doing anymore. 2380 01:53:50,802 --> 01:53:53,289 I don't even know who I am. All I know is... 2381 01:53:53,363 --> 01:53:56,745 that woman scares the shit out of me... 2382 01:53:56,883 --> 01:53:59,020 and I just wanna go home, okay? 2383 01:53:59,220 --> 01:54:01,423 - Let's go. - We should all get out of here. 2384 01:54:01,492 --> 01:54:03,149 - Okay. - We should all go. 2385 01:54:03,219 --> 01:54:04,559 It wasn't that good for me. 2386 01:54:04,627 --> 01:54:06,448 We should totally get out of here. 2387 01:54:06,515 --> 01:54:08,619 We should run away from here. 2388 01:54:14,837 --> 01:54:15,818 Hey. 2389 01:54:17,269 --> 01:54:18,282 Cal. 2390 01:54:20,949 --> 01:54:22,573 Go around! 2391 01:54:23,445 --> 01:54:25,451 Come on, just go around me! 2392 01:54:28,534 --> 01:54:30,126 Can't you hear me? 2393 01:54:37,335 --> 01:54:40,269 Hey, there. Hi, Trish. 2394 01:54:41,815 --> 01:54:44,235 Man, I'm really sorry about tonight. 2395 01:54:44,311 --> 01:54:45,651 What's this? 2396 01:54:46,680 --> 01:54:48,272 Those are David's. 2397 01:54:50,264 --> 01:54:52,019 I think he has a problem. 2398 01:54:52,089 --> 01:54:54,477 - These are David's? - He's into that. 2399 01:54:54,617 --> 01:54:57,911 David's Boner Jams '03? 2400 01:54:58,520 --> 01:55:00,461 Yeah, it's so sad. 2401 01:55:00,952 --> 01:55:03,820 He compiled all the best boner scenes, I guess. 2402 01:55:04,729 --> 01:55:06,964 This isn't what it looks like, okay? 2403 01:55:07,417 --> 01:55:10,383 - What does this look like? - A vagina. 2404 01:55:11,386 --> 01:55:12,879 And what do you do with this vagina? 2405 01:55:12,954 --> 01:55:15,822 To learn. It's for medicinal purposes. 2406 01:55:15,897 --> 01:55:16,844 Ugh. 2407 01:55:16,922 --> 01:55:19,157 - Hey, I'm sorry. God... - What's this? 2408 01:55:19,802 --> 01:55:22,648 This your date drug? Your roofie? 2409 01:55:22,970 --> 01:55:24,398 It's a Mentos. 2410 01:55:25,115 --> 01:55:26,969 They're "The Freshmaker. " 2411 01:55:27,035 --> 01:55:28,375 Yeah, right. 2412 01:55:28,603 --> 01:55:30,489 What are you, some kind of sex pervert? 2413 01:55:30,555 --> 01:55:31,863 Are you a deviant or something? 2414 01:55:31,932 --> 01:55:34,516 - No, I'm not a sexual deviant! - What is all this? 2415 01:55:34,588 --> 01:55:36,954 I haven't even tried to have sex with you, so... 2416 01:55:37,019 --> 01:55:39,800 What are you trying to do? What are you buttering me up for? 2417 01:55:39,868 --> 01:55:40,947 Come on. 2418 01:55:41,020 --> 01:55:42,710 You're not gonna try and kill me, are you? 2419 01:55:42,780 --> 01:55:45,332 - Look, Trish. - You didn't get a new carpet. 2420 01:55:45,597 --> 01:55:48,760 I'm not trying to kill you. I love you. 2421 01:55:49,149 --> 01:55:51,482 - I love you. - Oh, God! 2422 01:55:51,741 --> 01:55:52,852 Trish. 2423 01:56:01,086 --> 01:56:03,190 Trish. No! 2424 01:56:04,062 --> 01:56:06,482 No. Trish, stop. 2425 01:56:10,815 --> 01:56:12,058 Come on, Trish! 2426 01:56:15,359 --> 01:56:17,213 I need to talk to you! 2427 01:56:17,280 --> 01:56:18,293 No! 2428 01:56:20,384 --> 01:56:21,365 Damn it. 2429 01:56:51,874 --> 01:56:53,182 Oh, my God! 2430 01:56:56,067 --> 01:56:58,815 Andy! Oh, my God! 2431 01:56:58,883 --> 01:57:00,191 Call 911. 2432 01:57:00,355 --> 01:57:02,209 Oh, my... Andy. 2433 01:57:02,980 --> 01:57:04,604 Oh, my God! 2434 01:57:04,675 --> 01:57:07,391 I'm gonna need a minute. I'm in a lot of pain right now. 2435 01:57:07,460 --> 01:57:09,052 Oh, my God. Are you okay? 2436 01:57:09,124 --> 01:57:10,235 Not bad. 2437 01:57:10,308 --> 01:57:12,576 There were two sides to that billboard. 2438 01:57:12,644 --> 01:57:14,465 And they both hurt equally. 2439 01:57:14,725 --> 01:57:17,244 Andy. Andy. 2440 01:57:19,269 --> 01:57:21,340 - Are you okay? - I'm okay. 2441 01:57:21,797 --> 01:57:23,389 No, I'm not okay. 2442 01:57:24,645 --> 01:57:25,985 I'm a virgin. 2443 01:57:28,070 --> 01:57:29,181 A what? 2444 01:57:30,086 --> 01:57:32,354 I'm a virgin. I always have been. 2445 01:57:33,702 --> 01:57:36,897 Andy, is that what all this was about? 2446 01:57:37,831 --> 01:57:39,074 I'm sorry. 2447 01:57:39,175 --> 01:57:41,443 You're just a virgin, that's all? 2448 01:57:41,574 --> 01:57:44,126 - Yeah. - That's good. That's a good thing. 2449 01:57:45,831 --> 01:57:47,618 I feel stupid. 2450 01:57:49,224 --> 01:57:51,808 It's okay. I thought you were trying to kill me. 2451 01:57:53,480 --> 01:57:54,461 No. 2452 01:57:55,305 --> 01:57:56,514 Oh, my God. 2453 01:57:57,577 --> 01:58:00,031 No, I'm not trying to kill you. 2454 01:58:03,753 --> 01:58:06,305 That's why I never tried to have sex with you. 2455 01:58:06,697 --> 01:58:09,063 I was scared, okay? I just... 2456 01:58:09,737 --> 01:58:11,492 'Cause I didn't know what I was doing. 2457 01:58:11,562 --> 01:58:13,349 I just didn't think it would be good. 2458 01:58:13,418 --> 01:58:16,264 Of course it'll be good. We love each other. 2459 01:58:17,802 --> 01:58:18,913 Really? 2460 01:58:20,522 --> 01:58:21,830 I love you. 2461 01:58:23,274 --> 01:58:24,353 Yeah. 2462 01:58:28,875 --> 01:58:31,295 Get the fuck out of the road, virgin! 2463 01:58:33,036 --> 01:58:34,464 Shut up, you fucking jerk! 2464 01:58:34,539 --> 01:58:37,320 No, that's okay. That's all right. Sorry. 2465 01:58:38,892 --> 01:58:39,938 You know what... 2466 01:58:40,012 --> 01:58:42,694 for so long I thought that there was something wrong with me... 2467 01:58:42,765 --> 01:58:45,481 because it had never happened, but... 2468 01:58:47,853 --> 01:58:51,496 I realize now that it was just because I was waiting for you. 2469 01:59:15,503 --> 01:59:18,153 This was some wedding. How could they afford it? 2470 01:59:18,224 --> 01:59:21,387 Dude sells his toys and makes like a half a million dollars. 2471 01:59:21,488 --> 01:59:23,592 - It's crazy, right? - That's fucking crazy. 2472 01:59:23,664 --> 01:59:25,550 We're gonna get some fucking toys. 2473 01:59:25,616 --> 01:59:27,687 We are all so happy for you. 2474 01:59:27,889 --> 01:59:30,571 I am delighted to say these words. 2475 01:59:31,440 --> 01:59:32,519 Andy... 2476 01:59:33,104 --> 01:59:34,891 you may kiss the bride. 2477 01:59:47,601 --> 01:59:50,600 And for God's sake, consummate the thing. 2478 01:59:55,378 --> 01:59:58,159 No! Stop it. I have the key. 2479 02:00:04,756 --> 02:00:06,959 I'm not gonna be done buffing the marble... 2480 02:00:07,027 --> 02:00:08,651 for about a half an hour, but... 2481 02:00:08,723 --> 02:00:11,143 you can come in and sit down if you want... 2482 02:00:11,220 --> 02:00:13,324 or wait in the lobby. It's okay. 2483 02:00:13,396 --> 02:00:14,856 It's up to you. 2484 02:00:21,750 --> 02:00:23,953 Dude, get the fuck out of here. 2485 02:00:34,518 --> 02:00:35,946 - Ready? - Yeah. 2486 02:00:41,847 --> 02:00:43,187 - Yes. - Yeah. 2487 02:00:49,592 --> 02:00:50,539 Whoa. 2488 02:00:51,063 --> 02:00:53,266 You're officially not a virgin. 2489 02:00:54,041 --> 02:00:55,087 Cool. 2490 02:01:02,840 --> 02:01:04,148 Wow. 2491 02:01:11,289 --> 02:01:12,848 Wanna do it again? 2492 02:01:13,914 --> 02:01:15,374 - Yeah. - Good. Okay. 2493 02:01:15,450 --> 02:01:16,594 Sure. 2494 02:01:17,211 --> 02:01:19,315 That was good. That was okay. 2495 02:01:22,554 --> 02:01:23,567 Okay. 2496 02:01:23,706 --> 02:01:24,719 - You ready? - Yeah. 2497 02:01:24,795 --> 02:01:27,282 - Are you ready? - Yeah, I'm fine, yeah. 2498 02:01:39,548 --> 02:01:41,456 So, how was that for you? 2499 02:01:46,141 --> 02:01:48,561 # When the moon # 2500 02:01:48,637 --> 02:01:51,735 # Is in the Seventh House # 2501 02:01:51,965 --> 02:01:56,274 # And Jupiter aligns with Mars # 2502 02:01:57,246 --> 02:02:01,947 # Then peace will guide the planets # 2503 02:02:02,366 --> 02:02:05,496 # And love will steer the stars # 2504 02:02:05,566 --> 02:02:09,842 # This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius # 2505 02:02:10,047 --> 02:02:14,170 # Age of Aquarius # 2506 02:02:14,751 --> 02:02:19,005 # Aquarius # 2507 02:02:19,680 --> 02:02:23,934 # Aquarius # 2508 02:02:24,576 --> 02:02:26,582 # Harmony and understanding # 2509 02:02:26,913 --> 02:02:29,367 # Sympathy and trust abounding # 2510 02:02:29,441 --> 02:02:31,228 # No more falsehoods or derisions # 2511 02:02:31,296 --> 02:02:34,164 # Golden living dreams of visions # 2512 02:02:34,241 --> 02:02:36,411 # Mystic crystal revelations # 2513 02:02:36,481 --> 02:02:39,349 # And the mind's true liberation # 2514 02:02:39,425 --> 02:02:43,897 # Aquarius # 2515 02:02:44,162 --> 02:02:48,634 # Aquarius # 2516 02:02:49,026 --> 02:02:53,116 # When the moon is in the Seventh House # 2517 02:02:53,858 --> 02:02:57,981 # And Jupiter aligns with Mars # 2518 02:02:59,204 --> 02:03:03,775 # Then peace will guide the planets # 2519 02:03:04,036 --> 02:03:07,166 # And love will steer the star # 2520 02:03:07,236 --> 02:03:11,294 # This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius # 2521 02:03:11,556 --> 02:03:15,995 # The age of Aquarius # 2522 02:03:16,292 --> 02:03:20,699 # Aquarius # 2523 02:03:21,126 --> 02:03:23,197 # Aquarius # 2524 02:03:23,269 --> 02:03:25,090 # It's Aquarius, baby # 2525 02:03:25,157 --> 02:03:27,644 # We ain't talking about no Scorpio # 2526 02:03:27,717 --> 02:03:29,145 # We ain't talking about no # 2527 02:03:29,222 --> 02:03:32,090 # No, we ain't talking about no Scorpio # 2528 02:03:36,135 --> 02:03:37,759 # Aquarius # 2529 02:03:38,279 --> 02:03:40,995 # Aquarius # 2530 02:03:43,271 --> 02:03:45,572 # Aquarius ## 2531 02:03:51,336 --> 02:03:54,564 # Let the sunshine # 2532 02:03:54,856 --> 02:03:58,150 # Let the sunshine in # 2533 02:03:58,217 --> 02:04:01,478 # The sunshine in # 2534 02:04:02,440 --> 02:04:05,635 # Let the sunshine # 2535 02:04:06,185 --> 02:04:09,446 # Let the sunshine in # 2536 02:04:09,513 --> 02:04:12,895 # The sunshine in # 2537 02:04:13,770 --> 02:04:17,282 # Let the sunshine # 2538 02:04:17,354 --> 02:04:20,702 # Let the sunshine in # 2539 02:04:20,778 --> 02:04:24,738 # The sunshine in # # Let it shine, let it shine # 2540 02:04:25,003 --> 02:04:28,198 # Let the sunshine # 2541 02:04:28,267 --> 02:04:30,054 # Let it shine # 2542 02:04:30,123 --> 02:04:32,031 # Let it shine, yeah # 2543 02:04:32,108 --> 02:04:35,784 # The sunshine in # 2544 02:04:36,236 --> 02:04:39,551 # Let the sunshine # 2545 02:04:39,916 --> 02:04:43,210 # Let the sunshine in # 2546 02:04:43,276 --> 02:04:46,122 # The sunshine in ## 193816

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