All language subtitles for The Office - 2x13 - The Secret.en

Nothing much what's up with you ?

I cannot believe I feel for that.

Gosh.

What ? What ?
Where's the funny ?

Give it to me.

Is it me or does it smell
like updog in here ?

What's updog ?

Nothing much, what's up with you ?

I walked right into that.

Oh, that's brilliant.

Hey Stanley.
Is that jacket made of updog ?

I'm on the phone.

What flavor coffee is that, updog ?

- What's that ?
- I don't know. Nothing.

What's up with you ?

- Huh ?
- No.

Damn it.

What does that mean ?

What does what mean ?

- That thing you just said.
- Just forget it.

Dwight.

Hey, is it me or does this place
smell like updog ?

- What's updog ?
- Gotcha !

Oh God !

Crap.

Nothing.

- How are you doing ?
- Good.

How are you doing ?

"So close."

Saison 2 - Episode 13
The Secret

Transcript par Nikki (twiztv.com)
Sous-titres par la Catch-22 Team

pmag.f2o.org/theofficeus/
www.forom.com

Today is spring cleaning day
here at Dunder Mifflin.

And yes, I know it's January.
I am not an idiot.

But if you do your spring cleaning
in January,

guess what you don't have to do
in the spring ?

Anything.

They say a cluttered desk means
a cluttered mind.

Well, I say an empty desk
means an...

- Empty mind.
- No, that's not...

No. That's not what I was going
to say.

Meredith. Men's room.

Make sure you replace
the urinal cakes.

They're worn down.

Kevin, file drawers.

Angela, kitchen.

Oscar, dusting.
Where's Oscar ?

He's out sick.

That is unacceptable.

I agree. It's unacceptable.

What are you guys doing ?

- Michael.
- Yes.

Oscar is out sick.

On a Friday ?

-Can I do some of the talking ?
- I will do the talking.

'Kay, let him know
that I'm here, though.

What difference does it make
that you're here ?

Hi, Oscar, it's Michael.

And Dwight.

Heard you were under the weather.

Yeah, I think I came down
with the flu.

Really. Oh, that is a shame.

You know, it's cleaning day
here today.

Could've used some of that famous
Hispanic cleaning ethic.

Yeah, I feel terrible about it.

Ask for his symptoms, I'm on WebMD.

What are your symptoms ?

I have the chills, I'm feeling
nauseous, and my head's killing.

Checks out.

Is there anything you need from me ?
I would like to go back to bed.

I need you to go to bed.
I need you to get better.

See you Monday,
unless you're still sick.

- So, have a great long weekend.
- I'll just be sleep...

Okay, first impressions.

He sounded sick.

Which is exactly how
you'd want to sound,

if you wanted someone
to think you were sick.

- That's exactly what I was thinking.
- Question, may I investigate ?

Yeah, drop what you're doing.

Make this a priority.

Because an office can't
function efficiently

unless people are at their desks
doing their jobs.

- I bought my veil.
- Oh my God, that is so exciting.

Can I be a bridesmaid ?

Listen, you don't have
to answer now,

but how are you going
to do your hair ?

Okay, I was thinking about
wearing it down.

Kind of like, I don't know, like...

loose with big curls.

You look like an angel,
I'm seriously going to cry.

Wowee,

Mikey likey.

Why don't you wear your hair
down like that all the time ?

It's much sexier.

Man, this must be torture for you.

Yeah, on the booze cruise, I...

told Michael about some feelings
I used to have for Pam.

I had just broken up
with Katy, and...

had a couple of drinks. And...

I confided in the world's
worst confidant.

Okay.

- Hey, Mike.
- Hey, Jim bag.

Remember that thing I told you
on the booze cruise about Pam ?

That was personal.

So, if we could just keep that
between you and me,

that would be great.

Really ?

- Who else knows ?
- Nobody.

Jim and I are great friends.

We hang out a ton.

Mostly at work.

But the fact that he told me
his secret and no one else,

says everything about our friendship.

And it is why I intend on keeping
that secret,

for as long as I possibly can.

My lips are sealed.
"My lips are sealed." Bangles.

All right, great, thank you.

"Can you hear me,
They talk about us,"

"Telling lies"

Listen, temp,

I am conducting
a little investigation.

So, I am no longer gonna be able
to head up spring cleaning.

Do you think you can handle it ?

- Yeah, I think I can handle it.
- Do you think...

or do you know ?

I think.

Oh, God. Here.

Hey, whatcha getting ?

I'm going with grape.

Good stuff. Good stuff.

See the game last night ?

- Which game ?
- Any of 'em.

So, uh, what's the 411 ?

Any updates on the "P" situation ?

- I don't know what you mean...
- P-A-M

- Oh. Yeah. No.
- P-A...

Oh, okay.

No, it's okay. We're talking code.

- What is ?
- Listen, Stan...

how long does it take you
for you to pick out a soda ?

- I'm gonna take off actually.
- All right, well.

Cool.

Still deciding ?

Peach iced tea.

You're gonna hate it.

Hey, Oscar, how you doing ?
Dwight Schrute calling.

Listen, little question
for you, buddy.

I called six minutes ago,
and no one answered.

So I as wondering
if you could explain...

Oh, I see. So,

sounds like you're too sick
to come into work,

but you're well enough
to go to the pharmacy.

There are several different ways
to tell if a perp is lying.

The liar will avoid
direct eye contact.

The liar will cover part of his
or her face with his hand.

Especially the mouth.

The liar will perspire.

Unfortunately, I spoke
to Oscar on the phone.

So none of this is useful.

It's grrrrrape soda.

Tony the Tiger, you don't hear
that much anymore.

- Not so much.
- Okay, what is going on here ?

- Nothing.
- Oh, really, nothing ?

Fact, you are drinking grape soda.
You never drink grape soda.

Fact, you are talking to Jim,
you never talk to Jim.

Fact, I love grape soda.
I always have.

Fact, Jim and I talk all the time.

We tell each other secrets.

Okay, so what is
the secret, Michael ?

- Well, I...
- I had asked Michael

if I could head up
the Oscar investigation,

and he said that only Dwight

was capable of handling
such sensitive material.

Is that true ?

I don't know.
Uh, yeah, yeah, it is.

Thank you Michael.

- I know you're telling the truth.
- Okay.

I can tell.

- I won't let you down.
- Good.

Thanks.

Nice, that was... that was slick.

- What're you doing for lunch ?
- I don't know,

I'm probably just gonna eat
my ham and cheese sandwich

- in the break room.
- Nonsense. No way, no. Why don't...

Why don't I take you
out to lunch ? My treat.

No, that's all right.
Thank you, though. It's...

I gotta do some cleaning.
I should probably stick around here.

You know what we can do ?

Spread out a blanket
in the break room,

have a little picnic,
order some 'za.

Talk about you-know-who.

- Nope.
- The P, to the A, to the...

You know what, let's go out.
That was a good idea. Let's go out.

I know just the place.

Oh, man. You should order milk.

Get it ?

Why do I like Hooters ?

Well, I will give you two reasons.
The boobs and the hot wings.

Oh, here we go, here we go.

- Bogie at three o'clock. Hi.
- Hey, I'm Dana. Welcome to Hooters.

We're not worthy.
We're not worthy.

Hello, Dana.
I am Michael, and this is Jim.

- And we are brothers.
- Nope.

- We're not brothers.
- I'm his boss, actually.

And I treat him well.

I'm taking him out to lunch
because I can afford it.

And he can have whatever he wants.

I'll just have the ham and cheese
sandwich, thanks.

And for you ?

Tell me, Dana.
How is your chicken breast ?

Oh, it's great. It's served with
our world-famous wing sauce.

Mm, sounds yummy.

I will have a chicken breast.
Hold the chicken.

Is that what you really want ?

No, I'm gonna have
the gourmet hotdog.

Great.

- Who took all the black ones ?
- That's a communal bowl.

So, how did Oscar sound
when he called in ?

Sick. Like, lots of sniffling.
I don't know.

Sniffling how ?

Hum, how many different ways
are there to sniffle ?

Three.

Okay, it was the second one.

Okay, good. Thank you.

That wasn't so hard, now was it ?

What do you like best about Pam ?

- I really don't wanna talk about it.
- Her legs or boobs, or... ?

She's easy to talk to, I guess.

And, she's got a really good
sense of humor.

Really ?

Never gets any of my jokes.

What about you ?

Her boobs, definitely.

That's not what I meant.

- Here you go.
- Oh, thank you.

And I understand,
we have a birthday today !

- Oh, happy birthday, Jim.
- Ready, girls ?

- Front side !
- "You put your front side in,"

"you put your front side out,
You put your front side in,"

"And you shake it all about"

"You do the hokey-pokey
and you turn yourself around,"

"That's what it's all about !"

Thank you.

Thanks. Thanks Dana.

Thank you very much.

That was hilarious. Hey.

What did you guys talk about ?

Just, you know, politics.
Literature.

I hate you.

Quick Oscar update.

I have conducted interviews
with everyone in the office...

Just go to his house
and see if he's sick.

I could've done this investigation
in like, 20 minutes.

- Including prep time ?
- Just do it.

If I had to, I could clean out
my desk in 5 seconds...

and nobody would ever know
I had ever been here.

And I'd forget too.

Expense this.

Michael, is that a wig ?

No, it's...

I wear it like that sometimes.

- Is that a wig ?
- No.

This is from Hooters.

Yeah, it's a business lunch.

- Did Toby approve this ?
- No, he did not.

I don't need his permission.

You just got your corporate
credit card back.

Do you really want me
to take it away again ?

It's ridiculous.
They took my card away because

I spent 80 bucks at a magic shop.

What they don't understand
is that I bought the stuff

to impress potential clients.

So business-related, right ?

I put a cigarette through
a freakin' quarter.

And you know what, Toby ?
They almost bought from us.

- I'm not processing this.
- Look, Jim needed a relaxing lunch.

He has been depressed.

And it has been affecting
his productivity.

How is that not work-related ?

He seems fine to me.

You're not his friend.
You don't know.

He is in love with a girl
he works with who's engaged.

So just cut me some slack, please.

Pam ?

Oh, crap.

Angela, who would you choose ?
Jim or Roy ?

It's nobody's business, Phyllis.

Roy.

Jim has got it bad for Pam.

Which one is Pam ?

Well, she...
Hey, Michael ?

So do you think Jim will try
to break up the wedding ?

You know what, Kevin ?
Jim is a friend of mine.

So the only people that this crush
really concerns is Jim and Pam..

and me.

As a volunteer sheriff's deputy,

I've been doing surveillance
for years.

One time,

I suspected an ex-girlfriend
of mine of cheating on me.

So I tailed her for
six nights straight.

Turns out, she was.

With a couple of guys,
actually, so.

Mystery solved.

Jim, why didn't you tell me
that you had a crush on Pam ?

Well, the cat's out of the bag.

I used to have a crush on Pam.

And now I... don't.

Riveting.

Yeah.

No, it's not.

Nice.

She is so hot.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Did you find anything good
in your desk ?

Coupon for a free sandwich.

- Score.
- Expired in August.

And my cell phone charger
from two years ago.

- Big day.
- Big day.

Hey, uh, listen.

I, told Michael
on the booze cruise...

It was so stupid.

I told Michael, that I had had
a crush on you...

when you first started here.

Well, I just thought that...

I figured you should hear it
from me.

Rather than, I mean,
you know Michael.

Right.

And...

seriously. It's...

totally not a big deal.

Okay ?

And when I found out that
you were engaged, I mean...

No, I know. Like, I kind of...

Like, I...

I thought that maybe you did.

- When I first started.
- Oh, you did ?

No, I mean, just 'cause we,
like, got along so well.

No, I know, yeah.
You saw through me. Great.

So are you gonna be, like,
totally awkward around me now ?

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Hope that's okay.

And Pam.

It was like, three years ago.

So, I am totally over it.

Cool.

Okay.

Stay low.

This is it. There he is.

He's been gone for at least two...
Who is that ?

Come to Papa.

Oh, yes.

Let's roll.

I knew it !

Oh, man, you are so busted.

Ice skates. Shopping bags.

I think I know what's going on here.

You weren't sick at all.

Who's this ?

This is Dwight Schrute.
Who is this ?

Gil.

Are you going to tell Michael ?

How 'bout this ?

I don't tell Michael,

and in exchange,
you owe me one great, big,

giant favor redeemable by me
at a time and place of my choosing.

Guess what I found out
about Oscar tonight ?

He was lying about being sick.

Should I have reported
Oscar's malfeasance ?

Probably.

But now I know something
he doesn't want me to know.

So I can use his malfeasance...

to establish leverage.

Otherwise, it's just malfeasance,
for malfeasance's...s sake.

- Hey.
- I know.

I know. I know.

- What happened ?
- I... oh. Just, you know,

I was trying...
just the expense reports.

And then... God, Toby,
you know ? He just...

I know. I just...

I just hope that...

I just hope that this doesn't
affect our friendship !

It's stupid. This is so stupid.

Listen, man, it's...

You know, it's not a big deal.
It's gonna be fine.

No, I know. I'm good, I'm good.

It's just...

L ook,

it's one day.
Everything's gonna be all right.

- Yeah, okay.
- You good ?

- Yeah, I'm good.
- Okay.

Creed, did you organize
the menu book ?

I thought that was more
on a volunteer basis.

No, that was mandatory.

I thought it was a volunteer thing.

Hey, here's your schedule for next week.

- Are you okay ?
- Yeah, I'm fine.

Look.

- About you and Jim, I...
- Oh, no, that's...

- You don't have to...
- No,

I just feel it's my responsibility
as your boss-slash-friend...

No, it's really... it's okay.

I know that Jim had, like,
a crush on me when he first started.

But that was a long time ago, so...

It wasn't that long ago.
It was on the booze cruise.

Jim had a crush on me
on the booze cruise,

or he told you about it
on the booze cruise.

Okay. Shut it, Michael. I'm done.

That's it, I'm out.

- Ready ?
- Yup.

People are always coming to me.

Michael, I have a secret.

You're the only one I trust.

No thanks,

because keeping a secret

can only lead to trouble.

Like, I was watching Cinemax
last weekend, this movie.

"Portrait of a...

Prostitute."

Something...

Secrets of a call...
More "Secrets of a Call Girl."

And the lead character, Shila,

is framed for murder.

Goes on the run,

and winds up working
at a bordello in Malibu.

I don't...
I don't wanna live like that.

I like it here.

I don't wanna be Shila.
I like being Michael Scott.